Weird Medicine: The Podcast - 484 - You Can't Spell CRAP Without CPA

Episode Date: December 16, 2021

Despite the title, which is a friendly jab at a friend who has helped Scott and Tacie and me immensely over the years and doesn't deserve the abuse, Peter Raber from AFIAdvisors.com sets us straight on economics and what kind of a baseball coach Dr Scott really was. Please visit stuff.doctorsteve.com (for all your online shopping needs!) Get Every Podcast on a Thumb Drive ($30 gets them all!) simplyherbals.net (for all your StressLess and FatigueReprieve needs!) patreon.com/weirdmedicine (Don't miss our exclusive Patreon feed!) Cameo.com/weirdmedicine (Book your old pal right now while he’s still cheap!) roadie.doctorsteve.com (If you have a guitar or bass player on your list, BUY THIS) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tell me a joke. Oh, shit. She's turned off. Okay, hang on. Echo, tell me a joke. Did you hear about the cow that tried to be a comedian? I did not. His jokes were so bad.

He had two. Woo. Voway. I didn't get that. If you just read the bio for Dr. Steve, host of weird medicine on Sirius XM103, and made popular by two really comedy shows, Opie and Anthony and Ron and Fez,

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an ultrasonic, agographic, and a pulsating shave I want a magic pill all my ailments, the health equivalent to citizen cane And if I don't get it now in the tablet I think I'm doomed, then I'll have to go insane I want a requiem for my disease So I'm paging Dr. Steve.

It's weird medicine the first and still only uncensored medical show in the history of broadcast radio, now a podcast. I'm Dr. Steve with my little pal. Dr. Scott, the traditional Chinese medical practitioner, gives me street credit. The Wackle Alternative Medicine Assholes. Hello, Dr. Scott.

Hey, Dr. Steve. And we also have in the studio, Peter Raber, a CPA extraordinaire, the madcap CPA of mad... I don't know. We've got to think of something. Anyway, hello, Peter. Hello, a little more.

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Hello, Dr. Scott. And that's about it. Okay, good deal. So you guys got anything? No, okay, great show, everybody. It's all that prep time. We've prepped so hard. Now, I did send you some articles.

Yes. You only hear the one I went with. Yeah, you only went. Yeah, okay. Well, I mean, I sent you several, hoping that we would have several to talk about. Well, there's only one really important when you see. In your opinion. Okay, fair enough.

Oh, okay. Well, let's hear it. I can't wait. So, New Zealand, I guess in New Zealand, they're going to ban cigarette cells for anyone under the age of 14. Okay. What's so funny about that? Where are you laughed? I just thought I thought, well, that sounds like a hell of a place to live.

So I thought I'd look up and see what the legal drinking agent is in New Zealand. And it's 18 years of age. I'm saying, well, we should move to New Zealand. Because there's no cigarette smoke there? There's no cigarette smoke here. They're smoking and drinking and everything there in early ages. Oh, I see what you're saying. So they've dropped it to 14.

Oh. It was a 14 year. They're saying no one under 14 can buy it anymore. They're raising. Oh, they're raising. Oh, I missed that. Okay. Oh.

Yes, because before just anybody could just go buy a pack of butts. I guess. I used to be able to buy cigarettes for my mom. I remember she'd send me out to get cigarettes. I was eight, nine years old. You know, we'd be in some sleazy motel, and she'd send me out with, you know, two quarters to buy them from the machine. Oh, yeah. Or I would go to the little, you know, tobacco shop in whatever town we were living in.

And I could just buy her cigarettes to say, yeah, they're from my mom. Yeah. Pal-Mals. Yeah, we did the same thing. Yeah. And even occasionally, my mom. might get away with buying. Of course.

So they're just now in New Zealand getting around. Yeah, but here's the hilarious part. It says in the year 2027, people, ages 14 and under will never be allowed to purchase cigarettes for any reason. I thought, God, that's. What the hell is going on to that? How bizarre is that? I was like, we don't want to shock anybody and do anything. Right, right, right.

We've got to have a graduated approach to that. I thought, shit, man. We need to be moving to New Zealand. God only knows. What else is going on there? I'm sure the heroin and the crack over is probably pretty good, too, I'd reckon. Let's find out. Let's look it up.

Is pot legal in New Zealand? That sounds like a rocking kind of place. While you're looking at it up, I will tell you this, it's interesting though. So they know that it causes disease, of course. And currently 11.6% of all New Zealanders over the age of 15 smoke cigarettes. Well, okay, here we go. Possession of any amount of recreational cannabis is illegal in New Zealand.

There's so much for moving to New Zealand. The maximum sentence for possession of cannabis is three months in jail. It's illegal, but it's not super serious about it. It's not really, really illegal. It's just illegal. Well, three months in jail would suck. Yeah. Well, I guess it depends on how many times.

For possession. For possession. Yeah. You know. Isn't that crazy? What else? We need to know more about New Zealand. No, no, that's kind of what I say.

We'll do some more research. Oh, here's a good one. Yeah. This is from October 21st. This is New Zealand voters approve euthanasia, but reject recreational marijuana. God. Good Lord. How bizarre is that?

You are one pathetic loser. I know you guys went to Australia, but did you make it to New Zealand? No, we didn't. Did you? Peter. And Australia was great. I mean. It's on my list.

Yeah. We just drank and smoked cigarettes. Yeah, drink on my list for a while, but it's a long flight and we got two many little kids. Yeah, you got a bunch of little ones around. That would be a long flight. When I say we smoked cigarettes, we didn't. We smoked cigars. Yeah.

There were cigars and booze, and it was beautiful. Yeah. And that's all I needed. I didn't even think about anything else when we were there. Yeah, I remember when you went, I was cracking up. All right, so let's get into the serious stuff down. And Dr. Steve. No, that was a good one.

