Well There‘s Your Problem - Episode 176: The Assassination of President James A. Garfield

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

Craziest part of this story to me is that the Oneida community abandoned communal free love in 1879 and collectively decided to become a silverware company that still exists to this day. You can buy Oneida cutlery sets right now on Amazon - DEVON check out THE VANQUISHED PODCAST: https://www.youtube.com/@VanquishedPodcast check out our TOUR (new dates added!): April 29: New York City https://sonyhall.com/events/well-theres-your-problem/?id=18162 April 30: Somerville Mass (SOLD OUT!) https://artsatthearmory.org/events/bill-blumenreich-presents-well-theres-your-problem-podcast-2/ May 1: Somerville Mass  (SOLD OUT!) https://thewilbur.com/armory/artist/wtyp/ May 2: New York City (SOLD OUT!) https://www.ticketweb.com/event/well-theres-your-problem-sony-hall-tickets/13918973 May 3: Washington DC (SOLD OUT!) https://www.unionstagepresents.com/shows/well-theres-your-problem-podcast/ May 4: Philadelphia, PA https://concerts.livenation.com/well-theres-your-problem-podcast-philadelphia-pennsylvania-05-04-2025/event/0200615211C27E44 Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wtyppod/ Send us stuff! our address: Well There's Your Podcasting Company PO Box 26929 Philadelphia, PA 19134 DO NOT SEND US LETTER BOMBS thanks in advance in the commercial: Local Forecast - Elevator Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Maybe it is, okay, so it is recording, but it said failed to start recording, but it is recording. It is recording. Mm. Sometimes, sometimes Zankaster just wants attention, it's very relatable to me. I think so. I hear that. I'm, I'm just, we're just gonna go under the assumption that it's working.

Alright. That's probably wise. And we've got local recording, so it's literally fine. It should be fine, unless it isn't, but hopefully it is. Fuck you, dude. Well, listen, if we have another Lost episode, then that's fine, we simply, we deal with it like adults, and- Intermedial podcasting. And deploy our many, like, emotional reasoning skills that we definitely have, to sort of

like contextualize it and work through it, you know? I'm a literal social worker. I'm not worried about us, I'm worried about the audience. Fuck em. They're gonna come after us. Those guys, well, yeah, those guys don't have a lot of like, sort of like emotional- Oh, what are they gonna do, give us two dollars about it? I hope they do.

Please do. I was saying earlier before we started that this is remedial podcasting, right? Even if we get a good grade in podcasting because of the release schedule, no we don't. And we know that, we're aware of that. Yeah, we know. Look, I got through college turning in every third or fourth homework assignment, so... Jesus Christ. Yeah, you did.

Fletch. I do love that I tweeted, just to cause trouble today, we know, and I had seen the Greek Rail report, but I just left it open ended and then somebody got mad, not mad necessarily, was like, well, did something happen or not? And I'm just like, yeah man, have you seen the fuckin' shit out the window? Yeah, every day, every day of our lives something happens. I looked at that tweet and was very confused and started looking around. ALICE Yeah, me too.

Yeah. I also thought that like a 9-11 had happened. So you got both of us. JUSTIN Yeah. ALICE Whoooo! Nine twelve, baby! Nine eleven two. This time a- oh, Muhammad Attaboy.

Nothing. Alright, let's go. Hello and welcome to Well there's your problem. It's a podcast about engineering disasters with slides. I'm Justin Rosniak I'm the person who's talking right now. My pronouns are he and him. Okay go. I'm November Callie I'm the person who's talking now my pronouns are she and her. Yay Liam. Yay Liam. Hi I'm Liam McAnderson I'm the person who's talking now. My pronouns are she and her.

Yay Liam. Yay Liam. Hi, I'm Liam McAnderson. I'm the person talking right now. My pronouns are he and him. And we have not one, but two guests. Two guests. Please introduce yourselves.

Anders J. Lee here. Happy to be on the show. Honored, frankly. I am a co-host of Pie Dame America, as well as The Vanquished, which is about failed presidential candidates. So super pumped to be talking about a not quite failed, but close to he failed in a sense. And former purveyor of Russian disinformation. That's correct. Yes.

I yes, I was a Russian asset. I can actually say that for two and a half years I was on RT America Network and after the Ukraine war all of the content I made has been scrubbed from the internet Wow Hi, I'm Freddie G. Yeah, the other host of the Vanquish podcast about presidential losers Yeah, super happy to be here. You guys were on our pod for the the prohibition episode. It's my favorite episode We've done that was a lot of fun. Yeah Prohibition party notably had nothing to do with an acting prohibition They are the oldest third party in American history still go and and finally

Rebranded as we discussed with Ros there now Not for prohibition, but confusingly have not changed the name Yeah, I think that the time is right for some entry as right maybe prohibition is more generic now They're just in favor of banning things in general. Oh, so they're like British liberals. Yeah, exactly Pointing the Albatross and you say banned They're just like oh cigarettes probably shouldn't be advertised. That's their big thing now. Oh, I mean, yeah, okay, I guess.

Yeah, I, I, so my most, I don't know, what would you say? Conservative maybe? Politic? Repressive, authoritarian, blue stocking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Statist. Yeah, yeah. Oppressive. Suppressive. Statist. Yeah, oppressive. Suppressive.

That's not my most status opinion. My most status opinion would make you throw up. Mine is just banned sports gambling, unless you are physically within a casino. What about an off track betting parlor? No. Run by the state, full of cigarette smoke. Nationalized the mob? Yeah. New York State did! off track betting parlor, run by the state full of cigarette smoke. Actually, there's one down south Philly. Operation Underworld, that's a thing we did.

I was going to say nationalize the numbers game, but that's just a lottery. Like again, they did that. They did this. I used to live near an OTB and it's the most depressing place ever. There's one in South Philly where you're just like, oh, I can feel the desperation from here. Is this, are you describing a betting shop, the thing that is on every British high street times a billion, as like a unique locus of despair?

But this is off track betting, it's specifically for horse races. Oh yeah, so, betting shop, right, okay. So like, yeah, those are every third business still in commercial areas in the UK. Wow, that's fucking grim. Oh, buddy, tell me about it. We have this wonderful new thing called Skill Games, which is like, it's a slot machine, but it's not technically gambling, because after you pull the lever for the slots, you have the option to do like

a word search puzzle, and then it gives you your money back. But it's hard, so you need- yeah. So you know, I- yeah, I- Cool. Yeah, exactly. Um, so, anyway. Why are we looking at Jim Davis' iconic, uh, sort of lasagna loving, Mondays hating feline Garfield. What we see on the screen here is an orange cat with a pipe. His name is Garfield. Um,

it's not supposed to look like that. Because cats cannot be president, and should not smoke pipes. Toby probably thinks he can be yeah, that's true What we're actually going to talk about today uh is the assassination and subsequent treatment of President james a garfield Oh, I see. Yes for the for the record. I looked this up a couple years ago Garfield the president was shot

on a Monday. Any word on the lasagna connection? I don't know if we have, I don't know if there was enough Italians in the US yet to make that a dish here. Yeah, they had to wait for Giuseppe Zangara to shoot FDR before there was an Italian presidential event. Breaking barriers, you know? He probably did not like Italians. Garfield?

He was probably anti-immigrant. This is around the time of the Chinese Exclusion Act, yeah, he was probably like, oh, they shouldn't come here, no hyphenated Americans, only American dishes. Who could say no to lasagna? The spice of an average lasagna would kill this kind of white boy. Do you think they had lasagna back then, or is lasagna like another one of those traditional Italian foods that was invented in a hotel in Rome in 1960s? By an American.

Yeah. Looking at you, Tiramisu. It traces, like, it traces it all the way back to ancient Rome. Oh wow. Also, they say that about fucking everything. What do you want me to do about it? I'm just reading the Windy article. Ancient Romans were reading like, dormice and like, fucking, uh, like, plants that no longer

exist because they over, like, uh, over-harvested them. And garum. Lots of garum. Mm. Yeah. They would've had ketchup, but they didn't have tomatoes. This Garfield that we have on the screen here, I actually prefer this to the sort of mutated version that Jim Davis, I believe-

The kind of chibi Garfield. Yeah, he's wholesome, he's big, and he's so big it's almost graphic, and I feel like maybe some of the publishers were like, Jim, you gotta scale Garfield back, he's too fat, it's like offensive to some of our readers, and he caves. It's a lot more realistic, This is a realistically like ugly cat. It's the same thing that they did where they changed the Simpsons. They hadn't like, you know, dialed in on the kind of art style that they wanted yet in the first couple of seasons of that show.

They look all like fucked up and sketchy. Yes. Same kind of vibe. Yeah. It kind of looks like Garfield's dad, like the dad who's on the the of the cat is on the show Yeah, this is Garfield's like racist dad Like no no no no I'm not gonna see my dad in the hospital I don't care how sick he is gonna say that shit about lasagna and Italians again. Wow, so my dad

Okay, I gonna say that shit about lasagna and Italians again. So my dad. Okay. Okay. I, I, yeah, my dad. Well, so, okay, so my great uncle was killed in the Battle of Anzio, for a little context, and therefore my grandmother, his sister, hated Italians, no matter how many times my dad put it out there, but by that that point, the Italians had switched sides. I would have been Germans defending Anzio. She, she was just like, nope, hate Italians. And he's like, okay, I guess we hate Italians now.

Yeah. I love a kind of familial beef like that. You know, it's not racist as much as it is just beef with one country. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there was a ton of people a ton of people, like my um, my granddad used to like never ever drive in a German car, cause of the war, right? Understandable, I wish I would have done the same thing, but I bought a GTI. Before we hate other countries, we have to start by hating our own country, and ourselves, by doing the goddamn news. So.

Yeah, pilots are not woke now, and as a result every single American has been killed. Donald Trump has saved us from DEI, and as a result the planes are dropping out of the sky. You may know that you know right right after we released our two episodes ago it was Air Florida flight 90 that crashed going out of Washington National Airport. A flight that very same day or the day after crashed into a helicopter on approach to Washington National Airport, so, um, you know, I, I, I hope that something similar doesn't happen as a result of this episode. That would be terrible if it did. That would be really bad.

If we had the kind of, like, lathe ability, you know, I think we would be forced to use that very responsibly. Yeah, exactly. Um, you know, this is one of those incidents, this was American Airlines Flight 5342, I think it was operated by American Eagle, which is like, cause they have like a agreement where- The clither install? No. No. My ass does look good in those jeans, I'll tell you that.

I forget what the smaller airline is they operate You know, maybe maybe that's why it crashed is because they put you know much of the jeans guys in charge This was our fashion episode. It's like a jet blue if you've lived around the Washington DC area You know about the goddamn helicopters everywhere It is kind of, I mean obviously the investigation is not out yet, it is not so surprising that something like this happened. For a while they didn't release, the family didn't release the name of the pilot of the National Guard's Black Hawk that was in this collision because they thought that because

she was a woman, and because she was like, queer, the like, MAGA chuds would be all over them, which of course they were anyway. Yeah, anyway. Yeah. There's no way to, no way to stop that. Now everything is because, you know, they put someone other than a white man in charge of any given thing. Have you met Rosnai? We are the most incompetent two sons of bitches on the planet. I was about to say, yeah. And then as if to make your point, every other plane in the US has crashed. So you know. Yeah.

I was gonna say, they have done some kind of mitigation here. I believe the particular route that the helicopter used to sort of dart in front of the plane, they don't use that anymore. This was, I think, a CRJ-900, which, you know, there's so many CRJ-900s that fly in and out of national. It's incredible. I had to actually, the first thing I did when I heard about this was I had to go look up my old rowing coach because he flew a CRJ-900

in and out of national. I was like, damn, I hope it's not him. Uh, no, he has a podcast now called, um, uh, Passive Income Pilots, and uh, is uh, is now um, a financial independence influencer as well as owns a bunch of self storage units. Uh, so, yeah. So, shout out Ryan Gibson, um, because you're a public figure, I suppose The hell? Yeah. Shout out Ryan Gibson. Because you're a public figure, I suppose I can name you. Anyway.

Did not die in this accident. Um... The highest phrase you can offer any pilot, did not die in an accident. Yeah, exactly. Um, the other thing, you know, there's one angle of this crash. I mean, okay, there were no survivors. This happened very recently. But this is this podcast, so I am going to make a joke about it.

There was one angle where you could see the whole thing and it looked exactly like when Randy Johnson hit the bird. Oh. Jesus Christ. Oh my god. They do use feathers. Da Vinci's designs were accurate in a sense. Apparently, yeah. Crucial National Guard flight full of like, feather pillows for the White House.

Stayed with Cheeto dust, of course. I always wondered- Big orange bird, like Sesame Street. I do have a question that I feel like someone here may be able to answer, because I've always wondered this, about flying, because they always say, way safer to fly on a plane than it is to drive a car, but how are those statistics, how do they reach them, because, y'know, do they factor in the fact that there's like, a tremendous amount more cars driving at any given time than planes in the sky? ALICE I think the way you look at it is this, right, if you hit a Blackhawk helicopter at like, y'know, 700 feet above the Potomac and then

fall directly into the Potomac, for that it's way safer to be in a plane than it is to be in a car. JUSTIN Yeah, those statistics are always, they're gonna be based on either distance, or like, hours, or like, y'know always they're gonna be based on either distance or like hours or like you know they're gonna be per capita and it's gonna be all this stuff now factually before this accident there had not been a commercial airline accident in the United States for I think 16 years or something like that much like the measles outbreak that we'll talk about in the next slide You know so it was perfectly safe for Basically perfect record for a long time as opposed to car crashes where people you know

Just mutilate each other a hundred times every day The only thing more dangerous than driving per mile I believe is bicycling Really? I'm screwed then. Yeah, because yeah, bicycles just you know, you get hit by a car, you die. You know, you know what is dangerous is, well, relatively dangerous is as general aviation, right? Like commercial aviation is very, very safe. But if you decide you want to fly the Cessna, you want to, you know,

get in the machine that kills doctors, then it's not as safe. And so a bunch of the news stories that have made people very, like, aware of this idea that there's a, like, a kind of statistical cluster of shit going along with planes, a lot of that's been general aviation, and a lot of that just kind of happens. Dentists, dentists and Cessnas, yeah. Speaking of, speaking of general aviation, I mean, okay, this one felt like it was a little close to home. A few days later, the Learjet crashed onto Cotman Avenue, yeah!

This was the Medevac flight as well, which really adds insult to injury, y'know? Because it was a kid as well, which is really like, God's fucking sense of humor. To be like, don't worry little girl, you'll be fine. We'll go get a new organ and everything. Yeah, it just crashed immediately. I think they had just finished long-term treatment at Children's Hospital of Pennsylvania. Or is it Children's Hospital of Philadelphia? I forget what it's called.

It's Philadelphia, bud. Yeah, okay. Took off from Northeast Philly airport. They were heading towards Tijuana. With a refueling stop in Springfield, I think? Yes, yes, and then lost control somehow. I don't think we know exactly what happened yet. 2023 Philly season, bud.

Plunged directly into Codman Avenue, right by Roosevelt Mall, put a big crater in a pavement, set a bunch of row houses on fire, um, I think killed at least one person on the ground. Uh, yeah, this one's pretty, pretty bad. Pretty gnarly, yeah. I mean, that happened in a pretty populated area. Um, so, again, I guess the DEI was keeping the plane in the air. Then just a couple days ago we had a near miss at Chicago Midway Airport. Oh yeah, I saw this.

