Well There‘s Your Problem - Episode 84: Military PowerPoints

Episode Date: October 13, 2021

this one will not make any sense to anyone without the slides so look here for them: https://youtu.be/aZ-7U95LYTo Hell of a Way to Die: https://www.hellofawaytodie.com/ Guest Crit (with Roz on 10/26!): https://www.twitch.tv/failedarchitecture TEXAS ABORTION FUNDS: here are two, there are more and we will accept receipts from any of them and we'll send you the bonus episodes (by e-mail or twitter DM) https://abortionfunds.org/fund/lilith-fund/ https://abortionfunds.org/fund/texas-equal-access-fund/ HOW TO GIVE YOURSELF AN ABORTION https://jewishcurrents.org/how-to-give-yourself-an-abortion/ Our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/wtyppod/ Our Merch: https://www.solidaritysuperstore.com/wtypp Send us stuff! our address: Well There's Your Podcasting Company PO Box 40178 Philadelphia, PA 19106 DO NOT SEND US LETTER BOMBS thanks in advance

Who cares let's do a podcast. Yeah, I was about to say Yeah, listen, what are you doing after this? It's so important. Well, welcome to well, there's your problem doesn't answer podcast Disasters with slides. I'm Justin Rosnack. I'm the person who is talking right now. My pronouns are he and him. Okay, go I am Alice called for Kelly. I'm the person who is talking now. My pronouns are she and her. Yeah, Liam Hi, I'm Liam Anderson. My pronouns are he have and we have a guest we were gonna have to but then one died. Yeah, Nate is unwell and sends his apologies. So we have one half of what a hell of a way to die. It's Francis It's Francis. I'm the one talking my pronouns are he him

This is never a thing that I've had to do on a show. That's very exciting. Do it to make the gamers mad. Oh, yeah That's that's exactly why I did it. I've I managed to piss off a lot of Marxist Leninus today So I'm here I'm proud of you. That's my boy. Did you say that China wasn't perfect? No, I said that That arguing about reading books is dumb. Oh, well, that is true I mean, but you know because I mean the entirety of of Marxist Leninism is surrounded Yeah, if they didn't spend so much time arguing about reading books, they could read more books Productive use of time what Marx failed to predict was the transformative power of the slideshow

The format of our podcast and the subject of our podcast We're doing a show about how our show is actually bad You idiots keep giving us money and we don't know why Well, I I'm surprised that you know as a show that relies on PowerPoint You haven't done an episode on terrible PowerPoint yet, but I guess it's not technically engineering It required me to come to you and be like This is this is an insane thing that we do in the military I don't know if it's an insane thing that's done in the civilian world, but the military

We have a hard on for the fucking PowerPoint. It's weird. Mmm. I kind of believe that like the The upward trajectory of PowerPoint coming out in 1996 glues itself directly to the upward trajectory of the war on terror You know from the from Oklahoma City straight through Afghanistan and right on up to right now, you know, we've got We've got 20, you know 25 fucking years here of PowerPoint and and PowerPoint in the military the problem the problem with the military is that the military understands that soldiers are dumb And they make it really really really easy by

Creating field manuals and technical manuals if you want to know how to wear a uniform There's literally a book that says exactly how to do it. Yeah, you're trying to steal Valor you just go and pick that up Yeah, six AR 670 dash one army regulation 670 dash one go crazy steal some valor But make it look good, you know stack your ribbons correctly, but there is no training Nothing on PowerPoint yet. We are all expected to use it on a regular basis Like it's just it's just a given that at some point in time when you become a sergeant You are gonna have to create a PowerPoint presentation because you're gonna have to Explain something to a bunch of soldiers and the best medium

But when I say best, I mean the laziest medium is a computer that hardly works that takes 40 minutes to log into because army network suck and then to build a PowerPoint for a PowerPoint presentation and then read the slides directly to the people and that's what we're gonna do for you Exactly by the end of this you'll all be prior first classes Upon the completion of this podcast, I'm gonna mail everyone a gun I Don't say they're all the P. O. Box. We'll get the law For the postal worker when they finally had enough

I'm gonna wrap it but not in a box It's gonna actually look like an M16 just like wrap things directly around wrap the trigger by itself Just a little bit of a Christmas paper What is it? This is the ACF's new most listened to podcast Not for me, man, I'm in Missouri and guns are guns are really easy to get a hold of here I always I always think about 3d printing. I'm just like I can just literally buy a gun for anybody It doesn't 3d printed guns, right? Is the like even when the people who like them and I mean really like them are right They're still so annoying that you're so good to be wrong

There was there was this thing right about this this 3d printed gun guy in Germany Who died and like there are lots of like a sort of weepy tweets about this And the way that he died they're acting as if he was martyred the German cops where he lived Raided his apartment because he kept 3d printing guns and he had a heart attack and died and I will not apologize for thinking that that's extremely funny No, that's why like that's before we get raided by the ATF Have to do the goddamn news Fuck shit

Okay, I set shake hands with danger to fade out when I pressed instead of the news Professional podcasting right here a man has leaked classified Information about a tank on a war Thunder forms in order to win an argument I mean not the first time this has happened this year in fact It happened with it was another war game, right? I don't remember which one it was Thanks, baby. Well, thanks. Yeah. Yeah, some guy leaked a classified like field manual for a tank in order to win an argument that the developers were portraying this tank incorrectly which like is kind of a you know

You kind of have to give it to them for not getting that right by guessing because it's literally top-secret information Like and and honestly at this point if they did upgrade a tank with those with that new information I feel like war Thunder is now like privy to handing out Classified information to the rest or to a bunch of nerd gamers is just like well now They know we've used the JP8 and you know, we do the I don't know fucking inside of tanks or anything But like it's always some weird nerdy shit in the middle. It's not like how big is the gun? How fast does it go which is like actual tank stuff that matters? Yeah?

It's like it's a measurement of like some millimeters from one thing to another thing that means nothing to normal people But if you've become one of the sort of like gremlin hobbit motherfuckers who lives inside of a tank Then this means everything to you But I spent 20 years in the army and the most irritating people in the military Well, not the most but one of the most One of the most irritating people are all the armor people all the dudes that are really into tanks because like you know A gun is is obviously an extension for a penis, right? Imagine if you had a main battle tank that is now at the extension for your penis

So there's a lot of swagger that goes on But now what we have is Smells like poop, right? We have somebody who is like that already and then also like that on about computer games And I know a lot of fucking tanker nerds that that play Warts war thunder or world of tanks or whatever and there's a lot of complaining about it and Goddamn if I just don't give a shit They're tankers man, they don't have real feelings

Oh Reminds me of So back when get smart was on television Wow So, you know, they had all the all the classic like, you know gag You know secret spy stuff like the cone of silence like the shoe phone like a whole bunch of other wacky stuff like that The Havana syndrome right They actually got a call from I think the CIA because They were actually working on developing some of that shit and they thought they had got something had been leaked

This happened Call to like you know, I'm going over Hollywood producer You've been just snorting lines for the last 10 to 14 hours Some guys just like our What do you know this happened with the most boomer form of gaming newspaper crosswords because in advance of Operation overlord the Normandy landings in 1944 a British Newspaper crossword kept using clues that had been randomly selected code names for different aspects of the operation

And so they had to go and interview this like I don't know fucking 80 year old Oxford Don or whatever who was sessing crossword clues and just like why did you pick these random words? And it was pure coincidence. It's just there's only so many fucking random words you can pick in English Radio station and accidentally overtake all of the number stations and suddenly Yeah, I'm gonna set up my own a.m. Radio feed and start playing my my weird chiptune stuff and then start World War three Chiptune version of the Lincoln Chip Hoature Operating off of off of Cyprus. Yeah Good Lord video games for a mistake. Yes

Fortunately video games for a mistake tanks for a mistake armor culture was a mistake You live you live in a minivan and you live in a minivan We should just do the Lord of the Rings thing and just fight with swords and shields for thousands of years because Technology does not Like warfare piqued with dragoons as soon as you get on a horse man, I'm out You're on a horse your cavalry, you know what you are your little bitch get down Find me like a man A Pc rolls up and it's just guys on horses come out the back

Can you fit inside an almond Prussian carrier, yeah, it's got a big spike on top All right, that was the goddamn news That didn't play twice. Yeah So let's talk about PowerPoint Yeah, you wrote these slides and the slides are a selection of Horrible military power points, right? They are and and I and can you so I can you Maximize it so I can see what our boy is like I just see a grainy Rambo

I need to see grainy Rambo larger you may need to like follow along in your own copy of the handout here Should be maximized Something you have to do on your end. I'm pulling it up right now All right, so we are we starting with with Rambo are we starting with the screaming Air Force guy? I kind of like starting with Rambo because like this is so It's so low resolution and it's like I have taken the first Google images result And I have edited that

Now I want you to also read the top. This is a jag of pre-deployment training. These are the lawyers. Oh, no Oh, no, this is how not to do war crimes Or this is how to like, you know, um understand war crimes and uh, possibly cover them up. Who knows? I don't know. This is the only the only image I have from this this particular one. So, um You know, everybody loves the the image of Rambo Or the Rambo 3 Dedicated to the brave Mujahideen fighters, which technically never existed, but it's very fun to imagine it did However, yes, however, we love Rambo. We love, uh, we love killing soviets and man

If there's one person who Exemplifies all of this it would be it would be Rambo I have to imagine that this is probably from like 2003 or something because like because nobody knows like Let's be honest. If you get a room full of fucking 25 year old privates and Uh lawyers who are lieutenants and stuff. Do any of them know who the fuck Rambo is? Like, is that fucking sure Jesus Christ is a cultural touchstone I like very much that this is like the question slide the thing that you put in last, right?

