Weekly Skews - Weekly Skews 4/12/22 – Somebody’s Gotta Pay (Not the Rich Tho)

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

It’s no secret that our country’s richest people LOVE not paying taxes. Like even more than sailing and watching racehorses have sex and stuff. But fret not, the IRS is addressing the issue…by auditing poor people at a rate five times exceeding that of the rich. So that’s good. Support the show

Hey, everybody, welcome back. It is April 12th, 2020. I'm Trey Crowder, and that's Mark Aegee. What's up, Mark? What's up, Trey? How was your birthday, but? Oh, it was good. Absolutely nothing, and it was everything I hoped it could be.

You know, that's how I prefer to spend it. So just playing video games with the boys. and eating cheese cake, having a good time. Portos? Into porthos? Yeah, porthos over here. It's a Cuban bakery here in Burbank, pretty renowned. And that's become Katie's tradition because, you know, she ain't much of a baker.

Now, everybody else in house has a birthday. Cakes get baked, all right? You know, that's what I do. But, you know, when it's my turn, I'm not going to bake my own cake. And Katie's not going to subject me to that. So she, you know, goes to porthos. Yeah. For those of y'all don't know, Trey's very domestic.

He calls himself Mama Trey. He's got his own apron and he likes to cook. And he's a star baker on British baking show if he was on there. Before we get to the show, a couple quick things. One, subway shooting in New York, 10 people got shot, nobody died so far. That's awesome. They haven't called the dude. So if you're in New York, look out for that guy.

A couple things, update our evil sports owners thing. our buddy Dan Snyder, who bank shot had took out your coach in the Washington Commander's investigation. And Congress has been looking into his finances. And apparently he got caught laundering some money through Kenny Chesby concerts. That's interesting. He was basically thinking revenue that was supposed to go through the commander's paper paperwork and saying they went through the like Kenny Chesdy concerts and happened at FedEx Forum and some other events there to hide money from his fellow NFL owners and players. Right. So, okay, on that real quick, because I saw that.

that too. First of all, producer Matt's asking that I say, so, uh, might be having a little bit connection issues, but we think the audio is still fine. Hopefully it's not too distracting. It's not to anything we could do about it. We're just going to soldier on. And again, you know, you can hear us and hopefully it isn't too much of an issue. This is how dumb I am about the internet. We've been having like windstorms out here today in LA. The wind's been crazy. And I'm like, oh, you know, watch out. You know, hit a, hit an internet line or something, you know, I don't know how anything works. But anyway, Dan Snyder, I saw people speculating. And I, you know, he's had all this stuff with like sexual harassment and just really fucked up shit has come out about his ownership

of the Washington commanders. But I saw some people speculating that like this could be the thing that actually matters because now he's like fucking with the money, the money of the other owners specifically. And that seems like the type of line you don't cross with it. Like all that other shit, you know, that's fine. But this could actually. actually be a problem. Do you think that'll ever amount to anything? I don't know. For those you guys don't follow that fellowifying as opposed to the socialist organization where all the owners share money and the competitors are the most valuable

formerly known as the Redskins-slash football team are the most valuable franchise in the NFL and he's supposed to share some of that income with say like a small market team with Green Bay Packers and instead what he's been doing is saying he made less money so he had to share less so this could be the thing that I mean, I mean, all of it should get in trouble for her. Yeah. He's breaking all kinds of laws and social,

and rules of morality. So fuck that guy. Also, this is a funny thing. Sort of relates to the show. Matt's been complaining to us about how he used to go to home people. He's a favorite place. Somebody wears a mask. So he thought he's going to get COVID-bred contractors.

But instead, he went to the White House last week, as we told you guys. And now everybody. So he's worried about Home Depot instead of but we got it at the White House because our entire leadership class who were all 80-year-old fucking idiots went to the gridiron dinner

and like 70-some people got and that's a low question because they're not counting stuff because they're hiding those numbers from us. But like Pelosi got it, a bunch of cabinet secretaries. I think Kavala got it. It's like it's...

So yeah, like we mentioned like we said that producer Matt was going to the White House. well, so he was there when the COVID super, super spreader outbreak happened. So, you know, I mean, maybe he's a carrier. Maybe he brought it with him all the way across the country. You know, no way to know that he didn't give everybody COVID, you know, I mean, I'm just saying. I was just running around the White House biting everybody. Matt says he tested negative last night.

That's what you would say, Matt. Now, I'm sure Matt didn't give everyone COVID. But, yeah. Yeah. fun times quick hitter Jared Kushner got a $2 billion dollar payoff from the

Crown Prince of Salary rate it probably not related to stuff in the Whitehouse like looking at the way when he killed Shogi and using the U.S. Navy became Yemen's port to facility at the gentle side probably not for that shit probably because Jared it's a famously good investor who bought a huge office building

at 666 Park Avenue right before the market collapse and underwater ever since that And so he's obviously a genius. You want to give him what your money. I heard that the thing I read about that said that the Saudi Crown Prince's, whatever, advisors advised him not to do that because there were concerns with the financials or the viability or the, you know, the like business legitimacy of the deal, but that he did it anyway.

So, yeah, I mean, he must just been really swayed by Kushner's business acumen, you know, and not any of that other stuff that you said. Yeah, Kushner's definitely going to put it in. like half into crypto and half of this one it was hot in 2003, like Pets.com or some shit. He's like, this story is amazing to me. So these two guys got arrested this week. They've been pretending to be agents of the Department of Homeland Security for years. For years.

Running around D.C., they may invest for people in the Secret Service and the FBI, including secret service agents to serve on Biden's detail, the First Lady's Detail, and Kamla's detail. buying them all stuff, lying about being federal agents, and nobody knows why. And the judge just let them go because the government's case doesn't explain why they were doing it.

