Wednesdays - Ep 43: DOUBLE DATING ft. Jamie Laing and Toby Watkins

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

Special guest alert! Today we are joined by the other halves for a Valentine's podcast extravaganza. The boys weigh in on this week’s dilemmas and Jamie divulges his Valentine's plans. This week we’re all drinking a Dark Horse Chardonnay - https://www.sainsburys.co.uk/gol-ui/product/buy-6/dark-horse-chardonnay-75clOur ratings:Jamie - 6.5Sophie - 7Melissa - 7.5Much love from us all, and we hope you have a lovely Valentines/Galentines day with your loved ones x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

what's this wine called it's called a dark horse from the dark um it's a chardonnay california rich mellow and i think it's seven quid we're getting more recommendations from you guys the listeners which we love and then we have a little sippy sip drink it sometimes you ever drunk toby do you drink wine i have drunk since dating melissa drunk more wine she drinks a lot of drinks a lot of wine a little too much a little too much i think what was your drink of choice before melissa probably beer yeah yeah yeah just a good old lager mine was as well mine was guinness yeah guinness is great but normal beer and then now it's like thank you either a cocktail and then wine with dinner lovely much more civilized thank you very much is a cocktail more civilized i mean like a beer

is more civilized no no no i so disagree i think a cocktail so civilized yeah it's like oh i'm off to the yeah i'm off to the pub off to the rug bear oh yeah gonna have go have steak go watch england versus scotland yeah cocktails like oof I'm going to like some bougie Yeah I'm up for a sophisticated dinner Hey by the way it's Valentine's Day out the road

This is a Valentine's special if you guys don't realise Wow What do we think about Valentine's Day because I love it I'm not sure about it I don't think I've ever

seen you make that face I'm really excited Right should we try the wine What the hell? I was just talking about Valentine's Day. Have a siffy siff of your Chardonnay. Oh, it's quite nice.

Do you think I'm right in saying that that's quite bacon-y flavoured? Smoky. Yeah. Bam. Yeah, Chardonnay's meant to be quite smoky. Is it really? Oaky. It's lovely.

Sophie's really good at this. Her palate is phenomenal. It's honestly... It's phenomenal. If you ask her what notes are in this, she'll do it. She'll tell you. No, I don't. No, no, no, I'm not doing that.

Have you guys had your argument before? Have you had an argument yet? I don't think we have, actually. I've had stern words from Toby a couple of times. What? Toby's told you off? No, just kind of put me in my place a bit. Sorry?

We haven't had an argument. Sorry, you've not told me this. Yes, I have. No, you haven't. What did she do, Toby do tabby she was being very demanding being a diva she was being a diva what was she doing i'm dead i bet you like i'm cold no sorry that's replicating you that's good no i'm not walking around in these heels it was i can't remember no i remember we were both drunk. It was on my birthday and I was being rather demanding. I have told you about this.

No, I do. Have I not? No. She wanted some specific needs. What? Guys, you've got to explain life. No, I feel like it's really quite dark of me. I was like, I want this, this and this.

She wanted a PJ. No. Yeah, she wanted a PJ. And a big yacht. She wanted a PJ. No. Yeah, she wanted a PJ. And a big yacht. Get me a PJ. And I was like, when you said knees, I thought it was sexual for a minute. I was like, that's even roguer. Like, you are just not doing it right, honey.

You're not fulfilling my needs. Oh my God. Yeah, what was it? No, no, I was just like, I want this, this and this in life and like, I had this like stupid checklist. Yeah. And then you were kind of you like get your head up your own sort of thing that's a good thing though yeah yeah i was like i love you

did you say that when he became party really if i said that to you so if i i just brushed a nose hair wow i can hear it. Nice. If I said that to you, you would get so crossed back at me. What, if you said get your head out of your ass? No, but if you were saying this, like I was saying like really quite,

I've never said to you I want a private jet, but I do. I didn't actually say that. He's exaggerating. Wait, hang on. I think everyone wants a private jet. Yeah, he does. That is true.

I would like a hybrid. I love that you were like, look, you're the one who needs to supply it. It's not going to be coming from me. I'll travel in it. You just buy it. Yeah. Okay, hang on. So Valentine's Day,

are you guys into it or no? This is your first Valentine's Day. This is my first one, but I'm actually not here, which is a bit of a nightmare. Yes, we've not yet together. No. Where are you?

I'm skiing again. Good for work again. So I'm going to be in Lapland in France. You're seeing your European girlfriend? Yeah. Getting out there seeing her. Sandra. Sandra.

Sandra. The ski instructor. Sounds so European. She's hot. I bet she is. She's really hot. But surely you're going to do presents for each other or something like that? Yeah. Yeah, so, but you're surely going to do presents for each other

or something like that? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Presents? Yeah. I know, but this is a whole new thing that I've got going on.

Why are you wrong? Yeah. Shies of an Ellie. Shall I tell you your present I got for you? Well, no, but yours you're going to. I don't have to.

It's quite a fun thing. Oh, I want to know. Can I try and guess it? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What genre are we going for? I think you've done a cooking course in London. Like dimple, dimple, dimple. Dimple.

Stumpling, sampling or making sushi or like if you're a really good... That's quite sweet. That would be great. So sweet, but I just think... Cocktail me. How wrong you have me. What is it? How wrong you have me.

Please don't tell me it's like a cake making course. How wrong you have me. Is it a bit of jewellery? Oh, I'd love it if it was. Shall I tell you what it is? She doesn't need any more diamonds. You're going to feel really bad when you hear this now.

Oh my God, it's a holiday. It's like the nicest thing in the world. What? It's a cooking course, yes. I freaking knew it. We are. We're going to a cooking course. Can you just tell everyone

that I did not hint. I knew. I'm psychic. We're going on a cooking course. We're doing a seafood cooking course. Oh my God. On Sunday. It's a Sicilian seafood cooking class.

With who? Me and you. And strangers. Geos. And other people who we don't know, but that's fun. But where? In London. In a London?

