Well with Arielle Lorre - 100: EPISODE 100 with Lauryn and Michael of The Skinny Confidential

Episode Date: March 10, 2021

In this episode I’m talking to Lauryn Evarts Bosstick and Michael Bosstick, founders of mega-brands The Skinny Confidential and Dear Media, respectively, about their careers and tips for growing and functioning in the digital world. We discuss the ins and outs of podcasting; dealing with criticism and the tense climate we’re in right now; not worrying about labels and what others think; making career changes and tips for navigating transitions during this time; lifestyle practices to help with calmness and effectiveness; how to have boundaries with social media; today’s beauty standards and Lauryn and Michael’s approaches to beauty; how parenthood has changed their perspectives both personally and professionally and so much more. They also answer listener questions at the end. This is a fascinating conversation with tips and insight that can be applied to your life no matter who you are and what you do.   www.AthleticGreens.com/BLONDEFILES to get your FREE year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs today. www.Helloned.com/BLONDE to get 15% off your first one-time order or 20% off your first subscription plus free shipping. www.Coola.com with code BLONDE for 10% off your first order. www.Blublox.com/BLONDE for 15% off plus free shipping worldwide.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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or sunnycars. The following podcast is a dear media production. Hey, welcome to the Blond Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lorry, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there is so much information out there, so I'm here to help you navigate it all and live your best life. Thanks for listening. Let's get into it. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. This is super, super. special to me because you guys, this is the 100th episode of the Blonde Files podcast. So I'll tell you guys

quickly why this is so momentous for me. First of all, I was terrified to start a podcast. Like a few years ago, I'd rather get a root canal than do any sort of public speaking. Not that podcasting is public speaking, at least when you're recording, it doesn't feel like that. But anyway, that held me back for a long time. And then when I finally started it, it was such a labor of love. I did every single thing myself from the Instagram graphics to the editing of the episode to obviously the interviews and promotion and just everything start to finish, which is so much work. And for a year, I did it without making a penny. So to see how much the podcast has grown in two years and especially the past year is so gratifying. And I'm really just getting started. I love

doing this so much and your support is what keeps it going. So just a huge thank you to everyone who listens every week, everybody who shares the episodes. Obviously, a huge thing is rating and reviewing and subscribing, hint, hint, supporting the sponsors. All of that helps to keep this thing going and growing. So thank you again. So my guests today are Lauren Everett's Bostick and Michael Bostick. And this was also special for the 100th episode and very serendipitous how it lined up and I'll tell you why. And I think I'd go over it in the episode too, but I'll tell you why here anyway. So Lauren is a blogger, a brand builder, an author, entrepreneur, and founder of the skinny confidential.

And Michael, her husband is an entrepreneur and CEO of Dear Media. So I don't know if that makes him my boss. I don't know. But anyway, they've had a podcast, The Skinny Confidential, him and her for, I believe six years now and it's huge. I'm sure you're all familiar with it. And when I was contemplating starting my own show, I was letting all of the reasons why not to do it hold me back until I heard Lauren's advice to launch fast and adjust. And that was what finally gave me the push that I needed to just start, even though I didn't know what the F I was doing. And then I met them right when my podcast was starting out. And I remember

being like, wow, maybe one day I can be a part of Dear Media. And here we are. So when my producer, Brian, pointed out that their episode was going to be the 100th, I was like, of course, this is a universe thing. So cool. So our conversation today kind of goes all over the place, but I promise you guys will be interested, no matter who you are, no matter what you do. We talk about what it's really like podcasting and being in the digital space and being an outspoken person in today's climate. We talk about how to build a brand and have an impactful digital presence. We talk about how not to worry about labels and what other people think. We talk about, let's see, navigating a career change.

I know a lot of people are in transition right now. Of course, we talk about beauty. We talk about beauty standards. I was curious to hear about their thoughts on beauty standards. especially now that they have a daughter. And we talked about parenthood and how that's changed them and their perspectives and business and in their personal lives. We also talk about meditation and other lifestyle practices that we love, having boundaries with social media, which I think a lot of people are struggling with, especially this past year.

And we talk about that kind of hyper-connectivity, which was Michael's word. And at the end, they take listener questions. And it's just a really interesting conversation. So again, thank you guys for supporting me and enjoy the episode. Okay, so I'm here with Michael and Lauren, Lauren and Michael from the Skinny Confidential. And I just wanted to say that this is very serendipitous because the episode that we're recording is my 100th episode. And it's crazy because a couple years ago, I was like petrified to start a podcast.

I didn't know how. I didn't know what I would talk about. And that held me back for so long. And I remember hearing you say launch fast and adjust. And I really internalized that. And that was the thing that galvanized me to start the podcast. And then we were just talking about Alexis and when we all did that show. And that's when I met you guys like, I guess two years ago.

It was right when I started my podcast. And I remember when you guys left and Alexis and I were like, could you imagine like one day if we're on Dear Media? So it's a very full circle. So I just wanted to throw that out there. Well, you're both on your media. And I remember when I met you, I was like, what are these cookies? You gave me like three to take home. And it was so good. But they were like healthyish cookies. Yeah, the crowd pleaser, the air cookies. Because it's like. Those were so good. I'm like there's applesauce in it. It's like fruit. Oh my God. Those freaking cookies. Well, congratulations on 100 because that's it's no easy feed. It's not. I mean, I don't think people contextualize, especially in podcasts, like how much work it actually is. You do the 100 episodes sitting like this, which is like give it take an hour. But then there's the prep work before. There's the editing after. There's the mar. It's a, it's a ton of work. Yes. And, you know, I get people who send me in messages on Instagram or they'll send in questions about podcasting or about, you know, creating content in general. And they're like, so the podcast is what, like two hours a week? And then what do you do? And I'm like, hoho. And I think that's why so many people start podcasts. And then they stop after five episodes because it is so much work. But you guys were in really early. You started in 2015. How has it changed over? the years and where do you think it's going? I think it's changed so much, but I do think that

it's also become way more popular. It was not popular at all when we got into it. It's very similar to my blogging journey. It was not something people understood yet. I think that how it's evolved and changed is that people are really taking it seriously as a medium, which is so exciting. I think that it was male dominated in the beginning, and now there's more females in it, which is so exciting as a listener. And I always... also think that it used to be enough to put like the photo in the street on Instagram with like a hard emoji and now it's caused people to level up with their content. And I also think in a way it's exposed some people for who they really are. Like maybe you don't really want to follow that

