Well There‘s Your Problem - Episode 37: Costa Concordia

Episode Date: August 16, 2020

Boat. slides: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bvltmNno_A patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wtyppod

Uh, we seem to be recording and we're recording on the doohickey and on the thingamabob. You gotta turn the screenshot back on though. That's true. Yes. Okay. So that, that means we're now, uh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. There we go.

Going live. Okay. We're recording on the doohickey, the thingamabob, and et cetera. Uh, welcome to, well, there's your problem. It's a podcast about engineering disasters with slides, which takes a long time to get going because I can't record for shit. Five, four minutes, baby. It was a lot longer than that.

Yeah, that was, that was confusing. Uh, I'm Justin Rosnick. I'm the person who's talking right now. My pronouns are he and him. I am Alice Caldwell Kelly. I am the person who is talking now. My pronouns are she and her, and I'm currently being roasted by the heat waves that has overtaken Scotland.

Oh, no, thank you. Uh, I am Liam Anderson. Uh, my pronouns are he, him, and this is the first podcast I'm recording with my new mic. Uh, hopefully it'll get y'all motherfuckers to stop pitching a, you know, pitching a fit in the comments. It'll be hard for you douchebags. Uh, I did like someone saying you could talk to everyone face to face and they would still

find a way to complain about your mic quality. That's absolutely right. Well, because you'd have to have the COVID screen, right? So it'd be like a bank teller. Yes. Yeah, I'm going to get one of those. I'm just basically going to have a welding, welding mask on at all times, I guess. To avoid looking at the pretty blue light, um, please look at the pretty blue trolley

not at the pretty blue light. Yes. Okay. So, uh, what do you see on the screen in front of you is a cruise ship. It's spawning season for lifeboats. They all swim upstream and they gather together at the lighthouse. Yes. I also see a cruise ship on its side.

Is this, is this some sort of thing where you hold the pistol sideways because it makes you look cooler? Is that what's happening here? It's more tactical to do is it more tactical for the cruise ship to be like this? Well, it's, it presents a smaller radar signature. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's dumping 50 million gallons of radar signature reducing paint on a cruise ship.

I've just parked in the middle of the Atlantic. Yeah. It's a stealth cruise ship. It's like that research ship that, you know, rotates 90 degrees and it's half submarine. Oh yeah, that's cool. Yeah. That's a cool one. Uh, no, this is the coast of Concordia and, uh, uh, it ran aground in 2013 because they

fucked up and we're going to get into that. But first we have to do the goddamn news. Yeah, you knew it was going to be this one. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone knew it was going to be this one has a way of like grabbing our attention to the point where we had to put out a tweet that was just like, yeah, we know, we heard about it. Yeah.

By and large, we get tagged in things 15 times in 10 minutes. I assume that I just like check my phone sometimes, like I'll leave it in the kitchen or something and I'll come back out and it's just like a wall of Twitter notifications. Yeah. I'm just like, ah, something bad has happened. Yeah. You just like the thing. It's like the bat signal by this point.

And it's like the most unintended consequence of doing this podcast is that I'll just be like chilling in my phone and just be like, with a separate notification. I'm just like, huh, everyone's rushing to tell us that something horrible happened. That's right. What a career we've made for ourselves. You guys are monsters. Yeah, I was just doing a nice day. Just like just like a bomb's going up like as you're being like incinerated.

No, I can't wait to tell the folks that, well, there's a problem about this. What you said, dude, the hard mode is to tag us in a tweet of yourself being incinerated. It's only a matter of time. Yeah, we'll get tagged in a live stream of someone about to be like murdered by a curtain of lava that's approaching or something like that in the event that you are murdered by a curtain of lava that's fast approaching. Thanks in advance for your contributions to science and also this podcast. Yeah, getting getting that data out in front.

We really do appreciate it. Anyway, there was a big boat. There was a big boom in Beirut. Big boom, big boom, big boom, big boom. Yeah, that Lexington, Virginia is sure showing. So there were there were 2,750 tons of ammonium nitrate that were impounded in a warehouse in Beirut. We have nothing.

There was a Russian vessel that was. The the was was stuck in Beirut because it failed inspection and then the owners abandoned it. Yeah, with the crew, by the way, because I remember the Russian like the Russian captain who had been left on this thing. Was like trying to like get the Russian government to extract him from having been like arrested and held on this boat full of ammonium nitrate. And the Russian embassy was like, what do you want us to do?

Send in the fucking Spetsnaz, you know? Yes, what do you pay them for? They're already paid for. I would simply say that that guy has proved his point, right? Yeah, I hope he's OK. I don't know if he is. But either way, he has been vindicated. Well, I mean, it was bizarre how this played out, because I guess they

the authorities in Lebanon took the crew basically hostage in order to get the owner of the vessel to pay for the needed repairs so they could set it on its way because they didn't want to have to deal with seizing this worthless little boat, right? And eventually they wound up offloading the cargo and holding it. Impounding it for six years. It's been there since 2014. And well, you know, it's a big chunk of ammonium nitrate

and it's just sitting there in a warehouse. Eventually it's going to blow up and it did. Also, one of the other things is that part of the reason why it got impounded in the first place, why it couldn't pay the fees is because of a safety concern. This same captain, he was trying to make that money back by like shipping some cargo from Beirut onto the the final destination for the ammonium nitrate, which is I think it was Zaire, maybe Mozambique, Mozambique. Yeah. And yeah, fucking Zaire doesn't even still exist.

Anyway, it was like Asia. Yeah. Listen, OK, he was. Yeah. So he was trying to load this like heavy agricultural machinery on there and all of the hatches just kind of like rusting apart when they were trying to put it on there. He was like, no, this is dangerously. No, I'm not. I'm not going to do that.

So because of that, they didn't have any money. They couldn't leave Beirut and so they just impounded it and they just put all of the ammonium nitrate by the docks, which are, as we can see here, like a quarter mile from, you know, central Beirut. Oh, yeah. And it blew up. It was a big boom. You can see right here this was a grain elevator,

concrete grain elevator. And if you know anything about concrete grain elevators, they are pretty sturdily built. Hmm. I'm surprised there's much of it held up as it's said, though. I mean, it's it ripped through at least the first layer of silos. One of the things about concrete grain elevators, one of the reasons why you see so many abandoned ones

in places like Buffalo and stuff like that is they're so expensive to demolish because they're just solid concrete, right? You know, they take like months and months to tear down. You know, the shaking hands mean between flak towers and and grain silos is being too annoying to demolish. Yeah. So this is this this held up that well against like one quarter of a small nuclear bomb. Yeah, I mean, there's videos of this.

You can see the like various blast waves. Pretty much all of Beirut now like does not have windows. Yes. Oh, I suck ass. Just like trying to hang your laundry somewhere. It's a broken day. Just everywhere. Yeah. Stepping over the glass everywhere.

There's like your layer is pointless. Whole cities of that house now. Also, if this is anything like Texas City, the safe assumption is that there's just vaporized a bunch of firefighters, which is also not good. I think they say at least 100 people dead at this point. Real bad. Real bad. And yet still not as bad, to be honest with you, as I thought it was going to be.

No, it's like, again, it's you wouldn't say that to people. You wouldn't go around being like that could even worse. Yeah, just like actually based on the videos we were seeing, sort of what had happened, I was kind of thinking, you know, five, nine, eleven stacked on top of each other because a bomb much, much, much, much, much smaller than that in Oklahoma City killed, what, 190 people? Oh, yeah. And like in those first like couple of hours

when nobody really knew anything, it seemed like totally apocalyptic, which, of course, it does. If you're on the far side of the city and all of the glass in your house just explodes, of course, you're going to be like terrified. And it's, you know, still extremely bad, but sort of not quite as bad as it looked from the first images, I guess. Yeah, one nasty thing is apparently this grain elevator

is like the most significant grain elevator in the country. So it's shut down the country that's already fucked. Yeah, a country that's already fucked and that has to import like 80 percent of its food by sea. That's going to be a real problem. And so now on top of all of that, you have like people who are justly very, very angry at pretty much every politician in Lebanon to the point where you have vultures like Emmanuel Macron showing back up

and being like, oh, perhaps we should do the colonialism again. Oh, God, man, like Algeria is French and always will be. You stole my joke. God, give it to French. French imperialism is, I say this, I say this as a beneficiary of British imperialism, which is the most clown shoes. French imperialism is the second most clown shoes kind of imperialism because you're just doing like the worst tortures imaginable

in order to maintain your hometown of Gégen sur la plage, which you hate and like all other French people hate and you are constantly mad at yourself and everyone for having to be there. But it's a decision that you've made and you're not going to un-make it. Oh, we will. I only see plantation in San Domingue. Oh, Jesus, which I've never been to. There's an example. There was a there was a change.org petition that was like,

give Lebanon back to the French mandate for 10 years. Do not do this. They can still do that. I think there are some positive news or maybe things maybe aren't as bad as they seem, at least with regard to the port itself, because all of the bulk imports were sort of in this area. There's a container terminal,

which was basically untouched by this blast, as far as I can tell. And a lot of these warehouses, I think you can put back up fairly quickly, you know, because they're kind of just glorified sheds. So overbuilt glorified sleds, sleds, sleds, sleds, sleds, sleds, sleds, sleds, sleds, sleds, sleds. So I don't know, but, you know, Lebanese folks right now are already like overthrowing their government over this. So good for you. Yes. Yeah, good for them. Good luck.

Yeah. Good luck. Try not to install a theocracy. You know, good luck. Have fun both Lebanon and Belarus going off at the same time. A busy, busy week. You like packing, packing them a lunchable. Good luck overthrowing your government. We'll get to take a shot of J-mo before you go to work.

It's just a multi-product, I'm full of Jameson. But yeah. And a lot of people were speculating this was like a nuclear bomb or a missile. The Israelis did it. No, not this time. This is completely Akam's razor, folks. It's a large amount of ammonium nitrate that's been sitting in a poorly ventilated warehouse for the most devious six years. Yet to cause all of these cascading pieces of incompetence

in such a way as the the port fucking explodes. We'll get you. We'll get you, mother. I'm surprised they don't. Surprise. I'm surprised they don't blame it on Putin, you know, that's as a Russian ammonium nitrate. Oh, yes. Oh, also, you know, this is this is to throw the election to Trump in

that they call it ammonium nitrate, a skier. All right, much more dangerous than regular ammonium nitrate high, putting like the gold ring around the corpses of Lebanese people and telling us we should all consider ourselves very lucky for the chance. The mere chance or camel hat. You will never get me excited about camel, a fucking Harris. You'll never get me excited about Joe Biden. I was going to be boot a judge.

