Weekly Skews - Weekly Skews 1/03/23 – KEVIN FORBID

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

Tonight it’s Speaker mess and general Congress clownshit, plus dumbasses and some insane fun lil’ nuggets from the final J6 report. Plus dumbasses, per usual. Trae’s stuck in the holler so Mark���s joined by Corey Ryan Forrester, and we hope you’ll come too.Support the show

Good evening, and howdy folks, as a traditional greeting. This is the weekly skews for January 3rd, 2023, the year of our Lord. And here with me today is our brother in Christ, Cory Ryan Forrester. Because Trey is stuck in the holler, eating possum innards and starting his Jugman dream. Yeah, doing meth out of a lightball of all that good stuff. Yeah, I think he was dealing with family stuff. But yeah, we got a hitting show lined up for you guys. I think we're talking about congressional clown show shit.

Today was probably one of the funniest days in the decline of our democracy since the non-lethal parts of January 6th. We'll get into it. I don't even want to fucking go on about it. I'm super excited to learn about all this for the first time. I was once again very tempted to learn the news from somebody other than you earlier today. And it actually hit me. I was at Outback Steakhouse with my wife. They're not sponsoring the show, but it was a good time.

And I was sitting there and I was like, man, it seems like a lot's going on in Congress. I better look this shit up. And then I'll go, oh, wait, it just hit me. I'm co-hosting with Mark tonight. I don't have to look anything up. I'll just ask Mark. That's what's fun doing to show with you because you're always surprised when I tell you something that happened. I'm like a little puppy.

Tray's generally aware until we get to like the true weirdos. And then he's like, wait, what? They got it, what? We got some true weirdos for you tonight. So while we're gone, a bunch of shit happened. All of our personalize, of course. We had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and all that. You did, I presume.

How was your Christmas score? It was good. It was not in any way like yours, which means it was great. I know you're not going to get into that. But I had a truly tremendous holiday. I don't have a big family. family. So there's not like the house hopping and stuff, which really hits for me. And we didn't even do our first, like me and my parents didn't even meet up till like three in the afternoon. So like slept in on Christmas. It was wonderful. I can't complain. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of, a lot of fun stuff happened. My wife might no longer be speaking to her brother and sister-in-law's. That's fun. That's great. So while we were gone. So Trump's taxes came out and. Mark, Mark, if I may stop you here for a second, I'm sorry.

but I can't let the bit die before we get going. Before we get going, I, of course, have three questions that have been plaguing me since you or who I get all my news from. And if you would oblige me, I would like to ask you and the skeuniverse right now. Okay, sure. But the caveat that I told you before the came to one, just to the viewers know, I have been awake since 1 a.m. Pacific time. It's okay. I think you got it. I had up 4 a.m. Eastern to catch our flight home from Florida this morning.

And so I may or may not remember any of this tomorrow. So go ahead. Here's the thing, Mark. I took that into account and devised the questions hitherto for that. That was word, Sally. Anyways, question number one, did FDR actually hit? Here's why I ask. He seems like one of those guys that everybody likes, and that's very suspect to me.

He definitely super hit. for poor white people did not hit for rich white people and he was typically racist for his time but he also for his time he was racist no I mean normally for his time okay right I was about to say because if you were racist

for that time then God yeah they locked up Japanese people on site so you know I forgot about that yeah so yes and no I wish in the context of World War II two where it was social democracies against fascism. He had the foresight to pick the right side in the fight. The rest of the country was not fully on board with it. So yes, I would say

in context in total, he hits just five. Okay, good. Now my opinion on FDR is that he hit. That's question number two, Mark, and I mean this sincerely. Who is Tulsi Gabbard? I keep hearing this name, and every time I hear it, I go, I'm going to look up who this is. And every time I don't. I have no idea. I think that she don't hit, but I don't know. All right. So she was technically a Democrat, was wingnut congressman from Hawaii,

whose dad ran like a Hindu nationalist sex cult. All right. Okay. I'm in. She's sort of like if Glenn Greenwald was in Congress. That's sort of her vibe. She's like, calls herself left wing but has every right wing position

and now hosts a show on Fox News. So there you go. That old green. Okay. Now I know not to like her either. Thank you, Mark. And finally, Mark, and I think you'll have a lot of fun with this. Fuck Mary Kill, January 6th, December 7th, or September 11th. You got to fuck one, marry one, and kill one. Which one of these tragic days? Oh, fuck January 6th. Kill September 11th and Mary Pearl Harbor.

That's exactly what I thought. You did it. perfect you did it the only way that you can do it there you go there's now i'm called up days that will live in infamy all of uh so and well we're gone trump's taxes came out uh which is like it was pretty much what i expected which is just that he's either broke or a liar right yeah right it's one of the two either his tax losses are real he's a huge loser or his tax losses are fake and he's a scammer and that's what he didn't know probably a little from column male from column be um so but there's also like chinese bank accounts and stuff in there that definitely could be corrupt if not illegal uh but the thing that was really fun they had more out is the final version

of january six report came out and everybody already knows a broad strokes of what we think about it but i do want some stuff that drop there's just absolutely hilarious so this guy named samuel ames who is a lobbyist for block cryptocurrency and also has the proud boys name name three more horrible things about him in a row. So he was called to testify, and in the middle of his testimony, he started to getting horrible leg cramps because he had just done leg day. And so. The tech bro, January proud boy got cramps because he had a big leg day?

Hilarious. Yeah. The biggest leg day of his life, which he makes sure to let them know. Because even on, you're testifying from the J6 committee for something you go to prison for, you do not skip leg day, Corey. No, of course not. You're going to need it in prison, buddy. Samuel Arms is name, A-R-M-E-S.

So he says, sorry, I'm cramping. And the lawyer says, okay, take a moment, take a moment, take a moment, go ahead. That's all right. Do you want to quit? He's asked, he wants a recess. He goes, no, no, I'm good. I just did a, ah, Charlie Horse, Charlie Horse, just, I'm good. I just did leg dad.