person after you listen to them on a mic. But at the same time, it's enhanced your experience and your connection with your community if they like your content. I'll give you like a more like a data-driven answer. So when Lauren and I got in, the media had already exist for a long time, you know, even though we got in early 2015, 2016, it'd been around for a long time. But one interesting style is like from 2006 to 2019, I might butcher this a little bit, but not much. It took that amount of time to build 800,000 podcasts into existing, which is a lot of podcasts, but since then, from 2019 to 2021, the last figure I heard is there's like 2.3 million. So it's almost tripled in a span of two to three years than it did. So obviously it's getting more competitive. It's harder to stand

out. But I think the people that have longevity in this space, they speak to a dedicated audience authentically in their own way. Even when you take Dear Media, we went from like what six shows in 2019 to almost 80 now. And I'm told that we're going to be at hunt. Like sometimes it's we sign people now. I'm like, well, like it's happening so fast. So there's obviously a lot of tension on the medium. And I think it's because like something you said on on our show is that people are craving that human connection. They want to know what you think, how you feel, what's really going on behind in the scenes. And so, you know, the medium speaks to that. Yeah, I mean, the thing that I love about podcasting, and I think you've talked about this before, too, Lauren, is that, like, you can

bring it with you anywhere. So if I'm, like, sitting in traffic or if I'm in the grocery store, you know, it's something that you can have on all the time and you really get to know the hosts and the guests. And I love it because of that. It's truly the only, only medium where you're respecting your audience is time. I feel so good about it as a creator because I really feel like they're able to passively multitask, get their nails done and learn about something or laugh. We were talking about juicy scoop. Like, I'll be cooking in the kitchen and it's so light and I'll be able to laugh. I think that is so important now is really respecting the audience's time. It's a hard medium to curate. And when I say that as like, you know, when you think about editing an Instagram caption or a blog post or a video, and obviously that occurs in podcasting, but if you make it to 100 episodes over that period of time, like people are going to start to figure out who you really are, right?

because you can't, it's hard to get on a mic and curate that every single time, even in an interview format. So I think that's why people identify with it so much is because you're really getting to see who that person really is. This episode is brought to you by Blue Blocks. They have been a sponsor for the past year. You know I just love their products, including their blue light blocking glasses, their red lights, which I have in my bedroom and their sleep mask. And you guys, I've done multiple episodes with experts, including Andy Mant, the founder of Blue Blocks, who discuss the effects of blue light and what it does to our biology and why it's beneficial to take precautions and use light therapy products. So we know blue light can cause eye strain, dry, watery eyes,

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Do you feel like the response to your show has changed at all and is the kind of climate that we're in right now affecting your work at all? I am different than Michael where I do not look at the feedback unless it's something that's constructive written on my Instagram or DM to me that I feel like I can improve on. If it's something that's a troll, bridge troll comment, I don't pay it any attention. And that's just something I've learned over the last 12 years of doing this. it's not productive for me to sit and listen to what everyone has to say. I'm a big believer if you're not in the arena. Like, don't criticize. It's a waste of energy.

I personally would never go to someone's Instagram or podcast and write something negative. So I kind of don't understand that. The climate is obviously changed. People get offended easier. But I think it's even more necessary now to be yourself than ever. Like it's more, you're not going to capture everyone. So get over that idea that everyone's going to like you. There's going to be people that are drawn to you and people that aren't.

So with the climate change where I can see people getting in trouble, is they're overly censoring themselves because they're scared of the reaction. Yep. No, I think, I mean, if you go back in the history of Lauren and I show, and it's just the history of who we've been as people, we've never been conformists. And when I say conformists, I mean, I think if you're somebody that adopts a blanket set of ideas, deals. Like, we'll take with politics. When someone tells me they're Republican or Democrat, I zone out because I'm like, if you've adopted somebody else's set of beliefs without questioning those beliefs, you're just conforming. You don't really have an original thought. You're just taking a subset of ideas that aren't necessarily yours and blankingly setting them for yourself.

So what Lauren and I think have always been is we've been contrarians, like where we will say, okay, that idea works for me. That one doesn't. Let's question. And if you go back to the history of our show, we've always been that way. I think the climate now, we've gone to a place in society where people, if you don't pick a side or fall in line with, you know, a label or a subset of ideas, that it's this us versus them mentality. And for us, we're like, let's hear all sides of it and present all sides and then question like, does that work for me? Does that work for them? And so I don't think that we've changed. I think that the, that society has changed and to try to put people into boxes and we just refuse to be put into a box. We want to be a label.

Yeah. And I think that, you know, my friend and I, who's here we're talking about this earlier, about how there's this standard of perfection now. We're expecting people to be perfect and not be fallible and not misspeak and not make a mistake and learn from it. And it's just so unrealistic. And, you know, it's to our detriment as a society, I think. And I don't want to get too far into this. But it's just very interesting to me.

And I think that like there's a lot of misdirected anger. I also think that we're expected to be so perfect. and curated and this and that, but at the same time, don't use a filter. Right. Right. There's so much hypocrisy going on. Yeah. I believe if everyone who was online spewing hate used that energy to put into something

they were building, it would be incredibly more productive. And I feel bad for people that create fake accounts. Like, that takes 10 minutes of your day. And then to go seek someone out and write things. And it's just, it's a negative space. And you have to just look at it from a pragmatic standpoint, which it's like, oh, what's going on in their life that they have to do that. Again, if it's constructive, for instance, you know, Lauren, you say like too much.

That's something I can work on. But if someone's saying, you have the most annoying voice ever, this is the voice I was born with, right? You know, that's not something that I can really actively change, and that's like a hateful comment. So I think you just have to put it in different buckets. I am sad for people that feel the need to behave or perform. in a way that they feel will not get them. And, like, if you, to me, that feels like such an inauthentic life, right? If, like, everything you're saying and doing is because you're worried about offending somebody

else. Like, that's not an authentic way to live. And it's also a really difficult way to learn. Like, I may say something that's stupid on the show and be like, oh, and get some flack for that. And, you know, be like, okay, maybe I shouldn't say that. Why can I learn? But if I'm constantly worried about expressing how I actually feel or think in that moment,

there's no way you can perform for a long time in this medium because it's impossible, right? Like, we're doing this for Lauren and I would do it, times a month. You're having conversations with all sorts of different people. If I'm constantly having to guard what I say and think and feel, it's not going to be fun for anybody. Yeah, of course. I actually find it attractive too when people are wrong and they say I'm wrong. Like I would have liked to have seen Stasi Schroeder stay on Vanderpump rules so we could have seen what she learned and how she was educated and her redemption through that whole thing that happened instead of just canceling the person and taking them off air. I think that it's more interesting

to actually watch the person learn and evolve. The standard that we're set to that everything has to be perfect is out of control. Yeah, and I think that we were talking about this on your show too. Like, people want to identify and they want to be able to relate to someone and not see perfection. But then there is the standard of perfection that you can't do or say the wrong thing without being canceled. So it's very interesting. The idea of canceled to me is really interesting. Like, what does that mean?

