Welcome to Night Vale - 183 - The Nephilim

Episode Date: March 1, 2021

Hurrah, hurrah, the Nephilim approach. Weather: “Witchcraft” by Graveyard Club http://graveyardclub.com Transcript available at http://welcometonightvale.com/transcripts Pre-order personalized, signed copies of The First Ten Years: Two Sides of the Same Love Story by Meg Bashwiner & Joseph Fink https://www.oblongbooks.com/the-first-ten-years-signed Patreon is how we exist in this plague year! If you can, please help us keep making this show: http://patreon.com/welcometonightvale/ Our third novel, The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home, is out now: http://www.welcometonightvale.com/books/ Music: Disparition http://disparition.bandcamp.com Logo: Rob Wilson http://robwilsonwork.com Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. http://welcometonightvale.com Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show. Produced by Night Vale Presents. http://nightvalepresents.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, Nightville, it is Jeffrey Craneer speaking to you from April of 2026 with a couple of cool things coming up. First off, we're going to be in Europe touring our newest Nightville live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest. We're going to be in Edinburgh, UK, on May 27th. We'll be in Manchester on the 28th. We will be in London on May 29th, and we will be in Amsterdam on May the 30th. You can get tickets for these shows at Welcome to Nightville.com slash live, and hopefully we'll have more. shows coming up later this year. Who knows? Just get on our newsletter. Go to Welcome to Nightville. Sign up for our newsletter. We will send you emails twice a month to let you know all of the news

that you need to know about Welcome to Nightville. One of the big news things to tell you right now is that our other hit podcast, Alice Isn't Dead, is coming back on April the 13th, written by Joseph Fink, produced by Disparition and starring Jacica Nicole. More episodes of Alice Isn't Dead return on April the 13th, so make sure you are still subscribed to that podcast. Finally, do you want some cool Nightville merch? Go to Welcome to Nightville.com, click on store, and we have all kinds of cool t-shirts, things for the summer, tank tops, beach towels, and if you like coffee mugs, if you want calendars, if you want backpacks, all kinds of cool stuff there. So check out Welcome to Nightville.com And click on store, click on live. If you want to see our live shows, we will see you in Europe.

And hey, thanks. It's very simple, the doctor said to the man, you must go see the famous clown Paliachi. And the man began to weep and said, But doctor, you are a clown, an absolute clown. Do you even have a real medical degree, you clown? Welcome to Night Vale. Hurrah!

Hurrah! The Nephalim approach. We gather at the edge of town, nudge each other, and shield our eyes to see the shapes as they lumber toward us. At last, our siblings from long ago have come to join us once again. Higher than the heavens with feet grounded in the earth.

We feel them first in our sleep, a ripple in the dreams. Then in the early morning hours, we notice an off aspect to the light, and finally we see them. Beautiful and striding. Not a pin to choose between them. Sylvia Wickersham was the first to spot,

them, and she came hobbling out of home, crying, my friends, at last, my friends! And unfurling a banner covered in a scrolling language I did not recognize. Ah, but don't make a song about it. They do not like to be fawned over, and we shouldn't like to fawn. It is unflattering to act as though you are unworthy, because it sets up the object of worship for failure and disappointment, and anyway undermines yourself. You are too interesting. You are too worthy, although of course you are not the Nephilim. And so we give

sop to Severus, laying out all of our earthly possessions and cooking up all the food in the pantry. Feast. Our siblings from time immemorial, feast until your stomachs lull and your throats close up. Rejoice

in the pure volume of consuming. The Nephalem approach, at last, at last, at last, at last. And now a look at the news. Joanna Ray, head keeper at the Nightville Zoo, has announced a new intern program for aspiring zookeepers. Joanna, who is a shapeshifter, has said the program is only open to other shapeshifters, because she feels strongly that this is a necessary skill for anyone who wants to take up the zookeeping profession. The only other shapeshifter in town,

college student Josh Creighton, has indicated he's undecided about joining the intern program. Yeah, I mean, it's cool that there's something for people like me, he said, but I just don't have much interest in zookeeping? I'm more of an art history guy at the moment. Do you think the Night Vale Fine Art Museum might start taking shape-shifting interns? He concluded. Unfortunately for Josh, the Night Vale Fine Art Museum might start taking shape-shifting interns, he concluded. Unfortunately for Josh, the Nightvale Fine Art Museum was frozen in time back in 1978, and no one has been able to exit or enter it since. Although anyone can go and stand outside the time bubble,

looking at the terrified expressions of those unfortunates caught in that moment of their lives for the rest of eternity, which, honestly, is a better piece of art than anything Nightfail could have ever afforded to buy for the museum. Without shapeshifters, Joanna Ray has agreed to take on local local, High School Junior Valerie McGowan. Valerie only possesses the one corporeal form, but she is very enthusiastic about zookeeping and would love to learn these skills for a possible career in animal prisons. Joanna has reluctantly allowed this under the condition that Valerie regularly described shapes she might take if she had the ability to do so. When your intrepid reporter checked in on the program, Valerie was describing what it might be like if she could turn into a

slice of buttered toast, while Joanna showed her the proper way to sing to lions. Honestly, as far as Nightvale Municipal Programs go, that seems to be turning out fine. Speaking of which, an update on the Tarantula Literacy Program, a long-running education initiative in this town whose tagline, Teach a Spider to Read, Stop the Madness, can be found on wheat-paced posters plastered over most buildings in Nightfall. The program has announced that all tarantulas are now reading at a grade 40 level, which is the reading level of someone working on their third graduate degree due to not wanting to ever have to make a final decision about the direction of their life.