I maxed out my PR squats. So PR, if you're not, if you're not a gym bro, it means personal record. Yeah, so he's letting the J-6 committee know. He said his personal record would lay it in his squats. lot day. And so take a moment. His lawyer goes, he's on the floor. Then he goes, man, this is embarrassing. He goes, oh, no, you're all right. I understand what you're feeling. The lawyer's pretending to know what Lake Day is late. I really wish Rick and Morty would do a cartoon version of this like they did that one court transcript that one time.

That would please me. Then he goes, by the way, after he gets off off the floor, because I'm good, I'm good. We're back. By the way, that personal record was 4 and 25 pounds. And his lawyer goes, that will now be in the congressional records. That's good. And then he goes, yeah, that's cool. Oh, my God. Every day when I wonder, like, Corey, are you on the right side of history?

You read me some shit like that. And I'm like, yeah, man, don't get mad when these dudes quote tweet you and call you a soy boy. It's totally fine. But Corey, is your personal squad record in the congressional record? I don't fucking think so. It's not, buddy. Charlie Kirk, the guy with a tiny face, who's in charge of attorney points, USA, is a big Trump guy. So he had to testify, and he pled the fifth to literally everything, including how old he was and whether he went to college.

And then the lawyer tried to tell how old you are. The lawyer tried to explain to him that you can only plead the fifth for stuff you might face criminal liability for. You can't plead the fifth for questions like what day of the week it is and shit. It doesn't work that way. and then they asked him if he understood what pleading the fifth was and he pled the fifth to that gory and i got to say don't talk to cops i respect this i mean i was going to say like this is a prime example of a situation where when i see it and i see a bunch of democrats going in on him i'm like let's play the game of if the shoe was on the other foot and this was one of our people what would

we think and every single one of us would be going exactly fuck them you ain't got to say nothing you know so yeah tiny hat off to him so little wayne had a documentary crew follow him around like that he hired and then he didn't like the documentary when it came out so he sued them over the documentary he had paid for and the deposition

to that is a all-time classic way to deal with lawyers and if you want to get on YouTube and go watch that little Wayne deposition I highly recommend it well he was hitting yeah yeah he was basically like is that he's like do you remember if you were in jail in this date he's like I don't know and he goes like wouldn't Wouldn't that be the kind of thing you would remember?

And he goes like, what kind of question is that? Wouldn't that be the kind of thing you remember? And as long as like, you know what? I don't know. Yeah, that's fair. Jason Miller snished that Judge Neen got so drunk that she fell down in an election night party. So I hit.

There's a guy we talked about recently who was a former Michigan State Senator Majority Leader, a guy named a Mike Shirky, who we talked about in Daily Dumbass because in his farewell speech, he talked about saving the taxpayers money because it he first got to the Senate, he felt the toilet water felt warm, so he stuck his hand in it, and he stopped the state of Michigan for paying for warm toilet water, which I'm getting it absolutely wasn't. Anyway, so he said he was told, he was given a heads up by the state House speaker, but Trump might call him, and it would show up on his phone as, quote, spam risk Egypt.

Oh, my favorite food, my favorite game, and one of my favorite countries. they had Egyptian burner phones So this is a fucking Coin Brothers movie This is burn after reading If it was dumber Yeah that was better to say Yeah so I can't get any

So I salute Donald Trump For getting a burner phone so cheap It showed up on people's phones As spam risk Egypt Yeah dumbest thing never fucking happen I think me and you are not on the show But we've talked about Trump a million times In the sense of

If this guy wasn't hadn't had power and wasn't attempting yet again to wield enormous power but other than that he was the exact same way I would fucking love him like I would be like yeah man screw the system all this shit

you know what I'm saying but like I know that he he uses his assholeishness for evil therefore I don't like him but like when I hear the I'm just like this guy goddamn man like he's it's performance art you know but I hope he dies before he can run again

actually no I don't No, I don't. If he didn't have money and power, he would just be one of my dad's loser cousins, and he'd probably be a little front of barbecue. So we got a good show lined up talking about Congress and shit. I guess I forget all the stuff, Tray says. We're supposed to plug the page. We got a Patreon.

Yeah, you do you want. There's Tray's tour dates. I don't know if they're updated because he very rarely updates them. Yeah, he fucking sucks at almost everything except for, like, he has real good idea. is, and he's like, well, I guess I just have that. I guess that's an idea that I just have. Yeah. All right.

So I guess we'll get into it, Matt. Matt, hit us with that daily dumbass graph, please. So tonight's D.D. is communist ghosts for annoying this shit out of George Washington. Before I go real quick, and I'm going to give you guys some homework. to do tonight um just real quick show of hands how many of you believe in god okay i want you guys to look up on youtube there was a story that george washington to your research on youtube it was it's called george washington's vision for america george washington prior to the revolutionary war was visited according to george washington by an angel and he showed him the outcome of the

Revolutionary War. He showed him that there would be a civil war, the results of that, and that the United States would then expand from east to west and see great prosperity. But then after that, George Washington saw the last fight that the United States would face. And it would be a red plume of spoke coming from South America, but also coming from the east. Real quick, and just hearing that short information segment, how many of you believe that that red cloud is communism? Are you good at me? I believe that. Hey,

Mark, turns out it wasn't wood. George Washington's teeth was made out of psilocybin mushrooms. Am I right? If that really happened, I think George Washington teeth

were made of a slave teeth, but that's a whole no story that we won't get into depressing. So that's incoming Congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna. Oh, she won? Yes.

She's a Q&on adjacent psycho, who was also selected as the hometown hottie for Fort Walton Beach by Maxon Magazine in 2014. 14. Well, I mean, can't lie there. Congrats to her on that. So I looked it up. I was like, what the hell is this?

And it turns out there is a legend that was passed around about George Washington, have a vision that featured an angel. But it wasn't come up with until the mid-1800s. So it was just like this guy, it was in the lead up to the Civil War and during it, it was this comforting myth about how George Washington was visited by an angel, told him that this was going to happen. It was going to work out okay. You can understand how people during the Civil War want to think that, right?

Of course. That's literally what the Bible is. Yeah. It's like our version of thinking Trump's going to get arrested, right? By the way, allow me, and this might make you mad, he's not. I wish that he would, but he's not. Everybody that posts the memes and are like, he's going to look so good in the orange jumpsuit, unless he just decides to start wearing orange jumpsuits, you're not going to see that.

