Weekly Skews - S6 Ep15: Weekly Skews – I.C.E. in Airports and The U.S.S. Flaming Tighty Whities

Episode Date: March 25, 2026

We’ve got a new FEMA chief who believes he has telekinetic powers. In other DHS news, the likely new secretary has been stealing Delta Force valor but you can’t catch him on it because the truth is too classified, and Trump is sending ICE to be the new TSA. Then we get into the latest stupid war news. An aircraft carrier is out of commission because of a laundry fire and overflowing toilets and it’s not nearly the biggest waste going on.This episode is sponsored by ZBiotics. Go to https://www.zbiotics.com/SKEW  now. You'll get 15% off your first order when you use SKEW at checkoutThis episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10%  https://www.betterhelp.com/skews 

What's up everybody? Welcome back. Happy Tuesday to you. Look who it is. It's me. I'm back. You know, I don't be watching when I'm gone, obviously. So how did it go last week, Mark? It's first of all, well, this episode is March 24, 26. We're recording on March 23rd at about 1.30 p.m. is on the left coast. But yeah, how'd it go in my absence? Everybody have a good time? Yeah, yeah, it was good. We talked about Afromed. And like, I thought it was some obscure trial. No one was going to pay attention to. But then the actual trial happened. And it was apparently the most interesting. anything thing on the internet last week. And then Afro-Man won, so good, good defeated evil. That ruled. You followed.

We talked about it in a thread, so you're aware of what I'm talking about, right? Of course, yeah. The Afro-Man, yeah, no, I hate that I missed that one. I think the, my favorite one with the trial, I think, was when a cop testifying about his emotional damage and hurt feelings was forced to admit that he

could not be sure if his wife was not actually sleeping with Afro-Man. Because if you admit it, there was a joke, he wouldn't have a fucking case. He would not like, like, anyway. Yeah. That he picked,

it was Corey and Drew that filled in for me, right? So you got like, a defense attorney and also a constantly high person to talk about the Afro-Man trial. Yeah,

that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Good choice. Real panel of experts. Yeah, right. Yeah.

So I just got, so I was in Canada the end of last week, which is why Matt, Matt filled in for the bonus episodes. So both of those were out of pocket last week. So,

like, never been in Canada before. A lot of fun things. One, their handicapped stalls have their own sinks at them. So that's the whole world up there, whole other world. That's my royal with cheese. The handicapped stalls have sinks at them. Yeah.

Do you know the signs that where they scan, they measure your speed and it blinks at you? Yes. So in Canada, if you speed, it gives you a frowny face emoji. It's like, whoa, whoa there. That's what I said. Oh, no. Hey there, buddy. That's what I said. Blinks that out.

Yeah, yeah. And also, one thing that I did found oddly comforting is, like, some things I think are just specifically American. But then I realize that everyone's that dumb. Like, so I heard, you know, I always complain about truck commercials on this show. I think it's some disease. So, you know, Brian Cranston, the four commercials, the voice of Brian Cranston, like, Americans are the toughest sons of bitches in the world, whether you're a special forces operator, a rough neck, or whatever you

a regular person is. They do the same thing in Canada we're like, no one works harder than fucking Canadian. Still Brian Cranston. Brian Cranston, you fucking liar.

That's hilarious. It makes you wonder if he does that like in other languages and other countries if he has to like phonetically do that and Portuguese

for Brazilian truck commercials or whatever. You know. Yeah. Because they used to do shit like that very famously superstars would

back in the day when selling out was still a thing or whatever, American celebrities would never do something like that here, but they would do it in Japan only because Americans would never see that,

so they'd have, you know, so you'd have Mel Gibson being like, you know, speaking all, I'm not going to do the voice, but Japan, especially since I use Mel Gibson as an example. But, you know, you know what I mean? Used to be a thing, so probably still is. Now they just do it here too. Yeah.

No one is more of the backbone of society than hardworking people with Papa New Guinea. Brian Kranson here for poor trucks. So before we get to the show, I wanted to talk about this. potential law in Tennessee. Some anti-trans fuckery going on. A publican, by the name

of Jeremy Faison, submitted a bill called HB-7504. And the bill's frames a way to force insurance companies to provide coverage for detransition procedures if they also could cover gender affirming care. Some of the laws been passed in Texas, and I think

one just got passed in Utah, the it's still waiting governor's signature. And like, I, like, sounds good, right? Yeah, but say, I don't, yeah, That by itself, I mean, why not? They're going to cover transition. I wish we'd cover just about any kind of medical procedures. You know what I mean?

Like, I'm never really going to be against that, you know, better health insurance or whatever. My actual political belief is the government should not stay in between what a person says to their doctor. Right. Whether they want a transition or detransition or whatever. Like, you know. But speaking at a house hearing, Faison said out loud that he wants to make trans people's health insurance more expensive. So basically he's making them buy a more expensive healthcare policy to, I guess, price them out

of being trans. But the law also mandates that the government forms a list. All these procedures have to be reported to the government ostensibly to make sure that they're providing the right insurance coverage. Really, like, you've got to send the government, the names that people get in the procedures, the dates, their home addresses, and the identities of all the

doctors working on their cases. So always cool that the government starts making lists of people. basically eliminates all medical privacy for trans people. And again, the actual principle here, if I or you or someone else goes to the doctor with ass cancer, halitosis, or a bent dick, or whatever, I don't think somebody should have to send an email of the DMV about it. Right.

Yeah. I'm not so it's framed as, you know, an insurance company thing, but it's saying in order to achieve that, they have to make this database that only trans people go on, basically. So if you get any of these procedures, you go on their list because of this. Or if you give the procedures, if you're a doctor or a nurse or whatever. Right. So, yeah, so anyway, everybody's making, we're all, we're all, the entire, every government agency at every level now is just compiling lists for Palantir to put into databases. That's basically what the government's doing. But I do want to talk about Feison for a minute, the guy who wrote the bill.

