Weekly Skews - Weekly Skews - 12/12/23 – Are Book Fairs the Devil? (No.)

Episode Date: December 13, 2023

Smart Mark is covered up with work stuff this week and as such we welcome back Corey Ryan Forrester to guest host in his stead. Corey and Trae will get into the latest ravings from conservatives on the evils of…Scholastic Book Fairs? Also a number of salacious stories involving GOP politicians, and a smattering of dumbassery. Join us. Support the show

what's up everybody welcome back and happy skews day to you it's December 12th 2023 i'm tray and that is not mark you see him you see who it is but before we formally introduce your illustrious co-host i did want to make a quick announcement all right while he's here we got somebody had a pretty big birthday yesterday oh god damn yeah pretty momentous birthday. And just as a sign of appreciation because of how much this person means to us, everybody in this universe, before we start, I just want to take a chance and say a very, very happy, slightly belated birthday to former Secretary of State John Kerry, who turned 80 years old yesterday. That's a big one, 80 years, 50 or so of which spent in public service, you know,

and I just thought it'd be nice to just to give it up to John Kerry on the day after his birthday like that. Also, Corey's here, everybody. Corey, sitting in for Mark. Smart Mark has work stuff and Cho's here in his Titan shirt. What about, did, what did you get up to yesterday? Now I'm embarrassed, but for a whole different reason. I for some reason had the nerve to think that Trey Crowder would do something nice for me on my birthday, but I was wrong. No, it doesn't matter, Trey, because speaking of the Titans, I got the greatest birthday present that any human being could receive an absolute you know me and you were talking yesterday we're not i won't know if it's that we're not believers in god we're just not big fans of the fella but uh we don't really

invoke his name many times unless it's cursing him for a pandemic or whatnot but last night by god we were in the spirit because the titan pulled off a miracle yeah the titans became the first team in NFL history to win a game after being down by 14 with less than two minutes and 55 seconds left. Now, the stat is two minutes to 55 seconds because teams have one with two minutes and 56 seconds and above, but nobody has ever done it with two minutes and 55 seconds until the Titans did it. But yes, y'all, as you've ascertained, it was Chow's birthday yesterday. And we were, you know, texting all day. And he said he wanted a Titans victory for his birthday and the universe was happening.

I said it was happening. That's true. Yep. I didn't ask for it. I said, God damn it, they're winning. Yeah.

And he were right. But yeah, Mark is fine. Everybody's just, you know, he's got like a job and shit now and everything. And you know how that goes when he has a job. Sometimes he has to do it.

Anyway, that's happening today. So, but we got who else, the show, to sit in for us. And I understand that you've got a little something for us. as I understand it, yeah.

That's true, Tray, since this will most likely, most likely, who knows, be our last skews together until the new year, I decided it would be fitting to share an essay filled with a couple of jokes and reflections that I've written bidding adieu to 2023. Is that okay with you? Absolutely. Adieu your ass off, buddy. Okay, yeah. It was a hell of a year.

A little swallor. Yeah, that's what you do when you're capping off a truly. you know, celebratory year is take a swig of Jim Bame straight from the model. Not sponsoring the show, but they can. Y'all holler at us Jim Beam. All right. Ah, what can we say about the year 2023 that hasn't already been said about taking a road trip with presidential candidate and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie?

It wasn't what any of us wanted. It felt a lot longer than it was, and it stunk like a meatball fart. The years started off with a train derailment in East Palestine, Ohio. The massive fire and toxic fumes were a danger to thousands of people, but luckily the Norfolk Railroad Company handled it very poorly. Oh, well, we thought, at least this will be the last time we have to talk about Palestine this year. Man, I mean, it's the way things go now with, you know, the hellscape we live in. but I'd, like, that feels like that was so much longer than this same year.

Like you said that, I was like, holy shit, that was this year. And I'd forgotten that that was the name of the place. Tough year for Palestine everywhere, you know. Speaking of which, speaking of which, 2023 was the year where almost all of the most all of the most anti-Semitic people you have ever met in your life, suddenly felt the urge to speak up for the people of Israel. They then started calling woke people, the real anti-Semites. The woke people responded and said,

No, our problem is with the Israeli government, not its people, to which the Southern Baptist replied, that's the same thing, which offended me personally, because as you all know, I'm anti-Semantics. Hey, there it is. Yeah. Long walk off a short bridge. Hey, speaking of it feels like this didn't happen this year, Tray.

Hey, do you remember the Chinese spy balloon? Oh, man. Yeah, that was this year, too. Good Lord. Yeah, that was, because that quickly sort of turned into some alien speculation, which always hits for me. Sure did. And all of a sudden, there was a bunch of shit in the air.

And people was like, is it aliens? No, the Chinese. Chinese and a balloon. Yeah, it was, it seemed like many moons ago, but it was actually February of this year that a U.S. fighter jet shot down the suspected Chinese surveillance balloon off the coast. of South Carolina, though our military was the one to finally bring it down, they were not the first to shoot at it.

That honor goes to South Carolina resident Ricky Lee Thompson, who said, I just thought it was one of them gay-ass gender reveals. If I'd have known it was the Chinese, I would have reloaded. Did people were like, sorry to do this with a joke, but Ricky Lee there, is he real? No, I made that up. Okay, well, because I feel like there was people trying to shoot at it or wanted to shoot at or something. It was like way out of the time. Maybe that's just America and that's just how we be.

But in my head, because I feel like people making fun of them because it was so insanely high up in the air. It's like, you can't shoot that far. And people are just like, the hell I can't. I'll shoot whatever I want. You know, they've had to pass laws either for or against shooting drones out of the sky. Yeah, even Amazon packages. In most, most states and stuff. So, yeah, that's fun.

Yeah. Well, man, 23, also a big year in music tray. Country musician Morgan Wallen had the highest grossing country tour pulling in over $230 million. Not only that, he dominated the airwaves. Four of his songs made the top seven on the year's country charts, and he had the number one most stream song on Spotify, not in country, the most stream song on Spotify of all songs.

