Weird Medicine: The Podcast - 644 - Marlboro Breath and a "Haffatitt" Tattoo

Episode Date: September 27, 2025

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host of weird medicine on serious xm 103 and made popular by two really comedy shows opi and Anthony and Ron and Fez, you would have thought that this guy was a bit of, you know, a clown. Why can't you give me the respect that I'm entitled to? I've got diphtheria crushing my esophagus. I've got Tobolivis stripping from my nose. I've got the leprosy of the heartbound, exacerbating my impetable woes. I want to take my brain out and blasted with the wave, an ultrasonic, agographic, and a pulsating shave. I want a magic pill.

All my ailments, the health equivalent of citizen cane. And if I don't get it now in the tablet, I think I'm doomed, then I'll have to go insane. I want a requiem for my disease. So I'm paging Dr. Steve. Dr. Steve. From the world famous Cardiff Electric Network Studios in downtown OJ City. It's a weird medicine, the first and still only on censored medical show in the history of broadcast radio, now a podcast. I'm Dr. Steve with my little male, Dr. Scott, the traditional Chinese medicine provider.

It gives me street cred with the whack-all alternative medicine assholes. Hello, Dr. Scott. Hey, Dr. Steve. And back from sabbatical, it's Lady Diagnosis, everyone. Hello, Dr. Steve. Hello, this is a show for people who never listen to a medical show on the radio or the Internet. You have a question you're embarrassed to take to your regular medical provider. If you can't find an answer anywhere else, give us a call 347-7-66-4-33-23-23.

That's 347. poo head follow us on Twitter at weird medicine or at d r scott wm or at lady diagnosis visit our website at dr steve.com for podcast medical news and stuff you can buy most importantly we're not your medical providers take everything you're with the grain of salt don't act on anything you hear on this show without talking over with your health care provider all right don't forget stuff dot dr steve dot com stuff dot dr steve dot com you can get the ROTI robotic guitar tuner. They'll also, they have one per bass,

and we've tuned Scott's mandolin with it before. It's pretty cool. Or you can go to R-O-A-D-I-E-R-A-D-I-E-Rodee. Dot, Dr. Steve.com to see a full demonstration. And then you can also buy Wet Brain and now Dabble Dice, Dabble Dice, the game of beer, disequilibrium, and cirrhosis. Yeah, collect beer sent by your friends, but watch out. You're unsteady on your feet, and drinking is bad for your liver.

Dabledice, $10 at stuff.com, and also at dabblegames.myshopify.com. Like I said, I'll put that in the link. Check out Dr. Scott's website at simplyurbles.net. That's simply herbals.net. And not only that, I gave Dr. Scott. some new weird medicine stickers that he and I will autograph after the shows today. And those will go in with every order, and maybe he'll throw in some other stupid crap, too. Yes, absolutely.

All right. And if I can't sell enough of these fucking games, then maybe you'll put those in those too and get rid of them. Congratulations. You just hit the jackpot. Check out our Patreon at patreon.com slash weird medicine. There's all kinds of exclusive content goes in there. And including the Ask Dr. Steve episodes for normal world. Now, my Ask Dr. Steve episodes will go on our YouTube channel,

but the normal world ones can only be seen by watching normal world or using our Patreon. And then cameo.com slash weird medicine. I'd just say fluid to your mom or whatever you want me. I was within reason. Anything. I had one the other day where I could tell that they were asking me to say something about someone that was sort of, you know, a bunch of in-jokes and stuff. I was like, I don't know what this is about. And it didn't sound like it was something that the person would be happy about.

So I did decline that one. You know, just explain it to me. Right. And then I'll find a way that I can do it. But that one, I just didn't. Yeah. I just said. With a clean conscience.

I don't know what this is. Dirty bird. I am detecting dog whistles and code words in this. Anyway. No. Right. All right. Well, you guys want to just get right into the questions?

