Weird Medicine: The Podcast - 594 - 100 Day Cough Scam

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

Dr Steve, Dr Scott, and Tacie discuss: Encopresis STD First Encounters "100 Day Cough" B.S. Grounding is B.S. Placebos rule Please visit: simplyherbals.net/cbd-sinus-rinse (the best he's ever made. Seriously.) instagram.com/weirdmedicine (instagram by ahynesmedia.com!) x.com/weirdmedicine stuff.doctorsteve.com (it's back!) RIGHT NOW GET A NEW DISCOUNT ON THE ROADIE 3 ROBOTIC TUNER! roadie.doctorsteve.com (the greatest gift for a guitarist or bassist! The robotic tuner!) see it here: stuff.doctorsteve.com/#roadie Also don't forget: Cameo.com/weirdmedicine (Book your old pal right now because he's cheap! "FLUID!") GoFundMe for Brianna Shannon (Please help Producer Chris' daughter fight breast cancer!) Most importantly! CHECK US OUT ON PATREON!  ALL NEW CONTENT! Robert Kelly, Mark Normand, Jim Norton, Gregg Hughes, Anthony Cumia, Joe DeRosa, Pete Davidson, Geno Bisconte, Cassie Black ("Safe Slut"). Stuff you will never hear on the main show ;-) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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from fatigue reprieve to stress less. Dr. Scott has it all. That's simplyerbils.net. Simplyerbils.net. Oh, uh, wow, that is very interesting. Please tell me more. I don't care. I don't care.

My jokes don't go over. I don't care. I don't care. You just don't care. If you just read the bio for Dr. Steve, host of weird medicine. on Sirius XM103 and made popular by two really comedy shows, Opie and Anthony and Ron and Fez,

you would have thought that this guy was a bit of, you know, a clown. Why can't you give me the respect that I'm entitled to? I've got diphtheria crushing my esophagus. I've got Tobolivir stripping from my nose. I've got the leprosy of the heartbell, exacerbating my impetable woes. I want to take my brain out and blasts with the... wave, an ultrasonic, agographic, and a pulsating shave, I want to magic pills, all my

ailments, the health equivalent of citizen cane, and if I don't get it now in the tablet, I think I'm doomed, then I'll have to go insane. I want to requiem for my disease. So I'm aging Dr. Steve. From the world-famous Cardiff Electric Network Studios in beautiful downtown in Tuki City. It's weird medicine, the first and still only on censored medical show in the History Broadcast Radio. Now a podcast. I'm Dr. Steve with my little pal, Dr. Scott, traditional Chinese medicine provider. It gives me street grid with a wackle alternative medicine assholes.

Hello, Dr. Scott. Hey, Dr. Steve. Hey, hang on a second. I'm getting a phone call. Tacey's calling. Hang on. She's out of town. I want to make sure it's not an emergency.

Hey, are you okay? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Hey, I was just watching the news with Julie, and there's something I think you guys could talk about on the show today. Okay, okay. Yeah, tell me about it. Okay, so Biden is in the hospital. What? Did you hear about it?

No, what happened? Well, he can't stop Putin. Oh, well, wait, you know. Do do, do, dig, dig, do, do, do, do, do, do. You suckers have fun to a good idea show. Okay, you suck. Okay, bye. He doesn't care.

I don't care. All right. This is a show for people who'd never listen to a medical show on the radio or the internet. If you've got a question, you're embarrassed to take to your regular medical provider. If you can't find an answer anywhere else, give us a call at 347-7-66-4-3-23. That's 347. Pooh-Hid. Follow us on Twitter at Weird Medicine or at D.R. Scott W.M.

Lady Diagnosis, do you still have your Twitter? I think, yes. Well, she doesn't know. Don't worry about it. I think I do. Visit our website at Dr.steve.com for podcasts, medical news and stuff you can buy. Most importantly, we're not your medical providers. Take everything you hear with a grain of salt.

Don't act on anything you hear on the show without talking it over with your health care provider. And I want to introduce Lady Diagnosis, not been here for a while. Hello, Lady Diagnosis. Thank you, Dr. Steve. Excellent. Nice to see you. And also, N.P. Melby. Yay.

Hello. A fan favorite. I almost did the Navaj last night, your trick. I was in the middle of a live stream. and I had my histamine thing happen. I was like, I got it like this, and I was sneezing. I had to stop the live stream. And I was like, I really should just go get the Navaj and just do it live, what the hell, and just lean into it.

You know, I've not done it since. Really? Yes, really. It's sitting in my cabinet. Just sits there. Yeah. But it worked, though. Yes, it did.

And he said it wasn't as horrible as you thought it would be. No, I still thought I was going to die. You did. Okay. If you don't know what we're talking about, go to our playlist. I think it's just videos and it's in Pete Mel B. I love it. It was one of the more tame bits that we ever did,

but we had the inventor of the thing on the line. Yeah, he was incredibly nice. Yeah, he was very nice. I tried to talk her through it. It was impossible. Then he got off because he was afraid that if you did it and you went, ooh, I hate it, that he would be on there and it would be like he was endorsing people not liking his device.

But actually, you did very well. It worked. It was great. Yeah. Yeah. She just doesn't like putting things in her nose. I have a thing with my nose. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Well, you'll never have a collapsed nasal septum from cocaine. No. That will never happen. Okay, good. Well, good. All right.

Well, anyway. So stuff. Dot, Dr.steve.com is back. It's very rudimentary. I just got started. We have a new affiliate agreement. And amazingly, it's with Walmart. And actually, they have all the same crap that Amazon had, and they're less dickholes about it.

So, yeah, now, don't tell anybody, but, you know, we got booted by Amazon, but they're still sending us checks every month. But that'll go away. I know. I don't even care if they hear it. But that'll go away because nobody's, you know, buying stuff using that link anymore. And good. Bastards. Good riddance.