The program has been deemed a complete success, and so will immediately be defunded and shut down. The hope is that any new tarantulas can be taught to read by their own tarantula families, and this self-sustaining education will completely transform those gross bugs into gross bugs with a tradition of storytelling and scholarship. Personally, I have many feelings about this program, but in the interest of maintaining journalistic objectivity, I will only share those feelings through a series of high-pitched yelps. Apologies if anyone is offended due to the raw and real nature. of my truth-telling.

Aha! Aha! The Nephalim loom! Already we can feel their footsteps in our chests, echoing in the cavity there, filling up that space with their coming presence. Is it love we feel or merely the knowledge that another exists? How much of love is just knowing that when you turn, you will see someone there? Well, we turn, and far above us golden eyes look down.

Is that a kind of love? Sylvia Wickersham has been spreading the word that this is her doing, that she made some calls, had some important people notified. But we all know what Mrs. Wickersham is like, don't we? Perhaps we can humor her given how dreary it has been up to now. We came up from a fit of the Blue Devils. Mondays spent staring at the sky, a feeling that if we only could stand up,

we could make something of ourselves. but we cannot stand up, and so we do not make anything of ourselves. Tuesdays spent in the shower until the water runs cold and then just a bit longer. Wednesdays taking walks, and that makes us feel better, and we decide we will take a walk every day. Thursdays in which we do not take a walk, of course we don't. But then Friday, the Nephilim are looming, and we at last, at last feel joy. Each of us, each offending Adam, we line up on the streets and cheer, tear up papers and couch cushions and trees to make confetti,

fill the air with garbage turned into celebration, and then settling back down onto the ground as garbage, and over it all, the odor of sanctity. Because it is holy to see a stranger and say, come in, come in, come in, come in. The Nephalim loom. And now a word from our sponsors. There is a hole in the sky, which itself is a hole in our vision, which itself is a whole in our thoughts,

which themselves are a whole in our spirits, which themselves are a whole in God, who recently left their job to spend more time with their family. Where were we? Yes, there's a hole in the sky. Sometimes we digress and we forget important news, setting aside vital information for the sake of philosophical thoughts, because what is narrative if it has no oomph, no heart, no human connection? We could tell you that there's a hole in the sky, jagged and splintering like a broken window near a golf course, and there are fingers gripping its sharp edges. Seven fingers, if we're being precise, but this is too much plot.

What's important is the mood, you know? And the mood is scared. People are scared because of the seven fingers and the shattered sky. But they're scared because they're ignorant. Everyone with a Twitter account thinks they're an astronomer, don't they? If they actually studied the movements of the stars and the expansion of the universe, they would know those seven fingers belong to Honto Car. And the hole in the sky, well, it's where wind comes from.

Read the article before you retweet it, Brad. Good God. This message has been brought to you by Kirkland's signature whiskey type beverage. And now, the children's fun fact science corner. The woman screamed and began to run. She looked behind her and screamed. She screamed. Because she was looking behind her.

her she was not looking in front of her. She ran into the wall. She ran into the wall. She ran into the wall. She ran into the wall. She ran into the wall. And she said, this has been the children's fun fact science corner. Tra la, tra la, tra la, the Nephalim are here. One real Tom naughty went running forward to greet them and splat right off that was him gone. But we can't hold that against our tall cousins, can we? It's not their faults, as the fool thinks, so the bell clinks, and a fool's bolt is soon shot, as we always say, here in Night Vale. In the center of the Nephilim looms the daughters of the horse leech, three necks, two hands, and more teeth than can be counted. Their song is the sound of continental plates colliding. Anyone who tries to hum along immediately

emulates. Sylvia Wickersham, upon Unseen the daughters of the horse leech cried not you I didn't mean you and tried to hide all the pies she had baked but it was too late and thousands of tongues sped hungrily for them slurping up pastry and plint the like Do not worry about our ruckus visitors soon our days will return to apple pie order the lights upon City Hall will flick on one two three in perfect sequence and our radio mast will go on hurling my voice into the ether just as it always has. The Nephilem are a temporary disturbance to an ongoing order and soon equilibrium will reign. So let's enjoy this blip. In our endless days, let's fling wide our arms and shout our greetings to the Nephilem. We thought them lost so long ago, but now they're in our midst. The Nephilem are here just now, just now, just now. A reminder about daylight savings time, which happens a little later this month.

