Welcome to Night Vale - A Spy in the Desert, Excerpt 2

Episode Date: February 3, 2020

A second excerpt from A Spy in the Desert, now available on Bandcamp and iTunes! For the very first time, you can hear Cecil Palmer’s secret! This monologue was only performed to one person at every show, but now, you can hear it for yourself! Plus, over an hour of brand new material which has never been heard on the podcast. Our scouts on Patreon also get two exclusive bonus tracks featuring Dylan Marron as Carlos the Scientist and Hal Lublin as Steve Carlsberg. Join our membership program at $5 or above to listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, Nightville, it is Jeffrey Craneer speaking to you from April of 2026 with a couple of cool things coming up. First off, we're going to be in Europe touring our newest Nightville live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest. We're going to be in Edinburgh, UK, on May 27th. We'll be in Manchester on the 28th. We will be in London on May 29th, and we will be in Amsterdam on May the 30th. You can get tickets for these shows at Welcome to Nightville.com slash live, and hopefully we'll have more. shows coming up later this year. Who knows? Just get on our newsletter. Go to Welcome to Nightville.com. Sign up for our newsletter. We will send you emails twice a month to let you know all of the news that you need to know about Welcome to Nightville. One of the big news things to tell you

right now is that our other hit podcast, Alice Isn't Dead, is coming back on April the 13th, written by Joseph Fink, produced by Disparition and starring Jacica and Nicole. More episodes of Alice Isn't Dead return on April the 13th. So make sure you are still subscribe to that podcast. Finally, do you want some cool nightbale merch? Go to Welcome to Nightville.com, click on store, and we have all kinds of cool t-shirts, things

for the summer, tank tops, beach towels. And if you like coffee mugs, if you want calendars, if you want backpacks, all kinds of cool stuff there. So check out Welcome to Nightville.com and click on store, click on live. If you want to see our live shows, we will see you in Europe. And hey, thanks.

It's something else here now. something new. From exclusively on Paramount Plus. It's the series Stephen King calls scary as hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi vision calls it the best show streaming right now.

We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From binge all episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. This is another excerpt. from our new live recording. Once again, this is a live album of our recent touring live show, A Spy in the Desert. We're talking an hour of Welcome to Nightville that has never been heard on the podcast. Plus, those who saw that show know that there was an entire monologue that was only

ever heard by one audience member each night, the secret of Cecil Palmer. And yes, this live album includes the audio of that secret. So, for the first time, all of the rest of you can hear what was being whispered on that stage. Grab this full live show album on nightvail.bancamp.com or on iTunes and enjoy this excerpt right now. Plus, we are making a couple bonus guest recordings that were only performed at a few stops on the tour exclusive to our donor member scouts who helped our podcast get made. So if you want to hear brand new material with Steve Carlsberg and Carlos De Scientist, head on over to welcome to nightvail.com and click on membership and help us make more of this show

for you. And hey, is that a new shirt? Looks nice. So listeners, I am joined in my studio right now by the most vigilant defender of Nightvale and of literature. Please welcome to the air 16-year-old Tamika Flynn. Hi, Cecil. Hi, Tamika. Now, you must be alarmed that there's a dangerous spy on the loose. Of course. It's not safe to have an interloper learning our secrets. But what could they learn that would hurt us? Oh, lots of stuff. What if they start uncovering all the plot twists of our favorite novels like murder on the Orient Express, Agatha Christie's brilliant, who done it? What if they read ahead and learned that the murderer turns out to be... Spoilers. I mean, some of us haven't read it yet.

Oh, I'm just teasing. That book doesn't even have an ending. It's the only murder Agatha could never solve. But learning secrets can be harmful. Like one. time, I was waiting in line at midnight for the release of the sixth Harry Potter book, and some jerk drove by and shouted, Snipe and Dumbledore are both featured prominently in the new novel. What? Ruin. I've never read the sixth book.

Oh. I've only read the third and the seventh. So now the whole experience is ruined. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I chased that fool down and I punched him until his bruises spelled out, don't mess with a whole. shuffle puff. But I do have a plan to catch this spy. I'll disguise myself as the mink. And then I'll walk around town until I find someone that's dressed exactly like me. And then I'll grab them and I'll whisper that famous, oh, and then I'll grab them and shout at them and I'll say, you want to spoil

the endings of books, pal? Why don't you try Stephen King's It? That whole ending is terrible. Oh, well, come on. I like the ending of It. Really? Yeah. You know, when it just turns out to be the friends we made along the way. With you and you. It's nice. Okay, anyway. Tamika, now I have a question. How are you going to disguise yourself as the mink when nobody knows what the mink actually looks like? Well, I'll...

I know. Oh. Yeah. Fine. Then, oh, I'll dress up as a manila folder with a top secret stamp on it. And then when someone tries to take me, I'll grab them and whisper that famous movie speech. I don't know who you are.

I don't know what you want. I don't have any money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills that I have acquired through reading. Would you like a list of book recommendations? Here are a few I think you'd enjoy. Yes. Oh, man.

That is my favorite scene from Say Anything. Yeah. When John Cusack holds that boombox above his head outside the terrorist headquarters, I mean, so good. Yes. Now, wait, the mink is a real threat, and they are interested in learning far more than just book spoilers. I mean, you in particular might be in danger, Tamika. Cecil.

I'm 16 years old. I know everything there is to know about taking care of myself, okay? Oh, okay. All right. All right. But, listen, if you catch the mink. Bring them here to the studio because I need to have a moment. You want to rough them up?

Yeah, like I'll pin him down and then you take this copy of Hanya Yonagahara's A Little Life and just like, Bap, pat, bha. This book made me cry now it's making you cry, sucker. Yeah, sure, something like that. Well, I think I'm off to get that mink. All right. Thank you, Tamika. Be safe. Tamika Flynn, everyone. And now another word from our sponsors.

Today's show is also brought to you by Ascentia. If you've ever felt anything at all, there's Ascentia. Talk to your doctor about Ascentia. Your doctor is a spider. All black eyes and long legs clinging effortlessly to the wall. Tell your doctor how afraid you are, but don't say anything out loud out of sheer terror paralyzed by your choice of fight or flight. Do not fight your doctor. Your doctor is good.

They eat a lot of bugs. They're super helpful. Your doctor is just as afraid of you as you are of them. Do not take Ascentia if you've ever seen a dog. Spiritual Transcendence is on. common, but if you find yourself no longer in a physical body, please stop taking Ascentia immediately in contact a medium with medical training and a Ouija board. Ascentia may cause knife wounds. Ask her doctor about Canada. Do not take Halponta, which

is our competitor. Halpanta users report high levels of centipedes inside their necks, crawling around right before bed and on first dates. Ascentia is a solar flare, a radioactive magnetic burst that should not be taken with alcohol. Do not breathe for 30 minutes after taking Asentia. You're a person. That's why there's Ascentia. Gotta refill my prescription. Once again, get the complete live recording of A Spy in the Desert at nightfail.bandcamp.com or on iTunes. Are you squeamish about horror movies but kind of want to know what happens? Or are you a horror lover who likes thoughtful conversation about your favorite genre?

Join me, Jeffrey Kraner and my friend from Welcome to Nightville, Cecil Baldwin, for our weekly podcast, Random Number Generator Horror Podcast, number 9. where we watch and discuss horror movies in a random order. Find, here's the short version, Random Horror Nine, wherever you get your podcasts. Boo.