Wednesdays - Ep 82: Dating but no spark?!

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

EXCITING NEWS! Today we finally have a single diaries update from Melissa- it’s juicy! Plus we’re talking dating, THE SPARK, and how you know you’ve found it. Love S&M xxxThis week’s wine recommendation from Aldi is here- you can buy in store! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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and an official sports betting partner of the National Hockey League. BetMGM.com for terms and conditions. Must be 19 years of age or older to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you,

please contact Connects Ontario Please play responsibly. If you have any questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Melissa, are you a doctor? Yeah, I be but I'm not I'm not a doctor either and we're not psychologists and we're not experts in anything in fact we just chatted all the shit so and we love giving you guys advice but as we love giving you guys advice do not take what we're saying as gospel if you do feel like you need to speak to somebody, please seek professional help. Hey guys, we're coming to you from across the world. Jokes, I'm in London.

I'm across the world. We're across the world from one another. Across the world from one another, but I'm coming in with a really delicious recommendation for champagne and I just have to share with you. Melissa, I can't wait for you to try it. So it's an Aldi champagne. Yeah, that's right. £ pounds oh and it's delicious and people are going mad for it and it's very young and it's actually a champagne yeah yeah oh my god why

haven't we heard about this before that's really i know because you buy bloody prosecco for like 17 pounds i do i know and i'm like what am i doing what are we doing well look guys try it and we're gonna put the link for you guys but it's delicious it's called monsigny i'm probably pronouncing it wrong but it's really really delicious really crisp really yummy love lovely i can't wait to try that talk to me about halloween how was that halloween we were all sick so we went out to this banging restaurant and we had so much incredible like gastronomic-y food. It was honestly fabulous.

Did you see I put it on my stories the other day? It was just wonderful, Sophie. It was really wonderful. Scunning. Yeah. What did you, did you do anything also? No, I didn't do anything for Halloween. I was meant to go to Lalo, but I didn't.

I was looking at everyone's outfits and I was so jealous. Heidi Klim as well. What a legend. Sorry. Sorry. Have you seen her in the Kardashians you probably haven't she been there but she seems like an actual legend like jokes I need to catch there's so much lovely tv I've got to catch up on and back up really can't wait really can't wait I know and oh the best movie ever guys a ticket to paradise George Clooney and um Juliats the new film okay i'm so excited yeah yeah it's like just go with it you know that sort of vibe really oh my god how real good i can't wait i'm gonna book that i would love it if i get back you can watch it you can get on

apple tv that's where i bought it so good no i want i want the cinema experience i want a lovely dinner what are you most excited for when you come back the hunkering down no that bit of what are you a bit excited to wear winter clothes uh i am i'm also like quite annoyed i can't show off my tan because it's going to be all under the winter clothes do you know what i mean that is so true i was thinking god should i get a little bit of tan going before they come back and i was like no no one's gonna see it other than my hands no one's gonna see it i think i'm gonna do like a lot of boots legs out dresses i'm gonna do a lot of that good luck because it's freaking freezing yeah but if you're in a restaurant like you go there in a taxi do you know what i mean yeah it's fine it's actually not that cold i'm also lying it was literally 21 degrees the other day so i know it's it's scary yeah it's really

scary i don't know what is going on my god global warming is real and present isn't it it's rife it's rife let me talk about a little bit more about Halloween outfits did you see Kendall Jenner well she went as the cucumber and head of this um podcast I did think it was going to be mentioned so I had a little look and I have how Jake wait can you say no funny what is How do I, wait. Can you see it? I know, funny. What is that? Oh, yeah, yeah. Have you seen it? It's too good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because she like cut her teeth on the so really. Yeah, she cut her teeth on the so really. I don't really understand why they all have 16 professional photos of Halloween outfits. Neither do I. I guess. I think they do Halloween photo shoots. They do.

