Weekly Skews - 11/21/23 – A Thanksgiving Feast of Dumbasses

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

Tonight Trae returns, as he and Mark celebrate the forthcoming holiday with a bounty of dumbassery including Elon’s sword, Santos’s weiner, Argentina’s new lunatic President, and many many more. Enjoy. Support the show

What's up, y'all, welcome back. Happy Skew's Day to you. I'm back this week, and I brought a mustache with me. How you doing? It's November 21st, 2023. I'm Trey. That's Mark. What's up, Mark?

Did you miss me? Did, buddy. Those of you didn't listen last week or watched last week, Trey had to cancel last minute because he didn't have Wi-Fi. Corey hopped on in his stead and did an admirable job. Not knowing anything that we're going to talk about. Before he came on, I like to watch out. I mean, to be far, Corey, it never knows what, you know what, even when we tell Corey we can advance.

He's got to sit in for one of us. He still doesn't, you know, part of his charm, I think. He's like, no, it's better if I don't know nothing. I mean, I just learn everything along with the audience. That's what hits for him, you know, and I'm not arguing. Speaking of not knowing, we were talking about Thanksgiving stuff when we came on. By the way, mustache plays, but I like it. Appreciate it.

You do it in Movember? Is that what you're doing? Yeah. Yeah, and sort of, so first of all, I feel like, has that even been a thing for like the past seven years? I knew it was a thing for a while, but I feel like it stopped being a thing. So it's a little 2,000 and late of me. But really what happened was I went to that, I went to that NASCAR championship race, like the first weekend in November. I was going to a NASCAR race.

So I got a Dale Earnhardt shirt and I shaved everything but the mustache, you know, took my glasses off, put a ball cap on. So I was like, all in an effort to fit in better. And then I was like, you know, I was like, hell, I'll just keep the mustache. mustache for a bit so that's what i that's what i've been doing uh we get on to our thanksgiving stuff at matt sastis if we had ham rolled up ham with pickles pickles and cream cheese yeah it's a pet he said it's a midwestern thing i'm about to look it up real quick uh ham pickles cream cheese roll-ups yeah so you got a whole pickle in the middle and you wrap cream cheese and ham around it so it's like a spiral thing ham pickle roll up so

The Midwest, dude, you can always count the Midwest to do some, like, super white people type of food offerings, you know what I mean, that are like egregiously not healthy. I mean, in the South, we're egregiously not healthy, too, food-wise, but like. But it tastes good. Yeah, right, but it's not, yeah. The ham thing is like someone clearly promised they'd bring an appetizer to think Thanksgiving one year and then forgot to shop and just all they had in their fucking fridge was ham and creed cheese and pickles. Tracy Bowman. from Facebook says she calls that Minnesota sushi

I guess so everybody enjoy your atrocious treats on Thursday we got a fun show up this is a holiday week week I thought we'd do a fun one and not be depressing it's mostly all dumbasses and weird people doing fucked up shit

around our country that's not I mean it's always damaging but not the normal hellscape of horrors we usually go through yesterday was Joe Biden's 81st birthday which he celebrated. They put all 81 candles on a cake and it looked like a

Raging Inferno. Yeah. But he did, you know, him or whoever runs his social media stuff. It was a picture of him in front of the birthday cake, which was a raging inferno on top. But the caption,

he made some crack about like, you know, apparently when you turn 146, it's hard to fit all the candles on your cake or something. So he kind of did a dig at himself for being old. I did a video yesterday about his, age because I saw it was his birthday and I knew it was going to be nothing but people bitching about how old he is running again so I made a video about that yeah you made a joke about

like you made it to do a joke he's like it's tough turning 60 pretending to be you know uh have dementia and but then he also mixed up taylor swift and brittany spears uh not do don't do not let jo Biden talk about pop culture whoever is putting stuff in a cell prompter well i didn't say that what did he in what context did he mix up taylor and brittany he was talking about he was the turkey pardoning. I missed the content. I think he was talking about how hot it was over his birthday cake. I don't if you saw that Taylor Swift had to postpone some shows in Brazil because it was like like a hundred equivalent of 140 degrees and someone died at one of her concerts and people were passing out and stuff. So he made a joke about being hot like a Britney Spears concert or whatever.

There's also one of their big pushes lately is fighting junk fees, especially for like concert goers and banks and stuff. So like that was part of trying to tie into that. More updates on South America while we're on it. That crazy psycho running for president of Argentina named Javier Milly, Malay. I'm sorry, I'll probably say it wrong. One, this is one of those things like it's happening all over the world

or right-wing populists are getting elected as like a primal screen. We talked about it recently. Like Argentina's got like 140% inflation rate, 40% poverty rate. Like kids around 20 there have literally never known a decent year of their lives. So it's like, that's part of what's going on. But I don't know if this guy literally does not have a party. I'm not sure how he's going to govern. I don't know how their politics work with us. We got the two parties. That's basically

your only choice down there. So this dude just got elected president without even belonging to a political party. Is that not that weird for Argentina with the way their system works? Because that sounds pretty wild. I think it's pretty weird. But so, but he's like his platform, we talked a little bit about it. But like, he wants a nationwide abortion ban. He wants to like get rid of their currency and just use the U.S. dollar. Maybe that'll help their inflation crisis. I don't know. But he wants to, like, he's a libertarian. He wants to legalize people selling their organs. Yeah. That'll help the economy, I guess. I'd tell you know, your economy's in good shape. They're like, we're going to institute a new system where you can

sell your own kidney. Hey, be a self-starter. Who needs two of them anyway? I feel like that just also incentivizes those bathtub kidney things that we all heard about as kids, you know, especially in South America. You go down there, you wake up in a bathtub. Well, now, you know, there's a lot more profit to be had. If you can just do that legally. I mean, I guess the abduction part's not legal, but you know what I mean. Right.

