Wednesdays - Should I lower my standards? | DILEMMA DAY

Episode Date: September 3, 2026

It’s DILEMMA DAY with Melissa Tattam and Ruby Adler! This week the girls are getting into dating standards and whether getting fanny flutters on the first date is essential to finding a boyfriend.One Tiny wants to know if she should take the plunge and move to Australia with her boyfriend. Meanwhile, another Tiny is in a feud with her sister-in-law over wedding invitations…talk about a SIL-zilla🙄PLUS, the girls give their insider tips on how to shrink and reduce those annoying pores on your nose. Honestly Tinies take NOTES!Enjoy the episode xGot a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail] | @wednesdayspodcastTikTok | @wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail] CREDITSProducer: Faye LawrenceAssistant Producer: Issy Weeks-Hankins & Lydia BrownellVideo: Lizzie McCarthySenior Social Media Manager: Laura CoughlanSocial Media Executive: Amber HouriganSenior Producer: Helen Burke Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, Tynies, it's time for Dilemma Day coming up. I'm annoyed about this. Like, this is getting my back up of it. Same. Someone could be a walking red flag, but if I fancy them, I'm bypassing every red flag. Like, I don't give a fuck. I've done that my whole life. I think I'd still be in love with him if he was a murderer, which is such a problem. Hi Wednesdays, I love this pod so much. Dilemmas are always my favourite part. I've been single for a while. My last serious relationship was four years ago, and I'm ready to find something new. I've tried everything. All the apps, blind dates, speech. dating, double dates, I've just had no luck. The criteria I always have for a first date is simple. I want to feel a spark. I want to feel butterflies or fanny flatters. That's what my best friends call it. To give me a sign that this could be my person. My friends tell me that I'm such romantic and my standards

are way too high. They always tell me to stop looking and your big love will come. I would love to know your opinions. Are my standards too high and is unreasonable to want to fill the spark in this day and age? Thanks, girls. And keep doing what you're doing. What are you doing in this day and age? Yeah, that's a bit. Come on. I think. I think that you're, like, you've got the right end idea. I think you've got to feel a spark. I think Yeah. I just go on a date and feel nothing. Why would you bother seeing them again? Like, you've got to feel something. You've got to have instant connection. Otherwise, what's the difference between that and a mate? Like, I think that spark is key. In the words of David Beckham, you've just got to

fancy them. You just fancy them. You really do. You've really got to fancy them. Firstly, you need the spark, right? You've got to fancy them. You've got to have the funny flatters. For sure. If you don't have that at the start, you're fucked. I agree. I agree. But then, like, there's other things that, like, are important. Of course. It's not all about that. So it is hard to sometimes tick all those boxes. Or you're like, okay, our morals are aligned and you want the same things from life? And are they a really nice person?

Yeah. You've got to get on. And you have a spark. I do get it, but you know what? You will find it. But I don't think you're being unrealistic at all. I don't think you are either. And I really think that you, like Melissa was saying, There's so many other instrumental factors in your person and what they stand by. And are they funny? Do they have like good morals? Do they have a good work ethic? There are things you'll want. But you've got to fancy them. Oh, you've got to fancy them. You just do.

You won't have anything if you don't fancy them. The fundamental like basics of like human nature is fancying someone. It's just mating and like if you really boil it down. Yeah. And you've got to fancy each other. And if you don't actually have that attract. I think they say it's something to do with like your DNAs maybe aren't as attracted. So therefore like mating isn't what's right. Yeah. Which girls make sense. They say if girlies don't like the smell of their partner, it's actually your something like saying like no.

I could just like honestly. You wouldn't make a good mate for me. Yeah, it's true. Because that pheromone of your partner, like you could just sniff them all day long. Why is that? It's so weird. I'm like, I'll sit and Toby be working. I'm just like sniffing his hair around his ear and I love it but he doesn't really do that with me.