That was a good one. You read that better than I did. I was on it. I was on it. You were totally on it because I'm like. I was on it until that, until the, you know, the simple possession puts you into jail for three months. I think I'll stay here in Hill, Billyville. All right.

So, and I actually have seen a couple of these, or I've heard of people seeing a couple these in the last two weeks, but Christmas-related injuries. Okay, let's hear it. Number one, decorating injuries. Of course, you know, you've got people falling off ladders that are hanging lights and people falling off ladders that are hanging stars on top of Christmas trees. Yeah. The number one Christmas injury.

The number one is falling off ladders. Yeah, it's, people are, you know, the older I get, it's like, I probably shouldn't be climbing on ladders like I used to. No, you don't. Because I see so many people my age that are, oh, he went up on the ladder. I couldn't get him to, you know, not to go. And then the next thing you know, they're, you know, a fall from 10 feet will kill you. Oh, Lord, yeah.

It's amazing what gravity will do. Yeah, you don't even, and you know as well as I do, even missing the last rung, you can break an ankle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can fall and crack your head. Yep. You can be in pretty bad shapes. You know, we'll get some folks that it'll be. way too old to be on ladders and on roofs.

Well, I still do it. I get up on chairs and change light bulbs and stuff. And Tacey's got these chairs that have wheels on them. I'm like, whoa, whoa, and I'm trying to change the white bulb. Yo, stop doing. She encourages me to do it. I know the table chair was a room away. We'll just go to the one that's got the wheels right here.

That's a good thing, Peter's here. So Peter, if you notice, if Dr. Steve's insurance claims or anything goes up, if his wife keeps increasing that, yeah. I'm starting to think maybe she's got an agenda. Yeah, probably should let us, Jesus. All right, number one. Number two, Christmas tree syndrome, which, of course, what is this? It's just people are allergic to the Christmas trees.

According to this, the annals, the anals, the anals of allergy and asthma. Oh, don't get me started on your pronunciation because I've got something for you here in a minute. Hey, I just screw up that one word. One word. One word. Okay, Mr. Isletsel. Islet cells. That's how they say in Chinese.

Can you like, shut up? All right. So there's 53 different kinds of mold in Christmas trees. And 53 different kind of molds than 28 and actual Christmas trees. So it's really easy to have allergies to Christmas trees. Oh, sure. Yeah. And which we never seen a single person with an anaphylactic reaction in the emergency.

room to a Christmas tree. No, but don't sneeze like MFers. Okay. Number three, electrical shocks. Yeah, this one doesn't surprise me. Been there, been there, done it. Is there anything actually interesting in this, though? Hey, you're the one that sent me the article.

I'm just reading it. Okay. Don't shoot the messenger. He who sent the message. So you're trying to, yeah, you're trying to make lemons out of lemonade. I'm trying to make, yes, I'm doing my dead level best. All right. So, and I could fast forward in.

No, no, no, it's okay. No, communicable diseases, of course, colds and flus, overeating, you know, we knew that, overindulging, we knew that, yeah, drinking too much, eating too much. And, oh, but here's, well, here's one I wasn't expecting, Traveler's Diarrhea. Okay. All right. What about that? Well, because they're traveling? Travel and eating weird foods and getting foods that they don't typically eat.

Oh, wow, that is very interesting. Please tell me more. Let me guess. I mispronounced diarrhea. No, no, no. Chah, cha, cha, cha. Or my kids would say the soupy poops. Soupy poops.

There you go. Well, the green apple quick step, don't you know? Well, that's about all I've got. You know, smoking inhalation, choking hazards, you know, shit. Good Lord. Christmas is just better and better. This is awful. I'm sorry, I sent that to you.

That's my fault. All right. That's all I got. Okay. We should have stayed with New Zealand. Yeah, New Zealand was very entertaining. We're going to talk to Peter here in a second about stupid investment things that people do. I do want to, so I did, I'm going to give you a preview.

A lot of our listeners don't listen to WATP and they have a thing called cringe of the week. And where did it go? Yeah, here it is. So Dr. Scott had an interesting time trying to say a specific. word on our show and not too long ago and I'll give you just that part

and then I'll play the one that I made for them that includes the buzzers whenever you said so I would rather great malonitus

a condition where the head of the penis becomes red and inflamed so it was trying to describe a condition where the head of the penis it gets red and inflamed and so this is the one I submitted for cringe of the week, though.

I would rather smell smegma than rauclet cheese. Yeah. We did that in our house one time. The friggin' place stunk for two weeks. Who did it? I did. Oh, you did? I mean, we did rocklet here. Okay, okay.

So, by the way, if you want to enjoy rauclette in your home, and you don't want, you want the same taste, but you don't want to deal with the smell, get grue here. Just a fun fact from your old uncle, Steve. Grier tastes the same Does not smell the same One gear That's close enough

Okay so I didn't notice that you Mispronounce Grier There too So fabulous Yeah So if the Smegba builds up can cause inflammation To the adjacent skin

This can be uncomfortable And can cause Balantus No Balantis No Balanatitis Balanitis.

Believe going. Try it again. Try it again. Balanitis. Balanitis. I was just good fun. A condition with a head of the penis. It becomes red and then.

Try it again. You want to try it one more time? Valonitis. No, no. No. Balanitis. Give yourself a penis. No, it's not balinitis.

It is. No. Absolutely. Then they argue with me about it. That's hilarious. Balanitis. Belonitis. I'm going to submit that to WATP for cringe of the week.

Anyway, so there's a little bit more there. That's the but just of it. You're a good sport. Yeah, right. It's just sad that them fuckers all mispronounce that word. It's so much better of balanitis. I'm not really disagreeing with you. The more I hear it balanitas sounds.

Sounds better. It sounds like baloney. My balanatist has a first name. My balanatist has a first name. There you go. Oh, my God. O-T-T-T. What a dummy.

