Welcome to Night Vale - 24 - The Mayor

Episode Date: June 1, 2013

The Mayor has gone missing. Plus, Night Vale Community Theater presents Once on this Island, the return of Children's Fun Fact Science Corner, and an update on the Apache Tracker. Weather: "Biblical Violence" by Hella. hella.bandcamp.com Music: Disparition, disparition.info Logo: Rob Wilson, silastom.com Produced by Night Vale Presents. Written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightvale.com, and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, Nightville, it is Jeffrey Craneer speaking to you from April of 2026 with a couple of cool things coming up. First off, we're going to be in Europe touring our newest Nightville live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest. We're going to be in Edinburgh, UK, on May 27th. We'll be in Manchester on the 28th. We will be in London on May 29th, and we will be in Amsterdam on May the 30th. You can get tickets for these shows at Welcome to Nightville.com slash live, and hopefully we'll have more. shows coming up later this year. Who knows? Just get on our newsletter. Go to Welcome to Nightville.com. Sign up for our newsletter. We will send you emails twice a month to let you know

all of the news that you need to know about Welcome to Nightville. One of the big news things to tell you right now is that our other hit podcast, Alice Isn't Dead, is coming back on April the 13th, written by Joseph Fink, produced by Disparition and starring Jacica Nicole. More episodes of Alice Isn't Dead return on April the 13th. So make sure you are still subscribe to that podcast. Finally, do you want some cool nightbale merch? Go to welcome to nightville.com, click on store, and we have all kinds of cool t-shirts, things for the summer, tank tops, beach towels, and if you like coffee mugs, if you want calendars, if you want backpacks, all kinds of cool stuff there. So check out Welcome to Nightville.com and click on store, click on live. If you want to see

our live shows, we will see you in Europe. And hey, thanks. You are awake. This symmetry is not without meaning. Welcome to Night Vale. Listeners, I'm receiving word from the sheriff's secret police that Mayor Pamela Winchell has gone missing. After this morning's press conference, where she updated the media on standard mayoral news, stuff like her favorite kinds of rocks and a demonstration on hatchet sharpening,

she walked to her office and then disappeared. Trish Hidge, one of Winchell staffers, said, Mayors can disappear. It's not a big deal. She disappears all the time. She can fly and turn into a horse too. It's perfectly within her rights as a mayor to turn invisible, to disintegrate into a thin cloud of imperceptible existence. Hidge continued,

In fact, I can disappear if I want to, because I work for the mayor, I have all of the mayor's powers. I just don't use them all the time. Out of respect for the mayor. When pressed by reporters to show her powers, Hidge reluctantly agreed, saying, just this once. And then standing in place,

visibly straining, eyes bulging, cheeks reddening, there was a long, uncomfortable silence before Hidge said, well, I can't do it with everyone watching. Turn around, okay? But then, before anyone could turn around,

she vanished, leaving behind only a light, white puff, like baby powder, a faint smell of olives, and an echoing voice that said, no, wait, I got it, see? If anyone has any information on the mayor's whereabouts, please contact the sheriff's secret police, or just speak into any phone. They are all bugged, of course.

The Night Vale Community Theater is proud to announce the opening of the opening of their long-awaited production of once on this island. The location and cast are a secret. Curtin is promptly at 8 o'clock, and those seeking autographs of cast members after the show should ask themselves why signatures are valuable and what that particular kind of transaction even means. The Nightveil Daily Journal has indicated their intention to review the musical as soon as they can find out where the performances are taking place. They are interrogating anyone who might provide them with the necessary information. I am, myself, an aficionado of the theater, having once played the role of Pippin in a high school production. The musical being produced was actually South Pacific,

but our director had a real flair for experimental theater and felt the addition of characters from other famous plays would spice things up. He also hid dangerous traps all throughout the set in order to keep us on our toes. Oh, it was a wonderful couple of months, preparing for and performing in front of parents and friends, and those of us who were left at the end of it, felt like we had truly been through something,

something we would never forget, not even in the middle of the night, staring blankly into the darkness, sweaty, pallid, trembling. Students and seniors receive a 10% discount on all tickets, to the hit musical. Here's a public service message to all the children in our audience.

Children, the night sky may seem like a scary thing sometimes. And it is. It's a very scary thing. Look at the stars, twinkling, silently. They are so far away that none of us will ever get to even even the closest one. They are dead-eyed sigils of our own failures against distance and mortality.

