Weekly Skews - Weekly Skews 8/01/2023 – Trump Indicted for J6 (and Congress says there are Aliens?)

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

Welp, we were gonna talk about last week’s bizarre congressional hearings about aliens (!!), but then Trump got indicted for the eleventy-third time. So now perhaps 12 lucky D.C. jurors will get to answer the question “Should America still be?” Trae’s on the road, so tonight Corey’s filling in and Mark’s hosting. (Hopefully we’ll still have time to talk about aliens.) Join us.Support the show

Good evening. Welcome to weekly skews. It is August 1st, 2023. I am Mark Agey. Trey Crowder is on the road somewhere in the Northeastern United States, eating a bunch of food he'll hate himself for later. Tonight I'm joined by Georgia correspondent Corey Ryan Forrest or Corey, how are you, buddy? I'm good, Mark.

How are you, buddy? I didn't eat enough food to hate myself just because I had this show today and I wanted to be perfectly healthy for you. I'm glad to be here, buddy. Thanks for having me. You say that, but earlier I texted you about the show and you said after Trey had asked you last week, we'd remind you later last week, I reminded you yesterday. And then at three hours ago, you're like, oh, I'm glad you texted me. I forgot about it. I'm drunk on a golf course.

Yeah, yeah, okay. I'm accurate. Look, my wife went back to work this week, so I'm like full-time dad during the day. And time and space mean nothing. The days are running together. You know, you got to forgive me. Granted, I've forgotten about this show plenty of times before I had a kid, but that's the excuse I'm using right now. All right. Well, we got a fun show for you guys tonight. Trump got indicted once again, it's the third set of indictments on top of a superseding indictment last week. the two other whatever we'll get into it i am little pissed of donald trump today i really wanted to do a light topic because i'm fucking depressed this strikes dragon oh forever my sister had surgery today and i was like i want to talk about some goddamn aliens and then uh then i was like are we

am i really i'm not sad trump got indicted i'm sad we have to do it couldn't have done it tomorrow right uh so but i was like don't really not we're really not going to talk about the former President of the United States getting indicted for trying to overthrow democracy. That seems weird. So we're definitely going to talk about that. And hopefully, still get to aliens later. Before that, I know you want to do your top of show bit. So what is it today, buddy?

Yes, I do, Mark. Speaking of aliens, which we will talk about later, I have decided to get ahead of things and write sort of an open letter to aliens. This is five things I want the alien overlords to take care of once they have seized complete control of our planet. All right. Number one, dear aliens, I'm not sure if you are aware, but our weather is much different than it was when I was a kid.

Is there any way that you could give us back seasons? I live in Georgia and we only have two, kind of hot and hotter than two rats fucking in a wool sock. While I admit that it is nice to play golf in December, I am very self-conscious about my arms and have always felt that a crewneck sweater best suits my figure. Plus, I have a really sweet, rowdy, roddy, popper sweatshirt, and it's a shame that I only get to wear it 15 days a year. Number two, you've got to do something about our food. Almost every food we have on Earth that tastes extremely delicious is also bad for us.

I have to assume if you have mastered intergalactic travel that you could make a healthy donut that tastes worth a fuck. You may be thinking, well, where's the benefit for us? We don't eat human food. And I'm glad you asked. Although I doubt we stand much of a chance against you in a rebellious uprising, I suspect you'd be a lot happier if we were subservient. If you can figure out a way for us to eat cookies and milk all day, every day, and not get fat, not only will we be compliant, there are a great many of us who will drop to our knees

and suck whatever it is that you got for a dick. Number three. Number three, is there any way that you could rewire my wife so that she asked favors of me before I take my sleeping pills and get comfortable under the covers instead of after. I would do anything in the world for her, of course. I mean, I married her because I love her,

but whatever it is in her brain that makes her suddenly realize that she may have left her curling iron on when my eyes are finally closing after having dealt with another day in this hellish facade we call a life, I would very much like that to be changed. Number four, I mean...

For anybody just tune in, this is Corey's open letter to her, and future alien overlords. Sorry, go ahead. Number four, I need you to get on the horn with Nestle and get me some straight answers on why it is that they discontinued

the Butterfinger Beebees. They were taken away at a time when many of us were still struggling to process 9-11, and though they released Butterfinger bites in 2009, it was a hollow attempt to recapture the magic

that the BB had brought us. To me, it is no surprise that the world has inched closer and closer to a dystopian nightmare in the years that have followed their demise. And finally, number five, please give Flint, Michigan, some goddamn water.

There you go. That could also be addressed to Nestle, but we'll go ahead. I know, but I wanted to be on their good side so we could get the BBs back. I thought about it, but, you know. Have you ever seen the video of the Nestle's CEO saying they need to corner the market on all the world's water?

Yeah, yeah. By the way, a quick plug, you can read the rest of my alien list this week on my substack at part-time funnyman.com. That's right. I write stuff, much like I wrote a book with Trey that you can pre-order right now. It's called Round Here and Over Yonder, and I assume that producer Matt, thank you, will put that in the description. I'm done, Mark.

Go ahead. It's your show. I'm just here. A couple of our usual plugs. If you want to see Trey on the road, see where he's at now. I don't know. He's somewhere in a car cursing at traffic. You can go to his website, Trey Grouter.com, for his upcoming dates.

And if you like this show and want to support it, we got a Patreon where we do bonus episodes. A lot of stuff we talk about we can't get to on the main show. Like, perhaps aliens, because Trey was mad at me because he wouldn't talk about aliens. If we can't get to it. You can go to WeeklySkews. Or search either show on Patreon. I don't know how anything works. Matt, daily dumbass graphic.

Please. At first, our only daily dumb ass night to get into the Trump indictment stuff is anyone who hasn't felt the simultaneous joys of pissing your pants while voting for Donald John Trump. Dominating Donald Trump for the Republican Party is a lot like peeing in your pants, right? It's going to feel good for a couple of seconds. But then you wake up and you realize the realities of what you just did. We're going to get beat in the general because we picked the wrong candidate.

We couldn't get out of our own way. You know, it's been a while since we pissed my pants, but my main feeling about it is not that it was great, my main memory of it. Does pissing your pants feel great to people? Well, hold on. Can I tell you something that's just coincidental right now? I'm wearing a diaper. Do you see that? I'm wearing a diaper because at the halfway point of this show, I will 100% piss my pants.