And so all of these this is this is a sort of a rare attempt at military humor in an official capacity So it's not like the jokes that soldiers tell each other It's like the joke you can get away with at the end of the presentation to try and lighten the mood And also, this is a very good question that hopefully they covered in in here about, you know, the moot Mujahideen the Taliban The difference between al-qaeda Isis maybe depending on what year this is, but no, I'm sure this is just like somebody Slapped this up in microsoft paint and threw some word bubbles onto it

Get a cheap laugh at the end of a kind of a dry subject matter I'll survive and you a soldier's guide Oh, yeah, like Largely the the u.s. Military is built on duct tape and iphone.co. I was about to say, yeah, they stole this from funny That's critical infrastructure actually Yeah, all the all the meme generators are actually on military servers Oh my god, okay, so this is a little kind of insubstantial for the next one Oh boy, I could talk about this one for the full hour. This is this was called the spaghetti and meatballs diagram by a lot of people

And this is a diagram of how to win the war in afghanistan And as stanley mccrystal once said when we understand this diagram He was joking in his defense. We will be able to win the war And here we are So if you actually look at this thing, this is like things these are like things that people want a government to be able to do Right, but it's divided up into into sectors and then all of those sectors are mushed in together Because they have linked every possible thing they could link Now I the the thing is is that the end product is insane, obviously

And I really like if I could get anybody onto my show Regarding slide shows it would be whoever had to create this Whoever like because this isn't random somebody Somebody had an idea here. They had a workflow. They had they were linking things So you got arrows going all over the place and and and I got to be honest It looks like for as much of a mess as it is. It looks very clean Unlike many of the slides that you're going to see that have like all fucked up formatting issues and everything But this like it doesn't make sense, but it looks good. Kind of like it's it's perfect staff officer brain

Is what this is This is the kind of person who like goes home and designs a tabletop war game in their spare time for fun Yeah, this is the guy. This is somebody who's like, there's not enough rules and boar hammer 40k Well, this is sort of um, I think one of the one of the fundamental things with powerpoint, right? Is that um, you know, it's it's very bad at um What's the word communicating complex ideas, right? Right because it's not really what it's designed to do Well, it sort of makes people simplify. They're thinking to fit in bullet points. Like that's one of the big ones I'm just sort of quoting liberally here from the cognitive style of power point, which is a Old essay from an IBM guy about um, how power point messes with people's thinking

Um, now this is I think kind of gloss houses there once you get there for the cognitive structure of IBM Yeah, that's true First find a punch card This is sort of like I mean when you think about this as something presented in a power point like okay number one Who's looking at it? Are there are are they able to read any of this, right? Number two is how long is this up on the screen for? Does this convey any information at all in the power point format? You know, it's not it's not very clear

Why you would put this very complex diagram onto a power point presentation? This might make more sense if it were like a handout people could look at for a while Right, um, you know if it's up there on the screen far away Oh boy, this sort of like they never use vizio in the army No, because vizio costs too much money. Okay But there is a sort of like broader strategic point to this which is this is like the sort of macnomarization of uh Of like american defense policy, right is you have to have measurable goals

You have to be able to put all of those goals into a big Spreadsheet and then you punch all of those in and you get the right answer Which is you know a secular liberal democracy in afghanistan or whatever Yeah, this and and the the creation of this it just reminds me of what the last time I was in iraq and the first ID came in And there is a sergeant major that like the commander wanted this like Every time a new infantry unit takes over an area in in iraq or afghanistan They want to put their fucking marks all over the place. So his was uh, they wanted this like a syrian

like symbol of iraq which is a uh, the the face of of this syrian king and the body of a lion and The wings of an eagle or something like that. But like this this this sergeant major kept coming back Because the image that I found stole off the internet and then put onto this thing as I as is how most of my uh powerpointing does Um, it didn't have it didn't have a dick pouch on the bottom of it fuckers So, you know, like you look at the underneath a male horse. It's kind of it doesn't have the dick necessarily hanging out But it's got a dick pouch. It's kind of like hanging there. That's where you know the dick comes out of like he They wanted the command the the commander

Or some officer somewhere was demanding that I make this thing look more male by like Putting a dick pouch on it and I swear to god I had to photoshop a dick pouch onto this and it's one of those just like look man, whatever the fuck you want I just want to leave right now. I just want to go home. I want to go back I want to go back to my chew. I want to smoke cigarette I want to fucking drink some bootleg wine and go to bed and not think about this dick pouch anymore And that's what I feel like this is this is coin dick pouch right here

This is some lieutenant or some captain was just like fucking whatever here. You want it all in there? There it is Enjoy. Goodbye Well, I had some sort of consulting group to do this. Oh, yeah Yeah, there's a consulting group thing down in the corner here. Oh god, so it wasn't even like uh, It wasn't even an officer They had a mckinsey guy come in to do this to present this to them Let's probably yell with the mckinsey guy to do it and he was like, all right And he he billed them like 48 hours at a rate of like

$10,000 an hour to put this one slide together. It's good work if you could find it I'm just kidding You know, it kind of makes sense because it looks so clean that it couldn't have been done by a soldier Wait, did did pa consulting make this or are they just like highlighting this? Like that this is there They produce the fucking I'm looking this up. They did make this I think just incredible and they have a thing on their um, they have a statement about this afghan spaghetti graph Um, they have a statement on it. Oh, yeah. Do you want me to read their pr statement on this 100%? Yes

We thoroughly agree that thoughtless use of power points is pervasive and corrosive particularly in over reliance on dot points and oversimplification of message However, ours was far from being over simplistic using instead a well known technique System dynamics to review a highly complex situation Unlike linear thinking the default mode of the human brain system dynamics thinks about repercussions and occasionally unintended consequences You don't understand this because your squishy human brain is too fucking the chart was published without context It was designed to be part of a broad briefing where it was slowly revealed alongside a verbal description of each major element The chart with its attempt to grapple with complexity was a dream for those wanting to respond trivially But do but do we really want simplistic philosophies to win out in defense thinking?

Or do we want strategies developed that take no account of complexity? And the sometimes counterintuitive outcomes of well-intentioned actions So, I mean, there are essentially is thank you resignation letter. Oh, you're too stupid to understand this Well, while you're being too stupid to understand this, we're busy winning the war in afghanistan. You're welcome I can see the shout out to mayor pete for this one. Yeah Yeah, you need a mayor pete brain to understand it though I could see this making a lot more sense if

As they say this was revealed slowly over the course of the whole presentation as opposed to just This info dump right in your face that you can't make heads or tails of um I could if there were like a talented presenter Which is you know another another power point thing is that you know a lot of times, you know, the power point itself is sort of um A a substitute for any talent on the presenter's behalf Yeah, it's kind of a crutch. Yeah, exactly. See also this podcast Well, I mean see see also every meeting in the united states military

Like if you if you are going into a meeting in the army like somebody has to present something 100% you're going to see a bunch of power point Like even if you even if it's like, oh, we're going to do medical training We're going to teach you guys how to you know, bandage up ahead or whatever There's going to be a power point even if you have bandages to fucking do the band the head bandages in because you've got to like Well, like you say they don't teach people to present anything They don't teach they don't teach you how to use power point you um and you get shit on if you don't do it

