Wednesdays - Ep 58: Should I end things with my sneaky link of 7 years?

Episode Date: May 24, 2022

Today we are talking sneaky links aka casual hook ups and hen do’s- enjoy!!We’re prepping for a trip to the South of France with a lovely rose. https://www.sainsburys.co.uk/gol-ui/product/rose--wine/baron-gassier-provence-st-v-rose-75clSophie Rating: 9Melissa Rating: 7.5  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Sophie did it to me earlier today. She goes, here's your bag, bitch. I was like, whoa, it's not even 9am yet. I'm going to sniff throughout and it's because of my hay fever. And one of my nostrils feels like there's like, it's like this. A little feather up there rotating around. I have to set. To be honest, I haven't taken any antihistamine.

Nor me. And it's actually not been that bad. I've been bearing through it. I think the alcohol helps. I need to because I'm getting this alcohol rash today had a glass of Prosecco

we did it was actually really delightful wasn't it and I got a rash straight away and it happens occasionally and it's very odd

anyone want to tell me what it's only occasionally your ring's looking extra glittery at the moment is it got loads of oil on it

been oiling up that every day just giving that bit of moisturiser there and we were drinking it lovely should I read out it's gone can Iiser there. And we were drinking a lovely.

Should I read out? Yeah go on. Can I just say why because we've got a hand do tomorrow can I get a yee-haw? And we're like really getting in the mood for today.

We're getting in the mood we're pre-drinking already. I'm going to have a glass of Prosecco on the plane. At 9am? Yep doing it. I'll do it with you then. Last time I went to

No you didn't. Paris me and Hermione got on the Eurostar 9.30. My friend Alex got engaged today before me. We were like, we have to celebrate for her. We had Prosecco on the train, two, like those midi bottles. We had two full glasses each. Write it on the group chat and say it's a must.

Anyone joining me? Because I'm not sat with you and I'm embarrassed. So I'm by myself. That's a good point. I'm not going to do it by myself. But maybe we can ask people who are on the other side of Tiff and Lucy if they they can move like it could be a lovely old couple and they wouldn't mind going well it's the back of the plane they've probably paid to be further up front that's the problem i'm only 12d if anyone wants to send me a drink to 12d i'm 24 f or something i don't think you can send drinks

to a flight can you no there's no you know like if you have a handy and you go to like weatherspoons in an airport you can send drinks can you that's quite jokes yeah let me just tell us tell you what we're it's called baron gasia gasia it's a lovely provence rose it's stunning pale color we've got some ice jiggling about and then it's really just going it's really it's actually 10 out of 10 like this is i don't know why it's so nice it's really yeah it's so dilute like i was so sleepy we both were guys i fully just watched sophie and jamie do their newlyweds pod i listened to the first words not newlyweds sorry i was crying with laughter and then halfway through just boom fell asleep i just turned i looked to melissa and she was just snuggled up on the sofa

on jamie's tennis racket as a pillow asleep and then when i woke up i was like oh god how am i going to pull this shit together but now i've had a sip of this it's just spiked me right out so um the wine's delicious and then we've got some emails from you guys so we've got an email about okay boomer which by the way i keep using i'm like okay boomer yeah but okay so this is jamie's not a boomer but i pretend he is and he doesn't know the difference, you know? Yeah, well, okay, right. Read this one out because it's going to, I think, shock us a bit. All right. Hello. Love the pod.

I was happily enjoying the last app when I heard myself at the mere age of 33 being described as almost a boomer and felt compelled to message. I work in marketing, so I did a lot with demographics. The oldest millennials, also known as Gen Y, are now around 42. Right. And above that, you have Gen X, who were kind of the 90s, brave, grunge, teen Gen. So that's like my mom's, right? My mom's age is a Gen X, yeah.

Above them is boomers aged approximately 58 to 74, who are so named because they were born in the baby boom that happened post-ww2 world war ii okay anyone older than that is the greatest generation because of the war also known as the silent generation and after gen z we're getting gen alpha apologies for being a pendant i felt myself aging rapidly and had to rectify okay hun, Hunt, so you're not a boomer. You are basically a baby because you're 33. So you're actually, what are you? You're a millennial. You're like me.

