Well There‘s Your Problem - Episode 115: Herald of Free Enterprise

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

boat fall over Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wtyppod/ Our Merch: https://www.solidaritysuperstore.com/wtypp Slides: https://youtu.be/40Gl_O5rHtk Send us stuff! our address: Well There's Your Podcasting Company PO Box 40178 Philadelphia, PA 19106 DO NOT SEND US LETTER BOMBS thanks in advance in the commercial: Local Forecast - Elevator Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

This is going to be fun for you guys to edit. Yeah, I was about to say. It's cut all of a sudden. It's fine. They don't need. They don't need to know that they can nominate us to be admirals of Nebraska. I was going to say, would I be able to wear the. Does it come with a dress uniform?

Because I already kind of have one. And can I indicate it somewhere on my, you know, ribbons or metals? It can take. It has no duties, no pay, no compensation and no powers. You can't really do. You get a certificate, I think, but to be honest, there's nothing stopping you from making up your own Nebraska Admiral uniform. And all you have to have done to like deserve it is the governor has to agree

that you've like contributed in some way to the state of Nebraska. And really, what's more of a contribution than like entertaining its citizens with podcasts? We get, Roz, we got to start the Pennsylvania Naval Militia back up again. We could. We could probably do that. I mean, Pennsylvania has some navigable rivers. This is this is this is my argument. This Nebraska has the Missouri River and Russia has a river Navy.

Why can't Nebraska? The coral fleet of Nebraska. Rhode Island apparently has Commodores again by analogy with Kentucky. And I like there's no information about that. I think you have to be like in the mob to get it and say, it was everything else in Rhode Island. But like Rhode Island has a coastline, you know, indeed it does. It's quite a Rhode Island Navy sounds like some Gilbert and Sullivan shit.

I'm sorry. The honorary, the lifetime Rhode Island Commodore is H.P. Lovecraft. And you have to you don't want to know what the ship's name is. There's a there's a pattern song about Pat Tuckett. I'm looking through the list of the list of Rhode Island Commodore said the only one that you will have heard of is Ted Turner. Everyone else is like a Rhode Island. So it certainly won't be Kurt Schilling famous for big bankrupt nearly bankrupt.

The Rhode Island. The Kings of Amalor. Yeah. They broke his sword in the game, I guess. Stripped off his numbers off his jersey. All right. Well, if the technical difficulties are over. We have a podcast.

We're doing a podcast. Hello and welcome to Well, There's Your Problem. It's a podcast about engineering disasters with slides. I'm Justin Rosnick. I'm the person who's talking right now. My pronouns are he and him. All right, go. I am Alex Gordor Kelly.

I'm the person who's talking now. My pronouns are she and her. Yeah, Liam. Yeah, I'm Liam Anderson. I'm out West now. I was fleeing the Pinkerton's. My pronouns are good morning and fellow. Believe it or not, that's not Liam.

My name is Tom. Tom Paine from 10,000 Losses. My pronouns are he him. We get you back on when we want to talk about a ship that's gone wrong. Yes. And also Liam's on vacation. Yes.

Yeah. I'm like Liam, too, on the death chart. Yeah. Liam, too. Liam Harder. I can't go as hard as he can. So what we have on the screen here is a boat. Which fell over.

It's oriented in the wrong fucking plane here, you know. Yes. It does not have excellent transverse stability. I was about to say. It's not supposed to be like that. Today, we're going to talk about the MS. Herald of free enterprise. Fucking hate that name.

Yes. Yes. It's thatcherism right there. The first neoliberal ferry. A globe emoji on the back. But first you have to do the goddamn news. I listen. So I'm moving to the United States now.

I have to because Britain is a failed state with a failed economy because of this woman after I ministered, Liz Truss. I've been telling you this for a while. Come to America. It's so good. We have freedom. Yeah. You do.

You do. Yeah. And also a lot of other things. But yeah. But you're about to lose the health care too. Let's go. That's true. But guns.

And that's a good point. That's a really good idea. We can go shooting. I mean. Actually, this leads me to a question about Americans, which is, you know, I see your YouTube's, all of these things. You know, I know your people somewhat. You do activities like you have free health care when you know you don't.

Yes. Yes. I don't really understand that. But here in Britain, we do just about how free health care just doesn't work. And the government has been like, we have a new conservative party leader and thus a new prime minister who was determined to day one kill the queen, which mission accomplished. Excellent.

Yes. Very good. Day two collapsed the economy and the pound, which also done. So I don't know what you what you call an act like that or what the next thing is, but I'm very excited. Because right now, you know, a pound is worth about a dollar and it might get worse. That's very much a sort of a James K. Polk vibe there. You know, you go in, fulfill every campaign promise, then leave.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, you know. Or like Cincinnati. We know Boris Johnson compared himself to Cincinnati in his leaving speech. So here's the one thing holding Britain together. He's returned.

Is he the cabbage farmer? Is that the other guy? That's the other guy. He's returned his his plow and by plow, I mean, not finishing a book about Shakespeare. So yeah, no, we've everything's going to get really bad here. The cost of living is getting higher. The cost of everything else is getting higher. Now you have to pay for it and joke money.

That isn't real. So when I do come to the UK next summer, I can just drive around, just flinging greenbacks. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to be like a sort of GI in 1946 Berlin. Oh, that's that's sort of what the vibe is going to be. Marshall plan, the pain plan.

Yeah. So please continue to subscribe to the Patreon so that I have a job that is paid in dollars, giving me catastrophic purchasing power in my failed state. In other news. Hurricane Ian. It's kind of an anticlimactic name for what was like in the top five strongest hurricanes to ever hit the US, I think. All right, so it was a real big one and it hit, it didn't hit in as bad of a place

as it could have, but it hit in a pretty bad place. Yeah. It hit a state that's, you know, valuable and somewhere along the East Coast. But yeah, no, they got fucked pretty hard, but I don't think Tampa and Fort Myers exist anymore. So I don't know where training is going to be. That's my primary concern next year. I think Tampa, Tampa once again dodged the bullet.

Fort Myers, though. Holy shit. Yeah, Fort Myers, Naples, towns like this. Well, I mean, you know, that's what you get for naming or something after Italy. So my understanding is that this just whipped in from what would ordinarily be the leeward side, the West Coast of Florida and just went sort of like left to right devastated the whole swath of the state, then came up into what like fucking Kentucky or some shit like that.

It's South Carolina. Yeah, it whacked right into Charleston as a category one, but they've gotten those before. You know, so that's that. And currently it's pouring down rain here. So, you know, we have all experienced this. It's pretty dry here. I think the low is over at Kentucky at this point.

Yeah, it's supposed to move offshore. Maybe eventually, maybe it'll re-strengthen and destroy Ireland and the UK. Oh, that's what we need. That's how you can avoid some hyperinflation. By dying. We've got to see scarcity through like the, you know, how the black death method. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, so we have seen some some fun videos come out of this, like the extremely Florida guy who went out in the massive hurricane to wave a let's go Brandon flag. Yes. Managed not to get hit in the head. The weather channel reporter who went out in the hurricane and did get hit in the head. And then this guy who is just doing doing bone rips. The first the first storm to take out Jim Cantori. You know, I really appreciate the storm for that.

And another another question, a second question to Americans. Like, why, why to explain the concept of a storm to you? Do you make a guy go out in it as a kind of like ritual sacrifice for TV? I think he just likes doing it. I can't stop him. They're like trying to hold him back. They're trying to hold Jim Cantori back. You know, it doesn't feel good.

It doesn't feel good. Like, you know, I guess he likes, he's a masochist. Maybe him and Liz trust could hook. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Big hurricane shapes ring on the day collar. Yeah. Yeah.

They could have their own like, you know, fucking fetish party. There's a guy with a kilt there. Security. Yeah. Yeah. I fucking, but yeah, that shits wild at how quick this just like rolled through. And it's, um, yeah. So sorry for the actual good people in Florida.

Very, very nearly like smacked one of those Noah planes, like out of the sky. There's a video. Oh, yeah. One of the, one of the like guys on board where I just like, they lose like 700 feet of altitude like in a second because it just like comes down and like slaps the plane over the top of the wings. You know. Hell yeah.

That sounds like fun. Yeah. I'm a psychopath like that. Cause they're all like the kind of combination of like psychopath and nerds that you get for like jobs like that when they're in there, in their little like Noah jumpsuits, uh, getting like thrown around this lightning outside the window and they're all like, wow, that's crazy. Holy shit.

This is fucking cool, man. I'm going to die in a blaze of glory. Like fuck it. Not even that animated. You know, there's like, wow, this is crazy. Wow. Like they don't have like a second thing to say. Incredible.

Yes. Shots out to cool ass, no one nerds. Oh yeah. Absolutely. Yes. One of the few good, uh, government agencies. That's bad to say. Not if the leather has anything to say about it though.

Part of the like fad of giving government agencies pseudo naval uniforms that I think we should bring back, you know. Oh, well, I gotta tell you something about Noah is that they wear the Coast Guard operational, the ODU. Yeah. And they complained because it was embroidered with the Coast Guard like a seal on the one side, like into a very low key embroidered in the fabric. And they're like, can we don't run our Coast Guard?

Can you get this taken off? So they removed it, causing supply chain issues for Noah and public health service. Fantastic. I love this though. I think more federal bureaucracies should just have a like a kind of naval ash or Coast Guard ash uniform. Yeah. Yeah.

I should have, I should, I should have Dress Blues commensurate with like how many years of service. I have a good idea. I like that. You don't, you don't get any like change in, you're not going to form a uniform, but you just get decorations. So you can sew like a service stripe onto a tweed jacket. You know,

I get battle stars. I have pain on the side of my classroom. Yeah. You're trying to do like, you're trying to teach the alphabet, but it's just like E, E, E. Yeah. Let's recall our big E over here. We recognize in this classroom.

In other news, in other news, we have a third nose. There's something very sinister about a picture of a darkened Wawa. I was about to say, so there was, there was like a big robbery at a Wawa in, what was it, Mayfair? Yeah. Yeah. Up in like Northeast Philly. Yeah.

And they've completely changed how Wawa operates in the city now. It's, it's appalled. So I was mad about this because I was coming home from my friend's house, pretty drunk last night. And I was like, I'm going to stop in a Wawa and get a hoagie. Right. And you know what they've done at the 38th Street Wawa? They have fucking bouncers.

They have bouncers in a Wawa and they're metering people coming in. Like you can't, you can't just walk in anymore. You've got to stand in a line in front of the Wawa. And, and I'm like, okay, this is, we have completely seated control of the city to 20 teenagers who decided to rob a Northeast Philly Wawa. The terrorists have won. The terrorists won. They've shut down Wawa late, late night Wawa.

It's like waiting in line. Yeah. Wawa like operates a security response. The same as airports do. Whether like one thing happens, that's it. It's ruined for everyone. You walk into the Wawa. It's like, you know, I mean, you have to have a certain BAC, I guess, to get in at a certain

point. You know, so you wouldn't be allowed in. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Have you, do you have any sort of posts about how like the Wawa food ain't no good anymore? And if you do, you can't be allowed like to be denied entry.

We're anti-Wawa agitators. We can't lie to you in here. You were saying that the bread ain't good anymore. That's fucked up, man, because we bake down premises. Getting deported on the Wawa. Fuck this shit. Fuck this shit. What are you going to do?

Go 7-Eleven? You ain't going to fucking do that, aren't you? No. Delete that tweet, motherfucker. Go bird. What are you going to do? You're going to go to Sheets? There's no, there's no Sheets within eight miles from here.

Them, them shits out on the fucking turnpike, dude. You got that. You got, you got an EZepass? Let me see. Let me see. All right. It's my EZepass now, bitch. Fuck off.

Okay. So we're going out to Sheets. Fuckin' go out to Sheets like a fucking, what are you, fucking from Pittsburgh or something? All right. All right. So yeah, they've, they've ruined, they've ruined our late night hoagie.

Stupid. All right, big paradigm. Just as gobbler season's coming around, and those who don't know what a gobbler, Al, do you know what a gobbler is? No. It's a wonderful sandwich that is. Just look into this very strongly right now.

It is a sandwich made with sliced turkey and gravy, cheese of your choice. It looks really good, actually. Cranberry sauce and you're either mashed potato or stuffing. No, that genuinely looks really good. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's good. Yeah.

If you got diarrhea, it's really good at stopping it too. Point that shit right up. Yeah. Like one of these a week then. Yeah. Oh yeah. But like, yeah, I am, I am very frustrated because I could have had a hoagie, but I was too intimidated by the situation to

even figure out what was going on. Yeah, you're denied your hoagie. Exactly. And I was like, I am just going to walk home. And I walked the full mile to get there too. And then I had to walk a mile back. This is a travesty. Securitizing public spaces like this.

You know, it has unseen costs. Yeah. This is what happens. That's why Liam's out west. Out west, you know, trying to escape a charge of like assault with a deadly weapon on a Wawa bouncer. Asking the locals that you got a hoagie around here, partner. Yeah.

What are you talking about? Do you mean a submarine sandwich? I don't know what a hoagie is. Are you from New York? Dutch. I ain't too sure about this Wawa plan. Arthur. Ain't I raised with my own son?

Warfer. Yeah, I go get some hoagies. I can't do touch that well. Yeah. No. No. Oh, no, Dutch. All right.

All right. Let's let's do an episode. That's it. 20 minutes of bullshit already. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. So.

All right. So mad. So mad. Yeah. There's this thing called. Geography class. Yeah. So sometimes, sometimes in life, you have to get across the channel.

You want to, you want to get away from England or more plausibly, you know, depressingly, sometimes you have to go to England. Yeah. There's a bunch of different ways you can go to England. There's a bunch of different ports. However, the most popular route. Huh? Hook of Holland.

