Weird Medicine: The Podcast - 469 - The Triumphant Return of Dixon Nuts

Episode Date: September 5, 2021

No (well, very little) Covid-19, No you-know-who, just an hour of Dixon Nuts! ;-) Too much focus on vaccines and not enough on the therapeutics WATP Live show wrap up man dies of multi organ failure after home brew birth control goes awry Tennessee man cuts off penis while fleeing from police Phthalates causing smaller penises? Decreases in sperm production due to pollution Can you get epidydimitis from anal sex? What is the average penis circumference? Please visit: stuff.doctorsteve.com (for all your online shopping needs!) noom.doctorsteve.com (lose weight, gain you-know-what) Get Every Podcast on a Thumb Drive ($30 gets them all!) simplyherbals.net (for all your StressLess and FatigueReprieve needs!) BACKPAIN.DOCTORSTEVE.COM – (Back Pain? Check it out! Talk to your provider about it!) Cameo.com/weirdmedicine (Book your old pal right now while he’s still cheap!) betterhelp.com/medicine (who doesn’t need a little counseling right now?) wine.doctorsteve.com (Naked Wines is the best wine delivery club in the US. Claim your voucher!) betterhelp/medicine (PREMIUM CBD delivered to your door, at a significant discount!) feals.com/fluid (I put the wrong link up here last week! CBD. Delivered. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If your lamp is glaring at you, you can take it down a notch, with some lamp shade. Why did the toilet paper cross the road? Because it was on a roll. I donated to some crows on Kickstarter because I like the sound of their cause. Caugh, caw! If you just read the bio for Dr. Steve, host of weird medicine on Sirius XM103

and made popular by two really comedy shows, Opie and Anthony and Ron and Fez, you would have thought that this guy was was a bit of, you know, a clown. Your show was better when you had medical questions. Hey! I've got diphtheria crushing my esophagus. I've got Zabola Vibripping from my nose.

I've got the leprosy of the heartbound, exacerbating my incredible woes. I want to take my brain out. I'm clasped with the wave, an ultrasonic, ecographic, and a pulsating shave. I want a magic pill. All my ailments, the health equivalent of Citizen Kane. And if I don't get it now,

in the tablet. I think I'm doomed then I'll have to go insane. I want to requiem for my disease. So I'm paging Dr. Steve. It's weird medicine, the first and still only uncensored medical show in the history of broadcast radio, now a podcast. I'm Dr. Steve with my little pal, Dr. Scott,

the traditional Chinese medical practitioner that gives me street grad. The wacko alternative medicine assholes. Hello, Dr. Scott. Hey, Dr. Steve. There's a show for people who never listen to a medical show on the radio or the internet. If you've got a question, you're embarrassed to take to your regular medical provider. If you can't find an answer anywhere else, give us a call at 347-7664323.

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All right. Don't forget stuff. com. Please don't forget stuff. dot dr steve.com really helps a lot makes huge difference and uh check out noem no o m dot dr steve we're only going to be promoting this for another couple of months so now's the time if you're interested in losing that covid weight get ready for the oncoming roaring 20s umm dot dr steve com is not a diet it is a psychology program and it helps change your attitude and your

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And we do have some nasal sprays that just hadn't put it back up there. What? We're only taking the weird medicine. Oh, really? So what do people have to do to get at them? Because I actually still have people wanting that stupid crap. I mean, that awesome stuff. They do email us, and we get to them in a couple days.

So just email us. Yep. Go to Dr.steve.com and click contact. Make sure you double-check. your email address when you put it in because I get some people that ask a really cool question and then I try to answer them back but their email address is bad

yeah so all right so I am committed to non-COVID stuff going forward unless something happens that's interesting so Molnupiravir is still in the doldrums Pfizer has a

therapeutic a decent therapeutic that you would take when you're diagnosed And it would keep you from going in the hospital and keep you from dying if you go in the hospital will be the end of this. So I will report that when that comes out. And I'm still holding out hope for Malnupiraviravir. I don't know what in the FF happened with Favapiraviravir. I was talking about that hell over a year ago.

And nothing happened. Pissed off. That was already on the market in Japan as an influenza. No clue what the hell happened there. Hmm. This, I said I'm going to talk about this shit. God damn it. But, you know, this reliance on vaccines and not spending enough time on therapeutics,

at least that's the perception that we have, and that's, I'm not a conspiracy weirdo or any of that. I just didn't see the thrust to therapeutics, although I will have to say we have some pretty cool therapeutics right now, particularly if you're in the hospital, you know, the remdesivir is okay. You know, we've got a couple of these tyrosine kinase inhibitors that are doing pretty well for the COVID, you know, for the cytokine storm. Yep. They're just powerful anti-inflammatory medications for the most part, kind of one way to think about it. But anyway. And the interleukin, you know, inhibitors and stuff like that, you know, it's pretty cool stuff.

And monoclonal antibodies? Yes. They're helping. The monoclonal antibos, if I get COVID, the first thing I'm going to do is go to a monoclonal antibody store and get the monoclonal antibody because I'm 65, I'll be 66 in, oh, fuck, 12 days. And the time just keeps marching on, folks. It just doesn't stop. Those young assholes up there, he's old. You'll either die or you'll get old, one of the other.

