Welcome to Night Vale - Bonus - Excerpt from All Hail

Episode Date: August 23, 2018

An excerpt from our latest live show recording, All Hail, featuring Hal Lublin as Steve Carlsberg. Get the full recording on Bandcamp and iTunes. Get four exclusive bonus tracks from All Hail – featuring Wil Wheaton as Earl Harlan, Jasika Nicole as Dana Cardinal, Molly Quinn as Melony Pennington, and Dylan Marron as Carlos the Scientist – by becoming a member on Patreon. Help support the show and get exclusive Director's Notes, bonus episodes, merch, and more. And don’t miss our new live show, A SPY IN THE DESERT, this week in Edinburgh and around the world starting in September! Tickets available now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, Nightville, it is Jeffrey Craneer speaking to you from April of 2026 with a couple of cool things coming up. First off, we're going to be in Europe touring our newest Nightville live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest. We're going to be in Edinburgh, UK, on May 27th. We'll be in Manchester on the 28th. We will be in London on May 29th, and we will be in Amsterdam on May the 30th. You can get tickets for these shows at Welcome to Nightville.com slash live, and hopefully we'll have more. shows coming up later this year. Who knows? Just get on our newsletter. Go to Welcome to Nightville.com. Sign up for our newsletter. We will send you emails twice a month to let you know all of the news that you need to know about Welcome to Nightville. One of the big news things to tell you

right now is that our other hit podcast, Alice Isn't Dead, is coming back on April the 13th, written by Joseph Fink, produced by Disparition and starring Jacica and Nicole. More episodes of Alice Isn't Dead return on April the 13th. So make sure you are still subscribe to that podcast. Finally, do you want some cool nightbale merch? Go to welcome to nightville.com, click on store, and we have all kinds of cool t-shirts, things

for the summer, tank tops, beach towels. And if you like coffee mugs, if you want calendars, if you want backpacks, all kinds of cool stuff there. So check out Welcome to Nightville.com and click on store, click on live. If you want to see our live shows, we will see you in Europe. And hey, thanks.

Hey, our latest tour live show, all hail. A story about the glow cloud and about group chanting is now available on iTunes and Band Camp. This is a full hour or so of Nightvale that has never been heard on the podcast and won't be performed live anymore. Here is a brief sample of what there is in store. And in the meantime, let's take a quick look at the community calendar. Let's see here. This Sunday afternoon is the semi-annual craft fair held at the Nightvale Elementary Gym. So come on down and purchase some handmade arts and crafts like scarves, Afghans, shrouds, death masks. There will be symposiums available to beginners and experts alike. Some of those demonstrations include

Darning those darn socks. Knitting your entire attire. Needled point at knife point, whatever it takes to meet a deadline. And crochet, the crime that dare not speak its name. This Monday evening, the Night Vale Community Theater is holding auditions for their summer musical, 42nd Street. Actors must prepare one monologue and one song, memorized. Navy seal training or mixed martial arts experience is preferred. auditions will be held on a private island in the Indian Ocean

and auditionees will be given a compass, a crossbow, and a 35-minute head start. Break a leg. Tuesday burned down last night. Yeah. It was a beautiful and historic day of the week, one of the oldest. Developers say that they have no plans to rebuild Tuesday. However, they are putting in Applebee's in its place.

This Wednesday, there will be a dense fog, and you will hear screams, and you will feel things in the fog. You'll feel slimy things, and sinewy things, and you will hear screams, and occasionally you will feel like you are falling because you probably will be,

and you will not be able to wake up because you are not asleep, and then the fog will pass, and you will not remember what happened, not because you cannot, but because you dare. This community event is sponsored by Sprite. Sprite, obey your...

Registered trademark. Thursday is the start of the annual Nightvale Jazz Fest, sponsored by the last bank of Nightvale. For more on that, we have in the studio the bank's VP of Community Outreach. Wait, this can be right. Steve Carlsberg! Do the news.

No, you got... No, we're at work. We'll get you later. Hey, Cecil. That's right. Your brother-in-law is a vice president of a bank. Okay. Steve, how did you get a job at a bank?

You can't even remember your own house number. Well, I've always been good with finance stuff, Cecil. I even minored in counting in college. You mean a counting. No, counting. I was great at it. I aced my oral exam by listing every single. number up to 10,285,503.

Wow, that is a really high number. Yeah. My advisor said no student had ever memorized that many numbers in order. Oh, impressive. Hmm. Okay. It's been a few years, and I'm a bit rusty, but I might be able to demonstrate for your listeners.

I think they'd be really impressed. No, no, seep. Oh, no, see. One, two, three. Do you need a hint or anything? I don't need a hint. Okay. I'm minored in counting, Cecil.

