Welcome to Night Vale - 180 - U-View

Episode Date: December 15, 2020

The Mahalla Family would like their VHS copy of Heat back. Weather: “Prodigal“ by David Wirsig https://davidwirsig.bandcamp.com/ Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts LiveStream Double Feature on Dec 17: All Smiles’ Eve & A Blood Stone Carol. Tickets: http://www.welcometonightvale.com/live Patreon is how we exist in this plague year! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ Our third novel, The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, is out now: http://www.welcometonightvale.com/books/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Howdy y'all. It is Jeffrey Craneer. I'm not sure which episode of Welcome to Nightville you're listening to, but I am speaking to you from April of 2026. And I'm here to tell you we're going to be in Europe. If you want to see Nightville live and you're going to be in Europe, come check us out at the end of May. We're going to be in Edinburgh on May the 27th. We will be in Manchester on the 28th, London on the 29th, and Amsterdam on May the 30th. Just go to Welcome to Nightville.com slash live to see the show dates and to get your tickets. This is. our newest Nightville live show Murder Night in Blood Forest. It is so much fun. Please come check it out. Also, coming up this month here in April, it is the return of Alice Isn't Dead, brand new episodes of our other crazy hit podcast. This is written by Joseph Fink, produced and with music by disparition, and starring Jacique and Nicole. So make sure you are still subscribed to Alice Isn't Dead, and go get those on April the 13th as new episodes come out. Finally, speaking of other shows, Do you want to hear us talk about other things? We have three other really great chat shows.

First of all, there's Good Morning Nightvale for all of your Nightville needs. You can hear Hal, Meg, and Symphony talk about every single episode in order of Welcome to Nightvale. Also, we have Random Horror Number Nine. That is me and Nightville star Cecil Baldwin talking about horror movies one at a time in a random order. And then Joseph and Meg do best worst, which is a really fun podcast where they look at hit TV shows and they review the best rated on a IMDB, the worst rated on IMDB, and if you're a Patreon member, they will review the middleest rated on IMDB. So check out all of those at Nightvillepresents.com or just wherever you get your podcast. And hey, thanks.

It's something else here now. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus, it's the series Stephen King calls Scary as Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From Binge All Episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Like Sands Through the Hourglass, so are the days of our lives, in that they're tiny and tumbling out of control.

Welcome to Night Vale. First up, a quick notice. The Mahala family is requesting the return of one particular VHS tape. Now you might remember that the Mahala family used to run the video rental annex in the Rouse back in the 90s. Yeah, we all enjoyed browsing their shelves, looking at cardboard boxes that promised more than most could deliver, wondering if we were children at the mystery that lay behind the little curtained corner, and feeling if we were adults a little embarrassed as we passed the threshold of that curtain. All of that ended after the Blockbuster Hordes rode through town, the terrible thunder of their hooves ringing out for miles around, burning every independent video store to the ground.

That should have been it for the UVU VHS and Laserdisc rental annex, but, according to the Mahala family, there is one loose thread to this story that is of deep concern to us all. Yeah, there's a VHS copy of Heat that we lent out the day before Blockbuster Invasion, and left us with ashes and grief, explained Lakshmi Mahala. And it's really important that we get it back, like super important, she concluded, hissing from a shadowy corner in my studio. For how she got in here. Unfortunately, the records of who rented out the tape were lost when the annex was burned. So please keep an eye out. It is a regular VHS copy of Heat in the plastic green case with the U-View name and logo.

If found, please return to the Mahala family immediately or just, you know, hand it to the nearest owl. They'll know what to do with it. More on this, if there is more on this. But first, the city of Nightvale and the sheriff's secret police are scrambling in the wake of the recent verdict in the case of the family of Frank Chen versus Night Vale. The verdict, as I'm sure you remember, required that the city

provide the family of the murder victim, Frank Chen, with one living, Frank Chen, in exactly the condition he was before. You know, before the murder. Failing this, after one year, control of the city will be turned over exclusively to the family of Frank Chen. The city council has charged Sheriff Sam with the task of returning a living Frank Chen to his family. The sheriff has been delving deep into the Resurrectionist Arts, and they are exploring every avenue possible. First, they hired some folks that went by the job title, Resurrection Men? which seems like it would be related,