Where another Learjet crossed one more runway than it should have. Yeah, Jesus Christ. should have, causing a Southwest Airlines flight to nearly land, but luckily the pilots spotted it, and they managed to go around before, like, they engaged the speed brakes and the thrust reversers and crap. So. God bless those woke Southwest pilots. I was about to say. I was about to say.

So there's apparently also unwoke Southwest pilots pilots though, cause there was that guy singing God Bless America on the PA on a Southwest flight. That's probably the worst aviation incident recently. You gotta be a fucking idiot to do that. You'll kill all of us, you know. You gotta get the woke quotient back up there, you gotta get the flight attendants doing gay shit with each other like I'm so excited. Otherwise you will land the plane upside down.

Another thing that happened. Oh I forgot to put that one in, yeah, that happened in Toronto. Do we know if that was an American's fault? I just assume so. I assume everything is. We don't know exactly what happened on that one either. You can assume yes, though. There's so much stuff that happened.

I mean everyone survived that one, which is, you know, pretty cool. Miraculous. They offered them a $30,000 settlement each, to which, if that's you, if you're listening to this and you get offered a $30,000 settlement, I want you to, like, put a neck brace on, keep it on for the next like four years, and also laugh them out of court. Yeah, I was back there. Every offer. Like, wait until you get into like seven figures. keep it on for the next like, four years and also laugh them out of court. Every offer. Like, wait until you get into like, seven figures.

Uh, we, there was a Cutter Airways flight, I was watching the news yesterday, where passengers alleged that they were forced to sit next to a dead body for four hours. Oh yeah, I saw that. That's not even uncommon. I sympathize with that. You die, they gotta put you somewhere. That was exactly what I said. But my wife pointed out like, oh, I'm just like, I fly for free now. You die, they gotta put you somewhere. That was exactly what I said. But my wife pointed out like, oh, I'm just like, I fly for free now. Like

that's my fucking settlement. I fly for free now. And I'm like, yeah, how often are you going to cut her? It just doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. I've been having that three times a week. One of the couple, one of the couple who was sitting, who was sat next to the dead body was like, uh, I, you know, nobody even asked me if I wanted like a seat change, even though they were empty seats. It's like, get up and move! What are they gonna do? Yeah, you're sitting next to like a dead body, like why don't you take some initiative here, you know, cause it's not going to.

Look, what you gotta do is you gotta descend to 10,000 feet, kick open one of the doors, bury, let's see. Make sure it's the rear door and not the front door, burial at engine. Yeah, one of the things our new transportation secretary, Sean Duffy, said over a tweet was, you know, pilots who do not follow air traffic control instructions will have their pilot's license revoked. And it's like, dude- ALICE You already will be, like, you can listen to the air traffic control of them giving

him the number to call. JUSTIN But that's also not how this is supposed to work. There's supposed to be an investigation, and you're supposed to be able to not be threatened so you can cooperate with this investigation so that these accidents can be prevented in the future. So if, you know, the Secretary of Transportation is issuing threats like this, this is going to ruin the entire process of investigation that surrounds airplane incidents, which is what has made them so safe for so long.

Because this is not focused on punishment, this is focused on fixing the problem. But uh- It doesn't matter though, because they fired half the FAA. So like, y'know, there's gonna be one janitor left to investigate all of this stuff by themselves. Oh, poor Mike, he never saw a comic. They're gonna get the one guy who's running Britain to be the one guy who runs all of America as well. Yeah, it's good to see-

I still blame Reag- oh. Oh yeah, I still blame Reagan for- oh sorry. Hold on, you go first. Oh yeah, thank you, sorry. I still blame Reagan for finding the air traffic controllers in the 80s when they went on strike. Yes. Yes, they should. Absolutely.

You know, Patco strike, the outcome of that was completely insane. I guess Sean Duffy has decided to run the airlines with the same philosophy as the railroads, which is if there's an accident, NTSB investigates, it gives some recommendations and they're like, nah, don't give a shit, fire the engineer, move on. Or if the engineer's dead, problem solved. Great. Yeah. So, yeah. Air travel, folks, it's safer than ever. We found out what Pete Buttigieg was doing

as Secretary of Transportation, making sure. Yeah. Yeah. JUSTIN Sort of juggling every plane constantly, he's personally doing air traffic control. Hey, this is Barrett, how can I help you? ALICE Having kind of a difficult landing, I gotta call the Secretary of Transportation on the radio. Tidying them in like airplane.

Yeah, he had to use all the skills that he refined stealing the election in Iowa. Um, you know, set a merge. Yeah, exactly. I wasn't expecting, uh, like shooting dogs in Afghanistan to be like a sort of transferable skill that leads you to, like, stop all the planes from landing upside down, but apparently. Yeah. I am concerned. I keep getting job recruitment texts now and I ignore them, but I assume it's for all of the people displaced by the anti-DEI hysteria.

They're looking for Anders Lee's to fill these jobs So I might be a pilot at some point which I'm Start Tuesday, but We're not all competent it's a stereotype Drafted into United Airlines. That's one of those one of those positive stereotypes white guys are competent like black guys are good at basketball yeah I we're not competent Roz yeah you and I have to be piloted co-pilot tomorrow so we gotta stop practicing your Chuck Yeager I watched a lot of mentor pilot videos so I think I a lot of mentor pilot videos, so I think I got this. All right, we're good.

We're going to. We are not going to DB Cooper this thing. Let's go. All right. Well, that was one piece of a lot of news, but let's look at the other news. Yeah, we just kind of put all of the stuff that's happening on this one. Yeah, I'm calling this the bad news fire hose because I refuse to do another. Yeah, I refuse to do another yeah, I refuse

to do another oops all news episode so close to the last one just just picture like a like a fire engine like a pump like rolling up to the scene and then hooking that hose directly to the sewage. Yeah, and then they're just gonna like hose down the entire house in in liquid shit. Yeah, like like a European farmer. Yeah. Okay, what do we got? Department of Government Efficiency.

The Doge. They cut everyone. Shut the fuck up! I wasn't expecting it to take only three months for the federal government to be just like wound up as a going concern. But, you know what, how madded it can I be. We had a run.

I wouldn't say good, but we had a run. They got everyone who's a probationary employee in the federal government, which is, you know, someone who's still in training, or someone who's still- Just got promoted. Yeah, got promoted. You know, so anyone who was moving up, anyone who was, you know, maybe replacing an old guy, aw, no, they cut those guys. So, you know, that's not happening.

I think one of the worst ones I saw, I mean, this just seemed like a small human thing, was like, oh yeah, I was the trainee locksmith at Yosemite National Park. Because it's so big, they needed dedicated locksmith for the whole park. And they were like, he finished his training and he was about to replace the old guy, and he was like, nope, you're fired, you're out, you're done. ALICE Yeah, there's a whole bunch of lawsuits about this as you might imagine. My feeling is, obviously I'm not gonna mourn the federal government in a lot of ways,

but for the fact that it affects a lot of my friends live in the US, and also, it turns out the US government does do a bunch of important stuff, mostly in USAID, which is now dead. That's gone now. Which is sinful, I think is the word you want. Yeah, yeah. Oh, they also fired a bunch of people from Department of Energy, which, you know. Yeah, all the people who are safeguarding the nukes are just gone now. They haven't quite had the Rick Perry realization where he gets appointed to Department of Energy

and he's like, oh, oh this department handles the nukes. Yeah, they give him the briefing that's like, you kind of have more power than like most heads of state right now. Yes! Um, yeah, no, cause they haven't done that, Trump just did the first cabinet meeting, which had Musk at it, fucking hanging out like, greener worm tongue. So they don't know what they're doing, other than getting in charge of the agency, doing Control F Trans and then firing anyone, and removing any program that comes up.

Which is, uh, you know, short sighted, let's say. Yeah. Do you see today they are cutting hundreds of people from NOAA, the oceanic inspectors? Oh yeah, they're gonna have to shut down a weather channel. Mm. I've had a bunch of friends who work for the federal government and are trans get fired off of that combination.

There's this kind of, like, they're scrubbing all the, like, trans and queer people out of the intelligence community, which means you can't even get the, like, you know, the sort of, you know, the trans women who are willing to make the kind of, like, waterboarding architecture work anymore. You know, the trans women who are willing to make the kind of like waterboarding architecture work anymore. I was about to say, there's like, there's gotta be, you know, it's also all the people at Doge, you're going into all these, you know, old systems that are run on like, Cobalt and Fortran and stuff like that.

And it's like, you know, the only people who really know how those systems work at this point and can program those languages are either you know 75 and past retirement or you know they own five bludges both of them are fired as well exactly exactly what else we got there's a measles outbreak in Texas which is so stupid so fucking stupid the child was unvaxxed the day cares vaccinate your kids while you still can yeah they need to redact it RFK jr. like yesterday I think he might not be back to himself you heard him I had the worm is the worm is progressing I will shocking that would

happen in Texas. It was like Texas Mennonites, apparently. Yeah, you can get religious exemptions and parental exemptions in Texas very easily. I will confess, I was unvaxxed for a little while, longer than I should have been as a kid. Certain people in my family drew a connection between vaccines and autism and RFK's group, the Children's Defense Fund had like a bill in the Minnesota State Legislature at the time. And I got to be one of the quote unquote autistic kids that they put in the front row to like take the Marisol out of vaccines.

Stop, stop, keep going uh, the recording just crashed. Oh god. Okay, I thought that was just something on my end, okay. Yeah me too. Yeah, nope, just keep going, we're doing it with locals. We'll do it with locals, yeah. Okay. Okay, sure.

Um, yes, uh, autism- Well I mean, as, I mean, I got a hundred percent vaccinated, a hundred percent autism, uh, no regrets Trans as well. So, you know, really I think that's the success. I think it's just there's something else in the air causing the autism Maybe it's the microplastics. Maybe I I don't know what it is, but whatever it is. I've got it working for me So I feel pretty good. I think it's worked pretty out pretty well for all of us. You know, I don't. I mean, more and more people are going to become autistic because they keep changing the definition. So eventually we will reach 100 percent and will start.

Yeah, start pressing the neurotypicals. Yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, meanwhile, like, I feel like whether you have like you have a good federal job, like you wanna make sure the kids are educated or vaccinated or housed or whatever, or you have an evil government job, it doesn't even matter, like the rain falls on the just and the unjust alike, y'know? Right now it's just so self-sabotaging in terms of, not just like, human suffering, but like, the things that even Trump guys profess to want. And it doesn't matter, cause they're just out for like, raw sadism.

They're out for blood, right. Yeah. What else is happening here? They are moving trans women to men's prisons, and trans men to women's prisons. Fuck you! Trans women to men's prisons and trans men to women's presence fuck yeah presumably to suffer Just horrific abuse You know that's gonna be real real bad You know us prisons are pretty bad to start out with but you know some of the practices there

You know I ain't sleep yeah exactly exactly and I don't think we can even, you know, very bad. SEAN We'll do an episode on the US prison system eventually, which I think will just be us screaming for more than half an hour. JUSTIN USAID has been essentially eliminated. I know a lot of it's CIA bullshit, but a lot of it's also good. ALICE That's the way in which it's effective CIA bullshit, is because you're like, you know, it's genuinely very effective to get people to like the United States by doing things that help them and that they like, right?

JUSTIN Yeah, all this stuff's gonna come back to bite us as well, you know, it's like, okay, well we're not like preventing Ebola or AIDS in Africa. That shit's just gonna spread and get us eventually. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. We're staring directly into the iceberg. I will say, I made a joke to my doctor a couple years ago when I was first seeing her, and she was like, oh, we had the flu vaccine, and I was like, oh, I'm religiously

opposed to vaccines, and she stared at me for like a good 15 to 20 seconds, like, are you? Like, no, and I was like, no, no, no, no, ma'am. Light me up, baby. I'm very afraid, light me up. Oh, hold on, this is a technical thing. If Andrew stopped the recording briefly, we should do a second sync point. We didn't do the first sync point.

Did we do the first sync point? No we didn't. That was moronic. Shit. Uh. Devon's gonna kill us. Yeah, sorry Dev. Hi Devon.

Hi Dev, we love you. Uh. Yeah, alright. Alright, we're gonna do a three two one mark, okay? Three, two, one. Just clap when you hear mark. Yeah, mark. Good knock. Alright, alright, we're gonna do a 3-2-1 mark, okay? 3, 2, 1- Just clap when you hear mark. Yeah, mark.

Good knock. Okay, alright, alright, we did it. Good, fine. My god. We are so fucking stupid. We're so good at podcasting. We're so fucking stupid. This is why they're sending us to remedial podcasting.

Yeah, yeah. So the good news is, in only three years' time, there's gonna be House and Senate elections, which I assume will happen, and you'll be able to vote freely in those for your sort of blue wave of Democrats who are gonna get in and absolutely wield power. Yeah, uh huh. Wow, you sound confident there, Nova. The Democrat strategy- You're never gonna get to fucking vote again in your life, dude.

I know, I know. I think it may be on like a ballot proposition, you know, to like, for exactly where the concentration camps will be located. I did have something cool happen to me at work today where we had someone from a local church, Lutheran church, that gives us money come in and the woman noticed from the church she noticed that we have all gender restrooms. And she goes, she points to the sign and goes, that's fucking right. And I was like, thank you, but like you're 80 years old, like you should not be cursing like this that passionately.

I am a little offended by your choice of words. She's right though, you gotta try and like cling to whatever little signs of wokeness you can. Oh yeah, I'm doing it. I'm a social worker baby, I'm as woke as it gets. So yeah, the explicit strategy of the Democrats right now seems to be to do nothing. Shit. Shit all over the place. See if you can wait it out, see if the administration implodes on its own. I mean, I think it will implode, but I think the essential functions of government implode first and we wind up in a sorta Mad Max situation. And like, I don't have enough, you know, S&M gear to live in that world.

I don't like that you said that. I do, but that leads us to our next item, which is... Christ on sale. I have to enter the blasted wastelands of the former United States for the tour that's coming up, right? I gotta do that. And fucking little Marco, Marco Rubio, Secretary of State, in a drive to try and ban trans athletes from the Olympics, has instituted this provision that like- May have instituted, the language is unclear.

We don't know, yeah. It may just- Tell this fucking timeline! It may just apply to like, all visas at all, that if you apply for one and you're trans and you're like socially transitioned in any way, that's fraud and you're banned from the United States forever. Thus fucking the tour into a cocked hat. I was about to say that's a big issue. Which is extremely odd, Brad. I'm talking to the to our immigration lawyers about it now, for all the good that'll do because I'm not sure that they even have a

direct answer. No one knows what the hell is going on. Yeah, I mean, I know. No. And it may well be that, you know, I get to pay or the podcast gets to pay the federal government literally like about $6000 in fees that's going to go to like Elon Musk's fucking groper children or whatever. Jesus Christ. Yeah, like we pay them the fees.

I go to like a sort of like a consular like interview in London or in Edinburgh where they go trans and I get banned from the entire country. It may well be that I get to the airport and they just fucking like arrest me and deport me. I don't know. So, we have the money. We have the money, which would be the funniest. Yeah, we have the money. We have the money, we don't have the third thing.

Yeah, yeah. The two parts of the War of the Agen triad. Yeah, exactly. Um, you know, but I don't wanna resort to the third part of the triad yet. But I will! You know, but I don't want to I don't want to resort to the third part of the triad yet, you know It is crazy that elon only has male children like he's not he hates diversity so much old children have to be the same gender And even that didn't work That's the that that's the end goal of these guys is that you're gonna you're gonna wind up with everyone becoming elon And then they're all gonna have male children and the whole generation is gonna grow up and they're gonna be like, oh fuck, what did we- what

did our parents do? Shit. And then there's not another generation. It's a drop in the bucket, but if all the kids are male, then we're gonna lower the birth rate. Yes. To zero. Don't f-.