You're a Gen Y. Why am I screaming? We're the same, millennial. Yeah. Which is a Gen Y. Guys, I don't really care about this whole Gen Y thing. All it's quite funny because the Gen Zs are so obviously Gen Zs, whereas like

the rest of us i always think that our generation and above are all the same then the gen z's are so obviously gen z's that's what it is it's such a change in like everything social media what they were like it's so different to the rest of us it's their unique own they futuristic generation and it's like almost like you know for us it was like you to be cool was obviously everyone wants to be cool unless you know i want to be really not cool everyone wants to be cool exactly but you want to be cool in like you're cool in your own group like but in with the gen z you have to be cool universally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so different. You have to be cool in America.

They're all the same. Like, you know, in my friendship group, like, whatever. Not that I was cool, but like, you know? I know what you mean. It's so universal. And you can just tell a Gen Z a mile off, no matter what country they're from. You can be like, Gen Z. And sometimes I fancy wearing an outfit.

And I'm like, no, I'm too old to wear that.'s so gen z i have the same i'm like i look like you could pull it off also your boyfriend's gen z i know so like sometimes you get like that little that little beaded thing around your waist is a bit gen z no it's not belly beads i was wearing at the age of like 13 probably because you were gen z then. No, hon, that doesn't make sense. The younger you are, the more Janzy. We had a girl in our house, her name, I'm going to, my friend, Lily Mosquito,

her older sister, Emma Mosquito. She used to make everyone belly beads in our house at school. And like, you would tie them on so you wouldn't be able to take them off unless you'd cut them off. And it was so cute. Like our whole house would have them. They're like multicolored and like gold. Did you go like, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, with your belly beads, do a belly dance? No. But you know what it was so cute like our whole house would have them they were like multi-coloured and like gold and like really cute

did you go like with your belly beads do a belly dance no but you know what it was like it was kind of like the Jack Wills thing at the top

shall I not get one for Andy although my waist is not quite like yours but um how are you going to get it it's tomorrow well where did you get yours

I've ordered it online my um phone charm place sent it to me they sent you a belly bead yes or is that meant to be on a phone charm and your waist is that small and it fits it to me they sent you a belly bead yes or is that meant to be on a phone charm your waist is that small if it's around your belly it's a belly bead a proper belly it's called belly beads or a belly chain you can get one that's like a necklace vibe i can't believe

melissa showers in it she sleeps in it she gyms in it i just don't take it off it's like wearing a net bracelet i wear it it's so on sleeping on your belly with a bead she's surprisingly fine it's you don't feel it at all. When you're butt naked, does it not look a bit weird with just the belly bead? It's totally like, what's this belly bead? No, you think he quite likes it and he looks quite nice. It does look quite nice, but like you're butt naked. And then you've got this bead just around your waist.

Yeah. It is odd. You know why I remember we all used to do it? Because we all wanted to have our belly buttons pissed and we weren't allowed so everyone had the belly beads back in the day and now i'm so happy i never got my belly button pissed because now i'm older and i'm like i actually don't want it now it's like one of those things well i mean you could just take it out but that's why everyone used to have them back in did you ever have that phase where everyone wanted yeah

and then she my dad was so upset so every time we went on holiday and we used to go to Spain for the whole summer she'd, every time we'd walk over she'd put her hand over her belly and then once he found out and he made her take it out

I'm pretty sure or maybe she just took it out. to get it back in is really difficult. No, then she's got a hole in her belly forever. It never closed up.

I never actually wanted one. My mum got one when she turned 40. She was like, I want to do something crazy and radical. Stop! Got her belly button pissed. Is it still done? No, she took it out when she turned 50. She was like, I want to do something crazy and radical. Stop! Got her a belly button pierced.

Is it still done? No, she took it out when she turned 50. She was like, I'm just telling everyone her age, oopsie. But yeah, she took it out when she turned 50. Nicola, that makes me laugh even more. So bougie. And she's obviously got like the best body. And she was such a like young looking mum.

