Weekly Skews - Weekly Skews 12/07/21 – Choice Under Fire

Episode Date: December 8, 2021

This week we take a look at the Voltron of dumbasses assembling to take down Roe, the overwhelmingly negative media coverage of Joe Biden, and the comically unexpected pet cause of Marjorie Taylor Greene: criminal justice reform! (Naturally it’s worse and dumber than it sounds.) And more!Support the show

Howdy, everybody, welcome back. Happy Skews Day to you. Today is December 7th, 2021. I'm Trey Crowder, and that is Mark A day that will live in in for me, Trey. That's today, right? Today's pro-arbor, yeah. Yes. How you been, buddy?

A busy weekend, I saw Hamilton. Not really a musical theater guy, don't want to go into too much. but it has some good buffs. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I didn't think you're like too much of a fan of it. I was going to add, I mean, you know, I feel like if you're just a person who just don't get down with musical theater at all, then you're, you know, Hamilton ain't going to convert anybody, I don't think. But if you can, if you can, you know, handle it, you know, generally, depending on the subject matter, I enjoyed it. I've only seen it on Disney Plus.

I haven't seen it live like you did. And, of course, it's not with the same cast or whatever. But I thought it was delightful, me. personally. Yeah. I enjoy it the Disney Plus version. I've seen that before I had seen it live. It's also like, I don't like big crowds and it was three hours long.

So that's the effects. Cass was fantastic. The music is fun. I think generally I'm just annoyed by Alexander Hamilton the person. So that's probably part of it. All right. I mean, a five-minute rap about the Federalist Papers is something we would make fun of someone for doing on skews.

So that's sort of, it's just, I mean, if you like, look, If you don't like musicals, you already think they're corny, and Hamilton leans into it, buddy. So if you like it, you'll like it. Yes, it does. You definitely, it requires a certain amount of buying in, for sure. Like, you've got to be on board with the whole deal, you know. Yeah, yeah. Also, over the weekend, a judge in Alabama issued an injunction to stop, you know, that mine strike that's happening for like nine months.

Issued injunction to keep them from picketing, which is a clear violation of the First Amendment, hasn't really happened since the Gilded Day. but since we're doing the gilded age all over again, I guess it sort of makes sense. That's classic Alabama judge right there, buddy. Just, yeah, doing whatever the hell they want. What is the rationale for that from that guy? People should want better pay. Just shut up and go to work.

Yeah. Quit bitching and go back to work. That's pretty much the only justification he needs. Yeah. I mean, you could probably say that like it's like restraint on trade or I don't know. I didn't even look at his life. logic doesn't matter it's like it's not something it's typically done so it he can make up his reasons um also they fucking caught they arrested those michigan school shooters parents you've been

following that story yeah i know that they like got him the gun and and wrote a letter to trump thanking him for allowing people that kids to have guns or some shit and all this and then after he did the horrible thing he did they immediately tried to bail tried to run off to canada or somewhere like that and uh yeah the school caught him like like shopping for ammo in his phone and told the parents and the mom texted him to be more careful to not get caught

and then with their kid got arrested for a fucking school shooting they tried to flee to Canada with $4,000 cash. It was like, what that? Like, how little do you give a shit about your kid, man? I don't understand these people.

Like, you're just going to abandon him to go through a death penalty trial by his fucking self? It's just like awful people all around. Yeah, well, you know, they hadn't set the bar very high for themselves parentally to begin with. You know what I mean?

So it's like I'm not. not shocked that they ended up being huge pieces of shit, you know what I mean? Like, I'm surprised they were both still present for as long as they were, long enough to, you know, encourage him to do that before abandoning him. Yeah, that was an incredibly fucked up situation there. Yeah. Plus, how long can you survive in Canada on $4,000, even with free health care? You've got to, like, you're going to, but Tim Hortons, how many meals at Tim Hortons can you eat for $4,000?

Well, also, I mean, I get for them, it's a little bit, because they, were up in Michigan anyway and Canada's like right there but it's always funny I don't know the idea of like fleeing to Canada you know like from these people is always kind of funny to me because it's like we have an extradition treaty with them Canada ain't going to fuck with that and I know they're you know they're going on the lamb they're going to live off the grid in the great white north or whatever the hell but yeah it's like never really a feasible strategy and in my opinion And producer Matt says, we're not sending our best to Canada. And that's definitely true.

Yeah, I mean, like, the idea, I mean, these people, they turned their cell phones off. So they thought that we got a call, but they parked their car right in front of the place they were hiding. So as we learned from January 6, these people don't have very good OPSEC, thank God. And one more small update. We don't need to go into it too much because we've ever talked about these morons a bunch. But those two dipships are still camped out in Dallas, like it's all Occupy Wall Street. Any day now. Any day now, Mark, FK Jr., you're going to come walking down that golden, you know, avenue from the sky or however they think it's going to work and solve all this, this vampire problem we've got.

Yeah. We'll see who's laughing, Mark, when he finally does show up, just because he's, whatever, six weeks late, still. Do you know how hard at laugh if it did come true? Like, I would not feel owned at all. I'd be like, oh, this is fucking amazing. Dude, I just wonder, it's like, I mean, obviously, they're very. committed to it but like is there a breaking point for any of the for the people that are still there at this point or do they just like do they just live there now like that's just

trade there are parents who abandon their kids to go to this thing and their spouses have cut off their credit cards and try to make them come home because they're blowing through the life savings to uh attend kuopalooza in Dallas so I don't I think they're beyond and in a few years when they're like homeless living out of cardboard box down there in Dallas and when And they're going to be screaming the same shit they were when they got off the plane there in the first place. You know what I mean? Yeah. F-K's coming back from the dead.

We all know it. And everybody's just going to be like, oh, man, it's a shame. What's going on with the mental health crisis and the homeless population out here? Yeah. It's like, you have no idea. Yeah. They were crazy with that houses. Yeah, right.

All right. Well, with us is always his producer, Matt. This is weekly skews. I want to remind you if you're vaccinated and want to see me live, you can go to well-read comedy. for tickets and stuff. We'll be in Naples, Florida this weekend at Off-the-Hook Comedy Club, and after that, back home in Nashville for some pre-Christmas shows at Zanies. Some good stuff in the new year, too. So go to well-redcom and come and see us. Okay, on the show tonight, we're going to be talking about the Voltron of assholes that has assembled for the assault on

Roe v. Wade. Also, the overwhelmingly negative media coverage Joe Biden has objectively been getting and Marjorie Taylor Green almost, but of course not quite falling bass backwards into making sense about something. You'll understand that later. All that and more on tonight's skews, but first, the Daily Dumbass. Matt, graphic, please.