And behind them, just the void. That nothingness that is everything, that everything, that is nothing. Even the blinking light of an airplane streaking across it does not seem to assuage the tiniest bit of its blackness, like throwing a single stray ember into the depths of a vast Arctic Ocean. And what if the void is not as void as we thought? What could be coming towards us out of the distance? incidence, insent asteroid with a chance trajectory, sentient beings with a malicious trajectory, what good could come of this, what good children could come of any of this? Fear the night sky, children, and sleep tight in your beds, and the inadequate shes.

shelters of blankets and parental love. Sleep sound, children. This has been our children's fun fact, science corner. More on our missing mayor. Listeners, this might be worse than I could have imagined. I'm receiving word that old woman Josie and a gentleman that may or may not be an angel friend of hers, depending on whether or not angels are real, or if they are real but aren't really friends with Josie, or not real but suddenly became real because Josie wield them

into existence. However it is, Josie and her exceptionally tall, winged friend saw Mayor Winchell earlier this morning near the moonlight all-night diner, talking to a man in an offensively cartoonish Native American headdress. Listeners, that is most certainly the Apache tracker. And look, I don't know what he is up to, but everywhere he goes, nothing good happens. For instance, last time, He went to the post office.

They had to spend months cleaning the blood off the walls and hire who knows what kind of specialists to stop the disembodied screaming coming from every darkened corner. I mean, what kind of contractor even specializes in removing screens? Well, besides shriektronics, of course. but they move their offices to several miles deep underground and mostly just generate earthquakes for the government these days. The point is that the Apache tracker, despite his recent, unexplained transformation into a real Native American,

is not who he claims to be and is not a trustworthy individual. I can only fear the worst for Mayor Winchell. Old woman Josie said she saw the two in a heated discussion that culminated in the Apache tracker opening a leather briefcase, which in turn released a thick cloud of black flies, more than you would think could fit into a normal-sized fly briefcase. The man with the insensitively feathered headdress

then got into the backseat of a black sedan. Josie said she saw the driver clearly and recognized him but could no longer remember any details about his face. Josie did not see where the mayor went though as her possible angel friend was spending a lot of time explaining why an unassisted triple play in baseball is so rare. And she got distracted because it seemed like a really important story.

And she didn't want to seem rude. Listeners, we have contacted the sheriff's secret police. If you see this black sedan, the mayor, or have any other information, including light and citrusy dessert recipes for our our upcoming special on Fresh Summer Cuisine, please contact us immediately. And now a word from our sponsor. Listeners, are you lost?

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Give yourself to the Brownstone Spire. You might be asking, how much does it cost to receive help from the brownstone spire? I can assure you it does not cost any money. It costs other things. But if you're concerned about what those costs are, then you are not in enough trouble for the brownstone spire. You just need a lawyer. But if you are filled with glass shards of regret, the brown stone spire,

or screaming impotently at an indifferent moon, then no need to look, the brown stone spire will find you. The brown stone spire has a slogan. It cannot be pronounced. This message was brought to you by Wendy's. During the commercial break, listeners, we received several calls from drivers,

saying that they saw the Apache tracker in a black sedan, but that the mayor was not with him. He and his driver, who they couldn't describe, were standing outside the desert flower bowling alley an arcade fun complex. Still, unmoving, a swirl of dust and smoke spiraling slowly about them. A soft rumble below the sand and the visceral tension of something about to burst. So much bad news with those two men, Night Vale. Stay away from the fun complex if you can. these men, but there is also

that secret civilization living under Lane 5 that is planning a great war against us. On the other hand, tonight is dollar beers and free jukebox tokens. Listen,

you do what you want. It's your choice. But I'm just saying, that Apache tracker or whatever he likes being called, I mean, If you knew someone who was always affecting a derogatory accent or told racist jokes, you wouldn't be friends with them, right?

So who would hang around this guy? What a jerk. Still nothing on the mayor, dear listeners. The city council has even become upset over this. They have been on the step. of City Hall pacing and howling in unison like elephants in mourning. Listeners, I know we don't always agree with the mayor, and sometimes we just despise our elected officials because of the artifice of political

parties, or because they don't represent every one of our very specific interests, or because they are a different species, or have frightening supernatural powers and threaten violence against innocent citizens. I understand all of this. No politician is perfect, Knight Vale. But Mayor Winchell has overseen some great moments in our town's recent history. She increased funding for the cancer ward at the Nightvale Hospital. And now anyone who wants cancer can get cancer, whether or not they have health care or a reason to live. She regularly visits Nightvale Elementary School classes to promote youth literacy by reading children's classics like Morikami's The Wind Up Bird Chronicle or any number of Cormick McCarthy's novels.