Stupid dumb people. Well, they were dumb. All that happened was somebody asked me, hey, can I find this book somewhere? And so I went on, found the book, and it attaches our link to it with, you know, the app that I have. And so I sent them that, and they bought it using that link. And then Amazon the next day shut us down and say, we don't know where your links are coming from. It's like, why do you care? Why do you care where they're coming from as long as they're legit people buying stuff?

So anyway, so we also on stuff dot Dr. Steve.com, have naked wines. It's a cool wine club. I pay $40 a month. You can pay less than that. But what you do is you build up a bank of dough and then you get wine from small boutique boutique wineries for next. to nothing. That would be a great birthday gift. It actually would be kind of cool.

But their wine is, you know, you can get some as little as $8, and it's way better than what you buy at the liquor store for $8. You know, that stuff's pretty much shite. But this is really good. And, you know, some of it's more expensive. Some of it's more highfalutin. But Tacey has no palate whatsoever when it comes to wine. So I just get her, you know, the cheapest cab that they've got.

And a lot of times it's, I don't pay anything because I don't. already paid in. So it helps to support small wineries, and you get really cool, different wine that no one of your friends are going to have. And you just go to stuff. Dottersteve.com scroll to the bottom if you want to check it out. And anyway, and check out all the things on Walmart. I never thought I'd be saying that.

But every single thing that we had listed on our Amazon site, Walmart had it. So Walmart's kind of changed. Cool. You know, I still go to the brick and mortar place, you know, hardware store when I can and all that stuff. But we all know the deal with Walmart. But anyway, so I'm not saying anything bad about them. I'm just saying that I find it interesting that they've kind of come in, you know, anyway, I'll shut up before I screw up that one too. Move on, move on, move on.

Yeah, I got to move along. Rodee. Dr. Steve.com, R-O-A-D-I-E for the Rodey robotic tuner. And it will tune basically any stringed instrument. And Brian May

said these bloody bastards came out with us at the end of my career. He was so impressed by it. So check it out. They also have a thing called the Rody Coach, which will teach you how to play.

So who was it that was here last time? Rain. Oh, rain. Oh, rain. Okay. So I have to get somebody to take a

roadie coach home. I gave one to one of our former partners who doesn't live here anymore who moved to New Jersey with one of our former listeners and I don't think either one of them listened anymore. It's

fine. It's whatever. Well, it served its purpose. But she took hers with her, so I can't get her in here. And then I gave one to another person who's probably not going to come to the studio. So I still got to find somebody to practice, you know, do you have a, do you have a guitar that you don't know how to play? Well, okay, well, that's kind of a prerequisite.

Rain will do it. She's got this. She has a guitar. Yeah, Rayne has a guitar. She doesn't, she doesn't have any shit to do anyway, so. Maybe we can make it a thing, get somebody to give me a guitar, just to cheat playing guitar. Okay. And I'll learn to play it. Okay. Well, we can. I'll get, I'll take the wine club if we're doing that. Okay, there you go. Yeah, that used to be your bit was Lady Diagnosis will do anything for an expensive bottle of a lot. Good old days. Yeah.

I want to learn to play the guitar. I think that would be fun. Okay. Well, maybe we'll do that. There's no reason we couldn't do more than one. Maybe we could have a competition between you and Rain and see who's better after me. You know how I love competition. I have to be number one.

I know. There won't be much of a challenge. She's Ichibon at work. Nobody cares. Nobody cares about me. Nobody cares. I'm the only one that's listening. but she is Ichibon.

I even gave her an Ichibon award. That's funny. Yeah. Because she was number one so many times in a row and still is. You were this month too, so there you go.

Again, nobody cares. Other than us, check us out on patreon.com slash weird medicine doing some new things. I've got some live streams on there. The drags, which is the part of the show

when we end the show and start just bullshitting and then playing music and stuff that goes up on Patreon so the YouTube regular you know the mundane is the DragonCon

people will call you normal people oh there's going to be mundanes here it's like okay you're wearing your cosplay you know witcher outfit just calm down nobody cares

but the mundanes will only get the beginning of the show and the end of the show and everybody on Patreon they get the rest of it and then cameo.com slash weird medicine I did one today and I did a couple while I was in Dallas for the eclipse which was kind of cool and Nick Illig who is Captain Mike's brother

is constantly sending you know, a cameo request. It's like, Nick, I'll just do this for free for you. You know, your brother is part of our family. But anyway. But yeah, check that out.

Camio.com slash weird medicine. Check out the episode of normal world. And let me see if I can. I should have prepped this at a time. I forgot. But normal world, we did a, I got to do a sketch with them. And it's, you know, no spoilers.

but it's a doomsday cult. You know how those go. And it is the episode 114. Jeff Dye is wet and reckless. To us. In all its glory. Yeah, that's it. Okay.

There's your preview. It's hilarious. So episode 114 of Normal World. Yeah. I could play it. Let me play the first just a couple of seconds of it. They won't care. Just give them a taste.

Yeah, I want to give you a taste. Let's see. So it says a normal cult meeting And you can see there's an eclipse getting ready to happen And their logo is an eclipse Okay My children The time of the great solar eclipse is upon us

Soon the moon will pass between the earth and the sun And the mothership will reveal itself to us In all its glory Then we will shed our fleshy vehicles And attain the next level Yes Yes, oh, great one. First, you must ingest the celestial elixir.

Is that the raspberry snaphole? Okay, so that's where we'll end that. They don't want to spoil anything. But anyway, it's, what the hell was that? It's funny. You got to watch it. It seemed like a familiar voice speaking to us. Anyway, it was sort of a heaven's gate parody,

although there wasn't anything funny about what happened. of those people. No. Anyway. I love it. All right. Good stuff. So there you go.

Hello, Lady Diagnosis. Hello, Dr. Steve. What do you have for us today? Well, I've got a question. Can I go ahead and dive right in? Yeah, please. Okay, so if you have to poop and you hold it in, what happens? Because eventually the urge to poop goes away.

