Wednesdays - I kissed my best friend’s crush but I fancied him first | DILEMMA DAY

Episode Date: September 24, 2026

It’s DILEMMA DAY with Melissa Tattam and Ruby Adler! This week Melissa and Ruby are loving the sparks between a Tiny and her new crush. The only problem is her best friend likes the same guy…The girls are shocked as a Tiny's boyfriend hasn’t said I love you after one year together. What’s taking him so long? Finally, we have one of our MESSIEST dilemmas yet as a Tiny has fallen for the third person in her relationship. Melissa and Ruby have some thoughts…Enjoy the episode xGot a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail] | @wednesdayspodcastTikTok | @wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail] CREDITSProducer: Faye LawrenceAssistant Producer: Issy Weeks-HankinsVideo: Lizzie McCarthy Senior Social Media Manager: Laura CoughlanSocial Media Executive: Amber HouriganSenior Producer: Helen Burke Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, Tynies, it's Dilema Day coming up. We've been together a year and he still hasn't said I love you. I kissed my friend's crush, but I liked him first. I fancy the third person in our relationship. Hey guys, welcome back. This is Dilemma Day. Dilemma Day, our favorite day. Get yourself a drink. Get yourself a cup of tea. Get yourself a hot water.

I love a hot water. It's like the best thing to drink on an empty stomach when you wake up. Also, when it's winter, it keeps you warm. Nice to have around the hands. It is. And right now, this is quite sad because it's half, halfway done and it's now cold hot water. But it was lovely to start with. I thought you were having a lovely coffee, morning coffee. No, because I've got my retainer in. I had to tell my coffee first. Does Tobe's making a coffee every morning?

If he's at home. I'm up, he'll make it. But if I'm up, I'll make it. Like whoever's in the kitchen doing the bits. Right. Yeah, yeah. What about you? No, because Gavin's out of the house at like 4 a.m. We also, we don't have a coffee machine in our home. why not?

I don't know. We should get one. You were going to buy one. Do you remember? You were like really nice for content. I really wanted one for, I thought it was also look lovely in content. I really wanted the sage one because visually it just looked great. And then I was like, I never bought it.

And then I just, I don't drink coffee at home. I would love to though. I do every day, which is ridiculous. But anyway, it is what it is. Right. Should we get into it? Yes. Let's.

Hi ladies, love you both. My dilemma is that after a year of being together, my boyfriend still hasn't said he loves me. What? When I ask about it, he says it's because of his past relationship of five years, which ended really badly. Like, what? I feel so hurt and insecure about it. But every time I speak to him about it, he says, he needs time, which I obviously respect. But my gut tells me something isn't right.

what do you guys think? Love Anonymous. Okay. I don't know why we're still hanging about. I don't know why we're still hanging about. Babe, you could be with a man that tells you they love you every single day and that is what you deserve. Absolutely. You could be in Brubis position and get a ring on your finger within a year. Like, why are we hanging around for fucking I love you? Life can change and come at you fast, my friend, and so it should. And know I love you. Like, what are you saying at the end of every sentence? But then it's also like, you'll then start to think that he, I would start to think he just does love me. I would. Because otherwise he would just say it. Yeah. He would just say it. So what are we waiting for? I don't really know. Really shit. He's also making you feel like you can't even

bring it up. I've been really hurt in the past. Like, don't really want to talk about it. Oh, okay. So I'm just meant to suffer then. Perfect. I'm just meant to feel insecure. Yeah. No. Like, whatever's happened in the past has happened. But that shouldn't, he doesn't need and shouldn't be bringing that into the relationship that he's got with you. Like, yeah, everyone addresses past relationships, maybe things that they've been through. But it shouldn't be this recurring thing where it's now taking over your relationship because of how he was previously treated. Like, that's not fair.

And that's now affecting your life and your relationship with him. And honestly, there are so many great guys out there that would, I'm sure, love today. That you'd have, yeah, that would say love you all the time. And that's what you deserve to be told and to feel it. What's he saying like when you kiss each other? for goodbye. Yeah. Bye.