In January 4th, 2022, Faison attended a high school basketball game, which his son was involved in when a confrontation between, the teams occurred during the match. Facing walked onto the court, shot it at a referee and tried to pull the referee's pants down. That's a, I don't know if that's a power move or a lunatic's move or what kind of move that is. Like if you're getting aggressive and like,

what the fuck, bro? And the first thing you do is just pants them in front of everybody. That's, I don't even know how to categorize that. I mean, it goes for confusion, which is sometimes effective, you know. Yeah. Personally, whenever I'm confronted with an enemy, when I'm the first move to establish dominance,

what I do is they pull their pants down. Yeah, no, you pull your own pants down is what you do. Show them your dick, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's how you're real alphas know that. Your red baboon asshole. Yeah. How is it that like all the people that write these laws have the weirdest psychosexual urges?

Like as soon as I get in a fight with a man, I'm going to fucking pull his pants down. Even though it's just a referee who's trying to call a basketball game. Anyway, everybody in the state of Tennessee, you must show a Jeremy face on your dicks so he'll be happy in retiring politics. Yep. Send him your dick picks if you can.

Yeah, send him to his office. I don't know. Is that illegal to tell people to do? I'm not threatening anybody. Yeah. Right, yeah. All snail mail. Snail mail his office,

Polaroids of your dicks. That's what I suggest. Everyone does. He'll love it. I had this to the database, motherfucker. But anyway, thanks for being here. I'm glad to be back. We're going to talk about something that's very near and dear to my heart right now.

Let's get into it with the Daily Dumbass Mac. Graphic, please. Today's D.D., my haters, for not realizing how useful teleportation will be when dealing with emergency supply chain logistics. The very first time you were teleported. It's scary in a way. I mean, you know, you don't really know, okay, is this evil? Is this good? What is this? is, you know, what do I do with this? How do I deal with it? I was on the phone.

Oh, my God, what's happening? And I was landed. And landed about 40 miles away in a ditch outside of the Baptist Church in a little tiny town just where you cross over the border. And it was an incredibly frightening moment. Okay. So I said this near and dear to my heart, because I don't remember if he said it out loud, but if you're watching the headline says he telepherson. to a Waffle House.

And so it's like in the Audies back in the 2000s, I called it time traveling, but I became self-aware in a great many Waffle House as at 3 a.m., you know, not knowing how I got there. I don't think it was literal teleportation, but from my perspective, I might as well have teleported in almost always a Waffle House.

I very rarely teleported into like a library or, you know, anything like that. Usually a Waffle House or a Taco Bell or something like that. But yeah, is, he's been completely serious, I take it right? He literally means what, astral projection shit? I have, that's

for the record, that's Greg Phillips. He's the new head of FEMA. He's talking about blacking out and waking up up at a, I don't know what he's talking about, but like so he can be quite a, or teleporting is no fun. You know what's happening, but you can't do anything about it, and so you just go, you just go with the ride, and wow, what just an

incredible adventure at all was. Phillips also once said he received a message from God to Bucky's parking lot. 30 a.m. And then later got pulled over for speeding and he told the Texas Highway Patrol he was off to save the world. So I didn't learn whether you got out of the ticket or not. So we've all found God in a Bucky's parking lot at 630 am.

Right. If not. But, you know, it used to be Chili's, right? I feel God in this Chili's tonight or whatever. Buckies is more culturally relevant now. So now you've got to find God at a Bucky's parking lot. There is perhaps more godless place than a Buckees parking lot. in case any of y'all haven't been to a Buckees lately.

God is absent there. How would you describe Buckees to people who are going to do Buckees? I say it's like the Disney world of gas stations is what. It's like, yeah, it's like a gas station slammed together with an amusement park and flea market and it's all trending on TikTok or whatever. It's a nightmare.

You can pay like a dollar in chains, like a shower in the bathroom. truck drivers use it you know uh you can sort of little restaurants and most of them and it's also like they're in the middle of nowhere because otherwise why would you why would you be eating and showering in a buckies um so i just want to talk about uh ongoings around the department of homeland security in the wake of christianome's uh fucking off uh so who so phema's obviously in good hands let's check in on uh uh i uh i just said her name when christian no um's probably a placement in uh in it's my boy mark one

Wayne. Yeah, let's check it on Mark Wayne is a confirmation hearing. In the days after the fight, you did many interviews in which you justified the violence as historically justified by precedent, such as painting and dueling. Is it today your opinion with the painting of Charles Sumner was not only justified, but argues still who were solving our critical differences with violence? What I was simply pointing out is some of the rules that still applied to this body. For instance, dueling with two consenting adults is still there. I was pointing out what is still... Okay. What?

Yeah, you cannot duel with Washington DC. Did he say that you can still dole if you want to? Is that true? Because it definitely seems like that would have been like that would have happened by now, sometime in the last two or three years, if it was the thing you could still do. You know, Logan Paul would have dueled somebody or whatever, or someone trying to, you know, break through in the Manosphere influence. influencer space. They would have held a duel outside of a bucky. He's probably in Texas

somewhere. Yeah. Some say it's including Texas, I believe. So it's called mutual combat. We're basically if two guys willingly involved in a fight, no one, it's not going to get arrested for assault, right? But you cannot just kill somebody and say, well, we both agree to fight to the debt. That's like, that's not, yeah. He's also, like, so what's happening there is Mark Wayne at various points has said that he understands and is glad that Rand Paul's neighbor beat the fuck out of him, collapsed his lung, right? It is that we've joked about on this show. It basically has the same point of view as Mark Wayne.

But we, as you point out here, are not United States senators, and nor are we trying to get appointed to be Secretary of Homeland Security. So, Rand Paul, chairs this committee, the Homeland Security Committee, and has been laying in the weeds all this time to fucking ruin Mark Wayne's life, which is what he's done. He voted against Mark Wayne's confirmation and committee. Could have been voted down, except he was voted in favor of by one John Federman. Yep.