But wait, there's more. He also became the first country artist since 1981 to top the overall year-end billboard Hot 100 list. Ah, such a shame that saying the N-word a couple years back stifled what could have been a great career. Yeah, indeed. No, he's been crushing. It's like, yeah, it seems like, you know, that's not a move. Most people would advise saying the N-word in public, but I guess, you know, if you're in the right end,

industry, it can really take you straight to the moon, I guess. Do you know what's the, he had the biggest song of all songs across all genres this year? What, what's the name of it? Do you know? Something out the night. I didn't look any further. I got all the research I needed for the joke, you know, and then I, uh, you ever listen to his shit at all?

Like, his is bull, like he's got a couple. When he covered Isbel, obviously I listened to it. And I was super happy because, A, I like Isbel getting out there and more in the mainstream. And also Isbel donated all of the money he made to the NWACP, which really hit for me. But I have heard from some of my friends who, like, have abandoned country lately. They're like, okay, but he's kind of one that there's a couple of his songs that, you know, kind of go. And I can believe it, you know. Yeah, well, that's why I was going to, or that's what I was getting at because I haven't really, you know, fucked with him either.

But, you know, I was curious where he's at on the sort of Florida-Georgia-Line scale. Oh, he's better than that. I would say for sure. The fact that he covered Isbel, he has to be better than that, like to have that taste, you know. Man, wild year, Trey, June of 2023 gifted the world with a rare experience in a time when we seem more divided than ever. When we argue over everything from sports to politics to whether or not a fucking Barbie movie is offensive to the ever oppressed and marginalized straight white male demographic, we were suddenly brought together in one day. shining moment, we all shared the same opinion. For the first time since 9-11, this country was united as one, when we all laughed at those

billionaires getting exploded in a submarine. Yeah, yeah, imploded, I believe. I know you're not much for semantics. You're right. You're right. It's not a semantic, actually. Yeah, but it does, and I feel like, would you rather be exploded or imploded? Imploded, do you think?

I feel like it's more, because you get smudged. Just like a can like that. If you get exploded, there is a chance that you will live and just not have arms. If you implode, you die. You know what I mean? Because your organs, they explode too. But, like, if you, you know, there have been plenty of people fall on a landmine and unfortunately live. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I'm going imploded. It feels like you never knew what was happening. There's probably 0.2 seconds where you're like, am I getting ahead? And then before you can even think it, you're, yeah, you're. mist. You're just misguify. You're just goo.

Which one do you think is more metal, though? Imploded, for sure. Okay. Imploded, because exploded, like, bombs are pretty metal. Don't get me wrong. But implosions are almost like freaks of nature. Right. They're more rare.

They're more rare, and they require, yeah, they require, like, you going to the depths of the sea or you hearing a sound that, like, only birds can make or something, you know, and it's like, oh, I didn't even know. think about that when all this happened, but like, how many other people have ever even been imploded, I wonder. It's got to be, you know, I feel like a bunch of people have been exploded. I'm not going, you know, like happens all time. People say, all the drummers from spinal tap. I believe that's what happened to them, but they're the only ones that I know of. But yes, in closing, Trey, 23, it was a complicated year. Trump got

indicted. Biden fell down several times and said a lot of words that don't make sense. Strikes began, strikes ended. Artificial intelligence began its inevitable takeover of humanity as we know it, and just as it was prophesized, Diane Feinstein immediately apparated into a forced ghost and left us in a plume of smoke. As we sit here in the waning days of 2023, trying to reckon with all the bad things in the world, the lives that were senselessly lost, the relationships that were irreparably damaged, a pandemic that still isn't over, and an international conflict that never will be, and not to mention that we are about to have a presidential election between two people who have been eligible for a discount at Golden Corral for nearly 30 years.

Let us never forget that at least Derek Chauvin sure did get stabbed a lot. He sure did get stabbed a lot. Happy 223, everybody. Also, just the dude that did the stabbing was a wild part of that story, too, because he, like, he looked like Rob Reiner, sort of. Yeah, he did. Like present day Rob Reiner, you know. Did you see where he's like, now, it's not racist to speculate, I don't think.

I think he's like a Colombian drug trafficker, like an OG, like he's some sort of like real badass. He's just got that Rob Reiner, Papal look to him. I mean, I figured he had to be at least something of a badass of all that stabbing he did. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I was going to say at the end of all that, and you alluded to it anyway, it's like, you know, when you really put it all in perspective, hell of a not hitting year, but at least we can all lay our heads on the pillow tonight, knowing that 2024 will surely hit in an uneventful fashion, you know, nothing can't, like it can't continue to get even worse every single year like it has done since 2016 or so. Yeah, you wouldn't think, Trey. some has got to give eventually.

I think at some point it would have to max out, but, you know, some might argue we haven't even begun to not hit yet. Before we get into the show further, Mark had some good news out of Texas who wanted us to share with everybody, which I know is odd. You don't hear a lot about that. In fact, there's plenty of other bad shit going on in Texas, too. But a Texas court issued a permanent injunction declaring Texas's

would-be drag-banned law unconstitutional. So drag shows have been protected in the state of Texas. This took the form of a big court case where drag queens testified in court and one of them even twerk for everybody in the court because the prosecution was trying to like, you know, they were doing a thing or I guess the plaintiff, whatever, the state, their lawyers, not the prosecution, we're like, you know, they're trying to be like, so twerking, tell us. about that. Can you describe twerking? Would you perhaps demonstrate this for us if you wouldn't might, you know, thinking that it would not hit for everybody, especially because the judge was an old white feller in his 80s who was appointed by Ronald Reagan? Actually, I just assume he's white. I didn't see a picture of him because he was appointed by Ronald Reagan. But anyway, and the judge, it seems, you know, guess it hit for him a little bit because he said afterwards, he's like,

you know, that's what's great about this job. You get to see all kinds of stuff. Well, hey, man. You know, and then they won. case so obviously it worked out okay so shout out to them well if elmore leonard is to be believed every now and then judges are freaks and kind of hit so you know i dig it uh but hey you know at least now everyone in texas will shut up about it so that's good most assuredly so yeah uh all right so let's get into it before we continue producer matt is with us in mark's absence we still have matt he's back there doing his thing along with me and show this is weekly skews before we continue I want to remind y'all, of course, about a few things.