I really kept hope alive. I thought I had high hopes that that would be funny as hell. That was the funniest outcome. I like that. That just bras just totally ignored you. But I heard you, Alice. Hmm. What's I can get out of this stupid country?

God, no, no, yes, no, high hopes drop. Please don't know we're going to get sued for copyright infringement. Next slide. Moving on, moving on, nothing about ammonium nitrate. This one literally just happened today when we were recording this. Yeah, exactly. The the six thirty eight Aberdeen to Glasgow Queen Street high speed train had an extremely derailed

at a place called Stonehaven, possibly due to a landslip. Nobody actually knows yet. It's like by way of like contextualizing when we're recording this at the time of going to press, three people have died. That is that I feel certain that number is going to go up. It's the first time that there have been like actual on track deaths on the British rail network since 2007. That's better than we're doing.

Yeah. But yeah, no, it's it's it's real bad. Basically, this is also a like most obviously a climate change thing, right? As I mentioned the heat wave, it's been fucking hot in Scotland for the last week at least. And then Edinburgh and the whole east of Scotland got a massive thunderstorm, which we in Glasgow, of course, missed out on because, you know, God does not like us and huge amounts of flooding.

The Union Canal and then reversed its banks. And ScotRail, before this happened in the morning, because it was an early morning service, they put out a photo of the line. And it's just it's just underwater, basically. I don't know why they ran a high speed rail service through this. I see wise to me. No, the photos that we are not using, the overhead footage shows something like the cab car and like the first three coaches just off the rails

down an embankment. Another coach just crushed underneath another one, which I didn't think was even supposed to happen anymore. Like the whole roof again and ripped off. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, obviously, we'll have to wait for more details. But like we were sort of puzzling over this because we were looking at the layout of the like where the train cars came to rest. And all three of us were like, well, that doesn't make any fucking sense.

How does that happen? And I'm frankly surprised that the, you know, that they would it feels like you need to be going pretty fast for that amount of damage to happen. And the only thing I can think of is they ran into one from the news reports. It seems like they they ran into one sort of landslide washout area and they managed to stop. And then it was like, all right, we're going to go back. And then on the way back, they ran into another landslide

and, you know, just sort of when all the train went on the ground. And then some, you know, one of these dangerous things about washouts, right, is sometimes the way the railroad singling system works, at least over here in the United States. I don't know if there's a different system in in Britain is that your signal codes are transmitted by very low voltage currents in the rails, right? And this means that if, say, something happens to the rail, so they break the signals for that block go red, right?

Yeah. But if it's just underground or underwater, that's still it's not going to trip anything. Yeah. Or if you have a washout, a lot of the times the rails stay intact, even though the foundation's gone, right? Yeah. So you just like, yeah, you just don't have any like ballast underneath the rails anymore. Yes. You know, that's not enough to support a train, usually. Especially like a full size high speed passenger train, which

yeah, potentially traveling at speed. I mean, it's this is this is kind of a departure, right? Like normally, like British civil engineering is an infrastructure is not in a great state necessarily. There's been a lot of deferred trackside maintenance and things of that nature. Prior to this, right, the most like fatal accidents have almost always been like a car gets on the tracks somehow. Right. Like level crossings or it comes down an embankment.

And that does not appear to be the case here. And so this is like, I don't know, I don't know what changes we're going to see as a result of this. Yeah, it's it's very strange. I mean, it feels like, you know, if there is there were washouts and stuff like that, you should be running on a pretty, pretty, pretty heavy speed restriction. But, you know, what do I know? I was probably Russia.

Probably Russia. Yeah. Maybe they we put some ammonia nitrate on the sky. Yes. Just to throw the election for Donald Trump, of course. Everything I don't like is Russian misinformation propaganda. It's true. Yeah. Everything I don't like is Bernie Sanders controlling Russia. Oh, the Jews, the Jews. Yeah. Yeah, it was the Jews.

And usually we'll get you. All right. So that was the goddamn news. OK, it's a boat. It is a boat. This boat is now birthed at Pier 83, I believe, in Philadelphia, in pretty sad shape. Oh, we have it. The SS United States. Oh, yes, the United States.

Oh, for a second, I was thinking of Concordia. No, no, that's been scrapped. Yeah, that's why I was so confused. So we're going to start this presentation here today by asking, what's a cruise ship? That's a ship that cruises. Yeah. That we're done here. Oh, I went.

Good podcast, everyone. So I only got it out in under an hour. Yeah. Hurray. So long time ago, we had these things called ocean liners, right? You know, an ocean liners, the purpose of an ocean liner is to get people across an ocean, right? And they run on a set schedule. Once you had ships that were reliable enough to keep a schedule, as opposed to, I don't know, the wind dying out when you're like 1500 miles from the nearest island,

which is like the Azores in like you're drifting for a month. Once you have like reliable motor ships, steam ships, you can start running a fixed schedule. And this makes transatlantic, trans-specific travel much more reliable, right? The ocean liner refers to the fact that, you know, it travels on a line with regular schedules. And, you know, we usually think ocean liners, they're very luxurious, right? You know, but that was only for some of the people on the ocean liner, right? Yeah. If you watch the documentary Titanic, all of the Irish people are crammed into

like rabbit hutches on like the the steerage section. Oh, a fiddle-a-dee potato, right, as we stick it to the North Atlanta. So and they also transported mail. They transported express freight. Express freight being anything that, you know, is sort of time sensitive as opposed to something you would throw on a freighter, you know, which is a little slower. A lot of freighters carried passengers as well, just not a huge amount. In fact, they still do that.

It's you can actually book a passage on a container ship across the ocean if you want to. But yeah, it's it's it's a weird way to travel. But I don't know. I'd be interested in doing it. But you can do it. Yeah. So now one of the things is that ocean liners, you know, they are very useful. But eventually we get reliable air travel, right?

So late fifties, early really not until huge mistake. Not until the mid sixties. Are we like looking at reliable air travel? You don't have to like stop over six times across the Atlantic Ocean. It should be hard. Yeah, bring back. Once again, buying this drum, bring back flying boats. Bring back like one side, each aisle of one seat made of wicker.

You have to stop in Shannon. You have to stop again in Iceland. You have to stop again in Ganda. I probably a nuke as well. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah, bring that back. Bring that shit back. These these ocean liners start to fall out of favor as like a preferred means of transportation.

Really sort of starting in the late forties, but continuing on, they sort of gradually die out into the last new ones were being built as late as the sixties. But a lot of them were repurposed for pleasure cruises, right? So what what what makes our cruise ship different from our ocean liner, right? The number one, it looks like ass in condo. Oh, my God, I hate these things so much. Miserable fucking boat. The worst is when you see them in Venice and they just dwarf everything else around them.

Ah, I was going to the city. I was going to add a slide to that. I forgot to do that crap. Just imagine it. Just imagine this, but instead of the port, it's Venice. I'll put it. I'll put it in because they get right up close to like the actual city, too.

So yeah, it's up at what's it? St. Michael's Square, St. St. Mark's St. Mark's Square. Yeah. And it's like the cruise ship is by far the largest thing you can see. You know, I hate them. Oh, my God. I mean, that's the thing about cruise ships. It's so big, I'll get into that in one second.

So your pleasure cruise, right? It's mostly close to shore, not so much in the open ocean, right? So once you start making purpose built cruise ships, you can build them a lot later than an ocean liner, right? So you're looking at thinner holes, fatter ships with higher centers of gravity. Oh, boy. Right. So they just made a crossover.

Yeah, it is a crossover. It's the Pontiac Aztec. And both. This is me off. Actually, I have a rant about that ready to go. Here's the fucking thing with the Aztec, man, is that everybody shit on it and sort of rightfully so because at the time, like it was a practical design, but it was kind of hideous.

But like the Tesla Model X is a Pontiac Aztec. Look at pictures of the two of them side by side. It is. And people like cream their pants over the Model X, which is just an electric Pontiac Aztec. Like this absolutely pisses me off so much because, listen, I'm not going to give early 2000s GM much credit. But the Aztec was a fine car and it doesn't deserve to be shit on my pants.

I'm like this for the fake multiplier, which is very similar. Yes. I don't know what that one is. It holds six people. Yeah, I guess it's the first MPV, you would call it. And it just it looks like it looks like like the weird duck bill with the lights. Yeah. Ross, do you remember the episode of Top Gear where they build a car for old people?

No. OK, well, Ross, in an episode of Top Gear, Hamilton Clarkson built a car for old people and they used a Google limit. Yeah, I could I really I I find it charming. Absolutely. It's weird because it's it's not really Italian. It's very goofily French, but I like it. So it's that thing.

It's that thing with like the where like the windshield goes down and then the metal underneath curbs back. And then there's then there's like the hood. Yeah, I know what this thing is. Yeah. Yeah. Good as hell. It's it's it's like a platypus. Also three of breast seed egg, which is also really nice. It's it's nice to be able to take six people if you have a jam.

I mean, it's French. It's like it's you, your wife and your wife's mistress. Well, it's Italian, but sure. Yeah. Yeah, you've been out of you've been out of the EU for like three days. Same difference. Yeah, well, that's fair. All right. So back to boats, which is what this is about, not cars. So we get these big, we get these these big cruise ships, right?

They keep getting bigger over time. They're big, they're ugly, they're slow, intrusive. They're damaging to the environment, right? They're navigational nightmares. They're always bumping into things. Yeah, ship bump into stuff all the time. If you if you just take out a big boats, you know, they're they're going into all these little ports and swapping small craft.

You know, they're displacing enough water to damage structures on shore, you know, cause big waves, big wakes, all this crap. And the cruise ships just keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And look at that wall of balconies. Hate it. Yeah, exactly. Imagine being in the middle of that and like looking from side to side and just the just seeing like vertical just dudes, just dudes. Just like being enough, like living in a filing cabinet.