I just want to say what an absolutely useless piece of shit John Fulner is just it's a bare middle way up but it's like why why is it always like a Democrat that this happens to

or when it does happen to them they still they stay around and fuck shit up for like much longer many like there's you know there's like Liz Cheney and Kinsinger or whatever

and anytime like if a Republican gets some sense right they're ousted immediately like you got to fucking go. But like we always have to deal with fucking, you know,

cinemas and mansions and Federmans or whatever. And people just, because you got fucking, Chris's cinnamon used to be like a purple-headed bisexual, fucking hardcore, uh, lefty person back when she first started. And then now she's,

you know, whatever she's doing, fucking speaking for big oil conferences or whatever the fuck. But it's like, crypto and AI, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But like, so, but at least like, like cinema at least, like her and mansion were acting rationally in a way. It was cynical, but it was rational. Like, cinema set herself up for lucrative career in lobbying, which is what she's doing now. She's making millions of dollars.

Like I said, lobbying on behalf of, like, crypto and AI. Federman has fucked over his own party, his own constituents. He's underwater by, like, I think, 70 points among Democrats in Pennsylvania. And he hasn't cater to any specific industry. He might be maybe he can lobby for Israel when this is over, but he's not going to be elected to anything. I can't even figure out what the fuck is out. He's just, he's a lazy man.

who doesn't even show up for his job and doesn't understand why anybody hates him and why everybody hates him and just say he'll be gone soon and we'll forget it existed. So another, some more on Mark Wayne real quick. This thing surfaced where he was standing in a church in 2022 talking about his daughter's teenage boyfriend

and said, quote, I told him, if I ever see you kiss her in front of me, I'll drag your face across the asphalt. And that's a true story. I told him that. He said, well, wearing a cowboy hat in the church. sure she loves that your daughter loves that fucking stupid shit he probably makes her go to those weird daddy daughter dances

with the purity pledges and all that type of super creepy shit yeah there's a long tradition you know I will say like he wasn't legitimately threatened a kid he was obviously he got laughs when he said it he was obviously joking he was doing that you know the thing where your daughter's date shows up to pick up her prom and you got to clean I'm just cleaning this gun

yeah it's a literal country song yeah yeah Yeah, so yeah, it's just like, you want to just fuck your daughter up for life, just go ahead and do that, I guess. I don't know. My buddy, when he first met his now wife's parents in fucking Pickett County, Tennessee, or wherever it was, somewhere around there, rural as shit. They've been together forever now. They've got kids and stuff. But when he first met her parents, he walked in the living room and sat down and her dad, first thing you ever, first time I ever saw her dad first words her dad ever said to him was he walked out in the living room with like a Glock or some kind of handgun and goes,

look at you think that'll fire you think that gun will fire and he walked over to the side doors out to the backyard that were standing open and he just stood there and just popped off like four shots into the dirt into the backyard like pop pop pop and he's like all right seems it like it's in good shape and then just goes and puts it back up comes back out hey I'm bill how are you doing you know or whatever so like fucking lunatics but anyway yeah American men doing fine uh so the thing of the good sing work way in is he seems to like he seems have stolen valor in a way that's like

he's only way out of it he's like what he's claiming to have done as a special forces operator which he was never was is so top secret that he can't even address it right he couldn't tell us but they didn't have to kill us

I assume right yeah so this goes back to so March second he on Fox News and said quote war is ugly it smells bad if anyone's ever been there and being able to smell the war that's happening around you and taste it and feel it in your nostrils and hear it It's something you never forget and it's ugly.

And immediately everyone's like, what war did you smell, Mark? Right. Smell war. Yeah. I'm a man. It's fire and smell war. So then the next day you want a podcast with a military veteran. And then Mark Wayne clarified, quote,

I did special assignments outside of DOD. I never wore the uniform or the flag on my, on my shoulder. I've been in the same area. two totally guys that signed the contract was I got to work alongside of those guys and they were phenomenal individuals. I actually said that correctly. He just fucking was he like a consultant

or an analyst attached to a Merck group that fucking something like that? No, in the real world, Mark Wayne Mullen dropped out of college at 20 to take over his family's plumbing business. He later had a brief career as a mixed martial arts fighter and he finished his associate's degree. Then he hosted a talk radio show about home improvement

than what a house seat in 2012. Not looking down on any of that, I'm just saying he was never in Delta Force. Okay. Right. Near as anyone can tell what he's referring to is about 2016, he went on a junket to Jordan and took a helicopter tour over Syria. All right.

As far as dealing with contractors that he's talking about that I had the honor of serving with, when we pulled that out of Afghanistan, he tried to take a private jet to Afghanistan to get a family out braving people with cash, but his charter flight was turned away and he flew back. So probably had contractors on his plane that he turned around and came back to America with. That's his military, sir. Uh-huh. All right. So, basically, he's, like, claiming to be a tactical plumber.

So Trump over the weekend announced, well-run the subject to department of Homeland Security stuff, that he was going to put ice and airports. Yeah, I know. I'm going to be honest with you, Mark. I misread our outlining when I said earlier. And I shouldn't even say this because I covered it so beautifully. But before we got to the Daily Dumbass, I said, a subject near and dear to my heart, I thought we were about to talk about ice and airports,

because I fly all the time. But luckily it was about like blacking out in a waffle house, so it was an easy cover for me. But now I've let the cat out of the bag. But anyway, yeah, I just got back yesterday from like an 11-day trip, and there are no ice agents yet, but I'm flying out again on Friday, and I'm sort of watching this to see what the fuck all this is about

because I don't, I'm not into the idea of it. I can tell you that much. They've been deployed at 13 airports. Basically Trump blurted this out before telling you. and then I used to figure out what they do to look busy as they picked 13 airports to send a couple of guys to mill around in. Right. I assume one's got to be LAX probably, I would think.

Right. I don't know. I haven't seen anything about LAX. I know San Francisco, Atlanta. But so it's important, like, just to Trump was asked who's idea it was, and he said it was his own and they compared himself to the guy who invented the paper clip.