In a London. In a London. Sorry, in a London. It's in a London. I would love to go, Jamie, if she doesn't want to go. Yeah, exactly. We can go fresh. I got you one.

I got him he's been going yapping and yapping yapping on about these uh personalized stationery so he can write people thank you letters which is so lovely and you are such a thank you letter kind of yeah very very polite so i went and got him some from like this place called papier papier papier, sorry. French. Anyway. Sandra told me. Sorry. Sorry. You seemed like I was some, like, diss. French. What was that? Anyway, I give it to him.

I designed it all myself. I was so proud of it. I give it to him along with a Kindle because he said he wanted to read and he buys all these crappy bits and they're, like, building up the house. Anyway. They were building up the house. Anyway, give it. It's not good for the the house it's really not good actually and i give it to him and he hasn't opened the kindle like not unpackaged it and then the the stationery he opened it and he was like so who who sent me

this i was like no i bought it it's not gifted he was like oh great i got one i made it myself from smithson i was like oh you went you went up to him went to smithson or whatever it's cool i didn't i just i know it was ason or whatever it's called. I didn't, I just, I know it was a lovely, I said to you, it's the loveliest present I've ever received.

I said that to you. That's so kind of you. You've not even, you're not even, so what are you going to use? Mine or the Smythson? Yours. When I,

yours. Why did you say it with a grin and you were like smiling? You were like, I just bought myself some from Smythson. I was like, oh,

fuck you. I think me and Toby are basically sat in a therapy session. I know, just talk it out. Wedding counselling going on over here. God almighty. Yeah, you guys just say you got this and I was like, oh, fuck you. I think me and Toby are basically sat in a therapy session. I know, just talk it out, guys. Wedding counselling going on over here?

God almighty. Yeah, you guys just say you've got the sword to come. Yeah, but I feel like having little tiffs is like a good thing. Keeps the fur alive. Yeah, it keeps the... What's the other time

Toby's put you in your place? Uh... What? I don't know if I have. Yeah, I think that was actually the only one I had. I was put in my place as well, to be fair. Were you? Can you tell me what? After New Year. I didn't know if I have. I think that was actually the only one. I was put in my place as well, to be fair. Were you?

Can you tell me why? After New Year. I didn't actually say anything. Oh, what's the New Year one? What's the New Year one? I was just here, there, and everywhere on New Year. You know all about this because I was speaking to you. Oh, wait, can I?

No, you can't. Can I? No. When I woke up in the morning to these girls. Can we also explain to you lovely listeners, like Toves, you know this, these girls do a podcast, they're best buds, and they speak like 40 times a day.

Like 40 times a day. And there's this one time I wake up in the morning and something's going on, I don't know, there's a bit of hecticness or whatever's happening. It was like 7am. I don't know what time it was for you. It was New Year's Day, 7am. For me, for you guys, I think it was a bit later in Cape Town.

Maybe 9. Yeah. I honestly thought there was like planning for like an apocalypse or something like that. I was like, what is going on? I was like, the detail. The strategical detail. The detail in this planning. And I was like, what the hell?

Where are we escaping to? What's going on? He said, no, no, this is what we're going to do to Toby. And I was like, what? That was like my security office. It was like, what? So I'm not going to go online. And then this is what we're gonna do to toby and i was like security it was like it was like so i'm not gonna go online and then this is gonna happen and then then i'm gonna speak that then you're gonna pretend that then you're gonna do this and then i'm gonna find that no but he wouldn't be doing that because he was doing this i was like what the hell we turned to jamie as i was

like what is wrong with you like what advice do you what advice do you have? Oh, no, no, I can't go online now because then you'll know I'm lying. And then I haven't, I was like, what? It worked. Did it work? I'm kidding myself. I didn't say anything to you. I actually didn't follow through with any form of the plan. So, Toby, can we explain it from your point of view?

So, what happened? I was meant to ignore you for a few days. Oh, really? That didn't happen. Okay, thank God that didn't happen. I was anxious enough as it was. We had New Year's together which was lovely I got real real drunk we both got pretty drunk and then to be fair my feet were really hurting me killing me and I kept also the bar the queue for the bar was real long

so I was there queuing coming back seeing other people like seeing my brothers and I kind of probably neglected Melissa a little bit and her feet started to hurt and then she did the i'm done i'm going to go home which obviously to be fair i made it like really good though like i didn't make you feel bad i was like i'm honestly so fine maybe you have fun with your friends i didn't want like his family to be like i was being a sport right so i have to just make it seem like it's all about my feet. Inside my feet, I was like, fuck you. Yeah, I was, I realised. I know, I was like, sacking this off now. I'm done, you're dead to me.

Getting in the taxi, like, nervous. Slam it closed. And you were like, oh, she just has, like, sore feet. Yeah, she's off. See you tomorrow. Little does he know that me and Sophie are having, like, an assassination. Oh, God. Yeah, I don't know if'll see you tomorrow. Little does he know that me and Sophie are having like an assassination. Oh God. Yeah,

I didn't know it was that bad. I was honestly like, this is just shocking from everyone. I don't know what's going on here. But then what happens with the girls, they get together and they go,

yeah, yeah. Do you know what? Yeah. It's like, you're both like egging each other on. Sophie's like, shall I break up with Jamie? Yeah.

Everyone and their friends are no longer in a relationship. Shall I break up as well? Yeah, yeah. Oh, God, with this and that. Yeah, yeah. It's like, what the hell is happening? Oh, my God.

But no, luckily it was resolved pretty quick. And actually, to be fair, it was actually very bad for me. It's because it was too early on for me to show my true psycho colours. So I was like, I just have to be cool with this. If it happens again, now we're in quite deep, I can actually just be like. Yeah. When do people get deep into a relationship? When does that moment happen? I don't know. I know i feel like your true true true self doesn't actually

necessarily come out until like two years in wow i think there's weird things start coming out after a two year yeah actually i think so too i feel like you still actually hold stuff back maybe even after a year i don't know i don't i i'd say six months six? I think you're quite weird from the get-go. Yeah, you just knew me straight away. That's because you guys are like best mates. But there's definitely more psycho things come out with me after two years. And some. Psycho Sophie!