Like, to me, I feel like I get canceled every day. Like there's certain amount of people that like, I don't like this guy anymore or this girl. I'm not falling. That's fine. We should just cancel cancel. But that's their personal choice. But the idea that people think they can stop me from speaking on the internet is laughable. Like I like whether you're with a network or you're on it. Like you can, nobody can really cancel you. People can stop consuming your content. Advertisers can choose to go other places. But like this idea that you can actually cancel someone and erase them if you don't like what they're saying or making or making you feel like that is absurd. If you don't like someone's content, turn. them off. Don't look at it anymore. Don't read it. Don't listen to it. But the idea that you're going to try to band together and get everybody else. Like to me, that's just, it's a little bit childish. It's like a playground stuff. I think that a better conversation. Like, listen, it's okay to hold people accountable. I didn't like that. Or if somebody really does a critical mistake to hold them accountable, especially if it's a crime or something like that. But this idea of trying to protect people's feelings, it's a very dangerous place to get to because what we're doing is we're stripping people of the

tools to be able to have resilience to get through things that they're not necessarily comfortable. For me, I have a young daughter. I would never want to take that opportunity away from her for her to learn how to be resilient, how to get through things that she doesn't like. If someone picks on her in the school, I want her to have the tools to continue to grow and be a human and not be, you know, stifled from that. And trying to protect people from the ugliness of the world because it's never going away. To me, is just a bit absurd. I went back to school last year, and it's been a long time, 15 plus years since I've been in school. And it's very interesting going back as an adult and seeing everything

that has trigger warnings and this and that and the way that they are really coddling people, I think, like to your point, you know, to not be resilient. And it's just crazy. It's crazy. And I feel like any adversity I've ever had in my life has helped me way more than the good times. Yeah. So it's wild. Yeah. Yeah. I think also, and I've talked about this on the show, and Lauren, forgive me. But, you know, and Lauren's been open. There's a young. age, you know, she lost her mother. And I think people, you know, when anyone, and you've had trauma in your life, whenever you, you know, witness or have serious trauma in your life, your perspective changes on what you think is a big deal and what you think is not a big deal, right? Like,

if you've been through some of the things both of you have been through, some other things may not seem as important to you as what other people perceive as. It's not to take away their feeling, but it's to point out that some of this stuff that everybody thinks is such a big deal for other people is not a big deal at all. And you have to respect both sides of that opinion. But we can't expect everybody to adopt the same mentality and to decide that everything is important just because it's important to you. Like what's important to me is important to me. I don't expect that to be important to you or Lauren. I may share my opinion, but you may say, okay, Michael, like, no big deal. And same thing with everything else. Like we got to get away from this thing

that like just because it's important to me or you or us. Can I give an example on what you're saying? Sure. You just said, I just heard him scream, fuck shit. Across the, across the whole office. And I'm thinking what, like, what, is someone hurt? Like, what happened? The pool heater went out. I'm like, okay. We lost it in the Great Texas Free State. No, it's not a big deal.

No, it's, this is a very good example of something that's like a big deal to you. It's not a that big of a deal. I'm just pissed off that I got to replace this fucking pool. The fuck shit, though, like in the way you say it, it just doesn't need to be there and it doesn't need to up my cortisol. But that's, I mean, that's exactly my point. A little therapy on air. We all feel that if we think something is important to us,

everybody else in the world has to feel that same impact or that same importance on that same subject. And it's not realistic. You know what I mean? Like it's impossible for you. Like, you know, I love my wife very much. I'm sure you love her too. But the amount that I love her is probably not the same that you love her. Like it's a different thing. And if I was looking at you, like, I'm pissed off that you don't love her as much as me. Like that's where we're getting to a place. It's like we have to get away. Let people feel their own feelings and act their own way and stop trying to push our own beliefs on everybody else. Yeah, like relativity. I think also the added thing that we are kind of in a bubble right now because of COVID, that makes it so much worse. But kind of

switching gears, I think a lot of people are kind of reevaluating their lives and their relationships and where they live and their jobs and everything because of COVID. And you said that you've been blogging for 12 years, right? You guys have been kind of trailblazers. Did you always know what you wanted to do and you just set out to do it and you were kind of fearless or do you have tips for people who might be feeling kind of trepidious like they want to make a change but they're nervous or they're uncertain or they're feeling fear about it. I would say that I have tips for both. I'm by nature in like my soul, a brand builder. Like if I could go back and do something else in my life and I had to pick something other than what I'm doing, it would be brand. So I definitely launched the skinny

confidential knowing I wanted a brand. That was very important to me. And I knew that the brand had to be bigger than me. And I think at that time when I started, there wasn't a lot of influencers that were building brand bigger than them other than like if you look at cupcakes and cashmere. Like she was doing that. And I just felt like there needed to be more influencers that were building it bigger than them. And what I mean by that is bringing other people up featuring other people on their blog, on their Instagram, whatever that was. So I started. knowing that this was a long game. And I didn't make a dollar for three years and I did it seven days a week. So it was definitely a very long game for me. It was not overnight. And that's why I think it is important to say 12

years because nothing about anything I've ever done has been quick. But I do think if you're out there and you're listening and you want to launch a blog or a brand or an Instagram, I would start very, very micro. So let's say you want to be a blogger. I always say like start and you actually did this. use Instagram as a micro blog. And once you've developed a small community, and I'm talking 100 followers, whatever it is, start bringing that to your Instagram stories. And then if people are still interested, then start a blog. I think people come in now and they're like, I have to get a TikTok and a podcast and a blog. And just start really, really small and slowly work out. It's like the upside down triangle theory. Like start with your niche and go out slow. Put yourself

out there slow as opposed to all at once. I would say if you're out there saying you're nervous, and I'm really blunt about this, it's an excuse. That is an excuse that is holding you back because you're scared. So I would examine and journal, and you said this on our podcast, journal why it's making you nervous. Are you scared what your high school friends are going to think? Are you embarrassed in front of your significant other? What are the things that are holding you back? And then realize that none of it matters.