Right and and I'm going to tell you that public speaking and leading a meeting Is not something that everybody can do and you shouldn't expect everybody to do it I you know, there are plenty of people who in the military who Don't go very far because they're not leadership material And that's fine But it means you can't advance in the military if you don't take a leadership role and it's the same kind of thing here You don't get a whole lot of This doesn't this training doesn't come around for you and it will hurt you if you're not

Properly trained in it and nobody's going to train you in it like I've been I've been the classes to teach me how to write memos I've been the classes to teach me how to write stories for the army But never anything of here's how to do a power point presentation. Maybe they do something now I haven't been to any real classes for the military since like 2014 But like power point has been around since the beginning of the afghan war I feel like there should have been some kind of training in it. Just you know a here's how to talk to people Here's how to run a power point presentation They spend more time. So here's a really fucked up thing

Um, there's this thing called a safety brief, right? So the safety brief is a thing you do before you do anything where like Oh, we're going to go out and fucking qualify on our rifles, right? We're going to do our shooting and everything the safety brief beforehand is all right. We're going out. Here's uh, Here's the things that you need to watch out for Weather wise gone wise. Um, we're going to be out here. Here's where the bathrooms are Here's where the combat lifesavers are if there's a problem Here's you to call if there's a big problem if there's fire on the range

Like, you know, just the random fire just catches like it does sometimes out in the middle of nowhere In the year of our lord 2021 in america, you know, if any of these things happen You have to have a fucking safety brief before a power point presentation The safety brief before the power point presentation has I have been given more information on how to do that It's called a risk assessment where you have to say like, all right. Well, if there's a fire in the building Here's where the exits from this literal classroom is which like just look There's the projector falls on a guy then Right. Here's the here's the uh, the splints in case the projector falls and breaks on breaks somebody's leg

But you know, you have to tell people like oh watch out for You know cords on the floor don't trip over them Those are trip hazards if you feel like you're falling asleep. You have to go stand up in the back of uh, Like they asked you just like if you if you're falling asleep at your desk Get up and stand in the back and like you know a really good power point presentation When there's like half a dozen dudes standing in the back Doing that leisurely lean against the wall kind of thing where it's just like I can take half a nap over here And nobody can actually yell it before it. Yeah, I'm getting micro sleep. I'm like torturing myself a little bit

Can we talk about this next slide? I'm skipping ahead a little bit. This is interesting We've got a couple of things here. We've got some some triumphs of military graphic design Oh graphic design is my passion But also we have some unit pride and I love unit prides. I love unit cohesion I love to like basically nickname my unit of janitor's warriors of the pacific and give us a big cool logo I like these are So these are marines because they've got the the bulldog

Bulldogs with vampire fangs. I don't get it, but sure But yeah, this is like that image I guarantee that that image was created and has been put on so many things that people are so proud of It's like we're the the warriors of the pacific. I don't know where these guys are out of probably okinawa or maybe south korea probably I don't know about the The rock is on is probably south korea but like The thing at the top just how to find your computer name is like the most boomer ass shit

capitalized after some reason lowercase y capital c capital n Your Yeah, get the casing right. I'm glad that they got the right yore on there. All right. Yeah, this is true I don't like the um the way this has been Uh justified in such a way that name is on its own line. Yeah, I like that probably should have uh, You know separated it, you know somewhere. I forget the line breaks I love I love the the sidebar so that you know the knowledge is the key

But then there's a picture of a a lot, which is It's unlocked already. Yeah by by your knowledge. Um, you know, I got this nice gradient here You know, I had a little bit of style. Yeah And this is improper title case though all of these things all of these things are created by dicking around on on um On that on powerpoint and then just being like, yeah, that looks cool And then just running with it and you know, I'm I'm not gonna dog anybody for not knowing what their computer name is That's you know, you have to have like kind of a a little bit slightly higher level of knowledge of a computer

but like just the entire presentation of this of This angry bulldog and these these um artillery pieces ready to fire And it's just like we're gonna send a fucking message to the Chinese and that message is here's how to find your fucking computer Now this next one Let's look at like the opposite direction. This is an actual picture of a soldier making a powerpoint I call I call this uh checking her instagram at 2 a.m I love ghost recon 2 advanced warfighter Like the the great thing about a lot of these graphics is that they they try to portray like the military that they want

Like the you know, the the donnell rumsfield you go to war with the military height You have not the military you wish you had if you wondered what ever wondered what's the military you wish you had It's this guy with his weird computer cyborg eye looking at five different tabs of twitter You see there's um matrix, uh code dropping down in the background here Yeah He's got flying toasters on one of the uh on one of the screens I like how they're overlaying each other like like photoshop layers like he's uh, he's doing some you know, there's books where you uh Move the the clear thing you can see the skeleton and then the uh, the uh muscles and then the yeah, that's what we're doing

Except it's porn It's really convenient to be able to have to like to have to do the minority report like swooshing through File folders and stuff in like a hundred degree heat Yeah, and and in reality this wouldn't work because they're You know, you probably wouldn't have the correct batteries for it because nothing in the army runs on normal batteries You always you always have to order some weird fucking lithium battery from You know god knows where and it takes six months to show up and then you plug it into your shit and then find out it Doesn't work anyway

But I also like I want to know like is this guy just dropping down in the middle of afghanistan to Pull this up like he's on the totally bare hillsides. I was about to say it's not a conspicuous target at all It's okay. He's got he's got digi camo which blends in with computer technology We can't shoot the soldier because he's got so many of these screens floating around We just don't know where he is Yeah, his his uh, he was his life was saved by a tab. He had open with the bible.com on it Yeah, but if he opens one more tab the whole thing crashes and everybody's gonna see him Fucking google chrome. Sure. I knew we should have updated from four gigs of ram

Now we have we have another example a very similar one But with an extra feature of arrows of things that don't connect to other things Yes in any meaningful way Is this this whole server room is contained in that tablet? I I think it's great that they let him go to so many modern miracles I think it's cool that they let him go to the war in like low-top sneakers and like high socks. That's cool Tactical knee socks. He's like blouse his pants into his socks too. Like is that repeated the second one? Also, this is like a some sort of lithuanian

Camouflage pattern. I don't know where they fuck they got this from But it does say artist concept down in the bottom just in case you were concerned that this might be real Good good to get to know top image. Look at this sick shit. I found on board, huh? Which if if the military had nothing but unlimited connection to the to the internet and each other 100% what would you be doing? Descending nudes back and forth What else are you gonna do, you know, just listen sometimes you have to open your perfectly square tablet and then compress a server farm um a bunch of computers And a guy looking at porn hub on a tough book into it

Man, I want to talk so To be honest, that's how we really thought that we're gonna win afghanistan What if we gave it? What if we gave all the afghans porn wouldn't that make them happy? Yeah, but ironically you showed this to like ashura of afghan leaders It was like gosama bin laden downloaded a shitload of porn. Oh, that's true How many 9-11s did he do after he did that? We can't be sure. Well, I mean, hey porn hump didn't really exist in 2001. So I don't know Where was he getting his porn back then vhs tapes again did like dvds with dvds even a thing by 2001

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, uh a video disc. It was a laser disc We got our first dvd player as a family uh for hanukkah of 2001 maybe 2000 Oh, okay. So you're still on that like vhs cast. Okay. I mean, you know, look Children of 480p Got those uh, uh the the zip discs. Yeah, it's like a floppy, but it's fatter. It's gonna revolutionize everything. Oh First one of these that's gonna be actually top secrets classified Comes to us courtesy of edward snowden. Uh, yes And this is this is when the nsa started harvesting data from various platforms

One of the things i've never really been able to wrap my head around is how the cia Uh is ostensibly so good at their jobs or uh, and by that I mean like Intercepting intelligence not the all the the horrifically bad shit they do But like then they make a powerpoint that fucking looks like this Yeah, I just pointed out something about this. So this is clearly set up as a graph There's a large arrow pointing in an upper Left direction. It doesn't need to be a graph at all. Yeah, there's no y axis. There is no y axis as I have labeled here um

You know, this is just going up. This is a list of lines goes up. That means when Yeah, I have here this I've just incinerated my entire life and I have to go and live in russia forever Because of this graph that I've leaked the from the nsa that just says stonks Was this just done in word and the reason i'm asking is because of these bubbles Like I fuck it might have been done in words. I don't think this was a powerpoint I think this is word because look at the and look at the uh, look at facebook specifically. Why is that on two lines? Oh, yeah, I think this is done in the world. Okay