And some. And some. And some. So that's my alter ego I have to go into when I think about them because it's that hard for me. Oh my gosh. I don't know. I feel like I think probably six months.

No, I think I might hold it back a little bit further. Really? Yeah. I can't wait for that. I'm not sure. Yeah, you're like, oh, perfect. Seven months. Yeah, this is all fake.

What was the surprise then that you found out? Okay, so what was the surprise you found out about each other that you didn't know in the beginning bit? Good or bad? Doesn't matter. Like a surprise. You go first i feel like you were quite like an open book from the day i met you and i was just like oh okay he is i guess i didn't actually think you were going to be as like similar to me when i first met you everyone this happened a lot recently everyone thinks i'm gonna be a dick yeah right he just looks like a bit of an arsehole it just

keeps happening i just think the trip i like a bit of an arsehole. In France, the trip I was on last week, on the last night, we all got quite drunk and they're like, what was everyone's first impressions of each other at the airport? That's a really first night,

like drunken thing. And then two people are like, I thought you were going to be a prick when I met you. It's just because you're pretty. Yeah, that's why I said it's like, it's because you're fit, unfortunately. It's just the way life goes.

Is that why people say that about me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You have the same problem, don't you? That's what I thought. Wait, do you want to say? People looking in there like yeah that's exactly what i thought that's what i thought wait i keep looking in there like he's gonna be so kind so he said this you know she went she went um god they're just like they're just such a pretty couple why is that my voice yeah so you went oh toby's just really pretty

and i went oh and me and she went and she went yeah and she went ah and i went me and she went so nice yeah just kind just so kind you are what did you find out about me then so um that you your voice is really different my voice is not a podcast voice yeah you've got a podcast voice and then a real voice you found that's what you found out about me um no come on like when you were dating him compared to when you were friends oh yeah you're like more way more need like you're not not that no because it sounds really mean because it is really seem very like needy whenever i'm with sophie it's like you face time her like three times in like five minutes i'm like i thought you were like quite cool and then I was like

whoa he's really needy or either you were like God he's so in love with me or like what I like someone being needy hang on a second you thought

there's two things you thought I was cool or you thought I was needy she thought you were cool and then it turned out you weren't and you were needy yeah

that's what she's trying to say but coolness doesn't replicate being needy no but like she probably thought you were needy. Yeah. What the hell? That's what she's trying to say. But coolness doesn't replicate being needy. No, but like, she probably thought you were like, aloof and like, chilled. What are you talking about? I thought you were quite a really independent, like. I'm very independent. I'm the most independent person you probably know.

You are quite. You are, but also not. But you rely on Sophie a lot. Hang on a second. That's so contradictory. You're so independent, but you rely on Sophie a lot. I would say I'm one of the most independent people I know. No, is that wrong?

No. Am I not? In different ways. Emotionally, you're probably quite like dependent on each other. Emotionally, yeah. Emotionally, I'm dependent. I reckon like career-wise, super independent, but like you need your friends, which is a nice thing.

Oh, that's a good thing. Yeah. You need like, you love human contact, which I think is good. You can say he needs you, it's okay. You need me. Should we find out what's safe? Ask what asked me the question what what was the thing that you got about me uh i don't know are you that you're crazy was that english you're crazy okay so we've got some funny stories from the listeners and melissa's actually got some stories

oh i do do you want to start with your stories i feel okay right i'll start with mine so my Okay, so we've got some funny stories from the listeners. And Melissa's actually got some stories as well. Oh, I do. Do you want to start with your stories? I feel like that's just... Okay, right, I'll start with mine. So my story was told to me a couple of years ago, and it's a guy friend of mine that this happened to. I'm obviously not going to say his name.

He was walking past this like really nice massage ball, and he was like, God, it just looks really lovely in there. And he's like, you know what? I'm just going to go treat myself. Goes in, goes into the reception, like, can I have a massage, blah have a massage blah blah really quite pretty girl at the reception he's like oh lovely yeah nice okay fine goes down to the massage room he's like in his boxers right on the bed she's like no no no boxers off boxes off he's like a bit odd okay you can put the towel over yourself so he like takes off his boxes like lying there with the towel over nice dim light sounds unreal he's

having the massage on his back and he's like, in and out of sleep. And he's like, Oh, this is heaven. Like whatever. Then the towel suddenly just whips, gets whipped off him. And he's like,

Oh shit, that was a bit odd. He said, maybe she's just going to do my sciatic area. Anyway, he's facing down, right? He's facing down.

And he's like, Cox, like obviously in between his legs. Sorry, we have to use the word. His cock. We always say we don't know what word he used. Should I say his dick?

His cock. Okay, his dick was in between his legs. His cock. His woppo. His manhood. His absolute piece of meat. It's like a baby's arm. His big old willy. All right, guys. Okay, fine. piece of meat like a baby's arm he's down yeah he's

he's big old willy alright guys okay fine his dick was in between his legs whatever you want to call it lying face down she then starts massaging his legs

and as she's going up the thigh he like feels his dick being brushed with her fingers he's like oh shit and it happens like three times he's like shit don't get hard

don't get hard don't get hard like really trying to calm himself down he's like oh my god and then she does it again he's like oh my god oh my god oh my god sorry that's my meat so it's my cock stop brushing my cock. Wow. Oh my God, I actually feel like

the end of the story isn't that funny now because that was so funny. So then she goes, okay, right, turn over. And he's like,

shit, I've got a full on boner. Oh my God, turn over. Sorry, my cock is out. And I've got an erect cock. So he brushed my car

three times it's now really hard anyway he then obviously turns over he's got this rock on his knee and he's like oh my god