I just couldn't find that work. That's funny. It was just not coming to my brain. I had that the other day with the generic name for Dipravan, and now that I'm said that, I'm going to have trouble with it, too, Dexmedadomedeen. And I had, I could not get that out to save my soul. Yeah. So, not exactly the same thing. No.

Bolognitus is much more sexy. Much more sexy. All right. So one more just goofy thing on our Patreon show, which is mostly Tacey and me, and we'll have some celebrity interviews and live stream, stuff like that. Check it out, patreon.com slash weird medicine. But I had done a new theme song, but I wanted to not disrespect the original theme song done by Sherwin's sleeves, who is a friend, and he is,

a writer and a musician, and he worked on that show Patriot, and he's got something I can't talk about. I don't think I can talk about it that I know about that's awesome and that's coming up that he's going to be working on. So I didn't want to disrespect him, but I wanted to do something new for the Patreon.

So I made this theme song, this theme music for it, and I'm not sure where it is. I'll find it. It's just sort of goofy. Oh, here it is. Yeah, here I'll play it. bit for you.

Got the Jocko bass. Anyway, and we just talk over it. Well, there's a website called Fiverr, 5R, or whatever, where you can pay people to do stuff for you. And there was this guy on here, I will produce a synth wave version of your song. And I'm like, well, that might be kind of cool. So I went ahead and paid for that And this is what I got This is what I got back

I won't be using it But we'll use it in this in this bed I can't even make it I can't even make it stop Shit Wait a minute. Okay, anyway. So, yeah, that was a little bit dramatic for me.

They sent me another one. That's the same thing. So, anyway, yeah. You know, maybe Halloween episodes. Maybe. There you go, Peter. Not a bad idea. Not a bad idea.

Because that's the first thing I was thinking about was just, you know, It just sounds like scary music. Okay, but anyway, so yeah, that didn't work out so well. Let's talk to Peter. He's here, so we should probably talk to him. That's using him. So now you told me as my financial advisor that I should sell all of my assets and get into Dogecoin, if I remember correctly. Sounds like something else.

You just got to know when Elon Musk is going to talk about it. first. There you go. And that would be insider trading. Then I'd be in trouble. But Dogecoin is not covered by the SEC or is it? No. So right now, Bitcoin is treated as an asset through the IRS. So it is regulated, but there's not a regulated investment through the Securities and Exchange Commission that most investors can get into. So you've got to have a digital wallet. You've got to go straight through, whether it's Coinbase or any of the other products that are out there. But there's so much manipulation within there that it's really hard to, there's day traders,

which is the same as going to, you know, Vegas. Everybody's, you know, buy the dip, buy the dip. But Dogecoin was supposed to be a joke. That was kind of, the initial start of Dogecoin was as a joke against Bitcoin and Ethereum and all the other cryptocurrencies, and then it became a thing, and now it's plummeted back. Yeah, it's the only coin that I bought that I've lost money. I've made money on both of the other ones so far.

Yeah, and cryptos, the technologies there, blockchain's going to be the thing. At some point, we just don't know. I keep equating it to people, and then I tell my 13-year-old some of this thing, it's like, I don't know what you're talking about, but, you know, Betamax, VHS, high-deaf, DV, VDs versus Blu-Rays. The technology is right. We just don't know the winner yet. The mining of it, I just keep reading that I think China outlawed it,

and it wasn't because they couldn't control it, it was because it was using up too much electricity. It's awful for electricity. It's not eco-friendly for any of the countries who are trying to get their mobile-borne things. It's just because the processors just eat up so much. So much. And what it is a lot of times, too, it's the chips that have to go into the cards and there's only a finite amount. And that's what we're seeing with the chips shortage is why you can't find new cars right now.

You know, we can't get the chips to run the computers because we've turned all of our cars into Knight Rider, you know, clones. I don't like that, though. Yeah. And so the technology is great. It's just, it's awful as far as an environmental setup. up. We actually, didn't we just have one locally where they shut down a mining effort? Yeah. Locally, there was somebody who was burning through the electricity.

Another, there's a city. They're stealing electricity from the city or something? Well, the city very close to us that they did not tell the city what they're going to be doing there. They gave them. So they, I guess they changed whatever they, you know, the, rezone them for something. And then all of a sudden this is electric. Because normally you don't have to tell anybody what you're doing with your electricity. Yeah. But now if you're growing pot, they would look for that heat signature for a while.

Evidently, this thing puts off a hell of heat signature. Oh, yeah. Well, why would they care unless he was stealing the electricity? I mean, he's paying for it. Well, noise is one thing they were complaining about. Thousands of little fans that hardly make any noise all of a sudden. No, it's a thing. Yeah.

It's a thing, yeah. Wow. Easier to stop the first person than once everybody's doing it, I guess. Yeah, no, it's crazy. It's nuts. But like I said, crypto is going to be a thing. We just don't know the winner until then. You know, my big problem with it any time one of our people ask about is if something can drop 20% of our weekend, it's not an investment.

Right. It's a trade. Yeah. Yeah. If you're doing trading, great. If you're investing, then that's most of our people. It's hard to do. Yeah, I'm just playing with it.