But like you're legalizing organ trade. How you're going to, like, who's going to do in the proof of custody? Because libertarian is not going to stand up some bureaucracy to make sure the organs are legit. You can literally take someone to organs and sell them. To extend he has another real, any other real campaign platforms. He was pro threesome. he's also like he's not married or whatever he says his sister is going to be the first lady

and people were making jokes about him fucking his sister and having weird sex parties with his sister and his three cloned dogs and he said his joke air quote joke was not my dog so he was joking about fucking his sister good luck Argentina yeah how long did their president serve for down there I don't know no

Because I've had mixed feelings anytime something like this happens It's like part of me is kind of like I'm a little bit Part of me feels bad about it Part of me feels bad about the part of me that feels bad about The part of me that feels good is I'm like okay We're not like we're not the only

You know Dipshit country doing stuff like this or whatever But we are like the flag The Torchbearer for that type of dipsittery for sure But like but also it does suck to know that It's happening anywhere else You know what I mean In any other country it's a bummer

But I guess when people get desperate, you know, it's a similar thing as like the narrative with Trump. Like you said, if everything is that bad for that many people, you know, these authoritarian types, they can like strike a chord with them, I guess. Yeah, there's also a thing where like when you see yourself as a protagonist of reality, things are going poorly if you personally, think of that like you should just be able to tear off the mandate and, you know, fuck the world up. And by the guy's got caused himself to Donald Trump of Argentina and Trump endorsed him. And Trump said, the headline in the story I read about it said, I'm very proud of you, Trump celebrates Argentina president like Javier Millet. Another, the Donald Trump of Brazil, who's no longer in office stare at Boltonaro is, he can't run for president until 2030 because he might end up in jail because he did so much fucked up shit. But he's also under investigation right now because he was caught on video, like harassing a whale on a jet ski. Now, see, I thought Trump had turned pro whale.

Bolsonaro didn't get that memo from his. you know, his mentor, they're all in on the whales now because, you know, green stuff kills whales or whatever, you know, Trump's real into whales at present. So I don't know how happy he's going to be about this. But I read it. It's like, he was out there on a jet ski. Do you think he was just out there like, oh, it's a fucking wild. I'm on a jet ski and there's a whale. This hits for me because he's too dumb to know that like whales are not into that and it freaks them out. Because like, or do you think he was like, fuck this whale? is fuck this whale Like these These right wing business Like it used to hate environmentalism Because it got in the way of like Regulations got in the way of business

But now they're just objectively anti-environment Like you got Bals andero's anti-environmental policies By the way it got of the nickname Captain Chainsaw Because he just wanted to like burn down the whole Amazon So like Balsonaro's entrance into politics He says his organ store was because he was ticketed

for illegal fishing so he wanted to tear down the government because he couldn't kill enough fish. I don't know what he was trying to do. That's like Hitler not getting into art school type of thing. You know what I mean? It's like that is the origin story.

Like that's what sets you off on that. Yeah. Back home with our own Bolzano, Ron DeSantis. His campaign's falling apart. They had a big meeting where everyone was yelling at each other this week about while they're in third place behind Nikki Haley and I can't figure out how to attack her

because like, like, Nicky Haley is their big problem, the big speed bump with the path of becoming president. But this exchange, it was a big, it was a screaming match between a guy named Jeff Rowe who works for a Super, a DeSanta's Super PAC, and a guy named, works directly for Santa's called Scott Wagner.

Let me read you this exchange, because this is just slayed me. You have a stick up your ass, Scott, Roe fumed at Wagner. Why don't you come over here and get it, Wagner response? That's not a, that's not to come back you on.

Like, yeah, we go over here, you know, grab the thing in my ass if you want to do you want to you want to you want to you want to you want to grab the thing in my ass huh yeah move it around a little bit treat me like your lollipop yeah he's be he's be up at night thinking about a better response to that yeah it's like that reminds me the sunfield jerk the jerk store call they're all out of you episode it's just like so like oh my god you really bumble fuck this one dude but yeah that's things are going great in the santasville uh good luck in your next career ron do you think like what do you think like when his strategists and the people at the top of his campaign like when they're behind closed doors having like legit conversations about their circumstances like what do you think how much do they rationalize like what do you think their plan is in their head like they're just getting wrecked but like so they keep spending all this money try like do they have to tell themselves that like something is going to happen that's going to take trump out of it in some capacity and they think they still got a shot like i don't understand how you lie to yourself

to that degree with how it's gone so far, you know? Yeah, it's a weird dance to be like, we all love and support Donald Trump, of course, but we're waiting around hoping he dies. Right. Because it's the only they have a shot. But yeah, they never, I don't know, like during their campaign post-mortem is going to be interesting,

because I don't know whether they're going to be honest themselves. They were just too, too online and too into the culture were bullshit. They don't even say woke anymore. The youngest whole career on the word woke for like a year and then realized no one cared. and they just stopped and they acted like they never fucking hung their entire existence around 12 trans people in Florida or whatever. It's like very, very weird. But yeah, book bands don't play nationally, it turns out.

Yeah. Well, at least there's that. All right. Well, let's get into it. Producer Matt is with us behind the scenes doing the things. It is weekly skews. Before we continue, I, of course, got a couple of items of business for you. Number one, if you'd like to see me perform live, go to traycrouter.com.

I'll be in San Francisco. uh the week after thanks the weekend after thanksgiving and i got lowell arkansas and nashville tennessee round and out the year in nashville those are the well-read holiday shows that we do every year so cori and drew will be with me those are always a blast so if you're in the tennessee area come check us out uh then i got 2024 date some of them are actually on the website already so i'll get you a new graphic soon but anyway come and see me also on tracrouter.com you can find a link to me and cori's book around here and over yonder a comedic travel guide. It's fun. It hits for people.

If you'd like to hear us read it, then you can get the audio book on Audible as well. Lastly, if you enjoy this here show and like to show your support, you can do so by signing up on Patreon. You can go to weekly skews.com slash more or just go on Patreon and look me up $5 a month, get you access to full-link bonus episodes, which we are due for one this week. We need to me and Mark and might have to talk about that after the fact. Maybe get a Black Friday bonus skews for y'all or something along those lines. But anyway, yeah, I get some more skews in your life. As for the show tonight, like Mark said,

in the spirit of the holiday, we've got a veritable bounty, a smorgasbord, a cornucopia, if you will, of dumbassery for you that we'll be working our way through. As we head towards the 6 o'clock hour, but first, let's go ahead and get started with the major daily, the daily dumbass itself for this week. Let's have it. The DD this week is Master's,

Mr. Yoda for MAGA not knowing who he was. This is a speaker at Trump. I'm going to do it. Give me a second. Give me a second. I'm going to do it. I've got a plan. God damn it.