It sucks, but it's not happening. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, that tale of Washington's vision was written by a. guy wasn't born until 1836. So there you go. Also, do you know who also has a bunch of visions and claims to see things in the future? Gary Busey, I don't think that we really need to hold credence to that type of logic. Yeah, yeah, he's like Randy Quaid, you know, Randy Quaid getting on TikTok and doing Q&9 memes.

Who are the Randy Quaid hits otherwise, other than the Q&O stuff. That's what I'm saying. He's another guy just like Trump. And it's like, God damn it, if you just like, do 2% less, I would love you. Yeah, shit is full. So anyway, if you're wondering, yes, Annapole and Aluna is one of the people

that teamed up to ruin Kevin McCarthy's life today, which we're going to talk about in the main segment. But first, our one honorable mention Daily Dumbass today is liberal women for depriving themselves of the luxuriousness of conservative Coochie plugs. Hit it, Matt. She made purple fabric, and she was the woman who started the first church. She was a business woman, just like me and Macy are.

So I'm so excited to introduce this next product we have. Yes, I can see it in your face. The anti-feminist tampon. Yes, that's it. I can't believe those words just came out of your mouth. Tell me what the anti-feminist tampon even means. Yes, so we're Garnu, so I'm the CEO and founder of Garnu. So we are a tampon brink, and we won't call you a menstrual.

a birthing person will call you what you are, which is a woman who biologically is the only one that can have babies and menstruate. So we are very, we want to empower. So, uh, there, I will not sell tampons to men policy. Works not great for me. Uh, yeah, for sure. I don't want one. Uh, thank you. Is that Sean Spicer? Uh, no. Uh, that's, I forget that guy's name. He's a, he's a lower rent dip shit. Greg. Damn. So that, like, I've never, like, first off, you know, we all know that, like, you know, men's razors and women's razors. It's like, it doesn't matter. It's just they figured out a way to make all of us buy the same exact thing.

Like, I use women's deodorant. I find it to be better. I don't feel. It just blows my mind. And it's working. You see a lot of these companies out there now, and their main sales tactic is not we have a good product. It's that we only sell to people who fucking drink milk every morning with their steak and believe in Jesus Christ.

And dude, those sons of bitches are eating it up. The my pillow shit, I got a my pillow for Christmas last year. And at first I was like, because it was a gag gift. The person did it be like, you fucking hate this guy. I'm getting you his pillow. And for the first couple weeks, I was like, oh, shit, this is actually a really good pillow. It fucking fell apart in like a month, you know. And I know I've got a big sweaty head, but still, I've had pillows for a while.

Yeah. I mean, I use women's raisins in my head. But yeah, Black Rifle Coffee Company is like, we're the coffee for people. who like guns. Like, I don't want to connect those dots. Dude, every dude in my area has the black rifle, like, Yeti, the hat and shit. And it's like, these are normally people who are like gas station coffee is the best, unless my coffee owns the libs, in which case it's the best.

I mean, black rifle does have a cool logo. I could see it walking around with a coozy. I know. I love so much of that shit aesthetically. Yeah. But it's like these people, like, I can't, I was talking to my wife's cousin about this, but like these people think about gay sex and transgenitalia more than like so much like these people think about transgenderity more than like a doctor who does surgeries on trans people there's a reason that I knew what transgender people were really like they were living in in private harmony they weren't I know that's not true but like yeah it only became a big and by the way I've still seen the exact same amount of them since the hysteria came out I've not seen more you know what I mean like but yeah but yeah.

Yeah, you're right. They focus on them, them stuff. I was going to say a bad word, but I hadn't had too much whiskey yet. And they're like, we won't sell tampons to people who are born biological males. And it's like, I'm pretty sure. I don't know for sure, because I'm not obsessed with it. It's none of my fucking business. But I'm pretty sure they don't menstruate.

Exactly. But whatever, none of my fucking business, leave them alone. All right, let's get into it. Our topic tonight is the continuing. we're recording yet yeah yeah oh sweet yeah no the main we're into the segment so if you didn't follow along what happened in congress today it was basically nothing except for kevin McCarthy getting his dick kicked in repeatedly by the dumbest people ever elected in america in american political life so is kevin McCarthy would be the speaker that he's a republican he's a republican party leader who is the

minority leader under the last congress but he should be speaker except that about between five and 20 members of his own caucus fucking hate him and want to ruin his life. So today Kevin McCarthy had probably the worst day he's had in Congress, even though he was once almost murdered there fairly recently. They, they did, he's the first guy since 19, the first person, I'm sorry, since we've had with Nancy Pelosi has been elected speaker of the house as well. The first person elected speaker since 1923, who. did not, it did not happen for them on the first ballot. All right. Word.

Yeah. It was like the Baseball of Fame. Like they'd go more than once. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they just, they have to keep voting. They have a speaker. So if you can't get a majority, you got to get, so it's 4 and 35 members.

You've got to get a solid majority. So you've got to get 218 if everybody votes, right? So he only has about 219, 220 caucus members, so if, uh, or 222, I think. So if more than four defect, he can't get 218 and he can't fucking get 218. And no, but how many times these moron. haven't explained to them that there's no one else no one else wants the job like nope he can't have it so they did three ballots today they did three rounds of voting today he lost all three to the democrat nice hakeem jeffreys got more votes than him on every ballot it doesn't matter because

he can't get a majority but so just so you understand the stakes here the house can't do conduct any business until the speaker's elected they can't do anything uh so they can't even swear new So we literally do not have a House of Representatives right now. That is phenomenal. I'm for it. It is purge rules. So what happened was he had 19, so the first two rounds, he had 19 members of his own caucus defect and grew to 20 on the third round.

And they voted for a Democrat. They didn't just abstain? No, they voted for Jim Jordan. Okay. And he is? He's a Republican congressman from Ohio, who's most well, known for being, he was the wrestling coach in Ohio State and he covered up

a guy and blesseded a bunch of his Yeah, I was about to say, as soon as you said he used to, I was like, I'm pretty sure, yep, there it is. So, uh, some fun tidbits. Even though McCarthy can count and knew he didn't have the votes, he'd already moved

into the speaker suite. Right? So if nothing I would have done that. He's, yeah, he pulled the George Costanza. He's like, They can't fire me if I keep showing up.