Tonight's D.D. COVID doctors for never once trying that old staple of papal medicine rubbing some dirt on it. Matt, play the clip. Story. It's about how the internet fueled and then defeated a multi-level marketing fan that was selling dirt in plastic bags

for $110.10. The website for Black Oxygen Organics, or Boo, B-O-O-O-for-short, encourage its users to wear, bathe, and even drink the dirt with private Facebook groups claiming it could cure everything from autism to cancer to Alzheimer's disease. Okay. So this story is fucking wild. So this company had been selling just bags of, not big bags of dirt, little bags of dirt. Yeah, I was about to say, first question, obviously, how much dirt we're talking here, $110? You'd think that could go pretty far in the dirt game, but not the case, Mark. No, not much.

Yeah. I mean, dirt's heavy, so you're really running up the cost of shipping if you try to ship a large point. So what you do is you say, it's little little dirt's all you need, right? I mean, it's just dirt. So no extra amount of dirt's going to cure more disease. So it's really, they're not lying when they just give you a little bit, right? So this company has apparently been doing this for a long time. but it was a multi-level marketing thing, so it's like, you know, herbal life or whatever.

So all these people were invested in it. So when COVID hit, this is a big profit-making opportunity for all these people who sell shit out of their house. So they got more heavily invested in it. But then the Canadian government started cracking now. We got a Canada heavy episode tonight, I guess. Because this was being shipped in from Canada. So they started making bootleg black market dirt. It's not even the real dirt dirt

I mean what? What does that even mean? So they did have some kind of somewhat special dirt that clearly didn't cure cancer and shit but there was something different about it but then they ran out and they're like oh shit we're going to have to like

we're going to have to pawn this bullshit dirt off as the real deal, the real dirt that people think they're paying for. Maybe it's because of environmental standards the Canadian dirt was better but what happened was when they started sub it in the new dirt. Somebody tested it. I found it had two doses per day exceeded Canada's limit for lead and three doses for daily arsenic amounts. So people were drinking dirt with lead and

arsenic in it. Yeah, doses of dirt. What is the recommended daily dosage of dirt, by the way, like the recommended daily dirt intake? Because whatever it is, I think these people are getting more of it. Well, I eat half my food off the floor, so I'm getting my RDA. Well, see, that's what, so in looking at this, that's part of what their whole, whole deal is, isn't it? It's like the, like, meaning like, you know, they're really taking that God made dirt, dirt won't hurt thing that every mama has said a little bit too far. But part of what they're, uh, in addition to saying it literally cures Alzheimer's and shit. So there's no length to which they won't go. But they're saying like, rub it all over your kids faces, bathe your babies in

it. Because it's like this is where immune systems are built. Like that's how, that's part of what they try to pitch it on. Right. It's like, you know, it's like, you know, everybody's too soft now. cleaning dirt off their food like a bunch of pansies. This is how you build up an immune system. Eat a shitload of dirt. And then next thing you know, no more diseases. You're welcome. Yeah, I mean, all this health and wellness stuff, a lot of it is premised on the idea

that everything natural is automatically better, which, uh, right, you know, dirt has a lot of shit in it, literally. Right. Um, it's not necessarily true. And if you think that all natural is better, turn your AC off and go sleep in a mud pile. I don't tell you, it's not, uh, it's a, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's, uh, de facto not true. Yeah, and not the innumerable numbers of,

or varieties of like mushrooms that will just kill you stone dead. You know what I mean? Like arsenic is a natural compound. Is it not? I mean, it's in this dirt. Yeah. Yeah, mercury. Yeah, like the idea that, yes,

natural equals better has never really made any sense, but they definitely take that ball and run with it. And what's more natural than a big old bag of dirt? Yeah. So, uh, last week the company, The guy who led this company, of course, a lot of these health and wellness MLO schemes market primarily towards women, but this company had to be run by a dude who called himself the mud man, because of course he does. That's cool. He just suddenly shut down the company last week.

So all of the women who worked for the company held a big 1,000-person Zoom and all crowd together because they lost their life savings and can't pay their rent because they put their entire life savings tray into dirt. Into the dark game, yeah. It's a pyramid scheme that's even dumber than a pyramid because it was built out of dirt. Dirt, right, as opposed to, you know, stone and shit that normal pyramid. That was their first mistake. You can't make a pyramid out of dirt. Everybody should know that. Yeah.

It's going to end up, you can't even get a perfect trium pyramid shape. It's going to end up, just a pile. You got a pile scheme is what it was straight. Yeah, yeah, a mound scheme. That's what they had. Yeah. That's what's going on to health and wellness today. So take your vitamins.

Here's the fucked up thing about this. Somebody made this point the day, like, the FDA regulates medicines that work, right? If you're a medicine that doesn't work and just admits you don't work, you can just sell your shit in the mail or at or gas station dick pills or whatever. Right. So if, like, Pfizer and Moderna had just sold the vaccine at a gas station and said that it didn't work, we could have had vaccines like February of 2020. That's so upside down and backwards of regulatory scheme. It's like you can sell dirt. Yeah, but I imagine, well, I don't know.