The last thing I want when I'm on a cruise ship is a balcony where if I fall off, I just fall in the ocean and then that happens a lot too. Yeah, yeah, it does happen a lot. Cruise ships kill a bunch of people that unhygienic as hell, as we've seen. But like also the environments for stuff are incredibly abusive and toxic. Like pretty much like once a year, somebody just disappears and is never found and never will be. Yep.

I personally, personally, I think Disney by reputation is the worst, but don't quote me on that. We love you. We love you. Not to mouse. We love you. Not to mouse. We love you. Not to mouse. We love you. Listen, man, I it's a shame, too, because I do like boats,

but the only blues I would ever consider going on is the whatever like the rebirth of the of the Kearnord lines. They do like 120 night around the world cruise. That's the only one I would ever consider doing. Yeah, like the ones that are kind of like ocean liners. Yeah, yeah, like even even the QE, too. And like the Queen Mary, too. Those are kind of like closer to the ideal of an ocean liner.

Those are those are those are old school. Well, they are actual ocean liners. Yeah. And then you got like stuff like Hurricane in Norway, which actually serves a vital transportation purpose, as well as being, you know, kind of like a cruise ship. Because it's like also a mail ship for all these coastal communities that don't have any other don't have road access.

So, you know, that's sort of like a cruise ferry, I guess you would call it, which is another like a pocket. Got it. Yeah. Yeah, a hundred and so just so everybody knows when we when we when we're making that chapeau money, we will be taking the World Voyage, which is or no, we'll be taking the New York to New York 113 night cruise. So if y'all could give us $50,000, please.

We will be wearing tuxedos at all times. Yes. Yes. Well, it's going to be incredibly good. We're going to find a way to sink the boat. We'll have to loot the liquor cabinet as we're going down with the ship. We find a German spy on please draw a fan of this, by the way. All right. So today's cruise ships defined by sheer size and their bizarre amenities. Right. Why is there a swimming pool on it? You're surrounded by water.

Yeah, because you can't swim in that water. The boat will leave you behind. Just tie him off. Yeah, we got a swimming pool and then he'll haul you. So I'll teach your kids to fill up a lobster bisque. The only good amenity for a cruise ship is this like the Soviet carrier Admiral Kuznetsov, where the photo of this that I've seen, because it just burns mazu to this really dense low grade bunker oil.

And I've seen a photo of just dudes out sunbathing on the flight deck on their day off just and the air is like thick with haze from this fucking smokestack. That's what all cruise ships should be like. Well, a lot of them today burn diesel, but it's high sulfur diesel. That's where you get, you know, these statistics like, oh, one ship produces the same amount of pollution as 300 million cars or whatever. It's like, well, you're measuring it in sulfur emissions, not CO2 emissions.

So anyway, a lot of these they're measured, these things are measured in in terms of size in something called gross tonnage, right? Which sounds like a measure of weight. It's actually a measure of volume. So there's some displacements, right? Yeah, it's something like that, which I've never quite, I don't quite understand. There's no replacement for displacement. There's no replacement for displacement.

Big dumb American V8. There's no replacement for displacement. I'm ready. So as an example, this is Symphony of the Seas. It's the largest cruise ship on the ocean right now. God damn depressing looking. 228,081 gross tons, 6,680 passengers, 2200 passengers, how many passengers? 6,680.

That's too many fucking people to go on vacation with. Yeah. Not 2200 crew. So with an entirely corporate system of government and law enforcement. And that's too many people, man. 16 decks, 22 restaurants, four pools. Facilities include a children's water park, a full-size basketball court, ice skating rink, a zipline that is 10 decks high,

a Broadway style theater with seating capacity of 1,401 passengers. Imagine seeing Hamilton in the middle of the fucking ocean. That's too many people. An outdoor aquatic theater with. Olympic height platforms. And two counts. That society is too decadent. 23 foot high rock climbing walls.

There is also a complex containing over 20,000 tropical plants. One of the cocktail bars on board includes electronic ordering via tablet. And Greek preparation by two robot bartenders that can prepare up to two drinks per minute. That's not even the best. You're just trying to attack and dethrone God. Like you're just like, I want to go. It's like going to rock climbing. Why the Taliban?

This is ridiculous. Yeah, I don't know. That's that's a vintage. Well, there's your problem. Shit. Where it was bravely trying to read through a features less as Alice. I scream at him. Yeah, that's literally a bit from Futurama.

Yeah, it's also literally a vending machine. Yeah, I'm going to pay $15,000 to go and get a fucking cocktail out of a vending machine. I don't understand why you roll these amenities. I thought, you know, part of it was just, you know, being on the boat and relaxing and, you know, going to interesting places. Everything all the time, because they're not interesting and actually seeing the places rise because it's a checklist. Because people are just like, well, we're going to hang out on the boat.

And that's fine. Hang out on the fucking boat, but don't hang out with 6,500 other people on the bed. It's not a fucking vacation, man. That's just being on a beach. You know, you get hit these ports of calls. I have disclaimer. I have taken a cruise once, right? I have it was to Alaska and all these towns had the same 10 stores right next to the dock.

Mm hmm. How big is this boat? This is a big dumb boat. It's a big water park. I just read the future. I know, man. There's family style Italian from Jamie Oliver and much more. Oh, my God.

Fucking thick-tongued cunt made all of this soda in this country taste bad. Good afternoon, Alice. How's it going, buddy? Oh, Jamie, Jamie, fucking Oliver. I just, you know, I will say, I guess it's nice that, you know, for $700 per person, you get all that stuff. I'm looking at the ports of call, which are Miami, at least from Miami. So St. Martin, Phillipsburg on St. Martin, San Juan.

And then you go to, I assume, their private island in the Bahamas and then back to Miami. Little St. James. Yeah, work for your dinner, I guess. I think that, you know, I would approve of this if the captain were allowed to flog anyone he wanted. This shit sucks, dude. That's just a Scientology cruise ship, Justin. No, I think it should be like, all right, you know, if you have all these nice amenities,

sure, but also you can be flogged. We're throwing in the break. Yes. No, this is maritime shipping. Same difference. It's true, yeah. All right. So anyway, I don't know.

So these cruise ships, they're getting big, they're getting stupid. How the hell is this shit only $200? Is it $200 a night? Probably $200 a night, yeah. There's no way. All right, hold up. You do this and I'm going to see how long this down version is going to cost us. You're also trying to buy tickets during a pandemic.

So it's probably. Look at the size of that fucking monster. I just, oh, it's, no, it's $199 per person, but it's over three nights. That's not bad. Right. So you want to go on a cruise? No. Do you want to get in this mess with me?

Remember how the ocean liners had these nice sort of swept clean lines and how this doesn't? And it looks like a fucking Soviet cruise. It just looks like an appliance. It looks like an appliance. It just looks like ass. It does because it's just absolute ass. We're going to cram as many fucking people in this boat as we could possibly fit. And you're all going to just be running around and screaming because you're on vacation with

6,500 other people. Like this isn't fun or relaxing. I don't know, man. I guess I just don't get it. But like, I hope this thing gets hit by an air to sea missile. That's all I can say. Just an exit set just coming down. We've lost the water park, cat.

Turns out, simply at the seas has retaliatory countermeasures. So it's just firing over the horizon missiles in every direction. I love I love to operate the Phoenix close and weapon system. Ocean Odyssey or whatever. They're shooting back with the T-shirt cannon from the onboard baseball stadium. The one 19-year-old Filipino kid who's being paid $3 an hour is a fucking marksman. Don't take a cruise, man. Go anywhere else.

Yeah. So all right. So we have to ask what is Costa Cruises, right? It started as a cargo line founded in 1854 by Giacoma Costa. Oh, it was called Giacoma Costa, Flandria. Passenger services began in 1948 between Italy and South America under the name Linea C. This sounds like some. Right in 1948, there would be so much traffic between a former Axis country in South America.

It is 100% Argentinian citizen. I love how like I made an offhand. This sounds like the rat lines joke. And you just like that. Yes, that it was literally reality as in everything. Everything we do. I'm just like, beer Alice is like, you know what happened? And then it did happen.

Yes, fucking Senor Hilda boards his first class cabin for a new life in Brazil. Well, at least we got Ikeman. Yeah, right out of the fucking street. So started to transition into offering mostly cruises in the late 50s from passenger transportation and freight transportation, right? Just fucking flying to Brazil by that point. Right. Yeah, exactly.

Nazis need vacations too. Yeah. Getting your Yonker and you cross the South Atlantic. So by 1980, they had the largest fleet of cruise ships in the world, right? In 1986, they became Costa Cruises. And in 2000, they were bought outright by Carnival cruises, but they still operate under Costa Cruises. And they primarily cater to the Italian market.

This is a cruise line for Italians, right? Sure. It is. Yeah, no, making the Italian jokes this time. Yeah, I was about to say. So what are the books like? I got you. This is what happens when you try to build a sea going vessel out of fucking pasta shells.

Yep, yep, yep. Once it started sinking, one of they changed teams to the boats. What else I got here? They changed teams to the ocean. They changed teams to the ocean. Yeah, I think that's. Team Boulder. All right, you're most famous.

You look you're most well known expert besides like it's either Leonardo or Michelangelo. And where is where all of Leonardo's best known works? Not in fucking Italy. Yeah, although that Italian dude did try to steal the Mona Lisa back. That was cool. I was pretty cool. Yeah, honestly. But no, you can't have it.

Honestly, it should be in the United States, but that's a whole other argument. Everyone, everyone transfers their most important works around, right? So like all the Italian masterpieces are in France. But all of the obelisks are in Italy. So who's to say? Yes, that's better. Which is good or bad? You know, all the all the the Elgin marbles are in Britain, but Greece has.

The skyrocketing debt and good food. Yeah, exactly. So who's to say if it's good or not? But all of this stuff ended up this way purely by accident. Yeah. So wait, I have to tell Alice something that I just saw on Twitter. Somebody found the state gang task force of Arizona seized a rifle that had a chainsaw mounted to it.

That rules. That's pretty dope. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, give that guy back his gun. That fucking rocks. I thought this was America. Yeah, that's what I thought too. Also, Arizona is fuck.

Is Ian McCollum OK? I mean, show me in the ATF manual where it says a gun can't have a chainsaw mounted. Yeah, exactly. No, no, where in the Second Amendment does it say you can't put a chainsaw on a gun? What does it say there? Let's talk about a specific quote. Keep getting uglier. Oh, god.

