Welcome to Night Vale - Bonus Episode 6 - The Investigators

Episode Date: May 20, 2016

Clips from our new live recording, The Investigators, available for sale at [nightvale.bandcamp.com](nightvale.bandcamp.com). More Info: welcometonightvale.com. Click on Live Shows for US Tour dates. You can also join our email list. Follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook to stay up to date on news and weird jokes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Howdy y'all. It is Jeffrey Craneer. I'm not sure which episode of Welcome to Nightville you're listening to, but I am speaking to you from April of 2026. And I'm here to tell you we're going to be in Europe. If you want to see Nightville live and you're going to be in Europe, come check us out at the end of May. We're going to be in Edinburgh on May the 27th. We will be in Manchester on the 28th, London on the 29th, and Amsterdam on May the 30th. Just go to Welcome to Nightville.com slash live to see the show dates and to get your tickets. This is. our newest Nightville live show Murder Night in Blood Forest. It is so much fun. Please come check it out. Also, coming up this month here in April, it is the return of Alice Isn't Dead, brand new episodes of our other crazy hit podcast. This is written by Joseph Fink, produced and with music by Dissin and starring Jacique and Nicole. So make sure you are still subscribed to Alice Isn't Dead and go get those on April the 13th as new episodes come out. Finally, speaking of other shows, do you want to hear us talk about other things? things. We have three other really great chat shows. First of all, there's Good Morning Nightvale for all of your Nightvale needs. You can hear Hal, Meg, and Symphony talk about every single

episode in order of Welcome to Nightvale. Also, we have Random Horror Number Nine. That is me and Nightville star Cecil Baldwin talking about horror movies one at a time in a random order. And then Joseph and Meg do best, worst, which is a really fun podcast where they look at hit TV shows and they review the best rated on IMDB, the worst rated on IMDB, and if you're a Patreon member, they will review the middleest rated on IMDB. So check out all of those at Nightvillepresents.com or just wherever you get your podcast. And hey, thanks. Hi, I'm Joseph Fink.

What you're about to hear are two clips from our last touring live show, The Investigators, which is now available right now for sale at nightvail. bandcamp.com.com and will be available on iTunes soon, or it might be already, depending on when you're listening to this. This is over two hours of brand new Night Vale with live music and a ton of guest stars, plus 10 bonus tracks of guest stars that we couldn't fit into the main recording. So, even if you saw this show live, there is a ton of stuff in here you have never heard. Also available on Bandcamp and iTunes, our previous four live recordings, and the well, Welcome to Night Vale Audio Book. Check those out. And we will see you with our brand new live script ghost stories in the U.S. in July and in Europe in October. I can't wait. Enjoy.

And now an update on last week's power outages. The Nightvale Electric Utility announced today that there may be more power outages in coming weeks, this time due to sadness. We've just been sad this week. The electric utility said, not for any reason, just sometimes we get sad. What do we need a reason for? Last week, we were feeling vengeful, so power outages. This week, we're feeling sad, and we're going to continue expressing ourselves through the medium of power outages. Now, power outages were, of course, certified by the Supreme Court as a protected form of free speech. in the 1973 case of the Hayworth Electric Company versus the Hayworth Hospital.

And the court stated that reasonable causes for a power outage include celebration of a special someone's birthday, expression of undirected anger at an intransigent political system, and periods of just feeling sad for no reason. But the Nightvale Electric Utility would like me to remind you that power outages are no excuse not to pay your electric bill. I mean, electricity is, after all, a privilege not a right. Failure to pay your electric bill may result in localized lightning storms,

shrouded figures standing silently in the back of familiar TV shows, and gout. So, a spokesperson from the... Sheriff's Secret Police has just handed me a note, explaining that I am not required to attend the Murder Mystery Dinner Theater, as I was here in my booth broadcasting during the time of the murder. Oh, they just handed me another note, but it reads, we don't know where that scientist is. Please let the scientist know he is required to attend. Now, look.

