Weekly Skews - Weekly Skews - 1/30/24 – Borderlands of Insanity

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

Well, Skewers, things are getting pretty wild (and secession-y) down there around the southern border as the conversation around immigration policy continues to escalate. We’ll talk about that, the true dangers of a Taylor Swift Super Bowl, White House drug parties, and more, on tonight’s Skews. Join us. Support the show

what's up everybody welcome back happy skews day to you it's january 30th 2024 i'm tray that's mark a happy early birthday to my wife katie whose birthday is coming up very soon but yeah hey mark how you doing good buddy i'm i'm so viewers i'm laughing because right before he came on tray was trying to work out all the different right wing groups by the relationship to like sex and jerking off. It's like, oh, well, the Andrew Tate thing is like being alpha to get laid, but in sales don't get laid, but do they want to get laid or, but also the proud boys, you can't jerk on.

I was thinking, like, you can pretty much break down every way we can cycle by the relationship to how they feel about when and where they can come. A hundred percent. The main thing is women can't. Exactly. Right. Yeah, no, I mean, yeah, I do think for so many of those right, when I just think, that ultimately a lot of it comes down to because they almost all of them I feel like super

hate women and there's like this in-cell thing at the I feel like it's because they have trouble with women and they don't understand why and they blame women instead of understanding that they're driving women away by being the way that they are they take the wrong you know lesson away from it all but I think that like with most things where men are involved I think a lot of that comes down to you know getting laid or not and the reasons thereof and it drives these dudes insane. I don't want to be reductive, but, you know. Do you remember that, like, that book the game blew up,

and then there was, like, the pickup artist, like, so I read the game. Negging and all that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But that's just negging, like, those guys don't understand how to be charming. Negging is just flirting, like, mildly roasting someone as a way to be funny. It's like, it's, like, it's, they made up this whole, like, vocabulary for just, like, normal stuff.

But the big thing among pickup artists, all their opening lines are basically just, like, shortcuts to asking women questions about things. women want to talk about. So it's like, you just haven't to have an instruction manual to talk to women by talking to women about stuff women like talking about it. It's like, that's just being a human being,

like to asking someone a question and listening to their answer. Holy shit. And didn't that dude, didn't the, the game guy, the pickup artist guy at least one of them? Didn't he like wear like a cat in the hat hat and stuff like that or one of his compatriots dead or something?

I just remember him looking really stupid. Yeah. It's called peacocking. to get attention. Okay. So that guy forget his name, but he just went in having the VH1 talk show. But yeah, his whole thing was doing magic tricks for girls because it was just like a way to get a conversation to start. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

We're way off the off. So we've got a good show. We're going to talk about stuff going on at the border. Some crazy fuckery happened in Congress. Secession type shit happening on the border. And also another stupid-ass truck convoy that's already falling apart in pretty hilarious ways. You might remember the truckers, the anti-act. truckers in Canada. Well, America's got their own breed who just want to kill some migrants.

So, good news, some good news stuff where we get to the show. Ben Shapiro made a rap video. Is that good news? I mean, that sounds like terrible news for rap and videos and music in general. Yeah, to me. It's so bad. I couldn't even subject the viewers to it. It's just fucking awful. Not just like, because I don't like Ben Shapiro's whole thing. It's just bad music, like the beats bad. It's just awful. So I haven't seen it, but I got so like. it is this it's ironic like no it's not he made a rap video like trying to make a good rap video that's insane to me yeah the hubris involved with that decision absolutely blows me away he basically does a guess verse and some other like maga rappers kind of thing where there's

talking about like how facts don't care about your feelings he's like talking about how he invests his money unlike megan the stallion who weighs hers on like on full bling or what it's like it's like okay shut the fuck up uh it's i went to number two on itunes between brittany spears and justin timberlake so uh do with that what you will these people will listen to the worst shit in the world just to troll us i'm like i don't you're not impacting me at all i don't give you question number two go good for you uh in real life good news the irs is finally rolling out its direct file pilot program um which is good because then we talked about it before like the rules saying you had to use turbotax is basically

just a Intuit bribed fucking Congress to make that a rule that you couldn't just directly follow the federal government electronically. So like this is just, I think we all have a vague sense that the American economy is like 80% scam at this point

and having the government not be involved on one of those scams is good. So that's good. It's just a pilot program. It can't handle everybody yet. And I stopped to have an accountant because I'm incorporated because show business is stupid.

But if people will have a, you know, easy, like what do you get, 1040 easy or whatever. This is easy as shit. And they'll hopefully be ready to, for everyone to use. it by next year until you know trump gets elected and can't right nooks it yeah yeah uh so it's a fun story um so there's a big like invest like like a uh investigation into what the

hell the white house medical office was up to during the trump years and before when ronnie jackson was in charge of it turns out they were just handing out pills like michael jackson's doctor um like there's a there's a money aspect of this as part of the scandal that i don't really care about but basically they were instead of spending money on generics they spent like uh like 170 times more drugs they spent on like name brands or 175 times more more expensive than the generic equivalent so uh another pill i got was 55 times more expensive than the generic equivalent that's just normal government way shit but i'm more interested in why that they they fucked up records keeping i'm sure they fucked up the records keeping they didn't want anyone to find the records

but like they were head out scheduled two drugs like fentanyl hydrocodone and morphine and oxy uh this a clinic that doesn't do procedures with moderate sedation, but they're heading out like extreme quantities of all these fucking like hardcore party drugs. So I'm not surprised that the White House has their own pharmacy. I'm not surprised by that at all. But like, if you work in the White House, can you just go to this counter and be like, hey, I need some oxy because my knee, you know how my knee is? Or like, do they also have White House doctors that you go to first?

that then are the doctors in the pharmacy. Like, I don't know. I'm kind of fascinated by all that this whole thing works. I always have been because it's like I've always had real bad luck with doctors. I don't want to just be handed any pill anytime, but I've always managed to find the doctors who are like, they're like, yeah, I'm kind of a minimalist when it comes to prescribing medication. I'm like, well, and I don't really know what we're doing here because I'm on desk door

and I want some fucking cough syrup and you won't give it to me. So like these mythical doctors that I know exist at the highest levels of society. that you come in there's like yeah whatever you won't I'm not surprised they're in the White House but it does kind of fascinate me like how that works yeah yeah I mean like like Ronnie Jackson is a medical doctor usually you have

usually have military doctors doing all this shit but like so like I didn't realize like so the people in charge of running the drug war telling the rest of us that we're fucking deviant if we take substances they they say are bad for us I have it here's a McQuil a free hand handing out provigil and ambient because like I guess

the White House travel schedule is pretty brutal for a lot of people, right? You're in like 14 different time zones in six days. So they're taking uppers and uppers to get up and downers to sleep. And I'm like, I get that. But you're also cutting everybody else's like ADHD medicine. Yeah, like the government's cracking. Yeah. So we can't have our uppers, but you can have yours. So fuck that. Anyway, I agree. I agree completely. I travel all the goddamn time too. You know what I'm saying? Let me go into the doctor be like, I travel all the time. Give me a shitload of uppers and downers, please.

