Welcome to Night Vale - 259 - Chrysalis

Episode Date: December 1, 2024

After many centuries, the chrysalis is stirring. Weather: “Adrift“ by tinfoldOriginal episode art by Jessica Hayworth Read episode transcripts UNLICENSED Season 2 is here! Only on AudiblePre-order the Welcome to Night Vale Roleplaying Game today! Sign up for the Night Vale newsletter for good news and recommendations. Patreon is how we exist! If you can, please help us keep making this show. Music: Disparition Logo: Rob Wilson Written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Cranor & Brie Williams Narrated by Cecil Baldwin Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. Check out our books, live shows, store, membership program, and official recap show at welcometonightvale.com A production of Night Vale Presents. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Howdy y'all. It is Jeffrey Craneer. I'm not sure which episode of Welcome to Nightville you're listening to, but I am speaking to you from April of 2026. And I'm here to tell you we're going to be in Europe. If you want to see Nightville live and you're going to be in Europe, come check us out at the end of May. We're going to be in Edinburgh on May the 27th. We will be in Manchester on the 28th, London on the 29th, and Amsterdam on May the 30th. Just go to Welcome to Nightville.com slash live to see the show dates and to get your tickets. This is. our newest Nightville live show Murder Night in Blood Forest. It is so much fun. Please come check it out. Also, coming up this month here in April, it is the return of Alice Isn't Dead, brand new episodes of our other crazy hit podcast. This is written by Joseph Fink, produced and with music by Dysperition and starring Jacique and Nicole. So make sure you are still subscribed to Alice Isn't Dead and go get those on April the 13th as new episodes come out. Finally, speaking of other shows, do you want to hear us talk about other things? things. We have three other really great chat shows. First of all, there's Good Morning Nightvale for all of your Nightvale needs. You can hear Hal, Meg, and Symphony talk about every single

episode in order of Welcome to Nightvale. Also, we have Random Horror Number Nine. That is me and Nightville star Cecil Baldwin talking about horror movies one at a time in a random order. And then Joseph and Meg do best, worst, which is a really fun podcast where they look at hit TV shows and they review the best rated on IMDB, the worst rated on IMDB, and if you're a Patreon member, they will review the middlest rated on IMDB. So check out all of those at Nightvillepresents.com or just wherever you get your podcast. And hey, thanks. Be brave. And if you can't be brave, be quick. Welcome to Night Vale. Listeners, a dread day is here. The chrysalis is stirring. After who knows how many centuries, that great navy blue chrysalis attached to the statue of the town founder is stirring.

The chrysalis has always been there, covering the founder's face and most of their body, making it impossible to discern anything about their identity. But now, the chrysalis is showing signs that it may soon open, and who knows what horrors or wonders may emerge from its... Oh, uh, sorry. I have to take this. Hello. Hey, Cecil. Steve here. Is this a good time to talk? Oh, sure. I always have time for my brother-in-law. Great. It's just that I have a little bit of a predicament, and I'm not sure what to do. I'd love to just talk it out with you.

Okay. Lay it on me. Right. So I got a letter today that I'm not on the air, am I? Uh... Like, live on your show? I'm not, right? Steve, let me call you back. So forget you heard that. Where was I? Oh, well, I better get to the headlines.

It seems our recent swap meet and the county fairgrounds was so successful that organizers have decided to make it a regular event. If at any point you have something and you want something else, just wander out to the fairgrounds and try to make an exchange. Hours are not posted and location is approximate. So just head on out there any old time and see who or what is waiting for you. The City Council has declared the Triangle the official protectors of Night Vale. This was against the single dissenting vote of Tamika Flynn, who felt that the town did not need an official protector and that it would be better to invest in community modes of safety,

such as mental health specialists and traffic cameras. But the many-voiced, many-headed other city council member outvoted her 15 to 1. The Triangle has accepted this responsibility with the gravity it deserves, solemnly reciting their new official motto, There's Three of Us. And last but not least, the moon is going to crash into the Earth, which is, according to many scientists, going to be a little bit of a bummer.

So keep an eye out for that if you're a starpeeper. This has been headlines. And now for real estate listings. There are several apartments for rent in the ravine district. Brand new, state-of-the-art studios, one-bedroom and two bedrooms are all on the market, and the prices are rock bottom. Although not as bottom as the actual rock at the floor of the ravine. which is estimated to be at least 100 meters deep.

No one is sure, because whatever lies in the deepest shadows of the ravine has never allowed any expedition to return. But don't worry about what's living at the bottom of the ravine because you'd be safely ensconced in the ravine's damp, sticky walls. For more information, call Taco Bell and tell them you want the special nachos. They'll know what you mean. In sales, there is a beautiful one-bedroom, four-bathroom cottage over in the sickly-codger housing development. It has a newly updated kitchen, 0.004 acres of lush yard, and a panic room under one of the bathrooms,

in case you panic and need a room to calm down in. Asking price is two of your toes, and they can't be the little ones. Finally, for those looking to build their own dream home, there are hundreds of eggs. available in the sand wastes, if you do not mind some sand and also some wastes. Good luck out there. This has been real estate listings. A crowd has formed to watch the opening of the chrysalis. In the same way a crowd might form to watch, say, the moon hurtling toward us through our atmosphere.