Like, did you see her little cow, her little cowgirl thing? Yeah. That was crazy. I am so fit. Yeah, i like that a worm would just be so intense the prosthetics and the hours of the effort and the commitment to the cause i can appreciate it but just know like i'm not doing that the most i did was like buy a little crown it lasted on my head for five minutes and it came off because i had a headache and then i bought a load of glitter and i was like you know what I'm gonna be finding this down my flipping pants

in 2030 if I put this glitter on me do you know what I mean there's something about glitter that just is always in the hairline for years yeah like in the hairline it's never coming out it's never ending like I find glitter that I wore to, like, my year eight stuff, like, still, like, in my wardrobe in London. I'm like, I don't even wear this in June. Do you know what I mean? I'm like, what the hell's going on? Anyway. So true.

You know, when I was at uni at Halloween, I put the eye contacts in. And in the night, I lost one. And I was like, fuck, that's annoying. No, don't tell me it went back to back of the eye. Yes. So then, by the way guys they were fluorescent green so i go to sleep and i wake up in the morning and one's just perfectly on my eye and i was looking look to the mirror i was like i remember taking the other one out

and it rolled back forward back in you're lucky it did because i've seen this horrible video of someone like on tiktok or instagram of this like doctor removing 26 fricking eye contact lenses from this woman's eye that she's like forgotten to take out and gone to sleep in. Yeah. Yeah. I'll try and find you the link and send it to you. It's absolutely disgusting. That makes me feel so ill. I think it happens more than we realize.

It's a real problem. Oh, my mom's probably got loads in. She's constantly going, oh my God, probably got loads in she's constantly going oh my god that is hideous guys melissa and i've already booked in so she comes back on wait you land on the sunday yeah i'm seeing safe you're seeing me that day surely you're gonna be a bit tired yeah i will but i'll finish it it's all right so i'll see for the flight yeah true and you will see the whole flight I'm really I I'm not ready to leave Bali because I really am just having the best time but I'm also like really excited to get home like I'm so looking forward to get out to get home and also it's Chris all the Christmas decks

are up now yeah like it's gonna be really it's gonna be really lovely I feel like I've missed like the perfect amount yeah apart from the fact I missed your birthday and I'm missing Hermione's birthday but do you know when the perfect time for you to go to bali january i was saying this i was like i would go for three weeks in jan we could go safe let's oh my god let's now i know all the cool places and like i know where we can you know we can all the bits and pops we could do it right okay well we'll be doing the podcast from bali in january yeah just okay right we're gonna go on to a bit of story time because we've got a really nice story do you want to read it melissa i love it story time okay story time i literally listen to you while i walk my 30 minute walk to work you make me belly laugh

and do holly willoughby we dance down the street laughing crying face i also have a sex story it's my friends when said friend was getting down with her hookup he shouted spit in my face okay the spit in my face thing i'm just gonna have to pause right here i think this is quite common stop i've heard this quite a lot same my friend looked horrified he then shouted again spit on my face do it i love it she looked she lookedled, but honked up a massive green spit. And it landed in his eye. It landed in his eye. He looked shocked and pushed her and said, what the fuck?

I said, sit on my face. Not spit on my face. She mortified, left with no explanation and ran away oh my god why would you go i can imagine her going like that horrible like getting like a flimsy oh no no also sorry a boy first time having sex going so my face i love it i'll be like i'm scared saying that's so aggressive oh my god not her spitting green why was it green lava all over his face and it going into his eyeball that is fucking bad i mean he probably wanted you to leave with that no no i would have done the exact same thing right that's my cue to leave there's no recovering from this

see you later also like in the moment you might have just i probably was like okay if you really want me to spit i'll spit i've heard of people being like they want to be spat in the mouth have you heard that they're like can you spit in my mouth i've heard of people wanting i've heard of people peeing in other people's mouths i've heard of that too but that's pretty niche that is vile spit in my mouth thing wouldn't shock me if someone was like can you spit my mouth that that would be like i'd be like no but i wouldn't like it wouldn't like mortify me but if someone was like but also spitting it's quite hard to spit that's all yeah without going to spit you have to kind of go and then you want to like get it ready