I like you. Like, what are you saying? How are we rounding off the cards? Like, if we write a birthday message or a Valentine's day note, is he just not writing it down either? I'm assuming it's just a bye, bye, bye, babe. Bye. Oh, my God. Life is way too short.

And like, a year is long. A year is long, let me tell you. Don't you think? Yeah. If it goes past four months, I would then be like, why haven't they said it? A year is a rude... Yeah, Gab said to me three months after. He was like, I love you.

We were three months and boyfriend, girlfriend. Three months. I do think you know quite quick. I don't think he loves you. And I think that he's got a problem committing to this relationship fully. And I think you deserve better because you can be given love and give love to somebody else. And it will be much better. I honestly don't think that we dwell on this.

I think we need this in the bud. Agreed. Now. Don't waste any more fucking time. Because if it's, I'm not ready to say I love you. then it's, I'm not ready to get married to you. I'm not ready to move in with you. Yeah, it will be this recurring commitment phobe. We can't be going down that.

Are you keep us posted? Yeah, please tell us. And I really have faith that you are, you deserve. You just seem like a lovely normal sweet pee and we can't be having shit like this in our lives. No, we can't. Life is too short. Life is too short. Good luck.

Okay, so the next one is a friendship dilemma. Hey girls, I need you guys to help me settle a debate. Last year, a close friend and I joined an after-work social football team. We are both rubbish, but it's so much fun and we just wanted to get out there and meet new people. It's a mixed team, so boys and girls, on the first practice we went to, there was this one guy, let's call him Connor, who I instantly fancied. We did have instant chemistry, but in an attempt to be sensible, I didn't want to start dating someone at a club I was really enjoying. This crush lingers, but I have never acted on it. cut to earlier this year and my friend who I joined the club with develops an instant crush for

this guy. I'm assuming the same guy. It's the same guy, Connor. Yeah. Okay. She is pursuing him hard. I'm of course getting a tiny bit jealous, but I just try and ignore it. Recently the football team had an end of summer party. We had the best time. My friend was flirting so hard with Connor. It got towards the end of the night. I put my friend in a cab home and I stayed a bit longer. Connor asked me to go to the kitchen with him and we were having a very flirty chat. He pulls me closer to him and says, I've been wanting to kiss you since you joined the team. We had a great kiss. The flannie flutters were strong. So now I'm just in a weird spot. I don't want my friend to feel like I've done this behind her back. I really feel bad for my friend, but I did just fancy him first. What do I do? Love Anonymous.

Finders keepers. Finders. Finders keepers. But like also, you, in my opinion, you, If she was pursuing him, you haven't done anything wrong, it's not like either of you have history with him. It's fair game. It's a fair game. But also, like, I feel like if he wanted to have got with your friend who was pursuing him so hard, he probably would have. And he didn't.

Yeah. Also, like, you also fancied him too just because you weren't, like, grafting. Like, you just tell her, be like, oh my God, I'm so happy. Like, I actually fancied him for so long. And when I saw, I was, like, really heartbreaking when I saw that you guys were flirting because I thought he fancied you, but then he actually kissed me. You can, like, spin it a little bit. to make it seem like you have always,

that you need her to know that it's not just like you've suddenly gone and kissed him, but you've also always liked him. But you have to tell him. As much as you find it uncomfortable, you have to just tell her. See, I don't get people that do this. So my girlfriend's all sign up to play fucking netball after work. And I'm like, we literally don't have to do that anymore. We left school 10 years ago.

You don't have to do that anymore. I know. People love it. I think the same. I love it. I think it's being part of some form of community and, like, the feeling like you're a part of something. Because there's some girls here who go to the gym that I go to and they're part of a netball club. No, we can't.

Can't. I can't. And they're like, do you want to come? And I'm like, don't think you could pay me enough to come. Like, I don't want to come. I didn't want to do it at school and I don't want to do it now. I don't, like, no. I could not agree more.

We've all got free will and you're using it that way. to go play netball. It's so bizarre to me as well. But people love it. It's like men playing golf. Well, people playing golf in a generation. I don't get the golf thing. Pigeon all the men.