And again, I'm in Hollywood. You'd think those doctors would be all over the place. Not in my experience. Lord knows I've tried. No, but yeah. So, yeah, it is a little unfair, a little hypocritical. But that's how, you know, that's just how it works. If you're at the, if you're at the upper echelons of this hellscape, then everything works

differently for you. But apparently the party's over at Joe Biden's White House. So at least he's not a hypocrite. He's anti-drugs for everybody. including to his own staff's detriment. So there we go. Well, at least there's that, I suppose. It is weird that they, yeah, like, you know, ketamine fentanyl and, you know, morphine and shit that they were all just dishing that out too.

That's wild because it's like, so we're like some of the joint chiefs of staff just like zonked out and fucking with the nods and shit and meetings and stuff because that stuff is hardcore, dude. All of those things are pretty hardcore. core you'd be like we have people running the free world out of their goddamn minds uh on that good white house uh if you found out like say if the CIA was cooked out of their mind and this and the state department all had like a dope lien wouldn't that make the world make sense yeah especially the coke part yeah all right well let's continue producer mad is with us doing his thing he hopes you like the new graphics and whatnot and uh yeah this is weekly skews before we go on I want to remind you of a few things.

Number one, if you'd like to see me do stand-up comedy on a stage, live and in person, go to Trey Crowder.com. Check out my upcoming 24 dates. We're adding more all the time. I hope to see y'all out there. Trey Crowder.com. Also on Treycrowder. com, me and Corridor, have a book around here and over yonder.

It's a comedic travel guide. Check it out. You can get the audio book, too, which we read, like some dummies, you know, with our accents. I mean, really dumb it up. It's fun. And then lastly, if you enjoy this program and would like to show your support support. You can do so by signing up on Patreon. You go to weekly skews.com

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a shitload. There's a shitload of bonus episodes of skews out there that you guys haven't seen if you haven't been a patron. So get some more skews in your life. Check it out. All right. As for the show tonight, as Mark mentioned up top, we're going to be talking about how things are going at the border. Spoiler, not great. A little secessiony getting pretty wild down there. It's interesting stuff, and we'll get into it a little later, but we've got plenty more to talk about before then.

And we'll start with the Daily Dumbass, Matt, graphic, please. Do you hear about it? Dysopia dumbass. I love it. Yeah, right. All right, tonight's D-D, the San Francisco 49ers, for being doomed in the forthcoming Super Bowl because they couldn't get Olivia Rodriguez to date their quarterback Brock Purdy. Listen to what Fox News is talking about, football-wise.

We have had enough of Taylor Swift for now, but here's the facts. Chiefs are going to the Super Bowl, and now there's an online plea circulating that is begging people to become Niners fans for the next two weeks. Just so it doesn't raise Travis Kelsey. a.k.a. Mr. Pfizer's star power, along with, of course, Taylor Swift, because it is so scary. There was a recent poll. One fifth of Taylor Swift fans said they would back whichever candidate that she endorsed. Honest, a lot of her fan base are 15-year-old girls who can't vote anyways. A lot of the others are already liberal women who would support the DNC no matter what. But there's a lot of other people who need to be careful because she doesn't do what she says. Like, for example, the other day, yesterday, she flew private from New York City to Baltimore.

Yet she constantly talks about climate change. She's got Fox News. Like, you can cut it, bad. So Fox News ran a literal story about how like her jet has too much carbon emissions when she flew into Baltimore. Right.

Like that Fox News complaining about fucking climate change. So, so if you don't follow right wing media, first of all, say a prayer of thanks to fake Jesus. But they are obsessed with fucking Taylor Swift. And like there's like a pap all take out there. There's,

annoyed, but women being involved in football at all. So, like, people are so furious Taylor Swift is sitting in the stands these games. Someone did the math. She was on the screen for, like, 11 total seconds on Sunday. So, like, during the game. It's not, like, that big of a fucking deal, but whatever. So, but the right-wing media is jinned up with all this conspiracy theories

about, like, Taylor Swift being a government asset. And it's, like, a ploy to, like, manipulate young people to vote for Joe Biden or something. And they just made this all up out of thin air. She did endorse Biden in 2020, but, like, I, yeah, We'll get to how impactful that might be in a minute. But here's the me quote of Vivek Ramoswamy. I wonder who's going to win the Super Bowl next month.

And I wonder if there's a major presidential endorsement coming from an artificially culturally propped up couple this fall. Just some wild speculation over here. Let's see how it's ages over the next eight months. So a lot of people think that he's going to propose at halftime and then they're going to announce Joe Biden, which is like, have you ever watched fucking football? Dude, that would be wild.

Half time with the Super Bowl. First of all, I think they've got some other stuff going on. But if they're going to have him. proposed to her and then when she says yes they stand up and we endorse Joe Biden for president in 2024 like I kind of want to see that happen just for the

the fucking aftermath of it because that would be truly insane Travis Kelsey like he's not going to be worried about proposing in a halftime he's going to be they have 15 minutes well it's longer because the Super Bowl halftime show at us should perform but he's got a few minutes to pee get his ankle taped up and get yelled at for missing blocks

with Nick Bosa right that's basically what halftime is so But there's also this is a weird civil war among conservatives over this take because guys like Vivek think that the government has it rigged for the chiefs to win to elevate their profiles so they can endorse Biden. Whereas the race science dudes love Patrick Mahomes. Like this guy named Steve Seiler is all of this take. He's like one of those right wing eugenesis types who talks about like race and IQ and stuff.