Let's do it. Okay. And Dr. Scott's going to be looking in the fluid family's waiting room, which is basically our chat room when we're recording live. It's not a live stream. You know, if we get nine people watching that, that's a good day. You know, this is an audio podcast. We get thousands and thousands of audio downloads, but, you know, we're just not doing in the business of doing live streams right now.

But it is sort of a behind the scenes recording of us doing the audio podcast. But you can hang out in the waiting room, the chat room, and you can ask questions from there. And there's a little community of people that show up every week and they all just talk amongst themselves. You know, it's pretty cool. You can do that by going to YouTube.com slash at Weird Medicine. Click, subscribe and hit the notification button and you'll get notifications. Also, follow me on Twitter at Weird Medicine. And we usually record Saturday or Sunday every, you know, 20 to 30 days because we record multiple shows at once.

Yep. Okay. So is it still birthday today, or was it last time? Yeah, well, it's every day is my birthday. Happy birthday. It's like Tacey. I said, oh, you're going to have your birthday week because everything that came in, I said, oh, here's your birthday. Oh. Here's your birthday, you're going to have your birthday week.

And she said, well, Chanda gets two months for her birthday. And it's like, okay, well, now when I go buy groceries, I'm going to bring them in, go happy birthday for the next two months. I'm sure there was some reciprocity there. Wasn't it for your birthday? It's all equal. Oh, there you go. He's just helping him or spanking later on that.

Oh. Whatever. All right. Oh, before I play this, wait a minute. I've got to hit the disclaimer. Number one thing. Don't take advice from some asshole on the radio. Come on.

A long time, first time. Hey, thanks, man. I've always heard you say that you've got that turn on for the ladies with that cigarette breath and that tattoo on their titty that you can just barely see. Yeah, so there's something about that, yeah. It's, you know, country women particularly, but with wearing a tank top. And they got, you know, the Marlborough under the. the slave, and they've got big giant tits, and you can just, just, well, they got a good

ratio, put that way, it doesn't have to be big giant tits, but, you know, they're, they're, anyway. And this, I'm just talking about what turns me, I'm not saying this is, this is what should be the classic idea of beauty, okay? This is just me. Just you, and it's your birthday. Go ahead. But, and the tank time.

comes down and you can see just half of a tit tattoo, knowing that the other half is waiting to be revealed. Oh, yeah, that's hot. It is hot. And I hate cigarettes, but in that scenario, beer and cigarette breath is, yes, I'm all in. That's very interesting. I'm all in. I get up all in that mess all day long. So anyway

I get the tease of the kind of A sum of a tattoo You kind of fill in your brain fills in the rest of whatever you think the tattoos Yeah and it's a little It's like you weren't supposed to see it But you forget No I see

And Yeah and there's There's a hint of You know there's the possibility Of seeing the rest of it But to see the rest of it You got to get all underneath that mess You got to

Yeah you got to earn that That's what I'm talking about. Anyway, so that's what he's talking about. Cleveland. That's funny. Well, I understand now why that's a giant turn on. Because I just fucked the shit out of some lady with a titty tattoo and some cigarette breath. And it was awesome.

Keep on trucking. Congrats, dude. No, he just called to brag. Yeah. Son of a bitch. Yeah. Good for him. Oh, sorry.

What? No, no. A asshole. No, good for him. I agree. I'm enjoying it vicariously. Exactly. God.

If you had sex last night. Why do orthopedic surgeons wear like these big old giant hoods, like not KKK hoods, but, you know, like big giant face masks? Yes, a shield. Face masks. And also, when. Okay, well, let's answer that question first. Orthopedic surgery is the epitome of meatball surgery. Yep.

They get these bones out there, and they got these saws, and fluids are just going everywhere. Saws and drills and shit's flying everywhere. And you don't want that shit up your nose. Well, I mean, you're wearing a mask, but you don't want it on your face. And you don't want it on your mask, actually, because, you know, they're porous, and, you know, if some fluid gets on the mask, it's going to get to your skin. So when they're doing that kind of surgery, they'll wear those big face masks now. Like space.

