Welcome to Night Vale - 99 - Michigan

Episode Date: December 1, 2016

Station intern Kareem writes home and receives an unexpected reply. Weather: "Quiet Americans" by Shearwater (shearwatermusic.com) Music: Disparition, disparition.info. Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com. Produced by Night Vale Presents. Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightvale.com, and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Howdy y'all. It is Jeffrey Craneer. I'm not sure which episode of Welcome to Nightville you're listening to, but I am speaking to you from April of 2026, and I'm here to tell you we're going to be in Europe. If you want to see Nightville live and you're going to be in Europe, come check us out at the end of May. We're going to be in Edinburgh on May the 27th. We will be in Manchester on the 28th, London on the 29th, and Amsterdam on May the 30th. Just go to Welcome to Nightville.com slash live to see the show dates and to get your tickets. This is. our newest Nightville live show Murder Night in Blood Forest. It is so much fun. Please come check it out. Also, coming up this month here in April, it is the return of Alice Isn't Dead, brand new episodes of our other crazy hit podcast. This is written by Joseph Fink, produced and with music by Dysperition and starring Jacique and Nicole. So make sure you are still subscribed to Alice Isn't Dead and go get those on April the 13th as new episodes come out. Finally, speaking of other shows, do you want to hear us talk about other things? things. We have three other really great chat shows. First of all, there's Good Morning Nightvale for all of your Nightvale needs. You can hear Hal, Meg, and Symphony talk about every single

episode in order of Welcome to Nightvale. Also, we have Random Horror Number Nine. That is me and Nightville star Cecil Baldwin talking about horror movies one at a time in a random order. And then Joseph and Meg do best, worst, which is a really fun podcast where they look at hit TV shows and they review the best rated on IMDB, the worst rated on IMDB, and if you're a Patreon member, they will review the middlest rated on IMDB. So check out all of those at nightfallpresents.com or just wherever you get your podcast. And hey, thanks. Here comes the sun. Here comes the sun. Here comes the sun. It does not stop. Welcome to Nightvale. To start today's show, I wanted to talk a bit about our indomitable radio intern, Karim. He's become such a talented reporter here at the station.

Karim told me this morning that he had written to his family back in his home state of Michigan, Michigan, to tell them about all the recent events he's reported on, like the five-headed dragons and the strangers led by that horrible beagle, and the reopening of the laser tag center at the Desert Flower, Bowling Alley, and Arcade Fun Complex. They must be really proud of you, Kareem, and all the great work you do. The fantastic stories you've gotten to cover here at your internship, thank you for your good work. And now an update.

Many of you have written in with your concerns over old woman Josie. Well, good news, listeners. After suffering a broken hip and a series of infections that kept her bed ridden most of that time, she is feeling much better. She still needs a cane and occasionally a wheelchair to alleviate bodily exhaustion, but she is out and about. I got to see her last Tuesday at the Desert Flower for Bowling League night. She hasn't been able to bowl in nearly a year, but she has not lost any of her skills. She came with her many friends named Erica, who claimed to be...

She bowled a perfect score, cane and all. Her delivery did seem a bit weaker than usual, and her friends. often stood right behind her as she rolled the ball. The Erika's would hum and close their many eyes and lift their many arms slowly into the air, and Josie's ball would straighten out, pick up speed, and demolish all ten pins. The opposing team complained she was cheating, receiving help from Angels,

but that team was promptly arrested for acknowledging the Angel's existence and had to forfeit. Josie, being a good sport, protested their arrest and said the Erika's were indeed angels and that we should all be free to acknowledge them. No one wanted to arrest a debilitated old woman, so they left it alone. I'm so glad my friend is feeling better. She looks quite a bit older than I remember, but I'm just happy she's back at the bowling alley. Oh, okay. Karim is telling me I apparently didn't tell his whole story earlier.