Correct. And I think I have figured out that it turns to a rock. Is that correct? Eventually, it will. There are kids with a condition called Enco-Prices, and these are kids that are constantly shitting their pants, and their parents think, well, they don't know how to, you know, they don't know how to control their stool or whatever. That's really not what's going on. If your kid is 12, 13, 14, and they're constantly pooping their pants, they have encopreases, and there's something going on. And so what's happened is a lot of times they have to go at school and then they won't go.

So they hold it and hold it and hold it because they don't want to go in that bathroom. And there's a lot of reasons why we need to just have individual bathrooms and schools. Lots of reasons. Totally. Think about it for five minutes. But anybody who went to school back in my time, you know, unless you were one of the cool guys, you dreaded. going in there. So anyway, the kid holds it and holds it, holds it. As lady diagnosis correctly pointed out, the feeling goes away. Well, maybe it doesn't come back. And then the next day,

you know, they start having the urge at school and they hold it again. And then they get exactly what she said, a colon full of concrete, but also the bowel loses the ability to sense when it's full because they've held it so long, it's just desensitized it to it. So the bowel expands and gets bigger and bigger and bigger, and then it gets to a certain size, and then it just gives up. And it never, you know, regains its ability to sense the stool. So what happens now is they've got this colon that's full of poop and more is coming, so it just pushes it out.

And so now these kids look like they're just shitting their pants all the time. And it's like, well, wait a minute. I potty trained you when you were, you know, two and a half. Why are you all of a sudden now? So very often it is a psychological factor that they're holding their stool for a certain reason. Maybe they have a rectal fissure. That happens. You know, some of these kids have terrible diet and they get this big giant, you know, American hard turd that causes a rectal fissure.

Now it hurts for them to move there. So it could be that. Or they're holding it because they're terrified to go into the bathroom at school. And it's one of the two things usually. And so you've got to talk to them about it. And there is a protocol for this. But yes, that's what happens when you hold it too many times. Now, as an adult, if you just don't want to take a dump in your car because you're driving home and you hold it and the feeling goes away, you know, you normally, it'll kick back in.

when you get back home and you can move your bowels. If it doesn't, then, yeah, you could use a stimulant laxative or something like that. But, yeah, if you continue to do that, that's what happens. Now, the protocol, since there may be some people out there going, oh, gosh, that's my kid. The protocol for Encoprises is to completely clean them out. So you have to give them enumas. And you've got to give them, yeah, right, laxatives from above, which would be like Myerlax or polyethylene glycol, that's from above.

We give them a bowel prep, basically. Okay. And get them completely cleaned out. And when you decompress the bowel, if you keep it decompressed, and then they'll continue to give them laxatives. A lot of times they'll give them mineral oil. Oh, wow. And you'll keep giving them mineral oil until you can see it leaking out of their hands.

So then you know you've given them enough. And you want to keep that bowel deep. Recompressed because over time it will regain the ability to sense poop, but then they'll go normally again. But don't yell at them. They can't help it. They don't know why it's happening either. It's not like they're like, oh, I'm just not going to, you know. Because your stomach would hurt eventually, wouldn't it?

Yes, but not in these kids. Or sometimes they have chronic abdominal pain. They just don't even think about it. Hello, Melby. What's up? Hello. It's N.P. They'll be, everybody, and we're just talking about Enco-Prices.

Poop. Yep. Kids shit in their drawers. Now, my tentmate in Boy Scout camp had Enco-Prizes. And he was just known as, you know, the guy that shit his pants all the time. Nobody knew what was going on. And he was a nice kid. I really liked him.

But he just constantly was shitting his pants, and that's what it was. And I remember one time we were in the lake. we were all in the lake swimming together and this turd just floated. And I looked at him. I went seriously, dude, and he just gave me that sheepish look. Bless it.

Shit in the leg. That has to suck for him. Poor bastard. Anyway, I hope he got better. But most of those kids eventually will get better as they get older, but it's hard to survive the stigma of

crapping your pants, particularly in middle school. Yuck. So again, if your kid is doing Let me look and see if this protocol, because we use this on one of my kids, and it's called You Can Poop 2. Let me see, you, the letter you can poop2.com. Let me see if it still exists.

No, it says it's not secure, but it still exists. Let me see. Yep. Okay. Yep. It is an Encoprease's help site. Oh, and it has a picture of Millie Bobby Brown on there. Why do they have that?

That's horrend. I hope she actually had Encaprices, and she agreed to having her picture on the website about people who shit their pants. It was that 2 million children in the United States have encaprices. It means they cannot control their bowel moons. They have poop accidents in their underwear. Sometimes people use the words soiling or fecal incontinence. They put that in quotes to mean encaprices. So at what stage do you have to get surgery to have it unimpacted?

Well, you would not normally ever have to have surgery. You know, animas usually will do it. But every once in a while, I've had maybe two in my career where the gastroenterologist had to go into the colon. You better have to get some music for this one, I think. Oh, do you want some good music? Okay. We need some music for this. I'm feeling in the mood.

Oh, wait. So we're on one. There we go. So I have to go into the colonoscope with a colonoscope. and just chip it out. It doesn't really deserve sexy music. All right. And sometimes they actually have to kind of remove it, like with their fingers,

just a digital removal of some of the stool if it's close enough to get out with your finger. Yeah, you can do manual disimpaction. We also have milk and molasses enumas. I've never heard of that. Are you serious? No. Melby, you were a nurse. Yes. I mean, you're still a nurse.

It still is, technically. Did you ever do a milk and molasses enema? I did not get milk and molasses. Hang on. Hang on. Okay, now you can turn it on. Is that better? Yeah, that's what you go.

So did you ever do a milk and molasses animal? No, never did milk and molasses, but I did talk to a doctor about it once. We ended up doing soap suds instead. Okay, yeah. So milk and molasses anema, you take milk. and molasses, hence the name, and then you instill it into the colon. And my hypothesis always was because turds would just come shooting out of these people's rectums when you did that.