So enjoy. Either way. Assholes. I don't even know who I'm talking to now. Almost 66. That's incredible. Yeah, it sucks. Oh, my God.

In my head, I'm still that long-haired idiot that one goes smile for the man when he was 21 getting his driver's license. You were smiling when you're streaking. I was. So at least you can smile at you. No, I wasn't smiling then. Everybody's seen that picture. Just go look at the Mando Birch. I love it.

Dr. Steve Mando Birch when they just shit on me for my high school band. There's a picture of that exact driver's license on there. Anyway, what were we talking about? Not enough focus on therapeutic. I will go because I'm in the risk group. I will get the monoclonal antibody because it's been shown to be pretty damn effective. and people outside of the hospital from going into the hospital. That's correct.

So, anyway. That's good. So we will be reporting on that stuff. But no more, he who will not be named and his stupid COVID card that I think, I still think, now that we got gas lit on. But just neither here and or there, you went too easy on him. And it's like, no, you can't shine a light on something and chase it away at the same time. And my, I've been consistent throughout this since he's dropped this on us that day, was that my position is that if you're going to have a policy that relies on these cards to keep your population safe, it will fail. And this is why.

Now you know, okay? So we made the point. We've proven it. Because there's thousands of people who are. doing that, not just him. No, don't cut him some slack, but, you know. Oh, no, I'm not. No, no, no, shit. No, I'm not either. I know you're not.

He's, uh... And he knows it, too. Yeah, he knows he's in the doghouse. But I think we were gaslit. But that's okay. Even if he was gaslighting us, it's, we still exposed a flaw in the system that is glaring. You can drive a damn truck through the hole in that system. if you were going to say, well, we're only going to let people do this if they have that card.

Did you see the woman that got arrested because she had a, she had a counterfeit card and they spelled Moderna wrong? Yes. They got digging a little further and she was actually not even in front of the state. Oh, is that right? It was a different state where she was claiming to a guy. It's like McLevin. It's super bad. It is.

It's that level. of COVID card is McLevin. Oh, God, what a great. And if you don't know, anyone who's listening who doesn't know what I'm talking about, you need to go watch super bad right now. Super bad. It is great. So I am back from Chicago. Yeah, that's right.

You had a trip. And I have not come down with symptoms. I really felt like it was a super spreader event. But it was the Who Are These Podcasts event. And I'm going to tell you, I met so much. many new friends at that thing it was great the fans were great there were a few people said to say hello to you dr scott not too many but there were a few none of them hot women yeah that's okay but that's okay and there were a few of those there too but you know i who what am i what they must

have been working or we they were the bartender waitress no no no there were some very attractive women who were fans of wATP but i will say that we went bar hopping after the thing. I'll tell you a little bit about the show. And if you all want to hear the show, it's on there, it's not even a Patreon show. It's just the one called Jersey Shore

Fannily. Oh, the podcast that they picked for this one was a real dozy. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. This woman, who is the host of the show, fancies herself to be quite the author, and she wrote a fan fiction.

about Tom Hanks and his wife Rita Wilson and about how Rita was preparing Thanksgiving dinner. And she thought that it was very clever. I don't want to spoil it. But just she, I'll tell you this part, that she thought it was very clever that Tom Hanks' name, if you just take his first initial, and then his last name, it spells out thanks.

So T. Hanksgiving. And, oh, Rita Wilson thought she was so. clever and she and Tom laughed and laughed until they cried and it was like really oh my so um you know it was it was it was um offensive on many many levels none the least of which is that rita wilson isn't a dumb houseway i mean she's a very accomplished woman in her own uh not that there's anything wrong with being a homemaker and i don't want to hear no i'm very it is work too. Yes, it is. And a very important thing, whether you're a male or a female, why do it, you know, this is 2021. Now, I have to explain all that.

Whether you're a male homemaker or a female homemaker, it's fine. It is a very important thing. Yes. But anyway, that was just only one of the levels it was offensive on. But anyway, so he picked a really good one. And the venue was great. I got some good pictures. I put them up on their suburb.

read it if you want to see the photographs and I we but after the event we went bar hopping and yeah ended up at scores at the very end of the evening now scores if you're not aware is a franchise of a gentleman's club okay and we had this guy with us who was carl's best friend his name's jay and he is now my new best friend he he's supplanted you Dr. Scott. Oh, man. But he was just wasted. And he's like, yeah, we're going to get bottle service.

So we get in there. Oh, no. And, you know, bottle service ain't cheap. No, gosh, no. And so when I told him how much it was, he said, oh, never mind. You know, I think I paid, I don't know what happened. I know I paid quite a bit to get some people in. But we get in there.

And I'm so old, there were some very attractive women there, of course. Sure. And they glommed on to the younger guys and left me alone. And people were taking dollar bills, Dr. Scott, and then sort of, you know, that butt floss where you can kind of just stick a dollar bill in there. So it's like the floss is holding it in the cheeks of their, of their, you know, gluteous muscles. Okay. And all I could think of is I'm so old is. God, those dollar bills got a stink.