And so he thinks it's genetically termined that the chiefs are going to win. So these guys are all fighting with each other. He thinks, like, Patrick Mahomes is genetically the perfect quarterback, but because he got his athleticism from his black father, but his intellect and arm strength from his white mom. Yeah. Arm strength? That's a word bull right there.

I've never before heard, yeah. I grew up in the South, in the fucking 90s and 2000s. I remember, like, the black quarterback thing being, like, debated on ESPN and prime time and stuff. So, like, I've heard the take about, I literally, my high school girlfriend, her stepdad said once. He was like, it's just their brains. They just can't, you know, like the whole, like, oh, you need a, you know, you need a, like a scientist out there, like Peyton Manning or whatever. And that's a white guy thing. So, like, I'm not surprised to hear that modern day racists are making that argument about, you know, Patrick Mahomes.

But yeah, the arm strength stuff, that's pretty wild. But this is all, this is all hard for me. tough for me because I'm conflicted in so many directions here because like I've always liked Taylor Swift. I'm not just saying that. I don't like listen to her music all the time, but I've had many arguments with our buddy Drew, drunken arguments about how Taylor Swift does in fact hit. I've always been a Taylor Swift defender before she even got political and then she got political and it had to do with Tennessee and she went after Marshall Blackburn. They had a little feud loved that shit. I've made videos about it. Big Taylor fan. But I fucking hate the Kansas City

chiefs so much. I'm a huge football fanatic to a point that to a degree that makes me ashamed of myself, honestly, during the fall every year, how much I care about it. And I hate the chiefs, and I have forever. And so, like, I cannot root for the chiefs. I also kind of hate the 49ers, though. But, like, this is, knowing that Fox News has launched, like, a campaign to make people back the 49ers in this Super Bowl, that's what I'm saying. That's. That's. makes me want to cheer for the chiefs but I hate the chiefs so much so like I know I was about saying I'm not even going to watch it but I'm definitely going to watch it but this this Super Bowl is just really shaping up to not hit for me everything about this I'm a cowboys fan so I never

have any rooting interest past the first round of the playoffs so right they make it to the playoffs buddy yeah I still I still watch and you can watch that rooting interest as hey to see you're not shows and watch some cool football. So, but like, okay, let me quote here Newsmax host,

Greg Kelly. They're elevating her to an idol, this is idolatry. This is a little bit of what idolatry, I think looks like. They're not supposed to do that. In fact,

if you look it up in the Bible, it's a sin. I don't have to look up the Bible, buddy. I know that the idolatry is a sin. That's like one. It's like the first commandment. But, but tell about who's obsessed

with Taylor Swift. Who's elevator into an idol or a totem anyway. Since Sunday's game, Fox News.com has published at least 15 articles about Swift. It's funny. You know, most of those articles are talking about how, like, they keep showing her. Why do they keep showing her?

You're like, she don't have nothing to do with football. Like, they're artificially making it about her. And they've got 15 articles about that, you know, which is inherently making it about her. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty typical. I mean, Swift hasn't even endorsed Biden for reelection yet. But like, but so, but Trump's campaign is leaked word that if she does so, they'll declare a, quote,

holy world on her. If she backs Biden in 2024? I don't know what a Trump administration could do to Taylor Swift, but... Nothing. Right. Nothing at all. Nothing. There's nothing anyone can do to Taylor Swift, dude.

If the entirety of the American, like, Christian conservative sphere came out against Taylor Swift, I think you would have, like, some 15-year-old girls in the Bible Belt. Stop believing in God. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like, I genuinely think that that would happen. in that scenario. So, like, they can't do shit to Taylor Swift, man. So let me quote here from the Rolling Stone.

This will hit for you. As rumors of Taylor Swift back in Biden, 2024 Swirled, Trump probably claimed that he is, quote, more popular than Swift, and then he has more committed fans than she does, which in the sense that, I was going to say, in the sense of people willing to kill for him might be true, but I don't even know if that's fucking true.

I don't know yet, dude. Yeah, like, yeah, you're right. Oh, in terms of, like, fanaticism, like, and, you know, and how, how the links to which they'll go then maybe Trump but then you, I mean, look at the Swifties man. They're fucking, they go pretty hard. You're, they'd line up.

They'd go to hell and back for Taylor Swift. They'd absolutely kill for Taita if she told them to. There's no doubt about it in my mind. I just ask some actual data for you. A Newsweek poll was at least on Sunday that says up to 18% of voters, not Swift fans, 18% of voters could be swayed

by Taylor Swift and Dorothy. Yeah, that's wild. If Jesus Christ himself came down and told people to vote for Joe Biden. He would not move 18% of voter. Right. But like the degree to which Fox News has been doing this for like weeks on end has been insane. Jesse Waters did a whole segment a couple weeks ago floating the idea that Taylor Swift is a CIA asset that like her fame came out of nowhere, which is insane because she's been out there doing it for like 15 years. Long time. That, uh, that, uh, he based upon this idea is a, uh, is there, at a NATO conference,

you were talking about influence operations and someone, they used her as example of a powerful influencer. As we drew the conclusion there, obviously, she must be an influencer op. So, but the DOJ had to, like, respond to this. I started the Department of Defense. They did this in the corneous way possible. Pentagon spokesworth

and Sabrina Singh pushed back against Waters' claim, referencing one of Swiss big hits by saying in a statement, as far as for this conspiracy theory, we were going to shake it off. Did she like pause and then give a like an over-the-top wink when she said it? We're going to just shake it off.

Huh? Did you get that? Did everyone get that? It's like the song she sings. You guys get that? It gets worse, buddy. Like, it's like they were full on elbowing and the ribs and get it. But that does highlight that we stood in Congress to approve our supplemental budget request as swiftly as possible so we can be out of the woods with potential fiscal concerns. I wish you would grant the administration's supplemental budget request.

So if you know where you're music, there's like 15 song titles of pun to that. But anyway, like that kind of hits for me. I kind of like that. It is definitely very corny, but it's like, I feel like that's the type of response that this, you know,

calls for. Do you know what I mean? The whole thing is so inherently absurd and silly that having that response to it, I don't know. I kind of like it. I kind of dig that. Yeah.

