Well There‘s Your Problem - BONUS Episode 52 PREVIEW: Guinness

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

full episode at: https://www.patreon.com/posts/guinness-146530172 follow tom on the butterfly site: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:cneeqstqp3ifq47wyzotq5gf or the bird site: https://x.com/gotitatguineys

So if you, now we're getting into the video portion for, this is the part that's going to be difficult. So for listeners, tune into the video because we're going to talk about Guinness's move into the motion picture era. Let's see if we can make this work. I mean, it won't work, but, you know, okay, we have YouTube.com slash watch slash stuff. It sort of works. It kind of works. No, it's not working now. In fact, well, I'm in the chair.

Hold on, everyone's got to watch it. I don't know what's going on. Okay, I mean, I'm in favor of whatever I'm watching, even if you can't. So, I'll describe it for you. This is a happy sea lion stealing a zookeeper's Guinness. And then he hits it with your classic. Oh, my goodness. My goodness.

So to prefigure a lot of this, this was Guinness moving into the proliferation of televisions in the home and like fighting the battlefield in the home and also there was changing habits of like people started drinking at home it was like never really a thing before a lot of this airy stuff

was people like David Ogilvie you know this is madman shit but their ideas like Don Draper's like smoke a series like what if we got a seal to steal is Guinness just guy in the sharpest suit you've ever seen being like Getting pissed in your house.

I'm rinked in the gaff. Smash up your own living room. I don't think you are all ready for how insane this is about to get, because this is the most normal ad that I've put in the entire thing. Yes. Okay. Hold on. Let's see if we can do the next one.

Malayana. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, that truck is absolutely ballers hell. Oh, fuck, that rules. Yeah. We love a Land Rover defender on this podcast on this podcast. No, but you need to get one of those.

I know. Well, I need to learn to drive first, but then I need to get a Lover Drive. You can get a Defender 90. This is, this is a, this is a thrilling industrial drama here. When the crisis is over and the job well done, a man deserves a real drink. Guinness Stout, original Stout worldwide. Rich, robust, and deeply satisfying. Man, that guy just fucking pounded that shit.

I fully thought that was gonna be like, the pipeline transports the Guinness, but no. No, it's just like, here's some guys working on a pipeline. You know what's a fun thing to do after you, after you'd like finish fixing the pipeline? Slam an entire pint of Guinness. It's good for you. Absolutely demolish. The 17th is overthrowing a, you know, military dictatorship in Malaysia to install the Guinness pipeline.

The act of drinking? A truck like that. Oh, these people need, like, some Corillium tools. Holy crap. Um, no, yeah, it is just, yeah, I, I was almost killed in the pipeline disaster. I mean, you're almost killed before recording this. How does it make you feel vis-a-vis Guinness?

Pretty good. It makes me want to drink Guinness. Wow, I mean, that's your sort of guerrilla marketing. Well, I guess so, yeah. I feel like it's good for you too, so. That ad was about, um, you know, Guinness in Malaysia. But this started kind of a arms. race for ads and

what you're about to see is a Murphy's ad ad. Oh, gosh, this is like two dozen of things. Right, yeah. Is this going to get his copy? This is going to ruin death of life. Fully just took the theme tune from Seven Samurai. Mourines!

Oh! Oh! Go ahead! Go ahead! I'm going to go. And the best part of that is that at the end of it, the samurai are all speaking in a cork accent. Oh boy.

Why are they getting it from a bottle? That's what I want to know. So most of the time, pre-draft, and some people do prefer stout from a bottle. It has a different texture and a slightly different flavor, but it's like evoking. like oh if samurai were in west cork what would they have they would have a pint of murphy's but this triggered an escalation in the advertising arms race of stout which made everything get real

abstract and real weird would everyone like to go on to the next video which is called the dancing man okay oh god i remember this one how the fuck do i remember this one it's full when it came It's really, really failed. It won, like, so many awards. Every so often, Guinness just decides to, like, prop up an entire industry, whether that's canal transport or, like, marketing. Oh, no, but wait until... There is an advert later on that I cannot wait to tell you who directed it.