It's like, all you just proven is they gave, they bought one seat service agent. They gave them a free apartment that worth $40,000 a year. And... I mean, like, I don't... What do you think they're trying to do? Like, sure, I mean, they wouldn't,

they have to be trying to do something, right, by pretending to be DHS agents and greasing all these palms and whatnot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, what the hell? So they got them dead to write for a person and a federal agent, but no one knows what the, so they gave that guy $3,000 a month a year apartment. That's the quid.

No one knows what the quote is. They can't get him flick robbery or an espionized. One of the guy that was telling people that he's a member of a agent in Pakistanian and tell him that's a no, he's not. Of course, that's what they had Pakistanian would say, except a Pakistani intelligence agent would never tell people as a Pakistani intelligence agent. So that's one thing in favor. These guys are just a bunch of morons to be. Like, they got in trouble because it was, this was agent for the postal service, like a federal investigator for the postal service, had some inner dealings where he ran into them.

And they identified themselves as agents. They seemed fishy. So he looked them up and like, oh, or not. And when they're trying to cover the tracks, they mailed a bunch of their guns. to a real secret service agent? Yeah. And he was like, why are you mailing me your guns to hide? I'm fucking doing that's heat permit, too.

Right. I mean, like, yeah, that part, too, they, like, boxed up a bunch of guns and stuff because they thought the heat was on, but they shipped those guns to a secret service agent. And, yeah, the whole thing's just super weird and confusing. And thus, you know, appropriate for the world we live in, I guess. But, yeah, no, it's just wild. it's like pretty much every second episode of least you talk about somebody we're pretending to be a cop like our patron on Friday we talked about stupid about stupid magazine new uh me property loan

who has a history of pretend to be a cop even though he just see a couple people kill pretending to be a cop um but there's another case this this guy uh in oklahoma tried to steal an out he by telling people he was a federal marshal and he was confiscating it and tried to drive it on the lot. That's that movie logic, right? He just walks up like flashes of plastic bags. Like, I'm commandeering this vehicle, but it's the real world. So everybody's like, no, no, you can't, you can't do that.

And now he's in jail, right? So they tried to drive off, but they didn't let him. So then he got out of the car and was like, okay, well, I guess, even though a real cop, and I really need a car, I guess I'm going to leave now. I try to leave and they detained him and the cops, stig who already arrested him. you're like, why are you telling people you're a federal marshal? I have a federal marshal. I'm like, okay.

Well, like, uh, when he was like, well, Trump deputized me to federal martial when you declare a martial law. I was like, all right. Anyway, I'm just glad that other countries, specifically Pakistan, have this exact same type of fucking idiot. Yeah. Also, you know, this is another way in which DMX was a trendsetter. Uh, did he got, he got, he got, remember that?

One of the things that he got arrested for one time. was like impersonating an FBI agent or something like that. Yeah, I remember the, vaguely. I don't remember the context. Me neither, but it was something like that. But yeah, he just, you know, always out of the curve. Rest in peace. Okay.

We already mentioned back with us after hobnobbing in D.C. And surviving the COVID, you know, hurricane that went down up there. Producer Matt is here tonight. This is weekly skews. As always, I want to remind you two things real quick. Number one, if you're vaccinated, want to see me live. you can go to well-read comedy.com for tickets. We'll be in Portland this weekend, Louisville, the week after that,

and I've got some new dates coming for you very soon. Secondly, if you like the show and you would like to support us and get some bonus skews in your life for doing so, you can sign up on Patreon. For $5 a month, you get full-length bonus episodes and you help us out. So if you're into that, go to weekly skews.com slash more or patreon.com slash traycrouter. Either way works.

Sign up on there and get some more skews in your life. Okay. On the show tonight, got some breaking news. This country's rich people do not like paying taxes. They are also exceedingly good at it. But fret not, the IRS is addressing the issue by auditing our nation's poorest people at a rate five times that of the wealthiest. Seems fair.

We'll get into it. Bitch about rich people have some fun a little bit later. but first the Daily Dumbass Mac Graphic play Tonight's D-D Joe Biden for thinking he can make a simple dad joke without igniting the flames of controversy. That's right. So we're going to

watch this clip first, then we're going to explain further after that. So try to figure out what's wrong with it as you watch it. Yeah, yeah. Thank you all for coming. By the way, he was responsible for the weather as well. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Good job. Okay. So that's it. That's the entirety of what Joe Biden said. Like Mark said, I want you all to think about what might have been upsetting about that or what the secret coded messaging was that was inferred there or whatever you can come up with. You know, he's doing the old, oh, you brought the weather with you, huh?

Like, you know, every pap off for generations. But apparently it's not so simple. according to the, what would you call this, the like conservative content aggregator thing? This is a Republican National Committee. Oh, okay. Well, according to them, it's not so simple. Matt, you want to put up the caption? So here's how they captioned it.

Biden says his ATF nominee, Steve Dedelbach, was responsible for the weather today. And then there's a paragraph break. And then it says, Dedelbach is Jewish. There you have it. bomb shell that's right mark this these people are these people are so crazy that i can't tell like are they saying that biden was being anti-semitic or are they saying okay that's what there's because they're so insane that i was like are they saying like this proves that jews control the weather like we've been telling y'all for years you know he knows the truth

and he let it slip they have been controlling the weather we try to to tell y'all uh i mean that's that's definitely how half their base is going to read it so maybe this is more artfully crafted than i thought but so half people read it as them saying uh joe biden's being anti-semitic which again he's just making a dad joke and i look i would not doubt joe biden's 80 years old that he makes some uh papal type jokes and references in private that reveals some you know veiled uh old school thoughts about you know every minority group and women I don't think he was doing that here. And also, I don't think Jews control the weather.

So we're going to put that out on the record. Yeah, no. We've always said, here, Jews do not control the weather. They don't even have rain dances that I'm aware of. So, you know, I don't know how that would even work. All right. Our first honorable mention for Daily Dumbass, fortune cookies for not breaking this whole thing wide open sooner.