So we talked about like how like when her ticket sale, when her tickets for her latest tour went on sale, the prices were so jacked up and weird. And that like it led, to congressional hearings of possible government action regulating ticket master. Well, over the weekend,

somebody made an AI porn of Taylor Swift and it was going around social media and it raised the, made a bunch of people more aware of like the fucking dangers of AI. It also got Twitter to actually do content moderation the first time since Musk bought it. So she might be our most successful political activist,

even though she didn't do anything. She was just a victim of some shit or fans of the victims of some shit. I tell you, I've had conversations over the years, you know, whatever, just drunken or high. conversations about how, like, talking about the Beatles or Elvis or people like that, just like these larger than life personalities we used to have all the time back in the day

and how, like, you know, is that even possible anymore for somebody to be that big? Because of how, like, because of the internet and how many, you know, how niche-fied fandoms and stuff can be, shout out to the skewers out there, by the way. Like, this would not have been able to exist for most of comedy or entertainment history. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, and now they do. So, like, it's so segmented and compartmentalize that it just didn't seem possible that someone could reach that level anymore.

I always thought. And so, like, I kind of, for me, it's sort of like watching Tom Brady in the latter part of his career or something. It's like, I didn't think we'd ever see anything like this again. And here we are. Like, this is wild. Like, she's on a level of, she's like up there on that level with those all-timers. And I didn't think we'd ever have anything like that again.

So that's pretty nuts. Yeah. And Kyris, it shouldn't take Taylor Swift for you to do it, but you need to ban AI-generated sexual content right fucking now because women are already being victims of this revenge porn shit by people using plug-in-play apps that just exist on the Internet to grab women's Instagrams and make revenge porn with them. Yeah, and it's not just Taylor Swift either.

I mean, like you just said, like I just saw a post on Reddit this week from just a, you know, non-famous. famous regular woman, American civilian, who her ex-boyfriend used AI to make some kind of like porn video of her or something that wasn't real. And she posted it. And the whole post was about how like she tried to have some sort of recourse for it and was just turned back by everybody. Like the cops and everybody was like, there's nothing we can do.

Sorry. Like we can't do anything about that. Right. Yeah, exactly. So there's a law because Congress is all 87 years old. They don't understand it. Right. And this stuff is dead.

And it's not totally their fault because even if they were trying to pass the loss, like, it's happened so fast. Yeah, right. And they're slow to begin with. So, yeah. All right. Well, speaking of Congress and all that stuff, our honorable mention for Daily Domit says, Nancy Pelosi, you don't remember her for not giving it up to Putin for being right about something for once. This is a pretty wild video. They're in front of my house all the time.

So I have a feeling for what feelings they have. But we have to think about what we're doing. And what we have to do is try to stop the suffering and gossip. This is women and children. People don't have a place to go. So let's address that. But for them to call for a ceasefire is Mr. Putin's message. Mr. Putin's message.

Make no mistake. This is directly connected. So she was also talking about the protests in the first. of her house like earlier today or yesterday or something uh people were at telling her call for a ceasefire and she said go back to go back to china where your headquarters is so is it russia or china nancy or are people just seeing a flood of horrifying stories right from gaza being like it doesn't show up in a lot of american mainstream news but you can find stories about the awful shit that's going on yeah the implication that like the implication that just like wanted

people to stop being wantonly slaughtered, you know what I mean? Civilians, women, and children and stuff that wanting that is like makes you a pawn of Russia or something is super insulting. Like, it's crazy. Like, any rational person should

want that to happen, you know, like. It's also trapped in the same doom cycle. It's like what Vietnam war protesters were told. It's like they're being pro-communist by like not wanting to die in South Saudi Asia. It's like, so, So this stuff is incredibly frustrating, but I wanted to use this as a gateway to talk about

what's going on in the Middle East for a little bit. So three U.S. troops were killed yesterday or two days ago in Jordan. We apparently have soldiers in Jordan for some reason. And so, like, that was apparently in retaliation for us killing an Iranian and Republican Guard soldier in Iraq. So we're still killing people in Iraq, I guess. So U.S. troops have come under attack like 160 times since October. seventh in the Gulf, uh, in the Persian Gulf area. And I, like, the cycle cannot be like,

I, I guess the cost of doing business here is going to trade missiles back and forth, killing two or three guys at a time to keep from escalating it. But like, you could also just stop fucking doing that. So like, but, right, but, uh, Biden's going to respond somehow to this. And the hope, they're saying, quote, uh, they're hoping to keep it from spiraling. But like, how do you do that? Just fucking stop. Just stop. Like, it's like, this is, is absolutely fucking insane um and the the context here is like republic bloodthirsty republicans in congress like like uh senator uh tom cotton are calling for us to strike tehran again iran's three times the size of iraq right remember how poorly iraq went right this is not going to fucking

work out the way you want it to so just stop all this everybody like one reason to like try to push for Israel to go for a to have a ceasefire is so we don't get drawn into a larger conflict right so like I this is just insane me but here's a it's a fun story well it was some good news at least Iran and Pakistan were shooting each other for fucking stupid fucking reasons they finally stopped so that's good they pulled back a little bit from a escalating World War III but this so there's a story today an Iranian man in two Hells Angels are accusing a murder for hire plot in America. So this guy from Iran tried to hire two Canadian Hells Angels to kill two Iranian expats

who fled to Maryland on behalf of the Iranian regime. The guy that they tried to hire them is an Iranian drug trafficker. But he operates the behest of Iran's military ministry of intelligence and security. So the thing it was like, so the Iranian CIA also runs drugs? That's what I was thinking. found that odd and surprised. I mean, I don't know. I guess I shouldn't. But yeah, right, that a known drug trafficker works for the Iranian version of the CIA, because I thought that was, you know, ostensibly part of their whole thing. But the whole reason the CIA did that shit was because Congress cut off their funding for the weird shit they were doing in South America. But if you work for Iran, there's no, like, democratic oversight. So why do you have to get illicit funds from the drug trade? It did. Right. I don't fucking that. Probably just because there's so much money in the drug trade. I mean, don't you think? Like, it thought it all. It all. all comes back to like money and stuff and there's a shitload of money and drugs. So, you know, why not sell drugs or get in on the drug game or whatever if you're in that position, you know.

Yeah, he's probably shipping stuff straight to the White House. Yeah. All right. All right. I'm talking about the border. Is Texas going to leave this country or what, Mark? You're a former Texan. What's going to happen?