oh my god oh my god he's like this could go one of two ways either she could freak out and be like you disgusting boy he's naked yeah he's fully butt naked no towel no towel nothing

anyway so he turns over obviously he's like got a boner and then she starts like massaging his legs and then she just literally starts giving him a hand job and she's like oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my

god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my her he says what fingering her wow he's like oh he's like are we gonna have sex he's like what is going on this is crazy really rogue anyway it's a happy ending whatever he just fingered her that was the end of it i think they might have had a little kissy kiss too wow sorry sorry

sorry sorry is he walked into some like kinky massage parlor you're gonna have to tell me who this is i will at the end okay right so anyway he leaves he's like sweet that was just stunning he goes back in like a few days later and it's like a different girl and he's like oh anyway then the reception but when he's like picking a massage she goes she goes so he thought he'd obviously like had a little magical moment with this girl right and he's like that was really like special like and the woman at the till when he goes in the next time goes any extras and he was like oh my god this is a full-on like it's a happy ending it's legit like he thought he was like having some special treatment and he was like no no like he went in again like three more times yeah yeah yeah yeah it's a happy ending i know friends of mine it's it's so annoying when that happens. I hate it.

Urban Massage, when they turn up and it's No, I didn't click happy ending. Why has this bloody happened? I'm not. Oh God, stop brushing the cock. Again, this is so unprofessional. And what am I meant to do? I'm meant to say no. It's obviously

what the surface is. I don't want to be disrespectful. I love that. I've got a few friends who've fallen a victim to that oh my god that's too funny

unless your friend is incredibly naive or suddenly panicked when they were telling the story and they realised the company was there he just changed it

completely he saw girls coming to the circle and they realised the company was there. He just changed it completely. He saw girls coming to the circle and he was like, oh shit. He improvised it. It was literally this, lads,

I got this best story. I went to this massage parlor and right, and then I went in and I was so disrespectful. She cut my cock out. There was this lovely lady and I went,

hello madam. Can I get one of your massages that's exactly what happened his voice would have changed as well oh hello girls i'm a listener really good to see you it was so disrespectful disrespectful okay right what is going on this is crazy so disrespectful the spank me story

the same story no it's a different story right come on now we're gonna talk about that in the next on the video after this

me and you oh right okay fine fine fine do we have time for another funny story yeah of course you do

god this is gonna be a long old episode oh it's great though it's fabulous should we read this one I to be a long old episode. Oh, it's great though. It's fabulous. Should we read this one? I've got a couple of friends who've fallen victim. A lot of good men.

Oh my God. Okay, safe, go. Come on, lead me in. Hey, random story from a friend at work. She was dog sitting a very old dog whilst the owners were away.

The family were very aware the dog was ill and basically on its deathbed it unfortunately died whilst they were away and my friend called the vet and said to bring it over she was in london and didn't know how to transport it to the vet so she put it in a suitcase to take on the tube while she was on the tube she was on sorry she put the dog in a suitcase yeah a dead dog while she was on the well she was on the tube she was on the escalator and she was struggling with it at the top of it a guy comes up and asks if he needs help so she said yes and helped and he helped her with it suddenly he ran off the suitcase stealing it all i can do is imagine his face when he opens the suitcase

oh my god that's terrible yeah yeah my dad has a story of this where um there's a family and they were they were on holiday and i know wherever somewhere in france and they had a caravan in the back and they their grandfather died in the caravan and so they're like okay we're gonna have to take the body back to the uk but this is really upsetting and they they parked it up and were sorting things out came back and someone has stolen the caravan and with the body in the back oh shit that's horrible terrifying but also serves you right for stealing something yeah you've got a dead i think the massage one was better okay right so this is a dilemma you guys have written and stuff about like valentine's and i

think you want the boys advice okay i hate valentine's and everything to do with it i've been both single and in a relationship around this time how do i stop myself feeling overwhelmed this unrealistic expectation of this year i don't really get that like fussed about valentine's day i'm kind of like oh give me a takeaway sweet you're not even here so i don't even know why you're pretending i think it's more it's the same thing like around christmas and stuff like that that we're there's pressure there's pressure don't even know why you're pretending. I think it's more, it's the same thing like around Christmas and stuff like that. There's pressure. There's pressure.

And I think also when you're... I find way more pressure at Christmas than I do Valentine's Day. Well, I think typically when you're someone who also who hasn't, who's not very good in the dating game, it's like a day all about love. And if you're not very good in the dating game, then you can't go, oh, don't worry, it'll happen another time. It sort of magnifies that experience, right? But also it's just, just remember it's just made up it's a made-up time like don't even think like that yeah but also like you can do like galentines

that you can do like fun stuff like there's like other things now that's not just about like there's being a relationship like more parties and nights out yeah there are any other time there's those really fun like parties where it's like you have like the the what is it called like the traffic light system what's that that? Those fun parts. So if you're single, you've got green on. And if you're amber, it's complicated. And then red if you're in a relationship. What the hell?

I'm going with green on. I'm joking. Yeah, I'm going with green on. Wait, you go to parties and you wear a traffic light? Yeah. No, no, no. It's just called like a traffic light system. You wear a traffic cone.

Traffic cone. No, they give you like, I guess like a neon bracelet or something. I don't know why I know so much about this. I've never done it. But they give you like a neon bracelet. You neon bracelet or something. I don't know why I know so much about this. I've never done it, but they give you like a neon bracelet. You like a glow in the dark one with a color. So, you know, like, oh, okay, they're single. I can go and chat to them.

My friend back in the day, his name is Charlie. And he told me a story of his older brothers that they, when they used to play a game where they would go out in London and find the best thing that they could possibly find. And one team went out and they found a traffic light. They came back and they had a traffic light and everyone's like no way that's unbelievable that's incredible how the hell did they carry it well they put in the back of the car and brought about as a traffic light and they found this thing anyway the other team went out and they came back and they were like you're never gonna guess what

we've got they went what is it they went around open the boot and they had a baby penguin. What? What the hell? Oh my God. Jesus Christ. That's actually, that really upsets me. What? It's not me. It's not me. There was this one time that Sophie ordered this guy for a massage.

