Weird Medicine: The Podcast - 386 - Osteichthyes Phallicus

Episode Date: December 19, 2019

The fabled "pen!s fish" is in the news again. Also a guy with a foreskin lump and much much more. PLEASE VISIT: stuff.doctorsteve.com (for all your online shopping needs!) simplyherbals.net (Dr Scott’s nasal rinse is here!) noom.doctorsteve.com (lose weight, gain you-know-what) tweakedaudio.com offer code “FLUID” (best CS anywhere) premium.doctorsteve.com (all this can be yours!) freshly.doctorsteve.com (how lazy are you? Get $40 off, and don’t cook!) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Weird Medicine with Dr. Steve on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. I need to touch it. Yo-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. Yeah, me garretel. I've got diphtheria crushing my esophagus. I've got Tobolivide stripping from my nose. I've got the leprosy of the heartbells, exacerbating my impetable woes. I want to take my brain now.

I guess with the wave, an ultrasonic, ecographic, and a pulsating shave. I want a magic pill. All my ailments, the health equivalent of citizen cane. And if I don't get it now in the tablet, I think I'm doomed, then I'll have to go insane. I want a requiem for my disease. So I'm paging, Dr. Steve. Dr. Steve. Yo, de, yo.

Take a careful. Yo, ho, ho, do to learn a frame. Yo, me, yo, me. I need some suction. I guess I'm better know the amount. It's weird medicine, the first and still-only uncensored medical show in the history of broadcast radio, now a podcast. I'm Dr. Steve. This is a show for people who would never listen to a medical show on the radio or the internet.

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And if we get more people signed up, I'll do more premium content. How about that? Is that a deal? Or you can get a thumb drive for, I think, $30. Just go to the website. There's a link on there. And I'll send you a thumb drive that's got $30. two gigs of memory and it's

got 17 gigs of content on it so it's a lot of shows almost 400 at this point and if you look this is something new I don't know if this is going to fly but if you go to swistracks

dot com and tell them Dr. Steve sent you they'll give you a deal on the coolest garage floor I have ever seen and I only reason I'm just they're not a sponsor I bought it because I saw it and I was I was going to epoxy my garage this stuff is so easy there are these tiles and they just

snap together and it makes the I'll put a picture of it on the website at some point it's absolutely everybody who sees it goes what the hell did you do in here in a good way it is the coolest garage floor I've ever seen or you know showroom floor or anything you want to do Swiss tracks it's Swiss t r a x.com and just if you place your order i think the guy's name is jordan asked for jordan tell him dr steve sent you will see if they if we can work something out with them they say they'll give you a discount did you guys see that article about the penis fish just google penis fish that's all um what the hell is that the craziest thing i've ever seen um some penis

Fishes washed up on a New Jersey beach. Let me see. I hadn't actually planned on talking about this, but I'm going to look up penis fish. Yeah, it looks like this guy's holding somebody severed, semi-erect member in his hand. Thousands of penis fish appear on a California beach. Okay, I thought it was Jersey Beach.

Well, of course. Look at that. And it looks like it's got a reservoir tip, so it looks kind of like a penis wrapped in a condom with a reservoir tip. Following a bout of winter storms in northern California, thousands of pink, throbbing, phallic creatures wound up pulsating along a beach about 50 miles north of San Francisco.

Oh, my God. Just Google this. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. According to Nature Magazine, these 10-inch regulars are marine worms called fat in-keeper worms, but they're known colloquially is exactly what you'd want to call them, penis fish. These penile figures typically burrow under the sand far beneath the feet of beachgoers, but the recent storms brought on some waves that swept away the layers, leaving them exposed. Okay, so it's not like they're swimming around.

They got swept up. It was erosion, basically, just revealed them. Okay, the Korean name for this curious creature is Gaibu, which translate as dog dick. Here in the United States is known as the fat innkeeper worm or the penis fish. Its scientific binomial is Eurekous Kaupo or Viper Tail Tradesman. Wow. Well, whatever you call the animal, you can find them in abundance in Bodega Bay, where they build burrows and the tidal mudflats.