like do you know what i mean yeah and then kind of like dribble out your mouth and it'd be really unattractive spitting's like quite a like how would how would you do that? Get some wardrobe. Swirl it around. Just let me go for a minute. Oh my God. That is so funny and so easily done. Right, guys, we have to talk about the age gap situation. So we obviously had the wonderful Ltie on our podcast last week and we just wanted to clarify that we are not age just yes we're definitely not me i'd love enough look jamie's six years older than me i also went out with um harry was seven years older than me i've got no problem with it i'll go out with a way older person than that yeah we've got no

problem with it i just age is just number. Age is just a number. I think it was more so if the person... The circumstance. The circumstance. If the older person was maybe looking for someone younger for the wrong reasons, then maybe you have to just, I don't know, watch out. But you know what? That's not even with age.

That's just any relationship. Do you know what I mean? It's basically what we meant is just being on the same level. Yeah. And typically, sometimes that happens when you're at the same stage of life with age, but we don't have an issue with age. Not at all. The older the better, if you ask me.

Also, I quite like a younger boy. No, the young. She quite likes the younger guys. Yeah, you bloody well do, don't you? To be fair, it's a matter of months I've gone. I haven't really gone years, but yeah. I just, I mean, age gap, you know, you're never going to get someone that's going to be the same age as you really rarely. Do you know what I mean? Like, what are the chances of that happening? What are the bloody chances? six months now and although i swore i'd never go back to dating apps because they are painfully cringe it's really the only way my friends seem to be meeting people these days so far i've gone

on about seven dates yet have never wanted to have a second one it's really flipping hard to meet people isn't it it's so hard imagine just going out into the dating pool getting on an app and just meeting like it's just it's become a bit draining i can imagine most of the time the dates have gone relatively well nice decent looking boy who is interesting enough yet i'm missing the initial flirty banter and spark i got when i first met my ex or other flings from years ago either my ability to chat for england or the fact that the boys really do have lower thresholds for what they consider to be a good date has meant that they always seem to think the date went well and ask for a second one to which I keep politely declining

e.g. at the moment is a boy who I find relatively attracted has major green flags and is the type of person who I could see myself fancying yet something within me just doesn't want to say yes to the second date the question is am i being too picky by expecting to laugh my socks off and be swept off my feet by a stranger i swiped right on most of my friends will tell me just to go on the second third fourth dates and try to let the romance brew but i just keep putting it off in the hope that there's going to be someone more exciting out there i agree with you i don't think that you should be like massaging something in the hope that it turns into something i feel like it you know straight

away i just think with this one like just don't over i know you are obviously overthinking thinking about it because you've written him but i just think you've really got to try not to overthink and just go with the flow i don't think there's anything wrong with going on a second date you're not wasting any time really you're already single you're gonna have fun as you said he's a polite lovely boy you kind of fancy him but there's not fireworks going everywhere and there's not that butterfly feeling which is i think it's hard to find that yeah people sometimes just some people yeah i think when you do find it which you will you could have it on the second date.

You might have it. You might have a really good kiss and then suddenly, boom. Yeah, I think if it go, what have you got to lose? Did you have outrageous butterflies when you first met Jamie? No. Well, no, because we were friends. I know. So we were friends for two years.

Yeah. Before. Yeah, see, so then it doesn't necessarily have to be an initial like oh my god i've just met the love of my life do you know what i mean like sometimes things do grow so i would give it another guy you've got nothing to lose you've got nothing to go on the second date go on the second date and go from there and like if you're i think if you're getting icked out by someone then don't force it but if you're like you know what i actually had a really great time quite looking forward to seeing them again yeah and it sounds

like you kind of are yeah it's also like lovely dinner do you know lovely lovely evening out with the fit boy okay let us know what happens hey you're a Canadian podcast listener and that makes you important to us. We'd like to know more about you, what you think of this podcast, and the other podcasts you'd like to hear. So we've put together a super brief survey we'd like you to fill out. Complete it, and we'll give you a chance to win one of three $100 Amazon gift cards. That way, we can say thanks for your opinion. Just go to mypodcastsurvey.ca and have your say. That's mypodcastsurvey.ca.

