Weekly Skews - Weekly Skews 11/30/21 – Crankin Up the Crazy

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

We are back and right back at it with some dumbassery deep dives: Mike Flynn turns on Q, Lauren Boebert workshops some new racism material, and a Florida Congressional race that’s insane even by Florida standards (dog bites! Russian hit squads! Roger Stone in drag!). Let’s do it. Support the show

howdy y'all welcome back happy skews day to you today is november 30th 2021 i'm trey crowder and that's mark a g what's up mark nudge ray just been reading about omacron and uh get can't help but think about futurama every time i hear the word um do you watch futureama oh hell yeah i love futurea my sons have now watched the entire series of Futurama and, you know, Katie wasn't super into that, but they loved it. Yeah, she walked in one day

and Zapp Branigan was really, you know, doing his thing. And she was like, what are they watching? And I was like, don't worry about it. It's gonna be fine. Yeah, it's quality father. It was extremely funny to me that, like, everybody immediately got mad at South Africa. Like, South Africa apparently has there

just a really well-developed public health infrastructure. So all they did was notice it. They did not create it. They just observed. and said, hey, guys, there's a new variant. Everybody's like, fuck. But here on Earth, what we don't do is try to solve a problem when it comes up. We just blame the guy who noticed it.

That's what we do. It's always. For sure. Yes. The new South Africa flu we're going to have now. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know, are we talking about the war?

Do you know why the Spanish flu is called the Spanish flu? I didn't know this backstory, but it's pretty funny. I know that it's like it actually started in Kansas, right? But it's called Spanish flu for racist reasons or something. I don't remember. Well, all the world's west. Western free countries were under wartime press blackouts. And for example, American government didn't want people to know that more American troops

are dying of the flu than of battlefield deaths. So nobody acknowledged it, France, Germany, England. But Spain wasn't in the war. So like, holy shit, there's a terrible flu. And everybody's like, that's just a you guys thing, man. Right. We got that. We got that.

Spanish flu. So we're going to do that with South Africa now. It's also funny how, like, just like, Just like, you know, like, even years after knowing that that is the case, like, it's just still the Spanish flu. Do you know what I mean? Like once something gets decided, that's just the way that it is. No matter how many times it's just proven or whatnot. We're like, no, we already learned the thing once.

We're not going to try to unlearn or relearn something. That ain't how we operate. We're just going to keep it. It's fine. The way we know it to be is that's just fine with us. So that's the way it's going to continue to be. Yeah. I mean, I never really thought of myself.

I don't think the name Mark suits me really, but my mom decided that years back, so I'm marked now. I've just go with it, right? I don't know. I think you're like classic Mark. You're always marking it up. You're a fantastic Mark, in my opinion.

One of my favorite marks, honestly. To me, maybe it's because of TV, but like characters named Mark are always the kind of guys who wear scarves and carry around moleskin notebooks. And I was like, I don't know if that's me. But in good news, Amazon got busted for, rigging their unit election in Alabama. We talked about a bunch a couple months back.

And so they're going to get another election. So that's cool. There are a couple decent labor wins since last we spoke. The John Deer factory, we talked about them. They won their strike. There was a fast food place that won there. It's good. Yeah.

Ruding for everybody. Labor is kind of, they've had some w's lately, right? Like there's a little bit of, you know, good news to be acknowledged there. I mean, it's still, you know, people are still getting fucked over working people, you know, and always will be to some degree. But, you know, got to take it where you can get it in terms of bright spots. Oh, before you get into the show, if you were following the, this isn't really a bright spot, this is the exact opposite, but the Gislay and Maxwell trial. No, I mean, I know that it has, like, started, and I've been, you know, gearing up for some serious insanity, but I haven't really checked in on it yet. what's what's going on well uh they they had their first couple witnesses and open

arguments were uh typical the defense attorney did the typical these was just money grubbing whore lying hors you know sort of thing uh even though that the defendant's a woman so that's uh i'm not quite sure how that's going to play out right but she's not money grubbing or line you know or or a whore or say that's that's where she differs from these other people and according to her defense attorneys some key distinctions there the uh regular lady Yeah, yeah, just a perfectly normal lady Totally average typical lady, yeah She just said her dad was a Mossad double agent

Just a perfectly normal background So the one thing that jumped out of me Was like the pilot of the Lolita Express testified About the high profile people that flew on the plane And he named a bunch of people Prince Andrew Trump Bill Clinton People already always Kevin Spacey A bunch of very normal dudes

When it comes to sex stuff and the one who jumped out of me, John Glenn. The astronaut? Yeah, he's been to fucking space, and he's like, I was still, uh, well, damn, well, that's, you know, hate to hear that. That's a bummer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so yeah, shit's America functioning normally. There you go, yeah, business as usual. Okay, so with us, as always, producer Matt, this is weekly skews.

First, I want to remind you, if you're vaccinated, want to see me live. You can go to well-readcomedy.com for tickets. We'll be in New Orleans this Friday, Naples, Florida next weekend, and then right before Christmas, some homecoming shows at Zanis in Nashville. It's going to be a good time.

Come see us. For the show tonight, we have some dumbassery deep dives for you. Mike Flynn has angered the Q&on world by saying stuff that makes sense for once, namely that QAnon is, in his estimation, silly bullshit. Also, Lauren Bobert's still out there trashing it up now by workshopping some new Islamophobic material.

She's got aimed at Ilhan Omar, and a little later, Mark's going to take us through a Tampa area GOP congressional primary that's insane, even by Florida standards. All that and more on tonight's weekly skews. But first, as always, the Daily Dumbass. Matt, graphic, please. Tonight's DD, Sandy Claus. That's right. Oh, Chris Kringle himself for being a lazy-ass welfare queen. Let's hear it from Fox News. Play the clip, Matt.