Wow. I wonder if people eat these things. Oh, here's a big bowl full of penis fish. Oh, it's horrendous looking. There's no eyes or anything. I guess because they're worms. It's seen in the first photo, seagulls enjoy gobbling up these penis fish

as do otters, other fish, sharks, and rays. But the penis fish is a human delicacy to some as well. No, thank you. I No thank you for the penis fish Daddy I don't want I don't want to eat penis fish Oh okay well there you go

Um horrendous Anyway I don't have a lot of news for you But I have a whole lot of Um voicemail so let's just Let's get them going Number one thing, don't take advice from some asshole on the radio because I forgot to boot up my sound, my whatever.

See, this is the first sign of dementia. It's called anomia, the inability to name things. So if you have someone in your life that doesn't call a pen a pen anymore, but they call it the thing that you write with. because there's a part of the brain where associations are made and those associations point to names of things. So instead of a watch, it's a thing that tells time. Or in the case of my E&T professor at University of North Carolina, Newton Fisher, he would call, he had an IQ of like 220. and he called a deck of cards a concentric stack of thin laminates. So the soundboard, I could tell you every sound that's on it,

what all the different colors were, but I couldn't, for the life of me, think of the word soundboard. But anyway. Number one thing, don't take advice from some asshole on the radio. Yeah, especially some asshole on the radio that seems to have, early dementia, but anyway, all right, let's see what we got here. Uh-oh. This might be a sign of dementia as well, an inability to...

Hi, Dr. Steve. I was at a winewalk this past weekend at our downtown area, and I noticed a lot of people had, I guess, the lower mobility people, people in wheelchairs and walkers and those types. type of folks. They had this bright or it's kind of like a dark red lower legs like in the calf area in the feet

and I've seen it before and I don't know if there's a name of the condition or if it's just poor nutrition or exactly what it is but it looks like they're like swollen legs and just wondering what that is.

Yep, that's what it is. It's swollen legs aka adema, but more likely when it turns purple like that, it's a thing called venous stasis. So what is venous stasis? Arteries are muscular, thick-walled vessels. Vanes are amuscular. In other words, they don't have a lot of muscle tissue associated with them. Thin-walled vessels.

and arteries are a high-pressure system, veins, or a low-pressure system. Because by the time you pump from the heart through the a-order and it starts dividing, so it divides right and left, Iliac arteries, you know, in the legs, and then you get all, you know, it starts dividing some more, and by the time you get to the toes, it's just little capillaries. And, you know, there's tons of little capillaries go out to the skin and the muscles and stuff. It just divides and divides and divides until, really, there's only space for one red blood cell to pass through in some of those terminal capillaries. Well, once those red blood cells give up their oxygen, they return to the Venus supply, which, by the way, Venus blood is not blue.

There's a whole thread on Twitter on Twitter about Venus blood actually being blue, and it's not. That's an artist's rendering. When Frank Nettor and some other people were drawing pictures of the circulatory system, they made arterial blood or arteries look red and veins look blue just to differentiate between them instead of having red and darker red. So Venus blood is a dark, dark, dark, red color. There's no blue involved. But anyway. So once they pass through these capillaries and return to the Venus blood supply, there's no pressure anymore. It's all gone.

It's been dissipated by giving off heat, pushing the vessels, the arterials, arteries, and arterial capillaries, walls apart, basically, under pressure. And when you divide it and subdivide it and subdivide it until you can really only pass one red blood cell through that vessel, there's no pressure left when you collect all these things. I mean, there's a little bit. So veins return blood to the heart, particularly from the legs, through a sort of like a lock system. And I don't mean a lock and key, but like the Sue St. Marie or the Panama. canal where there's lock so you've got these valves that close and prevent blood from from going backwards so and those were into electronics like a diode and only these valves only allow current to go in one direction and so when you walk or you flex your the muscles in your

calf, you're squeezing these veins, and because the valves only allow blood to go in one direction, it just goes in one direction toward the heart. Now, gravity, of course, when you're standing up particularly, or sitting down with your legs bent at the knee so that the leg is perpendicular to the ground. Gravity, of course, is pulling the blood down. toward the center of the earth, whereas the body wants blood to go in the opposite direction toward the heart. So there's a pull and a fight between the need to return blood to the heart

and the earth's tendency to pull things toward its center. Now, which also, by the way, shows how weak gravity is because you've got the whole earth pulling against that red blood cell in your leg and it most of the time makes it to the heart you know it can defeat gravity even though it's the whole of the earth pulling against it well anyway so um because of that pull in two directions up toward the heart and down toward the ground, you get tension in the valve, in the vein wall, right? It's going to distend a little bit.

