Weird Medicine: The Podcast - 10 - PREMIUM - Podcastus Interruptus

Episode Date: May 15, 2018

This episode was a train wreck from the first minute, including two, count-em, two Jim Norton character impersonators and more technical difficulties than you can shake a beeper at. Then Dr Steve got paged and decided to trash the whole thing and start over. Maybe you'll find some enjoyment in his discomfort. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why did the soccer goalie eat pancakes with his hands? He wanted sticky fingers. I love math, but you know what seems odd to me? Numbers that aren't divisible by two. What did the Terminator say to his last sip of coffee? Osterla Barista, baby. You're listening to Weird Medicine with Dr. Steve on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. I've got diphtherio crushing my esophagus.

I've got Tobolivir stripping from my nose. I've got the leprosy of the heart valve, exacerbating my infertable woes. I want to take my brain now and blast with the wave, an ultrasonic, egographic, and a pulsating shave. I want a magic pill. All my ailments,

the health equivalent of citizen cane. And if I don't get it now in the tablet, I think I'm doomed, then I'll have to go insane. I want to requiem for my decision. So I'm Beijing, Dr. Steve. It's weird medicine, the first and still only uncensored medical show in the history of broadcast radio, now a podcast. By the way, major porn stash, that was my headphone thing that you turned down there. I'm Dr. Steve with my little pal, thank you, with my little pal, Dr. Scott, the traditional Chinese medical practitioner who keeps the alternative medicine wackos at bay.

Hello, Dr. Scott. Hey, Dr. Steve. And she, who will do most anything for a glass of expensive wine? It's Lady Diagnosis. Hello, Dr. Steve. And Dr. Smith and Major Pornstash are visiting in the waiting room today. Hello. In the house.

Hello, Dr. Smith. You've got to speak into the mic and no one can hear you. Hey, there. There you go. Say hello. Well, okay, night nurse Evie isn't here. She was going to be here and join the podcast, but she couldn't make it. So this is a show for people who would never listen to a medical show on the radio

or the internet. If you have a question, you're embarrassed to take to your regular boy. That's going to be a good one. Regular medical provider. If you can't find an answer anywhere else, give us a call. 347-7-66-4-3-23. That's 347. Pooh-head. If you're listening to us live, the number 754-227-3647. That's 754. 22 penis. Or bear nip. It's a very perky 22 penis. Lady diagnosis. Follow us on Twitter at weird medicine, at lady diagnosis and at DR Scott WM and visit our website at weirdmedicine.com or Dr. Steve.com for podcast, medical news and stuff you can buy or go to our merchandise store at cafepress.com slash weird medicine.

Most importantly, we are not your medical providers. Take everything you hear with the grain of salt. Don't act on anything you hear on this show without talking it over with your doctor, nurse practitioner, physician assistant, pharmacist, chiropractor, acupuncturist, yoga master, physical therapist or whatever. Barista. Or barista. Yeah, they

Really, Alexa tells horrible jokes. What did the ping pong ball save to the shuttlecock? Nice skirt. She doesn't even when I'm not asking her to do it. Don't forget the Dr. Steve Amazon Echo skill, though. Have you guys tried it? No. No?

You're not aware of it? Okay, well, let's try that real quick. I have. Alexa, ask Dr. Steve for a fun fact. Skin tags are called acrochordans by the medical profession. They can be removed with string or acid, but the best way is with surgical scissors in your health care provider's office. For another fact, please say, tell me another fact.

They're not all meant to be funny. Some of them are actually fun facts. Alexa, tell me another fun fact. Listen to Weird Medicine on the Riotcast Network, iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, or on demand on Sirius X. And with the Sirius XM app. For another fact, please say, tell me another fact. To quit say, stop. Tell me another fact.

Dr. Steve Chipperson says I don't find medical puns funny since I suffer from an irony deficiency. For another fact, please say, tell me another fact. There is a good. Stop. Stop. Stop. Goodbye. Quick while we're ahead. Exactly. Stop right there. Please. All right. We've been getting some compliments on the show lately because we've been actually doing medical questions.

So let's get to some medical questions. How about that? I figure this is because none of us were here and you're doing a long. Maybe. I think I answered 20 questions on one show. Number one thing. Don't take advice from some asshole on the radio. All right. Let's see. We have on hold for 17. minutes. Oh, boy, everybody. It's Calvin from California, area code 408. Uh-oh. There you are. Calvin, you with us? Yeah, hey, how's it going? Steve? Scott, Lady Diagnosis and Pornstache and everybody else.

