Welcome to Night Vale - 124 – A Door Ajar Part 1

Episode Date: March 15, 2018

There's been a drowning at the Pancake House. This episode was co-written with Brie Williams. Weather: “Lake Full of Regrets” by Devine Carama featuring River Greene and Devin Roberts from the album Kingtucky. https://devinecarama.bandcamp.com ADDED USA TOUR DATES of "All Hail" (Apr 2018).  http://welcometonightvale.com, click on live shows Music: Disparition http://disparition.info Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin.  http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter @NightValeRadio or Facebook. Produced by Night Vale Presents.  http://nightvalepresents.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, Nightville, it is Jeffrey Craneer speaking to you from April of 2026 with a couple of cool things coming up. First off, we're going to be in Europe touring our newest Nightville live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest. We're going to be in Edinburgh, UK, on May 27th. We'll be in Manchester on the 28th. We will be in London on May 29th, and we will be in Amsterdam on May the 30th. You can get tickets for these shows at Welcome to Nightville.com slash live, and hopefully we'll have more. shows coming up later this year. Who knows? Just get on our newsletter. Go to Welcome to Nightville. Sign up for our newsletter. We will send you emails twice a month to let you know all of the news that you need to know about Welcome to Nightville. One of the big news things to tell you right now

is that our other hit podcast, Alice Isn't Dead, is coming back on April the 13th, written by Joseph Fink, produced by Disparition and starring Jacica Nicole. More episodes of Alice Isn't Dead return on April the 13th, so make sure you are still subscribed to that podcast. Finally, do you want some cool Nightville merch? Go to Welcome to Nightville.com, click on store, and we have all kinds of cool t-shirts, things for the summer, tank tops, beach towels, and if you like coffee mugs, if you want calendars, if you want backpacks, all kinds of cool stuff there. So check out Welcome to Nightville.com And click on store, click on live. If you want to see our live shows, we will see you in Europe. And hey, thanks.

Welcome to aboard via Raii. Embarked and profite. Embarked and celebrate. Rigolet. Publiere. Savoy. Admira. Amiré. And profite. Viaray, the voice that we love that we're going to tell you something really, really terrible is about to happen. Welcome to Night Vale. Three bodies were found behind the pancake house this morning. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to sound so chipper. It must be the coffee. I just started caffeine again. Do over. Three bodies were found behind the pancake house this morning. The cause of death has been identified as drowning.

As you know, this is particularly unsettling because the pancake house does not border any body of water. Nor does any body of water exist in Nightvale. Salt water and blobs of semi-animate clear jelly were found in the lungs of the victims, according to reports from coroner Lorelei Alvarez. Alvarez added that their clothing was salty to the taste. The victims were discovered by a truck driver identified only as enormous Jim, who pulled into the pancake house parking lot around 6.30 this morning. I knew something wasn't right, Jim said in his statement to the secret police.

I felt warm all over and kind of tingling, and I thought the fly larva had finally hatched in my hair. I got out of my truck and tried to swat the larva, but there was no larva there, and I was sad because I missed its company. That's when I noticed what a beautiful sunrise we were having, so I stood and watched it for a while. You know that beautiful moment when you can't tell the difference between orange and violet and the clouds look like sleeping gods? and that's when I noticed those dead bodies lying by the wall. Oh, Enormous Jim added, It was a beautiful, noiseless sunrise. I wish the larva could have seen it.

Jim's forehead was lined with sweat trails, and his hands fluttered along his shirt buttons like clarinet keys. He explained in a shaky voice that he was hauling turnips from a farm in the south to a pulp factory in the north, where they would be turned into mulch and used to grow up. more turnips. He said he had a tight schedule to keep and that he had nothing to do with any of this. And since lying is illegal, the sheriff's secret police released him from further questioning. The victims have not yet been identified, but each held matching promotional coupons

good for one free hot cake at the pancake house. The coupons stated they could only be used once per table per visit. It is unclear whether the victims intended to sit at separate tables and pretend not to know each other in order to use all three coupons in the same visit. This is a developing story. In related news, the pancake house is having a grand reopening. It's been closed down since the sandstorm of 97 buried it under 200 tons of sand.

It resurfaced in 2008, full of scorpions, who reopened the diner under the name Arachnid Hut. It disappeared again in 2009, after the Scorpions filed Chapter 7. No one could see the pancake house anymore, but if they walked atop the seemingly plain dune, they would run into a hard surface that felt exactly like a wall. Teenagers who had scratched heart-swaddled initials

into the invisible concrete blocks could still feel the impression of their etchings suspended in the nothingness, and the area continued to smell of hash-browns for a radius of nearly a mile. Anyway, it's back, and under new, probably human ownership, and will hopefully be here to stay. Ah, so many memories from that place.