And, you know, if you were in zero gravity, there's no distension because the blood will just flow and there's no counter force trying to pull it in the other direction. But any time you've got force trying to pull something down against those valves, You're going to get tension in the wall. And then if you do that enough, you're on your feet a lot or you're sitting a lot with your feet down. Eventually, those valves will fail. The tension on the wall will exceed the vein's ability to maintain its shape. And when this happens the first time, it becomes a set of dominoes.

So you've got a valve that opens up and starts a lot. allowing blood to flow backwards. And as that blood rushes and flows backwards, it's going to distend that valve even more so that it fails even more. And now there's even that much more pressure on the one below it to fail. And then it will just take those things out, not dissimilar, well, completely dissimilar, but sort of similar in concept to when the Twin Towers fell. You know, the top floor fell, and then it fell into the floor below it, taking out that floor, and those two floors now took out the floor below that, and then those three, et cetera, et cetera. And when that happens, those veins will now be distended, and they'll distend even more because now you have to have back pressures the only way that you can get blood back to the heart.

So these big distended veins will be under all kinds of pressure, and fluid will begin to seep out of the veins through the cells that are holding it together. They're so stretched now that there's just spaces, little tiny spaces, but spaces, and usually not big enough to allow a red blood cell out, but sometimes it will allow a red blood cell out. And that's when you see people with real brown legs, where they've got what's called hemocytrin has deposited itself in the skin and it stains it. And that's basically because you've got broken up red blood cells that have leaked from these distended veins. So the first thing you may see are varicose veins. And that's what varicose veins are. Those are veins that have failed because of this pressure and these forces that are trying to pull the, vein apart and they're so distended because there's blood is now rushing backwards until of course

there's enough back pressure to force that blood up but that the the uh those competing forces will distend those veins and make these big snake looking things under the skin um so now so back to your question you've got the background that what you're seeing are are people whose veins have blown out and they're leaking fluid into their legs. And so they have edema because, and that's just the medical term for swelling of the legs due to fluid. And the purple is coming from venous stasis and disruption of the blood supply to the skin itself.

So you get stasis dermatitis. So let me explain what that is. So as these legs start to swell, it stretches the skin, right? And when you stretch the skin, that skin is now under pressure. And because it's under pressure, it's really hard to get capillary blood flow to the surface of the skin. Because now the pressure to the skin exceeds the pressure of the blood that's coursing through these little tiny capillaries. and it basically shunts the blood away from the skin. When you do that, it loses most of its blood supply.

I mean, if it lost all its blood supply, it would just die. But it loses a relatively large amount of blood supply, and the skin becomes thickened and gets inflamed and will turn red or purple. So just Google Stasis dermatitis, and you'll see what we're talking about. Big purple legs. Now, what can be done about this? Well, prevention is key, so not sleeping, sitting up is a good way to prevent it.

You want to always at night get your feet at least at the level of your heart, if not above the level of your heart. And if you start having swelling in your extremities, first get checked and make sure it's not something like congestive heart failure, you know, identify that it's stasis dermatitis, and start elevating your legs when you get home. from work. And you can use counterpressure to arrest some of the damage that's being done to the veins. And we will do this with medium strength support hose. So for people who are on their feet all day, say factory workers and stuff, getting a set of medium strength support hose, which you could buy at any pharmacy that sells durable medical equipment, or you can order them online. And so they're not like those TED hose. Ted hose are high strength compression hose. These are medium strength. So they look just like socks. Nobody will ever know you're

wearing them. And they just apply counterpressure. And that counter pressure sort of paradoxically reduces the pressure on the vessel walls because you're countering the pressure that's inside the vessel wall with pressure from the outside, and so that allows blood to flow without distending those vein walls. I hope that makes sense. So you can do that. Now, some of these folks will get to the point where their skin will break down, and they start getting these things called venous ulcers.

Now, a venous ulcer and an arterial ulcer have to be differentiated because an arterial ulcer from bad arterial supply will get worse if you apply counterpressure. And that just makes sense. Venus ulcers will get better. And so we'll do a thing called an Una Boot sometime, which is a medicated ace wrap, kind of. And you wrap it around the legs to prevent the edema and allow return of blood flow to that area. And a lot of times you can heal them up. It may take six weeks, but you can do it.

Anyway, all right, very good. Venus Stasis, everybody. That wouldn't be a bad band name. All right. Uh-oh. This one has a corrupted file name. Let me delete the file name there. Your old pal is reasonably computer savvy.