And yes, Mark, I got to tell you, when I'm in the throes of making a good rant knowing that I don't have to go downstairs, it does feel good to piss my pants. all right i have not uh if you guys don't know uh cori routinely uh records like four podcasts in a row so he makes a habit of wearing diapers this is only one pod this is only one hours i have no idea why i've been drinking all right so yes the uh uh trump was indicted for four different things today we'll get to that in a second but special counsel jack smith spoke for two minutes tonight about it and here's a clip of him announcing uh uh that yeah trump's on the hook for some uh serious shit. Today, an indictment was unsealed, charging Donald J. Trump with conspiring to defraud the United States, conspiring to disenfranchised voters, and conspiring and attempting to obstruct an

official proceeding. All right. So the indictment has four counts on it, because it's curiously to defraud the United States, tampering with witnesses, victims, or informants, which is another form of conspiracy to obstruct an official proceeding, tampering with a witness victim reform and a third form of obstruction in attempt to obstruct an official proceeding, and conspiracy against the rights of citizens, which is trying to stop everybody's votes from counting, which seems to be an important thing in what is ostensibly a democracy. I've cited different numbers for what these things could, like he could get for these. I think three of them come with five-year sentences, and one of them comes with maybe a potentially 20-year sentence. The voting one goes

back to like is mostly was used in like reconstruction south to stop white people from stealing elections from black people. So it feels sort of pertinent here. There's three basic conspiracies these charges relate to. One is the false electors. The other ones like having the Department of Justice underlings do weird shit to try to gin up fake investigations in the voter fraud. And the third is whipping up the mob on January 6th.

And if you're wondering how Fox News covered this today, this pretty much sums it up it's from Fox business a Chiron that says it has a list of all the Trump charges and just says I think Matt do you can you throw it up because I've forgotten

I'll just read it Biden's scandal distractions it's so riven It's there was a This is all happening The House Republicans had their big witness

against Hunter Biden and therefore Joe Biden testified the other day. I guess he didn't get his testimony before he went in or didn't know what he was going to say. But he went in and said that, yeah, Hunter was just pretending to sell access that he didn't have basically stealing money from people and Joe Biden was not in on any of it.

And when Joe Biden did call, it was just, you know, ask his son how he was doing, like how's the crack going? And this is supposed to be their big gotcha moment. And the guy's name is Devin Archer, I think, was like he was Hunter's business partner and a former best friend. And Margie Taylor Green went on Twitter and posted screen grabs their text messages, where Archer is asking Hunter, why is the Biden Justice Department prosecuting me? And Hunter's response is, well, that's how things go in a free country. My dad's not going to interfere.

And she thought that was a gotcha. Said the best thing he possibly could have said during that moment. also like two things as i've said many a times with hunter biden set him adrift put him in a cannon shoot him to the moon nobody gives a fuck like whatever uh but secondly like addressing this as biden's scandal distractions and whatnot it's like either the dude is completely incompetent like y'all say that he is or he's a fucking mastermind that has done all of this you've just got to pick a lane like he can't be a bumbling fool but also someone that has puppeteered this mass conspiracy to somehow bring legitimate charges against,

which by the way, all of this is done in a completely, if I'm not mistaken, un-bipartisan way. Like, this is just like officials being like, yo, this is the shit that happened. And like, isn't, isn't like, doesn't the conservatives have like a majority right now? In the house, yeah. Yeah, well, I don't, you know, that's, that means something. Fuck them. Like, just, I don't know. God, I'm so sick of hearing about.

Hunter Biden we don't give a fuck about him let him smoke crack and sit on the island you know yeah the thing i keep coming back to you man is like the stuff hunter's by charge like he used of sucks but it's early routine american corruption it's the son it's what the kid of every congressperson is doing is fucking's treading on their parents name to get a job or to get no work jobs so like i think it sucks pass a law against it they don't want to do that because all their kids are doing it right but all right So, the thing about the Trump indictment is like, it feels like I've been gaslit my entire life about what it is. There is not a crime.

And this is a pretty buttoned up indictment, but it could have been handed out two years ago. And I get why they had a lot of witnesses and wheels of justice turned slowly and shit. But we all watched January 6th happen on TV. Yeah. Most of the stuff, the indictment was in the news in November of 2020. Like, we all knew this stuff happened. Right. And they got to get first day

I witness testimony to it. I get that. Whatever. But it's like none of this stuff is remotely like hard to prosecute as a crime. Anybody that follows the criminal justice system, you'll see charges hung on people for much more ephemeral shit. But this is like grant number 15 I do.

I could just cue it up. But like with white collar people, it gets like, you ever argue with like a creationist or see someone argue with a creationist? They talk about like... Have I ever argued with a creationist? Do you know where I live?

and who I am. Yes, I have argued with the creation. My mother and me had dinner yesterday. Every gap in the fossil record gets exploited, like it had to be God stepping it or whatever. So there would be like a gap in the fossil record between like this creature and that creature. And then they'd be like, well, where is the thing in between? Then they'll find that fossil. And they're like, where's the thing in between that thing? And then they'll find that. It gets narrow, narrow and narrow, but there's never, God's always in the gaps, right? So with every white collar prosecution, it's like, well, how do you prove, how do you, how do you, proved that he knew what he was doing was actually it's like i know what i saw the motherfucker do

right we all know it was bad right we saw it we saw what he did and then a couple hours later we saw a dipshit with horns run into a capital building and a cop died like we all saw it in real time because that's how the internet works now like dude i'm telling you man i'm working on a bit right now and i don't really know how to get started but basically it's about how it's so much harder to lie now than it was in the past. Like in the past, you could lie so easy because there wasn't Wikipedia, there wasn't tweets, there wasn't video or whatever. And that's when politicians like wrote the book on how they behave. They wrote the book on how they behave when you could literally just lie. And when Twitter and video cameras and cell phone cameras came out, they're still

just going by the same book and expecting us all to be like, I guess they're right. You know what I mean? like we all saw it like you like in hindsight it's almost like how the fuck did richard nixon get caught for watergate there wasn't even cameras in the internet you fucking idiot you know what i mean how'd you let that one slip but now it's like you saw you bro well the short version is uh they got caught the fourth time breaking into watergate because they put the tape on the door the wrong way and then the only reason i connected to the nixon white house is because they were stupid enough to send one of the guys to break in who we used to be as a former fbi agent who was on the attorney