Thanks to a growing shortage of Santas. HireSanta.com reports a 10% decrease in Santas this year versus a year ago despite a 121% increase in demand. Mitch Allen's the head elf at HireSanta.com. He came dressed for the party's live in Fort Worth. Mitch, nice to see you. I saw the story and I said, man, even Santa doesn't want to work. this economy. That's not really the case. Tell me what you're up against. Well, the demand this year, as everyone is seeing this reopening trade, everyone wants to get back to normal. They weren't

able to see their family or friends last year. Well, they're wanting to this year, and they're wanting to have Santa be part of it. Here at Higher Santa, we help brands associate themselves with Christmas, and we're seeing demand through the roof over 120% over pre-pendant levels, and yet we've lost a number of Santa's over the last year and a half. thanks joe biden how about that can't even got no goddamn santa clauses out here anymore i want to ask mark he says at the end demands up over 120 percent but we've lost a lot of santas in the past year and a half is he is he talking about santa dying from covid is that what's happened is that why santa numbers are down they do present some comorbidities i mean i don't want to be you know yeah negative here but come

on yeah i mean when you uh yeah i mean you live on cookies and candy canes it comes with a few extra health risk. Plus, he smokes a pipe. At least he used to in the old commercials. Then they drop the pipe. I don't know. The Coca-Cola Santa used to have a pipe, right? I'm certain he no longer has the pipe.

They surely had to, you know, the woke mob. They came for Santa's pipe, Mark. That's what happened. Santa's pipe got canceled. It really, it for me. Maybe he said the Santa does when you want to work in this economy, which is just like, I just can't, like, I don't, they keep bumping up against the idea of we need to draft people into jobs they don't want to do.

Right. Like, I wonder how much Santa's get paid, you know what I mean? Like, uh, does Santa make a living wage? I was to say, to say nothing of his poor elves. I mean, come on. Yeah. No, they don't get paid for shit. They should unionize, by the way.

They should. Uh, Santa, trying to crush a union movement would be pretty perfect. Uh, yeah. Uh, the, this is, there's a lot. First of all, like, I hate when news does this, but like the guy from HireSanta.com has a vested interest in telling people that he can charge more for Santa's because there's fewer of them. He also has a vested interest in letting people know about his company, which sells Santa's services, right? So they're just taking this guy's word for it about Santa demand being through the roof.

So you better get your order in now from HireSanta.com. It's just like, why is this a fucking news story at all? They're just bending over for big. Santa, man. That's what's happening. Big corporate Santa. You think we've talked before about like if things that we've always had and take for granted were proposed now that, you know, the maniacal right would be incensed at the mere notion of them like fire departments and things like that because it would be socialist. Do you think that would happen if Santa Claus, if he didn't exist and just now came about? Because we're the ones who engage in a war on Christmas,

right? That's us you're trying to kill Santa Claus. They love Santa Claus, but it seems like Santa is a bit of a goddamn socialist, you know? I mean, you think about it. Yeah, I mean, kids, rich or poor, get presents. They don't work for them, you know. Like, he just gives them out to anybody. Fucking nothing but handouts.

That's Santa's whole thing is handouts, you know. Participation trophies. That's what he's given out. Yeah. I, uh, yeah, I don't, if you, if you, if you're, but he does kind of have slaves. So they'd probably be down. with that, you know. Yeah. Yeah. That part was for them. Yeah, they would like that.

I will say this, in the world you're presupposing where there weren't Mall San, or let's say Joe Biden tried to solve this problem by standing up some sort of Tennessee Valley Authority for Mall Santas and having a, having a jobs program where he sent a Santa who was an unemployed guy, turned him into a Santa and sent him to every mall in America, a bunch of different guys, different malls. They would say this is Joe Biden sending a pet off all army to demand your kids set in their laps, right? Right. For sure.

So, yeah, you can't solve these people's problems, these pathologies. They're just like, they just, they're moving targets, man. I don't know what's, it's just a bunch of lunacy. Yeah. Yeah, but it's not, uh, not entirely, um, nonsensical to hear them tell it. Again, we've been engaged in a decades long war on Christmas now, us and the American left have I myself three, two are veteran of the war on Christmas, but it's not just Christmas that we are coming for, Mark. Let's hear from Lara Trump on that general subject.

A lot more than that. But it's everything, Pete. Everything costs more now. So it's not just the turkey. And to piggyback off of something that Monica just said there, she was spot on. They have told us from the beginning that they want to fundamentally transform America. Well, how do you do that? You have to change America from the inside out. You have to take away our traditions. So, it might seem a little funny and a little ridiculous, oh, don't have a turkey, then people won't come over. We're last year, remember, they didn't even want us to get together. So I guess we're lucky they're letting us have Thanksgiving this year. But at really the core of this, they want to divide Americans up.

They don't want us to have any common ground. They don't want us to have any shared traditions like Thanksgiving. A lot of places last month actually did away with Halloween because they wanted to be inclusive of the people that didn't celebrate Halloween. mean. We know that's a very, very small group of people. Halloween is a great occasion for the kids to get candy and dress up. But it all goes to fundamentally transforming this country. And the way you do that is you make sure that we have no commonality whatsoever, no traditions as Americans whatsoever. You start chipping away at that. And they don't care that Thanksgiving costs a lot more, whether you're driving to somebody's house this year,

paying for all that food on the table. They don't care. Joe Biden is certainly very happy right now where he is for Thanksgiving. Yeah, no, I mean, I do take issue with the fact. First of all, as a satanic witch, Halloween hits for me. I love Halloween. I was about to say, dude, acting like we hate Halloween, Halloween is of the devil. It's say, there was a thing recently. Katie came in and told me that she was pissed off because Hobby Lobby didn't have no Halloween stuff. I'm extremely white woman I have married. You know, she can't always go to Target, Mark. Every now and then you go, so it goes somewhere else. So she went to Hobby Lobby, and she was because they had no Halloween stuff whatsoever and uh I guess if you look it up on the internet

there's at least like speculation I don't know if they put out a statement or whatever but it's like you know because Hobby Lobby's a Christian company right but they don't they don't traffic in the Halloween stuff presumably because it's satanic there's witches and demons and stuff you know what I mean like that we would never want to get rid of that we want to make everyday Halloween hell dressing up you can wear a dress on Halloween that's our shit you know what I mean? Like, Halloween's our type shit,

trying to act like we're coming for Halloween. No. Yeah. Hobby Lobby is so Christian. They got caught funding ISIS. Remember when that happened? Yeah. They were buying.