Oh, I know this one. Sorry. This is a trivium that I know. Why is he doing Jamarukwai? So this is to highlight the idea of like the two-par pour for Guinness, which is like an integral part of their brand identity that like it's about patience.

It's like, oh, you have to wait for it to pour correctly. I do like the idea of going to a bar where the floors are all treadmills, though. I don't. Challenge drinking. Doing the virtual insanity loom to try and take an officer's service, Guinness. so the next ad is I think one of the weirder ads and this is a if you want to hit play

okay men and women shouldn't live together it's a metaphor just wait it's hard to be sort of the message of this thing isn't it I mean bold anti-heterosexual stance I suppose I do support it I'm so happy that none of you have ever seen this before. I loved the 90s when every message about men was like, men are disgusting pigs. Isn't that great being one? I'm gonna finalized anything from that. Shave and get drunk. No, don't see.

We're already brilliant. Is he doing the anime girl Toast Mouth run? Giddah said it's okay to be gay in 1995. I mean, this is a very accurate depiction of, you know, gay relationships that, like, one of them is a horrible, disgusting man and the other is like, I'm going to clean everything. Looking at gay couple drinking pints of Guinness, which one of you is the man and which one of you is the one? Well, listen, after too many points, nobody's bottoming. um so in the next one uh this is a even further escalation of the advertising war which i think is the single best beer that has ever been made a lot of people say this was made about production

iG just hit play okay this is a good one oh fuck off the production values are way too high on this one Jesus. It's the future of Philadelphia. Yeah. Huge Liberty bell. This is dumb. This is Dublin, Greene.

So this is a callback to the Seven Samurai. How good was that? What did everyone think? Jesus Christ, that was incredible. That's a really good ad, yeah. A lot of people very apocryphly say that was directed by a Mamoroshi, who, who directed Ghost on the Shell. It wasn't.

It was directed by Kiroyoki, Hiro Yuki, Kitakubo, another anime director. It is fucking insane. And I love that every year someone will post it

on whatever social media and it will immediately go viral. Yes. Why is that good? Like, no wonder. So in the next step, the 90s were really

kind of the abstract, let's get weird with it. We have the pinnacle of it. the Guinness ad that won all of the awards directed by ads could be art maybe yes this one directed by the director of the zone of interest jonathan glazer so now we can we close that loop with virtual insanity he waits and i mean honestly that's what he does it's a great ad and they'll tell you what this is this is evil it's selling

It's a great piece of filmmaking for a commercial purpose. Yeah, we will eventually get to the ad that makes me cry every year, but we'll get there. Ahab says I don't care who you are. Here's to your dream. The old sailors return to the bar. Here's to you, I have. And the fat drummer hit the beat with all his heart. Just some great moments in Anglophone waiting for a beer cinema up there with ice cold and Alex.

This is before Colvin made everyone queue up in a straight line. That genuinely something terrible happened there. to waiting creeping yankification yes oh god so this had won like every fucking war and then uh we have ginnis moving into its uh great movies that like that was incredible this is Guinness is a fun and silly era. I don't know. I'm seeing a black Guinness fan. I'm already terrified.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't want to get the Spets to hands. Saddam Hussein employed the Guinness Quality Team as his private security. The Guinness Republic and Government. There are 25,000 of the quality team. I'm terrified. The quality team check every single one. We know the way.

to everywhere. Martin, have you ever been to San Jose? San Jose. Give us the back of beyond. No wonder the Guinness is great. We know the way to everywhere. There is nowhere you can hide from us. There is a predator drone orbiting your pub at this moment.