There we go. Hi, Dr. Steve. This is Allen in Mississippi, and I had two questions of which I cannot remember. Damn it. They've got to come back. I'll call back. Thank you. All right.

Yeah, Alan, feel free to call back. He's not the first, though. I have a collection of these. This one is from 2011. It's one of my best phone calls ever. Hey, Dr. Steve, I have prescribed manhole, and I have, how fuck. Let's see, what else have we got here? I've got a couple other ones.

Hey, Dr. Steve, this is John in Tennessee, and I've got a very embarrassing issue that comes up about once a year. When I was a kid, my brothers and sisters actually used to call me Zach Two Cracks. And, okay, I just said my real name, so I'm going to hang up now and call back. You can use this if you want to. Yeah, he calls up saying he's John and then reveals that his sisters called him Zach Two Cracks, which why would they call him that if his name is John? Anyway, let's see here. Oh, this was a disturbing phone call.

Hello, Dr. Steve. Can you tell us more about that giant, meaty, penis between your legs? What the hell, dude? Oh, boy. And, of course, she's been on this show. The best phone call of all time still to this day is. Dee from Nashville. Hey, Dr. Steve.

My name is Dee. I'm in Nashville, Tennessee. I am calling because you said something about a worst medical smell. I was sitting in with a dentist one day. A man came in. His jaw was swollen. The doctor had a round probe. Was moving his jaw out of the way.

The probe brushed up against whatever the lesion was inside of his mouth. And some shit came out of it that looked like green peas, like peas. like pea soup and the smell was so nauseatingly bad that I quit school and I am a realtor now. I'm not doing anything in the medical profession because that smell was just like unreal. It was unlike anything I had ever heard before. So there you go. Hope that makes the air. I hope you make it done more than just make the air.

Thank you, Dee. Dee was here in the studio. I'm hoping we will see Dee very soon. my wife and I are going to Nashville and D is going to take us to Prince's hot chicken. So I guess we could do it by ourselves, but it'd be more fun with a native Nashvilleian.

Anyway, I'll keep you up to date on that. I might record it because I hear I'm pretty much just going to die. Anyway, all right. Take another question. Five minutes. Hey, Dr. Steve, I just went to Chick-Folet. Excellent.

And got me an ice cream. My ex-wife was so dumb. How dumb was she? That she would say, well, I'm going to take the boys to Chick-Falaw. She thought it was Chick-Fal-A. Come on. All right. She literally thought that she wasn't trying to be funny.

Hey, Dr. Steve, I just went to Chick-Folet and got me an ice cream. cone or a dream cone. I ate it too quickly, and I got the worst brain freeze ever. I had a pull over, throw up on the side of the road, and it took about five minutes, although probably 60 seconds for it to go away. It felt amazing as it was dissipating, but how does that happen? I know how to avoid it. Don't inhale those hate cones. It's got to be a better way. Thanks, man. Love Yeah, thanks, man. If you're prone to these, if you're going to eat ice cream, have, you know, some warm water or hot tea or something like that. Because this is what happens.

I think people who have listened to this show for a long time know this fact, but I'll review. All air-filled cavities in the human body have a hole, usually called an osteum, that goes. to the outside world for the purpose of equilibrating pressure. Okay? So you have an air-filled cavity in your ear, and when you go up in an airplane or go down, you feel your ears pop, or when you're going down, you blow and pop your ears back out to equilibrate the pressure. That tube is called the eustachian tube.

Most people are familiar with that. Well, the other sinuses and air-filled cavities in the body, the biggest, you know, one, well, the lungs, obviously, the GI tract all, you know, communicate with the outside world. But your sinuses do, too. So there's an osteum going between, I don't remember, the second and third turbinate, I think, in the head. Those are your maxillary sinuses, your cheekbones. Okay, those are the ones behind your cheekbones. They're the ones that hurt when you clog up that osteum with disgusting pus and old mucus when you have a sinus infection, and that hurts. So there's a sinus, and why it's there, I don't know, I think it's just its purpose is to reduce the weight of the skull.