Okay, so. All right. I got to do my port of strength in here. I'm about to say, go ahead. some QAnon shit, so take it away. All right, so look, we always all want to pretend that these people don't matter, but Satan's DNA was trending worldwide on Twitter today because a new documentary dropped called Watch the Water,

which is the Q&O expression. They say, watch the water. Don't really know why. It's about COVID and how it's a huge conspiracy. And of course, this is pushed forward by Stu Peters, We did a episode about on Thursday. That's who this guy is talking to. And I want you to watch this guy

figure out the whole plot because of a fortune cookie. And I picked it up and read it to my wife and it reads something like this. All of the world's greatest riches began with one penny. How profound. I look at the Jane.

I was like, of course it does. Like, who doesn't know that, right? And I sat it down and she's looking at me as she's eating. She's like, are you going to eat? And I was just staring at the actual paper fortune. And I said, yeah, I'll eat in a minute. And she goes, what's wrong? And I said, it's what's on the back of that fortune cookie that's freaking me out.

And usually you'll see like lottery numbers or something random on the back of those cookies. but what I noticed was a name on the back of that fortune. In parentheses, on the back of that fortune, as soon as I opened it, are two names. I knew God was telling me, you can't give up and you have to tell the word. All right. Okay. All right. So, he looks at this.

It's just looping. L-I-U-B-I-N-G, which it's under the words ice-cating because it's literally looking up, Google Translate, it's literally the translation for ice skating. So it's just teaching you Chinese free days for ice skating, which 14 can do stuff like that. But, kids are curious, Bing Liu was a Chinese-born professor who died and a murder-suicide.

And because no one commits suicide in Q&9 universe, he was obviously part of the scheme by the cabal to launch COVID, And therefore, this guy gave his name with a fortune cookie. He's a sign for God. He's on the right track as opposed to just learning a little bit of language about ice cake. So, okay, Bing Lou, the real guy, they think that he did what, that he was murdered. He was assassinated because he was too close to uncovering the truth, which is, which is what? Or is that the whole thing?

We don't know because they killed him. Or, yeah, I read this article from BBC in a day. Binglu, a 37-year-old assistant professor at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine was found dead in his house on Saturday. Colleague said he was close to making significant findings on his studies of COVID-19 sparked online speculation. It was an assassination, but police say it was a murder-suicide. This poor guy got shot, sort of like Seth Rich, remember, like, he was a smart-law conspiracy theories about the DMC and Hillary Kling emails. His poor guy got a wrong place, wrong time, killed for personal reasons or whatever. And, of course, the internet turns into a big thing.

Again, there are a conspiracy theories. It can't just be that this guy was a chivalry researcher who got murdered. There's a love like for whatever. It's always the cabal. Sure. Okay. Sounds about right. I almost kind of want to watch this documentary.

But I know I'll probably regret it if I bite the bullet and do so. Because I've watched some, like, Q&N videos before just to see how stupid it is. And it's like, in my experience anyway, we all already know it's going to be really stupid. But if you ask me, however stupid you think it's going to be, it's actually even stupider when you sit down and watch some of it. It's so wild to me that people watch the same thing and are like, this is it. This is everything, you know, because it's just so dumb. So I'm kind of tempted to check this one out too, but I don't know. We'll see if it's not even like the laziest conspiracy theorists in the world.

Because, like, they don't put any thought, like, trying to work out how these plots could work. It's all correlation. It's literally, like, I pee today and it rained, therefore, my pee, me peeing caused it to rain. And everybody's like, oh, right. It's like, it's just, like, at least a loose change guy's fucking put some work into their shit, you know? Yeah. Yeah, well, like I said before on the show, I watched loose change when I was high as hell and in college. And by the end of it, I was like, God damn, I don't know.

Bush did do 9-11. I came around later, but I'm saying, you know, I've been took before, but not by this stuff. Okay. Yeah. Next honorable mention, anybody who doesn't know that the real Illuminati is this black sorority, apparently. Put up that screen grab, Matt. A lot of, so you can see here, skull and bones has lost their power. It's now the sorority known as Delta Sigma Theta, who is taking control.

of our government, taking control of our country at all levels of government. Even the Loudoun County Board of Supervisors Chairman is a Delta. And they've quote tweeted a picture that Keisha Lantbottoms posted with a bunch of black women, politicians and policymakers and D.C. people or whatnot who are all in this same sorority, presumably at different schools. And they all got together and took a picture. and they're also doing their deltas, right? So they're making like a delta shape with their fingers,

but you all may know that that is also the official symbol of the Illuminati or some such shit like that. So naturally that means that they are the ones now running the New World Order, I guess. I'm not an expert on Blacks River Orders for at least two pretty obvious reasons. But I do know that the Delta is taken care seriously and they stick together. And, of course, if you're going to be in politics, you won't have clicks. Like, you brought up Skull and Bones. Just funny.

A bunch of presidents in a row who are members of Skull and Bones. Like George Bush, John Kerry, a bunch of candidates, think Al Gore. It's like, it's really weird society. But deltas are just a sorority. It's not like the thing where they're fucking dead pigs like the skull and bones gets into or whatever. But mainly want to talk about this guy, Scott, P.S. So we don't know who this guy is. He's the Loudoun County, Virginia, G-I chair, a GOP chair.