Everything's so upside down that may have made the other people more inclined to take it if you put it in like a truck stop or something instead of the FDA, instead of Fauci telling you to do it. Just like, yeah, put it beside the yellow jackets by the front counter there. And then who knows, vaccination rate might go up in this dip shit country. Anyway, so our first honorable mention for dumbass tonight is Kirsten Sinema. That's right. She's back. She is an honorable mention for still having a actual ringtone, apparently. Who doesn't just use Vibrate anymore? Here's what I mean. She's also a dumbass for being an obstructionist piece of shit. So she had an interview with CNN about her refusing to vote for the safety, the social safety net expansion, and she's not committing to it. And the article says, before the start of this interview on Thursday, sent him a cell phone rang. Her ringtone is the refrain from a song in the musical Hamilton. There it is. again that includes the lyrics you don't have the votes it's been her ringtone since 2015 the year the musical was originally released her spokesman told CNN i don't know if i'm buying that mark seems like some shit she would do to me yeah she's uh the context in the musical

again just saw it they hit musical hamilton i'm obscure i don't know if you guys have heard of it uh but the uh the context of the song of the musical is thomas jefferson taunting Alexander Hamilton for not having enough votes to establish a central bank, an idea which everyone now agrees is good to have a Federal Reserve, right? Thomas Jefferson was wrong to talk. So she doesn't even get the context of her own fucking stupid joke. I don't, dude, I don't think she cares about the context. It's just, you know, she's like, I think she just enjoyed, like, I feel like she's

eating this shit up, having this like, you know. know, measure of power that she does. And it's her just kind of like flaunting it. Like, I bet she just thinks that's hilarious to have her ringtone. You know, you don't have the votes when her whole thing's like, it's because it's me. I'm the votes, see? And I get to say when they have it or not. And right now they don't, as you can tell, by my ringtone.

Do you know every Pixar villain, probably best example of the bad guy and the Incredibles is like someone who was bullied as a kid? and then once they have power as an adult basically use it to try to destroy the world from making them sad earlier it feels like our society is beset by Pixar villains like someone somewhere pissed off Kristen Cinema 20 years ago

so she's going to ruin the earth because of Mark Zuckerberg fucking Elon Musk all these psychos are the same they're just nerds who got power now and therefore want to destroy everything and enjoy being the center of attention And I don't know.

I don't know if we should wedge more or wedge you less, but something needs to be done with the nurse. Producer Matt says she totally had a staffer call her. He thinks it was even more contrived. But, all right, let's go on to the next honorable mention here. COVID for throwing away it shot. That's right. Hamilton Heavy episode, Trey.

Hamilton Heavy episode. So. Go ahead. Go ahead. So, yeah. So this back story, so turns out Mark Meadows' book came out and turns out whatever we all know was true, was true that Trump was diagnosed with COVID before the debate with Joe Biden and hid it and showed up to the basically tried to kill Joe Biden with COVID. And before he went to the hospital in the intervening days, there's three or four days, he had somewhere between 500 contacts with different people. We had like a fundraiser.

He met with Gold Star families. He went to work in the West Wing. he also the gold star families he blamed them for giving him COVID when he knew we already had it he met with the families of dead soldiers and said that they probably gave it to him because they insisted on hugging him so much i was going to make a joke about wonder if he insulted them to their face before giving them this life-threatening disease you know because like he's had run-ins with gold star families before and being a huge piece of shit to them and uh but i was just going to crack a joke i'd totally forgotten that that kind of

have actually happened, but after the fact, like, yeah, usually it was a scapegoat, just shit all over them anyway. Also, Meadows says that before he went to the hospital, Trump's blood oxygen was 85, which is extremely fucking low. That's like, you need a vent territory, already gotten monocloid antibodies. Anyway, Trump got really mad at him for putting this book out. And so he's, Meadows is already denying stuff that he wrote in his own book. And now, after agreeing to testified for the January 6th committee, has now said he will not

cooperates. He's probably going to end up helping contempt just like Steve Bannon getting arrested. Just because Trump, uh, Trump doesn't even have a platform anymore. I don't even know who he said this to, but he communicated to Mark Meadows that he shouldn't testify and quit being a bitch and quit putting his dirt out in the street about COVID. And he just did it. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Who knows. All right. Next one will mention Rand Paul for assuming that just because he happened to be kind of right about one thing one time, that he still. wouldn't still get roasted for it. That's right. Let's go to the floor of the Senate here

for this little clip. And we are complicit. We are arming the Saudis and allowing this to happen. Offensive, defensive, they shouldn't get any of our weapons. We should stop selling them any weapons until they stop starving the country of Yemen. President, I find myself in somewhat uncomfortable and unusual position of agreeing with Senator Paul. There's like a famous onion headline that it says something like, in terrible news, the worst person you know actually made a good point or something like that, like whenever you just hate somebody, but you kind of agree with what they're saying, it's just the worst. Yeah, Bernie was stuck there himself just now. This is, Rand Paul gave a big filibuster in like 2000, I don't know, 14 about Obama's drone strikes. And I was like, that, from that moment to this moment, there has not been another single moment where I wish that Rand Paul's neighbor hadn't beaten him up and put him to hospital.

There's like those two bookends around like seven years of being awful. But yeah, he was right about this. So we, I try, I got to try to figure out way to code this enough. I have a relative who works for a defense contractor. And another relative made a joke to our older relatives about how he works for the devil making weapons. And one of the older people got offended and she says, to defend us. And I was like, so if we stopped selling missiles to Saudi Arabia to kill Yemeni civilians. then Florida gets invaded by ISIS?

Do you kick these fucking dots for me. Do that in the communist win, Mark. That's how it works. Yeah. Yeah. Every single dollar of the Department of Defense's insanely bloated budget that they have is just directly correlated with the amount of freedom we maintain in this country. And don't you forget it, by God.

Yeah. If we don't blow $100 billion in the F-35, which can't even fucking. and fly, then, you know, Al-Qaeda's going to come up in rowboats, the shores of the Chesapeake Bay, and just walk into the White House and take over. That's like, that's definitely what's going to happen next. I used to brief aside, when I've talked before, I used to work for the DOE, the Department of Energy, and the guy, I had a boss for a while that worked for the DOD, and he was just telling me the story, it was just like a work-related story, but it involved where he used to work. It was an Air Force base, I think, and he was talking about these

like fields of these old planes that they had to like put somewhere because they were like never put into service or something like that like they were built but never used and now they're trying to figure out how to disposition them and he's telling it in the context of like that was a hard thing for me to navigate as the person working on it or whatever but i said i was like so see like so just an ocean of these never used you know f whatever the hell we had and whatnot and I was like, but we can't cut any from the defense budget whatsoever. Like, there's no room for anything. And this dude was super conservative.

He was like, well, no, no, we can't. And I was like, well, what about like all those planes as an example? And he was like, well, no, see, it's important. He starts going to this thing about how, like, you've got to keep the, like, production capacity up or something like that. You know what I mean? Like, basically you've got to keep your foot on the gas mark because you can't ever, like, you know, slip into any kind of complacency. We might lose the capacity to produce, you know, at a massive level, all these implements of destruction if we ever took our foot off the gas. That was like, you know, the way he sort of tried to backdoor the logic.