It's fun. It is fun. So, okay, so obviously I was being facetious. When you have a government that is printing money as ours seems to be right now and raising the debt ceiling, because if they don't, we're going to default on our debts, so we're borrowing money to pay our debts. I know you can't give specific information, but what general things are going to default on our debts, so we're borrowing money to pay our debts. information, but what general things can people do, or should we

even worry about it? I mean, my house is worth insane amount more than it was before now. I live in a state where people want to move to rather than move out of. And so that hadn't heard anything. The person next door to us sold their house for twice what they bought it

for. The property prices, especially because locally anyway, in our neck of the woods, as it were, we've been so low for so long, that people now with work from home and everything else can move here, take advantage of all the great things about living in our area and have, you know, if you sell a home in California for $2 million, you can buy a mansion here

and still have plenty left over to play or invest or do whatever you want. So, yeah, my problem is I can sell my house for way more and I bought it for, but anywhere I want to go move to is also doing the same thing. the same thing. So I'm just going to stay put. Yeah. So we got that and then swinging back to what you're saying. Yeah, we can keep printing money. We just don't know. No one knows what that final point is. The United States is lucky. We're the reserve currency. So for now. Yeah, for now. I mean, Petro dollars are in dollars and all that stuff. You know, if the faith of the world moves away from our dollar, we're going to be in trouble. That's the game. So we've got to keep their faith up, you know, keep people wanting what we've got. But so how did the Weimar Republic, well, okay, I know how they kind of, but even, you know, they, so they had a central government just to put it sort of, you know, euphemistically, how did they become Germany? I mean, their economy is very strong. And at one time, they had the worst economy in the, in the civilized world. Right.

So, I mean, I know, yeah, Nazis. Natives. So, what? Simplified version, you know, just blame it on the Nazis. We'll be an Indian Jones movie. How do you go for, well, okay, let me put it another way, because then you get into the whole Nazi thing, and now we're having a different conversation. How about Venezuela? So they have hyperinflation right now.

How are they going to get out of that? It's been done before. Let's just say it's been done before. How do you get out of that? Pain for your citizens. Yeah. It's tough. And usually when you induce pain with, you.

with then there you end up not being able to keep your government intact right and so a lot of times that's how long can a dictator hang on how long can they be in power and and not have their citizens rise up so you know how long can can those things hang in there what are we going to do in this country when we have hyperinflation hyperinflation i think one of the things that that we tell people anyway is we have bad inflation right now yeah but nowhere near as bad is as other places of the world. No, and I was around when people were happy to pay 13% for a house. Right.

So we're not anywhere close to that. You know, we're close to that. We're relatively better than most countries on the planet. So that, you know, our debt's going up, you know, but it's not as bad as other people. Wrong button. Sorry. Is that right? So, yeah, there's these plots that track it.

And yes, ours is going up and it's going up quickly. but everybody else's is too. Where would you look at something like that? So there's a world debt tracker. If you Google it, it'll normally be in there, and you can see all the various debts across the country. And China being the number two economy in the world, no one trusts.

So you really have to drop down, and then you're into Germany and the European Union. Oh, my good Lord. Yeah, the numbers are scary. Venezuela's inflation rate is 9,900. 86% yeah nothing you can do yeah so what do you do dang you you grow crops survive on your own not worry about your currency and then but at some point sell out to a larger country well you sell out to rush or sell out to yeah revolutions you'd have people move and I think

one of the things that we're seeing and we're having to really grapple with is there's no more land on our planet that people are going to so you think about the United States and the advantage that they had from a resource grab and all the land that was here, where are we going to go? You really don't have a lot of other options until they figure out suborbital or if they figure out, you know, under the sea or somewhere that we can find a resource that makes that, you know, able to make sense. But we don't have an Australia or New Zealand to ship our criminals to establish a new country

over there. There's just, now we're in this fine night game of, we've got the moon. We got the moon. But what's up there? You got Mars, you know, I know Elon wants to get set up there. Still a one-way ticket if you're heading out that way. Yes. So I think that's our fortunity is that we got to this point and we're the reserve currency.

So but even, you know, if we weren't necessarily the reserve currency. So if you look at England being the former leader of the economic world. world, they're doing fine on their own. It's not as great as what we're doing, but if you were to look at their investments and their stocks, they're still doing all right. It's just... I'm looking at them right now. China's not, you know, compatible with so many things. It's like 1.5%. China is not compatible with anybody. Right. Except for themselves. I will say the one thing for China, having their setup, they can make long-term plans that we can't. Right. Right. So we have to change every election cycle, what our plans are.

They can make a 20-year plan. Yes. And that's how they're beating us in their space exploration. I almost butcher that word. Don't screw it up. It does bug me that. No, you're immune from that kind of abuse. I'll say something stupid before it all.

Don't worry. Well, I will too. The thing that bugs me about our system, Well, I love our system, but it's we are short-term election cycle, even though we have people in the House of Representatives that have been in there forever. I just heard Nancy Pelosi is actually going to run again, even though she's in her 80s. And we had a guy in this, in our area, that was the representative for decades. And we still didn't seem to get anything done because we're still going from a lot. election cycle to election cycle.

You would think if you're going to have people in there for 20, 30, 40 years, that they would be able to do some of this long-term planning, and they can't do it. I can't do it. And it's gotten even worse, in personal opinion, you know, what was it? Three or four cycles ago, there was the big push about taking the pork out of Washington. That was the rallying cry. Well, amazingly, you took the pork out of Washington, now nothing. even gets done even more.

You know, so we've taken the grease out of the system. And so there's no reason to do anything. There's no reason for me to make a trade with the other side. There's no giving and take, so it's even worse now. But, you know. So what should we do? Just hang in there. Hang in there.

That's what? Stock market loves gridlock. So what we had in Washington for ever now, it seems like gridlock. We'll have gridlock again pretty soon. Pretty soon. Yeah. The pendulum swings back and forth. and, you know, you used to get those two-year periods,

and I don't even know if you get a two-year period now, and everything's executive orders that can be undone the next time around. Right, yeah. Yep. Okay, well, actually, I feel a little bit better after talking to you. I thought I would feel a lot worse, but I'm looking at this inflation rate by country, and we actually are not doing that bad.

