Wednesdays - Should I tell his fiancée about the DMs?? | DILEMMA DAY

Episode Date: September 17, 2026

It’s DILEMMA DAY with Melissa Tattam and Ruby Adler! This week Melissa and Ruby are giving their HONEST thoughts to a Tiny who is crossing the line with her best friend’s brother… We have a follow up from a Tiny who is umming and aaring about breaking up with her boyfriend. Fast forward to now and HE broke up with HER and the aftermath is so much worse than the relationship 🫢PLUS, an OG Tiny’s ex-friends with benefits has slid back into her DMs even though he’s engaged…does the fiancée need to know? Enjoy the episode xGot a dilemma, some personal advice for a fellow Tiny, or a follow-up to a previous one? Send us a voice note or message on Insta @wednesdayspodcast, or drop us an email at [e-mail] | @wednesdayspodcastTikTok | @wednesdayspodcastEmail | [e-mail] CREDITSProducer: Faye LawrenceAssistant Producer: Issy Weeks-HankinsVideo: Lizzie McCarthy Senior Social Media Manager: Laura CoughlanSocial Media Executive: Amber HouriganSenior Producer: Helen Burke Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, tinys, it's Dilemma Day coming up. My boyfriend's sister walked in on us and now she won't speak to me. What do I do? Is there a crossover between me and his now fiancé? Girls, is she allowed to be traumatised or does she need to get over it? Traumatized. Hey guys, it's our favourite time, which is Dilemma Time and we've actually got such a good follow-up from one of you. We love it when you follow up with an update because it's actually we've become so invested in like what happens. And actually I was oddly thinking about one of you, like a few nights ago that wrote in.

And I like went to bed thinking about the situation. So when you do write in, it means a lot. So 100%. We're going to get into it. Right. So I have got a follow-up dilemma. We love a follow-up here. So, girls, I am in shock and so happy we have my dilemma out on the pod. Omg. I have a wild follow-up and I actually need your advice again. Okay, so we're going to throw it back to when she initially wrote in. Please, I desperately need your help. Ten exclamation marks. I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year and we're both 22. He's genuinely one of the kindest, most thoughtful people I've ever met. The problem is I can't shake this feeling that I'm done with the relationship and I can't pinpoint one specific reason why. It just feels like my gut and even my body is telling me it's over.

I don't really want to be intimate anymore and I find myself getting frustrated with him over the smallest things even when he hasn't done anything. Oh, you're done, you're done, you're done, you're going Yeah, because then you're going to feel gross about... I think, like Melissa said, you've just got to, you've got to break up with him. You'll feel better. Oh my God, I don't know how you're not bombing in your mouth every time I wants to kiss you. Like, when you start checking out or something, it's just like, get away from me. And you feel horrible.

So, he broke up with me. That's crazy. That is crazy. But did a job for you. Did a job for you? I brought up that we aren't really happy anymore. And he ended it, as he said he knew I'd been checked out. I'm, you did say that, Tim.

I did say that. You did say that. I thought that could, there was a chance that that could be the case. But then men, whatever. I thought men are too stupid to realize. I sometimes do too, but maybe he obviously read the room. Yeah. It was a very calm, very chill breakup.

We still have love and respect for each other. So I thought. Uh-oh. Uh-oh, I'm scared. Scared. I went away on holiday and when I came back, I was told he had been going around telling people something about me that is not just remotely true was also so damaging to hear. So of course, I was confused at why he was saying this.

I saw him on a night out the same night out I found out he'd been spreading rumors and he says hi to everyone I'm with but me. Of course, I know I'm the bigger person and I go over and ask him how he is. It was an awkward chat and he says that he was told by some girls who are meant to be more my friends that apparently on a night out I was trying to chase on him. Oh my God. Right. It is absolutely not true. So now he hates me and I have to deal with all of his friends hating me and I actually don't know how to cope with this and I've been spiraling and I tried to talk to him to smooth out the situation but it ended in him calling me screaming over the phone so he is now blocked on everything. It's such a mess. Any advice how to not spiral and care so much about what people are saying behind your back would be greatly appreciated. I feel like let them. The let them theory. I feel like this is the perfect scenario to just apply that. Their loss.

Like, you know the truth. If it helps him sleep better at night, like. Yeah. But you felt that that relationship wasn't right. You knew it. He obviously sensed it. He did the hard work for you. Like, let's flip the switch.