So the last time there was like a fighter jet dog fight was probably for the movie Top Gun because it's just not something we'd do anymore. So, but we still like building fighter jets. So he turned him in a joint strike fighter, which is interesting to mean a fighter jet that can carry one bomb. So we send a fighter jet to drop one bomb, turn around, go home. home when no other country has air defenses that can match us. We could just send a B-52, which are manufactured and look at the 19-thucking 30s. And also we don't even bomb in all these places. It's another big thing.

There's also that. Just taking that part for granted. It's like, listen, we're going to be bombing places. Okay. So accepting that. Let's talk about how we should go about it. In a world, we have fucking nukes. I'm trying to figure out the point of having fighter jets.

It's like, we're going to call up China and be like, okay, we're going to have a war. you know how there's flag football? We're going to do the flag football of wars. No nukes. No big missiles. We're just going to have like six on six. You're six guys against our six guys. We're going to have a dog fight over the China Sea and then winter take all, right?

That's what we need these planes for? I don't know, but you tell me. I don't get it either. But why don't you do this Tucker Carlson one here? Because I think I know what this is about, but I'm not entirely sure. So we talked about Lynn Wood. rampage against all his former allies last week, had blown up Mike Flynn's life.

And he's been doing it to, he's mad at Sidney Powell. He's mad at the Cowriddenhouse. So he somehow, someone doxed Tucker Carlson's emails, perhaps from Hunter Biden's laptop. It's not really clear. Because apparently Hunter Biden, who Tucker Carlson has been branding

as the world's biggest villain for years, here's an email exchange where Tucker Carlson is begging Hunter Biden who went to Georgetown for a recommendation letter to get his son Buckley into Georgetown. And Hunter Biden seems really nice to Tucker here, and he's going to do it, which he fucking shouldn't have done to help this fascist out, but whatever.

It's just like this sheer, like, every time I think these people are actually enemies, something like this leaks out, and you go like, oh, it's just, it's a little club, none of us are in it, all these people are just putting on a show. This is professional wrestling. That was the exact reaction that I had to this too.

Now, this is from 2014, admittedly, but like still, it's not like Tucker Carlson has made a massive hill. turn since 2014 or nothing. I mean, he's gotten even crazier, but like, yeah, he's been around doing his shit for a while. And, yes, I thought the same thing when I saw this.

It's just like, man, this shit is, is it all just fucking, like, straight up theater? You know what I mean? Like, they're back in, you know, behind the curtain. They're all just back there fucking giving each other backrubs and shit and hooking each other up and laughing about, uh, the robs out there in the, in the, the, the, the, the, the most of us or what? Like, it's just, it's wild. Yeah, it's just all these, I don't have a bigger takeaway from this, except it's all fucking, it's all gross and it's a stupid lie.

And Tucker Carlson, my main takeaway was that Tucker Carlson named his son Buckley, which feels like child abuse. Yeah, but dude, it totally checks out. Like, if I asked you to guess Tucker Carlson's son's name, I think you would have landed on Buckley. Yeah, that's the one draft pick. Yeah, it's definitely up there. You know, Madison, Tristan, stuff like that. Luckily, it's for sure there. All right.

So we got a fun one here, though. I love this one so much. This can be the last one. We can do a second because I really want to talk about this one. So an Italian man has got caught wearing a fake arm in an attempt to avoid getting the COVID-19 vaccines. See, we don't have a full monopoly on dipshits in this country, okay? Italy's got some too. Mamma Mia.

Imagine that. I know nobody's too surprised to hear that Italy's got some dumb asses over there, but they do. Yes, he put on a fake arm and walked in there and the nurse, you know, pulled his sleeve up and said, so is this a fake arm? There's a, because a quote from the woman tried to administer the shot. First of all, what she stood in on was went and got like a big like eight-inch needle and just jabbed through the plastic, the latex covering. That would have been the funniest way to go about this. But so the healthcare worker names Felipe Bua.

she told the Italian newspaper the Republic she said she felt offended as a professional adding that the color of the arm made me suspicious it was well made but it wasn't the same color

colors this like Italian dude ostensibly I guess got a white ass arm to go try to get a fake COVID shots I bet it also was suspiciously absent of a pelt of body hair am I right yeah

check that Italian at all yeah boom roasted got them So the story goes on, the shameless man still try to persuade her to turn a blind eye to his ruse while injecting some levity by asking, would you imagine that I have such a physique? So this is the most Italian thing I've ever heard of my entire life. He's sexually harassing the nurse who caught him trying to beat a vaccine mandate. Yeah.

Oh, God. Okay, so let's get into some stuff. Here, let's talk about Marjorie Taylor Green. We've talked about this before because she's been on this for a minute now. But, you know, Marjorie Taylor Green has really had some revelatory moments lately, guys. She's really come to, had some epiphanies about some things, namely, jail sucks in this country. People are mean in jail. Do you guys know this?

She's just found this out. Is this something people know anyway? Let's hear from her right here in this first clip. If you have it, Matt, we're going to do it. What are we going to do here? They are ridiculed. where they are mocked because of their political beliefs and because of January 6th and because of the color of their skin. No.

So there is a two-tier justice system and these are the things that need to end. I believe in criminal justice reform, but I believe it should be reform that's fair completely across political lines and skin color. Yeah. And I can tell you what we saw in the DC jail, none of that exists. It is just, again, just hearing her be like, you know, know, our prison systems are inherently racist. Against white people. Yeah, I know, right.

And then, like, hearing her say that, you're like, yeah, that's right. You know, if you don't know the context, you're like, oh, my God, she's actually on to something now. And then to find out that she's talking about the whitest people in this country, and specifically, it's like, they are treated so unfairly in prison just for being white idiots. Oh, heavens. I forgot to pull the video

But there was a thing I think it was the Hill TV The other day This one was talking about Ethan Crumbly The end of the Michigan School Shooter She won this like

Two-minute-long diatribe About how unfair it was That they used a nice young cute adorable picture Of 10-year-old Ethan Crumbley Who's now a 15-year-old murderer Juxtapose it with how

Like the awful mug shots The newspapers pick For like black defendants In the same situation Yeah And her takeaway was that The media does this to make you think that even young, cute, white men are threats everywhere.