The why is really important. And once you can work through that, I think it's a lot easier to do what you did, which is launch fast and adjust, because it's never going to be perfect. And I can tell you there's never been in the whole entire time I've created content for 12 years. There's never been a time when I'm like, this is perfect. There's always something I'm going to find wrong. I've just chosen to let go. Chuck always says, if you think that you have the best idea and that it's perfect, don't do it. It's good advice.

I think for me it goes back to like labels and boxes again. I mean, there's no, if you were to map out my personal career, there's no reason that I should be running Dear Media and hosting a podcast. I started in real estate and then went to aviation and manufacturing and marketing. It was a completely nonlinear path to here. And for the longest time when I would do interviews, I would have a really hard time when people say, well, like, what do you do? And I'd be like, well, like, you could use the label as entrepreneur or a business builder. And like, but people really wanted to put me in this box of like, this is this very specific thing you do. And I think we've gotten to a place where like the current economy doesn't reward just one thing.

Like people do different things and they evolve into different roles. And so for young people or anybody listening to this, I think not worrying so much about what the label or the classification is in like you and your personal career and having the ability to say, okay, like sometimes I'm going to change and go after. But to your point, you have to take action and you have to get going. You can't just constantly wait and second guess yourself about why you should be doing something or why you shouldn't be doing something. There's a book. I can't remember which one it was, but they use the analogy of like throwing a rock and throwing pebbles. Have you heard this? They're like, if you throw a bunch of small pebbles in the water,

it's going to make little ripples around each of them, but not anything profound. But if you throw a boulder in there, it's going to make waves, right? So I'm curious what you guys think about the landscape right now, where there are so many platforms. There's podcasting. There's Clubhouse, which it's like a whole other thing. TikTok, Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter.

Do you think that people have to diversify eventually, or should they start with one thing and then go to the next? I personally, if I was starting out right now, would start, like I said, a micro blog on Instagram, and my handle would be something very, very niche. And I use this example all the time and I actually think someone got the handle, but at that Target girl, right? So she starts showing her fines on Instagram of things that she found in Target that are under $20.

And she takes a picture and she writes about why it's cute, how much it is, what's the It's in bio. It's an affiliate link. And then she sort of builds a following off that. And then before you know it, she has, you know, 20,000 followers and she's gotten Target's attention. They're reposting her. She's getting followers from Target. And then Target says, we want to pay you for a collaboration. And so she starts collaborating with Target and being sort of an insider. And then before you know it, she's like Kristen S. And she has a hair care line in Target. And what she's done is she's essentially gotten herself on Target. gets radar and they've been able to elevate her and she's been able to elevate them. And so it's a win, win, win, those are the kinds of things I think are going to start standing out. Like, instead of doing a podcast and just saying it's an interview show, that's too broad. What else is it? Is there something where you can go on and find a morning routine? Is there like a podcast? We're doing this one today, like things that are maybe holding you back. There needs to be more than just, it needs to be more of a niche rather than something very general.

I mean, I have mixed feelings on this because you'll get a guy like Gary V who we admire in the space and who we've had on the show and all that stuff. And his big thing is go where consumer tension goes. And I 100% agree with that. Like, Lauren and I, we look constant about the platforms that are emerging and where consumers are going. But I would caveat that with telling creators, especially new creators, not to spread themselves too thin in the beginning.

Because when you try to do everything, you end up doing nothing, I'm the reverse. I'm not on that many platforms. Actually, like my social footprint is pretty low. But on the podcast, it's pretty big. But that's because I enjoy the podcast, and I found a medium that, to me, doesn't feel like work. So I think a lot of creators get spread thin because they start doing something on Instagram and they get a little traction.

Like, all of a sudden, TikTok comes along like, shit, I got to get off Instagram and focus on TikTok. And then that, like, then Clubhouse comes on, like, wait, do I got it on Clubhouse? And you end up spreading yourself so thin in the beginning that you actually end up capturing no one. So I do think it's important for creators to start off by picking. the medium that speaks to them the most and works for them the best and build a large-scale audience there and then think about expanding as you can add more team members or as you can take on new

platforms. Also, instead of wasting time DMing people and asking them to pick their brain for coffee or to hop on a 15-minute Skype call, start a podcast, build it up and talk to the people that you want to talk to for an hour and a half, right? It's all about looking at something and shifting your mindset. So I think whatever platform that you're choosing, make sure you're putting your energy in the early times towards stuff that's actually going to move the needle. DMing 100 people asking for coffee, okay, starting a podcast, doing 100 episodes and then talking to the people that you want to talk to for an hour and a half. To me, that's more valuable. Yeah, I love that. So speaking of your podcast, one of the questions that people asked me so much

when I gave them an opportunity for this episode was how do you rifle through all of the information that you get? You guys have so many guests on so much different information. How do you decide what to apply to your lives? I think I'm pretty picky about the content I let in in the way where if I don't feel like it's providing me value, I won't watch it. So if someone's Instagram, like I watch probably three people's Instagram story and all of them give me value. As far as who we bring on the podcast, it has to be a win for the audience. The person has to have a unique perspective. We're not just trying to batch a bunch of interviews to batch a bunch of interviews. I would rather just do solo episodes or do an episode with Michael than just have all these people on.

I guess when I want someone on the podcast is they have a unique perspective, which I already said, but maybe they're a resource. I love a story. If you had an interesting life and you can really tell your story on this medium, that's really powerful. I don't really care how many followers someone has. That doesn't matter to me. We've had all different kinds of, you know, big, small influencers. We've had celebrities. We've had the everyday person, whatever it is. As long as you have that story and that unique perspective, we're pretty open. It's like books. It's like when you read a lot, right? Like, you're not, like, I'm a big reader and I know I'm not retaining everything. But you know, like when you're, if you read and you're sitting at a dinner party and something comes up and all of a

and like, oh, like, I have a weird random fact that's buried in the back of my subconscious for something. I read a book one time, like, went all crazy on the history of salt and how it used to be worth more than gold and how people used to use it as currency. And, like, stuff like that is- You and Chuck would be BFFs. It's not like day-to-day useful information. But it's nice to have a wealth of knowledge that's from different backgrounds and perspectives on different subjects. And I view the podcast the same way. There's some things that immediately resonate.

