Weekly Skews - Weekly Skews 4/19/22 – Manly Man Talk

Episode Date: April 20, 2022

This week Tucker Carlson was brave enough to ask the question burning inside every American’s mind: If you ain’t tannin’ your balls up, can you really call yourself a man? Let’s discuss. Also, the wildly unqualified judge who struck down the mask mandate, an update on perhaps the very saddest of January 6ers, and more!Support the show

what's up everybody welcome back happy skews day to you it is april 19th 22 i'm trey crowder and that's mark aie what's up mark what's up tray buddy uh hope you had a good easter uh oh buddy yeah you know we get get to do it real big for easter in this godless household but yeah i mean i do have children you know like to keep them busy in the yard for a little while, put some eggs out there, whatever. I was actually talking to Corey earlier this week. I feel like with Easter, it's really, really easy to hide the Jesus ball, if that's what you're trying to do. Do you know what I mean?

Because of how, like, sort of goofy, and since it's been pointed out a million times, but like a rabbit with eggs and chocolate, it doesn't, like, automatically call to mind Jesus. So you're just like, you know, if you got kids and you ain't into that whole tip, you're just like, yeah, the rabbit, there's eggs, go find them. there's money in them or whatever so you know it's fine what'd you do uh i was uh remit like i remember i was just laughing all day because i just had this vague memory uh quinstallie yesterday i was the 10th anniversary of my dad passing i was just thinking about my dad and i remembered uh one easter my sister had pet rabbits it never worked out well one got eaten by a dog one ran away and got eaten by something else i guess uh funny story one of our dog when our dog in a rabbit. It pushed up through

the rabbit hutch. So my sister went out to feed a rabbit in the morning the dog was just sitting in the rabbit hutch, just like. Where the rabbit used to be. Yeah. Yeah, that's some, that's some country shit right there. Yeah, but one Easter,

my dad decided he wanted to prank her. So he woke me up at like 5 a.m. to help him die the rabbit all different colors like patches, the Easter bunny, which is like a children's book we read as a kid. So I had to hold this rabbit Well, my dad laughing his ass off was covering in blue and pink food coloring. And then, like, my sister was eight.

She wasn't stupid. She comes out. She didn't think that her bunny and turned to Easter money. My dad's prank, it didn't work, but I had to try to play it off while I'm just covered. Like, I got blue and pink hair all over your fingers and everything. I was just thinking about that and laughing. Dude, that was way more wholesome than I was expecting it to be. I thought, I mean, I guess at one rabbit did get eaten by a dog.

When you first were like, yeah, I made me think of my dad and my sister had rabbits. And I was like, God, who ate these rabbits? But it was just the dog, you know. Animals did not do well around my house. My mom won a vacation Bible school. They did like a nativity reenactment. It was like it was supposed to be like a like a barred, like a market place, like in, you know, in Jesus times. And so she barred all these animals, including a donkey named Big Mac that got loose and ran away.

So we had to run around the woods chasing Big Mac. And then she barred this goat from a neighbor. And we're keeping it in a dog pen, but the dog pen was in the sun. Well, I'm got concerned their neighbor's goat was hot. So she took it out of the pen and chained it to a tree in the shade. Guess what happened to that dog tray? That goat tray. A dog got that one too.

Got some serious dogs, dude. There wasn't no Pomeranian shit going on at the agey household. Yeah. Yeah, we didn't. Bad luck with animals. The dogs had good luck, though, sounds like. Every other day, the dog was like, it must be my birthday. Damn, free goats.

I can't even go nowhere. I love this place. It's like, it's like Jurassic Park before the first one they just chained the goat up and a Trent T-Rex came like that. Yeah. While we're on the subject of predators, Alex Jones declared bankruptcy this week, Trey. He's, of course, being sued by the Sandy Hook people. And his bankruptcy, of course, he's not actually running out of money.

He's trying to show his assets from the law. players. But he did something real funny. He, um, he tried the name himself as his number one creditors. So Alex Jones Inc. went bankrupt and he tried to arrange it where the first person that gets paid out is all the money Alex Jones Inc. owns to Alex Jones, which is really funny. In other news, before we get to the show, uh, our boy JD got the Trump endorsing, baby. He won the first leg of the psycho decathlon. Uh, and it's really funny. He must be very excited. Yeah, yeah. All this, all this, all his horror. and sucking up paid off.

But what was funny was when Trump put out the endorsement. He said something along the lines of, he said, JD has had some not nice things to say in the past, but it's come around. The night nice things were a text message or DM he sent to someone that a screen grad to win viral. Here's what JD said in 2016. I'm not surprised by Trump's rise,

and I think the entire party has only itself to blame. We are whether we like it or not, whether we like it or not, the party of lower income, lower education, white people. And I've been saying for a long time we need to offer these people something in all caps. Hell, maybe an expender appealed to working class black people in the process, in parentheses, or a demagogue would.

We're now at that point, Trump is the fruit of the parties collective neglect. I go back and forth thinking Trump as a cynical asshole like Nixon, who wouldn't be that bad, parentheses, it might even prove useful in parentheses, or that he's America's Hitler. How's that for discouraging? This is the guy who J.D. is flated for the past two. years. Yeah. No, I know.

I mean, yeah, like, we were talking about him recently, and I said, I said, you know, how he had come to our show and I'd met him and talked to him and all that stuff. And that's like, this was 2016, J.D., when he was saying all that shit, like, you just read right there. You know what I mean? Like, he was singing a pretty different tune, but you just can't, you can't do nothing over there anymore if you don't, if you don't kneel and kiss the ring. Speaking truth in the DMs and lying in public, baby.

That's what it takes right nowadays. But, like, I'm not sure, like, who's more. cucked there. Trump, because like, Trump obviously sold his endorsement to Peter Thiel. And it's like, who's working for who? I can't even figure out anymore. It's like, it's like a, it's like a 69 of cucking going on. Yeah.

I explained it. But like, this is like the thing these people do have to get, get his endorsement. Like, there's an Alabama house, uh, I think it's, I forget it's a senator house right now, but he had endorsed Mo Brooks, Trump had, but he resented his endorsements. The house, I'm pretty sure, Mo Brooks are representative. He wasn't. I think maybe he's running for it. I think he's running for trying to get...