Sometimes we wish to witness our own doom because comprehension of something gives us us the illusion of power over it. There is now a tear in the chrysalis. The interior is inky darkness. No light from the outside is able to penetrate into that strange cocoon. The crowd breathes anxiously in unison, in and out, trembling. You know what? I do need to get back to Steve.

Okay, let me just put you all on mute. Sorry, listeners. And there. Done. Hello. Sorry, I'm back. Um, what's up? And I'm not on the air?

Well, I hit the button that I believe mutes my microphone. Either that or it sends an electrical shock through the floor of the punishment cell in station management's office. I can't remember which. Good enough for me. So listen, I got this weird sealed envelope. It didn't come in the mail. I found it taped to my bathroom mirror when I went to shave this morning. It was sealed with old-fashioned wax and had my name typed on the front by a typewriter.

When I opened the envelope, there was an intense smell of dried roses and orange peel, but also rusty metal, like old playground equipment left in a flood zone, you know? Sure, we've all gotten letters like that. Well, I opened it. Hold on there, Steve. I'm getting a message from intern Henry that the button I pressed is not mute, but instead the one that turns on the emergency siren on the outside of the station. Seems I caused a bit of a stir and was also broadcasting this entire conversation on air.

I'll call you back. Hoke-dokey! And now for a word from our sponsors. Chick-fil-A. Yes, we know what you're going to say. We've had some criticism in the past, and we hold certain controversial beliefs. Did we want to dig a tunnel to hell and blast open the gates with dynamite just to see what would happen? Yes. Did we suggest that we should toss people into active volcanoes because the volcanoes might be hungry,

and that would be a way to give them little treats? Yeah, okay, we did. Did we possibly fund terrorist organizations in exchange for stolen artifacts? No, we did not. That was Hobby Lobby. That's real. Look it up. But yes, we did suggest that draining the oceans might, quote, get rid of a few of our problems.

So sue us. We have some misguided beliefs. But where else are you going to get a chicken sandwich that is perfectly okay? If you want a chicken sandwich that you could honestly describe as fine and probably better than a chicken nugget, where else would you possibly get that? That's what we thought. Chick-fil-A. Yes, we're going to use your money to shoot a big bullet at the sun. What are you going to do about it?

This has been a word from our sponsors. Let's have a look at the community calendar. Tuesday will be Remembrance Day, for all those who lost their lives after their ice maker failed and drained onto the floor, and they were chasing their dog named Cumberbund calling, Cumberbund, you need to take the medicine for your ulcer, and they slipped on the water and died. For everyone who died this way, may your memory be a blessing.

Wednesday is the half marathon down at Grove Park, raising money for cancer research to find out once and for all what is up with the water signs, you know? Unfortunately, organizers say they could only secure the basketball court, and so the entire marathon will have to be run in a circle around the court. Fortunately, that's only 260 easy laps around the court. Simple. Thursday is the feeding. Please, do not try to interfere with or prevent the feeding. You will only make things worse. Things could be so much worse. Friday is Ladies Get In Free Night at the Cemetery. Saturday is a lost cause. And Sunday is buy one, get one, down at the big lots. Don't miss it. This has been the community calendar.

The chrysalis has split, and from it has emerged a human arm. The arm is covered in a pale blue slime, and its fingers are long. The arm has not moved, or showed any sign of life. The crowd has pushed in closer. They want to see, they want to know, even if it burst. burns them from within they must know. From the chrysalis comes a song, with words that are not words,

but hold the shape of words, or are in a language that never ended up existing. The crowd sings along. They do not know this language, but they know the melody, because it is the one they hear when they are all alone and listen closely to the silence. Okay, hold on.

I'm going to put you all on mute for real this time, because I really should get back to my brother-in-law, Steve. How'd he do? Hey there, Steve. I definitely pushed the mute button on my microphone. Okay. Or it's the one that makes the coffee maker in the break room shoot poison darts. I have a lot of buttons, and none of them are labeled. Well, I opened the letter.

Yeah. And I looked at what it said. Yeah? And it... Could you just double check you're actually muted? Yes, I am actually muted. See, if you look at my levels, I am... Oh, no, I'm still broadcasting at top volume.

Um, no one touched the coffee maker? Steve, I'll call you back. But first, a message from the dental underground. We are a friendly association of dentists, and we mean you no harm. We are as ancient as jaws and teeth, we precede humanity, and we mean you no harm. We are only dentists. We come bearing warnings, warnings of tooth rot, of bone pain,

and of our equally ancient arch enemy, the winged tooth. The winged tooth stands for everything we do not. We are a friendly association of dentists, and we live in a secret place under the earth, where we watch you using a variety of devices and methods, And we mean you no harm. We are only dentists. The winged tooth creeps atop rooftops and peers at you from clouds.

