Welcome to Night Vale - 144 - The Dreamer

Episode Date: March 15, 2019

No one knows how the Blood Space War began, who is fighting in it, or what for, so let's start with the story of Eunomia, a 19th century farm girl. Weather: “The Only Thing” by Ali Holder http://aliholder.com/ Subscribe to Joseph and Jeffrey’s new podcast, Start With This, a show designed to get you thinking about, talking about, and, most importantly, making art. Premieres March 22. http://startwiththispodcast.com Our latest live show, A SPY IN THE DESERT, is coming to more U.S. cities this July, and tickets go on sale today. Check out the full list of cities and more info on our one-off Night Vale Presents live show in LA on our website: http://www.welcometonightvale.com/live/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.info Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin.  http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter @NightValeRadio or Facebook. Produced by Night Vale Presents.  http://nightvalepresents.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, Nightville, it is Jeffrey Craneer speaking to you from April of 2026 with a couple of cool things coming up. First off, we're going to be in Europe touring our newest Nightville live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest. We're going to be in Edinburgh, UK, on May 27th. We'll be in Manchester on the 28th. We will be in London on May 29th, and we will be in Amsterdam on May the 30th. You can get tickets for these shows at Welcome to Nightville.com slash live, and hopefully we'll have more. shows coming up later this year. Who knows? Just get on our newsletter. Go to Welcome to Nightville.com. Sign up for our newsletter. We will send you emails twice a month to let you know all of the news that you need to know about Welcome to Nightville. One of the big news things to tell you

right now is that our other hit podcast, Alice Isn't Dead, is coming back on April the 13th, written by Joseph Fink, produced by Disparition and starring Jacica Nicole. More episodes of Alice Isn't Dead return on April the 13th. So make sure you are still subscribe to that podcast. Finally, do you want some cool nightbale merch? Go to welcome to nightville.com, click on store, and we have all kinds of cool t-shirts, things for the summer, tank tops, beach towels, and if you like coffee mugs, if you want calendars, if you want backpacks, all kinds of cool stuff there. So check out Welcome to Nightville.com and click on store, click on live. If you want to see our live shows, we will see you in Europe. And hey, thanks. It's turtles all the way

But man, it's kittens all the way up. Welcome to Nightvale. Our top story today is the PTA bake sale from 4 until 8 p.m. at Nightfail High School. There will be cakes, pies, cookies, and all sorts of desserts available, and the money goes to a great cause, funding for the Blood Space War. PTA officers Steve Carlsberg, Susan Wilman, and Diane Craigsman. and expect this to be the largest bake sale in more than a decade. This is because the city council, in cooperation with the sheriff's secret police, in cooperation with a vague yet menacing government agency,

in cooperation with the world government, in cooperation with the lizard people wing of the Bilderberg group, has mandated that all citizens participate in this spring's PTA bake sale. A group of men in black suits wearing sunglasses and earpieces gathered around City Hall this morning to confirm this. Perhaps bring some moist blueberry muffins, one of the mysterious men announced. Or invisible pie, said another. Oh, oh, oh, if you have one of those special pans that makes only brownie edges, said another.

And each of the men squealed and clapped their hands, saying, yes, those are the best. So head on down to the high school and buy and sell some tasty bake goods for a valiant cause. It's illegal not to. In related news, more than 200 soldiers died yesterday in the bloodiest battle yet of the ongoing blood space war. Not all have been identified, but we have learned that Corporal Wayman Davis and Sergeant Yasmin Alphans, both residents of Night Vale, are believed to be among those killed. Officials from intergalactic military headquarters said no armistice is in sight, as they are not certain who they are fighting,

what they are fighting for, and when the fighting is even happening. Time is super relative, man, said senior strategic advisor James and Archibald. Like, mind-blowing how some of the people who are fighting this war haven't even been born yet. My head hurts, just thinking about that.

Space time, can you even believe it? Just, wow. Archibald concluded, Why are we fighting this war? And who is involved? And beyond bank sales and online crowdsourced donations, who is funding this conflict? Over the next few weeks, I will try to do my best

to answer some of these questions. But beware that these questions may have no answers, or worse, have answers that make no sense. Today we will start with what we know. We will start with the story of Unomia. Unomia grew up on a farm. Her parents planted Invisible Corn. All day, Unomia would work the fields.