Oh, he's running for the Senate now? Okay. I'm talking on my ass. I could just click on the link and look it up. But you guys, if you guys are really that curious, anyway, it doesn't matter. These all assholes. But so the woman who's trying to get his announcement currently

used to be a centrist like never trump her. And he's roasted her for her names Katie Britt, I think. He called her the Lynn Cheney of Alabama. And her husband got caught liking some tweets. He likes some tweets in 2016. in last year one we talked about we just watched a man

melt down a live TV that was a tweet during the debate with Hillary and then he talked about how Kyle Rittenhouse was the fruit of Trump's America he liked that tweet and somebody dug those up and he immediately pivoted to I've been framed by Big Tech. I never liked those tweets. I quote

just like Big Tech maliciously and wrongly banned President Trump and helped rig the election against him I have no doubt the anti-Trump big tech backers and Mike Durant will falsify anything that Mike Durant is the other Trump's psycho running. So it's like this is all fucking stupid. So fun fact about that guy. So Katie Brith, the one who's running for office, her husband. I saw the name and the rundown. And I was like, is that? And I looked it up. And he played O-line at Alabama and then in the NFL for a few

years. So like this dude's had his brain mush around a few times. You know what I mean? Like he probably don't remember. He might not remember lacking them tweets. You know, it's hard to say. But anyway, yeah. Alabama royalty, dude. I guess it makes me feel better. These people are have integrity when they think no one's looking. Yeah. At least there's that. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's get into it with us as always his producer, Matt. This is weekly skews.

I want to remind you all, of course, if you're vaccinated, want to see me live, you can go to well-read comedy.com. We're going to be in Louisville this weekend. We were just in Portland. Thanks to anybody who came out. It was incredible. And there will be some more days coming up soon. Probably next week I'll have some more to announce for y'all.

But either way, come see us in Louisville. secondly if you like the show and would like to support us you can do so by signing up on patreon five dollars a month to get full length bonus episodes um you can go to pay you can go to weekly skews.com slash more or go to patreon search for my name and you will find it there and you know come on give us a solid we we sure would appreciate it and we're having a good time with it okay as for the show tonight we will meet the federal judge in florida who struck down the mask mandate a trump appointee who turns out you never believe this doesn't seem to be entirely qualified.

Also, we will meet the January 6th equivalent of Eeyore, so that'll be fun. And then we're going to explore the new standard of American masculinity as defined by that most manly of men, Tucker Carlson. All that and more on tonight's skews. But first, of course, the Daily Dumbass, Matt, graphic, please. Tonight's D.D., anyone who's ever been homeless who did. not seek inspiration in this most obvious of sources. Play the clip. I haven't given a history lesson in a while, and I want to give you a little history on homelessness. Not in 10, Hitler decided to live on the streets for a while. So for two years, Hitler lived on the streets

and practiced his oratory and his body language and how to connect with this is, and then went on to lead our life that's got him in a history book. So it's not a dead end. They can come out of these homeless camps and have a productive life. A productive life. Yeah. Just keep your nose to the grindstone. And one day you too might commit a Holocaust.

This is, of course, from my home state of Tennessee. It's been at least a week, I think, until we've been in the, you know, absurdly stupid headlines coming from the state. there. Senator Frank Nicely represents Strawberry Plains, District 8, up there in the northeast part of the state. So yeah, keeping that reputation strong. Hitler, Mark, he was homeless. Look how he turned

out. Matt made this point, but like, there's lots of famous successful people who were homeless. He could have went with Lizzo, Tiffany Haddish, Jewel, Harry Houdini, Charlie Chaplin. He could have picked

anybody but fucking Hitler. And just like, I mean, I know why he didn't pick Lido, Liz over Tiffany Haddish, because like, you know. Yeah. But like, what the, this is like, oh, God. If you guys don't know this, what county are you from, Trey? I'm from Clay County. He represents Clay Born and among some others, I think, yeah. This is not ours, I'll be honest.

I'm sure our state level representative is probably not much better, but I don't even know. Yeah. So a little bit more about this guy. One, he's a birther, because of course he is. also he's argued again that global warming isn't a problem because carbon dioxide is actually good for plants it's plant food so therefore more carbon dioxide is good he also made up a weird conspiracy theory about coyotes

he would he told a bunch of people that of the explosion of coyote population was because the State Department of Wildlife or whatever was importing coyotes for some sort of nefarious and it was like no coyotes just came here but I don't know with it it's fucking weird these people are like everything Everything's a government conspiracy, man. Coyote.

He thought they were importing coyotes. Did you see from where? Like, was it Mexico? Was he like Mexico? Not just sending the drug dealers in the right, but they're sending their coyotes up here too. Yeah. They're up here.

Chasing all our roadrunners of Tennessee. Speaking of roadrunners, he does love birds in a specific way. He's argued against making cockfighting a felony in Tennessee and help defeat a bill that would have increased the $50 fine for cockfighting to 25. 500 bucks saying that cockfighting is a cultural tradition. He said, quote, they pay their taxes.

They're not bothering anybody. I don't know what the big deal is. He also said that cockfighting brings in tourist dollars in other states. Yeah, buddy. You didn't know that? Tennessee, that's like our number three source of tourist funds right there, big cockfighting state. It's like, look, I've never been to a cockfight. Me neither.

I've been aware of them, though. like I like I can remember hearing about you know all about cockfights existing you know like when I was in high school and shit I never went and checked it out though yeah uh it just like he just like but it's so weird to me how the reactionary mind works is like let me think of a cruel thing and be in favor of it um speaking of which what he's speaking in favor of there is uh Tennessee just outlawed homelessness well not officially the governor still got to sign up but he's definitely going to sign it because your governor is a psycho um they basically made it's a $50 fine for air quote public camping now talk about not solving the fucking problem someone's too poor to afford a place to live you find them 50 bucks I know right that's how it always goes man it's like it costs so much money to not have any money in this country you know what I mean everything that's associated with being broke comes with fees and shit you know whereas of course the opposite is also true if you got enough money that money will just make more money and you don't have to do shit