I thought we were just talking about what a good job he did, but I guess there's more. Okay then. Karim says after he wrote his family, he did not receive back a letter of pride and congratulations. He got a letter that said lies in all capital letters and several exclamation marks. It continued, you are a liar. You are a liar and we don't understand why you are doing this to us. Please do not write us again. You are an imposter.

It is then signed Aisha. Karin tells me that this is indeed his mother's handwriting and that is her name. I told him that parents don't always communicate their love exactly how we would like. Radio is not a lucrative business. Maybe she is just expressing motherly concerns. about his career choice and well-being. He says she's always been so loving and supportive, so my explanation makes no sense. Part of an internship is learning to receive feedback, Kareem. Well, thanks for the whole story. And now an update on the Dragons.

After last month's accidental murder of one of Hiram McDaniel's five heads, Hadassah McDaniels, Hiram's sister, her lawyer Miriam, and several other dragons from whatever world they came from have taken up, hopefully temporary, residence in Night Vale, claiming they will not leave until they get retribution, by which, I'm hoping, they just meant a heartfelt apology. No one has seen or heard from Hiram since the tragedy. Hadassah dug a cave beneath the rouse where all of the dragons are now living. Weekday shift manager Charlie Bear said the heat of the dragon's cumulative breath, even underground, has ruined their produce section. Most of the greens have wilted.

The whole store smells like onions now, he said. Bear added, to be fair, the dragons have been coming up to shop for grocery so I don't want to complain about new business, but they don't like our selection of meats and have been eating a few of our regular customers. We can't have that. or I guess we can, he said, as long as they pay for whatever food they take, which they've been good about, so... And then he rattled the loose change in both pockets and lit a cigarette with just his mind. And now... Okay, I thought I was just going to do a quick spotlight on a good intern to start the show, but Kareem is nudging me again, listeners. Apparently, I left some details out of his story.

Not everything needs to be a 100% accurate account of your personal history, Karim. This is a radio show, not Patrick Rothfuss's best-selling memoir, the name of the wind. Your demand for details makes me look bad. Listeners, Karim's really focused on correcting every little fact, which makes him a good reporter, but also kind of a snitch. So, to start. It seems I've been mispronouncing Kareem's home state of Michigan. How do you say it, Kareem? Michigan.

Right, that's what I'm saying. Michigan. Michigan. Mishhtigan. Mishst again. Mishst again. Mishd again. Okay, I'm sorry, Kareem.

I just can't hear the nuances of your regional accent. The point is, listeners. Kareem said that he had sent a second letter home to his family, asking if everything was okay and if they were happy with his career and how he is living his life. He just wanted to make them proud. He received another letter back in his mother's handwriting. The letter read, My son Kareem is in my home.

I am looking at him right now. He is tall. He is long black hair and green eyes. He is a beautiful and honest and hard-working boy. He has a birthmark on his right hand, shaped like a salamander. This is not you. You are not this person. The letter continued.

Kareem is in college studying broadcast journalism. He is not you. I do not know you. Who are you? Why are you pretending to be my son? We cannot find any record of a town called, night veil anywhere. Please stop writing me whoever you are. And then it is signed, Aisha. Karim, you are tall. With long black hair and green eyes, you have a birthmark on your right

hand. It's shaped more like a lizard, though, so maybe you have the wrong house? Who knows? Just one of those things, I guess. Anyway, thanks for the story, Kareem. now an update on our schools. The enormous glow cloud, all hail, which serves as president of the Nightvale School Board, called for an increase in education funding to support the influx of new students. After the annexation of neighboring town desert bluffs, as well as the new five-headed dragon kids that arrived with the five-headed dragon delegation, Nightvale schools desperately need more teachers and classrooms, not to mention additional fireproofing.

The Glow Cloud, all praise the Mighty Cloud, delivered this message via press release scrawled in thick paint across several dead animals which it dropped from its great translucent body above town. It took reporters several hours to place each of the animals in the correct order to make sense of the press release, but they think they got it. Mayor Dana Cardinal and Sheriff Sam sent out their own press releases, claiming a lack of available funding for the schools. The mayor said she will look into it but does not want to raise taxes. The sheriff simply growled and fired a pistol into a target dummy shaped like a dragon.