We're not doing that bad compared to some places. And, you know, I don't discount American innovation. Yeah, no. Well, I think we're pretty good at investing in ourselves as a general rule and working hard, I think. I think when it gets down to it, we'll be okay. God damn, this is about as boring as sex with my wife. Okay, sorry, dude, yeah, we'll get to the. Yeah, and my topic bores the tears out of, you know, my kids, but, you know.

Well, no, it's our future, so we got to at least, but we don't have to spend, how many minutes are we in? We probably spent enough time talking about it, economics. Yeah, okay, we're 30 minutes ahead. That's good stuff. But I find it fascinating. No other, too. And, you know, that's actually a really good take, and I appreciate you letting us know about that

because I honestly do, I was this close to calling my other financial advisor and saying, listen, just put everything in gold coins. And the problem with gold coins, and then we'll move on. is that they don't do anything for anybody. You can hoard them, and they're sitting there, and they just sit there. And, yeah, they may go up in value, and then you sell a few of them or whatever. But when you buy a stock, of course, you're investing in a company that then can employ people that can then build widgets that then can improve our quality of life.

Pay you a dividend? Yeah, and pay you a dividend, the whole thing. So, you know, I want to be actively investing in this country and in my brothers and sisters that are you know that live here yeah so well in gold you have to hold out for fear and that that's psychologically for me that's always been one of those things we'll have clients who want to old gold and there's ways to do it whether you own the coins or a tracker i own some gold mine stocks gold mine stocks at least they get the revenue from mining it some people want to owe the the the glde gold tracker you got you got hold that thing for 20 years yep and and that's tough tacey you're on weird

medicine. I have nowhere to park. Can you have Scott back up his car? Okay, well, we'll take care of that. Anyway, so that's Tacey, everybody. Yay. Yay.

Why is this doing this? We should probably in the chat room, we have Amy, who goes by Talk Like a Hick to you, and she was in this tornado. Their house survived, but their whole area is gone. And they said they were not going to have power for a month. And apparently they got power back last night, so they worked a little

bit faster than they thought. But anyway, Godspeed, Amy, and if you all need anything, let us know, we can do a go-fund me for them. I could Lord, that's something I would contribute to. Can you imagine you go to bed and then you wake up the next day and your town is gone no and it's not only just gone it's just turned to shit and a hundred of your people that you knew are now are gone as well yeah and they were saying i guess maybe the distance that these traveled the four state is not going to be seen well maybe it'll be seen again but it hadn't been seen forever but there was some photo from the first town that got hit that was found in like the last town that was hit on this line. Wow. It's just unbelievable.

It's 260 miles or something like that on the ground. That's crazy. That's unbelievable. That's something we've got to work on. Once we kill all of the human pathologic viruses, we need to figure out a way to turn off tornadoes. And then we'll work on hurricanes. Hurricane seems like it would be harder. Yeah. Yeah. Unless you can come up. You need the flash to spin, you know, run around the opposite direction.

Yeah, I was saying unless we can come up with something, it'll spin the other way and just kind of neutralize it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Take a drone, drop it in off the top. Yeah. Yeah, it'd have to be a big ass of a phone drone. Anyway, all right, you guys want to take some medical questions?

Let's do it. Number one thing. Don't take advice from some asshole on the radio. All right, we will not do that. Okay, let's see. On the Patreon show, we talked about Tacey's hypnopompic episodes. And so for people who don't know what hypnopompic episodes are, we have talked about them on the show. That's sleep paralysis.

Right. And we talked about that on Patreon. Did we talk about it here with her? We did. We did. Oh, we did. We got some good feedback, too. Okay, very good.

Okay, so yeah, let's, this is somebody's follow up to that. So the Patreon, sorry, the hypnopompic episodes when you wake up and the paralysis switch in your brain is still turned on, but the consciousness switch and the sleep switch are, wait, the consciousness switch is turned on, but the paralysis and the dreaming part is still turned what did I say off anyway anyway you're what you mean you're sleep you're still asleep and you're dreaming but you're awake and so it's a form of lucid dreaming but it is a terrifying one because when we sleep our body paralyzes itself so we're not running around acting out our dreams so the people where that switch is turned on or turned on

accidentally are sleepwalkers you know they'll get up and walk around. They'll do things they'll even get in their car sometimes. Those people are asleep and they're unconscious. They're dreaming, but they're able to move around. People with hypnomopic episodes are dreaming and they're, but they're conscious, but they can't move. And so they'll think that ghosts are doing something to them or aliens are abducting them. Every time you read Whitley Streber's accounts of people who were abducted by aliens, every single one of them started with them waking up in the middle of the night and they couldn't move.

And so for someone who has had hypnobomac episodes that knows what they are, it's real obvious what it is. Well, anyway, Tacey was having those where she felt like somebody was laying on top of her and it wasn't me, and it's only when she's out on a road trip. And the last episode, that's what it, cinched it for me, that she's having hypnipompic episodes, because she heard little foot steps walking, you know, running away like a kid. Yeah.

And she's like, it's a ghost. It's like, no, it's a hypnomobic episode. Because I had that same stuff. I could hear foot print or not, you know, foot steps. Sure. Or I would hear paper flying around my head in 3D, you know, stuff like that. So anyway, so, yeah, we talked about that for a while. And since I've told her that, that we made a diagnosis,

she hadn't had an episode yet. So that's sort of interesting. But anyway, let's see. what this person had to say about it. Hey, Dr. Steve. Hey. Cetsing up on the episodes, and I heard you guys talking about the hypnogogagic

versus hypnipompic episodes. And, of course, I'm like you and the lovely lady there. I have the falling sensation. Okay, so he's talking about hypnogogogic episodes. We need to ask Peter, because we're doing this informal study,

do you ever have those episodes when you're falling asleep and all of a sudden you jerk back awake? I don't. But then again, I don't remember my dreams. I don't have a mind's eye. I don't lose a dream. My brain shuts off and it's off. Okay.