But it didn't even work though, he's got a trans daughter that he's like a strange tron. So yeah. We're fucking idiot. What else? Is there a way you can use Kersier- sorry, Sir Kier, to maybe negotiate some kind of settlement for your situation? Oh yeah, that guy loves British trans women. He'll, yeah, I think he's an ally. Yeah.

You're an entrepreneur, traveling, you know, engaging in trade with the US, the way it's supposed to be, yeah. Yeah, the special relationship, you know. We shall see. You're not in the EU, the hated EU. What else? They're trying to do a Bitcoin reserve? I don't understand how this works. How? What? Yeah, they want to exchange a bunch of gold certificates for Bitcoin. I read an article

by What's His Name who was just on Trashfuture who explained how this worked and my brain imploded. I just couldn't understand what was going on. I know a little bit about finance, but not that much. It's basically just a bribe for like Bitcoin guys is all it is. They're gonna replace the gold in Fort Knox with Bitcoin. Yes. They're going to Fort Knox to see if Rorik Goldfinger has stolen all of it. It's all irradiated. Maybe they'll just, you know, get radiation poisoning in there.

One hopes, baby. What else? They're doing some kind of thing right now where they're ordering all government agencies to do a reduction in force to the point where they would be operating as if there was a government shutdown. So they want to do a permanent government shutdown. Federal judge just blocked the mass firings, for what that's worth. Wow, that's good, that's good.

Steve Bannon did a Nazi salute at some conference. CPAC, I think. CPAC. Yeah, all of them are like open Nazis now, because they don't feel like they have to hide it. Which means we were right, that vindicates us, and anybody who was in the comments being like, I don't know, I think the rhetoric might be a little strong, no no no, they're all Nazis, they're literally all Nazis.

And you were a fucking idiot. And eventually we get to the point where they, God willing, follow their leader. They're inviting the January 6 prison choir to the Kennedy Center. That's not real, is it? No, that's completely real. What? Yeah yeah what were they learning in there music where the circle be unbroken great fucking song just not by those guys the United States is pressured Romania to release Andrew

Tate what it's between this and the like prison stuff. It's a pro-rape administration. Yeah, pretty much. They love raping, you know? Loves to be a social worker working with survivors of domestic violence in this political climate. It feels great. Yeah. Rape, murder, arson, and rape. I like arson and murder. I don't like the other tale. Yeah. I really still don't get the, I mean, yeah, I've, you know, stopped trying to make sense

of the Trump administration, but I really don't see the angle for giving amnesty and safe passage to Andrew Tate, like, are there enough? More like Andrew Tate. It's literally like, said something nice about Trump one time. That's all it is, just like, personal loyalty. And now he's gonna be like the Secretary of State in Florida. He's- Yeah.

Well he's way less transphobic than anyone in this administration. That's the funny thing. Yeah! I mean, have you seen the Hulk Hogan, uh, Megan Fox video? Jesus Christ, no. What the fuck are you talking about? I have not seen Christ, no. I have not seen that, no.

Andrew Tate is saying to his followers, he's like, would you have sex with, this is his words, Hulk Hogan with a pussy, or Megan Fox with a cock? Oh yeah, I do remember this. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. So yeah, I like to support like, moderate liberalizing influences within the Trump administration, like Andrew Tate. Um, the Trump administration is going after congestion pricing in New York City. Oh, they're not gonna have it.

They're not gonna have it. Just to trigger the libs effectively. Exactly. I don't think that, the New York state is currently arguing that well, you know if if they want to end Congestion pricing they have to do another National Environmental Policy Act study which will take Another decade. So yeah, let's see if that works. I Like that. I do really like that. Just like yeah, we're just, we're just gonna rub the clock on this one boys. Yeah

They're also trying to fuck with California high-speed rail and don't seem to have done it very well In sort of the normal the normal sort of awful news has continued to happening I think Union Pacific derailed two freight trains at pretty high speeds in Nebraska on the same day again two freight trains at pretty high speeds in Nebraska on the same day. Again, that's normal. Wow, I'm shocked by that. And Trump is using the CNO desk. What? Because Elon Musk's kid wiped a booger on the resolute desk. He swapped it out for the CNO desk.

Oh, cool. I discussed this on our recent episode of Worst of All Possible Worlds, if you want more details and learn about the Van Swearingen brothers and why this is the incest desk. Interesting. Yes. What does CNO stand for? Chesapeake and Ohio. This was owned by the this desk was built when the Van Swearingens who are the brothers who built Cleveland, owned the Chesapeake in Ohio, and they had a few desks built. And through a series of owners, they wound up in the White House.

This was the favorite desk of George H.W. Bush. And the other thing about the Van Swearingens was they lived together in one room in a 55-room mansion. Van Swearingen's was they lived together in one room in a 55 room mansion their entire lives They were never seen in public individually always together They shared a bed And they're buried together in the same cemetery under one headstone that just reads brothers And their names were Oris Paxton Van Swearingen and Mantis James Van Swearingen. The things that desks see.

Yeah, exactly. Well, from the way it's constructed, it does look like- Were they twins? Uh, no, I think they were a little bit apart in age. I think. Just Trump hitting his little Diet Coke button. Which is back, by the way, I'm looking at a photo a couple of days ago from him in the Oval Office, and the Diet Coke button is back. Him pushing the Diet Coke button is resting on a surface that has seen the unseemly love

between brother and brother. So, yeah, that's all I got for the bad news firehose. Let's look at some good news, the birds one. ALICE Yeah, finally. A reason to live. JUSTIN Yeah, exactly. ALICE Slowed out. ALICE I watched this live at like, 3 in the morning, I had a great time, and yeah, it

was perfect. Everything about it was perfect apart from the fact that the Chiefs put points on the board. But aside from that, Kendrick Lamar was there, he did the song, about how Drake is a pedophile. Other than that, there was some football, it went very well. Yeah. Great. Fantastic. Call City Camera for the parade. Never kill yourself. What'd you say?

I think Steve Spagnola, the Chief's Defensive Coordinator, did such a bad job that Italians are now no longer gonna be considered white again. Have I got the news for you! He's gonna be lumped in in the anti-woke backlash. Hiring Italians is DEI now. Diversity, equality, and Italians. The Eagles refuse to go to the White House, so they are woke. Maybe.

Maybe. Yeah, that's still up in here. Well, I mean, listen, like, of the, like the Eagles, say, offensive line, right, it's like, four MAGA guys, minimum. But that's just what it is. That's football. That's the reverse of the Phillies. The more racist your O-line is, the better they're gonna protect their black quarterback,

we all know this. Don't get mad at me in the comments, I want a big fat- Don't make a guy that shape who isn't racist. I don't mean to do like, phrenology about it, but they just don't. You could do phrenology on Lane Johnson, it's fine. He'll understand. I bet they're gonna, it's just gonna be Cooper DeGene who shows up. Yeah, and maybe Tamaki. I mean, if you think about it, Cooper De'Gene's having a fantastic few weeks, because like,

okay yeah, obviously like, Pic6 win the Super Bowl on your birthday, sure, but also all the Trump stuff, right? So not only is he winning personally, he's also winning politically. That's a good point, yeah. Although a lot of these Trump guys, they- well he's probably not paying attention to the news He's just seeing the Libs being triggered. So I don't know You know, I don't I know that like a lot of business guys are starting to get a little bit antsy about Trump You know, it's like I shit what do we do?

Do do the business plot but wokely? Yeah We got to find the US Marine Corps' Wokest General. Yeah. How'd that be? Smedly Butler. Take him up, boys. Take him up, boys. Died in Philadelphia. Take him up.

Still top of the leaderboard for Wokest Marine. I was gonna say, they don't need, they don't want things to collapse until they get their tax cut. Although I feel like you could get your tax cut under anyone, and it wouldn't be as weird as this. That's true, that's true. I don't think they're gonna cut taxes. Get JD Vance in the conference room from Network, and it's like, listen, you cut taxes or we'll do to you what we did to Trump.

Well with all these tariffs, they won't need taxes, is the working theory anyway. If they can ever get them implemented, they keep delaying them again and again, it's like come on, come on coward, hit me. Come on. Real trade war has never been tried. Yeah. I'm gonna find out buddy. hit me come on real trade war has never been tried yeah yeah buddy and in more somber news jarring shifted tone jarring shift in tone unfortunately our fourth and most beloved host milkshake the cat has passed away he managed to make it until

sort of just after the Eagles parade and well all his organs fell apart like that's true I mean it was it was really sudden I was you know very sad I mean obviously you know his you know we see his state funeral here. But yeah, I mean, he was very good cat. Everyone, you know, loved him. He loved everyone. You know, I learned a whole bunch of stuff about him. You know, I had no idea he was a foster reject for so long because

I guess people just didn't like his face. Oh, I loved his little. Aw. Yeah. Well, if you look at the one photo where he looks really mean, that's what most mostly he looks like all the time. But yeah, he is unfortunately no longer with us. Sorry for your loss, Roz. Yeah, it's uh.

Yeah. Likewise, condolences. But, uh, you know, his spirit lives on in the podcast, and he is beloved by thousands across the world. And also eating Roz's shirts. And sometimes his beard. Yeah, that's true.

He did like to do that. He did like to do that too. I mean, you go right up to my dad, who is the only person in the family who doesn't like cats, and just sit on him. It's great. Yeah, how's that feel, Dan? Yeah, so this is an unfortunate thing, which has happened. But that is what it is, I suppose. Mm.

In loving memory, we'll flash up some sad music doing like an academy, in memorials. In the arms of the angels, scratching at the wings, pulling feathers off, yowling and screeching. That was haunting, I liked that. Alright. That was the goddamn news I Apologize to our guests. You do know the podcast is usually pretty long, right? Yes Okay, totally but I may need to Make sure my disk has enough space so we may need to stop at some point, but it shouldn't take long my disc has enough space. So we may need to stop at some point, but it shouldn't take long. Okay. I mean, hopefully we'll only be here for another

hour or so. I'm going to see how fast we can get through this. Um, it's not too many slides on this one. Uh, our next one, our next thing, we have to do announcements, uh, for the announcements, announcements, announcements, the Northeast Corridor As we mentioned before hopefully we don't get dinged by the visa stuff We have all the paperwork and the money in so that that is proceeding We have seats available still at the first New York show and at the Fillmore in Philly Everything else is sold out.

Everything else is sold out. So links to that will be in the description. I'm gonna be so fucking pissed if Marco fucking Rubio stops coming to this. I'm pissed in his mouth. We're gonna wind up in a Supreme Court amicus brief. Amicus brief. Yeah, the thoughts. United States versus, well there's your problem.

Exactly, exactly. Oh, my parents are retired lawyers, let's do this! Yeah, not that kind of law don't care. Let's go You're gonna go and go and go and fight Justice Roberts My dad could win dude old man Anderson versus Justice Roberts Old man Anderson clears in a landslide All right, those are the announcements. Let's finally get into the subject. Alright, we are an hour in, let's do this.

Jesus fucking Christ. That's the fire hose right there. It's been a lot of news. Alright, alright, some background here. Let's talk about the Republican Party and Reconstruction. Okay, so right now, it's the Republican Party that's the bad guys, and the Democratic Party that are also the bad guys, but a little bit better. Like, half a percent, maybe, yeah.

Yeah. It used to be the Republicans were the good guys, and the Democrats were the bad guys. If you don't know that, there used to be a real gotcha for the dumbest Republican pundits like a couple of years ago to be like It's interesting because here I found this quote from this 19th-century Democrat that's pro slavery. Wow. Yeah, it's like it's like, you know how the Republicans flee the states the same thing as pointing out the Yankees have 26 champs championship Thank you, and if you want to go back to He's a 26 champ at championship. Yeah. Oh, thank you.

If you want to go back to Lincoln style, Republicanism, that would be great. You want to go back to the Republican president corresponding with Marx, although today that would those would be some weird letters. But by all means, adopt radical Marx. I pray for your spirit.

Signed Donald J. Trump. This great guy, he's got a rich J. Trump. JUSTIN Yeah. This great guy, he's got a rich friend, his name is Marx. His friend is Engels. ALICE Angles, science, folks. ALICE Engels, can you send me more money? Stop.

JUSTIN Okay, we did this thing, it was called the Civil War, it was over slavery, right, we won it. We had to rub it in the South's faces to maintain power, we did a thing called Reconstruction, right? This is supposed to be a pretty wide ranging thing. We bring the Jubilee, you dickheads. You know, you wreck the south, now you do military occupation, theoretically you do land redistribution, you disenfranchise the most powerful people. It's a good idea.

It's like good idea. You sit in the occupied south with a military governor and you make sure they don't try any shit. You don't take any guff from these swine. And you know, you do really strict supervision of elections and so on and so forth, and you know, hey, you're the occupying military power who won, it better be your guy who wins the election, that's all I'm saying.

ALICE It's gonna be like this again after Civil War II, and this time we're not gonna fuck it up, it's as simple as that. JUSTIN Aw, now they're gonna put fucking Hillary Clinton in this military government. ALICE Oh, oh, oh. She's electable if you vote for her at gunpoint. Oh, yeah, you gotta do the opposite of ending Slavery Hill Dog. Yeah. So, you know- Some of the comments are gonna get real mad at me for that joke and I don't care.

A man shot Abraham Lincoln. Boo! At a theater. I'm booing John Wilkes Booth. He shot Lincoln with the most hated gun in America. Yes. And the next guy, Andrew Johnson, he walks back a lot of the stuff that was supposed to happen to finally strangle and put down the slave power, right?

Nevertheless, there is still enough reconstruction happening for there to be this sort of vibrant southern republican party that was, you know, this biracial coalition aligned against- Yeah, it's crazy how if you look at like, you know, say, you know, congressmen from Tennessee, right, how it's like, oh, they had the first black one in like 1870, and then again in like 2020. Exactly. Yeah. Um, y'know, they're aligned against the planter elite, which still exists, unfortunately,

y'know, there's still military occupation to prevent some fuckery, it works pretty good while it lasted It was not as aggressive. It should have been you know they should have like I don't know hanged Nathan Bedford forest for example Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. Oh, yeah the penalty for the treason Penalty for treason is doubt and death knows north no south the Union forever and then also we hang Nathan Bedford forest Yeah, Jeb Stuart Jubal earlier and just all those motherfuckers. Yeah, they should have swung from ropes. You know, I'm right.

Mm hmm. I don't know when I say that. I mean, they're dead. I think we can. I think we can say, listen, they should have executed every Confederate officer above the rank of like captain. Yeah. And then if any of the others open their mouths about anything, they should have executed them to. Yeah, it probably would have been better off. We will talk about maybe the one exception later, but you know, in aggregate though.

One good thing is Jeb Stuart died during the war, and I know this because when you drive around Virginia or wherever, you see like, oh, Jeb Stuart death site or whatever. And then I looked it up. Yes. Then it's like I used to, when I was in high school, we'd row occasionally against Jeb Stewart High School. I hope that place burns to the ground with everybody in it, man. I think they renamed it.

Okay, maybe never mind. But now, but now, they might rename it back because we're done with woke. Oh man. Like a military basis. We live in the dumbest fuckin timeline. Part of why the South lost in Gettysburg is Jeb Stuart showed up late, and leading No What the Hell to Do. Literally, yeah.