The city council, minus newest member, Tamika Flynn, shrieked and then left on a beach vacation, saying they needed an increase in sunlight and tropical drinks, and that, so what if sometimes they don't call? It doesn't mean that they aren't into a relationship, just that sometimes they're busy. Here at the radio studio, our broken-hearted station management cried quietly in their office, which was a truly off-putting and strange sound. The glow cloud, we are not worthy to rub our faces in the mud before its beneficent presence, oh maker and unmaker of all things, indicated that it would continue to bring up this issue

at school board meetings. More on this story as it develops. Oh God, Kareem, really? Okay, Kareem is now telling me that he called his parents to talk to them about the letters they sent to him, but a familiar voice answered the phone. It was not his father, Rahim,

nor his brother, Amir. It was him. Kareem answered his own phone call. Kareem tried to explain who he was to himself, but the other Kareem said that it couldn't be true, that there was only one him, and he was it. Kareem asked to speak with his mother, but Kareem said,

I don't know your mother, I only know my mother, and hung up. Kareem said he wanted to go home to see his family. I told him he might be confused by it, but to take a close look at a map of the United States. He did and was dismayed to find there was no Minchigan. Michigan, Michigan. I think that's it, right? He said his home state should be right between Ohio and Canada,

and that it shaped like a mitten. I said he's thinking of Maine, which looks like a mitten that's been wadded up, and you're looking at it from like a side angle. He said the U.S. map looks correct when he stares at the whole thing. But when he looks closely at where Michigan should be, it's not there. He's now pacing in the cubicle area, pulling at his hair, sweating. I'm worried about him. He's never quite behaved like this before.

I'm going to tell him to go home, visit his family, take some time off work. While I do that, here is today's weather. Kame is back already. Said he spent the last two weeks at home. I told him he'd only been gone about five minutes, you know, long enough to report the weather. But he pointed to the calendar and I'll be darned, he's right. It's been two weeks.

Huh. That weather report took way longer than I thought. Kareem said he took a flight to Grand Rapids. But when he landed, he was back. in Nightvale. He tried several flights, even to some of the cities of detois and Chicoe, neither of which I've ever heard of, hoping to just catch a bus or something from there, but all flights landed back at the Nightvale Airport. Now, Karim's a good intern, but not very knowledgeable of how air travel works. The whole point is the joy of flying, not the destination.

No one likes going places. They just like the comfort of flying. Airlines send you in the air for a few hours and serve you good food while you relax. Then they take you home. The airport having failed him, Karim got in his car and drove to Michigan. He kept getting lost and ending back up where he started, but after days of trying, he finally arrived. He found his family was there joyfully surprised to see him. He told them about the letters he sent and the ones he received.

He was crying. They said they hadn't heard from him in ages and were starting to get worried. They didn't receive or write any letters. He asked if he was already there. Was I home this whole time? He asked his mother. She just hugged him and said, you're here now. He asked Amir, was I here? Did you see me here while I was gone? Amir said,

You'll always be here, Kareem. He asked his father. Are dragons real? Are there other worlds? Is Satan a beagle puppy? His father laughed and said, You were always the funny one. They embraced. Kareem stayed for a few days. They had dinners together and went. watched movies. Kareem tried to talk about his time in Night Vale, but found he was not able to remember any of it. He eventually could not even remember the name of this town he'd been living in for two years. And after a while, he forgot that he had ever been anywhere else at all. He had forgotten Night Vale and its people in his mind, but not in his body. He could feel he was supposed to be someplace else.