The dark side is very powerful in Biden. Crooked is he. Your country, he does not care. The force is strong in Trump. When he must help him, you can. caucus for him you shall for without his victory all hope is lost okay so what the fuck but also it's hilarious to think of uh Yoda being maga you know what I mean yeah only two genders there are you know he is he is like 900 years old or something so he is a space pap also like maybe but I don't

not. I also thought about that famous, there was like a famous line from the Phantom Menace where he's talking about young Anakin, I believe, but it could easily be directed at Trump or all of MAGA in general. It like totally applies to them to us. It's where he goes, you know, fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. And, you know, so I don't think that Yoda would be, I mean, Trump is like the sithiest motherfucker and all of politics. he's stupid and incompetent, which is not Sith traits. But, like, he's definitely on the dark side, you know. It's one of these people doing. I mean, they always know this, too, because I've seen pro-Trump photoshopps of him as Emperor Palpatine. Right.

But, like, the fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate seeds, and suffering. That seems like a maga to-do list. Right. Yeah, right. Yeah, the checking right through it. Yeah. So the only good response to this, the only, whole the appropriate one was Mark Hamill,

Luke Skywalker himself, tweeted this in response to that video. Do you have this, Matt, or I can just read it. Here it is. The cringe is strong with this one. So, I have no idea who the fuck that asshole is or what that context was. That was at a Trump rally where he said a bunch of dumb shit like he always does.

I want to talk about this story. So there's a guy named Mike Davis, who's a maga lawyer and used to clerk for Neil Gorsuch. David, he's been floated as Trump's potential attorney general in the next Trump administration, and he is openly auditioning for it. Yesterday, he went on social media and said that he wanted to arrest and deport MSNBC host, Mehdi Hassan, who is an American citizen. So they literally think they can deport American citizens if they're not originally from here or Brown or Muslim. He also said he wanted to send Tim Miller to a women's prison. Tim Miller is a former Republican operative who worked for Jed Bush, who went hardcore anti-Trump.

He also happens to be gay, which is what in the prison. Trump is a, Reverend's prison joke is about. Yeah, me and Tim Miller, I believe, I'm pretty sure I've got the right guy. Me and Tim Miller were on Bill Mars show together the day that RBG died. She died where it got announced that she died live on the air on that show. He was sitting there beside me pretty wild. Only time I ever met Tim Miller. But anyway, yeah. Yeah, it seems like a good do as far as Republicans go.

So Trump's, of course, I wanted to talk about this for a second. He had a, there was like one of those suits trying to get him thrown off the ballot in Colorado for the 14th Amendment reasons for, you know, participating in an erection on January 6th. Or I said erection, insurrection. He also participated an erection on January 6th. The judge agreed that Trump had participated in an insurrection, but said that the president doesn't qualify as an officer of the Constitution under the – just chicken shit stuff. He's like, yeah, he did it, but also I'm not going to do anything because I don't want the death threats. But Trump's attorneys in that – in that case made a weird argument that, yeah, January 6th happened,

but the people who do that stalker, that psycho shit for Trump or have an unrequited love for him. They compared it to Trump to a victim of stalkers. Like said, he's basically Jody Foster to John Hinkley and compared him to Jim, the love interest character in Dumb and Dumber, who's being sued across the country by Jim Carrey. Yeah, Lauren Holly.

Yeah. I mean, dumb and Dumber come up in presidential constitutional cases, yeah, yeah, that is the world we live in. I mean, like, I don't think that in a vacuum is super not true. You know what I mean about Trump and his followers? Like, you know, he doesn't give a shit about them, you know, wouldn't miss on if they were on fire and probably has active disdain for a huge chunk of them, I'm sure, and thinks they're just subhuman trash, but they're useful to him.

So that is true, but like that, but he has, you know, I mean, they are at his beck and call, so he totally can, you know, direct them to do, you know, seditious things or whatnot. And in fact, did. Are you telling me that Colorado case, the 14th Amendment case, like, that's over? Like, that's done. The judge said, yeah, I don't know if they're going to appeal it or whatever. But those things, like, I actually think those things are stupid and dangerous because, like, if you want to give a pretext for the house, if they're controlled by Republicans, not that they need a pretext, but if the, to throw the thing into chaos, if you go, like, well, Trump did not win a plurality of electoral votes, but he wasn't on the ballot in a lot

of blue states. And there's other Republicans who did win or whatever. It's like, it's going to create a mess. I just think like, sorry, man, Trump exists and you got to beat him. But talking about like his, this army of psychos or at his command are not unrequited. It is a two-way love affair. He just doesn't respect them. Right. Like, like, there was a hearing this week from about appeals court about the gag order issued in the January 6th case. And the judges were trying to ask Trump's lawyers about the limits

of their free speech argument about like, oh yes, we understand he's running for president, he's under trial, but also like, is there anything you think we could say that Trump cannot say? And they basically said no, and they asked him, what if he wanted to post on social media the names and addresses of his jurors? And they're like, yep, that'd be fine.

And I got to say, like one of the things that isn't fine or isn't supposed to be fine. Right. Like for hardcore mob trials, people think the jury might be targeted or threatened. Like they usually keep the juries are anonymous like they're behind a curtain and they're like driven to and from the courthouse by federal marshals. They might have to do this in this case. I feel like they totally should do that in this case, dude. I mean, because of his legions of insane followers and everything. thing like those people will not be safe i don't think like if they're you know they they should

absolutely you know conceal their identities jury duty sucks hard enough like this is going to be like probably a month's long trial you're probably going to have to be sequestered for it so you're going to be in a hotel away from your family you can't work you're paid $10 a day and now you're telling me i also might fucking get assassinated right though like yeah uh where you had on jury duty by the way. I mean, I'm, I don't like it, but I do it. Right. Right. Okay.

Because yeah, I've seen a movement, I don't know, it's not a movement, but a thing that has emerged recently. I've seen, like Drew talked about it, maybe on this show, or maybe that was well read, I can't remember, but Drew, former lawyer talked about it, and I've seen TikTok videos and stuff made about it, pleading with people to stop making it a thing to, you know, get out of jury duty, because you always hear, it's like a thing, you always hear all these ways you can get out of jury duty because nobody wants to do it. And I've heard defense attorneys, people like Drew and Drew himself, saying, like, yeah, that don't hit.