Number one, if you like to see me perform stand-up live, and you should. You can go to Trey Crowder.com and check out the upcoming shows. In fact, this week, if you want to see the two of us do it, along with Drew Morgan, well, it's the week for it as long as you live in Middle Tennessee. Or hell, even if you don't fly in the Nashville. Live there. Drive hours and hours. We'll be at Zanis Comedy Club this weekend.

We do the shows before Christmas. Every year at Zanis, it's always a hell of a time. We look forward to it tremendously, and this year is no different. It's sure to hit, so come see us. And I've got plenty of other dates coming up after that. All at Trey Crowder.com. Also at Trey Crowder.com, you can find a link to me and this old boy's travel log we wrote around here and over yonder. It's a funny romp through these American states as well as England and Scotland.

So check that out or get the audiobook on Audible because we read it very dumbly as we are wanted to do when we read or talk. And finally Right now I did that on purpose I did that on purpose I don't illustrate the point clearly No I don't hit Last thing

If you enjoy this program I would like to show your support You can do so by signing up on Patreon You can go to weekly skews.com slash more or just go on Patreon and search for my name You'll find us either way $5 a month

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So get some more skews in your life and support the show in the process. Weekly skews.com slash more. All right. As for tonight's show, the war on books rages on. Conservatives, you know, never been ones to really be super into books, except for that one book that has formed so much that many of them also haven't read. They're really going hard on books now. And, yes, my comp, yes, famously.

They've really been going hard on books lately, as you may or may not have heard, and that crusade rages on. We'll talk about that. We've got some salacious politician stuff for you, some scandalous news and whatnot along the way. But first we begin with The Daily Dumbass. Matt, graphic, please. Tonight's D.D. Joe Biden for showing just how crooked he is by using the Justice Department to throw his own son.

in prison. Income. So we think that this is just the tip of the iceberg. We think there are many more crimes. And my concern is that Weiss may have indicted Hunter Biden to protect him from having to be deposed. Yes. In the in the oversight video Wednesday. Indicted him to protect him.

Yes, the classic rubric. He indicted him to protect him. I got it. Well, look this whole, this, Jake, this whole. thing's been about a cover-up. You know, you've got two serious concerns to protect him, to cover it up. Look, you indict him on the least little thing, the gun charge and not paying tactics. He's facing like 17. The least little thing. Yeah, but looks what he's done. Anybody else. Yeah, but look what he's done. So that's, uh, that's all Comer, um, James Comer, um,

noted dumb ass Republican congressman, uh, people taking the calling him, Comer Powell on the internet, which hits for me quite well. But he's the one leading the charge against Hunter Biden and doing a not super good job of it. I don't know how much of that you've kept up with, but like a couple weeks ago, he had this, he had a new bombshell to drop in the Hunter Biden investigation. He'd blown the whole thing wide open. And what it ended up being was they found evidence that Joe Biden had made like three

truck payments for, no, Joe Biden bought a truck for Hunter Biden and Hunter Biden paid him back for it after that. And that was the whole thing. Well, but Hunter's gotten some, you know, some more serious charges this time. He's been charged with nine criminal counts of failing to pay your taxes. And that don't hear for them. I've always heard they don't generally like that when you do that. I was about to say, why ain't this Comer dude like coming to bat for Hunter on the gun charge and the taxes thing?

You know what I'm saying? I've already forgotten the exact details of the gun charge and how it worked, but it was basically, it was the type of thing that like any hardcore to a person would be on his side 100% if he wasn't Hunter Biden, you know. Of course. And these new indictments, they unveil a cornucopia of vice from Hunter Biden. Like, they show that instead of paying his taxes show, he instead spent lavishly on things like sex, drugs, porn, cars, luxury hotels, just hitting like a motherfucker, you know. He's only cool Democrat left.

I know, right? Right. That's what's always funny to me about Hunter Biden. Any time he comes up from them is they always, it's sort of like Christians when they talk about the devil. They always make him sound rad as hell. You know what I mean? He literally sounds like a rapper, dude. Like young thug has verses about doing exactly this, not paying your taxes and fucking, you know, just getting all drug and hoard up instead. I hate to say this because we were just talking about how cool it sounds, but he also sounds a little bit like top repubes. Republican candidate Donald J. Trump, like, that is the shit that he was doing. And now, granted, you know, we were all like, look at this shit. But here's the difference between us, though. Hunter's not running for president. If Hunter was running for president, we would have a couple issues with the gun thing and the tab. We would have issues with these, but he's not. And that's kind of in my thing the whole time is like, look, man, if we find out that this $800,000 he spent on pussy came out of my wallet somehow, all right, set it up. Me and Hunter, go. But if not, if it just came out of his own personal hit slush fund, I mean, I say more power to you. I mean, you know, well, if you look at it, if you look at it like if he ought to be paying for taxes, paying taxes instead of paying for hookers, then, you know, it sort of did come out of everybody's hot a little bit because that's how taxes ostensibly are supposed to work. But he was like, some of it, he was like trying to write off on his taxes. Some of this,

Like some of his hooker and blow stuff. Like, he tried to write off a $1,500 charge that took place at a strip club. And on the basis of purchasing artwork, it says here, $1,500 Vimmo payment on August 14th, 2018. That payment was to an exotic dancer at a strip club. The defendant described the payment in the VIMO transaction as being for artwork. The exotic dancer had not sold him any artwork. Now, hadn't she? That's what I was about to say.

I was going to, that's exactly what I was going to ask you. Like, you know, who's to say that that isn't art? Dancing is not an art form. I thought that was a kind of general consensus that dancing was like part of the, you know, the artistic realm. And, you know, it is. Like, not all art you get to take home with you. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you come see us December 14th through the 16th at Zanis in Nashville, tickets at traycrouter.com, we are presenting you with our art.