He ran the House of Belgrade's last year and lost, but not before humility himself quite thoroughly. For example, he tweeted this last year in the height of his campaign about global warming. I'm curious, do you think the sea level would lower if we just took all the boats out of the water? Just thought and a statement. Look at pictures on all the boats. Look at how many boats are trained. That's obviously, yeah. Well, there's nobody talking about it.

this you see how he's goddamn boats you know if you take a and i'm pretty sure i saw that he like followed up when he started getting dragged for it he was like well if you take toy boats out of a bathtub it's going to change the level of that water so why is nobody talking about this you know but i just also wonder like how i guess he was on some website and saw this mapping of all the boats in the ocean and he had a light bulb moment he thought like i wonder if in his mind he was like I think I might have cracked it when he first came up with it it's just so funny somebody apparently did actually work out

the literal math on this though yeah an engineer calculated the estimate to Pio's question according to his article I read he clearly included the impact in sea levels will be about six microns slightly more than diameter of a stranded spider so if you took all the boats out of the ocean because all have you noticed this tray but the ocean's big

pretty fucking big so he said you don't worry about that six-mile level drop this guy this engineer road because the ocean is really rising about 3.3 millimeters per year due to global warming so at that if you moved every ship from the ocean the water would be back up to its original average level in 16 hours so this guy this guy would save off the end of human civilization by 16 hours so when we get down to our last 16 hours also what like I kind of don't even get like what he's going for with this like i'm assuming he's the type of you know the economy must go on no matter the cost like he just wants to shut down the entire global shipping industry because of sea levels rising like he's worried about that enough to take these measures like i just feel like it's i just feel like it's dumb from all angles is what i'm saying like just the whole thing yeah yeah like the drops right now trying to figure out we switch back to like once the boats are away like you can basically turn them back into sailboats

because they've got the technology is better now for figuring out how to do that and uh people are debating whether that would work but like the point is that is much more feasible than stopping entire global economy right like you remember remember that boat got stuck in the Suez connect now that last year and you know what they could get underwear or fruit for like three weeks because everything's so fucking stupid like this is like this is like this guy's tried like doing that like times 50. By the way, another small detail about this guy, Pio was the organizer of the quote,

Trump International Rapid Response Team, which would mobilize in support of the former president whenever he golfed in Virginia. So now people lap out outside properties to yell when he goes to play golf. These people, this guy was in charge of the group

that would go yell back, so. What? Everything. I saw where you put that in the outline and I was like, I don't, I thought you meant like whenever he would take golfing trips, they would like, I don't know, try to fill in in some way or something on the internet or some such.

But you mean they go to the golf course where he's at, they mobilize to the golf course to yell back at people who yell at Donald Trump? I honestly don't know. I didn't get that first impression and didn't look into it anymore because I didn't give a shit. Maybe you're right. Maybe when people tweeted the Trump golfing was a waste of money and time, they tweet back. That's a good theory of mine.

I don't know. Both things could be true. The international. rapid response team centered around golfing in Virginia. Oh, what about it? Okay, let's see. Next up for honorable mention, everybody in Alabama, for not knowing to stay the fuck out of my homeland.

That's right. Finally, Marsha Blackburn coming through here says Tennesseans want a wall on our southern border. I've been saying for years we need to keep the damn Alabamaans out. Mississippi and Georgia, too, while we're at it. Why not? but now obviously she's talking about the Mexico wall she just said it in a dumb way because she is dumb

listen Mark before you respond to that producer Matt's telling me that people are complaining about the audio slash video quality of Mark stream I we apologize for that but we don't know why it's the same setup he always uses his something's just shitty about his internet right now somebody says Mark is on dial-up, armchair QB-1, living up to that name, too. But, uh,

but, yeah, I don't know, y'all. I mean, I'm sorry. All we can do is soldier on, I guess.

Uh, it hasn't been a big problem in the past and hopefully won't be going forward. We noticed it before we started. We hoped that on y'all, your end, that it would maybe be not as bad. Also,

Mark, like, rebooted his router, did all that shit. We tried various troubleshooting things. And it just still happens. It's been a minute since we've had, you know, technical issues. So, you know, we were long overdue for some. Rebecca on YouTube says we still love you, Smart Mark.

All right, Marsha Blackburn. What do you think about this? I guess, like, I've done this round of the show before, but like nobody in a board, only a person from Tennessee or like, usually people from Tennessee or like Iowa or whatever are doing this shit. Because, like, people on the border don't want a wall for a lot of reasons that we talked about before. But it's worth of point out that the Republican congressman for the, whole border and in Texas will heard retired rather than keep fighting this dumpment because he

knows his constituents don't want a border wall because it would chop all their end in half and it's a fucking idiotic proposal it's a 1400 mile wall uh people cut holes in it pretty easily a lot of people all the drugs are coming in through tunnels and boats and drones anyway this is a nothing but a monument to dumbassery and that's why they want it built so there we go yeah sounds about right All right. Our last couple of honorable mentions here, number one, Ronald McDonald for getting his inevitable Trump endorsement. Yeah, Trump's out there endorsing. Who was the most recent lucky recipient?

Play the clip, Matt, if you've got it. Well, perhaps we don't. I can just tell you what. So Trump had a rally this weekend where he was endorsing Dr. Oz and said the reason he's, The reason he chose to endorse him is because he had an 18-year career in television. Okay, here we go. By the way, I endorsed another person today, Dr. Oz in Pennsylvania. Dr. Oz.

Great guy, good man, good man. Harvard, educated, tremendous, tremendous career. And they liked him for a long time. That's like a poll. You know, when you're in television for 18 years, that's like a poll. That means people like you. but he's a he's a great guy this is the year we're going to take back the house

yeah so yeah basically so if you've been on career for 18 years you can have Trump's endorsements good news Homer Simpson who else Ray

cast a mash fucking Oprah that bald dude from Jerry Springer he's got one of them shows Steve Wilco's that's name yeah Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he seems like he'd run for office in, like, uh, Jersey or somewhere, you know, I could say that.