Oh, that, you thought that was going on. He had a big pizza party plan for the entire Republican Caucus to celebrate his crowning today. He canceled the party, but apparently the pizza still got delivered. So that's a fun little sad thing that happened. Trump had endorsed him, but then immediately backed away today. And like typically in this environment, if you get this humiliated, you resign and go home. It's sort of like a prime minister type situation. Go to Enron.

So, like, he might not even be in Congress in two weeks. Dude, so forgive me if I'm wrong here, but, like, this is really shocking to me just because one thing me and you have talked about on this show and in private is that, like, if you can give the Republicans credit for one thing and one thing only, that is that no matter what, they back their play. You know what I'm saying? Like, they are, they're like, listen, even if somebody. sucks. They still have an R by their name. So we're in. So, like, this is actually the first

time I've heard something and been like, I know this is a catastrophe, but this is setting a delightful new precedent here. Like, I could try to explain to you why it is they hate him. Some of them the same, the same reasons I hate him. Some of them are the same reasons I hate him, that he's a spying this weasel who doesn't believe in anything. They, I think he's like that, because I know, like they do, that he just pretended to support Trump because he was caught on hot mic saying Trump's stupid and sucks. He was called on a hot mic at a Republican retreat saying Trump's on Russia's payroll. He was on a private call, said they should impeach Trump and convict him and remove him from

office after January 6th, right? But they think he doesn't go hard enough for Trump. Yeah. And I guess both things can be true, right? True, not mutual exclusive. But again, no one else wants this fucking job. No one. so what are you going to do and like this is all fun in games right now but watch these clowns make

this guy miserable because he sucks but we do need congress to do stuff but if they can't pass if they if they if they don't like the speaker and swear in people we can't pass like government funding bills right we can't we can't extend the debt ceiling which means that they don't do that but i think it's what next september then we'll all be like the entire global economy collapses and we'll all be bo-hunting alley-cats to cook over trash can fires. That's true. That's true. But in the same sense, over the past couple years, when Congress did do something, it often didn't hit.

So it might be a nice couple weeks to just see like, all right, see, we could kind of do some stuff without y'all. So maybe fucking learn your place. Yeah. But, yeah, in the meantime, just last three weeks all we're going to do is delay the investigations into Hunter Biden's trans laptop or whatever. Oh, I can't believe they're not rushing this one forward, buddy. Another fun thing is like until, until members are sworn in, like if they're not incumbent staff, if they're freshman staff, they can't even access to computers or email. Right. So, like, there's a bunch of staffers just sitting there not getting paychecks, not doing anything.

They're not getting paid. That's how that works. Like the congressmen aren't getting paid. Well, I mean, they're getting paid from the fucking big tobacco company still. They're, they're retainers. They're fine. But yeah, they're like interns and shit. Like, they're screwed.

Yeah. So let me tell you some of the fun stuff he did to try to get these idiots votes. All right. So a new Congress comes in. They adopt internal rules packages for their own, for the how the new Congress is going to run, right? So the stuff he gave them, they wanted a provision that would have let five members of the Republican Party basically put forth into a confidence vote to remove him at any point. Now again, he's got 19 doing that now. And he gave them five. And they counter with we want one. They want one guy. Matt Gates. wakes up in a bad mood

on Wednesday and can tear down Congress. That's the rule they want to. Oh, great. And he did tell him to fuck off on that one, but he gave them five. All right.

He, he, he obliterated all the house ethics rules and eliminated like all the investigative authority for the House ethics so they can all,

like Matt Gates can have as many sex parties with 17 year olds as he wants or whatever. And they can, they can, they can inside a trade. They can do all that shit.

Whatever. They reinstated something called the Holman rule. This is a fun one. The Holman rule allows the house to zero out the salary of any

random individual federal employee. Now, I'm sure they've imagined this. They're imagining like a, like a, what do you call it, a U.S. attorney who's investigating or Dr. Fauci. But I also like to imagine, like, one of these guys are just really mad at his mailman. Gary don't get paid. Fuck Gary. I don't like them short.

Fuck him. Yeah. So he gave them all that, and they still won't vote for him. so they had a big they had a Republican caucus meeting last night well not a big one sorry just just the people that won't vote for him met with McCarthy and he was like I can't give you guys anything

I've given you everything you want and Lauren Bobart yelled at him and said bullshit one of the things they were asking for is for them the House Freedom Caucus to be able to decide committee assignments so they basically want to establish themselves the Speaker of the House and be able to fire people they don't like off committees right

so So Bobert ended up winning? Yeah, she won by head. I didn't know that. That's so funny. It doesn't make me happy that she won, but it makes me happy that Trey put up a video saying that she lost and then she won. So he looks like a dumb ass.

It was very, very close, Ray. So since we all just had Christmas, this reminds me of like a, like a dysfunctional family dinner where you have a fight that starts out of one thing, but at least like all the dirty laundry being aired, and past grievances and slights coming out and everybody walking up pissed and hating each other but if you're just like the new girlfriend

you don't understand what's happening it's like all you saw was grandpa go there you go again with the manning's and fucking flipping the table you're like what hell it's like that kind of shit so they got this weird civil war going that's sort of like I feel like we're looking

in like video from inside a cult so Marjor Taylor Green is really being a good soldier here she's going all in for McCarthy I can't believe that Yeah, so she's technically in the House Freedom Caucus, so she's basically estranged from all her former friends. So here's Marge ranting about Matt Gates and Lauren Bobert. Factory.

But here's the problem, Steve. My friends in the Freedom Caucus and Matt and Lauren Bobert and others, they don't know how to make the deal because they aren't willing to take the win when they have one. They're making this about never, Kevin, and that is the wrong move. All right. So, and then Bobert had, of course, headed to a disc track back at her, because that's how this shit goes, because they're all influencers now. They're doing the same shit. We do, except roast, roast battle with no, except for we don't actually, we don't actually have anything better to do. They should be doing other things.