This was the early 1800s, so there were no gas-powered tractors or tillers or combines. Unomia would plant each invisible corn seed one by one and long rows over several acres. She enjoyed this work because she loved the fresh air, the insects and the birds. And at dusk, her favorite moment, the stars would come out. During the late summer, she would lie down in the cornfields hidden among the tall, invisible stalks of majestic corn. And she thought of all the possible worlds beyond this one. Eventually, her mother would call her home for dinner, and the next day, Unomia would dream about those worlds while culling the ripened corn,

anxiously awaiting the disappearance of the sun so she could comprehend the in the inner. infinite possibilities of a life that was not this one. On her 17th birthday, Unomia went out to the cornfield, but never returned. When her parents went to look for her, they found a large, perfectly round clearing. There was no corn in this circle, only flat dirt, Unomia's packed lunch, uneaten, her diary, her tools, and the clothing she had worn that morning. The last time anyone saw her. In the 1980s, librarians at the Nightville Public Library found Unomia's diary,

which historians had long thought to be either lost or legend. The librarian said they found it underneath the second floor Dr. Pepper Machine. A bibliophile or historian must have hidden behind the vending machine, trying to escape hungry librarians, but left the artifact behind when that person either escaped or was eaten. The librarians who found the book placed it on display in a new exhibit called early night veil life, quotidian squallings of delicious mortals.

It took many years of armed expeditions into the public library and cost many lives for historians to read this entire diary, but their brave efforts eventually paid off, as most of the diary has been transcribed or photographed. Here are a few sample entries from Unomia's Journal. July 15. 1815.

The star I have named Wolfgang has moved from its constellation. I believe it to be an artificial vessel. I shall send it a message somehow. August 1, 1815. Wolfgang has grown larger and now changes colors. Tonight it is azure. Last night it was turquoise. I predict it has seen

our earth. September 4, 1915. Tonight, I have carved a message into the corn. It is not in English, but in patterns, concentric circles connected by sharp angular lines. I have carved this message quite large. I do hope it is legible. Tomorrow morning, I shall find out.

And just below this entry, Unomia has sketched this cornfield pattern into her diary. Her final entry was on September 5th. A man with a mirror, for a face has come for me. Does not speak. Farewell. More on the story of Unomia in a moment. But first, breaking news from City Hall.

Pamela Winchell, the city's director of emergency press conferences, called an emergency press conference to announce, and I quote, Some crazy blank bullblanks going down over here, y'all. Holy blank, she added. Wenschle was standing near a cornfield on the property of John Peters, you know, the farmer. She was covering her mouth with one hand and pointing with the other while jumping up and down. Winchell said, y'all have to see this mess, but also like, don't come anywhere near here.

No way, but still like it's kind of beautiful with all the lights and stuff. You really have to see it. But you can't. Don't. Definitely. Don't come out here. Nothing to see. She said firmly, only to continue, cool.

Oh, blank, that's rad. City Council quickly ushered Winchell away from the microphone and said that they have formed a secret exploratory committee to investigate the lights coming from John Peter's land. More on the story as it develops. For weeks after Unomia disappeared, townsfolk mourned the loss of a young and vibrant girl. The city declared her dead. and her church held a public funeral service. Her mother spoke about Unomia's vivid imagination and penchant for drawing and painting. Her father, through halting sobs, said Unomia was a smart girl who loved astronomy and physics.

The crowd gasped at this. Some of the congregation vocally protested saying he should not be accusing the dead of paganism. Unomia's father calmed them and said, Science is not a fringe religion. You know me a taught me this. She wrote about the movement of stars and planets every day. She dreamed of a time that human beings could leave this gravity and travel into deepest space. I too thought science was Satan's checkerboard, but now, thanks to my dear daughter, I think science is neat.

The congregation grumbled, but ultimately accepted that a grief-stricken parent must be given room for the madness of sorrow. The people of Nightvale moved forward with their lives. Like all tragic loss, they remembered Unomia sometimes even seeing her, only to realize it was a shadow or a mistake of the mind. They felt sad and empty, but over time the sadness waned and the emptiness filled, as they always do. Her parents sold the farm and moved into the city. Consciously, they wanted to be closer to their community,

but subconsciously they feared having to endure the weight of public empathy. So they mostly stayed indoors. One year after Unomia's physical disappearance, the memory of Unomia had all but disappeared as well. Nightvale was back to normal. No one was thinking about Unomia that day, that anniversary. They were thinking about something else. The visitor.