Yeah, he definitely won't really funny is like the guy, David, whatever's name, who had missed out on Trump's endorsement, dropped a barn burner of fucking attack out on Oz after, uh, in the course of throwing a fit after, after Oz after Oz's got the endorsement over him. He basically just is a montage of Trump saying how smart Hillary is. Trump I'm sorry Oz saying how smart Hillary is Oz interviewing Michelle Obama about children need more vegetables

all this stuff is played as like look at it he thinks she's more vegetables it's a fucking fake yeah it's like it plays like ether like not dropped ether on Jay

it's like it's so fucking funny but my favorite video from that rally that Matt's about to play it's just like listen to the audience laugh when Trump says this like they're all in this fucking sick joke and it makes me so mad yeah

I've got to be the cleanest sheriff I think I'm the most honest human being perhaps that God ever created perhaps instead of one guy yelled no a fan of his yelled no

yeah I don't understand I don't know these people are wild it's like they have this fervent devotion to him or whatever but also shit like this, you know. Or I don't know. I guess it's like, I guess it's like they admire his bullshittery or how much he lies or something.

Do you know what I mean? They're like laughing because it's like you said. It's like they're laughing like we're all in on the joke. Of course, everybody knows you're not honest. But that's what we love about you or something. I don't know. Yeah, it's sort of like, you know, one reason people like the soprano is like watching Tony Sopranos.

sort of in like an alpha male fantasy because he just takes what he wants and he fucks what he wants if somebody gets his way he kills him it's like that to the politician's doing it except tony suprano wasn't real he didn't actually kill anybody so it's like this is yeah yeah yeah speaking of nonsense it's all about rich people in their taxes won't too yeah so uh it's tax week everybody uh hope that isn't ooze to you hope everybody's like oh fucking running off you got turn your tax in a couple of days. Something else is I'll say 20 to 25% people wait for the last minute to do the taxes, which is crazy for reasons we'll talk about in a minute because you're more likely to be funded for bunchons. But so Syracuse University did this study about who's likely to get audited. And it was funny to the different ways it was filtered through the coverage.

Because this is one way I found out about it was this article said, how to avoid an IRS audit of your taxes in 2022. And one of the tips was to make more than $25,000 a year. And I was like, yeah, anybody who's making less than that reads this article and it's like, oh, God, damn it. Why didn't I think of that? I should have just been making more money this whole time. Yeah, I should have just thought about making more money.

I'm such an idiot. Yeah, the other stuff in there is pretty like, it was like, everybody's working home, but be more careful about you, get rid off your home office, stuff like that, yada, yada. about it, but it was like, like, so there's the numbers from that article. How are the explicit on it. Some Americans may have more concerned by getting audited than others. One such groups is low-income households less than $25,000 in annual earnings. This group is five times as likely to be audited as everyone else, according to the recent

house by IRS data by that transaction records access to their own house. That's a TIRC is the group of Cues that did this study. About 13 tax returns per 1,000, followed by those earning less than 25,000 were audited. last fiscal year compared with a rate of 2.6,50,000 returns for people with incomes above 25,000. So if you make $20,99, you have about a point zero, a point one percent chance of getting audited. If you make more $25,000 and $1,000, you have about a 0.026 chance to get audited. Both of those are pretty low, but if you've ever been audited, I haven't, I've only heard from people that it's fucking hell. Yeah, I luckily have an answer. I keep expecting it

every year but I haven't experienced that either but I and I don't know I'm sorry if I'm getting ahead with this because I know that and you know reading through the stuff I know that this is mentioned but the first thing that I thought when I saw this was that I bet that it's and that this is not me excusing it I still think that it makes it fucked up but I just assumed that like the IRS has like quotas or something numbers they need to hit in terms of how many audits they do or whatnot and it just stands to reason that a person who's making far less money that their tax return would be way simpler for them to audit than pouring through all the fucking shell company bullshit that a rich person has going on so it's just like a it's like laziness more

than malice or whatever or they're just going for like this is just so much easier doing this than messing with you know Elon Musk and them so we're just going to not do that For sure. Matt seemed to try beauty my camera. I don't even have to do that, Matt. Right, right. Like, Matt, such a fix shit we can't fix.

It is what it is. Okay. Yeah. Mark, just click the camera button under the screen that we're both on. You see the icon? Yeah. Click that. All right.

I feel so alone. Anyway, go ahead. All right. from a void uh so yeah you're right so like if you're if you're a fruit picker we have to you have to like pick so much fruit which fruit uh per per hour and you're bumping up against your deadline where are you going to pick lowest hanging fruit right so like here this thing this houston newspaper interviewed uh this like cba who was talking about issues the IRS and said um based the IRS has become so smart and underfunded like no one there knows what they're doing

uh and also they're way behind like they're 40 million or right now that have not been processed from last year. 40 million is a lot. I don't know how many returns they get, but there's only 300 and some million people in the United States. So a lot of those are kids, a lot of those people are retired, and a lot of those people are filing simple returns,

and some people file jointly. So I would guess they probably get like 180 million returns, so like a quarter of them from last year they haven't fucking gotten to yet. And the CPA was like it's much easier for the IRS to find errors in a simple form, like a 1040. It takes more eyes to comb through complicated returns and find red, flags, not only as the IRS going through an employee shortage, and some of their workers aren't fully knowledgeable or trained. So, yeah, they basically, we've referred it this way before, but Republicans have defunded their police.

Right. Yeah. All this just makes me absolutely fucking furious because we, like, they tell us, whenever we need the government to do something to say it can't afford it. They're not even, like, give them enough resources to, like, claim the money that they're owed. We're not talking about raising taxes anybody here. We're just trying to make people pay taxes they already got. um to pick up the syracuse stuff matt i just want to talk about these charts for a second um okay this is just talking about your the rate of being audited look at the gap between that like low-income wage orders

there's that 13 versus 2.6 and uh all of these taxpayers that's the gap here uh throw up that extra map yeah this is just astounding to me to look at uh it's fucking infuriating because we we talked about the pro public out of that we went through earlier, in the whole episode on late last year, I think, about how Elon Musk paid $0 in taxes. And on paper, Jeff Bezos made $80,000 last year from Amazon. That's the salary he paid taxes on was $80,000. Right, because they make all their money through all their, like, investments and shit and assets that they have and whatnot. So it's not income.