What the fuck? There's, there's, there's like one port in the Netherlands that literally the first two letters are in capital is like, you know, something ridiculous. Do something. They don't crack down on this very strongly. How the fuck is Dutch like the closest language to English? And it's like, I can't, I look at it. I'm like, what the fuck is this shit?

It's just, it's bad German is what it is. So yeah, the biggest port on each side is Dover and Calais. Um, and so that's the most popular route for ferries. It's a huge, huge amount of cargo and passengers, like trucks and stuff go through here every year. Um, they also, I have seen this route Dover to Calais called the Blue Ribbon route, uh, which is cultural appropriation. It is.

Yeah. That's, that's the United States, the one and only remaining holder of it. Yep. That's true. I thought there was like, uh, one of those catamaran ferries that holds it, but only for going one way. Hmm. I thought you had to go both ways for it.

No, you do have to go both ways for it. But I believe they're still like half a blue ribbon. Yeah. It's a 50 degree transparency ribbon. Yeah. It's like, uh, it's like a Mobius strip. So it only has one side. Yeah.

Also, also one other thing I should say about this, this is a bigger deal logistically for the opening of the channel tunnel. Uh, and also like this, there's less like air freight as you go back earlier. So like moving shit into England, you go by boats. Uh, and that means there's a lot of ferry traffic. There's also not that much air freight in general, just cause airplanes are heavy. You can't even like transport for loading a bunch of crude oil into a plane. Yeah.

I love, I love to have my crude oil airport terminal mere 500 meters from my downtown. Yeah. I own a fleet of 7,000 at the Nave and two, two, five, which I, which I use to move like gravel. Maybe we should do this, you know, bring, bring me the aggregate plane. I think it can be done. Go find the shake hands with danger map, uh, transfer people to the official map of this podcast.

Yes. I think it's a big issue with that game. I mean, there's a lot of, there's a lot of stuff going forward, but they did forget to add the fun. Yeah. Um, yeah. No, no, great. I got really great.

If you like watching the trains go back and forth, but after that, it kind of does kind of get boring. There's like no sense. There's like no sense. Like every, this game criticism, uh, like no sense of place, like no sense of like locality. That's, that's my point. Especially cause like the default stuff unless you mod it pretty heavily, like it's all like

vehicles from fucking wherever, you know, I don't, I'm not stuck with like some British Leyland fucking truck because I'm in, you know, the accursed aisles. I thought that the locomotive progression in the American, uh, uh, set is like very strange. You know, you get two Atlantic's, but you don't get a Pacific. Like what the hell is going on there? There's no tender on the earliest one. That's annoying.

Yeah. You know, the big, what, what they really need to do is they need to combine, if you had the graphics and sort of physical gameplay of transport fever too, but you combine that with like the sort of the, the, the more management style you got in railroad Tycoon two, I think you'd have a winner of a game. Right there. But, you know, but anyway, yeah, so we're going, we're going to, how do you say it's not, it's not, so it's not Calais.

How do you say it? Calais. I mean, go with the Calais. Calais. Oh my God. Praxis. Calis. Calis.

Calis. Calis on the Zandam. Yeah. Yeah. Um. Uh. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, so, all right. So there's a, there were a couple of companies. Uh, well, for a while there were not a couple of companies doing, uh, these different ferry routes, but one that showed up pretty early on was Townsend Thorinsen, right? Hmm.

Suspiciously Norwegian. Yeah. There's, there's some Norse involvement here. I believe it was a merger of Townsend ferries and Thoris and ferries, which I believe Thoris and ferries was, uh, it was one of the low countries, I want to say. I'm not sure. Uh, here, here are a couple of their ships. Uh, you got the free enterprise too.

You've got the pride of free enterprise. You've got the free enterprise five. I'm dissecting some ideology here. Yeah. That little bit. CC 7, 1701 A enterprise, the 17, oh, but the C is the coolest one in the episode yesterday's enterprise. The sickest looking one.

That's been watching the lower darks lately, surprisingly good for something in that animation style. It's not bad. Um, so you got to ask the question though, why, why are all these ships called free enterprise? The ideology, it's ideology straight up ideology. Yeah. I read iron rand and yeah, the giant vault speech really got him going. Yeah.

This is not practical to do with trains, but maybe we can do it with ferries. Maybe we can have private ownership and these were some of the first ferries in private ownership because before then they had British rail ceiling. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. I love a sort of like extended British rail universe branding exercise. I went diesel railcar simulator to like include like a diesel, uh, the same controls as like

a class one on one. Having to change gears a little knob. Yeah. I know it's, I know it's ready to change when the fucking the, the, the windscreen starts rattling. Well, I mean, you got to think the same time these things were operating, you also still had Canadian national liners. Yeah.

You see this at the same time as this, you had British rail branded sort of hovercraft parcels. They had red star parcels, which is the most communist British rail. Like fucking they, for a while they had national, God, I can't even remember what it was called, but like the land transport bit that was nationalized too. Did British rail ever launch a satellite? Uh, no, but the post office did once design a UFO, uh, British rail owned the patent for the UFO.

Did it? Yes. Oh shit. All right. Did you just edit in the sort of like slowly spinning, uh, schematic of the British rail? Your phone, that would be very helpful. Also, uh, by the way, brief announcement, re our editor, Devin, since this came up in the comments last time, Devin's pronouns are they and them.

Thank you. Yeah. I made that mistake once on 10,000 losses when we had this fake beef because he had blocked. I think he still has 10,000 losses. Got you. Got you. Again. I'm a horrible human being.

I come over to the UK, you get a free, you get a free hit. I'm sorry. Damn. Listen, I'm a dumb ass. I'm like, my, my heart's in the right place. Fuck. Listen, it's completely fine. What a language.

You know what? I want a language that I'll use a fucking pronouns, dude. What are you talking about? I don't have some program. I don't want pronouns anymore. Totally like non-gendered language. I'm just going to decline. I'm going to decline a noun for now on.

You know, doing a, doing a sort of sort of weird Esperanto type shit. Well, everything's male in Esperanto. That's the fucking problem. Sorry, Devin. I really am. Truly. All right. It gets blocked.

Block 10,000 losses again. So C-link. Yeah. C-link. Yes. I didn't write this slide. Someone else has to go. I put some stuff in there.

I don't, I don't fucking know that much about it. I said once, so Britain was following the, the Marxism. Yeah. The Labour Party post-war. We did. And they, they attempted to achieve commanding heights of the economy, which we critically support. And then Liberals got mad.

So C-link was British. The thing is right. If you, if you try and like control a major like logistical route into your country, then by, by the state, like with the state itself, then that's inefficient. Whereas if you just give it to some guy, that's more efficient. Exactly. That's much more efficient. Yeah.

Of course efficiency is always measured in terms of something and something else. In our case, that means some guy makes a lot of money. Yeah. That's what efficiency is. And that money is not reinvested into operations at all. No. They wanted to privatize C-link for a long time. They finally managed to do it in 1984.

But yeah. So weirdly that excluded the hovercraft. They kept on for a bit. But so until then, C-link had to compete or was forced to compete. Because like, like you're saying about Canadian Pacific or Canadian national liners, right? Like ferries across the channel were originally a railway thing. You had a boat train and then the guy who owns the train goes, wait a second, why the fuck don't I own the boat as well?

And then those railways got nationalized and British railways like handed all of these ferries, essentially. So that's how C-link comes into being. And this is like a perennial thorn in the side of, you know, thatcherites and other people who hate the government doing stuff because that's socialism. And so thus you get towns and thorns and so on and so on. Yes. So I saw in a couple of comments, I had scoured the webs for such websites as like Kent online.

Nice. So so I found a bunch of like just comments on the disaster because it was like when the anniversary came up, I guess back, you know, a couple of years ago, and people were saying how C-link was by the by then C-link was nicer, but more expensive. And towns and thorns and crammed you in there like sardines, but it was faster and cheaper. Sort of your British Airways versus EasyJet or Ryanair kind of vibe, I suppose. Sort of race to the bottom that's happened with all forms of transportation now. I mean, you know, if you look at, I mean, air travel could be a lot nicer than it is.

But, you know, we're doing the trap thing of why don't people wear suits to go on the plane anymore? Oh, no, because it sucks. You get your ass. I get fucking swamp ass in goddamn gym shorts on the fucking plane. The first time I went to Italy, the air conditioning stopped working in the back of the plane. So me, who's, you know, I'm a larger guy, and then Italians in the heat with no, you know, you can imagine the fucking garlic that was coming off. Why don't motherfuckers wear their perfect suits to like get crammed into a tiny seat,

getting sweated on for nine hours? And, you know, why don't they wear their like patent leather oxfords when you have to take them off to go through security? I got to sit in the middle because some fucking weirdo guys being annoying to my wife. He keeps a bump in her legs. So I got to sit in the fucking middle. Fuck that shit. Fuck airplanes.

Also, I just think the seat could be bigger and the pitch could be longer. That's that's all I'm going to say. Go back to the sort of like the flying boat thing where there's 12 seats. They're all made of wicker. Every flight you get, you will die. Yes. But, you know, you'll do it with a couple of cocktails in you and relatively comfortable. Listen, you know, anytime I've faced death, it's it's, you know, if I was drinking it,

it was always easier. So. So, all right. So this this is this government operated ferry, which is not the race to the bottom, but we're not talking about that. We are, of course, still talking about Townsend, Thorensen. Yeah, the race to the bottom. Yeah.

The Engeland met. Ooh. So the deal if you're not is that German? Yeah, this Dutch. Oh, it sounded like German. Close enough. So it sounds like it sounds like English in German. Yeah.

So the deal with both of these ads is Townsend, Thorensen is fast. It's the fastest way to get across the channel other than flying, I guess. And you get to bring your own car. It's a roll on, roll off ferry. You can drive your car on and drive your car off and be over the channel in 75 minutes. So not only is privately owned capitals venture designed to undermine the state run corporation, but it's also encouraging car culture. So fuck this shit already.

Absolutely. Yes. Yes, absolutely. And of course, this is this is very much a sort of a day ship, right? There's not cabins on this thing. A day collar. A night ship. A night ship has a big chain on the front.

Yeah, we can pull it around. The ship lives in the shed in the backyard if it's bad. They have they have to have a couple of cabins for like truck drivers and stuff who like have to like rest sleeping down like lying down sleeping in a bed. But other than that, not really. They have a lot of juicy free on board to like the ideas. You go to Europe, you buy a load of cheap booze, you load it all into your car, you drive back onto the ferry and then if you want to buy like last minutes and perfume or whatever,

you do that on the ship. And so they towns and thorns and commissions from a German shipbuilder. These spirit class ferries, which is a class of three spirits of free enterprise, pride of free enterprise, herald of free enterprise. Wow. Fucking stupid. I fucking hate these names. So goddamn much.

These these come in. There's a ferry goes straight to golf sculls in the beaches. These come in 1980. They're faster than ceiling is the thing. That's the thing about them. They're they're roll on roll off and they have doors at both ends. So essentially the ship doesn't even have to turn around. You drive onto one end.

You just drive straight off the other. The push. This boat is in a push ball configuration. Yeah. I want to point out something though. Just just look. I keep look at this boat going fast on the left hand side. I don't know if you need to John Maddon this, but just notice.

I want you for the future. Just notice the the height of the water around the bow and the stern and the lack of light around the midships where it says towns and thorns and just just keep a mind that for future reference, it will never come into play. I just wanted you to remember. Yeah, for sure. Something something hydraulic drop something. They also have like the fast engines, fast accelerating engines.

The idea is you get into port, you load and unload it really quickly and then you just gun it, right? You go from harbour speed, which is not very much to maximum across the channel, then harbour speed again. It's me as soon as I get out of the no wake zone. Yeah. Hair that shit up. Fuck it.

Get on plane. And in order to do this, once you've done this, you can get like one more sailing per day than sea linked has, which is, you know, what's more money, right? It's good. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's fast. It's cheap. It's they they back in the day when they actually wrote advertising copy, which I have a like a real soft spot for kind of you can't beat it.

Oh, yeah. It is. I was like writing some old coffee like that. Give yourself the blue ribbon treatment. You can't beat it. Yeah. It's true. You know what else it has is cool 1980s angles.

Yes, true. Yes. That shit's going to go back in time once you hit 88 knots. All right. All right. Here's the boring statistics. 432 feet, nine inches long. Yeah.

76 feet, one inch beam. Yeah. 18 feet, nine inch of drought. Same. You can go 22 knots. Same. It can it can carry 1400 people. I need it.

I need it's weight in in shore and long tons. Oh, God. And is that length overall or length of water line? Has a crew of 80 by the way. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty big crew. Like almost all of them are like what you would call like passenger service, I guess.

We'll get into the deck department and engineering in a minute. Yeah. I was about to say I'm not familiar. Like what are the amenities on this boat? Like, okay, you go in, you shop till you drop. A lot of shops. It's got a restaurant. It's got like a cafe.

It's got a pub on board. Yeah. Then you can truck drive off the ship. Yeah. There was a guy on two decks there. It was actually like a pretty like, you know, they had a lot of cool shit to do. I mean, on the pretty short journey. But yeah, it was, it was a fairly like modern and ship.

And you could explain, you know, they had the cafe car. Yeah. Yeah. So we have to talk about bruge. It's like a fucking fairy tale, ain't it? It's cool. It's cool how like the, the harbor malls are just keeping like all of the silt out. It looks as nasty as hell.

It hates shallow water. It's gross. It's like, it's like that level in Banjo-Kazooie where you have the shark chasing after you. The water's so gross. That's a decod for the millennials in the listeners' podcast. Yeah. So it's not running the main blue ribbon route that we saw from, from Dover to Calais. Instead, it's, it's running from, from Dover to Zeebrugge, which is what this is.