This is the Costa Concordia, right? You can see because it's written on the side of the boat. That's a big S.E.U. flag. Yeah, so this was the first member. It just shows up outside your Balkan coastline in Croatia, like beep, beep, it's subordinary structuring. We're here to help. Pull them into the black sites.

We're here to help. I'm suddenly reminded that during the Catalonian Independence referendum, when the Spanish sent the federal police up to Catalonia to take charge of the situation, they barracked them on a cruise ship. Cruise ships are fascist, guys. Yes, welcome to the party, Alice. It's not even like fascist in an interesting way. It's fascist in the most boring.

The captain can't whip you. Yeah, Jesus Christ, man. Look, I think you should be subject to maritime discipline. I'm just so proud of you that you're able to, like, be open about this part of your personality now. You're going to vomit. I'll have a bonus episode, which is just me saying, crush that post for 45 minutes to an hour.

The captain's just, he's got a cat and nine tails just whipping some Karen. Is that one they're calling it now? Oh, my God. Right, moving on. Moving on very swiftly. Anyway, so the coast of Concordia was the first member of the Concordia class of cruise ships, right? This is built to improve on an earlier class called the destiny, right?

The destiny or the destiny? What? The destiny. Okay, got it. And this class was shared between Carnival Cruises and Costa Cruises. Concordia class was mostly Costa Cruises, although I think Carnival operated one under the Carnival brand. They built six ships between 2006 and 2012.

They are 114,000 gross tons, 952 feet long, 116 feet high, 14 decks, 3,000-ish passengers, 1,100 crew. No, too many people don't like it. That's how you get people. Costa Concordia had one of the largest exercise facility areas at sea. I'm going to take a breath. What am I going to do in the boat? I'm going to work out.

Yeah. I'm on vacation. Fuck off. 6,000 square meter. That's 64,600 square feet. Fitness center. That's stupid. With a gym, a falasso therapy pool.

I don't know what the hell that is. Is that what you swindled? Water therapy, I assume. No, falasso is a fish. It's where you would like swim in the open ocean. Oh, shit. Yeah, that's like you have like a bunch of fish in there in the pool. What the fuck?

And like they bite off all your dead skin. No, it's the form. It's the use of seawater as therapy, not as fish. Fine, I guess. I preferred it better when I thought that was just going to be a pool of poise in there. There's just a porpoise in there. I already it's like they like they went into a laboratory and were like, how can we make Liam as miserable as possible?

And it's a vacation. 6,000 people are also on B fish as therapy. See, like I assume my ex-girlfriend's going to show up like some sort of fucking they don't have tobacco or alcohol on this cruise ship. The lights out at 10 p.m. There's quiet hours. There's mandatory chapel. You just don't yourself fucking overboard.

I get it, man. This this facility also had a sauna, a Turkish bath. Oh, boy. And a solarium. Solarium, that's cool. The ship had four swimming pools, two with retractable roofs, five jacuzzi's, five spas, and a poolside movie theater on the main pool deck. There were five on board restaurants.

Stabilism. Closetown, Cordia, and San Sara taking reservations only dining. What? Over 13 bars including a cigar and cognac bar. And a coffee and chocolate bar. At least they've got the fucking cigars. So your tobacco thing isn't like. Yeah, it's Italian.

Entertainment options included. A Perlusconi bar. A three level theater. Casino. A futuristic disco. A children's area equipped with video games and a basketball court. She also had aboard a Grand Prix motor racing simulator and an internet cafe. Fucking stupid.

Justin, are you familiar with the Greek dramatic term hubris? Yes. The maiden voyage was July 14th, 2006. But notably, this is important. At the vessel's launch at Cestri Ponente on 2nd of September, 2005, the champagne bottle released by model Eva Herzegovina failed to break and swung against the hull the first time. She's a cursed ship.

She's cursed. Don't go in there. That is that is bad. That is not good. Bad luck. Hold on a second and I'm going to tell you about the captain, but I need to get another beer. You know, I just I that is something we're like.

I will just never understand the appeal of cruises. I really don't think I ever will. No, I mean, I'm pretty cool to have an internet cafe, though. And you don't see one of those very often anymore. No, that's true. I've always wondered what it would like to constantly live in 1996. In 2006, even this is like, I feel like the thing is like cruise ships may be an inherently fascist mode of transportation,

but they're also a time machine to 10 years before they were launched. Yes, that's absolutely true. Like you can just get on one of these and like because they'll never update the like furnishings or the decor or anything. It's it's it's always going to be 1995 forever. I just I don't understand. Can I say the idea of reservations only dining on a ship I like have to be on because I'm in the middle of the ocean just makes no sense.

That's right. Getting bumped off the reservation list. Like how does that even work? What am I going to do? Throw myself overboard then? Oh, hey, sir. Sorry, we had to cancel your reservation, even though you've already paid to be here.

Pretty exclusive. I don't know. I am like there's there's vacations that don't necessarily feel to me, but at least I get like the all inclusive resorts that I get because I just want to be drunk in a stupor all the time. Yeah, you want to be like you want to live your normal life, but like in a location that's kind of nicer and you don't have to worry about stuff. I get that.

Is that a travel website? And it's got a picture of the of the. Oh, God. What's the really famous mosque in Istanbul? Uh, the Hagia Sophia? Yeah. Yes. And there's just a woman and of course the like

stereotypical early 20s black hat. And there's like no one else at the Hagia Sophia. I'm just like that is not the case when I was there. No. First it's a church. Then it's a mosque. First it's a church. Then it's a mosque.

Then it's a museum. And then it's a mosque again. I don't know why people are making such a big deal about it. Listen, I'm you can probably still go in there because you can't see the high because Turkey is backsliding into fundamentalism. And after a hundred years after a quote, secular democracy and quote, it's actually kind of it's a little scary. Secularism is when you kill the Kurds and the more Kurds you kill,

the more secular you are. Yes. Uh, I don't know. They should just bring back the Ottoman Empire. That's my opinion. Yeah, we can all be like bays and the Ottoman Empire together. My personal feeling is that like I'm fine with them not making it a mosque. If they give back the grand mosque of Cordoba.

No, shut up. It's you just not an ugly church. Not an inch, not an inch, not an inch, not an inch. I'm a hundred percent in favor of demolishing the cathedral part of the mosque of Cordoba. That shit's crap. They should never have done that. Terror to fuck down, restore it to its original condition. You know what King Philip said when they showed him the cathedral that they built?

He said something along the lines of you've taken something wonderful and made it ordinary. Yeah, you've destroyed something entirely unique and made it commonplace. Yeah. Yeah, it was bad when it was built. It's been bad throughout its entire history. It's bad now. Tear it down. Yeah, give that shit back.

Give it back. And rebuild Penn Station. All the list about demands. Yes. One hostage every hour. Andy Barber, this could all be avoided. Andy Barber, this could all be avoided. All right.

So the captain of this boat we are looking at, Francesco Cietino. Cietino. Cietino, Francesco Cietino. Okay. He attended a maritime academy. He worked on a ferry for a while. He was hired by Costa Cruzes in 2002. And he was promoted in 2006 to be captain of the new Costa Concordia.

Hmm. Now, prior to what we're going to talk about today, he had been involved in at least one incident. A cruise ship captain is the like cops. You know, you just rack up disciplinary things. It's fine. Yeah. You know, they put some points on his license because they caught him speeding

while entering the port of Uwarnamunda. Oh, shut up. That's not real. It's in Germany. I'm guessing Vanamund. Vanamund. I don't, I don't know. That's not fucking real.

It's a fucking boat, man. Yeah. You get caught for speeding. You get, it's like that train commercial. Like another cruise ship marked up as like a cop version pulls you over. No. What happened was the reason he got caught for it is because supposedly his speeding damaged another carnival cruise's own ship,

which was operating under the German brand. Oh, of course it was. Yeah. Which I forget what it's called. It's a Waluigi voice. I was trying to do a baby crying, but yeah. Yeah, sure. Why not?

This guy kind of is like the Waluigi Paul. This is the thing. Within every Italian is like an opposite and equal force of chaos beginning with the lesser W. So like this wasn't Francesco Scatino. This was like Francesco Wetino. Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Alice.

You're welcome. You know, when we needed a Mario, they sent us a Waluigi. So, all right. So this guy, Francesco Scatino, right? He bears a lot of responsibility for the events that are about to unfold and he kind of acts like a scumbag during it, right? Oh, good. We also got to remember he's not solely responsible for what is about to happen.

Of course not. I think we've learned almost never. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So, all right. Here's the route. So, they were going to be cruising the Western Mediterranean.

They're going to start from Citavecchia to Citavecchia. We've got to get Noah back. Civitavecchia? Yes. And then they were going to go to Savona and then they were going to go to Marseille. I at least know how that one is pronounced. It's Marseille's, dude. Then they're going to go to Barcelona and on to Palma and then Cagliari and then Palermo

in Sicily. And then they were going to come back, right? Got it. Okay. Sounds like a nice, relaxing time. Yeah, exactly. And you're on the Mediterranean, you can see all, it's nice and calm. You know, the weather's nice because you're going to use nice Mediterranean.

Anyway, but of course, you're too busy in like, I don't know, working out in the huge onboard ships gym to appreciate anything. So, you know. Just a ship full of chads. Just pumping iron, yeah. Anyway, the boat left on Friday, January 13th, 2012. It's 2012 or 2013. Trust what you put in the notes.

It's probably nice. Right, yeah. And just thinking about stuff I put later. The boat left Friday, January 13th, 2012. You know, normal procedure. All the passengers have to take part in a muster drill before the boat leaves, right? Yeah, we didn't have to do this. Everyone has to go to the lifeboat stations to understand how the procedure of evacuating

the boat works. Sure. So not as much detail as you would hope. It's more like getting the boat and not like you get in the boat and then the boat like pivots to an 85 degree angle and is like fucking dropped off the side. Details. We'll burn that bridge when we get to it. So anyway, boat leaves and they decide to do something called a sail past salute, right?

So the sail past salute is a very old practice whereby a boat goes close to shore to salute, you know, a town or a place or something like that, right? If you're going to have the like cat of nine tails, you should have to do salute with cannon. That's a good point. Yeah, absolutely. So this may be to give the passengers a better view or because the crew members from that place and wants to seize it or whatever, so wants to see it, not wants to seize it. You probably can't do that with a cruise ship.