Well, I feel like they do this. every five or so years, don't they? It's like a Texas pastime to saber-rattle about leaving the country. It comes up a lot. People talk about like six flags over Texas because Texas has been a part of six different countries

or been six different countries, but that's because five of them fucking failed. I don't think people realize that that it didn't work well. Every time they try to go it alone, it doesn't fucking go well, whether seceding for Mexico or succeeding for the United States or whatever. Well, not even just Texas, but just secession in general, that's always been my,

anytime somebody starts bringing up secession, like, if there's even bits like people in California who have talked about secession in various points or whatever, and I'm always about, look, as a southerner, my opinion is that secession is not a great idea and generally does not work out well, at least in the one major example that I can think of on a countrywide scale. So I'm not... Dude, what would the nation of Alabama's economy be like? I know, right. All right.

Well, also, I saw people point out, too, and maybe you could shoot a hole in this. But, like, if Texas did secede, I'm sure they would reframe how the... I don't think it's the GOP in Texas talking about seceding right now, right? Father's border... It's not so much secession is open rebellion, but yeah, we'll take a look at that a second. Okay, but that would fuck the GOP over... hardcore, right, if Texas left, if Texas left the country, that, like, that would be a major blow to the geo-to, like, the RNC and shit. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, like, does anybody really want

it, you know, like, but anyway, go ahead. All right. So it's been a crazy week of, like, secession talk, rebellion talk. Uh, you did, do 25 or 26 states or in some degree rebellion is the federal government of immigration right now. And some of the most, some of the some of the most cynical electoral politics I've ever seen in my life. But in the background of all this, there were impeachment hearings for Secretary of Mayorkas, Department of Homeland Security today. They're trying to impeach him because Mayorkas doesn't detain every migrant at the border, but no one ever does.

I think Trump detained 52% of them. What you do is you parole them, let them go, and give them a hearing date to be processed for their asylum claim. And believe it or not, people show up because they want to be citizens here. And the system fucking works. Anyway, but if you're going to impeach Secretary of Moricus for not detaining every migrant, then you've got to impeach every fucking secretary in the history of every like immigration department. And like it doesn't make any sort of sense, but like there's no depth to their stupidity and like cynicism here.

So there's been a big negotiation going on over like a deal to like two prongs of it. Republicans want to change a bunch of immigration policy in exchange for funding Ukraine. Right. And their war against Russia. there was there was a deal in the senate for a minute then trump called around told everybody he didn't want there to be a deal we'll tell what's in the law in the bill in a second because it's like there's not much more they could have asked for or wanted except for building the stupid fucking wall or on if you've seen trump pitched the idea for building a moat with alligators in it he's

he has pitched that as an idea and that that's not in the bill but anyway so um a moat with alligators in it we already got a riffer down there. Yeah. Are there no, also, there's no alligators in the Rio Grande. We got them in Louisiana. They're close to that river at least.

I think that's, we kind of already have a moat with alligators in it if you think about it. Sure. Yeah, put piranhas in it. Why not? Sharks with laser beams. Essentially, Trump thinks he's a better chance to win the election if there's chaos

at the border. Of course. They want you to be chaos at the border. Well, it's just like he talked about, uh, on that Fox News or whatever interview recently where he was talking about how he hopes there's like a huge depression or whatever. Like he openly said, I hope the economy collapses.

Or he was like, if it does, I hope it doesn't happen on my watch. Whatever. He wants the economy to go to shit. He wants the immigration to go to shit. He openly, explicitly wants things to get really, really bad for this country because that would help him get elected in November. And he's just openly admitting to all of that. That's all he gives the fuck about, which is so wild to me.

But I guess they're totally okay with it because that really at the end of the day is what they give it. They don't care about America being great again or nothing like that. They just want to, you know, own the libs and make us pay and get their guy in there. Don't matter what the cost is. And I'm talking about the depression, the economy collapse and thing, which would make, you know, times hard for regular people like, you know, us and people that watch the show. Like the, when you talk about like not, there was like 14 billion in new funding for stuff at the border, you're not just emiserating the migrants who were stuck in hell and limbo there.

It's also a bunch of federal employees who do one of the resources to do their jobs because they're overwhelmed, right? So you're making, you're torturing them too. It's like, you're making things miserable for Americans, not just potential Americans. So let me quote here from McConnell at a Republican conference lunch last Wednesday. We don't want anything to undermine him talking about people wanting to tank the bill. Now, McConnell said he's sort of misquoted because he actually did want the bill. He's saying that's what he's hearing from his caucus members, right?

But Mike Johnson gave a press conference, he basically said, yeah, this is the case that the bill's dead on arrival in the House because Trump doesn't want it passed. And Mitt Romney went on video and went on camera and said this, that this is absolutely true that they're tanking this bill, that according to Republican point of view, would improve things in the border because Trump wants it as an issue. Here you go. Yeah. Anything to keep from doing something. You know what I mean? Like avoid doing something at all costs. Oh, no. Did the link be deleted?

Hang on now. Let's see what's going on. Oh, here we go. There it is. Do you think this is what he wants, the issue, Donald Trump? This is what he's doing this. I think the border is a very important issue for Donald Trump. And the fact that he would communicate to Republican senators and Congress people that he doesn't want us to solve the border problem because he wants to blame Biden for it is really appalling. But the reality is...

Okay. Okay. So this is just like, politicians do this shit all the time where they'd rather have the issue than solve it. But you don't go on camera and say that because it's fucking extremely cynical and psychotic. Like I don't doubt that somewhere some Democratic strategist has like been like devil's advocate here. Maybe we don't want to fix Roe v. Roe v. Right. So like it's not like what you would not do is go on camera and it's it's completely brazen to just do that.

So what the bill would have done, it was money for 1,300 more Border Patrol. agents, 375 immigration judges, 1,600 asylum officers, and over 100 inspection machines to help detect and stop fentanyl or southwest border. I have no idea if these magic fendental detection machines work, but if they do, isn't that good to stop fentanyl coming into the United States, a lot of people fucking dying of overdoses? Sure. It is.

You're right about that. As soon as you said that, the fentanyl detection machines, my mind immediately went to, like, the TSA scanners at the airports and getting updated and stuff, and it's like, those don't do anything, but I mean, you're right. But we should, we should attempt to stop fentanyl from getting into the country. We should. I'm just saying, you know. I'll check into the efficacy of these magical fentanyl sniffery, like robot nods or whatever on a future episode.