And it's called the sphenoid sinus, and it's right above the palate, the human palate. and the roof of your mouth. It's right above that. And its osteum kind of sucks. So when you take something cold in, you will – okay, one other concept. Cold air, it has less volume than an equal number of molecules of hot air. And I think you probably are familiar with that if you have a tired,

gauge in your car and when it's a cold day the pressure in the in the tires maybe low even like 38 or 28 and then when you get going and warm them up in there the pressure comes up and it's back up to 32 to 35 same kind of thing so when you assault the roof of your palate with really cold stuff and if the sphenoid sinus is not able to very quickly equilibrate the the that drop in pressure that occurs when the cold air contracts then you will get pain and the pain is most likely from stretch receptors in the spinoid the mucous membrane of the spinoid sinus going we are being stretched and we don't like it now When the air returns to a normal temperature, then the air re-expans, the tension on those mucous membranes goes away, and then the pain goes away.

You can accelerate this by sticking your tongue and the roof of your mouth if you've got the ability to do that, or by drinking something warm really quickly. And I have just a weird version of this, and it's not a brain freeze. I get an esophageal freeze, and it's because I've had reflux for so long that I've got a little bit of a stricter in my lower esophagus, which has been good for my reflux, to be honest with you, but it's not good when I, if I drink like a slushy or ice cream or something like that, which I'm not seven, so I don't drink slushies very often. But every once in a while, I'll get a frozen damn margarita, or at the beach I'll get a frozen daquery, and that's rare as well. But matter of fact, I think I've done my last one because every sip of that I took got stuck in the bottom of my esophagus and it just froze it.

And the pain was unbelievable. And if you've just walked to the beach with this thing, you don't have anything else to drink. If I had had just a bottle of water would have been great. So I could probably chase it with water, you know, that's set in a bottle at the beach. It's going to be warm and would have fixed it. But if you start having that problem, that's what that is. Make sure that you get scoped at some point just to make sure there's not a problem down there. I've been scoped recently, so I know what mine is.

But it just lays there and just freezes it. And just imagine a brain freeze right down at the level of, you know, the bottom of your sternum or your breast bone. Horrendous. And it happened with every sip I took. So I think, like I said, that's my last frozen drink. But anyway, but that's brain freeze. All right.

Oh. Good evening, Dr. Steve. My name is Dee. I had a medical question regarding to my girlfriend. We recently had, like, a lot of sex during October. the month of October. Okay. And we take plan B's and stuff like that.

And I think we took about four of them. Whoa. Without weed, she did. Yeah, thank you. Okay, what he's talking about is the plan B is the, it's a hormonal treatment to prevent pregnancy after you've had sex. So there's a lot of ideas how this work. that it prevents ovulation.

So if she was just getting ready to ovulate, it will prevent it. And it may also prevent fertilization and may even prevent implantation in the uterus of a fertilized egg. That last one is kind of iffy. I'm not sure I've got good information on that. So the plan B is considered emergency contraception. by the way, and they're taking four of them. So I'm just wondering what nightmare happened after that. At the same month, her period was kind of light, and it was kind of short.

And then in November, she did not have a period at all. So we've been taking pregnancy tests. Well, she's been taking pregnancy tests, and it's becoming up negative. The recent one was this past Monday. What should we do about this? Yeah, okay. First off, I'm going to recommend that you not use plan B as routine contraception. There are other methods if you don't want to wear a condom and she doesn't want to be on the pill,

she can get a cervical cap or a diaphragm that doesn't, you know, affect your ability to, you know, experience the whole, the full Monty. But you've got to do something other than this. Now, if she smokes, she probably shouldn't be taking the pill, but she shouldn't be taking Plan B either. So quit smoking. And then, oh, that opens up your option. Some. She could get an IUD, too, you know.

IUD is a great method of birth control if you're not planning on getting pregnant, which most people are taking birth control or not. And that also does not interfere. But I'm just looking at the Plan B website. And it says, when plan B is used repeatedly, in other words, more than once in a menstrual cycle, okay, well, she used it four times in the same cycle. Menstrual changes may occur, including shorter, uh-oh, or longer cycle, and heavier or lighter period than normal. So that's what it is. It's the multiple use of the plan B. So there you go.

So, yeah, I'm going to recommend that you change your plan on that, please. I think that that is, it's not, I mean, that's not what it's made for. All right. Thank you. Dr. Steve, I've got a question about blue balls. I was wondering why it hurts so bad. sometimes in the morning I answered this one last time

it's prostate congestion just look that up let's see here hi Dr. Steve I just wanted to call in this is Ratsby by the way I just wanted to call in and get your thoughts on this article

from the New York Post about this new fad called Peridium Sunning I hope I'm saying that right it's the latest insanity wellness influence or swear by, that's the headwine. And it goes on to say here, they're soaking up some rays where the sun don't shine.

