Welcome to Night Vale - 213 - Murals

Episode Date: September 1, 2022

The City Council approves a controversial public art project. Weather: "Departure" by M. Masaki Original episode art by Jessica Hayworth Read episode transcripts 2022 EUROPE TOUR DATES for “The Haunting of Night Vale” Hot Night Vale merch! FACELESS OLD WOMAN and THE HALLOWEEN MOON novels now available in paperback! Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show. Music: Disparition Logo: Rob Wilson Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor Narrated by Cecil Baldwin Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show at welcometonightvale.com A production of Night Vale Presents. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Howdy y'all. It is Jeffrey Craneer. I'm not sure which episode of Welcome to Nightville you're listening to, but I am speaking to you from April of 2026. And I'm here to tell you we're going to be in Europe. If you want to see Nightville live and you're going to be in Europe, come check us out at the end of May. We're going to be in Edinburgh on May the 27th. We will be in Manchester on the 28th, London on the 29th, and Amsterdam on May the 30th. Just go to Welcome to Nightville.com slash live to see the show dates and to get your tickets. This is. our newest Nightville live show Murder Night in Blood Forest. It is so much fun. Please come check it out. Also, coming up this month here in April, it is the return of Alice Isn't Dead, brand new episodes of our other crazy hit podcast. This is written by Joseph Fink, produced and with music by Dysperition and starring Jacique and Nicole. So make sure you are still subscribed to Alice Isn't Dead and go get those on April the 13th as new episodes come out. Finally, speaking of other shows, do you want to hear us talk about other things? things. We have three other really great chat shows. First of all, there's Good Morning Nightvale for all of your Nightvale needs. You can hear Hal, Meg, and Symphony talk about every single

episode in order of Welcome to Nightvale. Also, we have Random Horror Number 9. That is me and Nightville star Cecil Baldwin talking about horror movies one at a time in a random order. And then Joseph and Meg do best, worst, which is a really fun podcast where they look at hit TV shows and they review the best rated on IMDB, the worst rated on IMDB, and if you're a Patreon member, they will review the middleest rated on IMDB. So check out all of those at NightvillePresents.com or just wherever you get your podcast. And hey, thanks. What's in the box?

What's in the box? What's in the box? Oh, great, my printer toner cartridges finally arrived. Welcome to Nightvale. The Nightville City Council approved today new murals to go up across the city. For too long, our town's walls have been devoid of artistic expression, just a lot of concrete, brick, and adobe facades that don't have anything thought-provoking to say about the state of our world.

No one visits Nightville because we don't have any famous murals like Lady Pink's Faith in Women, in Minneapolis, or Keith Herring's We the Youth, in Philadelphia, or Damien Hearst's, Sharks are still cool, right? In Altoona. The plan to increase the presence of public art was announced by the city council from inside a storm drain next to the Panda Express along Commerce Street. They quietly hissed this new ordinance, hoping no one would hear. But it so happens that Joel Eisenberg was walking his pet iguana past the Panda Express at this exact moment, and he heard the whole thing. So now, it is law. And these murals will depict Nightville's rich history, from the indigenous people of the desert, to the soft meat crowns of early settlers,

to the radio personalities who give voice to our great town. The city council has already hired an anonymous graffiti artist named Banski. Banski works quickly and efficiently, and always without ever being seen by anyone. Banski's real identity has never been revealed. Wait, nope, I just Googled him. Banski is Jared Banski. He lives in West Night Vale over by the, Oh, I know, Jared? Yeah, his mom, Sharon, used to babysit me and my sister Abby, and sometimes Jared would come over and we'd play games together? You know, all the classic like shoots and ladders, Candyland,

who's cooking cabbage? Oh yeah, he's a good kid. Well, he's probably around my age now. Anyway, good luck, Jared, or as the painters say, break an arm. And now financial news. The Dow is up 38 points this morning

after a news report claiming that Tesla would be quadrupling the size of all their cars. They suddenly. A sudden increase in the physical mass of the nation's most popular electric automobiles will be done via an overnight system-wide update through each vehicle's onboard Wi-Fi connection. Investors thrilled at the idea that their cars would suddenly, and with zero regard for physics, get really, really big. Imagine big cars!

The entire floor of the New York Stock Exchange said in unison, imagine, big cars, big cars, big old cars. Some of them began laughing and hugging each other. Some began crying and thanking long-dead gods they had never even heard of. The stock exchange then filled with doves, all beating their wings at once, and the undulating noise and the sudden strong breeze overwhelmed the investors, and they screamed, yes, yes, take us with you, take us with you. And the doves did. They took the investors away, picking each other. one up by the scruffs of their neck and flew them high and away to Long Island, to Nantucket, to Nova Scotia, to Iceland, to the Faroe Islands, to Svalbard, and

finally dropped the remaining investors into the icy waters of the Laptav Sea, where they grew gills and thick, insulating blubber, and they learned to sing in long, slow tones. They mated with each other, and a new species was born unto the earth, unto our celestial home, unto our delicate ecosystem. The investors live now in a rare Arctic reef, and they are so excited about the future of Tesla's stock. Also, the NASDAQ is up half a point. This has been financial news. Now it's time for another citizen spotlight.