Black Hobby Lobby. They were buying black market Christian artifacts that were coming, they were being, you know, fenced by ISIS because they'd capture them. And then one of their many, you know, that's what ISIS does. They still shut them sell up to buy more guns.

So also, Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday. Yeah. Uh, socialism is not canceled Thanksgiving. Socialism is everybody gets a turkey. Everybody gets a turkey. That's right. That's the back of a truck.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, none of this makes any. Well, she went from like talking about the economy so bad and inflation is so bad because of Joe Biden that no one can afford a turkey, right? It's like where it started. And then somehow that turned into the left is trying to cancel Thanksgiving and Halloween and all of our traditions and just ruin all. you know, forms of American commonality or whatever the hell. So, I mean,

all these things that they're saying are signs of a bad economy, that Santa's got better jobs, that people have better opportunities besides waiting tables, that the supply chain crisis is because people are ordered, we're importing the same amount of stuff. The problem is people have bought way more shit. We have the infrastructure to, to, uh, because people have more fucking money.

All the stuff they're crying about are shampoo. paint, my, what's the old line for friends? My diamond shoes are too, my wallet's too small for my 50s and my diamond shoes are too tight. This is this shit we're fucking complaining about. Inflation is like, people are debating whether or not it's transient or whether it's a sign of anything or whatever. We don't, we don't know what knows.

Economists make it up as they go along. Yeah, but have you been to the gas pump, Mark? That's Joe Biden's America for you. Always the gas pump. Always got to bring up the gas pump. I don't know, man. To oil refineries to stop catching on fire. I don't know what to tell you.

Tell Venezuela and Russia to, like, Russia cut off natural gas supplies to fuck with Europe because they're mad about shit going on in Ukraine. And that's called this cascading series of bullshit. We're like, it's not clear whether England's going to be able to keep houses warm this winter. And like, this is, these are, Joe Biden doesn't have a cheap gas button to flip. He tried it. He's like, they dumped out the National Oil Reserve. if that's about all he can do.

But I don't know what I do. Yeah. All right. Well, moving on, our first honorable mention is Mike Flynn for betraying the idiots in Q&ON who supported him by pointing out that they are idiots. Mark, you want to walk us through this one that's firmly in your wheelhouse here. So that's the phone call that Mike Flynn had with Lynn Wood. Lynn Wood recorded it and put it out because he's mad at Mike Flynn.

We'll talk about this more in a few minutes. but there's a fault. Yeah. We'll play. I'll tell you a second, Matt, hold on a second. They're trying to make up because Lynn Wood's mad at Mike Flynn for not publicly getting his back to defend him from Kyle Rittenhouse. Rittenhouse said he was crazy, had to fire him from his defense team because he was trying to use the trial to spread a bunch of election truth or bullshit. And also, there's $2 million being fought over.

because Lynn Wood go-funded me $2 million for Writtenhouse's bail. Writtenhouse says that Lynn Wood kept him in jail to fundraise for an extra like three months. The money's available now because the trial's over, the bail money reverts back to whoever posted it. Writtenhouse is saying he wants the $2 million because it was donated for him. Lynn Wood says he needs to pay back legal bills for his services he provided a written house. Yada, yada, yada. Anyway, Mike Flynn has been mum on this.

so is Sidney Powell. So Lynn Wood's mad at them, so he recorded this phone call to embarrass Mike Flynn, and here's the phone call. QA.N. Movement really is a movement that spun out of your digital soldiers.

I'm tired of these QA.N. People attacking me. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know that. I don't know. I think it's a disinformation campaign. I think it's a disinformation campaign that the CIA created. That's what I believe. I don't know that for a fact,

but that's what I think I think it is. I think it's a disinformation campaign. It's actually a very interesting article today that was sent to me. I'll send it to you about how the Q&Non movement has failed and all that. But I find it, you know, total nonsense. And I think it's a disinformation campaign created by the, by the left and the types of people that can create something like that are the kinds of people that. there's a lot to impact there. First of all, Flynn's origin story, he was the director of the defense intelligence agency before Obama fired him for being a lunatic. And then he was Trump's national security advisor. So him saying this is a CIA op. The Q&A is a CIA op is really funny. And, yeah, it's also like, call on the CIA left wing is really funny to me. Right. That whole thing, it's like the FBI too. The FBI is like super left wing now ever since Mueller. or whatever and it's just like oh you mean like the uber cops like especially the like the shadowy you know puppet master shit but that's what i'm saying it's also and i brought this up a million times but still like it's so true to me that like the way they paint uh the left as being this like ultra competent like covert ops you know shadow network of intelligence uh agents and stuff like that

And at the same time, we're the, like, you know, limp-risted, weak-willed cup snowflakes who get offended and they're too sensitive and all this type of shit. And it's like, it can't be, are we like super commandos, Antifa commandos, you know, or. I want anyone who thinks the left is super organized to do any of this shit. For one, watch any congressional debate among Democrats or two, go to any DSA meeting and watch the whole thing devolve into a 20-minute debate about whether it snacks someone brought or ablest or something. like this is the idea that we could get organized is like what come on man it's like nobody's up like it goes back to the old will rogers joke they're like i'm not a member of any organized political party i'm a democrat right this is like this is a long-standing phenomenon uh left doesn't have the resources also the left doesn't agree about a lot of

shit so like this is just like almost nothing and also just like it's anytime something happens that makes them look really bad or stupid they're always like the left just wants us to look bad and stupid. That's why this happened. It's like, no, you just, you're bad and stupid and keep doing bad and stupid shit, which is what makes you appear to be bad and stupid. Antifa oversert me and made me shit my pants in my company softball team. Yeah.