But it's like, God, I get so mad when people talk about homelessness because it's like none of this, there's no, there's no connection between homeless people who are a problem, us fining them for being homeless, then problem solved. No, I know. That's my whole thing with it. That's my whole thing with it, too. It's like the people had argued for it. They were like, well, see, this gives the police an extra tool in their belt to combat homelessness. And I'm like, what, how the fuck? Where do they then go? Like, it's like, how many more steps removed are these people from literally just saying, just shoot them? Like, just go shoot them in the street. That would solve the homelessness problem. It's like, because, like, Like you said, it doesn't, finding homeless person $50 or running them off from one spot, it's not like that gets them a job and sets them up with a place to stay. Like, they're still, they're still going to be homeless in and around that general area. I just don't understand what this is supposed to do. Yeah. And if you can't pay your fine, of course, it's going to have bench award out for your arrest,

which means you're going to get arrested and end up in jail. And by the way, it's much more expensive to put someone in a jail than it is to just give them a fucking apartment. Right. It's way more expensive. It's just like, this is so ass backwards. I find all of it so frustrating. Ask back, but that's our middle name in Tennessee. We're right there in the heated race for dumbest state legislature right now, for sure.

I mean, California, in the recall election, the most viable Democratic guy on the ballot, if Nusa had been recalled, his main platform was using the National Guard to round up the homeless and put him in camps. this is not this is a nationwide fucking moral and ethical and policy disaster doesn't yeah uh we hate poor people in this country it's crazy absolutely can't stand them no uh all right well let's move on talk about something that everybody else this country also hates god damn and having to wear a mask every day guess what you don't have to anymore not in the airports anyway the mass band that was struck down some people are thrilled about it including uh dan krenshaw here Beard. Clop alone if you feel like a room without.

Okay. Because I'm happy. Clav alone if you feel. Don't happy. Club alone. All right. That's enough. Yeah.

This episode is going to disappear from YouTube now, but we'll say. But yeah, Dan Crenshaw, literally just walking around at the airport with no mask on and blasting some Pharrell Williams. I feel like would probably not be entirely down with that musical choice, just a guess. No. I mean, it's like with these guys. I mean, I understand the conservatives have to separate art from artists all the time because none of them like them. But she's going to exclusively listen to Kid Rock and Nugent. But choosing Farrell for this, Ferrell's cousin was killed by cops.

He's been calling for a federal investigation into that. So, like, I don't think he want to be associated with this, especially because I don't think, I don't know if he really loves that his most famous song is from Despickel Me Too. If you don't know, Farrell, he's a brilliant producer who was behind the Neptunes. And the band nerd, whose most famous song is lap dance, which I'm betting Dan Crenshaw was not familiar with. We wanted to use this talk about the air, the, to get into talking about the mass mandate ending on airplanes. I don't really, whatever, the policy implications of it, nobody's wearing masks anymore anyway. So like, what the fuck would be doing here?

But like, the fact these people are so mad about mass on an airplane, it's like you fly a lot, Trey. All the time. If you hold a cup of water in your hand, no one makes you put the fucking mask on. It's not a hard rule to get around. Yeah, it's also, and I know this only applies to me or maybe some other people do it too. But also, I try to nap or sleep as much as possible, maybe have a podcast going or something. But I carry a ball cap that I just put over my face the whole time. So I don't have to, you know, see any light or as little light as possible.

And I was just thinking how, like, it, you know, I'm voluntarily covering my entire face up. just to keep the world out, you know, and how that's just the equivalent of full-bore fascism to so many people having to have half of it covered up the whole time. Like, it's just the level of rage that these things have incited and so many people is wild to me because it's just, it's not really that big of a fucking deal, man, or it shouldn't be. But they, like, there was that logger.

You showed me a tweet in the group chat recently. There was some lawyer that was like, you know, I've worked as an attorney representing rapist, murderers, and you name it. And I've done that job proudly. But I resigned today because I refuse to be part of a system that makes children wear masks to school. He was on some, I don't remember how that worked out. He was somehow, like, involved in a school board dispute or whatever, and they were going to make kids keep wearing masks. And he was like, this was a bridge too far. Yeah, I think it was law for a school district.

But also, like, I don't mean there's still in defense attorneys because the reason you represent murders and rapists or whatever is to make cops do the jobs rights. I'm in favor of that. But the, I mean, Drew was a public defender. It's a noble profession. No, do public defender great. Like, I get the sentiment of, like, we need defense attorneys very badly. It's just a wild way to frame that, like, framing that argument and then following it up with. But fighting to keep masks on children is too much.

ask any attorney to do is just it's a wild way to frame the whole thing yeah um so uh yeah my my stent stent so mess isn't having to do with this with because the judge who made this decision and by the way a system of which a fucking just appointed federal judge in one circuit can just uh overrule an entire federal policy seems pretty insane to me but whatever uh this woman uh little about her Her name is Judge Catherine Kimball Mizzell. She clerked for Clarence Thomas, was rated as not qualified by the Bar Association. She was 33 when she was nominated and confirmed during a lame duck session in 2020. She's eight years out of law school.

Never tried a case of any time, of any kind. I looked into her record. She did sit like third chair for a couple cases, but she never even questioned a witness. She went to a little Bible college in Florida called Covenant College. I'd never heard of it. I looked up there, a notable alumni. and the only one I had heard of was the guy who killed John Lennon.

Yeah, Mark David Chapman and this lady. Yeah, and by the way, I never really understood why he killed John Lennon. It was because he compared himself to Jesus, so that Bible College totally worked on him. I've seen her age listed in a couple different ways, either 34, 35, which is only funny to me because she's so young for a judge.

It's like you're doing the little kid thing up, like, I'm 34 and a half. Yeah. the bar association dug up some papers she'd written just to get to the kind of lunatic she is she's the kind of originalist who who thinks shit that like paper money is unconstitutional tray isn't that like some

andrew jackson shit or something like didn't he hate currency too I'm pretty sure it was something like or the federal bank he thought something like that was unconstitutional but yeah that's like yeah you don't hear that one very often anymore yeah it's a big big plot line of Hamilton I think is that James Madison won in the Central Bank and Thomas Jefferson was opposed.

I don't know. But so the reason is like the Constitution mentions that the federal government can mint coinage, but doesn't mention paper. So it's that kind of like, that's to me is the embodiment of like conservative legal theory. It's like the, you remember the sign foot episode where it's like the card says moops? Yeah. Yeah. It's like everything's that.

