Wednesdays - NEW SHOW! Mad, Sad & Bad with Paloma Faith

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

We've got a brand new show joining the JamPot family and we wanted to share a little taste with you! This is Mad, Sad & Bad with Paloma Faith...If you like the sound of it and want to hear the rest of the episode and MORE, go follow us wherever you find your podcasts - there are some absolutely amazing guests coming up - you won't want to miss out!We're also on YouTube, Instagram and Tiktok @madsadbadpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi Wednesdays listeners, it's me, Paloma Faye. So sorry to interrupt, but I've got a new podcast coming out and I just had to squeeze in obtrusively and let you all know. One, two, three, four! Each week, I welcome someone fantastic into my home to talk about what makes them mad, sad and bad. Roll recording.

Oh, Alan! Oh, hello! Oh, how are you? Do you mind taking off your shoes here? Really? You're not one of those houses, are you? I am. Sorry. You've changed. You used to be fun. I don't know when that was. Come in. All right, on camera, please, make me look fit.

You look brave and stunning. To you, he's a stand-up comedian who first hit the mainstream hosting The Friday Night Project and Chatty Man. He travels with Amanda Holden in The Italian Job, has his own podcast, Life's a Beach, hosts interior design masters for the BBC, has written two autobiographies and even created a sitcom, Changing Ends for ITV. He's a national Trevor. He's a national Trevor. National Trevor. I like that. National Trevor. He's a national

Trevor loved by everyone. He's a national treasure loved by everyone from whichever walk of life but to me he's a friend i've given food poisoning to a man who made me tell the nation on his podcast that i've given at least one blow job in my life the rest are of course speculation and the person who left a pair of shoes at my house two years ago that i am now, for the first time ever, world exclusive, going to confess I gave to a charity shop six weeks ago. You didn't. They were designer. They were Paul Smith, weren't they? Yes.

So sorry, but I never thought you were coming back. I thought you'd ghosted me, which we can speak about later. Like me. Like me, he feels his life as a performer is at times lonely and his marriage ended at a similar time to my own life-changing breakup, except that I had kids and they had dogs. So we have a lot to bond over when it comes to matters of the heart. He's lovable, charming and disarming. He's our favourite chatty man, Alan Carr. Oh, thank you.

Hi. So when I came through the door and you said, can you take your shoes off? I'm setting up a little side hustle. I'm going to go back there. They're going to be gone. There's going to be some tramp wearing them. No, the charity shop,

they're just making absolute men off your shoes. So I thought, they've already gone. They've been sent. There's none for you to go back. Mum, we are filming, so you can't just talk. Alan, I've got you tea. Oh, hello, love. How are you?

My Pilates is improving. Anyway, how's your mum? Oh, she's great. Really good. Sends her love. I love my mum. She's my best friend. I know it's gay to say that, but she is. Well, if it is, I'm gay. Oh, let's be gay together. You make a lovely cup of tea. That's delicious. Thank you. Anyway, see you in a bit.

We'll see you soon. Thanks, Mum. Bye, Pam, love. I'm not being rude, but I'd rather talk to Pam. Well, you might in a minute. Play, will you make us a cup of tea and I'll sit and talk with Pam about her Pilates. All right, so it's called Mad, Sad and Bad. Yeah. I think that I've been told my whole life I'm mad, so I'm sort of interested in making myself feel less alone. So this podcast is really more about you.

This is like fucking free therapy for you, isn't it? Well, I mean, it depends what you mean by mad. I mean, I get mad angry and it's never the big things that get me angry. Printers get me angry. Spell check, that gets me angry. Have you ever... Actually, literally angry like you want to throw stuff.

I threw my second last printer out of my kitchen window. Really? Yeah, because I'm sick of being gaslit by my printer because I put it on, oh, there's no ink in here. And, yeah, there is ink because I've just put ink in. Have you ever printed anything off your printer? Of course I have. And it always says there's no ink.

Yes. And then what about the paper? It's gone down. There's no paper in the thing. There is. There's a fucking whole bunch of paper I put in there. Yeah, because it can't feel it. It's like a person, isn't it?

It needs to like... I'm not saying my printer's a friend. I'm just saying. Did neighbours respond to you throwing the printer out? Or I guess where you live's a bit posh, isn't it? Yeah, I threw it in the moat. They ignore any emotion. I know, I threw it off one of me turrets.

That gets on me tits. But then if you're talking about madness... As in psychologically mad? No, yeah, when people thought, oh, Alan, you are a bit mad. When I dressed up as Gemma Collins, did you see that? I did, but I also just think you were invited to a Halloween party and that's what you do at a Halloween party.

To me, that's not mad. Like, I'm sure you've been... Oh, sorry, the postman, maybe. Ooh. Shall I go get it? It's not part of it. It's just real life. Is it someone else?

Is it the man who bought my shoes? Probably DHL. And now, Alan, your printer has come. It's gone to rehab. What's this? Croissants. Deliveroo. We could get all sorts of sponsorship from this.