Carlos has been busy all day in his science lab. Siencing. If he were even able to leave the lab, he would certainly not just murder a stranger without stopping by the radio station to say hello to me first. I'm going to call Carlos right now. Hey, you. I was just thinking of you. Hi, I'm so sorry to bother you,

but I've received some bad news from the secret police. I knew this would eventually happen. They discovered that my team of scientists is studying geology, right? I know, I know, it's illegal. And as Francis Scott Key wrote in his famous poem, rocks are just rocks. Mind your own business, pal. But I find geology so scientifically interesting.

I cannot believe that they just are... No, no, no, it's not that. There's been a murder, and the sheriff's secret police need you to attend the mandatory murder, dinner theater. Oh, but that is great news. I love dinner theaters.

I took some theater in college, you know, so I can play like a bunch of different roles. Oh, really? Yeah, okay, so the part that everyone wants to play in a murder mystery dinner theater, you know who it is, it's the butler. Because the butler gets to wear pastel tuxitos and carry this pet rat.

And I can do like a really, really good snooty British accent. Hey, I would never murder anyone. My papes, take your coat, sir. I don't know if that's really a British accent. Babe it is. Oh, is it? Okay, all right. So, like, another great role in the murder mystery dinner theater

is the rich heiress. Oh, the rich heiress. Okay, she gets to wear this, like, tight black dress and pearls and a feathered boa, which you know I look amazing in. I do. I do. So the rich heiress, of course,

she seems like the murderer because she always carries around this old blood-stained axe. But that's the thing. She only carries the axe because her mother was the owner of the world's biggest axe manufacturing conglomerate.

And their family made a great fortune by chopping up people and taking all their money. Anyway. The rich heiress has this glorious and smooth Romanian accent. Snow and I will never murder anyone. Now go give me another drink, doll, chop, chop, I'm kidding. Now, I've never been to Romania.

Maybe it's a dead on accent. Oh, okay, all right. Now, listen, Carlos, I'm actually really surprised to hear this side of you. I mean, I had no idea that you were such a theater nerd. Yeah. Like, I'm a scientist, sure, but that's not all I am, you know? Yeah. Like, getting to act in a murder mystery dinner theater would give me the chance to be not a scientist anymore. You know, like I could be anyone.

Like a train conductor, and I'd shout, all aboard, or a pizza maker. and I would shout, All aboard, this a pizza. Or, I don't know, like, oh, like a writer. And I'd shout, I am alone, so terribly alone.

Carlos, I think the idea is that everybody is just themselves. So that way the police can easily scan the crowd and find out who looks the most guilty. I mean, I don't think that murder mystery dinner theater is ever supposed to be fun. They are grueling exercises in abrupt and arbitrariness. Trary Justice. You know who I want to play? I want to play a librarian.

Oh, I don't think that's a very... You seem to be very interested in young adult sci-fi adventure novels. Might I recommend get what's yours the secret to maxing out your social security by John Grisham? That felt really good. It sounded good. Thank you. But I would really, really need to work with the director, you know, on how to get the pincers and all the long, hairy legs, just right, ooh, ooh, and we would really need to rig up a pulley system

so that I could fly around the room and then descend from the ceiling like a normal librarian. Oh, Carlos, I was just handed another note from the secret police that reads, No more, please. Tell him he doesn't have to come to the dinner theater at all. But I wanted to come. Oh. Um, yeah, it's no bother. Well, we will just have to put on our own

murder mystery dinner theater this weekend. Okay. Um, I love you. All right, I love you too. Oh, you want to hear my Steve Carlsberg impression? Goodbye, Carlos. Okay, doke. Nightvail.com.

Two hours of brand new nightfail. And go to welcome to nightvail.com and click on live shows to see our upcoming tour dates. Hi, we're Meg Bashwinner. And Joseph Fink. Of welcome to Night Vale. And on our new show, The Best Worst, we explore the Golden Age of Television.

To do that, we're watching the IMDB viewer-rated best and worst episodes of classic TV shows. The episode of Star Trek, where Beverly Crusher has sex with a ghost, the episode of The X-Files, where Skelly gets attacked by a vicious house cat. And also, the really good episodes, too. What can we learn from the best and worst of great television?

Like, for example, is it really a bad episode or do people just hate women? The best worst. Available wherever you get your podcasts.