More on this soon, but first. traffic. Christina and Ricardo Alphonse had just exited Route 800 toward Pike Street, when they planned to turn left toward the hospital. Ricardo was driving quickly as Christina was in immense discomfort. She was eight months pregnant when contractions began only half an hour ago. Fearing the complications of an early birth, Christina did not outwardly panic. She inwardly panicked. She grew quiet and still, as her body began to convulse and her guts began to churn. She turned to her husband and calmly stated, Ricky, the baby's coming. Ricardo, having read nearly a dozen books, including the physiology of pregnancy, the psychology

of infancy, and the ontology of relevancy felt prepared for even this most unexpected of moments. Inwardly, he did not panic. Outwardly, he was a blubbering mess. He rushed his wife into the car and on to the hospital going well over the speed limit, asking Christina if she was remembering to breathe. Christina repeatedly asking Ricardo to slow down and confirmed she was breathing. A minor accident between a top secret military transport truck and a 2011 Honda CRV along Route 800 near Exit 12 had slowed the couple down by a few minutes. And during that traffic jam, Christina turned on the radio to take her mind off her body. She heard a news update about the Blood Space War and the tragic deaths of two Night Vale soldiers,

one of whom was named Yasmin Alphonse. Christina and Ricardo Alphonse knew they were expecting a girl. They knew they would name her Yasmin, because it is a beautiful name. Ricardo laughed at the dark humor of the improbable coincidence, but Christina neither laughed nor believed it to be a coincidence. They arrived at the hospital with plenty of time to spare, and three hours later, their daughter, Yasmin, was born. Christina had decided to give her a different name, but when the nurse who was filling out the birth certificate asked, Christina said Yasmin, as she was unable to say anything else.

It was like that moment had already happened, and she was only remembering it. So, expect 15-minute delays on eastbound lanes of Route 800 near exit 12. This has been traffic. On the anniversary of Unomia's disappearance, an astronaut arrived in Nightvale. The early 19th century villagers did not know what an astronaut was. So what they saw was a puffy silver humanoid with a mirror for a face. The astronaut suddenly appeared in the center of town, roughly where the dog park is today, and walked silently through the dusty streets.

Crowds gathered and followed the stranger, all the wild, pointing and warmly shouting interloper in hopes that the frightening figure would show signs of benevolence. The astronaut, bow-legged and slow, walked without speaking toward the outskirts of town. It took hours, and by the time the visitor stopped, nearly the entire city had followed. There was a greenish aura about the astronaut as they turned to face the gathered mob. The astronaut lifted their gloved hands to their neck and unlatched the helmet. There was a loud hiss and a pop, and the mask lifted. The crowd tentatively approached the stranger, and as the helmet came fully off, the townsfolk cried out in horror.

The face of the visitor was nearly skeletal, a rotted corpse, long white hair peeling down the back of the skull, An incomplete set of elongated teeth visible with no lips to hide them, startled eyes ever staring with no lids to express anything else, and what was left of the skin had shriveled and yellowed. The crowd had begun to step backward, but one woman stepped forward, a tired and pale woman approached the decomposing astronaut and said, You know mea?

The astronaut opened her mouth slowly and spoke in a hoarse cough. mother the astronaut said Unomia's young mother touched her elderly daughter's face Unomia broke into dust and the empty space suit

collapsed to the ground more news but first the weather dozens of astronauts appeared in Night Vale over the centuries that followed they still occasionally do but it has been 36 years

since the last appearance. These astronauts are time travelers, of sorts. They are Nightville citizens who fight for humanity in the Blood Space War, but are returning home to recruit or retire. Those who have returned from battle have told us about Unomia and her incredible leadership and diplomacy. Her death in the timeline of those fighting this war has yet to occur, but in our earthly timeline she died 200 years ago,

in a cornfield. There is so much more to say about Unomia and the beginnings of the Blood Space War, but we cannot cover all that here. It is much too complicated a story. Plus, an empty-eyed messenger child from the City Council just showed up in my radio studio to tell me to get to the important news of the day.

Thank you, child. Here's an iPad. Go play on TikTok and stop staring at me. I'm really creeped out. The City Council organized a present conference this afternoon, but before it could begin, Pamela Winchell grabbed the microphone from the city council and shouted, surprise emergency press conference. Hey, so a spacecraft flew down into John Peters Cornfield and these beings of astonishing structure emerged with two floating pods, and inside those pods were dead bodies. It was sad, but also the bodies look pretty old,

so maybe it was just their time. Sometimes that happens, you know. Actually, it always happens. No one has ever not died. Anyway, if you've lost an elderly friend or relative, maybe come identify the bodies. Sorry for your loss. Winchell then reached up into her hairline and pulled down a zipper that ran from her head to her waist as she opened herself, a Pamela-shaped cloud drifted up and away over the crowd. A faint voice saying, Pamela out, could be heard in the sky.