I think that the bacteria in the colon would start to crack the milk and the molasses, and it would create gas, and it would just sort of force the stool out. Because it really worked. And then they stopped doing them for a while, and then now we can do them again. So, anyway, there you go. All right. So, yeah, Millie Bobby Brad's on the Encaprices site. So maybe she had Encaprices.

As a matter of fact, let's Google that and see if her name comes up in association with Encoprisis. Encoprises. And, oh, okay, nope. Okay, it says Millie Bobby Brown wrote a book. Then it got weird. Millie Bobby Brown have a disability and does it say she has partial hearing loss.

Nothing about Encopreces. Oh no, wait a minute. Anyone dealing with encopreces and then it says Millie Bobby Brown under there. So let me just see here. Let's do you know, Control F.

Millie. And then no, nothing comes up. So I don't know why her picture is on here. But it's anyway, it's the website write you, the letter you, can poop2-t-o-o.com. And it used to be free. I think they charged a little something. Now, this was a university program originally, but it is, it's very helpful, and it gives

you that whole protocol of cleaning the kid out, keeping them cleaned out, and then having them sit on the pot and trying to poop and then getting back into a routine. But ask your kid if it hurts when they poop. because it probably does, or is, you know, are they being messed with at school? Those are the two things. Yep. The two big things. Okay.

All right. Got it. That was a good one, Lady DiGlossus. Thank you. A bell for the line. Tacey will get mad about that. She is very proprietary about those damn bells. She is.

Anyway, Melby, you got anything for us today? Anything gross or disgusting or? I did see that STDs are on the rise for people over 55. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. I'll turn 55 next month.

That means they're in a condom. We're in trouble. That means they fucking know. That's true. I'm in trouble. I'll be 56 next month. Good for them. Just say no, Scott.

I'll have to do you. I'll just have to use some protection, I guess. Yeah, the CDC says reports are on their eyes. I'd like. Klamydia is running wild in the nursing. At least try to get an STA. Yeah, I'd like to. So let me ask you something.

Are they detecting more? Is they really having more? Because I know, like, what I've heard is that place, the villages in Florida is just rife with us TV. Number one of the United States. Well, it's not just like nursing homes and places like that. It's everywhere. Yeah, and there was a dude that got busted down there for, like, having a whole bucket full of Viagra's and Seattleses that he had brought in from China. Really?

Well, and I think that that's part of the reason that numbers are rising is because men have. and a way of getting treatment for rectile dysfunction. Oh, you think that's what is. So people are just having more sex. Oh, I can. If you go to stuff.com, there's a non-pharmacologic treatment for rectile dysfunction, which is the shockwave therapy. And that's been actually, it's got some decent data.

You know, at the right energy levels, it stimulates stem cells and, you know, increases blood flow and all kinds of stuff. So, yeah, I mean, there's all kinds of different things now. So there's the P.D.E.5 inhibitors, you know, phosphodiesterase inhibitors that increase nitric oxide, which increases blood flow into the penis and helps restrict blood flow out of it. So if you're pumping more than in, then you're pumping out, stuff's going to happen, right? Then now we have apomorphine. You know, apomorphine is a great erectile dysfunction drug for people who don't, you know, respond to just the BDA5 inhibitors by themselves. But the thing about apomorphine is, if your dog eats a pound of chocolate and you take them to the vet, they give them a shot and it makes them throw up, right?

Well, that shot is apomorphine. That's what they use. So if you take too much of this stuff, the reason it never made it onto the market as a, you know, an FDA-approved pharmaceutical from a, you know, a pharmaceutical company was because, because there was so much nausea, but if you get it in really low doses in places like, you know, online pharmacies like Rouguette or any, you know, compounding pharmacy, they'll mix two milligrams of that with, say, 20 milligrams of Cialis, and it works better than the Cialis alone. So anyway, here we go. This is what the AI is telling me, and you know AI never lies. The villages Florida is known as the STD Capital of America. Now, it may be known as that doesn't mean that statistically there's more.

But let's see, in the media, but this myth has been debunked. Oh, boo. No. The number of Floridians reporting a new STD has tripled over the past decade, but state data shows that three counties the villages reside in have much lower transmission rates than most of Florida. For example, not buy it. Dr. Merivek Villa, Villa, Villa. an internist who runs a health clinic in the Villages says she doesn't see many STDs.

Well, they're not going to tell her. That's because they're going off campus to get some treatment. I would say that's true. They have their private dogs off campus. The myth has appeared in the New York Post and the Daily Mail and often cite signs that the villages are engaging in casual sex or dating as an evidence of heavy transmission within the retirement community. However, research of the nightlife in the...

the villages found many one-night stands and serial monogamy, but not a swinger scene. Well, nobody's saying it's a swinger scene. It's just one-night stands. That's why I'm going there. No commitment. Look, there's some hot old ladies, you know. Oh, yeah. Just got to be careful with those total hips.

Well, I think I'm probably fixated on that because of my, you know, early experience as a 17-year-old having my virginity. You know, taken by a 44-year-old and almost by a 65-year-old with the greatest tits I've still ever seen to this day. So there you go. Present company, not, you know, excluded. Of course, of course. Excluded. Thank God. Well, thank you, Dr. Steve.

Yeah, there you go. Yep, still my biggest regret. I didn't stick around. Round two. Yeah, to have round two with the 65-year-old. But it was seven in the morning, and I'd been up all night. and I was totally freaked out. You know, what a weird, yes, what a weird first experience.

You know, usually it's like your girlfriend and it's uncomfortable and you don't know. Yeah, and neither one of you know what the hell's going on. In this case, the 44-year-old really did not know what was going on. I mean, she wasn't passed out. I don't mean that. She was able to give consent. I mean, she was terrible. Oh, my God.

No, no, no. I'm saying, you know. We may have to rewind that thing. No, I'm saying it's she. She wasn't completely fast out. It wasn't, she was cognizant of what was going on. She just didn't know how to have intercourse in any sort of entertaining way. Do we need to have an episode about consent?