used to be on the attorney general security detail. These were the other dumbest motherfuckers in history. I mean, clearly. The thing kills me about the Watergate stuff is like, that's like the least bad thing. Like we know we know they did that because they got caught. But they were trying to do so much

other shit. Horrible shit. Including firebombing the Brookings Institution and kidnapping the anti-war activists to be tortured in Mexico. Right. Everybody remembers there's a low rent hotel burglary because that's what they got fucking caught do. for right so well dude right watergate when you read about watergate it doesn't even look like anything compared to all this shit right unless they actually had firebom the brookings institution

then it would have and then it would have been worse but so back to what these dipsets got caught doing uh there are six unnamed co-conspirators in here they say unnamed although five of them is pretty obvious who they are it's rudy juliani john eastman sydney pal jepal jepard clark who were the first three I just named were lawyers. Another lawyer unnamed co-conspirate in here is probably Kenneth Cheesbrough. Cheapro?

Yeah. There's another lawyer who worked at DOJ called Jeffrey Clark who's up to his knees up to his neck and this we'll get to. The one person that can't figure out was a political consultant

who I'm hoping is Steve Bannon. I'm just praying at Steve Bannon. Yeah, yeah, me too. So this indictment, I've seen other people say this, And I actually read the fucking indictment like a person tried to do their homework. It feels pretty buttoned up

and it feels like the most serious one he's faced with. Like the other ones have sort of like questions not just a fact but of whether or not the law is written narrowly tailored enough or whether you can find a jury in Florida to convict Trump. So, but this one

touches a lot of people directly in his orbit that others don't. And it feels like this indictment is a shot across the ballot to the other six to be like, do you want to flip now? This is what we got. Either way, if I was John Eastman, I would sleep with my pants on tonight

because odds are RFB has me knocking on your door about two in the morning. So the, like I said, there's not a ton in here that like anybody who followed the news closely didn't, in real time, didn't know, but it was laid out very compellingly in a TikTok fashion to say, this led to that. They had this meeting where Trump was told this,

but he did this. It's like, they have a lot of witnesses. And, but if you want to know how Trump took it, let's let this see CNN people read a statement from Trump on the post on truth social. And that is what led to the appointment of Jack Smith, who, of course, is a special counsel overseeing this. Obviously, comparing this to Nazi Germany is beyond the pale in terms of offensiveness and ignorance. Can you give us, can just, just, I'd like to know what exactly is. Isn't Trump like the Jews when you think about it, Corey? This is coming from a Trump spokesperson. It's a lengthy statement, but this part.

This part is the Nazi Germany. This part here is the lawlessness of these persecutions of President Trump and his supporters is reminiscent of Nazi Germany in the 1930s, the former Soviet Union and other authoritarian regimes. President Trump has always followed the law and the Constitution with advice from many highly accomplished attorneys. That part is also interesting because you notice if you look at his statements lately, he's been talking about the advice that he is getting from attorneys. I've talked about that. So the only thing Trump and the Jews have in common is that I find. certain aspects of their diet to be ridiculous. That's about it.

You think not putting not putting cheese on sandwiches is the same as Trump eating a well-done steak. It's pretty much. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not going to fight you on that one. So an article from Rolling Stone, what that reporter is referring to is there's been news reports floating about

the Trump's defense plan for this indictment is to blame all the lawyers around him who are telling him that he could work through the election. I'll read the lead here. Donald Trump's attorney is repairing a legal plan. to shovel blame or to the lawyers who it is attempt to overturn the 2020 election. Two sources are familiar with the matter tell Roland Stone. But the thing is about this, what's in the indictment is like Trump had hundreds of lawyers

and advisors around him. And like seven or eight, we're telling him he could do this. So like, you can't say I was getting bad advice when 95% of the advice you were getting was accurate and good. Listen, Mark, you have to understand that Donald Trump is a Christian man and Jesus left the 99 to find the one, you know, it tracks. They also have, they're just, this indictment is a lot of just dunking on his dumb bullshit, but it's like, for example, they put in there this campaign staff to hold him before election day that he was probably going to lose. They have a bunch of his lawyers and campaign staff telling that once Arizona was called, it was over. They have a bunch of people telling him that, no, there was no election fraud.

They have a bunch of Republicans in those states telling him, like Trump called Georgia and was like, I heard 5,000 dead people voted. And they're like, no, it was two, two dead people voted. All right. So it's like over and over and over again. Like the professional campaign staff were sending emails to each other about how annoyed they are with all these fucking lunatics, all the stuff was baseless. And they called the fuck, the morons who were advised.

Trump that he could do all this stuff, sarcastly they called them the elite strike force legal team over and over and over again in their emails. They were just roasting these morons from making their lives miserable. And the context of this, I've talked about this before, but they did have in their minds legitimate grievances about how the 2020 election was run with like how a more mail-in-back mail ballot access that was granted before and drop-off ballots and ballot harvesting. I don't have any problem with that, but we have different political beliefs. They're entitled to go to court and argue about that. They did and they lost. These people, assholes of they are, trying to disenfranchise people, accepted defeat,

which is fine. But like these people were so hyped up on their own supply, co-conspirator four, who's Jeffrey Clark, he was like environmental logger at the DOJ, who was somehow, because he agreed with Trump elevated to being in the White Health Constantly, arguing about elections, even though it wasn't his area of expertise. He walked in the Attorney General's Office, the acting Attorney General's Office, as the number four guy at DOJ and tried to fire his boss.

The guy said, that's not how firing works. I would love that. I need to do that shit. So they went to the White House and Trump goes, yeah, I want that guy to fire you. And the acting AG is like,

well, he can't fire me, though. You can't fire. fire me. And he goes, okay, then I'm firing you and replacing you with the conspiracy guy, Clark. And then everyone else in the room was like, if you do that, we're all fucking resigning and we'll tell the world what's going on here. And then he didn't. All right. So I never want to say you got to hand it to him when it comes to Republicans that worked in Trump's White House. But those small group of people did the right thing at the very, very last moment. Well, I mean, you know, some of the, like, every single person in Trump's purview or cabinet wasn't an

idiot. Some of them were just downright evil. You know what I mean? Like, say what you will about Roger Stone. Not a dumb, dumb, that guy. Not a dumb, dumb, even a little bit. You know what I mean? Yeah. Stone might show up in this later. He didn't show up, you know, yet, but like, who knows is going to do it? It's going to get real fucking messy. So I talked a little bit about the strength of these charges earlier, but what's his defense going to be besides that it was on my lawyer's fault thing. So far, they're trying out free speech, right? Which is like, all I did was say the election was stolen, which is not all you did, buddy.