They look, they call them spacesuits sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. It's like what we wore during COVID, some of those big helmets, you know, with a big clear shield on the front. And that's all it is. It's just because what they're doing is meatball surgery. All right. You record now.

You used to do it on Saturday. At noon at 1 o'clock. Now I can never find you. Yes. To fuck. Hi. Sorry. So, yeah, dude, just, was that this show we just talked about that?

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I think so. Okay. I get confused. Probably because I'm saving. You're old. And I do have to call my first wife because she and I had the same birthday. Oh, how funny?

Just like, what the hell? How did we get to be 70? Yes. Yeah, same year, same year, same day. Same year, same day. Wow. But, yeah, so just go to YouTube.com slash at Weird Medicine, click like and subscribe, but then click the notification button for all notifications. And also click join, but you don't have to pay money to join.

Just click accept gifted memberships. And every once in a while, Myrtle goes wild. gives away 20 gifted memberships and then you get to see members-only content okay hey before go can i yeah of course yes the space suit so yeah so the other thing is to to shut down on on infections because the joints are so susceptible when you're doing bonings a good point joint replacement specifically you know one of our dear friends who he passed way you know way too soon he was i remember seeing him we were coming out of the office one day and and he had kind of frustrated i said what's up man he goes uh had a damn surgery he was orthopedic

surgeon and he had been doing a surgery and he had a space suit because he was doing a joint replacement and he sneezed oh no he said yep so needless to stay the surgery stopped because I had to go out and you know kind of re-gown and yeah but on a brand new spacesuit yeah they take that stuff very seriously oh yeah yeah if there's any chance that you've contaminated the field they'll redo the whole thing yeah I remember once I was So stupid. I was getting cocky doing surgery with a surgeon. You know, I was first assist as a resident.

And I had a instrument in my hand. And instead of handing it to the scrub tech, I turned around and threw it onto a table of surgical instruments. Just kind of went to chunk like that and threw it on there. And then came back, and the surgeon said, you know, you just contaminated that whole tray, right? They had to take the tray out and bring in a whole new one with newly, you know, autoclaved instruments. And it was a ton of stuff. Yeah, I bet.

I'm better. Yeah. Moron. Yeah. Show off. You moron. Well, I learned my lesson. It's all good.

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Hey, Dr. Steve, it's Matt and Charleston with Christy and Tara and mom-mom. We're calling to ask you about Kratum. Yeah. It's sold in all these vape shops and gas stations, a bunch of different forms. And apparently it's dangerous. We're not sure if you could just let us know what you know about Kratum. And that's it. All right.

Thanks. Yep. So Kratum is this herbal substance. It comes from a South East Asian. tree called mitragyna. And it has two psychoactive compounds that are alkaloids. They're mitriginine and seven hydroxy mitrogynine. Okay, so don't worry about it.

But they interact with opioid receptors in the brain, even though they're not opioids. Okay. Okay. So, but they also produce stimulant-like effects. So it's pretty much unregulated in the United States, so he's not wrong. You can just go to some gas stations and buy it. But the FDA hasn't approved it for any medical use, and it warns against its use, but it hasn't made it illegal, and the FDA hasn't done that yet.

Now, so let's talk. People are using it, so there's a reason they're using it. It's not all bad, right? But I just want to preface all this by saying, I think Cratum is a fascinating molecule or set of molecules. And it should be studied because it does have therapeutic effects, but it has adverse effects too. So we need to know what those are and what the doses are and what's the optimal dose and all that stuff. And as usual, we're way behind on this. we should be up to speed on Kratom because it's been around for a long time.

And it does kind of make me sad that people are out there, you know, self-medicating because people will use Kratom to get off opioids, even though it is an opioid receptor agonist. In other words, it hits that same opioid receptor and therefore is also, you know, habit forming. It's addictive. It does, at low doses, like one to five grams, it increases energy, alertness, and talkativeness. And at a higher doses, it is at more like an opioid, produces opioid-like effects that help relieve chronic pain. So that's why people do it. Some people use cratum to self-treat opioid withdrawal symptoms.

