Wednesdays - I was ready to be a farmer’s wife…then he dumped me! | DILEMMA DAY

Episode Date: October 22, 2026

It’s DILEMMA DAY with Melissa Tattam and Ruby Adler! This week, Melissa and Ruby help a Tiny figure out the best way to friendzone a guy where there’s just no spark… Meanwhile, another Tiny is having to rethink her future after her plans of becoming a farmer’s wife are suddenly turned upside down. PLUS, we all know friendships can be hard, but it’s even harder when you realise it’s time to let one go. Melissa and Ruby help a sweet Tiny navigate the heartbreak of saying goodbye to a friend she thought she’d have forever.Enjoy the episode xGot a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail] | @wednesdayspodcastTikTok | @wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail] CREDITSProducer: Magda Cassidy Assistant Producer: Issy Weeks-HankinsVideo: Sean Deveaney Senior Social Media Manager: Laura CoughlanSocial Media Executive: Amber HouriganSenior Producer: Helen Burke Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, Tiny's, it's Dilemma Day coming up. I don't know if it's just me, but you being like, I was ready to be a farmer's wife. I think that you were ready to go down that path just because you loved him, not because it was actually a dream of yours. Agreed. Give him a snog. It might be a huge spark and you'd be like, oh my God, I almost let the love of my life slip through my fingers. Also, people start off as friendships, and sometimes you don't see them in a romantic sense.

It's true. And then, lo and behold, I have a really big Willie or something. I've changed my mind. Guys, welcome back to Dilemma Day. It's Friday. It's our favourite day. Get yourself a coffee. Or a little drinky. Or a little martini.

Yeah. Depending on the time of the day that you're listening to this. I'm going to have a drink tonight. Oh no, I'm not. Yeah, I am. I'm going to have a drink tonight. I'm going out. Oh my God. I'm so jealous. I get jealous. Belissa has a drink without me.

But we're going to have a drink on Saturday. Oh, absolutely. I'm going to have a few. That'll be lovely. Where are you going for dinner? Don't know. somewhere in Chelsea. We need to make a plan actually. That's like really irresponsible. Why don't you go to Martinez? I'm desperate to try it and you can just let me know if it's lovely.

Looks really nice. I'll have to give it a go. Give it a whirl. All righty. Should we get straight into it? Yeah, let's. Okay. Number one, hi, tinys. I have a dilemma about my best friend of 15 years. We met at school, moved to Bristol together and even lived together. We were incredibly close and I always thought that she'd be my maid of honour and friend for life. A few years ago, I started struggling with my health and eventually had to move home. I'm really, I'm sorry. I didn't know what was wrong with me. My anxiety became really bad

and sometimes had to cancel plans or miss birthdays. Last year I suddenly became severely unwell. At my worst, I couldn't even turn over in bed. Oh my God. I lost my job, my independence, and basically my whole normal life. At first, my friend messaged me, but gradually I heard from her less and less.

In February, I told her I was still really struggling and then didn't hear from her for four months. She eventually got back in touch because her boyfriend had broken up with her and she needed some support. I told her I was really sorry, but I was deeply hurt that she hadn't been there for me and I didn't feel able to give her the support she wanted. She responded by asking how I could make her break up about me.

I told her friendship had to be a two-way street, wished her well, and we haven't spoken since. I know deep down that the friendship is over, but I'm finding it incredibly hard to let it go. I still love her and miss her, and it genuinely feels like I'm grieving someone. How do you let go of a friendship you always thought would be for life? that's awful. I think that's a really hard one because part of me is like...

Maybe she didn't know how to be there for you. Yeah, I kind of want, I feel like it would, I don't want it to be the end, but I understand rightly so why you would be up sex. It's like friendship is very much a two-way street. You need to be there for one another through everything. Yeah. But maybe she, I want to think, like, maybe she didn't know, did she know the full extent of like everything? And maybe she just didn't know how to have. handle it. Like sometimes people just handle things the wrong way. Like this is like one of those circumstances which is so difficult for you 100% that's the hardest for you. But it's probably

it's a shift. It doesn't make this right. But like let's say your friendship has always consisted of you guys being around together, doing things, having fun, living together, whatever going out, chatting in real life all the time to suddenly you moving home being really unwell, not being able to really communicate or leave the house, which is not your fault at all. And I'm not saying that she shouldn't, that this is right. But it's such a shift in friendship that she just didn't know the friendship in any other capacity other than what you've had. And that doesn't mean it's right.