The only difference is our art, unlike when you buy a painting, disappears. the moment you pay for it and you don't walk out the door with it. And I would have to say that an exotic dance, it falls into the same thing that we do. Yeah. You said unlike a painting, do you remember or did you see that time that Banksy, being Banksy,

he sold a painting and then the guy bought it. And as soon as the money went through at the auction or whatever, the frame, like, fired up and just shredded the whole painting and dropped it out on the floor in front of him, And it was, oh, Banksy, he's a card, ain't he? He is a card. We actually talked about that on an episode of our hit podcast putting on airs, which you can get wherever you get your podcast.

But yeah, I loved that. Yeah, it did hit. So anyway, also the prosecutor said that some of this misconduct covered these new charges for Hunter Biden occurred, quote, well after he had regained his sobriety, which I didn't even know that he had done. He was done. Yeah. I hadn't been the impression.

I got me. Anyway, their point being that, like, you know, his contention is that his, you know, his drug addiction fueled most of his most insane behavior. Right. And so they're saying, no, hell, he was sober when he was doing it. And again, if that's true, good Lord. Like, you know, he goes even harder. Right.

Dude, if you're fucking, like, racing down the Vegas strip with two hookers. and they're going 140 miles an hour and not paying your taxes and shit while stone cold sober unreal that's wild that is very wild yeah uh but one thing sort of seemed to flew in the face of the notion that he had been sober during all this they found some of his uh his search history and in addition to a lot of porn stuff whole lot of porn stuff which i mean hey hell who among us but also uh they found a search on duck duck go He searched on Duck, Duck, Duck, Go, the words round yellow pill 230 imprint C. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

That is a Vipercocet. It's a 10 milligram oxycodone. Ah, fuck. I hadn't done it in a while. And, you know, I was stunned that he needed to do that. To me, that proves that he's not a drug taker. He didn't know, right? He's looking at this, he finds this pill.

He's thinking it's one of his vitamins because he's sober, trying to live a good life now. He sees it and he's like, whoa, before I take this, I probably better check to make sure that it's not a narcotic because I don't put narcotics into my body anymore. And then as you can see, immediately afterwards, he

jerked off to Blair Ivory. Yeah. Were you, uh, is that, is that a, is that a personal favorite of yours show or? Not familiar with. Okay. Well, the way you said that, the way you said the name, it made it sound like there was some familiarity there. No, I was doing it.

Yeah, no, yeah, but I also don't see, I mean, he had like multiple Google searches for just the word girl. And that's weird. That is weird. I don't care for that. You're going to need to do more than that, you know. And then a lot of the other things he put in were way, way, way more specific. I don't know. An odd duck is Hunter Biden.

As Democrats, we have been accused of needing to know the definition of what a girl is. So maybe that would be if that's why he was Googling it because he genuinely didn't know the definition of a girl because, yeah, because he's a godless lefty. And in case you're wondering how weird all this Hunter Biden stuff has gotten on the other side, Fox News brought on an expert commentator to weigh in.

Sammy the Bull Gravano noted murdering psychopath from the mafia. Yeah, he's, yeah, you know, he was like a mafia hitman. or a heavy or whatever the hell. Yeah, dude. Known to have killed at least 19 people. So you know about Sammy the Bull or Sammy the rat? He's got a, yeah, Sammy the rat for sure.

He's got a, he's got a podcast that on occasion I fuck with. And it's, yeah, basically him talking about how, you know, he used to murder. And that's about it. And like, what kind of fashion are we talking about? He talks about it. Does he talk about it like, oh, those were the days. yeah yeah yeah so like it's so basically what he's got another i haven't listened in a while but he's got another guy with him that like he's sort of his co-host but really what he's doing is like

it's sammy sort of like telling his biography through podcast so when the first couple episodes to listen to like this guy is kind of like probing him and like let's start here and let's start here and like you know this guy's kind of the pov character for us like you know we don't know mob stuff so sammy you're going to have to tell us when you're going to have to tell us when when you said that, like, you, you sent this guy packing, yeah, what does that mean here? He's like, well, you know, the guy, he did a thing and I didn't like it, so I was sent him packing, you know? Yeah, sent him back.

And is it, so is he, do he talk like that? Is he? I don't remember. Okay. I really hope he does. I was going to ask you how spaghetti-fied he was, particularly in relation to recent quarterback and phenom, Tommy DeVito and his family. I know we don't have a lot of sports fans, but I recommend you look up Tommy DeVito because

He was undraft. He was undrafted, right? Unrafted free agent who's been thrust in the starting quarterback position for the New York Giants. The only thing that makes, what makes that hit superhard is his name is Tommy DeVito. He's from Jersey. He still lives with his mom. And he is just one of the most spaghetti-ass spaghetti people you will ever meet in your life. And they kept showing his family and his agent.

And they're all like, it just, just, dude, peisons and gobble gobble. He does this when he does something good. It's like, it's wonderful. Also, when asked why he lived with his parents still, he was like, eh, it's 10 minutes from the stadium and mom has me cutlets waiting when I get home. And I was like, God damn it, I want to live with his mom. Hell yeah. So anyway, they had Sammy to bull on because, you know, they always talk about the Biden crime family.

And they're like, this guy's an expert on crime families. And it's the same thing. Yeah, right. And he basically just parroted all the same shit that he probably heard on Fox News. and then just went right back at him with it. But speaking of Hunter and extreme politics hornyness, Joe, you know anything about Nancy Mace, Republican Congresswoman, South Carolina? Nancy Mace, no.

She's part of the lunatic contingent. She was one of the eight, the crazy eights, that voted to Alce McCarthy and started that whole shit storm, and she's just, you know, real magified and wild. She got, she came on her some fire a while back, because she was at some kind of Christian conservative conference, and she made a little crack about pork in her fiancé on the stage. Oh, she can't do that.

No, they're not married. Yeah. So, yeah. Better men in the ass, lady. She got around to poophole, loophole. Get it right. Them's the rules, Nancy. Them's the rules.

Anyway, her said fiancé, a South Carolina, like, entrepreneur and rich feller named Patrick Bryant, They have since split up. She's having a rough time. They have split up. It's contentious. They're fighting over a couple of beachfront properties. They got down there in South Carolina. And in addition to this, Nancy Mace had a bunch of staff members.