Including your home and your exact location. So if you want to go on to the next one, this is the Guinness Christmas time ad this makes me cry every year as someone who you know doesn't live in their home country and misses it quite a lot uh hit play oh yes Pause. Don't forget to turn the lights off. It won't. It won't.

even at the home of the black stuff they dream of a white one happy christmas yeah fucking terrifying asthma uh whisper at the end there yeah like without fail i will see that like come up on social media or on tv around this time especially for the past like couple of years since i lived in the uk and i'd be like oh i'm about to cry um but then ginnis realized oh we need to um expand our audience outside of just white people so if you want to go to the next video and while you're watching that

I'm going to go for four pulls of a cigarette so feel free to riff hold on I also have to use I have to use the restaurant God almighty God damn it all right I'll be right back oh they read the same

magazine article about these guys as everyone else in the world did what There was like one magazine article, I don't remember when, about the time this came out, I guess, about this subculture of guys in Congo, Sapelle, like the guys who get dressed up in the insanely hard fit. Yeah, what is it going? The subculture is going hard as hell. Yeah, legit. Like, that is the actual subculture is you work in like, I don't know, a metal foundry or an office.

and then by night you put on the absolute sickest menswear anyone has ever seen and like obviously all of these guys photograph incredibly

really lends itself well to like that genre of orthography and so everybody when they saw this kind of went nuts and I guess Guinness pointed in on this as well

Drinking Guinness makes you as cool as these guys. We are the sappers. The Society of Elegant Persons of the Congru. Invellible is what I need to spread the world. Tell me now. Tell me how. To understand. One day so fine today.

You see, my friends, with every brace and every conflict, we say, I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. I've never been as cool as these guys in my fucking life, but I'm not going to start just because I start drinking Guinness, you know? I've seen you pull off some pretty good fits Thank you I don't think you would look very good in multicolored menswear But I mean it gets more of a constraint I gotta I gotta return some clothes I just ordered them

Listen you start dating a non-binary person again And I listen like ultimately like This is going to be problematic of me to say Some in the comments of the last video said Nova's you know always insufferable When she opens her mouth about trans people to which my answer is. And I said this in the comments,

suffer anyway. The highest honor the Transfirm culture can award is we see something about you and we just steal that and incorporate that into our own styles. So I started dating a non-binary person very into what I would describe as themswear.

Lots of kind of androgynous suits, lots of like necklaces, lots of scarves, lots of like colorful prints. And I'm like, yeah, I could incorporate that into my personality. I could just, I could just take that and make that line. I could be a scarf, scarf girl. Yeah, exactly. And so, um, you know, I, I, I'm maybe trying to get some sort of like, uh, frillia, lacier shirts on the go. I'm, I'm starting to get some, like, big prints. And, you know, we'll see how that works out for me. Possibly to be a disastrous

era in my life. But you know what? It's not going to be the weirdest I've ever dressed in my life. Uh, so, you know, we shall see. Um, my, my thing, that I recommend highly is, uh, I love having like a regular, a couple of like loadouts of jewelry, so to speak, where it's like, okay, I look like shit. I just rolled out of bed. I can barely run a brush to my hair. But if I throw on three bracelets, a necklace and some good earrings, people look at me and be like, hey, wow, she looks like made up. It's, it's a complete life hack. I highly recommend it. Oh, yeah. The army in your perk layout so you can swap loadouts on the floor. Yeah. Carrying around.

like a little like clutch with a jewelry box inside it. But like give me one second and then the little music starts playing as I open the box up. I'm not going to be as cool as these guys, but that's fine, you know? Yeah, the sapuers are like really cool and it's part of the story that Guinness has decentralized a lot of their production in terms of globally. So they have their second biggest plant in Lagos, Nigeria and it is fucking insane. It's so cool. Just again, the weird kind of commercial impulses lead Guinness to become a massive beneficiary

of somewhere, canals, Nigeria, it just, it goes on and on. Yeah, I'm back. Where are we? We just finished talking about this slide. So next slide is- Oh, okay.