People shouldn't do that because, like, we need people like that on the, you know, you know what I mean, like, me and you trying to get out of it or whatnot. It's like, Drew's like, no, you would hit for me as a juror, so stop doing that. But, you know, jury duty still sucks. The one time I did it was during COVID and I just had to call a number every day. I was on call for jury duty and I never, I never even got called in. And so it was totally fine for me. Same thing. Last time I had, it was just, you call every morning when the courthouse opened.

Let's see if you have to come in. And it was like a week straight and I didn't have to do it. So the, but yeah, I mean, we had a buddy I'm not going to name and shame because like it didn't play it. It didn't, like he got out of jury duty, not just necessarily where he was trying to get out of it, but he was just overly honest. And they asked him if he had anything that would keep him from like convicting a person in the specific circumstances. And he was like, well, I tend not to trust cops. cops. Yeah.

And I was like, well, that's what you need to be on the jury because the case should be buttoned up, you know, it should be, you shouldn't be like, well, it's 50, 50 either way, but I'm going to say guilty because the cop says. The, uh, while we're in court stuff, I wanted to briefly mention this because this is a really Supreme Court keeps embarrassing itself. So the conservative Supreme Court justice is mostly Terrence Thomas and Neil Gorsuch are playing this game where like, so the court will strike something down. or, you know, they'll post either a dissent or a concurring opinion that's just theirs

and make an argument that neither lawyer in the case made basically signaling to conservative movement lawyers or more psychotic judges in lower courts what argument they will, they would have upheld telling them how to bring the next case. And this one has to do with the Voting Rights Act. Clarence Thomas, in a Voting Rights Act case, in a concurring. opinion. No, no, this isn't a dissent. Like, the lower courts will take a dissent and act like it was the real opinion, which is not the way the system is supposed to work.

And he said that, like, the Voting Rights Act, nothing is in there. It says it's like an individual person can bring a case, which is stupid. Because if you can't go to court to stand up for your right, you do not have that right. Right. Right. They're basically saying that only the attorney general can bring voting rights out cases, which would mean under Republican presidents, they would be no voting rights. Right.

Right, exactly, yes, right. So that's obviously horseshit. So, like, that dude, that lunatic from earlier wants to deport MSNBC host or whatever, he becomes the attorney general and the Voting Rights Act just doesn't exist. So, you know, they can just do whatever the fuck they want to, election-wise, continue to suppress votes and that type of thing. And there will be no one to police it because only one man can police it. And that man is someone for whom voter suppression hits.

So that's not good. But rights don't hit for conservative judges. like they keep doing this over and over again. Like that's why like qualified immunity in police and police and prosecutors is so annoying. If you can't sue somebody from violating your rights, you do not have a right. You just don't.

There's nothing you can do. So while on the Supreme Court in one dimension, the Supreme Court rolled out a new ethics code to try it like squash criticisms of itself. But basically they did, took everything they're already doing that's crooked and wrote a code down that lets them keep doing stuff they're doing. What they did was kind of funny

because he took the ethics code that applies to lower courts, Xeroxed it, but changed, took all the word shells out and changed it to should. So instead of it being a rule, it's just a suggestion. Yeah. Suggestion. Yeah. There's also no enforcement mechanism and no

penalties. Even if you violate the should, there's not, like, there's nothing that happens to you. They literally wrote down nothing. Like, it's just like a judge should recuse, for example, if hypothetically the case and point would reveal his wife's seditious text messages to the White House chief of staff.

But if you don't, that's also fine. How'd you come up with that hypothetical? Where'd that come from? Just put it out of my ass. It's not something to definitely happen. Right. Yeah. All right.

Next up on our dumb asses list, the liberal media for daring to challenge Elon Musk to a battle of the blade. Look at this tweet. I cannot believe, even with Elon, this is a bit much for me. I can't believe he actually did this. You're only listening. It's a picture of Elon.

Musk holding a samurai sword in front of a American flag with a longhorn skull above it. That looks, is that in Joe Rogan's place? Because it looks like Joe Rogan's background. I bet it must be. But anyway, it's him. Some random user posted this picture and he does the thing he does where he responds to some random loser who's a fan of his. It's a picture I'm holding a sword in front of the American flag.

And Eli Musk says in the tweet, there is a large graveyard filled with my enemies. I do not wish to add to it, but will if given no choice. Those who pick fights with me do so at their own peril, but maybe this is their lucky day. So I know what this is actually about, but like this is, this is, I can't even quantify the amount of cringe. You could see the cringe from this from space, dude, but it's almost like, it's almost sort of perversely inspirational because like you can become the richest man on earth while still being. a neck beard cringled dip shit. Like, anyone who

lacks the self-awareness to recognize how stupid this looks and not at all genuinely badass. Like, they aren't just being in their mom's basement, not helping to run the world from their treasure trove

and volcano layer or whatever. Like, it's such a, we live in such a, a ridiculous timeline in society. It's really difficult. have $200 billion in zero friends. So he had a really bizarre week, even by Elon's standard. So late last week, I'm talking about replying to random losers.

Somebody, people were arguing about Hitler. Sure, as you do on the internet. And one guy was like, if you, for you people who say Hitler was right, basically make your case. And this guy responded about how Jewish people stoke anti-white hatred. And Elon responded to this guy. I only has 5,000 followers, no idea how Elon found it, said, you have spoken the truth, all right?

Which caused, like, when you're in a Twitter threat about how Hitler was right and you used the word truth, people are going to get into feelings about it. But then the Anti-Defamation League, which is ostensibly a Jewish civil rights group, defended Elon because he's cracking down on Palestinian voices on Twitter. And it's a really dangerous game to be playing to be like, I'm fine with Jewish hatred as long as you also hate Palestinians, right? I don't, like, that's, it's a really, yeah, well, I mean, dude, they kind of have to, like, you know, it's fine if you hate Jews as long as you love Israel or whatever is like, that applies to the entire American right wing right wing right wing right wing right wing right wing right wing right wing right wing white wing white wing watchdog group, you know, or a lot of them. So it's like, uh, played around with Twitter's algorithm. Basically, they created some new accounts and fought a bunch of right way. accounts to see what ads did but show them.