So I'm not going to discount him because he doesn't ever have him. Scott and I have this hypothesis that when you have those hypnagogic episodes that the imagery that you have is always related to something in your youth. Because he sees a, he sees. He sees a baseball coming at him. I always see a soccer ball coming at me. Tacey feels like she's falling or no, a rock is being thrown at her head, and that happened to her, you know, stuff like that. Mine would probably be a baseball if I had him.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. It was probably me throwing it or hitting it at you. This asshole was your coach, right? High school baseball coach. And he comes off as the nice, peaceful hippie guy now, and I understand when he was a coach, that wasn't the case. More intense

You don't have to We had some good times on the baseball field Yeah we did We were very very fortunate Yeah We had a great bunch of guys And that was Didn't you make some guy run

And you forgot about him I did a lot of things Dr. Steve Maybe Peter should tell that story We were goofing off in the dugout Somebody ended up having to run poles But the problem is when you have to run Poul foul pole to pow pole

But if you have to do it in mid-game, you're running behind the fence. So then there's that sheeting where they put all the advertising and you can't see them. Well, if the game gets interesting, you could be running for a little while. I may or may not have forgotten in some bad. Are you saying you did it on purpose? I'm just saying it's been a long time, Doug, Steve. Fair enough, fair enough. I don't recall.

Fair enough. I don't recall. That's what waste me up. Anyway, of course, you can't stop. for real if you die in your dream that is nonsense however well I don't know about that all about that either my dad died in his sleep he may have died in his dream who knows I mean who knows yeah so I'm not but it's not people who die in their dreams for the most part they wake up the ones that don't wake up they're not

here to tell us what happened so all right but anyway I'm curious could you possibly be so frightened and locked in a state of not being able to wake up. For example, my wife, when she took ambience for the first and only time. Well, that's the problem. She felt like trapped in her body. She wasn't fully asleep, but she wasn't awake. And there was like, she was kind of trapped in the hypogagic, I think, or hymnopac, because she had been asleep and she tried to wake up. Give yourself a bill. She said she felt paralyzed. Like she was aware that she was awake. but there were still things like happening in the dream like somebody was trying to kill her or rape her or whatever it was

and she was so terrified because she was like frozen and she couldn't get out of bed because I guess the ambient had still had a hold of whatever it does to stop you from being able to move yourself or whatever anyway she was like trapped in the state she felt for like an incredible amount of time who knows how long it was right, because you're kind of still in the dream state.

Anyway, it got me thinking, like, could you actually get scared to death? Like, scared to the point, you know, or somebody's trying to kill you, and you just, you, like, have a heart attack and you die. Yeah, so when people jump off of bridges trying to commit suicide, the ones that survive, 100% of them will tell you the second that they stepped off of the bridge, they went, what the fuck, why did I do that? Oh, yeah. And they're terrified, but they don't die on the way down. You know, they, when people die from that, they die from the impact. The split.

So if that won't kill you, you know, I don't, I'm, you know, unless you've got a bad heart already and you're right on the verge, that rush of adrenaline that causes vasoconstriction or, you know, constriction of the blood vessels, that could cause a myocardial infarction or a heart attack, yeah, I guess that's possible. But other than that, we're just not like rabbits, and rabbits particularly will just get scared and then they'll just roll over and die. You know, I've seen it happen.

So, yeah, humans just really don't do that. Now, what happened to your wife was a classic hypnopompic episode that was probably induced by the drug. and it was so terrifying that she doesn't want to try it again. The thing is, if I had a drug that would allow me to have hypnopomic episodes and I could learn how to control them, I'd be all in on that. I would love to participate in some study that induces hypnopompic episodes or lucid dreaming

so that, you know, we could do things. And the one time that I controlled a hypnopomopic episode, I told this story on the air, I willed myself to levitate up so that I could see because I was, yeah, I was paralyzed laying down flat. And so I willed myself, I couldn't move, but I could will myself to levitate up because it was a dream state and then rotate so that I could see what was next to my bed. And when I did, it was a hospital gurney. And I was like, oh, shit, you know, this is the archetypal, you know, alien abduction because apparently they use hospital gurneys for whatever reason. And as soon as that happened, it surprised me so much that I woke up.

Popped out. And what's crazy about it, and I've talked about this before, is in that state, the lights were on. I could see everything in my room. I could see the posts of my bed. I could see the top of the bed. I could see the bed spread. I could see my nightstand. But when I woke up, it was dark in my room.

I didn't have the lights on. That was just a mental image. of my room, that mental map that's in the base of my brain and the cerebellum, that's where your maps are. And it was just generating this hyper-realistic map. I couldn't tell it from reality,

you know? That's cool. Amazing. You okay over there, buddy? No, yeah, no, I'm good. I was trying to cover that, but I didn't do it. I know. I just sounded, I don't know what it sounded like. Sorry. I just wanted to check on you. Now, Catatonia

is a state of being where people have a lack of movement and communication. And those people could be scared into that. Yeah. That, you know, people with certain mental illnesses can become catatonic. It's felt to be a form of schizophrenia. Yeah.

And I've never known anybody who was just like you and I are right now who all of a sudden got scared because somebody, I don't know, broke into their house or whatever, and then became catatonic from that. Yeah. But anyway. Tough deal. Yeah, the brain is an amazing thing.

And we have no idea how it works. We don't know what consciousness is. So when it fucks up, we have to talk about it in these sort of just broad terms like this. You know, like, well, their paralysis switch is turned on, but their dreaming switch is turned off. You know, we don't know what any of that stuff is. That's pretty wild, isn't it? You think about it after all these years and all the research,

Yeah. It's still not to be really sure what's going on. Well, it is amazing. Yeah. And this is more pot talk. But the fact that dinosaurs had, you know, they used acid to digest things that they ate. So they had proton pumps just like we do. And they're, you know, I've heard it said, you know, well, our numbers real.