She's like, yeah, I have a belly button pierced. So then it made me want it even more because I was like, mum's got it. I would have been like mum if you thought I should be allowed. I know, but she she was like i'm so much older than you yeah like obviously you can't get at the age of like 14 anyway the belly beads do the trick i'm gonna get into saying it rolls no i think it's so vulgar and horrible okay bitch i hate it it's like funny because sophie guys is like the most polite sweet soul so when she says like all right bitch i'm like what the hell i don't but it's like funny because Sophie guys is like the most polite sweet soul so when she says like alright bitch

I'm like what the hell is coming out of your mouth I truly god I'm guzzling this today me too oh my god

you really are what the hell I don't know why it's so delicious guys it really is so basically a sneaky link aka casual hookup

for people that don't know is like someone you're secretly casually having sex with so it's key that you're secretly doing it so it's not like right and it's like away from social media etc low-key spontaneous love me oh my god we've all had a bit of those i love them jame and i were doing that yeah you were it was so fast so freaking fun no one knows and everyone's like what are you doing tonight and you're like both of you just sat there like and you gotta kind of lie your way around things yeah and once we went to the cinema we were like shit we're gonna get caught so famous

i know i know i know and you know what's really annoying about london guys if you don't live in london it's actually smaller than you think it is you do bump into your friends and people from school more often than you think you're going to and you're like oh god it's always when you don't want to and it's always at the time when you don't want to say sods law you're like I'm secretly dating this person I'm gonna bump into like an old mate from school that I haven't seen in two years or something oh god yeah although having said that neither of us ever ever ever bump into our exes like it's almost like they don't live in Atlanta I never bump into mine either and that's what i said neither of us do oh yeah me and you know no ever like that's always to be fair we do socialize in like completely different like areas and we kind

of know the areas that the ex yeah yeah yeah chelsea dodge to be very well there today but we just know that that's what that's where they're like they might get loads of huns from this because people might fancy and be like oh i know where they go because yeah go on guys i think they're available go for it who knows they might not be it might be taken why are we giving them so much air time i don't know okay dilemma one hey girlie's got a weird hookup story on friday i went on a date and we went for loads of drinks vibing and i got in and it got to 11 30 we hadn't kissed so i got some bad bitch energy yes my girl and pulled his coat and kissed him and he was such a good kisser oh lovely star

anyway his flat was by the pub we were at and he said i've got some wine at mine i was like fucking okay yeah anyway we go back to his we are kissing and he said i've got some wine at mine i was like fuck it okay yeah anyway we go back to his beer kissing and then when it gets to having sex he's calling me a good girl oh no no no he did not a good girl what the fuck and covering my mouth no no no no no no no no no and covering my mouth telling me to look into his eyes while i fuck him oh my god oh my god i love how detailed she's been literally those words it wasn't good and to make it worse cordon broke and i had to get the morning article the next day can you please tell me why guys do this and feel it because they i feel it's because they all watch porn like what the fuck and then and has this happened

before to you guys he also messaged me the day after asking see me again and how he loved last night and i said sorry there's something missing this has put me off sex for a while a good girl phone drops i'm done i can't look me in the eyes baby good girl what and then she covered up her mouth so she can't speak or make a noise so he's like look me in the eye i think i would laugh if anyone said call me a good oh no if anyone said oh come on baby good girl i love it you're trying to talk to me like that oh come on baby you're trying to work out good girl so random like oh oh it's like who's a good girl who's your daddy oh yeah that was the vibe who's a good girl i'd be like not fucking me you bad

ass weirdo oh a bad bitch i decided to be a bad bitch and kiss him first. That obviously gave him the energy. He was like, right, she's coming back to mine. Right. This is. That's never happened to me. Is this a dialogue? No, she's basically saying, has this happened to us? And like, why the fuck do boys act so weirdly? It has not, but that's like.

Boys watch too much porn. That has to be it. This is definitely a thing. I mean, they had this in Euphoria. Do you guys remember? Like, Sidney Sweeney went to have sex with that guy for the first time. What was his name? The really sweet guy. Anyway, they ended up being in a relationship. But he like, fully Like, Sidney Sweeney went to have sex with that guy for the first time. What was his name? The really sweet guy.

Anyway, they ended up being in a relationship. But he, like, fully went to strangle her the first time they had sex. And she was like, what are you doing? And it was all because, relating back to him first watching porn, it's like, he doesn't really understand what normal sex is, right? He thinks that's normal. It is a thing. I think a lot of boys don't know what girls like.