He turned up. I honestly think, I honestly think what happened was the massage guy got to the door and went, I can't be bothered

to do this. And there was a homeless man sitting next to this. Because can't be into our flat who can only describe you'd be living in a dumpster yeah it was no it was terrifying no guys he massaged my foot with this bean i swear on my entire life i called urban and i was like we have she needs his cock no i was like this is not okay it's a euphemism ollie proudock had one he had um the masseuse turn up like running late and was like this is not okay it's a euphemism Olly Proudock had one he had the masseuse turn up like running late

and was like really stressed freaking out and he was getting he was like midway through this awful massage and the guy started dripping sweat on his back

oh my god that's what happened to me I just threw up I threw the same guy I thought it was I thought it was oil and then he and then it finished

and I looked at him and it was like all over his face and I was like I'm literally about to chunder and he was like talking me through these stretches afterwards and I looked at him and it was like all over his face. And I was like, I'm literally about to chunder. And he was like talking me through these stretches afterwards. And I was like, I need to just go shower. I did walk in the room.

Honestly, it was a furnace. Yeah, I put the heating on. It's like, you get me? But that guy, he started massaging you with his spoon. What else happened? He started massaging. He literally just massaged me with a spoon for an hour. And I just got on my phone

and I was like this is fucking weird I was like what's going on at first I was like something's not right it's like his hand it feels really odd and then by the end of it I was like sometimes they use like hot rocks and maybe he'd run out and I was like where would they have hot rocks

in their bag do you mind if I heat up these pebbles you've got a heat up these pebbles? You've got a stove for my pebbles. Do you mind if I put these in the pan? Do you mind if I heat them up? Throw them on your back. Hey, you're a Canadian podcast listener,

and that makes you important to us. We'd like to know more about you, what you think of this podcast, and the other podcasts you'd like to hear. So we put together a super brief survey we'd like you to fill out. Complete it, and we'll give you a chance to win one of three $100 Amazon gift cards. That way, we can say thanks for your opinion. Just go to mypodcastsurvey.ca and have your say. That's mypodcastsurvey.ca and have your say. That's mypodcastsurvey.ca. Okay. Dilemma two. Being a boring married couple.

Hi, girls. I love, love, love the podcast. I listen to it almost every day when I'm working from home. It has become one of my comforts. My dilemma is that me and my boyfriend of seven years have been living together now. And for just over two, we've become almost like a boring old married couple. We never go out for date night or days. And I find that we generally just don't spend as much time together anymore.

He's always upstairs gaming and I'm downstairs doing my own thing. Don't get me wrong, we both adore each other, but I think we've just got used to being around each other all the time and we both also work from home i wondered if you girls or guys have any tips for bringing this spark back lots of love you just pointed at me halfway through that story because you game game i was thinking of sam thompson i don't game that i game i don't game that much the weekend you you've got into like real gaming it's just do you know what i don't care about the game. It's the noise of like, get in the gulag!

Oh, God. You're like my flatmate. It's the exact same. When I first came over, I heard all these disturbing noises coming from the bedroom. And I was like, does he have like an anger problem? And he's like, no, he's just gaming. Some poor Canadian kids.

Getting abused. Just having a massage, girl. Oh, no, that's all Jamie does. Like, I'll be having massage. God, sorry, I literally get massaged all the time. She really does. I get pictures like, ooh, lick of me. No, I'll be having massage. God, sorry. I literally get massaged all the time. She really does. I get pictures like,

ooh, lick of meat. No, I calm down. And Jamie will be like, for fuck's sake, fucking hell. And I'm like, oh my God, the poor masseuse is like, what the hell?

Yeah, like, just sounds like you're having some serious hangover issues in the bedroom. It is chaos. It's chaos. But also, we have date night a lot.

You keep going, what's going on with you guys? I'm like, who are you talking to the little mini fake man with guns no i think they play with other real they're actually controlled by real people that's really disrespectful actually his friends little people

little people she doesn't mean it lads she was angry boys better not listen to Wednesdays we do it right this week it's pretty savage boys boys cancel the subscription this week what the boys situation what are you doing boys cancel the subscription this week.

What the boy's situation? What are you doing? I don't understand. I'm like half this book and all this Jamie's little cackles. Oh my God. But in answer to her question or her dilemma, I would say

maybe do like a little girls week away. Yeah, but she's saying that they don't spend enough time together. I feel like she needs to go. Don't do that. Definitely don't do that. What was that? Can we do a... Can we just... Sorry, sorry, can we clip that back in there?

I know where you're coming from. No, no, no, no, no. It ended. I just really want to... How do we get the spark back? Toby went, just in response to the dilemma, a girl's week away but i thought she basically said that they were living on top of each other so it's like they're always with each other let's make him miss her so have a girl's week yeah i think they need a week i think they need a week away together go out go drunk don't go on your phones yeah no leave the phones at home different change of environment's always quite good maybe Maybe go to a hotel, spice it up. Do a cooking course.

Yeah, do a cooking course. Do a cooking course. Get a massage. Get a massage. Get a couple's massage. Yeah, get a couple's massage. Or you do the massage and give him a hand.

Oh, getting a real massage, yeah. There we go. I think the gaming situation, like, he's not going to obviously stop doing that, right? In truth, you know, there's, like, little habits you can change, right?

So if they're, like, gaming too much, then what you need to do is at the end of game if you're doing that too much at the end of gaming unplug it put it in the cupboards every single time you have to game again take it out of the cupboard it's an effort okay so you reduce your like your atomic habits that's exactly what it is and so and also it's like implicating little things like if you if you feel like the sparks not there like say to one another that you love them a bit more. Just even if you don't mean as much as saying. Create habits.

Create habits between each other, yeah. Change the rhythm. Look at you, you've both read a book, haven't you? Yeah, we bloody have, Presh. We bloody have. Atomic habits, if you want. It's great. Hi, girlies.