Back in the 90s, my friends and I would hang out there all night sometimes. There was a young woman who sat in the corner booth and analyzed people's dreams for a dollar. I once told her about this recurring nightmare I have, where I'm a pineapple farmer, but I have to grow each pineapple inside a glass bottle. And when the pineapples grow big, the bottles break, and I'm left standing in a field of broken glass.

And sometimes when I woke up, I had little cuts all over the bottoms of my feet. I don't remember what the woman said it means, but I found out later that she was Nina Gordon, front person for alternative rock band Veruca Salt. There was a lot. of great memorabilia in the pancake house, like old postcards and ceramic chickens with human fingers for eyes,

and this cool antique juke bucks that would automatically play Buddy Holly's every day whenever someone in town was about to die. I loved that place. Oh, we've just received word from the corner's office that more saltwater has been discovered. This time in the potholes near the, controversial new roundabout in Old Town. Alvarez also found blobs of clear jelly floating there,

similar to those found in the lungs of the drowning victims. Samples of these blobs were collected by a Girl Scout splinter faction, known as the Onyx Fist, and brought to the Marine Biology Association for further examination. A Girl Scout member and a parent leader of the Onyx Fist named Brandy Lance said, We knocked on the marine biologist's door and heard muffled shouts and loud crashes coming from inside, then the blinds closed and the lights went out.

When we forced our way in using telekinesis, I earned my mountain mover badge. Last year, we heard the back door slam shut. The only thing we found inside was a scribbled note that said, closed for the day.

But it was just lying on the floor, not posted anywhere. Brandy said her troop will not rest until they track and locate the missing biologists. Good luck, kids. We'll be waiting for your updates. And now, traffic. As I mentioned earlier, there is a controversial new traffic roundabout in Old Town. The problem is, no one knows how a roundabout works. If you go to the right, when you should go to the left, your headlights explode. If you go left when you should go right, you get a phone call that one of your family members is in the hospital.

If you hesitate, a stranger dies. And if you just keep going, you'll never stop. You'll never, ever, ever stop. You'll drive endlessly aging at a steady rate, watching the terrain change, the seasons pass, and you'll wonder, have I ever stopped? Have I ever stood still? or slept, or sat in a chair that wasn't hurtling ceaselessly into the future? The emergency almonds you keep in the glove compartment can only sustain you for so long. What happens then?

There's only like 15 of them in an airline bag. And you've never even been on a plane. Where did you get them? Are they safe to eat? They've been in there a really long time. Probably since you got the car. Maybe they came with. the car. You started to forget things like your name and where you bought this car. Was it at a

dealership or from someone on Craigslist? Did you build the car yourself or manifest it with your mind? You find the owner's manual but you can't read it for some reason. It's either in another language or you've lost the ability to read. The letters rearrange themselves and fall off the page. Your leg is burning where the letter L has landed on your knee. L! L! You remember the letter L? At least there's that. This has been traffic. Update on the drowning story. The victims have been identified as the Traylor family who reportedly have not come out of their house in nine years.

Annette, the adult daughter of the family, still has braces from when she was 13. She just never returned to the orthodontist to get them removed. It's possible that hotcakes from the pancake house were the only thing she could eat anymore. You know, come to think of it, 11 years ago was the last time the pancake house was open. There are no coincidences. Or everything is a coincidence. Or only some things are. Yeah, those are the three possibilities.

An independent consultant has determined that the saltwater samples are oceanic in nature. This has secret police investigators scrambling to find where the ocean is located. One of them suggested north, and the consultant began walking that direction. The investigators want to determine if the ocean is a continuing threat, and whether or not they're allowed under state and physical law to apprehend it on charges of manslaughter. Law enforcement and volunteer search parties are forming to seek justice for the trailors, although no one remembers ever interacting with them before. But everyone cares, really cares a lot suddenly.

The silver lining in events like these is the togetherness it brings to a community. Right before the paranoia and blame shifting sets in and divides it further into an ever-widening chasm, but let's just try to enjoy the unity while we're. we have it. Ooh, speaking of togetherness, it looks like Carlos has brought a picnic lunch for us to eat here at the station. Aw, what a nice surprise, hon. Now, while I look into this basket of goodies, let's check in with the weather. I said I'm swimming through the lake of regrets. Gotta keep pushing forward through all the stress. On the other side, I know that I can rest. That's why I keep my head up when I want to quit. I said, I'm swimming through the lake of regrets.