And I definitely and I wanted to add this one in because how is youtube after google if they're part of the same What did google do on youtube? How did they only get aol in 2011? The last bastion of privacy I don't even know what pal talk is what would that that's a thing that completely missed me. Is that some like european fucking I must be yeah, I I don't know. It's a proprietary video group chat service That enables users to communicate by video internet chat or voice It offers chat rooms the ability for users to create their own public virtual chat room Okay, so they're like i'm presuming that like were you to extend this arrow outwards

It would have like telegram and signal and shit on there now, but like I like the I like the prism logo here It has like the beveled edge, you know Oh, yeah, this is they got someone good to do the logo of the whole program Um, no, no, I was gonna say it's I was being sarcastic. It's actually very bad I do like how they created their own shape for some reason They're like let's do a hexagon and then somebody said shit prism is too long. You gotta put an extra hexagon on there What if we put two hexagons next to each other? I also i'm a really big fan of this because this has if you look at the upper area

That's just a bunch of like somebody right clicking on a lot of logos Downloading and then just dragging and dropping them and putting that late There's no rhyme or reason to it and youtube is pixelated as all fuck Right, they're just and you can see as like the person created it They're like gmail facebook yahu google hotmail skype and they're like shit. I ran out of room I've got three other things to put on here. Uh, talk youtube Oh This is a very also. Yes. I know this was the nsa and not the cia

I think the nsa were reading my fucking aol instant messages in 2011 As long as they weren't reading my icq shit back then Oh, this is a very very high effort way to present almost no information Hmm, but also this is this is something that's uh, going to follow us into the next slide, which is the particular irritants of it based military and uh, espionage power points because Oh, have we got a networking diagram here?

I'm gonna I'm going to start look all soldiers are now sensor nodes and also I like the helicopters The helicopters that I've never seen that we don't use anymore are now dropping our sensor nodes that are dropping sensor nodes Every sensor node is connected to an ip network which goes to a satellite dish Which goes to a blacked out version of the three little pigs house. I imagine that's what it appears to be The military bases with chimneys as we also as we often have Any time any time you have like a even if you have like so s6 the six shop is our The computer people

Anytime you have one of those people who has to like dumb shit down for the military Like for everybody else like they have to explain they imagine any of us. We're all computer savvy imagine explaining A network a complicated network to like just some old tori boomer Yeah, and an old tori boomer who by this point could have spent like 20 years only being in the military Like of course your starting point is going to be like, uh, yeah computers kind of like a gun And these guns talk to each other these these aren't like sensors that are actually on military equipment. This is a metaphor. I see yeah yeah, yeah Is explaining how computers work through the metaphor of like soldiers and having it like a tiger tank for some reason

We also see some, um Of the the high speed uh combat socks on these sensor node soldiers of uh Looks like they're wearing like adidas slides to go to war which I mean fuck it We just lost a war to people who wore adidas slides. So who am I gonna say? I thought it looked like they were wearing flats Um, yeah, make make me minister of defense or like secretary defense My only defense policy is let the soldiers wear sneakers to the war. It was it's good enough for It's good enough for the Taliban

When I when I went to afghanistan they gave me Um brand new boots and I had not broken them in yet and in afghanistan the place where I was living Had um, you know like a normal place would just have like gravel to walk on this one had like it was gravel But like if instead of small rocks it was rocks about the size of your fist So I will I yeah, I constantly like was rolling my ankles and uh, basically got huge blisters on the back of my My heels So I got a soft shoe profile where it's just basically you get to wear your running shoes everywhere Man most comfortable fucking three days. I ever had an afghanistan wandering around just been like nope

I get to wear I get to wear my tenis. Fuck off Sadly, I did not have uh a dita shoes to wear then. Um, I could have really blended in with the local population Oh, okay. This is an org chart for operation warp speed the the vaccine rollouts. This is a donald trump Uh, I've brought to us by uh by the president by Covid itself and another just insane info dump that like looking at this my brain immediately turns off This is like I don't give a shit about any of this. This is this is the one where like my eyes glaze over when they bring

This slide up and you just like get get to the information which is comprehensible place And another another sort of useful sin here is uh, the like insistence on acronyms, right some of which because this is for FCA woodcock a do bigger staff. That's right. That's right This is also like a joint civilian military operation like half of the people on here are civilians, right? And like if you're in the military, right, it's reasonable to expect you to understand what like an xo is, right? If i'm some fucking like doctor at the cdc, how the fuck do I know what op sec is? Why do I need to know what op sec is?

It's a very good point. You probably somebody who's probably explained it to you. I look a lot of times he's um, The military and the civilian especially like on uh engineer and medical sides often work together Um, but also this is an insane org chart that nobody needs to see like for for my regular normal civilian job Like we see org charts and somebody makes it in visio because we're not insane and it's like here You uh fall under this person and that person falls under this person and look here's nice little boxes that are under each other And I understand operation warp speed is probably a little bit. Um more complicated than working in it like I do But it is not this fucking complicated and I just for these I wonder who is in the room like That you feel like you need to

Put all this information up to um It really feel it really feels like there's um, there's no real reason for any of this This this is a slide you put up to prove that you did the work despite the fact no one needs to see it This is this is a receipt slide. Yeah. Yeah, this is a bullet point on somebody's officer OER which is officer. Ah, fuck. I can't I can't remember what it but it's like your officer evaluation report Like every year you have to be evaluated as an officer and an nco This is I created the insane slide for operation warp speed that nobody looked at but fucking promote ahead of peers

Go ahead. Go for it. I'm imagining there was another larger slide next to this explaining all the acronyms And both of them were up for all of 25 seconds Yeah, I don't even know like so we've got xos and a xos which I imagine is an assistant xo, but the xo is already a fucking assistant We've also got in the middle here chops Maya I assume chief of operations, but then why would it I don't know And chop plans chop yet plans chops and I don't know what orsa is um Just fantastic side boogan and and no none of it's like standardized at all

So you have like you have an xo, but you also have a deputy on the next one over and it's like There's a controller Man the people who are listening to this in the audio only are going to be completely lost Well, it's a podcast with slides. We always tell you about the slides That's right. That's right. Also a shout out to cyber barton steen in the middle there. I appreciate I appreciate that a lot There's so many executive officers in here There's like that's too many xos. You need one you have I mean, that's uh, fda woodcock dod bigger staff These are made up names. These are foreign names

And alice just said that's right. Yeah, I said that's right. Yeah, and you didn't laugh at all at her right I'm sorry. Oh, it's fine. I'm sorry. I'm trying to I'm staring at this and I'm trying to like Yeah, are you not aroused? This is like the fucking lamin configuration over here. This is you'll go mad looking into this An executive decision to move to the next slide Yes, the total uh human potential 100 percent of human potential is death I I understand that

parentheses suspects close parentheses. Yeah I mean like I feel like this is more honest than usual in that it gets to the points of ranger school is to almost kill you But like I I I love so much that it's expressed purely in terms of like effort of force of will Right ranger school very similar to chemotherapy actually Um I like how there's no standardization between the distance between the bars or anything I just kind of see this as individual comfort ranges. I'm sitting somewhere with a box of cheez-its Self-imposed limit is the I put the box of cheez-its away

The post stress is somebody makes me get up and go to the store to buy cheez-its Obviously death because I have no cheez-its I just when you lay it out like this you you end up thinking Okay, well clearly what I'm supposed to be doing is trying to spend as much of my life in this blue zone as possible I was about to say this is the same way trump thinks about exercise Yeah, Trump Trump thinks about exercise this way except it accumulates it doesn't go down He's like Probably also one of those guys that thinks that you only get a certain amount of erections per lifetime. So he's gotta keep it down

What's the star do you think for? Underneath the increase individual performance, and then there's a star I I have never truly no idea Somebody was like it's too there's too much white space Figure it out. What's on there raw shield? That's the gold star you get for increased individual performance Yeah, that's right. I put it next to your name on the classroom wall Rangers are giving 75 percent of it, but if you give 25 percent more you're gonna fucking die There's people there's stuff above ranger. There's like, you know delta and special forces. So

They're getting increasingly closer to death. Yeah. Yeah, they keep killing each other is the problem Individual comfort range is at about like 12 percent, right? So what we're saying here is if I get like six guys, that's the same as a ranger That's not bad as long as they're all very comfortable. Yeah Six extremely comfortable guys or two guys who are like I was gonna say we could use this podcast for an example, but I am slightly uncomfortable because it's a little warm in my house So I think I'm more I'm more in the green zone here Because I haven't turned my air conditioning on so I got far collectively we all get 75 percent of a ranger tab