And it's not, it's like a little bit away from the actual bruge, right? It's not. Yeah. It's, yeah, a little bit. Sort of like port of kind of vibe. And the, the ship is busier than normal because there's a coupon in the sun newspaper that let you sail for a pound. First mistakes reading the sun.

Yeah. Yeah. I shouldn't do that. A lot of, a lot of tourists coming back from like booze cruises and like holidays and Ostend and stuff. A lot of troops weirdly, because Britain still has like the British army of the Rhine at this point. I was going to say, you still have fucking troops in Calais just in case.

Yeah. Keep your real watch on the sank ports. No, but like guys would like drive back from Germany to see their families rather than rather than fly as you would now. And the way you do that is just drive onto a ferry. So it's also running late. They're running like five minutes late, which is a significant time pressure in this context. So it's about to say if you got a fast ferry like that, I mean, you know, imagine running

five minutes late. Oh my God. There's a nice little like maelstrom. Like you could see that one ship that's like headed outbound. There's a little swirl there. It looks kind of cool. That's the Kraken. Yeah.

Yeah. I love all that oil and shit. Whatever the fuck that is. Sort of sort of Belgian Kraken. Yeah. Belgian Kraken. Dekeken. The Belgians could never effectively wield a Kraken because it'd be too busy trying to

fight, you know, within each other between the Flemish and the Walloon. That's true. That's true. So the the Harold of France prize has three contacts. They have like ramps between two of them. But ultimately you need like a ramp on the dock that can. So you can just drive straight out once it's docked. But the birth at Zebrugge doesn't have a ramp long enough so that you need to like trim

the ship. You need to balance the ship to like move it up and down in the vertical plane. You have to trim the head. She's really good at trimming the head. Yeah. You have to like, it has to like kneel down to like load and unload. Like kneel down to trim the head. Kneel down to receive loads.

Yes. And then receive a massive load. No loads refused. This is this is this is the day ship. You can't wait with all the night ships like that. Now Amsterdam doors are open. So so they get to birth 12 in Zebrugge. They unload all three decks and then they reloads all three.

It's incidentally quite heavily overloaded to the tune of maybe like 270 tons for two reasons. Reason one stuff just like accumulates on a ship because ship people are all hoarders and you just be like, Hey, where did this giant locker full of bullshit come from? And you know, no one knows. It's just there now. It's just there now. It's been painted over so many times.

To use with the wall. So even if you wanted to do something about it, you can't. That's that's one thing. The other thing is that people lie about how much they weigh. I've never done this. So, you know, someone with a van full of like illegally purchased booze coming from from Calais or Zebrugge or whatever will be like, Yeah, no, there's nothing in the back or whatever and all of that adds up.

It's just funny because like the boat was actually underloaded in terms of passengers. There was a lot of extra shit for it still to be overloaded, even though it was less than halfway full with it's a complement of passengers. Yeah, just carrying a lot of extra shit. A lot of like bottles of beer and stuff. Beer bottles. German scat porn. All right.

The lock is full of stuff. Full of shit. Yeah. Our ship is entirely laden with petty theft. That petty theft, I guess, petty crimes in general. Yeah. That is most ships just in general. So order of operations here, right?

What you do is you trim the ship, you dock, you open the doors, you unload all the cars, you load all the new cars, close the doors and then you leave. And you do all of that as fast as you can. Noted for doing everything as fast as you can is also noted for its precision and safety. Yes. That's kind of clear. So the normal practice in harbours to go relatively slowly because re-trimming the head takes time and it's until they do that, it's like it's low in the water.

So the general practice is if you see water come up like over the bow from the bridge, then you just like ease off a little bit. But they're late, so they don't do that. And they just gun it. Next slide, please. Let's talk about mariners. I'm going to talk about what a deck department is, how you organize it. Let's talk about, since Liam's gone, there's no anarchist here.

We're all about order and things that are in their place, like with labels. And boats actually do really well. You couldn't run a boat as an anarchist contrary to what you think of pirates. You could be anarchist on land all you want, but you want a boat? You've got to have a master. Next slide, please. There we go. Here we are.

This is your typical hierarchy. Listen, I'm on boats all the time. This is pretty standard shit. I don't understand what's so funny about it. And he's hardly ever sick. So from Dover to Zebraga, the deck department, the guys who are in charge of the actual operations of the ship, as opposed to the engineering, as opposed to all of the passenger service stuff,

the guy who drives it, right? That's a reductive way of describing it, but those guys. Yeah, this would be clear. Most vessels of this size have three departments. The deck, the engine, anything you have, like the food or catering, passers-department, whatever you want to call it. So there's the people who drive the boat, the people who make it work, and the people who feed the people.

For those who are listening, just audio only, what we are looking at right now is a still from a production of HMS Pinafore. Yes. Also, due to centralization and technology, they took away two whole ass departments. Used to have a separate radio department. Used to have a separate, like, electromechanical department. And now, you know, budget cuts. You know, the fucking budget cuts.

Division of labor is what made this species thrive, and capitalism is destroying, you know, return to tradition with a V. That's right. About to say, I mean, we're quickly specializing in where there's only one type of job anywhere, which is going on the computer. Yeah, having an email's job.

Like, I can't even teach without my computer now. Like, I forgot my computer one day at work. I was like, I have to go home because I can't do anything without. Everything's on the computer. Yeah. Fucking Heinlein, you know, to be a generalist, impossible. Not really a fascist, but whatever. So on this, like, small route from Dover to Zebra,

there's like, there's a master who's the captain, a master mariner. And a commander. Yeah. And, you know, he's... Captain of the Pinafore. Yes. He's a model of a modern major... Oh, wait, no, that's not him.

No, that's Pirates of Penn's Ass. Yeah, that's right. He's the one who never says a big, big D. And then, irrespective of how they're trimming the head. My brain is still fully destroyed by a thing that we did on, I think it was Trash Future, where I tried to render, like, a deck call, like, you know, the whistle that it boasts.

And I did, like, O-W-E-O. And it's like, that's the beginning of Buddy Holly by Weezer. And so now I'm just, that's... And she's just, like, Mary Tyler Moore or whatever. Throw in your hat there. Okay. Yeah. So there's a master.

There's two officers. First officer, second officer. They call the first officer a chief officer. There's a semantics. Dover's a Calle. They had a whole extra guy. They had a whole extra officer. They had a third officer.

And they have a set of standing orders, which are just for this ship, which are, like, from the shipping company. This is how you do shit. This is your, like, procedures. They don't say anything about opening or closing the doors. What they do say is, the officer on watch must be on the bridge

no later than 15 minutes before departure. So your first officer, your chief officer, he's in charge of cargo loading. He's in charge of, like, then, you know, refusing no loads. But he also has to be on the bridge 15 minutes before they leave. He has to be in two places at once. Okay, fine.

So what are you to do about this, right? Delegation. This is why God and his infinite wisdom made second officers. So he goes to the second officer and is, like, okay, you go supervise all this shit. But he doesn't do, like, any of this formally. It's not, like, the Navy or whatever.

Second officer, you have the car? Yeah, they don't do any of that. They don't do any, like, saluting or anything. They just, like, just go, yeah, just deal with this. And then the first officer just leaves. That's my problem. Yeah. The first officer leaves to go up to the bridge.

Right before they leave, however, there is some problem, I don't know what, that sends him back down to the car deck. And the second officer. Oh, there's a shit load of scat porn came loose. Yeah, the scat porn lockers have, like, blown a hole. A whole tractor trailer. Yeah. Full of porn.

So the second officer, who is, like, meant to be supervising this, sees the first officer come back down and talk to the crew and goes, oh, he's just taking it back off of me. Well, I got to get to my thing, which is way back in the stern. I'm just going to go. In the course of this, no one has noticed that the assistant bosson, the guy whose job it is to actually press the button to close the doors, is missing.

Why is that, Alice? Because he's asleep. He's asleep in his courses. I'd love to take a nap. I'd love to take a nap on duty. Yeah. The alarm has not woken him up and no one has noticed that he's there and come to find him.

You know, those, like, I'm supposed to say, like, bossons are typically, like, hard ass, like, assholes. Like, they're supposed to be over-involved and all this shit, because you're, like, the senior non-officer. Yeah, I'm senior right now. And you're supposed to be yelling at everybody. You're supposed to have, like, tattoos, a mustache. And you're supposed to be just yelling at people, like,

ah, what are you, a fucking lover or some shit like that? This is what you're supposed to do. It's sort of a, sort of a Maddie Matheson-type character. Mmm. That you call a abode in. The fuck are you, a fresher? All right, my accent broke there. I couldn't do that one.

Strangely, this is not the first time that this has happened on a ship of this class in October. On this ship? Yeah. Well, a different ship. On October 1983, the pride of Free Enterprise, the assistant bosson also sleeps through his watch and they leave Dover with both the front and the back doors open

before anyone notices. That's fine. The water just passes through. Nothing bad happens. Yeah, you're now a submarine, you know, cavitating quite heavily. The boat's stability is based on movement. If no one sees it entering, it's fine.

Yeah. They catch it in time and they cover it up. But this is sort of a case study in, like, making your near misses, you know, readily available for everyone to understand. Also, the bosson, your tattooed moustache guy, he goes down, he's the last member on the car deck, the last member of the crew down there.

These doors, by the way, are large enough to fit, like, trucks through them. Basically, like, a wall is missing. It's, like, open. He sees this, he's aware of this, and then he leaves. And when they ask him, because he survives, they ask him, why didn't you close the doors? He goes, it's never been part of my duties to close the doors,

or make sure anybody is there to close the doors. England expects no man to do his duty. More than my job. Let's say it's been explicitly written out beforehand in the standing waters. Yes. That British Jack Tarr spirit. I'm on smoke-o, you know?

Yeah. No, honestly, I expect to ship from, like, an Italian ferry. I don't expect to ship from a British ferry. You have a reputation for being good seaman for a reason. It is true. And not a deserved one in this case, it seems. Yeah. The fuck, like, yeah.

Drop the ball. Maybe it's not my job, because I fucking do that shit, fucking pay me overtime. I mean, a very strict, like, delineation of what your role is. So the first officer, he comes back on the bridge. The captain sees him again, because they're not in the Navy, and they're not gay. They don't do any kind of, like, report or whatever, right?

Like, they're like, hey, is everything ready to go? No. The captain sees him on the bridge, and he's like, what time to fucking gun it? They're noted for actually not speaking to each other, right? Like, they're grunting and nodding in the general direction of each other. They haven't achieved the kind of deeper level of, like,

male friendship where you just name sports personalities to each other for, like, four hours. Yeah. Like, I've been on boats where the crew is so fucking good. We've been on the, we've gone hundreds of hours together. Where we literally can know, we all know what we're doing, right? You don't have to say shit.

But we still say shit if someone fucks up. Like, I've been there. You know, like, you can't just, like, like, you also know, like, oh, shit, did Greg lock the, you know, or only like a small boat? Yeah. Hey, did you take the fucking, you know, drain plug out the boat? You know, like...

Like, did you lock up all the German scaffold and all of these things? Yeah. Did you do that? Did you secure the lines? Yeah. Secure the lecker. Did you, did you plug in the boat sink plug? Yeah.

It's literally like the first thing on the fucking checklist is to check to make sure that the drain plug is secure. It's the first thing before you go into patrol. Did you turn the lever from boat sink to boat float? Went to dry. Yeah. You might find yourself asking, as the captain like guns, the combinators here, is there a thing on the bridge that like tells him

if the doors are open? That's a good question. There is not. And the company's view is why should we have to pay for a thing that catches you not doing your job right? We already pay a guy for this. Just have him do it. Why have an indicator light when I pay a guy for it?

Yeah. Exactly. I pay a whole ass guy to do that. This is fucking like the reverse of the American class one railroad ethics. Like, hey, we have a button that like that lights up if the train's like growing up, you know, not breaking properly or there's like, yeah, he lost all your things. So we don't need, we only need one guy.

This is the fucking opposite of that. This is like, no, we have a guy who checks for that. Like, we're not putting the light in. This is back when lights were more expensive than guys. That's true. Yeah. We didn't have LEDs yet. It was a big ass fucking bulb stuck in the goddamn helm.

It's like, yeah, some kind of like Nixie Tube type thing. We're like a fucking Edison bulb. It's like a mechanical linkage. It has to go through four decks. Yeah. The throw like an actual breaker, like the old time where the breaker actually made the circuit. Yeah.

It's alive. That kind of like big like switch. Like a ladder going off. Yeah. Like a ladder is going off guys. I don't think the doors are open. It's lighting up a big fucking Tesla coil. Yeah, I saw this shoot at the Franklin Institute.

This fucks crazy. That means something wrong. It's like low quality. You touched it though. Yeah, but it's fucking common. Van de Graaff. Van de Graaff. Generous.

Generous, yeah. The same guy who makes the skateboard. You hold that. And that's how you just hold down and it tells you like how many lightning strikes tells you if the door is open or closed. That'd be fucking cool as shit if that was the actual way we did this. Yeah. Horrible shock every time, but you know, it is England expects

every man to do his duty. Great and buried. Callie spirit. Next slide. This is yours. I had to throw that in there. I didn't have time to put our faces on it. Very good.

Yeah, very good. Great movies. It is good movie. All right, we have a low res gift here. Oh, love a low res gift. Is this a gift? Yeah, it probably is a gift. It isn't animated.

It's a static gift. Oh, yeah. My favorite kind of gift. Yes. Take a strong position that Jeff is bullshit. We don't do that here. You're good with either. I'm going to be honest.