We just had a guy on the show, Dave Meltzer, and he was giving us some tools on how to schedule our calendar in a better way and structure our calls. And like, that's something I immediately apply. Or later we'll have somebody that is a doctor, you know, like Will Cole or another doctor that's talking about something. And I'll be at the grocery store. I'll be like, oh, well, maybe I can make that switch. So, you know, Lauren and I, we are learning at the same time as the audience, you know, like when we have a guest on the show. And I like the idea that we get firsthand access to these amazing people to kind of like pick and choose from their tools. And over time, like some things will surface, some things immediate, some things will go right

over the head. But it's not like we get someone on and we have to use all of their information or agree with it immediately. And as far as like picking subjects to talk about, like on the blog or on Instagram, I really, and I keep saying this word, but I love, I'll say, I'll use another word the niche. I love random things that haven't been talked about enough or like ancient practices. So like talking about Guisha or just like, and Guishaw is obviously. very trendy now. But I mean, I love to talk about those ancient practices before they've really been explored. For instance, something that's really interesting to me, and I'm sure you've talked about this before, is grounding. To be able to access the earth and go outside, it's free. So when I talk

about that, I know, oh, everyone can do this. We can all take our shoes off and go put our feet in the sand or the dirt or the grass. And that's very interesting to me, because like I said, anyone can do it, and it's something that you could do right then and there. It's taught, the show's taught us to, will communicate better, hopefully, with each other, but also to just keep a much more open mind. Like, before the show, I think we were both probably a little bit more closed mind. And you have people on over the years that, like, whether they're too woo-woo or their ideas, way out there. I think people think that anyone that comes on our show, we completely agree with. Like, there's been people on the show where we've got, we don't agree with at all. But I'm interested

in Lawrence is in hearing the perspective and trying to understand, like, why they came to their conclusions. And I wish more of the world would do that. So, you know, people may tune into our show sometimes, like, I absolutely hate this guest and don't identify with it all. But I think those are the conversations we should lean into more because it's counter to what we typically think, right? And that's what keeps you evolving as a human. I'm very interested in people that I don't agree with. I actually seek them out. I don't want my friends to have all the same opinions as me. I want all different ideas around me. I'm not interested in someone sitting across from me and we agree on everything. I mean, it's boring. It's part of the problem in society right now is we're in

these echo chambers. We're like, I hate this person. And then you get 75 people or anything. I hate that person too. And it's like, but there's a whole other group of people that love that person. And you're missing a part of life and a part of the world. And if you don't marry both of them together, you can't be a well-rounded person. Yeah, I totally agree. And yeah, I think that sometimes the most interesting podcasts are when a really good podcaster can bring somebody on who has different views from you and you can empathize with the guests that you disagree with and you can understand them and see where that perspective comes from. This show is supported by our friends over at Ned CBD. I am sure you've heard of CBD. In fact, you've probably been inundated with ads and maybe you're

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I cleaned up my products and not in like a all holistic way, but I just really started examining ingredients and what I was putting on my skin. I started finding really small businesses where they make their own batch skincare. So like maybe there's like a facialist in, you know, Orange County that makes all small batches. So I love finding, finding little tricks like that. I definitely am a huge, and I talk about this all the time, fan of facial manipulation. It's changed my life. I run puffy. I have wine face sometimes, like things like are not tight and snatched at all times. And I find the number one thing is using hands or tools or ice. I just love facial manipulation. I really do think if you do it on a day-to-day basis, it's so preventative. And then as far as like, I love Botox. That was hard not getting it for nine months. I love a spray tan. I get violet tones when I I do a spray tan. And probably something that you said on our podcast, which is slowing down.

So putting times in my calendar to walk, doing breath work, taking cold showers every day, those little tiny things that don't seem like a big deal at the time add up. Even getting to bed earlier, turning off the TV at a certain time, getting red light in my room. I'm a big believer in the little tools every single day are really those habits that set you up for success. How has it rubbed off on you? On me? Yeah. I mean, like, I told you this minute.

I mean, like, I'd have to be a real dumb shit. Can I cuss on this? I'm sorry. Yeah. To not have some of it rub off on me. And we've had so many, you know, wellness practitioners, doctors, skincare experts. And so, you know, I'm not out there preaching to men that they got to go and change their face and get surgeries. Like, you know, a lot of guys get threatened by that. They think, like, they're not men.

You don't want to get threads? No. After the story, you tell me now. I'll thread your balls later. But I do think there's, like, very simple thing. Like if Lauren, you know, when she showed me, okay, these are very simple way to take care of your skin or here's a serum. It's like, oh, okay, like it's not, like from a cellular level from like a health level. It's pretty simple to do. It's like brushing your teeth and the results are pretty significant.

So I'm more conscious now about it when I was growing up, it was like slap a little dove soap on the face and hit the streets. I like how you said that though, like from a cellular level. I had somebody on recently and he's a cosmetic dermatologist, Dr. Paul Jared Frank. I don't know if you've had him on. I haven't had him on, but I know who that is. He's great. You guys should have him. And he was talking about how like your outward appearance is a manifestation of how you treat yourself ultimately.

And you can, you know, he's like, you can do all the things externally. But if you're not taking care of yourself inside, like it's not going to look good. And he says that he has clients who come to him and they're like, I need more Botox. I need more filler. Okay, give me threads. Give me laser. Give me this. Give me that.

And they're never happy. And then he's like, why don't you go meditate? He does TM also. I was like, I knew it because he looks like he's 20 and he's like 55. And they'll go and they'll change something in their lifestyle. They'll start meditating. They'll change who they're hanging out with and they come back to him and then they're happy. And they're like glowing, literally.

So that's really interesting. Who you hang out with is so important. I'm a big fan of that and whose content you consume. I didn't know anything about wellness before I was, I mean, literally like I woke up, I got dressed, I went to work or did what. There was no routine. There was no meditation. There was no red light. There's no skin. And I think about, okay, well, I would have probably just carried on like that my entire life. I think a lot of men do. But I think I'm more effective by realizing, okay, like there's time to do wellness. There's time to take care of yourself. Take care of your skin. Like feel healthy. Like all those things.