Like, they literally don't. So they try all sorts of things. And they, like, care on the grapevine. Or, like,vine or like you know this is i did this with my girlfriend she actually liked it and they think i can't i'm gonna do that on the first date something really rogue totally it's on like my friend told me right that with her the first ever person that she ever had sex with he grabbed a bullet and used it on her right okay first set was she lost her virginity he grabbed a bullet i was like lucky you anyway from then on she thought it was so legit to every time she had sex grab for the bullet she now has paved the way for herself for sex it's gonna be so she's never gonna come into an awkward situation where she's like can we actually get a bullet out do

you know what i mean it's all about experience like what your first time is what you think's normal so like yeah this this boy maybe caught his ex a good girl and she was maybe covering her mouth the whole time they're having sex and he doesn't think that's any different it's a very intimate strange thing when you have sex with somebody for the first time and you don't really know them because like you're like it's so like so intimate so intimate and so personal so i think you kind of have to roll with not roll with the punches but like you have to kind of explain like please don't do that like i have it in me like i just wish i could but i can't talk down to you like i just know but you can be like oh no please don't or just like move his hand away be like don't no no no oh at that point i'd be like

we're done yeah oh you give me the egg you can't you can't just lie there and be like oh what do i do i'd probably just wait because it can't have been that long i'd be like oh in five minutes it's gonna be over do you know what i mean like realistically what would you do would you push him off i actually think i would i think i'm this is like i can't this is wild that someone did this to you the first time having sex i've had a wild thing really Someone I know at uni, they were having sex and he started towing her vagina with his toe. And she was like, I beg your pardon?

Like, your toe is in my vagina. He was like, yeah, that felt good. Yeah. Like, no, actually it doesn't. Your toenail's halfway out my vagina. Like, can you stop? Disgusting. It's just hideous.

Okay, roll. I don't really know what to say to this. I think sack him off. Just next time. Unless you're really liking him. No, she doesn't. She doesn't. Fine, sack him off.

Don't worry about it. It's a good one for the memes. It's quite a funny story. It's a good one to tell the girls who are over a glass of wine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll go down in history. Hey, you're a Canadian podcast listener, and that makes you important to us.

We'd like to know more about you, what you think of this podcast, and the other podcasts you'd like to hear. So we put together a super brief survey we'd like you to fill out. Complete it, and we'll give you a chance to win one of three $100 Amazon gift cards. That way we can say thanks for your opinion. Just go to mypodcastsurvey.ca and have your say. That's mypodcastsurvey.ca. Right, dilemma two. First thing you pick up. I'm looking for a sneaky link situation as i've realized that i don't have the time for a relationship right now problem is i still obviously want to sleep with a nice guy but at the same time i don't want to be in a situation where either of us are catching feelings as this has ended badly the last few times i've looked for something casual

i kind of get that is my only option to seek out a fuck boy or how do I make sure the situation doesn't escalate from a casual hookup again at the end of the day I think if you're going to be sleeping with someone that's like really sweet and really nice they're going to just fall in love with you and it's going to get complicated probably yeah so I don't want to hurt that boy's feeling and boys actually are more sensitive than girls I think most of the time not most of the time no I think they are I think it's 50 50 I think it depends on the person I think um I think just go for the you may fall in love with him too like why would you do you know what I mean yeah but she's so adamant on like not wanting a relationship yeah but you were with Toby and then yeah now like you literally are so and I thought that Toby was just a fuck

boy sorry Toby yeah but you did you did you thought fit lovely um so there you go like you literally are so and i thought that toby was just a fuck boy sorry toby yeah but you did you did you thought fit lovely um so there you go like you hear it from the house i think it's really with it you know what you have to do unfortunately you have to start getting with something you're not that attracted to no melissa this is bad advice you literally said to me like do i sack toby off because i i don't i he's i think i'd fall for him and i don't want to be single and i was like don't do that, you silly old bitch. Sorry, you silly girl. This is ridiculous.