The hottest trend gripping wellness diehards is tanning their cans or perineum sunning as Uh-oh. Sorry, that was my boss. I'm still okay. I'm not supposed to be at work yet. But, okay, let me read the article. He's going to read the whole article. So, yes, there's this viral trend of purposely exposing your taint to the sun.

Who came up with this? Is this Gwyneth again? I mean, for goodness sake. All right. this is from a lure magazine a couple of weeks ago my friend Bryce sent me an Instagram post in which a naked woman is lying on her back on a rock

her arms are extended straight up so her hands can hold her widely spread feet and maintain what appears to be the happy baby yoga pose um you know okay and people thought this was a joke it's apparently not a joke this is dumb as

shit okay stop it the anus the taint female vulva scrotum are not meant to be exposed to the sun like that and there's no benefit to it and it's all just downside the downside being that you burn your anus or your taint or your vulva or your scrotum and um you can look if you burn it to the point of blistering which could happen you increase the risk of melanoma in that area great and you know what you won't see it because you're not you don't have eyes in your knees looking up at your stupid burned you know taint so yeah if you get melanoma there that you're going to miss it for a long time You know, I'm 64, and I'm supposed to get a full skin survey. Hell, I've never had a doctor ever do that. So I could have a melanoma somewhere where the sun don't shine. And that's why they call it where the sun don't shine.

So cut the shit. This is stupid. If this was beneficial, we would have come up with it before 2019. For God's sake. let's see doctors are skeptical about the purported benefits really skeptical what a what a word that's just a in this case that's a euphemism skeptical there's no scientific or medical merit to the claims reported increased energy from daily bum sunning may more likely be from waking up early at the same time every day and getting some exercise to find that private Instagram worthy sunning rock whatever all these things involve an approach to healthy living that goes way beyond lying spread eagle in the sun any benefit would be strictly out of sheer vanity well that's right i mean

look there are people that uh uh you know bleach their asshole or will tan their asshole um here we go um yeah here we go It says, if you're hell bent on getting a tan in this area, although metaphysical Megan, is this someone's Instagram, their name is Metaphysical Megan, has said in her Instagram captions that this is not why she personally practices perineum sunning. This Dr. Fraling says you can use hypoallergenic mineral makeup on your velva or anus as long as you wash it off every day. well all right it says unfortunately some people

have already found out that perineum sunning can have immediate and uncomfortable effects actor Josh Brolin thanos shared Megan's photo in his own Instagram grid

and shared his tale of wo tried this perineum sunning that I've been hearing about and my suggestion is do not do it as long as I did my pucker hole is crazy burned. Oh, wait.

Wrong. Let me, here we go. Tried this perineum sunning that I've been hearing about, and my suggestion is do not do it as long as I did. My pucker hole is crazy

burned, and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family, and instead I'm icing and using aloe and burn creams. because of the severity of the pain. All right. Okay, just stop it. Don't steam your taint.

Don't do anything to your taint other than, you know, put a penis in it, you know, or whatever. Just don't do anything. It's fine. It's fine just like it is. It's designed to be hidden from view. I'm not even a fan of bicycle seats and the taint. I got a Nordic track. My wife and I bought this for each other for the holidays.

A Nordic track. It's like a Peloton, but it's Nordic track. And it really is cool. My first ride was 30 minutes riding down a mountain in Turkey, going from this church that was, and they show you aerial views. and then when you're riding, like if the terrain goes up, you know, the bike goes up, it's close to what I'm looking for as far as a virtual reality exercise system. That's what I really want. It would have been really cool if I could have put goggles on

and then been looking around as I'm riding down this mountain. But anyway, it gives you a pretty good feeling of being there kind of almost. But anyway, the seat about killed me. I sat on it for five minutes. I had to get off and get a pillow, and so I've ordered a new seat, and I'm hoping it'll be better because I really want to get it back in much better shape than I am. But anyway, but yeah, you can, if you ride bicycles and all of a sudden your penis is numb or your vulva are painful, you have perineal neuropathy or pudendal neuropathy.

And the pudendal nerve goes to the pudenda, which are, you know, that's your junkal area. And you can get permanent nerve damage from that. So be really careful that you're not sitting right on your taint and putting a lot of pressure on that for hours and hours and hours. And they actually make pudendal preserving bicycle seats that basically are just two little pads. And I've never talked to anybody that's used one, but it looks cool. two little pads that you just put the isheal tuberosity on. That's your ass bone. If you put your hand down and feel your ass, you'll feel a bone down there that you're sitting on.