And that's not, we don't know the protocol for that. So people are just having to guess and sometimes they get in trouble. Sure. may reduce anxiety and improve depression, stuff like that. So now, in Southeast Asia, the leaves are generally just, you know, chewed. It's been used for centuries for fatigue and to increase productivity and treat pain and diarrhea and stuff like that. Now, so those are the pros. The cons, it does have a high potential for addiction because it stimulates the mu opioid receptor.

But it does it in a different way than opioids do. There are a couple of pathways that you can stimulate an opioid receptor, and this does it on a pathway that's different. Still, you get the pain relief, but you don't get the dose-dependent respiratory depression and the other things that go along with it. So that's why people tout this as being, quote, unquote, safer. What about constipation? I wonder if it causes constipation.

an opiate? It does. I mean, they use it for treating diarrhea, but it's not as severe. Now, you know, nausea, vomiting, constipation, dry mouth, itching, loss of appetite, but also liver toxicity, seizures have happened, high blood pressure, psychosis, because it's an alkaloid. It's more likely to cause psychosis. And so the problem is when you're buying at a gas station, you don't really know what you're buying. Right. So this is my concern about it. I got into an argument with the guys at the hemp store that were selling Kratum. And I wasn't even saying not to do it or that they shouldn't be selling it.

I was just trying to have a conversation with them. And the first thing they went to is, well, Suboxone is. And it's like, we're not talking about Suboxone. That's not what we're talking about. Well, it's bad. okay, really? So, so, so what's too much sunlight? Is it bad?

Too much sunlight can be bad. Right. So, you know, it's like, okay, guys, whatever. And they got very defensive about it. And I was just trying to have a scientific conversation about it because this particular place touts themselves as being a science-based store. So anyway. Liars. Well, I don't know.

They were just, you know, I don't know. You get into this sort of mode where what you're doing is the right thing. And so any comments that might bring up something adverse now all of a sudden you're attacking them. People are so sensitive. But if you're in there in the store talking to them about it, you're interested. You're not going in there just to yell at them. No. So why wouldn't they converse with you?

I was a customer. Exactly. You know. People are stupid. But anyway, yeah, it was just, it was a silly conversation. You are correct. But anyway, I think it definitely deserves more attention than it's getting when it comes to research. I cannot advocate that people buy it anywhere, much less, you know, a gas station or a quick pick store or something,

just because I don't know what you're really getting and we don't know what the doses are and et cetera. So if that makes me a just say no, Nambi, Pambi, so be it. But I'm not one of those. No. But for self-medicating, go see an addictionologist that can help you. You don't have to do this on your own. That's what kind of bothers me, particularly when it's sold to help people get off of their opioid addiction. Because there are people that can help you with that.

And it doesn't have to be suboxone if you have some sort of. bias against that. I mean, Suboxone, nothing more than an agonist antagonist itself. It does kind of the same thing, but we know what the doses are.

We know what the protocol is. We know the safety profile. You know. And we know it can be really hard for people to come off of. Yeah. And we don't know what

if cratim's hard for people to come off. Well, we don't know. Yeah, don't know. We don't know. We don't know. That's a hard discussion to have. Right. So, anyway.

And there are protocols for Suboxone to get people on it, to get off, get out of the drug culture, get them on this, and then to taper it, but there are addictionologists that say just leave people on it forever. Right, because the recidivism is so high.

Yeah. Yeah. So I have a stupid question. So when you're stopping something and you're, what are you, craving it again? Yeah, going through withdrawal. Yes, withdrawal. What's the negative? I've never been of going through. To something and had tried to stop it and had

withdrawal. So what is... Well, the negative for going through... Is it always the same no matter what you're quitting? No, no, no, no. No. But when it comes to opioids, it tends not to be life-threatening, but it is extremely uncomfortable. They get pilo erection, which is, you know, when you get goosebumps. That's why they call it cold turkey because your skin looks like turkey flesh. They get nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, and just...

malays. They just feel like total dog shit. And the only thing that will make it better is tincture of time or an opioid. And now there are some drugs that can minimize the symptoms. Clonidine being one of them. But the problem with going through cold turkey is that there, you know, you go, okay, it's only two weeks and then it's done. It's not done. There's a thing called acute post-withdrawal syndrome, that for people that go through cold turkey, they can have depression and anxiety and malays for up to two years after they go through that. So we really don't want people to go through, quote, unquote, cold turkey if we can avoid it.