You know, all I could think of was the smell of those dollar bills. Oh, that's not, that's, you know. So then I realized, okay, you're too old to be in here. So I got my other new best friend, his name is Reese. Not sure where he came from. He hung out with us. And he drove me back to my hotels. That was very nice of him to do that.

Now, his friend couldn't get in. because he was wearing like stretch athletic shorts and they wouldn't let him in. Oh, funny. So we get out to the car, and we thought that guy had left. He was going to get an Uber and go back, but he couldn't get one. Nobody would come out where we were. And it was an interesting part of town. And so he was still sitting out there, and so they traded pants in the car and then Reese drove me home.

I love it. But let me tell you something. I love it. I love these people. How fun. They sound like good folks. We had so much fun. Producer Chris, sweetest, nicest guy in the world.

Carl, of course, I mean, he's just a delightful human being. His wife is, I did not realize that she is Jen from the Jingles Department, so she's a musician. Okay. And she was just absolutely delightful. I would have hung out with her the whole time, but it would have been weird. You know, just hanging out with some other dude's wife, but I loved her. Except for your advancing age. Yeah, that's true.

I get a little bit of a pass for that. But then there's a fine line between being a quaint, elder statesman and being a dirty old man. Yeah, it's true. Been old parve. Well, I got to meet Casey and Vic, the review girls. Oh, okay. And they were delightful. And somebody said in the subreddit after I took pictures, they said,

Everybody's thinner than I thought they would be, except for Vinny. Now, Vinny is a big dude. Vinny Palino is hilarious. I would love to get him down here to do comedy sometime when this shit clears up. Oh, cool. Is he from Chicago area? No, he's from, I guess, Rochester. Okay, okay.

But he would come, you know, he tours. Yeah, that's cool. And he was hilarious. And I don't want to leave anybody out, but of course I will. So, oh, trucker Andy, I got to meet Croj. I mean, oh, Dick Masterson from the Dick show. And he was a big hit at the strip club because he's got this huge mane of black hair and he's really good looking guy, young guy. Yeah, he's in really good shape.

And, you know, the women is pretty much, you know, we're all over him. You know, just like you and I, and our good old days years and years ago. Oh, no, yeah. No, but I never. I remember I was at a strip club. I hadn't been in a strip club since I was at, the archery tournament in Atlantic City. So that would have been before Tacey.

This would have been 25 years ago. And I remember this woman in New Jersey, they had some different rules. And she just stuck her gluteal area in my face. And I just got a waft of just kind of stank. And I was like, nah. And then what are you supposed to do? So I don't get the whole strip club thing. And I said this to one of those people, because this is sort of my standard line, but, you know, are you supposed to just go there and ogle naked women and then go home and beat off?

I mean, what's the point of it? And one guy said, yeah, that's exactly what the point is. And I say, okay, well, if that's the point then. Unless you find some company. The theater in my mind is already full to the rim from, you know, 65 years of fantasy. And that's including my mom's tits. Uh-huh. You know.

There you go. So. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yep. Unless, like I said, unless you find, find you a friend on the way home, then, uh, from the strip club. Well, I think that that was a possibility. I can't, I can't say too much.

But I think that some certain people there were offered certain things that weren't just part of the normal package, if you know what I mean. It's the normal show, right. So, but it was interesting. You know, I loved hanging out with those guys. Hell, if they're going to strip club, I'm going, too. That's cool. You know, because I didn't want to just leave because I was having too much fun hanging out with them.

Just really, really great people. Now, they are asses on that show, and, you know, they savage people on that show. But in person, they're just lovely. How wonderful. Yeah, yeah. So, shout out to all my new friends. And you needed a break from the action here. I can tell you that right now.

Oh, you needed it. Let me tell you the other thing. Let me tell you the other thing. So I got to cross something off my bucket list. Uh-oh. Yes, indeed. And that was I got to go to a marijuana dispensary. Stop it.

Oh, wait. Oh, no, that's the wrong drop. That's wrong one. That's wrong drop. So, listen, during the six. It was terrifying. There was a guy when I was in Ann Arbor, a guy named John Sinclair. Look him up.

He was an activist, got busted with two joints and put in jail, and then we had free Johnson Clare concerts from then on. Not even sure whatever happened to Johnson Clear. He might look. I know we talked about this once before. Look him up. Johnson, Claire, Ann Arbor, put that in and see if you come up with anything. But he was in prison for a while for two joints.

I had friends in college that got busted for marijuana. So it was, you know, it was scary to be an aficionado of the sativa plant. And at those times, because it could end your life, you know. And so it was always on my bucket list to go and be able to buy it legally somewhere. And so at first I was going to go to Amsterdam because that would be cool. But I decided, no, I want it to be in my own country. And then the marijuana laws started to turn around. So Michigan was one of the first to decriminalize.