Jeb Stuart's conduct north of the Mason Dix in his fifth- Fashionably late. Sorry, sorry, I've been trying to mute myself while I'm coughing. He shows up to- was it Hibber Jubal or- yeah, Stuart's ride in the Gettysburg campaign. I'll honestly give you all, Never mind, it's fine. All these guys fucking sucked shit as generals, by the way. All of them jerk each other off after the end of the war about like not just the Lost Cause, but their own fucking general shit. Absolutely, yeah, you know you have uh, people are still like well you need to go read Mosby's memoirs, you know, they're so good.

No I don't. And it's like, well, you need to go read Mosby's memoirs. You know, they're so good. And it's, I don't think so. Um, so yeah, reconstruction worked pretty good. Well, it lasted. Sometimes, uh, Southern Democrats still won elections in the South. Unfortunately, they also had urban Northern counterparts who helped them out in Congress, right? Which leads to sort of a steady gain in power

for Southern Democrats over a long period of time. So, you know, let's jump forward a few presidents, too. The corrupt bargain and Rutherford Hays. And not even the first corrupt bargain. The election of 1824. Yeah, Andrew Jackson and John Quincy Adams. So in 1876, it was widely expected that Ulysses s grant would run for a third term America's most powerful never need yeah

My favorite thing about grant is his election slogan was a boat as you shot What's like what are you supposed to do with that? Right. So Grant actually, you know, he declined to run again. This leads to sort of a power vacuum within the party. There's two factions in the Republicans. You have the radicals and you have the moderates, right? I think I know who my favorites are. You have the radicals and you have the moderates, right? Oh, I think I know who my favorites are.

The radicals wanted Reconstruction to continue and in fact to be more thorough, you know, to right the historical wrongs, so on and so forth. I mean, there was a range of political beliefs within there. Some of them were like straight up socialists. Some of them are more like, okay, I'm a business guy but I fucking hate the South, right? And then you have moderates who were cowards. Hey!

You know those? Important to note that the whole, like, you know, Unisey and Brotherhood draw a line under a thing is, like, at this point, hooey. Right? It's like, a line being pushed by the people who are like, just let us go back to rigging the elections the way we want, please? Yeah, exactly. I'm really upset seeing black people at the polls. I'm very upset. Yeah, 1880 Susan Collins is very concerned. Yeah.

Mmhm. So, at this point, Grant would have been like the preferred candidate of the radicals, but you know, the whole party probably would have coalesced around him. So at the convention, since he declined to run, Ohio Governor Rutherford Hayes was elected as a candidate, right? He was a moderate, but he did explicitly support suffrage for black men so long as he didn't have to do anything to make it happen. Sounds familiar.

Yeah. So the election came down to Hayes and New York governor and Democrat Samuel J. Tilden, right? And Hayes pulled off something that has since been a tradition in the GOP, right? He lost the popular vote but won the electoral college. They love fucking doing it man. Yeah And it's I wonder if that because it's always been a Republican like what if it was the more conservative candidate who? Lost the popular vote or the more liberal one who lost the popular vote for what won the election. I wonder if that would be what it takes to actually switch it. That's what I've been rooting for in every election that I've been alive, like for Mitt Romney to win the popular vote, but lose the electoral college.

But it like never happens. That never seems to happen that way. Yeah, it's like the only way we're gonna get rid of it. The Republicans seem to be better at electioneering. Yeah. We needed John Kerry to win Ohio and then it could have happened. But in this election there's a number of disputed ballots, 20 total in Florida, Louisiana, electoral college ballots I mean, in Florida, Louisiana, Oregon, and South Carolina.

These would throw the election to Tilden if even one of them came up Democratic. And Congress is in disarray. They try all kinds of chicanery to throw the election one way or another. And the inauguration deadline starts, you know, rapidly approaching, with no winner declared, right? So the real power in the United States steps in to mediate, it's down here, Thomas Scott of the Pennsylvania Railroad. The real president, the fourth and most important branch of government.

The Pennsylvania Railroad, yeah. At this point I believe the railroad had a larger budget than the United States government. Wow. Yeah. So there is, and some historians dispute that this happened, but supposedly there was a secret meeting at James Wormley's Hotel, which was the first black owned upscale hotel in the United States. It's up here.

It was in Washington, DC. I believe there's a, the first union trust building is here now. I don't remember the street address. You know, and, you know, a deal was brokered with Southern Democrats and moderate Republicans and dozens, dozens of business leaders in the North and South. So you're going to, number one, you're going to end Reconstruction and withdraw all Union troops from the South. Number two, you're going to appoint at least one Southern Democrat to Hayes' cabinet. Number three, the government's going to approve the

extension and subsequent land grants for Tom Scott's Texas and Pacific Railroad as far as San Diego. Number four, you're gonna pass legislation to aid industrialization in the South. Number five, the South gets to be racist again. So much for woke business, Jesus Christ. Yeah. So, um, now, most of this happened, but the construction of the TNP Pacific extension did not, they did not really work on industrialization either. But on March the 2nd, Southern Democrats relented and Rutherford Hayes was declared the winner and was inaugurated only three days later.

They really ran out the clock on this. It's a beautiful piece of liberal decision bargaining, right? You get everything you want in exchange, my dumbest and least backboned guy gets to be president. Exactly. You know, I was thinking about, so, like, around this time, all of these Civil War generals, they all have beards, and photography is still a fairly new innovation, so they aren't getting photographed that often, they're not in that many, you know, not that many eyeballs on these different pictures of these guys. You could easily just swap them out for each other

Futurama bit it's my my competitor Jack Jack Johnson and me John Jackson, right? Don't let their identical experiences of fool you there's uh, yeah, there's a number of these guys that look very very similar Fool you there's a yeah, there's a number of these guys that look very very similar Ross kind of looks like a Ruth would be Hayes but more handsome. I I well my beard's not that long at the moment That would that was the Democrats mistake they keep warning guys without beards 35 in a couple years, let's go baby Liam for president. How bad could it be 2032? Grim part is if they shoot Trump with the counter gun JD Vance is gonna be the first Since Rutherford B Hayes, it's a Benjamin Harrison. Yeah

I think I think same thing over Cleveland is like one of the first presidents without a beard At least in a long time at this point. Yeah, so the tash Yeah, so Anyway, you know Hayes is you know inaugurated He he winds down reconstruction, but pretty slowly. He does slow walk it a bit You know, but that does kill, you know, support for Republicans in the South. The South becomes, you know, the solid South that it's all Southern Democrats, right? And it explodes the radical factions to the Republicans because they were a lot

less relevant. You know, the, the, the project had been canceled. The South was rising again. Right? Um, you know, this is his, like, political legacy, is mostly ending Reconstruction and then, you know, some boring stuff. Like opposing bi-metalism, meritocratic civil service reform, he ran a dry White House, he was the first- Ooh, that was worth it, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. Dickhead. He was the first- Ooh, that was worth it, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. Dickhead.

He was the first President to visit California, and of course he crushed the Railroad Strike of 1877 with Federal troops. He did not run for a second term, so. Again, worth trading it all for. Yeah, exactly. For this pillar of strength, this tower that was the guy who opposed bi-metalism? Yeah. That was, no, civil service reform, come on.

That's... Oh god. The elites loved the bi-metal- Do nothing civil service jobs. Gave us the novel Moby Dick, okay? Yeah. The elites loved the gold standard, even JP Morgan's gonna bail America out under Cleveland to keep the gold standard, because yeah, it just worked really well for them, kept their debts as valuable as they were.

Yeah, it's... ugh. You know, there were no men for this moment. I think it's a big issue. So let's talk about this Garfield fellow. See, this would have been a good a good bit to just throw in Garfield, the cat, like superimposed on Garfield's face. So he was born November 19th, 1831 in Moreland Hills, Ohio. He was educated at Hiram College, which was then called the Western Reserve Eclectic Institute.

ALICE What a name. ALICE Same place that educated Wes Anderson. JUSTIN Then later he went to Williams College, which is where he learned about abolitionism and began considering a career in politics. ALICE Now, they don't teach you that good things can be good at the fucking eclectic institute. No, they just teach you a lot of random crap. Yeah.

You're gonna learn juggling and multivariate calculus. Dickhead. He was, I just learned today, Garfield's father was an amateur wrestler at the time, which seems very eclectic in a sense for the 19th century. But he- I'm back from eclectic school. I've just seen my dad suplex my neighbor.

Thanks. Lincolns did that too, so he's truly a Lincoln Republican. Yeah. Garfield was very highly educated. He actually, he devised an original proof for the Pythagorean Theorem. Wow. Wow. I've never heard it pronounced that way. That's, uh, I like it. But yeah, big math brain. Yeah, he has a big brain in general. Can I give a little anecdote from his college? So he was poor. He had to be janitor at first, and then he works his way all the way up where he's president of an

even better college. So he started as janitor. He did a math proof. He really is good will hunting as far as presidents go. Oh yeah. He is salt of the earth. You know, he is a came from literally nothing dirt farmers. You know, he's a, you know, he is, he's the American dream right here. Good will hunting except Goodwill hunting's dad is busy like arm-barring people. Yeah so he went back to Ohio and yeah he did the whole janitor thing he started eventually became you know president of Western Reserve Eclectic Institute which I think at some point became Hiram University I don't know exactly when. He was admitted to the bar, you know, he did not practice as a lawyer for very long, because he was elected to the State Senate in 1861.

ALICE So definitely one of these like, young, like a young Turk, like people are looking at this guy like, this is gonna be the guy, he's like on the way up. JUSTIN We elected our town's best professor to the state Senate and he's the smartest guy Why would we want anyone else exactly exactly? He knows how many sides a triangle has I could prove it originally Yeah, exactly He didn't actually develop that proof until he was in Congress, I think. ALICE We're gonna send one to Congress to figure out how many sides a triangle has.

JUSTIN So, the thing is, the war intervened, right? By August of 1861, after rapidly consuming all the knowledge he could about war, he was commissioned as a colonel in the 42nd Ohio Infantry. In fairness, you could consume all the knowledge there was about war in about an afternoon. Yeah. Just kind of like read a couple of pretty thick books. It took you longer to find the books. You just say Napoleon a lot.

If you talked about Napoleon and concentrating your forces, people thought you knew what you were doing. Yeah, exactly. So the 40 sec the problem with the 42nd Ohio infantry is that it didn't exist right he had to create it from scratch right and he did so by recruiting essentially all of Hiram College in the surrounding town of Hiram. The 42nd was tasked by Brigadier General Don Carlos Buell Yeah to go kick the Confederates out of Eastern Kentucky Right. He did so very effectively winning the Battle of Middle Creek by deceiving the Confederates into thinking the Union

outnumbered them and forcing a retreat and Was subsequently promoted to Brigadier General Okay It must have been good to be a bachelor in harem, Ohio. I imagine This guy invented like thinking as far as all these guys are concerned far as all these guys are concerned. So like, he's like Ohioan Socratic. Yeah, he is the most educated man, like outside of, I don't know, Cincinnati or Columbus or Cleveland. He's invented several soda syrups.

Yeah. So in the Union Army, there's two predominant philosophies about what the war was about. Was this a struggle to hold the country together in which there would be compromises made, you know, to keep everyone working together? Or is this a holy war to end slavery? Holy war, baby. Yes. Yeah, Garfield believed the latter. Yeah.

Yeah, Garfield believed the latter. Yeah! Yeah! So after- So, yeah, young Garfield was quite based. He thought Lincoln was too weak. Not ballsy enough on abolishing slavery. Yeah, it was definitely like, this guy is pretty radical in his youth, right? One of the things he did is after he drove most of the Confederate forces out of Eastern

Kentucky, he came to this realization, you know, okay, you know, we forced out most of the people, some people are still holding out. None of the people here own slaves. It's Eastern Kentucky. There's no big cotton plantation possible in like, Weitzberg, right? You know, which is roughly where this campaign is happening. So, you know, he issues this sort of

general amnesty to any Confederate soldier who just went the fuck home, which actually worked really good. Yeah. Go home and don't take arms up against the Union and don't kill your black neighbors. The smartest guy in Ohio is here to ask you, what are you doing here? Why are you here? Just go home. Go home!

Dickhead. It would be like, holy shit, I hate this. It was like Carl Winslow would yell, go home, go home, go home at Urkel. It was kind of that kind of defense. Yeah. The few people who did not heed this warning dealt with that brief skirmish at Pound Gap, which is adjacent to the town of Pound. I've heard of Mind the Gap. No, this is Pound Gap.

Pound the Gap. Pound Gap, yeah. This is a real pincer movement between go home and if you don't we'll kill you. We'll kill you. We'll go to Pound Town. Pound Town at the end of a musket is not a place you wanna be. Federal Pound Me and the Gap battle. Hey, I've been to Pound Gap, so has Liam.

Yeah, buddy, we have. That's when we went to go visit the Trill Bullies. So having liberated Eastern Kentucky the 42nd joined up with the 20th Brigade The 20th Brigade of the Army of the Ohio Which wound up stuck at Battle of Shiloh where the Confederates shot at Garfield all day and missed every time Each shits. Yeah. Those bullets were... I guess he's hard to hit.

Yeah, I mean maybe some got stuck in his beard, but the winds... Been there. Yeah, I would think those ball bearings were flying all over the place. Not so easy when you don't have like an industrial capacity, is it fellas? Yeah. Not so easy when you don't have like an industrial capacity, is it fellas? So after the battle, James Garfield got sick with jaundice, right? Get, like, shot at and missed twenty times and then hit with jaundice instead. And he winds up bedridden, and then after that, he works a lot of desk jobs, you know,

and plans his return to politics. He won a seat in Congress from Ohio in 1862 while he was still serving in the Army. And as a radical Republican, he was unsure of whether to continue to serve in the Army or take his seat, until President Lincoln told him, look, we got too many generals and not enough congressmen. ALICE Does he still think Lincoln's a pussy at this

point? Because that's really funny if he does. SEAN He actually does continue to criticize Lincoln in congress. ALICE I will let you change the course of my life, bitch. JUSTIN In Congress, during the war he supported confiscation of Confederate lands, stripping Confederates of rights, abolition, reconstruction, and most controversially, abolishing the system of commutation, where draftees could pay to get out of service. Right?

You're all going to pound Gap with me. Yeah, we're all going to pound town. So you know this is during the war you know and one of the reasons why the anti-commutation bill never gets passed is that you know Lincoln just figures out how to end the war you know so Sherman never, Lincoln just figures out how to end the war. You know, so. Sherman figures out how to end the war. Sherman, yeah, that's true. And then, after the war ends, he begins this many such cases, never meet your heroes.

Exactly. Eventually he falls so low as to oppose the Enforcement Act of 1871, which was intended to curb the power of the Ku Klux Klan, right? What, dickhead? Yeah, exactly. He supported Hayes in 1876. Pointy hoods, he's just a very pro-triangle man. Well, he was concerned about executive overreach.

ALICE No he wasn't, shut the fuck up. JUSTIN He supported Rutherford Hayes in 1876, he wanted to retire from politics and practice law, but he stayed on for another term because he was popular in his seat, he thought he could galvanize the presidential vote in Ohio. He was elected to the Senate in 1880 and had yet to take office when, you know, there was a presidential election happening at the same time, right? They really did like putting a bunch of flags on stuff. Oh yeah, yeah. They had, they had, um, I mean, you think they're doing flag code violations now.