You should. Get Deliveroo. Get Deliveroo. There's been days, you know, when you're hung. You should. Get Deliveroo. Get Deliveroo. There's been days, you know, when you're hungover, then I get Deliveroo breakfast, Deliveroo lunch, Deliveroo after. I know you say about dating. I'm basically dating the Deliveroo man. Is he fit?

Yeah. I only see him through the letterbox. Leave it on the mat. Leave it on the mat. Tell me, so Gemma Collins. No, no, so listen, Gemma Collins. Okay, it was not mad, mad, because I don't really do mad things, but that's the maddest thing I've done.

Ever in your whole life? Come on, Alan. I don't buy it. Are you telling me? What do you want me to say? What mad? I mean, I'm quite normal. Well, this is it, Alan.

Yeah. What strikes me about you and many comedians... Oh, here we go. What I think about comedy, and I'm relating to you, is that I know that I have my whole life hidden myself behind humour. Yeah. Because it's a good way to get over stuff. Like, you know, awful things happen

and you're the one to say, well, I never liked him in the first place or whatever. Yeah, yeah. And everyone laughs at the funeral that was. Yeah. You know, but... I mean, I think my humour comes from, especially when I'm slagging myself off on my appearance,

I get in there quick before someone else does. But the thing is, like you said, we got divorced at the same time. And so I'm sort of tentatively putting my toe back in the dating thing. But my problem is I've slagged myself off so much, I've started to believe my own act. And there are people now who are interested in me and I'm like,

oh, well, what with my teeth and glasses and fat back, and then, you know, Alan, you've got to rein it in because you're telling them your material, you know, and you go, Alan, you are worth it.

People are, you know, this person is interested in you. And do you know what? You are a magnet. I mean, like, everyone who comes near you is lucky this person is interested in you. And do you know what? You are a magnet. I mean, like, everyone who comes near you is lucky. That's what I think. Oh, how lovely. No, genuinely.

Is that about you or me? You. I never know with you. No, but like, no, I think it's a shame to hear you say that about the dating because I've started to do some dating as well. Yeah, yeah. How's that going? And it's the Wild West, isn't it?

Oh, my God. I know. People are just yeah. How's that going? It's the Wild West, isn't it? Oh, my God. I know. People are just psychopaths, aren't they? It's just hard. Yeah, it is really weird. And also, I don't know about you, whether you had it, but I sort of thought I'd be exempt from extreme weirdness because I thought that they wouldn't do those things to me

because they'd be worried about the papers or whatever. But it's not true. Like, I've had someone ask to video call me and then start masturbating. Oh, I'm sorry about that. I'd had a few wines. It was you. I get people going, oh, when can we meet Adele?

I'm like, fuck you. That's just so weird. But also, I think, yeah, it's sad for me to hear you just because that's one of the subjects of the podcast sad for me to hear you put yourself down like that because there are so few people like you in this world that are this magnetic this funny

this intelligent no it's true and all the stuff like you talk about you put yourself down that's a shield isn't it yeah of course it is of, that's a shield, isn't it? Yeah, of course it is. Of course it's a shield and stuff. But I mean, I'm learning to get over that now

and say, Alan, take a compliment. Someone said to me, when someone gives you a compliment, say, thank you. I know, and I never go... Instead of going, oh, you should see the other blood. Yeah, that's it.

Oh, you're drunk. What, with my back fat? Look at my hump. And then you've got a five-minute monologue slagging yourself off. And if they're not used to stand-up, or how fucked-up comedians are, they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You know, and then they start going, yeah, he has got a bit of a hump. And start believing it. No, I've had it before. I've been in an argument with someone, and then they've said to me, but you da-da to me, but you... And I'm thinking, you only know that because I told you.

You wouldn't have known that. You're not intelligent enough to know that. You've just reeled off the list of negative traits I've given you for me. But back to the podcast. No, but you just got to get over that now. But I'm getting that. When someone gives me a compliment, I say thank you. Yeah, good.

I'm glad. Well, thank you. I haven't said thank you for a long time. But anyway. I did just say something nice to you, but I don't know if you noticed. Thank you. Even though you did sell me fucking shoes. Every Tuesday with a new effervescent companion. You can follow Mad, Sad and Bad with Paloma Faith on your favourite podcast app. And search for Mad, Sad and Bad podcast to follow on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok.

Out now. That's it for this week Wednesdays. But God, don't you just fancy some more Melissa? Yeah, I'd really love a follow up to some of those dilemmas. I want to know what happens. Well then tin tinies we have got some news for you we have launched a premium version of wednesdays now listen subscribers get access to the podcast ad free with bonus episodes it's pretty amazing it's also packed full of dilemma follow-ups which we love and some of our more personal stories and recommendations.

And it's super easy. You just listen on your favorite app. How cool is that? Amazing. And all the info is in the episode description and in our Insta bio.