Welcome to Night Vale - 282 - Antler Cove

Episode Date: February 15, 2026

People just can't stop talking about this hot, new TV show. Weather: "Jennings Creek" by Cassie Noble⁠⁠ Original episode art by Jessica Hayworth Episode transcripts 2026 EUROPEAN TOUR DATES Tix on sale Feb 17! Order the Welcome to Night Vale Roleplaying Game Get the Night Vale newsletter for news and stories Patreon is how we exist! Music: Disparition Logo: Rob Wilson Written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Cranor & Brie Williams Narrated by Cecil Baldwin Follow us on BlueSky, Facebook, TikTok, Tumblr, and Instagram A production of Night Vale Presents Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Howdy y'all. It is Jeffrey Craneer. I'm not sure which episode of Welcome to Nightville you're listening to, but I am speaking to you from April of 2026. And I'm here to tell you we're going to be in Europe. If you want to see Nightville live and you're going to be in Europe, come check us out at the end of May. We're going to be in Edinburgh on May the 27th. We will be in Manchester on the 28th, London on the 29th, and Amsterdam on May the 30th. Just go to Welcome to Nightville.com slash live to see the show dates and to get your tickets. This is. our newest Nightville live show Murder Night in Blood Forest. It is so much fun. Please come check it out. Also, coming up this month here in April, it is the return of Alice Isn't Dead, brand new episodes of our other crazy hit podcast. This is written by Joseph Fink, produced and with music by Dysperition and starring Jacique and Nicole. So make sure you are still subscribed to Alice Isn't Dead and go get those on April the 13th as new episodes come out. Finally, speaking of other shows, do you want to hear us talk about other things? things. We have three other really great chat shows. First of all, there's Good Morning Nightvale for all of your Nightvale needs. You can hear Hal, Meg, and Symphony talk about every single

episode in order of Welcome to Nightvale. Also, we have Random Horror Number Nine. That is me and Nightville star Cecil Baldwin talking about horror movies one at a time in a random order. And then Joseph and Meg do best, worst, which is a really fun podcast where they look at hit TV shows and they review the best rated on IMDB, the worst rated on IMDB, and if you're a Patreon member, they will review the middlest rated on IMDB. So check out all of those at Nightvillepresents.com or just wherever you get your podcast. And hey, thanks. Biennue at board of Via Rai. Embarked and profite.

Embarked and celebrate. Rigolet. Publié. Savouring. Admirate. And profite. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Plenty of weird and monstrous fish, just filling the sea to the brim.

Welcome to Night Vale. Hello, listeners. I know there are still some of you out there. Not as many as before. But some people are listening to their radios right now. Right? It's not like every single person in town, isn't it? glued to their televisions watching the new hit show Antler Cove that happens to air the exact same time as my broadcast, and has the entire community in a chokehold of obsession to the point where it seems like that's all anyone ever talks about anymore.

From what I can piece together, it seems like the show is about a wealthy family fighting about money in a small coastal town where an alien invasion is also happening. And maybe there's a murder mystery element, too? I'm not even sure if it's prestige drama or a children's show or what. I haven't seen it because it can only be watched live. And as I said, it airs when I'm doing my own show. And because I haven't seen it, I can no longer participate in the larger cultural conversation. That's fine. It's fine. Obsessions are fleeting.

You'll all be back. Pretty soon, you won't even remember anything that happened on that show, even though it's all you talk about now. Literally, all you talk about. I can't leave the house without being surrounded by ceaseless chatter about Anthony and Vivian and Lucius and Genevieve. Call me old-fashioned, but I miss the days when we gossiped about people we actually know. Some of you have asked why I don't just change my time slot so that it doesn't conflict with Antler Cove. I'll tell you why. Because the oath I took as a broadcaster states that I will never change my appointed time slot for any reason.