Right. And so now here we are, being sworn at instead of being sworn in. And we could have had this solved months ago. I have been working every day to you. unify the Republican Party for the American people. And yesterday, we had a deal that was not a selfish deal in any way for Kevin McCarthy to get him the gavel on the first ballot. And he eagerly dismissed us. All right. So yeah, the deal she wanted was, again, her being put in charge of Congress. So, yeah, go ahead. I love that Marjorie slipped in subconsciously to Trump

talking points, which was the art of the deal and when like I don't know. She doesn't think that I know that she was doing that, but I know that she was doing that. And also, I don't know if anybody's pointed this out. They probably have, but my relationship with Lauren Bobert is a little weird because she looks and

sounds just like Gretchen Wieners from Mean Girls, and it's hard for me to hate her. I do. I do, but it's difficult. So you know my hatred is real. I see what you, that's Lacey Shehbert's character. Lesie Shea Baird, she talks just like she doesn't talk like Lacey Shea Baer. She talks like Gretchen Wainers.

Okay. Yeah. I can see it. I understand. I love that movie as well. So the thing about these people, they don't have any tangible like policy concessions they're asking for. Like one of the things Boer was demanding was like a like a message vote on like term limits bill that would never pass. She just wants to have it on the floor. And they're like I maybe I mean, I guess if we have to for Congress to function give that to her. But she also wanted like she says Kevin McCarthy softened the border or something. I didn't. None of these things make any sense. They just hate this guy and want to make it miserable.

And to that, I say, go for it. Exactly. I'm finally on y'all's team on something. What's the term limits, Bill? Is that for Congress? Yeah. I don't know the specifics. Because they've got like, how many terms can it come in a lot, like forever, right?

Like they can just keep going. Infinity. Yeah. Okay, right. That's so dumb. Remember I told you like 1923 was the last time this happened? Yeah. Nancy Pelosi was elected that year.

So yeah. Oh, God, damn it. That's good. Another fun bit of this is that, before I get to that, like, going back to the influencer thing, like, these people don't have any policy demands or understanding of policy or even what they want to happen. They just know that it's good for their brand. To always be mad and always be as mad as our constituents and always be fighting for the sake of fighting. but now that their own parties in power, who's left to fight? Right.

I just want to show the people online, the subscribe to the YouTube channels and their podcast, and yes, they all fucking YouTube channels and podcasts, that they're just as man at the elites as they are, even though they're in fucking Congress and they're all millionaires. Anyway, so another fun thing here is the Republicans, the way the Republicans just took Congress is by flipping a decent amount of districts that Biden won by healthy margins. 18 of their, 18 of their new members are from districts of

Biden won comfortably. Word. Yeah. It's an off-year election. People don't show up. Old people vote more. You know, there's all that stuff. It's a down-economy, whatever. But the dynamic won't be the same in 2024.

And so now these new 18 members are being held out to fucking fend for themselves by these 19 assholes, which is really fun. But like, so they're going to eat so much shit and they're never going to get re-elected. And that's really fun for me. And so. I'm not sure how long this will go on because I don't see a way it resolves itself. There's galaxy brain shit they could do.

Democrats could put up like a never-Trump Republican and maybe it'll steal like five votes from their side and they could elect like a compromise candidate that make that person speaker. They could make Liz Cheney speaker, which would be the fucking most galaxy brain Democrat Party move ever. But I don't think they would do that.

But that's an option. Because you don't have to be in the house to be Speaker of the House. It always has been, but you don't have to be. You can, you can make Corey Speaker of the House they wanted to. It doesn't matter. Me? So, yeah. That would hit.

Yeah. You've just brought up an interesting point that I hadn't really considered, but it makes sense how like all these new younger, you know, congressional members and representatives or whatever. They are like, they're very online people and they're very much just about their brand because of how online they were and that's all they're doing. And how like, yeah, at first, that gets you a lot. of heat on Twitter and that gets you a lot of clicks and that makes you the main character

on Twitter, but we found out time and time again that Twitter is not real life. And the people in these districts that they're representing are eventually going, like the first couple times they do this whole owning the lips thing. They're like right on. But then I do feel like eventually even older Republicans do see through self-serving bullshit and are just like, hey, I don't care about any of this. Will you pass the goddamn bill for my insulin? And that kind of for me that I think we're starting to see it hit for them for a while to do this. And now everybody's like, yeah, I need you to not just do roast battles. Yeah.

So essentially, that was Joe Biden. We did have tried to talk about this lot. That's Joe Biden's big bet, the Democratic primary general. And then in 2020, this past congressional election, he's just betting that most people are sane. And he's not long. But we're so gerrymandered. Right.

Because the House of Representatives, like the House of Representatives, Georgia Republicans sitting home or casting fuck you votes for Raphael Warnock can send Warnock to the Senate, but nothing anyone can do can get Marjorie and Taylor Green out of the House. No, trust me. I tried really hard. I tried so hard. Single-handedly, I tried and I failed you, America. So his bet works in non-juriamanded elections. It does not work in gerrymandered elections. But I looked up

So the longest and most contentious Speaker election in House history Which this might get there Because I don't fucking know what's going to happen It was in 1855 This guy whose name was Let me find his name, sorry I bet it's cotton

Banks Cotton Bill of Cuddy Nathaniel Banks from Massachusetts Nathaniel Banks This is the lead up to the Civil War All right When anti-immigrant sentiment was

was hugely on the rise. And, of course, some people were fighting about slavery and stuff. And so they could not settle on a speaker. It took nine months. Wow.

Wait, sorry, two months and 130, sorry, I misspoke. Two months and 133 ballots. They finally showed this guy who was a hardcore racist from Massachusetts. This was the 50s? 1850s.

Oh, 1850. Okay, that makes a little bit more sense. But they just didn't have a Congress for two months. everybody was just out in the streets with their street just peop, peop, peop, pew, pew, peop, just not, just wile it out.