I think it was like half a dozen people that worked for, like six people that worked for, all quit at the same time and walked out because they said she was real gross about stuff all the time. I still haven't seen what she looks like. I need to know. Corey's going to need to see what she looks like, Mike. Can you rectify that at some point? Get a picture of her up there. Anyway.

But I'm just saying I need my own personal disgust meter. I guess she was talking a lot of wiener and butt stuff in the office every day. And these were, I think, maybe not all of them were dudes, but a good chunk of these six staffers were dudes, like younger dudes who are like, I can't stand all this pussy talk anymore from my boss or whatever. So you know how to be pretty over the top. That's pretty rough, yeah. Yeah.

Um, anyway, Matt, it might take Matt and man. It's okay. Here we go. There it is. See, look. Hell. You know, what are you going to do? We're going to do.

I mean, unless these are like, these super like men's rights kids who are like, no, God damn it, if we can't do it, this bitch can't do it either. Like, you know what I mean? But like, I mean, God damn, like, I don't know. Look, she don't hit. I'm just saying, I've heard worse. Yeah, no, of course. She said she has a mouth like a carp. All right, we got an honorable mention for Daily Dumbass here.

You're going to like this one, show, I believe. This one, I like this one. But the dumbass is, all the troops who died on D-Day for not being brave enough to instead stand somewhere in the vicinity of Hillary Clinton. Listen to our boy, Donald Trump. This is good. But I went on to that stage just a few days later. and a general who's a fantastic general actually said to me sir I've been on the battlefield men have gone down on my left and on my right I stood on hills where

soldiers were killed but I believe the bravest thing I've ever seen was the night you went on to that stage was Hillary Clinton after what happened and then that woman asked you the first question about it and I said locker room talk it's locker room talk what the hell what are you talking like a room talk so that was not a great you know the specific context uh yes grab her about grab one by the pussy stuff so like that had just come out yeah still so wild that that just kind of never mattered at all like considering the context of it like it's fun so perfectly because like you know every republican i know i mean just hook line and sinker took it as like they were like

So you got a problem with the word pussy, you know? And it was like, that's not what anybody's mad about. But they were just like, I thought y'all were liberal. Y'all don't mind cursing and stuff like that, but he can't say pussy. And they would never get off of that. Like to them, that's what we were upset about. And they just thought we were the biggest chicken shits ever. But yeah, you're right.

I can't believe it wasn't much either. But like in hindsight, it's like, shit, that wasn't nothing. Oh, yeah. Well, no. I mean, yeah, that really portended the flood of bullshit that was to come. the whole Teflon Don shit. You just, he just,

he does so much wrongness and badness that you just can't keep up with it all. And he just overloaded you with his bullshit. But anyway, yeah, so he said that like having those, having that type come out of him saying that, and then him still taking the stage and facing down the fire breathing

dragon that was Hillary Clinton in the 2016 presidential debate, that doing that basically made him sergeant York. Well, then that, That dumbass D-Day survivor would really be proud of me and you for some of the CMT showcases that we had to do in front of five people, because I promise you, it took more fucking balls. Also, if I may for a second, one of two things has to be true, all right? If Donald either this is, he never meets these people and he completely makes it up because he never says their name, right? He never says their name.

It's always just some guy, right? Some guy. So either he's completely making it up, or he has forgotten the name of a World War II hero. So either way, fuck him. You know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. Speaking of fuck him, you heard his new scam?

It's a spinoff of a previous scam. Is it gold coins? It's got a new twist. That's not too far off. You remember his NFTs? Yeah. Well, there's an update. Hit it, Matt.

I have an all-new stunning cards, and here is the best part. I'm doing two important things for my Trump collectors. For the first time, we're creating a real physical Trump card. Purchase 47 digital cards, and we'll mail you a beautiful trading card. It is an authentic piece of the suit I wore when I took that now-famous mugshot, and it was a great suit. Believe me, a really good suit. It's all cut up, and you're going to get a piece of it.

I'll be autographing some of them. The true collector's item, this is something to give to your family, to your kids. Turn it off, Matt. Go ahead, Joe. What do you think? I've never heard, I've heard, you know, buy two, get one free. I've heard, you know, get one half off. I've never heard, buy 47, get one, deteriorated garment.

Real one, like, what's also the 47 are fake. Yeah, they're not real. They're not teeth. They don't exist in the real world. It's like, buy, by just. With one simple purchase of 47 digital pictures of me with abs, I'll send you one actual physical piece of clothing from, you know. How dumb do these people have to be to think?

Like if you go, okay, let's say hypothetically you're getting a centimeter of suit, right? There's only so much of that that can go around. Do you really think that Trump is only actually going to sell as many of those digital things? as he can allow before the pieces of his suit runs out. Like, you're not getting that fucking suit. That is not real. I mean, he definitely totally would and will do that if it becomes necessary. But those 47 cards you have to, or NFTs you have to buy,

it totals like $4,600 or something like that. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. So he's probably, and I think also if you buy all of them, you get that. And also you get to like go to Mara Lago and stuff or maybe, you know, Anyway, I don't think he'll have that many takers just out of necessity. I know that they'll give him all the money they have, but a lot of money.

Now we're running into a problem where I don't know the overlap of his type of supporters because, like, we know that it's not, everybody wants to just go, it's just the dumb asses from the South who are poor and, you know, toothless. We, like, we know that's not true. It's every, it's every version of white person imaginable is his fan base, right? but the ones with money aren't going to buy a fucking trading card like only the strike jawed yokels would be interested in this but they don't have $4,600 so who the fuck? This is middle management.

This is the only people. Michael Scott is buying this. That is exactly my read on it too. I was going to say like the people that have the people that like would be very easily capable of dropping $5,000 on these NFTs we'll just write like a campaign donation check or support some pack or something and fuck it you know what I mean they're not going to buy this shit and the people that are super into these uh yeah seems like it'd be a more of a stretch for them but Matt do you quickly

have that a picture of one of them just we could say this is what you're getting right here lightning hands he's always so shredded in these do can I tell you something you're my best friend in the world I love you I do I love you more than anything Trey and also Also, while in hindsight, I don't love him as much as I did when he was in there. I like Obama. As far as presidents go, I like Obama. However, all that being said, if I walked into your house and I saw that you had an Obama trading card that looked like that, I would make fun of you until I could not breathe

anymore. Like, I don't understand it. It makes no sense to me. Yeah, no, I agree. I mean, yeah, we generally don't do that because it's not like a cultish devotion. Right. That's the only true for like for him or like whoever is going to take in his place. Yeah, yeah, right.