And then their income, as far as what goes down on a piece of paper, is, yeah, some shit like, 80 grand and then that's what they pay income tax on. So that's how they get away with paying nothing more nefarious than that. Because I remember, I think I thought about some show before, but I have an explainer for why Trump didn't want to open his taxes up. It's not because necessarily did anything illegal. It's because what's legal, like if you don't take your capital gains, if you roll it over to more investments, you can keep accruing assets while not actually taking any income, even though you're getting much richer. But then what you can do is you can take a loan based on your equity.

and live off the loans. But your paper tax return to say you took a loss, even if you roll real estate over to double your holdings. So you get a tax rebate on your business losses because you're living off loans to pay your mortgage and shit. It's fucking perverse. And it's not something that anyone else can do

if they're not incorporated and don't have the assets for expensive, you know, accounts and lawyers. Because it's absolutely legal. The shit makes me wonder, like, how we get any money from these people. You know what I mean? Like how like it just seems like they're so good at getting around paying almost anything.

It's like you said, it's not just not like tax evasion. I mean, I guess it is, but it's like legally speaking, it's not. It's just loopholes that they, you know, know how to exploit because they have the resources to employ a team of people dedicated to no other pursuit than helping them exploit those loopholes. And it's just, yeah, it's maddening. People talk about like the rates and stuff on the rich. but it just goes so much further than that, you know? Yeah. And the meeting from it, like, I think, look, we all need money to eat,

and that's absolutely it, but money is also power, right? So whoever gets to hold on more of their money has more power in life and in politics. So, like, they're rattling their sabres to raise taxes on poor people. Like, Rick Scott put out his congressional plan, like his agenda for when Provin's take back the Senate. It's sort of his document for what he would like to do, his plan to run for president. And it's all about raising money on low wage earners because Republicans always throw out this talking point that the bottom 50% don't pay any taxes. Now it's bullshit because you pay sales tax, you pay property tax, you pay state tax, you pay

yada, yada, you pay social security tax. But yeah, when it comes to federal income tax, sometimes you fall in a bracket, we don't pay that. So, but this is a video from Ohio Senate candidate, Mike Gibbons. He's the one who almost got beat up. Yeah, by Josh Branden. Yeah, this is business papal, the one that Manfred L tried to fight. The top 20% of earners in the United States pay 82% of federal income tax. We only have, and if you do the math, and 45% to don't pay any income tax,

you can see the middle class is not really paying any kind of a fair share, depending on how you wanted to define it. Now, the problem is, is you need the middle class to win an election. So the narrative is the middle class is getting screwed and the wealthy, the elite are getting, are cheating everybody. Just, dude, to me, the audacity of this motherfucker to be like, to just be like, you know, you don't know how good you got it, American middle class. Like, you need to stop bitching.

you guys don't pay shit really you should be you know grateful for us for bailing the rest of y'all out for so long everybody acts like all the middle class is getting screwed but really it's the opposite and you need to keep you know you need to keep that in mind and know your place middle class and he just like don't even get me started on the poor yeah if you this uh the wall street journal does this series it is running bit they call people that don't pay uh fiddle income tax lucky duckies. That's what they call people who are too poor to pay federal income tax. Again, they're still paying Social Security,

still paying sales tax, still paying rental taxes, still paying mortgage, you know, property taxes, yada, yada, yada, yada. But it's like, it's absolutely insane because if you want to, if you really think that people are lucky, if you want to make less you can always make less money. I know. Dude, I hate that shit. The whole, this like prevailing narrative they've always had that it's like super poor people are living life.

on easy street. They just sit back with their feet kicked up, letting everybody else pay everything for them. And it's like, dude, everything about being poor fucking sucks. It's like it's not easy at all. Only someone who's never been poor would think that being poor is fucking easy. Or that you're lucky. Like when, you know, that's clearly it's not luck.

Like, it's not lucky to be poor in this country when, such a huge percentage of people are in that position like the luck the lucky ones are the ones on the other end of the spectrum but yeah just that idea that poor people are just kicking their feet up and being lazy and whatnot and just cruising through life is so so fucking insulting and infuriating we were joking at the top of the segment about like you like just one of the ways you avoid being audited was like making less than 25 000 I make it more than 25,000. Like, oh, why did we just think of that? But making less money is something, like when Biggie says more money, more problems, I know what he's talking about. He's talking about

the pressure and the, you know, all the attention and the more people asking you for stuff that comes along with it. But also, if you want to solve that problem, Biggie, write me a check for all your money and all your problems go away. Like, if you really thought it was more problems, you can just hand me your money and it all goes away. But no one actually believes that, of course, because it's fucking stupid. But go back to what I was talking about, money is power, right and this is how they think because like if they have more money they have more power and that's really all that all this comes down to it's

whether to turn to reach the political system to turn themselves in the feudal lords and all of us are serfs right this reminded me that this would viral last week because Applebee's exec got fired because he wrote an email to a bunch of managers yeah

so he wrote he was talking about how gas how gas prices are going higher is good for Applebee's basically because they will be able to stop paying people higher wages because people will be so desperate for work they'll take anything and it's fucking like this forward to a bunch of people the first one the most one forward to a bunch of people said words of wisdom from way these people were really excited about this well let me read a little bit from this all right everyone has heard the gas prices will continue to rise uh the advantage this has this has for us and that it will increase application flows of potential lower average wage. How you ask? Most of your employee base and virtual employee base

live with a paycheck to paycheck and increase gas prices cuts in the disposable income. As inflation continues to climb, gas prices continue to go up. That means more hours employees will need to work to maintain their current level of living. We're no longer competing with the government on hiring. Stimulus money is no more.