So talking about the asylum officers and immigration judges, there's a recent study from Syracuse. They've ruled a shocking drop in representation rates for like migrants from 65%, 30%. So we talk about these people not being able to be processed, stuck in limbo. hell and overworking the people that work there. That's what we're talking about. Sorry. I'm sorry, Mark. Hold on. Representation rates for, for what, for migrants? Asylum. Asylum hearings. Okay. All right. So people coming here for asylum. Right. The percentage is all them. Right. Yeah. The percentage that actually get heard, that have their case heard or whatever, drop to 65 to 30%. Yeah, they'd have a lawyer. They have somebody to help them navigate the process.

They don't, they don't speak English, right? So the bill would also require the Department of Homeland Security to shut down the border if migrant crossings increase above 5,000 per day on any given week or if the average daily encounters reach a 4,000 a day threshold in one week span. So that's being filtered in right-wing media as allowing 5,000 people a day to cross with no penalty, which is not, the Border Patrol is still trying to catch people, right? This is not, it's fucking bad faith nonsense. Right.

It would also give the president the power to close the border at his discretion. which I think is a bad fucking idea because guess what Trump's going to do on day one? Right. But this reminds, like, like, Biden probably should start operating like,

there's at least a decent chance that Trump's going to be the next president and what kind of power you want to hand him because this reminds me of like, Obama built a global like surveillance panopticon that could all be entrusted to like a benevolent philosopher king and then immediately had to hand it over to Donald fucking Trump. So,

Mark, me to be the devil's advocate here is that not a similar version of like when we talk about before about like when there's arguments in congress about getting rid of the filibuster and stuff like that and people like cinema mansion say well what y'all are not thinking about is that if we do that and then they take power we're going to be fucked right like we can't give them the option to do that in the future no it's not the same okay it's not the same i think i was going to bring this up earlier that a version of this but politics aren't symmetrical, right?

Given the executive branch, more power to do brutal evil shit is going to benefit Republicans, right? Right, because they're more inclined to do that in the first place. Yeah, right. Given the legislature more power to pass bills to help people. Right. It's going to benefit. Yeah, right.

Right. Because Republicans are not going to want to do that in the first place. Yeah, right. They can pass, because the way the Senate rules are, you can pass tax cuts with 50 votes. Yeah. All right? You need 60 to pass a bill to help people. Right.

Like, it's just not, the two things aren't, there's not the same. So a guy who's heads on the chopping block over this is Republican Senator James Langford from Oklahoma. Here's him trying to like fucking speak sense to this fuck. I mean, his version of sense. Again, this bill doesn't hit for me. Biden, Biden thinks he has to eat this shit sandwich to get funding for Ukraine and try to take people's temperature down over the border.

And then he'll spit it as a win, even though it's a shit sandwich he doesn't want to eat or just say it's delicious because he has to eat it anyway. Anyway, so here's James Lankford, who worked his ass off to get a bill he thinks is good. I disagree, but whatever. Here's here's Lankford. ...that are not being enforced. So why give him this in an election year the cover of this deal that, you know, critics say it's still going to let a lot of people in, but he gets to take a victory

lap that he's gotten something done? Yeah. Yeah, well, it's definitely not going to let a bunch of people in. It's focused on actually turning people around on it. It is interesting. Republicans four months ago would not give funding for Ukraine to. for Israel and for our southern border because we demanded changes in policy. So we actually locked arms together and said, we're not going to give you money for this.

We want to change in law. And now it's interesting a few months later, when we're finally going to the end, they're like, oh, just kidding. I actually don't want to change in law because it's a presidential election year. We all have an oath to the Constitution. I mean, there you go. Yeah. So because he worked hard to get this bill, the Oklahoma Republicans, his state party

passed a resolution saying they condemn him. for working on this bipartisan border security package. And you, y'all won't border security. Like, I, these people blow my mind, like,

all the time every day, uh, you know, there's no, there's no end to it. Like, I don't know how they, I guess it,

I guess it just doesn't matter to their base. They just don't care. Like, literally all they care about is fuck Biden, go Trump or whatever. So it doesn't matter how the mental gymnastics that should be required to justify some shit like this. Like y'all want something to be done

about the border. You had it right there. Republicans came up with a way to do it and they were going to do it and then y'all shut your own shit down just because fuck Biden, like to fuck Biden, you're going to allow millions of evil

Mexicans into this country over the next 10 months or whatever and you're all tacitly admitting that you're totally fine with that because it's way more important to fuck Biden, which I would think implies that you don't really give a fuck about the border and the migrants coming in here in the first place. If you did, you would not be behind this shit right now. Yeah. It's amazing that all these panics over migrants like tend

to happen every election year. What a fucking coincidence. Yeah. So Langford basically got the harshest changes to immigration laws in decades after Dems were poised to cave on it. And that was going to be excommunicated for it. And like Marjorie Taylor Green even called him a traitor to the country. All right. So the distraings thing about all this coverage of Trump and the border is like it it acts like he wasn't president. Like it's like he was president for four years. He didn't fix anything. He lit in a lot of migrants. Like I said, Trump's DHS secretary like, uh, did only detain 52% of migrants of the border. So they had 48% go. And he couldn't get his own past with a unified geopolitical control of Congress. And Rhonda Sanchez,

One of his big, like, point slam in Trump during the primary was that Trump deported fewer people than Barack Obama did, which is true. None of this is based any sort of reality. And by the way, fuck Obama for like wantonly deporting people to try to look tough to Republicans. Like, it's just so something needs to be noted here to talk about reality for a second is most immigrants are legal slash documented. Trump was focused on cutting legal migration, which is something people seem to forget. Because when you listen to conservative messaging about Biden immigration, they never talk about legal

immigration. They want to talk about the border crisis, i.e. the difficulty processing asylum seekers. So the plan is to use the American sense of chaos of the border to seize power and shut down legal migration. That's what they want to do, right, to keep out on the ball here. And so, like, the conversation has gotten so confused that no one even understands exactly what Biden is done. And what Biden has done is basically kept in place a lot of Trump's policies about the border while easing everything he did about legal migration, all right?