But the indictment, the indictment even says, admit, the indictment openly admits he has a first amendment right to lie about the election and he also has a right to file lawsuits, challenging the results. He did both those things. That's not what he's indicted for. I have a free speech right to say I wish Donald Trump was dead. Me too. What I do not have the right to do is go into a back room.

with two other people who wish Trump was dead, supply one of them with a gun, and have the third guy give him travel it, travel itinerary to Moro Lago. Right. Yeah. I've done nothing but speak. Right.

When I hand that guy a gun, then I'm involved in a criminal conspiracy to connect a murder. Exactly. Then you're, then you're a conspiracy. Yeah, right. And I mean, it's just like the old cliche of like,

you have free speech, but you also can't stand on the edge of the beach and scream shark. You know what I mean? Like, if you say something, something that incites a riot or sends some sort of conflict in action, then you are now a goddamn conspirator.

Just like, I know everyone thinks is that famous line. Like, you can't, free speech doesn't mean you could shout fire on a credit movie theater. I just want to note that that's not really the, how do I put this? That's not true. The judge who wrote that opinion later, I think it was all over Wendell Holmes, later who took it back, because the context of that was a guy was sent to prison for. for handing out anti-war literature during the World War I draft.

And I happened to be a socialist. And then later on, they're like, you know, I probably shouldn't have sent that guy to prison for Syros against the war. And they were comparing him to shouting fire in a movie theater. Anyway. But like, when you yell fire in a movie theater,

to me, that is a low level of inciting a riot. You know what I mean? Like, if you yell, like, people are going to, like, that's different. Yeah, but I get it. They were going to say, they were in jail all the time back then. these are all those sort of that that's the what that's what they'll try to get this to the level of two is trying to make it about speech right right but it's not about speech if i get on the phone and ask you to do something illegal and they get another guy on the phone who supplies you the money with the operation to do an illegal thing that's not just speech that's a criminal conspiracy that's like that's anyway that's the only point i wanted to make sure as far as the actual charges is going to be like esoteric law school stuff that'd probably come up after he's convicted if he's convicted in appeals like

For example, some courts have held, like the conspiracy to obstruct voting rights thing, that's usually been applied with like stuffing ballot boxes with fake votes. In my mind, it's no different than, say, submitting fake electors to steal an election to take away people's votes. But courts sometimes see it differently. And in a lot of some of the other January 6 cases where these charges have been brought against January 6 people, there have been two out of the 16 judges that have handled these cases have accepted those arguments. So it's kind of a friend's legal theory that this law doesn't apply in the situation, but the Supreme Court might agree with it.

But we're talking about that's four or five years from now, all right? Wow. So after Trump's life is ruined. You really don't think it's going to be ruined. I still can't. I'm still such, I'll believe it when I see it shit. Like even this indictment today, like, I don't know, man. Like maybe I just, maybe you've got me, maybe somehow, my God, y'all, imagine how

terrible of a sentence this is, maybe Mark A.G. is more hopeful than I am. I mean life ruined the sense of like, sitting in court sucks. Yeah, right. It does. I've done it many times. He's going to be sitting in court a lot. While he's also trying to run for president and pending his shit on illegal bills. See, one thing this indictment does that I think,

it makes me feel relieved is all the stuff we watched happen that no one else has been able to connect legally. It lays it out in order. like how all this stuff worked in concert, spent a bunch of bullshit by the elections stolen, I'd get enough people to believe it. They'll participate in these schemes to submit false electors. By the way, I didn't realize it was as many seven states

successfully submitted fake electors. That Mike Perkins could have theoretically accepted as the true election results. There was another angle to try to gin up more bullshit. He ordered a bunch of low-level officials of the DOJ including Jeffrey Clark to run fake election fraud cases to try to gin up more smoke

to make the fake elector seem more plausible. Put a ton of pressure on Mike Pence before January 6th, which is something everyone knew, but some of the indictment lays out is that Trump's last ditch effort before he spoke at the ellipsis in January 6th, Pence told him to fuck off.

He added into his speech more inflammatory violent rhetoric about, specifically about Mike Pence, after that phone call. Yeah, because they wanted to hang him. If I remember correctly about that fateful day. And then he whipped up the riot, the riot speech got more ambitious.

Now, something about Pence here, and Pence is the right to feel super aggrieved. His daughter was with him at the Capitol when he had secret service. He just physically lay it on top of his body because they're afraid they're going to burst into the room. All right. His kid was with him.

Pence took contemporaneous notes about all this shit as it was going on. the months leading up to January 6th. And apparently the special counsel has it all. If you don't follow court stuff, notes you took at the time or thought to be more compelling testimony than just something you remember off the top of your head later on.

But you can't read this indictment and not conclude that one of the main witnesses against Trump is Mike Pence and also probably Mark Meadows as former chief of staff. In fact, the indictment says, you want to know Trump's frame of mind whether he knew he was bullshitting. Trump allegedly told Pence, quote,

you're too honest when Pence objected to blocking Biden's win. How do you say you're not lying when you're accusing the guy who won't go along with your plan of being too honest? Dude, he just says shit all the time. He'd just be saying stuff and then the next time he'd just be saying stuff. He's just playing by that old rulebook that I was talking about. And like, at least in the court of public opinion for his people, it just keeps fucking working, man.

people love being lied to dude i don't even know like so they want to do what trump did actually on january 6 is a bunch of a couple big things he directed an underling to call a senator who's probably ron johnson to hand deliver we already knew he hand delivered fraudulent certificates i thought it was just for wisconsin i guess was also michigan he hand delivered them two pence in the last attempt to get him to do the quote right thing um but there's some pretty chilling stuff in there Like some White House officials are trying to point out the crazy tension they were whipping up. A White House official told conspirator number two, who I'm guessing is John Eastman, on January 4th, that they would cause riots in the streets.