I was like, what the fuck are you talking about, lady? God damn, this is the same. Remember the news we got called Blackening OJ's skin for the cover of their, or was a Time magazine or something? They, it was mugshot after he got arrested. It's like, Jesus, that's your takeaway that they, anyway. So that whole press conference was absolutely insane. Large Brain Marge said that the,

the January 6th defendants are being forced to read about critical race theory in jail but that video we just showed you might not even the best part if you have that if you have that diet video yeah

when they're being forced fed gluten food and they have celiac disease and so the food that they eat makes them sick every single day to the point where they will go without days go days

I'm sorry, days without eating in order to just feel... Can you imagine if AOC tried to pass the bill to make it so inmates could have access to gluten-free food? Dude, oh my God, absolutely. That's what that's like, dude. Nobody gives a fuck about prisoners, man, but especially conservatives. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime, right?

That's what they always say. Never giving a fuck about any of this. And it's just, again, I can't get over how funny it is. It's her... She's like, just she has this whole sort of, like, tone of being like guys can you believe this like could you believe how bad things are in our prisons and you know that she's talking specifically about the insurrectionist it's just like it's just so on the nose man it's fucking hilarious yeah so um it got even like at least at least i don't

even totally disagree with marjor taylor green's no i just i don't think she actually believed them. But on the actual fucking legitimately insane thing to say not just bad faith argument, she brought up Louis Gohmert, who went on this fucking diatribe straight out of the fever swamps of like Info Wars.

We have heard repeatedly since January 6th. This was an armed insurrection. And as I asked Merrick Garland, and I've asked others, you know, is there anybody been charged with insurrection? And the answer is actually no. No one has been charged with

insurrection. In fact, if they were going to charge with someone with insurrection, it's beginning to sound more and more like those would be agents for the federal government that were there stirring things up, trying to get people to engage in violence. And as we heard this weekend, apparently a guy that was given out what were later used, are called dangerous weapons may well himself have been working for the federal government, for the FBI. Okay. As he was handing out, they now charged a deadly weapon.

Going back to all Marge isn't totally wrong. So the FBI does give people weapons to arrest them for planning terrorist attacks. They do do that. But this is like the cartoon version of it where they're saying, this is like remember the conspiracy theories last year about that the police were leaving piles of bricks in front of stores so that people would pick them up and then destroy property. And it would like, which I wouldn't put it past some police departments for like encouraging shit like that.

But like I did it never been proven or anything. But he's like combining the two things into some like Scooby-Doo plot. Like they're like, I would just mind and my own business. Just walking through the Capitol. And then some undercover federal agent gave me a taser. So of course I'd take the cop. None of this is my fault. yeah he's

Louis Gomer's got a whole Scooby-Doo vibe going on actually yeah he'd fit right in an episode of Scooby-Doo but yeah no I can barely follow what the hell he was even talking about but it's just like back to this whole you know it's actually the FBI that was doing and I can't believe he didn't invoke Antifa

anywhere in that but yeah it's like you said like about this whole idea of you know yeah prison in this country is fucked up it does suck it should be more humane there are problems with it, but it's just like, I ain't trying to hear it from these people for these reasons right now.

You know what I mean? Like, if, you know, if you want to keep that conversation going about everybody across the board and if it was actually sincere, you know, in that regard, if you ever gave a fuck about any of the fucking, you know, black people or minorities or pill addicted, poor white trash, you know, who went to prison over some fucking opioid shit or you name it, writing bad checks anything like then it would be different but you know you're only coming to this conclusion now so you can go fuck yourself these are these are people who watch like law and order and when one of the cops complains about the constitution root for him right absolutely yeah there are if you

if you we should have stronger laws against entrapment undercover should have stricter rules uh right the fb the fbi i should not be able to plan terrorist attacks have nine of the ten people involved be FBI agents and the rest of the one dip shit who didn't know who wasn't in on the joke. There are organizations fighting for that against stuff like that. Join the ACLU Louis Gomer. I don't want to fucking tell you. Right. Right. But like you're

not typically you're the same political movement of fought against Miranda rights who fights against like good public defenders who fights against appeals who fights against all this stuff. Like I don't know. It's like you don't believe any that you're just mad about one thing. You don't have any principles. That's the thing it drives me nuts about this. They don't believe any of the fucking shit they're saying other than the crazy stuff.

Yeah, but you could tell that words getting around in this community about how dire the conditions are in prison. In the mayonnaise militia community, I mean, the insurrectionist community, they're really worried about it, as you could see in this video from the famed realtor, who we've talked about a bunch on here. So here's the deal. I am going to prison in three weeks at the first weekend, January. I have to report to prison. And the only thing that I can see that's good about having to go to prison is that I'm going to be able to work out a lot and do a lot of yoga and detox. And also I can't eat because the food is awful. No gluten free.

There's just no food. So hopefully they have like some protein shakes. Hopefully they have some protein bar. Because you don't want to eat like green. Typically, I'm not a big fan of, that's what they have to eat. So I'm going to end up losing weight in prison. Everyone's telling me to I'll lose weight. So hopefully I'll finally get down to my ideal weight because I won't be able to drink.

I won't be able to eat. No. I won't be able to eat like stupid stuff like chips and all the stuff I eat sometimes. God, she's, I mean, like we talked before about she was, she was only in the capital to try to build her streaming brand to help a realtor business. And so now she's going to, she's going to, she's going to. pivot to being a full on politics slash prison influencer. It's going to be a fucking while right, man. Thank you for the content, Jen.

I look forward to your future appearances. I want to hear her experiences when she gets out. She hasn't lost any weight because like it's balona. Actually, I know you also, we're not going to take to, you know, we're not going to get too deep into the weeds on this, but you and I are both fans of the HBO series, Secession, right?