And those are your ischial tuberosities. And that will make your bicycle riding, I think, more comfortable because it completely spares your taint, let your taint just sort of roam free. So anyway, no more taint tanning. Cut the shit. Thank you. All right. Let's see here.

Hey, Dr. Steve. I'm gone from New Bruns of Canada. I am dying to know if there's anything you do for restless legs. My wife gets it real bad once in a while. It's my biggest cock block. Please help with this restless legs. I love your shoulder. I have everything you do.

You're the best. Talk soon. Bye now. Hey, man. I don't understand why her restless legs is a cock block for you because she would only really be experiencing. Well, no, that's not true. I'm thinking of periodic limb movement disorder. Okay, so restless leg syndrome is a condition that causes patients' uncontrollable urge to move their legs.

And usually it's because they have an uncomfortable sensation. So, yes, this could be cock blocking. The other thing I was talking about is this periodic leg movement disorder. disorder is they're only asleep. So I'm, you know, I had that in my head. I had this whole sort of humorous line I was going to go down because the only time she would have that is if she's asleep. So how is that cock blocking her, you unless you're, you know, having sex with your

wife while she's asleep and can't consent? But, and in fact, I just had the wrong syndrome in my head. So this usually happens in the evening or nighttime when they're sitting or lying down. and then the movement kind of eases this unpleasant feeling for a little bit. It's also called Willis Ekbaum disease, and it doesn't spare any age, but it generally worsens as you get older, and it can certainly disrupt your sleep. And that's the thing, you know, these folks, they lay down to sleep, and now there's no stimulus unlike when you're, you know, running around during the day.

and you've got all those visual and auditory and tactile stimulus and olfactory stimuli. And you don't have that at night. That's the whole point of turning out the lights and laying down and being quiet. And then all of a sudden, here come these damn legs start wanting to move all the time. So the sensations usually begin after rest. And you do get some relief with movement. you get worsening of the symptoms in the evening and you'll get nighttime leg twitching. So those are classic.

If you have that and you've not been diagnosed with restless leg syndrome, there may be treatment for you. You don't have to live that way. Most of the time, people feel like a crawling or creeping or a pulling feeling or their legs feel full, stuff like that. Now, nobody knows what causes it. It seems to run in families. Certainly pregnant women get it worse. People who have peripheral neuropathy or iron deficiency can get this. So sometimes when people just show up with restless leg syndrome, they'll give them iron supplements just to see if that helps.

So anyway, it really doesn't do anything to you, but if you lose a lot of sleep, it can be debilitating. So, the diagnosis is clinical. There's no blood test for restless leg syndrome. They may do a sleep study just to see if you also have this periodic limb disorder or limb movement disorder. So what do you do about it? Well, there's some medications that you can take. So medications that increase the dopamine in the brain, but dopamine is a neurotransmit.

And there are other medications that increase dopamine in the brain. But the classic one for this syndrome is a drug called Pramapexol or Myrapex. And then there's another one called Ropineral or Requip. And they're actually approved by the FDA for this. And they can cause, you know, some mild adverse effects, but usually people take. tolerate it pretty well. Now, every once in a while, when you increase someone's dopamine in their brain, it will cause impulse control problems like compulsive gambling and stuff like that.

So if you start on this stuff and all of a sudden you're hitting global poker every night and losing hundreds of dollars with stupid bets, it could be your medication. So anytime you see a change in someone's behavior like that, you always want to look at their medications first to see if there's something simple that we can do to fix it. There are other medications like Neurontin or Gabapentin, the same thing, or Lyrica. These things change calcium channels, among other things, that kind of shut down some nerve impulses, and those things can help. Some people will try opioids.

I'm not a fan of that for this because. It's really not a pain situation. Obviously, opioids do other things than just pain, but they're highly habit-forming. Now, there is another habit-forming medication when nothing else works called clonazepam or clonopin, and it works pretty well for Restless Leg Syndrome allowing people to at least sleep at night. And that's a last resort. So they may need to try different things, well, you know, but anyway. Now, there are some lifestyle things that you can try.