And the guy responded by saying that violence was necessary to protect the Republic. But here's the thing. In his head, that violence could only go one way because I want to read this quote from you. When someone else raised concerns about what's going to go, on the afternoon January 3rd, co-conspirator 4, again, that's Jeffrey. whatever his name is. Arthur? No, it wasn't that.

I'll go back to it and say. Clark, Clark. There you go. I spoke with Deputy White House Council. The White House Counsel informed the defendant that switches Trump. There is no world. There is no option in which you do not leave the White House in January 20th. Now, that same Deputy White House counsel tried to dissuade Jeffrey Clark from assuming

the role of acting attorney general. Deputy White House counsel reiterated to conspirator Ford, Clark, that he had not been an outcome, determined if fraud in the election, if Trump remained in office, the less, there would be, quote, riots in every major city in the United States. Clark responded, well, parenthesis, deputy of the White House counsel, that's why there's an insurrection act. So it's saying if we don't win, we're going to be violence in the streets from our people, but if we standoff as illegally, yell there'll be violence in the streets from their people,

you know, meaning Americans who want to keep democracy, and that's why the insurrection acts would have the military fucking shoot them all. Yeah. Man. And even after, remember, the election. to get certified until like 4 a.m. the next day. Yeah, yeah. Finally rubber stamped it.

After the riot, whether they're still clean up the Capitol, Trump was still calling people trying to overthrow the election. Yeah, I mean, they have him on tape talking to the fucking my dude, the Georgia guy. Like, we've heard the time. Yeah. That was, that was related to the false elector scheme and trying to overturn votes to throw out the dead people voting and shit. Right. The judge they drew is named Tanya.

If I pronounce your name wrong, I apologize. as a Chutkin, C-H-U-T-K-A-N. She's an Obama appointee who's overseen a ton of January 6 cases. And one case that already involved Trump directly. She's pretty harsh on J-6 people who stormed the Capitol. She also, the other Trump-related case, Trump attempted to avoid disclosing documents to the House Committee investigating J-6. And she ordered him to turn over the material in writing saying, quote,

presidents or not kings. So he could have drawn a Trump judge. These things are random, but he did not. that he's not happy about that, which makes me happy. If you're wondering what's not in there, I was sitting here wondering, I was like,

what is not in there? Any direct contact with the Oathkeepers and proud boys about what they were going to be up to in January 6th, which is, of course, where Roger Stone would come in. So they're not actually hanging any of the violence on the Capitol on him. They're saying the protest was part of the overall conspiracy is related to all the other shit they were doing.

And whether or not they got out of hand, has no bearing on this case or whether Trump's directly involved with it or irresponsible for it. They're not even trying to argue about that. They're just saying the protest itself was part of the overall delaying while they were doing the other chicanery to try to rig it so Trump could stay

in office. So Jack Smith said today that they're not done. Their investigation of other individuals continues, so it goes back to my Jeffrey Clark thing. But not for nothing, Trump is still rigging elections. Yeah, right. Yeah. This happened out here in California.

last week. There was a brawl between two different pro-Trump groups. All right. So context here. Who do I root for, Mark? Tell me. Both to lose. Everyone to die.

So Trump successfully agitated to change the California Republican primary rules where it would be if a person gets more than 50% of the votes in the primary, which is confident he's going to get, the delegates become winner take all. but the people who were there disagreed about how to interpret his true social posts about what they were supposed to do

because it's all coded all the shit that he does is written in like the Mayan calendar or something of these motherfuckers I think this is plain English they're just fucking stupid

but so each side each side of Trump supporters thought the other people were DeSanta supporters they started like clubbing each other with signs and shit and cops had to break them up from killing each other

um all right everything is so fucking stupid so fucking stupid man like i hate i hate sitting here laughing at like our democracy crumble in front of us but like it is nice to every now and then get a like you know a riot breaks out and it's just people i hate beating the shit out of people i hate like you don't get that a lot like usually there's some sort of north-south thing going on but this you know, if you're going to have people beating the shit out of each other, I'm for this. All right.

So we're going to talk about this today anyway, but just so before this, Jack Smith, I want to say, no idea what he's like in the rest of his life, but when it comes to dealing with Trump, he hits for me, because like, he, not only like the legal writing, it's like directed and pointed and easy to read and very clear

and the lawyering very good to my mind. I'm not a lawyer, but it's like, when you can read a kid, case. Like, oh, that makes sense. That guy sounds guilty. It seems like there are any holes here. I'm like, that seems like some good lawyer. Trump, there was a superseding indictment filed late last week related to the documents, the top secret documents case that's going to be, the trial's going to be in Florida. So Trump had been saying that he's obviously innocent because, oh, that Iran war document,

they say that I was waving around. They didn't charge me for it. So Smith's like, okay, here's a charge for that. And then they're like reports that like, you know, the reports that, like, had resisted handing over like the security camera footage at Moralago and maybe you tried to delete it. They had a flood in the placement, right? That was the thing. Yeah. Right. Yeah, we'll get that in a second.

So Trump, but so, uh, Trump said, well, obviously I handed it over voluntarily because they, they have it and they look like they do have a lot of it. So Trump goes. So Jack's missed like, oh, you think you didn't do that because I didn't charge you for it? here's a fucking charge. And the thing is the case lays out like, I was like, did they have the security camera footage? Because there's like date, timestamped

stuff for like, the ad of the third co-conspirator here, a guy by the name of Dale Olivier who just like the IT guy Moralago. So Walt Nautu we talked to before. This is like, this is like the stuff he was doing January 6,

maybe thinks that somebody else that we just talked about in the big indictment. Someone else must have been masturbating this because the scams Trump gets up to are so fucking ham-fisted. So they wanted to delete the security camera footage. And so Trump tells Naila to go do it. He's smart enough not to talk on the telephone about it. So he flies to Mar-Lago to talk to Del Olivier about it. And he tells people, I've got to go back to Mar-Lago to deal with a family matter.

And then he puts like a winking emoji and two shush emojis. so you're smart enough to not be honest but you're not smart enough to not wink everyone who's reading the text and know what your fucking line he goes to the Leverera's like

we need to delete this footage and Deliveria is like I don't think I can like I don't think I have the rights to do it I mean he doesn't have the technologically like he doesn't have the codes to get in and delete it so that's going to come with a scheme

to flood the pool room to empty the pool water into the server room to try to fucking but they didn't even successfully do that I'm not sure why. Can we see the footage? Like, is it something that we can see now? Because I have a feeling that you're going to see like Lee Greenwood getting his dick sucked by Roseanne.