Okay? One, two, three, four. Yes. Five. Okay, all right, Steve. Hey, why don't you tell us about Jazz Fest? Okay, dokey. The goal of Jazz Fest is about discovering jazz.

We want attendees to find musicians they never would have found otherwise. Jazz Fest begins at dawn at Mission Grove Park. The moment we hear the first metallic creek of the sunrook, a solo trumpet will play an unbroken D-flat as jazz lovers race out of the part past the sand wastes, down the gorge of Radon Canyon, back up the other side, and then another 50 miles through Barron, Sandy, nothing. Wait, so it's not at Mission Grove Park? Why is Jazz Fest all the way out in the desert? Well, who even knows? A true jazz lover doesn't listen to jazz. A true jazz lover looks for jazz. Flicka just said, Jazz Fest is about finding.

jazz musicians and who knows where they're hiding. Jazz fest attendees will fan out in small groups yelling, I want to hear a float solo. But then, as night falls and the wildlife wakes up, the jazz lovers will grow cold and fearful. And just when they thought they had no energy left to actually find any jazz music, they will be hunted by coyotes. chased by venomous snakes and circled by vultures as their lungs burn and their heart clamors and their muscles seize up they will fall into the dry dust of the wilds

they will hear tenor sacks they will whisper sunny roll their swollen gray and pink lips pulsing sharp pains throughout their near lifeless bodies but like all of the burglars performing arts, the sound they hear will be a mirage. A meaningless series of tones. Berest of musical weight. This was never jazz. There is no such thing as art. And as the bird's circle and caw, the jazz lovers will beg for a swift and easy death.

But it will be neither. Moles are very hungry. Steve, do you remember last year when that guy from Pine Cliff found where Esperanza Spalding was playing, but then he held up his festival wristband to the show The Bouncers, and then the buzzards came down

and fully plucked out his eyes. And then he was like, no, no, I'm fine, my ears are fine, I can still hear the jazz. But then the bouncers noticed that it was for Saturday only, and then they wouldn't let him in. On YouTube, like a million times!

Oh, I love jazz bloopers. That's the best. Oh, man, but seriously, How many people are going to get attacked by birds at Jazz Fest this year? Oh, absolutely all of them. Great. Yeah. Anyway, all proceeds from Jazz Fest go to support research for a cure to throat spiders.

It's going to be a blast. Oh, goodness. I almost forgot the most important part. Oh, actually, Steve, I just got to get back to the community calendar really quick. You know, just take a second. I'm double parked. No, no, I really got to go before they tow my car. Just take a moment.

Okay, dokey. Yeah. The community calendar, more on the community calendar. this Thursday is Skin Health Awareness Day. While enjoying the outdoors can be fun, the sun is a dangerous thing. Participating clinics will offer free screenings where they will check your skin for unusual moles or ancient glyphs or birth marks that you fulfill the prophecy or burrowing insect colonies. The Nightville Medical Board reminds you to wear sunscreen and. and a hat went out in the sun.

They're not sure how this helps, because the sun is essentially a million-mile-wide nuclear explosion. But, you know, hey, whatever. Steve, what are you still doing here? Your segment's over. You told me not to leave. You said you'd just be a minute. Steve, I got, like, we have important things going on.

Like, you got to go. Oh, okay, dokey. No, no. Thank you, Steve, Carlsberg. It's a moonlight as a chiropractor. And finally, Fridays are so much fun that we are going to schedule all of our Fridays for this year all in a row.

Yeah! Oh yeah, it's going to be nothing but finishing up that work week and then tearing carefree into the weekend. Now, the bad news is that the rest of the year we'll have no Fridays at all. But you know what? Oh, future us. If you liked that, please do get the rest on Bandcamp or on iTunes.

Links in the show notes. And join our Patreon, where not only can you help us keep making this show, but you can access bonus tracks from All Hail, featuring Molly Quinn, Jessica Nicole, Will Wheaton, and Dylan Marin as Carlos. These bonus tracks will only be available on Patreon. And be sure to check out our newest touring live show. a spy in the desert, this week at the Edinburgh Fringe, and then coming to cities all over North America, UK, and Europe. Check out all of the dates at welcome to nightfail.com slash live. See you soon with a new episode of Nightvail, and hey, keep it up. Are you squeamish about horror movies, but kind of want to know what happens? Or are you a horror

lover who likes thoughtful conversation about your favorite genre? Join me, Jeffrey Kramer, from Welcome to Nightville, Cecil Baldwin, for our weekly podcast, Random Number Generator Horror Podcast Number Nine, where we watch and discuss horror movies in a random order. Find, here's the short version, Random Horror Nine, wherever you get your podcasts. Boo.