It's always that shit. So the article he was referencing that he says proves Q&O's a CIA op. He was this guy who was saying that Q&N looks ridiculous because they're too focused on doing stuff like camping out in Dallas. Instead of shooting people, it stole the election. So the article Mike Flynn was promoting is saying that we did just stop doing this stupid nonsense and start killing election. Killing that, yeah. Yeah. Isn't that guy, that guy is like the guy you're talking about that he that wrote the blog or the post that he's promoting is like a hardcore, like Holocaust denier or something like that?

Yeah. He's a full on Nazi. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of the people in Dallas that Mike Flynn was making fun of kind of, kind of. There's still people camped out in Daly Plaza that we told you about a month ago. Still waiting for JFK's Jr.'s resurrection or whatever. And a funny thing that happened this week where they were passed from a message on their telegram channel about how they all lost their taste of sense and smell, i.e., they jumped started the COVID outbreak.

But instead of going with the think horses, not zebra's thing, where the obvious conclusion must be the correct one, they think the deep state has shot them with a sonic weapon that has taken, it has removed their powers of taste and smell. So that's fine. end? Like, for what? Just to ruin their Thanksgiving? You've already ruined it by waiting on zombie JFK Jr. to come back in the rain in Dallas for three weeks. Like, why are we trying to strip them of their ability to taste and smell? Because, here's the plan tree, because they can't taste, they won't know they're drinking soy milk and they'll grow tits. That's it. Oh, that's almost too genius, man. my problem

that's my problem with a conspiracy theory like this goes like 9-11 truth or realism or JFK anything basically it's like there's always a much more direct route to get to your objective than what the conspiracy theory is it's like they always lay out some convoluted way

to like why wouldn't the deep steak very easily just kill those hundred people right they don't they don't have to do some like basically like yeah just fucking walk up and shoot them like what what I don't yeah

I'm not the CIA's ideas, guy, but come on. Yeah. Yeah. So we already explained. So we talked earlier about the Rittenhouse turned on Lynn Wood. It's caused deep schisms in the Q&A movement because they were really celebrating Kyle Rittenhouse. But Rittenhouse has said, he went on Tucker Carlson's show and said that Lynn Wood was just using him. and he didn't like that.

He said he was going all of those Cuban on election fraud stuff and stuff we just don't agree with. So he's insane. He thinks he's God. He just sells all these weird things. So now QAnon thinks that Rittenhouse is a deep state puppet.

Yeah. Yeah. So like he said, written house wants that $2 million to pay off his legal bills, but Lynn Wood wants to pay himself for legal services for Rittenhouse It's like, I don't know who's going to get the money. I imagine Lid Wood's going to get it back because he says the tax law says he has to get it back because he's the one of the raise the money.

So, yeah. Well, so moving on, not every, you know, full-on lunatic in this country is in Dallas awaiting the return of JFK Jr. Some of them are on Christian television saying wild shit. I don't know how to set this clip up, but it is truly something else. So let's just get into it. It's got everything. It's got aliens, it's got Satan, it's got reptiles, it's got fucking, and it's got her husband, Derek. After Derek and I got married, one night, this other Derek appears in our bed.

The real Derek is lying down next to me. Other Derek sits right up out of him. It startled me. I knew that was not Derek. And so I asked this critter, who are you? Because he clearly wanted to have sexual relations. And he said, come on, I'm your husband. I said, who are you?

And he had the nerve to claim to be Esweris, Xerxes. Well, other Derek seriously wanted to invite me to use my free will to do something that was going to pull me away from God. So this last time, I knew he was really desperate. And I asked him again, who are you? He told me the same answer, and I said, I'm not going with you. This was an internal dialogue. Finally, I said, I've had enough in my mind.

I reached up. I grabbed his face. And I said, you are a liar, and Jesus is real. And I pulled that face off, and beneath it was a reptile. And he had little creatures with him this time. See, he goes on to say, he had little halflings with him who were reptilian gargoyles, you know, because I guess, you know, he needed some backup and handling her crazy ass. I love that this show was, the Chiron was peddling something called the Great Delusion the whole time that she was, that she was telling this.

It just seemed appropriate. But yeah, I'm sorry. What? I liked it. That was Derek sitting next to her, by the way. Oh, was it? Yeah. So she's like, I got to be like, why did you wake me up to fight this satanic alien reptile?

Yeah. by the way if you're a married lady and a higher being of some some plane send you a second derrick i think it's party time yeah hey what more do you want what's better than me derrick two derricks baby who cares one of them's got a big old demon dick that's fine it ain't cheating if it's two derrick's no get old demon dick derrick in there go for it but yeah what was derrick doing the whole time this is going on man was he just sleeping soundly or was he just laying there just letting her. It's like, she's got it under control.

She's dealt with, she's dealt with these gargoy lizard demons a time or two. I ain't going to worry about it. He was thoroughly enjoying the eight piece flowers a day he gets away from this lunatic. Do you know anything about her? I just watched that clip. Do you know who that lady is? Is she like a prominent Christian figure or something?

She really, it's like Christian self-help books about how to be a good, godly wife who submits to her husband and shit. First thing, chapter one, don't fuck Damon, Dick, Derek. That's the first thing you gotta know. I like how calm she was about waking up to a changeling who looks exactly like her husband and her badge. She's like, hey, shoot, get you.