Date him. He's so lovely. And what a regret if you like, he could be the one. No, you're right. And now he is the one and you are in love. And that's it. I think you can't plan these things. And like, unfortunately, like,

I think if you overthink it, you'll like become like a bit like paranoid about the situation you'll end up like doing something a bit silly if you find someone that you're attracted to and you're dating them and you want to sleep with them you've got to just do it and you've just got to see where it goes I think you can't overthink these things so I was going to force something that probably would have ended up like really like I would have regretted so much if I was like oh my god I'm going to fall in love with this boy I've got to like sack him off now yeah exactly I think you just gotta go with it

okay so dilemma three is okay so i have a tricky sneaky link dilemma so i've tragically had up friends with benefits for almost seven years i'm embarrassed to say but he's had a girlfriend for the past five years and has recently moved in with her odette obviously this needs to stop asap especially as for the first time we ever we started talking about feelings after a few whys and i've stopped wanting to talk see other boys we try to stop all the time and it never works out do you think i should go on dates with other boys even though i'm not interested in hope to make me want to stop with this guy i feel like i need to want to stop for it to work I mean it sounds like you're in love with him if you've been going back there for five years but like ultimately you've got to tell yourself there's obviously something between the two of you but he's never going to leave his girlfriend he's got a boyfriend

and having a five-year affair like you're probably in love with him yeah he's the one that's in the wrong but perhaps she's never been like it's me or the other so he's like oh so he got best of both worlds like i can shag her oh the poor girlfriend i can't i know i can't go you know what baffles me about this sort of thing right i'm like where's the time and how do they not realize like does he have two phones i don't the whole thing really blows my mind and it makes me like and like is he having sex twice a day yeah it's wild to me that people have the time to have sex with two people and have basically two relationships I like to live in a little fancy world where I don't believe that cheating exists I really like proper treating like this like I know people get

with people on a club on a night out and they're drunk and they're like oh I'm so sorry but like this like sinister cheating really upsets me I think it's wrong and I don't like to believe that it happens because it creeps the fuck out of me not from you I know that you're still in the wrong

but he's the one in the relationship so technically you're not committing like adultery well basically what her dilemma is she's asking her

our advice well firstly we're giving you a bit of a schooling because we don't think this is correct but you already know that and secondly

and also this is a judgment free zone we don't know how in love but you already know that and secondly and also this is a judgment-free zone we don't know how in love with him you are like you obviously have said that you've tried to stop it before and we don't know what he's saying to her like he might be like look i'm so in love with you i'm judging a bit just because of that girl like five years they've been having an affair behind her back that's a long time i want to know more details about like what i'm sure there's an explanation behind it i just think there's obviously more i just think you should be like right now like i need to be a better person like this cannot go on and if you really like him i would say to him choose me or her if he i'm afraid to say it sounds like he's already chosen her

and for that reason that will give you the opportunity to move on but you're not putting him in a position where he has to make a choice you're letting him have his cake and eating it yeah like why would he need to choose you've never given him the option you're like oh we're friends with benefits like we just shag you really really really need to but you obviously like him he will never guys he will never leave this girl no they live together no he'll never leave her and it always ends up the same way we've had dilemmas like this before and then we've had follow-up dilemmas where they haven't actually like yeah made and like boys have been given ultimatums like you have to choose me or her and they go yeah yeah i will i will i will and then it never happens we actually know of like

some someone in the like in the vicinity that we don't actually we're not friends with them but we know that this is happening and they promise the other person they're having an affair with yeah someone in the like in the vicinity that we don't actually we're not friends with them but we know that this is happening and they promise the other person they're having an affair with yeah i'm going to leave this person leave this person but they never end up doing it like it happens all the time and ultimately you're looking like an absolute mug you've got a moral compass and you know this is wrong otherwise you wouldn't have written in and so i i love you for writing in and and also we don't we don't know how these situations fall into place. Obviously, we have no history and background of it.

But you definitely need to sack this off now because he's always going to choose her ultimately. And leave him be with his horrible life. And unfortunately, if he was doing it with you, he'll probably go and do it over the night on another person. He's obviously the type of person that needs to fit. Like, you deserve to be in a normal relationship with someone who wants you and only you and not a girlfriend as well sorry do you have any not so single stories okay

well i have a like a really fun story um i'm just gonna tell you briefly so um some people in my friendship group i kind of already have told you this maybe have been having foursomes. Yeah. How does that work? Three girls, one boy? Two couples. Tell me more. And they call it like that. Obviously they're swinging, right?