Not for holidays, not for personal crises, not for natural disasters, and not to avoid competition with other programming. It also states that I will never climb the radio. tower for recreational purposes, never advertise for undergarments, never use the breakroom microwave to make hot tunables, and never, ever say the F or the S word allowed, even in the privacy of my own home. There are a lot of parts to the oath. Most of it I can't disclose publicly, but the oathing ceremony takes place in this cool secret cavern in front of a group of really famous broadcasters who are all in.

cloaks and masks. And there's a wolverine in a judge's robe who nips at your ankles anytime you seem hesitant about what you're agreeing to. Oh, shoot. I wasn't supposed to say any of that. Well, I'm pretty sure nobody's listening anyway. In fact, I could probably get away with saying the S word right now. Serpentine.

Oh man, I can't believe I did. that. Oh, what a rush. I'd be in so much trouble if anyone was listening, which they aren't. But just in case anyone is, let's have a look at the headlines. Down at the last bank of Night Vale, the annual money fair is commencing with an open house in the vault. The entire community is invited to come hang out with the cash, run their hands through it, and say things like, so that's what a million bucks looks like, or Gold sure is heavy. Or, hey, is that an ancient Egyptian death mask? And what's it doing in here? And why is it glowing? And can I try it on? And why won't it come off my face?

In crime news, an update on the locked room homicide investigation of local billionaire slash angel Marcus Vansston. I finally had a chance to sit down with former mayor slash current private detect. Dana Cardinal to hear about her recent developments on the case. We got lattes at the new coffee house in the Barista District, Odin's Lament, and talked about a lot of things, actually. I told her about how Esteban started an arcane alchemy club at his school and how proud we are of him. And Dana told me she's been volunteering to raise a guide ferret in her spare time

and that it's going well. except she's having some challenges with leash training at the moment. Yeah, it was really good to see Dana again. Sometimes you can fall out of touch with someone for a long time, and even though your feelings about them haven't changed, it just gets more awkward to reach out to them the more time goes by. But then when you do, it's actually not awkward at all. It's really, really nice.

Oh, and she did reveal, confidentially, that one of the angels, Erica, had been seen around the Vansden residence in the days leading up to the crime, always in the dead of night, always lurking around the grounds, occasionally peeping into the windows, but never entering. She also said that she still hasn't figured out if the Vanceon case is connected to the stabbing death of radio intern candidate, Jalen Rutherford, and she has yet to uncover a motive or a suspect for either crime. The only thing she does know for sure is that whoever did it is still out there and could strike at any time. But judging by our ratings, interest in our local murder mystery doesn't seem to compare to the one in Antler Cove at the moment. Sorry, it's so boring to you that a real killer is on the loose in our very own.

streets, I guess it just doesn't count if they're not played by a non-traditionally handsome actor that everyone has decided is secretly hot, which makes them even more attractive than if they'd just been regular hot. Seriously, what is it about this show that's so compelling? A couple of times I turned it on during my broadcast with the sound off just out of curiosity, and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what the appeal is. Is it just the fact that it's new? That everyone else is watching it and you don't want to be left out? Because the little bits I saw weren't that interesting. Now, I'm sure that's partially my own fault since I haven't been watching from the beginning, but when I tuned in, it was mostly just a shaky handheld camera walking through

the fog. Eventually, the fog parts. and you see a man standing on top of a hill. His mouth is wide open, and then you realize the fog is coming out of his mouth. Then suddenly you're right in front of him, and he's staring into the camera, but you can't get a good look at him because his face changes into different faces as the fog shifts, which I admit was kind of a cool effect. Then he swallows the camera and we're in a big windowless warehouse, which I guess is inside his stomach?

Where a bunch of people are stuffing live jellyfish into cardboard boxes and sobbing uncontrollably. Then it cuts to a family dinner table scene in a fancy house where everyone is arguing, and someone draws a gun. But then a giant wolf crashes through the window and steals the roast turkey off the dining table and everyone laughs and hugs. And that becomes a freeze frame, and that was the end of the episode. Overall, the storytelling seemed a bit trite and predictable to me. Also, it's not even well lit.