And it showed white supremacist content for you feed next to ads for stuff like IBM and Apple. So a bunch of advertisers saw that and pulled all their ad support. So then Elon said he was going to file

a lawsuit against media matters, then did so. Even though in his lawsuit, he says that what they reported was accurate, he just didn't like the way they contextualize it, which is not lawsuit-worthy. But Anyway, that led to him, somewhat another loser told him on Twitter that told him to David Brock, the founder of the nonprofit media matters, quote, was the boyfriend of James Aliphantus, owner of Comet, Pingpong Pizza, yes, the PizzaGate restaurant. Aliphantas, the pizza shop owner at that time was on GQ's 50 most powerful people in D.C. list. Weird, Musk replied.

Pizza gate, if you're not familiar, God bless you. I want to live in your brain. was a conspiracy theory that started Q&N basically about how the Hillary Clinton campaign because their emails that leaked to, when WikiLeaks, they were talking about ordering pizza from comet ping pong. Obviously, those were coded letters about

ordering sex traffic children. Obviously. The whole idea that like the like the epicenter of this evil satanic child sacrifice ring was the basement of a place called Comet ping pong pizza

is just, it kind of sums up their whole thing, I feel like, because it's just so, like, patently stooped, like, it's explicitly stupid, you know, that it's wild. But, yeah, I thought they were, I thought even they'd moved on from Pizagate. I didn't know people were still hanging on to PisaGate at this point, yeah. I thought the moment where a guy drove from North Carolina with a bunch of guns and charged in the comic ping pong and demanded people show him where the basement was, and then he found out there was no baseman.

And he surrendered and said, well, I guess I had bad intel. Now I guys in prison. I thought that was the death of this. But anyway, like, so the attorney generals for both Texas and Missouri have said they're going to criminally investigate media matters for fraud for telling the truth about what they saw. Anyway, while on the subject to crazy conspiracy theories, a brand new one just dropped from Clay Higgins, a congressman from Louisiana. I believe. This was at a hearing with FBI director Christopher Wray this week, and this is fun to get to the bottom of. You got this video, right? If you are asking whether the violence at the Capitol on January 6th was part of some operation orchestrated by FBI sources and or agents, the answer is emphatically not.

No. You're saying no. Not violence orchestrated by FBI sources or agents. Are you familiar with, you know what a ghost vehicle is? Director of the FBI certainly should. You know what a ghost bus is? A ghost bus? Ghost bus.

I'm not sure I've used that term before. Okay. It's pretty common in law enforcement. It's a vehicle that's used for secret purposes. It's painted over. These two buses in the middle here, they were the first to arrive at Union Station on January 6, 0500.

I have all this evidence. I'm showing you a tip of this iceberg. Mr. Chairman. These two buses are painted completely white. Point of order. Are you good at that? Very significant hearing, Mr. Chairman. It says two white buses.

He found a picture of two white buses. He cracked the gaze. Right. What is this? He's like, I don't understand. It's like, we've all seen the movies. We know the FBI. They sit in white buses is what they do.

They sit in a white van outside and they got computers in the back. Are you telling me that there's no FBI and these here white buses? Frankly, I don't believe that. director so ghost buses and ghost cars are kind of a real thing and i want to like like he appears to mash them all up in his head so for criminals a ghost car basically means like you altered your license plate so uh like you can skirt like tolls and automatic speed and red light cameras all right that's that's like people in new york call those ghost cars it's like a lot a lot of cops do this to be able to to to get away with street crows uh because they know to work the system so they could also

like some context also can mean unmarked police cars right that have like they're called that because they have like decals that show up under certain conditions but not normally I guess to other cops and see if you're a cop car but in a DC context a ghost bust is real and you're never going to guess what it is Trey so there's an app where you can follow real-time bus movements for the metro in DC but it has it's been it's been buggy with glitches so sometimes it'll show a bus is close or arriving and the bus doesn't actually exist and they're calling this ghost bus. Yeah.

All right. I mean, that would that is an issue. I mean, that would piss me off. Right. You're waiting on a bus that never comes. Right. So he took the ghost buses in D.C. with the criminal ghost cars in New York and the ghost cop cars and he massed them all up into one

and asked the FBI director about them and who had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. So they're still on the whole like, it was actually the FBI that perpetrated January 6 and made it look like Trump supporters? Right.

And like Mike Johnson made it worse. He released all 44,000 hours of January 6 footage. So of course, people are cherry picking to make it look like everyone was peaceful. Because of course there's some moments where people are just milling around in between beat, that's after they beat the shit of the cops to get in there and took a shit on Nancy Pelosi's

desk, right? Not all the 10,000 people there were super violent. No one thinks otherwise. But like, Like, they also, there's conspiracy, one of the footage, like, there's a guy holding something in his hand. The guy's name's Kevin Lyons. He's in prison. And he testified, he admitted what he did.

He allocated and said, I was a dumb ass. Please forgive me. All right. But in his hand, people are saying, that's a badge. Like, why would you flash a badge of your undercover? But it was just a fucking vape pin. It was a vape pin. So, anyway, this is pure theory is back.

And so it's the new hot. And it's back in the, yeah, it's fully back now, baby. Yeah, it's a pretty sorry-ass undercover agent. if you're flashing your badge in the middle of the op or whatever. Right. That's an odd choice. Speaking of odd choice, let's talk about this next one. Next honorable mention,

the war on Christmas for getting so intense that Santa is now a disabled veteran. He sent one of our producers to Target, and they found this. Gay Nutcracker, complete with a rainbow hat, a trans flag, full price, $12. But right now it's on sale for eight. Target also sells Santa ornaments, but Target Santa is in a wheelchair and is black. And it's a good thing our chimney is wheelchair accessible, so Jesse Jr. is going to get all the gifts he wants.

Okay, the wheelchair accessible is kind of a good joke for Jesse Waters. But like, why, like, this is so run out of juice. Like, what? Right. Like, so this wasn't my joke, but so I also make the joke that the job of a Nutcracker is literally to put nuts in your mouth. So, like, of course.

Yeah, totally fits to have a gay one. Yeah, why not? And also, Corey said, I think it was Corey in our group, Chad, said, you know, Black disabled Santa there, don't even need a sleigh. It's just practical, really. You can just hook right up to the, to the reindeer if he needs to. Yeah, going down the chimney is a problem. And also, I mean, Santa is a magical being, you know,

I feel like he could probably just magic himself out of a chair. But I just think Black Disabled Santa, it seems made up to me. It is, like, objectively hilarious, I think. But, like, it feels like it's just, just, like, made to troll them or to piss them off. But, like, I just don't understand why does it have to be only one thing? Like, they sell the regular thing. You can have the regular thing if you want. They're not taking your thing away.