Well, if two dinosaurs are drinking from the same pond, there's still two of them there, even if they're too dumb to be able to count, right? So, but they were manipulating a quantum object, which is the naked proton, a hydrogen nucleus, which is what acid, hydrochloric acid is, is a quantum object comprised of three quarks bound by the strong nuclear force, and they were taking this quantum object and moving it from one side of a membrane to the other and pumping them in to make more and more acid. And they were doing this, you know, 65 million years ago. Who knows before that, you know, 200 million years ago,

there were animals that probably used that same mechanism to digest things that they ate. And, you know, we're just finding out about this shit now. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing.

I mean, it blows your mind. And you look at some of these quasars, which are just basically black holes that are eating something, and the jet that they create is pointing at us. and that makes a quasar, and the quasi-stellar object, they're brighter than they should be given how far away that they are. And, you know, that was maybe 10 billion years ago that happened, that flare in it. There were things there actually happened.

We're just seeing it. It's just unimaginable. Yeah, that's pretty cool. Our concept of time is so distorted. Yeah, we think in this country, stuff that was made 200 years ago is old. Well, then Amazon screwed it up by getting everything to you. two days. Two days. Now everything's screwed up.

Yeah. Anyway, all right. Hey, we've got a question online if you want, if you want one. Yeah, we'll take it. It's actually a good one. And actually, Peter, well, and I say it's a good one because Peter and Peter, Peter will be able to help with this. Okay, any suggestions on what you should do when you get hit in the arm with a softball

or baseball to reduce the soreness and a swelling. Okay. Rub some dirt on it. Well, I was going to say tobacco spit first. Yeah. Yeah, first tobacco spit in dirt. And then after you do those two obvious things. Certainly ice, the first 24 hours or so, compression, maybe with an ace bandage.

Not too tight. Not too tight. But the other thing, Dr. Steve, that I love, is a topical thing called Arnica. Arnica is actually used by a lot of the plastic surgeons and vein docs. Yeah, it's called Arnica, Arnica, A-R-N-I-C-A. It's an anti-inflammatory. It's an anti-inflammatory. It's an old homeopathic medicine, but it's topical and oral.

I like the topical. It's been shown to work with swelling and bruising. and but after after after after the after the ice yeah you'll have to trust me on that that's um it actually does work hey your contemporaries use it in clinics for for after after vein procedures yeah I bet not the homeopathic preparation so I bet they do I bet the fuck they don't bet you a dollar you got a dollar what dilution are they using a hell I'm not a fucking okay so there's my problem with home my problem with homeopathy is they'll call things homeopathic that really aren't.

If they have ingredients in them and actual ingredients, that's not homeopathy. I mean, normally, you know, like treats like, so you get a drug that induces a fever, and then you put that into water, and then now you dilute it, and you do cereal dilutions. You know, one time, now there's 50%, then 25, then 12.5, then 6.25, and you keep going until there's nothing left. You do 64 dilutions. There's not even one molecule, the original thing left. And then they'll say, well, here you go. Here's your medicine.

That's homeopathy. Now, Arnica, I'd rather call it herbalism. Okay. You know, if you're just using an herb. Arnica is known as Mountain Tobacco, so it's got. Arnica, Montana, yeah. Vesoconstrictive properties, I'm going to guess. Okay.

And leopard's bane. Oh, it's wolf's bane. Very good. Okay, why don't you just say that? Well, because that's not the name that they're going to see when they buy it at the pharmacy and over the counter. But in all seriousness, a lot of the vein dogs use it and a lot of sports medicine dogs use Arnica. I'll guarantee you they're using a preparation of Arnica. They're not using a 64x dilution of Arnica.

Okay, I will give you that. That's what I'm saying. Okay, yeah, I apologize. And I like it topically. It actually works extremely well. And then once you get the ice off, you know, 24 hours or so. I like a gentle little massage and even cupping can help if it's if it's some subcube bruising with a little bit arnick on there and some moist heat just to loosen it up a little bit.

There you go. Now tobacco juice, I've used it for bee stings and it really works because nicotine is a vaso-constrictor and you get swelling and pain. And I went back when I used to smoke, I got bit on the inside of my lip once. That suck. That damn bee flew into my mouth and then bit me. on the inside of the lip before it died. Oh, God, it's terrible. I mean, stung me, and it immediately started to swell up, and I smoked back then,

so I just packed it with tobacco, and it was five minutes later. It was fine. But you hear about that more with dogs, where they'll bite the bees and stuff. But, yeah, that had to be painful. Yeah, that'd suck. It'll get your attention pretty quick on it. Oh, yeah. I was like, what the hell happened?

We had a good question. Well, we're going to. Do this one for the podcast on milking the prostate. So move over to the podcast side on that one. And, Peter, you got anything else for us? We're about to run out of time. No, I had stuff in my back pocket in case, you know, we ran out of medical questions, but I think I'm good. Do you have anything to plug?

You're getting ready to do like a wacky CPA podcast. Yeah, that's the plan. We're going to come up with something. We hired a new marketing guy who's been on the show, Josh Shores, and so we just did a new website. Okay. Because Aldebrin Financial is hard to say and hard to spell. Okay.

So we went with afiadvisors.com. Okay, yeah, that sounds good. We'll check it out. When you get it done, we'll have you back on. And is it going to be wacky? That's the hope. I mean, it should be wacky. Yeah.

Finance is so serious, kind of like medicine. You know, it bores people sometimes. So, you know, if you can talk about the fun stuff, or at least the different stuff, it's more... Or get into a war with Jim Kramer or something. Everyone loves a dang radio war. Oh, absolutely. You know, so...