Do not trust their sweet voices which tell lies and melt enamel as surely as sweet foods. They want the meats and mush that lie at the core of your molars. Do not trust what they say about us. None of their information is verified. All of our information is verified. we are a friendly association of dentists, and we skitter beneath your floorboards in a friendly fashion, and we take small bites from your limbs in a friendly fashion, and we follow all relevant guidelines and principles. We are the dental underground, and you will never see us, but we are always nearby.

I really need to call Steve, but, okay, I've learned my lesson. I just don't know which button mute is. So here's what I'll do I'm going to go find somewhere private to make this call, away from my microphone and in the meantime, you have a look at the weather. I'm not quite scared but you're not quite free see you moving through the air

without a care floating on the open sea you're not quite free I'm huddled in a closet far away from my microphone in between the usual janitor closet stuff like mops and beach towels. Unless you think that the former station management wired our entire office so to broadcast our every movement on air without our knowledge,

I think we're fine. Well, that's a relief. So I can finally talk about what the letter said. You know I love my job at the bank. Sure. Bank guy. That's your whole deal. Right. Well, this is a job offer and a really good one. From who? Detour, that ride-sharing app? Or I guess from parent company, which is some tech company called Labyrinth, I think? I don't know. They're kind of vague on the details, but they want me to do an interview with them at their headquarters in a couple weeks. Oh, where are their headquarters? In the industrial district on Sandpiper Road. San Piper Road? That's the bad part of town. Don't I know it? But the pay would be outrageous. Well, that's great, Steve. I'm really happy for you. I just don't know. The bank

depends on me, and I can depend on the bank. It may not be a great job. but it's a stable job. You know how the world of big tech is. The whole thing could disappear in a matter of weeks because some big investor gets cold feet. And then what would I say to my family? Well, I am part of your family, and I can say that we'll be there for you

because sometimes you have to take a risk for yourself. You have to believe in yourself, and they don't appreciate you enough at the bank. They just don't, and we all know it. Thanks, Cecil. You know, I think I'll do it. It couldn't hurt to just do an interview, right? Heck yeah. I'm so proud of you. Oh, Steve, I got to go. Apparently, there's something happening with the chrysalis. Okay, sure. See you dinner, buddy.

Okay, let me just get back to my desk. Boy, this is a longer walk than I remembered. It's almost like the station changes dimension and layout every day. Ha ha. And here we go. Hello listeners. Cecil here. Sorry for the dead air.

Some news on the chrysalis. It has fully opened and from it walked a woman with very smooth skin. Her hair was soft and fluffy like the hair of a newborn. She was wearing a light blue suit. And now that I look at her, she has the same big. basic dimensions and profile as the town's founder. Huh, that's interesting. She is walking among the people who've gathered,

caressing their cheeks gently. She is cooing. Finally, she stops in front of a man. The man is broad-shouldered and handsome. She smiles shyly, and he smiles shyly. She places one hand on each of his shoulders and cocks her head in question, and he nods his head in answer, and then she... Oh, she has unhinged her jaw.

And she is swallowing his body whole. I can only see his legs sticking out of the inky dark of her mouth. And now... He is gone. She is not distended at all as the result of this unholy feast. She is still trim. Her suit still sits well on her torso. Her skin is even softer now.

So, anyway, that's what happened there. Stay tuned next for a woman with soft skin and soft hair, gently putting her hands on your shoulders, and wordlessly asking you a question that you do not want to answer, but you will answer, and you already know what the answer is. Good night, Nightvale. Good night. Welcome to Nightvale as a production of Nightvale Presents. It is written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Criner, and Bree Williams,

and produced by Dysperition. The voice of Steve is Hal Lublin. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Dysperition. All of it can be found at disparition.com. This episode's weather was Adrift by Tinfold.

Find out more at the link in our show notes. Comments, questions, email us at info at welcome to nightvale.com or follow us on blue sky at nightville radio or on Instagram, Tumblr, and TikTok at Nightvale official. Or be the person you always dreamed you could be. Just go on.

Do it. Most importantly, check out welcome to nightbale.com, where we have a twice-monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up to date directly from us to you. Today's proverb, I double dog dare you. I two cute little puppies dare you. I two elderly companion dogs who have grown into you just as you have grown into them dare you. I dare you the most fleeting but beautiful canine companions. Hey, Jeffrey Kramer here to tell you about another show, from me and my Nightvale co-creator Joseph Fink. It's called Unlicensed, and it's an L.A. Noir-style mystery set in the outskirts of present-day Los Angeles. Unlicensed follows two unlicensed private investigators,

whose small jobs looking into insurance claims and missing property are only the tip of a conspiracy iceberg. There are already two seasons of Unlicensed for you to listen to now, with Season 3 dropping on May 15th. Unlicensed is available exclusively through Audible, free if you already have that subscription. And if you don't, Audible has a trial membership. And if I know you, and I do, you can binge all that mystery goodness in a short window. And if you like it, if you liked Unlicensed, please, please rate and review each season. Our ability to keep making this show is predicated on audience engagement. So go check out Unlicensed, available now only at audible.com.