We have like rang Thank god, Nate wasn't able to join us. We'd all be dead. I was about to say Oh god, okay, what next what next Motion sickness, when might you get it? That's that's that's a screenshot from Operation flashpoint or the first armed assault or incredible force to Oh, yeah God This is another just like, you know, you could just give somebody information about motions

Like first off, who doesn't fucking know this about motion sickness and when you might get it, but like the and and look I have I have definitely seen people throw up on a On an airplane, but like What is the guy with the gun? Like is it motion sickness when you're playing you? You don't have your field of view on the video game Wide enough goggles are like steaming up a little bit. Yeah, it's This is from the special operations command too So like these guys have already pushed themselves

Beyond the points of range all of these guys are experiencing motion sickness despite having died Motion sickness is 90% I will say I do like that they they did subscribe to one of my powerpoint philosophies, which is A black background because it's easier on people's eyes That is true. Especially in a darkened room. Yeah Shout out to the people who are doing powerpoint in night mode. Yes Okay, what next

LSD testing in the army So we have two this one and then the next one is also Regarding drugs in the army, you know, we're not allowed to do fun things in the army and one of those includes drugs I included this because the middle picture is very obviously Food coloring. Yes That's like coloring that I remember from, you know, my childhood I think it would be really awesome if I could go and buy like red green yellow and blue acid I like that there are these tabs next to a ruler that's done in centimeters because

Nobody in the army knows metric system. So it doesn't fucking matter These are all gotten off of a google image search every one of these and somebody just put LSD on it If we go to the next one, this is this is a classic example of another subtype of army presentation brain We have eye cop presentation brain because this is fully cop hooking both thumbs into his belt and telling you Some of the street names of lsd are cid or acid or tabs or micro dot The thing about micro dots you have room There's room for that s why it's down there. Yeah, that's an interesting. I like this one. That's a internet explorer logo

Yeah, you've got cid cid and cid sid Yeah, it's just google search more names for for lsd a kid from toy story. It's even worse now I'm gonna do some cid and start like um frankensteining my child's toys together Oh my god, okay, I think the bottom left one is a um is a postage stamp too. Oh my god, it literally might be yeah It looks like porting someone to my chain of command because I see them lick the back of a stamp In 1998 maybe that could have gotten away you you may have done that like all of these make sense except for the weird like Bicycle stamp down like that looks like a tour de france stamp of some kind or like some kind Yeah, there's alps. There's day and night and everything. I don't know totally tour de france also very much connected with performance enhancing drugs

Yeah, why not? I'm building a case here Now we have another one here from the it sector and uh, oh boy is this I want to do a slide about a cool piece of jargon that I've come up with and I'm gonna put it into everything on That's to say this is a lot of quantum So the next couple of slides are one of my favorite, which is the freaking lasers on everything Um movement of the military where you just have to have like red and blue lasers much like gi joe connecting everything together Uh, a lot of you got your quantum communicator at no point in time is quantum explained on here But we do have like an atomic shield for some reason that is connected to a locked computer

Um, so apparently we have atomic computers now Which is new to me. I'm glad that we're moving towards the fallout universe You literally don't but they do exist Yes, we managed to do like Build a working quantum computer or am I making that up? I mean, there's been several working quantum computers, which are not very powerful Uh, yeah, but now we're gonna use them in in everything and when we do it's gonna be quantum You can literally take you if you just took quantum off of everything on here

It would make more sense like adding quantum just fucks it all up That's what I feel like when I it's a list of things that already happen. You just put quantum in front When I hear civilians using the term like warfighter Oh, like this is what that reminds me of Yeah, you know what I mean? We're just like stop pulling like I'm begging you to I'm begging you to stop Quantum communications and quantum radar. Is that not and then quantum? Magnet Romney sensing we can do magnetronomy sensing from space now

Uh, we will be able to with quantum with quantum. We've got a b2 bomber We have apparently just a tomahawk that's up in the air under quantum inertial navigation It's we're gonna use it for everything It's it's a panacea, right? And that's that's why we can sell it to as many parts of the dods we possibly can Yeah, sign up for the $10 level of well, there's your problem for the quantum podcast You know, if you want better podcasts This thing this thing I cast they got to be done quantum

This thing is uh, I especially like the quantum communication because it seems to imply that they're using um Spooky action at a distance to transmit information, which is physically impossible I violate several fundamental laws of physics spooky action Spooky action at a distance. Yes It's when you change the spin of one particle when you measure its counter particle in another location it changes the spin Uh instantly as well, but you know, there's some kind of caveats there where you can't really use it to transmit information I don't understand it completely. Yeah But what if we did that quantumly then it works you just got to think outside the box. This is true

Yeah, I could tell you've done a real warfighter This is why we lost in afghanistan not enough Maybe if we had like a quantum version of the spagheti graph, we would have fucking understood it Here's an interestingly designed slide Um a roadmap to lasers This looks like this looks like it should be one of those Three panel, you know, like science project, uh things. Yeah Yeah

I kind of I one thing I am grateful to donald trump for is the creation of the space force because I think you need some kind of institution like a heat sink that takes all of the guys who joined the military because they've really Really wanted a laser gun or a rail gun and just sort of like hives them off separately, right? But they can't hurt anyone There's nothing doesn't even have real guns am I making that up? Yes, but it's like in very very early days Yeah, and they don't really work and we also don't really have ammo for them It's it it's one of those like one day. Maybe a rail gun is is going to be Yes, a thing

Um, they're gonna figure out how to make a solid metal slug cost more than a missile Yeah, I want to I want to point out or they'll do it I want to point out the image all the way to the left where they had to photoshop an airplane into a photoshop of an airplane Yes, and they just did it so badly. They're just like no just shrink it down. It's blue and then just make a laser line Yeah, I'm not gonna mask I don't get paid enough to mask this airplane out to to put it in the thing Absolutely not the second thing I want to point out is the url underneath the second I was about to mention that. Yeah. Yeah, so someone someone way in the back of the room can click that url

Well Yeah, we're waiting for and and the thing is that's not a clickable url So even if you do like hey, can I get the slide so I can go over these later and maybe uh You would have to copy and paste that because even though in powerpoint you can literally make a slide, you know And something like this clickable Um, every military website is insane like this. It's insanely long. It makes no sense because it's Created by seven committees. There's five different civilian organizations involved in it So you have something like this in the end which is just leading to a pdf which just fucking print it out for me

Man, it's a pdf. Most of the deadest thing I ever heard because don't you people love your abbreviation Get consistent francis Yeah abbreviate this fucking url at least give me a tiny url or something Yeah, the the the military hasn't discovered url shortners yet and they because it's like oh, it has to look You know I they they want to be able to look at it and see a dot org or dot mill because otherwise It looks like spam like these are the these are the kinds of people who look at like Oh, uh, you know a tiny url. It's like um t.co. Oh, that's that's going to take me to some kind of late I might as well be dot are you I am telling you I sent this to you click the fucking lint

No, you know what fine. I don't give a shit. Don't look at it whatever Now we got uh, we got an f 35 one I do also like that the half of this episode is an area of grievances. Yeah, yeah, as it should be as it should be Yeah, um It's the go anywhere do anything plane And that's why we have to throw millions and millions just keep the a 10. I'm fucking begging you I like that this plane is one ups the fucking

day slash night capable You can use the plane at night fly in the rain yet Uh, apparently there's a lightning storm going on in the night Yeah, yeah, it's all weather capable. No, what I've what I love here is The non clickable link in a in a horizontal in a fucking That's great. That's fantastic Jesus This is Lockheed Martin. This is that like some dipshit that made it either. This is like a

An actual somebody is paid to do these they pay civilians lots of money to be able to put these things together normally and yeah, you've got like a Oh, let's all crane our heads 90 degrees so that I can fill it I can type this into my browser and download a pdf that i'm not going to read anyway Hey, but it looks cool. Which is the most important thing Well, it has lasers like I do like lasers. Yeah, it just looks it looks like it's shining a light Like it's it's an f-35 with a bunch of flashlights on the front Yeah, the disco f-35. This has been done by someone who doublespaces after the comma

Oh They did through net-centric operations. That's that's come on, man I yeah, this is this is beautiful actually. I love this a lot. I don't know what is happening on this slide I don't know Where I Is creating the flag of imperial japan in front of it Well, at least it proves that this powerpoint shit is not just an american phenomenon, right? Not even just a western phenomenon because here we have

Indian powerpoint on like is this meant to be a float? Is this meant to be like a That's a flow rate Yeah, instead of instead of like dragging our icbms through the uh through a parade they just do this and everybody's is very I think I think this genuinely might be the idea and if that's the case that's hysterical How we get the lightning? Well, it says it says to have low design for republic day parade 2017. So yeah, so it is a float In two parts it's got it's got a tiny little float I feel like it's got your land and it's got your sea you got to separate them so that the navy and the army feel special