It's like with Constitution says coin. So we all must carry 40 pounds of metal around in our pockets. Because 300 years ago, nobody knew that they could print cotton money, which is a little carrier. Anyway, she's an absolute, like, wing that lunatic. She's probably president in five years. By the way, the corruption angle of this is her husband was acting general counselor of the Department of Homeland Security under Trump, which is the job he got because he's friends

with Stephen Miller, noted psychopath. And I don't know if I mentioned on the show before, but he's the son of my landlords, the people who are in my building. How about that shit? Yeah, small world, right? So, by the way, yeah, his emails have become public when people foyered them. And her husband did get a bunch of work emails about overturning the election

because the Department of Homeland Security, of course, was who everyone wanted to seize the voting machines. Now his current job is working for that Jared Kushner fund. They just got $2 billion from the Saudi government. So everything functioning normally. Yeah, I mean, it's so clearly she's just, you know, she got this pretty big time, you know, appointed judge position based entirely just of all, you know, her connections and her ideas. She knew the right people and she agrees with the right things or whatever.

And there's really no argument to the contrary, given all the things you said. Like she was literally rated as unqualified for it by the American Bar Association, but still got in because that's how our system apparently works, which is fucked up. And it's also kind of wild juxtaposed with all the, you know, the grilling and everything. that they did to Contagy Brown Jackson, you know, a couple of weeks ago for the Supreme Court. Yeah. It's just, it's a farce. If you're wondering what's coming, by the way, because she's an avatar of this whole movement. The thought process behind her ruling was nonsense. It's basically saying that she completely misread the statute to make it say something it didn't say. And she said that making people wear a mask on a plane is the same thing as barring people from

airplanes who don't want to wear masks, which is the type of season them, like under the Fourth Amendment, so it's like being arrested. And, but basically this type of people don't think the government should be able to do anything. So like we've talked before about how the end result of this is the Supreme Court saying that the, the EPA can't regulate anything. Right. It's going to end the end with New Orsitz gets his way. The FDA is not going to be able to inspect meat anymore.

Nothing's going to be able to work. And so she, this is the beginning of that. Fun time. so yeah that'll be good people will be being ground up into spam and shit before you know it back to the good old days that's what we're going to do with the holiest right make it yeah there you go that's an idea kill two birds of one stone um all right next up let's talk i called him the january sixth equivalent of eor let's talk about this guy mark um so his name is dustin thompson fun fact anybody's listening well red podcast for a long time may already know

my best friend in the world for my whole life is also named Dustin Thompson. So this guy has been a big fixture in the group chat recently. And my Dustin Thompson is not a huge fan of it for reasons that will become obvious. But anyway, yeah, go ahead, tell us about him. Yeah, so he's the guy. You might have seen the viral photos. He's the one that stole the lectern. It was carrying it around, Dan, smiling and dancing.

Oh, all right. I do remember that guy. So when he threw himself in the mercy of the court, after being convicted and it was like all I did basically you're saying I'm a very sad and lonely guy and I just wanted Trump's respect and approval so like he just wanted Trump to be his daddy

and like that's not even the most sad thing about this this is a thread from a reporter covering I'm reading from there's a lot of compelling testimony in the Dustin Thompson case today but the most brutal lie might have come from his wife a Democrat about what she was doing on January 6th when her husband was off stealing a coat rack

I was just enjoying the house being quiet she said that's a classic wife burn right there the top rope with it yeah yeah that's a good one uh do not do not marry the wrong person people you're they've known too many people it did and I'll fuck up your whole life but uh so she said she didn't believe all the nonsense conspiracy theories that her husband was consuming online and he he lost his job to get into pandemic so he was just real sad he was working he was working he was unemployed and he was just home reading the internet and

fucking yeah getting robbed up conspiracy theories he testified that if the president gives you an order to do something, I feel obligated to do that, which is like, here's the thing about living in a free country. Yeah. The founding principle of America is if the ruler tells you to do something, you absolutely do not fucking have to do it.

All right? These are people who call themselves patriots. Yeah, but dude, that's their whole thing is it's like clearly they want to live in like an authoritarian dictatorship, though. Like at their core. That's really what they want, evidently. So, you know, they're down for the marching orders, man.

Yeah. But, yeah, the guy said that he'd never really had any, quote, any strong male figures in his life. And so he just wanted Daddy Trump's respect and approval. Yeah. It's a 38-year-old married college graduate who told jurors that he felt, quote, good when Donald Trump told him on January 6th that he was, quote, stronger, smarter and had more going on than anybody. Oh my God This is like So these people are all being held

They put them in the same wing of the jail We've talked about before But there's a new piece NPR today about the behind the scenes going on there Because they've devolved into different fashions Depending on Because like one group of people One go fund me called Patriot something of course

Raise like three and a half million dollars And they're being very very They're making people jump through a bunch of hoops To get the money And they're two playing favorites and some people are getting really mad about it. But so the behind the scenes, like there's one guy with a Hitler mustache, because of course he does, who's like the pet of this go fund me, and he's deciding who gets dispersed funds.

So while some of these people are locked up, some of their families are getting hundreds of thousands of dollars to support them while breadwinners in jail. And other people are losing their homes and stuff because they don't have the right friends in the jail. Yeah. I mean, that sounds pretty American to me, you know, generally speaking. It's all about how you know, but the connections are. huge even in that world but uh yeah that's wild how that you know how that gets to work that way i mean i guess i don't know when any of the damn go fund me rules or whatever but yeah um yeah

so uh one detainee compared the situation to quote the movie mean girls but with racist anti-semitic experience i'd watch we should do a sketch about that or something yeah racist mean girls get set with these dudes in jail you know especially because I know you're getting to this. They put on little talent shows and stuff. I mean, you could have some fun with it. Yeah, this part, this is like, so what they're doing to kill the time in there.