No, Gav doesn't do it with me. He's like, what are you doing? I'm like, I haven't had a whiff in a while. I'm like, oh no, but it smells so nice. He's like, yeah, I'm trying to concentrate. I'm like, why don't you ever sniff me like that? Yeah, they don't. It's so true.

But they don't really. And I'm like, do you like my home smell? Like, do you like my spouse? He's like, yeah. Like, what does it smell like to? And he's like, like, sort of a sonary boot room. I'm like, what? A boot room?

He's like, yeah, you know, when you go skiing? Like, I'm like, stop. That's horrible. Like, a ski boot room. That's so random. But to me, he just smells like vanillay, like golden syrup over porridge vibe. Like, it's just absolutely stunning. Oh, golden syrup over porridge.

That's such a lovely way. Yeah. That's what you need from your first date. Yeah, you do. And you need to be just, you know, I want to kiss them. You want to kiss them all the time. You want to be excited. And there'll be little things about them

Like their hands and their ears And you're just like oh my God If you don't have that you've fucked me Yeah you've got to feel you've got to feel it So I think you tell your friends Like that they're clearly like Settling in their relationship Yeah and I think that there are a lot of people

That will give you these opinions That are probably quite miserable in their own relationships And think because they've been with someone for however long That they're like saying the right thing By being like you don't need the spark And it's like well actually I think you do Yes But then are you putting yourself in this, if your friends, I'm just trying to think, like, if this has happened to one of my friends and it was like, it seemed to be happening every single day, they were like, no, no spark.

Okay, right, do we think we need to go on with a bit more of an open mind? Yes. Blocking the spark at this point. I agree. I also think you want to manage expectation. Like, you don't want to be like, I need to be like meeting Brad Pitt. But, like, a spark can come from multiple different things. Like, you can feel it because they're really funny.

You still have to fancy them, but you don't have to be like, oh my God, you've got to be open-minded. And I also think that I do believe you have to feel it initially, but that can then grow. Some people don't, like, some people are like third date, then they feel it. Like some people at slow burners, as they call it, which is like the word, I think is like the most annoying term. I agree. I do, most of the time I'm like, a love by love when they say that, I'm like, you just don't fancy them. Maybe we're a slow burn. What do you mean?

Maybe we're a slow burn. Yeah, you don't fancy them. You just don't fancy them. And that's fine, but just, like, move on. There's this thing called, like, limerence, which I learned about, because I remember saying to my eyelash lady, Emmy, you know what I'm me. I was like, I have this thing that, like, someone could be a walking red flag, but if I fancy them, I'm bypassing every red flag.

Like, I don't give a fuck. Like, it's really tough. It's bad. I've done that my whole life. I've done that my whole life. We're both the same. And I was like, thank God, I've just met, like, the most gorgeous, sweet man that could ever have of the planet because I think I'd still be in love with him if he was a murderer, which is such a

problem. Yeah. She was like, that's called limerence. It's when you're part of your brain just like almost doesn't, like, think about consequences, doesn't care because you're so in love and like, whatever. I was like, that's crazy. That is crazy. So I do think sometimes it's I'm saying that's crazy. That's me. Yeah, I know. That's wild. Thank God you found a lovely man. I have found the best man ever. I'm just so happy. So now it's fine. But I do sometimes, having reflected on all these conversations we've just had, I'm like maybe a slow burn is actually better because you pick more sensibly. It could be. It could be. But I also think, yeah, I know a couple of girlfriends that are a bit of slow burner. But then it did just make me, maybe this is the toxicity in me being like. You don't have to them. It's not going to work. But like, are you really happy or is that making you feel better by saying it's a slow burn? Are you caveating it with that?

I know what you mean. Like, are you with them because you feel like you should be because they are actually on pen and paper so great. And you're like want to be with someone. And it's not that you don't like them and you're, but you're just a bit like me. Settling. Is it a little bit? I don't know. Which worries me. It does worry me too, Tim.

But I think I'd prefer that than someone being with an absolute knob because they fancy them. What's the lesser of two evils? Do you know what I mean? I do agree. I do agree. Like I would want my friend to be with the slow burner than the murderer. Do you know what I mean? Like if I had to do it.

