Wednesdays - How do you get over an ex after 6 years? | DILEMMA DAY

Episode Date: October 1, 2026

It’s DILEMMA DAY with Melissa Tattam and Ruby Adler! This week, one Tiny keeps bumping into her ex after being broken up with after being together for SIX YEARS. She is in desperate need of some serious big sister advice on how to navigate it without spiralling every time she sees him…PLUS, as the seasons change, one Tiny is having a full autumn fashion crisis and needs help transitioning her wardrobe 🍂Enjoy the episode xGot a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail] | @wednesdayspodcastTikTok | @wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail] CREDITSProducer: Magda Cassidy & Faye LawrenceAssistant Producer: Issy Weeks-HankinsVideo: Lizzie McCarthySenior Social Media Manager: Laura CoughlanSocial Media Executive: Amber HouriganSenior Producer: Helen Burke Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, tinys, it's Dilemma Day coming up. You have a drink and then you have a conversation and then you get home with one another and then it's a week of no contact and you see them again. Oh, God. And I think from my perspective, everyone's different. It would have been a lot easier if I maybe avoided certain places and certain people for a period of time.

I remember at the end of breakups, feeling so grateful for those around me. They really got me through some, like, tough times and actually then feeling like the relationships I had with them were so much stronger. You're going to meet a really gorgeous sex. He was so sure about you. And you might have three or four gorgeous sexy men in your twenties, which is fantastic.

Hi guys. Hey, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back to Thailanders. Dilemon Day. Our favorite day. Can I just say, before we start, getting into it? I've got my bottle of Evian here because I've had my reversals most maces removed out of my house. This is the best water ever to exist.

Glass Evian. It's the glass bottled Evian. and it's just sensational. I always see you with that. I love it. I think water tastes differently here. It's really strange. I actually do.

I think it tastes a bit clearer here. Like it's like it tastes fresher. I am such a water connoisseur. There's actually a video of this like young girl doing a taste test of all the water. Be seen it. And her mum's like put more in the box like six different waters. And this girl's like five and she's sipping them and she can name them more. She knows which one's which.

Wow. That would be me. Right. I could talk about water all day, but should we do a dilemma before? I get really into it. Yeah. Hi, girls. I absolutely love the podcast and love having a giggle alongside you every episode.

I need some good old-fashioned breakup advice. I got with my ex at the age of 16, and we had the most fun relationship. I genuinely thought I was one of the lucky ones who found their forever person early on. Wow, that's such a nice way to first. So sweet. However, he randomly broke up with me in July after six years. Okay. That's something about, I hear this all the time, okay, recently.

In the last like three years, people just break up with people out of the blue. They wake up one day and they're done. That's quite terrifying. Well, you and I've had these conversations about that being terrifying before. Yeah. It's scary. How people can just do that. I know.

He said he had been going through phases of worrying and he wasn't sure if this was right for us. So he ended the relationship. It's been a lot to process and I was heartbroken. Our friendship group is so interconnected and I went to the pub the other day and he was there. Oh my God, I can only imagine like your butterflies and what you're feeling like. This is the same pub our group always goes to and I used to love it. We had a brief conversation to clear the air and not let it affect our friends, but I really struggled looking at him and trying to get my brain to process that we weren't together anymore.

I had to come home early from the pub as I couldn't stop crying into my friend's arms. I thought I was feeling stronger than this, but no, seeing him laughing and being normal with his friends made it so hard. Have you guys experienced this and how can I get through seeing him in social situations without going back to square one? Love a stressed and sad tiny. Oh my God, sweet angel. Stress and sad tiny makes me sad. Oh God, I just so can appreciate what you're going through. This is horrific.

I think it's so hard. Six years is a really long time. I think also that first love. and like you're so young and it's just like it's really, really, really tough. Especially when all the groups are so intertwined. You almost don't know yourself without him. Without them. When you're with them for such a long time at that age, at any age, actually, six years is ages.

Like, it's funny how you do lose your identity slightly with all this sort of stuff. I think it's also like you could, like how exciting that you've got so much freedom and like fun ahead of you. Like you don't know who you're going to meet. Like there is, you're like, she's what, like 22, if they've been together six years. Like, you're like, you're in your prime. Like, you've got the best things to look forward to relationships, guys, dating, adventures. Like, it's all ahead of you. You're going to have the time of your life.