This is from the story. When they did have access to recreation time, then he bonded. They sang the Star Spangled Banner at 9 every evening. God, well, boring people. Compare notes in legal cases, and this was part of the killed me. Even hosted a short-lived jailhouse show called the Hopium Den,

where inmates put on skits and did comedy routines roasting one another. sudden been made said the jokes could be brutally mean like I well I kind of want a transcript man from the hopium done I don't I mean there's some wild shit getting thrown about in the heck because I doubt they're like deaf like these ain't Jeff Ross types we're talking about you know what I mean they're not like deaf to roast masters I'm assuming so I'm guessing it's probably just straight up insults hurled at each other and then laughing after they say it and like I just just i kind of like to say at least a little bit of it yeah their version of a joke is he like said just called a guy fat or caught a fat guy tiny yeah or like and he's wife cheated on him a loser like that type of shit yeah yeah like or like uh maybe some racist jokes or sure probably like maybe like but it's funny to me these guys these people try to overthrow the government we're fine with that and killing cops but then we're like but that guy that that was all fine with me but then this guy said my mom's so fat when she sits around the house she sits around the house and that was too far as a bridge too far yeah oh dude that this this these people in this whole deal is truly the gift that keeps on giving as far as all that goes it's just something new every week yeah uh another dumbass update so we talked a couple weeks ago about a guy running against lauren bolbert who made that ad that we thought was funny at the time about like it was just a bunch of shit raining down

and then Lauren Bowbrook-sprang shit all around Congress. I mean, I might be wrong, but I feel like even when we watch that, we were saying, like, this dude's wild. Yeah. Right? Like, we were looking at like something. This is like, I didn't believe that it was real at first. I was like, this is a joke or something, but apparently he's for real.

But this dude's something else. Well, yeah, it turns out he is something else. I didn't predict the particular brand of something else that he is at the time. But anyway, go ahead. Yeah. Yeah. He's adopted an internet persona that's sort of like Herschel Walker's son and is doing very similar shit and we'll show you we're talking about.

He's really annoying and it turns out if you primary this guy. I love when people are like, You policy, you lost my vote. Oh, what thought was that? Was that the vote you were going to give to some Bernie wannabe who's overkill policies are unpopular with 75% of voters just so you can feel good about yourself until they lose the general election, at which point you'll point your finger and blame someone else? That vote?

Oh, honey. Your vote got lost a long time ago. Democrats need to wake up. Jesus. In order to legislate... You guys get the gist. Yeah, I mean, I was wondering how Democrats could lose to a Q&N person that sold poisonous pork sliders and has a husband who showed his dick to children.

But this guy's the walking answer. He's just so fucking incredibly lame. So, like, he posted this video to, like, and then everyone made fun of him for it. And he did the conservative thing where he pretended like everyone making fun of him. was being canceled. And then he made this video, which is even more lame somehow. Throw yours away on some ultra-liberal pipe dream

who has no shot just to make yourself feel warm and fuzzy at night. In order to legislate Democrats must win. And in order to win, we need to nominate candidates who represent the district and play smart with common sense policies that can win. Not some platform designed to placate your overwoke Twitter temper tantrum pipe dreams. So, okay. I mean, look, I could be wrong and dumb about all this, but I just feel like it feels to me like the people who would be into this whole sort of like, like badass wisecracking super TikToky like persona he's doing are not the same people who are into ultra moderate centrist neo liberal like.

corporate liberal ideas. Do you know what I mean? It feels like it's not, it's not a great combination in my mind. Here's what's so insane about this. There is no market for radical centrism. Right. It does not exist. Centrist is a personality type that doesn't like a lot of complaining and fighting. It's a child or divorced parents personality type that just wants everybody to calm down. So like literally the only guy that was going to vote for this guy is this guy. Matt was saying Matt was saying before we got on here this guy really gets

producer Matt's what's the word gets his goat really good yeah this is like March dog Mark's dog gets producer Matt's goat this guy does Matt says this guy drives me fucking nuts he has a stereotype

of rural people and he's running on it but Matt was saying earlier it's like really the policies progressive policies are popular but the candidates have just not been popular or affected in a lot of examples whereas on the other end of the spectrum it's kind of they almost they barely even have policies like like conservative policies especially like uh fiscal ones aren't really popular with almost anybody but they've got the personalities the culture war shits and the fucking sound bites and all that that they're so great at to get their people but what this dude is trying to do i just uh i don't see it i don't see well i mean it's like there's a certain phenomena where like So you got your Lauren Bowverts and your merger, Taylor Greens, and they become viral famous for owning the libs, right?

So they get a bunch of grassroots money from conservatives like them owning the libs. And then liberals nationwide hate them, nationwide hate them, so then they, because the libs are being owned. So they become, their opponents become national fundraising targets. And they raise millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars. And so waste of money because Marjor Taylor Green is probably. almost definitely going to win. And I hate to break everyone's hearts, but it's just like this is the world we live in.

And the closest I can come up with what this guy is doing, he's just trying to raise a bunch of money nationally and then spend it on them fun stuff by bouncy houses as a campaign rally so you can jump around. I don't fucking know what he's trying to do. But it's not trying to win. And everything is doing so dumb

that the Washington Post ran a profile of him this week, even though he's like one of a guy, one guy on a primer in a house race, far away from DC there's basically like can get don't get done online win an election and the answer's fucking no unless you're Marjorie Taylor Green it is not going to work for this guy

it's a it's a a Boberts district is like Trump plus 10 or something I mean you're right it's like you know getting dunked on online it goes great for them but but again they are people they don't see it as them

getting dunked on they say it as them owning the libs Because when they get dunked on, they're like, look how hard that lib was owned. It was dunked on her. And it don't go the opposite direction. Yeah. Anyway, there are same people in that district. Here's a quote from a 19-year-old TikToker who's way more mature than this guy, who says,

I hate rude politicians, but I especially hate entitled candidates, said Olivia Juliana, who's 19-year-old activist, before urging Coloradoans to vote for Saul Sandoval, another Bulber challenger, who I recommend you guys voting for too. She's the daughter of immigrants, a social worker, and a community worker. organizer. Sandoval is also on TikTok, by the way, if that's what you're thinking is that your preferred policy platform. Oh my God.

So, yeah. Oh, God, this guy. Yeah. Anyway, that should add was fun. Yeah, it was a fun moment. Yeah. Speaking of TikTok, I can't remember if I talked, did I talk on here by how I got banned from TikTok for hate speech?