And I really want to see that. I think what you're going to see is security camera footage of these morons with a flashlight and a pool hose trying to delete the security camera footage. Ah, God. How do these people almost win? How do they almost win, Corey? All right. we dumb boy

all right do you want to talk about aliens because we did the broccoli it's like this theater of dessert oh my god yes I want to talk about aliens Mark please lead us off and then I'm so sorry

for what I'm about to say all right so Congress had hearings about aliens last week and the headlines about what actually happened there were so misleading that otherwise smart people

seem to think that Congress revealed there were aliens and what I'm about to say is neither an argument for or against the existence of aliens. I'm just saying nothing that happened in Congress last week should have any bearing or whether or not you believe in aliens, Trey, if you watch this, which you never will. Okay, by the way, I'm certain that I'm on Trey's team as well.

So go ahead and shit talk me too. That's fine. So the government lies about... I was already convinced, though. I was like none of this matters to me. I've known the same thing now that I knew, fucking then there's aliens i i understand but we're gonna talk about what the government does they we'll get to act we argue about whether or not aliens actually exist or not that's a whole

other episode all right and i don't really i don't really have any opinion on it i'm personally believes things when they can see him and touch him you show me an alien i'd be like that's an alien i don't it doesn't like shake my worldview or anything but like you gotta fuck i gotta see a dead alien body i can put with a stick right go dig up uncle jackson and you can fucking see one well i was thinking about the nature of government lies and stuff because like With Alabama out, like something I didn't really realize is like there were tons of press blackouts in occupied Japan. So like when the Japanese were saying there was radiation poisoning or radiation burns and stuff, the American government's official position was, no, there isn't.

The Japanese are just like trying to get sympathy. And but they didn't just lie to the international world about the danger of nuclear weapons and fallout. They were lying to Americans about it too. Like all the testing sites in the, you know, the rural desert west and the Utah. of Nevada. A podcast you and I listen to, Death and Lot, which is the bomb-ass podcast is like the CD on a belly of Hollywood history

through a different death every week. A host of Adam McKay. The last episode is by John Wayne. And Jody Avergan. It's wonderful. You should listen to it. Do you want to tell him how John Wayne died? Yeah. I would love to tell everybody how John Wayne died. So, in order to find out how John Wayne died,

we must first explore the fact that he made a huge piece of shit movie called, was it the Conqueror? Yeah, you play Genghis Khan. Where John Wayne, for some reason, plays Genghis Khan. This motherfucker had played nothing but a Native American shooting, tobacco-spitting motherfucker for his entire career and thought, you know what, I need to turn heel and play Genghis Khan, right? As a cowboy. As a cowboy, because that's all he could play. And he somehow identified with Genghis Khan and made him in his mind out to be the hero.

Well, Howard Hughes is funding this If you know anything about Howard Hughes You know that that means it was a spectacular fucking mess So they decide You know what We can't obviously fly over And shoot this on location where Genghis Khan was from So we need to find someplace in America

That we can pass off as fucking Asia So where they decided to do this was A nuclear fallout zone Where they had tested things in New Mexico, correct? I think it was in Utah In Utah. In Utah. It was downwind from a nuclear testing site. Downwind from a nuclear testing site. And every fucking day, they would go in, they would shoot their scenes and covering all their food was this red soot that was powder coming from the nuclear fallout zone that they were fucking downwind from. And by the way, you would think, oh, well, they clearly didn't know that. They actually did know that. They were made aware, hey, that's what this is.

And John Wayne and Howard Hughes and all these dudes were like, well, I tell you, it'll probably be okay. How about we just have another hot dog and a whiskey? So there's actually a moment where everyone knew through a downward with a nuclear testing site, but the government said, don't worry, radiation's fine. And John Wayne gave a speech to the crew about how it's un-American not to trust the government. To prove it was safe, he brought in a Geiger counter. and when it went crazy, his conclusion was the Geiger counter was broken. It didn't work.

He was like, don't worry, everybody. I'm going to prove it. And then he didn't and was like, well, it was that Simpsons meme where he was like, no, it is the Geiger counter that is wrong. Right. So 200 people involved in Moody died of cancer is the fucking. 45 people died of cancer within 10 years, I think, passed in crew. And it was all from the nuclear fallout. And thankfully, that is.

what killed John Wayne, you know, but yeah, I don't even, I don't know how we got there. You also, it also smoked like a pack. Maybe it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't just the radiation, but like, anyway, John Wayne's a piece of shit, rest in hell. Yeah. So, so talking about aliens and stuff, the question of whether you should trust the government is, sometimes. Yeah, of course. So how we got here with the alien hearings over the last few years, there's been a huge spike in interest in UAPs, which the government's new name for UFOs, unendale.

unidentifiable area phenomena. I don't like it. Why confuse people? Why fucking confuse people? Like it's UFOs. Like it doesn't matter. Well, well, technically it's,

but this is some liberal horseshit right here, by the way. Changing an acronym just even though we already know the one, it's like, just fucking leave it that. We can't learn anything shit. But no,

crazy people believe in UFOs. It's perfectly sane to believe in UAPs. Oh, never mind. I apologize. So you don't mind remember way back in 2017, the Navy released a bunch of videos from pilots, they say were, like, weird.

They've sort of been debunked, but maybe not. I don't know. And then in 2021, the Office of the Director of National Intelligence released a report in the phenomenon after being hassled by Congress about it. Then in November of 2021, the Pentagon, after being hassled by Congress, formed a new group to coordinate efforts to detect and identify objects in restricted airspace, which brings us to this week's hearing where Congress, once again, wants to annoy people about whether or not there are or are not aliens.