No, like a crew of 2,000. You've got a battalion strength ass cruise ship there. That's a good point. Yeah, if you can convince the passengers to be with the cause, sure. So according to the captain's account, the manager of the ship is back at the office as a cost of cruises ordered a sail past salute of the island of Giglio. I don't know what the actual. I'm sure it's Gileo.

Gileo? I'm certain, but Giglio is much funnier. Probably Gileo. The island of Gigolo. Gigolo, yeah. The island of Jagalos. It's where the spring with the where like Fago comes from. So now this was fairly close to the boat's normal path that night, right?

And the idea was, I guess, you know, give the passengers a nice view at 9.45 in the evening because that makes sense, right? Scenic. All right. Yeah. And the major D was on the bridge at the captain's invitation. He was from the island of Giglio, Giglio, whatever it's called. Gigio, Gigio, Gigio, Gigio.

The place, right? And other factor, the captain's mistress was also on the bridge. Italians. Yes. All right. So they decide. So, you know, they decided to do the sail pass salute. They deviate from the normal course to get close to the island, right?

All right. So. Oopsy-wopsy. Yeah, that's what I was about to say. Oopsy-doopsy. Well, so. You gotta remember it's night time, right? Despite this, captain's catino decided that since he knew the water is well enough

and he'd done this a couple of times before, right? Yeah, I actually drive better when I'm drunk. He decided he was going to turn off the computer navigation system and he'd navigate by radar and by site. Francesco, you've turned off your targets and computers. So they're going to make a nice close pass of Porto Giglio, right? Maybe swamp a few small boats in the process and drive some giant waves up against the buildings and on the beach, you know, break a few windows, maybe sweep a small child out to

sea and then, you know, continue on their way, right? This is the oldest vacation ever. Oh, yeah. Everyone's about to go to bed and, you know, they just lay on the horn for like five minutes. There's a bunch of angry Italians get out on a balcony, start waving their fists, yelling Silenzio, yeah. So, you know, anyway, yeah, so they were going to go disturb the peace and it being night and the captain not, you know, navigating with any, in any fashion that made sense.

It's kind of eyeballing it. Just eyeballing it. You know, he's sticking out his thumb and sort of like looking, you know, to figure out where he's gone. He didn't see he was off course until he spotted waves breaking on a reef. He ordered the helmsman to change course. The helmsman, the helmsman apparently turned the wheel the wrong way. These things are not maneuverable anyway, right?

It's about to say, you know, once you once you see that, it's kind of like, hmm, I think we're fucked. I'm just a little fucked. Yeah. So it was, it was too, it was too late. A big boulder forming a part of the Scola picola. It was comically named possibly. Yeah.

That tore through the hole for 230 feet. That's this boulder right here. And that immediately flooded the engine room and the generator room in minutes, right? The the head of engineering reported to the captain that the damage was irreparable and the power went out, right? Watertight compartments six and seven were confirmed to be flooded. But there's not, they didn't figure out whether the bridge was aware that four or five and eight were also flooded, right?

The ship could handle two flooded compartments. Couldn't the Titanic have like 17? Mm hmm. Oh, OK. So we've just gone backwards. Boom. Yeah. OK.

The compartments are bigger. Yeah. There's not 17 of them. Yeah. I don't know what that probably wouldn't have. I probably, I mean, if you have more of them, but you still have a long gash, this is the same problem. Talk dirty to me.

All right. So I skipped the slide. All right. So once this incident occurs, it takes a long time for events to play out, right? OK. This is a slow motion. Yeah. They hit, they hit the rack over here, right?

And at this point, you know, the generator room is flooded, which means the ship loses power, right? And the engine room is flooded, which means there's no propulsion, right? Cool. Now, there's not a lot of consistent timelines. There's no consistent timeline that seems to have been established here. I've seen multiple sources report very different timelines. So this is sort of a compilation of accounts.

Or reporting them as we have them. Yes. Yeah. So you're drifting uncontrolled for a while. You may think, and you've got a major gash, and you know, there's a huge problem. You may think the natural thing to do is to give the order to abandon ship like immediately, right? But that's not that's such a simple decision, right?

So on a cruise ship, you have lots of old people. They got impaired mobility, right? You got families with small children. It's difficult to safely evacuate them, right? Almost like it's an unsafe design. Yeah. So like this often results in, you know, injuries, even fatalities. And this is compounded because it's at night on a ship with no electricity,

which is moving at, you know, cruising speed on open sea, right? And mustering passengers to the lifeboats may take up to an hour. You got to get them all off the climbing walls. Yeah, exactly. You got to get them off the climbing walls. You got to get off the water park. You got to get them, you know, they're all some of them are drunk at the bar. Conditions of like just arguing with the robot bartender.

Give me another. There's 50 people on elliptical machines. Sorry, I can't do that. I can't get the robot bartender like upside down. We are in a time of crisis, Isaac. You got a bunch of people on elliptical machines in the gym. They got earbuds in. They can't hear you.

You know, you're not going to be able to tell them about anything until they finish their 50 minute run. So all right. So here's the situation. Ship's taken on water. It has no power. You have no steering and no propulsion. The rudder is like no lights also, right?

Yeah, the emergency lights are on. They still had those. OK. You have no steering and no propulsion. The rudders locked at hard starboard. The ship is starting to list. This seems to be drifting towards shore and the list is not so bad, right? Yes.

So from the bridge recorder, you can sort of look at the captain's line of thinking. This is translated, obviously. You know, we are now drifting towards the shore. What depth are we here? Over 100 meters. OK, we have to see if we can make it with the length of our anchor chain. Let's drift a bit more to shallow water and then drop the anchor. At worst, we'll sit on the seabed.

Let's wait and see, right? So, you know, the sort of the idea here that the captain had is like, OK, we'll try and keep the passengers calm. It looks like we're going to drift into shallow waters. And then, you know, if we can't do anything, the worst case scenario is the boat sinks a little bit and settles on the seabed, right? It's a big boat, like you just climb further up the rock climbing wall. Yeah, exactly.

In an ideal situation where they had power and they were taken up on this much water, this close to shore, one of the things you try and do is drive it up on the beach, right? Bow first. Oh, God. Right. You end up doing an amphibious landing after all. Hey, guys. Yeah, exactly.

You thought the Italians would go so good at this, huh? This is actually us. We didn't forget it yet. Relatively safe. It's actually a routine procedure in ship breaking, right? To get the ship on shore. Is he just sort of drive at full speed onto a beach, right? I like that.

The ship would remain upright. They could do a leisurely evacuation. I love to fucking HMS Campbell Town, a bunch of Indian ship breaking workers. This is a video I was going to put in. I forgot to put it in. I'll put it in in post. Of this happening, the guy just rises his ferry at full blast onto the beach and shoves two other huge boats out of the way.

So as it was, there was no power on the boat. There was no propulsion. Another option would be to call a tugboat to try and shove the boat into shallow waters and beach the ship in a more controlled manner. But as it was, the captain was like, let's wait and see if we can handle this ourselves, right? So this wait and see method cost them valuable time. The big gash occurred sometime between 9.30 p.m. and 9.45 p.m. Depending on the account, and well, this account actually says 8.45, which is interesting.

I just misread all the numbers. People don't come to us, but if you want accuracy, read the fucking report. I couldn't find the actual report on this because I think if there was one, it was probably all in Italian. Yeah, that'll be it. So according to most accounts, after the gash occurred, all the lights went out and the ship began to list a port. Port is the left. Yeah, no red port left in the bottle.

Yeah, because it hit on the left side of the ship. The port side of the ship says where the water came in at first and it was listing enough that dishes started to slide off of tables. Stuff was being upended. It's like the fucking advanced passenger train. It's smooth, it's quiet, and an altogether delightful experience. So the voice came on on the intercom informing the passengers that this was just an electrical issue. The situation was under control.

That's always a bad sign when they say the situation is under control. Yeah, previously I had thought that the situation was under control and no one was just talking about it, but now we've entered the realm of declaring the situation one thing or another and I'm not sure. Well, the captain remained confident enough that the situation was under control that he actually ordered dinner at 10.30. That was shortly after he decided to request the assistance of a tugboat from the ship. The Livorno harbormaster. Now Livorno was 90 miles away, so that tugboat's going to take a while to get there. Yeah, just a bit.

Like I could really go for some Jamie Oliver's Italian right about now. Yeah. Now I want to get out of the sea and it could be yours. So, uh, salty. It's called Thalassatherapy. What's the, uh, Roz, what's that thing you make with the anchovies? Oh. Poodpasta pudinesca.

Yeah, pudinesca has anchovies. You can do a lot of stuff with anchovies. I do, it's just a positive, it's just a race with anchovies. That's what you get to eat now. Anchovies are good. I am always up for some small oily fish. Oh, I know, buddy. You and my dad can just talk and hang out.

So, okay, despite the fact that captain's like, all right, we're going to figure this out on our own. I don't think this is a big deal. Some of the crew members, especially junior officers and some of those with some seafaring experience are like, oh, shit's fucked. Right. So they go to the muster stations. They encourage passengers to do so, even then there's no official abandon ship order.

Right. They sort of wait for the abandon ship order because they know it's coming since the shit was fucked. Just like taking around, smoking, like having a drink or two. Just like taking time with this one. Like texting some girl and be like, hey, you got to be in town about to go down with the ship. LOL. You up.

Hey, you might want to look at your window. You're about to see a cruise ship. Have some problems. Is that how you flirt, Rods? Oh, yeah. Just standing outside, just standing outside some girls window. Yeah, I'm about to sink a cruise ship for you. That's romance, ladies.

Yes. So you go, the boat went, a boat drifted north, right? And then it started to swing around under the influence of the stuck rudder, I think. But it also could have been the wind. And then eventually it beached itself on a rock, right? Yes. And it this was an agonizingly slow disaster, right? This took two or three hours.