I think half of these things don't even have the right number of stars. I'm enjoying the ones kind of like wrapped around the bus division, like Washington or some shit like that. Hadn't lost the novelty yet, at the time I guess. It was harder back then because they would change the number of states so often. Real quick, is it okay if we take like a five minute break? I just have to... my space is running out of my disk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

20 minutes later. Folks, we are back from a brief break. We may have lost Anders. We may not have... We don't know. No, but you're here. I am here. Okay, I just hadn't heard you in a while. I wasn't trying to be rude. Anyway,

We left on a cliffhanger. We got to talk about the election of the election of 1880 so The Republican Party was divided on Hayes performance, but had devolved into two much more boring factions, right? They weren't they weren't the radicals and the moderates, they were now the stalwarts and the half-breeds. ALICE Fucking Shadow of Mordor, I assume. JUSTIN Yeah. The stalwarts largely derived from the ranks of the former radicals, while the half-breeds consisted mainly of former moderates, there was still some crossover.

Ostensibly the question of civil rights for African Americans in the South was still on the table, but the real split here was the question of civil service reform. Oh yes. Fuck me up. Right? Never reform the civil service. Patriot jobs only forever, please. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Um. This isn't the kind of thing you'd kill anybody over though. Oh, oh. I'm glad you asked. I'm glad you asked. I'm feeling like I could be ambassador to France if I sit in this waiting room long enough. Thank you.

Thank you, Freddy foreshadowing. Oh yes, I finally got to use the joke. So cronies and henchmen are important in a political system that capital G gets things done, right? Which is why the stalwarts wanted a return to the spoils system. The half-breeds wanted a government that couldn't do anything, and thus supported expanding civil service reform. Yeah, they wanted meritocracy apart from in the, y'know, racism department.

Exactly, yeah. In the 1880 convention, the stalwarts supported nominating former president Ulysses S. Grant for what would be his third term. Isn't Grant like, 900 years old at this point, dying of throat cancer? JUSTIN He was also on a European tour, but he did cut it short to come back and campaign. ALICE Oh my god. JUSTIN The half-breeds were divided between John Sherman, who was a senator from Ohio and James G Blaine who will be

a recurring character he was a senator from Maine Blaine Blaine James G Blaine the Continental liar for the state of Maine yes he was involved in what T-Pod no credit mobley a yeah if anyone remembers that from your history class because I don't remember Garfield Garfield was involved in that a little bit too Yeah, it's a big problem If you're going to be for Maine not a very good state to win from in the corner of the country You don't want to also have your name rhyme with Maine. That's a real bad sign

No, that's gonna be that's gonna be an issue later on So this convention is a fucking mess, right? No one candidate had anything close to the amount of votes required to secure the nomination. Grant came the closest at 304 out of 379. Blaine trailed pretty closely. There was one ballot, there was a second ballot, there was a third ballot. After day one, they had done 18 votes and made no progress, right? Day two went similarly until, seemingly out of nowhere, votes began to shift to this new guy named James Garfield. Same thing that happens with like paper conclaves or everybody just wants to go home and is bored so they just kind of pick somebody. As of recording,

as of this moment Pope Francis is still alive but I do hope that if he shuffles from this mortal coil they pick the cool Filipino guy. Oh yeah they keep trying to, whatchamacallit, say Pope Francis is gonna die imminently and it's like, ah, he's got kidney failure. Well, you know, it's easy to replace those. And he's the father, so. He's old! There's a ton of stuff that sounds alarming, but is just like normal old guy in hospital

stuff. Yeah, exactly, exactly. He's gonna live another like 15 years. Kneel next to God's ears. Yeah, I-I-listen, I made my deal with God to the Eagles and win the Super Bowl. I'm now making my second deal with God so that we get friend a long time. Yep. So there were some backroom deals on vote 36. The representative from Ohio, and Senator-elect from Ohio, James Garfield... ALICE Jaydee Vance! JUSTIN Yeah.

Was nominated as the candidate, with 399 votes. ALICE The human equivalent of throwing the Xbox controller. JUSTIN Yeah. ALICE I really like that one. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I really like that one. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I like this guy. All right. Your mom's a whore. All right. Let's do this.

So load of slurs coming over Xbox Live. Garfield didn't even want to do it either. Like first they try to like nominate him and he's like, well, can you nominate me without my consent? And they're like, you're're out of order we're doing what we want. We do what we want yeah. He didn't have a speech planned he didn't have anything. Oh that makes sense. Just like yeah give it to this guy he seems pretty good.

Apparently he just went back to his hotel room and cried. Relatable that's relatable. That is yeah Chester a Arthur who was a firm stalwart was nominated to the vice presidency This winds up being you know a balanced ticket. Everyone's happy or at least no one's especially mad at it, right? in The general election it is pretty obvious that Hayes's policies have completely thrown the South to the Democrats. You know, he's thoroughly abandoned black voters and it goes, you know, the South goes solid Democrat, but the North is solid Republican.

And in the popular vote it's about 50.01% to 49.99% for the Republicans. I think the difference is 2,000 votes out of 9 million. So in a landslide, Garfield wins the Electoral College with 214 to Winfield, Scott, Hancock's 155 votes. Let's fucking go. I love democracy. One thing is that it was a little bit closer just that New York State is the swing state and it's only 21,000 votes there and it is helpful that Garfield is working with the

New York Machine who's on board with him and willing to do little shenanigans. When you say New York Machine, I assume you're talking about Tammany Hall, right? Oh yeah, absolutely, Tammany Hall. New York State being a swing state. Yeah. In the 1800s. You might have to imagine for too much longer. Well yes, exactly.

Uhhh. Um. This is, this is a good one. It's time to look at a photograph of a normal man together. The world's most normal man. Oh my god! Oh no. A warded most normal looking boy four years in like, sequence.

He was in like a free love sex commune and no one would have sex with him. Is that real? Yeah. They used to call him Charles J. Get Out. Yeah. Man who literally could not get laid in a cult. It's Charles J. Gatot. And I'm doing the hand flourish.

Charles Julius Guiteau was born September 8th, 1941, in Freeport, Illinois. The Talia has said it. Highly highly recommend two sources about Charles J. Guiteau, Sarah Vowell's book Assassination Vacation and the Sondheim musical Assassins, in which he has one of my favorite songs. JUSTIN So, our boy, Charles Gatot, inherited a sum of money from, I believe his uncle, and he wanted to use it to attend the University of Michigan to become a lawyer.

And he failed the entrance exam. ALICE Oh. Well, who amongst us, you know? the entrance exam. Oh. Yeah. Well, who amongst us, you know? That's gone poorly. So, he moved to Oneida, New York, to join the weird utopian sex cult there. Oh, those guys are freaks, yeah! The Oneida community rejected him, calling him Charles Get Out.

Right? Yeah, a bunch of the women thought that he had really creepy vibes. For some reason, not entirely clear looking at him. He was! He was the world's most normal boy! This guy appears in your room and is just creepily breathing at you. Look, I'm a part of a sex cult, but I have standards." He moved to Hoboken, New Jersey, to start a newspaper based on the Oneida community's

principles, right, which failed instantly. Right. ALICE takes some doing to have a newspaper fail instantly as well. Yeah. He moved back to Oneida, he was rejected again by everyone in the community, um, and he sued their leader John Humphrey-Noyas for unpaid work he did while as a member of the cult. Sure. It's a cult, of course you're gonna- okay. Yeah, alright.

That lawsuit was unsuccessful, and I believe his dad wrote a personal letter to John Humphrey Noyes saying sorry my son's an idiot. I apologize This they do man oh Sorry, yeah, they do say like the dad's like, oh yeah, I would institutionalize him, but I can't afford to. So some universal health care. Yeah. If they had universal health care, this whole thing might have been prevented. Yeah, exactly.

This is a man with a reverse Midas touch, right? Everything he touched turned to shit. He moved to Chicago. He got a clerkship, right? Everything he touched turned to shit. He moved to Chicago, he got a clerkship, right? He was admitted to the bar, he argued one case. His client was- This is your big break, Guto. This is it. You just gotta lock in. You just gotta lock in.

A cousin Vinny type situation. Except he argued one case, his client was convicted, he failed. except he argued one case, his client was convicted, he failed. So he started doing bill collecting, but while he was collecting the bills for his clients, he forgot to pay the clients afterwards, the money that he had collected. So he fled his creditors and debt collectors for New York City, because you could just do that back then. And he decided to get into politics as a Democrat.

ALICE This repulsively unlovable, deeply weird specimen decided to escape from his army of creditors through the Democratic Party. I mean, I'm sure that's never gonna be recommended. Don't worry about that. Now, nevertheless, owing to the political climate, he wound up supporting Republicans. All the Republicans he supported were losers, like Horace Greeley. A newspaper guy? I think so. Yeah.

He then loses to Grant in Grant's second run, and he dies before the Electoral College, so they don't really know what to do with his electors. Shoot him. He also become begins to become delusional, right? After delivering one speech. Of course he does. He's a Democrat. Yeah, he became he's eligible. You can vote. He became convinced.

He started like uttering strange visions of madness, like Hilary Whipps and Naynay. She's a hashtag go gone wild and everyone looking at her was like, what the fuck is this guy doing? They have to vote for the dread Abuela. Photoshopping her face onto. Just rocking back and forth, just like, gotta gotta have high high hopes for a living Yes as a bunch of posters with the candidates face photoshopped on to Game of Thrones lady What did you call it the dragon sex show yeah, that's not yeah, I think I was something like that I forgot what I I just call it the dragon show

Yeah, I think I was something like that. I forgot what I... I just called it the Dragon Show. Um. You're amazing, man. Yeah. Like the Gorilla Channel. Yeah, exactly. Which is regal, by the way.

So anyway. Um. Gizio, he, he, he, after delivering one speech, he became convinced that he would be appointed ambassador to Chile. ALICE I mean, you kind of could be, in the sense that like, these were all patronage jobs, and ambassador wasn't nearly as important as it used to be, particularly to like a small country, it was kind of just like, honorary consul shit.

You can kind of like, it's like the guy who's in, like, most sensical American who lives in Chile, that's the ambassador now, I guess. Yeah, you see, he's the one man. He wrote and published a religious book called The Truth, which was largely plagiarized from John Humphrey-Noyas. And he started wandering- You need a cult to plagiarize your cultas. He started wandering- You're plagiarizing your cult, I dare you. He started wandering from town to town preaching.

By 1880 he was in Boston, where he was involved in the collision of the SS Stonington and the SS Narragansett. What do you mean he was involved? Are you gonna elaborate on that? He was on the Stonington. Oh, alright, I thought he just piloted it directly like 9-11 but with boats. No he doesn't have enough skill to pilot a boat let alone into a moving target. I like that you're just dunking on this dead guy. The Narragans had caught

fire and sank with a large loss of life. Gitteau was on the Stonington and believed his life was spared for some higher divine purpose. Becoming the ambassador to Chile. Yeah. So he returned to politics, he wrote a speech supporting Grant for the 1880 convention, which he delivered twice, apparently very badly, and it was then printed and circulated among the delegates. But by the time it was printed and circulated, Garfield had secured the nomination.

So the printed copies had Grant scratched out and Garfield inserted instead. Oh, that's tough bad. Um, now, he was a delusional crank, obviously, but he also identified as a stalwart, right? He was on the side of the angels, he was our delusional crank. Exactly, exactly. This guy in your DSA chapter. He believed he had secured Garfield's win in the 1880 general election and thus lined up for his well-deserved patronage job.

To his horror, civil service reform had occurred. He was clearly unqualified for the position he knew in his heart was his to have. The consul ship to Vienna or maybe Paris. So he traveled to Washington DC to plead his case and just starts tailing the president and also Secretary of State James G. Blaine. ALICE & LIAM Well of course I could just go to his house, because everyone knows where it is. It's like the White House.

JUSTIN Well, the location and daily agenda of the president were printed in several local newspapers. So you could just- As-sassination daily. Yeah. So he starts to begin showing up unannounced at official events, he started sending the president and the secretary of state letters on hotel stationary, because by this time he can't afford anything, he's penniless,

he's in boarding houses, running between boarding houses, because he can't pay for boarding, he would try and just happen to run into them on the street, and ask, hey, can I get that console ship yet? ALICE Trying to do a meet-cute with James G. Blaine. LIAM How's this going for you? JUSTIN Till eventually Blaine finally snapped at him, never talk about the console ship to me again, fuck you. He didn't say fuck you, they didn't swear back then.

No, they just, lot of slurs. Like a lot of slurs. We can't even dream up. We've lost the technology. It's true. It's true. Because we swear so much more now. Lost the impact, you know.

Yeah, everyone's on boats more, so they start swearing more. If you commit to never swearing in your life, then it's gonna hit so much harder when you just haul off and call a guy an Irishman. Yeah, that's a good point. So now, he's mad. And he has a gun! You have angered the normalist boy. Yeah.

Normalist boy status, angered. Right, so, James Garfield, he's kind of a compromised candidate, as such- Jesus Christ, stop putting flags on things, you maniac! Nah, I wanna see like, booths like this come back. More! For inaugurations. You know, let me get the- let me get the big shield. Let me get whatever the hell this is.

Big eagle. The like, flower antennas? Oh, looks like Bioshock Infinite in this bitch, yeah. Someone spent, you know, 400 hours carving this, they're gonna use it for 20 minutes. Bioshock Infinite was such a fucking missed opportunity. Sorry, sorry, go ahead. Garfield's a compromised candidate, as such the administration got off to kind of a rocky start, right?

The leader of the stalwarts was Roscoe Conkling, right? Don't make a name like that anymore. Fantastic. And he feuded with Garfield over cabinet appointments, specifically the half-breed James Blaine as Secretary of State. Oh good, it's like the name of his like political faction, but that's so insolent. Appointments below the cabinet were a mix of the sort of meritocratic civil service type guys and straight up old fashioned patronage, right? And so Garfield doesn't accomplish very much in his first four months, right? He does some more civil service reform, but it's kind of minor.

He nominates Stanley Matthews to the Supreme court. He made some moves to break the solid South by trying to entangle the Republicans party's patronage network with the new readjuster party in Virginia that was run by a Confederate general turned rainbow coalition leader Billy Mahone who talked about previously on this podcast The only Confederate general who kind of made amends afterwards Yeah, take a week and get here folks. Yeah, and then well it It the readjust your party did a lot more than pretty much any faction of the Republicans at this point in time And he did some boring stuff with the Navy and preparing to build the Panama Canal and stuff like that

I think you know with if you're trying to make inroads with the readjuster party, y'know, maybe something really great coulda happened with a few more years, but circumstances intervened here. In the form of the Normalist Boy. Yeah. So. Um. Here we go.

Washington DC is disgusting in the summer. It's a great place to do a live show in May. Yeah, I Would be fine in May early May you'll be good. Otherwise you're sweating through everything. Oh, yeah We were doing in the summer. I would say I gotta get a some kind of portable air conditioner Yeah, you know for them. Well, the venue is pretty far from the Metro. Oh god You know, for the... well, the venue is pretty far from the metro. Oh god. Um, so... I'd book it. Actually, I did literally book it. Maybe, maybe, maybe little Marco Rubio is saving my life here. Before air conditioning, everyone who could leave in the summer left.