Obviously, she should have been there for you. But I think that maybe was not hard for her, but she just didn't know what to do or how to navigate it. Or, yeah, I don't know. I think that it needs to be something that you, I don't think this should be the end of the friendship. I think you should just hash out, like, look, I really want to be there for you with this heartbreak. But I feel a little bit heartbroken from you because I'm. I felt like we broke up.

Yeah. And I want to, I want us to sort that out and I want to be there for you. And I need you to be there for me too. I think that you can voice that in a really nice message that's not too like... Comfrontational and aggressive. I agree. It's all about communication. I think you have to, you're never going to be able to move on from this.

If you don't talk about how you're feeling and how let down you did feel. And like Melissa said, it doesn't have to be this, you know, it doesn't have to turn into an argument, doesn't have to even really be like some form of like big heated conversation. We're all adults. You should be able to express how you're feeling. and the fact that you feel let down. I hope she just takes it well and understands. And you're probably just looking for some form of like, I'm really sorry.

And maybe I didn't deal with things in the best way. And I found that time hard to. And I didn't know how to react or deal with the situation at hand. But I want to move on from this and I want us to pick things back up. And I think if you were like, I'm done with her. She wasn't there for me. Different story. But you're like, I'm grieving her.

I really miss her. I love her so much. That's the only reason why we're keen for you to. Have a conversation. Savage the relationship. Friendships are so important. Like, so, so important. And I think sometimes people, like, give up on them easily.

And that's not right. I agree. And I think that, like, they are. And there are moments, you know, like any relationship that means a lot to you, where there's, you know, a lot of love and everything. They can be moments of where it's a bit more complicated. And, you know, it's like two people's feelings to consider, isn't there? So I think it's just about expressing that to then try and move on from it.

Yeah, 100%. Okay, well, please tell us like what happens and I really hope that you get better. I'm really upset for you because regardless of this friendship thing, what you're going through is fucking shit. And I'm sending you lots of love. Totally. Love you so much. Love you. Keep us posted. Okay, so moving on to the next dilemma.

Hi girlies, love the pod. It feels like I'm having a big catch-up with my besties over wine. We love that. I need some help though. I'm 27 and I've been well and truly dumped out of nowhere and now I have no idea what I want the next chapter of my life to look like. Earlier this year I took a bit of a sabbatical from work to travel, resigned from my corporate job and moved all my stuff back to my family home. Before I left, my boyfriend and I had talked seriously about our future together. The plan was that when I got back, I'd move across country to be closer to. him. He lives in a small farming community, so it was a big step, but I genuinely thought he was the one. Then within a week of getting home after three months away, he broke up with me and told me he'd fallen out of love. I was just completely blindsided. Now I'm back at my family home, single, without a job, and suddenly the future I thought I was coming home to has completely disappeared. Luckily, I have a qualification that is internationally recognised, so technically I could go anywhere. But instead of that feeling exciting, it just makes me really sad. I I was ready to start settling down and one day become a farmer's wife.

So girlies, how do I figure out what I actually want when the life I wanted has suddenly been taken off the table? Lots of love from a very sad but determined to be happy and fall in love again, tiny. I'm going to cry. I love you so much. I don't know. I don't make me so sad. You're so sweet and you will find love. You absolutely will find love.

And like how you're feeling is just so temporary. You have to remind yourself that like what you're feeling now, you're not. going to feel forever. And as much as it feels like the trenches, I also think that like any really exciting time of your life comes from a place where you like are a bit scared. Like you feel a bit scared to make a leap or a jump or change. Like it all feels really scary. And then when you come out the other side and you take these big like leaps of faith or big, you know, challenges or changes, you sort of come out the other side and everything gets really exciting. And there's like so much to be excited about like you've got this whole new like chapter. If you're,

You're also 27. Like, you're not like, you're so young. Yeah. So young. This is actually quite prime age. It's perfect. It's the age for this to happen. You're pre-30.

So everyone's like, oh, you're a baby. I love it when people say that. Yeah. People stop now. But it's great when people say that. And like, this is like, you know what you want. Yeah. And I do feel like, I don't know if it's just me, but you being like, I was ready to be a farmer's wife.