And it enables me to be more successful in other areas of my life. So, you know, it's rubbed off on me pretty significantly. You're rubbing off on me that I need to do TM. You've mentioned it a lot. It seems like it's really affected your life in a really positive. Yeah, and something that I didn't mention on your show was the way that I was kind of influenced to do it was that I started noticing that a lot of people around me did it, people that I really admired. And I was at dinner with a couple who were like 80 years old, maybe a little bit older. And they were so youthful. And I mean, act young, young energy, look young. And I asked the woman what her secret was. And she said TM. She had been doing it since the 70s. And I was like, All right, if that's the key to aging, say no more. So, you know, my original, like, motive was kind of vain, but, yeah, I mean, it totally changed my life.

When you do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, you can do it anywhere. Chuck and I, he does it, too. We did it in the courthouse in New York when we were getting our marriage license. Like, downtown, I mean, so much commotion going on around you. You can literally do it anywhere. Are your eyes open or closed? Closed. So you just close your eyes and you just say your mantra for 20 minutes. Yeah. Oh, my God, I got to do this. But it's effortless. So you don't have to sit there and say that your mantra is so hum, which is just like a, it's not my mantra, but it's one that's commonly used in other kinds of meditation.

You think of your mantra, but your mantra is going to slip away. You know, your mind is going to wander. That's what your mind does. And maybe five minutes later, you'll be like, oh, and you'll remember it. And you just bring it back. gently. It's not this like harsh thing that you have to sit there and be like, okay, so hum, so hot, you know, it's. I'm going. You sold me. Influx. You're going with me. No, I'd be interested in learning the proper way because I think that talking to people like yourself, that to me has been

the unlock. Everyone that swears by the like, oh, I went in and was actually trained how to do this. Because it doesn't get diluted that way. And yeah, I mean, with TM specifically, and people are going to listen to this and be like, she is part of a cult. Like this is weird. But so many highly, highly effective people do it and really rely on it. And you guys are highly effective people. So I think you would benefit from it. Do you have to keep going back or once you learn it, it's done? So you do the four days consecutively. And it does cost money, which I think is one of the barriers that a lot of people feel. And it makes them skeptical. Why would I pay for this? But if you really think about it, it makes sense. And the money goes to the foundation. And that's it. But once you do that introductory. four-day course, then you have lifetime access. You can go to group meditations if you want. You can go to any TM center. You can do a refresher. So at the beginning of COVID, I was feeling like I was just not, I was sitting there and I was like thinking the mantra, but I was also thinking about 10 other things I had to do. And I wasn't really feeling the benefit. And so I did like a 20-minute meditation and like a session with my

teacher. And she just kind of brought me back. So you have lifetime access to everything. I got to try it. I'm sorry. It's pretty crazy. If you do. do let me know how you like it because it's like yeah it's pretty profound this is like so weird but it kind of goes off with what you're saying i'm really really into sound bowl therapy i've seen that on your stories really into it and there's something that it does to my cortisol i'll be very anxious and i'll just do the sound bowl and it does something to your frequency and conier west was i think he was on david letterman and he said the reason that he started his church was because he noticed that you can change the frequency of a room

by certain sounds and music. So his church is at a very, it's a very opposite frequency, and I might be saying this wrong, than something that's like very high cortisol. And what's so crazy is I play the sound bowls, and my daughter just sits there and just stops, whatever she's doing. She could be watching Frozen or crying or whatever, and I'll play it and she stops. And so I'm really interested, and if anyone knows, DM me, in learning more about like going to a class where you can lay on a mat and hear sound bowls. It's so beautiful to me. Interesting. And admit your access to now, because you were skeptical and now you're into it. I would appreciate if you took a class on how to play them. No, I think I play them. I'm good.

I'm going to text you the link of where I got these bowls because they're magical. I'm doing like, I always just did my meditation. Now I'm like adding in the incense and the stage and the Palosanto and everything. So like Chuck comes down in the morning and a I'm like... Lauren, like, lights the house on fire. Yeah, I don't get the house on fire, but at least I'm calm. Yeah, so I definitely need to add the sound bowls and really he'll be like, oh, my God. And I actually think I'm pretty good at playing them, so that's rude.

Lauren's dad told her she was like an incredible singer when she was a kid and she took it and ran with it. She's got a lot of talents. I don't know if that's a lot. Oh, my God. So you mentioned your daughter. How has having a daughter changed everything? for you? How has it changed you professionally, personally, all of that? I was not focused on kids at all. I was not, it wasn't even really in my ether. And when we got pregnant, obviously,

we're so excited. But it was like after 500 margaritas and, you know, it happened. And so it's truly been so amazing. I'm obsessed with it. She is the cutest, too. Thank you. Thank you. So cute. It's been so fun. And I think it's, surprised me and it's checked my ego because I was like, oh, I'm not maternal. I'm this, I'm that. And then I realized, oh, my God, I am. And I was, maybe I was like pushing that away because I didn't want to explore that side of myself and I was like hustle and work and blah, blah, blah. But after having a child, it's so incredible to see half of him and half of me. And that maybe sounds narcissistic, but I'm just being honest, like she does little things that he does. And it just, it's,

it like warms my heart. Well, it's like, I mean, every parent probably says it's a huge perspective shift, right? You stop the focus before, I think, is, at least for me personally, was a lot more on self. Obviously, you like live for your wife too, but really in a way, like you're still like very, it's yourself. And when you have a child, I think most people find that you start living and doing things for the child. Like there's always this other perspective. And it's a weird thing to go through because it completely alters the way you think about everything, the way you think about work, the way you think about relationships, the way you think about,

the way you think about your time. You know, like, for me, if I have a spare moment of time, I want to spend it with her. And so people have to have a damn good reason now to get my time, right? Like if my guy friends are like, hey, I want to go out and just, you know, drink all night. Like, I'm not as interested anymore. I want to go out and, like, it has to be a purpose. And so I think it's interesting to go through that so immediately. And it's something you can't plan for.