You're not Derek. And she calmly reaches up and pulls his face off, revealing some Stygian horror underneath while dancing gargoyles, you know, encircle the bed or whatever. And she's just like, not this time. Every time I wake up in a horny H.P. Lovecraft book, I'm just very calm about it. Like, she was like shoeing away a reptilian demon with like less verve and panic. That would have like chasing a possum out of my trash can.

Get on out of here. Her to an Eldridge. terror. Skit. Get out of here. Yeah. Yeah. Matt,

and the point in the, in the messages that, like, uh, rip this, there are satanic reptiles running freely in the world as a very, very prominent conspiracy theory, uh, is an element of Q and on as well.

I mean, but that's been a conspiracy theory for, for years, years, years. So she didn't even event this. She just like, uh,

you know, just read it somewhere and it's how to go with it. Yeah. All right. So, uh, you want to run us through this. last one we got here before we get into

Bobert real quick all right so Biden nominated this lady and I might butcher her name her name Salé Omarova she was born in Kazakhstan he was nominated to be like a head bank regulator and everyone it was a good nomination because she actually believes in regulating

banks so of course everyone fucking panicked about it she must be a communist and because she comes from Kazakhstan and is against and doesn't is any huge fan of big banks. So that's the context for this video you're about to see of her confirmation hearing. And this is Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana, which you'll know immediately when you hear talk. You used to be a member of a group called the Young Communist, didn't you?

Senator, are you referring to my membership in the youth communist organization while I was growing up in the Soviet Union? I don't know. I just wanted to ask you that question. Well, Senator, I... There was a group called the Young Communists and you were a member. Is that right? I'm not exactly sure which group you're referring to. Well, the formal name of it is... the Leninist, communist, young union of the Russian Federation. And it's also known as the Leninist Kamsimal of the Russian Federation.

And it's commonly referred to as the young communists. Were you a member? Senator, I was born and grew up in the Soviet Union. Yes, ma'am. But were you a member of that organization? Everybody in that country was a member of the Kamsamol, which was the Communist Union. organization because that's their boy scouts dumb ass is their fucking boy scouts part of normal

progress in school um did you have you resigned oh my god from the young communist she fled the country out of it with age automatically did you did you did you send them a letter though resigning what senator this was many many years ago as far as I remember how the Soviet Union Union worked, was at a certain age, you automatically stop being a member. Could you look at your records and see if you can find a copy of your... I don't, I don't interrupt. I almost never interrupt these, but... You always interrupt me, Mr. Chairman.

No, actually, I don't. Not in early as many times. I want to say, she renounced her Soviet citizenship. Well, I understand that. But did she send a letter? Did at any point she got a letter to the communist and say, just so you know, I've renounce this. I'm an American now and a freedom-loving capitalist, and I renounce my communist layness.

Can we say a copy of that letter, please? Look back at a letter you would have sent in 1991. Remember the letter you sent, but you probably kept a copy, I guess. And I guess the letter would start, dear communists. Right. Yes, I ain't it. It's been fun, but it's like, what the fuck you? There's a clip that he actually goes, the punchline of that, which he goes, I don't know

whether to call you doctor or comrade. And it's like what? It was like you're doing red, like this shit got Joe McCarthy embarrassed in the 1950s. What the fuck are you? It's just so dumb and sad. And by the way, like you've ever met a Russian expat or an expat from any communist country. These are the most anti-fucking communist people you're ever going to meet in your entire life. They fled to another country for a reason.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Well, anyway. Well, speaking of making up xenophobic horse shit, let's talk about Lauren Bobert. She's apparently got a new bit she's been working on about Ilhan Omar. But let's talk about what started this two weeks ban,

because this is after the written house verdict. And this is just, she's not trying to be funny as the important thing to know with this clip. Before we get into her actual malignant bullshit, let's just have a hit. And I am so thrilled at the jury's verdict here. Now, I do have some colleagues on the Hill who have, just like me, offered Kyle Rittenhouse an internship in their office.

And Madison Cawthorne, he said that he would arm wrestle me for this Kyle Rittenhouse internship. But Madison Cawthorne has some pretty big guns. And so I would like to challenge him to a sprint instead. Oh, my guy. How about I offer? How about I offer this? Allow me to arm wrestle him on your behalf. I love a good...

For those of y'all who don't know, Madison Cawthorne is in a fucking wheelchair. And she apparently forgot. She's not trying to be mean to Madison there. She is sincerely challenging a guy in a wheelchair to a sprint. Dude, okay. She points out she's like, I feel like what she was just saying,

was listen he wants to do an arm wrestling he wants to arm wrestle but he's got some pretty big arms so i was thinking we should use legs because you know i feel like i've got him outmatched in the legs arena you know i think she's just thinking just thinking through weighing her odds here but i mean you know he could sprint in a wheelchair right he just you know yeah and smoke her ass i'm sure but yeah it's it's a great shape maybe you might you might you might do a paralympic stuff i don't know but like i think we can make the race just make it downhill and let's let's get it off uh anyway so anyway after that i don't know who's going to win the the competition to get intern written house uh who i don't know how's going to pass the security

check to work in capitol hill but whatever uh she decided to pick you know rappers pick fights yeah people to yeah yeah she decided to start a beef with ilhan omar and i'm not whether she did it purposely or whether a video went viral and she didn't expect it, because she's been doing this bit for a while, we'll get the second. But she decided to go after all Ilhan with some basic 2002-esque Islamophobia.

It's a clip, Matt. Elhan's story for you. So, the other night on the house floor was not my first jihad squad moment. So I was getting into an elevator with one of my staffers. And he and I are leaving the Capitol. We're going back to my office, and we get an elevator.