If I did or if I didn't, it's okay. They let me back on, guys. It's all right. Our long national nightmare is over. justice has been served and crisis averted okay you do the dances get back on there and do the dances yeah yeah i need to look into the dancing stuff that's where that's where it's really at over on tic-tok but uh let's talk about even manly or shit than tic-tok that's right and uh let's just gonna we're just gonna start with the clip this this uh Tucker carlson aired a promo for his new

documentary friday night it went viral because it's so fucking ridiculous you a lot of you probably already seen it. We're going to watch it because it's worth watching again, because it's fucking crazy. And then we're going to talk about it because I think it is indicative of something larger that I find fascinated. But go ahead and pull it, Matt. Hell yeah. Mr. Week thing, right?

It's a kind of like Jesus. Society collapses then. You're in hard times. Well, hard iron sharpens iron, as they say. And those hard times inevitably produce men who are tough, men who are resourceful, men who are strong enough to savon. They go on to reestablish order. And so the cycle begins again.

Dude. All right. Diane. is i think maybe the gayest thing since the volleyball scene from top gun it's like right goes right up there in the homo erotic echelon among such luminaries as that scene like what why are they they're all half naked comically jacked flexing wrestling and shit and then of course to say nothing of mr tam balls there yeah like he's got a nut tan and machine, man. Outside. Outside seems like a wild choice for your nut tanning machine placement. I guess unless, of course, you're a real man and you want to, you know, establish your dominance to the rest of the neighborhood and all the woodland creatures by tanning your nuts out in the open every evening, as the good Lord intended.

So Tucker's apparently producing a whole new documentary series called The End of Men. And that quote used in there is sort of a famous quote. it's been floating around for a while. I've no idea of the origin of it. But it's like, the paraphrase is like, hard times create hard man, hard men create good times, good times create soft men, soft men create hard times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Which is like, yeah. Just for a second, I'll talk about what bullshit that is.

Like all my grandfather is, one of my great-grandfathers fought in World War II, which is like the idealized version of this sort of this like meme. They did not fight in World War II. then I could have to fight in World War III. Right. The whole point of winning that war was so that I could have a job where I look at like filing draft and be like, uh, should we say, should this, I think Fuckin Nuggets is a better punch word here.

Let's use that. And then get food on goddamn fucking Grubhub and have a sweet. That's the whole point of it. It's not, it look, and then like, what is, how does this make, like, first of all, by the way, all the guys have fought World War II were like 19 year olds who were like 125 pounds or were living on beings. They weren't like super tough, rugged jacked guys.

And so this guy's sunning it. Like, drop those on Easter weekend. This is obviously like a Christ metaphor, right? Like it looks like he's being crucified. He's naked. And he's sunning his goddamn testicles. What would Jesus do?

Tan his ball sack. That's what. Yeah. Yeah. The point of this is you got to tan your testicles of red light in order to reverse the damage of reduced testosterone caused by libs. Wokism. Yeah, right.

Yeah. Exactly. Like why? So, yeah. I thought about that. It's like the whole sort of premise of it is, I guess, that, like, masculinity is being slowly neutered by our, like, weak, woke, liberal ideals or whatever, like the woke mob on Twitter or somehow chopping everybody's balls off or whatever is the sort of, like, central thesis. But, right, why would that affect this man's balls? This is a real genuine Tucker Carlson-approved manly man right here.

Why would his balls be in any kind of danger from us liberal queers on the left? Like me and you, Mark, like we're not affecting his balls. He should have big swollen, like Paul Bunyan balls, shouldn't you? I don't understand how that's supposed to work. Yeah, I don't really understand how it's supposed to work. Like being a pussy is contagious, is what they're saying, and they're all catching it from us. I guess, I guess, yeah, I mean, I guess what happened was, uh, me and this got made out and I gave him, I gave him lip darkness.

Yeah. Um, so, so Tucker's been on this there destroying men tip for a long time. It basically ramping up since there's a two, 2013 Gillette ad were for razors where they taught, talked about Me Too stuff. And basically like the Me Too movement, moving Me Too movement trigger this is sort of like, it's weird to me because it's like, they're basically saying like it was men were more manly back when they could spank their wives or whatever. I don't fucking really get it.

But like the thing about the domesticity stuff, he's like on a medical basis, not a political basis. He's not totally wrong. Testosterone drug levels have been dropping medically in men for like 20, 30 years now. And no one really knows why a lot of theories. One, humans are like older than we used to be. We're like heavier than we used to be. And both those things can affect.

Yeah, I was going to say, I assumed like all the other various ways we've gotten more unhealthy. over the years probably like ties into this you know like yeah but we're fatter too but like yet when michelle obama says hey you should feed your kid salad they're like get the fuck out of here you yeah fascist like so you know but also like that's from urology times um uh which is like you know a medical study but the funniest headline i found about this they kind of hurt my feelings a little bit was from Forbes and it said you're not the man your father was which felt a little hilarious and personal. But the way the clock in this stuff,

it's the funny metrics because they're like more metal looking or taking boner pills and testosterone treatments ever before. Which is like, yeah, I mean, yeah, because those things were just invented fairly recently in human history. And also people live way longer. So like when you're dying at 60, you're probably a fine stopping fucking at 45.

But when you're living at 90, you probably want to fuck to your 80. Also, I'm sorry. And I don't, you know, like, because I'm doing, we you know on the well red podcast we've been having blue chew ads for a while and everything and i don't feel like people taking more boner pills necessarily means that people are having trouble just getting boners more so than they used to be do you know what i mean it's just like

those are just buddy you know it's like a whole new boner is what i'm saying it's like it's like a gift boner you're giving yourself when you dive into those waters. So I don't think it's, I think everybody's just like, you know, yeah, I'd like some boner pills. Why not? As opposed to, without these boner pills, I cannot, you know, perform adequately or whatever. Yeah. It's far be it for me to stand between any man and his boner supplement of choice. Some of the other metrics were like they're like well in 20 2016 study the average 20 35 year old man could apply 98 pounds of force with right hand and grip down from 117 pounds by a man the same age in 1985 but like people work with their hands less than they used to like so like yeah way more guys are making

the living doing like pipe fitting back then and now most people make a living sending emails of different varieties so like I don't know that that's really telling you anything about a person's testosterone level or mainliness as opposed like we'll we spend our days doing. But also that one felt personal because like while I work out and stuff, I've, I've always had terrible grip strength. It's like, well, this was like grip strength isn't necessarily a proxy for overall fitness. It's a strong, but it has a strong predictor of future mortality. It's like, wait a minute. I'm going to, you know, no matter how hard I work out, I'm going to die sooner because I can't open a jar of pickles. This whole segment's just been

hitting real close to home for you, right? Mark. You're just like, I'm taking all that shit kind of personal. It's always like it's like, all the stuff that made my dad and more manly man than me is the stuff they fucking killed him. Of course, dude. All the manly man stuff will fucking kill you, you know? You used to be super manly, fucking smoking cigarettes, drinking whiskey all goddamn day, eating red meat, all that shit. All with, you know, hell, hits, but we'll kill you.