Congress apparently a bunch of these psychos I say their psychos not just because of this I'm saying we're talking about Republicans in the House Oversight Committee we're talking Nancy Mace and Napoleon Aluna a guy from Tennessee who told kids that they should accept being shot

because being shot a handgun will kill you just as easily as being shot with the AR 15 these are like psychics in the other context not as many of you will die if it's just a handgun yeah so the witnesses here were three people there were two people who were former pilots in the military who was testifying out shit they saw personally and the other of the star witness really was this guy who used to work in american intelligence specifically for the national geospatial intelligence agency and the national reconnaissance office named david grush if you want to risk testimony looked like here's a video

of him being questioned by nancy max the intelligence extraterrestrials something i can't discuss in public setting um okay i can't ask when you think this occurred if you believe we have crashed craft uh stated earlier do we have the bodies of the pilots who piloted this craft as i've stated publicly already in my news nation interview biologics came with some of these recoveries yeah all right you can pause there matt so to break down what this guy is and is not saying The reason he says biologics there and not alien life forms is because in other interviews and settings, he's hypothesized these pilots could be time travelers from another dimension, including possibly humans from the future. So, okay.

So nobody in this asked follow questions or did the reading about what this guy actually believes. All right. But also, like when he talks about how like the U.S. has recovered these spaceships, some of those big as a football field, they've recovered alien bodies that are pilots, he's not actually saying he saw any of this or a direct knowledge. knowledge of it. What he's testifying, say, saying is that other people told him about this. Right. All right. He has no direct knowledge of any of it. That's why when people made a belief, this guy testified under oath that he did this, he's just saying a guy told him some shit. Right. How do I disprove, if I'm DOJ wanted to prosecute him for like, what he called,

for line under oath? How to prove a guy didn't tell him some shit? Right. I mean, dude, he didn't say anything. He didn't say anything that me or anyone else from Georgia or Alabama hasn't ever said, which is this. I know a guy who told me that he saw some fucking aliens. Yeah. I've done DMT. I've seen aliens too. All right.

So, by the way, I legitimately saw a UFO when I was 24 years old. And you can't convince me otherwise. I was hanging out of my buddy's house. I was drinking. I was not doing any psychedelics, which yes, I have done before. But a goddamn ship came right to the edge of the farm we were at. It paused, it zigzagged, and it fucking took off. I saw it plain as day. Nobody believed me, but right now, by God, I am Randy Quaid from Independence Day. I've been

saying that shit for 10 years. They're real, my friend. They are real. Sure. I don't fuck up, Mark. Why can't you accept this? They are real. There's so many things that we can't explain that would totally be explained if it was aliens. Back to the hearing. Again, we're talking about what this guy says. No wonder you're depressed. You can't even have fun for two seconds.

I'm not telling anybody not to believe it aliens. I'm saying I'll believe it when I see one. All right? So this guy... You believe in justice. You've never seen that. I don't... But yeah, what's the whole of the conversation?

So, in a grushed at a 40-minute interview with Newsmax last month. This is probably how these fucking psychos heard about him because they'll get their news from Newsmax. In that interview, he said the first UFO case, he was briefed. on involved a vehicle down in Italy in 1933. Mussolini's government allegedly kept it in storage until the end of World War II

and then Pope Pius the 12th back channel the existence of the project, the United States, which handed it over to America in 1944, 1945. So, to believe this guy's story, you've got to believe that Pope Pius the 12th turned on Mussolini and handed

a UFO over somehow when Germany still controlled Italy at that point, I think, to the allies. Anyway, oh, God, so. I do believe that. If you're asking me to believe it, I believe it. You don't know what these fucking popes get up to, man. There was one that launched an all-out war on cats. They're wild as shit, man. Pope would totally give up a UFO to a Mussolini. Sure. No, they didn't give it up, took it away from Mussolini to give to America. That makes even more sense. Catholics love them, loved America in 1943. They absolutely did, man. Joe Kennedy,

he was running a lot of shit. They had a really good him and the mob, like he's got the Italian front, he's over there talking to the Vatican. The Catholics are on the rise. That's why we get Kennedy in 1963. They're doing deals, buddy. I'm not going to get into what the Catholic Church was up to in the 30s and 40s in Europe, but they were absolutely not on

America's side in the war. Anyway, argument for another day. So, here's another moment to get into how batches this is and why these ostensibly public, like, responsible sober public servants, or taking this guy seriously.

Here's the Tennessee asshole who wants Tennessee kids can murder with guns, Tim Burchett, asking him, asking him to Grush this, a really weird leading question. Yeah, you need me to fill a bustler? There you go.

People have been harmed or injured in efforts to cover up or conceal these extraterrestrial technology. Yes. Personally. have anyone been murdered that you would that you know of or have heard of i guess i have to be careful asking that question i directed people with that knowledge to the appropriate authorities did you have any personal knowledge of people have been harmed so whatever he's asked a direct question he evades it right right not asking but his other claims on musilini and shit he's saying

he heard stuff from other people and they go like do you have any firsthand knowledge of people being murdered. He insinuates that it happened but goes, I cannot say, like, he's a secret agent. Again, this guy worked for the National Map Agency or whatever. He's pissed his stories. Like, the New York Times has run UAP, UFO stories before.

They would not print this guy, because none of him found who's credible. Now that did the Washington Post or Politico. He had to go to, like, this guy named Michael Schellenberger, who's like, he writes like an anti-vax clamid the nationalism blog. That's the guy who eventually published his claims to clue that the America has access

12 or more spacecraft. Now, my main wonder with this stuff, again, whether or not aliens are real or not, is why is Republicans in Congress trying to tell us that there are? Because, again, the truth is no bearing on what they tell us and when they tell us. Yeah, don't sit right with me. Our buddy DJ has said this a million times, like me and him have both believed in aliens forever, but now that Republicans are talking about it, and Trey has a bit where it's just kind of like, oh, well, now I don't want to, you know what I mean? But it is nice to have us come together on something for a second like right now and it won't be this way forever but right now aliens is a bipartisan issue and we haven't had one of those in so goddamn long mark so fucking i know you have to

you are going to literally have to be probed in your asshole before you believe in any of this but can you not just accept how awesome this is for a moment to have this 9-11 robin williams death-style unification of the country? I would love it to be over something that's, again, this guy's full of shit. Whether or not they're aliens, this guy doesn't know. This guy doesn't know, and neither is Nancy Mace or Tim Burchett or Anna Pauline and a Luna, none of these motherfuckers know shit. They're just up there spitballing about aliens.