Look at it in that way. You didn't have to break up with him. He did it. Like you said, it was calm. It was easy. It was like textbook. It was fine. You obviously have the same friends

are in the same friendship circle. if your girlfriends or the people that are meant to be more so your friends want to create a narrative and start saying all this crap that you know isn't true, I actually think you're the bigger person by not reacting and I think the more you give into this and the more you play into it, react, try call him, message, try and clear the air, you almost look slightly defensive in some ways, which I think could not help. You could look like you're trying to cover something up or like you're so mortified that something has come out. I know that that's not the case. But also like, let's just move on. Like you putting your energy and time into something about that's new

even with him. Like let's go find some gorgeous, lovely new guys. Like, let's celebrate being single. Like, how fun is this? Who cares if he thinks that you should sit on him. The relationship's done now. Like, you said your piece. He doesn't believe you. That's his problem. And that's fine. I also, I have a problem with the fact that it's coming from your girlfriends. If it is, I also do have a feeling that he's just making that up to make himself feel better. Like, yeah. He's trying to save face. being like, she and she didn't you for me. No. Like, who the fucks this rumor come from? Actually, like, we need to figure this out. Who cares if his friends think that you cheated?

Like, it's not really a big deal. Now you're broken up anyway. Like, you've told, you've said, I haven't, and it's his decision to be creating that narrative. And he's very sad for doing that. But if it has come from one of your friends, I would get to the bottom of it. I would literally, maybe just call them one by one and be like, can you help me figure this out? Like, I don't know if he He's being a dick because he has the right to do that, I guess, like the relationship's over and he wants to be bitter about something. But is he making that up? And then that's his problem. I'm not going to think about it again. But if it has come from somewhere in my girl's group, like, that's not okay. Because that's a different thing then. Like, we've got a different issue here. Like, actually, let's just forget about him completely. Because don't even, like, you have to just let him vent in a way that's going to help him, like, get over it. So like whatever he thinks, you've done your bit now. You can't do anything else. You've tried.

Yeah, you have. You really have. But we do need to get to the bottom of like the girl group, like creating narratives if that's true. And like figure out where that's going from. I'm actually not angry. Like if anyone assumed that, but it's not true. So I do think next time you need to come to me and ask me if you think that that's the case. And what night are you referring to?

Like, can we have an honest conversation here? It just feels a bit childish and gone. Like, I just don't like that at all. I hate it also when, because he's probably gone one of, it came from one of your girls, but like he's not saying it. So like in my mind actually he's just making up. Yeah. What girl?

Like, who's come and said that to you? Oh, so pathetic. Fair enough if you did cheat, but they're not even saying that you did. It's like she tried to cheat. What? Rise above it. You're freed from that relationship. you're in your element of like liberation now.

And let's just forget about him. Let him be angry, let him be bitter. You have to have a don't give a fuck mentality. Like it's not your problem anymore at all. And you try to do your bit and you've just got to let them. Let it go. Let it go. I like that.

I like starting that dilemma with the let them theory. Yeah, I need to read that book. Have you read it? I've read it. Yeah, I read it last summer. And then I listen occasionally to her podcasts like in the morning. I think she's great. Yeah, she is good.

Yeah. So I've got a awkward dilemma. Hi, Ruby and Melissa. After hearing you girls talking about whether it's okay to date of friends brother, I just had to write in. I've been with my best friends. Oh my God, I'm already like, ah. I've been with my best friend's father since I was 22. We're both now 29.

So this is the long haul. We went to the same school and the same college. If I'm honest, I always fancied him. And those years of yearning finally paid off. My best friend and I are basically sisters genuinely thought nothing could test that. Then last week happened. My boyfriend and I are staying at my best friend's place whilst our flat gets fixed up. She works nights as a nurse.

We've got the house to ourselves from 6pm till 6am. No, no, I know where this is going. You can guess what that window gets used for. Without getting too graphic, we were having some fun on the sofa, which is right by the front door. No, I have to stop you right there. Disrespect. Fucking. I think so too.

Disrespect. That's not your sofa. I don't like this already. Sorry, carry on. Things progressed pretty quickly. We were both fully naked with me on top of him. I was directly facing, no, no. I was directly facing the front door when I started hearing a weird noise outside. In slow motion, I watched the handle turn. My best friend came home from work early. We lock eyes. This is the best thing I've ever read. We lock eyes and we both scream. My boyfriend, her brother, this is in capital, her brother, just, oh, She's crying with laughter like it's the best thing that's ever happened to him.

She bolts upstairs. That was a week ago. She hasn't said a single words to us since. In seven years of being together, this is the first time it's ever happened. You can tell she just hasn't taken it very well. Girls, is she allowed to be traumatised or does she need to get over it? Traumatized. Traumatized also like, no offence.