Yeah, all the hits will kill you, Trey. That's pretty much of the hits will kill you. Everybody does it. Well, the grip strength thing, I hit home for me, we're going on a tangent about medical stuff for a second. We'll back to the politics of it in a minute. But for that same article, this is pretty funny. will probably hurt your feelings like the grip strength did mine.

But meanwhile, certain forms of close relationships such as marriage, fatherhood, increased time, increased time to stay able to children are causally linked to lower testosterone levels. So, medically speaking,

knocking a woman up and raising kids with her, I know, make you gay. I know. That's what I was about to say. It's like, oh yeah, dude,

nothing's less manly than fucking marrying a woman and impregnating her multiple times. I can't get much gayer than that. We all really, dude, we should all just be living together man just us man with our shirts off out in the woods just chopping trees and stuff no women around just just just manless utopia you can imagine just a bunch of bros being dudes naked you know get the women out of the equation that's that's that's that's that's how to be truly manly yeah but anyway bring it back to the sunning stuff uh no matter it really

doesn't matter how many wives and kids you have trade the real problem your testosterone is that your balls are too pasty white. Take it from the man himself, Tucker Cross. You saw on the clip there, if you want to optimize and take it to another level, expose yourself to red light therapy. Yes. And the juve that we were using in the documentary. Look at Tucker's on a massive amount of...

It's testicle tanning. It's testicle tanning, but it's also full-body. Red light therapy has a massive amount of benefits. And there's so much data out there that is. isn't being picked up on or covered. So obviously, half the viewer right now are like, what? That's testicle tan? That's crazy.

But my view is, okay, testosterone levels like, crap. All right. So this is like, he's doing medical misinformation, right? Which is like, this documentary is also interviewing RFK Jr., who's like, you know, America's leading anti-vax advocate for like decades now, who's, you know, married to Cheryl Hines. And I, like, I think we think of this. stuff. All right. There's an article like in the Washington Post this week talking about how what

Tucker Carlson's really selling his doubt. And that's pretty much what he does. He just tells you this thing you thought you believed. Actually, you can't believe those people. That's literally every segment he does. Right. And so he's doing this with all kinds of medical stuff right now. And the rights been doing this for years. We think it's like someone called a goop for the mega set. Yeah. It exists all through fucking right wing media. Yeah, man. I never thought about it that way until I saw the rundown earlier, but that's fucking perfect, in my opinion. It's all that, like, sort of alpha

brain fucking bro supplement shit that everybody knows is everywhere. It's all over the place. And, like, yeah, goop for the alt-ride or whatever is seems pretty accurate. Alex Jones was selling literally the same supplements that Gwyneth Paltrow was pushing

in Goop, but, like, just changing the labels to look tough, like, with skull, instead of putting, like, flowers on it, he puts like skulls on it, but it's the same fucking ingredients, right? And it's like, It's not just Alex Jones, like Mike Sarajevich was pushing gorilla powder, which is like, I don't forget it was any of it, but it's supposed to make your brain and both your brain and your dick stronger if you bought it off his website.

Um, they sell fad diets, exercise regiments, the carnivore diet, which Jordan Peterson was pushing, which put him in the fucking hospital with gout along with his pill addiction. Uh, these, like, these are like,

I don't know what it is about, like if you watch Fox News for 10 minutes, all their ads are for gold, like cash for, gold or gold for gas scams, right? And it's like, if you sign up for a single conservative mailing list, you've been inundated with scam ads for like medical curealls, doomsday prep or stuff. And I don't know what it is about the reactionary mind.

It makes them so susceptible to scams. I think part of it is like conservatives tend to be older and older people tend to be more susceptible to scams. But also just being scared of stuff all the time is an element of reactionary mind that makes you more like open to being kind. also thinking your superior is a good thing con artists look for if you think you're smarter than everybody else no one else can see the truth that makes you an easy mark for con man um but like oh by the way we brought up alex jones uh Alex Jones saw this segment he also Alex Jones helped

produce it apparently he loan Tucker Tucker's production a gun and his property there's 50 cow they were shooting was Alex Jones's and they were shooting on his ranch in Texas and he showed this segment just to talk about it and it's pretty funny uh he wanted to do that Yeah, it's my 50KKL getting shot out there And again He's putting a red light on his testicles This will trigger the Leptard Hell yeah, I'm triggered

He nailed us We're pretty triggered over here Yeah, you gotta know that All right So this This is like a horseshoe theory Of like insane medical stuff right now Because a lot of this stuff started off

Like anti-vax used to be like It was, like, started by, like, you know, Marine County and Wyomombs. It was like a culturally left-wing phenomenon, right? Which is why, like, we have these measles outbreaks in, like, Beverly Hills and, uh, and the Bay Area. Um, but it's like, these people met each other during the pandemic and it reinforced each other's bullshit. And now you're probably going to have, like, because like, this is this parody and sunny thing has been around for a few years.

It's a fad and left among left wing, like, uh, health and wellness yoga types, uh, for a while. like here's a here's diplo doing it a couple years ago just buck make it spread eagle on a mountain top just fucking show i mean hell it's a nice day i'm sure that feels pretty pretty pleasant you know sun in your butthole why not just don't tell people it's going to cure cancer or any of that type of shit you know just be like yeah feels nice yeah ever had a sunny butthole you should try it and leave it that back when perineum sunning was a The libs were tanning their taints. Conservatives were tanning their balls.

I think there's a big distinction there for whatever reason. But this is a health and wellness influencer from a couple years ago. In a mere 30 seconds of sunlight on your butthole, you will receive more energy than you would an entire day being outside with your clothes on. One Pyridium Sunner said in Instagram video. They also started this rumor to make a seem, because they love Eastern medicine so much. They were telling people that Pyridium Sunning comes from Taoism.