Yeah, I don't know, dude. It's pretty wild. Let me ask you about this though, because you just made me, you're like, if you had an Obama thing, I'm racking my brain trying to remember where and how I got this. And also I don't even know where it is, but somewhere in my closet, I have a football jersey. that has Obama on the back of it. Like a specific team or just like a red, white and blue.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's pretty stupid. Yeah, you don't like that? I mean, that's... It's got the number 44 on it. Listen, that's better than that card because, like, at least that's a real... I would never be caught fucking dead wearing it. I could see, like, you went to a campaign rally,

they were handing them out, whatever. but like a cord. And by the way, Obama, the way that Trump looked in that picture, Obama actually has kind of looked like that in his life. Like he's been kind of swollen and looked at that. That's the problem for me. If it was a regular, like if it was actually a picture of Donald Trump, I would think it was less stupid.

But like their fascination with making him look, Jack, the only thing I like about it is that it's them admitting that how he actually looks. Don't hit. Right. Yeah, exactly. That's what I like about it. Yeah, no, somebody gave me that jersey, I'm pretty sure. But, yeah, I just remembered that I have it in there somewhere, I think.

Or maybe I've since re-gifted it. I don't know. Anyway, I'm sure that hit for whoever I gave it to if I did. But moving on getting into, like I said, the war on books continues. First of all, showing me to start with a question. What are your thoughts on the Scholastic Book Fair? Boy, let me tell you something right now, boy. Shoo-wee.

When I was in school, I was a proud member of Booket. I was a proud accelerated reader, and when that goddamn Scholastic Book Fair came, I couldn't wait. We were all so excited. There was a smell to it. You know, when you walked in and they had everything set up, there was a smell to it. I couldn't get my hands off the goosebumps. I had to have them. We would also get the, remember, they had the airplane where you learned to make a paper airplane and shit like that, draw cars and stuff.

Like, every single thing about the Scholastic Book Fair was what made being a kid fucking awesome. I am such a goddamn fan. I have fond memories of it. It was the best. Well, that is exactly what a godless groomer of a liberal like you would say, because it turns out scholastic bookfares are, in fact, of the devil. Really? Playing a major role in the deterioration of our children's minds and souls.

Is this because of a goosebumps? No, it's because of a, well, I'll just tell you. So a school board in Texas, the Conroe Independent School District, they held like a meeting or whatever people come and speak at it. And a 20-year-old woman named Lana Burkhart appeared before the school board and gave her testimony. And she testified that when she was 11 years old, she got a book at the Scholastic Book Fair called Drama. And that book introduced her to, there's a drawing in it. It's an illustrated book of two characters kissing, like a prince and princess type.

There it is. You can see it. And that picture. It's a man or woman. I don't see the problem. That picture when she was 11 led directly to her developing a crippling pornography addiction. This was the gateway kiss into all sorts of depravity online and otherwise. And it ruined this poor woman's life, she says.

She immediately started looking for. for other books that give her a similar pleasure which led to internet searches that she will quote, never forget. She says by the time she was 13 years old, her porn addiction have left her depressed and suicidal. Well, let me tell you something.

I went to them same book fairs, never once did my dick get hard when I was looking at any of them books, but I will say that my crippling porn addiction started with the currently WWE, then WWF, when Sable came out, took her top

off, and she had handprints painted on her titties. A momentous day. From Vince McMahon. They are the devil. Go after them. By the way, I'm just kidding. Not only are they a very litigious company. Also, I'm being sarcastic. That fucking picture,

again, I thought that, like, the only types of cartoons they were having a problem with is when, like, oh, there's a lesbian in the light year movie or like Velma's going queer or whatever, but like, Right. That's exactly what they've said they wanted. Right there is like that is a boy and a girl kissing. What the fuck do these people want? Well, I'll tell you exactly what they want. They want the scholastic book fair to be no more, but more specifically, they want it to be replaced with a different type of book fair from a company called Sky Tree Books, which is owned by a company called Brave Books.

Well, that's Christian. which is affiliated with Kirk Cameron. Lifeway. Are they life of? I don't know about this, but what I do know is this lady who made this testimony in front of the school board, she works for Skytree books. Like, she works directly for them. So it's like Mark pointed out in the outline, it would be like if someone testified

that Coca-Cola makes you gay and then you find out that that person worked for R.C. Cola. My name is Jerry. Yeah. My name is Jerry Pepsi. And hold on. Mark did the outline for today's show. you're so worthless man

I told him he didn't I told him he didn't have to he loved it Matt also offered to do stuff and Mark was like Matt under no circumstances do you touch that document You cannot let Tray do this

That's not what exactly But no he did it We told him not to worry about it And he fucking did it anyway And since he did it I'm using it You know But anyway So this lady works for a company

That is trying to You know Take the place of Scholastic Book with their own Christian book offerings. Everything's always a fucking grift. Furthermore, she's got that scholastic book fair that turned her into a horn dog or whatever. Turns out she also was homeschooled.

So, like, maybe her mom mail-ordered scholastic book fare options. I don't know. Also, what type of porn did she get into if that was her starting point? You know what I'm saying? It seems to me it would be a pretty far cry from. that to like gaping but holes and stuff. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, right. Like, nobody's shoving nothing nowhere's in that. All right. So this other company that wants to take the place of Scholastic Bookfares,

they offer good Christian written entertainment for our children. But it's not just Christian, of course. It's straight up right-wing propaganda. Let me tell you about a couple of the books that they offer among many, many of them. They've got a book called Elephants are not birds, all right? Well, that's just true. Yeah, well, so the book, which costs $23, follows an elephant named Kevin, as he learns that even though he can sing, that does not make him a bird. Oh, I get it. And the villain of the story, a vulture named Culture. Oh, my God.