They just would like to sell more stuff to be. more people because they're a fucking company and that's what they do it's capitalism like you know why does it fucking matter if there are other options that you think are gay and stupid or whatever like just don't just buy regular cracker santa and leave it at that you know right i can't i can't i i i got too much other stuff going on my life to wrap my head around people getting mad about them seeing a uh black santa at a wheelchair at a target it's just such a weird thing. And, like, obviously, like, I got a black friend of wheelchair. I was like, if I saw that, I'd be like, this might be, I don't know if it'd be a gag gift or be like somebody, I'd be, I'd be

like, that's a funny thing. Like, to the extent this is doing anything, it's just like for people who don't see themselves and stuff, you know, it's fine. Or just keep going. The things they showed said they were already marked 30% off a month ahead of Christmas. So it's obviously not sell it well. So like, this target took a shot in dark and it didn't work. So, but like, They did a whole show about this. We didn't need to show this video because it's kind of boring. But the only thing that was notable about it is the Riley Gaines, who we talked about a couple weeks ago. She's the swimmer whose claim to fame is tying for fifth with Leah Thompson, the trans swimmer at a college swim meet.

And she's basically turned that into a whole right-wing grievance career. So now she, who tied for fifth at a swing match, is now making a career going on Fox News talking about trans nutcrackers and how it's offensive to parents? Like, how is that offensive to just keep walking if you don't, like your kid says, Mommy, what's that? It's a nutcracker. Fucking keep walking. I don't know to tell you, man.

It's like, it's, like, people are just, like, so terrified of talking to their kids about anything, you know what I mean? That's their, that's their screed. How am I supposed to explain this to my kids? Like, I don't know. Just do some parenting shit. Like, that's a huge part of parenting is explaining things to your kids. just do it you know be homophobic turn them into bigots like you're doing already and just go on

about your day they probably relish getting the opportunity to explain something like this to their kid now that i think about it because it gives them a chance to you know go on a tirade about the evils of it and turn turn their children you know against these people too so yeah it's yeah it's also like the implication of santa gets down a tiny ass chimney with his legs it's like no he's like you said it's magic he's magic yeah yeah all right let's see what we got out here, all right, our next honorable mention or our next dumbass on the list. Anyone who thinks George Santos ever heard a jerking off before last week, I actually really like the very end of this clip here from the Fox host.

Go ahead, Matt. Speaking of Peel, is it true that you have an OnlyFans page and you can peel a banana with your feet? I don't have one. And it's, you know, I'll indulge you this. I just discovered what OnlyFans was about three weeks ago when it was bought up in a discussion in my office. What do you think? And I was very, I was oblivious to the whole concept.

You just can't tell the truth. All right. Yeah, she hit for me there. Yeah. If you miss it, she goes, you just can't tell the truth. And the delivery on it was pretty great too. But yeah, this guy, I mean, why even?

Why? Like, you know, it's such an insane claim to Mike. And you know it's got to sound unbelievable. and it doesn't incriminate you to know what OnlyFans is. I bet Drew Morgan's Sunday school-ass mama knows what OnlyFans is, probably, especially now that her baby boy is on there telling joke. If you guys don't know, like Santos is 35, I believe. There's no way he doesn't know.

Anyone who spends any time online is what OnlyFans is. If you don't know, OnlyFans is basically like people mostly do adult content stuff on there, but not necessarily only adults. Like some comedians do their comedy content on there because it's like a it's a place where you subscribe to people's contents or like substack or whatever else, but it's mostly adult performers who you can tip in exchange for their services, you know, stuff they do on camera or whatever. So the reason this came up,

George Santos, the House Ethics Committee put out their findings and their investigation to him and basically were like, yep, he's a lion scumbaggotist, stole a bunch of money. And what he spent that money on was like clothes from Farragamo, Botox, and Onlyfans. among other shit. I saw people saying he spent $40,000 on Onlyfans,

but I can't have found any sourcing for that. That would be in a lot of money to spend on Onlyfans. But like some of the details, last November he dropped $6,000 at Farragamo. He withdrew $800 in cash at a casino where an aide that like to play roulette. Again, this is donor money. This is not his.

It's not supposed to be doing this. He paid off his rent. He pulled another $1,000 and spending money to ATM near his apartment. his campaign wired him $20,000 cash after last Thanksgiving without telling donors or the FEC. His campaign paid for trips to casinos in Atlantic City and the Hamptons. Went to the French fashion house Hermes, like in Botox in at least three different occasions in three different places. He said it said he personally loaned his campaign $80,000.

He said that to make it sound like his campaign was more flush with cash. when it was, but he never actually gave that money, but he still paid himself back that money, $20,000 to $28,000 of it. Where does his campaign get all this money? Like, I don't know. Is it, like, distributed from the Republican Party? Some of it, do they share that like NFL teams do?

And I know you can do your own fundraising, but, like, he put together that much of a war chest that he can just blow it all on purses and roulette. and whatever part of it's just like you're at staten island republican and you go like i'm running oh long i forget where he's from his long island uh he just said like the local people who republicans are going to donate your campaign because they want a republican to represent their district right but also like his campaign's a lot of fraud one of his uh campaign uh uh chiefs was like in jail as pled guilty

because they're for lying to pretend to be somebody else when they called don't big the big money donors and one of the things Santos did it read to me like he thought he was going to lose last fall because like in the last week of the election he called two different big money donors and asked if he'd kick in $25,000 in last minute financing right before the election and then he got that money and just paid it to himself so like he wasn't spending it on the campaign he wasn't trying to fucking win he just won god damn you're democrats suck yeah but then you say sorry if I'm jumping the gun here but after this report came out or whatever isn't he already saying he's done he's not going to run again but he's going to finish that his term

because he makes $180,000 a year. He's not giving that up. Some of the other expenses, he spent $1,500 in campaign funds at a pet store. He went to Home Depot. I wonder what George Santos was doing at Home Depot. Good question. He'd spent money on a hotel that he said was a campaign expense,

but he was on social media at the time in the Hamptons, not doing anything campaign-related. In hotel rooms have dates attached to the bookings. that's just fucking stupid other records show that Santos charged the campaign for taxing hotel charges in Vegas at a time when he was supposed to be on his honeymoon

and that is how I found out George Santos was married I did not know that he got married a few months ago and how he announced it was after Dianne Feinstein died he soft launched his husband

and a condolences tweet Let me read this to you. My husband, Matt, no one, no one knew who was mayor at this point, right? My husband Matt and I are heartbroken by the news of the passing of Senator Feinstein. So he bankshotted his husband announcement off the death of dying Feinstein. Right. Who also presumably doesn't hit for his papal or whatever, presuming that he has people. Yeah.