Good lord, right? It's better than the 15 seconds they normally take. I mean, a lot of ships sink very slowly. You know, that's like one of the tragedies of the Titanic is that there weren't enough lifeboats. They had plenty of time, just not enough lifeboats. So, all right. By the time the order to abandon ship came, after the ship had beached itself,

but was still tipping over, it was 1050, right? It was at least an hour and five minutes after the impact. And this was when the list was pretty significant, as you can see from the picture. This is about 20 degrees, right? Yep, doesn't sound like a lot. Looks like a lot. Yeah. And they, you know, you can see they've launched most of the lifeboats very quickly,

which is on this side, at least, right? But they were still, you know, lifeboats on the other side were quickly becoming less launchable, right? No one's figured out. Because you got to like, you got to drop them down like a bunch of like incline superstructure and like fucking grinding off the side of this fucking boat. Yeah, exactly. And no one's figured out a good way to launch lifeboats from the side of a listing ship, right?

You know, this was no exception. The passengers and muster stations were cradding on the lifeboats, especially on this side that we see here, the side the ship is listing towards, you know, sometimes you have to jump from the muster station onto the lifeboat over like air, right? Because it was hanging on the side and a lot of people got broken limbs from stuff like that. Fuck that. You know, other, other entries. You know, this is one of the reasons why abandoning ship is risky, right?

A lot of crew members, of course, they're, you know, they just do stuff like cooking, laundry, serving and bartending, entertaining. A lot of them spoke English, not a lot of them spoke Italian. So they had difficulty giving passengers instructions. This is one of the things that hindered evacuation efforts. One of the big things is there was just no coordination with the senior crew whatsoever, right? Yeah, entirely being orchestrated by the people by like the lower ranks of crew members.

It's got proletarian characteristics is what it's got. I mean, genuinely, though, it is impressive, like to just do all of this stuff on your own initiative. It's just kind of scandalous that you have to because the captain is just like. I could go for gnocchi right now, actually. A couple of news outlets described it as a mutiny. It's like, yeah, we're going to abandon ship, you know, before the captain gives the order because it's the ship's fucked.

But yeah, well, the evacuation was happening because the evacuation started before the abandon ship order was given. The ship drifted onto some racks, grounded itself, but after it grounded itself because it wasn't like a nice, even grounding, you know, an intentional one that keeps it upright. It was on sort of a slope, so it kept listing over, right? And it listed the starboard further and further, so evacuation had to be coordinated from the port side that's the side away from the camera here, right? And that effectively prevented lifeboats from being launched at all because they got to

launch them down the side of this boat, which is listing further and further like the momentum doesn't carry them that far. Getting closer and closer to the MS Estonia nightmare scenario, just walking out onto the side of the right. Exactly. And then hoping for a helicopter rescue in 45 degree water in the where it was. All that's it. So now, despite this, all but three lifeboats were successfully launched.

That's genuinely extremely impressive today. Yes. Yeah. And the ship was close enough to shore. I mean, you can see here in the corner, this is a rock right here. Oh, on the left here? Yeah. Yeah.

That's a lot of rock. I'm like, so you can just swim it out, I guess. Yeah. A lot of people just swam the shore. Dude, can you imagine that in your vacation ending? You've been fighting with your wife and your like shitty kids all the whole time. You've had an argument on a rock climbing. Can you guess?

Ship just. I'm swimming to this rock. I'm going to live here the rest of my life as a hermit. You could go home with the kids. I don't want to be here. I'm not getting in that boat. I'm not getting in with you people. I'll take my chances in the open ocean and then you swim 25 feet.

I mean, this is extremely funny because like it's just like, it's so close to the joke that I always make of if I was in an extremely dangerous situation, I would simply like walk away, you know, just get off the boat and swim to the thing. Yeah, I just, I would just step onto the rock easy. This reminds me of Mark Twain's poem about the horrific storm on the Erie Canal. Go on. Because, you know, well, because, you know, it describes how the canal boat was being rocked back and forth and the storm was so bad.

And finally, the canal boatman was forced to step off the boat onto the towpath. So, all right. So now the boat was sinking, the evacuation was incredibly poorly coordinated. And now this is something which is going to make more sense to the either people who speak Italian or people who are watching this on the YouTubes. So at some point, the captain claimed he fell into a lifeboat. That's literally my mom's client who claimed that he had not intentionally stabbed a guy because the other guy had walked into the knife.

That's that's that's the line from Chicago. I didn't mean to know he really did though. He literally did claim in court that he had not tried to stab his friend over $50. The friend had run at him and had simply fallen upon the knife. I will get you the court transcripts. My friend decided to like embrace the way of the samurai and choose an honorable death on my blade. I please leave me my grief. Thank you, ma'am.

Look, I was I was already shooting. He just walked in the path of the boat. Okay, so I'll preface this by saying, you know, some people think the captain should go down with the ship, right? And this is, I think, an unreasonable thing, right? The ship's on the machine. The captain's a person, right? Nope. But the captain is supposed to supervise and coordinate evacuation and should be the very last person off.

That's true. We did. We did have that conversation yesterday. Yeah, we yeah. I I did like the idea, Roz and I were talking of the captain being like, be there in a minute, guys, like just grabbing anything he can find from the bar, like stealing all the complimentary pretzels. You're so good at saying the robot. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just run down to the ship bar and trying to grab over the vending machines.

He and the last officers on the boat are like just going going in there and grabbing all the Johnny Walker blue out of the back of the bar. No, I mean, I like going down with the ship is like it's it's fine, I guess, but like it's like you see them sort of foolish romantic version of it, which is everybody else is off the boat. You see this with warships a lot happened as late as World War Two, where like everybody else is off the boat. And then the captain's like, no, I'm going to stay. Actually, I think I kind of like, dude, you got everyone off the boat.

You can leave the boat. And he's just like, nah, I'm fine. I'm blog here. An example. Yeah, the example I put in here, like captains who are dumb and try and go down with the ship, even though all the passengers and crew are off. This happened on the Andrea Doria in 1956. Another Italian ship.

So the MS Stockholm just wrecked into it, right? And everyone who wasn't killed in the collision was successfully evacuated off the ship, right? And the crew had to basically drag the captain off the ship. He was like, no, I'm going to go down with the ship. He's literally like, don't do it. It's fine. You don't have to do that.

We do not need you to do that. You don't have to do that. Let's go, man. Can you imagine just like dragging some asshole who's like, like he's committed to dying. Just like, nah, man, like, like we can see it's over there. I can see land, man. Right over there.

He wasn't even the one who caused the accident. Yeah. Like just some other asshole hit his boat. Maybe like, I'd be like screaming, just screaming at him. Like if I were on the Stockholm, like, it's our fault. Get off the boat. He's just like, no. Look, you can kill me if you want to get off the boat.

So anyway, yeah. So now the evacuation on the coast of Concordia was chaos and pandemonium in the middle of it around 1130 in the evening. Captain Skatino said he fell into a lifeboat. As you do. There's a famous phone call from this incident between Captain Skatino and Captain Gregorio de Falco. Now that's a fucking name, by the way.

If your name is Gregorio de Falco, you just like you don't have to become like a seafarer. They just make you a captain at birth. It just goes with the name. He's a senator now in Italy, actually. I wonder what his politics are. I will not be investigating this. It's about to say, I don't know, probably, I don't know, whatever the Christian Democrat

party is, you know, it seems like a shoe in for that. So, you know, he was of the Italian Coast Guard and he there's a famous phone call where he ordered the captain to reboard the ship via a pilot's ladder, which I shall play now. There's captions on the. Oh, hold on. There's captions if you're looking at this on YouTube. If you're on audio, good luck. I am going because there is the other lifeboat that's stalled.

I'm just hearing guy with noises. It's like, I appreciate a lot of these. Hit them in the middle of the time to always embed video. It never works. Hi. What if he used a photo of Scotido, like he is clearly drunk 20 minutes ago, I don't know. He seems to be going back on the ship. He looks like Andrew Cuomo.

Yeah, kinda. This guy is just for raping him. He's like, I don't know why. Get back on the ship. He's just for raping him. Oh, that's the long vowel chord on the hat, so. He has to fuck back on board. No, I don't know.

Holy English, guys. Beautiful. He wants to go home, Scotino. He wants to go home. He's walking on the ship, through the pool. And he tells me what he can do. How many people are there? And what do they need?

Now. How? How? How many people are there? All of you, then. All of you. What's the second name? Dimitri.

Dimitri, what? Dimitri, what's the second name? You and your second one are going on board. Now. I want to go on board. I want to know if the other person is here. I'm outside of him. He's stopped.

He's stopped and he's on the ship. Now the other person is here. You and your second one are going on board. Now, go on board. Go on board. How many people are there? All right, Commander. Right away.

Just hang up on him. It's cold. Anyway. Just going full drill instructor on this, like, sad drunk man. Yeah. I mean, it's

bizarre that he, like, fell into a lifeboat and he's like, well, I can't get back to the boat because the lifeboat does not want to, right? You'd be better off being like, I don't want to fucking be here, dude. I've been drinking for six hours.

Like, I'm not... My favorite part is where he's like, are you going to go to the thing? Why aren't you going to the thing? Why aren't you on the thing? Go on the fucking thing. Get on the boat. There's a ladder.

Get on the boat. Now... And, of course, the famous quote was vada a bordo cazzo, which is, you know, get the fuck on board. Right? I think it's literally, like,

get on board dick, but, like, it means get the fuck on board. Yeah. So, Scatino never re-boarded the ship. Me and group projects. Yeah. So, I mean, the question,

was the lifeboat broke? Maybe. Who knows? Was it safe to bring a lifeboat that may have had, like, women and kids on it close enough to the pilot ladder? Maybe not. But that being said,

folks from on shore of the island were already boarding the ship to assist in evacuation efforts. Well before this phone call was placed. Right? Yeah. You won't be up for one bullshit? What'd you wake me up for?

Yeah. His name was Mario Pellegrini. Oh, my God. Types are hurtful facts. Yeah. Some of them arrived by helicopter. Others arrived by lifeboats, which returned to the ship

after dropping the passengers off on shore. It was, like, a 30-second journey. Yeah, I think it was, like, a 30-second journey. And of course, I know the deputy mayor came through on a ship's tender. So I think if he had wanted to get back on board the ship,

he probably could have done it. Oh, I mean, we listened to that whole thing. That is the voice of a man who does not want to get on board the ship. Yeah. That's a guy who's just done. He's just done with... Yeah.

I've had too much today. See, it learns. Just a small bee who has anxiety. Yeah. That's who you want in charge of a ship. No, a small bee who has anxiety, yeah. With 8,000 people. Like, I have a wife, too.