But, I mean, it's the best. How do you feel about, like, the future of social media and we were talking about beauty before and beauty standards and all of that. I mean, do you have any concerns now that you have a daughter? It won't be a problem for her because at 13, we're moving to Amish country. And we are getting... Well, that's good. You have a plan. No, I don't know. It's concerning, right? It is very concerning. It's very gnarly. But I'm hoping that again, the pendulum will swing and like what's popular now. Maybe it's like how meditation. Everyone's so into meditating and like disconnecting. I think that that that's going to.

be more and more sought out as we get older. I'm hoping, but the phone is addicting. I mean, you do have to be disciplined about your habits on the phone or you'll be scrolling for hours. I mean, I have a no phone rule in the morning. I don't want to even look at my phone for two hours. I do think that because of the experiences, Lauren and I have had using social media, and I'll preface it, using it primarily as a means to run a business, right? Like so maybe our experience was a little bit shifted than somebody who's not using it for anything else but consumption. Right?

I'm trying to navigate this the right way. I think that we will be able to provide, hopefully, a perspective on how to use these tools for good and productive things and how to guard yourself against the things that are not so good. Or we won't, and she'll have to learn. I'm not going to micromanage that. It's either like she's going to learn. And what I'm saying is that we have some perspective to share like things that are good. Because I think people take these blanket statements like social media is terrible or social media

is like there's there's good and bads that come with everything. Just I think a lot of people don't know how to contextualize and put them in a framework where it's like, okay, like now's the time to use these for good and productive things. And now's the time to recognize that it's not so productive and could be bad. Yeah, it's hard. It's really hard to have discipline around it. And I think I don't know how it was for you. But for me, like I'm a rock bottom person.

to get to a point where like I'm so sick of my own behavior and sick of my own shit to make a change. And I had to get to that point with social media too where I was like, this is consuming my life instead of me consuming it when I want to. And, you know, it was like once I get to that point, then I'm willing to change my behavior around it. But how do you implement discipline around it? There's so many little things I do. And there's weird little things. Like I deleted the Facebook app, not on my screen. If I want to go on it, it's on the computer. And how often my, Am I on the computer? Not a lot. Tick-Tock, it's on a nut. You know how you have, it's the front screen. It's not on my front screen. I don't go on my phone two hours in the morning, every single

morning. And when I do pick up my phone, it has to be to pick it up for something positive. So connecting with my team, calling my dad, listening to an informative podcast. Like the first thing I do, and this is a habit that I've trained myself, I do not press the Instagram app. So sometimes I don't post stories until 11 o'clock. That is my time with my daughter. I'm not going to be consumed by my phone. I try to get off my phone two hours before I go to bed. And then this is another trick. If I wake up in the middle of the night, I noticed, so I'm like always observing my habits. I noticed that I would click Instagram when I woke up in the middle of the night if I was, you know, bored and couldn't sleep. And so I was like, okay, how do I change this? I will not pick up my phone in the middle of the

unless it's to press the book app. That's it. I think also putting your phone on airplane mode, putting it away, I let my phone die. I get off stories all the time. I take a break. I'm not effective if I'm constantly just burning the candle at both ends. And then another little tip I do is, you know how this may be hard to explain, but you know how on Instagram there's your side for your feed, and then you click to the left, and there's everyone else's thing that you can just scroll. I don't go to that side. Me too. I don't go to that side. I don't even look. If I like or comment on someone's photo, it's because I've sought them out. And then I mute stories all the time. I mute people that

maybe don't add value to my life. I'm very careful about what comes into my ether. The only thing I would say that I do do, and it's like kind of like an outlet every day is I love the daily mail on Snapchat. but I don't do it as I'm going throughout my day. I'll do it while I'm having lunch. So it's like I will sit down and have lunch and just like read mindless shit. I firmly believe, and I'll call myself out here, this last year that we just had in 2020 was one of the worst years for screen time. I think we were sucked into every kind of screen where there was a television screen, a computer screen on Zoom, the phone, you're reading the news, you're watching. So we were forced into isolation in these situations where the only way we could feel connected was by consumption.

on screens, right? And I feel, I'm just as guilty as that of, you know, the majority of people. But I think the reason people had such a problematic year outside of we're in this, like, health pandemic is that we were way too connected and we were way too connected to bad in, I don't say bad or fault. It's just information that was harmful. And it's not that it's not true information. It's that the spread of fear and the spread of frustration immediately to everybody was very, I mean, you could see the effect it had on the last year. And so I've gotten back personally to a place now where I'm doing everything I can to not have a screen, right? Like, if it doesn't have to be a Zoom, it's a call. Right? I'm like, get me on a call. If it doesn't... I don't have to... If it doesn't have to... Like, when I read now, I used to read on my iPad. I'm doing everything I can to read on hard books. Like I do... But I've recognized that we need to get away from these screens and use them when it's when it's productive. And when it's not, we have to go back to how it used to be. I don't want to be on Instagram unless I'm working.

Yeah. And now that I'm a mother, it's like I'm done with Instagram by the end of the night. Enough is enough. Like I try to just focus on my business and what I'm posting. And of course, if I can support other creators by seeking them out and talking about them on my own stories. But as far as just going like this and scrolling, it's just not productive. There's a book I'm reading right now called Stranger in the Woods. And it's about this guy.

This is a wild story. But this guy went off into the woods in Maine. He's called The Hermon of Maine. I saw you post about this, I think. But this guy's nuts. I mean, not nuts. He was actually not crazy. So I don't want to say that.

I'll take that back. But he one day, he just drove his car to the edge of the woods and went away and lived in the woods for 28 years and didn't see another human, which is way too extreme. But the reason I like the book is they're interviewing this guy and it gets back to a place of like what happens when you disconnect and the benefits it could have on the brain. Obviously, you don't need to go away for 28 years. But when's the last time each of us spent even a day without technology or two days? or two days or a week. Like if you ask somebody, hey, put your phone away and don't look at it for two days, like people have a meltdown, myself included.

So we got to get back to a place where we're not so dependent on these things. I also, there's nothing worse than a Sunday where you've realized you've laid in bed all day and gone down a rabbit hole. You feel bad. If you really check in with yourself, it doesn't feel good. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, if you're on the explore page or if you're following people who don't bring you value,

like you were saying, you can be in a good mood and then instantly you can see something that affects you negatively and that will change your entire day. It's like it's so fragile. And yeah, I mean, it's tough. I think that so many of our problems too, like the anxiety and even gut issues and all these things that people are dealing with, a lot of it comes from, you know, being attached to a screen. I saw, I don't know the study at all, but I saw that they just recently did a study with checking email and IBS or checking email and some kind of, and I mean, it was like directly connected. That doesn't surprise me.