but it turns out their actual work was unhelpful and, frankly, pretty gross. The sheriff asked them to leave. Second, they have considered the simple matter of time travel. This obviously is the most straightforward. All they would need to do is go back in time, collect Frank Chen from the moment right before he was going to get murdered, and just bring him to the future. Unfortunately, after our last brush with the future,

that whole frozen brain scam, all time machines in Nightvale were declared forbidden and destroyed, except one that was placed in the Museum of Forbidden Technology. The sheriff demanded to use that one, but apparently even they are not allowed to enter the museum. Because it's forbidden. After that, the focus on the sheriff's efforts turned to magic. Not just any magic. The kind with a K at the end. They acquired several rare grimauds at a dusty old bookstore on Wormwood Avenue.

No one could remember the bookstore being there before. In fact, no one could remember there being a Wormwood Avenue in Nightfail at all, but there it was, an old-fashioned Main Street with a general store and a butcher shop, and of course, the sightless eye, used, and rare books. When an officer of the sheriff's secret police asked to purchase tomes of spruce, bells and power, the owner of the bookstore merely cackled and handed the requested volumes over for free. You will find, she whispered, that the price is built into the practice. Right, said the officer.

Well, you have a nice day then. But he realized the bookstore owner was no longer there, nor was the bookstore, nor Wormwood Avenue. He was just standing alone in the sand wastes, holding a stack of ancient books. Yeah, I'm sure that will just turn out fine. The Mahala family have asked me to reiterate how important it is that we find that VHS copy of heat. Last seen in 1998 when it was rented by an unknown party moments before the video rental annex was burned down. If we don't find it, Pellevin Mahala explained, the consequences could be dire.

Dyer! He repeated while hanging upside down from my studio ceiling. Again, I'm not quite clear how he got in here, but it sounds like it's in all of our interests to try and find that tape. I know it might be hard to pick out a single VHS among all the VHS tapes around your house. I mean, who amongst us isn't constantly digging through VHS tapes thinking, huh, what should I watch tonight? But just keep an eye out for that classic U-Vue sleeve. with their lovable hand-drawn mascot Lenny Laserdisc,

with his grimacing face, cautioning us to rewind or regret. Oh, man, I love the U-Vue rental annex. They even had like a little popcorn machine, and sure, the popcorn was nearly inedible, like brutally salty, and always tasting a little of stale oil. But I love to get a bag and munch on it, my way home, green U-V-V-V-Hsleeve under my arm. Not heat, though, I'm pretty confident I never rented heat.

I was more of a musical and horror movie fan, like preferably a musical horror movie, like, Let's have a look at today's horoscopes. Leo, stop itching it. I think you're just making it worse, and that color is definitely not good. You should have a doctor look at that. Doctors love to look at gross things.

Virgo. Word to the Wise? Pelican. I mean, that's this month's password to get into the club where the wise people hang out, and if you don't know where the club is, then well, it probably isn't meant for you. Maybe go hang out at the TGI Fridays instead. Libra, everything you needed was inside you all along. You only had to look within. Use a little. surgical scalpel and this flashlight. The stuff that you're looking for will be in a blue velvet bag. Good luck. Scorpio. The fates would like you to know that while your scones are definitely delicious, they are maybe, just a little dry. Just like a little more milk, maybe. I mean, is it faded that you make less dry scones, Steve? Sagittarius.

While usually, how much wood can a wood chuck-chuck is a fun children's riddle, today it will become, for you, a life or death question. Capricorn. You will achieve your dreams. Every single night you will fall asleep and achieve dreaming your dreams. Good job. Everything else is up in the air, but at least you have that. Aquarius?

Okay, this one just says, What's the worst that could happen? And how hard can it be? Paises. Follow your passions. Success is entirely based on luck and generational wealth. So you might as well. Aries.

Winking smile emoji. Graveyard. Emogy. Thumbs up. emoji. 100. Emoji. Taurus, today will be a good day.