Like, it might not feel it right now because you feel like you're like going through the trenches with heartbreak. And it's like the worst feeling ever. And it's cringed as woo-woo as it sounds like, time is your biggest healer. It truly is. And as the weeks go by, not. that you should wish the time away, but as time does pass, it will become more manageable and it will become easier. I genuinely think you need to try and avoid him for a bit. Easier said than done if the groups are very aligning. But like if you think he's going to be somewhere

in that beginning period, even within that first year, I would really try and avoid because you would probably find before you saw him, not that you weren't sad, but it was like more of a manageable fine and then you saw him and then it was the tears and they were at the pub. The problem is I'm like, is avoiding it in those situations. Like, let's say, let's say you're forced to have to see them like once, twice a month and you're trying to heal from the breakup. Difficult, but then you get used to it. Rather than let's do three months cold turkey, and they're not really hanging out with my friends because I'm excluding myself because I don't want to see my ex. And then I'm going to go back into the group through four months later and then boom, it's going to be a shock.

I've seen him for the first seven four months. and all these feelings are going to rush back. And then it's going to be really overwhelming. True. I think that it's important that you keep seeing your friends and you do socialise. I don't like not go out. But I also just think like I find it worse seeing them. I found it like going through the breakup when they'd be there.

I'd be like, oh, this is just like so hard. But then like you're all in the same friendship group. I guess like maybe it was the first time like maybe it will just get easier each time you see them. And it's like there wasn't any really. bad blood by the sounds of it. So you just try and like power through. I guess it's another sort of fake it till you make it sit where you're like, you just have to, I think that you are right, Ruby.

Like you probably shouldn't be seeing them all the time. Like we should take a step back from seeing them every week at the pub because that you probably won't actually get much progress if you're like conch thing. And I feel like I've, from like experience. Like you then like you have a drink and then you have a conversation and then you go home with one another and then it's a week of no. contact and you see them again, like not saying that that would happen, but like, you sometimes end up in this recurring sequence. And I think from my perspective, everyone's different, it would

have been a lot easier if I maybe avoided certain places and certain people for a period of time. And like, you still see your friends and you just go to different places. But then it's like, it's so hard. It's so, so, so hard. But then there's also part of you that, like, kind of wants to bump into them. I remember thinking, like, I liked the drama of the whole, like, so toxic. I'd be like, God, shouldn't go there tonight because he'll be there. But like, I'm actually going to go because like... Let's just dabble with danger. Like, it was all quite fun at 21.

We're not giving good advice now. No, we're really not. Listen, I also think let's adopt this. Like, let's look at this as an opportunity. Yes. As Ruby said, there are so many sexy men ahead of you, so many fun nights out ahead of you, fun conversations.

And this is an opportunity for you to just be you and work on you. like your whole six years and your whole teenage years, basically, have been you with this guy and there's nothing wrong with that, but this is a new chapter now, that was that. Let's find something new that we like. Let's just really enjoy getting ourselves ready for a night out, spending more like time going to the gym and feeling really good and like cooking, whatever it is.

Do you what I mean? Like find a new sort of groove. Totally. I think sometimes you get stuck in a routine with a relationship where it's like, You're so intertwined. But then if you were to be single, your routine and like your life would look quite different because you would be more self-indulgent in a good way. Yeah, I agree.

I agree. You almost become so codependent that like you don't even know who you are without them. So like, do you use this as such a fun opportunity. You're on your own. Like, who are you? Like, what do you love to do? Like, also lean into your friendships, lean into your friends, like your family, your support network, like spend time with them.

Yeah. So I think let's lean into that sort of glow-up, breakup vibe. Let's not let him know that we're feeling sad and finding it hard. Let's force ourselves to have fun around our friends. If he's there, hi, how are you? That's it. We don't need to have a chat. Don't drink too much.

Don't drink too much. Don't fall for the whole. I'm going to get drunk and then go and go and chat with him. And then when you get home, cry it out, vent. Get small villain. Get small villain. Get small girl on. Get something.

on in the background, let's distract the brain, but also, like, cry it out and, like, let those feelings go. We don't want him thinking that you're sad because he doesn't deserve that because he broke up with you. And, like, you're just going to grow from this and it's going to become easier. And eventually, you're probably going to look at him and go, ugh, so glad I'm not with him now in my twenties. You will. And you're going to meet a really gorgeous, sexy man. Who is so sure about you. And you might have three or four gorgeous sexy men in your 20s, which is fantastic. So fun.

Enjoy it. Fantastic. Yeah. Like, oh my God. Like, please, please. I know it doesn't feel like that right now. And like, it's actually really annoying when people go to him as a healer. And like, people used to say that to me.

And I was like, it is true. Like, it is just true. It honestly is. It's going to be a rocky journey. But it's going to be, you're going to be fine at the end because everybody always is. But like, I so appreciate it. Like, a breakup feels like, feels like you're drowning. Yeah.