And I know she's nowhere near on the level of the characters in that show, because they're like billionaires. It's about a billionaire family. But there's a, but there's a prominent storyline in the current season about one of these rich white people facing the possibility of going to prison. And the jokes repeatedly are basically the same thing she was just saying in real life where he's like, you know, do you think they'll have protein shakes? Or it's like, I've been reading the prison blogs. I wonder if there's a, I wonder if

there's, you know, yoga classes in prison and all this stuff that's like played for humor on that show and she's just unironically doing it because that's that's just the world we live in now yeah I mean it's the same lady who went on her on her YouTube and said I'm not going to prison because I'm white and blonde so she's she's the gift that keeps ungiven yeah yes she is okay let's see what do we got now how about this let's talk about uh do a little dumbass deep dive here on the Voltron of dumbasses teaming up to in choice a lot of dumbassery going around right now with the big Supreme Court case and Roe v. Wade and

all that. And one of the most egregious examples of this dumb assery was presented by none other than High Long Wheels himself, Representative Madison, Cawthorne. This is some pretty wild shit this clip here, if you

could play it, Matt. From Cawthorne. Yeah, there I go. Madam Speaker, imagine you've just walked out of this chamber and outside is a gorgeous sunset. You have a Polaroid camera and you snap a beautiful picture and the gray photo pints out the front. You hold it and shake it, waiting for the picture to appear. But suddenly someone walks by and snatches your photo, ripping it to shreds. You're stunned.

You cry, why did you destroy my picture? The person replies, oh, it wasn't a picture. It wasn't fully developed yet. all of us in this room realize how asinine that reasoning is that photo was transforming into a beautiful image this illustration by Seth Gruber is simple but it's what our nation has done to the most precious image of all

the image of God Madam Speaker a silent genocide has slipped beneath the conscience of America precious works of our creator formed Well right after that he calls women earthen vessels something by the Lord or something like that. Like he really doubles down on the whole, you know, like handma's tail type of shit that he's preaching there.

But also real quick, the fucking, even the picture thing that he starts out with is also stupid because it's like people are people, are we talking about giving forced abortions right now? Like people are coming up and just ripping the pictures up, i.e., the babies, we're ripping people's babies up against their will and being like, fuck you. It wasn't a real baby yet. and that's what we do to undeveloped babies around here. Like, what the fuck is he even talking about with the picture analogy, let alone all the crazy Jesus shit that comes after it? Well, calling women vessels is sort of purvey because a vessel is an object and so is a camera. No, right, yeah.

So in that analogy, the woman is the camera. So it's their job just to birth the Polaroid and then get tossed in the trash. Like, are they jump left over from the 80s? Right, but who is the picture ripper? like in the analogy. Like the woman is the camera. The baby is the picture. Right.

And we, Antifa. Antifa is the picture ripper. So if they don't do something about it, Antifa is going to come up and just rip up unborn babies like willy-nilly, just willy-nilly aborting babies all over the place. Not how any of this works, Madison. To play this analogy out,

it's more like if the camera had two legs and walked up to a picture ripping specialist and was like, please, I cannot afford this. picture right now, we have a medical problem. This picture is going to have devastating economic implications for my life and every, you know, and also it kill me. Yeah, right. This picture could cause me to explode as a camera. Just please get rid of this picture for me. And Madison is wanting to, you know, stop that from happening. No, deal with it, camera. The picture's

more important. The undeveloped picture. Anyway, he's sucks. Yeah. So next to our list of people that are fucking trying to take away women's rights is a TV quack Dr. Oz who has signed up to run for the Senate in Pennsylvania state, which I don't even know if he's ever fucking been to because he lives in New York and New Jersey. Maybe he's from there originally or something.

So up until, I don't know, Tuesday, he was pro choice. Now he's running for Senate as a Republican. so he said he's at peace with efforts to overturn Overturn Roe. Just two years ago, he called Oz characterized efforts to overturn Roe as a misleading a possibly conspiratorial crusade. Not only was Oz supportive of abortion rights, he seemed puzzled that people would spend time fighting abortion rights. Going so far as to say, as a physician, he is really worried about the anti-abortion

movement eliminating Roe would have negative effect of women's health. So two years ago, he was such a professional doctor in favor of women's health that he thought it was a conspiracy theory to even try to out law abortion rights. Now he's like, yeah, fuck Rovers's way. Right? Yeah, but I bet it wasn't matter. I knew this guy was a scumbag, but yeah. Right.

No. A, yes, he's a huge scumbag and that isn't surprising. But B, like, yeah, it won't matter. That's what, like, he's saying the thing he's supposed to say now and that's all they'll give a fuck about, you know, at the end of the day. I mean, that always works unless you're J.D. Vance, in which case, you just can't hit no matter what. I'm going to go with you either way. Yeah. But typically flip-flop.

and that's not going to turn anybody off, I guess. I mean, part of me, part of me understands it and thinks it's like appropriate and fine. They don't mind politicians are two-faced if they get the policies they want. Because like, you put a gun to all these people's heads. They would know that Trump doesn't give a shit about abortion. He's not, he's not anti-choice or pro-life or whatever. He's like, he's probably paid for a thousand abortions.

They were like, one thing Michael Cohen was running around doing, he was like representing like three of the top fundraisers for Republican Party. he was arranging to help pay off their mistresses to get abortions. Those guys, you know, they'd resign, but they probably didn't have to because no one really cared. Nobody cares with the due personal. It's what they argue for professionally. I'm trying to think with like the leftist equivalent of it. Like, would we have been cool with appointing like Exxon CEO's secretary of state if he was very pro-green energy?

Yeah. I think, well, because, like, A, yes, if he was in that job, it's like better than the alternative. If it seems like he really is pro-green energy now, then that's better than him. not being but also like it is possible for people to change their mind about shit but with dr oz though again this is only two years ago it elaborates in the article he didn't just say like oh no i'm pro choice he spent like seven minutes outlining all the very important reasons that he is pro choice and just getting very very into detail and elaborate about it and then you know now he's running as republican and so now it's just no pro life all the way so it's very clear what

has happened here as opposed to a case of like someone devolving I guess their philosophy on a particular subject but I mean yeah it and like you said if you're right I mean politically you just play the game and then you vote for what you want and whatever I mean it's just kind of just kind of par for the course yeah the uh the real all-star the head of this Voltron if we're keeping your Voltron of dumb ass his analogy um the guy who wrote the out of the law that the supreme court uh the attorney general sorry um from mississippi who wrote the law that's going to you know end row um so he's quite a character uh turns out he has a family plantation um that celebrates slavery basically it was a favorite quail honey retreat for

antonin scolias you know it's fucking awesome uh and so one thing he did was he bought the cabin that belonged to Nathan Bedford Forrest, aka the Confederate General, war criminal, executed surrendered black soldiers, Union soldiers, and it was the first wizard of the Ku Klux Klan. And he transported it to have as a memento

on his family plantation. So these people are so paint by numbers. And you could like stay in it. If you were there hunting, you could like pay extra to stay in Nathan Bedford Forest restored cabin. And it's just like, I don't know. Pictureing that page of Airbnb is wild to me.