And I see a Capitol police officer running currently to the elevator. I see fret all over his face. And he's reaching. And I'm like, the door's shutting. Like, I can't open it. Like, what's happening? I look to my left. And there she is.

Ilhan Omar. And I said, well, she doesn't have a backpack. We should be fine. yeah that's the end of it man right after that she does say jihad squad again though like she's like uh you know she just peppers that throughout it's like do you guys hear where i said jihad squad yeah it was pretty good right i first of all as somebody who works in comedy i'm offended by how easy that audience is like i would love to fucking it's like it's like it's like if you if you did a set and out along set and down

in front of a bunch of goldfish and you can just repeat how about them cowboys and give it up for the troops over and over again for the whole hour and murder it's like this is like yeah so many of their like like right wing like comedy sketches and stuff that are about like black people are literally just like 35 year old racist jokes or stereotypes that are not even reframed or anything they just repeat them and it just crushes on their, like they're extremely easy to smash for as long as you're on the same side as them. It's unreal. So, uh, that, that went viral and got her sort of embarrassed a little bit for a brief period. Uh, but CNN, she's apparently been doing this bit since at least September. CNN found a video from a fundraiser in September where she did the exact same joke, almost word for word. And, uh, before she got embarrassed, she sort of leaned into making her old, I'm calling it an act because it's the fuck. She's doing it. Comedy Act. She's basically made Ilhan Omar beef her whole, her whole thing. She went on OANN

last week and did and did this. We have serious issues with a terrorist that is a member of Congress. She praises terrorists. And she married her brother husband, as I pointed out. And then her other husband, she contributed. She gave more than one million dollars of campaign funds too. I think there's a couple other bookend husbands that go in there, too. And then she wants to call me out on my marriage and my family. But hey, Dan, I just want to make it very clear, at least my family tree forks. Well, you're not lying. That's not the bit. Folks, go look it up. Everything she's accurate. You can cut off that. Everything she said, none of that, that myth about her marrying her brother is totally made up as some sort of

misunderstanding about how Shariah works or whatever. And the million dollar thing is totally fucking made up. And first of all, the joke isn't family tree. Trees don't fork. Trees branch.

That's the fucking joke. Another fun fact about her family tree, Mark. She once crashed a Mustang into it while hammered on Boone's farm. With a gun on the purse. While my husband had his dick out.

Anyway, yeah, right. Like, she's just, Omar is like she's just a Muslim you know what I mean like that's that's the whole thing like it's literally just calling a Muslim American terrorist be like openly and as a Congress person just because they are Muslim and it just plays like it's just totally fine they're like yes look at her you tell she's much you got all that Muslim shit going on or

I mean, terror, you've got all that terrorist shit going on. I know a terrorist when I see one because it looks like that. That's what they think and how they feel. So it just, it just rolls. It's like the same genre of people for whom saying Barack Hussein Obama was like a joke. It's like, but you're just saying his middle. We're supposed to hear something you're not saying. Just fucking say it if you're going to say it.

But anyway, she least she's actually saying it. But back to the elevator story, Omar tweeted, a fact, this buffoon looks down when she sees me at the Capitol. The whole story is made up. which of course it is because you can tell she's a coward by the fucking way she handles herself and just for context here about what ilhan omar's life at work is like at her swearing-in ceremony steve king and another rep uh dipshit rep were making jokes about her having c4 under her job at her swearing in and marjor taylor green did a viral stone a couple years ago you might remember where she chased ilhan omar around the capital trying to get her to redo her swearing in on a bible

sort of account uh which is not that's not a thing right like you just doesn't have to be a bible you do like whatever the constitution or fucking the koran whatever the fuck your own diary there's no fucking rule about it yeah um so uh anyway a press ill more at a press conference today where she played a death threat she got from a uh a bobart's bobert supporter who called her a dirty fucking Muslim so that's the that's the environment she's working in here um so bolbert did uh try to apply to a I apologize at first. She tweeted this out, Matt, if you have it. And I apologize to anyone in the Muslim community I offended, yada, yada, yada. If we reached out to her office to speak to her directly, there are plenty of positive differences to focus on, focus on without this unnecessary distraction. Okay, so when she did get Omer on the phone, she basically tried to do this same.

Look, you and I are men. We're familiar with this construction of an apology where, like, you don't say you're sorry for what you did. You say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you were offended. If it bothered, yeah. If anyone got their feelings hurt. then you know my bad but that's your fault that's really your fault if if you allowed yourself to get upset by what i said honestly you did that not me but i'm sorry you did that i guess i'm sorry for not yeah i'm sorry for not being aware you're such a huge pussy is basically how that apologize and so she so she called up omar and said all that shit

ummar said that's actually not an apology or some form of that and demanded an actual apology so and when she would, Bolbert was running her dumb mouth, Omar hung up on her. And then Bolbert went and posted this video. Uh, yeah. Of the Democrat Party. Make no mistake.

I will continue to fearlessly put America first, never sympathizing with terrorists. Unfortunately, Ilhan can't say the same thing. Yeah, fuck this lady. So someone dug up this. By the way, if you don't know Bulbert's back, background when her husband was arrested for maybe showing his dick as some 16 year old kids he says it was yeah yeah he says it was his thumb through his zipper was a joke but either way don't do that to 16 year old

like yeah it's like everybody's like oh well that's fine then you're in a bowling alley 16 year old girls what you're supposed to do not pretend your thumbs your dick like i mean yeah it's either way it's a huge creeper move yeah her whole background's very whiskey tango man she's pretty white trash yeah yeah she uh he he was arrested another time for beating her when they were dating, which, of course, isn't her fault, but also she's been arrested a bunch of times. And someone put the stats together. She's least educated member of the house, which is not necessarily, I'm not going to get on her for having a GED or whatever. But she's been arrested more times than all the members of the squad combined. She's arrested more than all black house members combined. But here's the best fun

fact, this guy says, Lauren Bullberg has been arrested more times than Tupac, which just really hip for me. This is the context to her basically saying Ilhan Omar is a fucking criminal. But to these people, criminals, crimes with what you do, it's what you're born as. So, yeah. All right. Well, let's get into this wild-ass Florida race.