This week we're talking about former radio station intern and former mayor of Nightvale, Dana Cardinal. I caught up with Dana this weekend at the new Squid Hut at Skillman and Edgewater. They have a 1299 calamari bucket special which includes all you can drink double shot lattes. I give Squid Hut three and a half stars on my four and a quarter star scale.

Dana said she's been laying low ever since leaving office as Nightvale Mayor. She understood that her decision to step down was a controversial one, and she has received some backlash. But a public life was just not for her. She said she's been enjoying her new career as a therapist, a job where she can help people one-on-one, rather than trying to deal with so many moving parts like in local government. She said she has some great clients and I asked, oh, like who? Tell me as I held my fourth latte of the morning up to my chin with both hands. Dana said she couldn't tell me though, because that

would be an ethics violation. But she did share a few amusing, though anonymous, stories about some of her clients. And now I'm all like, ooh, wee, some of you listeners out there, wow. You, you, it together, y'all. One client of hers, though, has really been troubling Dana. She said he's a nice man, but he keeps talking about having a double, an exact duplicate of himself, who lives in an alternate version of America. She said his double is from some U.S. state that she's never even heard of and can't pronounce. Dana said she's still traumatized by the incident from almost 10 years ago when she killed her double with a stapler. Or maybe she is her double, and she killed the real Dana,

she's still not certain witch. And I said, wow, how frightening! I wish you had told me about this before, Dana. This is first I'm hearing of it. And then she just kind of glared at me. It was a weird moment. But like any good therapist, Dana is seeing a therapist of her own in order to grapple with her own resurgent emotions about that terrible incident.

Despite the heavy conversation, Dana looked and sounded healthy and happy. She said she misses seeing me and that we should do this more often. I agreed. And then she asked me not to tell anyone about this conversation. She's trying to keep a low profile. Of course I told Carlos, but he's my husband. That's fair game. I didn't tell anyone else, though.

I'm nothing, if not good at keeping secrets. This has been Citizen Spotlight. And now an update on the new band ski murals. They're already up! Wow! Jared works so quickly! There are a dozen new murals all across town, each made using only spray paint cans and a ladder.

There's one by the Antiques Mall that shows a horse with six long legs and he's wearing a baseball hat and above him the sky is cooked pasta with marinera sauce. There's one behind the Rouths that depicts the Battle of New Orleans, which is a war fought 650 years in the future by water scavengers who will defeat a race of blob-shaped alien oligarchs by pelting them with rocks. It will turn out that the aliens are allergic to rocks, which seems strange that they would land on this planet, let alone any planet, really. But that's how they will be defeated on the shores of Lake Pontchartrain in 2672. There's even a mural that went up near me.

I can see it right across the street. The painting is of a man. It's in black and white. The man's back is turned to the viewer. He's sitting at a desk and leaning forward, staring into a window, and on the other side of the window is a mural of a man sitting at a desk, but facing the first man. These men are familiar, and I don't like it one bit! The new satellite campus for the University of What It Is has been completed in East Nightvale.

They are already hosting classes and conducting field research into Nightville's many secrets. The interim dean of the university, Dr. Janet Lou Bell, has already stated her intention to clearly and scientifically explain every single mystery in our town. I sent my intern Rudy out to do some research of her own into Dr. Lubel's activities. Rudy reported back that Dr. Lubel and her team had become intrigued with the pit of lost souls that suddenly appeared last weekend near the Circuit City on Marsh Lane. The University of What It Is researchers must have heard my story. on this very topic.

So, the pit of lost souls is an interdimensional portal between our world and the land of the dead. When you lean over this enormous hole, you can feel a cool wind envelop you, and what you are feeling are the spirits of the deceased. The city council tried to have the highway department fill in the pit of Lost Souls because Marsh Lane is a busy shopping district. But through journalistic activism, I pressured them to leave the pit open so that the dead can return to the living world. Oh, they can't just come back to life. Of course, that's ridiculous. But they can at least see how we're all doing up here, just living. Just vibing, you know? It's important for spirits to know that us, the living, and we're all doing great.

But just this morning, Rudy told me that Dr. Lubel and her fellow scientists completed their report on the pit of lost souls. It's a standard sinkhole, Dr. Lubel said. You should fill it in. And Rudy, bless Rudy, such a. a great intern, pressed her on this. But you can feel the spirits coming out of the hole, Rudy exclaimed. Dr. Lubel was caught, caught in the web of her own lies. She had no choice but to keep online, so she retorted with the silliest fib I've ever heard. Dr. Lubel said, It feels like the sinkhole is producing the air on its own, but it's just regular air.

that's settled into the cooler earth 25 feet down. And sometimes a gust of wind can push that cooler air right back up toward us. Listeners, I'm all for freedom in academic thought. But this, this is not good, night veil. If you see Dr. Lou Bell run the other way. Just plug your ears and sing the night veil. anthem of loyalty so loudly that you cannot hear her untruths. And now an update on the murals.