Love the podcast and also so happy that you're both in loving relationships. That's so sweet. Have you guys said love yet? Yeah. Yeah. Shut up, Nadine. Girlies, love the podcast and also so happy that you're both in loving relationships. Have you guys said love yet? Yeah. Yeah. Shut up. No, you didn't.

I didn't say it, but I did. Oh, imagine. Wait, Toby, you said it. Who said it first? You said it first. Did you really? Come on. I know, right? That's excellent.

You should be listening to the podcast. We announced that last week, Jamie. Was that last week? I think it was. How did you pitch it? Drunk, sober? How did it work? It was kind of drunk.

Kind of drunk. That's all right. Like tipsy. Lovely. Had a family dinner, two family dinners with Melissa's family for her brother's birthday.

And... Did you wait till after you met my family to be like, okay, she's normal? Yeah. Phew. Wow.

No, it was like, it was real sweet. We had two really nice dinners. So I was like, I'd felt it before and I was like... Now it's time. I know, aren't we, Stacey?

No, but you really are. How do you know you're in love? So it was a question to myself. Just put it in the notes in the phone. Sorry, did I just speak out loud? Google that later. Notes in the spoon. Oh my God.

Okay, right. Would love both male and female perspectives on this, as I seem to encounter this all the time when dating. Does slash can a guy truly find you attractive if you're the opposite of his type? I'm not talking about the guys who have no type. I'm talking about the guys whose track record is clearly all petite, blondes, all Latinas, etc.

Can you be in a real relationship with someone who doesn't think that you're the most beautiful girl to him? A lot of my friends have this issue and it's honestly so crap for your self-esteem. Realising that he likes you but you're not genuinely beautiful to him. Oh my god, that's so horrible. Honest answers only.

Do you think types are like a serious thing? I really don't have any. It's like a theory you have on paper. When you're like celebrity crush, you'll be like, okay, Mila Kunis is quite hot. That's my type. But then actually in real life it's like a theory you have on paper. Yeah. When you're like celebrity crush, you'll be like, okay, yeah, Mila Kunis is quite hot, that's my type. But then actually in real life, it's completely different. Well, good thing she's got dark hair.

Yeah. That is actually my celebrity crush, so. Yeah, Mila Kunis, but from... Do you have friends with banter? Get Into The Greek. No, not Get Into The Greek. Yeah, no, no, I know what they're on. Spaghetti Sarah Marshall. Spaghetti Sarah Marshall, yeah. She's so thin, man, I know what the month, Spaghetti Sarah Marshall. It's so thick. Unreal.

I think that everyone, you have to be attracted to someone, right? I think so, you have to be attracted. But actually, the real sort of growth comes from like, who they are as a person,

I think. That's when you go like, God, I really, someone can be, like someone can be hotter than you or whatever and that doesn't, shouldn't matter so much

because there's always going to be someone hotter and there's always going to be someone like, but there's also someone not as hot. So that's just physical doesn't shouldn't matter so much because there's always going to be someone hotter and there's always going to be someone like there's also someone not as hot so that's just physical features it shouldn't matter what she's saying is like for example if i kept saying to you my type is six foot four dark haired brown eyes you'd be a bit well you wouldn't care but that is your type no it isn't no it's not sophie's always been with blondes yeah not not fake not. Not that blonde, but blonde. No, you're my father, that one.

And you're last, hopefully. There is no one else. We're together forever. That's a scary thought. I know. Forever. Love that. Yeah.

Exciting. Can I get a hoo-ah? Okay. So maybe he should just shouldn't have said that yeah wait yeah i think what i mean like if you've got like if there's someone's like oh she's my dream girl and then like you're the complete opposite it's kind of like i know a lot of girls who find that sort of shit really offensive like my friend chrissy you once said to her girls if girls have blue eyes they're like 50 on top and she was like i never said that or someone said it a boy said it

to us sam thompson has a real like ish like he thinks that people with blue eyes are like but that's probably because he's got blue eyes sorry he went out me and i have brown eyes he found i know but he made you put blue eye contacts in no he did oh my god that was jamie ways that was not him if toby was like i only like people with blonde hair and blue eyes oh no no if my my type typically is blondes and blue eyes i would then secretly have like a complex that i'm yeah so i get what she's saying because it does like just make you then i feel like you'd be like oh yeah it would like create like a little like issue in your mind i think you just gotta have a word with yourself and just let yourself know

that it's like you know it's not the narrative it's not the true narrative just because he said it you've got to just give yourself some self-love really and just be like that's not true i'm beautiful i'm great he's chose to be with me and i'm wicked and he obviously doesn't think that like he keeps bringing up and like yeah then it's like okay well then you obviously don't fancy me that much but i know what you mean so i think it just depends on like how the situation like like carries on from now yeah like if he keeps bringing up and that's all right i get it yeah yeah that i would like really actually be quite bad that would be really upsetting and then it would almost like make you resent them a bit but like a fleeting comment or like a few times you'd be like early on you'll be like fine yeah

i mean it's quite weird anyway I just wouldn't say that's something I think it's really rude but I hope that's good advice that is great advice I think but I think that yeah that is a bit weird if you do say that

yeah but imagine if you're like you're friends with someone and you're aware of and you're aware of their type and then you start dating and you're like oh shit I know that

I'm not his type but I can't help it I get it yeah oh yeah but that's not yeah that's different but yeah yeah if that was the case then that's not what, yeah, that's different. Yeah.

If that was the case then that's like fine, you know? I think it's a weird thing to say. They shouldn't, they shouldn't be saying that. Yeah, I agree. I don't think so either.

But I've never had a type. I always think it's a bit weird. Have you never, ever had a type? No, I never get one. Boys, especially like,

only like, only like really small, dark haired people are like, what? I just don't get it. They're fit. They're fit. Yeah I think so as well.

But also surely it's like personality which is shit. Yeah I know but if you're just going on Yeah personality's a bomb. That's why I'm just trying to be like polite. That's genuine.