Yeah, yeah, pretty much. And then the 1923, when the guy was elected then, the last time this happened, when somebody was elected in the first ballot, that took nine ballots, so not that long. But they elected a guy named Frederick Gillett, who I'm assuming

is 1923, so you probably thought, like, drinking opium cured syphilis or something. Didn't hurt it. Promise you that. So another thing, to happen today. Okay, so the way the rules work is you have to get a majority of everyone who votes, but you don't have a whole majority of everyone, all right? So if the Democrats just vote president or just leave, Kevin McCarthy would win because he would just be Republicans

voting, he would win like 200, you know, 200 to 19 or whatever. Right. 203 to 19. So, so, so Democrats, I'm not sure if they knew the rules, I just thought they'd get this over with because that's what they're going to have to do to have a functional Congress anyway, just let McCarthy win. So there was like, we're just boring. We're going to leave. Like, it was so boring. to everybody wasn't just watching it online like members of Congress brought their kids

to watch them get sworn in and that did not happen so kids were sitting there bored as shit for nine hours watching a bunch of morons yell at each other about Congress yeah I saw this

I saw some I don't know who the representative was but they came today I guess with their kids and they had their bag of toys confiscated from them that they had brought for their kids just and and they tweeted

they were like They let George Santos in, but I can't have my goddamn rubber ducky or something like that. And I wish I'd remembered who it was because I would love to vote for that person. That's so funny because the only thing Republicans have managed to accomplish so far is taking out the metal detectors that Nancy Pelosi installed. So you can't take toys on the out floor Congress. Wait a minute. You can't take a gun now. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. They got the metal detectors taken out of Congress. That make, I mean, okay, let me pitch my theory on why they. did that. It's because even though they know they would like to have them there, they can't then spout bullshit of like, it sucks that we have to have metal detectors in schools if they're not willing to do it. Is that it? No, they just want to take their guns in the house floor. I mean, God, damn. Marjor Taylor Green made a big show. Like, Pelosi's, this is like, I'm sure that the public goes to metal detectors to go to Congress, but like the members are going through

different doors, right? So, like, Nancy Pelosi put in, like, a fine system where if you didn't get the metal detector, you got to find. And, like, Marjor Taylor Green made a big showing of going around the metal detector and paying a fine over and over again. So, what a dumb bitch. Like, who are you going to shoot in, I mean, for the record, like, you're like, I need my gun to protect myself. Well, if you have a metal detector, nobody will have one. And, well, I guess, like, the crypto bros that jerk it to her will 3D print one or some shit. that's plastic. I swear to God, man.

They truly know no bounds. Yeah. So another bit of fun silliness today. So there's a viral video of people like Paul Gossar, who's a lunatic right-wing, racist psycho, and Matt Gates, who we all know well, we all know well, he's the, you know. Beavis. Yeah, the alleged pedophile sex track and crypto bro from Florida. They were, they went over and talked to her for a while.

And it was like, what does AOC have to talk to these guys about? So what had happened was they're the people fucking McCarthy, right? And they were worried that Democrats would leave and let McCarthy win. So they were asking her, hey, you guys are going to help McCarthy out. And she was like, absolutely not. We will stay here until the heat death of the universe to watch you clowns do this, at least until like next week or whatever, after this embarrassment's running its full course and they fully humiliated.

And if you got an incoming Speaker of the House with a bare majority, Why would you not cripple him out the game if you're the opposition party? It's a layup. The best thing you can do is make him look like an absolute disaster of a moron and then let him take office. Right. You know when you're playing a video game and you don't really know what you're doing so you just start shooting just randomly and just hitting all the buttons and like hoping that it will work out, it's wild to see that play out in Congress in real life. like that seems to be what's happening because you're you're saying a bunch of things that I'm like no sane human being would do this and then I'm like oh right that makes a lot of sense also mark I have to give credit where credit is due and I'm sorry I haven't earlier I got to tell you a house divided against itself cannot stand Kevin wonderful joke was that you were producer Matt I assume you that was me that was me yeah I enjoy you well done she's like three different puns in there so yeah so Marjor Taylor Green figured out the ruse and tweet out criticism of Matt Gates for hanging out with AOC, which is just funny.

But it's like, it's, when it's a place so obvious that Marjorie Taylor Green could figure it out, you can bet that Matt Gates and AOC have figured it out, right? Exactly. Yeah, because, I mean, I don't think the guy's a dummy. I think he's a creep, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it doesn't seem dumb. I mean, maybe, I don't know.

Well, he seems dumb. Like, they all seem dumb because they're doing things that we wouldn't do, but that's a moral thing, not a brain thing. You know what I mean? Like I've said a million times quit calling people stupid when you should really be saying bad because it really puts, gives us stupid people a bad name,

you know, because there's good-hearted stupid people out there. And most of the time what you see is not someone behaving stupidly. It's someone behaving calculatingly to appear dumb so that they can get away with master-minded sinister shit.

No, for real. And we also, we didn't we need a new type of word for the kind of stupid that is where it's so morally it there you go but it's so morally stupid where like you don't know even if you understand intellectually the damage you're doing to society and other people like like Martin when Martin Screlly jacked up the children's cancer drug right it wasn't because no one else ever thought of it like he wasn't smart right he was an asshole I'll look like a huge asshole if I do this he's like I don't care about that. I already look like a huge asshole.

Yeah, yeah. I've seen it online. I can blame autism. We'll be okay. Like, it's cool. Yeah. So the 85% of Republicans who support McCarthy seem to realize they don't have a way out of this. They're just, it's Chinese finger cubs, baby.

So like, they were, they're basically saying, begging for Fox News to criticize these assholes. So maybe that'll put them back in line. They're basically, one guy was like, they're going to straighten up once Tucker talks about this. I was like, you think Tucker's not going to be on their side, but like, who has the power here? What the hell are you guys? You're in the government. You run the government. Yeah, it is wild, like I said earlier, to not see them all unified behind something stupid and instead divided on something stupid.

It's remarkable to see and it's fucking fun television. But I was wondering how Fox News was going to talk about this because I was like, are they going to come down on McCarthy's side? because they don't really like McCarthy. And, like, the first of all, they didn't cover it for most of the day. All the other networks are carrying it live because it's as great television as Congress can be. And Fox News all day was carrying like the hottest Christmas presents this season, like that kind of shit. What was the new toy everybody got? So, but then when they got around to it, they did seem, we start the show over.