He's celebrating this shit. And he got like, fuck this guy forever. Because these are, again, give money to fucking eat. I know. look, I used to, I was a server at a chain restaurant, Oh, Charlies. They don't have them everywhere, but they're in the south. They're competitors with Applebee's. And I know

different states have different laws. And also I know that a lot of people work for Applebee's that are not servers, kitchen staff and whatnot. But like, when I worked at O'Charlie's, our hourly rate was $2.13 an hour. That's because we got tips, obviously, but I'm saying still, O'Charlie's wasn't paying that. And I don't know, Applebee's is all across the country. And I guarantee you in any given state, they're already paying the bare minimum that they can be paying anyway. And they're relying on the generosity of their clientele to, you know, supplement a huge chunk of their workforce's income in the first place. But it's just never enough. You know what I mean? It's like, no, we need to squeeze them even harder. And this, you know,

this very upsetting current economic trend will allow us to do so. It's like, no, we need to squeeze them even harder. And this, you know, this very upsetting current economic trend will allow us to do so. It's just, it's so, like, cartoonishly shitty the way these people feel about their workforce or just, or people in general. But, hey, Mark, you know what? Like, on the phone. I was thinking, I feel like, like, one of those, like, call-in radio show host or something. You know what I mean? Where you just see me, like, you could see me, and I got the cans on and everything, and I'm just nodding. Uh-huh.

We got, we got Mark from Virginia on. Hey, Mark, go ahead. Like, it feels like that kind of thing. But I was going to say Appleby's just trying to troubleshoot and, uh, but, uh, it didn't fix the problem. But he's driving me crazy. I'm going to drive to Seattle and fight him when I'm going to say, listen, in Applebee's defense, they need as much money as possible so they can afford to keep licensing the shittiest country music on the fucking planet for their goddamn ads that they run all over daytime TV and drive everybody crazy with. you know it's not like they're not using this money mark they have important expenditures

yeah they got it like how's the song go tray it's like fancy like we fancy like applebee's on a friday night because like i that song is the song i've hated the most out of the past 10 years in my life i think because when i first the first time i ever heard it was on an applebee's commercial and they name drop applebee's in the song and i thought i was like damn dude Applebee's has commissioned some shitty Nashville country artists to do like a country rap-ish like advertising jingle for their franchise and then when I found out that it's like no that's an actual hit song that Applebee's just co-opted for their commercials it was just I mean it's about right as far as like radio country goes but it was one of the more

grievous examples that I've seen. And it's got like, you know, fat old boys and cowboy hats just like, you know, dancing around and shit while they're playing it. And it's like fucking, uh, Applebee's,

they ain't it. Look, I, I dig Applebee's. I think it was probably more of Ruby Tuesday's man. I like to, I know, Charlie's too.

But like, it seems deeply classless here because we, I grew up white trash, but we knew Applebee wasn't fancy. Like, we're aware of it. It's just, it's a nice,

it's a restaurant we could afford. that was the nicest we could afford on like date nights and birthdays and stuff but like it feels like a rich guy being like you know what poor people think is fancy at least yeah um so uh what's the obvious thing is like i know it's a lot crazy class wars shit like i think i made this point before but like you should text a shit out of Elon Musk and depa so even if you didn't spin it or anything you put in a big pile and burn it like the fucking joker in dark night it would still make society better just because they'd be less powerful and you have less ability to ruin a democracy my wish.

And I sound like a lunatic when I say that, but it's essentially the same argument that the Applebee's dude is making the other direction is that we need to take away people's power to make decisions. They don't want their employees have any power over Applebee's, right? So I guess my point is you're in a terrible. It's just only when one

side complains about it is it called a class war. Yeah. I also saw it pointed out in one of these articles you had sent about how like just sort of institutionally or systemic kind of racist the whole thing is because of like, you know, because of the historical advantages that people, most of these millionaires are white people. And then the fact that

they pay less taxes than they should ultimately means that government programs that serve other communities, minority communities and stuff, they are underfunded and starved, which results in more disadvantages for those people. And it's just a just a big feedback loop of bullshit and the rich getting richer and everybody else getting fucked. Yeah. Cities start for revenue, so they have cops read a bunch of tickets and rest people for bullshit infractions and guess he was getting arrested.

But anyway, if you talk about how the law, even if it's not written raciously as disparate impacts, that's critical race theory. And of course, they can't actually say that. Oh, you're right. Sorry. I didn't mean to push critical rights theory here on the skewery. I'll be going for us.

I also just think, like, The idea of getting audited, I think people generally know that other countries don't work this way. Like, the government knows how much money you owe them or has their own idea. So what a same country does, the government goes, all right, you pay the right amount of taxes this year, don't worry about it. Or we did the math, it looks like you underpaid by a grand or so. So send us another grant unless you want to contest it. And it's a simple process. They just tell you what to do because no other, no one else I owe money.

to just sends me a form saying, guess how much money owe us? Yeah, and then send it to me. Right. And if you don't get it right, you're going to fucking go to jail. Yeah. Matt, if you want to start throwing some comments and stuff up, you can. But I was going to say, Mark, like, I actually didn't know that for a long time. I recently, or not recently.

I mean, it's been like years now, but I'm saying I was an adult when I found out that what you just said is true. Anthony Webb on YouTube says, hit that like button. Thank you, Anthony. Like, share, subscribe, all that stuff. But I didn't, I was an adult when I found out that in other countries, it works like you said. It's like you basically get a bill from the government saying this is the amount of taxes, you know, we say that you owe us and you can dispute it if you want to. And it was one of those things where it was like, oh, right, that's really fucking weird that they make us do that in the first place, you know.