That's a great guy that's really just like taking. care of them and you're like what a lovely man to hang out with. That you really like them. Yeah. Then this absolute asshole that's just like a walking red flag, but she's like really fancy him. And you're like, oh God. It brings me back to a time. It brings me back to a time with you, does. But like that's the same with so many people. Yeah, I know. So I do actually think let's consider giving these guys a chance. Yeah, I agree. I do agree. I also think it's hard on the first date. Like you, like, there's a lot of expectation. There's a lot of expectation. I think that even if you're not sure.

I would go on the second date and then even if you're like at that point no then that's fine you've tried twice You've given it a good go But first date there can be a lot of pressure

It can be slightly awkward Like first dates can be a bit naturally awkward so I almost think you need to give it a couple of dates not to force anything but also you may quickly just know on the first date

that's not right but if you're not sure entirely I would go on the second date You know the first time you've ever tried coffee I didn't like it didn't like it now look at us so

I also didn't love red wine when I was younger. I didn't love red wine. I thought, oh, that's... And now it's my drink of choice. I love it. So I think if we sort of open our minds and look at it like that. Broader perspective. Yeah.

Perspections. Perspective. Perspective. That was some phenomenal advice on that dilemma. That was a philosophy lesson. I know we've kind of done a whole 180 on our advice. I'll like, not have funsome straight way to actually maybe a slow burn some more sensible. You're going to find your man. You absolutely will. Okay. Shall I go on to dilemma number two? Okay. Hi, girlies.

I'm looking for a bit of reassurance. My boyfriend and I are planning to move to Australia in October. He's 24 and I'm 22. He's lived there before but I've never been away from home as I didn't go to uni or anything. He came home from Australia in April 2025 due to family being ill and he was planning to go back that September but he met me over the summer so decided to stay. I do really want to go and I know that there won't be issues with me and him as we are literally best friends, but I'm so nervous about being away from my mum and my sisters.

So any advice would be appreciated. Thank you. And I've attached a photo of us, as I know you would like to put a face to a name desperate. Have I got this on my phone? Oh my God, so sweet. You're kind of giving Australian vibes already. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

Also, like, you're going to have the best time. Like, it doesn't have to be forever. Like, you can literally go. So is he just nipping over there for work? What's his did? They're saying that they're planning to move to Australia in October. She's not said. He used to live there.

He came back, met her. Then they've decided to go back. I don't know whether it's for a work opportunity or just a different form of... He's giving corporate. He's giving corporate. He's also giving very English because like the polo... The Tommy Hilfiger shirt. You know, this is giving like we've...

We're either at the pub or we're at home. They're in the garden in the UK and the heat wave. We're at home in the heatwave and he's got a shirt on. Do you know what I mean? Like that's so British to me. It's so British. But also like I think that like the fact that you've never been to uni, the fact you've never been away from home, like I think this is like character building.

Like I think that this is going to be like it's going to shape you. Like what an amazing experience you're going to have. Australia is great. Like there's so many British people there. Like it's an amazing lifestyle. Like you're going to be by the water. You're going to be by the beach. Like you're also, you're moving there in October.

You're going into Australian summer. Like Australian summer is one of the best places ever. like yeah and also I always have to remind myself like worst case scenario right which you have to think about in your head like you don't love it and you've given it six months you can always go back yeah you literally come back no one's like making you do anything but like I also think that how cool to look back and like in your early 20s when you know you didn't have kids this is the time to do it this is the time to do it and to be like I spent time abroad I lived in Australia for a bit like I think that's so cool and I really hope you can like lean into it and just try and enjoy it rather than let

the anxiety take over, which is easier said than done. You've got your return booked. Yeah. Like how Reeb said last week actually, like if you've always got something to look forward to, it makes everything seem so manageable. That's how I find. That's how I find it. Like I always, as much as I love it there, I look forward to coming back so much.