Not a fucking kidding. Because the paper clip was a simple idea that seemed brilliant to everybody once the guy came up with it. Right. Which, honestly, kudos the guy that had been to the paper club. Great idea. Good call. But the thing is, it wasn't Trump's idea,

because this happened on Fox News Saturday morning before Trump announced this on Sunday. I had a caller on the show, the Clay and Buck show today, Charlie. It had an interesting idea. What if President Trump announced that ICE agents were now going to be supplementing TSA agents inside of all of the airports? The ICE agents are still being paid. how quickly would Democrats panic if he said

that's Clay Travis talking on Fox News right now so the actual person whose idea it was was a caller named Linda from Arizona who thought it would be funny to put ice in airports to troll Democrats, right? And like the coverage of this has driven me insane because like it is a troll move

it's just a troll move it's not to accomplish anything and let me read let me read Trump's true social statement announcing this policy If the radical left Democrats don't immediately sign an agreement to let our country, in particular, our airports, be free and safe again. I will move our brilliant patriotic ICE agents to the airports where they will do security like no one has ever seen before, including the immediate arrest of all the illegals that come into our country with heavy emphasis on those from Somalia. All right.

Goes on and on on on. Nowhere in there is it saying anything about helping anybody. Right. But the fucking coverage of this, let me read the headlines. Trump deploys ICE agents to assist TSA at airports. Trump says ICE agents will. assist airport security. Trump administration is how planned for ICE at airports and made criticism from Union Democrats.

Trump says it will deploy ICE to airports as TSA shortages drive delays. None of this is meant to help with delays at all. It's meant to make the delays worse. Right. ICE agents checking more IDs and arresting a few random people here and there will slow down the process of move people to security. Of course it will. Yeah.

It's like I remember, this is a wild comparison maybe, but it popped into my head. First time, well, I used to go to Bonaroo, most of the security. guys at Bonneroo that check your car for paraphernalia and stuff when you come through are just like volunteers who get tickets to the festival if they volunteer to do this so they don't give a fuck they just like open the trunk and they're like no glass bottles you good but they also do have local police officers in a couple of the lines and you don't know which line is which and if you get the fucking cop guys they take everything out of your car they're huge assholes about it and that line you know slows everything down tremendously and that's how ice agents

I'm sure will be at airports. They're not going to just like giggle at a dildo and throw it back in there. They're going to make a whole fucking thing out of it, presumably. The only way I can see it

being faster for me is if they do that thing from family guy where they just have the skin color shading system where I walk up and they're like, okay, you're good

just because I'm white. They just wave me through. That might happen, I guess. But otherwise it's going to, yeah, ruin everything. Literally the only useful thing that could do to help with airport security

would be like, you know, how sometimes the TSA as people stay staining by exits just to make sure you don't walk through the wrong way. ICE could do that. So TSA agent could go like actually check people in, right? That's that's fucking it. And so, but like, like, so let me read from a, uh, Trump did one of his like yelling

on an airport tarmac press availability this morning. He said, question, question, will we see ICE arresting illegal immigrants at airports? Trump, yeah, that's where the Democrats are going crazy. That, for one, the only. the only comments of Democrats I've seen on this are off the record it's like

it's basically throw me in the barrage dude this is terrible politics for Trump it's like it's so stupid that I can't figure out why he thinks it would help or work but like

the thing drives me crazy about the press phrasing this is him trying to help with security delays is like this is the same strategy as he's using in Iran it's inflict pain upon a civilian population

trying to force political leadership and negotiations right same fucking thing right and we're all pretending that he's trying to manage

the country it's fucking, it's, like, Tom Homo was asked about this, like, he did the weirdest fucking press appearance where he barely had barely heard of this and didn't know what to do, so he's like filibustering on the news. And he said, Tom Homan said their guests are going to check IDs. He's like, I don't see an ice agent looking at an X-ray machine because they're not trained in that. Right. Right. Also, Border Patrol is already at the fucking airport. Yeah.

That's their job? Yeah, I know, because I didn't even know that until all this tall, in recent years about ICE and Border Patrol and stuff that Border Patrol has jurisdiction X number of miles from any international airport or something so they'd be there well yeah but they're also just like when you're when you're when you're

if you try to use a fraudulent passport or smuggle drugs or whatever who you think so come get you? Yeah yeah customs or whatever those guys are there yeah yeah so like like like and the idea that there a bunch of undocumented immigrants are coming in through airports I had to fucking show my passport coming from Canada fucking 73 times going each way

yeah like and like I dude I've never, the first time I'd flown this way when I called a connection to Chicago going to Ottawa they did not check my boarding pass or passport they just scanned my face my face was my idea the idea that undocumented people are getting

the amount of visas and fucking this is also stupid so this late last night Sunday night there was a crash LaGuardia where a landing plane hit a fire truck there was on its way to

investigate a disturbing smell on another plane. That apparently happened because there was one air traffic and traveler handling air and ground traffic for all the fucking LaGuardia because I haven't seen a reason why that would be the case. Doge, staffing cuts? I don't know. So the state of air travel in the United States is please wait in line in a parking lot for three hours to be patted down and maybe kidnapped by ice.

If you make it their flight on time and unkidnapped, maybe your plane will smash into a fire truck and with a tarmac responding to a call about a fire on a different fucking plane. Yeah. You guys see how much I sacrificed to come out there and see y'all in your hometowns? Like, this is what I'm going through,

guys. That's what I have to put up with. Go to Treycrowder.com. But yeah. There's not a single person who thinks this is good. This isn't like somebody's desired policy and this is all happening

because Democrats ask for the stupidest want in the fucking Homeland Security funding bill. It's just for ICE to follow the Constitution and not wear masks, which was a status quo 13 months ago. and they won't agree to it even though they could just lie

and say it, pass it and keep doing it it's already not supposed to be doing it. Right? Right. So anyway, the real theme of this era is nobody wants this. It's talking about AI, ICE and airports, ICE in general, the Iran war,

data centers, sending actual cities with people in them into fucking blackouts. And to see what I mean. I want to play this clip of this lady on MSNBC, what used to be MSNBC anyway. This guy's interviewing a three-time Trump voter.

Let's take a listen to one more woman who we spoke with. If you could say something to the President Trump, he was going to hear you right now, voted it. You're a worthless pile of shit. And you voted for me, how many times? Three times. It was my bad. Apparently, I'm an idiot. You said it, lady.