So it's not that he's the same or just as bad. It's just as bad in some ways and a lot better in other ways, all right? That's the, that's, this is American politics, okay? So, but because like, I mean, it's like the whole, I mean, right, the way they talk about Biden's immigration situation is like they've just. torn down every fence and every border patrol agent home walked away from the border and like put up a big welcome sign with strobe lights and shit that says come on in we're open for business and left it at that like that's and that's what a lot of people think is actually happening down there you know what i mean where it's like like the policies Obama to trump

and everybody else it's like they've been mostly doing the same shit down there generally speaking this whole time but a democrat's in the white house so it's a fucking you know four alarm emergency. Yeah. I just want to be like, Americans, by and large, don't seem to have any concept of why we have it

so relatively sweet in a lot of ways. Like, just don't even, never think about how things got to be. It's just because America's, like, special or whatever. But like, if you have good insurance, you have,

but you probably have access to a good doctor. You ever notice they have an accent? All right? So like, right. So Biden's been like easing restrictions on skilled technology workers. He's dropping Trump's efforts

to curb student visas and he's raising quotas for properly vetted refugees but like the thing is like we have like some of the best you know uh universities in the world or we had we had throughout our history we've had them some of the best hospitals and all that's because we have a great talent pool because like the best shot for keeping the american talent magnet running is the one we use for most of our history which is like a just being a pretty generically open place that's broadly considered a good place to live and conservatives fucking

hate that you know what I'm saying right like it's just they want to make America worse so immigrants don't want to come here. 100%. If you... You know, they want to make America worse, so immigrants don't want to come here. And they're like, yeah, but if immigrants don't come here, that's how America becomes great. You know, got to keep it only for Americans. Can't have no immigrant.

But when they say immigrants, though, they just mean like the M&Ms, Mexicans and Muslims. And I know that most of the Mexicans are like, you know, plenty of those are Guatemala and Costa Rican and stuff, but to them, they're all Mexicans. Right? So, like, Mexicans and Muslims keep them out. But like, you can have all these other, you know, doctors and engineers and stuff from other places come over. And that's fine. But they just don't even think of those people as being immigrants. I don't know. I mean, I'm just like, just, just this is a odd test. They feel like 75% of American nurses are Indian or Filipino. So I don't know what to tell people. It's like, you want to, you want to see a nurse practitioner or not. So, but you know, how deeply fucking racist this response is. I'll let you remember great replacement theory how it was a wing nut thing for a while yeah about how like george yeah we're trying to replace white people with with Mexicans who will vote for Democrats and yeah American yeah right let's here's lieutenant governor of Texas Dan Patrick as we pivot to the actual border uh talking about why he does why he wants

to shut down the border and he is wrong on this issue he doesn't care because here's the agenda Maria America has to understand their agenda is they don't care if people die if they make their goal. And what is their goal to put millions of people into this country, one day turn them into citizens, and one day turn...

You get the idea. I think that Matt's having technicalities. But like, so, so this is basically the El Paso Shooters Manifesto. All right? And they've been... Sorry, go ahead.

No, yeah, no, I'm saying. Like, I mean, this is the great replacement theory or whatever. This is just, he's just saying it, but he's the lieutenant governor of Texas saying it on Fox News in prime time.

One of the reasons they're justifying, like, so we talked about the Supreme Court decision that, in theory, told Texas to cut it out and give border patrol, border patrol access to the border again and let them cut down the razor wire they put in the fucking Rio Grande. It was drowning people. And they just ignored, they're ignoring the Supreme Court, all right? They're ignoring the, they're ignoring the, that it's a federal government's purview and ignoring the Supreme Court. So it's a two-pronged constitutional crisis going on right now, all right? And they're using rhetoric, like, invasion like like there's a part obscure i'm in the constitution a constitution that says the states

can take up arms if they're being actually invaded this is not what the constitution meant they meant like if like the british army landed in south carolina and it took like a week to get a letter to dc you guys can start fighting right it did not mean that you can take control of the border if four guys walk across it and they're using terms like military age males to talk about migrants, which is like, you know, excuse that, you know, for rules of engagement to kill people in war zones. And by Marcia Blackburn, your home state senator went on TV and said, said the same, essentially the same ship, but she said that Dems want migrants to go to blue cities for the next

census, which doesn't happen until like, you know, 2030. But also, it's Republican governors that are shipping busloads of migrants. Put on buses and send them to blue cities. Yeah, right. So fucking stupid. Yeah. And so, like, they're openly using the same arguments that the South use to secede. They're using phrases like this federal government's violated its compact with the states.

They're saying because the federal government is respondingly as, like, brutally and as militarily as they want that they've been abandoned, which is not fucking true. Like, it might, like, I'm not saying that it's fun times for every law enforcement agency on the border because there is a migration crisis worldwide. But, like, it's not like, we're not. people want to come live here. They don't want to come take it over. And there's a pretty huge distinction between those two things. Right. And we talk to the idea of secession, like, there's a core principle here.

Like, what makes a democracy holds a republic together is you accept when you lose elections. Right. Yeah. Yeah, it'd be like, while lost, I don't get the policies that I wanted. So I'm either going to leave the country or usurp the federal government. That's like, that's like, that's the thing. That was the paradigm shift. thing that really changed on January 6th, in my opinion, like it opening the door to that.

It's like, you say whatever you want about the discourse prior to that, even in the preceding Trump years and stuff. But that thing you just said was part of it the whole time, at least ostensibly, and on a bipartisan aspect, like, you know, we have free and fair elections, and if you lose, you lose. And like, the Republicans for years have been gaming those elections to ensure that they don't lose or at least trying to and that's fine that's whatever you know fucking if you ain't cheating you ain't trying that's what al davis said they are the raiders like of course they're going to do

that but still it's like we're going to do we're going to game the system but if the system says that we lose we do still lose and that was the thing that we lost on january 6 in my opinion and that's like what makes this election so important and dangerous is because that is now up in the air for the first time in our country's history i think Which is terrified. Imagine like Super Bowl Sunday, the chiefs lose, but then just won't leave the field and keep playing and say those points count or pivot to play like an XFL team and say that's the real title or something.

This is basically what they're fucking doing here. But this is an example. So they're a few to stand down the National Guard, right? And not just that, we're looking at a map at a second, but 26 other states are now either sending troops their National Guard to the border or the governors have signed letters in support of Texas. So, like, the only thing keeps us from being an open revolt is no shooting has happened yet. But you've got different, you've got state militias. If this is happening in another country and malicious from a breakaway province,

you're pointing guns at the main army of that country, what would you think was happening? Right. An attempted and armed revolt, a coup, an overthrow, you know. Right. An insurrection. We talked about asymmetry versus like the executive branch and legislative branches in which empowering which one empowers which party. But it's like responsibility asymmetry here too.