And there are medications. If you want to do it without an opioid like methadone or buprenorphine suboxone, then you can, And there are other, like I said, clonidine, other medications that you can use. But you can taper off your drugs, too, you know. When it's time for me to get a cancer patient off their high-dose opioids, when they're done with treatment, now their pain is gone. But now they're on these, you know, 30 milligrams of morphine three times a day, the extended release. I'll go, you know, 30, 15, 30, 30, 15, 15, 15, 15, 15, 15, and then drop one of the 15s and, you know, it go like that. And we may do that over a period of several months, because I don't want anyone going through withdrawal if they can avoid it.

And I think that's opioid withdrawal. I mean, to her question, there are other, like an alcohol is different. Can kill you. Yeah, literally could. Oh. Yeah. Some people will have seizures with that. Some people will have delirium tremens where their brain just shuts off and they are psychotic.

Gotcha. I've never been addicted. So I'm kind of in the dark there. Yeah, I mean, I was addicted to tobacco. Nicotine's coming off. That's different. Yeah, it's a really difficult one because the drug itself is so prevalent. It's just that you can buy it anywhere.

Right. And it works so quickly. And it's, it puts that hook in. Just, yes. Seconds. It puts that hook in. so deep I was talking to Pat Dixon about it on his show last night and you know you've got the psychological addiction

you have the habit and then you have the actual physical addiction and it's like a three-pronged thing like a if you're frog gigging you use a trident because when you poke the frog with a trident they can't wriggle off of it and that's the same thing with this it's like a trident it's you've got three different things acting against you So the first two weeks, you're done with the physical addiction. But then you've got the psychological addiction. That's where I was vulnerable at six weeks.

My ex-wife had pissed me off, you know, and I would go, well, by God, I'll show her. I'm going to start smoking again. And it was just the lizard part of my brain saying, oh, you can smoke if you wanted to. No mess. Yeah. And then six weeks, well, two weeks, six weeks, six weeks, and six weeks. six months. Those are the vulnerable periods for someone quitting smoking. Get through that. Resist the whole idea that you can just have one. You could just have one. Yes. Thank you, Dr. Scott. Because you can't. If you just have one, you're going to be smoking three packs a day again like I was. And flicking, flicking, yeah, sitting on the pot, flicking the ashes into the bowl.

You're going to hit something. You get a big chronic burn on your glands, penis. Your penis. Yes. All right. But if you're out there and you're thinking you can't quit, you can. Because if I can quit by God, anybody could quit. Three packs a day.

That's bad. Get out of here. The only person I know that smoked more than me was Mary Tyler Moore and she smoked five packs a day. Isn't that something When she was doing the Mary... I would have never guessed her. I know, the Mary Tyler Moore show She was doing smoking five packs today.

That's what I heard anyway. All right. Let's do this one. Hey, Dr. Steve. Yeah. I know testosterone has something to do with why men go bald. Yes.

And male animals also have testosterone, right? Correct. So my question is, why don't we ever see animals going bald? Yeah. Could that actually ever happen? Okay, so that's an excellent question. And I thought it caused hair growth, testosterone. Well, it does, but at the top of the head, and this is the key to this, the hair follicles are, in males, have a receptor that is very sensitive to testosterone.

own. And when it's stimulated over time, the follicle actually shrinks and eventually dies. So, and that's, we don't really know why. It's just, I think it just is one of those mutations that happened in humans that doesn't matter. Right. Because when we were cave people, we were dead before we got old enough to go bald. 30 was. So it just didn't matter.