All right. I guess Dr. Smith, you're everybody else. Yeah. I got to think of a better name. No, it's okay. And will you guys get that mic closer to you? Just sort of pull it toward you that pull there you go there you go okay okay perfect all right and then you want to be about this far away from it when you talk they're really expensive mics and they just don't pick up from the side uh so what's you got calvin uh actually um there's a lot of talk about the dreamers and and back and stuff so i actually brought somebody with me here today let me hand the phone to them just give me just a second oh boy here comes a character hey

Chippo or something, yeah, Carlos Chipperson. How's it going, everybody? How are you doing? Yeah. Hey, don't there's a bibliotheque or something. Yeah. How's everybody doing? Good.

Any of you guys actually speak Spanish? Bien, bien. Pornstash. Pornstash, interview him in Spanish. I have much tacos in Mexico. Oh, no. Jesus. Okay, this is, this cannot go anywhere, but bad.

So, um. Yeah, I got a, I got a, I got a, I got a, I got a question for a lady diagnosis of something. Okay. I got a question for her. Mm-hmm. Sure. Go. Shoot, man.

How did you get so pretty? Oh. What a move. Don't even. Oh, no. That was terrible. I am still I'm still I'm still I'm still pottying from Cinco de Mayo like what is it like Cinco de ketchup or something mm-hmm yeah go ahead my friend was asking me what was my

favorite condiment I was like thou shalt not kill or something fucking nothing okay The ten condiments, I get it. Okay, well, quit while you're ahead, Calvin. All right. That was, shit, you should have said that ten minutes ago. Jesus. That was easy. Let's see here.

Okay. Area code 215. You're on weird medicine. Yeah, I'm glad that Mexican Chippa caught in. I used to give a music lesson. Oh, my God. You reminded me about that when you were playing guitar. I just come here, El Chippo, and play the skin flute for your Uncle Paul.

Oh, Jesus Christ. You know, we, motherfuckers. We're two for two, Dr. Steve. I love you, Dr. Steve. Sorry, I had to get in on that after hearing El Chippo call in. Well, I've got to be honest with you, for a second there. I thought it was Calvin calling in on multiple lines like Richard and Saldu on Howard Stern, and we were getting one of those trains.

No, actually, I actually called you a while ago, and I called in his Uncle Paul that time as well, and I'm kind of doing almost the same exact thing, but this time I'm adding a little something to it. First thing I wanted to ask you was that I wanted to know if there were any updates of, like, lady die, because I haven't heard anything. I've been, you know, I've been kind of worried about her, because, like, you know, for all the ridiculous stuff that went on, you know, on the old shows and everything, like, you know, it's just knowing that, you know, she went through the medical issues that she did, and, like, I haven't really heard too much about it since, and, you know, I'm kind of just, like, I'm feeling bad, and I'm hoping that there's some positive news out there. Yeah.

And second, and kind of related to that, I'll try to keep this as brief as possible. This show's already complete shit, so don't worry about. I mean, you know, if I bomb after Chip that I really should rethink my life. Well. But I spent the past year not drinking at all, like no alcohol, nothing like that. And not even that, like, I wasn't trying to or anything. It just, I don't know. I just never considered it.

It didn't even cross my mind. And then about a month ago, I started drinking sexually. And now granted, my tolerance is way down, and it feels kind of nice to get a buzz after two beers. But I've been in this weird place where I notice, like, I can have, like, maybe three or four beers, and I'm pretty buzzed or drunk. And then it could be the fifth beer, it could be the seventh beer, and it can for, like, a four-hour period that I'm doing this. But after a certain drink, I start getting blackout drunk, and I've never gotten blackout drunk before. And I'm wondering if this is, like, any kind of sign. of anything serious that I should go get checked out or if it's just like, oh, well, your tolerance

is down and that's what's been going on. Yeah. Well, okay, let me answer your first question. I have not heard from Marion nor Lady Die's son in quite some time. The last time I checked in, she was still in the nursing home and demented. So she most likely has a thing called Wernicke-Korsikov syndrome, which is a form of dementia that, you know, chronic alcoholics can get. And it's, once it kicks in, you know,

you try giving people thiamen and stuff, and it just doesn't really get anywhere. It's almost, it's too late. So, um, well, to follow up on what you just said there, to quote a radio god, um, what kind of cough is that again? Sorry, I'm taking my subtle shot at a certain someone.