And I always kind of know when I'm next coming back and have something booked. And I look forward to it. So that always makes everything a bit more manageable. and I understand that not the whole time you can always have flights booked back. But even if it's just a matter of planning when your next is going to be back or even also, people will use it as an excuse to come and see you. Like your mum and your sisters will come over, I'd like to think. Spend time with you, you can then show them how you live and your lifestyle and what you're doing over there.

And like, you'll also make new friends. You're young enough as well that like this is not, you're going to be. It'll be easier than me. But you'll just meet. There's so many like just lovely people. people there, like you'll meet loads of British people. He'll have friends there too, which is nice. He'll have friends because he used to live there.

Yeah. Like, I just think, like, what an amazing opportunity and, like, how cool you're doing this. And, like... This is the time to do it. I would have no anxieties at that age about doing it. No. Now I would. Totally.

But, like, your age, like, there's really nothing to worry about. Also, like, you've probably got a really strong relationship with this guy. Like, you guys look so sweet. And, like, if you do a year and you're like, you know what? It wasn't really for us. You can just come back. Yeah. I want to know, like, are you getting a job out there?

Yeah, well, what's the reason for the move? I need more info. Are you going to start looking for a job? Does that mean you have to get like a license? What do they call it? Well, you'd probably need to get a visa. A visa, that's it, not license. To move.

But, yeah, I'm like, where in Sydney. Are you leading to Sydney? Also, they haven't said Sydney. They've just said Australia. So let us know. Like, follow up. Let us know where in Oz. what you're going to be doing over there

are you going to be working? How long are you planning on being there for? Is this just like a year? Is this like we want to see how we get on and then like maybe be there? It's a lot to move all your shit over. It's a lot. I'm just thinking about how I do it.

Oh my God, how many suitcases I'd have. I'd have like four big suitcases I reckon. Unless you're like, no, no, no, I'm going to come back for that in a few months. Yeah. But then you've got somewhere to store it. That's the thing. You can store it with family and friends.

But, like, I admit, I went with three big cases, but I wasn't, like, bringing furniture or anything. But it was just, like, my belongings, but I could have kept going. Like, you have to really, like, rein it in. Also, you can shop out there. Yeah, you can. New identity near you. Also, like, such fun Australian shops out there and, like, fashion and, like, you're going at the best time ever. Like, October through to, like, March is just unreal.

Totally. Well, I'm jealous. Have a gorgeous time. I hope that helped. You will miss your family. But I will say once you hit the three week mark, you'll then go over it, you'll be fine. I remember when I went to boarding school, we weren't allowed to see our parents for three weeks. Oh, God.

To like, it, like, almost like it just gets you over it. It's obviously that's a weird time period in your brain where you're, like, you're, like, suffering. And then for some reason, it just becomes manageable. And then it was like, everyone was, like, crying every night after the first two weeks. And then, like, after three weeks, no one cried. And then everyone just didn't want to go home. It was like, everyone wants to stay in on the weekends because there's always shit going on. So fun.

And you're like, don't want to miss out. So you'd wait for an ex yet. So you wouldn't go home. It was like every three months, you'd go home. Be like a different person every time I want home to mom and dad. You just get used to it. Also, Australian dollar is half the pound. Everything will be half price for a bit.

That's great. Fantastic. What a perk? Hi, have loved you guys way back from MIC days. I'm going to appreciate some advice from you both. You always give the best advice. So my fiancé and I have been together for 10 years. And I're getting married next year.

congratulations. On Lizzie in my happiest era ever and I can't wait to marry him. He literally is my perfect human. And that's so gorgeous. However, I'm having a really difficult dilemma. His sister has recently had a baby. He will be two at the time of the wedding. I was originally imagining having a child-free wedding as I just feel kids are super temperamental. And as we don't have kids are our own selfishly, I just don't want to bother about anyone else's kids at our wedding. But this is our niece, so it's slightly different. His sister and family didn't ever ask or really give us an option of our niece not being there. It was just a given. She would be. We also have a legal ceremony at home for the abroad one. I feel much more comfortable

with our niece being at the home ceremony as it's a small gathering. And if she made much noise, it's not really a fuss with only close family. Really struggling. With what the right thing to do is at the moment, I feel like I'm keeping everyone happy, but myself. Me and my sister-in-law also don't have the best relationship. Dilemma for another time, law. So it feels even more awkward. Please help. Gosh, this is a difficult one. I think that the assumption is never like great that they're just like I think you sort of... No, no, that's not fair.