Gotta keep pushing forward through all the stress On the other side I know that I can rest That's why I keep my head up when I wanna quit You were too lazy to go with big mama the church And then she passed And for the cash you stole for your mama's queen as your earth Treat it like dirt And treat your daughter like you did her mama first

Or where they emerged for the waters To honor her worth And now your princess has an amazing set of press For cash and rent she exchanged it for sex What about that time when you sprayed that tech And the drugs became your soulless instead of faith you blessed. You had a chance to create with the best, but instead you just dwell in a space with the rest. Get your life preserver, take a deep breath, and butterfly your way through a lake

full of regrets. I said I'm swimming through the lake of regrets. Gotta keep pushing forward through all the stress. On the other side, I know that I can rest. That's why I keep my head up when I want to quit. I said I'm swimming through the lake of regrets. Got to keep pushing forward through all the stress. On the other side, I know that I can rest. That's why I keep my head up. Listen to me. Hey, R.E. credit. I get it. I ain't take full advantage of school when I attended in it.

I was looking good, but my attendance isn't. I was doing what I wanted, not knowing that was the issue. Let me talk about it. Talk about quitting athletics. Thought that I was a new man like a man with prosthetics. Addics being until I stuck it out. There's different hustles. Keep charging forward.

And never let the energy hoard it at the present. I fucking regret it, but never forget it. I'm still get it. 100%. No sound bones. of regrets gotta keep pushing forward through all the stress on the other side I know that I can rest that's why I keep my head up when I want to quit I said I'm swimming through the lake of regrets got to keep pushing forward through all the stress on the other side I know that I can rest

that's why I keep my head up when I want to quit see I was young and dumb a wallet for sex I deposited two seas but I'm still in debt almost drowned in a lake full of regrets and waves of what ifs almost took my last breath. The new life started banging on my chest and the birth of my two daughters, man, they saved me from death. You know who else I saw all in that lake so sick? Two of my ex-Queen's who said I wouldn't be... Let me chill, no need for this up.

And plusy love with my kisses. I met a high school who told me I was his favorite. He asked if I was disappointed because I never made it. Your word plays amazing. Worked all, I never could truly one of the greatest. I responded I did make it. Every day I'm blessed. My purpose, my life preserver,

in a lake full of regrets. the lake of regrets. On the other side I know that I can rest. That's why I keep my head up when I want to quit. I said I'm swimming through the lake of regrets. Gotta keep pushing forward through all the stress. On the other side, I know that I can rest. That's why I keep my head up when I want to quit.

It's never too early to plan your summer story in Europe with WestJet. From rolling countryside to cobblestone streets. Begin your next chapter. Book your seat at westjet.com or call your travel agent. WestJet, where your story takes off. So, that was weird. Carlos came in, as I mentioned, with a lovely picnic lunch from the Ralph's deli counter. His hair was wet from the rain, and there were water droplets on the tips of his eyelashes

that made him look like a cute little cartoon forest animal. The phone rang here at the station, and it was one of Carlos's scientists, Mark, asking if Carlos was here. Carlos made a wild hand gesture and shook his head vigorously, so I told Mark that he was not. When I asked Carlos what that was all about, he told me the scientists were putting together a group to locate clues about the Phantom Ocean, and they wanted him to lead it. And I was confused. Didn't he want to lead it? I mean, why did he want to talk to them? He's never refused a scientific call from a fellow scientist to do science before. He was just behaving unscientifically. In fact, come to think of it, I was a bit surprised to see Carlos here at all.

I mean, I figured with today's investigation he would already be out in the field, and I wouldn't see him for days. He said, since everyone else was out on search parties, it was the perfect time to go to the Ralph's, because there wouldn't be a line. I mean, that does sound scientific. It sounds like scientific reasoning, but something struck me about it is, I don't know, just off. I mean, I don't want to say he was lying. Carlos doesn't lie.

Besides, lying is illegal. But it seemed like there was something he wasn't telling me, like something that was bothering him. I asked him if there was anything he was, wanted to talk about and he just said he had to go get the car washed and he left without even finishing his three bean salad and he loves that salad made with his three favorite beans garbonzo kidney and jelly i mean i know i know it might not sound like a big deal and maybe he was just having a moment we all have moods sometimes out of nowhere you know maybe i'm the one in a weird

mood. I'm probably just being overly sensitive. I'm sure nothing is really wrong, not actually. Anyway, you know, let's just move on. I'm sure it's fine. Everything is fine. It's fine. Maybe I should go off caffeine again. No, you know what? I really can't shake this feeling. Nina Gordon, the former front person of Rukesalt, once told me that the subconscious is a powerful force. Maybe it's all in my subconscious. Maybe if things are too good for too long and you think about it too hard, it can start to make you nervous. And then maybe you can't take the pressure of waiting for things to go wrong and you start inventing problems just so you can have control over them. But you have to think about whatever can go wrong. Otherwise, you're lazily enjoying a sunrise

and dreaming of free hotcakes and suddenly you're drowning in a waterless parking lot before you even know what hit you. No, this is silly. I'm just going to call him. Okay. Mm-mm. Ringing. Ringing. No answer.