I'm a switch in that respect. You know, I... You know, I stick with the... I'm, you know, being an English teacher in the language that the G should represent, G. So, GIF, yeah. GIF, yes. GIF, yeah.

GIF is some sort of bullshit. GIF is a type of peanut butter. Exactly. GIF is a kind of like cleaning product that was then renamed to SIF, weirdly enough. No, seriously, that's true. They genuinely had like a... I think it was like oven cleaner or something,

but they used to be called GIF, and then they renamed it SIF. And too many people thought it was the peanut butter and they changed the name. Yeah, to more evoke sort of venereal diseases. All right, so what's going on here? What is this shit? It's the free surface effect.

It's the free surface effect, as you can see. It's labeled as such. There's a date and time on here. I don't know if you... I don't want to read that because that's not my job. Shall I read this and you can just cut me off when I say something down? Yeah, okay.

I mean, I can read it, but I want the right person to read the date and time. I can't read. Wait, hold on. I have something for this. I know you can read. I don't know. I think you need to read the graduate college,

but you did read our messages today. There's a tradition, listen, as a fan who's now the second... been on here the second time, so fuck you, everyone else, who's been here less. Like free well drinks. The guy who's putting together the TV...

Oh, yeah. The TV tropes guy, or gal, or non-binary pal, who puts together the funny moments for each episode. They expect that Roz is going to say a phrase. That's true. That is always a funny moment. Yeah, so I don't want to fuck that up.

On the 6th of March 1987 at 18.05 local time, that's 6.05 if you use normal time. I would never use normal time. I'm not that tactical. 6.05 local time, 6.05 p.m. The ferry got underway from Zebrouge with the doors open and the ballast tanks full. Yeah, head fully trimmed.

Yeah, the head was trimmed. They did not untrim the head. They did not get off their knees after they accepted the loads. 90 seconds later, an unexpected stowaway crept in through the open doors, the lethal chemical dihydrogen monoxide. Man, that shit's fucked up, man.

Everyone who's ever died has consumed that chemical. That's true. It's so hard to get away from it, though. It's like the Terminator. If you remember my voice from the SSL Faro episode, our old friend, the Sea Furfus Effect. This is beer number three. Free surface effect.

Once you have water on your boat, that's not supposed to be there. It likes to slosh back and forth, and since water is heavy as fuck, it likes to really make your ship go to one side or the other. It's really cool when this happens with other fluids, particularly stuff that's loaded as cargo when it's not a fluid.

Some of my least favorite shit in a Mariner context is the knowledge that bauxites, or you get tin or something out of. Aluminum. Aluminum. Aluminium. Aluminium. The ore that you get aluminium out of.

When you load it as an aggregate, occasionally it just turns into a liquid because it feels like it, and you load it in these big bins, and so it'll just, it'll free surface effect and it'll sink your ship. Just for fun. Remember when the bauxite binge was...

Yeah, so it likes to do that. And well, you know, on the SSL Faro, the car's inside turned into liquid as well. And helped because there's... Being made of aluminium largely. Yeah. So, we also have something called the squat effect. Yeah, it's after you trim the head

and accept the load. Yeah, and you know, once it's after, you come home from a heavy squat session and your quads are kind of wobbly and you try to sit in the toilet, you're pretty unstable. So, this boat was filled with power lifters coming back from a competition in Belgium.

And the squat effect... I don't know where the fuck I'm going with that. So, I may have mentioned in earlier the image of the vessel with depressed water in the midships. We've got that in the next slide. Yeah, we got it in the next slide. Yeah, yeah.

So, the vessel when it's going through water, and every boat does this, no matter how big it is and how shallow the water, how fast, it draws water to the sternum bow, right? And it pushes away from the midships. You know, I figured what you called it, Ross, like a hydraulic jump.

Is that what you called it? You got your hydraulic drop and that's more of a... Hydraulic drop. Yeah, and that's something, it's more of like an open channel flow thing as opposed to this, but I assume it's the same mechanism.

So, Marathon is sailors, that's too many syllables for a sailor to understand. So, they just call it the squat effect. And so, what happens? The shallower of the water and the faster the vessel's moving, the more exaggerated the squat effect is. So, think about this.

The bow is open, the bow doors are open, the things, they're gunning it, right? So, the bow is further down normal because the head's not trimmed, and now you have the squat effect because they're doing like 19 knots. And they're in really shallow water and bruise harbor.

There's a Z bruise, whatever it's pronounced, harbor. So, all of this, if we remember our Swiss cheese theory, winds up. Yeah. And because of the free surface effect, the ship starts swaying pretty dramatically from like the second they like loose moorings.

When this happens, passengers in the bar cheer ironically in the way they do when a waitress drops a plate in Britain. We're like, wait, like that. They do that here sometimes too. Yeah, they do that here too. One of the like shittiest things you can do, I would say.

And they are about to be punished for this. Next slide. Yeah. This is just the squat effect. Yeah. So, just pay attention to that. It had this boat been going slower, not been trying to like gun it

out of the harbor as fast as possible because this is 90 fucking seconds into the journey. Yeah. Yeah. They would have been able to catch it and close it. Apparently, that had happened before. Yeah. I think that was the like pride of free enterprise one.

Yeah. And they caught it because they weren't going too fast. But in this case, it was... I thought that one actually made it all the way across the channel with the door, so... Shit. That's embarrassing. It's a free skylight, you know?

That's having your zipper down, like when you're a teacher, the whole fucking class. Yeah. None of the kids, none of the kids tell you that because the children are cruel. Well, no, because what will happen is if a child points it out, they'll make it like, what are you gay for pointing out something like that?

That's a good point. Slide. There we go. This is what you don't like to see. This is some shit that you don't like. Yeah, this is not an ideal situation. That's not what you're supposed to be on a boat. No.

So someone, one of the passengers comes back down because they like forget something in their car and sees the ocean, the channel, like in the car deck, like an infinity pool, they describe it. And literally, the second they get out from the harbor breakwaters, the second they're in, like, open water, the ship falls over. It's not even really a cap size.

The ship just, like, almost instantly, perfectly rotates 90 degrees. If you imagine where you, listener, are now, imagine you are now falling like one G sideways across the room. That's going to be a rough experience for you. Yeah. I'm close to one wall, though.

So that one wouldn't be so difficult. The other wall, though, that would be difficult. Yeah. That would be unpleasant. Well, the captain, the captain's on the bridge. The bridge is a very wide room. He falls 12 meters just from a standing start. Yeah, I'll do that.

Oh, God. Like, break some of his ribs, I think, which that'll happen. Like, it's really bad. Like, later rescuers say that the walls, the interior walls, like, covered in blood from people falling onto bulkheads and then falling onto each other and just being crushed.

Yes, fucked up. If you're outside, right, and you're on the right side of the ship, you can just, you know, much like MS Estonia, you can just get up, walk along the hull, and just, you're fine. Yeah. You're on the wrong side of the ship. Yeah, you have a ship on top of you.

Yeah, you got a ship on top of you. That's not very good. Pretty heavy, too. I wouldn't, yeah. I probably couldn't lift it. The whole contingent of Belgian powerlifters wouldn't be able to do that either. Useless, useless in this context.

Much like the Estonia, you get the sort of, like, extra horror of, like, walking along this hull and people are, like, trying to get out through the portholes under your feet. One survivor says, we were walking on people's faces and fists hammering at the windows. Jesus Christ.

The restaurant has a big sort of, like, glass partition wall in it, and people get, like, stuck under that. One guy tries to punch through it, breaks all the bones in his hand. He's a chairman. But the good news is the ship doesn't sink very far because it gets stuck on a sand bank

because it's shallow water. It's only 90 seconds into its journey. It literally just rolls over and just gets stuck there. Next slide. Real quick, because I wrote this one, I'm going to go P. Yeah, noise. All right. Sorry.

I still have fucking HMS penifold stuck in my head. I am the monarch of the sea, the ruler of the Queen's Navy, whose praise great Britain gladly chants and we are sisters and cousins and his aunts. I'm not joining in with you. I respect myself too much. He was just giving me a pass of songs anyway.

My granddad did a lot at Gilbert and Sullivan at the community theater in Lexington, Virginia. Oh, it's an institution, absolutely. Not always a good one, but it is an institution. I don't know if I've mentioned this on the podcast before. I don't think so. I think this is deep, deep, pros and cons. We had a couple of recordings of him somewhere at home.

On the one hand, you had all these highly trained, very academic, Washington and Lee professors and stuff, who were doing some of the Gilbert and Sullivan. They have all the sophisticated accents and stuff like that. Then you'd have the local yokels also in there. You'd hear a guy who sounds like Tom Sexton from the Trollbillies doing Gilbert and Sullivan. I badly want to hear Pirates of Penzance with that dynamic.

Yes. Every pirate in every cop in Pirates of Penzance has the Trollbillies accent. Perfect. Affection. Oh, fuck. And if Allen's not engaged in his employment. His employment.

Or pursuing his felonious little plan. Little plan. What song is this? Oh, we're doing Pirates of Penzance. That's like a stretch goal on the paper. When you pay enough, you can hear me, Justin and Liam do Pirates of Penzance. Beautiful.

If it's like a black metal version, I'd beat down for that. I don't know the lyrics. That's more death-beddled out. Yeah, for sure. There you go. That's varg enough for you guys. So everybody gets wet. I believe is what happens next.

Wet. Yeah, in cold water. So the one thing about being wet in cold water is you pretty much guarantee the dye real fast, especially if it's really cold. So if you are facing a situation where you're about to get wet in cold water, you should probably try not to get wet. I would advise that.

Yes. Or put a survival suit on because that drastically increases your survival time. But the thing is when a boat tips over in 90 seconds, you don't really have time to get the lifeboats. You're now on the floor. You're in a corridor that is now a vertical lift shaft. You're that cool level in Uncharted 2 or 3.

I forget which one has the cool boat. Yeah, you're in that sick in your sideways. Think about the El Faro where the reason that they all died is because the captain was up his ass and didn't do things fast enough. This is just everything's too fast to respond to. You're not expecting a ship to sink this quickly because you're not expecting to drive it with its fucking doors open.

So I looked up the average English Channel temperatures in March is from 8 Celsius to 10 Celsius. That's like 46 to 50 Fahrenheit. It was 3 Celsius that night. That's 37 and a half degrees Fahrenheit. That's very close to freezing. That's cold as shit. So based on this chart, we have a polar bear plunge going on

on the right hand side, which I will never understand. But if you do that. You're not going to take part in those. Thank you. If you do that, sure. Whatever. I'm not kingframing on this. I go to the beach and winter plenty of times,

but I'm not going to touch the water. I've seen tactical guys trying to do Arctic survival training where it's like, yeah, we're going to teach you how to do this by digging an ice hole and throwing you in there for your gear. And I'm like, okay, have fun. Yeah. Like a die grabbing at the bottom of fucking ice.

Fuck that shit. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I don't want to be a tier one operation anymore. Thank you. Shit. Yeah. There goes that career.

So if we use our chart here, let's look at this. Let's do some. I'm not great at math. I'm an English teacher. So water temperature is three Celsius less than five. Yeah. It's less than five. I know my cardinality pretty well.

So working clothes only, you want to look at that one there because they're not wearing a membrane suit with a leader of leakage. No one pull a drop of that. Yeah. Wearing my working clothes. So let's look at there. What's that survival time there, Roz?

What do you think? You're a math guy. Oh, well, that would appear to be slightly under one hour. Yeah. It's pretty fucking a pretty fucking short amount of time before you're rescued. The general kind of rule of thumb is if you were immersed in cold water, you have about 15 minutes before you lose consciousness.

That's a rule of thumb. That's the point between after 15 minutes, you're looking at recovery versus rescue. Yeah. And of course, there's a lot of like, you get a broad cross-section of humanity with a civilian passenger ship. You get some guys who are very young and fit. You get all the way down through to old people, children,

and all different survival times. Belgian bodybuilders. Yeah. Belgium, the Belgian power lift. Well, the bodybuilders, they're just off competition, so they're very low body fat. They're dying almost, like, 10% power lifters. They're 350 pounds.

They're 40% body fat, and they can lift, like, they can lift the engine out of a truck on their own. They're going to be an hour, hour and a half. They'll be pretty good. They're well-insulated guys. So, yeah. I looked this up at Zebrager. The emergency services calculation was by the time,

like, they got to you by the time that you were rescued from the water. If you were, like, unresponsive by the time you got there, the longest you should be waiting to get into an ambulance was 60 seconds. Yeah, that tracks, because they have to warm you up, and they can't warm you up fast. It's got to be just, like, gradual things. There's a whole fucking procedure you have to do for each person, warming them up slowly, because you can't just, like,

throw them into a fucking sauna. We're not in Finland, you know? Most people's bodies aren't built for this. One Finnish guy who's, like, still down there, you know? He's, like, eating the... He's, like, cracking open oysters with his hands, you know? He's, like, submerged in, like, 30 feet of water, and he's still taking vodka shots.

Like, it's somewhere... Somewhere deep in the, like, lizard brain. He's, like, I might put on, like, a vest or something, maybe. I got a curse here, but there might be some shitty cars in here. I might be able to fucking try and drive my way out of this. Yeah, he's, like, working on, like, a project. He's doing my summer car. Oh, when my winter car comes out,

that'll be a great year. Yeah, yeah. You're building that that's in the bottom of the fucking lake. It's a survival horror game. My winter car. The continuation war. Part two. Yeah, Jesus Christ.

It's amazing we're laughing at this shit. But, yeah, like, the fucking... Yeah, because they figure by the time they get to you, if you're unresponsive, you're almost dead. Unless you're somehow triggered that mammalian diving reflex wherever the fuck it's called. Oh, yeah, that's cool. Where you can just, like, decide, yeah, I'm gonna be asleep now.