You know what I mean? Like these people like it's just, I don't know. It's crazy. Someone would be like, I want to go with the Nathan Bedford Forrest Suite. You know, someone that's got the money to pour into the, you know, it's just, I don't know. Yeah. It's crazy. These people are crazy.

But that did give me, I did, that Nathan Bedford Forrest angle did cause me to surf across this today. Because that motherfucking statue came down today. Yes. Fuck you, you piece of shit. The famous that, yes, in Nashville, my beloved Tennessee, this is a very famous statue in Tennessee and around there, but it's been, it's made its rounds on the internet multiple times. If y'all have seen it, I don't know if you find that other, any other picture of it, Matt, that would let people know which one we're talking about. Yeah. He looks like, speaking of like Scooby-Dooville, he looks like a, like a character from a nine, like a PlayStation One game or something like a poorly.

Yeah, right, poorly rendered like slave owning Luigi or something. Yeah, it's fucking, it's ridiculous. It's been up. It was on some dude's private property. That guy's a fucking card, too. The guy that owned the property and the guy that designed the statue. Just, it's just dip shits all around, man. Believe that or not. First of all, I think this, this statue went up in like 1988. This is not some fucking long ago historical statue. It looks like a piece of shit if you go to this thing. I mean, yeah, look. at it, dude. The guy who could go the sculptor, his name was John Carl Kershaw. He was an attorney. That's why he's a bad sculptor. His biggest client was James Earl Ray, who assassinated Martin Luther King, Jr. And his defense was that Ray was an unwitting participant in a plot devised by Mystery Man, that he was just an unwitting.

He's just a patsy. They're always just patsies, right? Mystery man, I believe, named Raoul, right? So it's like a shadow Mexican. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Mexicans are the blame for Martin Luther King's assassination. I'm just a poor small-town redneck. I had nothing to do.

James Earl Ray's logger putting out these, like, racist conspiracy theories about what really happened to Martin Luther King Jr. The fact that he moonlit as a sculptor, and this was his, you know, this was the product of it. It was this Nathan Bedford Forest statue. It's just almost. almost too much, but yeah. So the guy that on the property, it was on private property, right? Which is why it takes a lot to take it down.

So the guy, he had a statute, a bunch of flags, and people always complained about it, but he thought it was a cool that people would drive by his property and see this awful statue of this horrible person. He said it was good for tourism. This guy, we'll get to what happened in the statute in a second because it's really funny, but all you need to know about him is he defended slavery to not being racist. He's just said that slavery was a form of Social Security for African Americans, you know, because they occasionally got food, I guess.

so he's a real piece of shit but here's the thing that really hit for me the reason the statue came down is like he had like a $5 million estate and when he died he left it all in a trust fund for his dog

so whoever the executive of the will was is like fuck this guy and door to the statue he didn't consult with the dog first about the statue the dog runs the estate now dude that dog's racist too

guarantee it dogs are often racist definitely trying to be now this one I'm obviously I'm glad this statue's coming down but this one because it was on private property and more importantly because it was so cartoonishly ridiculous this one i was always like like it was less upsetting to me because of how

easy it was to point and laugh at like the ones there's a bust in nathan bedford forest that was in the fucking state capital building in nashville until like last year or something and it was like well done and presented like you know regally and shit that was in the state that bothered me way more than this fucking monument to lunacy did. And also the fact that people were always fucking with it and throwing paint all over it and all this shit, all that always for me too. But I'm still planning it's gone.

Yeah, right. Yeah, this is how I'm going to choose to remember. You should have left up this version with a pit, this dipshit riding a stupid horse with the pink red paint flowing on it. That's like, that's a little big, yeah. What a fucking dumb ass. You get one ride on this rocket. and people you choose to spend it carving statues of fucking racists

and then washing paint off them. It's fucking wild. Okay. Well, let's start trying to look through comments over here. I'm not going to be able to put them up on the screen, but I'll try to read some off and you guys can let us know what you think about anything. But also, we wanted to mention an AI study was done by a journalist at the, was he with the Washington Post? Is that who it was? Dana Milbank did the write up that.

Yeah, Dana Milbank from the Washington Post. I wrote the article, but the AIS from some private company. Anyway, they filtered a bunch of like 65,000 news articles or something through this, filtered look for like adjectives describing stuff and found that Joe Biden, the first 11 months of this year has gotten worse press coverage than Donald Trump in the first 11 months of last year. Now, think about what the first 11 months of last year was like. You got 600,000 dead from COVID with no vaccines. you got a coup attempt. You got him getting COVID.

You got all this shit. And they're comparing it. The media is more negative and they turn on Biden. And I don't care about Biden's feelings or anything. I'm not some big defender of Joe Biden. But it's just really funny. Like what the fuck they're up to? It's like I have a theory.

And I'm pulling this directly from the innermost regions of my butt. I do not know what I'm talking about. But my speculation on that is that like, you know in journalism you got to be stirring shit up you got to maintain the state of fear if it bleeds it leads all that type of shit that are just like general rules of thumb in the news media and i feel like with the biden administration that type of shit is harder to come by organically than uh when the trump administration was was in power you know because every day it was some new fucking genuine existential threat with the it was all just right there front and center but you you got to keep people upset. You got to keep them worried and scared and mad and all this stuff. And when you've got like a boring administration in power, what you end up doing is fucking overblowing everything and making everything sound worse than it is

or finding a way to spend stuff more negatively for that reason. You were a journalist. How off base am I on that, do you think? I think part of it is like the corporate media isn't left wing, but they're all cosmopolitanly liberal. So they're bent over backwards to try to fight against their own biases. So they're really desperate to try to understand Trump voters. But their frustrations with Biden are very clearly evident.

I think that's part of it. But yeah, I mean, you're right that like they try to see conflict. There was a stupid political article yesterday about how Kamala uses earbuds. And they called her paranoid from not when to use Bluetooth. When everybody who works in text, like, no, you really, the price president of the United States should not be using fucking Bluetooth earbuds. Right. Take phone calls on. Well, speaking of the media, Carol Goff says, what about?