I'm wondering, yeah, I'm wondering if they'll expel him. Because like Mike Johnson, who's holy. existence in his head is diametrically opposed to everything Santos stands for because he can see he consider himself a person of integrity he's not whatever's going on mike johnson's finances are fucking crazy and no one's figured it out yet because he's rich but no one can find it on paper um but a person to personal integrity hardcore christian anti gay right but he's not moving to expel santo because he needs his vote right uh all these people uh suck i'm not say that santo should Sandor should be expelled for a litany of financial crimes,

not anything going on in his personal life. I don't even care of these stole shoes in Brazil, all right? That's between him and whoever's credit card he stole. But stealing a disabled vet's dog sucks. Yeah. Stealing his roommate's scarf sucks. And I can't believe this guy got a late to the Congress. But one last funny bit that came out of this,

this OnlyFans model, Laila Lewis, said that she figured out if this story came out that he was one of her subscribers to her content and said he once had her rate his dick. Let me quote here from her. This guy was so to me, ha, ha, ha, ha, the porn store posted.

I rated his dick, she alleged. Asked by a follower to make the congressman's rating public. She said, I think he deleted his account. So at least he was smart enough to delete his only fans after he said. I don't know how to say this, but like, I don't, I didn't

think Lela Lewis would be George Santos' type if you catch him a drift. Right. I don't know what is, because he was married to a woman before. Like, he's just, he's out there party, man. Maybe he's,

uh, bisexual. Just, pansexual, bisexual, he says he identifies his gay now, but also no one knows what his real name is. He has like five different aliases.

Right. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Sooner lasso the moon and make any sense out of him and his, uh, his do-ins. But yeah.

All right. Well, that was fun. Listen, y'all here's with some questions and comments. And we'll wrap up this holiday edition, Thanksgiving edition of the skews. What's your favorite Thanksgiving thing, Mark?

Stuffing. My man. I do one more holiday present for the skewers. Lauren Bobert apparently definitely thinks she's going to lose this fall, next fall. Remember, she only won by 606 votes last year. And you said this made a post about,

she lost. Yes. One of my videos that I make, I made one dunking on her for losing, and then she ended up winning. So, yeah. So Colorado is going to have two ballot initiatives on the ballot next fall. One's related to abortion, other ones related to rank choice voting. Now, we already know what abortion is done to turn out in states that have had it on the ballot

for Democrats. And ranked choice voting, her opposition, let me read this to you. I will oppose this effort to rigor, electoral system in Colorado with everything I have. So I like ranked choice voting. I would like to be able to vote my preferences and also strategically at the same time. For example, if there was, if RFK Jr. wasn't insane and I could do RFK, then Biden, so my vote would count, but I could express frustration with my, the frustrations I have with the Biden

administration, that would hit for me. And also should theory hit for a politician like Lauren Bobert, who's anti-establishment. right? You could make the case. Vote for me, but your vote will still count for Republican if you want to vote the establishment candidate, too. The problem is she's become embarrassing to the Republican establishment. She also is the Republican establishment. Right. So anyway, I just think it's funny that she is very, very afraid her challenger has raised a shit ton of money and she has almost none. So yeah, go luck out there, Laura. Fingers crossed, baby. Debbie Lynn Robinson is back, long time skewer, says,

hit that like button thank you debiland yeah like subscribe tell your friends do all the internet stuff it hits for us apparently christopher bestland says i give santo's a 10 out of 10 dick rating i get it because he's a huge dick yeah yeah yeah he is uh i don't know what he's looked like he actually in fact it is a huge dick i like i drew was like trying to make because drew's on post him a lot of comedy content only fans he was trying to do a bit about santo subscribing to his only fans and was asking us for like information about more more what his deal was. And I was like, that's like a dissertation. Right. He's only been the public guy for less than a year. And I couldn't even begin to describe what his thing is.

Yeah. Uh, right, let me ask you this. Let me read this first. Red wave of ketchup says, I live in Ben Bowbert's district. She is done. Well, from your lips to the fake Lord's ears or for your fingertips to the fake Lord's ears, as the case might be. Um, Mark, you said stuff in a minute ago. Okay. now like do you call it stuffing regardless of whether it came out of the bird's ass or not I don't think I've ever had it inside the bird neither I don't think and you still call it stuffing I do tell you me and Corey got in a huge argument on well read a couple years ago because he was accosted me saying that that ain't stuffing

he was like that's dressing that ain't stuffing and uh turning this whole thing and I was like I don't give a shit it used interchangeably but also I used to in my head where I'm from dressing was like, like cornbread dressing specifically, which is a different thing than like what I call stuffing, which is like the hidden homemade version of what you get in like stove top or whatever, you know what I mean with bread like croutons or every, you know, dried out bread. So Norcoq says, why is stuffing called dressing in some places? See, there you go. Corey is from a place that calls it that. And I don't know. He says it's because it's not if it didn't come out of the bird, she can't call it.

it stuff in according to Corey but like like you said who how many people even do it in the bird anymore uh cush stick kill us as we have dressing in west tennessee we have dressing where i'm too but i guess they the two things are you know you can have cornbread or the other type of and call it either depending on where you live but in my head they were two separate things stuffing in the bird dressing not i question says see i question that i question because i don't think Most people use it that way. Mark just proved that he doesn't. So, you know.

I think it, I mean, we always use them interchangeably in our family and they never, we never did inside the bird. But also stovop hits. They call it stuffing. It comes out of the box. Right. Yeah. Sharon Gunderson says stressing.

Sure. I would think the etymology is the same. That would be like gutting it. So it would be like it was, you're taking stuff. Dressing. I would think it means like the same thing as gutting. field dressing. So that was probably inside the bur.

I don't know. Call it what you want to call it. Just eat it. It's good. Stressing. Sharon said, Kate Flanagan says love the mustache. Thank you, Kate.