All right. So, before we get into the update on the stupid Middle Eastern War, we find yourselves in for the seventh time this century. Let's take a quick break. All right. We'll be right back. Weekly skews is brought to you by Zbiotics. Man, March out here trying to kill me socially. I'll tell you what. March madness happening in St. Patrick's Day. I went skiing, hit the slopes, and you get that first warm weekend. It's, you know, spring break type situation you're doing barbecues and stuff. It's warming up outside. Social calendar gets lit up in the springtime. You know what I mean? And that's fine. We like to have a good time with friends and whatnot. But as you get older,

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War, that's right, for our honorable mention for Daily Dumbass in this esteemed category. Is armchair military quarterbacks who are forgetting a crucial strategic consideration, the souls that must be sacrificed to the blood god. This is Aunt Lindsay. Is this going to do take Carg Island? Is it going to involve U.S. troops on the ground? Let me just read you something from the Atlantic does an assessment on that. They say U.S. troops may well hate Cargile. We believe their ability to do so, but only to endure ballistic missile strikes, drone attacks, petrochemical smoke,

all without a reliable means of obtaining logistical support. The result could be a grinding war of attrition. They talk about how far away they would be from resupply. I'm sort of tired of all this armchair quarterback, and this has been amazing military operations. God bless the fallen. But it's a difference when we talk about troops on the ground. I trust the Marines, not that guy. I trust DOD.

We got two Marine expeditionary units sailing to this island. We did Ewo Jima. We can do this. The Marines, my money is always on the Marines. We did Iwo Jima so he can do this. There were 7,000 dead Marines at Ewo Jima, another 20-some-thousand-casualties. You go do fucking Ewojima, Lindsay. you fucking did like it's not my joke

I forget who said it but like Lindsay Graham's actively trying to get into hell because that's where he thinks all the gay guys are so a white house source has told Axios they need about a month to weaken the Iranians more before attempting to land 5,000 Marines at Carg Island

another month Arrg Island winding down on Friday yeah Carg Island that is that in the straight of Hormuz is that where that is like is it supposed to somehow help us secure that or something? It's in the Persian Gulf. And to show you how dumb this is,

I've got to link this map right here. I have to see where the arrow's pointing, that's Karg Island. The target, the bullseye up there? Yes. Yeah, okay. Deep in the Persian Gulf, where our aircraft carrier, or the landing ships would have to sail through

the Strait of Hormuz all the way through the Persian Gulf, making its way through these minefields, avoiding Israeli, sorry, Iranian missile attacks and drone attacks to land that little island way deep in the Gulf and hold it because they use it as an oil processing facility and then we think if we hold it then Iran will have to surrender because they won't have more oil or something. So I want to quote here, so by the way, Cargown is 15 miles off the Iranian coast.

It handles 90% of Iran's oil exports. That's why they want it. I want to quote you from a military historian, quote, this is on paper a reasonable military objective in the same way that's sticking your hand into a beehive is a reasonable way to acquire honey. A few more quotes I compiled about this spiritual operation. A former Navy SEAL called the plan insane. Our retired vice admiral called it a massacre in making scenario. Our retired rear admiral pointed out that even if they seize the island, a rand simply

turns off the pipeline at the other ends. There won't be any more oil on the Corrig Island, so it won't be any point of fucking having it. And we're not even clear whether Iranians want us to do this. They might move the mines out of the way and let the ship's land to put 5,000 Marines in a fucking killbox. Here's the real... If you want to be anti-war,

you get to be dumb as fuck. You don't have to know shit about Carg Island, right? You don't have to know about history or geography of the structure of Iran's economy or supply chains. You don't have to know how the fucking Kurds view the Iranian of the RGC or the status of ethnic conflicts in Iran. Did you know that Iran's only 60% Persian, Tray? I did not know that.

Me neither to look it up the other day. Or the 20% Azerbaijan's... and the next largest group, I think, Turkmen who live like a nomadic lifestyle in the northeast in the rural areas. Did know that. Don't have to. I don't need to know how they're going to

fucking greet troops when they invade. Right. See what I'm saying? So I don't, this seems like, everyone knows they're talking about who thinks this is a bad idea. I also just think of war is a bad idea,

and this is fucking stupid. No one can still explain while we're doing it. Right. Yeah. I know. She said, you know, where it is might turn into a brutal war of attrition.

And it's like, in the Middle East? No, surely not. Again, I don't know how many times we have to learn the same lesson, and I don't know what, I don't know, I don't know what the end result of any of this is supposed to be. Like, let me just update you on events that happened this week, okay? Trump asked NATO to send ships to help secure the Strait of Hormuz.

Every single ally refused. Then Trump called them cowards and said that NATO has a very bad future. He then announced that the United States doesn't actually need the Strait of Hormuz. and then said the country's duty that should police it themselves. Then he told China to police it. Then he sent 5,000 Marines toward it. Right. Yeah.

Well, he's also been saying, like, this thing's just about wrapped up. Shouldn't take too much longer at all. Also, we need $200 billion and everyone to show up and help us, you know, for God's sake. Even though it's fine, we got under control, but really need some assistance here or whatever. He's been talking out of both sides of his mouth about the whole situation from the get-go, which is not surprising.

Right. Yeah, I mean, right. Like, trying to understand, like, so the allies are cowards from not helping with a thing he doesn't need, which is why he's sending Marines to die for it, right? And, like, today, this morning, he announced that we were negotiating with Iran for a ceasefire. Iran says they don't know what the fuck he's talking about. And an anonymous source in the Israeli government said he's just juicing oil markets, don't worry about it. He told, they told Israelis that Trump's just lying to the American people.

He's still all in this war. everybody's lying to fucking everybody and I'm sick of it and if you think the Iranians are really close to making a deal I want to play this clip from a RGC spokesman Ibrahim Zulfgari this morning I'm sorry you are fired you are familiar with this sentence thank you for your attention to this matter

of Potamolalia he's got it's if you can't I didn't understand because the audio is not great he's got an accent he said hey Mr. Trump you're fired you're familiar with this sentence thank you for your attention to this better. According to an Amani journalist on BBC Arabic,

Trump sent an invoice to the Middle East basically. He said he'll, he wants them to pay him $5 trillion to continue the war or $2.5 trillion to stop the war. What? Who? He sent that to who? Did you say the Middle East? Did he address it dear the Middle East?