No judgment here either. Who the fuck are they? This is epic. I want to know everything. No, no, no. No judgment. I love this. Basically all the girls that got with each other on this one night there was like six girls all kissed five girls all kissed and then two couples had a foursome and they have these like rules right so you're not allowed to like look in each other's eyes unless it's your partner you're not allowed to kiss or actually have sex physical sex as in like penis and vagina with someone that's not your partner

but you can do everything else so like they give head so the girls were like licking each other out apparently one of the girls was like very vocal and like the whole house could hear it and then one of the other couples told you this they they one of the couples told me they're like very open about it it's like quite funny i'm like oh my god i'm like i'm by the way i'm putting this on my podcast i won't say your name so they're like don't care oh my god can i meet up with them and go for drinks and listen to it too i'm so anyway they're so funny anyway one of the girls in the other room is like i think we're missing out we need to go who are you and toby gonna join no are you okay i'd say the psycho in me when we found out this information it's like him he went

i kind of want to try just to see what his reaction would be and he was like oh no what the fuck I can do anything you said it in front of him yeah yeah to him to try and like the psycho in me to try and like that when they were telling the story no so you went so I found out about it like on the phone from someone that's really psychic so you got off the phone to your friend and then when best go no no, no. I told him all about it. Then I was like, lol, do you think we should be doing something like that? Like joking. He was like, are you fucking? And I was like, obviously I'm joking.

I just didn't see what your reaction would be. Imagine if he'd been like, yeah, love him, yeah. Yeah, yeah, actually quite up for that. Then I'd be like, we're done. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but it's just not for me. Yeah, not for me either. It's just not my vibe. But I find it so interesting.

I'd love to go for dinner with those couples. And also, these couples are so like... I'll leave when they all want to get jiggy-jiggy with each other. my vibe i find it so interesting i'd love to go for dinner with those couples and i'll just so like um i'll leave when they all want to get jiggy jiggy with each other i'll just dust at that point but until then i want to see the dynamics i want to listen to them i want to know everything okay bradzilla my bridezilla moment is i've got a handy this weekend so we're going to talk about that a bit more i mean we'll debrief on it more we'll debrief when we've done it and I don't want to give away because you know it's not my hen but it's definitely made me want to do a hen abroad I 100% agree you have yeah and also I think it's so key she's done it she's done it so well it's Tiff Watson's hen

she's doing we fly out tomorrow Friday morning we land we get to the villa for like three and we literally have that friday evening and then saturday and then sunday we fly home so you could go all out yeah short sharp also like i do feel like it will feel like there's enough time because we've actually got three days do you know what i mean so we've got like the whole of friday afternoon the whole sunday morning sunday morning yeah and then we've got the whole of saturday so it will feel quite long and then we're going to be boozing all day with lovely rosé in the sunshine. I can't wait. Lots of ice, lots of stunning food. Lots of ice just rubbing it over.

I can't wait. It's going to be so fun. This is my first hen. And me. How exciting! I'm so excited. Right, I'm going to rate this wine. I'm going to do really high again. I'm going to go for a. I'm going to do really high again.

I'm going to go for a 7.5. What? I loved it. I've guzzled the whole glass, so surely that means it's a 9. Wow, I'm saving my 9 for when you have like some... Is that a what?

I was going to say outrageous and raw. Some outrageous champagne in celebration of your wedding. I can't even find this rosy to it. I think it's in the mood. Anyway, guys, we'll debrief with you next week yeah thank you for listening and keep writing in we love you love you you We'll be right back. exclusively on FanDuel Casino where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario.

Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca Please play responsibly. That's it for this week Wednesdays but God, don't you just fancy some more Melissa? Yeah, I'd really love a follow up to some of those dilemmas.

I want to know what happens. Well then, then tinies we have got some news for you we have launched a premium version of wednesdays now listen subscribers get access to the podcast ad free with bonus episodes it's pretty amazing it's also packed full of dilemma follow-ups which we love and some of our more personal stories and recommendations and it's super easy you just listen on your favorite app how cool is that amazing and all the info is in the episode description and in our insta bio