No means no. This has nothing to do with consent. I'm making sure that everybody's aware of that because of the way I said if she didn't know what was going on. She can't tell you her birthday. fucking joke. God damn it. Fuck all. What I made it? Doge bag. I am too smart.

I am too smart. I am too smart. Well, that's not because you're an idiot. We better read it. He's going to kick us out. It's stupid. Stupid. Listen, there was no issues with consent. I couldn't give consent. I was 17. You know, I could, you know, that, if we want to talk about consent, you know, I was a minor.

I wasn't allowed to get, oh, you were consent and though. But I did give consent, funky, I did. But I just, in retrospect, absolutely the worst intercourse that I've ever had. And you think, well, how could anybody, you know, a woman particularly be bad at intercourse? All they do have to do is really lay there. But you know, that's really not true. It's not, it's no fun. So she's dead now, right?

So she's not going to be listening to this. She's not listening anyway. Damn him. I would think as many times as I've told that story that they would have called in by now. But, you know, one of them has got to be, I think we calculated, she'd have to be 96 now. And there was this delightful young man and I took his virginity, you know. So, well, okay, so 44 minus 17 is what? That's what, 24?

Is that? No, 27? More than that. Is that right? Yeah. 17 23 I'm such an idiot

30 it's not 30 I think it's 12 oh my God I think it's 27 Echo it's 27 I already forgot Echo what's 44 minus 17

Echo what's 44 minus 17 44 minus 17 44 minus 17 is 27 yeah eat my ass all of you guys okay so Echo

what's 60 plus 27 68 plus 27 is 95 That's the young one The old one's got to be long ago Oh I would hope Well Google it Let's see if she's still up

Okay I don't know her name I didn't know either one of the names You don't even know her name? No I was playing piano Have I never told you this story I was playing piano in a bar illegally And they picked me up

It was two of them They were on a girls weekend or whatever and there was an old guy that was hanging out with the 65-year-old, and he just booked it and left me with these two women. Was he old, like 68? No, yeah, he was old, old. He was old. And he just took off and left me with these two women.

Well, so eventually, you know, I had intercourse with the 44-year-old, and she was pretty hot. Don't get me wrong, she was pretty hot, but she was kind of dull. and, you know, and just wasn't, you know, she just wasn't an interesting. Well, can we say she's having sex with a 17-year-old, so she's not smart. Correct. Good point. And they knew how old I was, too. So that's a good point, lady, I thought.

This is a very good point. So she, so I was so nervous, I couldn't complete the transaction. So we were just were screwing and screwing and screwing and just on and on and on. And finally, you know, she fell asleep. And I said, well, I guess we're done. And that's how exciting I was maybe. But, I mean, it was like 6.30 in the morning. I just sort of laid there for a minute.

I said, well, I better get out of here. The sun's coming up. And that's when I got out of bed, got my clothes on. And then the six, I was trying to sneak out of there. And the 65-year-old goes, hello, doll. Oh, my God. And I, you know, and then I realized I was having intercourse with the fun girls from Andy Griffin. You remember them?

Yes. Remember that? The one is a, oh, booby. And then the other one said, hello doll. Anyway, she says hello doll to me. And I'm like, oh, hi. And she said, I watched you, doll. And I'm like, oh, my God.

And she said, and then, yeah, she said, I was awake. We kept her awake and she watched us. And then she said the thing that scarred me for life. She looked at me. She said, I masturbated doll. And I was like, oh, my God. And I said, well, I got to go. And she goes, why don't you stick around?

And I'm like, nah, I really got to go. And she goes, like, why? And it's like, well, because, you know, the sun's coming up. And then she took a glass of water. I've got to go back to high school. And biology starts this. Right. That's a 7.15.

I got to go. I was on summer break, but still, that's hilarious. And so she takes a glass of water that was on her nightstand. And she had one of those silky things on, like nightgown, you know, like that old lady, silky kind of thing. Yeah, like your grandma would wear you. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, but it was silky.

Like a moo-moo. No, it was silk. It was really thin fabric. And she took this glass and went, oops, and she poured it on her chest. And then now we're talking about a, you know, a wet t-shirt situation, except it was silk, which I still have a thing about this, okay? So she takes my hand with her hand, and she rubs it all over like, like I'm, oh, we need to rub, you know. The water off. I need to rub the water off, and so she takes my hand and is just rubbing it over.

Talk slower, Steve. I know. And then I was so freaked out. I just said, I got to go. I got to go. So I left. And this is one of my biggest regrets that I didn't stay. And you left her hanging?

I did, yeah. Obviously, she was, you know. She was okay with masturbating to me and her friend, which is just so weird. Well, at least she didn't join in. That would have been awkward. That would have been awesome. Or awesome, I meant But anyway, yeah

Yeah, I guess I'm telling the story of statutory, you know Our word Yeah Of a male But, you know, I was a very Knocking her talent I was a very willing participant It was still, it didn't matter

It didn't matter It was just in retrospect I just thought that's how you were, you know, it was supposed to be Yeah, nothing like my first time Really? You want to talk about it? Oh, really?

I mean, I know it happened. Did you give consent? Well, yeah. Okay, okay. So you just don't remember it? It's like I don't remember the last. Okay, I see. Pugh, it scared me for a minute.

It wasn't a scary thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just, you know, not memorable. Yeah. I don't remember mine either. I think it's different for men and for women. Really? Well, yeah.

Well, unless it's like some super, like, romantic thing. Yeah. Like the love of your life the very first time. Yeah, the first time is always. I was just kind of so tawdry, you know. Yeah. Like for me, it was all emotional and love. And I'm sure for him, it was like, oh, I'm getting late.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And exciting. Tits! I think that's how it is for, like, teenage guys. But for girls, it's very different, very emotional. You're like, it's going through your head, the wedding and the reception and the children and all that stuff. And the guy's just screaming tits in his head. It's that one word.

and bouncing around his brain. And that's pretty easy to live up to those expectations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, women have tits. Yeah. But for women and females, the expectations that we have, it just never... Yeah. But it's weird that you don't remember that then.