Yeah, it used to be a thing. It still is in Paris, actually. Just, like, summer, everybody leaves the capital, cause it's gross. JUSTIN Yes. James Garfield, the President of the United States, was no exception. ALICE Please tell me the US has a summer capital. JUSTIN Uh, yeah, it's called Mar-a-Lago. ALICE BOO! Boo! Boo! Tomato, tomato! JUSTIN So, he planned to travel north to Williams College in Massachusetts, Massachusetts, right, to deliver a speech and then take a well-deserved summer

vacation. Now in Washington DC at the time there were two train stations. If you're going north or going south, you went to the Baltimore and Potomac station at 6th Street, and if you were going west, you went to the Baltimore and Potomac Station at 6th Street. And if you were going west, you went to the Baltimore and Ohio Station at New Jersey Avenue. President's going north, so he heads for the Baltimore and Potomac Station to catch whatever the Baltimore and Potomac's

equivalent of the Ocella was. The Ocella. Well, yeah, no, it's the same tracks, uh, the tunnel through Baltimore is the same tunnel. So yeah, I guess so. The proto Asela? The proto Asela, yeah. Well, I think he's going to New Jersey to change trains, he's going to get a ferry across New York Harbor, and he's going to get on the New York New Haven at Hartford, and he's

going to have to take that up to Boston. God, everything used to be such a pain in the ass. Harbor, and he's gonna get on the New York New Haven at Hartford, and he's gonna have to take that up to Boston. ALICE God everything used to be such a pain in the ass. You're thinking about that journey and you're like, Jesus Christ, someone shoot me in the back please. JUSTIN This is way, way... Well, the B&P tunnel had just opened, and they'd just finished the bridge over the Susquehanna, so this was, they had actually just recently shaved two days off this journey.

So. Oh my god. Much like the train that never ends, it's the podcast that never ends. How you doing there, Nova? I'm surviving, I'm good. I'm gonna have to write the next No Gods No Mares in about, uh, ten hours, but other than that, it's all good. Now Gatot has seen the schedule in the newspaper, of course he's been plotting, right?

He's been selected by Providence, divinely inspired to shoot the president, and raise stalwart Chester A. Arthur to the presidency. Yeah, who could blame him, I get it. And bring back the adored spoils system. Yeah, and then once they let me out of jail for this whole shooting the president misunderstanding, they're gonna make me Ambassador to France. Yes. He borrowed money from a relative, he bought a fancy revolver, it's like a British bulldog.

He specifically looked for a revolver with nicer grips, because he thought it would look nicer in a museum. Oh, yes. And it's not on public display, so another L for Charles Gatot. Brutal. He wrote cryptic letters to Garfield, warning him to, you know, change his policies, and Garfield ignored them. He wrote to William Cas- comes as Sherman, begging for protection from the angry mob that would surely arrive after he shot the president, which was also ignored.

Yeah. He went to the Washington DC jail to ask for a tour of the facility so he could get to know it before he was in prison They told him to come back later Ha ha ha ha which he did He spent a full month tailing the president everywhere he went Almost worked up the gall to shoot him once. Just kill this guy dude. Well Garfield's wife Lucretia was there and he didn't want to upset her.

No, Justin! How de-mortical violence is this? Two things. Thing one, how do you think she's gonna feel if you shoot her, if you shoot her when she's not there? Probably fucking great. Thing two, Lucretia Insane name on like an Anglo woman. Just an incredible name, yeah.

We have a- Nobody, nobody cisgender is moving like this. I've never met a Lucretia before. And then you call her like, Crete as a nickname, and that's not that sweet of a nickname. Like the island? I did think of that, yeah. Cool. Don't let's call her Creep though. If you've never met a woman named Lucretia before,

there will be a she they at one of the live shows, I promise. Yeah, we had a cat named Lucretia Borgia. Yes, named after the Duchess. Oh, yeah. And she hid under the bed, except when it was time to eat. And then she would stick a paw out and sort of bat the food towards her. She was amazing. What should I name my my 19th century daughter?

How about after this famous poisoner? LIAM Yeah. It goes, they don't name like they used to. A Lucretia Mott portrait on Wikipedia is not flattering. ALICE Lucretia Garfield? LIAM Lucretia Mott, my fault. ALICE Okay, okay. LIAM Look at this haunted visage, god damn.

On July 2nd, in the morning, Garfield and Secretary of State Blaine arrived at the Baltimore and Potomac station. Ketoe arrived too, and he told his cab driver, I don't need a ride back, because I'm going to be arrested and going to jail instead. Cab driver visibly not giving a shit. Pulling out a bottle of like what I can only describe as corn liquor. Yeah. You know the president's in there, right? Oh, guess what I'm gonna do. Garfield and Blaine entered the station through the ladies waiting room, which I was very confused about, but apparently the B Street entrance, which is the main entrance to the station, just goes through the ladies waiting room.

B Street would be Constitution Avenue now. This station was where the National Gallery of Art is now. So they start, they're walking towards the main waiting room. Uh, Gatot- No security or nothing. No, absolutely not. Just these two guys. There's just some attendants in the ladies' waiting room. I think Gatot was like concealed behind a curtain or something.

He came out behind the curtain He walked towards the president And shot him and missed You fucking great The president guys yeah, come on man. I get it's like 1880 and like the pistols aren't that good But like come on, dude. You've had just run up and stab him in the back Just run up and just I know it looks like I'm jerking off, but I'm not. I'm trying to stab the president.

He had considered stabbing the president. What? Yeah. Yeah. You stabbed the president. Very Julius Caesar was able to pull off this assassination with a box of scraps, allegedly. He admired the president enough that he thought, given the president's stature, if he stabbed the president, the president would immediately whip around and punch him in the face so hard he would die instantly.

Okay, my god. He's a pretty, like, normal style old man. He's not like, doing Krav Maga. Like, what are you- It's like, no, no, no, if I stab him, I'm not- he's specialized in like melee fighting. He's gonna like whip around, he's gonna do pen-chucks a lot, combos on all my fucking load bearing joints. He's gonna do a Mortal Kombat fatality on me.

Mortal Kombat! Yeah. fatality on me. Mortal Kombat! What do you think, I'm stupid? Of course I know that a president can't be killed with like a mortal blade. That's why it's never happened still. You gotta shoot them, they're not like... they've got a damage resistance. The president was startled and turned slightly, and Guiteau shot him again. This time he hit the president square in the back. The president fell down and exclaimed, my god, what is this? Not a great line, all things considered.

Should have done the panchucks a lot, thank you. You know? But, what can you do? Lain was in shock. There in the same room was Secretary of War Robert Todd Lincoln, who was completely flabbergasted. My god, it's happened again. Oh, come on, man! He would also go on to be present at the McKinley assassination. Just real bad luck around, Robert Todd Lincoln. He started refusing invitations to presidential events.

I guess if he accepts it, it means he doesn't like you, you know? So after all the assassinations, he retires and he becomes a railroad CEO, he takes over the Pullman Company. give us two bucks a month and we give you an extra episode once a month. Sometimes it's a little inconsistent, but you know, it's two bucks you get what you pay for. It also gets you our full back catalog of bonus episodes so you can learn about exciting topics like guns, pickup trucks, or pickup trucks with guns on them. The money we raise through Patreon goes to making sure that the only ad you hear on this podcast is this one.

Anyway, that's something to consider if you have two bucks to spare each month. Join at patreon.com forward slash WTYP pod. Do it if you want. Or don't. It's your decision and we respect that back to the show somehow Anders Li you returned three two one mark all right enough all right let me bring you up to speed we've just assassinated the president has just been shot. Yeah shot Any channel This is this is he is I think my favorite president I will say Garfield for a while it was

Roosevelt like a lot of people. And then I switched to Harrison, William Henry Harrison, not because I like him, but because I thought he maybe did the least damage because he was only present for like a month. And then I found out about Garfield and he's a great president because he, he died, you know, a little after Harrison did, but he leaves a lot of improbable counterfactuals for like, this is the guy who would have restarted Reconstruction, which is probably not true,

but it is something to like tell myself, you know. America's copest president. Yeah, we talked a bit about, you know, getting in contact with Billy Mahone and seeing if, um, you know, uh, contact getting in contact with Billy Mahone and seeing if we could, you know, readjust or use the readjust your party as part of the Republican spoil system, which that coalition is sort of, you know, the one you would want if you were like, okay, we're gonna, we're gonna kick reconstruction back into gear, but yeah, his, uh, his time was cut short,

unfortunately. Mm hmm. Yeah. But yeah, he his uh his time was cut short unfortunately Mm-hmm. Yeah, so anyway, you know get so expected to be arrested immediately But he's still panicked like obviously the the Secret Service is gonna attack me. What do you? That's for counterfeiting And he's still he's still panics He runs away for the cab and he runs right into a police officer and he was immediately arrested It's one baffled cop versus again Earth's weirdest boy I was about to say he just he just assassinated the president next to the other guy who recognized him. So I don't know if

He's also been writing letters to him following around. I guess between this and Kennedy, it is crazy how if you're a beat cop, running to the guy who just assassinated the president is on the list of things that can happen to you. JUSTIN And they said, Kearney, he forgot to take the gun away, he was so shocked. SEAN Yes. ALICE It's like, you're under arrest, you keep this for a second and I'll go and get back up. Yeah, hold on one second.

And Gatot was like, no, you need this. You're gonna have to put it in a museum for me. So anyway, unlikely he would have gotten away clean. We'll talk more about what happened to him later. So, all right, the president's been shot. We got to call a doctor We do yeah See this cool engraving. Oh my god. They blinded this child Sam this is that yeah, yep All right, so the station attendants immediately assisted the stricken president, right Colonel Sandus is there? Yep, yep. Alright. So, the station attendants immediately

assisted the stricken president, right? Blaine called for a mattress to be brought, the president was hauled upstairs to a bed on the second floor of the B&P station. Things you want to do with a gunshot wound, right? You want to move that person as much as possible in like the

least coordinated way you can. Yes, exactly. Um, to uh, I assume it's like the station master's apartment in there. That's why there's a bed up there. Ah, just throw the president anyway. Yeah, exactly. Whoosh!

After the arrival of the surgeons, they all decided the president could be moved back to the White House and the real treatment could begin. It's hard to know exactly how severe the wound was, you know, it's a large bullet, but a small hole, and the doctors are about to do a lot of stuff. So it's a 442 revolver, like a 442 Webley, which is, uh, yowch. Big bullet. Why was the hole so small? Is just his skin was that tough and dexterous?

It's small compared to how big it's going to be. Oh, okay. Yeah. Gotcha. So it's funny how, I mean, sorry, like Lincoln gets assassinated You know 20 years or so earlier, and they just figure eh that's never gonna happen again president doesn't need security It was it was it was that one specific like Civil War beef after that who would want to kill a guy as inoffensive as Andrew Garfield look I mean you know this this continues for a long time I mean Nixon goes and hangs out

with the protesters, y'know, Bill Clinton goes out on jogs and just randomly changes his route and pisses off the Secret Service. If you're president, you can just go places, they can't stop you. It's just the few that choose to do so. Yeah, they said it would be like trying to prevent a lightning strike. Yeah. I sort of like it better. I like the idea that it's just a regular person and it's not this weird entity who lives in

this fortress. The president's just like a regular guy, you know, who walks around town and sometimes you see him. You know, that sounds like a lot better. At least, you know, if you live in DC. Like, two separate people have, like, come perilously close to killing Trump just by showing up where they know he's gonna be with a rifle. Yeah.

Yeah. It's so amazing to me that Barack Obama's not dead. For real. It's just like, the quality of assassins in the US was just slacking in the 2010s. Like what was going on? You had, you know, probably thousands if not a million people who wanted to kill him, they just couldn't get their shit together. Yeah, I mean, you have to be in the right place at the right time.

I mean, two... both a president and vice president have visited the block my house is on, so I mean, you know. They're not that thorough, I didn't get interviewed by the Secret Service, but... Not yet, bud. It's weird because they had them all in. First time printing out an entire podcast, you know. Oh my god, that's a real transcript. You imagine a judge reading this transcript, that'd be bad.

I'm not- Luckily it's a transcript, it's already banned from entering the US. Oh my god. Huh. Uh. We'll see. It's a transcript is already banned from entering the US. Oh my god We'll see so we have to talk about dr. Dr. Willard bliss But oh yes The dr. Bliss it's quite a name for such an incompetent man His first name was doctor and he was a doctor. Oh, nominative determinism.

He studied at Cleveland Medical College, he moved to Washington DC, he was expelled from the DC Medical Society in 1853 for hawking a bunch of bullshit herbal remedies. For them to say it was bullshit in 1853, they had to really be bullshit. Yeah, it was bullshit in 1853, they had to really be bullshit. Yeah, it was like, mostly arsenic. His reputation was restored due to his medical work during the war, and he became superintendent of the Armoury Square Hospital. He was readmitted to the Medical Society, then got into homeopathy. Real lesson there, never give somebody a second chance.

Well, we're still, and what really pissed off the medical society is that he wanted to desegregate the medical society. Alright, so is that all bad? He's like, listen, I believe in like, a rational, scientific young career, and I think people of any race can practice homeopathy. Yes. Well, he was very forward thinking, you know, he thought he understood race as a construct, but he to a fault because he also thought germs were not real in a construct. To be fair to homeopaths though, the guy who one of his critics who ended up being right, which we'll get to,

The guy who, one of his critics, who ended up being right, which we'll get to, also had trained in homeopathy, so it was like a more of a, uh, accepted thing. Thinking that germs are a social construct is, to be honest, that one friend who's too woke. Yeah, that's... Sometimes you gotta do political science, you know, I mean, let's look at like, Lysenkoism, you know? Yeah. I mean, let's look at like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like and surgeons. He managed to be one of the first on the scene and quickly got himself put in charge, right? This idea of antiseptic medicine, right?

Sterilization of an equipment to reduce infections, so on and so forth. This was around at the time. In fact, I think at this point it was widely practiced in Europe, but Dr. Doctor, having been burned by the Society for Homeopathy, wanted nothing to do with it. Plus there was more pressing matters at hand, they gotta get that bullet out, right? So he went to work with his bare unwashed hands, probing around the wound, just sticking out of there. Don't finger fuck the president. Yeah. FINGERFUCK THE PRESIDENT. FINGERFUCK THE PRESIDENT.

Yeah. God. Man, I wonder how clean his daily routine was. I'm hoping he just, like, lived in a bathtub full of soap bubbles and didn't do anything nasty. No, he was walking around on like, horse shit infested streets. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's a miracle that he lived as long as he did with this practice. around on like, horse shit infested streets. Oh yeah.

It's a miracle that he lived as long as he did with this practice. It is cool that the guy's wearing a lab coat, I don't know why he's got a red handkerchief hanging out of the left pocket, but, you know. So he got pretty aggressive with searching for the bullet, right, while the fully conscious president he was, they gave him a lot of morphine. He's still moaning in pain Dr.. Dr.. Bliss was convinced if he could just dig a little deeper he could find the damn thing He was glaring to those a doctor three knuckles deep in my fucking back Had a different different conception of backshots like It's a new version of blowing your back out. It was clear enough to the other physicians

that this is not producing results, but only one person spoke up, that was Dr. Charles Purvis, who was the only black doctor in attendance. He was like, what the fuck are you doing, man? And yeah, his complaints were ignored. How dare you speak up. It's cool that the guy ignoring him and killing the president is not racist. Yeah. Like, no, I'm not ignoring you because of that. I'm ignoring you because I'm bad as hell at my job. I'm not racist. I'm just an asshole. So they return him to the White House. Against all odds, the president starts

recovering fairly quickly, right? He's able to sit up, he's in good spirits, right? You know, this doesn't stop Dr. Doctor from coming in, reopening the wound,ing for the bullet every day for several days somewhere So I guess we gotta we gotta get it out. I mean it's clearly at some point. It's gonna do something bad I don't understand this there's something about like blood poisoning or something. Yeah. Oh boy Well, I have I have read that there are many occasions when it's actually the smarter move to just leave the bullet in there. Yes. And like treat the wound, let it hang out, become a part of your fucking biology. Um, you know, you can say you're have steel in your blood. Uh, and yeah, if you just treat the wound, you can like it, it taking it out

can actually cause one of the worries at this point is the idea that it's gonna like, carry clothing and stuff into the body, and that's gonna, like, cause infection, but apparently that's really like, hit and miss. The other thing about this is, cause like, expanding bullets, like, you know, like, hollow point bullets aren't really a thing yet, so it's just in one piece pretty much, it's like one piece of metal that's just hanging out. JUSTIN It's just a hunk of metal, yeah. SEAN It also seems like an old timey treatment from that era to just like, shoot a ball of, you know, steel into somebody's pelvis, and that is also gonna cure, like, lymphoma or something?