You're being really disrespectful by shagging on her sofa. Like, what fuck? If my brother was doing that with his girlfriend in my head. house. Yeah, I would not stand for it. I would lose my shit. It's like I would hit the roof. She's like, she's got a sit on that sofa and you're like fucking bodily fluids all over. I think that's so disrespectful. I think that there's got to be some form of like respect there. That is not a respectful situation. You wouldn't want to see it if the shoe was on the other foot and it would, it's so uncomfortable. Like that is her brother, brother.

There's two separate issues here, right? One is the bad. It's awkward that she's seen her brother having sex. I do think it's probably quite jarring to see any of your friends having sex. Like there's something a bit like, oh, I don't want to see that vibe, right? So like, so private. Like, I would not want to see any boy who friends have sex. Not your brother. Like, that was not, sorry, her brother. Not your brother. That would have been really good. It's not right. Let's say that's not like a sibling, okay, of the girl and it's just a normal boyfriend and there's no family connection. That's still fucking jarring to see. Like, walk in on your friend who you've put up been very kind to like have staying at your house

and then you see that on your sofa I would be so fuming so if I was putting you and gave up and you're shaggy on my sofa and I walked in on it I'd be like hey one don't want to see that so that's really annoying but like obviously everyone has sex and that's natural and that's a separate issue so like I'll just get over that but two why you have shagging on my sofa because that is so disrespectful buy me a new sofa buy me a new sofa I won't be shagging cab when you're safer. But I agree. And you will, right.

It's so disrespectful. But also I think people almost like, like, I don't love, like, the risk and the thrill of that. I think some people do. And I think subconsciously there is maybe part of them that's niggling away. Not that she's like, I want anyone to walk in. But I am someone that's too scared to put myself in that position. I would be like, in case someone does come home. early there's always a chance. So my brain rationalises and think I wouldn't even put myself in

that position when I know she could come home. Like we're going to have to be upstairs. But some people almost love that like thrill of like will they really walk through the door. Like subconsciously kind of love the drama. I would say because it's like there is a chance at some point she could just come home. People. Plans change. Situation's change. She could come home early. So you've almost put yourself in this like she didn't ask for any of it. I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for the best friend. She needs an enormous apology from you.

You are fully in the wrong. She can't just get over it. I'm sorry, you need to go above and beyond to be like, I will buy you a knee sofa and then be like I'm really sorry, it was the height of disrespect. We genuinely just thought that you weren't going to be home and it was so wrong for me to be dying on yours over.

Your brother also should be apologising. This isn't just you, right? This is a joint decision. I've actually never heard Melissa so upset with the dilemma. Like, she's only quite like neutral. There's no two ways about it. No. I think to round that up, yes, she's allowed to be traumatised and you should be apologising profusely. And she will obviously get over it, but you just need to fix what you've, the damage

that you've done. Poor girl. You can go into damage control. Okay, ready? Next dilemma. Yes, ready. Hi, Ruby and Melissa. I absolutely adore the dilemma episodes and I knew I had to write in. Fantastic news. My best friend, let's call you. her Anna and I have been best friends since we were 14. We are now both 27 and she looks completely different to when we were younger. Anna has had a lot of work done including a boob job, two nose jobs, filler and Botox. She is beautiful and always has been. It makes me sad, but if I'm honest, if she passed me on the street, I wouldn't even recognise her. Every time we meet up, she shows me

pictures of celebs before and after and speculating about different work they've had done. This is body dysmorphia. Don't get me wrong. I have dabbled in Botox and other. temporary ascetic treatments, but I'm not as invested as her. I know it may not be my place to say anything. She's an adult and it's her body and her choice, but I have noticed it has started to affect how I think about myself. I look in the mirror and I think I need to change what I see because my friend looks so much younger than I do. I know I am probably internalising this, but I would love to know your thoughts on this and what I should do next, love you guys and always love the pod. Okay, love you so much and you're so sweet for having this concern about your friend

Because like this is probably really relevant right now. I feel like this will happen to a lot of girlies. We're in such a strange world where people feel the knee and the one. And like, look, all the TV shows that are trending price of perfection would live outward. That's like the most watched show on ITV. I need to watch that. It's just quite fascinating from an interesting perspective. But like you see how many people are obsessed with surgery and wanting to change and wanting to look like Kim Kaye and wanting to look like Kylie Jenner and wanting to look like Megan Fox.