But, like, a lot of my girlfriend's friends play football after work, play hockey after work, play golf on the weekends. And then the girl who's going off to play netball in the winter. And I'm like, it's freezing cold firstly. Then you've got to trek yourself to batter sea. Then you've got to play matches on the weekend. I'm like, clearly they love it. And I wish that I could relate to that in some way.

I think there are definitely two types of people in this world. People that just were on the A&B team at school and they've carried on that passion into their 30s and 20s. And there's people like me and you, Tim, who just don't like it. And we're just not sporty girls. I just can't imagine trekking to Batsy on a Tuesday night to play goal attack. Like, I couldn't do it. Like, there are so many other things.

Like, I would just want to go to the pub. Like, honestly, if me and you were going to play netball, what positions have we play? I'll give you yours. You give me mine. Well, we're both quite small. Giving me. We're both quite small. You're either like a wing attack or a centre. You're right, they're always short.

They're not always short, but like, they're not needing to be tall because they're not scoring in the hoops. I remember even in my school who was like the really cool positions, goal attack, like wing defense. Never me. Wing attack. Wing attack was cool. Center was always pretty cool. You know when I played rounders, which I now realized it's really embarrassing. I was always like, go way out.

They were telling me to go way out in the field. Same just keep going. Just far out. Far out. That was what it was. Yeah. I was in the D team at Millfield. How embarrassing is that?

so many people in our year. The teams went all the way down to D. And it was the lowest, the low, fucking haste every second of it. I think I would have been on the D team. I would have been on the D team too. You know it also sucked when I was at Piper's, which was this all-girls school in Buckinghamshire

when I was much younger, we used to have to play lacrosse. Do you know what lacrosse is? No, I've never played lacrosse. With like a mini net on the end. You know in Wild Child when they're all playing that thing. Yes, they play on the horse. don't they? No, no, no, no. That's... I thought you would...

Yes, yes on the horse. No. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. No. I would love a picture of Connor. Can you know, as no? Yeah. And is he good at football? What position does he play? Where is this...

Says the sports coach is over here. Where is this team? I'd love to know. This after work group, it sounds pretty good. Not going to lie. Like the summer social, I don't know. I feel like things are going to happen here. I'm quite excited to feel like a lot of like gossip and drama's going to happen in these after work drinks.

I think this they often does. It's like a work office drama. There's always so much. Oh. But then a lot of the time, like a lot of my friends at working offices like literally don't speak to anyone. I'm like, what's happened to our society? That's really sad. I know.

Like, I don't actually know anyone that's like work colleagues coming to their weddings kind of thing. I guess I have a best friend from work from my work days. Lydia. You do. Of course you do. And one of my best friends is from that, those, that chapter of my life. But I don't know anyone that works corporately that's like... It's the corporate world.

Yeah, true. That's a good point. In the corporate world that's like, oh, so and so is coming to my wedding from work. Anyway, sorry, back to the dilemma. Yeah, back to the story. What are we going to do about Connor? Connor? We really digressed there.

Listen, I think we just say, just what would you do, Tim? Let's practice on me. I'm the girl that's been grafting and you managed to get with Connor. You're going to come, you're going to see me the next day at work. I'm going to see you the next day at work and say, Tim, listen here, Tim. No, I'm going to say, I stayed a bit longer and actually had so much fun. You won't believe it. I can't believe it because I fancied him from the minute I met him.

and but I just didn't think it was a thing because nothing's happened, but I kissed Connor. You can also say I was quite upset because I thought he fancied you. So I just took a step back because I didn't think he was interested in me. Yeah, that's a really good way to play it. You could be like, when I met him, I really fancied him, but I got the impression he was into you. So I kind of just like didn't really go for it. And then last night, I was actually speaking to him and he kissed me. And he asked to kiss me.