Like it feels like. like the end of the universe and it's a physical pain. Like it's horrid. I also think that we've got to just. I think it shapes you. I think that you come out of it like so much stronger and braver and like you really like you have stronger relationships with the people around you because they've been there for you and you've actually spent more time with them because you've had more time because you've not been with a partner and you you realize who you really want to pick up the phone to when you're really low. Like there's it there's weird and wonderful things about it too. I've realized over time, actually, looking back at breakups.

So that's true. Like the special things that come from a breakup is that you just get closer with other people. Totally. You get so true. I feel like all your friendship strengthened and you have this new like appreciation for them because they've like heard the same conversation a million times over. And like I remember at the end of breakups feeling so grateful for those around me and like I'm feeling so loved by people like my people, my friends and my family. and like they really got me through some like tough times and actually then feeling like the relationships I had with them were so much stronger off the back end of the breakup. And there was like light at the end of the time.

That's so nice. Yeah. Yeah. That's so gorgeous. Okay, well, good luck. And like, you're going to be fine. I promise. Please can you update us though?

Yes. Please follow up. This story that you've written in is actually really similar to like a book that I read once. and like I'm really quite obsessed with this journey that you're about to embark on. Yeah, so am I. And I really, I don't want you to get back together. No. Like, I just don't.

I know that we've not even mentioned that in this, but like I'm so excited for you to just be like on this single journey. I am. And for you just flourish as a woman. So please tell us what happens. I really need an update. Love you so much. Love you, love you, love you.

Okay. Hi, Melissa and Ruby. I just wanted to say I'm a massive fan of you too and the pot. Oh, thank you. Here's my dilemma. I'm 24 and I have a really close-knit group of friends. There are seven of us in our friendship group, six of them that I get on with really well, but there's one girl in the group who some of us just don't really get on with.

To be clear, this girl is an angel and has never done anything wrong. I personally feel I have outgrown our friendship. Her sense of humour is quite juvenile and I don't feel I can be myself fully around her. Recently, my six friends and I haven't invited her to our meetups. Oh, no. That's me. It's got to the point where we agree not to post so she won't see that we're all hanging out. So she started to clock on.

Over DMs, she's fine, but in person I find her really grating. I know that's awful to say. My birthday is coming off and I haven't invited her. But she saw my birthday group chat on my Instagram DMs and she got really upset. I don't want to give her a pity invite, but I'm just not sure what to do. Girls, I need you to be honest with me. am I being a mean girl or can this be justified? Lots of love from anonymous.

It's really tough. It's really tough because if you just don't like her, you don't like her. But then it's also so me. But there must be something about her that you all initially liked because she's part of the group. And I feel like you can't all six of you not like her because she's in this friendship group probably initially for a reason. Yeah, but probably from like school. I don't know. If it was me, I think like it's a legacy friendship.

Like you just love them because you've loved them forever. and like they might annoy you but like you just have to get on with it you can't exclude her I think I agree and I think but things like you can do the old meet up without her but like your birthday party like I feel like I'm putting myself in her she's like I would be so upset I would be I know like she's lost six of her best friends and like that's so mean I think that also when you're just a wider group like naturally some of you are going to be closer than like other people you're going to gravitate to some of those people in the group more than others but I think absolutely also of you excluding one person.

I do think it's quite unfair and quite mean. I do. And I think also it's your birthday. There's going to be so many people there. Like, you don't have to, like, spend loads of one-on-one time with her. But, like, she'll probably have the best time ever because she's with all her pals. Like, she should be coming. She should be.

I don't know. I feel really, a lot of people, and I'm not talking about myself, her, because I don't really love all my friends. But a lot of people, like, have those friendships from when they were a lot younger, right? And they just are different people. but they remain friends and you still love each other, almost like you love your sibling, kind of because you have to.

And that sounds weird. But like, you might just be like, oh, I love them to bits, but like we don't actually have anything in common. But like you've just known them forever and you just love them. Yeah, and they're like almost just part of the family. Like there are things about them that might annoy you, but they've been in your life as for so. That's very different to a toxic friend.

Yeah. That's just someone that like has their quirks, that like whatever you learn to love, but they're part of like the furniture and they've been in your life for however long and you just, you'd rather them also in your life than not in your life, surely. I think this is so mean excluding her. Like I can't bear it. She's seen all the group chat.