Yeah, I'm just gonna sleep. I'm going to put... I'm gonna put my brain on sleep mode. Shake my mouse to wake me up. And they do do this. They successfully revived a couple of people who were in the wars of, like, two, three hours. But the tiny, tiny minority.

Hi, it's Justin. So this is a commercial for the podcast that you're already listening to. People are annoyed by these, so let me get to the point. We have this thing called Patreon, right? The deal is, you give us two bucks a month, and we give you an extra episode once a month. Sometimes it's a little inconsistent,

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if you have two bucks to spare each month. Join at patreon.com forward slash WTYP pod. Do it if you want. Or don't. It's your decision, and we respect that. Back to the show. Yeah, we can do the rescue effort. Harry, you can see the large open door. Yeah, the big gaping hole.

That's where the gaping hole for all the loads are. No loads are refused for that hole, guys. They left a gate, which is a major problem. Because this is right outside the harbor, the crew of a dredger outside it, dredging over all that horrible, silky water, sees a ferry just fall over and calls everyone. Which is handy, because they're right there.

I don't believe the Herald of Free Enterprise issued a Mayday. I don't think they ever did. They didn't have the time. You'll be at the radio, the radio's 12 feet in the air. They sort of do it for them, and you get many helicopters, many boats, all this. Remarkably fast response. Many such boats.

Within two hours, you have Belgian, Dutch, British, and German navy divers in the wreck looking for survivors. The problem is that two hours is, as we saw, more than one hour, which is your estimated survival time. In there, they can't get into the car decks because the water's full of fuel. They're surrounded by dead bodies trying to pick out people who are maybe still moving.

I'm sorry. Just imagine being that diver. In his murk, you just have fucking bodies upon bodies. Jesus Christ. Diving in general is a horrific enough experience that it's probably the least traumatic thing that happened to you that week. I just got off of the rigs. I saw my best friend get exploded through a one-inch gap in a seam. It had a Delta P incident.

I also welded my own arm off. Well, I heard over the radio once from an underwater welder who was overdue, and I overheard the rescue efforts. It was out in Atlantic City. You could pick it up on the Delaware River over the radio. We were actually heading back from our patrol. We could just hear the people talking about,

hey, he's been 10 minutes overdue, 30 minutes overdue, an hour overdue. Okay, it's recovery now. That shit fucked up on its own normally. Yeah. Fuck that. Divers aren't normal, is the thing. Oh, that shit's in confined spaces, too.

Here, we had to send a guy into a three-foot water main. Yeah, the kind of guy who gets voluntarily into the underwater coffin with his metal-working tools. There's a reason why you have to have a special flag to hoist up and be like, hey, this fucking psycho is in the water. It's not for his safety, it's for your own. Yeah, claustrophobia is one of the most common anxieties, and that makes sense, because you don't want to do that.

Was these guys claustrophilia? Yes. But they find some pockets of people who are above water and largely rescue them, but it sort of rapidly becomes apparent that pretty soon everyone will be dead. So here's the news, the tide's rising. So the tide comes up, they're like hammering on bulkheads.

Yeah, and at one point they actually have the helicopters, hey, go away from the area, because we can't hear any hammering with your thumb, thumb, thumb, thumb, thumb in the air. Like, Jesus Christ. Hammering on the inside of a hull for rescues, that's a horror that I picked up reading about. Yeah, yeah, stuck with me. That's why I'm not a diver, and I won't be.

So yeah, but the tide comes up, it's not safe, so they have to essentially call it at that point, leave everyone to die, come back in the morning, and recover the bodies. Can you imagine that? Could you imagine thinking rescues right there, then they have to leave? I really want to drive home this human shit. Just imagine that, all because someone was taking a nap. Yeah.

He was taking a nap and no one checked. He was taking an officery as much as anything else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Bosun, yeah, Assistant Bosun's fucking survived. Fucking asshole. He was apparently quite heroic in the rescue, which is so cool. Yes, I guess. In that scenario, if you don't go down with this,

it might help rescue people, or die trying. It's like the Italian Coast Guard, the guy at the coast of Concordia, get the fuck back on the boat. Yeah, Bob Boccaccio, Scatino, yeah. Yeah. I didn't write the rest of the slides, so. So there was 500 people on board out of the capacity of 1400, and there was 193 deaths.

So the fact that more people didn't die is a testament to a couple of factors. It was close to shore. There was a lot of help nearby. It was right outside the harbor. There was a quick response, and she wasn't at full capacity. I mean, that was the biggest saving grace that this wasn't worse. And it's already the worst maritime disaster in British history up to that point. I don't know if it's been exceeded.

But most people died of the hypothermia, right? And I guess I say here, it's a small comfort that hypothermia, once you're panicking, once that panic wears over you, it's just this association and you're delusional. And I've nearly drowned twice. I've had hypothermia twice. I drastically would rather die hypothermia than drowning, because drowning, your lungs feel like you're full of needles.

Oh, I have almost drowned once. Did not care for it. Yeah, I was doing a dive in Paula's 20 feet underneath, and I had no buoyancy left because I pushed all my air out. Once you get below a certain point, there's no buoyancy left. The pressure is keeping you down. And I was like a foot away from the ladder, so I had to like scramble the ladder and I started inhaling water on my way up.

And yeah, that fucking stuck. I managed to do it as a kid. I got trapped under a capsized sailboat by my life vest, ironically, which was trying very hard to become a death vest. Yeah, I didn't care for it. So you never wear a life jacket on your deck? All my near-death experiences have been from... I wasn't on the deck until the deck was on top of me.

All my near-death experiences have been from fall hazards, so I can't relate. I've reasonably survived falls. I assume that one would be a fairly quick one to go. Hypothermia, you really do... The last time I had hypothermia, I felt like I was controlling myself as a video game. I thought it was like third-person perspective.

And then my grandma yelled at me. You found the perspective switch thing? Yeah, my grandma yelled at me. She was like, what are you doing? You've been outside too long. Get back in. And I came back inside and it took me like a half hour to really warm up. But it really did not hurt. It felt fine.

But the second time that happened to me, I was trying to fucking... My car had stalled in the middle of the winter. And I was waiting for help. And my hands had stopped working, so I couldn't fix the tire. So I just sat in the car and wore myself out. But yeah, that shit was fucked up.

Definitely prefer that to the needles in your lungs. And we already mentioned that they were traveling on a cheap deal. So again, like I said, this is the natural consequence of being a Tory. Yes. Never read the sun, never buy the sun, don't sell the sun. Don't acknowledge its existence like we're doing right now. Read one of Britain's fabulous left-wing papers,

which I assume exist. Oh, many, many of them. That's like I do with sooner or left. Sensor left and weirdly transphobic. Yes. Just let people be people, fucking assholes. Punch all of you. I want to punch every Guardian author.

How about that? Listen, I'm 260 pounds. You know, I can probably squat their weight. You're not going to win. You're not going to win. I'll take two of you on. And grand lineup, like I will suplex you. I don't know if I said this on the last time I was on, but like I got blocked by him because I DM'd him and I said,

I'm glad that Frank Kelly and Dermot Morgan died before they could see what a biggie you were. And he just blocked me. Yeah, piece of shit. Fucking Rune in Father's Day for me. It's a great show. Glad your wife left you. Coward.

Coward. Yeah, piece of shit. All right, I guess next slide. I want to say one of the Guardian guys tried to get, what's his name? Black Books Guy. Dylan Moran. Dylan Moran. They tried to get him like, what do you think of transphobia?

And he's like, I don't care. I think it's bad. Transphobia is bad. I'm too lazy to smoke and cigarettes to really answer you. Yeah. So, yeah, I really want to answer. Not answer. I want to emphasize like human shit here because that's like,

it's lost on disaster sometimes, especially if you're one of these fucking freaks who listens to your podcast and thinks that, I just want the engineering facts. I don't want the commentary in politics because all this shit is politics. All this shit is human. And that's why they're, you know, you had the chunky marinara during Italian week

and Italian month. And this is why we have bodies here. So, most of the survivors were on the upper weather decks, or the decks not facing the, we're... Yeah. The guys who like don't even get their feet wet really. Yeah. You die pretty quick because you're stuck underneath the fucking ship. But there were some pretty like badass people involved here

that I want to highlight. So, a fucking ex-cop and bank manager. He's got some boo, I guess. Yeah. But he was a... He's Andrew Parker. He used his body as a human gang plank. Yeah.

He was like sort of... Basically, he's like, yeah, just walk over me. Yeah. Starting with my girlfriend, I guess, with familiar territory. Yeah. And then at the end of that shit. Yeah. At the end of that shit, like doing that for like half hour,

he just pulls himself up and like gets out. Yeah. Just like fucking... The plank challenge. But 1987. Yeah. I guess he does like a fucking muscle up. Like with... How the fuck do you get yourself over there? Like, Jesus Christ.

Yeah. But he's credited it with like letting at least like 20 people... How did he get himself down there in the first place? Yeah. I don't know. I guess he like... I don't know. Can you, again, referencing... Like fall across and...

Yeah. He must have like just slammed his face down onto the other side. It must have been short enough like that he could lay across it. And... He didn't like... You know, it wasn't like a fucking six foot gap in his like arms are outstretched

or something like that. It must have been short. I don't know. I don't fucking know. Weird. Yeah. But, you know, the guy got like a... Was it the George Medal? Is that like your... Sounds right. Saving Lives Medal. So, an Irish trucker.

So Irish, we support, but he ended up becoming a slur soapoo. Yeah. Yeah, it was just like a do nothing job. So, whatever. You get that Irish Communist Party, but, you know, some of them are attached to some unsavory elements.

Continuing the IRA struggles. Sorry if I pissed you off there. No. I'm sorry that I don't... I think that you probably should have buy by the the treaty and not blow each other up continually. I'm sorry. Well, I mean, listen, it's pretty soon

it's not going to be just them violates in a good Friday agreement. So... This is true. Yeah. Yeah, let the other guys violate first. Don't blow them up on your own. You got to... It's got to be self-defense. It's like... Yeah, you got to...

Yeah. Stand your ground. Stand your ground. I can't do a North Irish accent. Yeah, stand your fucking ground. Northern Ireland, yeah. So, Larry... Larry O'Brien, they realize

there's no other survivors once he escaped. And... So he fucking returned. He's like, shit, there's no one else. I'm going to go back in. And him and several other survivors are credit using a rope to haul people out of the ferry through a broken port hole. So...

These are the times that test men's souls, right? Because I remember reading one thing from another survivor who was like, yeah, we were almost out. They lowered down the ladder to us. My girlfriend was behind me, and I just fucking left her there. She was fine. She got out right after me.

She didn't need any help, but I didn't fucking stop and check. And I felt bad about the rest of my life. And I'm like... Yeah? Yeah, I would probably fucking kill myself if I didn't get my... And maybe I'm... You can't ethically do that

after you've been rescued. You can't... I guess what I'm saying is you don't know until it happens. You have absolutely no idea how you're going to behave. You can just hope. Well, at one time, like the last time we flew, not this last passenger, I forget what it was, but that they couldn't

see us on the same flight together. So I was like, fuck it, we're taking another flight. And my wife's like, well, why can't we sit apart? And I said, because I'm not leaving until... If there's an accident, I'm fucking coming and getting you. And I'm dying for forgetting you. I'm not leaving you on the fucking plane. I would rather

die than be that person. And that... So fuck that guy. I was just thinking once more to the porthole to your friends, once more close to the wall with our English dad. So... Good job, guys.

Maybe someone was thinking about Henry V while they were doing this. I'm controversial there. That's my favorite Shakespeare flight. Just because it's dudes fucking. I don't remember the French part. I can't understand. So I ignore that. I just skipped through the flight scenes.

And speaking of Skip, there's a guy named Michael Skippen. Nice. Yeah. He was a waiter. He died at his post as a waiter, helping passengers escape the restaurant. The thin something line. The thin black?

The thin... What kind of restaurant? We each call the line for waiters. What's the best French sauce? What color is that? Probably like a hollandaise, maybe? The thin

12 pieces of flair. The thin... I don't speak French. Really? Yeah. So, so...

Shouts out to that guy, like being dedicated to a job so much that he helps people escape. It's like they tell him in Weissner Academy, you know, Protect and Serve, right? Yes. Oh, man. I had a friend who was at Weissner Academy, actually

was a chef Academy. And Anthony Bourdain came to the restaurant at the Academy. It's like the commandant of the Marine Corps coming to... And Anthony Bourdain was super chill. He was like everyone wanted to talk to him. And so he was talking to everybody.

They're all giving him drinks. He didn't pay for anything, even though he wanted to. And he's so hammered, he gets up. He's like, I gotta take a piss. However, Anthony Bourdain, he would say that. And he gets up, he goes to the coat room and just pees over everyone's coats. LAUGHTER

With that fucking hammered. And the rumor is that he... Oh, yeah, he paid for everyone's dry cleaning bill. LAUGHTER He was a good guy. But he fucking...

Yeah. Stand up guy. Yes. So a lot of these rescuers are awarded by... Do we have a cue that we can drop when I say this next name? Like a lightning bolt? I think I actually... hold on.

Let me know when you're ready. I don't have a thunder thing. Actually... Yeah, okay. You ready? Alright, many of the rescuers were awarded by Margaret Thatcher.

LAUGHTER I think King Baldwin? They saw a fucking king named Baldwin. I thought that was the 12th century. I thought that was the first of Jerusalem. Yeah, you have your Baldwin's of... You know, you have your 19th century

like the Baldwin's of history. And all five of them are Kings of Jerusalem and then a Baldwin of Belgium. They're even about that too, because they insist on King of the Belgians. Not just of Belgium. Oh, yeah, King of the Belge, the Belge.