I like that. I like that the float is just a cube though I love to be with stuff on top. I love to join the indian half force and have to make a big beach ball globe It's a phenomenon You feel kind of better knowing it though, right? Like it's not just us I like that they also the person that they have standing out in the ocean They gave them a little bit of land to stand on because like look we understand that there is at least some Rules of physics that we have to follow here. Yes I just like how you establish ad dominance through net-centric operations

Yeah, and apparently and then there's also like a bad photoshop of somebody sitting In the awax, but it's underneath the awax and then there's a bunch of I guess artillery pieces I think are down there at the bottom. I don't have light I don't have lightning bolts going towards them very much. So I don't know like some of these lightning bolts aren't really going towards anything Did they just give this slide to like the float manufacturer and Just do this Oh my god, so one other thing that I'm learning

Is that no one in the military knows how to expand a text field? Oh god, no, no or change font size Superb is likely or two rating leave That's so 11% and nt 40% or Beautiful said raz beautifully said Ha ha ha Source spherian and lou Harris associate. They got paid

$350 million to make this slide The next time anybody ever like Gets mad at you for taking patreon money for being ostensibly leftist podcast Send them this and be like somebody made way more money doing this than I ever did We're actually this is the format you have to submit exit surveys All right, what else we got all right, so now we're turning into some of the um Oroboros kind of ideas of this so so that big afghanistan one was the main oroboros, but this is a very strange like

Constant circle like okay, so I don't understand how am I supposed to read this? I understand a circle Peterson diagram So when there's competition, there's conflict And then the the tour goes around it, but then we go back to competition But also the reinforcing and the balancing they're just two things that just go it like this is like if you took a You know a power plug and it was just a power plug on both sides and then plugged it into two Yes, yeah, it's like one of those like male male leads that they put up signs in stores that are like these do not exist They will not be made. We will not sell them

This is incredibly dangerous, and we'll kill you probably something that this is also trying to convey Just incredible All right And scientific support Thanks cross neemire This this is your brain on military academy Yeah, this is this is what's the what's the name of that? Fuckin the thing the towers of hanoi. Have you guys ever seen?

Yeah, they've mixed sun zoo and the towers of hanoi into And like the ground the ancients like okay So our measurements of the ancient goes to the perceptions of reality today of mathematics They had fucking mathematics back then like they were doing measurement measurements or math They also have calculation, which is fucking math. Also, especially in the day Back in the day. They had victory today. We have success I love that so much. Yeah incredible. Well, yeah, just incredible. That's how I would define afghanistan is Is the the ancients didn't have mathematics, but they did have calculation

But we don't have calculation we have model application parentheses simulation Yeah, which probably is one of the previous slides we already went through if sun zoo was so smart Why didn't he have fucking excel? Why didn't he have operations analysis? I want to see sun zoo's fucking power points. I want to see clausa witz's power points war as power point continued by other means All right, so the next one is probably one that you guys have seen Oh, I love the integrated survivability onion mostly because every time I see it I get to think about how uh training and was it fucking training and research or doctrine command is called like tar deck in the top right

I always appreciate that. I think this is actually a pretty well Good way to present this information It is a silly metaphor. But yeah, I I I I get the I get the onion is the thing This is this is the thing that I would say to a twink if they're also a spy This is this is like my sort of objectives leaving the house The alice caldwell kelly, um Integrated survivability onion. Yeah, just don't get to a hundred percent of then you'll be dead. No All right, and then the next one is uh, I look this is just I just called this docking

Of that that's uncomfortable to look at a very interesting interpretation of a Venn diagram right here. We all put our dongs together Yeah, I mean military operations other than war like that other than war is its own like bullet point and it's moot w Moot for I don't even know what that could mean really rolls off the damn tongue Tactical actions battle engagement strike attack and counter duel Yeah, you you meet up with the taliban in your office that just goes forward like right Slap the taliban guy with his white glove You're like here you go. I brought flintlock

Flintlock pistols from home Back at Santa's they're like why has our latest class had a 100% combat fatality, right? This probably comes from somebody who read way too many of the lord flashman books Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, now you know it I read those in afghanistan that was fucking insane. Oh hell. Yeah in british parlance There is no difference between operational and tactical as far as I know. This is this is operational somebody went and um Did a thesaurus google and then just copy and paste it everything in here. Oh, yeah harassment Gamergate is a tactical operation

This is another example of a slide which has almost no information on it Which is presented in a fashion which is completely impossible to comprehend Mm-hmm. Yeah, and it contains like a long list of bullet points in a format that is meant to like Simplify your thing into fewer bullet points, which is just incredible this by viewing this slide You actually know less at the end of looking at the slide and had you not looked at it But also you're wondering if you could fit another penis into your foreskin. This is true Never not wondering that Oh god, this next one is just gore. This is gore. I hate this next one so much. I like this

Um, this one really This one Oh, yeah I can only imagine the reaction when this like like somebody hits next says next slide Like some major somewhere says next slide and some fucking sergeant hits a space bar And the amount of psychic damage that happens in this room of like 40 or 50 people immediately like How can anybody tell Info structure here's the thing clint lorence probably looked at this and this is why war crimes happen

This this looks to me this looks to me like the a lot of this stuff was brought onto the slide gradually Probably through like an animation and half of this is just truly unintelligent Then you have the joke at the end which is where are the weapons that flashes up on screen You know, I could sort of see that working There's so many satellites that are copied and pasted and slightly tilted land mobile surface mobile. What? I think maybe if you're if you're some major or whatever who is doing this presentation, maybe don't try and do bits. Yeah Yeah, I uh So i'm a navy seal now, right?

Yo, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you're you've given 110 percent. You've come you've pushed through death And you've come out the other side Detected to be a link 16. Yo, we don't we don't need any more aircraft connected to be a lake Abolish the air force. Yeah. Go back to the army. Give back to the army. Exactly. Yeah Look, I'm I'm sad that the army doesn't have any fixed-wing Aircraft and the way to solve that is by giving us back the air force. Yeah, the space force now We don't need an air force Yeah, if you want if you want to wear like a blue uniform now go join the space force

Everyone else grow up join the army Be normal and join the air force And here's here's something I couldn't imagine trying to present The anaconda strategy Against al-qaeda in iraq. Oh boy My anaconda don't want none unless you got power points, son Border points of entry improvements work with source culture I'm noticing I'm noticing on the boss and right detainee releases. Uh, did any of those guys go on to uh, maybe found isis

Yes, but don't worry about that. Yeah, you don't worry about that counter ethno secretary and pressures tribal awakenings Again, didn't did any of those guys go on to found isis Oh my god Also, I love non-kinetics as an expression of like stuff where we don't kill anyone Like on the bottom my favorite is intel fusion. Like it's some sort of like korean italian restaurant But intelligence fusion centers work Like that armed unmanned aerial vehicles intel fusion and intel surveillance recon platforms all point to popular support

Detainees detainee ops goes to ideology. Oh no about that. That one's true I think they I think they all point towards ideology You don't have to put anything in here other than ideology weapons and money What is the what I don't understand is what is the anaconda here? You're squeezing your account. It's a perfect It's a perfect staff officer thing because the anaconda strategy is how the union won the american civil War like blockading ports of the confederacy so it couldn't trade and then winning the land war So this is such an a fucking staff ride to gettysburg fucking power point

Somebody went to west point. Yeah, exactly exactly of like I'm gonna give it this sort of cute name and that way you can see that i'm you know a very serious military thinker Probably in the same power points the sun su thing I wonder who the sons of iraq are i never uh never came across any of them I don't know like what will you look at some of these is like i don't know if they're if they're good or bad syria engagement like why are we talking about that in iraq I think maybe they were trying to get them to close the border And which then didn't work. I mean was al-qaeda even in syria like that's always been an isis thing, right?