Not necessarily for you, but for someone. Surely. Gemini. In answer to your next five questions, one, yes, two, at the bottom of the sea. Three, an off-brand lemon soda. Four, no, no, please no. Five, your twin brother, Philippe.

Cancer. No horoscope today. Your fate is boundless. The world is yours. It sounds terrifying. Better you than me. A quick news bulletin. The Night Vale 51st Annual Rodeo has been cancelled.

Due to the fact that it has never happened before, we weren't sure who planned it and announced it, and there didn't seem to be any venue or animals organized for the event. There were just flyers everywhere advertising the Night Vale 51st Annual Rodeo at the Flaky O's Expo Center. Which also does not exist. exist. The address given led to an old gas station on Oxford Street, where a man sat in a low plastic lounge chair, chewing on a straw and answering any query with a tired, yep. Given that no

rodeo had ever happened in Night Vale and no one seems to have actually planned one this year, the Night Vale 51st annual rodeo has been cancelled. Thank you for your attention. Okay, so I've been digging through my old VHS tapes. Wow, I haven't looked at some of these in a while. The Day the Earth Stood Still. Ugh, it's a classic. The Day the Earth went really fast. Kind of a disappointing sequel.

Day Earth Still, Hobbs and Shaw. A surprisingly decent spinoff. But no, none of these seem to be heat. Lakshmi Mahala would like me to remind you, that finding this tape is of the utmost importance. She declines to give details or to explain how she got into the vents here at the station, but she does keep hissing utmost importance at me. Dana Cardinal, former mayor of Nightvale, put out a request on the Night Vale next door

to see if anyone had seen the tape. Someone immediately answered, Yes! With seven exclamation marks, but then replied again, 30 seconds later, sorry, my mistake, I was looking at my cat, Ernest, and got mixed up. Another reply suggested that perhaps the tape got accidentally returned to the Nightvale Public Library. A few people half-heartedly began to organize an expedition into the library to check, but since the VHS and Laserdisc media section is reportedly one of the most active hunting grounds for librarians,

the planning quickly petered out. Nightvale, please. I'm not. I'm not sure why it's important, but it seems important. If you have the VHS copy of Heat, last seen at the Mahala family's rental annex in the RALFs, contact the station immediately. And now for a children's fun fact science corner. Today we're going to learn about mold. Now, mold might seem scary and gross, but it actually serves many necessary functions. Did you know that the very first antibiotics were made from mold?

Yeah, it's true. Did you know that the best way to tell if jam has gone bad is to see if it has mold on it? Also true. I mean, how would we know not to eat bad jam or protect ourselves from bacteria without mold? So, mold doesn't seem so gross anymore, does it? That wasn't very nice of you. Holding ill thoughts about mold? You were wrong, and you owe mold and you.

apology. Face the part of your location most likely to have mold. Hint, it's probably a kitchen or a bathroom, but if you're outdoors, well, good news. The spores are likely just floating in the air all around you. And say out loud, I'm sorry, mold. I'm sorry for disrespecting you. Offer to shake its hand and then remember that it doesn't have anything like a human body and apologize again for your insensitive offer. That's good. This is your first step in making things right with mold. This has been the children's Fun Fact Science Corner.

And now a word from our sponsors. I took a walk on the cool sand dunes, brittle grass overgrown, and above me, in the night sky above me, I saw. Blood pooled thick in my mouth, but whose I did not know. The moon barked a laugh at me. it is always taunting me. Someday I will show it, but not today. Today I stumbled into the water, let the salt make patterns on my feet. Today I was a momentary doubt. Tomorrow I am a glamour forever. Forget what you thought you knew about calendars and transit. Learn new languages that snap like

poultry bones between your teeth that taste like chalk and green wood. I took a walk on the cool sand dunes, brittle grass overgrown, and above me and the night sky above me I saw. This message is brought to you by Coke Zero Cherry Vanilla. Abandon old gods. A huge lead has been found on the search for that all-important VHS copy of Heat. It seems that Larry Leroy out on the edge of town has what he thinks might be the tape in question. It no longer is in its rental store sleeve,