But I'm not here to judge anyone's taste. I just have a journalistic curiosity about why people like something that's stupid and bad. If anyone is listening right now, feel free to call in and tell me what I'm missing. In the meantime, let's have a word from our sponsor. Buffalo Wild Wings We don't have one in town, currently, but it's a great place to hang out with your buddies and eat chicken and watch the game.

At least that's what we imagine it is based on what we've heard. We've never actually been to one. But we do get together on Friday nights in the community room at the rec center and pretend we're at a Buffalo Wild Wings. We eat make-believe chicken, and shout at the wall, which we imagine is a big-screen television playing a sports game. It's basketball season right now, so we're shouting things like slam dunk, and touch that net,

and a vasty scallywag strike the larboard deck. We talk about the different dipping sauces for the wings, sauces with names like Flamen Ranch and fiery hot flames and destructive BBQ, and we sometimes fan our mouths and say, oh, that's a hot one, try that one, Dave, that'll put hair on your chest. We feel closer to each other after these shared experiences, even though we don't talk about our lives or our feelings directly. It helps us blow off some steam, and we get really steamed up sometimes. So, if you want to come hang out with your buddies and pretend to eat chicken and watch the game, consider joining Buffalo Wild Wings Rollplay Group

Fridays at 7. Wings, beer, sports. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention there's a ton of pretend drinking too. We get absolutely fake hammered in there. This has been a word from our sponsor. And now, real estate listings. Mansion, apartment, shack, house, outhouse. I'm currently drawing a spiral on a piece of paper. Tell me when to stop. Okay, let's see. You got, ooh, mansion. This eight-bedroom seven-bathroom estate is located in the

exclusive Red Mesa Foothills. It has a tennis court, horse stables, and one of those instant hot water spouts in the kitchen so you can have tea immediately, faster than you would ever need it. You are married to a spaceship designer. It's not exactly passionate, per se, but there are trade-offs in every relationship. You have 16 kids, you are a talk-show host, and your main vehicle is roller skates. In other listings, there is a house on Old Musk Road. There is one of something in every corner, but two in every room. you can solve this riddle, the house is yours. Now back to our top story. I've been doing this job for a long time. I've put a lot of myself into it. It's not just a part of who I am. It's the

core of my person. I am a broadcaster. But broadcasting is an art that depends on other people hearing it. Otherwise, you're just talking to yourself. And that's not an art. at all. That's what you do when you're home alone putting away the groceries, or muttering about other drivers on the road, or sitting in a rocking chair with a blanket folded over your ancient bony knees. Talking to yourself doesn't serve the community. It doesn't keep anyone informed. It isn't providing crucial information about current events. It isn't an art or a service or a particular skill at all. It's like the old saying. If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it,

does that mean everyone is so bored of trees that no one even goes to the forest anymore or gives a flying F about whether a tree lives or dies? That trees have become obsolete, and people are just more into shrubbery these days, and trees can go F themselves for all anyone cares. In fact, I could probably get away with using the F word here since no one's listening. Fedora! Wow, that feels so wrong. I do have more community news to share, but I'm not sure if there's a point.

Actually, if someone could call into the station just to let me know they're listening, that would help a lot. You don't even have to talk on the air or anything. You can just let the phone ring once, so I know you're out there, that someone hears me, that what I'm doing matters. to even one person. The phone lines are open. I guess that tells me everything I need to know. I might as well shut things down here at the booth and tune into Antler Cove myself.

It's like the old saying, if a tree falls in the forest, you should get out of there before you're crushed to death and the woodland creatures feast upon your carcass. Speaking of woodland creatures, I am still legally obligated to broadcast the weather, or else,

Wolverine stuff happens. Plastic leaves won't give you oxygen. But damn it's all right. It wants all that dirt from the side in such a clean place. If I fill myself with chemicals, chemicals I used to have.

foxes running free now people live in boxes they can't sleep but who wants all those noises in the night in such a quiet place big sign says get lost in the woods but They cut down the trees that used to live there. Sick joke is that big time for progress. Something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus, it's the series Stephen King calls Scarious Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real.