I remember when they decriminalized pot, and that was a big deal where it became no worse than a parking ticket. And then, you know, other states started to decriminalize. And then, you know, Colorado is one of the first states to make it recreational, if I remember correctly. 20, it's been on 20, 20 years? What's that? Since they've done it, I think. What? Has it been 20 years?

I was going to say it's been, it's been longer than you think. Wow. I'll look it up. Yeah, look that up too. So, yeah, I got to go in. It's cool. When you walk in, they're spraying pot smell everywhere because you can smell it. And, I mean, I am aware of what it smells like.

And, yeah, they take your ID, and then you go through this hermetically sealed door. and then they've got, you know, the deal in Illinois is if you're not a resident, you can buy 250 milligrams, is that right, or 250 grams. Crap. Is it 250 grams? I think it's 250 grams, yeah. Okay. You know, a reasonable amount.

Yeah, it comes in, you know, 40 gram packs so you could buy plenty of things. Yeah, enough to get you through the evening for sure. Yeah. Or 100, and then 100 gram packs. So I bought 200 grand packs and didn't do them. I just gave them to somebody at the thing on them. Maybe they don't want to know anybody to know who I gave it to. But it will help his comedy, put it down.

But I just gave it to them. But I just wanted to do it. Well, wonderful, yeah. Yeah. And I bet that place was nice, wasn't it? It was so nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't, there was nothing seedy about it at all.

It was very clean, hermetically, like I said, hermetically sealed from the outside and very modern and just, you know, all clean, you know, white cabinets and things. And then they had a computer system where you could say, hey, I want to laugh or I want to chill or whatever, and then it would pop up a bunch of things. Then they had people wandering around just asking if you needed help. Your bud tenders. Yeah. So now you went to one in. In Denver. In Denver.

Now, they're a little bit more mature. Now, is it, can you just, is it just like a store, do you just walk in, or do you have to go through a screening process? Kind of a screening process also. In Denver, anyway, and they were very nice. It was like going into a jewelry store. You go in. I would say the same thing. Yes, that's a good analogy.

They check you your ID, and then they buzz you in when there's a problem of people. Yeah, same model. Yeah, which I just love. Cash only. Cash only. Come on, banks. It was wonderful, but, you know, because I was impressed. Banks need to start letting them use credit cards so that they're not keeping so much cash on hand.

It just attracts, you know, people who want to take that from them. Yep. It's like leaving food down on your counter at night. You know, the ants are going to eventually find it. But, yeah, it was super nice. Now, in telly ride, it was a little different. It was a little bit, some of the places in telly rides you can walk in. It was very much like walking into a.

a, you know, a 7-Eleven, you just kind of go and pick out what you want and you. Yeah. Show me right, didn't you? Really? Yep, yep. Yep. So what did you get? Well, I might have a new bucket list.

Did you get, um... I just got two things a hybrid. Hybrid, no, I mean, like... Gummies. Yeah, gummies. I just got gummies. But you know, because I knew my friend would like those. And I didn't want to do it.

I just wanted to buy it. You know, they've got infusions now. This one company that, out of Illinois, that, They've got infusions where they're putting some into coffee and teas and tinctures and all kinds of stuff. Which I like because the smoking thing, I've never been a proponent of smoking anything. Yeah. Just, you know, it's so immediate. That's the thing is you can control the dose a lot better because the surface area in the lungs is so high.

But, yeah, smoking sucks. Vaping. Not so good either. If I knew that they were using proper vehicles to deliver it, I'd be kind of okay with it. Saline's okay, but, you know, cannabis is not water-soluble, so you have to use something fat-sliable. I don't know all the science behind vaping, but, no, you can't just put water in there. No, no, no, no. Now, you know, what they've got now, they've got some extra, some cool new pipes, for lack of a better term, that are similar to vaping,

but it doesn't get it as hot. Yes, I've seen that. It doesn't make it kind of liquid in your mouth and moisture to give you that kind of wet lung kind of feel. Yeah. It's kind of like smoking a joint except for it's a whole. Yeah, there's no heat and there's no tar. No tar. Right.

And it's not near as hot. Interesting. Well, anyway, well, that was fun. Well, I got Dr. Stee. Yeah, it was a great trip. It was a great trip. We're so proud of you. That's good stuff.

I'm glad you. But, yeah, you needed a damn break your, your damn blood pressure was very. running somewhere in neighborhood of 300 over about two feet. Well, it's back to that again today. I mean, I... You needed a damn break, brother. That's the turn. Yeah. Yeah, I still need one.

But anyway, I'm going to get one. I'm either going to I what was the same or the way that he said it. I look forward to the peace that death will bring. So it's either

that or I got to retire one or the other I just you know I just hope at my age that I can retire and you know soon enough before I have a freaking stroke yeah and enjoy because you know I'm chairman of the ethics committee and over a large health system and a bunch of other stuff and I'm on top of having to see you know see patients which is what I like like to do and then be administrative over training a bunch of people and which I am decent at and teaching and all this stuff you know it's just a lot so anyway but you know hell we all have a rough time what nobody's going to boo-hoo over what I'm doing but anyway so but yeah check out who are these podcasts and my new best friends over there that's awesome man

yeah I feel like I'm forgetting somebody and I know I am but if I think of them I will, shit, I know it's, now it's driving me crazy. I've got to look at the damn picture. It'll hit you somewhere in the middle of the night. And by the way, they legalized recreational cannabis in Colorado in 12, 2012.