I think that you were ready to go down that path just because you love. to him not because it was actually a dream of yours. Agreed. So I think that that is like the universe pointing in a different direction because it's like no, that's not the right path for you. You're doing that for someone else. Let's just look at it like that.

Thank God you don't have to clean out pig shit. I do agree. And you don't have to milk some cows. I do agree. Although that is wonderful for some people, that's maybe not going to be the path for you now. Rejection. Okay.

Redirection. I love that. I really liked that saying. I remember going through my like ninth break-up of the year at one point a few years ago. And everyone just kept saying like rejection is redirection. And I really believe in it. I think it totally is. 100% can be redirected.

And although you were going to have this gorgeous, wholesome farm life, which I do understand. And if you were like looking forward to that, that's a shame. But like she obviously did really imagine herself doing that. Of course. Of course. So there was such positive outlook on it. I mean, if that is something that you want to do, move to the country, Like maybe that's where you're going to find your future and your man and your happiness.

I don't know. I think that they're, you know. What does she say her next step? Well, so she's quit her job, gone travelling now she's come back. But she's got this qualification that's internationally recognised. So she could really work from what sounds like anywhere. Oh my gosh, we could do anything. Yeah.

World's your oyster. Let's move on from the farm. Okay. This is fantastic news. We're not pinned down to anything. I think for the time being whilst you're going through this wound. period, maybe stay near friends and family. Have some fun a bit.

Get yourself back to being you. Yeah. And then I think when your mind's less scrambled from the breakup, because I do think it makes you think weird things. It definitely does. It makes you so narrow-minded. Yeah, it does. I don't remember that time so well.

So, like, I think that's what you're all going through right now. You're almost like, this is the path I had for myself. And now it's all just been scrambled. So you need to, like, get back to baseline before you make a rash. Yeah. move across the country, make yourself feel even more like alone or something. Yeah. I think she's obviously just grieving a life that she thought she was going to live.

Exactly. And that takes some time. That takes some time to just get your head around that that's not what's going to happen and then that's fine. And also just accepting that that's not going to happen as well. Sometimes does just take time. But, you know, like the fact that you're staying with your parents, like so lovely, let them look after you, see your friends, look after yourself, keep busy in all the right ways. And then like...

Find something that you're going to really dream. dream about and enjoy. Yes. Like you've got such an amazing opportunity at your hands now. Yeah. Even if you go to like Madrid, I feel like that's quite sexy vibes. Meet some stunning Spanish man. And away she goes.

Off she goes. I think Madrid would be great. I've never done Madrid. I'd love to do Madrid. It's too late for us now, Babes. I know. We're locked in. I know.

I could do a hen in Madrid. Oh, cool. Off the back of the farmer dilemma. You really go on. us inspo. We've gone from the Cotswolds to Spain. What a transition. I think you should move to Madrid. I have had this whole thing. I can see it for you. You're going to meet the man of your dreams there. Also, you just sound like a nice good person. Good things are going to happen to you and this was just a small redirection and I'm excited for your future. I'm not worried about you at all. I'm not

worried. You're going to be fine and love you so much. Please tell us what happens. Please, we'd love a photo too of you in Madrid. Yeah. And also I don't, I, I do think there's a, there's a sense of appreciation for your ex's honesty. Just fell out of love and it's as simple as that. It's not complicated. Although that's really hard to hear. It just draws a line in the sand for you. It's no going back. There's no, there's no, it's not you, it's me. Bullshit going on here. It's just, it's done. Yeah. Which I like. I like to. Okay. Love you so much. Okay, I've got another dilemma. Hey, girlies, absolutely love the pod. I have a dilemma that I need your help with. There's a guy at uni who's in my friendship group and has

become one of my really close friends. There's always been a bit of cheeky flirting between us, especially on nights out, but I've never thought anything serious of it. Recently, though, our friends have started making comments about us and it's become a bit of a running joke that he fancies me. Then, one of his friends told my friend that he actually really likes me, talks about me all the time, and clearly sees this is more than just flirting. When I found out, I did question whether I might have feelings for him too, but the truth is I just don't. I love spending, so not where I thought this dilemma was going. That's unreal. I really rate the fact that she's just like, I don't. I love spending time with him, but I'm just not attracted to him in that way. Now I feel

awkward whenever we're together because I'm worried about leading him on. Some of my friends think I should just stop messaging him and distance myself, but I don't really want to lose a good friend over something that he hasn't even spoken to me about. So, girlies, do I officially need to friend zone him and risk making everything awkward or carry on as normal? and see if he actually says something. Love you, Bo. I was going to have some really, very good advice. I think you should shag him and see how it is.