Sci-fi vision calls it the best show streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Just watch. Like, is Anthony actually a werewolf? Or is Vivian just trying to make it look like he is

so that he gets written out of the will and she gets a larger inheritance? And is Genevieve's traumatic backstory about being trapped in a potato seller true? Or is she just gaining lucius'estine? sympathy so she can get access to the town water supply and try out her experimental mind control serum on everyone. And why do so many people keep getting struck by lightning? I do like the B-plot about the aliens not getting anything done because they're so busy petting and playing with cats, because they've never seen cats before. But then again, isn't that, that's kind of an old trope at this point, right? I want to like this show. I really do. I want to be able to talk to my

friends and neighbors again to stop being such an outsider in my own community, but I have to be honest. I tried. And I find this show so boring and cliche. I just, I can't, I can't do it. I'd honestly rather listen to the sound of my own voice, talking to no one. Actually, it's kind of freeing, just broadcasting for myself. I haven't done that since I was a kid when I had my political commentary show in the old culvert on drainage ditch road. I think if I was the last person on earth,

I would probably still be broadcasting. And times like right now, when Antler Cove is on and everyone's at home watching, It almost feels like I am the last person on Earth. No one's out driving or walking their dog. No one's running errands or working or socializing. The whole city is dark and quiet, except for the glow of screens behind closed curtains

and the sound of my voice bouncing around the atmosphere with no one to hear it. I'm a tree in the forest falling. A man in a radio booth droning. A person doing something for his own satisfaction, even in a vacuum, even when there's no one to witness it. I guess that has to be enough. Sometimes.

Stay tuned for the end credits of Antler Cove. Me? I'm going to go have a look at the night sky. With the streets so dark and empty, the stars are really popping off, y'all. Oh. Oh, I just got a text from Carlos. He says, oh, he says, great show tonight, honey. Sorry, I couldn't call earlier.

I was wearing my science gloves and doing beaker stuff. If you want any company while stargazing, I just got a new high-powered infrared technology. telescope and we can check out the sulfuric acid clouds on Venus, or the burning satellite constellation, oh, or the hobgoblin of the Milky Way, if you want. That sounds just perfect, sweetie. I'll be home soon, and thanks for listening. It means a lot to me.

It's great to be satisfied, doing things for and with yourself, but you know what? It's even better to do them with a ridiculously sexy scientist who you're madly in love with. Freeze frame. The end. Good night, Nightvale. Good night.

Welcome to Nightvale as a production of Nightvale Presents. It is written by Joseph. of Fink, Jeffrey Kraner, and Bree Williams. Sound design and production by Dysperition. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Dyspiration. All of it can be found at disperition.net. This episode's weather was Jennings Creek by Cassie Noble.

Find out more at the link in our show notes. Comments, questions, email us at info at Welcome to Nighter, nightvale.com or follow us on blue sky at nightvale radio or on instagram, Tumblr, and TikTok at Nightvale official, or follow an account that posts cute dogs. Except nowadays, you have to double check that they're not AI because we live in hell. But mainly check out welcome to nightvale.com, where we have a twice monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up to date directly from us to you. No AI involved, just some humans sending you electronic mail twice a month about what we're up to. Today's proverb, put your money where your mouth is. Seriously, have you ever

tasted a dollar bill? They're delicious. Hi, we're Meg Bashminer and Joseph Fink. Of welcome to Night Vale, and on our new show, The Best Worst, we explore the Golden Age of Television. To do that, we're watching the IMDB viewer-rated best and worst episodes of classic TV shows. The episode of Star Trek, where Beverly Crusher has sex with a ghost, the episode of the X-Files, where Scully gets attacked by vicious house cat. And also the really good episodes too. What can we learn from the best and worst of great television? Like for example, is it really a bad episode or do people just hate women? The best worst. Available wherever you get your podcasts.