Movies just really spoil it. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it doesn't happen that way. I don't think it happens that way until you're a lot older. Yeah, if ever. 30s or a lot of people. Yeah, if ever, yeah. Wow.

Well, that's a very interesting perspective. Well, that's very interesting. Yes. That's very interesting. Please stop bullshitting. Okay. All right. Very interesting.

Well, thank you. And what else do we need to talk about? Did you have anything else? We've covered poop. No means no, sex. No sex. No sex. Don't go to Florida.

You'll get syphilis. Yeah. Or the stomach place. Or at least you can try. You can try to get syphilis. You can try. We're not saying you're going to get what we're going to try really hard. You can treat chlamydia, you can treat gonorrhea, you can treat syphilis.

What's the problem? Herpes, that shit, don't go away. That one, no. Yeah, that was also good. Yeah, they've got to come up with a herpes vaccine so that you can, that one's not a problem. Well, there's condoms. I think that's, I think that's, shut up. It's because you're an idiot.

Oh, my God. He's a fucking idiot. I don't know. Son of Kevin. Can you see herpes under a purple light? No. No, that would be fun. That's a good question.

Yeah, if you could tell you were shedding, that would be good. Like on your cell phone, just flip your light on the girl. I mean, herpes really is, though, on the genitals is just a cold sore on your genitals. It shouldn't be as big of a deal as it is. Now, the, I remember time matter. magazine, long time ago, I had the Scarlet H. And that was when people were just starting to talk about herpes, you know, publicly. And at the time, there wasn't any valtraks or any of that kind of stuff.

So it was a little bit of a problem. But still, you know, unless you're pregnant and delivering a baby, that's when herpes is, I mean, you know, herpes encephalitis is a problem. And people go, well, you know, cold sores on the lip. That's no big deal, but that's herpes as well. And people think, oh, well, that's the good herpes. You know, herpes one is the good herpes and herpes two, genital herpes is the bad herpes. But listen, herpies one is even worse. That's the one that causes herpes encephalitis and adults.

So it's really worse. Herpes two doesn't do shit. You know, it just gives you a cold sore on your genitals every once in a while. Now, if you get herpes, one, on your genitals, you most of the time will not have outbreaks like you do with herpes simplex, too. Because it doesn't like living in the genitals as much as it likes living in the mouth, and vice versa. So kind of interesting. They're trophic for those areas. They will live there if they have to, but they don't like it.

Well, good advice. I always told my kids that when they have sex, one, to wait until they get to. older, but if they decided not to always do it with the lights on. And if it looks weird or smells weird, it is weird and don't have sex with it. Yeah, right, right. That's a good, that's some good advice. Yeah, you're talking about the guy, right? Not their genitals.

They look weird and smell weird. It shouldn't be having sex with them either. Yeah, but if their genitals look weird. Right. Well, every professional sex worker will tell you that they look at the male genitals before they'll let them, even with a condom on, put it in them. Oh, yeah. You know, and so we can learn from that.

And if you can't see it, don't bother. Oh, you mean if it's... If you can't see what? If it's so small, you can't see it. Oh, it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If they have an any...

The wheels have officially come off. Now you're being the hole. Oh, no. Oh, hell no. No. That's funny. Guys, let's not talk about. They need love, too.

That's right. All right. Have you guys heard anything about the 100-day cough? No. All right. I think I know what it is, but here's the question. Hello, fluid family. Oh.

What do you know about this little thing coming through in Texas that they're calling the 100-day cough? I've got several employees who just had an ongoing nagging, brutal cough. Yeah. Sounds like RSV. No, it's not. RSV won't cause a hundred-day cough. Can you think of... Can you think of what would? Why do we have to keep renaming these things?

There's nothing new. Gosh, maybe can you... COVID? What about POTUS? Yes. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Give myself a bell. Oh, my God. You're amazing.

Yes, it's whooping cough. That's what they have. It's pertussus. If old opium anton-an-anthony listeners may remember when Anthony got whooping cough, and it was six weeks, and if he, if Jimmy or Opie made him laugh, he, you know, he would just get in these racking fits of coughing. And I advocated at that time that Sirius XM really should, I'm not a mandate person when it comes to MNA vaccines and stuff like that for lots of reasons we've discussed,

but there are reasons to sometimes mandate or strongly recommend certain. vaccines and the pertussis vaccine for adults is one of them. And when you've got a building, well, it's two floors, but you got two floors full of people who are doing radio. If you had pertusses sweep through there because it's extremely contagious, it would shut them down. And, of course, you know, the health officer at Sirius XM didn't listen to me. And then they didn't have a protussis outbreak, but they might someday if they don't, you know,

push that. But that would be one, to me, would be something I would strongly recommend as an employer of people who are talking for a living. Because, you know, with my lung thing, I sometimes get fits of coughing. I did a live stream last night. I had to stop in the middle of it because of that. And you can just imagine if you've got this. So anyway, pertussis is a, it's a carini bacteria, right? Is that right? I think it is a carini bacterium and it is treatable, but the problem with the, look that one up, I feel like that's wrong. If you treat it with antibiotics, you'll kill the bacteria, but the cough doesn't go away. The inflammation gets set up. So it's way better to prevent disease by taking the vaccine. And it's in the DPT, you know, diphtheria, tetanus and pertussis. Does it say what bacteria causes pertussis? Melby, it looks like you found something.

The bordetella. Bortatella pertussis. Oh, I was just going to tell you, don't do that. Yeah, I'm sorry. It's okay. I'll fix it later. Yeah, I know. You have to grab the cage, but it's okay.

Who was here last week that did? Rain. Yeah, Rain did the same thing. So you're in good company. Okay. All right. But anyway, yeah, bordotella pertussis, thank you. Karine bacteria is a different damn thing.

Is that diphtheria? I don't even remember. Anyway, it doesn't matter. It's been so long since I've done infectious disease that carini bacterium, oh, yeah, diphtherium. There you go. All right. I'm not going to give myself a bell. Which is all in the Tdap vaccine.