So it's 10 years. 10 years, I was thinking. Wow. And 10 years, yeah. Wow. It's crazy, isn't it? It's still a long time. So it's been long enough to understand that,

you know, the end of the world didn't happen. Yes. You know. And last year in Colorado, they made more money than they have in any year, is my understanding. Oh, is that right? Tax money? Yeah. Or just money, money, money?

Well, of course, they pay their taxes, so they had a lot of money. Tax revenue, which is good. Yeah. Which is good. Okay. So anyway, check, yeah, if you go to Reddit, it's just R slash who are these podcasts, and I've got pictures there. There's Carl, Jen, Croz, yeah, Casey. Yeah, no, I don't think I forgot anybody.

If I did, I apologize, but you're in my thoughts. Just not, your name isn't. Yeah. Okay, all right. So I haven't done any prep for this, but you brought a story, right? Yeah, I didn't bring one. Yeah, let's talk about this damn cluster fuck. Yes, so, and this is actually from a reputable news source.

Yeah, no, it's a real thing. Yeah. So a man uses adhesive instead of. a condom and dies. Yep. So in a bizarre turn of events, the gentleman died using an epoxy resin in lieu of a condom

during intercourse with a former fiancé. Oh, okay. So many things wrong with this. Oh, it gets better. It gets better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So his family's now asking for some investigations. But now, again, this is

allegedly, 25-year-old, he and his ex-fiance were going to hook up but didn't have a condom. But they had this res and that they figured they could use as an epoxy. It's epoxy, right. So it's the thing where you take the two resins and they're liquid, and when you mix them together, they turn solid.

You're like a J.B. Weld kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And apparently, my understanding is that they were sniffing them to get high. Although usually it's toluene containing things like airplane glue has talewine in it. And that'll get you really messed up. Oh, yeah. But I didn't know epoxy would do that, too. Yeah, I didn't do.

Of course, you never know what kind of epoxy he was using. But evidently, allegedly, this is what this thing says, that they were both drug addicts. And they carried that epoxy around certain things to sniff on and get high all the time. And that's all they had, so they just felt that that would work instead of a condom. So they're doing all this stuff, and the thing she was worried about was getting pregnant? Exactly. That's what I was.

I mean, I'm. Come on, man. Okay, I kind of get that. Yeah. Okay. Come on, man. So, yeah, he decided to apply the adhesive to his private parts to ensure that she does not get pregnant. So I'm assuming what he thought he was going to do.

I wonder if he, oh, by the way, I learned the best new word. And it has, it's apropos to this, watching Love Island, UK. And there's a woman on there named Fay. And she was mad at the boys, and she called them a bunch of arcing. bell ends, I think, and a bell end. I had to look it up. Hmm. Never heard of it. Okay, so a belland in the U.K. is the head of a penis.

Okay. You know, it looks like a bell and. Yeah, oh, yeah. Belland, okay, yeah, that makes sense. So, so anyway, yeah, and I can't, if I, if I can find a bell end. Her saying that, I'm going to put that as a drop on this, on this soundboard, because it was just so great. I laughed. I laughed all night long. Anyway, so, yeah, so this bell end put this strong epoxy adhesive on his bell end. And I'm assuming when I first heard this that I figured he just squirted it up his urethro meatus, aka cockhole. But I'm wondering now if he just coated the end of his penis with it, thinking that he could just peel it off later.

Maybe. Which, by the way, you cannot. Do not do that. That's a terrible idea. This is, don't do this. I know we had he who shall remain unnamed on, and we exposed his behavior, and then I was accused of promoting that behavior. People can't tell the difference, so I'm just, that's why I have to say this. I'm not promoting this.

I am exposing it. Just because we're talking about it on the show doesn't mean that we think that this is a good idea. we actively said this is a bad idea. Matter of fact, it may kill you because that's the end of this story, right? Go ahead and tell us the rest. Yeah, so evidently, it did. It killed him, sent him into multi-organ failure.

So he was found unconscious the following day in a bed of shrubberies. Oh, I didn't see that part. Outside an apartment building by an acquaintance who took him home. He got worse over the course of the day. Oh, yeah, God forbid. Of course, for him, if he's a drug,

maybe finding him unconscious in a bit of strawberries. Probably wasn't out of the norm. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't see that part of the story. It just seems to get worse and worse. Yeah, it says here, police believe that his use of the glue worsened his already weak condition, contributing to the organ failure leading to his death.