I think that's not fair. Did they have kids at their wedding? Probably not. No. I think you have to ask whether your family or not. You sort of just have to be like, is this okay? But if it was me, I put my foot down. Like, it's absolutely out of the question.

No. I know. Yeah, it's like also it's your day. It's your wedding. she's had her wedding like you probably just need to buckle up the courage and just be like this is not how we visioned the wedding

and this isn't going to work for us and have that conversation Unless you want her to walk down the arm be a flower girl which would be so sweet. Which would be really cute so like I would love Toby's niece and nephew to be a part of our wedding in some way but then I know maybe like during the drinks reception

halfway through maybe like the parents Toby's brother and sister and all want to like chill and enjoy them themselves. So then maybe the other grandparents that obviously won't be at the wedding because they're not related, as in like Toby's sister, yeah, we'll come and collect the kids and play with them in the afternoon. They'll just be babysat nearby or something. That's always an option. Yeah, there is an option of like involving them and having them there for a short period of time. I think during the food, no. Yeah, it's just also, she'll enjoy herself like you said so much more

if they're not there. I also then think it becomes a difficult one when it's like, well, okay, so then other people, so then is it like a kid's just there? If you're having one child, other people are going to be like, well, I didn't get to bring my kids because you said that kids weren't coming to the wedding. I think that there's like a, if it's family, people won't argue with it. Yeah, they can't. Why is this up to you and it's not up to your fiancé? Yeah, I know.

Your fiancé used to grow a fucking pair of balls and say to his sister like, babe, we're not having kids at the wedding. Why is it falling on you? No, it shouldn't have to. That seems really unfair. It should be nothing to do with you. Like, this is a rule that you've both, a decision you've both made. It's both your wedding.

Yeah. And it's also his sister. Why is he leaving this down to you? That's not bad. No. He should say it straight away. Like knock it down straight away. Like, you know what?

We would actually really love them to be in the ceremony if this is the case. But like drinks reception, they need to be gone. So like maybe your husband's parents can come and babysit. Because I understand maybe getting a babysitter, especially in a foreign country, difficult if you don't trust them. God. I don't know. Yeah, it's difficult. But.

I would suggest that. I would suggest that. Then they're going to need to go to bed anyway quite early. So I would really like push for the grandparents, the other grandparents to come, have a couple days away. And then take them to babysit. Yeah. Oh my God, it's so weird. Like thinking about like who you'd leave your children with and like, it's such a bigger conversation.

Isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And then it's like, are you enjoying yourself if you're just worrying about your child? I guess everything just becomes about your baby. Yeah, it does. But ultimately, I think he needs to have a conversation with his sister. Yeah, this shouldn't fall on you.

Enough shit falls on the ride, obviously. Like, this is not your problem. Your husband to be needs to step up a bit here and just have a word with the sister. Agreed. Like, no. No. And if they had a child free wedding, I'm sure she'll then, like, understand. I don't like that this is all a assumption, just been a given that she's coming.

I agree. Why hasn't your husband been like, no, no, no, no, guys. sorry, I don't know why there's been this assumption. Like, we've said from day dot that we're not having kids there. Yeah. It's just not what we want. No. I'm annoyed about this.

Like, this is getting my back up a bit. Same. But also, like, it makes it even more complicated for her because she's already saying that, like, the relationship with her sister and noise. But that's why it's annoying that it's falling on you. I agree. This is a brother and sister thing that they just sort out.