He wants the Middle Eastern, like the Gulf, the Gulf countries who were sort of lukewarm on this and turned against them immediately when iran started bombing them that they need to pay them basically reimburse them for the entire cost of this war going on for years up front if he wants them to continue it or reimburse it two and a half to america two and a half trillion dollars to stop it but if it's two and a three to stop it for five billion to keep it going what does zero dollars get you right because it's probably going to keep going i would think if if they come through with zero dollars well i can tell you

a $5 billion gets here is this war? Let me play this clip here from a Kuwaiti analyst on TV over there. Speaking in English, which I gather is for a reason. We need to know that you cannot appease Zionists. You cannot buy influence.

Look at Eric Kushner. We know how much he took from the Gulf. It's open source, public info. And now the same countries that gave him all that money for zero return are facing strikes

and in the phone. All right. We gave Jared Bucchner $5 billion which the dipshit has lost money on. We let him play investing at it and he's terrible at it

and all we got was bombed. Right. They robbed them for fucking nothing. Right. What did they want you know, like when they gave him that? You know what I mean?

The White House that did what they wanted. Right. And they kind of got it but they didn't, but they didn't, but they didn't wanted to this degree.

Like, we said to take out Iran. We didn't, we didn't mean to let Iran fight back. Right. So, another fundamental,

fun development this week. Like, so hanging over all this, I can't believe the world does not understand Donald Trump's brain. Donald Trump does not believe in win-win deals.

He just does not, like, like a negotiation ends when one person submits. So the Strait of Hormuz is now closed. Iran controls it. If you,

you had told him before this started that the street was only open because Iran let it be, he would have rejected the whole fucking premise. There's like every country in the Gulf could close the straight anytime they wanted. It's like, it's a game theory experiment where everyone was just cooperating because they all made money off of it.

Right. Trump doesn't rejects that as an idea. Because if someone controls the straight, it must be him. But he doesn't. Yeah. Right? So, let me read here. As of this week, the straight space to get toll road, the IRGC verifies vessels

on a VHF radio and charges up to $2 million per ship passing payable in cash, crypto, or barter. At least eight ships have paid and Aran's Palm was working to legislate the arrangement formally. So we're basically permanently turned the straight-of-horm moves into a fucking toll booth. Don't

don't know did that. Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense that you know, you could use bribes to get through there or whatever. But we probably, and by we, I mean, if there's like American vessels or whatever, Can they also pay or they're just like it's just a no-go zone if you have like American affiliations?

I mean maybe these companies don't really have affiliations in that way. They're just multinational corporations. So if you can pay, you're right. It would be funny if like the US Navy had to pay like five million dollars for to get a ship through to go landing cards. Yeah. Right. But I was looking at the crypto part of it.

Like if Iran was taking Trump coin, this would probably all be over because it would reduce the value. of it and trouble get paid off of it, right? Yeah. Has anyone considered that? Just get paid in Trump coin. So, we also lifted sanctions on Iran, oil sanctions, so they could sell oil. Okay.

What, like, what is that supposed to do? All right. Well, it keeps the international oil market from collapsing. Right. Because, like, when it's sanctioned, they were only able to sell it to China at a discount. So now we're letting them get full price, they can dump it in the real, and they in the world market, right? So we've been sanctioning Iran for years and years.

We've been bombing Iran for three weeks. These are supposedly complementary activities, right? Because one's economic warfare and the other is a regular kind. But in this week, we've lifted oil sanctions Iran. So for the next 30 days, they can sell 140 million barrels of marine crude that has been sitting on ships at sea, dumping the global market, including selling it to the United States itself, which we are purchasing in Chinese currency, yuan.

All right. America's hegemony, economic dominance, has existed because of petrodollars. The world trades oil and dollars. That's why we all have air conditioning and roads paid. Not anymore. We're buying oil from Iran with Chinese money. Yeah. Yeah.

And all the Maga Patriots. Well, I was going to say they're all for it. I'm sure most of them don't know any of that. but like if they did you know they'd find they'd twist themselves into you know justifying why that's a great idea or whatever but yeah it seems like i mean i know i know they still don't want this a lot of people died for you know school children everything else but like there seems like there's a lot of people over there making a lot of money off of what we've done you know what i mean we were talking before about us buying oil from russia and

incentivizing russia to keep the war going or whatever else like you got a lot of um warlords being enriched. But I guess that's really nothing new. It's always what happens. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, we're paying Chinese currency to Iran. They can use to buy Chinese weapons to shoot down American planes.

Like they shot down two F-35s last week, which was supposedly fucking invisible and invincible. Right? We spent billion dollars a plane on these stealth fighters because you can't shoot them down and two of them got shot down. Right. So if you're following, I want you to try to like,

to understand this, I tried to write it out the thought process. Do you see this part of I highlight it if you can read it, Trey, to try to understand the sanctions logic? Okay. The sanctions were necessary to stop Iran funding the war, but the war made the sanctions too effective so the sanctions had to be lifted to fund the war effort

against the enemy country that we've decided is no longer enough of an enemy to keep sanctioning. Oh? Yeah. There was no one. Right. No, that's what we're.

I'm saying it's wild. It's a wild move to like be sanctioning a country for decades. Just as like the status quo. And then when you start a war with that country for no reason, that's when you lift the sanctions. It's just like that just doesn't seem like you've got a plan, really. You know, like that doesn't seem like I thought this through well enough. On our end, they're not being any point to it. It's sort of like makes the problem significantly worse because why are Americans expected to endure any pain even at a fucking gas pump? Right. For a war, like we don't, we don't, no one can figure out of it, much less worth dying for. Right.

So to phrase it from our end, the oil revenues that the sanctions were preventing are now required to prevent the economic damage caused by the war as sanctions supposedly made more easily winnable. Right. Meanwhile, the U.S. is Gerald Ford. I want to talk about this saga for a few minutes. The most expensive warship in human history is currently retreating to Crete. The official reason why is a laundry fire. Some don't think it's covered, but this boat does seem fucking cursed. But, yeah, either way, the official story here is an aircraft carrier is retreating because someone's underwear caught on fire in a dryer.