No, that's not what happened. And if he plugged up his urethromeda, he most likely could no longer urinate. And if you can't void your horrible bladder, it's got nowhere to go but back up into the kidneys. And when you do that, you end up with kidney failure because the kidneys can only push against pressure for so long. And then you end up with kidney failure. And if you don't do anything about it, you know, toxins, real toxins. Build up in your body causing unconsciousness and what we would call encephalopathy

or a toxic encephalopathy and then resulting in death if it's not treated. Right. I don't even know what they would have been able to do. I mean, they would have had to have put in what we call a super pubic catheter. So if he had come in with a full bladder and an obstructed urethra,

they would take a trocar, which is just basically a nail. Big huge fat. A big nail, and they would jam it into his bladder above the pubic bone. And right into the bladder, and then urine goes everywhere, and then you put a catheter in there, and then you would start pissing out of this hole in your abdomen rather than out of the end of your penis, until they could fix that. If he'd gotten there soon enough, if that's all that was going on,

they probably could have saved his life. He'd still have a lot of pain. He'd still be pretty damn miserable. Yeah. Lord, that's a terrible idea. Please, please, please. Don't do that. Yes.

That's so, it's, um, yeah, not good. Okay. All right. What else you got? Is that it? Well, if you don't stay on penis, stories did you see it's all we're talking about did you see dicks and nuts and i just literally

read this i already talked about dick from the dick from the shasterson show yeah there was that's the dick let's talk about nuts now i guess in middle tennessee i guess yesterday there was a gentleman running from the law who obviously had some psych issues okay um he reached down cut his penis off and threw it out the window while he's driving why i don't know that I know is that he was arrested and taken to Banderbilt. Now, was he, like, accused of sexual assault or something, and he thought that he was going to get rid of the evidence? I don't, I didn't get that part, but he was obviously had some psychosis, obviously. Oh, my God.

Yeah, don't do that either. Don't do that either. Don't cut your penis off. You might need it for something. This might be our show of just, hey, don't do this. I've got another one called human penises are shrinking because of pollution warns, scientist, not plural. one scientist. Dr. Shanna Swan has found that chemicals called thallates,

and that's P-H-T-H-A-L-A-T-E-S, are causing human babies to be born with malformed genitals. Let's read this one. Penises are shrinking and genitals becoming malformed because of pollution, an environmental scientist has warned in a new book detailing the challenges facing human reproduction. Dr. Shana Swan writes that humanity is facing an existential crisis in fertility rates as a result of thallates, a chemical used when manufacturing plastics, that impacts the hormone-producing endocrine system. Dr. Scott, would you look at what countries produce the highest amount of thalates?

That's P-H-T-H-A-L. Because that's going to help me decide whether I care about this. As a result of this pollution, a growing number of babies are being born with small penises, she writes. Her book titled Countdown. Oh, wait a minute. Hang on. How can I do this? Her book entitled Countdown.

Examines how our modern world is threatening sperm counts, altering male and female reproductive development, and imperiling the future of the human. Come on. Impareling the future of the human race. This is quite breathless. Now, look, I am an environmentalist myself, and I do not think that we should be just, you know, throwing plastic. Would it hurt if we had slightly fewer children? I wonder what rate this was happening in. I mean, seriously.

Okay, Dr. Swan's research will be. began by examining thallate syndrome, something observed in rats, which found that when fetuses were exposed to the chemical, they were likely to be born with shrunken genitals. She discovered that male human babies who had been exposed to thalates in the womb had shorter anogenital distance, something that corresponded with penile volume. So anal genital distance just means that their junk is closer to their anus, basically. The chemical has an industrial use. Okay, so they had shorter anogenital distance, which is correlated with penile volume. That's interesting. Of course, correlation causation aren't the same thing.

Chemical has an industrial use of making plastics more flexible, but Dr. Swan says it's being transmitted into toys and foods and subsequently harms human development. So I want to know what the incidence of this is. And is it actually increasing? So let me look here. Dr. Swan is a professor in environmental medicine and public health at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. Okay, so not a not just a shabby place. You know, shabby place and all based to work on a series of peer-reviewed research studies.

One study published in 2017, this is where we get into the meat of it, found that sperm levels among men in Western countries had dropped by more than 50% over the past four decades. Now, we did talk about this. the good news is okay so hang on a second echo how many sperm are in a single ejaculation see if she knows sorry i'm not sure okay she doesn't want to answer she's not taking questions today it's a dirty word how many sperm in a in an ejaculation okay so we may have to do it by volume. Okay, a fertile male ejaculates between two and five milliliters of semen. And each ML, there are 100 million sperm.

So we're talking 500 million per ejaculate, okay? And if that's down 50%, so it used to be a million, now it's 500 million. You only need one. Yeah. So although I'm not thrilled by this news, I'm also not overly concerned about it because of the just massive, massive redundancy and overabundance of sperm cells that we produce in order to take the species to the next level. So, okay.

China, by the way, is the number one producer of the thallates. Okay. So Dr. Swan believes rapidly decreasing fertility rate, ooh, it means that most men will be unable to produce viable sperm by 2045. Now, that's a big leap to say that because it dropped 50% in the last four decades, that it's going to continue to do that. Because we don't know that for sure. So that's a half-life of 40 years, right? That's what that would be.