Not unusual. Not really. It's probably at the car wash, like you said. Which can be very hypnotic. You know, sometimes you find yourself caught up in the rhythmic dance of the foaming brush. And you wake up in the parking lot hours later. your wallet and part of your shirt, dry mouth and trying to remember how many teeth you have. Oh, good. I've just been handed some breaking news to distract me. Oh. Oh. Well, this is actually just a

press release for the grand reopening of the pancake house. Well, a press release is definitely a form of breaking news. They are announcing their new weekly menu specials. Quote, We here at the pancake house acknowledge that time is circular, like a roundabout, not an unfathomable, endless line with no beginning or end. We like repetition. It's comforting. We know what's behind us, and what's ahead, and what will come again. It means there are certain truths, no matter what else may happen.

In honor of our innate preference for cyclical thinking, we can guarantee that every Monday, fluffy omelets will be on special. Every Tuesday, we will have corned beef hash. No matter what happens, there will be liver and onions on Wednesday. You can lose your job and have your car repossessed on Thursday and still know that there will be chicken fingers on special that night like clockwork. We often think of Friday as being better than other days. For this reason, if something bad happens on a Friday, it can be protected.

particularly disappointing. You won't be disappointed by our ham patties. They are consistent and dependable. Saturday, we are here for you with liver and onions again. On Sundays, you can rely on our fried eggs and toast points. They will provide you with unwavering support, even if something really bad happens. Even if you don't know what you're doing at all anymore,

even if all the buildings suddenly seem slanted to the right by a few degrees, and everything that used to look yellow now smells yellow. You can always come to the pancake house, no matter what happens. Oh, well, that's a nice sentiment. Oh, it also has a coupon attached here. Good for one free hotcake, one per table per visit. That's very nice. Okay, I'm just going to try and call Carlos again.

Straight to voicemail this time. Well, that happens. everything's fine. He always forgets to charge his phone. I tease him about it. I like to buy him different novelty phone chargers and hide them in his jacket and car and in his shoes and lunch bag. But still he forgets. He has a very busy mind.

Maybe he doesn't like me to tease him so much. Maybe I'm overthinking. Maybe it's just too much coffee. Or maybe I'll head down to the pancake. house for dinner. It's Thursday, so let's see, chicken fingers. Or there's always the hot cake coupon. Maybe I'll see some of you down there.

That would be nice. Or maybe you already have plans, which is totally fine too. I'll just see you some other time. It's no big deal. Everything's fine. I need more coffee. Stay tuned next for the sound of someone distracting you while you're driving and then yelling that you missed the turn.

Good night, Nightvale. Good night. Welcome to Nightvale as a production of Nightvale Presents. This episode was written by Bree Williams, with Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kraner, and produced by Joseph Fink. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin, original music by Dysperition.

All of it can be found at disperition.info, or at disparition.vancamp.com. This episode's weather, was Lake Full of Regrets by Divine Karama, featuring River Green and Devin Roberts from the album King Tucky. Link in the show notes. Comments, questions, email us at info at welcome to nightvail.com, or follow us on Twitter at Nightville Radio,

or see what the moon's up to these days. Is she doing okay? Check out Welcome to Nightvail.com for more information on this show and our live shows, Knights of Theater and communal chanting, you won't. want to miss. Today's proverb, bite your tongue. Fun, right? This is Dr. Chuck Tangle. Coming to you live from Billings, Montana. Have you ever wanted to prove love is real for all who kissed, but it couldn't get hard enough to get and trot over it?

Have you ever been afraid of the call of the laltz untrained? Then my new big time show, Pound It in the But by my own podcast, is for you. Subscribe now to Pound It in the But by my own podcast with Dr. Chuck Tingle and you'll be hard as rocks in no time. Hi, we're Meg Bashwinner and Joseph Fink of Welcome to Nightvail and on our new show, The Best Worst, we explore the Golden Age of Television. To do that, we're watching the IMDB viewer rated best and worst episodes of classic TV shows. The episode of Star Trek, where Beverly Crusher has sex with a ghost, the episode of the X-Files, where Scully gets attacked by a vicious house cat. And also the really good episodes too. What can we learn from the

best and worst of great television. Like, for example, is it really a bad episode or do people just hate women? The best worst. Available wherever you get your podcasts.