I think we come on the same time as Tucker, so I have no idea what he's saying about it. But pretty too, man, Fox News, when. on how dumb and bad and stupid this and disorganizes made Republicans look. And for example, here's Judge, formerly mentioned super drunk Judge Deneen. And McCarthy's still confident he's going to be Speaker eventually. Keep this in mind until Republicans can agree on a speaker. The House is basically frozen,

meaning they can't even swear in new members or investigate Biden like they promise. Judge Janine. Yes. Not a good look for Republicans today. No. the ordinary American is sitting home and saying, what the heck is wrong with these people? We elected them. We worked

hard. We gave them money. We now have the majority in the house. And they can't get along with each other. They don't, they don't like have enough problems with the Democrats that they at least can't align against the Democrats. Here's the... All right. So there you have a

perfectly laid out. So for the past, my entire life... Sorry. That's all right. My entire life The Republican Party's deal has been, you've got the business assholes. Oh, my God. Quit calling me. I'm doing.

Are you there? Here. All right. So my entire life, the deal with the Republican Party has been this. You got the business psychos who let the weirdos have their beliefs in extraneous through political support. And the business weirdos will, the business perverts will let the weirdos have their issues, right?

but now they've created so many weirdos that they've taken over the party and you have a business pervert by McCarthy who literally the deal his whole life has been if I just let you rant about Q&O and investigate a hundred-biter's laptop I get to have the title of speaker and pass some tax cuts and they're like no no it's ours now and they're too stupid to understand the contract they're too stupid to understand the contract do you think long term this is going to work out in our favor or do you think there's going to be some sort of ninth-thening you know rally here i don't i mean i predicting what predictions are always a mugs game and trying to anticipate what's going to happen in twenty four it's so far away who who knows and i'm always wrong anyway but like what i don't those 18 people we talked about who were going to have to try to get reelected to congress after winning biden districts i don't fucking see a way out of it for them and i don't see how mccarthy gets elected because listen to gates talk and imagine him trying to back this down, all right? Right.

Like... If you have it, Matt. Maybe we don't. Maybe we lost Matt. Oh, there we go. They're humble to a fault. Maybe the right person for the job of Speaker of the House is someone who wants it so bad. Maybe the right person for the job of Speaker of the House isn't someone who has sold shares of themselves for more than a decade. to get it.

Maybe. Yeah. Jim George is the right person for. He also said if you want to drain the swamp, you shouldn't put the biggest alligator in charge of it. It's like, I don't, so how's you going to turn around and vote for this guy?

And this guy basically can't win if Matt Gates doesn't vote for it. I don't know. They stay doing that shit, though. Like, they stay doing that shit. Like, you know, Lindsey Graham famously was like, if Donald Trump wins,

America will get what it deserves. You know what I mean? And then turns around and just is like, me, daddy in the Oval Office. Like, I don't know. Like, they, they, you know, shit out of both sides of their mouth. But I don't know. Now that he's made it this public and it's in this, like, sort of homogenized situation,

you're probably right. Yeah, yeah, I didn't think I shouldn't put any faith in them. They don't care about integrity or consistency. No. He does seem to have a bone deep hate for this guy. He just, like, Kevin McCarthy's whole family show up to see him sworn out and as a speaker of the house, the thing he's worked his whole life for, right? blood sweat and tears for

and he went up there in front of his family and called him a fucking sellout Oh god damn You love to see it man I just think he has it his bones man I don't think I don't shit I have no idea how he got this jam But it's fun to watch him wiggle

But so Kevin McCarthy does have one Very vocal supporter Probably the most vocal supporter outside of Marjorie Taylor Green Has been a fellow by the name of George Santos Who you might have heard a little about Yeah, I do know about this guy So he's smart enough to know That his one chance at Romania in Congress

Is sucking up to Kevin McCarthy as much as possible Because if you guys aren't familiar We may do a whole episode in this guy Can't get into all of his lies But basically Yeah, I'm upset that we had to balk and do And not talk about him, but I get it Yeah

But it's so much shit He lied about He invented a fake charity that rescued cats and dogs And the human fund He saved, yeah, he's the human fund Worker Stan's always he saved so many fake dogs but didn't bother lying the number of cats up so he's just like i saved 40,000 dogs in like 11 cats like what the fuck you're making it up you make up more

cats you say so anyway so he showed up to his first day of congress not really because he couldn't get sworn in and he no one would sit with him he got hounded by the media all day and the times he was caught on camera he was either yawning or doing this show this matt his first day in Congress on the he spent the first day in Congress sitting alone and getting caught on camera picking his nose and that's the guy Kevin McCarthy's vote desperately needs to be Speaker of the House and it's the only reason they're even considering seating this lion sociopath who among us Mark

here's my thoughts on George Santos is that the reason that we're starting to see more people like this where you go, how in God's name can someone think that they could get away with those outright bald-faced lies? And my theory on it is that the playbook on how to be a politician was written in the 1700s and they haven't updated it to reflect the age of the internet. And all of these people are still like, it was just, it was just bred into them robotically. Like, dude, back in the 70s, any politician would tell you, they're like, oh, you get caught stealing or raping or whatever. Just say that you didn't do it and that that other person's a liar and it will be fine. And it was fine. And that got pushed into their kids' brains

who went on to be sinners. They're like, just say that it wasn't true. It'll be fine. And now we live in a time where when you lie on the internet, it is documented, but their brains are still working in the thing of just say it didn't happen and it will be fine. And it's going to take one more generation to get out of this because these are the people that didn't grow up with the internet that are now having to learn about the consequences of it in real time. But eventually we're going to have to get away from all this because no one can rightfully think that you're not going to be caught doing this shit. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I mean, even like random weirdos get found out. Wasn't I that a lady who was pretending to be a black woman? Rachel Dozel. That I know. Rachel Doze. Dolez. that was all whatever yeah yeah so yeah so uh they even random people get caught in like horrific lies they go viral and it's like i don't know how you thought i don't know how this guys are about anyway we'll probably talk about the whole episode but like the funny thing about that maddie you're still looking for some comments to throw up there so one of the things that came out was like when he was supposed to be in a fake

college he didn't go to and he turns out he was living in brazil because he was wanted for stealing a checkbook and using it to write some bad checks and and stealing some like shoes and shit um but they couldn't find him because he had moved fled to the United States, so they just dropped the case. Anyway, the case is back reopened now. This motherfucker might end up in Brazilian prison because he got elected the Congress. So it just, okay, but I need to ask you this, and then I also have a theory on the cat's thing, if, depending on your answer to this, is he gay or not?