Chris Cuomo getting fired. Best show on CNN, she says. I mean, the entertainment value of his show. I didn't really watch a lot of it, but you cannot use your sources as a journalist to try to attack the accusers of your sexually harassing brother. And the ensuing investigation discovers your own sexual impeccadillo's sexually harassing your staff, you're going to get gone. As far as, like, I always thought, as somebody worked in journalism, I thought it was gross to watch a guy interviewing his brother. I thought that was not the way you're supposed to do shit. Oh, yeah. Jim Gray asked, what about the 600K found in Joel Austin's bathroom? Do you see that, Mark? That was some wild shit. I started across it. He's not one of my arched enemy televangelists like the Falwells are.

So I don't really know. I don't really follow Olstein closely. Somebody just found $600,000 in the wall of his bathroom. Yeah, like a plumber or a contractor or the like found. Yeah, $600,000 in the wall of his bathroom. And he told people? Yeah. I can keep it.

Right. Yeah, I know. I agree. Yeah, for sure. But I don't know. There's a lot of, like, movies of that, you know, like cautionary tales of you find a shitload of money. Of course, it's in a mega preacher's house.

I mean, you know, I don't know. Mega preacher would disappear, you, Mark. I don't know. You got to think twice about just running off with a big bag of money, I think. Because that money belongs to somebody. And, you know, you don't want to get the devil sick on you or whatever. But, yeah, I don't know if it was Austin's go bag, you know, like his, you know, shit really pops off. He takes a sledgehammer to the wall, pulls that bag out there, and then fucking hits the road.

Or if he's just got cash shoved into walls all over the place for various, like, nefarious reasons. I guess my main takeaway is that the righteous gemstones is a documentary. For sure, yeah. You know, every single one of those people is a colossal piece of shit, man. Kenneth Copeland, that motherfucker, he, like, literally looks. demonic, in my opinion. Kreflow dollar. They will all do fucking spiritual drives

to buy themselves better private jets. It's fucking gross. I know. Yeah. And then they show them off on their channel and everything. It's like, Kenneth Copeland, he said that the Lord wanted him to have a private jet, so they could be closer.

So he could be closer to the Lord, like physically, you know, up in the sky and shit. He also said the Lord wouldn't want him traveling in a, quote, tube full of demons, which is what a Delta flight is or just any commercial flight

is a tube full of demons. I don't disagree. I don't know. I thought he's overrating the fun factor of any given commercial flight. You know what I mean? It's not that much of a party. Do you find it ironic

that the airline with the most demons is probably spirit? Yeah, definitely. Probably most people believe in ghosts too. I don't know why. It just seems right. Michelle Prouty, sorry Michelle if I got that wrong says he reported money stolen at some point yeah I don't

remember all the details of it or whatever but I just automatically and immediately assume it was some kind of shady bullshit that he was up to I mean dude yes $600,000 in the walls of your bathroom like that's some fucking look you don't need cash to do shady shit anymore we have crypto right yeah you can buy heroin over the internet with crypto you don't fucking need cash so there's my advice of Kenneth Copeland get into get into doze coin. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't know. I don't see that happening. Just because, you know, the crypto seems like of Satan to me for some reason. Stephanie... Oh, here's a good theory. A few years back, the church was, quote, robbed. Strange how the

amount found is about what was stolen. Well, there you go. Oh, he said, so it's an insurance thing. I got you. He doubled his money. Okay. Yes. It's probably done that multiple times. Yeah. I just don't. It's always been wild to me that people, whatever, it's fine, you know, you're just broadly religious or spiritual or whatever, that's fine. But those fucking people specifically, I've never understood the big like prosperity gospel televangelist types or whatever. It's always been wild to me that their whole thing is so effective on anybody, you know. Just a regular, your friendly neighborhood preacher, sure, I can see that. But these people are just, I mean, lunatic.

I have a bunch of like ads hats and t-shirts that bought off Instagram ads so I guess it's sort of like that but for Jesus so Appalachia fungorum says you can't wipe your ass for cryptocurrency Mark about that. That's a good point I can't set it on fire to light a cigar with it

either I mean you know you think about it a lot of implications there nowhere near is fun can't rain it on a dancer can't do coke with it can't rip it up in front of a poor child's face can't smack down when you win it craps.

Can't do any of that shit. Damn, that's a really good point, Appalachia fungorum. I'm glad you brought that up. Some serious inherent limitations to the cryptocurrency there. Has Elon Musk thought of this? Come on. No. I haven't seen anybody pointing out.

Thank you, Marcus. You can get a weekly skews t-shirt by going to weekly skews.com. Oh, also, shit. Okay, first of all, like and subscribe and all that stuff you're supposed to do before we get out of here. I almost forgot. Remember to do that. Also, and we will remind you again next week, well, first of all,

Corey Forrester is going to be back next week in Mark's stead. But Mark and I are both of the white trash persuasion. We're of white trash origin and we're white trash expats in Los Angeles. Point being, over the holidays, we're going to be in parts unknown, you know, out in the nether regions of the south and whatnot, where I don't know if y'all know this but at least in my hometown it's actually still 1993 a lot of people don't know that yeah but yeah so the point is we're not going to have high-speed internet or any of that good shit so we're going to take two weeks off we'll

remind you next week but we will be back in 2022 obviously and we will be here next week too I'm just forewarning you now that we're going to disappear into the air for a bit my situation my mom has satellite internet that doesn't work when it rains and I'm not sure if she could like a live stream from there even if it wasn't raining and the only place me to hold up and do the show will be in my special needs nephews room and he might walk by in the back in his tidy ways. So my in-laws and my house in Salano where I grew up, neither have any internet of any kind or even cell phone service.

So it's, uh, it's some shit, buddy. So anyway, what do you do? The build back better plan was supposed to have fucking rural broadband in it. Yeah. So, of course. That'd be cool. It would be cool. And that's why we can't have it.

But anyway, and lastly, again, you go to well-read comedy.com. Thank you, Matt. see me in naples florida this weekend nashville next weekend bunch of places next year okay thank you all very much we love you dearly me and corey we'll see you next tuesday and uh that's it for this edition of weekly skew see you love you bye