And I can tell you, I would get on the fucking boat. It's fine. Although, I would be very obvious. I'm scared of the latter. I've never been a pilot before. Well, listen, I would get on the boat. I would go back to the John Walker blue cabinet. To have a pack of cigarettes waiting for...

Shut up. Let's go on the boat. Just get my ass on the boat. I didn't say I was going to be helpful. I said I was going to go back on the boat. That's why I said I would do it. Believe it's captain's privilege to raid the ship for liquor

as it's going down, yeah. All right. Oh, boy, that's real bad. That was where the ship finally came to rest. Despite this massive failure communication and coordination, the sloppiest evacuation job in history,

the total dereliction of duty of not only the captain, but a lot of the senior crew, the vast majority of people got off the ship before the list got too bad, and the evacuation was almost complete by 130.

All thanks to, like, junior officers and, like, guys doing laundry and, like, the deputy mayor of this one town. Yeah. I think the ship's priest was one of the last people off. Thank you very much.

I mean, again, this is the ship that you like to see, right? That and the purser, who was found almost six hours or almost 24 hours afterwards in a watertight area that was, like, below the waterline.

Oh, no. No, thank you. Just, like, tapping out fucking Morse code on the side of the hull. Greg Jolly Walker. I did not sign up to do, like, to be on a submarine

that has a rock climbing wall. Yeah. So of the 4229 passengers and crew, 40 to 50 were left on board at 3.44 a.m., according to the Italian Air Force, right? Mostly those trapped in various parts

of the ship, right? This was about when the evacuation became an underwater rescue mission, right? No, thank you. So there were a couple people who were found underwater over the next day, right?

In parts of the ship that were watertight, including the ship's purser. There was a couple from, I want to say South Korea who was found, you know, they managed to bring them out. Just

under the waterline with the robot bartender. They bring you out. Your blood alcohol content is one. Yeah. The robot bartender is just kind of crying in a corner. Yeah. They just kept shaking me.

Thank God that the robot bartender was hooked up to the emergency power system. So the final death toll was 32, right? Out of 4,229.

4,229. I mean, one percent, a little less. They didn't do too bad. I mean, I think it was mostly crew who got involved. A lot of surprise. Well, thank you.

The folks on the engine room saw what was happening and got the fuck out. Oh, OK. Yeah. And I guess this is where the aftermath starts. So this was an environmental disaster, right?

The ship contained as much diesel fuel as a small tanker, also lubricating oil. They wound up putting up a bunch of floating oil barriers around the ship. You can see them starting to put them up here, right? And presumably these would

eventually go all the way around. But, you know, they had to refloat and remove the ship, right? Which proved to be a very expensive affair, as we'll see the next slide. Shoot a bunch of ping pong balls in there.

Yep. So the press were like, this captain's a piece of shit. Which was actually true. Wait, what do we know? They also started slandering the crew. They're inexperienced.

They didn't speak Italian. They were unhelpful. They tried to save themselves first. They're dying language for a dying country. Fuck off. Who's fault is that? They weren't the ones hearing it. Yeah, exactly.

The crew obviously argued it too. Even if it is accurate. Like, you had to do fucking laundry. Why would you be expected to coordinate a fucking maritime rescue mission? There's a guy whose job

that is. And he's just plastered. And he's just fucking up there with his mistress. Yeah, exactly. It's like, I figured that's not my job. My job is to do laundry. Meanwhile, this guy is fucking

barrel rolling into a live boat. You fell it. Aren't you listening? Yeah. So, yeah. So the press was angry at the migrant workers who, you know, work on

cruise ships. You know, they're mostly Filipino and Indian, right? Some of the passenger accounts also said the crew was unhelpful, but again, I think these are just tankerous old racists.

Yeah, just if the guy trying to, like, get me to jump into a live boat is rude to me, I'm definitely going to be shitty about him in the national press, right? It's like, oh, you could have been polite. No, he was speaking English. I only speak Italian, therefore. Look, the boat is going down.

You're going to get screamed at. Just deal with it. It's going to be fine. This is one of the things I have to explain to people and sometimes I feel bad because, like, in moments of crisis, I'll kind of yell at rods and then I have to be like, I'm not mad at you. I just, we need to take

swift direct action or we're going to end up, like, as part of a mountain feature in northern Canada. Right. Yes. So so OK,

carbon station coast to cruise has paid everyone who survived 11,000 euros. At least they took the offer. 11,000 euros. That's a car. Yeah.

That's not bad. That's not bad. They also covered the cost of lost personal possessions and treatment for injuries. About a crew was paid two months of wages. Yeah, exactly. 75 cents.

Still, though, relatively, relatively generous, given that a lot of these, the crew is just like, oh, the crew's compensation is nothing. Yeah. Now, in the court proceedings that followed for criminal charges,

Roberto Fararini, who was the crew's company's crisis director, I should have mentioned earlier, one of the reasons for the delay in the evacuation orders is that Captain made three long phone calls with the crisis director. Just

on his bed with his feet up like, whatcha doing? Just like tangling the phone like. No, you hang up. No, motherfuckers, y'all hang up. He received the longest criminal sentence two years,

10 months, followed by Manrico Gempedrani. Gempedrani. The cabin service director got two and a half years, three crew members, the first officer, the helmsman, and the third officer were given sentences

between one and two years. Fararini, who was not on the ship, was convicted of minimizing the extent of the disaster and delaying an adequate response. I'm quoting directly from Wikipedia here, I'm sorry.

Gempedrani, hotel director was convicted for his role in the evacuation, which is described as chaotic, of course. Helmsman was convicted for steering the ship the wrong way. The one thing we didn't want to happen.

None of these individuals actually went to jail, I think most of their sentences were suspended. Yeah, Isley just kind of has prison abolition by method of just appealing forever. Skatino actually went to jail.

He was sentenced to 16 years. I think he probably would have made it with no time if he had just re-bordered the ship, but he did not do that. Should have re-bordered the ship? Yeah, exactly. It's not like it was actually going to sink.

Listen to Goatee Captain Picard get back on the ship. Yeah. So, all right. Now, you may think this is the end, but it's not. Of course not. Because the boat is still sitting there.

It's an attraction. It's a unique monumental attraction. Yeah, but it's full of fuel oil, and it's also worth a lot in scrap, and also they have to salvage the passengers possessions as they can. I guess. Also, it's probably full of bodies.

That's the other thing. Yeah, the body recovery took a while and never quite found all of them. Ghosts, wanted ship, ghosts. What they decided to do was salvage the ship. This was done through a method called rockling, right?

So, this is where what you do is you have these very large square tanks on the side of the ship that you weld on there. These are called Sponsons, right? So, what you do, as you can see

in this diagram, I pulled straight from Wikipedia. As I pulled most of the illustrations here, I did more research than Wikipedia, I swear. I'm not going to redo. I'm not going to do I'm not going to do new diagrams when I can just pull them from Wikipedia.

Anyway, so what you do is you build a frame on the slope underneath the ship, right, that can hold the weight of the ship. You add these Sponsons on the side, right? You fill them with water, right, and you sort of

pull the ship upright from the frame. Oh, God. Okay. That's upright. You can then add Sponsons on the other side of the ship. And then you can drain them of water and you can float the whole

thing. Which is what they did. This is such a fucking Kerbal ass solution, right? It needs more weight on that side? Oh, we just add more weight on that side. We just add some weight blocks. Salvage is a bizarre

profession. They do all kinds of weird shit to salvage ships. You know, this is difficult and dangerous time-consuming operation since the ship was on questionably steady foundations, right?

There were a number of times they had to pause the salvage for a long time so the ship settled or shifted unexpectedly, but they did eventually get it upright. One diver was killed in the process of salvaging the ship.

He cut his leg open real bad on some cheese metal and I guess it was bad enough that he died? Fuck that. What happened there, yeah. So once they they managed to refloat it on September

16, 2013 at a cost of 600 million euros, they brought it to Genoa and they scrapped it. Well, better there than a line, I suppose. It's probably a little more environmentally friendly than

you know, all those Indonesian is it Indonesia? It's Indian. Indian. Okay, right. Shipbreaking is shipbreaking will be an episode one of these days. Oh, yeah. Maybe just salvage

in the abstract. That way I can talk about cool stuff like the New York Fire Patrol. Yes. Now, before we go on to our next segment, I'm going to get another beer. We hear you. We are with you and we have made the episodes longer according

to your demands. Your demands being like, I'm so tired of recording two hour episodes. Yeah, Ross is like, no, I hate having to upload it in two parts. I hate having to spend 10 hours uploading it in one part.

I hate that it takes three hours. Also, I'm going to add a new segment. Oh, right. I have to do that. Oh, yeah. We're not going to spoil that for the listeners. I actually don't know what it is yet.

So we can't spoil it because I got to write the script at some point. Oh, yeah, it's your turn. Yeah, it's my turn. Okay. I thought we were doing the bonus episode with the other thing, the crossover episode. Oh, is that a bonus?

I figured what we were going to do was do it in two parts and have one part that was like free and one that was a bonus. Oh, yeah, that's fine. I mean, that gives me time. Sure. I guess we'll talk to Ross when he, if and when he gets back from his

not even 20 foot walk. His monumental journey to the fridge. Yep. Fuck, it's so fucking hot today. I'm so sorry. How are you doing, buddy? Jesus Christ.

Oh, man. The air feels like butter. Oh, wow. Well, this is revenge for what you did in Ireland. Yeah, it's true. I know. We deserve it. I have returned. What's up?

All right. So this is the story of the coast of Concordia. RIP. F's. We'll move on to our next segment, our new segment where we hear stories of unsafe situations

from our audience that's safety third because I hate micro. Such an asshole. All right. Shall I? Shall I read this one now? Yes. Oh, man. You didn't even trim the fucking iPhone

thing off of the bottom. Reprehensible. Yes. Okay. Let me let me read this to you. Okay. Hello, host of world as your problem. My name is

I am and formerly a pharmaceutical chemist for it's a contract research company. Yeah. Trying to keep an air of mystique. All right.