Dilemma two. Hi, girls. I love your podcast and could not write in about my situation. Buckle your seatbelts. I've been with my partner for seven years and we have a two-year-old daughter together. However, over the last year, I've been having an partner for seven years and we have a two-year-old daughter together however over the last year I've been having an affair with a colleague I'd never ever done anything like this before but during a dark period of postnatal depression and my relationship going through a rough patch it just happened with this colleague who also has a girlfriend about two months ago the guy I'm having an affair with let's him Ben, told me he's fallen in love with me and I feel the same way. Oh, shucks. Oh, this is the real thing.

Ben now says he wants to be with me properly and said he would leave his girlfriend for me. I'm not unhappy now. My current partner has done nothing wrong. He is amazing. However, there is just no passion anymore. We haven't slept together in months. I don't even want to kiss him and little things are giving me the ache. And I've always had a worry he doesn't bring out the best in me but the thought of leaving him because becoming a single

mum and breaking up our family terrifies me Ben is amazing we have so much in common we love constantly he makes me feel incredible we have so much passion but will it work long term what do I do do I stay in a passionless relationship for the sake of my daughter or should I get therapy with my current partner to work out or do i follow my heart and leave him for bad help shit right you tell me what you would do in this scenario you advice you would give me i would say to um stop having the affair put it on like stop having the affair and if you want to break up with your current husband then you can like rekindle it with this guy but do not have an affair because you are breaking up your family anyway by doing that and i would say i

would give yourself six months to do therapy relationship therapy and put your all into the your current marriage first and if you really really are not happy or in love leave him you know and yeah it's not fair for him to be in a marriage where you know you don't want to kiss him either what would you say to me i would say to you you've already ended the marriage by having the affair in my mind the marriage is already done you've had the affair it's already over and you owe your current partner the honesty and the respect to be like look this is how i felt as a result i've done this which is awful and i don't think it's right for us to be together anymore regardless to how you're going to feel about i mean you're not going to want to be with me anyway

probably after hearing i've had an affair but it would be different to me if you had a low moment and you had a one-off affair like a one you know it was like a week thing and then you were like oh my god i love my husband she might not be in love with this guy she just thinks she is because it's new and exciting and it's passionate yeah i think you have to i personally you know also coming from a family like a family of divorced parents i really think you should try and work through it and you have to put your all into it and have no regrets. I don't think you just give up and you go, you know what, I've had an affair, we're done. Like you have to tell him the truth,

try and work through it. He might not want to and then... Depending on how you feel, I think when you come to the decision in your mind, like, look, I'm going to tell my partner what I've done. Does the thought of him leaving you terrify you to your very core or i think at this stage you've got to do it for your family i don't think it's even

about you like you have a child like you've got to work through it like try it you don't have to it might not work but you have to give it a go at this point you've just all you've done is have an affair and then you're like i'm gonna leave my husband for this guy who she's known for four months you know who also has a girlfriend i just think you have to try like you made a promise someone your vows like you've got to can't give up that easily for me because i think life's hard and marriage is really hard i just am putting myself in the husband's position there's no way i'd want to be with do you know what i mean yeah but he might not want to be and you may have already you know ended the marriage as melissa said but you have to at least put all your cards on the table be honest you owe him that he's the father of your child you know all these things and then

you know you might do six months of therapy and you're just like this isn't working we're better off as friends and then you co-parent but if you don't give it a go I think you'll regret it in time and you'll always think I just think people give up a marriage too quickly then in nowadays having a child like you go through different processes and people have said to me that you fall in and out of love exactly a lot and you have to fall back in love with them and even if you don't work at least you gave him that honesty and like potentially like you can co-parent in a lovely way and you know rather than yes having like this big lie yeah okay guys dilemma hi girls love the pod please keep anonymous myself and my fiance got engaged July 2020