I don't, you see, I'm so out of the loop. That just went right over my head. no clue who in the, like you're talking about. That was a reference to like when this was brought up during her internship, someone on the show asked like, oh, what kind of cough does she have again? So I'm a...

Oh, okay. I'm kind of parroting that way. I see, okay. When you have to explain it. But, yeah, Mernickeeky Korsakoff, I get it. That's... Oh, boy. You know what? It's a stretch. Let's just delete this whole

first 12 minutes and just just start from right here. So. Hey, I bombed with a stolen line. I didn't try to be original. Anyway, as far as the, huh? Was it this one? Hang on.

Okay, hang on the second. Yeah, that's eight for four. Oh, that's one. Okay. That's a, anyway. Okay. As far as your second, I'm on call and I'm getting called, and I've got Dr. Smith answering calls and I've got

motherfuckers calling in doing Chip and Edgar and Uncle Paul and shit and I'm trying to you know Hold it together. We're broadcasting live and anyway. So if you quit drinking and then you start drinking again. Right. Well your tolerance should decrease, certainly.

Is it going to stay down though? No, no. I mean you'll get some tolerance back. Now people that all of a sudden get shit faced with one beer that's a sign that they may not be metabolizing their alcohol. on a, at a normal rate. But getting shit-faced on the fifth beer, that's another thing, because I got to tell you,

I was at PA John's brewery a couple of weeks ago, and Dr. Smith, if we hadn't gotten so rudely interrupted, could tell you part of this story because she was there. That shithead had this new beer called Imperial Hop Drop, and it was one of the best IPAs that I've had in a long time. I'm not a big fan of IPAs. Oh, I'm going to have to try it. But this was amazing. and it was

it was so amazing you drank five of them but they're high gravity well thanks for ruining the story but he gave them out to us in these little 10 ounce glasses I'm like well you stingy son of a bitch and I thought maybe they just didn't make a lot

or something and so yeah exactly what Dr. Scott said I drank five of them and on the fifth one I was hugging everybody and kissing everybody. I kissed them on the cheek, not on the lips, but I kissed Scott's girlfriend. I kissed Dr. Smith and hugged her and told her

I loved her. And she liked it too. And, you know, it was just, do I need to stop the show? Hang on, hang on. Do I need to just say yes or no? Do I need to stop the show? Because I can, but I can't, I can't answer a question while I'm doing a monologue. No, go ahead. Okay. thank you um so i um yeah i was kissing everybody hugging everybody and um and and and got totally blackout drunk came home scott and i apparently played music and the only thing i

remember is i bent over to get my base and i fell forward and uh scott grabbed me by my uh belt and kept me from hitting my head on the floor so fringes but this was i was fine up until that fifth beer and then the next day I called PA John and asked him what the hell was in that beer and it was 9% alcohol so it's like drinking 15 regular beers and uh yeah so so anyway um I can't answer your question it's not unusual for people to just sort of fall off the cliff with alcohol when it comes to you know you're you have this um this sort of critical mass and all of a sudden the next thing you know, your shit-faced drunk, just don't drink five beers.

You know, what else can I tell you? If you were a heavy drinker before, it'd be okay to get your liver enzymes check, but I'm going to tell you after being off alcohol for a year like that, they're going to be normal. And did you quit drinking because you had a problem? No. It just kind of happened that way.

Yeah, okay. I was just busy and it wouldn't even cross my mind to do it. Yeah, I went through a period like that too, and I had a really rough period with alcohol where if I'd drink one or two, I would be hungover for days afterward, and I never could quite explain that one. And so I just quit drinking, but when I got together with my now wife, she liked to drink beer, and so I started drinking again. I was okay.

I found that I had sort of overcome that, so. But anyway, all right, so no real clues. Yes, go get checked. always get your yearly physical and talk to your primary care provider about these issues. They'll do some blood work and just make sure everything's okay. But it's probably just more of a tolerance issue than anything else. And drink three beers instead of five and you'll be fine. All right.

Perfect. Thank you. Okay, buddy. Punching out. All right. Take care, man. Okay. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to stop the recording here.

And we'll be right back.