But I mean, I always just took it for granted because I didn't know any different. But it's like one of those things when you point it out, you're like, oh, yeah, that, why do we do that? Samantha Sage Schwant says I was audited last year, still waiting on the refund. Yeah, well, you try to make it more money, Samantha? How about that? Yeah. And as with everything else in America, the end, the answer is the reason for why this way is corruption, because if you make taxes as difficult as possible, you have to hire an accountant,

and accountants like H&R Block, why be the government to keep tax as complicated as shit and difficult. and control attacks too. So they just bought Congress to make taxes difficult and now we all suffer for it. Yep. So, um, yeah, fun.

DC Trevet on YouTube says trickle down is the biggest lie ever perpetrated on any society. Uh, yeah. It's obvious if you think about two seconds too because the money would trickle down to you, they would change the system. Right. Yeah. Why would anybody want through money trickling down, right? Yeah, I saw,

uh, some rich fuck tweeted. I don't know when it was, but I just saw it recently. We was like, you know, if you give, I think it was when they were talking about like stimulus checks or something like that. It's like if you give a rich person $600, that money is going to accrue in value over time and be turned eventually into other assets and whatever else. He's like, you give $600 for a poor person. It's gone in a week. And it's like, yeah, because they have actual shit.

They got to spend money on, you know, which they, you know, that they turn around. give that money back to fucking the their mechanic or the grocery man you know what i mean they stimulate the economy instead of just shoving it into some fucking you know wall street black magic fund that doesn't do anything for anybody but like i don't know i mean they really do see it that way though you can't give poor people money they'll just spend it and it's like we don't shouldn't you want that like that's called that is trickle down like it trickles down to like mechanics and grocery stores and you guys who put

installers and you know gosh gosh when you buy your kid pants it's ridiculous Jonathan Dye on Facebook says I literally got audited when I was a 15 year old bagger at Kroger goddamn I guess I never we both getting audited this year

Mark we're we're gonna summon it we're manifesting it by talking about because yeah I'm so far I've avoided that scourge. I feel like you'd be freaked out as a 15-year-old bagger just because, you know, that's some wild-sounding shit to happen to you. But also it's like, you know, what they're going to do?

Well, I guess I shouldn't say that. Oh, D.C. Trevitt on YouTube says, can't wait to see you and the boys this Friday night, Tray. Yeah, Portland. Portland. We're going to be a helium in Portland this weekend. Looking forward to it. Portland's great. A few of those shows.

We're there all weekend. Some of those shows are already sold out, but there are tickets left for the later ones if y'all are into that um and yeah well redcomedy dot com if you want to get some tickets watch out for antipa trick i know i'm gonna be talking about that i got some antipa stuff in the works um so yeah but portland's always a good time i also made up with just a quick and the last time we were in portland this uh lady at the show gave us some homemade weed cookies not saying you should not saying you shouldn't just saying somebody did and she said they were 10 milligrams each so we go back to the hotel room and me and

Corey Drew calls it early night me and Corey split one of these cookies and we're just going to turn on Netflix and right after we turn it on we get a message from that from this woman who said oh I'm so sorry I just realized that those I gave you the wrong batch those are 30 milligrams each not 10 so just want to make you guys aware which you know I appreciate you know I appreciate show her telling us but we'd already eaten it and for both me and corey the difference between five milligrams and 15 milligrams is the difference between getting like misted and diving into a pond like it's a it's a whole thing we ended up we had to we freaked out and had to turn netflix off because we had started cicario and cicario opens with like a hundred bodies

being unearthed in the walls of a suburban texas home and that freaked us the fuck out So then I don't know how we landed on tickle fight, but we had a tickle fight in Corrie's bed for what felt like forever, but could have just been 90 seconds. And woke up the next day still couldn't, I couldn't tell if I was still high or not 12 hours later. And Portland's a wild place to not be sure if you're still high or not. You know what I mean? Because there's a lot of wild shit going on up there. Aaron Lee on YouTube says, my girlfriend, Elise and I just got engaged. would appreciate a shout out.

Well, congratulations. Aaron and Elise. Good for you. My wife's name is Aaron, so I'm a big fan of errands. All right. I will say, I do love Portland. My biggest Portland, I was there for, I went there a few times for Bridgetown County Festival. And one time I was there, one morning I was woken up, the hotel was next to a park.

And I was awakened by at an adult marching band practicing. and then the next morning I was awakened by like a hundred person from circle. So Portland is exactly what you think is and I love it. Yeah, no, I agree completely. Kim Shea 22 on YouTube says, oh my God, I'd pay to watch that tickle fight. Yeah, it was a hotly contested affair. I would say that I won a tickle fight, but, you know, Corey might dispute that.

I forgot the single most Portland thing I saw was we walked past another park, me know what he's own and they were uh there wasn't a like adult open fight i mean like an open invite like potluck so like hundreds of people just brought dishes to share and i was like god you people are trusting yeah yeah that is absolutely insane yeah yeah i mean i just told you we ate those drug cookies you know but um but yeah no i hear you but yeah portland is like it's because i mean I know. It's not like it's exactly in every, it's not literally just straight up Portlandia, but it's like you said, it is like, you know, it is what it is. Like it, Portland is very Portlandy. Like in most regards, Florida is very Floridae.

You know, some places just be the way they are. Wanda Sharp on Facebook says we have a little bit of everything here in Portland. Yes, you do. It's going to be cold, I believe. Need to get that Jewish guy works for Biden on the case. Maybe I can fix that for us, but. But yeah, it'll be fun. I guess I'll go ahead and also remind. So one last time, sorry about the goddamn technical issues.

And you know, if you've been watching this for a while, we've got a long history of them, but I think we've done pretty good recently. And hopefully this would just be a blip. We'll be back to normal next week. But in the meantime, if you want to support the show and you want to get some extra skews content, you can give us $5 a month on Patreon

and get full-length bonus episodes weekly skews.com slash more or patreon.com slash tray crowder it's all the same to us and uh we would appreciate it so i guess with that we'll put an end to this thanks for calling in mark i appreciate it long time first time trey that's right okay well all right thanks guys so you love you bye