Welcome to Night Vale - Bonus Episode 7 - The Investigators on iTunes

Episode Date: June 3, 2016

A bonus clip featuring Wil Wheaton from our new live recording, The Investigators. The full album available for sale now on iTunes at https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-investigators-live/id1118089519 and still available at [nightvale.bandcamp.com](nightvale.bandcamp.com). More Info: welcometonightvale.com. Click on Live Shows for US and Europe Tour dates. You can also join our email list there if you like emails and lists. Follow @NightValeRadio on Twitter or Facebook to stay up to date on news and weird jokes. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Howdy y'all. It is Jeffrey Craneer. I'm not sure which episode of Welcome to Nightville you're listening to, but I am speaking to you from April of 2026. And I'm here to tell you we're going to be in Europe. If you want to see Nightville live and you're going to be in Europe, come check us out at the end of May. We're going to be in Edinburgh on May the 27th. We will be in Manchester on the 28th, London on the 29th, and Amsterdam on May the 30th. Just go to Welcome to Nightville.com slash live to see the show dates and to get your tickets. This is. our newest Nightville live show murder night in blood forest it is so much fun please come check it out also coming up this month here in april it is the return of alice isn't dead brand new episodes of our other crazy hit podcast this is written by joseph think produced uh and with music by disparition and starring josec and nicole so make sure you are still subscribed to alice isn't dead and go get those on april the 13th as new episodes come out finally speaking of other shows do you want to hear us talk about other things. We have three other really great chat shows. First of all, there's Good Morning Nightvale for all of your Nightvale needs. You can hear Hal, Meg, and Symphony talk about every single

episode in order of Welcome to Nightvail. Also, we have Random Horror Number Nine. That is me and Nightville star Cecil Baldwin talking about horror movies one at a time in a random order. And then Joseph and Meg do best, worst, which is a really fun podcast where they look at hit TV shows and they review the best rated on IMDB, the worst rated on IMDB, and if you're a Patreon member, they will review the middleest rated on IMDB. So check out all of those at Nightvillepresents.com or just wherever you get your podcast. And hey, thanks. Hey, so our newest live recording, The Investigators, was released on Bandcamp recently,

and we said it would be released on iTunes soon. Well, as of today, as of this very moment, in fact, That soon has become now. It is available on iTunes now. Over two hours of new Night Vale Live material featuring something like 15 guest stars and live music by Disparition and Eliza Rickman, available right now on iTunes and still available at nightfail.bancamp.com. To celebrate, here is a clip from The Investigators. It is one of the bonus tracks of the recording featuring Will Wheaton as Earl Harlan. Enjoy.

Let's have a look now at the community calendar. Wednesday evening, Night Vale's most popular restaurant, Terniquet. We'll be hosting a special chef's table dinner. To learn more about this, we have Ternicott's sous chef, Earl Harlan. Right now on the phone with us. Thanks for joining us, Earl. Thank you, Cecil. Yeah.

Well, the annual... Chef's Table Dinner is a special night when our executive chef, Lashon Mason, personally curates and prepares a five-course tasting menu. It's $500 prefix and is limited to only 13 attendees, so it will be an intimate and a unique experience. Chef Mason wants to share some brand new dishes he's been working on in his test kitchen. He hand delivers each dish to the diners. And then he lingers slowly over each diner as they eat, explaining every single bite as he touches their chins, gently with his rough thumbs and his soft, moist palms,

lifting their mandibles up and down, to help them through the first stage of the human digestive process. He also matches his heartbeat with theirs. Everyone at the chef's table will share a heartbeat. That sounds very posh. Have you ever listened to a heartbeat, Cecil? Oh, sure. Yeah, I can actually hear my own right now very loudly

in my headphones. Let's see. Bum, ba bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Sounds terrifying. It is. Anyway, this year's dinner

will center around quail. Oh. Chef Mason recently rediscovered the joy of quail meat while on a spiritual retreat underneath his own bed. He was there for weeks. Curled into a fetal position, alternating between screaming and crying

and clenching his eyes and teeth tightly because he is really into meditation these days. During the retreat, he found several quail living in his box spring mattress. And they were his only friends. He named them, Anne, George, Latimer, Kosca, Ann Jr., and Friday. They all kept each other.

company in the cold, dark night. And later when Chef Mason got hungry, he ate them all. It was hard to lose such good friends. But they were so delicious, he wanted to share that flavor with Night Vale. So will you be at the dinner, Earl? Oh, yes. Yes, I will wake up that morning and I will stare at myself in the mirror repeating, you can do this, Earl. You can do this, Earl. You can do this, Earl. You can do this, Earl, until my reflection says, you're right. And then we'll brush each other's teeth and trim each other's moustaches and comb each other's hair. And then step through the mirror and once again switch places in each other's mirrored world for the day. I'll drive my car slowly into the parking lot of tourniquet, and then I'll call my son to tell

him, I love him, and that I remembered his name, which I can do most days. And then I'll sigh heavily, and I'll put on my tuk and my jacket and do my job. Oh, well, it is such a blessing to have a career that you love. So what can the diners expect at this rare culinary event? Well, we will start with quail salad, with a fig and orange milk dressing, followed by a large amount of quail eggs dropped from the ceiling. Then pasta made entirely from beaks. Then the main course in which I'll use a bullhorn to recite instructions for gutting and

cleaning while each diner is given a live quail and a brick. Oh. Oh, it says your press release says the dinner begins at 7.30. 7.30 p.m. on the dot. Now, this is one of the coolest parts of the whole night. It's right at 7.30 when all of the diners from last year's event will finally be released from the kitchen and sent back to their old lives. Oh. Well, that sounds fun.

Oh, the sounds. There are so many sounds, Cecil. there are so many things to hear and to deal with. Yes, there are a lot of sounds, Earl. Thankfully, my job is to talk and not to listen. It is great to have you on the show, Earl. Let's do this again soon, okay? Bye, bye, Cecil. Talk to you soon.

All right, bye, Earl. The Investigators, two hours of brand new Nightfail, available now on iTunes, and at nightvail.bandcamp.com. Hey, Jeffrey Kraner here to tell you about another show from me and my Nightvale co-creator Joseph Fink. It's called Unlicensed, and it's an L.A. noir-style mystery set in the outskirts of present-day Los Angeles. Unlicensed follows two unlicensed private investigators who small jobs looking into insurance claims and missing property are only the tip of a conspiracy

iceberg. There are already two seasons of unlicensed for you to listen to now with season three dropping on May 15th. Unlicensed is available exclusively through Audible, free if you already have that subscription. And if you don't, Audible has a trial membership. And if I know you, and I do, you can binge all that mystery goodness in a short window. And if you like it, if you liked unlicensed, please, please rate and review each season. Our ability to keep making this show is predicated on audience engagement. So go check out. unlicensed available now only at audible.com.