What do you say? So Charlie Christ in Florida's 13th, which is in the Tampa area, is vacating his seat, he's a Democrat, vacating his seat to run for governor. So that's just opened the lunacy floodgates there. It's going to be primaries on both sides. And the GOP,

primary for this Florida congressional district is, you'll never believe this, pretty fucking nuts. So, uh, by the way, I got married to Florida 13th includes St. Pete and I got married to St. Pete Pete. It's a big fan of the Florida 13th. So I'm rooting for you guys to figure this out. But the, uh, the, the leading Republican who's endorsed by Trump, her name is Anna Paulina Luna. Uh, so just to get her vibes, uh, what she's about, she presents his same, but says a bunch of crazy shit. And it will play a few seconds as campaign ads. You see what I'm talking about. My mom chose life over abortion and decided to have me. I'm Anna Paulina Luna, and I'm living proof.

Anything is possible in America. Growing up, my family struggled with substance abuse. We moved around a lot, and I even lived in a drug house. I survived a gang shooting and an armed robbery. But I never gave up, because being born in America is like winning the lottery. I joined the Air Force and found hope, helped rescue my dad from drug abuse and homelessness, and made stopping human trafficking the mission of my life. All right.

So she's got a touching personal narrative, but she does lean into the crazy. She says that she's only a lot, like apparently her backstory is her. Her dad tried to get her mom to have an abortion because they didn't have money for a kid. And her mom said no one had her anyway. And then so she's proof that, I don't know, abortion don't hit, I guess. so she but she also the human trafficking thing is obviously

shout out to Q and on so fuck her for that none of these people care about actual human trafficking we've talked about that before none of them understand how it works it's not like kids being trapped shot through tunnels and like those pneumatic bank tubes or whatever but um I can't even sort out there's like eight members running in this race

um so but if but talk about she presents the same but she's crazy uh she knows just how to hit that trump petty a shit vibe If you got that video about the Trump brain video, Matt, she's complained about Twitter. Should not be given unfair advantages. In a recent complaint filed to the Federal Election Commission, District 13 candidate Republican Anna Paulina Luna claims the social media giant Twitter is violating federal regulations by not verifying her account, i.e. giving her that little blue check mark. Her Democratic attorney.

So she's complaining to the manager of the Internet, but Twitter will want. verify her. Just shut the fuck up. Who cares? That was from 2020 where she ran against Charlie Chris. She was a Republican nominee that time, too, and she lost 53-47. So she probably thinks she can overcome that 6% this time with the backlash

to Biden and so forth. And Trump endorsed her. So a bunch of other Republican luminaries. So smooth sailing, right? And not really, because she got on Roger Stone's bad side for some reason. I think because he wanted his boy to win the primary and she got the spot. So Roger Stone dressed up as her

for Halloween. I don't know if you have that video, Matt. This Halloween, I decided to trick or treat as Anna Polina Luna. Her real name is Anna Meyerhofer. She isn't Hispanic. These are not the fatigue she wore in combat. This is not the military-grade weapon she carried in combat. These are not the medals she won for valor in combat.

In fact, although she was in the Air Force, She was never deployed outside the United States and never saw combat. In Florida, it's against the law to lie about your military service record. Trick or treat, Anna. Star Cold Truth is such a hilarious name for whatever that is that he does his podcast or vlog or whatever it is. So last week, what really took this to the next level, She went to a bass fishing tournament as a campaign moment or whatever, as you do in Florida. And her husband is an Afghanistan vet who has like an emotional support dog.

And his dog bit a kid really, really badly. The police report said the cop could see fact. Like that's how that's how deep a bit. It was like a four inch wound. So I don't know whether they're going to sue or whatever. But Stone protege, Laura Lumer, she's double. Anna Anna Polina lunatic Solid burn

She needs to put her dog on a leash They say people are a lot Like their animals in this case Anna and her dog are both crazy out of control These bitches bitches both need to heal Now if you're not familiar with Lumer She's suing Twitter For giving her PTSD for kicking her off the platform

She's the woman Who chained herself to Twitter's office building in New York Until they reinstated her They didn't reinstate her and she chained herself to the door in a way that it's still opened. So she was just changed the door where people went in out all day. So it was fucking just a classic, just a classic Laurel Lumber move.

So this is her husband's emotional support dog or whatever. Yeah. So, well, maybe, maybe he finds it soothing to see children be mauled. Do you ever think about that? Like, it seems like it's a poorly trained dog, but I mean, maybe he was working exactly as intended. Now, that's pretty wild. And you got like any, a child being mauled,

that is not funny. But anytime I've ever seen a, like a support animal with the little vest and stuff on, just clearly acting like, you know, super shittily in public, like not being trained at all, that's just always been a, like, a source of humor for me. Like, whenever you see a dog with a vest on doing some shithead stuff, it's funny. Not mauling children. Molling children's taking it too far. but yeah don't ball kids but also you're not supposed to pet the you're not supposed to pet service animals but the kid didn't right the kid was just like running by the way oh yeah yeah the kid was just running by the dog and had a ball and you know dogs were balls man what you're gonna do dog so he's ball he's gonna go for it the kid was running by with the ball dog lunch for the ball got his arm instead and fucked him up pretty good yeah so it was a story of the dog fight that brought this race to my attention but really what really intrigue uh piqued my intrigue was a murder for high

entire plot that happened earlier this year in this race. So, okay, so none of these people are saying, right? So a few months back, Anna claimed this. You can play this video. Florida politics. This is happening in a congressional district near Tampa. You have one candidate who says that her rival was talking about hiring a Ukrainian Russian hit job. I don't look at this like a loss. And I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, guys. The race for Congress in Florida is not just getting heated. One candidate says it's getting dangerous. Republican Ana Paulina Luna says a Republican opponent, William Braddock,

planned to have her killed. Luna filed a restraining order that says she... So, yeah, so she said that. You're like, oh, well, I mean, this race is crazy. They're all lunatics. Maybe she's making it up, right? She filed for a restraining order against that guy, claiming he wanted a murderer.