And by the way, all y'all know, I don't care either way. And if he is, I support his, his right to be that. Is he actually gay? I think there's only one way to find out, Corey, and that's to go try to make out with him. I'll do it. But I was just going to say that, like, maybe that whole dogs and cats charity thing was early on when there was rumors about him being gay. And he wanted to sort of, like, put those rumors behind him. So he was just like, I don't save cats.

You know what I mean? I only save dogs. Yeah. But he was married to a woman at that time. But also, it looks like that was a green card marriage to help get her in the country, which he gave me legal trouble for that too. But whatever, I don't think he literally lied about his name. He's never gone by George Santos before. He's always gone by, like, Anthony DeVolder.

Well, dude, I'm married, and me and Trey have made out since I've said my vows, so that's not really proof. I understand. I understand. Yeah. So, but I wanted to mention the Brazil thing is I wanted to talk about Brazil. Not really Brazil, but our boy Jair, Balls and Arrow, who's the Trump of Brazil, who just lost his election. I love him. No, no.

God damn it. Yeah. Great news to the planet because he was basically activating a doomsday weapon, which is destroying the Amazon, which was, would destroy the whole planet. So it's good. But he was so funny. Yeah, he got COVID 47 times. So he lost his election and instead of attending his successor swearing in, he fled

to the United States, specifically Orlando. He chose Orlando. He fled to, I was just in Orlando and it broke my heart because I was like, me and Jair could have hung out, buddy. I would have fucking loved that. Had him on skis. I would have loved him on skis. So he got a one-way ticket to avoid prosecution because he, he got a one-way ticket to avoid prosecution

because he's going to be a lot of investigations and he'll probably end up there's if he didn't flee because he's on the hook for like murders and shit like oh yeah he was a big so he took a one-way street to one-way ticket to Orlando and his wife stayed in Brazil oh hello that's wonderful

Jay Action says where's Trey has got here Trey is still in Tennessee where he doesn't have a hidden internet he's dealing with some family stuff clean out his dad his dad passed years ago but the family's still on his house and clean it out and stuff. Thank you for the vote of confidence there, Jay. I thought you'd be happy to see me, but I knew it wouldn't be the case. Who the fuck is this dipshit?

All right, so you have to wear the sweatshirt. So what's your prediction for the title game, Joy? Well, you know that I, you know, well, I say this is all Georgia fans. It's really me. I'm never going to be the guy. Like, all Alabama fans are always like, we're winning every fucking game. We're Alabama. it's going to take, I'm not kidding,

it would take five national championships in a row to even get me to consider being that guy. I will say this, playing TCU is what I wanted, like 100% what I wanted. I didn't want to play Michigan. And a lot of people would say like, well, TCU beat Michigan,

so that means they're better. No, it doesn't. That's just how a day goes, you know. But I feel good about it, especially after, I think that if we had blown Ohio State out, that I wouldn't feel this. good, but I know how our team reacts to adversity. That's when

they actually perform the best. That's when Kirby Smart really, when he gets tested and is like, I do not want to get embarrassed again. I feel good about it. I feel like it should happen, but I cannot in any way say the dogs are going to win because that will jinx myself. So I'm going to say

TCU by 70. Okay. Jeremy's cheat day says flee into Orlando is literally running to hell. That's true. A lot of people are down in Orlando. I said I was just in Orlando. My wife's family is there.

Orlando hits for me for two main reasons. One, I'm only ever there over Christmas when the weather is real nice. And two, I'm with my wife's family, so I'm drunk the entire week. Yeah. So, yeah. And Disneyland hits for me. Disney World, excuse me, hits for me. I'm a big kid.

I love all that shit. But, you know, other than that, I would never go. It's all strip malls and tourists. For sure. But there's also, like, there's pockets of cool culture there. It's like, you know, the gay capital of Florida. They got a lot of nice theater and cool nightclub scenes and stuff. So you can't do cool stuff there.

They got my boy's cousin. They live around Lake Eola. They got some cool swan boats. It's nice lake to run around. It's nice. Also, you know how when you were a kid and you'd like go to the mall with your dad just to watch people or something? Or like you'd have to go the mall with your family and like, well, let's just people watch. That Florida is a mall for that reason.

Like if you go to Florida, even if it sucks, you can have a good time just by witnessing Florida. pretending that you're in an interactive podcast, you know, I find it to be fun. Yeah, C.C. What's New? Thank you very much. Reminds us to ask you folks to smash that like and subscribe button. Smash it. Yeah. Michelle Briarton says Corey is doing it. Corey's doing an amazing job. I agree. Thank you. Hey, everybody loves the show. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. Well, hey, if you love me a lot, I'm going to plug something real quick before we go. You can go to part-time funnyman.com. That is my, I look at you, Matt. You some bitch. Right there. Parttime Funnyman.com.

It's a substack instead of a Patreon, but you can subscribe there for $5 a month, and I do bonus podcast and stuff, and I write poetry, and I write essays and do all sorts of stuff. But if you can't afford it, you can just email me at ButtercreamCore at gmail.com, and I'll take care of you, but that's part-time funnyman.com. Before we go, I guess I should plug to or remind you guys that we have a Patreon. If you want to subscribe to it, we'll do more content. Maybe we've got to do an episode this week.

We get to do an episode this week, I should say. Yes. And maybe we'll talk about George. Boy, you just outed yourself, buddy. Dude, I'm a lazy-ass redneck man. Working don't hit for me. I realize when he's sitting under a tree with a beer and a fishing rod. There you go.

But anyway, thank you guys so much for tuning. We appreciate it. Trey will be back. He's back in L.A. on Thursday, I think. So he'll be back for a Patreon episode at the end of the week. And he will definitely be back. Good Lord Willing to Creekstone Rise on Tuesday. Although if he's flying Southwest, we'll see him in July.

So I hope you guys, we're flying Southwest. Hope you had a great new year. And love you, see you. Bye. Cheers.