That's so much. I swear to God I've always said someone who makes me laugh I melt. Like that literally what it is. And if they're buff as well

then you're like sweet. Bonus. Bonus. Bonus. And Sophie, literally what it is. And if they're buff as well, then you're like, sweet. Bonus. Bonus. Bonus. And Sophie, she was kind of funny. And you're buff. I'm joking. You're so pretty and I love you to bits.

Hi, ladies. Me and my ex broke up six weeks ago after a long-term relationship of nearly three years. However, we work at the same company together. So seeing him in the office makes me anxious as hell should i contemplate leaving my job because of him we ended on good terms also i went out last weekend i met a guy who appears to be very nice and is very eager to go for coffee with me but i don't know how to feel about it is it too soon to start dating p.s i love your podcast it's never too soon it's never get out there get over it get in there

get over it to get on it no get on it I don't know what you guys think when you break up with someone and if you break up

then your full right just go into whatever you want I'm done I'm done I think it depends who does the breaking up yeah that's true

slightly it gives you a bit more if you're the one that gets dumped then you've got from the day you're dumped you have every right to move on so true but if you're the one that does the dumping no I day you're done yeah you have every right so true

if you're the one that does the dumping no i think you're broken up you don't owe them anything there's a bit of courtesy yeah she doesn't have any of that she's training oh that was fun few years who's next yeah that's a fun decade. That was the last fun four years. Right, who is new? Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. When we were flying to France last week,

the photographer on the trip, his ex-girlfriend was a BA hostess. Whoa. And we got to the airport and he was like, we were like queuing and we thought we were going to the BA thing. And he was shitting himself that it was going to be her. Yeah, that's sketchy. But it wasn't. She was so properly panicked.

No, we're flying with Tui, so. So he just gets PTSD from going to an airport. He was there freaking out just to have thought of it. There's so many flights that would never happen. There's going to be BA here. Is she going to be checking or beef? Oh, extra luggage. I don't know what to do. I haven't checked in before.

You haven't checked in for years? Where's the life jacket? Sorry, what is this bizarre language you're both having with each other? I don't understand this. I don't either. Someone said the other day, what was it, like, you always make the best of a situation, so don't think too much about the change because either way you'll make it work. Whether she stays there, she'll manage to make it work. Or if she leaves, you might make a fun, even better job.

Boys, we do this thing where we talk about whether I was a bride or a bridezilla this week. And Melissa does a not so single diary anymore, which actually I'm going to suggest that Toby joins in on this week. For me, I think I've been toby joins in on this week um for me it was i but i think i've been actually not a bridezilla this week i think i've been good this week this week we're on monday i know but from last monday we've not had a fight this week it's been the best week that i've had yet so far come you're engaged honey i walked out on sunday yeah but that was on you that was just really lost in on you. That was just really... That's because you lost in card. Yeah, that was just really weird of you.

I did, I reacted. I even said it. I went, can you stop scrolling so fast when we're looking at venues? And he was like, I've had it with you. I literally was like, sorry, what has happened? We're going to walk around the block. Slept in the spare room?

I'm not joking. Oh my God, you guys are so dramatic. No, that was so weird. I was literally, I didn't even, I forgot we'd even had a fight the next day because it was so random. I was like, I went to film and came back and I was like, James was like, oops.

I was like, oh shit, yeah. Yeah, but I said, I was sorry. I said it overreacted. Did you go in the spare room and get in her little machine and be like, I'm just going to have a pump. Yeah, you just got on the lights. It was an excuse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were on the face light. I ate the red machine. I'm just gonna have a pump. Yeah. You just got on the light. Yeah. Like you.

Yeah. The baseline ate the red machine. I love it. I haven't done it. It's stunning. Right. You two not so single diaries. Tell us something.

Do you want to go fast? Yeah. Okay. So the car. Do you want to go? What the fuck Melissa? I'm doing the same thing. I'm confused. Do you want to go fast? And then you went, okay, so the car is- Do you wanna go first? What the fuck, Melissa? Wait, are we doing the same thing? I'm confused.

Do you wanna go first and then you went, okay, so? You were taking long to think about it and I was like, oh, it's gonna be perfect. Okay, you go first, you go first. Okay, right. So basically- Okay, no, you can actually go first. Okay, well, I've got a problem with snoring, which-

Yeah. Who snores? I snore. Sophie farts in her sleep. No, I don't that is so wrong she did Sophie doesn't fucking fart shut up

I don't fart she does no she doesn't no I don't you're wrong shut up I yeah I snore

I'm not proud about it but it's kind of getting like a bit worse what do you mean I just I thought it was only when you were drunk

sorry I already know this his mouth shuts I don't know how he does it. And he's on his side and it still happens. Oh yeah, I turn Jamie on his side and it stops. Or I smack him. If I sleep on my front, which that used to work, but last night didn't. Excuse me, we've had one night of bad snoring.

We've had one bad snoring. Did you boo? He snores most nights, but normally it's like two seconds and I wake him up and then it stops and it's fine. But last night, I had to keep waking him up. Last night was weird. Sophie and I wake up. up and then it stops and it's fine but last night I had to keep last night something last night something was weird Sophie and I wake up

Sophie wakes up in the middle of the night and I wake up and we both go we've had a nightmare and then we didn't really know what

was going on you were so weird I thought the aircon in the room was someone moving no he kept saying to me

is the fan making a weird noise? I was like, no. And then I kept opening, I was like this with one eye and I'd open my eyes and Jamie was like this, looking at the fan. I was like,

are you all right, mate? What is going on? And then Sammy went, Sammy went, don't worry, probably a full moon. I went to sleep. She hasn't got her moon star

next to the bed, that's why. I remember when we first dated, that was such a thing, I kept waking up at 4am and I was like, dated that was such a thing I kept waking up at 4am and I was like there's a full moon because I keep waking up

at 4am so we obviously went she obviously went like a wolf yeah she went probably a full moon I know what it is I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know

I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know Sipped it out. Right, go on. That's our only hiccup. She sometimes gets a whistly nostril. It's quite sweet. It's whistling away in my ear. It's quite nice. I know, we think it's really cute now.