There's also a Baldwin. There's a Baldwin locomotive works. Yeah, that's pretty cool support for that Baldwin. I feel bad for the Baldwin 9000 just trapped in that cage. It yearns for its regulator to be thrown open while abandoned.

It does yearn for freedom. That thing's probably... You could probably get that thing working again with relatively little effort. I mean, it's been indoors. It just goes back and forth 15 feet. I want that shit on the northeast corridor pulling a bunch of antrack cars.

Probably do 100 miles an hour and add no problem. Go blow it through the... Imagine you're the asshole that parks your car on the level crossing in Connecticut and gets your car just destroyed by the Baldwin 9000. Or you're a cop

and you park your car and then you put a suspect in there and then it gets hit by a train. That's happened last week. Right. Well, what you do is you tie the cops. You do the trolley problem except they're all cops. So you pull the lever regardless and they all get run over.

You're probably at the bleep that. Yeah, so... Stand to the attention salute for these heroes. Yeah, truly. It takes some fucking... Some gumption to not be the guy who's just like, okay, I'm just leaving now.

Bye. You're fucking back inside after you're safe and you're like, fuck it. There's a survival instinct. Like the guy who left his girlfriend behind, his lizard brain kicked in where he really hated his girlfriend. It's sort of an awkward conversation

afterwards, I imagine. Maybe both. Yeah, a little bit of both. But there's some people who are able to control that and maybe it's because of my background but... I think everyone admires a rescuer. You remember

that badass of the weak site? You're a badass of the weak. That's right. I guess you don't have Eternal Father strong to save, queued up. I guess we'll skip to the next slide. Sorry. You can edit that in, maybe.

Edited in Devon saluting. Unless it gives you a copyright strike. Do you guys still do the weird British salute? Yes, but only in an army context, not in a navy context. So if you're on a naval salute it's the same as yours. I always do. I like the British

or the Royal Navy more. There's a folk etymology about that because it was considered indecorous to show an officer. You're like filthy sailor palm that's covered in grease and whatever. Those motherfuckers were even pumice. They had an immaculate hand.

It just foliated to shit. Those sailors, listen. They could sew their hands. They ground their hands down with pumice. They could cook. They were ideal partners. Seriously. It's just the cheating around the syphilis thing.

Also the scurvy thing depending on time. The most fucked up thing about scurvy is your old wounds that you've never opened up. I have a big wound on my knee from

I was taking enemy fire in paintball and I slid down a hill. I ripped my leg open and just imagining that open up again. Anyway. Don't get scurvy. Eat some fruit. Eat some limes, folks. Even in just like a cocktail

sort of dosage probably still fine. Drink Darkest Service. Yeah. Have some tequila. Yeah. Yeah. Now you have a big rolled over boat with a bunch of dead bodies

and everything is broken. What you want to do is you want to refloat it. They do pretty easily with a hard buckling, rotational leverage. This is why you see the pylons

on the back of this. Let's construct additional pylons. Yeah. I parbuckle my chicken before I fry it so it doesn't dry out. Yes. You fucking

use chains, cables and a bunch of pulleys and you just lever it right the fuck over which is what they do. These things in naval salvage are always very impressive to me. The size and the scale of the equipment

involved. There's a lot of money to be made salvaging it because of the fucking weird ass salvage laws. It's yours now. It's like small finders if anything. They go through

and it takes them months to get all the bodies out and everything and then curiously no one wants to buy this shit because it's good. It's a little wet but it's good. Minor moisture damage. Yeah, exactly. It's fine, it's made of steel, it doesn't matter.

The VHS tapes of the Scat porn, they were in a watertight container so that's still a good go. They try and sell it to various people who are not interested. They end up renaming it the flushing range

which I think is an insult. That's a fuck that shit. Flushing range? Then it's sent to what the notes describe Hong Kong. I wrote that, I'm an idiot. I'm an English teacher, by the way. Did you know that?

Hey, K and G have the same sound except one's voiced, one's not. Yeah, for sure. Probably in Cantonese, Hong Kong is more accurate. Maybe it is. Give me that whisper of a hope.

They try and tow it to Hong Kong but by this point it's like October of 87 there's a big storm which snaps it off the tow rope off of Brittany. That's braised to you. We uphold Celtic nationalism.

It's braised, I looked it up. It's braised. Braising a steak. So hard buckling and braising steak. Yes. Hard bucklings. I think you should par buckle a steak.

I think that would be something my dad would do. I'm using leverage to rotate the steak in my mind. Setting up a bunch of little pulleys on the edge of the frying pan. They tow it. It's like a hulk at this point.

All of the scat porn is falling out of the lockers and stuff. It's like rusting. And then finally... A finished guy still trying to fucking get his car to start. And then finally in 1988 it reaches Hong Kong.

One finished man drives off and a half finished Datsun. Straight off the roll off ramp. Drinking Kiyu or Kiju, however pronounced out of the fucking theater. Five gallon tub.

Like a bus tub if you're meditative. It was born a few days later after it was returned to Hong Kong. That finished man was Tom Payne. Yeah, that's right. He told me Pan-ian. Pan-ian.

Pan-ian. Yeah. I did one time I got banned from a Finnish forum for just writing an elvish. That happened to me once. You see the Swedish

developers of Stellaris added a DLC pack of horrific bog swamp species and all of the names are just Finnish. They're toxic because they will give Ostrobothnia back. Fucking sweet.

Go produce some more mediocre melodic death metal. You have like three bands that are good. The most Finnish thing that I've ever heard from a Russian acquaintance of mine just asked me to say you know how they're conscripting motherfuckers in Russia right now? They tried that in

Oniga in Eastern Karelia. The bit of traditionally Finland that was now as Russia. They tried doing that. All of the guys just went in the woods. They're just still there. Don't fuck with those guys in the woods. Yeah.

There's some veterans of the Great Patriotic War who are triggered by that talk of a Finn in the woods. Shoot twice and go home. Yeah. Next slide. Okay. Everyone has now seen

this big red ship with fucking Townsend Thoracin painted on it. Much like Ever Given. It's been sort of like a more deadly version of that. They've seen it happen. I'm most fascinated by like branding exercises of disasters. Like when a plane

crashes and the airline sends someone with a big tarp to cover up the logo. In this case, in this case what they do is they rename Townsend Thoracin to P&O very specific in Orient. Peninsula in Orient. How racist the name is.

Yeah. I thought that was the watch McCulloch. I thought it was a different brand that took over. I think it might have been. In any rate, they changed the name and they painted them blue.

Pride of Kent. I don't know how to do a Kent accent. It's basically it's mine. There isn't one. Also, I see a red ship and I want to paint it blue. Pride of Free Enterprise becomes Pride of Kent. It becomes Auntie Martina. You can still get it

if you want to ferry from Piraeus down to Rhodes. Yeah. Also, there's the Colossus of Rhodes by Ferry Heads. Yeah. And they do an inquest, which is an incredible piece of British legalies.

Tom sent us this. Oh, it's beautiful. I found some great sentences in here. Most notably, where they ask the first officer about his role in this and they describe his evidence thusly. Although the totality

of the evidence left the court with a sense of unease that the whole truth had not emerged, which is just a perfect high court way of saying this guy is lying. And sent this to Ashok and farewell because it's like

as though the totality of the court says found an insufficient evidence. We were joking about this before the podcast started. Last time an American talk like that was 1866. Yeah, it was written by a Nebraska.

Yeah. It sounds more like a Southern Confederate guy. Let's get real. The difference between the dialect there wasn't too... I mean, Philadelphia was considered a southern city until the Civil War.

But yeah, the one that you have means Her Majesty's printing shop and that's the one who does government stuff. Oh, HMSO? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that that's all cool. That's cool to me. And now it's His Majesty's

stationery office too, because all the shit's changed. I saw a thing the other day that said you might be able to get a rebate from His Majesty's Revenue and Customs. I'm like, what the fuck is that? They changed this. It doesn't sound right saying King.

As I said, on 10,000 losses I'll say on here, I hope King Charles shares the fate of his first... Yeah, totally. His first namesake. And I guess Crime World did nothing wrong unless you're Irish or... He did a lot of things wrong, but that wasn't one of them. Yeah.

So this inquest in it's sort of very loyally fashion, assigns blame for... The proximate cause of this is the big doors at the front of the ship. Like three times they list it. It says the doors were not closed, no one checked to see if the doors were closed

and you got underway with the doors open. It's like a ritual, like legalese to have and to hold. You know, you have to say it three times for it to stick. Yes. The doors were closed, the doors were open,

the doors were not closed. Yeah. The states of the doors, it was pretty open. Yeah. However you say that in British maritime or admiralty court legalese... Admiralty Lord, surely, yeah.

The status of the doors, as described by the gentleman, was not closed. I've ascertained by merit of this court with the Gold Fringe being here within entitled into admiralty proceedings.

I do love, I just want to say here, I do love that our version of the Gold Fringe on the flag is your version of it is demanded courtesies right there. The archer have a part is untaxed conveyance. I don't need a fucking license plate. So mostly this whole

inquest sort of tears the whole company a new one on the basis that it's like, it's lax, it's culturally lax. Those sort of set responsibilities, you just like vibe, and you can't be doing that shit because otherwise you'll forget to close the doors

and then the doors will be open and you will leave with the doors open. Have you people ever heard of what's in the goddamn door? Yes. That's my pop-on question. Yeah.

So like you have to systematize this in some way. You have to have like some kind of formal procedure so who knows who's doing what. You have to have a light. You have to have a light. It says door not closed. You have to have a vandagraph generator.

You have to fucking untrim the head. You have to refuse some loads. You have to refuse some loads. I'm not king shaming, but sometimes those loads are over fill. Yeah, absolutely. The advertisement said no loads and you're fizzed.

You have to discharge the balance tanks. You have to not speed maybe. Yeah. I didn't take enough of a look to see what kind of engine. I imagine some sort of diesel electric or... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't have to cavitate the propeller as soon as you cross the mole. You know, by putting that shit on, flank ahead. 36,000 kilowatts on medium speed diesel engines driving variable pitch propellers, apparently. Yeah.

Yeah, we also have here reproduced a set of Memoranda. You mentioned this earlier. This is about putting the indicator light in. Yeah, so I think you could do the X is probably the best. From Mr. J.F.

Alcindor, who is from fucking like an Elfin lord of the rings. Yeah. He's the chief superintendent. Do they need an indicator to tell them whether the deck storekeeper is awakened so, oh my goodness with two exclamation marks.

From Mr. A.C. Reynolds, nice, but don't we already pay someone with an exclamation mark? From Mr. R. Ellison, assume the guy who shuts the doors tells the bridge if there's a problem. By the way, the guy who shuts the doors is asleep

until the moment when the ship falls over just thrown out of his bunk. And from Mr. D.R. Hamilton, nice. Like it's a group chat, you know? Nice. This is a Memoranda. So this is like what? Like notes passed

in the office? Yeah. It's a fucking... I believe after this incident most ships are now built in such a way that the door opens upwards so that you can see it from the bridge visually.

A visual indication. Still too cheap to put the light in, but we... Yeah. What we've got to do is we've got to make the whole front of the superstructure transparent. Yeah, it's like that game's store marks. I don't know if either of you have played that. Oh yeah, I'm no good at it.

No one's played it. They keep adding new shit. I made a little boat that doesn't sink instantly and then I'll check the steam news and it'll be like, hey, nuclear fusion update. Hey, store mark devs, you Scottish fucks. Fucking update your physics sim.

There's no reason I have to build a boat as wide as my ass is before it to fucking float without flipping over. But you keep adding sharks and shit. I don't want to fucking shark. I want to build an engine and have it hum and not burn 12 gallons of diesel in three seconds.

Fix your physics shit. Bambi from your fucking Discord. Do it. Single a crumb of tutorial. And how about a tutorial you could skip? And then how about missions that you don't need fucking the Lua to program? Because I'm not learning a program language. I pass computer science at high school.

I know five lines of C++ and I'm not learning fucking Lua. Fuck that shit. I fucking taught myself some basic principles of programming in order to make units do stuff in operation flashpoint. And that's the most coding I've ever learned.

I've taught myself the logic gates in the game to make automatic transmission that doesn't stall in between when you put the clutch on. But they refuse to fix anything that fix your aerodynamics. I can put pontoons on the side of a car and if I drive fast

nothing flies. You know what? While we're at it developers of the new order fucking fix the economy and give me more opportunities to use the systems designed into the game instead of just doing a visual novel

and fix the fucking economy and fix the economy. And paradox dance. Because I know one of you is listening. The Victoria 3 comes out. If Victoria 3 comes out and if I'm a socialist or a communist and I can't make fucking social reforms, I'm coming over

to Sweden and I'll piss it all over your goddamn weird ass mud suspectled goddamn buildings. I don't know what the fuck you made it out of. Stockholm is thinking into the city. You're not in NATO yet. We can do whatever the fuck we want. You look like a penis. You look like a penis

on the euro. And I can't, you know, I go to IKEA and your furniture, it breaks apart and you have weird shit and you think you're special because you have a sound you can't pronounce. You think it's acceptable to serve me an open faced sandwich on a bread that tastes like cardboard?

You think that's normal? With horse meatballs. I'm calling out the sweets. You know what? Liam's not here. I'm calling out the fucking sweets. You know, you've been, you've been, you know, that Sabaton you know, Carl the Great Oh cool.

I have a king. Sabaton, Carl the Great, Mia Mulder, those are the good sweets. Everything else? Yeah. I hate to do this to you, but I have to go use the restroom really badly. Oh my god. Okay fine.