You said it in the dilemma that he did kiss you. He said, I've waited so long to do this and I've always wanted to do it and he kissed you. and you're just reciprocated. So, like, you could almost just put it on him. But that's also not lying. Like, he did, he came up to you. It's fair game at this point. Also, like, like, let's, like, if she's going to get upset by this,

she know what she needs to, she'll be upset inside, but she needs to pretend like she's not. Do you know what I mean? I'd be like, oh, she has no right to be upset. But, like, so please for you guys. So tell me about the case. Yeah. Like, you just, I really hope she has that approach.

I hope she does too. This is an open relationship dilemma. I can already tell this is going to be messy. Hey, Ruby and Melissa, I've been with my boyfriend for over four years. We met a university and have been very happy together. However, last year we did fall into a bit of a rut and the same old routine. Neither of us were trying in the relationship anymore. So last year we decided to open up our relationship and bring in a third person. To keep anonymous, let's call them Ashley, the rule was we would always have to hang out the three of us, not two people separately, so everyone was together all the time. At first, everything was going really well.

How do you, sorry, how do you just find someone to bring into the relationship? Like, firstly, there's probably not a big pool of people that are going to agree to that, but like, how do you just go, yeah, you'll do bring you in? I have no idea. Well, Ashley's also got to fall in love with two people. It's hard enough to fall in love with one. Yeah. Sounds exhausting. At first, everything was going really.

really well. It kind of renewed our relationship and we were having fun again. Until I felt myself starting to want Ashley's company over my partners to the point where we were secretly hanging out just the two of us. Going on dates and staying at her house, pretending to be at a friend's house. I know I'm having an affair. I'm not sure what to do. I feel so stuck. I know I need to tell my partner that at the same time I don't want to lose him. Please help. This is a mess. I think that like the relationship. Maybe just wasn't working before this. So if you try...

She's not going to leave him. She's not got the ink. I almost think you need to explore opening the relationship up even further. I just think that the three of you need to have more freedom to hang out in pairs. And he's okay being more of the side piece.

And the girlies want to be together a bit more, which like, I'm sure he would understand. I'm sure he would understand. I find that the third person in anything challenging. I find it challenging to answer because I find it hard to get my brain around dating two people and having this committed serious relationship with multiple people. But it works for some people and that's great, but it doesn't seem to be working for them. I think because you've created this rule, right, where you're like, we have to hang out

three of us all the time. I think it needs to just be a bit more chill. Like actually, I want to have some more one-on-one time with Ashley and like I want you to be able to as well and like I would like for us also to have some alone time if we want to and like you just I think you always need to let go of every boundary in that sense and never allow yourselves to get jealous because otherwise it will become a little bit complicated agreed I agreed I think there needs to be a bit more freedom less rules and I think that you kind of go from there and then figure out like how you feel about the relationship and your partner and the sort of new relationship without the rules? I think you've started off with some boundaries, which is good and you've tested the water.

And I think we pretend like maybe we haven't done the hanging out alone thing because it might upset him and just have a conversation, be like, look, I want to have some freedom to hang out with Ashley alone. I want you to be able to do the same thing. And then I would like to be able to come home to you, hang out the three of us or like me and you go on a date. to the cinema without Ashley like and just see how that goes and if that doesn't work out then maybe you should just be with Ashley and your partner needs to just be a friend yeah things to do just will probably get a bit complicated and sticky and then it isn't fun being the one that's left out no I always said I think three whether you're in a romantic situation or you're in a friend

group three is an awkward number and there's always someone that just feels left out yeah naturally and I think that's three is a crowd that's three is a It's a crowd. What was it that Diana said? There were three of us in this marriage. It's a bit crowded. So in the words of Diana, maybe it's... In the words of Diana, it's a bit crowded.

It's a bit crowded. But good luck. And please let us know actually what happens. I feel like a lot of people do explore these relationships with having another person. And if you're falling in love with that other person, then maybe the original relationship was never really meant to be. and this was your path to get you together with Ashley.

Who knows? Okay, but love you, good luck. And please tell us what happens. Guys, thank you so much. That is the end of the episode. So if you have a dilemma for us, please get in touch at Wednesday's podcast or email us at Wednesdays at jampopprodctions.com. Okay. Love you guys.

Bye.