Because Biden's not escalating this. Right. He's letting them to throw the little shit fit. They can be confident he's not going to do what like an actual autocrat or strong leader would do is nationalized of national guard and had great habit of fucking arrested. Right. So they just know they can get away with it.

They can act like babies, right? Because Joe Biden, their federal government, won't respond in kind. Right. Because for Biden and the federal government, it's like they just view this all as posturing or whatever. You know, it's like, I run a thing with the legal expert is like there's still litigation for avenues for litigation. But like, they're already ignored the Supreme Court. So I'm not sure like what the next cases are going to do. Right.

So Greg Abbott went on talk with Carlson and said that he, is prepared in the event that Biden, the Biden attempts to take control of the Texas National Guard. He said it would be a bone-headed move on his part, a total disaster. We're prepared in the event, the unlikely event does occur. He's basically saying that, like, they also have armed state employees in the border. So even if the National Guard flipped sides because Joe Biden pulls him into the regular army, he will then have the Texas Department of Public Safety and the Texas Rangers, like, shoot at the National Guard. People are just on their side.

So, like, I looked up what it takes to federalize the Guard. You basically have to invoke the Insurrection Act. That's another one of those things you don't want to normalize. But what is an insurrection? What is it like? Yeah, right. So, anyway, the last time that happened, the president nationalized, federalized the National Guard was in 1957 when Eisenhower mobilized the Arkansas National Guard

to enforce the Supreme Court ruling on desegregation, right? So, Christy Noem, Governor of South Dakota, we don't have to show this video, Matt, But she went on Fox News and said she supports Texas Indians entirely, and they should stand their ground. And she said she's going to send the South Dakota National Guard to the Texas border. So I looked it up. South Dakota's about 4% immigrants, more than a third of those are already citizens. I'm not sure the legal status of the 2.6%, but it's a fucking crisis for South Dakota. Another 2.6% of people out there might be vaguely.

Guatemalan. Also, it's South Dakota, so I assume we're talking about three people here. Right. Right. Three Mexicans in South Dakota, right, yeah. Yeah. Two of which are there legally. My thing is, like, imagine you're in the South Dakota National Guard, you just got

a weekend gig to pay for college or whatever, and now you're being shipped to Texas to fucking sit in the desert and have the federal government point guns at you? See, that's, that's a thing that I kind of try to hang my hat on to help me sleep at night in any kind of situations like this.

It's like, I don't believe that most military guys, National Guard people, whatever, like, you just, you laid it out. Weekend gig, pay for college, whatever. I don't think that most of them are fucking true believers who feel like they signed up for this shit. You know what I mean? It's like, whenever during the George Floyd riots and stuff, when they're like, the military went out and then there's just like cops on one side of military on the other,

it's like cops, you know, generally there's like a whole lot of cops end up being cops for similar reasons, right? And they've got the thin blue line, the Brotherhood and all this. And it's like, they're bought in. I don't think the same is true for a lot of the dudes and, you know, in the National Guard or in the military and stuff. It's like you said, it was a matter of practicality or whatever. And they're not, that didn't sign up for some shit like this.

And I think that that could be important at the end of the day. You set up for the National Guard to help your neighbors dig out when a tornado hits. Right. Right. And get to make some extra money on the weekends a couple times, like 12 times a year or whatever. So, like, when they tried deploying National Guard troops to Iraq, like, it was like, you talked to any, like, career army guys are like, I mean, not to insult their patriotism or whatever, but they're not fucking professionals. You know what I'm saying? It's like, it's not a full-time gig for them.

So anyway, so anyway, here's a map of, let's look at this map of the states that have committed to take Texas aside in this fucking stupid dispute. That's a whole lot of states. Yeah, Texas, you got people supporting and the ones that in light of. orange are the ones that have committed dissenting troops. I may quote here from Texas, Christy Noem, if you want to know how fucking stupid this is in general, she said, Texas and the 13 original colonies would never assign the first constitution.

Texas and the original 13, what the fuck are you talking about? And if you want to know, like, how they have no principles out other than xenophobia here, the principle they're operating under here is that states have a right to control their international borders. So if a Republican was president and Texas had like a hard super hard border militarized they put machine gun nests on or whatever could text could

California and New York just open their borders and let everyone in is that their principal because I don't think it is right right yeah um sorry no that's all right uh Matt if you've got one or two comments there up there for us before we close this out but yeah we didn't get truckers I want to I'll sum them up real quick so but the real danger here is they're encouraging like um you know sarcastic terrorism and like vigilante violence. And there were a bunch of people, as one called an army of God, who was going to the border.

It was talking about like eliminating migrants. It led to a protest convoy that was heading to the southern border. It fell apart yesterday because only 20 vehicles showed up. They wanted 40,000 truckers. They didn't get a single one. They got lost driving down

995 from Virginia. They tried to meet up at a Buckees, but they couldn't find each other because there's so few of them. They couldn't even find each other in the parking lot and they left one guy behind without his wallet after he pissed off the rest of them and they were in a bus with them. So there you go. Yeah, they're like, don't y'all want to meet up at the border and repel these Mexicans in the words of Kat Williams? No, we got bills and shit, you know, like it comes down to it at the end of day for a lot of these people. So it is, uh, it is encouraging. Bad Poison 1 on YouTube says,

as a Texan, I'm a bit nervous if I'm to be honest right now. Well, like I said, you know, y'all do this every few years, I feel like. Jade Helm. I remember Jade Helm. Like, it's just like, it's so frivolous, man. People have real problems. Like, the Texas power grid fails if it falls down like 46 degrees. And like, this is really what you're focusing on?

Yes, 100%. It's like, yeah, they're making it. They're making it through this winter. So they're all cocky and shit right now. You know what I mean? Like things haven't gone completely to shit yet. But it ain't even February. So we'll see how it goes.

But yeah, no, hell. It's almost, it is frivolous. absurd, but it's also, again, it's just so, it's just so Texan to me. It's sort of part of y'all's like cultural identity, I feel like, as a state to be like, you know, Texas over everything. T-O-E-to! Tim Kenyon says, looking sharp, Trey. Oh, thank you. Yes, I was actually a little bit behind today because I went to the barbershop and they were running behind. So, but thanks, Tim. Thanks for noticing. Appreciate it. Debbie Lynn Robertson says, Thank you, Debbie Lynn.

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