Also, like, really annoys me when people are so, like, they just assume shit like that it annoys me how the sister-in-law almost will feel this like authority over her brother like obviously my niece is come like my daughter's coming in your niece yeah it's like fuck off yeah no

don't like really got my back a note from me we'll keep us posted and also really want to know about the drums with you and the sister-in-law we want to know what that's all about you've been together for 10 years like how is their drums

that like do just have Really? Yeah, it's a shame. We're really lucky that like... I know we are. We are. Our partners have good families and like... Good relationships.

Yeah. Okay, hi, gorgeous girlies. Every time I watch the podcast, I notice you both have very gorgeous skin. It's always so glowing and stunning. That's all my God. I have pretty good skin and I'm quite minimal skincare routine, which I love.

However, I have the biggest paws and blackheads ever. They look like me. Mini Volcanoes all over my nose. No matter what I try, nothing seems to do the trick. So my skin question is, what can I do to help shrink mini volcanoes? Any product recommendations, thanks, lots of love. I felt like you should get that laser, the Eldiles, clear skin.

I would definitely go for a clear skin. I do get them like around like that bit every now and then and then when my facialist does it, every six weeks you should get small out. But yes, don't do a hydrophacial because that really ruins your skin barrier. Yeah. Really ruins your skin barrier. It's all my heart. Have you tried a clay mask? At home clay mask? Sometimes I'll just like put it on my nose.

Yeah. I'm not really good with at home masks. I like a face mask. Yes, like a LED. Yeah. Or like, you know, like a like a sheet mask. Yeah. And sometimes just a good exfoliation, right? Like twice a week. Yeah. Oh my God. The complexion renewal pads are really great. They're from zone health. That would probably really help. They're from Zohal Health and I use them. I wouldn't use them every day twice a week before bed and you'd be shocked at like the amount, even after watching your face like there's always stuff on there, especially if you're like wearing makeup in the day and stuff.

They're great and I've really noticed a difference when I don't use them because I feel like I just get more congestion. Interesting. Right. We need to book in for a clear skin. I would book him for clear skin. If you can find a corneotherapist, please I urge you Google. Corniotherapist in the area.

Fucking get in with a corneotherapist because they'll be. balance your skin barrier out and like the microbiome of your skin. Yeah. And feed the skin health. Sometimes a lot of facials just strip back more and more and more and more and more oil. Then your skin barrier gets a bit broken and you end up actually in a worse place. And then your your skin tries to make more oil to compensate for how much you've stripped away. And it's like a bit of a vicious circle. I actually found that I was doing that for a long time with my skin. Yeah. Don't do that anymore. So now I see a corneotherapist once every six weeks and it just like I leave like glowing and rebalance. I can't describe it. But you're fucking.

get all the blackheads out. Yes, that's what you want. You want, like, extraction. Good old clean out. I wouldn't go for hydrophacial. No. And I'd look at getting some clear skin laser. Clear skin laser, great treatment.

I love it. It will actually make an enormous difference. Actually, try and booking with Heart Medical. Oh, yeah. Because that is, if you're in London. She does a fantastic. She does the best. Little skin treatment.

She's phenomenal. Also. She can't get him with her anymore. I'm not going to lie. You just can't. You just can't. You just can't get an appointment. There's just no point in suggesting that.

Okay, no. But there'll be someone that does it. Find someone that's got good reviews that's a bit trusted. There's this tool I actually really want to try the shark. Fucking amazing. The vacuumy, like. To me, that's a bit of a hydrophacially. True. But my friend uses it once a week and she says it gets all of her blackheads out on her nose.

She loves it. I use it for the cold. The deep up. So nice. I really want to try. I've got to buy it. It's amazing. Okay.

But she uses it every week to get the blackheads out on it really well. So maybe I get back a good. I'm like, kind of want to come over and watch you use that because it looks so good. I know. So guys, get in touch at Wednesday's podcast or email us at Wednesdays at jampotproductions.com. If you have a dilemma for us, we really want to hear it. Bye, guys. We'll see you on Wednesday. Love you.