Welcome to Night Vale - Bonus Episode 3 - "The Librarian" Horoscopes

Episode Date: March 12, 2015

An excerpt from our recorded live show, "The Librarian," recorded live on January 16, 2015 at Skirball Center, New York, NY. The complete recording is available at nightvale.bandcamp.com, for whatever you think over 90 minutes of new Night Vale content is worth, and at iTunes (search: Night Vale). Music: Disparition, disparition.info Logo: Rob Wilson, robwilsonwork.com. Produced by Commonplace Books. Written by Joseph Fink & Jeffrey Cranor. Narrated by Cecil Baldwin. More Info: welcometonightvale.com, and follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Howdy y'all. It is Jeffrey Craneer. I'm not sure which episode of Welcome to Nightville you're listening to, but I am speaking to you from April of 2026. And I'm here to tell you we're going to be in Europe. If you want to see Nightville live and you're going to be in Europe, come check us out at the end of May. We're going to be in Edinburgh on May the 27th. We will be in Manchester on the 28th, London on the 29th, and Amsterdam on May the 30th. Just go to Welcome to Nightville.com slash live to see the show dates and to get your tickets. This is. our newest Nightville live show Murder Night in Blood Forest. It is so much fun. Please come check it out. Also, coming up this month here in April, it is the return of Alice Isn't Dead, brand new episodes of our other crazy hit podcast. This is written by Joseph Fink, produced and with music by disparition and starring Jacique and Nicole. So make sure you are still subscribed to Alice Isn't Dead and go get those on April the 13th as new episodes come out. Finally, speaking of other shows, do you want to hear us talk about other things. We have three other really great chat shows. First of all, there's Good Morning Nightvale for all of your Nightvale needs. You can hear Hal, Meg, and Symphony talk about every single

episode in order of Welcome to Nightvail. Also, we have Random Horror Number Nine. That is me and Nightville star Cecil Baldwin talking about horror movies one at a time in a random order. And then Joseph and Meg do best, worst, which is a really fun podcast where they look at hit TV shows and they review the best rated on IMDB, the worst rated on IMDB, and if you're a Patreon member, they will review the middleest rated on IMDB. So check out all of those at nightfallpresents.com or just wherever you get your podcast. And hey, thanks. What you are about to hear was recorded live at the Skirball in New York City on January 16, 2015.

If you weren't there but would like to see what that was like, we have a behind-the-scenes video on our YouTube channel right now. go to YouTube.com slash welcome to Nightfail and subscribe to get more bonus behind-the-scenes stuff in the future. All right, I'll see you in a bit, but for now, I take you to that strange little town, New York City.

More on this story as it develops, but first, today's horoscopes. Aries. Aries. You have much in common with a tree. A sadness that no one can see or understand. Communication only through silence and wind.

Skin made of wood. The way you collect sustenance through roots buried in soil, you are very, very much like a tree. Almost impossible to tell the difference. Taurus Taurus Today is the day that you change everything Oh, I'm sorry

I misspoke, I'm sorry Let me try that again, okay? Today is the day that everything changes you You will be completely unrecognizable Yeah, that's it, there you go, Gemini

How scared are you of centipedes Gemini? I mean, no reason the stars are just asking Like, are you super, super scared?

Because I can't say for sure, but you're pretty brave, right? Like, you could handle a couple of centipedes? You could handle a bunch of centipedes. Pete. Right, Gemini. No reason. I'm just asking. Cancer? Today is an excellent day for you to demand a promotion, to approach the one that you have been

secretly thinking about for years, to try your hand at that new hobby that you are considering. Unfortunately, it is a terrible day for getting that promotion, having that person say yes, and not injuring yourself badly on a power sander. But you should at least feel great about the attempt, Leo. There's just a thick green smudge here, and the word crypto-neutral. toxicology. So I guess that's a good thing, right? Virgo. Now, wait, there are still some of you left. How did you survive the great culling of Virgoes that swept through? Oh, you know what? I'm sorry. That's not till next week. Sorry, I got confused there. Oh, yeah, today looks very good for you, Virgo. maybe use this lovely day to get all your affairs in order.

Just a thought. Libra, All your dreams will come true today. Or, I mean, one of them will. You know that recurring dream where you're chased through a house that seems like your own, but it isn't quite by a swarm of bees that you can't see, even though you totally know that they're there.

Well, it's not that recurring dream. It's the other one. And I am so, so sorry, Scorpio. Your arms look weird. And your face is a natural irritant. And your personality leaves much to be desired. the principal desire being your immediate absence. You disgust me, Steve Carlsberg.

I mean, Scorpios? Ugh. Scorpios. Right? Sagittarius. Buy a tourniquet. The best that money can buy. Capricorn.

Today's life. lucky number is imaginary. But coincidentally, so are you and your entire experience of the world. Aquarius? You want to make some money fast? I don't know. Rob somebody. Commit fraud.

There's lots of ways. Pisces. You've just won another brand new car. You stare bleakly at your home filled with stacks upon stacks of new cars, occupying every possible space at impossible angles. Today's brand new car is wheeled in, and as you feel its bulk, pressing up against you, taking the last bit of your home that had still been yours to live in, you feel tears hot upon your cheeks. Congratulations on your prize. Well, that's it for the sample. But if you want more, the full recording of The Librarian with over 90 minutes of new stuff just like that is available at night veil.

com. For whatever price, that much new Nightvale is worth to you or on iTunes. Just search Nightvail. Hope you enjoyed the sample, and I'll see you on March 15th with a brand new episode and some huge news about the Night Vale book for you. We'll see you then. Hey, Jeffrey Kraner here to tell you about another show from me and my Nightvale co-creator Joseph Fink. It's called Unlicensed, and it's an L.A. noir-style mystery set in the outskirts of present-day Los Angeles. Unlicensed follows two unlicensed private investigators who small jobs looking into insurance claims and missing property are only the tip of a conspiracy iceberg.

There are already two seasons of Unlicensed for you to listen to now with, Season 3 dropping on May 15th. Unlicensed is available exclusively through Audible, free if you already have that subscription. And if you don't, Audible has a trial membership. And if I know you, and I do, you can binge all that mystery goodness in a short window. And if you like it, if you liked Unlicensed, please, please rate and review each season. Our ability to keep making this show is predicated on audience engagement. So go check out Unlicensed, available now only at Audible.com.