and our wedding is booked for August 2023. We're well underway with wedding planning with the venue booked and paid for and most of the suppliers. We sent out our save the dates August this year and are so beyond excited to be married. My dilemma is my fiance's brother proposed to his girlfriend five weeks ago

and they've just announced they will be getting married a mere four weeks after us. They have been together the same amount of time as us five years honestly it came as a shock as they're choosing to get married so close to our wedding date and it just feels like they're knocking the shine off our day that will be three years in the making we are both quite upset and annoyed that they've chosen to do this and we have discussed this with them but the girlfriend is digging her heels in and adamant they had to marry then as she's in her mid-30s and wants to get on with getting pregnant as her biological clock is ticking. I would hate for guests to be at mine and my fiance's wedding discussing the upcoming wedding of his brother and making

comparisons of the two or guests making less of an effort as there will be two weddings to attend especially where there's being abroad and costing money for flights we can't change our date without losing many large deposits but we both can't help feel angry at their wedding day choice i just feel as though it's common courtesy to not get married so close to an immediate family member or best friend are we being unreasonable and should we just put up with it and shut up what should we do i'm sorry but i think you gotta get on with it i agree i mean at least yours is first at least I haven't put theirs before yours, like a week before yours. And you know, it's a month.

When you're a certain age, you've honestly got about 10 weddings a fucking summer. Like you're going to have other weddings in between that, I think. I, like my sister got engaged like three weeks later than me and is getting married. I'm getting married in May. She's getting married in September. And I mean look I personally don't there's like literally no issue with me if

if that happened like even if you got engaged and decided to get married a month after me I'd be like wicked like it really would if you did it a month before me on maybe yeah if I like tried to like jump in front of you I'd either you'd be like oh come on now and if you did it like in the same place I'd be like what the fuck yeah that would maybe be but it's a month after it's a different place I don't I really don't think it should matter and also I kind of get it if she's you know 30 wanting to get pregnant I get I get it and also like Melissa said it's wedding season I've got I've got like five weddings next summer already and mine's like one the week I've got my best friend's hen five days after mine which is going to be so fun but

you know that's just life it's just life and you know what there's only 365 days a year and there's only a certain amount of days in summer and there's only a certain amount of weekends in summer do you know what I mean there's probably a lot of dates that the venue already had full and like it's just the way it worked out thank god it is a month later it could have been a week later yeah i think you've got to spin it in your head and be positive about this and be like so fun we can plan weddings and like i've got someone to like confide in and talk about how stressful the wedding is like that's what i do with my sister and my best friend who's also getting married like we're all getting married at the same time and it's fun like you have something to be like oh my dress the supplies and share your

supplies and share your tips you know look at it like that there's enough happiness and fun and weddings to go around for everybody a thousand percent right melissa you're on holiday you got the sun on your skin the wind in your hair the sea in your the sand in your toes what is going on with single diaries following on from last week i think i kind of touched a little bit on the fact that toby was in the country yeah i did didn't i so um i've seen him a couple times been hanging out spending some time together it's been lovely and when's tobe's back? He leaves pretty soon. In the next few days, he goes back. Sad? Sad, but also, you know.

C'est la vie. You know. Yeah. And I guess we'll see. We'll see what happens when we get back to London. Any other boys? No. People were banging on about how, like,

there's all these stunning Australian, Brazilian menzilian men i haven't seen one and women no but like they're saying like there's so many fit boys out there girls i'm like well i haven't seen one so yeah jay alvarez is that his name no he's not about youtube yeah i do no there's none i haven't seen any with my own eyes i picture Bali as just a pool of single, tanned stunners. I was imagining the same thing, so slightly disappointed in my life. But you know what? I don't really, I'm not really here for that. I'm not with my friends.

I'm having the best time. It's just a wonderful, magical place. She's having a wonderful, magical time, guys. And she's had a little run-in with Toby. And he's going to check back off to England. And then we will hopefully find out what happens in more detail when you get back. I feel like I'll get more out of you when we've had a glass of wine and we're sat in the studio. We're back in the studio.