having been found in a loose bin of tapes that Larry had in his store, shed with the label miscellaneous sequential storytelling, but he has vague memories of being excited by the name of the movie, as he had misread it as Heath, and thought it was a gritty live-action reboot of America's favorite comic strip cat. Instead, it was just some long, boring movie about men yelling at each other in diners, and he had tossed it aside. He said he had planned to return it the next day, but when he went back to the video annex and the Ralph's, the annex had been left a burnt-out shell, strewn with the hawkish banners of the Blockbuster Horde, and a sign from Ralph's that said, oopsie, under construction, come back soon. And a little apologetic smiley face.

Lakshmi and Pellevin Mahala are rushing over to verify if this is indeed the tape they seek. Oh, this is so exciting. I mean, what great and cursed reason could they have for needing this particular object? While we wait to find out, let us find out now. the weather. Brother and sister, Pellevin and Lakshmi, the last of the Mahala family, the rest reposed eternally in Rattlesnake Rest Cemetery, gathered around the tiny TV and Larry Leroy's home office, next to a picture of Larry's adult children taken three thanksgivings earlier, and a hand-built model of the Starship Enterprise with a nice little stand and working transporter beams.

silently Pellevin pushed the tape into the VCR. The click, the whir, the pop of static as the image came up. The usual FBI warning followed by the usual CIA warning and the usual warning from a vague yet menacing government agency, the one that says, What have you done? In increasingly horrified tones for several minutes. Then that classic title card, Heat.

A cool movie about dudes, robbing bros. That great soundtrack kicked in, you know, the one that's like, that one. But then something unexpected. The screen went black. It blipped a couple of times.

And up came a video of a man playing piano. He was playing moon dance and singing along to it. His voice was smooth as whipped chocolate, as sturdy as a concrete foundation. He was sitting in a living room, kids wrestling and laughing on the carpet below, and both Pellevin and Lachshmi began to weep holding each other by the shoulder. Our father, Lachshmi explained, this is the only video we have left of him.

Our mom accidentally taped over this copy of heat, and then somehow it ended up back in our stock and it was rented out. and after our parents died we thought we had lost them forever. If this little piece of them really was left somewhere out there, then we just need to find it and nothing could be more important. On the footage, a woman puts down the camera and joins the man by the piano. She sings along as the kids laugh, and those same kids now adults hunched over Larry Leroy's tiny TV laugh as well.

A distant echo of Remember Joy. and for one more time, the Mahala family was together again. Larry Leroy said they could obviously have the tape, but he would like a new VHS copy of heat in exchange. I mean, fair is fair. Stay two next for a sudden loss of gravity. So maybe hold on to something. Good night. Night Vale, good night.

Welcome to Night Vale as a production of Nightvale Presents. It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Craneer and produced by Dysperition. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Dysperition. All of it can be found at dispersion.bancamp.com. This episode's weather was prodig by David Wurzig from his new album by the same name. Check it out at David Wurzig.bancamp.com. Comments, questions, email us at info at Welcome to Nightveil

or follow us on Twitter at Nightville Radio or become uncomfortably aware of your own throat. Check out Welcome to Nightbale.com for info about our holiday double feature live stream happening in just two days. Today's proverb, success is 1% inspiration, 3% perspiration, and the rest is made up of corn. Hey, Jeffrey Kraner here to tell you about another show from me and my Nightvale co-creator Joseph Fink. It's called Unlicensed, and it's an L.A. Noir-style mystery set in the outskirts of present-day Los Angeles. Unlicensed follows two unlicensed private investigators,

who small jobs looking into insurance claims and missing property are only the tip of a conspiracy iceberg. There are already two seasons of Unlicensed for you to listen to now, with Season 3 dropping on May 15th. Unlicensed is available exclusively through Audubriced. free if you already have that subscription. And if you don't, Audible has a trial membership. And if I know you, and I do, you can binge all that mystery goodness in a short window. And if you like it, if you liked Unlicensed, please, rate and review each season. Our ability to keep making this show is predicated on audience engagement. So go check out Unlicensed, available now only at audible.com.