You can apply warm compresses, make sure that you have good sleep hygiene so that you're going to bed at the same time, waking up at the same time, and avoiding caffeine may help it as well. There are some people that say that exercise helps it, but not late at night. So you would think, wow, if I exercise late at night, I'll be fatigued, and I'll sleep better and I'll have less restless leg. Actually, the opposite is true. If you exercise late at night, it's activating and you'll have more trouble going to

sleep. But if you exercise in the middle of the day, that's what's best. It's weird. You know, it's counterintuitive. I remember back in the day when I was doing a lot of white water rafting, I would be, you know, you would use a lot of energy staying warm. for one thing, because river water tends to be cold or cool. And so your body's burning a lot of brown fat, trying to keep your body temperature up.

And then you're paddling the whole time because it's not something where you can just sit there and just let the river do stuff to you. You've got to, you know, if you're not paddling, you have no control because if you're going at the same velocity as the water around you, you have no control over anything. So you either have to be going faster or slower than the water to be able to steer, that kind of stuff. And I would sleep so good that night. I'd be hungry. I'd eat good. I'd go to bed.

And I would sleep like I had taken some damn drug. You know, that's what it felt like anyway. Well, let's see if we can take one more here before we go. It felt like my mind was just churning all night. Uh-oh. I almost had done this one before. That was about magnesium and dreaming. I've got a bunch of friends right now that are taking magnesium saying that they get crazy dreams and some lucid dreams.

So, you know, if you try it, let me know. I'm not advocating it by any means. All right. Let's see. Hey, Dr. Steve. I love the show in general. What? Sounds like a butt's coming.

Got a bit of a strange question here. But it seems like it might be. something you've probably answered before is I imagine you know he'd be the first person anyone calls with this okay I'm going to I don't know what this question is it came from the archives I'm going to

assume that it's a question about this person's penis but um I have a strange foreskin lump give yourself a bill like a what would I

compare it to like a half frozen small grape maybe like slightly smaller than a cranberry i i just noticed it today so i would assume that it hasn't been there too terribly long sorry about the coughing but um not sexually active at all um as a personal choice and because i'm a sad loser No, no, dude. Join the club. Would it be cause for concern? I'm probably going to schedule with the primary care anyways.

I haven't seen one in a few years, but yeah, feel free to get back to me on this. Yeah, I think that's a good thing to do. Half frozen, so I'm trying to picture this thing. So it's like half a grape, I'm guessing, so it's like half a grape, I'm guessing. so it's dome-like and when he says half-frozen I'm assuming it's mostly firm and about the size of a cranberry

it's on the foreskin so I'm going to just take a wild guess although it's an educated guess for sure that this is some sort of inclusion cyst and what an inclusion cyst is is when skin cells can't slough off because they've

involuted or you've had some trauma to the area and so that basement layer of skin that normally would flatten out and then sluff off and be replaced by cells beneath it can't sluff off anymore so it makes a little cyst and those are generally benign but without looking at it and without doing anything about it I can't comment any further it doesn't sound like anything serious but I like your of getting that checked out, but that's most likely what it is. And sometimes these things will be filled with a cheesy substance that stinks pretty bad. And what that is is just macerated skin cells that never got to slough off.

And so they've just retained fluid. And when the pressure on the outside of the cyst equals the pressure on the inside of the cyst, they stop growing. So, anyway. Yeah, call us back and let us know what that thing is. Thank you. Thanks always go to, well, Dr. Scott when he's here. Not his fault.

I had to change my schedule a little bit, and so things have been a little weird as far as our scheduling is concerned, but we'll try to get back to a normal podcasting schedule soon. And we can't forget Rob Sprantz, Bob Kelly, Greg Hughes, Anthony Coombe, Jim Norton, Travis, Teplewis, Johnson, Paul Ophcharski, Eric Nagel, Roland Campos. Sam Roberts, Pat Duffy, Dennis Falcone, Ron Bennington, and Fez Whatley,

whose early support of this show has never gone unappreciated. Listen to our Sirius XM show on the Faction Talk Channel, SiriusXM, Channel 103, Saturdays at 8 p.m. Eastern, Sunday at 5 p.m. Eastern, on demand, and other times at Jim McClure's pleasure. Many thanks to our listeners whose voicemail and topic ideas make this job very easy. Go to our website at Dr. Steve.com for schedule. and podcasts and other crap. Until next time, check your stupid nuts for lumps.

Quit smoking, get off your asses and get some exercise. We'll see you in one week for the next edition of Weird Medicine.