Yes. Gives the elephant a beak and a set of fake wings to convince him that he is, in fact, a bird, and then watches the elephant as he plummets out of a tree. I don't know if it's to his death, but I really hope so, just because I add to the ludicrous nature of this. But, yeah, so, yeah, I don't know what the message is supposed to be there. I mean, obviously I do to vehemently anti-trans, but yeah, I don't know. This shit. You know, at the same time, an elephant should not be jumping out of a tree.

But I don't know how that elephant got up there in the first. That's what I was about to say. Yeah, you get to that. That part doesn't make sense. Like, you have to at least make it jump off of a cliff. Like, the tree does not make any sense to me. Yeah. But, dude, like, so on the nose, the vulture is named culture.

Culture, yeah. Unbelievable. Listen to this one. They got another one called Pause Off My Canon. Okay. By Dana Loche, a former spokesperson for the NRA. Yeah, that brown-headed lady that don't hit. Yeah.

And the book, according to the website, the, you know, the Scalas, the Brave Books website, this book teaches kids the importance of the Second Amendment by following the story of Bongo, a gorilla who is shot at with a coconut cannon by a villainous hyena, okay? Bongo's friend, Bonnie, then suggests the village ban all coconut cannons as a result, but Bongo thinks it's the hyena. who are the problem, not the coconut canons. Well, here's the deal. Coconut cannons don't kill people or monkeys. Coconut canons don't kill monkeys. Hyenas kill monkeys. Well, I would offer to them this sense of logic.

You can't get rid of the hyenas. You know what I'm saying? So you've got to pick one. Much to their chagrin. Much to their chagrin. Yeah, you can't get rid of hyenas. But I would say that, in my opinion, unless it is a

a coconut cannon primarily used for home defense or hunting, a coconut cannon really has no place. And they did a really good job of honestly making their argument sound as ludicrous in the book as it is in real life. Right. Yeah. So, all right, one more quick.

Matt, you can go and start looking for some questions and comments if you want. I'm going to do this one. quickly. So there's a couple in Florida, and the dude is the chair, the husband's the chair of the Florida State GOP, and the wife is the founder, or one of the founders of Moms for Liberty. Moms for Liberty is this group of- Those cunts. Yeah, I'm aware of them. Sorry. Well, they do, and, you know, they do a lot of this book banning shit or whatever. So that couple, so it's like a don't-hit power couple, right, especially in Florida. They're under serious fire right now,

because they're being accused of sexual battery by a woman they had threesomes with routinely. So, you know, very anti-gay, these people, but apparently, you know, it don't count if it's, you know, two women's in a three-way or whatnot. By the way, I mean, you got me listening, but... Sure. Yeah, but no. They don't deny having an ongoing relationship with the lady, but they do deny. the assault I'm not going to get in this is all like just now coming out I don't well if they say they've got tape or whatever I don't know but anyway so

uh don't know the detail we ain't got to get into the gory details of what you know what's going on there's just they're purported to not hit and we'll see how it plays out but obviously they're already calling for their heads um desantis is coming after him they want them to all stop you know because it's a bad look and right as of the most recent saying that happened it seems that the lady the mom for Liberty has been

the school board there signed off 4 to 1 on a resolution demanding that she voluntarily stepped down from the post she has held for nearly a decade so let me ask you this whenever something like this happens because I got to tell you

it seems that it happens so so so so much almost the exact same situation with any of these Republican-led groups or all these people who are like claiming to be the moral majority on something, you give it time and a story like this will come out. Now, I'm going to ask you because, you know, I don't keep up with the news as much as you and Mark do. When this happens, do the, do they say, oh, these are all, this is just an attack from the other side. They're making all these things up to make us look

bad. Is that normally their argument? I mean, yeah, sometimes, you know, especially if they're saying it's like allegations that are false. Oh, it's a witch hunt. You know, I mean, that's Donald Trump's whole thing. So it's a witch hunt. They definitely go with that often. If they're caught like red-handed, usually they do some version of that sports announcer guy who. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Said, you know, Nick Castell-L. F-sler on a hot mic. And then after that, the whole, like, I consider myself a man of faith and a moment of weakness. some choices that I regret. Yeah, and that's a deep drive to left center field.

It's going to be a 4-0 ball game. Anyway, I should have never said that. I'm just wondering why they don't do that to us as much. You know what I mean? Like, you'd think, like, if that was like a viable tactic, you would think they could do that to us because in our community, it would actually affect our career. Like, it would actually matter a whole lot.

But, like, yeah. Well, because, you know, we are, we're shameless, monsters. who would stoop to such tactics and they, as you said, have the moral high ground and would never resort to any kind of chicanery. Debbie Lynn Robinson says, hit that like button. Thank you, Debbie Lynn. I always forget every week.

Smash that like button, bros. Subscribe to the channel, share, five-star review, tell your friends, all that stuff. Stephen Graham says 50 Shades of Liberty. Yeah, that would be. Hey, Amber, your wife, where did that rank on her lit? Because she loves him type of, you know, lady porn books. Was that series up there for her?

Oh, yeah. She liked 50 Shades of Gray. And it's funny, my wife, because I remember one time I was, I had read a little bit about 50 Shades of Gray. And I was like, babe, you know, a lot of that sounds like sexual harassment and bordering on rape. And she's like, yeah, it's a good book. You know, and I was like, Jesus Christ. I know what I'm doing is not hitting for you then. Hope 216 says

Mom's for threesome's got the boot because she got found out no doubt more are out there I mean yeah it's always it's always just that they got caught Jerry Cummings says hey try I ever consider a Sacramento or Chico California visit I love Sacramento the punchline's a great club

and I actually was just thinking because I was in San Francisco recently and some people drove there from Sacramento and I was like damn I need to go back to San Sacramento I've got a buddy who's from Chico that's the only thing you know what i'm trying to think of one thing i know a guy from chico that's that's it i hear it's a lovely place i've never heard of chico in my life but it sounds awesome yeah he said it was

kind of like uh it's uh he said it was like sort of like hippie-ish um type california people my brain went straight to mexican but sure right yeah i hear you get for me harder honestly than california that's how a lot of california is honestly you know right just because most of the names out here are Spanish-Ean nature, and yet some of those places, super white. Lisa Gungingham-Daich, sorry, I'd butcher that.