She has been controversial, to be sure, but she is our leader, our parent. She cares very much about us, Night Vale, and when she jails or tortures someone without just cause or due process, it is because she loves this town so much. Let us find our mayor, Night Vale. But first, let us go to the weather. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus, it's the series Stephen King calls Scarious Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real.

Sci-fi vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From Binge All Episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Listeners, moments ago, Mayor Winchell was found. She was holding an impromptu press conference. The press had to stay at least 500 feet away from her

as she was standing at the edge of the dog park. And no one except city officials and hooded figures are allowed that close. Mayor Winchell apparently set up a podium and quietly delivered a prepared statement without a microphone, and no one could hear what she had to say. Two hooded figures were standing behind her. But listeners, oh, listen. Do we ever have a scoop? Former intern Dana,

who I thought had been lost forever after she was swallowed up by the dog park two months ago. Well, she texted me just now from whatever plane of existence she's on. Dana is still alive and in the dog park, and she heard the mayor's speech. And it turns out, Mayor Pamela Winchell is stepping down by year's end. Other reports indicated the mayor concluded by lighting the podium on fire, kicking it over,

and climbing the 12 feet high, smooth obsidian walls quickly, gracefully, like a salamander, and then shout. several things that sounded like Russian vulgarities. The hooded figures stayed outside the dog park and stared down reporters, who grew gray and hunched with melancholy. Many began wailing and clutching their eyes. Listeners, first of all, it was so nice to hear from Dana. We miss her so. I tried emailing her back, but my thumbs began to burn and blacken and blood began trickling from my nose as I wrote. So I had to stop. Hopefully,

we will see Dana again. Time is weird. So is space. I hope ours match again. As for the mayor, well, this is surprising. Did the secret police force her hand? Some vague yet menacing government agency? Would this have anything to do with the Poetry Week incident? Where actual Night Vale citizens like Dana got inside the forbidden dog park? Or maybe, it was simply the mayor's choice. It's actually a good way to go out.

The last six mayors were all executed quite publicly and creatively. Remember that many junior high students still learn about the skeletal system from the late mayor Tom Garman himself. So, to get to announce your own. own retirement is pretty excellent. Maybe Mayor Winchell needed to spend more time with her family, or maybe she has been exiled to the dog park for sins yet unknown. Or maybe she plans to grow into a tree by joining the collective life force and single shared soul of the whispering forest, which has become a very popular lifestyle choice these days.

All I know, Night Vale, is that we should all be so lucky to set our own futures. Dana did not. I don't know that I will. Each day the sun rises and sets. The moon pulls the tides. Our hearts beat. Our loved ones love us back, and we share our inhales and exhales with the great organism that is our tiny planet. But as you watch the sunrise again tomorrow morning, think to yourself.

Past performance is not a predictor of future results. and then force a smile, drink another cup of coffee, and try not to look down as you walk across the soil that will eventually fill your lifeless lungs and repurpose your corpse. Each day, that is, is a blessing, Night Vale. And now, stay tuned next for the popular radio game show, wait, wait, don't. No, don't. Please, don't. Good night. Night Vale. Good night. Welcome to Nightvale is the production of commonplace books. It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Kraner, and produced by Joseph Fink. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Dysperition. All of it can be downloaded for free at dispersion. info. This episode's weather was Biblical Violence by Hela.

Find out more at helloband. tumbler.com. Want to have your music featured in the weather section? Want to contribute your talents to the show? Just want to say hi? Email us at nightvale at commonplacebooks.com. Or follow us on Twitter at Nightvelle Radio. Check out commonplacebooks.com for more information on this show, as well as our books on the unused story ideas of HP Lovecraft

and what it means to be a grown-up. And while you're there, consider clicking the donate link. That would be cool of you. Today's proverb. The most dangerous game is man. The most entertaining game is Broadway puppy ball. The most weird game is esoteric bear. Hi, I'm here to tell you about Good Morning Night Vale. Welcome to Night Vale's official recap show and unofficial best friend food podcast. Join me, Meg Bashwinner, and fellow try hosts, Hal Lublin and Symphony Sanders, as we dissect all of the cool, squishy, and slimy bits of every episode of Welcome to Night Vale. Come from,

for the insightful and hilarious commentary, and stay for all of the weird and wild behind-the-scenes stories. Good morning night fail, with new episodes every other Thursday. Get it wherever you get your podcasts. Yes, even there.