And it's like, what is the price of perfection? Where do people stop and draw the line? There's a difference between small tweaks, which I think is, you know, something that, I mean, I am guilty of that. Like, I love a little tweakment. I love a polynuclide. I love a Botox. There's a fine line between just going too far with it

and then really, like, being obsessed. Like, I don't think about it ever. No, I don't. But I do know people that do have actually that line. And it's actually really sad. It's really sad. sad. I feel like when I was like on Maiden Chelsea, I used to get really upset with how I looked. And then that was the first time ever when I was on TV and I was like, oh, I'd like little

this and a bit of that. And like you, I think it was things that I'd never thought about before. And I think that surgery is like booming. Like everyone. Which is crazy. I think this turkey thing too, right? It's like really made it a trend. And people don't understand the full, like how dangerous these things are, like, are you researching who your doctor is? Like, are you going for a quick fix? You're going to Turkey because the prices are cheap? Like, do you know the dangers and the repercussions and like how you recover? And it's like a big thing to go through, put your body through. And I'm sure most of the time it's like all goes well, but you just, you really have to think about these things. It's a hard one. I don't think that you can let this affect you date. Like, no, I don't think you've got to

let her do her. Like, I think say you can. You can call it. You can. and be like, look, I really don't think that you need this. And like, I think that you're really beautiful. And you just don't, don't take that shit home with you. It's really easier said than done. But like, do not. Just don't go there. Just don't go. Just don't. She's on her path. You're on yours. You can, you know, be friends with people that are like chalk and cheese. You can have different, you know, she can go down that route. If that makes her feel good and she wants to do that, then that's fine. You don't need to go down that and you can still maintain a happy, healthy friendship, I'm sure. 100%

But try and just like love yourself and I don't know practice self-care in the way that you would and like, you know, do things that make you feel good without doing things that make her feel good and I think that try and not let the way she lives her life have a reflection on you. Yeah, I think that was excellent advice. Do you remember Heidi from The Hills?

Yes. She sort of like pioneered plastic surgery, I feel. Like when she went in and had her. She put everything done in like one day or something. It was crazy. I think she had 17 surgeries in like 48 hours. And it was like an eyebrow lift. I had some fat put in my lips. I had a boob job. I had a butt job. Lipo. Did she have a nose job too? Cheek implants. She had fucking everything. She had like pins put in her head that pulled back the skin. I remember because I recently like rewatched the hills and I was like that was actually a really wild time. Like it was. It was. It was. It was. That was like before, now plastic surgery feels very casual, which I think is the danger of it. Because it's a really big deal. Like it's a really, really big deal.

Yeah. That made it seem like a really big deal at the time. But now it just seems so cash. I actually remember when Heidi Montag got all that surgery and it was like a revelation. She remember everyone was like, what? I know. I know. She's crazy.

She kind of looks amazing. To me, it's the look that she was going for. looked like she had loads of plastic surgery, but like that's what she wanted. So that's great for her. It was a huge deal at the time. Like it was really shocking. It was a huge deal. Yeah. Because just no one done it like that. And no one listened. Like she didn't listen to anybody. Like her parents, I remember that scene when she sat down with her mom. Her mom was fucking mortified. She was like, what have you done? I thought you look more beautiful before. She was like, I don't care. I feel better about myself. And I think that's the outlook you need to like take with your friend. Like if your

friend feels better about herself, I think you need to really encourage her in like a soft way that she is really beautiful the way she is and give her a lot of like compliments and whatever but ultimately it's not going to change her mind like if there's something in her head then that's it well put i'm wishing you so much luck good luck so am i it's quite a difficult one with these things you don't want to like a delicate subject yeah you don't want to pass judgment so i think just give her compliments love but also like be supportive be like i will support you like if you can make the decision do something agreed Love you so much.

Right. Dialecta from an OG Tiny. Did I read this one out? Are we ready? Yes. Go for it. Hey, girlies. Roll it back to 2022.

I wrote into Wednesdays asking for some advice on the best way to shoot my shot with a guy I met at Touch Rugby. I do need my memory jogged because this is actually going back quite a few years. This was still in the day where Sophie and Melissa drank wine on the pod so advice was pre-honinged. I'm dead. We would have a bottle of wine, maybe eat. sometimes per episode, it was actually crazy. Including suggesting rubbing myself against him in the pub after a match, lol. Sorry.

I can only apologise. It's so strange to me. I don't know what will have in there. But I got an overall energy of the go for it, so I did. Okay, this is good. Shortly after that, we ended up sleeping together. It's fantastic. So the old cheeky rub down and grind worked.