I'm getting word that many Nightville citizens are quite upset by the murals going up around town. A group has formed called the Committee of Concerned Citizens. This CCC has laid out their grievances. First, they claim the murals are too evocative and confrontational. and confrontational. They cited the mural on Galloway and Somerset that depicts a man unraveling his own intestines and wrapping them over his head like a soft meat crown, only disgusting looking. I mean, the man is smiling and he has no eyes or he has no eyes currently.

It's apparent that at one point the man in the painting did indeed have eyes. The CCC is displeased with the artistic messages of these murals. Second, the CCC is also upset that the city council approved the mural's placement on private structures without permission of the homeowners. One resident, Bradley Pierce, said, they painted all over my house, even though George told them not to. Didn't you, George? At this point, a small dog, mostly hairless, except a long, glamour. amorous tuft, sprouting from the top of its head like an 80s synth pop star, nodded in agreement. The CCC stated that public art must always be pleasant and happy.

Public art must be full of vibrant colors and feature nice things. The CCC issued a list of the only elements they would accept in future murals. This list includes and is limited too. Two, flowers, cute, animals, majestic animals, happy children, pleasant adults, smiles, abundant crops, tools demonstrating a thriving industry, and clouds, but like white puffy ones, not stormy ones. Bradley Pierce and his dog George both let out a wild grass. and everyone in the crowd growled with them.

They then grab paint rollers on long poles and pails of primer. They have scattered about town painting over every single mural while chanting, Make better art! Make better art! All of them except George, who seems to just be barking. I can see them outside my window right now, painting over the mural of the man at the desk. And honestly, I'm kind of glad about it. The longer I looked at that image, the more I began to think he might turn around and look right back at me. No thank you.

More on this soon, but let me take you now to the weather. One, two. I'm gonna ABC Training Ground has potential in over 20,000 Canadian athletes and counting. Your story could be next. If you've got the drive, they'll help you find your path to the Olympics. Let's see what you've got.

Sign up for free at rBC training ground. moments ago from the metal grating atop the storm drain next to the Panda Express, the city council met with the aggrieved, concerned citizens committee, and a truce has been reached. The CCC has allowed the murals to be repainted, but they demanded that all murals must hold to their rules about what can and should be depicted in public art. And Banski, famous for his agreeability and willingness to conform with the wills of society, repainted them all. He even completed the new mural across the street from my radio station.

Yeah, I'm looking at it right now. And sure enough, it holds fast to the CCC's regulations for positive public art. This mural is a picture of large sunflowers. Behind the flowers is a thick, nourishing cornfield signifying night veils abundant farmland. Between the rows of corn stands some smiling children, and they are each holding large farm tools like pitchforks, size, and circle saws, which symbolize Nightville's thriving industry. Climbing the children's bodies are a bunch of cute animals like raccoons and neutria and tarantulas. And above them all is a majestic winged serpent, squeezing its mass tightly about a group of. of pleasant adults, of course, alluding to the content citizenship of Nightvale.

The snake is lifting them upward into their new home and the smiling cloud painted some of the colors of the rainbow. This action symbolizes our city being delivered into the future by a huge snake god. All of the CCC members are staring silently at the completed mural. They are quiet, I'm sure, out of awe and reverence for this new joyous portrayal of our town. Visitors to Nightvale will certainly love to take their pictures in front of this fantastic tourist attraction that sits right in the heart of the edge of the town's factory district near the highway over pass. The CCC members have now all dropped to their knees and are rapidly whispering to themselves

with their eyes closed. I love it when our community comes together, especially when it does so because of art. Stay tuned next for the clicking of camera shutters and the percussive flashes of magnesium bulbs. And as always, good night, night veil. Good night. Welcome to Nightvale as a production of Nightvale Presents.

It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kraner and produced by Dysperition. The voice of Nightvale is Cecil Baldwin, original music by Dysp by Dysp. All of it can be found at Disparition.fancamp.com. The weather today was Departure by M. Masaki. Find out more at L-I-N-K-T-R-E-E-S-S-S-S-Shevy.

Comments, questions, email us at info at welcome to nightvail.com. Or follow us on Twitter. at Nightvelle Radio or try mowing your own autograph onto your front lawn. Check out Welcome to Nightveil.com for info about our current Europe tour. We are in Europe right now and we can't wait to see you. Today's proverb for the last time. A hot dog is a taco. Rice Krispies are kanji, mashed potatoes are a bisque, a lemon is a water balloon and bourbon is corn kombucha. Hi, we're Meg Bashminer and Joseph Fink of Welcome to Night Vale.

And on our new show, The Best Worst, we explore the Golden Age of Television. To do that, we're watching the IMDB viewer-rated best and worst episodes of classic TV shows. The episode of Star Trek, where Beverly Crusher has sex with a ghost. The episode of The X-Files, where Scully gets attacked by a vicious housecat. And also, the really good episodes, too. What can we learn from the best and worst of great television? Like, for example, is it really a bad episode or do people just hate women? The Best Worst.

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