Is what they thought? JUSTIN So, anyway. He's still probing for the bullet each day, making the president miserable. He kicked out all the other doctors, including I believe the president's personal physician, keeps doing all these surgeries alone with only the assistance of the cabinet member's wives as nurses.

He's like, all right, no training, just like qualifications, woman. You're a woman, you can be a nurse. Why not? Lawrence Nightingale did it as well. Is this what Trump has been undoing? The mass DEI, you know, deterministic female nurses? Cheryl Hines is gonna have to like perform surgery soon. It's gonna be an issue in the first Trump administration when the, you know, you get Elaine Chao in, you know.

So on the scene in just a few days as a stroke of luck was one Alexander Graham Bell, right? Oh boy. Who had recently devised a contraption known as a stroke of luck was one Alexander Graham Bell, right? Oh boy. Who had recently devised a contraption known as a metal detector, which had proven effective on several patients for just this purpose, locating the bullet, right? Right. He was admitted to see the president,

but Dr. Dr. Bliss was very adamant about the location of the bullet. So he only allowed Alexander Graham Bell to use the device in the location where he thought the bullet was. So... Which it wasn't. It was not there. Of course. The machine did not detect the bullet in the place where the bullet was not.

But, turns out there's eight other bullets just in your body. They've been recreationally shot. Like a bunch of times they thought they'd missed him in the Shiloh. Yeah, exactly. He'd just been tanging those. Whatever, man. Just a flesh wound. When the machine was recalibrated it made a weird inconclusive sound where Dr. Dr. Bliss

thought the bullet was, and he was even more convinced, we gotta keep looking over there. He tanked all of the Confederate bullets because it was the first time he was shot by someone who wasn't racist. It was the only time he deemed to pay any attention. All the other time it was like, I respond to that. That's beneath me. Sorry, blocked and reported. So he reopened the wound, he dug deeper into the president. His condition- Leave this man's wound channels alone!

His condition began to worsen. He started to be unable to keep food down, even liquids. Which leads us to... Feeding per rectum, as illustrated in the case of the late President Garfield and others. And others! When I said he was flagging fisting top, I was joking. Yeah. I don't like that.

I don't like any of those words in that order, any order. I don't like fisting tie. Just, no, that's not for Liam. This is an actual paper published by, you will see here, the man himself. Beef extract. What? Oh, Jesus. Yell at me. Oh, no. I'm just going to read from this for a bit here.

Dr. Dr. Bliss, right. He loved shoving things up people's butts. And here was the most powerful man in the country under his care. So it was time to shove things up his butt. Right. Which, to be fair, I when I first read about this case I was led to believe that he was given the impression that the he was putting these things up his butt steak fudge etc for the richness just like the food itself would just help. What you yeah, it would just help you heal. Just the the like the concentration of his just like, oh, but we eat with our butts,

not with our mouths. Also, I'm not racist. Yeah. I mean, to be fair to him, it was though, because Garfield couldn't keep food down. So that was like how they just like they had to do it. I thought it was just they were sticking it up. Yeah, I thought we were just doing it for like crossing their fingers that that was going to work. Yeah. No, I mean, listen, if it comes to it, you know what? No, I'm not going to say what I was going to say. It's too parasocial. Case six, the late president Garfield was some of the time entirely and all of the time very largely sustained by rectal feeding from the 14th of August until his death on September 19th, 1881.

A 35 days of butt feeding is too much butt feeding. The value of this method of supplying a vast engraved disease has never been more strikingly shown than in this instance, because in all probability, oh, in waste, excuse me, I copied this from the PDF. Never a patient more closely observed by his medical attendance because the quantity and quality of the rectal diet were most carefully regulated, both as to mode and time of administration. During the progressive stage of inflammation of the parotid gland, eight days this mode of sustenance was entirely relied upon, he being unable to take any food

by the mouth and stomach and only very small quantities of cracked ice and water, which were frequently rejected." Something I remember hearing about, really about this, was that this was all very very widely publicized at the time. Oh, following this at home like in the newspaper like hey, honey The the president just got like eight ounces of beef stew shot up his ass What I call it the Super Bowl actually, yeah The accompanying formula for the preparation of beef extract will be substituted for receipts nine and fourteen on diet for hospital, so on and so forth. Beef extract directions infuse a third of a pound of fresh beef finely minced in fourteen

ounces of cold soft water to which a few drops of muriatic acid and a little salt from ten to eighteen grains have been added. Delicious. After digesting from an hour to an hour and a quarter, strain it through a sieve and wash the residue with five ounces of cold water. Oh, so we can wash this shit? Yeah. Ahahaha.

Pressing it to remove all soluble matter, the mixed liquid will contain the whole of the soluble constituents of the meat. Oh my god. And it may be drank cold or slightly warm, the temperature shouldn't- It may be drank. Drank by your butt. Mmhmm. The temperature should not be raised above 100 degrees Fahrenheit, as at the temperature

of 118 degrees Fahrenheit, a considerable portion of the albumen, a very important constituent, will be coagulated. And it is acid goes. All right. Yeah. Roll tide. You can mix in some booze. At least get me drunk while you do it.

Hold on a second. Two ounces of beef extract. I'm butt chugging. I'm butt chugging. Let's do this, baby. Two drams of beef peptinoids and five dr drums of whiskey were given with scrupulous regularity Four hours day and night. Oh, we're not doing this four hours You are waking him up every four hours to be like

Which like all right, I can almost kind of deal with the whiskey in my ass, but like beef, I don't even call that beef tartare will say like that's not, I don't want that in my butt, please. Right. You're at least add some throw some CBD gummies in there to like, chill out a bit. It is before poppers were invented. Yeah. Oh, he went to the Lord with a lot of things,'s before paupers were invented. Yeah. Oh god.

He went to the Lord with a lot of things, but one of them was a dilated asshole. And for the first five or six days the yolk of an egg was added to the injections, but in the judgement of the surgeons, this was the cause of annoying and offensive flatulence. Mmm. Yeah! You're shoving an egg up his ass! What are you- Yeah. This symptom was promptly relieved by discontinuing the egg and temporarily adding a dram of willow

charcoal to the enema. Charcoal tablets called- I'm noting also that they gave opium in order to, like, partly as an additional nerve stimulant and anodyne, so painkiller, but also to secure retention, so like, they shoot the beef into him and then they give him some opium to, like, yeah, you're pulling one of those book bag book bags. Yeah I you know, I Am convinced Just by the insane cruelty of this man's death, he must have been destined to save us, because this country deserves nothing but pain and misery. Yeah, I was going to say, he's finally successful. He was just some congressman, hadn't been doing really going anywhere.

He becomes president, he kind of defeats Conklin with the patronage stuff, and then basically God is like, you cannot be successful very much like George Costanza. Yeah. CURSE OF BEEF ASSHOLE UPON YOU. Not only do you have to die, it has to be miserable and humiliating the whole time. Oh, and by the way, all of your co-workers' wives are nursing you, so they're also witness to you getting the, like, fucking weeabass shot up your ass. The beef rocket, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's like your Secretary of State's wife helping you there, so, you know, just really enjoy that feeling, fucking marinate in that. Literally. Much like the beef were shoving up your ass. Loudly to your work colleagues wife. Yeah we had to take the egg yolk out of there because he was farting too bad. I'm a doctor by the way. I'm two doctors.

Not racist. Not racist, importantly. It's like, oh thank god that nice not racist doctor told me about the president's funds. Hold on, not racist, two doctors. I love that as we've gone on as a podcast, we've gone from engineering disasters to- because someone sent me an email once, I was like, you guys don't really cover disasters in the traditional sense anymore. And I was like, no, we do societal ones and stuff like that.

Sometimes we just do 25 minutes about butt injections. Not injections, I guess just- I think the key rule is, we do what we want, is the thing. And this is- I don't know if I can say that this is what I want, but I can't say I think the key rule is, we do what we want, is the thing, and this is, I don't know if I can say that this is what I want, but I can't say it's fucking funny. I don't want the beef up my ass, please. Just let me go with dignity, man. Let's avoid this. I mean, if this happened again, and I'm not saying I want this to happen, but if the president

were to shut up now- You imagine Trump with a coke up his ass? Yeah, I mean you would think in the modern era that wouldn't happen, but look at his fucking head of Health and Human Services Oh they are putting the Diet Coke enema up that man's ass They're putting the They're putting the worm in The funless Big Mac is going in there in one piece Oh my god, that's just a special sauce.

It's gonna be dead animals. Pumping him full of Thousand Island dressing. Little dead ass. Why is President Trump in hospital with like an IV drip of like, uh, sriracha? Yeah. In RFK we like getting roadkill. Do you think he's ever had Sriracha? No it would kill him outright.

Like one drop of Sriracha would kill his ass. He's more of a, you know I know he likes the the the the Flay of Fish a lot so maybe it'd be tartar sauce. Tartar sauce and diet coke soup up this man's ass. Oh my god. There was a strong desire. We're gonna have to slap a not safe for work on this one's ass. Oh my god. There was a strong desire. We're going to have to slap a not safe for work on this one. Yeah. There was a strong desire on the part of the physicians to discontinue the use of the stimulants, but on each occasion when the attempt was made,

the pulse became more frequent and feeble so they were forced to resume their use. Later in history, the case after the removal- Physician is doing a lot of work here, by the way. The other physicians were like, stop but feeding him. And he was like, no, who's two doctors and I'm the one mincing up this beef. I'm two doctors and you're only three doctors. We don't even have flour on here. HOOK UP THE BUTT PIPE!

I would love to know what my wife thinks of these screaming, hook up the butt pipe. This is up there with the fuckin' uh, Japan Airlines, for me. ALICE I think the phrase, hook up the butt pipe, is gonna enter my lexicon. SEAN I wonder whose job that was. ALICE Oh, oh, like, apparently the Secretary of War's wife. SEAN Yeah, he has to place the pipe in his...

ALICE Robert Todd Lincoln, just like, man, I'm feeling pretty traumatized by this assassination. And then his wife comes home and is like, buddy, you're telling me I'm having to hook up this man's ass. Please, please stop hooking up the butt pipe. We'll talk about this in the next slide, but I will point out this paragraph here. The quantities carefully measured were prepared at the dispensary of the Surgeon General of the United States of America by Assistant Apothecary W.F. Crusher, you know, in accordance with the following formula.

After the removal of the President to Elberon, Mrs. Garfield herself prepared it. Oh, come on! That's a real stage of intimacy to be broaching with your wife in your dying days, to be like hey, you think we can try butt stuff? We're going out like kings, man! We're going out like dead ass fucking kings, baby! Poor Lucretia. Oh, n***a, Lucretia.

Pour it off of Lucretia. Yeah, yeah, pour a real drink, not the solution. Not whiskey, yeah. Just like, how did this normal style man die? Well he was getting a lot of stuff shut up his ass by a woman named Lucretia. Mmhmm. Well, no, Dr. Doctor still did the actual shooting up the ass part. Yeah, I bet he did. He seemed to like it.

Yeah. Okay. So, it's still really fucking hot in Washington DC, right? Oh no, it's hot beef and whiskey up my ass? Yes. In summer? In summer in DC, there's this sort of, the, the, um, a bunch of military engineers actually managed to improvise a sort of shitty late victorian air conditioner which was like all right I assume a steam-powered fan that blew

air over a block of ice. Jesus. Yeah. So that heat in DC in August, the fucking pea soup month, it really exposes the class structure of the region because the the rich go to Maine, the middle class goes to Delaware and then anyone who's below that just finds a meat. Yeah, it's it's an unpleasant place to be. It's where the butt meat is kept.

One time I was cleaning the kitchen with rods and I said, do we have bleach? And he handed me a bottle of bleach and then a bottle of pneumonia. And I said, I keep them next to each other in case we need a quick way out. And I think at some point, I would rather just drink the butt bleach and have it be over with. Yeah. The president was still ailing. Dr. Doctor was still fumbling around in his back to find the bullet in a

place where the bullet wasn't. By July 23rd he had this massive abscess which was oozing pus. They drained it. S-surely at some point you run out of back in that area and you look elsewhere. Like... M-oh my god. S-yeah I mean you're fisting a crater at this point. D-yeah.

Yeah it was... it was a very large wound at this point. Oh my god. It was much larger than when it had started. Oh my god. Now, when they drained the abscess, he started to improve, right? The president even took a brief cabinet meeting, but he continued to grow more and more feeble, right?

He had 104 degree fever, his weight had gone from 210 pounds to 130. Jesus. He only made it this long because of the, like, vogue for fat guys that they had. To be like- Bring it back! Like they were kind of right when they were like, oh this president's strong as an ox, he only eats beef and he's like 250 pounds, y'know? That's my president. I wonder who's running the show at this point, cause Chester Arthur, I mean vice presidents

at this point are pretty inconsequential anyway, but he's really not, y'know, he didn't wanna have the job, so like, who's running the country, he's only taking one cabinet meeting. I mean I guess presidents do- Doctor, I guess presidents Dr. Dr. Bud stuff. Yeah, probably. So, yeah, they would take the summers off. They also had a thing in the whole 1800s. The Congress really didn't meet the president's first year. So they would basically have a year of just doing not much.

At one point, like Andrew Jackson, they just get involved in a petty thing called the petty code of friend. They're just fighting about the cabinet's wives. Yeah. So like they really it's just get involved in a petty, a thing called the Petty Coda Friend, they're just fighting about the cap and it's wives. Yeah, so like, they really, it's not that important of a time, luckily, but yeah, they don't solve it, and then later Woodrow Wilson's wife is gonna have to run the country when he's sick. Yeah. And it was traditional for a long time, until the 1950s, you just didn't do government in

the summer. There was no government in the summer. It's too hot. It's too hot. Yeah, exactly. America was only like a sort of four year round nation with air conditioning. There is an old saying in the DC area that you know, America started to decline when they air conditioned the capital. One of the things I love about you is you'll just pull out random facts about DC, I guess you're from there, but it just makes me so happy. Oh, yeah, I I've been I lived in that well

I lived in Northern, Virginia, but I was frequently in a horrible helicopter city Yeah, it's I I lived in yeah Arlington as I call it always 12 and you have it's you get used to just yelling at the Presidential helicopter. It's like six or seven times a day. It's different. Naval or it's like the modern kids. And it's like, yeah, I used to live. I've said this next to a hospital with a helipad that was a medevac. And I just dreamed ever since I was a little boy of having a fucking stinger

missile that I could just shoot down the fucking. I think the morning. It's like, come on, man, you can like, they're dead, alright, just let it go. Alright, what's next for President Butt stuff? Acting President Butt stuff, sorry. What had started as a three inch bullet hole was now a monstrous twenty inch gash. What? Oh my god.