Several nightbale residents came to view the bodies. One body was identified as Wayman Davis by his great-great-grandson, Melvin. Melvin brought a dogera-type photo of Weyman from 1890. In the photo, Wayman, was 33 years old. The body Melvin identified looked to be in his 60s, but it was clearly Weyman. Christina Alphonse, holding her newborn baby in her hospital bed, saw the footage on television. When she saw the other body, she saw a woman in her 70s with Yasmin's eyes, Yasmin's lips, and even the same thick low forehead.

Christina held her baby tight to her chest. You are a brave woman, she said to the infant, Yasmin, as she kissed her tiny cheeks. Stay tuned next for the sound of an alarm clock that cannot be turned off and a dream that cannot be awoken from. Good night, Night Vale. Good night. Welcome to Nightvale as a production of Nightvale presents.

This episode was written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Criner and produced by Disparition. The voice of Nightvale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Disparition. All of it can be found at disparition.info or at disparation.com. This episode's weather was The Only Thing by Alley Holder. Find out more at Alleyholder.com. Comments, questions, email us at info at welcome to nightvale.com or follow us on Twitter at Nightvale Radio or lift heavy things until you can lift heavier things.

Check out Welcome to Nightvail.com for more information on this show and our new script collections, the buying of Lot 37 and Who's a Good Boy, available for pre-order right now. Today's proverb, talk to your kids about the birds and the bees. Never look directly at birds. You should say to them. And bees, don't get me started. Hi, I'm Jeffrey Craneer. My friend Joseph Fink and I created Welcome to Nightvale back in 2012. We've been writing partners for a pretty long time. And normally Joseph and I are the ones turning our ideas into narrative podcasts, but we decided that for our new podcast called

Start With This, it's you who will do the creating. I had always edited my own work in a very specific way, which was basically looking for everything that was wrong. In my head, if it was good, cool, you don't have to think about it. You just look for the things that aren't working and you fix them. And the first time we sat down, we had given each other writing assignments and I read through yours and I immediately went into that mode of like, here's some things that I think we can fix. And you kind of stopped me and were like, hold on, a way more effective way of looking at this.

And this has changed how I edit my own work because I think it is a much better way of looking at work. And it's certainly a better way of collaborating. Is instead of looking for, here's the things I think aren't working is what an enhance is really good and excites you and how can we build on that. On each episode of Start With This, we'll discuss a topic, say like on the value of collaboration. I think some of it is self-confidence, is the idea of needing somebody to kind of tell you what's good and bad. You know, if you're cooking, it's nice if you can have somebody there to taste it and make sure it tastes fine.

Because you get caught up in your own process and you feel like I have one of two gears when I write things, which is, holy cow, this is amazing. the best writer that ever lived. And the other is, like, I'm garbage. Like, I'm an absolute garbage writer and I don't know what I'm doing. And so it's nice having somebody else to temper that. Or writing visual descriptions for a non-visual medium. When you make a show without visual elements, you really have to think about the things that spark visions in your imagination. If you say someone has green cowboy boots, I mean, I see green cowboy boots, but in a way less vivid than if you kind of write around the visuals and give me more a sense of the atmosphere. What is this person like? What is this bar there in like? What is this diner

there in like? The two places you can set a story, the bar or the diner. And then after that, we'll give you two assignments, something to consume and something to create. You can share your work on our membership forum to see what other people are up to. You might even find a creative partner in the process. We want you to start creating one assignment at a time because the best way to start writing is to start writing. Not sure where to begin? Start with This. So go subscribe now to our brand new podcast, start with this, on Start With Thispodcast.com, or wherever it is you get your podcast from a podcast tree maybe. The first episode is March 22nd. Hey, Jeffrey Kraner here to tell you about another show from me and my Night Vale co-creator

Joseph Fink. It's called Unlicensed, and it's an L.A. Noir-style mystery set in the Outstead. skirts of present-day Los Angeles. Unlicensed follows two unlicensed private investigators who small jobs looking into insurance claims and missing property are only the tip of a conspiracy iceberg. There are already two seasons of unlicensed for you to listen to now with season three dropping on May 15th. Unlicensed is available exclusively through Audible, free if you already have that subscription. And if you don't, Audible has a trial membership. And if I know you, and I do, You can binge all that mystery goodness in a short window. And if you like it, if you liked Unlicensed, please, please rate and review each season.

Our ability to keep making this show is predicated on audience engagement. So go check out Unlicensed, available now only at audible.com.