That is correct. Oh, that's why I've thought of that, didn't that? Thank you. Anyway, yes, so 100-day cough is pertusses. stop renaming these things because what it does is it causes fear the media does this where they'll go

oh there's an outbreak of a new 100-day cough and it's like it's not new and it's just because they're unvaccinated just shut up and stop trying to scare people by saying oh there's this new thing out there you know people

it's almost like the weatherman You know, the weather person never gets to do that much. They are the joky one and they tell jokes and then they tell you, you know, what the temperature is outside until there's a tornado or a polar vortex or a downdraft or something. And then that's when they shine, right? And they love it. And so sometimes they, I think, they maybe make a bigger deal out of some things than they need to because nobody's there to say, well, this is. is bullshit because they are the meteorologist, you know. And I'm not saying all TV meteorologists do this, but I think some do, and I've seen it, seen them do it.

So, and I used to work in TV, I've seen it. But it's the same kind of thing is that there's no infectious disease news right now. So there are some people that got their, honed their craft and got their chops reporting on COVID. and now they're in a whole lot going on. So now we invent the 100-day cough. There you go. You know, but it's nothing new. Or they don't know any better.

And that's even, that's just as bad, if not worse. If you're going to be reporting on this, just say, hey, there's a pertussis outbreak. If you want to report on it at all, what's the big deal unless you want to encourage people to get the vaccine? Okay. All right. Here's a good one for Dr. Scott. Hey, Dr. Steve. It's Albert from Albuquerque.

Hey, Albert. Good, man. How are you? Great. Good. Hope everybody else is doing good there, too. Hey, listen, I got a quick question. My siblings have recently seen an article or seen a video on grounding, providing a better-than-normal

to the earth as an anti-inflammatory and all sorts of all sorts of stuff. Don't be at a bed sheet. Okay. So at first, I was like, okay, if they're ham radio operators, yes, you need to ground your radios in an excellent ground. I can talk about that, how to create a good earth ground that you can tie everything to so you don't get ground loop, you know, noise and stuff like that. No, that's not what they're talking about. They're talking about taking your mattress and grounding it to earth ground. And not only that, they're not.

not really using earth ground. They're floating. They're using the floating ground. You're just plugging it in the wall and using the electrical ground of your house. It's grounded. Hopefully, but sometimes they float. But anyway, here's. They lay on that's plugged into the grounding outlet, a grounding stud of an outlet. If you're really going to do this, run a grounding wire to the outside. I can teach you how to do that. It's not, you know, you want a big giant copper rod. And you wrap it around the big, copper rod that's driven into the dirt. That's right. You want it

driven deeply into the dirt. Yeah, ran that rod deep into the dirt. You. Lady diagnosis likes rods driven into the dirt. I don't want to know anymore. Your house ground,

the curious thing to me would be, I don't know what the potential of the ground is between the sheep and that connection. But I'm curious from your perspective and Dr. Scott's perspective with that that wacky Chinese stuff, is there any validity to this? NIH had a study, a very small study, on wound healing. Right.

And it seemed to accelerate wound, health or wound, regrowth. Right. So the answer is that that study, I think if there were talking about the same study, had 20 people in it. So it wasn't large enough study to prove anything. So if I do a, I could do like 10 studies with 10 people and then just pick the one that has some, you know, statistically show some benefit. And I say, oh, this study was too small to show statistical benefit. But you could publish it and take the other nine sets of data and throw it away.

It's very unethical. It's called P hacking. And it's where you're looking for P values, P values being. an indicator of statistical significance. So a P of less than 0.05 means that five times out of 100, this thing would be due to chance. And we figure that that's a good enough. It's called 5 Sigma. And that's a decent statistical significance.

You know, that's what we look for. That's the level. And so I could do a study, like I said, nine studies of 20 people. Take one of them where statistically I just had an improvement or, you know, the people healed their wounds faster than the other, you know, the control group. And I'll publish that one, throw all the other studies away. Now, if I pooled all that data because I did nine identical studies and only took the data that I liked, if I pooled all of that, I'm going to basically guarantee you that there's no statistically significant difference between the. to. Now, this is an easy study to do. If you are selling grounded mattresses, just do the freaking study and do it correctly. Don't give us this bullshit, you know, 20 people study. Do a real

study. Take a thousand people and give 500 of them your mattress, matched cohorts, 500. A mattress when they plug it in, it doesn't actually make a connection to ground. And then show me that there's a statistically significant difference in whatever endpoint you decide, whether it's wound healing, sexual gratification, or whatever, because they claim all kinds of stuff. But we are designed to float above ground. We, you know, we are sacks of meat that usually are not grounded. And they'll say that's bad. I say that's a normal status for us.

We do have electrical circuits in our body, but we don't want to ground them. We want them to be active. And, you know, when you shuffle your feet on a carpet and then get a shock, that's basically you're building up electrons on one side of that equation and transferring it rapidly to the other. And that's what makes that spark. And that's what they say on this is that you were doing this so that you could more readily exchange electrons with ground. Shut up. Mm-hmm. That's like, did you ever get trained in therapeutic touch?

No. Okay, so that is a nursing intervention where they just wave their hands over the patient and they don't actually touch them and they say what they'll say is that they are manipulating bioenergy fields. It's like, why are you making up things? Just say that the process of doing it makes people feel better if it does, because it does. You're paying attention to people. People like that. They like being recognized.

They like being paid attention to, and it makes them feel better. And you don't have to make up some phony baloney mechanism for it. It's enough to say that doing this process makes people feel better. And we don't know why, you know. Well, I think the heat of the hands can stimulate. A foot above the patient? Fuck off. It's not a foot above.

Isn't it like rakey kind of like that? I've seen them where the patient's laying in the bed. and they're just like doing like this manipulating. Yeah, six inches to a foot. Dr. Steve, you have so much to learn. Oh, no. Get out of here. Okay.