Lisa Guggenheim, dach, hell of a name, says, try Davis, Trey. Yeah, no, they got a UC there. You see Davis. Damn, there are other places in California, huh? I should go to some of them.

Lola Pudinsky says, yes, come to Sacramento. Okay, I will, guys. I'll see you in there at some point. I'll tell me agent to Micket Hop. Okay, Jason has come to say a lot of Sacramento. Hammering the old Sacramento.

I know Matt, I don't know what Matt's vested interest in having us me go to Sacramento is, but he seems to be pretty in favor of it. Typically, this is the part where Matt would also put up a comment about how hard he hits. Yeah. Now, I know. Well, he used to also have things about me, too. And I know I went hard this episode, but it's just like trying to get trade in Sacramento. Speaking to me going hard, by the way, since we can't get off Sacramento,

I would like to tell everybody to go to bonus cori.com that if you liked me this episode, if you liked the thing that I did at the top, if you like my writing and stuff, go to bonus cori.com and I do stuff over there. Anyways, back to this. Matt, you got anything besides Sacramento? DeBela Robinson says, Matt is working hard. Yeah, we know. Indeed he is. Always working hard. Matt is awesome, says Lola Podinsky. Okay, Matt, you think you cute, huh?

Mm-hmm. He do. He do. Yeah, I was going to ask. You said it's bonuscori.com, but if anybody's been around for a while, they can still use any of the previous 14 URLs you had as well, right? He changes the name of his website every other month, it feels like. Well, it's not that I'm changing the name of my website.

I just have a bunch of directives, you know. It's just domain. It's bonuscori.com. You can also go to part-time. funnyman.com. Corey writes for you. Cory writes for you. Dot com.

Yeah. You can go to all the... I got more. I just can't remember what all they are. I signed up for Corey's newsletter. Good stuff.

Thank you. Thank you, Just Jucka. Just Jukka. Yeah. Don't mind me. I'm just Jukkah. That's it. Just doing some Jukkah stuff.

Yep. Classic Jukkah. Oh, you got your Christmas shopping done? All done, buddy. We drew names this year, greatest thing our family has ever fucking done. You're not kidding.

You really do have it all done? Yeah. Because I only had one person to get for it. Because like I said, our family drew names. It was fucking awesome. Oh, yeah. You know, I haven't done. The real important time of year is my mom's birthday is the day after Christmas,

which means that she perpetually gets shit on by everyone. Because by the time it's her birthday, everybody's like worn out. They've got Christmas fatigue. So I always, and I get it. But like, because of that, I always try to go. like extra hard for mom. You know what I mean? So like that's really the shocking I got to get done.

Yeah, because one of my sons has a birthday right after Christmas and I always felt pretty bad about it. But we're going to do. I couldn't help when he popped out. I mean, I guess I could have with foresight. But, you know, that wasn't how I was rolling at the time. Right. Yeah, exactly.

Mike on YouTube says Christmas is easy when you don't practice it. Well, I assume it is, Mike. And if you're, you know, you could be Jewish. You could be a Fonzoferler. or you could just hate God and stuff. Lisa Guggenheim-Daich says drawing names is awesome. It truly is. We've never done it, but man, it was great.

Do you feel like it puts any kind of like additional pressure on you since you's only that one gift? And so, like, if that gift don't hit, because, man, my gifts oftentimes go over like a lead balloon. No, that's just because Katie's a bitch. Like, that ain't nothing on you. You're a great gift giver. You've given me gifts all the time and every single one of them hit. But no, I don't feel the pressure because. Like, the person that I drew, I would have also been getting something for them this year anyways.

And, like, I know what they like. Like, my point is, like, I've been getting gifts for everybody and I knock it out of the park all the time. So, like, no, now that I just narrowed it down to one, like, I could really get him to hook up. Edward Westerfield said, you're a good son, Corey. He's commenting on your politeness, everything right as you were saying that Katie is a bitch. Just so everybody knows, he would have said that in front of Katie. Yeah, right, exactly. I know her like that.

It's totally fine. Yeah. I also want to make Paige cry because that's my sister. Because of y'all listening, don't know, because I bought her a real nice peacoat, but it was a large, and she thought that meant I thought she was fat. Because she was pregnant at the time, weren't she? No, no. There's years ago, years ago.

Large is your normal size. I know for a, for a coat, I feel like you want a coat to be a little bit bigger, right? Coats and hudies and stuff, you get like a size up, I thought. You know how sensitive I am about my weight? If you got me an extra large sweatshirt, I'd be like, hell yeah, that's exactly. Like, I'm a large in most things, but like sweatshirt, fucking A, extra large. Guest House Rider says the house decorations looked awesome,

and Corey's vids via the newsletter. I believe I put out the video of me and my mom, a cooking sweet potato pie, which also appeared on an episode of putting on airs. I gave it to them early on my newsletter. That's just one of the perks you get for being at bonus Corey. com baby jovino says cori's newsletter is dope there you know you heard it here y'all go to cori go to boniscorri.com uh also go to weekly skews.com slash more and sign up for our patreon if you want some bonus

skews episodes go to tray crowder dot com check out our upcoming dates if you're anywhere near nashville tennessee come see me corey and drew this weekend otherwise when i come near you hopefully sacramento before long yuns couldn't see me go to trade crowder dot com you can find a link to our book around here and over yonder on the website as well and listen to our other show not political at all silly talk about fancy shit putting on airs check it out that's it for me core you have any that's right yeah i just you know i'd already mentioned my newsletter uh but i to tell anybody who's still on the fence i'm currently working on a southern adaptation of charles dickens classic a christmas carol that will be released exclusively on my substack which you can find at bonus

Corey.com. Fart. There we go. All right. Thank you, as always, Joe, for filling in for Mark. We very much appreciate it. And thank y'all for watching. You keep coming back on skews days, and we will too. We'll see you next week. Love you, bye.