Yep. So in another 40 years, so that's 40 years to went to the past four decades. So by 20161, everybody will be producing 250 million. sperm and then 40 years after that if that continues which it won't it doesn't these things are rarely linear it'd be 125,000 which is still plenty now what we don't want to get into is a situation like the Handmaid's Tale or children of men have you ever seen that movie no that's a good movie where the fertility rate drops to the point where no one the oldest kid no wait a minute the youngest kid in the world is 18.

Oh, wow. Yeah, so a baby hadn't been born in the whole world in 18 years. And then that kid dies because they're celebrities. And then, you know, they draw untoward attention and then somebody kills them or whatever. And then it just keeps, you know, people keep mourning the youngest kid in the world getting older and older. Wow. And then a spoiler, you know, a woman is found that's pregnant and they've got to get her from one place the other. It's got a great soundtrack.

It's a great kind of indie movie. Okay. So check out children of men. That's cool. So we don't want that, obviously. No, we don't want that. But a lot of times these things are, I would like to see those studies, but apparently those studies are reasonably robust, 185 studies involving 45,000 healthy men.

So, you know, there's something definitely there. But, yeah, so China's the number one producer. phthalates, they already enforce a low fertility rate, right? That's still doing that? Yeah, we are. They still do that? Yep. You're the China experts.

Yep, yep, yep. All right, very interesting. Okay, so I just Googled penises in the news, so that's one. Let me see. This is so much better than bitching about somebody's, you know, fake card. Yeah, so here's one that says,

here's a rebuttal that says our penis is really shrinking. here's what the science says. Oh, and that's the same thing. New book has memorable warning. Industrial chemicals are making penises shrink and impacting fertility. I've got to learn whether this is for real. I mean, I know that she says it's for real.

I'll see if it's a real effect. But anyway, let's see. I put penises in the news, and then it all comes up to that one thing. Penises in the news. Don't you like this show prep, Dr. Scott? Perfect. I literally got home two minutes before we were going to record, and we're recording a day late.

Mm-hmm. So. It has been pretty hectic around here. Yeah, it's been kind of crazy. I could put a minus on here and say, yeah, it's all penis pollution. What is penis shrinkage and why does it happen? Okay. Oh, this might be a good one.

I'll see, and I've got a good one, too. Okay, give me yours. So I was asked this question recently. Is it possible for a male who we were treating for some epitomitis? Yeah. Who they think may have E. coli. Okay. We did a U.A. urinalysis.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. And treating him for E. coli, he thinks he may have gotten because he was having anal sex. Okay. Is that possible? I would say that it's not impossible. I'll tell you why. I thought them the same thing.

Yeah, okay, well, tell me your reasoning. Define your terms, though. People don't know E. coli and epididymitis and all that stuff. So the epididymis is in the, it's in the men's junk area in the testicular sack. It's a little tube runs through there. And those can get swollen. Epidemis is actually attached to the testicle at the very top. And, yeah.

But it's, yeah, I'm sorry. Go ahead. But those things can get really sore if you've ever had them. Typically, you can get epididomitis from an infection, from an injury. Yep. You know, bicycle riding baseball players can get them. But anyway, or just you can just randomly get them too. Lifting weights.

I had epididomitis from weight lifting back when I was doing bodybuilding. It's very strange, isn't it? It's very uncomfortable. Well, it's a lot of, oh, it was awful. It was just like you felt like you were getting kicked in the nuts just constantly. Yeah. And they probably treated you. with some anti-inflammatories

and probably some scrotal support sets baths yeah a warm that's what I told him that we're going to put him on a warm moist towel

and even a warm you know more salt salt bath and don't pump iron without wearing a jock strap for real no that's true yeah don't do that either

because you can't hurt yourself but he was but he hypothesized and he told the urologist that he and his significant other have anal sex and he thinks that she he might have as he was having sex with her he might have contracted e coli I was thinking the other way I was thinking that somebody was

ramming him because you could get it that way too right on yeah so okay so your your hypothesis is that he forced E. coli into his urethra and then it's worked its way back it's not an impossible thing so another reason why we recommend people urinate after having intercourse if you can. I told him to say that. He goes, I didn't do that. I'll say, well, you dummy. Not that that's going to fix it.

You don't want to have sex on a full bladder either because that's not enjoyable. P-first. So golden showers are not always. Anyway. But yeah, it's not impossible. Not impossible, no. And it's sort of a circuitous route, though, for it to get there because the epididimus is not attached to the bladder in any way.

to the bladder. So that is one way. The other way is if he was having receiving anal sex, let's just say that she was wearing a strap on or something like that, that the backside of the colon, let me see the, the posterior aspect of the prostate is the anterior aspect of the colon. And you can transmit some bacteria through the prostate. then to the vas deference, which is the tube that you clip when you do a vasectomy,

that can then get to the epididymus. And I've always thought that was pretty circuitous, too, but apparently there's really good blood supply in there, and it can happen. It's been known to happen because the epidimus does get infected with bacteria. So, yes, these things can happen, and sometimes you just don't know. Right, yeah, and that's what I told them. I said the odds of it happening really slim, but not zero.