It doesn't have anything to do with evolution. Right. animals don't have that receptor that's basically what is and animals evolved to have fur all over their bodies because they can't make clothes that's basically it they need their fur for thermal regulation protection camouflage and sensory input too

you know they have sensors on there I mean we have those too you can if you just rub your hand very lightly over the hair on your arm you can feel it So, you know, their fur grows to a specific length and then stops, and then they shed it. But the human scalp hair is a longer active growth phase called anogen, and it allows it to grow continuously. It's the only hair. That's why lady diagnosis, you can have luscious, long locks like you do.

And Dr. Scott can have his man bun. Yes. You know, because that will continue. Now, when you get androgenic alopecia, in other words, loss of hair because of testosterone, that growth cycle is just disrupted. Now, they have bred certain cats to have that receptor. And I'm trying to find what the name of that cat was. A hairless Chinese.

Yeah, it's a hairless cat, a sphinx cat, selectively bred to be hairless after a spontaneous genetic mutation appeared in a kitten. Mm-hmm. Wow. So the kitten was born, had that weird receptor, and they bred that kitten, and now they've got a breed that's hairless. Now, if you see an animal that is losing its hair, it could be from Maine. It could be from autoimmune alopecia, like alopecia ariata. That's where people get these sort of coin-like losses of hair. And that's an autoimmune thing because we treat that with steroids.

Anyway. So you can treat alopecia? Alopecia areata. No, just what's it called where you just start losing your hair? Isn't that alopecia? Well, it is, but there's all kinds of different ones. So androgenic alopecia is like, what men have

that go bald and I have some but I use monoxidil for it the rogane and it helps I mean I still have hair on top of my head for 70 year old it's not too bad Oh fuck off

Jesus enough with that Birthday boy He's a fucking idiot He's a fucking idiot He's a fucking idiot Lord and lady do you buy. All right. So that's why.

So testosterone, animals, got it. Well, they just don't have that receptor in the hair follicle at the top of their head like we do. All right. Okay, let's let me find one here. You got anything from the fluid family? Nope. Nothing? Really?

I don't believe that's true. Not none. Are you lying, Dr. Scott? Somebody was asking about MK67. Oh, that was last week. That was a long time ago. We didn't answer it, though. It wasn't.

Okay, so somebody in the chat room, and I've lost the, are we still broadcasting? Mm-hmm. Okay. Let me look. Asked about MK677. It's ibupidomorin. It's a non-peptide growth hormone.

It's secretagog, which just means a secretagogue is just something that stimulates the body to produce a hormone. But it's different than the normal thing that stimulates it. Gotcha. Okay, so it would be a drug that could make the body produce a hormone. Like, okay. You could make a hormone. So, for example, I hadn't heard that since earlier than that.

Sixth grade. That's a good, in there, lady dog notion. Thank you. So what's the drug that we were talking? Clomophene. So clomophene for people with low testosterone. Instead of taking testosterone replacement, they can take clomophene, which would cause the testicles to secrete testosterone natively.

So it's a secretagogue. So MK67 stimulates the body to produce more human growth hormone. And it's been explored for medical uses. It's not approved for human consumption. And marketing for that would be illegal. So it mimics this stuff called Graylin, which is a naturally occurring hormone that regulates hunger. stimulates pituitary gland to release human growth hormone.

People will use human growth hormone to enhance healing after working out and stuff like that. Oh, okay. And it does, MK677 increased lean body mass in elderly adults and obese young man. So they are doing some research on it. Right now, there's not anything, there's not a legal use for it. so that's all anything else dr scott

no sir all right well thanks to dr scott we kind of ended with a whimper instead of a bang thanks to everyone who's made this show happen over the years and thanks to our listeners whose voicemail on topic ideas make this job very easy go to our website at dr steve

com for schedules podcasts and other crap until next time check your stupid nuts for lumps quit smoking get off your asses get some exercise we'll see in one week or thereabouts for the next edition of weird medicine. Thanks, everybody.