Neeking pus. Clearly infected. The president was bedridden. He was septic. He was all kinds of crap. Right? By September, the heat still hadn't given out. They decided, all right, we gotta move the president north. To Maine, I hope. To Long Branch, New Jersey. What a cruel place to die yeah a Special railroad car was repaired to move him to long branch, New Jersey technically the Unincorporated community of Elbaran. That's where the really really expensive houses are up there

to a place called Franklin cottage and That's Franklin spelled in the worst way I've seen. Um. PH? Spelled like Mormon eldest daughter. Franklin, but- F-R-A-N-C-K-L-Y-N. In Franklin. This was a mansion by the sea, owned by industrialist Charles Gilbert Franklin, who earned his money the old fashioned way by

inheriting it from his grandfather Samuel Cunard. I mean, that is pretty old fashioned. Hard to argue with. They chartered a special train, and they even built a temporary branch line to the mansion to drop the president off at the door. That's cool. at the door. That's cool. At the door. So now when he's suffered horrible invasive medical procedures, at least he can see the

ocean. These aren't even medical procedures, this is fetish stuff man. Yeah. Yeah, you would think most doctors would look at, you know, we have a bullet hole, and it's becoming a gash, maybe we should rethink, because the object is to make the hole smaller and have it heal and not just have it be your entire body as just one gaping wound. They call it internal medicine because it's supposed to stay inside of you.

Acting President Buttstuff, not your friend. He's doing butt stuff and back stuff. Oh, I don't like butt and back stuff. Yeah. Butt of the other, man. At this point, the president can't even sit up. He's still being fed rectally. So indignant.

He begins to suffer from pneumonia and hypertension. Just shoot him! He's got sepsis. Well, that was the problem. On September 18th, he complained of a great pain in his chest, and he couldn't even lift a glass of water. At 1015 that evening, he asked his chief of staff, General David Swaim, for a glass of water.

Then he had another enormous attack of pain in his chest. He cried out, Oh Swaim, can't you stop this? And he fell unconscious. Swaim, can't you stop this? And he fell unconscious. Swaim immediately called for Doctor Doctor. Why? Bring the crash cart, which is just a big stew pot and a long hose. Yeah. And presumably, yeah, after some more rectal feeding attempts, proved unable to revive

the President. They're shooting up stuff, they don't even know what it is. They've got some Zabaleone in there. It's wild He was pronounced dead at 1030 that evening thank God Chester a Arthur took the oath of office the following day dude if you kept me alive Yeah, exactly yeah office the following day. Dude, if you kept me alive for 35 days with butt stuff. I see why people used to be terrified of doctors. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

You mean this crazy person who is going to functionally kill me with like, beef enemas? Yeah. And he's going to split my back apart with his bare hands over the course of several months? I don't think like that one of our presidents died they are known for having illegible handwriting and that's just like an accepted thing where with doctors notes are very important I we should be demanding that they get better penmanship even if it's not pretty just let us

are you writing some shit about how you want fistfuck my back, you sick freak? I gotta tell you, president died from butt-chugging is such an indignant way to go. He could have been a great president. Alas. Alas. I remember I tweeted once, I was writing Katrina, I promise it's coming, and I was just talking about the indignity of death from the book One Dead in Attic, go read it, and the OnlyFans bot showed up and I was just like, come on man, let this poor guy who died

alone in his attic have a little piece of the afterlife. Yeah. Well, you know who else had a very public death? Jesus. Well, a guy who thought he might have been Jesus. Yes. What happens to get out? Um.

He is going to the Lordy. He is so glad. After his arrest, he was taken to the jail by one Lieutenant Eklof. And only once he was at the police station did they remember to disarm him, right? You fucking idiot. Meanwhile his assassination is working in slow motion. A man named Mr. McElfrish asked what political party he belonged to, and the reply was, I

am the stalwart of the stalwarts. I have shot Garfield to make- I have shot Garfield! Oh god! Oh, that's not good. That's not good. Um, damn. Got poo. This feces, it seeps into our brains and our- I've shot Garfield.

I have shot Garfield to make Arthur President. What are you? What? I have shot Garfield to make Arthur President. What are you? He's like a grindset guy now. Guy's gotta be getting these patronage jobs. You have to be capping the president and be completely public and transparent about it too. That's how you get a head on the prosecution.

I bet this guy's not even ambassadored as shit. Yeah, exactly. Um, now, uh, Gichaud's informed, uh, you know, I'm a detective. Um, and Gichaud said, alright, give me a room in the third story, and I will arrange with General Sherman to make you chief of police. How's this go for him? Nah. Listen, you gotta start working on working on the patronage stuff from day one. Exactly, exactly.

And this was sort of generally what he thought was gonna happen, it's like, damn, I'm gonna get all those patronage jobs now, I'm gonna be able to distribute them, right? We've brought back the spoil system, boys. It's good to have dreams, boys. Is it kind of the logic of when you go to prison you beat up the biggest guys? Yeah, the biggest guy in the United States. The president of the United States. He took prison planet very literally.

But since Gatot hadn't immediately killed the president, they charged him with attempted murder, but he was finally indicted on regular murder October 14th, right? ALICE Yeah, he finally got over the line. And really, he doesn't deserve the credit for that, that was all doctors. That was all doctor doctors. ALICE Which is, and that is a defense Guiteau made in court. JUSTIN I think a pretty good one.

He was meant to do it, like. There were people saying to Bliss, like, stop, like, do, you know, wash things, don't do it this way. And he was, yeah, and he was a very stubborn man, as was Garfield. He felt a loyalty to Dr. Butchugug for whatever reason, and you dug their own grave. I think when you're up to the elbow and the president kind of puppeteering them like Sesame Street, that's like a new intervening act.

Tell the president of the United States, I'm gonna make you a slutty little kermit, it's not how you want want to go out. That's sunk cost fallacy in the sense that the doctor's fist is sunk into your back. I think Bliss had done like been in charge of something in the Civil War, like taking care of soldiers, but like famously in the Civil War, two thirds of the soldiers died of disease, so they weren't doing a great job back then either. Yeah. I mean, this guy was in charge of a whole hospital, and presumably he was doing the same treatment on like thousands of 19 year olds.

ALICE The limiting factor would be that he's only got two arms. JUSTIN Yeah, that's a good point. ALICE And there's only 24 hours in a day, so may call me 48 pester baby oh shit this guy is just rattling two beds oh arm in each patient don't let that guy heal naturally stick your fist in there right now fuck me thank god he wasn't going to delegating yeah yeah he was he was really good because he was the only one who didn't really do anything at the hospital He could only operate on a couple of patients It's hard when you try to make human ventriloquist dummies, you know

We have the we have the highest survival rate in the entire north, because we don't really do anything. Because we don't... We try not to backfist our patients, yes. So here we are, we're at the trial of the century, right? He pleads not guilty by reason of temporary insanity. That's fair, that's fair. Well when the expert witnesses were brought in by the defense, this was amended to permanent insanity. Good enough. You know, the, the, this was clearly very mentally disturbed man, but the court wasn't having it. I think he

deserves his own designation designation like Gatot You've heard of sickle mode now get ready for assassinated the president with some help from backfist doctor. Yeah There's lots lots of antics at this trial right Gatot. You know he swore and insulted at the judge He testified in the form of epic poems. He traded notes asking for legal advice from the audience. Oh, you get your money's worth in the public gallery for this. You're sitting in the front row, you get handed a note by the defense, Charles Gatot that just says, what do I do?

It's like, oh, I'm so fucked, what do I do? As we mentioned, probably the best argument was that he hadn't killed Garfield, that his doctors did. Which is, again, true, but beside the point. In a case of first degree murder. Throughout all of it, he was sure he would be exonerated, right? He started making plans for a lecture tour and then a presidential run himself He had no idea how unpopular he was

Everyone hated him people were like spitting at him when he was being brought up and down the street and you know the police Carriage, you know, he was people were screaming at him people were giving him, you know Rude gestures so on and so forth. He thought he was, people were screaming at him, people were giving him, you know, rude gestures, so on and so forth. He thought he was doing great. And you know, he, it turns out there's only so much self-affirmation can do, because he was found guilty on January 25th, 1882, and sentenced to hang. So the power of positive thinking only gets you that far. Yeah, exactly. on January 25th, 1882 and sentenced to hang.

The power of positive thinking only gets you that far. Yeah, exactly. He had written his own autobiography from jail and he included in it that he wanted to find a young Christian lady under 30. So he was ready. Oh, yeah. All right. It is good to have dreams, my guy.

I think worse than writing it, he dictated it to a New York Herald journalist. Can you imagine being that poor son of a bitch having to listen to that shit be dictated? Also, two people in the public almost shot at him. Like, attempted to shoot him. Yes. And the whole time bullets are bouncing off the paddy wagon, he's like, I'm winning them over. I think I'm down.

Pocket minds. Oh you son of a like, I'm winning them over. I think I'm down. Pussy bullets! Oh you son of a bitch, I think we've got this! Wow, they're throwing rice like it's a wedding, they're just really big grains. He was still throwing tantrums all the way to the gallows, he started demanding a pardon from Chester A. Arthur because... Watch out, he might shoot him. Listen, I've increased your salary. Come on. And he was writing more terrible poetry.

ALICE Oh god. I used to do that in high school, that little scrub from the earth, thank god. JUSTIN He was hanged on June 30th, 1882. He danced up the steps, he waved at the spectators. This is beautifully staged in the Sondheim musical, Assassins. There's an already good video of it, but you can see somebody snuck in a, like, sort of camcorder to the original Broadway cast with Neil Patrick Harris, and yeah, it's really really good. He shakes the hand of the executioner, and he takes a moment to read to the crowd the last of his truly awful poems, I am going to the Lordy.

I am going to the Lordy, I am so glad. He believes he has finally unified the Republican Party and saved the country. Sure. And he dies thinking that. Yeah. That's good to have him. Oh man. He was played by Dennis O'Hare in the Broadway version.

He was really good. He had asked to have an orchestra there so he could sing the poem. They do agree to, they let him as he finishes the poem and he drops the paper and that's when they hang him. So they let him kind of stage manage his own hanging, which is kind of fun. That's kind of fun. Live and die a theater kid. I don't know, based on his performance at the Sex Cult, I mean, theater kids, they get

laid a little bit more than that, come on. ALICE & LIAM More than poets. I would say. JUSTIN That's a good point. ALICE What was it, roses are red, violets are blue, you get shot in the pelvis, and you eat where you poo. ALICE Yeah. ALICE Also butt-fisting.

JUSTIN Yes. Chester A. Arthur, ironically, finally does away with the beloved spoil system. He kills it entirely, it's gone. You can still get a sort of like, ambassadorship or a consulship based on just donating a lot to the presidential candidate who wins. So. And that was really the ingredient he was missing. Yeah, I think after this everyone has to look at the spoil system and say, uh, if it's going to get one of these guys going crazy, we may have to,

we may have to dump this one, guys. I think we, I don't think we can do this anymore. Cause Arthur was a stalwart. He was very in favor of the spoil system and he's like, yeah, um, yeah, we're going gonna have to get rid of this. It is funny to me that he, in a way, Gatot was somewhat ideologically driven, but for the spoil system, like kind of the opposite of Luigi, instead of like trying to do away with this flawed, corrupt system, it's like, no, it needs to work on my behalf and this is a good for you man. Yes

There was thought that there was a there was a thought that Arthur and Conkling They were just gonna like rob the entire country basically that they were gonna be what Musk and Trump are now And people were worried, but then Arthur finds a conscience Yes But I mean the thing here is it's like the the assassination sort of it weakens the Republican Party But I mean, the thing here is it's like the, the assassination sort of, it weakens the Republican party. I mean, um, Garfield is highly respected for the remainder of the term and then sort of forgotten about.

Chester A. Arthur's health starts failing him towards the end of the term. He's like, I'm not doing so great. Uh, my presidency has not been super popular. He tries to sort of continue some of James Garfield's policies, notably trying to distribute patronage in Virginia through the readjuster party, but he just doesn't have it in him to like really follow through here. You know, he does not seek the nomination for second term. He has not unified the party because he's still, you know,

he's got that stalwart on him and a lot of the party has moved a different way. So they put up James G. Blaine in 1884 and Blaine loses to Grover Cleveland, who proceeds to destroy what little remained of southern republicanism, and the fledgling Readjust Your Party in Virginia, and all of a sudden we got- And bearded presidents, and from then on, y'know, after that, the deluge. Exactly. Well, that's when we get poll taxes and literacy tests, and segregation, all this stuff comes in really quickly.

That was like the final... The end end of Reconstruction was because of... One mustache Yoda. One weird guy. Yeah. Coulda had something great, and we didn't. That's gone very poorly. It's gone poorly.

I really enjoyed this one. Let's do more presidential assassinations. As a subject for the podcast to discuss! Caught myself in the middle of saying it. They are disasters if they either succeed or they fail, and both are disasters in a sense. You know? Mmmmmm.

Yeah. Isn't it like, 3.30 your time, Nova? Yes it is. What have we learned? Get a real doctor, maybe? Yeah, I would say, if your friend is a doctor who's not very good... Get another doctor. I would say if your friend is a doctor who's not very good, let's, y'know, a general rule with professional services, don't hire your good friend.

No, cause then you're gonna be put in a situation where you know they're fucking it up, they're like fist deep in your back, and you've gotta be like, no, this is great, probably. I mean, I'm not a doctor, you're a doctor, so I'm just gonna let you do whatever. Yeah. I do think this probably helped medicine in the long run, like they learned from this. This did help germ theory become more accepted, cause it was kind of a fringe thing at first. Yeah, I mean, it had been widely accepted in Europe at this point, but in America, eh, no.

Not really. You know, it's very... This is one of the worst ways I think anyone has died ever. This is like up there with the guy who got stuck upside down in the cave, I mean, y'know. ALICE It's one of the worst ways someone with, like, every other physical comfort could die, like, it died with a lot of money and resources and a lot of fuckin' really nice pillows, I assume, but also in agony and getting like, kind of like, Beef Wellington shoved directly into his duodenum.

JUSTIN It's a bit more of a liquidy Salisbury steak. ALICE Aww. JUSTIN Yeah. Oof. We have a segment on this podcast called Safety Third, if anyone wants to go through it today. I don't know, it's a little late. ALICE No. JUSTIN Alright, we'll skip it and we'll do this next episode.

ALICE Alright, okay then. through it today. I don't know, it's a little late. All right, we'll skip it and we'll do this next episode. Our next episode will be Odd Chernobyl. Does anyone have any commercials before we go? Yes, I am at Anders Lee here on social media, also on the PodDamn America podcast, is the name of the podcast that I'm on with Jake Flores, check that out. We just moved to YouTube. We're also doing you know, regular podcast feed Patreon, and the vanquished which I do with Fred, you can find that on YouTube as well. We record everything with video, some of it is in person, we've got a lot of great apps there about with with yourselves on the prohibition party, Marco Rubio Michael de Cacchis Jesse Jackson

whole lot of folks So check that out. It's called the vanquished exciting. I I like the vanquished podcast is a good one again Liam and I have been on there. I have to plug the worst of all possible worlds. I was on there Just recently I went up to New York City and everything to go record with them. By the way, I love going up to New York City to record podcasts. None of you people come to Philadelphia, so I have to go up there. So, you know, we recorded an episode on the film Falling Down. It's a film about being an engineer who's pissed off. It's great. And then you walk home on a straight line. Go listen to that one. No, about any commercials?

No, well, no gods no mayors dot com. It's a podcast about mayors. It's a good time. Ten thousand losses. Alright, we're done. What is the president, if not a mayor of the United States of America? Bye bye. Bye bye.

Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye.

Bye bye. Bye bye.