You know what other nations of fucks... As you were. You know what other video games could use improvement? Fucking all of them. You know what? Like fucking ready or not, my fascist cop game could stand with maybe like

updating some basic systems like the AI responsiveness instead of doing some more like pass-throughs for a level that you're going to release in a years time. You know? Real quick, he's like, I don't care so long as I get to go to sweets. All right? Do you think you have a sound?

Swah, swah, swah. And the levels are too scrolling. You know what? They fucking make them smaller. Give me the fucking slice of life. Swat three shit, you know? Yeah, I'm going with this. Is that a Danish thing? Doesn't matter. Same country.

You know what? Same country. You cannot be pronouncing our Swedish phonology. Swah, swah. There you go. Fucking got it right there. Fucking umlauts. How does that get you? Stay on that from the Germans. You're not German. You'll never will be.

Swah. Yeah, I tell you what. I tell you what. As a sort of as a region Scandinavia, your crime fiction is getting kind of samey. I'm kind of done with it by this point. Like self-consciously grim detective and like a folksy sweater.

Cosy mystery. So my grandma, before she passed away, she loved cozy mysteries where like either a cat solves the crime or there's a recipe at the end. That sounds pretty good. Yeah. I think you get through a certain age. You just want to be comfortable and have a sense of place.

So I guess a Swedish sense of place is like what? Voting for a party that's going to apply the welfare state to everyone except for migrants. The way that Swedes do their mysteries is like a detective who looks like they lost slept in like 1986

has to investigate a prominent politician's children being hacked apart and burned alive. That's the whole sort of scandy noir thing. They're wearing a sweater that's like three different shades

of gray in a kind of like folk pattern. Why don't you investigate the assassination of Olaf Palme? Why don't you do that? Why don't you investigate that? Your cozy mystery has a meatball-less,

not meatball-less, a horseless meatball recipe inside. The thing about Olaf Palme is that he was he wasn't actually assassinated. He was trying to charge his Samsung Galaxy Note. Wow. This is turning into a...

Listen. Shortly after my last appearance on the podcast, I got to come down and then come down. Yeah, he's less greasy than you imagine. This is also true of us. No muscle whatsoever. Like, my legs versus his legs

I gotta say I got some nice calves. He's signed... But anyway. He's getting swollen now. Is he? He's getting swollen now, yeah. Um, alright. I'm going to pee real fast.

Oh my god. That was some really bad bad timing. We could have done that at the same time. Yeah. What's your least favorite country? My least favorite country? We've been talking about two things. The countries that we hate

and ways to improve video games that we play despite also hating. So if you have any tips for the developers of Cities Skylines or the fucking Workers and Resources, now would be the time. Oh say? If I talk about Cities Skylines, I will reveal too much.

Workers and Resources devs, how do you fix their game? What's wrong with that? I don't know. So far everything in there is stuff that I like. There's nothing that's you know, I would have to really think about that one. Which would be ways to make the game

more difficult. All of my transport networks just break down instantly, like quite literally whenever I play Workers and Resources, no one wants to work anymore. After about like a couple of months, no one wants to get on the beautiful new bus to the beautiful new mine from their beautiful

new slums. Probably because you didn't provide them adequate services. No, but I do. I do though, but then they still refuse to go to the mine. Have you told them to go to the mine? Why the fuck do I have to tell them

to go? That's where the jobs is. Yeah, you have to tell them to go to the mine. What? Why? Because. I hate communism now. It's a command economy, Alex. Well, they should be able to intuit my commands and just fucking do them.

You know? Is there no autonomy in this system? No, unfortunately not. You have to have specific apartment blocks that are dedicated to getting on the bus and going to the mine. What? Sometimes you can sort of jiggle that

up a bit. You know, the apartment block is like, okay, you can go work at the kindergarten. You can go work at the school. But if all those positions are taken, then you have to go work in the mine. That's... There's a whole arena that I

haven't been micromanaging. Yes. I do feel like there's a way... Have you played that, Cameras? Yes, I have heard of it. Yes, I've been playing quite a lot of it recently, actually.

I was quite enjoying the new order mod for Hearts of Iron 4 until they fucking broke it. Is that the one after the sequel to the Joy Division mod, right? Yeah. Well, the

new order, that's the one that's basically a visual novel, right? Yes, and I wish it weren't. Dammit, I want them to let me use some of the systems. Someone on the Reddit posted like Spear Gang and made a shirt that said Spear Gang.

The Spear Hoodie, yes. Listen, my favorite mod for that's Kaiser Rick because you could be a communist in the United States. And then I could take tasks to Louisiana and Atlanta like it deserves. But you know, Jesus Christ,

does that community have a lot of fucking fascist? I'm not being controversial here in saying that. No. A dear friend of mine was at ParadoxCon working, I should say, not for fun and saw a

second person in a Spear Hoodie get ejected by security for wearing the Spear Hoodie. I'm like, good. Good. Spear was the good guy. He just rehabilitated himself. Yes. That's part of the point of the text of the thing is that he is also not

a good gut. Gamers can't be trusted sometimes. Also his son got to design a whole bunch of like fucking stadiums and guitar. Yeah, yeah, he did. Were they slave labor stadiums? Yes, 100%. Yeah, definitely. Also, all that shit

in Carter is like half built. It's going to be a fucking disaster. I do have one request, Roz, though, is if a workers of resources map that's Philadelphia, but you have to make sure that the common turn block side is New Jersey. That makes sense to me.

I've tried to make it a couple of times with my my favorite workers and resources map is a one that is just like the relief pattern of it is a perfect portrait of Lenin's head. Jesus. I like the game. I do like the game.

I think it's come a long way and the devs seem pretty cool because they're like Oh, yeah, they're out on portraying what actually things were, you know, not this like, and then you go online and it's like, oh, when can I when's the gulag update? When can I make when they can reenact gulags

in the 1960s? The variation of that thread that perennially comes up on leftward. It's like, what's your job after the revolution? And everyone is like, cop, cop, cop, cop. This is not a madness just confined to me, you know. I just I would I want to be the water guy

the rescue water rescue guy. I want the R and L I but communist and I would wind up. I would definitely be the coal miner who was forced to become a poet. Yeah, so like Thompson the red national lifeboat institution

I'm every cop and you're fucking writing impressionist poetry and when I die, when I die, you're like the Luke Kelly writing a song about the lifeboat Mona you're writing about me and how I you know, try to rescue sailors

and just guy who is like forced to write poetry instead of mine and coal is basically is basically Vladimir Myakovsky. So there is historical precedent it's like half of like the Welsh Labour Party in the 50s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

Oh, shit. Man, this is a podcast. We're talking about a boat. This isn't just hanging out with my friends. Why can't it be both? People are listening. I mean, that's basically guys, the secret behind $10,000 losses to Liam I could talk about sports for an hour every week.

Well, the thing is right. Not only did we record a podcast about the boat, we also fixed every video game. It's true. Stormworks dev seriously fix your fucking shit. I'm like, like, ban me from your discord. Do it. I think I think factorial needs a new update sometimes.

So I can systems that I need more single player. The single player is a very compelling idea. I played the single player campaign in Red Dragon many times despite the fact that it obviously hated me. I will do so again in Warner when you add one, please.

Multiplayer is not a substitute for properly programmed bots. No. No, it's not because the bots don't call me slurs, which I like. Exactly. Is that with the day color or the night color? Oh, fuck.

Okay. Where were we before this interview? We had finished 3. You have a thing telling you the doors are closed or not now. So they have a light. We fixed it. They made them put a light in. So this has never happened before.

They got pressed. They made the fucking Trojan War real, dude. It's fucking crazy. You're from Assassin's Creed? Of course. They made a Pyramid of Real Life from Assassin's Creed. Speaking of video games, Assassin's Creed has been in its flop era as well.

Yeah. Oh, my God. The Viking one is so grim. The best is when they make Mediterranean women that my wife gets mad at me for telling her how nice they make the Mediterranean women. They did make Mediterranean women. I'm a big fan of that.

And then Viking women wasn't the same. Somehow they had the direction Nordic women. They fucked that up somehow. So put in the the handshake meme. Me and Alice. Handshaking.

And it says Mediterranean women underneath. Yes, please. We're putting a lot of work on Devin here. All I want to say is, okay, let's spot this boat. What did we learn? Don't leave the front of the fucking boat open. Water will get in and sink the boat.

Secure all watertight and weathertight because the report makes the distinction. Closures on the vessel before leaving your birthing and going under way. And if you're curious, watertight means that it's watertight. Both sides weathertight. It's only watertight on one side.

And have a clear chain of command. Yeah, have a higher clear like division of responsibility. Sometimes it is worth it that the like saluting, you know, officer on deck stuff has its place. It's there for a reason. Sometimes have a captain, but elect him.

Yeah, he's the guy. He's the smartest guy. He's the guy who's best at organizing. Make it like him, the guy. Yeah, so this is this is I think what we really learned from this is anarchism doesn't work. Yeah, that's right. No one to gain say this.

I'm not here. So I think we can we can agree on that and official position the podcast. Yeah, there's a reason why they use the metaphor of the ship of statements because anarchism doesn't work on a ship and it doesn't work in real life. Yeah, it's true. Can't defend can't defend

your your socialist revolution from the West if you have an anarchist. I'm going to get there. There are people who I know who listed this or anarchist or dear friends of mine are going to be very mad at me. Yeah. What are they going to do?

Fucking organize some kind of mutual self defense committee. Yeah, I never heard of an anarchist going on the offense. I can tell you that much. Yeah, an anarchist self-offense committee. Imagine that.

Anarchist claiming territory not not going to happen. That's never happened. Not a disputed territory today either. And they never had a wagon technical. We have a segment on this podcast called Safety Third. Cool Russian gas masks.

That's a PMK2, I think. That's the last thing you see in the fucking wow, I can't remember the name of the games of the jokes room. Stalker? Yeah. Pretty toilet and stalker. So we're transitional

all down a second. I'm getting a phone call from my landlord. That's from Liam. Get the phone call from an autonomous commissioner. Liam is a landlord and a CIA operator. Yeah, of course. We've mentioned several times.

I like that you included like operated there. Like he was in Torah Bora in like 2003. There's like photos of him wearing like a picol, you know. If anyone was to like gin that up in Photoshop, I'd be very happy to say that. Someone that have a photo of Liam wearing like four inch shorts

in Rhodesia. That's a good look. By the way, that is a look I think we should bring back for people. Well, the tiny shorts for sure. Well, as someone who has nice calves, I got to say I kind of want to be able to rock that. Sure, sure. It's flattering.

I mean, I guess you can like what you could do is you could do the sort of like British Western desert approach where it's like shorts, but also knee socks, you know. Well, I mean, all the best baseball players wear knee socks. Really? The coolest and best ones, by my opinion,

are the ones that also wear knee socks. I trust your opinion on this. I know next to nothing about baseball. All you know is from what you were what you learned on the when you were on 10,000 losses. Go on 10,000 losses. Please go to our Patreon. Please do.

We have a great bonus episode out where we're actually serious talking about the intersectionality of journalism and sports. Interesting. Yeah. I should pop over there.

Why don't you do that? Check out all of my other podcasts, too. You should check out Kill James Bond. You should check out Trash Future. You should check out Corey Doctorow on with Rebecca Gibbons to talk about their new book about copyright. So you're going to find out why copyright's

bad. You should copy what? Copy wrong, isn't it? Damn. That says a lot about society. I think they should have a copy left, actually. Oh, shit. That would be wild if that was a thing. Yeah. You can have a logo with the C faces

the other direction, maybe. Well, it depends if you're an anarchist or a communist. There's two splits of it. Like the hammer and circle in one. Or if it's black. Anti-copyright action. It's weird that so many people used the iron front logo.

The three arrows. Because people don't get those with like armed social Democrats, which is a very funny idea now. Yeah. Look, I'm someone who, having organized in the left and now wants nothing to do with organizing the left.

Absolutely reasonable. Yeah, I get when someone's got that logo because I understand what they're coming from and it makes sense. A lot of those people are allied and they just don't understand, but goddamn, would the world have been a different place

if Rosa wasn't shot and thrown into a ditch? Yeah. That's my like that. You want to do all history? Fuck Confederates winning the Civil War. That would never happen. Fuck the Germans winning what we're doing. You don't have any of the fucking shit in the Soviet Union.

I've said this a million times, but like if you had said to like any educated European that like, okay, there's two countries in Europe. One of them is going to become the like hotbed of a new kind of like industrialist

right wing, ethnically like determinative fascism and the other one's going to become the hotbed of socialism and communism and world revolution. 100% of them would have said Germany and Russia in the wrong order.

Like, that truly is the bad timeline is because fucking Marx and everyone 100% expected like, oh, the the engine of the revolution, the place where the like industrial contradictions are most heightened. That's Germany, of course it is. You know, and then maybe you can apply to sort of like

outlying you know, peasantry like Russia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's imagined like Germany, you have a German, Russia I guess a Deutsche Russo out of fucking said alliance like left wing alliance.