My hands are. I am willing. I can do. I could do it right now. I am willing. I know. I've done that too where you move your hands and you feel the ball of energy and all this stuff. There is real physiologic reasons why you have that perception.

But I'm willing that not with. willing to be convinced that they are actually manipulating a bioenergy field. All they have to do is show it to me. Measure it before and after. Show me that it changed because you waved your hands over them. And I'm not just talking about therapeutic touch. I'm not just crapping on that. There's all kinds of these maneuvers where they say they're manipulating bioenergy fields.

Well, you know, what they did under microscopy where the monks actually preyed over molecules. of water. Yeah, I remember. And it actually changed the molecular structure of the water of the ones they preyed over. Now, that is, you know, science. And it's proven that you can do. You know, the thing is I think that, and Steve's right to a certain point, a lot of it is placebo. You know, somebody feels like you're doing.

And that's fine. Oh, yeah. No, I agree. Yeah. A lot of it is, but a lot of it is, you know, if they have faith in what you're doing, you can help them for sure. And if you have your best, and I know him, and I've seen him in clinic, you know, a thousand times, he's going to have a better outcome than most anybody, just because when he walks into people feel better, you know, he feels like he cares. And that's vital, you know, when you're talking about, can you, can you. He's got a good point, and not just about me, but if you have a shit bedside manner, people are not going to feel better.

and when they get angry, they feel worse. Yeah, they get worse, yeah. Yeah, so I do believe there are some studies. I mean, if you did maybe some thermal imaging of someone's hands, you know, that says they're doing some Qigong of stuff, I believe you could see some changes. Right. Possibly. You know, I don't know. I don't know.

Well, I'm going to tell you this. I'm fine with a placebo effect. I even wrote an editorial, you know, decrying the making up of things like that don't make stuff up. But if you don't like the term placebo, because people go, well, yours works by the placebo effect, people will go, oh, no, it does not. It does it, you know, and it's like it's okay. The placebo effect is so powerful that we have to subtract it from every single study that we ever do.

So how about this? Let's not call it the placebo effect. If you think that there's a pejorative connotation, call it the cryptogenic therapeutic effect. And then you can, you don't have to make up anything. You just say, my technique works by the cryptogenic therapeutic effect. And you're not saying placebo, even though the two are synonymous. But you're not saying placebo and you don't have to feel like you're minimizing what you're doing. Because if it makes people feel better, I'm not going to minimize it.

No. You know? I always sent people to Dr. Scott when he and I first started working together because I had people that I had ruled out that they had anything was going to kill him, but they felt like shit. And I'd send him to him, and they'd always feel better. So I don't care if his ninth meridian, you know, third pulse stuff is bullshit, or if it's real, it doesn't matter. It works, you know, and it makes people feel better.

Now, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to bust your bubble a little bit. They did a triple-blind study on emoto, that was the guy that was praying over water, and there was no effect. So, you know, there you go. But does it matter? Mm-hmm. You know? Well, our post-COVID clinic, a lot of the people come in there, excuse me, and they say that they're just happy that someone's listening.

Right. Right. And then in a couple of visits. Yeah, then they go away. I mean, some of them really do have problems that we have to address. But a lot of them, they just, you know, a couple times we change their diet. We listen to them. It's an hour and a half.

Sure. And then they're fine. And we had to watch a video when I was in medical school of this guy in, you know, it was somewhere in Polynesia. And he was the village doctor. And what he did was he took palm friends and just shook it over people. And we were like, how is that doing anything? And what our professor said was what he is doing is an act of recognition, which is what people crave. He spent time with them.

He recognized their problem. And just like a lot of your patients, they actually will get better if they didn't do anything. 90% of my, well, not my patients, but when I was in primary care, 90% of my patients would get better if I never did anything. They just want to know kind of what's wrong for the most part. Yeah, they want it named. That was what Scott. And will it kill him? And that was what Scott could do.

That was great was he always had a name for it. If I didn't, he would have a name. You know, well, you've got, you know, malodorous chi or something. Liver chi stagnation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was a name. I know. It is a real thing.

And it really made a huge difference. And this guy would name stuff and he'd shake the palm prons and so. And he had really good results because he was engaging in a process of recognition of the patient. Healing. He's engaging in healing. Yes, absolutely. Well, and that led to healing. Helium. Yep.

So, Dr. Scott, do you have anything from the fluid family? I don't have anything. Okay, I've got... They were enjoying the show too much to ask questions. Oh, good, good, good. I've got one, let me see. Live wean said, I have a whole new perspective on Myrtle, having heard that story. Well, you little family, you want to stick around, and old Myrtle give you a good.

time she surely will you give me a glass of water yeah I'm going to spill this corn squeezing on my teeth don't you know they're down to my waist but anyway I just I just went visual and it sort of it stopped me in my track okay yeah I don't see any questions in there and do we have new members? Oh, we're good. Okay. All right. Excellent. Why be a new member? No reason whatsoever. Somebody gave out 50 new memberships last time, and I think they covered everybody plus some. Plus the next three weeks. But thank you all for doing that. If you want to hang out with the fluid family, it's YouTube.com slash at Weird Medicine and just join the

live chat. And there you go. You got anything else? No, thank you, Dr. Are we out of here? I think we're good. All right. Thanks to everyone who's made this show happen over the years. Thanks, Dr. Scott. Thanks, Lady Diagnosis.

And thank you, N.P. Melby. Listen to our Sirius XM show on the Faction Talk channel, Sirius XM Channel 103, Saturdays at 7 p.m. Eastern, Sunday at 6 p.m. Eastern on demand. Other times, at Jim McClure's pleasure. Many thanks to our listeners whose voicemail and topic ideas make this job very easy. Go to our website at Dr.Steve.com for schedules, podcasts, and other crap.

Check out Dr. Scott's website at simplyurbals.com. Until next time, check your stupid nuts for lumps. Quit smoking, get off your asses, and get some exercise. We'll see you in one week for the next edition of Weird Medicine. Thanks, everybody. Thank you.