It absolutely fucking does not. Dude, it's like, it's like they're saying our anuses are the body's solar panels. Yeah. That's really, people don't know. Most energy actually comes in the body through the butt. So if you orient the butt in the direction of the sun, that's how you supercharge your batteries.

Forget a cup of coffee. Just go outside and moon the sun for a little while and go about your day. That's where our caveman ancestors were so strong, Trey. is there were no pants. The sunlight constantly hit their buttholes. And therefore I got superpowers. I don't have to tell anybody not to suntan your butthole with your balls. Do whatever feels good.

But also, yeah, again, dude, if your whole thing is like, I just like it, as long as there any other people around that don't want to see your butt hole,

fucking show your butthole to the sun. That's totally fine. But yeah, it's just, anyway. Yeah. All right. Anyway,

so I guess the takeaway here is if you're worried about having low tea. There's things you can do, see a doctor, quit vaping, leave your wife and kids, lose weight, do all that if you want, but non-gendered M&Ms on TV probably have nothing to do with it. Probably not to cause of it. Yeah. All right. Matt, you can get us some couple of comments, wherever you got some, throw them up there. But yeah, it's just, it's a weird sort of like uh connection to make and my i mean i get the overall premise of it's just like again everybody's turning into pussies out here is basically all they're saying but why you know why one of these people who in their head are like i'm the biggest not pussy on earth you know why they would

need the testicle tanner is where i'm getting a lot they should be forcing me and you to tan our balls so we get better and be more like them you know it just it don't connect. I wonder if Tucker Carlson put some money into that baltanning company. Anna L.A. on YouTube says Florida banning math textbooks for CRT. I saw that. I saw it on Twitter,

but I didn't read the, you know, I didn't look further into it at the time. But how is, so math is racist against white kids now or math makes white kids feel bad? I went to school with some white kids and math made them feel pretty dumb, but, you know, not racist,

just dumb. And they're different. yeah I read about it but I didn't see an explanation of what books or why I'm assuming something at a word problem about like if you know uh Johnny Bravecorn and his Indian tribe loses three members and how many people are left in there it's like maybe they saw a thing that said they were going to be teaching about the three fifths compromise and they misconstrued that and they're like no more fractions get out there yeah gypsy Rome on Facebook says like subscribe and share thank you very much saving me from myself as always

please click the all important internet buttons we appreciate you um but yeah i know i was talking to a guy earlier about like i wonder what how many different things would be not okay to teach a kid in the minds of a lot of these types of parents do you know what i mean like they have said like what will be left um to teach them if they start just x-naying everything that they think is you know inappropriate or whatever I like I because like science involves sex and stuff like that you know what I mean like anatomy that's no that ain't good there's like little angel babies it's like a deep result on the people that make up public institutions and all this like like Trump going on

about the deep state like he's talking about like career professionals that took less money to work for the SEC or the FDA or whatever and these are people that believe in like functioning institutions you want to make them working look like look at teachers like I went over the newspaper at conservative buddies who complain about how liberals on media or whatever it's like yeah but like think about the type of person that becomes a reporter like they're not if they were money motivated they work at the bank with you sure yeah they choose to go into journalism to do something else and it's like right if you want to if you're conservative if you want to make a media more conservative go work in a fucking newspaper I don't know what I don't know what to tell you but like

the people that choose to go into become teachers are choosing or college graduates are choosing to work for 40 grand a year 35 40 45 45 grand a year for their entire careers because they want to like help mold children's hearts and minds yeah and that's an inherently sort of like social worker liberal way to look at the world and like I what I didn't know what I want to do with my life I went to a couple years again my teacher certification and I found it incredibly boring and tedious because it's a lot of like it wasn't for me because the work you have to do to get there about pedagogy and all this stuff is very in the weeds and very about how eight year olds think And it's like, you're just trying to make more and more miserable until all the teachers quit.

Yeah, it's like, that's the end result of all this. So, yeah. Yeah. Sherry Tomlinson on Facebook says, follow the money to see who is invested in the, quote, appropriate textbooks. Yeah. I mean, the weird thing is, like, textbooks are very inherently conservative for the most part, unless you go out of your way. Because California controls the automobile market by their set their emission standards. Texas controls the school book market by having a, by having a,

a government-appointed board that's really conservative who approves a school book textbook purchasing with a large amount of power because they have so many schools and students. So like, yeah, well, I mean, it was always like a big thing in the South for a long time that our textbooks didn't teach all the things that I feel like they're now calling critical race theory.

Do you know what I mean? I mean, i. just the history of slavery and how abhorrent it was. I mean, we knew it existed, but you know, the whole war,

northern aggression, all that type of shit, and it was worse in some places than others, but like, they were already censoring the reality of it. And so to hear them now screaming that it's, you know, gone too far in the other direction or whatever is pretty asinine and upsetting. I don't have it handy, but we showed it in here before. It was a picture from a, elementary school history book in Virginia, where it shows, it depicts slavery. It shows a slave family getting off a boat, landing in America, the man's shaking hands of his new masters. Everyone's wearing suits, including the enslaved people. And the only person working in the picture is a white guy in the background rolled up a rope in the boat. And that's what

they're teaching kids. And I'm like, how do you make that less? The only thing you can do is make the enslaved people white, make them Irish or something. That's the only thing you can do to make it less accurate. So, like, I literally saw a meme the other day that said that it was like a conservative you got posted for being so conservative and dumb but it was a picture of like little white street urchins or whatever and it's like keep in mind that uh the irish were treated worse than anybody who ever came in when they first came into this country and you don't see them complaining every day and it's like and then all there was a bunch of it was on reddit and there were a bunch of irish people in the comments like that's fucking about all we do buddy

you ever met an irish person we complained more than anybody you're a scotch or irish how we do is fucking complain we started a show about it All right. So, yeah, thank you all for being here. Go to Patreon. Get on there if you want to go to well-read comedy.com. Get tickets. Come see me in Louisville this weekend. Yeah, $5 a month. Support the show. Get some bonus shit. Weekly skews.com slash more, all that. And everything else. Love y'all. See you next week. Bye. Go Mavs.