You know, you have all those Germans in the United States who had just, you know, fought the Civil War and you had like fucking socialist running Milwaukee and all that kind of I was I was reading, I've been reading I just finished reading Antonio Scorati's M, Son of the Century is a book about Mussolini, which is in a large

part a book about how the Italian left absolutely squandered every sequential opportunity they had over the 1920s and, you know, some of them became fascists as Nicola Bombacci, the guy who was called, you know, the Lenin of the Romagna, Christ of the

workers, he became a fascist. I mean, even Mussolini was a, was a, was a, was a, was a yeah, he was, he was an interventionist leftist and the war split them down the middle, but like yeah, no, 100% like so many times that they're like, oh, we have a general strike

and then we call off the general strike. There's, there's so many occasions whether, you know, the people sort of come to these that they're elected socialist or communist representatives, begging them to say the word revolution and every time they're like, well the revolution's more of a metaphor or

you know, it'll come at some indeterminate time. So you have to like, you know, be ready for it, but not now. It's like the second coming of Christ. Yeah, it's going to be, it's going to be at some point. No man knoweth of the hour. Yeah. And meanwhile Mussolini and the

fucking squadristia, like going around clubbing people's heads open and stuff. Oh mama mia, papa papa, papa manuale papa, papa manuale. Questo socialisti questi socialisti molto, molto

what's scary and what's scary to tell. Oh fuck, I don't know either. Shit. See, this is my problem with it. I know the grammar. We're going to fuck, dude. We're going to lose out in the Mediterranean women at this rate. Oh my god. Ah, I got to study. Um, uh, moto alamar

I can't do the R. No, no, fuck. Shit. Alamante. Um, and, uh, I don't know my basic tenses outside of like past, present and future. Um, you know, uh, yeah, um,

taking, uh, taking it over to the government. Uh, I don't understand no matter why they come in, they come in, they're going to take the pizza, they're going to take the pizza and they're going to make it a pizza. They're going to, they're going to change the gender on all the food. There is literally one, one Italian, I think it might even have been

like Corriere della Sera, uh, which describes the revolution as typically Italian, a plate of spaghetti. Uh, it's like perfect. Oh, like all of these go because Italian liberals are like, uh, like any liberal in any country is like, guys, you're

embarrassing me in front of the Europeans. So like, every, every liberal is like, my people are peasants. I hate them. They don't know what fork to eat with. And so every, every account of like the fascist revolution is, yeah, okay. It was wildly like unconstitutional

and everything, but like Italians are a joke anyway and like nothing ever happens to us or stays happening to us. And this is like the first sort of like brief glimmer of effective government we've ever seen. Um, it's grim. And then at the end of this, the sort of the like

real inflection point is Mussolini, Mussolini arranges to have this annoying socialist uh, member of parliament, Giacomo Mattiotti, uh, murdered because he's about to expose a like a corrupt oil deal that he's about to do. And this like revolts

the entire country, like other fascists are ashamed of Mussolini. The like first world war veterans are ashamed of the fascists, all of this. Uh, and uh, he, he goes in front of parliament and, and he says yeah, it was all me. Uh, if, if fascism is a criminal gang, I'm the leader

of it and I'm responsible for like every criminal act that's ever happened under fascism uh, go ahead and hang me if, if anyone wants to. And no one fucking does. Everyone blinks. Uh, and yeah, no, I don't know. Fucking weird, weird times, weird moments.

Did you get evicted? No, I did not get evicted, but I did get a concerned call about um, apparently, uh, the landlord's been having a bunch of trouble with the water bill being really high in a bunch of buildings. And uh, and

you have to call that like nuclear reactor that you have. The, the, the PC that, that Liam built for you that uses, that you run factorial on is directly piped. Yeah, the, the once through water cooling system, yeah. It's the most efficient way of doing it. I, I feel, I, I, I

I fill my, uh, my bathtub with it after it's gone through my, my super cool crypto mining rig. I, I like that. By the way, I was asleep to the last episode. I like that the crypto mining rig has become not a piece of 10KL lore, but is now just Alice teasing Liam with it. Yeah, fully.

Oh, I gotta say, speaking about Italy, one more thing. If for Tini, uh, mi parlano di cose bella di fare quest'inverno. Um, I'm going to Italy, in, uh, around Christmas. So if you're Florence, if you're from Florence, I can actually understand your Italian, too. Uh, except when you do that weird thing

where you say caffatani instead of capitani. Um, and, uh, yeah, tell me cool things to do in Florence. I've been to Florence before. I've eaten at the Pasta Nazi. I've been to Uffiti. Uh, yeah, shots out of the Pasta Nazi is actually really cool because I've made fun of Americans to him and he loved me and his mom. I, I said, uh,

I said how nice the food was and she was like, oh, you know, it's, you know, Italian. Um, yeah, so, uh, yeah, feel free to reach out to me to Hick and T. Pan on Twitter and tell me what cool shit I should do this winter in, uh, your beautiful city. Did you play that the, the safety third, uh,

Yeah, I did. I did. I can do it again for you. We've technically been we've been in the state of safety third here for a second while I had to go figure out, uh, if I was responsible for, uh, my landlord having an abnormally

high water bill. Yeah. The safety third light has been on for some time. Exactly. Yeah, the indicator. Yeah. Hello, unknown number of podcast hosts. Usual, usual number, different like dispersion. Next man up, next man up.

Yeah, exactly. Today, I'd like to recount an incident that occurred sometime in mid 2020 at my current place of employment. A fast, casual, small restaurant, uh, chain, famous for its oversize sandwiches that we call grinders.

Hold on. That's a toasted, that's a toasted submarine sandwich for those who don't understand it. A toasted, a toasted hoagie is a grinder. Yes. It's probably. Um, but don't hold us to that. For a bit of background, our restaurant is located downhill

from a strip mall and has terrible drainage. It rains a whole bunch. Our drain can get backed up and we can have localized flooding in parts of the restaurant. I feel like you can't have flooding in parts of the restaurant because if I go in to order a sandwich and part of the restaurant is flooded, I'm like, the restaurant

is flooded. You know? Yeah. Are you following me here? You can't fucking cough a damn that shit off and be like, yeah, we're still doing the sandwich. You walk in the sandbags or keeping the, the, the dining room from being flooded. Meanwhile, the line cooks are all

wading through like knee-high water. Oh, we got to, you know, if, if the water gets above this line, we have to abandon the grinders. Yeah. It's like a waffle house situation. Additionally, additionally, we tend to have many toilet stopages due to the aforementioned

drainage issues and customers abusing toilets. My boss tries her best to fix these problems when they come up, but sometimes she has to call a specialist to deal with it. Runs that quiz nose like the Navy, et cetera. Yes. Yeah. I, I,

at one point in my life when I was in grad school, I, I cleaned toilets because I was the lowest man on the total pool and the factory I worked at, but they didn't hire a janitor. So I empathized there. On one such occasion, men's raster, restroom was so

backed up. How backed up was it? How high was the poop? Yeah. Basically what we're saying. It was over the top. Where was it? It was, it was so backed up. We had it closed for most of my shift while a two man team of plumbers were working in and out

of the restaurant. One of them had a red jumpsuit. The other had a green one. If the band in front of you drops his plunger pick it up and move forward. Several hours later, they had left and I really needed to pee. And after double

checking with my manager that everything was good, I excused myself to the restroom. You don't have to excuse yourself if a boss cannot stop you from taking a bathroom break. That's law in every state. That's true. Upon entering, I noticed a somewhat strong smell of bleach and that the floor was wet. And I made

a reasonable assumption that the floor was freshly mopped since we mixed bleach into our mop water. I hate the smell, but it's the boss's policy. And I used the urinal. Immediately after my pee hit the water, it began to fizz

and my eyes started to sting. Oh no. Exit situation. It's not pop rocks in there. It's not how that's supposed to work. The water wasn't water. It was bleach. I stuffed myself

back in my pants and fled the bathroom, making sure to turn on the overhead fan as I left. In order to explain what this... I'll read that in the western front by fucking toilet work. In order to explain what just occurred to you, the viewer, and to my manager,

we first have a very short chemistry lesson. There's ammonia in the piss and there's bleach in the bleach. And if you mix the two together, you get chlorine gas. Or chloramine gas. This is... this is... this plus the

gas mask here is reminding me very strongly of the guy on 4chan, who decided to test his new gas mask by making up a batch of chlorine gas in his bathroom. And the thing about chlorine gas is that, yeah, it's very bad to breathe in. It's very bad to be around generally.

And he posts a picture a couple of minutes after and it's like, hey guys, I think all the skin on my arm is coming off. Is that supposed to... what's up with that? The chlor... the chloramines, by the way, if you don't treat your water when you're home brewing, if you don't remove the chlorine, the interaction between

the grain and the fucking chlorine creates chloramines, which tastes like Band-Aids. So, if you're ever taking a leak and you smell Band-Aids, bounce the fuck out. One of these gases will kill you if you breathe too much of it.

Having explained that to the manager and then demanded know who had filled the urinal with bleach without telling anyone about it. And she didn't know. None of my co-workers knew. I just assumed that one of the plumbers had decided it was the best course of action to drain the urinal

of water and fill it with bleach and not tell anyone. Thankfully, I got out unharmed. Just a bit of eye discomfort from the stinging in several days of anxiety wondering if I had inhaled any chlorine. It's cool that we use bleach to clean the stuff that we piss into

as a species. That is... it's like the most dangerous chemical we have in our house, I would assume. Oh, probably, yeah. Do you know it? No, I'll play last. Keeping with the logical theme. Drain cleaner.

Yeah. That will melt your insides. You gotta just replace everything with simple green. You know? You gotta use one of those bio-friendly ones that just don't work.

Like the crystal fucking deodorant? Oh, no. Simple green works. Oh, no. I know simple green works, yeah. I have experience with simple green. I have experience rolling the 55-gallon drums off the truck, onto the forklift. Simple green.

This way, horizontally. And then rolling it back off. Micro-particulate fractionalization cleaner. Yes. Receives critical attention from environmental safety activists because of the toxicity

concerns of its 4% to butoxyethanol content. Yeah, but it works. It works pretty good. I'm gonna have to go clean my bathroom with it right now, actually. The factor I worked in used trichloroethylene

to degrease the parts after they were milled, and then cleaned everything else with simple green. And I remember one time, I guess the EPA came out and drilled a bore into the fucking concrete pad. The place was building seven different spots. I guess they were trying to see if it was...

Because they were dumping that shit down the drain. They did not fucking properly clean that shit at all. So, yeah. Fuck those guys. Wild. Take this as a PSA about cleaning safety in the workplace or your home and have a good one.

Thanks. Don't mix chemicals randomly like I did when I was a kid. Yeah. Don't make some super death cleaner. Don't make chlorine gas. What's the other one it's using to make? Oh, I think Phosgene, maybe. Something absurdly

deadly like that. Probably Phosgene, yeah. Mustard gas. There's a lot of remarkably simple organic chemistry that you can do that will just fucking kill you. Organic chemistry, it's hard to understand and it'll kill you. It'll fuck around.

What's so hard about it is just a bunch of hydrogens and carbons. Come on. What's a few hydrogens of carbons among friends? That's right. Well, that was safety third. Shake hands for danger.

Our next episode is on the Boston molasses disaster. Yeah, good news. Due to capacity we are looking very strongly at doing a second live show December 8th. December 8th, we mentioned

one at December 7th previously. Day after the day that will live at infamy. Yes, yes. A day that lives the day after infamy. December 8th. Same place, tickets on sale at some point in the future. We'll do another update.

Get me those fucking tickets. By the way, if you didn't know, we are doing a live show at Underground Arts in Philadelphia on December 7th, but the first show is sold out, which is why we're advertising the second show right now. Yeah, it's sold out, as I'm acutely aware.

Some of us have jobs and can't see the announcement. Okay, what have you considered? That you may be a privileged individual who just gets to come in. Yeah. I don't know. I don't presume anything because that's... I've now done

enough live shows for enough different podcasts that I have worked out that nowhere in the world has a door policy and no one in the world actually cares about who comes in and you can just get in anywhere by just pointing and mumbling. I guess I'll show up to both

and they'll just say, I'm Tom Payne even though that's not what my ID says. It says something else on it. Yeah, just say, I'm Tom Payne. This is my fake ID. And I'm here to keep certain individuals away from the stage. Yeah.

All right, yeah. That would probably be a good idea. If I'm there and you fuck with me, I will play a bouncer. Like the Wawa has a bouncer? Yeah. Wawa security. God, that would be a really good shot.

That would be a good one. Yeah, because there was a congressman who was running and he just yelled at by Wawa for using the geese logo in his campaign. Legally not Wawa. Fucking tier one

meal team six. You know, they have to have a special forces, a special operations unit at the Wawa now. You can buy that cred for yourself with a t-shirt, maybe. Absolutely.

Maybe. I don't look into this too closely. Liam does all of the everything. Yes. If they want more time, where can they go to get more time, Tom? You can go to, you can buy Tom Tom. You're right.

Which reminds me of the time that I had a guy approach me. I had a Wawa parked a lot. The one on the Armingo and the guy came up to me and said, oh, big guy. You need a sat-nav? So I did need a sat-nav because it was like five years ago and I have one on my phone. But yeah,

go to 10,000 losses. Listen to that podcast. It's Liam and I. It's really a bullshit. Some people have said that they use it as something to keep up with sports with their friends. Or it's really just a giant

audio shit post that happens to have sports in it. Alice has been on. In time. Ross, you will be on. I'm supposed to be on. Yeah, at some point. How can we make baseball shitty again? Yeah.

And Liam and I have been talking about various ways in which we secure your presence. So knots, pages. You could probably just pick a time and then I'll be there for that time. Oh, yeah.

Oh, Jesus. That explains where all the water is going. Yeah, 10,000 losses. I'm just a random asshole. But yeah, if you want to get more time, you can also get into distress in one of your nation's bodies of water and there's a, you know,

some percentage chance. If you are drowning on the Del River from the months of May through October, although not October anymore, through September, I will rescue and then laugh at you at the same time because you would have done something stupid to need me to rescue you.

You'll be alive, but I will make fun of you. That's a podcast. That's a podcast. That's a podcast. It's always like this when you come home because you have two fucking funny is the thing.