That's a contract research companies, Alice. I will find. I will read the thing as it says. All right. I worked for a contract research company happy now that accepted short-term research contracts

was larger pharmaceutical and agrochemical companies. We performed small molecule pesticide and active pharmaceutical ingredient synthesis testing and production scaling and preclinical studies of the same during my brief career at the aforementioned

company. The company was split in half and sold to two different foreign firms. A half I stayed with kept the licenses and permits to handle radioactive materials. This is already getting good. I was given the onerous task of categorizing

and disposing of and accumulated 27 years worth of toxic radioactive and bio hazardous waste. I say 27 years because 1990 was the earliest date I

ever saw on one of the waste jugs data sheets. Any of the unlabeled ones could have been older. This much waste had been allowed to accumulate because there was one building on the campus that had been unused since the mid 1980s

and was previously a high energy synthesis building. Basically, this is where explosives were made and was designed accordingly and for this reason it was deemed a safe enough waste collection point for the companies to store all of the waste it had accrued since like the end of

the Soviet Union. As the halves of the company changed hands the waste desperately needed to be disposed of so the company's safety officer volunteered me to assist him. I was eligible for this because I had high marks on lab safety on performance reviews was one

of three people with radiation safety training and had like no other work going on. What the fuck dude. No good deed goes unpunished. I don't even know what to say to that. Cleanup and disposal

consisted of reading attached waste data sheets, recording the contents in an Excel spreadsheet, putting a matching row number on the waste container and then consolidating the waste into a matching 55 gallon drum.

Except for the unlabeled waste containers. These we had to visually inspect open, estimate the volume and then take samples to determine

how radioactive, basic, acidic, oxidative or flammable these solutions were. The flammability tests were performed with a strip of paper a pair of forceps and a bit lighter.

Hope it wasn't white. Almost all of the individual waste containers were previously used solvent jugs and were luckily transparent brown glass bottles. We performed a visual inspection to see if crystals had precipitated out of and settled in the solution.

Crystals can be bad because crystals can be peroxide crystals which explode when subject to sufficient heat or shock such as the friction caused by unscrewing the cap or bumping into the bottle. However, crystals can also be

benign and just something like silica or sodium sulfate. We found 17 jugs with crystals in them. The safety officer and I segregated them to one of the reaction rooms which when the building was operational

we used to conduct chemical reactions with high energy compounds. The rooms were designed to explode into an adjacent forest if an explosion occurred within them and leave the rest of the building. This is my favourite line from the whole thing. Think of this

as a claymore mine for beer. Jeez. Months after sorting and testing and transporting the rest of the waste the safety officer ordered peroxide solution testing strips. When they arrived we went to test to see

if there were peroxides present or rather he did. I stood outside the room wrote down the results of the strips he read to me and in the event of an explosion I survived I was to call emergency services and his next of kin.

Luckily only one of the jugs tested positive for peroxide and did not explode. However this was not the only safety related incident in this months long saga of waste analysis and disposal

and we get to why you have chosen this eye-funny thing. There was a point where we needed extra bodies to consolidate waste into 55 gallon drums faster and one of those extra bodies was a new hire. I decided to take the initiative

and make sure he was trained up to a safety standard. When I was starting to explain radiation safety to him I asked how much radiation chemistry he remembered from the first or second year of university chemistry classes and he told me he had just graduated from high school.

That's fine, chemistry is fresher actually. That's why you don't get stuck in your ways. Despite my efforts to bring him up to training standards he wound up getting liquefied dog brackets.

I am not joking close brackets splashed onto his cheek. Thank you. Because the high energy chemistry building had been unused for decades none of the eye wash stations or emergency

showers worked. Oh my god. And so we had to trespass onto the section of the campus, sold off to a separate company in order to access an eye wash station there.

Chargers were never filed against us and the new hire suffered no ill effects other than the knowledge that gel that used to be dog touched his face. I no longer remember which EPA, FDA or other regulatory

bodies regulations we violated acutely or chronically nor do I care. I take my increased probability of developing lymphoma and close that chapter of my life. I hope this enlivens the end of an episode.

Jesus fucking Christ dude. That's so good. That's so good. I don't know how personal responsibility is necessarily going to help you in this situation. You simply have the reaction times to dog gel, liquefied dog.

Yeah. Dog gel. Here's a question that you may be asking dear listener. Is liquefied dog is this a real thing? It is.

Learn anything about animal testing. Oh yeah. Yes. They do nasty things to animals. In fairness, they usually kill them before they liquefy.

But when you're doing animal testing sometimes you need a homogenous mass of animal in order to do the test properly, right? Why I picked this nice picture here. The polydron reduces an entire mouse

to a soup like homogenous in 30 seconds. It's so evocative. Yeah. Ladies. Yeah. Anything you think they do to animals that's nasty

they do things that are like 20 or 30 times nastier to them. Animals you think are really cute. Stop it. That's not because I know you're right. I'm having a good day. I don't want to think about it.

Who's a beagle whose only interaction with testing is I get to wear some cool lipstick and smoke a cigarette. That's basically all I'm doing now. How do you feel about it? It's like the ideal is if you get to smoke. I thought you stopped smoking. You started dipping.

You're going to have to like... Yes. My favorite thing is that I learned that Sweden basically said we'll only join the EU if we can keep our snooze because it's banned everywhere else in the EU. That rules.

I thought this was going to be an animal rights thing but no, it's a tobacco rights thing. Yeah. The other thing they're mad at the EU for is saumyaki, salty licorice where the EU is like, no, this contains like fucking caustic soda wine.

In your mouth, this should be illegal. And the fucking Scandinavians are like, no, we demand an exemption from this law. Let us have the extra strong mouth-eating chemicals in our candy. Yes, unironically that.

It's not your goddamn job to tell me where I can and can't smoke. You're 700 miles above the Arctic Circle or some bullshit. This is the only thing that like enlivens your day. That will buy a mouse homogenizer. Sven, could you come here very quickly?

Sven, Sven. Good, good, good, good. And then you kill yourself because that's the only thing that's ever happened to you. 30 seconds later. Yeah, you think we could homogenate Pete Buttigieg? Yes, he would come back.

It's not a federal crime to say that anymore. You cannot keep a good rat down. Welcome to the Hydraulic Press Channel. Wow, that was that was safety third. Safety is the danger. Yeah, exactly.

We're just making this podcast longer and longer every single time. We're like, having an ending episode that will be longer than two hours. My name is Justin Rosniak. I suppose it's too far to do like this to myself. We are

just literally on the two hour mark. So we've nailed this. Five minutes of this is just us yelling at each other about dumb bullshit. Only safety third reduces an entire podcast to a soup like an underpants and I won't have to pay rent. Oh, yeah.

We'll just wind up we'll just wind up. What's the word? We're just going to be turned into cherry slurpee, which whatever. Yeah. So anyway, just just keep that image of your mind in your mind as a of a dog.

35 years later and send us your safety thirds. Tell us about the most unsafe job site, work site, dog house, hen house, out house. Ever worked out we will bleep anything identifiable about you,

but we will go into excruciating detail about the dog jobs. Yes, exactly. And now one of the things is I want to I want to say this as a disclaimer. We got probably 120 of these in this first

week. So if we haven't gotten back to you, we don't use yours and most of these were very, very detailed. It's because we don't have that much time. I'm sorry. If you want to know how bad the spillover

from this is, today's safety third came to me because Milo from trash future, the other podcast that I'm on sent me it as an email forward and is like, hey, I guess someone was trying to get this to you for well, that's your problem and sent it to me.

So that's how much safety we're getting. Also, if you sent in a receipt for the the bonus episodes after doing to a bill fund and I haven't gotten back to you,

I'm not ignoring you on purpose. Like we have got Yes, send it to me. I have a much faster response. I respond actually send plus I will actually send you a link to the playlist and now as the people keep telling

me, I haven't done that for a month for months. I have been sending them the playlist. I have been sending them the playlist. Listeners, if you're out there, do not email me. I will no longer be responding to you.

Since Alice makes me so feel I can do it all. Fuck y'all. All right. So next episode is about that's coming now. That's right.

Anyone? We're working on the bonus episode. I just got to write it. Maybe. Yeah. Wait, I thought the bonus episode was the crossover we were doing with which we're not going to spoil. That gives you some time.

All right. So wait. All right. The only other commercial I have is the polytron. Reduces a mouse to a suit. I'm not counting now. Please listen to the trash future. It's very good.

It's very good. Oh, it's so hot. I am old man Anderson on Twitter. I'm the guy who yows at you on the YouTube comment. I'm just positive. It's talking right now. I have an engineer.

I am the activate windows logo. Which seems to have disappeared somehow. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it was halfway there earlier. I do have

one commercial which is and I plugged this on an earlier an episode. We are doing a fundraising stream for Jess Scurrain for Senate. She is premiering Chris Coons in Delaware. That primary is on September 15th.

We are doing a second fundraising screen stream. Fundraising stream this Saturday August 15th. I'm not sure when I'll be on. We will be continuing the saga of building Tiny Delaware.

I don't know if anyone wants to join me. Okay. I got to figure that out. But it will be We are a very well organized podcast. Saturday the 15th. But yeah. Jess Scurrain, progressive

candidate, you know, premiering Chris Coons. Who's one of the, yeah. One of the most conservative Democrats in the Senate. Also, there's like 15 people in Delaware. So, you know, you got to just win seven of them over. Yeah, that's true.

Delaware is, you know, you just have to get the Wilmingtonians. But, you know, the other thing is it's a tax haven. So who knows what's going to happen. But, you know, I know that like electoral politics is bullshit. But like come, come watch the stream.

Get people excited to building Tiny Delaware building Tiny Delaware. We got part of Tiny Wilmington made the last time we had interesting Delaware facts. I will try and finish Tiny Wilmington on this stream and move on to maybe

Tiny, what else is in Delaware? The pool where Joe Biden confronted Corn Pop. Tiny Dover, maybe Tiny Dover International Speedway. Tiny Rehoboth Beach, that's on there.

Tiny Luz Ferry, I already started that one. Any city skylines then gets like 20% more fun when you stick tiny Franklin from now on. But at some point I'm going to have to do selective compression. So, you know, because I want to eventually figure

fit the limerick nuclear generating station in there. That'll be a fun episode in like, I don't know, 2035 whenever I get that far. But yeah, so that's another stream. I don't know who'll be on at this point.

I don't actually know the time we'll do it. I do know it'll be on Saturday, August 15th. I'm watching the skies. Yes, exactly. So, that is my commercial. And I think that

is the episode. Believe so? We did it. Yes, we did it. All right. I need to turn off the recording here.