It was great But he said he wasn't looking for a relationship at the time And I wasn't looking for friends with benefits vibe So I didn't progress any further He followed each other on Insta And would occasionally comment on each other's stories Over the next couple of years Forst forward to March last year

He commented on one of my stories Where I've been out and let's say When I'm hungover, I'm a sucker for some attention, aren't we? Oh, aren't we? Things escalated and we ended up in some quite heavy sexting there's also something about, like me and my government's talking about this this weekend. Like, why do girls get, like, a bit more libido when they're hungover? Yeah, it's true.

Why is that? I don't know if guys do too, maybe, but, like, something happens, and I'm not sure if it's, like, the alcohol kills off a certain part of your brain. So then you just become more. I think it's a neediness. I think it's more of a, like, like, closeness. Like, I don't know. There's something strange that happens in the brain. I do agree with that.

This happened. a few more times over the next couple of months. God, this is a fucking year and a half of I've ever heard of one. This has been going on for years, basically. In May last year, I called it off because I started dating someone else pretty serious. During this time, he had tagged a girl a couple of times on his story, but he's not a massive poster, so nothing actually made it onto his grid. Fast forward to July this year, so basically just over a year after I called it off again,

he posts one of those rare grid posts to announce he's engaged to this girl. Wow. Now because he doesn't post on the grid, I have no way of fact checking when they went official. I don't know her at all, so I can't check her private account either, but it does feel very fast

so she's thinking there's definitely a crossover. Yeah. Because it's only been a year since they stopped talking. So what? He's met someone in a year and got engaged. quite unlikely. So here's where I need your advice. As you're both reasoning engaged,

would you want the screenshots from your last year, or do I just leave it? On the one hand, I don't know her, so I don't feel like I owe anything, but also conscious if he was doing this with me, how many other girls he could have been doing it with who didn't call things off, please help. I mean, he was probably dating how many of doing it with you.

Side note, still loving the pod every week, all these years later, keep it coming. Love you so much. The only thing I'm confused that, was she messaging him when he just put these stories of her? When he put the initial stories before he did the grid post of the engagement, was she messaging him? I, you know, I think that she'd called things off when she got a serious boyfriend and then suddenly these stories are going up on his grid. On his page. And then the grid post was the engagement, which was a year after she'd called things off.

I know what you mean also, babe, like, this is not your problem. Like, I would not be bothering all things. I'm absolutely not doing that. No. Really nothing to do with you. There was no crossover that you can see. Yeah, I agree. Like, you do not want to be starting.

They've just got engaged. Like, I would not. You don't know how you don't have mutual friends. This is not your problem. It sounds like you're dating someone serious. I wouldn't start sending screenshots. I would not. Also, I'm thinking about this for you from your perspective.

I'm not thinking about the other girl that's engaged to this guy. Which is what she's doing. Yeah. Why would you? Well, she's just being a girl's girl and she's probably like, does that add up? Like, I feel like he would have been messaging other people. But, like, you are just going to put yourself in a shitstorm by doing that. Yeah.

Right in the middle of drama. And I don't think it's worth it for you. I don't. No, I agree. I really don't. I think let's put energy and time into... New boy. New boy.

The new boy fee. Also, can I just say, if he was doing this with other people, like, the fiancé will find out. Like, she will find out. The truth always comes out. funny how you said he's so like not posting on the grid because that sometimes is like are you that's us i think if you're posting it's fair enough if you're like not a poster whatsoever and you never have ever post but if you do post random stuff and you don't post your relationship that is a bit like why not yeah yeah what are you hiding what are you hiding like just put me in a photo done like it's

like it's actually more effort if you not to be putting it on if you're posting up stuff I think that you just leave it. Honestly, I've never heard that end well for someone. No. Because let's just say there wasn't a crossover. He or she will be like, why the fuck are you shit staring? Like, do you not have anything else to do with your time sort of thing?

It also looks like you're not over it, and I'm sure you probably are. You are, and you're coming from a good place, and I understand it, but that is how it will be perceived. And I think that you are just better off letting them do their thing with that, because it will be badly for you, which is a shame. Okay, love you so much. Love you. Keep us posted. You had good morals there. I like that. Okay, guys, thank you so much. That's the end of the episode.

So get in touch at Wednesday's podcast or email us at Wednesdays at jampotproductions.com. If you have a dilemma for us, we love hearing about them. And can I ask you one favor, please subscribe to our YouTube channel at Wednesday's podcast. Bye, guys. We'll see you on Wednesday. Love you. Thank you.