So, this ship, Gerald Ford, has spent 266 consecutive days at sea, which is 20 days short of the Vietnam era deployment record. I feel like I'm going insane because the military has been on a huge war footing for 16 months and Congress has not fucking noticed. We've been at war with everybody all over the world for a year and a half consistently. it's just the biggest peak of it. And no one seems to have noticed or cared. Right. Yeah. I mean,

yeah, you know, I mean, you feel all the time, you see like movies where they go on like special operations. Like fucking Black Hawk Down or whatever. I mean,

I was a kid when that happened, but I don't remember knowing anything about any of that. And it's like, if you, you know, if like Chris Pratt, Amazon shows her to be believed, like we're constantly doing shit all over the globe.

So I think people have gotten to a point where they kind of just assume that or whatever. And it's got to be. something bigger to make a story out of it. You know what I mean? Like us bombing Iran last year or obviously this. But yeah, we always up to some shit, though. Always drones tracking something.

But what I mentioned you a couple weeks ago that we were based on a verge of running out of cruise muscles and you were like gobsmacked, I think? It just seems like why are we running out of munitions and we haven't really been in a big war? But we kind of have. It's just been a low-grade big war all over the world. You know, bombing Africa, the Middle East, South America.

we just like did some sort of special operation in fucking I can't even remember what South American country but we said we were fighting Hezbo in South America and their president sort of pretended to agree with it but really were fighting drug cartels or something it's also fucking stupid but like the idea that we're in such a, we're in such a prolonged war that we're setting ship deployment records

right. Do you know what I'm saying? It feels like so this it took more than 30 hours for sailors to put out a fire aboard to Ford by the time it was over when a 600 sailors and crew have lost their beds and have since been bunking on floors and tables. This ship has 4,500 sailors and pilots.

So the world's most expensive war ship is in a, what was that, Italian cruise ship? Or the poop cruise, but also the sideways Italian boat, whatever the fuck it was called. They're in that situation. The one that blocked the Suez Canal a couple years ago, that one? I think that might have been an even different one. There was a bunch of whatever. The most expensive warship in the world is something that, you know, Netflix will make a train wreck documentary

about in five years or whatever because it's so you know comically inept what's going on out there yeah but you brought up the poop crews they want to say that like before this incident the laundry fire which caused you know dozens of service members to suffer smoke inhalation this ship the Gerald Ford's

been back and forth between Venezuela and the Middle East like three or four times in the past like the Durness deployment because it basically every time Trump will declare war one place to the other they have to like it's like a sitcom moment running back and forth you know what I'm saying So when it was off the coast of Venezuela They basically had a massive toilet problem

Where every shit basically Most toilets on the ship Are fucking overflowing constantly So it was literally the poop crews It was bad enough that the mother of a sailor Contacted NPR to complain about the unsanitary conditions On the carrier So we got moms calling the Navy

And threatening to not sign their son's permission slip For the next war if they don't get this shit or straightened out Yeah And by the way this happened because the toy system was adopted from the cruise ship industry. Oh, okay, well, there you go. Yeah. Because they've been so, you know, flawless over there.

Yeah, one thing everyone appreciates. It's the dog at efficiency and luxury of the cruise ship system. I do want to say, like, when Iran was bombing, like, hotels in American troops were staying in, in various places in the Middle East, which like, when like Hezler, their people, Hamas, live among a civilian population,

we call them using human shields. We move our soldiers off base because the base might be attacked into a civilian hotel. That's just smart. Right. Right. So it was like a question pose,

like how is Iran know what floors or troops are staying in? Meanwhile, I was watching videos where the troops were posting to IG live out their hotel windows Yeah throw them in the bombings Right

Right Well I was thinking earlier You know This Karg Island thing Lindsay Graham's talking about it On Sunday shows Or whatever the fuck That's also

That seems like Just that alone It's like it's less than ideal The fact that me and you were talking about it You know that everybody They definitely know It's like you said If they decide to let us

Get there You know And then it's an ambush or whatever It wouldn't be hard to do because, you know, it's like public information what we're planning to attempt over there. If, like, if they're smart, which, you know, whatever, but, like, I would actually take it with, like,

Army Airborne and Delta Force elements while they're looking at their marine ship going toward the straight. Oh, yeah, they go. Yeah, right. Yes, they do a disinformation thing. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But Iran would know that, so what's the fucking point? Like, you go out to land, like, tanks and shit. trying to get there in the Gulf. We probably got the bases, but I'm sure we'd move them. But anyway, anyway. So I was talking about operational security because, like, in our current smartphone universe, there are ways to actually commit treason than no one even fucking thinks about. But this one should have really occurred to France. So France, the display of Allied solidarity, has deployed their aircraft carrier that charged the Gaul to the Middle East. But they were going

through the Mediterranean. And everybody knows that because some sailor on the French aircraft carrier when jogging while running the fitness app Strava, I guess on his watch. He shared a 7-kilometer, 35-minute run on the popular fitness app while I'd see, I guess jogging around the deck of the ship. And so everyone knows exactly where they are. So Iran, if you want to light up some French fitness freaks. I guess that's a gimmie.

Yeah, it's wild. Operational security, whatever, has got to be infinitely more difficult in 2026, I guess, because, you know, you see how something, a fitness app on a phone. this thing's got a fit bit or whatever and that gets an aircraft carrier sank. I mean, I know it didn't, but the idea that it could is wild.

We are like, this happens all the time. I remember back the back in 20, when did it Ukraine, uh, Russian invade Ukraine the first time? Crimea. Whatever was it like 2014 or something like that? 2014, yeah. So they were, Russia was pretending it was like an organic homegrown uprising, right? They called them the little green men. They were actually Russian special ports of soldiers.

who were like wearing Ukrainian colors or civilian clothes. Bellingat, open source intelligence website base, he was able to prove they were Russian soldiers because they were tracking like selfies posted. They could track troop movements by soldiers like posting photos on Russian Instagram or whatever. Yeah.