That sounds crazy, right? Couldn't be true. Here's what happened next. Yeah, you get this audio clip, Matt? Well, there. So anyway, these, here we got. And with that kind of money, I'm going to have 24-7

two former secrets officers up my ass unless I'm taking a shit in the morning. And I don't want to do this, but I only have access to a hit plot, too. Ukraine's the Russians. damn you did not fucking hear that

I didn't hear what but this shit getting deep yeah so he called up this late

these people all recorded each other if you're a Republican in 2021 assume everyone is wearing a fucking wire on you

that's the theme of this show right these people are snitches so he called up somebody after midnight

as you do and he said he had a half billion dollars and foreign money coming into his election for a house race, half billion dollars. He was going to use some of it to hire himself protection so Anna couldn't kill him, but he used some of that money to hire Ukrainian and Russian hit squads to take her out.

So that went public. He dropped out of the race because he's got a little self-respect left. And she gave an interview where she said she has good reason to fear for her life. And she alluded to some of it in her backstory. about her tough upbringing but listen to this list of shits she says she's been through in this interview oh uh anna thanks so much for sitting down with us so i guess this is a long

sorted story let's kind of start at the beginning to get fast forward to like 154 man 154 yeah um i mean i don't want to like obviously get emotional talking about it but I was to feel about something something like that over politics for whatever motivation sorry it's okay take your time is that the part mark talking about obviously how upsetting it was to get that phone call yeah what would you I mean did you have any interaction or relationship with William Braddock why would he feel that way about you so No, and that's what was really disturbing is that I had never had any interaction. I don't, maybe you can't find it.

I'll just tell you what she says. Don't worry about that. It's not a big deal. She talks about, she noticed a litany of like trauma she's been through. At age nine, she was on, she was on a, uh, suffered an armed robbery. She, a fatal gang shooting. She witnessed at school. Her cousin was murdered when she was a teenager and as a young adult, she was a victim of a home invasion.

now I can't verify any of this stuff this is basically from her campaign website in the stuff that like Roger Stone was saying about what her real name is she doesn't have Wikipedia page or anything like that so I can't I don't know what he's talking about I'm assuming that her white dad wasn't in the picture so she didn't take his last name or something like that

but um like she assuming all that's true it wasn't just this guy God's been trying to kill her since fucking day Day one, including her dad trying to talk her mom and do a boy to her. Like, this lady is like her, her life, if it is true, his pepper was so much and like, like, shit she's overcome.

Tray, her mom, her grandma died of age. She caught injecting heroin. This is like, this is like Tina Turner's life story type. This lady is Florida incarnate, dude. I don't know. Maybe she is a good candidate down there. But, like, I think if all that shit is true about her horrific childhood, obviously I'm not going to like shit on her for that. I wouldn't think those would be things that endear a person to the GOP base.

Do you know what I mean? It's like, you know, like drug addicts of poverty and welfare and all that shit, they hate all that. You know what I mean? Like you should be like coming to our side with that type of stuff. You know, we're the ones who give a shit. The GOP just been like, well, why was she allowed to live this long? Well, I think her childhood was Southern California. But I think they love bootstraps, though.

They do love bootstraps. You're right about that. That's true. Yes, I grew up in poverty, and my dad was a deadbeat, and my mom was a drug addict, and he was a drug addict, and my grandma was a drug addict, and I saw a bunch of people got shot, but I didn't need a government help. This is going to happen in America. It's one of those kind of things.

Yeah, but it might be, well, I don't know. I mean, so first of all, I got, again, if all that's true, I got a lot of respect for that but except unless if you then become a person who you know flips and becomes a like a small government ultra-capitalist or whatever you know what I mean after going through something like that like that like Craig T Nelson you know says that famous quote remember he was like I was on food stamps nobody ever gave me a handout yeah when you do that and just basically uh you know become your own worst enemy in that way or just fight against the best interest of all the other people who are in the same sort of disadvantaged circumstances that you yourself were subjected to. That's when

you become a fuckhead in my eyes, which seems like that's what she's doing just by virtue of running on the GOP ticket. So yeah. But that's the American tradition, baby. You make it to the next level, then you pull the ladder up behind you. So the new money people don't mess up

your good time. Yes. Amy DeKing says, yes, they love boots. straps uh yeah anything boot related really but yeah no everybody uh just the other one of the people running against her tried to you know order a ukrainian hit squad or whatever the fuck and then you got all this other it's just wild like the quality of individuals who crop up in gop primaries do you know what i mean like on our side it's just like yeah you got a you know bisexual

black socialist hippie basket weaver or whatever running and that's like our that's our

version of you know well that's typical do you know what I mean but on their side

it's fucking full bore homicidal lunacy yeah but the the bisexual vegan isn't putting

out a hit squad they might they might try to put a spell on you but that's about it I know that's what I'm saying that's what I'm saying

It's like, that's our version of, like, as hardcore as it gets is that. And then, but with them, it's fucking, you know, firing rifles at rockets that represent communism in a park or whatever. Sellsword King says they love bootstrapes because they're the ones fucking selling the boots and the straps. That's right. Well, on that note, I guess we will end. We had too much fun talking about dumb shit tonight, as always. It was a good time. We'll be back next week.

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