It's going to get really annoying. Yeah, I know. Sophie has a pregnancy pillow in her bag, which is a big triangle. Is that just what you've been lying on your side? I just love it. I cuddle it. I can't sleep without it now.

I don't use the other ones they just like jamie can't even get you with that pregnancy pillow around it's like anyway he puts a pillow in between us yeah we're not touching no because what no i do that because our bed is actually super comfy it's so big it's so big and so comfy but so we'd do this thing where she would like honestly she because she would get so cold she comes over to me and i'm so hot and so she would cling on to me like some sort of ferret i'm like and then and then i have i kid you not i have probably i have just enough space if i was trying to hide in a canoe that's like how much space space i have like that the weirdest analogy yeah you know what it is like that's like a straitjacket like like

like a straitjacket so i was like i have to create like a little moat so when she hits it, we still cuddle, but when she hits it, It takes the first load. Yeah, yeah. It's like putting an electric collar on a dog. No, no, you know where the boundaries are. Stay on your side.

No, no. Beep, beep, beep. She's crossed over. Right, Melissa. Yeah, what's... Is that yours? Can't be the same. You've got to do a separate one.

A little bit of a... No, no, no. What's this? What? A little bit of a... A nude situation's this what a little bit of a nude situation need picky situation oh yeah what happened oh my god i took the first leap she sent it to me she said a nude i did naughty you know what the best part was the red light was in the yes so if you know she sent me the nude and then i went actually sent you the nude. She sent me the nude. And then I went on. After I sent it to you, I was like, why did I just do that with the red light therapy? I died.

I was like, the red light therapy being in there is making me die. They were away before you get started. We don't have a second aside. Sophie never sends me nudes. Really threw me off, though, because I got the, like, are you in bed? And I was like, I know where this is going.

And I wasn't. I was in the bar with everyone from the job. You're like, boy, check it out. And I was't. I was in the bar with everyone from the job. You're like, boys, check it out. And I was like, take 10. Yeah, have to go straight. Same clicks in your mind,

you can't do anything about it. You're not going to have to go. Sorry, boys. Sorry, boys, there's a massage parlor around the corner. I've got to get there quick. Sorry,

can you just hold this phone up? While you massage me. No, not to like that so disrespectful when did I I was like wow

really got me I don't know what came over me I just had to I was like I just have to do it don't I it was the last day

that you were there so it was kind of pointless no because I'd just come in from the bathroom getting ready and I was like getting into bed

and I was lying on my bed Because I was quite hot I think I just had a shower And I'd come back from dinner And I was quite drunk Where have I been? You've been to La Familia Yeah

How do you know Hadari? I mean That's the most fascinating I sent her pictures of my feet Oh my god You guys are psycho with each other Honestly I just don't I'm like eating this for dinner

This is my starter You're like what are you having? What are you doing for dinner tonight? Are you actually serious? No I'm being deadly serious Deadly serious't. I'm like, eating this for dinner. You're like, what are you having? What are you doing for dinner tonight? Are you actually serious? No, I'm being deadly serious. Deadly serious. And then I'm like, just... She had a pear in my...

I sent you the pear, and then I sent you the noodle, and then I sent it to Sophie. Like, I just sent this, and I was like, our relationship's gone too far. That is so funny. Oh, God, it's too funny.

Right. I'm going to start doing that to you whenever I send it. Yeah, please. This is what I'm having for dinner. This is my cut this is my dinner tonight should we rate the wine

and send you on your way the wine it was it was yum it was okay for seven quid as well seven quid seven quid

seven quid seven quid it's a dark quid? Seven quid. Seven quid? Seven quid. It's a dark horse. I'm in. I'm in. I'm going to give it a 6.5. I'm actually really liking it. I'm going to give it a seven.

And it's not a Pinot. I feel like cheap wines are normally Pinot. It's like quite different. Yeah, to get a shot. I'm going to give it a 7.5. God, you're really enjoying that. Wow. That's fantastic.

Melissa always says this to me when I enjoy a drink. She goes, oh, she's guzzling it. I'm like, don't. I do do that. When we order a bottle of goes oh she's guzzling it I'm like don't I do do that when we order a bottle of wine he's worse than me he drinks more than I do quickly I guzzle it

especially if you're nervous on the first few dates you just oh for a few first few dates oh my god no bless on our first date Toby ordered this road cocktail

and it came in a teacup and he was like shit with a custard cream so unsexy and tiny like a teacup like this that I had to hold with a custard cream on the side.

It was really embarrassing. I was like, why wouldn't you just come while you're eating? We went to the little yellow door. God, they do those right by us. Yeah, yeah.

Because that's why I came to you for a quick glass of wine before I went. I know, she had a few baths before she went. Maybe what we should do, guys, is we should organise a date night and not tell you girls.

Oh my God, I love that. And we should organise it and you have to dress up smart and then you have to come meet us. Oh my God, I love that. Should we do that? Let's that that's epic yeah i'd love that okay yeah we'll do it and then we can talk about it on the podcast all right legends um guys thanks so much for having us thank you for coming happy valentine's day happy valentine's day to all you listeners out there. Happy Valentine's Day, guys. Love you. See you later. FanDuel Casino Daily Jackpots.

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That's it for this week, Wednesdays. But, God, don't you just fancy some more, Melissa? Yeah, I'd really love a follow-up to some of those dilemmas. I want to know what happens. Well then, tinies, we have got some news for you.

We have launched a premium version of Wednesdays. Now listen, subscribers get access to the podcast ad free with bonus episodes it's pretty amazing it's also packed full of Dilemma follow-ups which we love and some of our more personal stories and recommendations and it's super easy you just listen on your favorite app how cool is that amazing and all the info is in the episode description and in our

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