Yeah Look syria has always just been its own thing and then isis kind of showed up to party with everybody else But uh, yeah, I don't understand why we've got to worry about that unless as you said it's a uh, you know Close the borders kind of thing. I'm reading here about the sons of iraq Coalitions between tribal sheiks in al-anbar as well as former saddam hassein iraqi military officers Initially sponsored by the u.s. Military the sons of iraq were virtually non-existent by 2013 due to iraqi prime minister nuri al-maliki's unwillingness to integrate them into the security services Sunni's formally serving with the group will face with options bit of becoming unemployed or joining

the islamic states of iraq and the levant I mean nailed it once again This is what happens see they this is what i'm worried about with cutting off all this unemployment during covid everybody's gonna go join isis I don't have a job anymore. I'm gonna go join isis Well, here we have an alignment chart That is not aligned whatsoever. Yeah A mind-resistant I beg you to expand your text boxes

Modernization has a strike through we're not gonna do that Priorities and then it just like goes over itself like if you look under the first arrow at the end It's got like firepower over overruns with the other text box I like how also they're showing things that literally don't exist like under Lethality on the first one. I don't know what those three little like Bug things are down at the bottom. I have never seen those from halo. Yeah, I was about to say that's there the warthog from halo Well, not the warthog, but I am pretty sure they're from halo So these are these are different types of units, right?

So you have an infantry brigade combat team a striker brigade combat team and an armor brigade combat team incidentally Fantastic bringing back brigade combat teams from the second world warth. They're a little boost of nostalgia But like they're all gonna have different align. They're gonna have different balances of these three qualities mobility protection and lethality But we've expressed those using clip art and text that runs over each other Yes, I can just this is this is this one's really difficult for me because I can sort of pass this and sort of not like it It almost makes sense to me and that hurts more

I'm a big fan of under ibis the infantry brigade combat team protection is another infographic that they've just shrunk down so much That it becomes completely useless other than to see a tank that we have on another that we have on lethality And also a soldier for some reason a very large soldier in a very small tank unmanned vehicles that Yeah, I don't know. This is this is confusing to me What the hell is the mobility thing for the striker one? I I also like under the armor brigade combat team where they put a what looks like a 1113 But it's photoshopped. They didn't like, you know remove the white background So it's just cutting into the 1113 that's above it. Oh, yes. Yes

I like beautiful. I like it mobility for the infantry whatever combat team Uh, they all appear to be just on a jacked up like, you know, there's utvs. They ride in country music videos Didn't they give a bunch of those to the ranges like the 75th range of regiment? Oh, yeah, that's I and you know what? I've seen things like that like I was in afghanistan in 04 and I've seen not necessarily the You know tactile go karts, um, but something like that like those things are like pretty cool They've got you know instead of a um a driver side mirror It's just got a pintle mouth for a saw so you can drive and shoot at the same time pretty sweet

Oh, they stole that from the fucking long range desert group a classic of of like, uh, sort of arids Arrow temperature warfare since the second world war just blast across the desert and a big jeep machine gunning things Great fantastic. At least those guys are living the dream. You could uh, you could Start that up and make good money just letting people do shit like that Oh, my favorite things that I've ever done in the military was uh being the top of a Humvee with a 240 bravo machine gunning targets on a target range Not in an actual war because I'm I'm a journalist for the army. I was a journalist for the army

There's one of the few times I ever got to do anything cool in the military Okay, uh Man machine interface considerations Roboam Oh boy fourth dimension. What exactly is this experience audio visual sense Condition knowledge Simplification arrow action. I feel like simplification was circled by whoever had to look at this Yes, I I badly want to crop the bit that just goes wisdom action into my twister header

The air force is really like bad in particular about thinking about thinking like as far as I remember they're the inventor of the udder loop Uh for like, oh god, what is it? Fucking like something orient decide act or whatever And it's like nobody nobody thinks this way you can't make people do this Yeah, it's observe orient decide and act and it's anytime you hear somebody say we need to take we need to consider the udder loop That's a bad leader because they would have already done it basically like the udder loop is a thing that You should be doing as a leader regardless Oh my god, easy use fourth dimension

All right dimension What is it? I and and also like so many like pictures that are just repeated next to each other like two of them Of these air force guy of you know pilots with you know, they're cool pictures blow them up a little bit and then and then the brain with the pointing down Like it's

It looks it looks like it was put together by the time cube guy All right now now we have uh, how is rain formed from your middle school geography? Yeah, water cycle This is I love this because it's the perfect tag yourself kind of thing. I'm just looking I'm looking for Waldo in here um A civil will max I'm not sure what that means civil air radar Peddler, there's so many things that makes no there's a Humvee in the bottom right that says laser dazzler. What the fuck like Yeah, if I'm tagging myself, I'm definitely high power microwaves Laser dazzlers you the guy gets up in the turret with one of those green lasers and just kind of like shines it in your eyes while driving around

You know, I could see something like this working in like a textbook Right something with this sort of format, you know, it's like okay. It shows what everything is doing But again in a presentation, there's no way you can make this information Make any sense if you're um, if you're just putting the slide up there for 45 seconds, even if you're like adding in them one by one You're gonna fucking forget what the first thing was by the time you get the last thing This only works is like a textbook diagram a lot a lot of work for not a lot of payoff Yeah, and and it always like you've got a lot of things that are like shooting

Like you've got some looks like a patriot missile going off. You've got uh some Drones and whatnot, but there's no enemy like who who's everybody shooting at like everybody's put There's no everybody's pointing at each other just shooting randomly up in the air and just kind of saying fuck it It looks like it's richards scary is a busy town Anti radiation missiles do they have those? Yeah, it's like Fucking it homes them on the kind of radar that you use in an anti air installation It's it's a seed thing. Um, okay. What else we got?

questions Oh, no, I scooted out my bed This is just again That's a script. That's a script. That's a slide. That's a script special kind of slide right here Common in college presentations Which is where you just copy the text onto the slide and then you read it in a monotone voice Then you get bad marks for it Yeah, or it becomes a tremendously successful podcast

obviously That's why I only put pictures on the slides and I put the notes in the notes. So no one knows i'm reading them Wait, wait, wait a god damn second. Wait a god damn second fourth paragraph The united states subscription penetration cross 95 at the end of q2 2010 If we take out the demographic of five years in younger the mobile penetration has now passed 100 percent Yeah, everybody everybody has a mobile phone and is dead. Yes Apart from apart from people who are five years old and younger who are rangers. Yes

All right, we got the we got the the fucking rain cycle again All right now this this is this is how a baby is formed. Oh boy. This is and and Once again completely useless just to complete. There's no way you can print this There's no way that you can present this. This has to go with like a flag of some kind Yeah, you have to like unfold this a shitload of times And like put it on the floor like a play mat. It's the size of the bayou tapestry This is this is gonna be like when america finally breaks down and we turn to warlords This is going to be my flag. This will be my standard. What is this slide supposed to say?

It's the life cycle of a piece of equipment, right? Yeah, it's logistics. It's it's the lifestyle of acquiring and Getting rid of it when you're done with it Which is you know, it starts with a shitload of contracts and ends with just leave it by the side of the road in afghanistan Light it on fire in iraq. Give it to give it to the Taliban When um, when I left iraq in 2011 and uh, I had a old commander who was part of the unit that took over for for me And he was the last you know last people in iraq But you know quote last soldiers in iraq for combat operations and he was just like man

It's wild. They just like set everything on fire like Are we gonna ship this stuff home? They're like no We're just putting on pick the batteries out put the batteries on that pile and then put that on that file And uh, he's just like man, they would burn like big screen tv. It's just lighted on fire Man probably fantastic to breathe all of that shit. Oh, yeah Well, he he absconded with a couple of because he was public affairs as well So he absconded with a couple of really good p2 cameras. There's like i'm not gonna fucking set this shit on fire Are you kidding me?

I didn't my connex and ship it home I I think if if you look at this if you go into the far far right about halfway down under disposal There's like a picture of a truck a picture of a big pile of shit. I think that's where the burning it in iraq is located on this flag It all ends with burning it in iraq or throwing it in a trash can and hoping nobody saw you Yeah, what one of these is like a taliban red unit guy wearing high-top sneakers All right, and then I just got one more one more slide for you If anybody has any questions

Questions, oh This is the other thing right as we talked about how the army doesn't teach you to do power point But the one thing that's worse than having how is this? The one thing that's worse than having a presentation by someone who doesn't have any training in power point Is getting a presentation from someone who has a lot of training in power point because once they have too much training in power point It becomes so formulaic that it's like you start at the beginning There is a joke the joke is like really weak and typically I get these from like Like military history people because they all used to be army officers

It's like the guy comes up and he says yeah I used to be an armor officer for you know 20 years Because it beat walking or whatever and you all kind of pretend to laugh Then they tell you what's going to be in the presentation They present the shit they tell you what was in the presentation And then they do questions with another joke and it just makes you want to fucking tear your hair out That's uh, that's our podcast. Yeah Um, yeah exactly

Questions yeah any questions so many but I'll never have to answer Yeah, the toy yeah The next war we do everybody's going to have to wear motorcycle crash helmets Yeah, well, um, when do we learn about military power points today? Uh abolish the air force um Fucking maybe do some kind of training and how to give a power point presentation maybe I think yeah, I think the fact that power points um impede

The flow of information within the army is actually good in the war against american imperialism Yeah, comrade power power has been doing doing sterling service here. Yes Yes, it's it's made us all dumber and uh harder to parse any information. I guess the question is what's the alternative Look you can The the the solution is to hire the kinsy institute to do all of our power points Exactly show up and uh and and teach me how to do I've you know land war lasers and shit. I guess Yeah, I don't know maybe fucking like rethink the possibility of like why the why the fuck do you have to have a center of armies?