And go from there. I do agree, because... But that's just so unhinged. Or at least give him a snog. It might be a huge spark, and you'd be like, oh my God, I almost let the love of my life slip through my fingers. Imagine if you married this guy. Also, people start off as friendships,

and sometimes you don't see them in a romantic sense. It's true. And then, lo and behold, you know, Might have a really big Willie or something. He might. He might. And then all the stars are aligned. I just think that like don't, you know, you've got on try before you buy.

And... Don't say anything yet because he hasn't said anything. He could also turn around and be like, fucking chill out. I literally just flat with you. I also think there's no... I don't think you can just friend zone him because imagine if you're like, sorry, you do really like me? And he's like, no, I don't. Yeah, that could be a real bit of embarrassment there.

But like, do you know what I mean? If he's obviously a great friend of yours, you love hanging out, like, I would absolutely just keep being friends with him. And if it leads to something, then at least you've explored it. And then you could really, like, be like, cool, I don't feel anything. Or best case scenario, like, sparks that are flying. Yeah. I do think definitely don't say anything.

But the messaging, you might be leading him on a little bit there. If you're, like, texting him 24-7 and you, like, speak like you're a couple, then maybe, like... I think if you stop your message... I think that you will. I think it's become this little bit of a safety blanket situation and it feels safe because he's one of your really good pals. But then you can also, you always could end up falling back and that

and excusing yourself being like, no, he's my great mate, but like actually is it more than that? It's getting a bit messy. And would you appreciate it if the shoe is on the other foot? Probably not. Also, how would you feel like you could always spin this? Like if he was to turn around tomorrow and be like, oh, I've got a girlfriend. I've met this girl and I really like her. That's true.

How would that make you feel? Because if genuinely hand on heart, you're like, I am so happy. happy for him and I really like her and she's now part of the group, then like maybe you are, your instinct is right and like, you are just platonic and your friend and that's great. Or if it makes you feel a little something or something, then maybe like you should explore it. But she has firmly said there's nothing there. So I think let's just, just keep up the message, you dial it down a tad. Yeah.

And we don't say anything until we say something. No, I agree. And if he comes forward with, hey look, Arabella. Think you're really pretty. No one's ever done that with me, like some great mate of mine that's turned around and been like, I love you. And I kind of always wish they had.

Neither. Neither. Also, it's like that weird thing. And I feel like this happens in movies where like you're like shutting it down. Like no, no, no. And then they do get a girlfriend. Yeah. And then you're like...

It's in Sex and the City where Miranda and that guy, what's his name with the curly hair? Steve? No. No. Steve was the love, wasn't it? He's got like a cute nipper. Skipper. Skipper.

And he gets a girlfriend and suddenly Miranda finds him attractive. So she shags him and he's like, I broke up my girlfriend for you. And she's like, what? I just wanted. Like she obviously just had a rush of jealousy and like possessiveness and like kind of fancied him because he had quite a fit girlfriend. And it never, it. Yeah, yeah. I get it.

It's human nature to an extent, isn't it? It's just a bit of like marking your territory sort of vibe. And now you kind of feel like you've got this. control, which is fantastic, but also not right. Yeah. So let's just not say anything till he says it. And then also he might say it to and you might go, oh yeah, fanny blotters. Or you'll be like, no, definitely not.

Yeah. So funny how humans, like either it just works or it just doesn't. I know. And there's never a middle ground. It works or it doesn't. You fancy them and you want to do it again or you don't and you think I hate myself. And on that note, that's the end of the episode. That's the end of the episode.

Love you guys. Thank you for listening. Get in touch at Wednesday's podcast or email us Wednesdays at jampoproductions.com. If you have a dilemma for us, we love it when you write in. Can I also please ask for one favor? If you could, please subscribe to our YouTube channel at Wednesday's podcast. Thank you. See you on Wednesday.

See you on Wednesday. Bye guys. Love you. See you next week.