I don't say this about government secrecy. There are perfectly rational reasons to not, even if aliens are visiting us publicly, to not announce it as the official. position of the U.S. government that everyone needs to get ready for. There's only one reason to announce that aliens are coming, and that's the mass mobilized for Independence Day movie. That's the only reason to tell people, because the fallout from other decisions like that, unless it's like they're here friendly to give us technology, like the Federation

to join Starfleet or whatever, is like the effects on society in general, there would be new religions. There would be terrorist attacks among these new religions. People would kill themselves. There's like, there's reasons not to announce a. these and aliens, and you have the dumbest members of Congress just up there being like, aliens, you know? Well, speaking of the dumbest members of Congress, I actually have to tell you that for the first

time in my life, I agreed with Marjorie Taylor Green on something. It's just that, in my opinion, she said it backwards. Whenever talking about aliens, she said, actually, I believe that they are angelic, celestial beings or whatever. Those aren't really aliens. Those are like God's angels or whatever. And I'm sitting there going like, you're so close, but you've got it flip, because what? What really it is is that the entire religion of Christianity was based on some motherfuckers in the desert seeing aliens and making it up that they were God.

Jesus was an alien. You know what I mean? But he never was Jesus. He never was the Savior. He never was the son of God. It was just an alien fucking on alien rum spring up coming down here, skateboarding on water and being like, yo fish for my homies. Bread for my home. He's like, oh, you dead fucking you alive now, motherfucker.

I'm an alien. So, like, it's backwards. You know what I'm saying? So for once, I agree with that, bitch. But, like, she, okay, I'm sorry. I know we got more show. All right. I do want to say, talk about, like, the government has told people their aliens before.

Specifically, I found this one example. In 1954, while the CIA was engineering the banana coup in Guatemala, Guatemala's government announced that, hey, America's trying to do a coup on us. The coup headquarters in Florida sent a telegram to the CIA station in Guatemala with advice on suppressing the information. And one strategy was to send flying sausage store. in the press as a distracting human interest story. The other pitch was like, well, if you can't plant the alien story,

maybe find, like, an indigenous person in the jungle who had sex tuplets. That'll just be six tuplets. But I do want to say, again, this is really funny to me. Apparently, UFOs are sightings are only reported in anglophone countries. You're talking about countries that are either England or former English colonies where people were a bunch of white people, people would speak English.

Like, it's just, it doesn't exist in other parts of the world. No one else cares about aliens. Right. And if you have this map, here's a heat map of UFO sightings, because this made me laugh my fucking ass off. If you want to throw this map there, Matt, it's the next link. Basically, if you look at this map, Matt, Matt, Matt. Matt.

Aliens got him, buddy. All right. If you look at the map, which Matt will get to eventually, I guess. It's pretty much just America. spots in Canada, the UK, there I go. There's where there's a UFO sightings. It's just the eastern United States, the UK, a few spots in Australia, South Africa. They've got a few other parts of the world.

They get little blips in India and South America. But pretty much it's just places, well, anyway, in India and parts of South America were colonies as well. So I have no idea while we're obsessed with this. But there's a time lapse version of this map on the show when they pop up. And the biggest boosts right after Orson Wells, read War the World in the radio in 1938. and then after Roswell happened in 1947. So I don't know what to draw from this, except it's either, either.

Oh, I do. You don't want to hear that say it. I know. This is a meme in the English-speaking Western world, or aliens are fucking racist and only visit white countries. So there you go. It's A, that they're the most concerned with us because we're up to the most fucked up shit all the time,

and they want to inhabit the earth, but they are waiting for a time when we evolve to a level of peace and understanding. and America is the last hold-off country where they're like, y'all really just don't get it. Or every single God is real, right? And they're all aliens and every religion is true and we've been fighting against each other fucking at their beck and calling shit.

And since America is very, very diverse in a melting pot, that's where they have their Super Bowl. So they come here a lot. You know what I'm saying? You get it. Okay. I just like, I do want to mention, Anapoleon Aluna went on Fox News, I think,

and said she believes that the U.S. government has alien weapons technology and is trying to like, you know, take it apart to figure out how to make it. And like, if that's true, why would you as a member of the federal government tell people? Right.

Makes no sense. Don't we want the laser guns so China doesn't have the laser guns? Like, Whose side are any of these people on? They're just up there. They're, that riff you just did. Congress is just doing those riffs. Right.

They're just up there doing that. There's no plan. There's no nothing. And that's why I was like, oh, this government's not rolling out some, some alien campaign. It's fucking a half dozen psychos who fucked around and got like to the Congress. And nobody can figure out how to shut them up, whether they're bit, whether they accidentally stumbled on the truth or not, the people who really know where the aliens are, or watching David Grush on TV, been like,

who the fuck is that guy? I don't know that guy. That guy doesn't work here. He doesn't go here. Mark, you're too smart. You've made me lose my childish hope. There might be aliens. Maybe we don't want aliens, do you?

You don't want it. I would love it to be. Take me away. Take me with you, please. That's the thing. That's the thing. only could be good things. It's like either they show up and they lead us to a life of prosperous peace

or they kill us all and both are better than what we got going on right now. Or they hurt us into factory farms and eat us. So Karen Butcher says alien rumspringer explains it all, especially the anal probing. Actually, it does. That does. Aliens coming here on vacation for spring break would probably be the only, like. We're paying all you, baby. You're not going to learn anything from us.

Like anybody that's mastered intergalactic travel is going to need to dissect the human to figure out how we work, and one would do it. Bridget, Mulemberger says, Alien Run Springer, I'm going to pee my pants, which will feel good for a minute. Ah, somebody wants the whole show. Hey. Let's go back. Yeah.

All right. I think it's going to finish up the show for tonight. Chor, you want to do your plugs real quick? Yeah, first off, this will be the last time I ever get asked to co-host the skews. So I bid you all adieu. You can listen to putting on airs with me and Trey, but the thing that's really important to me right now as I convert my life into being a full-time father. Join me at part-time funnyman.com.

That is where I write things like you'll get the entire my thing on aliens later. I do daily podcasts and all that. It's $5 a month unless you don't have $5 a month, in which case you can have it for free. But if you have $5, that would hit. All right. Thank you guys for joining us once again. They help Treycrouter.com for his road dates.

Trey, you'll never watch this, but have good shows, buddy. Also, Patreon. What is it? We can use that more It's not for a Patreon. We're doing an episode this week, I believe. Thank you all for tuning in. See you.

Love you. Bye. Love you. Thank you.