Yeah, and we'll really spill the beans. And I will be very honest with you guys. Stunning. Can't wait for that. Just tell me something about you and Jamie, please. I feel like it's been so long since I've seen the both of you. Can you just give me a little update? Like anything that's happened between the two of

you um we're going to Zephyr this Sunday finally well he's got bloody radio now Friday Saturday Sunday so we're not really seeing this it's a full-time job guys but um we've got Christmas he likes it that's good so the goth that I've got is I'm getting a dog 20th got born getting it is i know i know oh my god you're not told you oh i knew that you were waiting to see if there was a little girl to be born yeah how are you not telling me the moment this happened sorry we've we've broken up we have our relationships really on the rocks guys so that's happening guys so and you're gonna see our tiny little girl she's gonna come everywhere with me so small so small so small so that's the gossip so now i'm having christmas with um at jamie's mom's in the country with the dog and then we're having um new year's in scotland which

is so fun oh my god how to read the dog again oh my god i'm so happy i'm hunkering down by you needed this this has been a long time coming it's been a long time yeah guys i waited i think you've waited longer you've literally been like the beginning of lockdown i feel like you were really planning on it and then you had the test of jamie's mom's pooch you like brought her up when you had that puppy didn't you you did a lot of help with that and you were like i'm ready for it i've done it i'm ready i'm bloody ready first steps so that's happening i know she's a real she's a real family lady now she's married she's got a dog i'm a wholesome wholesome babe oh my god I'm so jealous oh my god speaking of like wholesomeness and like familyness and I really don't want to keep talking about this

because it's really quite disgusting but I'm just we've got to keep it real I'm gonna be honest because I've been quite unwell I'm on contraception guys the the pill so obviously it's gone from my body for a week because I was pretty I'm like I wasn't normal for about five days didn't think about it and I was suddenly really broody like whenever I saw babies and I would start crying all the time and I was like what's wrong with me and then suddenly I was like oh I bet my hormones my hormones are just all over the place because I obviously hadn't been able to keep my um contraception in my system and I was just I'd see a baby and I would like cry

and I was like I just want a picture Do you still feel the same? No it's all gone away now thank god but yeah quite funny I was like what this is so not me and Sophie knows like I'm not a crier I'm like I'm not really brilliant I appreciate a beautiful baby and like I love babies

I think they're great but I was not like I don't want do you know what I mean it was quite a weird moment for me that is a weird sorry I just thought I needed to add that in there so now I've got the dog that will fill that hole lovely that will that will be your daughter too stunning it's gonna be all of our daughters when is she coming when is she coming the 20th no 20th of november december no no no no december i wish it i would die i'm so dead now i know i'm getting her i'm like i need the date i need the date i'm like i cannot setting i go to valdeser the day before i'm literally not gonna see her when she's tiny am i she will

be tiny my mom's dog she's had her for a month now she is so small still okay fine, okay fine I want to imprint on her though because I really imprinted on Hermione's dog Hermione's dog loves me more than it loves Hermione Luna literally dies that can't happen

you know like in Twilight when like whatever his name is imprints on the Nessie, whatever I think I've done that with my mom's dog as well. Yeah, you have, you have, you have. I really have. You've imprinted, yeah. God, what a wholesome time.

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That's it for this week, Wednesdays. But God, don't you just fancy some more, Melissa? Yeah, I'd really love a follow-up to some of those dilemmas I want to know what happens well then tinies we have got some news for you we have launched a premium version of Wednesdays now listen subscribers get access to the podcast ad free with bonus episodes it's pretty amazing it's also packed full of dilemma follow-ups which we love and some of our more personal stories and recommendations and it's pretty amazing it's also packed full of dilemma follow-ups which we love and some of our more personal stories and recommendations and it's super easy you just listen on your

favorite app how cool is that amazing and all the info is in the episode description and in our insta