Yeah, probably not zero. Yep, very good. So Dr. Scott saying don't do anal sex, y'all, and I'm saying it's okay, go ahead do what you want to do. He's against it. Okay, so this is one. Research on Average P penis size. This is from British Journal International, finds the average penis size falls within the following ranges. This will be a surprise for some people.

The average length of a flaccid penis, 9.16 centimeters, sorry, everybody. Which is about three inches. There you go. There you go. There you go. 3.6 inches, so 3.5 inches. And then the average length of a flaccid stretched penis,

in other words, if you yank it out, is about 5.3 inches, which is weird because the average length of an erect penis is less than that. It's 5.2 inches. So apparently in whatever study these people did, people were able to stretch their flaccid penis farther than they could their erect penis. Now, I'm going to have to try this in the comfort of my own bathroom. So I might try it tonight and report back to you whether.

Now, this is good news for me because I've measured and I'm doing okay. based on this. Have you ever measured? You don't have to tell us the number, but... No, no, actually... I'm doing damn good compared to this average. Yeah, I would hope. I mean, damn good.

Yeah, that's good. Yeah. That's good. See, those gals at that strip club don't know what they're missing from the old man. Oh, shit. No, I get... That was not my scene, dude. I know, I know.

And I hung out with Vinny and his other young guys that were there, and Dick Masked. just because I didn't want to look like a douchebag. And I did do something terrible to my new best friend, Jay, because he was wasted. I told the woman that was sitting, that glommed on to him that he was a bit or a dot-com billionaire. So he got the business from her. Oh, my God. And some of it actually wasn't true.

It wasn't untrue. I don't want to say who he was, but he made a whole lot of money with an old, website that anyway you've heard of it but anyway a really cool guy I love the guy and so why I did that to him I don't know I do terrible things that people I like

now what do you think the average circumference of a flaccid penis is flaccid yeah remember your formula for circumference of a circle because people forget this they're very terrible at estimating circumference

I would say Say, three inches. Oh, that's not bad. I'll give you a, give you an o'oh. Oh. Dang it. Give yourself a bill. God, the soundboard is so loud today.

Sorry, everybody. Yeah, 3.7 inches. A lot of people will say an inch and a half. Okay. But they're not remembering that, you know, 2.R is the circumference of a circle. So if your penis is only, if you have a needle dick and your penis is only, you have a needle dick and your penis is only one inch across, two times the radius, the radius would be a half inch, would be 3.1415, it would be pie inches around, right?

Okay, yep. So if it's any more than that, it's going to be more than pie inches. Now, what about an erect penis? What do you think? Three inches. Less? You think it'll be less? Because it's slightly more, I would say, but not much more.

Because it doesn't swell out so much, it just gets longer. That's true. Because of the tissue and the sails. That's true. So it's 4.6 inches. Now, so let's see, we can infer from that. If we divide that by pie, we can defer what the diameter of the average erect penis is. Okay.

Now I'm going to ask Echo for that one. Echo, what's 4.6 divided by pie? 4.6 divided by pie rounds to 1.46. Four. So about one and a half inches. Yep. Yeah. Isn't that something?

It's crazy. Pah are not square. Pie are round. All right. I don't think we've got time for anything else. If you got anything to plug, let's just go to, go clean out the shelves at Dr. Scott's website at simplyerbils.net. And does not be anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Check out Dr.steve.com. And, you know, we'll get out of here. That wasn't too bad today. Not bad at all. Actually, I enjoyed the show. Yeah, I did too. I enjoyed it for the first time in a while. All right.

We can't forget Rob Sprantz, Bob Kelly, Greg, Hughes, Anthony Coomia, Jim Norton, Travis Teft. That Gould Girl, Louis Johnson, Paul Ophcharsky, Chowdy-108, Eric Nagel, the Port Charlotte Hoar, the Saratoga Skank, Roland Campo, Sister of Chris, Sam Robert, She, who owns Pigs and Snakes, Pat Doug. Dennis Falcone, Matt Klein Schmidt, Dale Dudley, Holly from the Gulf, Steve Tucci times three, the great Rob Bartlett, Vicks, nether fluids, Carl's deviated septum, Casey's wet t-shirt, Bernie and Sid, Martha from Arkansas's daughter, Vinny's pot gummies, I don't know, I'll come up with something for Vinny, Ron Bennington and Fez Watley, the ever-great Fez-Watley, who will never be forgotten who supported this show,

never went unappreciated. Listen to our SiriusXM show on the Faction Talk channel. SiriusXM Channel 103, Saturdays at 7 p.m. Eastern. Sunday, 6 p.m. Eastern. I don't even know if this is right. So just listen to it on demand.

Everybody has on demand now with SiriusXM subscription. Just listen on demand. But other times, at Jim McClure's pleasure. Many thanks to our listeners whose voicemail and topic ideas make this job very easy. Go to our website. Dr. Steve.com for schedules, podcasts, and other crap.

Until next time, check your stupid nuts for lumps. Quit smoking, get off your asses and get some exercise. We'll see you in one week for the next edition of Weird Medicine. Thank you, Dr. Scott. Thank you. Thank you.