She's clocked on, you're all hanging out without her. No, I can't. Me. She's so, it's mean. If you want our advice, I don't think it's nice. Imagine if you were her, whoever's written in, put yourself in her shoes. Like, imagine all your friends, somebody decide that you're quite juvenile and that, like, you're a bit annoying at times. Like we all say things at times. I'm sure all my friends at some point

found me a bit annoying, but like they're not going to cut me out. And like I don't think it's really not nice. I think you, you don't have to hang out with her one on one. Not everyone's is going always be as close. But I think in the big group things when there's lots of you and things like birthday parties, she should be there. And I think not inviting her is not fair. I agree. Okay. Next dilemma. Okay. This is a dilemma from Anonymous. Queens, I love the podcast. Thanks guys. You guys, of course, always dressed so well, but recently it's been top tier. Whoever this is, you can keep writing in, my friend. I like you. Really? What's happening? I feel like my style always peaks in spring and summer and when it gets the colder seasons,

I flop. I would love to hear about what you predict is going to be in fashion in the autumn and winter seasons. I feel like I just have a massive sleeping bag coat that ruins every outfit. So how to layer up in a way that looks good but also keeps me warm. Thanks, girls. P.S. love having Ruby on the pod, but Gav needs a shout out because he was my favourite on Lux listings.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Gav. Shout out for Gav. I love that he was your favourite on Lux Listings. Okay, fashion. Listen, apparently suede's in. Like, swayed trousers

and like leaning into that, like Ralph Lerner. and chic vibe. You know who you should follow? There's these fashion forecast researchers on Instagram. You've seen them. I know who are there. I actually follow one girl who I really like.

There's an American girl who's like so dad pan when she's talking. She's like, this is everything I want to buy in Zara this Friday. If you're new here, every Friday, I do the same thing. K. Zara was really shit this week, so actually I didn't want to buy anything. But if I had to, it would be this jacket. Like she does this, but like, actually she's like, I quite like what she picks and like she's good. And then I also follow someone called Flow Trends. And the girlies just pick out the stuff that's like going to be trendy and new.

It's just quite useful. Really useful. And then you get in Spow on like, oh, I like that jacket. And like, you know what? I do think there's something to be said for just having like your own style and not actually necessarily following all the trends. worrying too much about it being like a trendy thing like I think if you've got like a really nice coat and it's like you feel chic and you feel good in it big scarves always go down well yeah we're going to we're in for cold winter so you got to get some cash for jumpers yeah

I think keep it simple I think it's also quite cool to like just be yourself but I feel like as I've got you kind of have to experiment a bit to them realize what works I find like looking back at photos like gothic era like what was that but now I feel like I feel like I'm like a bit more like I kind of know what suits my body shape and like what I feel good in and I actually like don't always want to be I want to be comfortable too I've realized in time rather than like wearing the really high heels that like look great in a photo but actually just like don't work but I don't know if that's just me getting older it's true but I think you'll I think also like building a capsule wardrobe is always quite great because then you can just go

back to things and you can dress them up and accessorize like if you've got a couple of jumpers that like really work and you love and maybe they're a bit more of an investment piece you can then dress them up with like, I don't know, some cool sunglasses and some jewelry, a fun bag. If you're worried about this coat situation, I think investing in just like a classic really good coat is quite important.

Karen Millen do really good coats. You want something that's long that has like a good shoulder structure and that, you know, has like a nice lapel. Yeah, cause have really nice. And then also, you know, So like weekend or weekend or whatever it's called, they sell it on each and them. Also really good for coats.

Just really take your time and find a fantastic shape that will just to make any outfit look chic. Like I have one of the best black coats and I put it over like my sports kit and I'll wear like a nice cap and I love that. I know that black coat that you have and I love it. I love it. It's so good. I agree. And people are like ripping off YSL and stuff now, which is fantastic. And I bet Zara are going to have some great coats as well.

So I think just finding like one great black coat that's going to like sort of ride you through the seasons, you'll feel like that's a bit of a safety blanket. That's definitely how I look at it. Or a really good leather jacket too. It's just easy to get on. Looks chic, looks cool, looks like effortless and I'm always comfortable in it. And I guess like as Ruby said, like, I don't know if that is us getting older. But like that is like so important. So important.

Feeling comfy in something. Also, I will say like a classic white shirt is so easy to put with a pair of jeans, to put over undone over a vest. Like, it's just so useful. Like, I love a white shirt. And then a really fantastic pair of jeans. Great pair of jeans. You can get some really great jeans from Levi's do, like, those are the jeans I live in.

Abercrombie, the denim that Abercrombie are coming out with. I'm wearing some Abercrombie trousers right now. They are. They're sold out. that completely sold out but I was at I'm fine on there when I'm in London can we go to abacombo I would kind of want to go shopping let's go for a gorgeous shop around I feel like we were really good with that dilemma but can you let us know we love the follow-up so let us know if you'd like buy a gorgeous piece or you invest in something or you find something that just works and

you're happy with it send us a picture because we want to know where everyone's shopping too yeah okay guys please get in touch at wednesday's podcast or email us at wednesdays at jampopprocctions dot co. at UK, if you have a dilemma for us, we love reading your dilemmas. And can I please ask you one favour, please subscribe to our YouTube at Wednesday's podcast. Love you guys. See you later. Love you guys.

Bye. Bye.