Why does everything need to be a presentation right? Why do you need to have an army general staff in the first place? Why why are we still wedded to this prussian idea of what an army has to look like? Uh, what i'm hearing is abolish the officer corps and I 100 agree That's what I'm saying. There's there's nothing that I need a major for that. I can't get a sergeant first class to do All right And really anything above sergeant first class is is sus as well. You're on the chopping block Get an officer thinking man, you let's use this grants power points must have been fucking right

Yeah, that's what You know the historians that love to say, you know, what if uh, what if hitler had won world war two? It's like, what if uh, ulysses sass grant had better power point presentations to give to his troops about trench foot and Properly eating your heart attack Risk assessment don't stack three rifles like are next to each other that way Don't shit in the middle of the camp American it sounds like you're trying to tell me what to do and I don't I don't appreciate I was just thinking that

See on your side, alice. Yeah All right Well, we have a segment on this podcast called safety third Shake hands for danger now Greetings comrades Hello many years ago when I was young and stupid

I decided that what I wanted to be was an engineer. Oh my sweet boy huge mistake bad idea But it was not the cool build things that fall down type But the forces that want to kill you type An electrical they all do they all do. I don't know For this however, we were divided up into disciplines only in the second year and we all did a common first year thing Thing where we were taught incorrectly about the Tacoma Narrows bridge disaster We didn't we do that? Uh Yes, yeah, no. No, I mentioned we do that at Drexel. Oh, um

Good question. I don't remember I did engineering Engineering 101 102 103. Yeah, they make you build the Lego robot and disassemble the camera. Yeah. Yes Um, and then they make you do a stock market game because that's engineering now Yep, you make you make you build a Lego Tacoma Narrows bridge I they didn't give us that many lego pieces why I I left the engineering school And decided to do actual math We did get to mess around with bridges and deflection testing using students as loads So you could feel that bridge deflect when people walked on to it

However, this is from one of the excellent ideas when the electrical and mechanical engineering students would share a lab room and do an experiment This was a straightforward task where we had created a circuit with a mechanical device and connected it to three phase power And note that this is australia So the voltage was in the 400 to 415 volt range We would then take some readings and remove the power and reconfigure the circuit The setup was such that we had three people One person's only job was to turn on and off the power or hit the emergency stop button One person who was an observer

Uh who wrote down all the readings that were taken and instructed the person to power on and power off Um and one person's job it was to reconfigure the circuit uh and take some more readings Since i'm uh the lucky one I got the configuration slash readings job I see the helpful diagram here. Yes Here's the person here's the circuit which is a box Here's the power switch and stop button. I do appreciate the big stomp button. Yes In addition, since we were a mixed discipline class, my lab group had one other electrical student and one mechanical student We set up the experiment began to power up the circuit and take the readings

The procedure was that the person on power would ask the observer if it was okay to turn on the power And the observer would indicate if it was or wasn't The important part was that the power was not to be turned on unless the person was instructed to do so First few times this went fine and I took some readings The observer asked to have the power turned off and I got the reconfiguring the circuit This took a little time and I was asked if I was okay by the observer and I responded that it would take me a little while to complete this And he responded with an okay And that was the last thing I remember as the mechanical engineer turned on the power

Jesus wept The next part was described to me afterwards because I blacked out I don't know if any of you have had felt the kiss of sweet madam electricity But I got 415 volts across my right hand which caused all my muscles to contract in my hand and arm Leading me to punch myself in the face and collapse Since we had trusted my safety to a mechanical engineer, they did the only logical thing and watched instead of hitting the big red button Then the lights went out as the safety switch in the building's main tower circuit cut in and disconnected all the power Now if this had been the final outcome, then it would have been a dumb thing that happened

But we have to get in some of the truly stupid design ideas at my university This all took place in the electrical engineering building, which is up here, right? And all of our electrical labs were in it But they also decided that the power for the entire university would be linked up to the switchboard in there So by tripping the safety in the electrical building, I took out power across the entire university Nice good for you, man We had to wait two hours for the fire department to arrive as this was also hooked up to the fire alarm system And power could only be reconnected by them turning off the alarm and resetting the switchboard

Wait, why did the fire department like two hours to show up incidentally? That's a good question Maybe they have another fire somewhere Australia I can only imagine that this is probably some out in the middle of a desert somewhere They're hacking their way through the bush with shessies They have to punch like five kangaroos to get there They have to they have to go through you ever seen like those uh those uh bush firemen, you know, then they have to Fire truck and it burns over They have to do that like six times just to get there

As you can see here since we were good in loyal students We had a student union building that was available to any student that was a member of the student union And of course at this time it was compulsory to join the student union And i'm sure the whining of right wing wussies have gotten rid of this But it was decades ago and we understood the collective action was good And the power outers was described by the student union newsletter as an unknown interruption to the power to the university And the electrical use and I was never here And the electrical engineering department

Was keen for people to not know that it was caused by students fucking up an experiment that they were in charge of The mechanical engineering student faced no punishment for his stupidity And I had a right arm that was numb for most of the day and sore for a week afterwards I later dropped out of engineering to go and complete a computer science degree But it was not the last time the sweet madam electricity would embrace me But it had a much lower voltage of 230 volts Jesus still man

Hopefully I will stay far away from three pays power and now whenever I walk into an environment that has the possibility of electrical work I memorize where that big red stop button is That's a pretty good prank though to make another student punch themselves unconscious and knock out powers of the entire university Senior Wow Thanks for the enjoyable podcast exploring the peaks occasional and trouts of uh human achievement You're a sincerely reformed electrical engineering student Good lord. Um, all right, so our next episode is on the Tacoma Narrows bridge

No, it's not. No, it's not. I never agreed to change the gag. Yes, you did It's the we you're all voted on changing the gag. It's the fucking it's the boston molasses flood You know, I will I will exert I will exert a new one You present the slides Sometimes I make them. Yeah, this guy's francis made the slides. Thank you for coming on. Yeah Where can people find more francis content? Yeah, um me and uh, my buddy nate were uh, both x military and we both hate the military And uh, we both talk about that a lot at what a hell of a way to die Uh hell of a way to die.com for you know, we got a store and everything and we've got our own patreon at hell of a way to die

Where we uh, I do all kinds of interviews some military some not I also talk about Uh, rural Missouri bullshit because I'm from st. Louis. So it's a little bit of everything You get some dad content a little bit of gardening a little bit of grilling. It's a great podcast all of us have been on it Yeah, Nate and I talk for at least um, the first 10 minutes about our gardens and uh, the things that we're cooking Because we're both like in our late 30s and you know white male. So what else do we have going on for us? Oh, yeah, thanks so much for coming on. Thanks for having me. I was excited I was really excited to uh to do this. I had fun I had fun with the osprey and I knew I was gonna have fun with this one

Yeah, together we can abolish the air force. It is in our hands. Yes Just split it, you know, all the planes come to us and all the satellites go to space force Um, too easy Oh, I have a commercial to put in Uh October 26th. I will be on the guest crit stream with um Michael and kevin who we had on for the uh, calatrava episode and also kate wagner. It is a uh

architecture criticism stream run by the folks over at failed architecture I'm not sure if i'm allowed to promote this yet. So I might edit this out, but We'll we'll we'll find out. Uh, that's going to be a fun time. Uh, I'll put the link in the description if I'm allowed to do so Oh, yeah, listen to that unless we had to redact it. Yes, exactly. Don't listen to it And if you guys need any if you guys need any powerpoint presentations done If you need me to help uh, we're changing that last slide, let me know and I will put multiple bridges Different speculations and different sizes On there for you. I think as a bit we should genuinely have the last slide be something terrible that we've mocked up like that

Yes, a bunch of a bunch of lasers coming out of the Going out of the bridge dead people of boston All right, I think that was a podcast. That's a fucking podcast. I'm gonna stop my recording and I'm gonna go to bed sounds good