I don't know how long it'll be around for. But I used to grow some pretty serious mustache shite mustaches for for Bonaroo every year when I was going to Bonneroo in my 20s. I get it fired up months in advance. I mean, I could like. you know, curl it up at a certain point. I wouldn't keep it curled up. But, I mean, they were like, and at Bonaura, huge hit, bro.

People loved it. They're getting cat-called all the way by everybody, you know, for my mustache. My dad always had a beard, but he would grow his mustache, like, his handlebars out. And when he was feeling fancy, he'd get the mustache wax and do like that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, not ironically. Like, you thought he'd fucking look fine. I was like, you know, like one of those leather wet, like we got dressed up.

He'd have that mustache like that. and he had like a leather duster long coat that he wear like we just feeling real pimpish. That sounds pimpish to me. Yeah, I had mustache wax for a long time, but I ain't been rocking the mustache for at least a couple of years. So I've lost it. I'll have to buy me some more if I want to have any. Yeah, tomorrow I'm going to try to make me some little miniature pecan pies. I'm going to a potluck.

It feels better than just like a big pie, little personal additions. We'll see how that goes. I think pecan, pecan, pecan, pecan, pecan, have your want to say it. My dad was his favorite pie. I think it's probably my favorite Thanksgiving

pie. It is mine too. I know they're not, you know, exclusive to the south, but it feels like very southern dessert. And I like,

you know, I like pumpkin. I like sweet potato also, but pecan is definitely my favorite of those pies for show. Mountain back fan says pecan, not pecan.

Yeah, you probably just notice, I use them, I switch it up. If I want to sound, more country I guess I go give me a pecan pie but if I'm just talking regular I say pecan pie so you know there was this group I did a thing for a fundraiser for and they tried to uh they wanted to send me some real fancy ass pecans in the mail and I was excited about that because I knew

I'd be making pecan pie soon in the goddamn state of California shut it down it's it's illegal somehow because there pecans in the shell or something and wherever they were sourced from California is like, you can't send that here. So I had to have them send it to my in-laws in West Tennessee where I'll be at Christmas time and then I guess I'll be illegally smuggling nuts back into the state of California. And now I've said that publicly.

So I might go to a nut jail. I hope not. Shouldn't talk about crimes. You're planning on your podcast here. But, you know, I haven't driven into California a long time. But I just remember they have those like, like the basic see a custom station where you have to be clear like I don't know if it's or that type of shit as I recall like agricultural stuff you know plants and that type of shit but yeah yes I didn't

know that either when we moved out here for Tennessee drove into California yeah they got like a like you said like a customs station basically Scotty Lewis says nut smuggler yeah that's me yeah that's my stage I was thinking also um gay nutcracker and black black disabled Santa, like, I'd read that graphic novel, you know what I mean? Like a comic strip with those guys in it. What about a Hallmart movie when they fall in love? Jovino says Nut Jail is ran by Santos. He certainly belongs there.

Yeah, it's a private prison owned by Mr. Peanut. Yeah. What was the do with Mr. Peanut? Like years and years ago, that publicity stunt. We didn't even mention Snoop Dogg, but you compared the two. They like, what did they do? killed Mr. Peanut off or something? Two weeks for the Super Bowl, they act like Mr. Peanut had died.

I was like, they're setting up with Super Bowl commercial, and lo of a whole, that's what they did. So if you guys have missed the Snoop Dog thing, Vince says, Nuff smuggler is my new drag name. So Snoop Dogg made a big statement last week that he was giving up smoke. Like Snoop Dog was going to stop smoking weed. Everybody says, it doesn't, these must have a real problem if he was like, but then it turns out it was all set up for a viral ad campaign for like a backyard smokeless fire pit that he's endorsing.

He's like, that's fucking lame, dude. So lame. Yeah, where I was seeing stuff, I didn't see many people buying it from the jump, like in like the Reddit post about it and everything.

But it still wasn't misdirect because most of the, most of the, postulating that I saw was people guessing that he was about to put out a line of edibles or something. That's what I thought too. I've given up smoke and people are like, he's about to drop an edible line, something like that.

I didn't see anybody successfully guessed that it was a smoke fire pit that he was pitching. Nobody guessed it because it's the lamest possible fucking thing he could have done. Right. It's like, this is not, dude, mid-90s Snoop would hate old Snoop so much.

Yeah, he, you know, bakes pies with Martha Stewart and stuff like that now, yeah. Which we all get old mellow out. I'm not to say, I'd say it kind of hits for me.

He's like, yeah, turned into old, you know, Uncle Snoop or whatever. It is funny that like, he's best friends of Martha Stewart. One of them went to prison.

and it was not Snoop Dog. Right. Yeah. Yes. That is hilarious. DP, it's an interesting name, says, Happy Turkey Day, everybody. Yes, enjoy this holiday, you know, get you fat on, baby.

Is it at all, like, Thanksgiving's cool, right? And it's got, like, dubious origin story, but we can just ignore all that, right? Like, we don't have to. It's about eating food and giving thanks or whatever, you know, I know we, screwed over the Indians, but we don't have to make it any kind of, you know, that part don't have to be relevant. It's just the story you're all told in like third grade or whatever. My, uh, yeah, right.

Like, my, my two favorite holidays are, uh, I mean, I like to be with my family on Christmas and stuff, but personal enjoyment was, my two favorite holidays are to laugh worth and Thanksgiving because there's no gift giving obligations.

You know, it doesn't have to be a family thing if you don't want to be. Not that my family isn't it for me. It's like, I also enjoy hanging out with friends and barbecue and cooking turkey and watch a football. And it's like, it's just like, yeah, this is a cool day. No, no religious overtones, nothing.

You don't please, if you find yourself talking about colonialism at Thanksgiving, just like, yeah, yeah, your first semester freshman year is going to be over soon or no. It's like, you don't have to do it. Yeah, yeah. Now, former fat kid, big food lover, I'm a huge fan Thanksgiving. So I hope y'all have a wonderful one and we'll be back next week. Remember go, traycrouter.com, check out my dates. Check out the book, around here and over yonder.

and support this show on Patreon and get some bonus apps for your trouble. Either way, we appreciate it. And if you keep coming back to the main show, we'll do the same. So we'll see you next Tuesday. Love you by. Happy Turkey Day.