He's got a little bit more gunpowder than I do, though. Well, that's how you get the gunpowder. That's true. Is you steal it from the ones who are stockpiling it. That's true. I mean, look at Howard Stern. He would come into a town. Back then, nobody had heard of him,

and he would just start shitting on the number one person that was there, until he just defeated them, because they would always respond. Always, yeah. That's the mistake. Don't respond. And then it doesn't, they don't get any traction. All right. Well, that's, you know, from your old pal, Uncle Steve, advice on how to make a podcast.

Look at how successful I am. Jesus Christ. Okay. Doing a, doing $6 cameos. By the way, my cameo is $6. So go to Google. weird medicine after the first of the year i'll change that but for now i want to do it for anybody that wants it and that's um they won't let us do them for free so all right let's take

one more iowa here i uh was just calling about milk and a prostate i know you used to cover this but it's been a while and i need a refresher course okay the benefits of it can you really ejaculate from milk of the prostate, like on the movies, or is it said, just wondering. And any recommendations that have benefit from it would be greatly appreciated. Okay, so when we would milk a prostate, I'll give you the technique. So you get somebody and you have them bend over and drop the drawers on that. And so their elbows are on the table, their ass is in front of your face of your sitting on a stool. and I don't mean a lump of shit.

I mean an actual, you know, the chair type stool. And you lobe up your finger and lube up their anus, and then you insert your finger into the anus. And when you have fingers like I do, which are pretty long and thin, you can get pretty far up there. And the prostate will feel sort of like a rubbery walnut. It's got two lobes,

and then a central sort of septal. them. And so you go, if you want to milk a prostate, let's say you've got somebody that's got prostateitis, you think they have prostate infection. One of the first things you've got to do is warn them, this is coming. Because if you don't warn them, you're going to be in trouble. So you say, listen, I'm going to try to get some fluid out of your prostate. It's going to come out of the end of your penis, and I need you to catch it on this slide. So it gives them something to do. Hold this slide under your penis. And then I go in, and then I go in, and And you go to the left, and then you hook your finger a little bit, and then just drag it down.

And then you go to the right, do the same thing. And just you're compressing the prostate. And then the very last thing is you go right down the middle and draw down toward the anus. And when you do that, a lot of fluid will start coming out. This is not an ejaculation. It's not an orgasm. It's simply fluid hydrodynamics. Or I guess fluid hydrodynamics is redundant, in that.

it's hydrodynamics, that the fluid will go to the place where there's least resistance to flow. And by increasing the pressure, by pushing down on the prostate, you're taking fluid that's in the prostate and you're forcing it out at the end of the penis through the urethral meatus, or the, aka the cockhole. And then you can look at it under the microscope. You see white blood cells and bacteria. Well, you just make the diagnosis right there.

You can culture it. You can do all kinds of things with it. But yes, so yes, you can make some fluid come out of the end of someone's penis by massaging their prostate. It is not an orgasm, and it's not an ejaculation. And it's only prostatic fluid. There's no seminal fluid in it. So it's a lot more watery. All right?

Fascinate. Do you do prostate massages in your clinic, Dr. Scott? To myself, yes. Yes. Very good. I love them. That's the best way to do it. You just reach around.

God, you could do that. You could have you tried real hard, I think. Yeah, you could. You could do prostate. I'm not recommending anybody do it. Don't call me and say, well, I got my hands stuck, and I had to go to the arm. Dr. Steve said, do you massage your own prostate? I'm not saying that.

Do not massage your own prostate. But I did have people back in the day come in to the emergency room saying that they wanted one of Dr. So-and-so's internal. treatments and that's what it was was they had prostate congestion and then this they would come in and this ER doctor would massage their prostate so well hey listen if it works well we just don't we're then and now we didn't have any brothels where you could pay somebody to do that for fun and so false to the doctors if you go to a brothel your insurance won't pay for it so unless you get an STD.

All right. And all that note. Yeah, let's get the hell out of here. All right. Thanks, always go to Dr. Scott. Thank you, Peter Raber. Do you have anything to plug yet? Not yet.

Not yet. We're getting there. Okay. AFI. What? AFIadvisors.com. That's okay. We can say that.

We can say that. It's live and running and easier to use. Okay. We can't forget Rob Sprantz, Bob Kelly, Greg Hughes, Anthony Coomia, Jim Norton, Travis Teft, that Gould Girl. Louis Johnson, Paul Ophcharsky, Chowdy 1008, Eric Nagel. Let's send out thoughts and prayers to our friend, Amy. I Talk Funny to You, is her screen name, whose neighbors are just devastated with this tornado.

Also, the Port Charlotte Hoar, the Saratoga Skank, the Florida flusie, Roland Campos, sister of Chris, Sam Roberts, she who owns pigs and snakes, Pat Duffy, Dennis Valcone, Matt Klein Schmidt, Dale Dudley, Holly from the Gulf, Christopher Watkins, double Steve Tucci, the great Rob Bartlett, Vicks, Netherfluids, Cardiff Electric, Casey's Wet T-shirt, Carl's deviated septum, the inimitable Vincent Polino, ladies and gentlemen. Eric Zane, Bernie and Sid, Martha from Arkansas's daughter, Ronan Bennington, and of course, our dear departed friend, Fez Watley, who supported this show, never went unappreciated. Listen to our Sirius XM show on the Faction Talk Channel, XM Channel 103, Saturdays at 7 p.m. Eastern, Sunday at 6 p.m. Eastern on demand and other times

at Jim McClure's pleasure. Many thanks to our listeners whose voicemail and topic ideas make this job very easy. Go to our website at Dr. Steve.com for schedules, podcasts, and other crap. Jeez, it gets longer and longer. Until next time. Nobody's listening by now, anyway. Until next time. Check your stupid nuts for lumps. Quit smoking, get off your asses and get some exercise. We'll see you in one week for the next edition of Weird Medicine. Thanks, everybody. Thank you guys.