I know that most of us in Nightvale are fairly confused about how all this works, because time did not function normally in Nightvale, and so we never had to worry about it. But then there was that whole deal with Lee Marvin's 31st birthday last year, and, well, all to say that now, time works normally, and as a result, we have to mess around with the flow of time twice a year. See, it's simple and easy to understand. Okay, so the mnemonic to remember is spring forward and fall forward. So this one's in spring, which means we move the clock forward. And then next change will be in the fall, so we'll move the clocks forward.

And we keep doing this twice a year until time has flipped on itself, and we rise at the sunset and we sleep with the sunrise, and our working days take place under the cold and glittering stars. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. Let's start with the first step. On March 14th at 2 a.m. exactly. Reach out your sleepy hand and like a capricious god, alter time. This has been a reminder about daylight savings. Bird watching tips.

Birds are mostly in trees. Although sometimes they are in the sky or on the sky. the ground or in the water. Which is the bird? Why, my friend, it is the beaky one. If you see another flying, that is probably merely the bat and we spit on the bat. The bat is nothing to us, curse the bat. What to do when you see a bird? Simply, see it. Spot it with your eyes and lay your gaze upon it. Nothing more is required nor possible. You may wish for more, but unfortunately this is the sport of seeing and there's nothing more to it. And what is the point?

That is the great question. For there are no prizes in this game of bird. You can ask, you can beg, you can howl that this isn't fair, you've seen a bird, you're pretty sure it was a bird anyway, it might have been a cat, but it was in a tree and you would like your prize. But no one will give it to you. In fact, there will be no one to direct the tirade at, as there are no judges, no gods, and no masters in the game of bird. Good luck and see those birds.

Oh no! The Nephilim are causing a bit of a ruckus. It seems that they have us on the hip, and there is not much we can do about it. Entire neighborhoods are being crushed, but let's be honest, we've gotten pretty good at rebuilds. when necessary. Just the cost of living in a beautiful and dangerous place. Sylvia Wickersham is sobbing, saying this is all my fault, which is in its own way, a brag. She does so love to brag.

Still, we have brought our hogs to a fine market, and now we have no choice but to sell them. And so, while we deal with the consequences of our present moment, I take you to the weather. Something new. Exclusively on Paramount Plus. It's the series Stephen King calls Scary as Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi Vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules.

Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From Binge All Episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Huzzah! Hazzah! The Nephilim depart. We watch them off to the horizon, say nothing, letting the movement of our bodies communicate all that we can communicate. After all, speech was given to humans to disguise our thoughts. But get on, Gardner. Time to return to temporal things, the mundane stuff of our daily life.

Bread and car tires and potting soil. Our heads can only remain in the stars for so long. Sylvia Wickersham is taken ill, refusing to leave her bed and loudly declaring that maybe this time she will die. But I believe she is shamming Abraham and there is nothing wrong with her that some sunlight and forgetting wouldn't fix. After all, it can be hard when company leaves, but we must learn once again to be on our own. It's a whole and corner business this life. always another way to trip ourselves up, to make the wrong move, and maybe that's why we need the Nephilim. They do no wrong, because they hardly do at all.

They merely exist, and nothing more. They live from the teeth outwards, and we live with ten toes in the grass. That's the difference among many, I suppose. So goodbye to our faithful cousins and goodbye to the daughters of the horse leech. It was wonderful to have you here, but many more moments can be wonderful if we let them. Stay tuned next for a mason jar dropped on a kitchen floor, a glass cough, and a scattering. Good night, Night Vale, good night.

Welcome to Nightvale as a production of Nightvale Presents. It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Craneer and produced by Disparition. The voice of Night Vale is a voice of Night Vale is a production of Nightvale. Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Dysperition. All of it can be found at disparition.bancamp.com. This episode's weather was

witchcraft by Graveyard Club. Find out more at graveyardclub.com or by asking the nearest bat. Comments, questions, email us at info at welcome to nightvail.com or follow us on Twitter at Nightveil Radio. Or wake up every morning and glare angrily at the weather.

Check out Welcome to Nightvale.com for info about our new merch. The stuff in the store keeps changing and things disappear forever. So get them before they go. Today's proverb, I couldn't care less what gender a baby eventually turns out to be, but it is very important to me that it ends up goth. Hey, it's Jeffrey Craneer speaking to you from spring of 2026 and did you know we are on tour in Europe? Welcome to Nightville will be live on stage in Edinburgh. on May 27th, Manchester

on May 28th, London on May 29th, and Amsterdam on May 30th. This brand new live show is called Murder Night in Blood Forest starring Cecil Baldwin, Symphony Sanders, me, and live original music by disparition. These tours are so much fun, and they're for the diehard fan and the Nightvale new kid alike.

So bring your family, your partner, your co-workers, your cat, whatever. They don't got to know what Nightville is to like the show. Tickets to these shows are on sale now at welcome to nightvail.com slash live. Don't let time slip away. Get your tickets. Don't miss us when we're in your town because otherwise we'll all be sad. Get your tickets to our Europe Live tour right now at welcome to nightvail.com slash live. And hey, thanks.