Yeah, dude. Have you seen these motherfuckers? I forget what they call it, geo something or whatever. But like these guys, it's like a game to them where you can just post a, you find, a selfie from anywhere in the world and you can barely see anything in the background. And immediately they're like, you know, fucking Cedar Rapids, Iowa, MacArthur Streets or whatever the fuck. Like it's wild.

And those dudes are just like dorks in their basement or whatever. Yeah, right. Exactly. Yeah. So. Yeah. So to be quote here, surprisingly, this is not an isolated incident in time with the Strava Leaks. It's the latest example in what Lamont has dubbed the Strava Leaks.

And its latest report, the outlet detailed how I was also able to track the same sailor early in February, first off the coast of France's, Contantine Peninsula and later on land in Copenhagen. This one guy could have potentially gotten this whole fleet sake. Shotred blue, buddy. I think our ships take away soldiers' phones when they deploy for like a wartime out, which is like makes sense.

Of course, yeah. So you're at sea with no Instagram, no social media, can't text your friends, longest catch them on fire, your toilet's overflowing, home in almost a year. Yep. Cool.

Right. In 2024, the French outlet reported on Strava activity from security teams assigned to the presidents, the U.S., France, and Russia. In one incident, in one incident, Lamon was able to identify the hotel that Joe Biden stayed at during her trip to San Francisco. So, I just want to note, I talked, I think we, I thought this before we came more, I was talking about it, but, like, Iran, Trump said we're negotiating with Iran, right, this morning.

The oil market's juiced that Iran was like no, no, they're basically saying

they're basically saying was they don't trust Kushner and Whitkoff. It's not clear whether Trump's bullshitting or Kushner and Whitkoff

are lying now, right? Right. So Iran said they were willing to negotiate directly with J.D. Youance. I just want to say

it's a pretty hilarious bit to legitimize kidnappings and assassinations as tactics of war and then say J.D. Vance to the military.

Yeah. It's wild to be like, I will only speak to J.D. Vance, but you know, you've made it hit for me. That does make it funny. Yeah. And I'm willing to bet that before they leave, Trump will tell every person on JD's security detail to turn on their fitness apps with fucking Iowa watches. So I just want to say, I just, I do hope somewhere the Secret Service uses Straffa and Trump ends up as a human shield on Crog Island and we have to air drop in McDonald's to keep them alive. That would really hit for me. So I mentioned earlier the F-35 getting shot down. The first was confirmed by CENTCOM, which used the phrase emergency landing for the F-35, but then you could trap a Chinook that was scanning the desert

in a search pattern. Right. So this quote-unquote emergency landing that gave the pilot shrap maloons also left debris strewn all over the fucking desert. Yeah. Yeah, like an unscheduled, it's not dismantling. There's another like a joking military, an unscheduled

spontaneous disassembly or something like that. Yeah. So, yeah, they call it an emergency landing, which is like, if you fell on a meat grinder working there like, Tray put it in his two weeks notice. That's one way of putting it. So the entire F-35 doctrine, it's the most expensive single weapons program in human history, is based upon the assumption that it's invisible to fucking radar. How did

Iran shoot down to him? Do you anybody know? So Iran also, this is not clear where this actually happened, fog of war kind of shit, but there was a panic late last week where it was reported that Iran shot two ballistic missiles at Diego Garcia military base, which is a joint air base we have with the UK in the Indian Ocean. That was no worthy because it's 4,000 kilometers from Iran, and they're supposed to have a 2,000 kilometer range. Right. Now it was reported that might not have happened, but whatever.

If it had happened, it would have been a little bit terrifying because the assumptions we launched the war on where that Iran could... Yeah, right. Paris and London. Western population centers. Yeah, right. Right.

That would imply that they can, actually. Right. So, yeah, Rome, Paris, and London now within their theoretical strike envelope. And this would have happened because the British gave permission for Diag Garcia to be used for strikes against Iran,

which is a big fucking oops, considering they could possibly reach London if this is true. Might have be true. But I did look up how we ended up getting a joint air base there. wasn't super familiar

with the history of Diego Garcia. The population that lived there was called the Chagosians. They were freed African slaves and South Asians who were taken there to work on, I think, some coconut plantations

or something like that, or some kind of plantation. They were mass deported when the UK decided to turn into an air base, which started by not landing in return. They left to go visit

their relatives in another island. We just didn't let them go back. And another action they took during the forced deportation was to kill off. all the area's dogs, including their pets. Nick Vodier, Sir Bruce Great Match,

who was governor of the Seychelles, ordered all the dogs in Diego Garcia to be killed. More than a thousand pets were gassed with exhaust fumes. More than, they put the dogs in a furnace where the people worked, old man named Lissette in the 60s said. And where their dogs are taken away in front of them, our children screamed and cried.

Jesus, Mark. And we're about to end soon, everybody, by there. This is what Mark put in the clothes with. And all the puppies in particular cried and they cried. They screamed as the fumes engulfed them and all the children were overcome with, whoa. Dude, sometimes it's just so fucking cartoonously evil that we kill people as kids' pets in front of them to make them less sad about leaving. I'm more scared of the need to leave. McQuoddenra a person named Marcel Mulanay, a coconut plantation manager on the island.

he claimed the decision was not intended to frighten the natives, but he could, quote, quite understand if these actions caused them to fear some form of violence, end quote. Yeah, I can see how murdering someone's dog in front of them might leave them with bad feelings. Anyway, knowing stuff sucks. Sorry, guys. On that note, we really are out of time. Thanks for watching. Go to Treycrowder.com. Check them up coming tour dates. I'll be in Burlington, Vermont, this weekend. Those are almost sold out, but we added a show, so thanks for that, but go to it. and then Philly, Raleigh,

a bunch of places in the near future, all at tradecrouter.com. Check out producer Matt's audio exclusive called GoodSkews, good news from good people. It's on the audio feed for this show. And consider signing up on Patreon, $5 a month to get all the ad-free versions

of every episode, as well as two additional full-length bonus episodes per month, which includes periodically skew-n-a's where we answer your burning questions. Go to weekly skews.com slash more or go on Patreon and search for my name. Either way it works. But regardless, that's it for now. We'll see in about seven days

if the world still exists. Love you. Bye. Hook your dog. Okay.