He didn't want to be anywhere else, but he didn't feel like it was his decision. He fought this feeling for days. Finally, one day, his father asked if he wanted to go see a University of Michigan football game. Rahim said they're

a talented team this year. It's been nearly 20 years since they won a title. Karim said he thought they won a championship two years ago with someone named Sandero at quarterback. His father said that wasn't possible. The team was terrible two years ago.

Kareem had some errands to run, so he told his family he would meet them at the game. He got in his car, fully intending to see them in less than an hour, but instead he drove and drove, not knowing to where. And after several days with no map or destination, he arrived back in Nightvale. and he remembered his life here again. He called his mother when he got home to tell her he was safe, but she only screamed into the phone saying,

No, no, you're here. I'm looking right at you. Kareem, you're here in my home. You're right here in my home. How are you calling me? I love our internship program. Kareem has become an excellent. reporter and editor.

Maybe one day he will replace me here at the station. Who knows? But beyond professional development, I want our interns to learn the bigger lessons of life and love and family and death. Kareem hasn't thought much about aging, I'm sure. But as we get older, as we leave home, we form for ourselves an independent identity.

no longer impressed upon by families. We take the last shape they crafted, a partially chiseled stone sculpture, and we are left to try to finish the work ourselves. Hopefully, they have provided good tools. Hopefully, the world teaches us how to better use them. And for the rest of our lives, we are gently hammering away at the curves and crevices

of the great masterpieces that are, our lives. Sometimes, as we work, we become less recognizable to the families who first shaped us. They critique the craftsmanship, the artistic direction, they worry, too much has been cut away, or that, quote, those arms just don't look proportional. In some cases, they no longer recognize us for the adults, we are. Family expectations are high, but underneath, It all is love and worry and a knowledge that you will do right for yourself. Your family may not trust that knowledge, but they know they have to try. Kareem is back at his desk, staring at a map of the U.S., but he doesn't look fearful or worried anymore.

He looks like a young man, a grown man, but still a young man, with a purpose. He is a journalist, doing a journalist's job to seek truths to understand the world. I'm proud of him. Proud of you, Kareem. He's giving a thumbs up. Okay, let's talk about your editing, though. That weather report was like way too long, like five minutes max. Okay?

Stay tuned next. For the slow, low sounds of a very long. enormous plates shifting deep below us. Listeners, I'll be taking off work in a couple weeks to, well, just to take some time off, but we'll be in touch again in the new year. As always, good night. Nightvale. Good night.

Welcome to Nightvale is a production of Nightvale Presents. It is written by Joseph Think and Jeffrey Criner and produced by Joseph Fink. The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Dysperition. All of it can be found at disparition. info or at disparition.bancamp.com. This episode's weather was Quiet Americans by Shearwater.

Find out more at shearwatermucic.com. That's s-he-a-r-watermusic.com. Comments, questions, email us at info at welcome to nightvale.com or follow us on Twitter at nightvale radio or just touch a tree. Check out welcome to nightvale.com for more information on this show as well as last minute holiday gifts to buy while panicking. And while you're there, consider clicking the donate link. We are in a new world now. Let's keep making art. Today's proverb, a four-star hotel will put mince on your pillow, whereas a five-star hotel will put

candy bars in your butt. Hey, it's Jeffrey Craneer speaking to you from spring of 2026 and did you know we are on tour in Europe? Welcome to Nightville. We'll be live on stage in Edinburgh on May 27th, Manchester on May 28th, London on May 29th, and Amsterdam on May 30th. This brand new live show is called Murder Night in Blood Forest starring Cecil Baldwin, Symphony Sanders, me, and live original music by Disparition. These tours are so much fun and they're for the diehard fan and the Nightvale new kid alike. So bring your family, your partner, your co-workers, your cat, whatever. They don't got to know what Nightville is to like the show. Tickets to these shows are on sale now

at Welcome to Nightveil.com slash live. Don't let time slip away. Get your tickets. Don't miss us when we're in your town because otherwise we'll all be sad. Get your tickets to our Europe Live tour right now at Welcome to Nightville.com slash live. And hey, thanks.