I think I don't check my email. That's another thing. I check it. I check it maybe once a week. There's also, you know. That's another tip. That's smart. I feel like the longer you go on creating content, you start to see that living in your inbox,

it's never fucking ending. This new thing to people that are, they say they're triggered, right? And again, this is like maybe going to trigger somebody. But the point is, is that we are choosing. to put ourselves in a position where we can feel triggered, which is so wild to think about, like you can go and say, this triggers me or I got to put a trigger warning,

but it's the fault of ourselves for putting ourselves in a position where we're triggered by things we see on our screens. And when I feel triggered about something, I think about not how it triggered me, I think about why it triggered me. What's happening with me that it's triggering me? So after pregnancy, like I gained a lot of weight

when I was pregnant, and I knew one of my triggers was I don't want to sit on Instagram and see girls and bikinis all day. Like, that's just three months postpartum. That was just not where I was at. So I went through and, like, made sure that that wasn't what I was seeing all day long. Now I'm at a different stage in my life. Maybe I'm triggered by, I don't know, something else. Like, I don't know right now.

But, like, I really examined why it was triggering me. Instead of saying and projecting it onto someone else and saying this is your fault, you're triggering me. No one can do anything to me. It's like it's like jumping into a pond and then complaining that you're wet. Right. Like it's like we're doing these things that we know are going to upset us and consuming things that we know we shouldn't consume case by case. And then complaining about what we see. And I think it's difficult for creators because people are, you know, that you're constantly worried about how you're going to upset somebody. But like really, like you have to go back to the individual level. If something I see or here somewhere is upsetting me, like I don't blame that person. I

blame myself for putting myself in that situation, right? Like, you've got to be accountable. And I think that's one of the downsides of, you know, hyper-connectivity. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good word for it. So I got a ton of listener questions and maybe we can do kind of like rapid fire. See what the big ones were. How is your relationship different now post-baby?

Oh, that's such a good question. It does change. I think that I'm definitely more in. love with my husband after having a baby because I've been able to see how he is, I would definitely say that it can get difficult, which I'm sure you've heard from many moms, because the sleeping schedule. Like, for instance, when we were in Austin, she was sleeping with us for a week and a half. And that's hard because we didn't have her, like, we just moved to this house and we didn't have her room ready and like we didn't want to sleep her in like this barren room with no, like she was,

you know, not familiar. So I sleep through anything. And he. wakes up if someone drops a pin. So the problem is, is he wakes up if she makes one noise and I don't. Which is kind of opposite. So he wakes up and he's, you're like in a bad mood because you've been up all night. The, every parent can relate. The, the sleep thing is hard. I mean, you get, you kind of get into this space where you kind of, it's in a weird way, you just get used to it. And I feel like, you know, parents know, like you run through these marathons where all of a sudden, like the new norm is like if you can get a, if you can get seven hours of sleep with a newborn kid, like that is absolute bliss, right? Where like before you could sleep eight, nine hours,

no problem. You have to learn like, I can sleep eight still. Yeah, I mean, because I, because I, but, um, but no, in a way, like I'm more in love, obviously with my, this cheesy, with my wife than ever because you see she brought the most important thing to me in the world and into the world, right? Like, so that's the thing. But the marriage does change and you have to work on it. Like, we have to find sneaky times to do the boom-boom. We have to, we have to find, uh, we have to, the way you just called that is like, not a turn on. Like, right now we're doing this. We have to have a nanny help us. Like there's, it's not like, hey, Michael, we just like take off. Like we're constantly, you have this thing that's dependent on you. So you have to get a little bit more careful with

your time and proactive and like really put effort in the relationship. Also as a woman, I don't think it's talked about enough. What a mind fuck it is to have your body go through all this and gain so much weight. And then if you're breastfeeding, it's, It's like you got that going on in your vagina, if you gave birth naturally, your C-section. It's like all these different things that are going on with your body. And I'm so used to coming to him and talking out my problems. And I'm so used to us being on the same sort of level. And he just did not understand that.

I had no clue what the hell was going on. And that was very, very frustrating. How did you deal with that? A lot of fights. Poorly. A little bit of mushrooms. Honestly, poorly. And I take account of building for this.

He was really bad. I would give you like a D. Most, I think I will generalize men. We, I'm used to my wife being very stable and being this person that I know very well. And then when she was postpartum, I was like, my, you were like he literally quote unquote, what's wrong with you? I was like, what's wrong with you? What do you mean what's wrong? Like my hormones are completely out of whack. I'm 40 pounds heavier than I'm used to. My tits are hanging on by a thread. My vagina's bleeding. Well, I think the baby's crying. What do you mean what's wrong with me? So but so here's the problem. And here we also. the benefit of having some people in the show. We had postpartum experts and counselors come on and actually did couples therapy with us because men, we are not equipped in the beginning to understand what it's like for a woman to go through postpartum. And even now, after hearing all these conversations and like doing some work myself, I still, there's no way I can relate to understand what she went through. But I think if you're not used to that as a man and you don't know and you're used to your wife

being a certain way, it's really challenging. And like for a while, it was tough on our marriage because she was on one page and I was on the other, right? And it takes work. I also didn't take a maternity leave, which is 100% my fault. And so I was getting texts from my manager when I was in labor to post things. Oh, my God. And the maternity leave, like we're still, you know, as podcasters, like, we didn't really stop doing all the things that we had to do.

And I should have taken more time off. And that's 100% my fault. So, and I think, like, you think, oh, you're, your home, you can still create content. I should have just taken a step back. And I didn't. So looking back, that's probably what I would do differently. Everybody is probably spending a ton of time with their significant other if they have one. You guys spend a lot of time together, given that you have worked together for such a long time. Do you have any tips for people who are feeling the strain of that? I would say find space in your house that's your own. So like he knows in the morning, like I want to make the bed without him annoying the fuck out of me and don't throw your towel in the room because I'm making the

bed and I'm listening to my podcast and then I'll work out and I have that area sort of of the house and I know not to bother him in his office because he's he's doing his thing. We try to also you know we both like to do the juve in the morning or breathwork. We try to like make time for that so each of us can do that. And then like tonight we're going to go to the spa and do a couple's massage, but we're not going to be like talking and hanging out. We're just going to be in the same room. There's something really underrated about being able to be with your significant other in silence. Just because Michael and I are together all the time, we are sort of independent in the way that we are, if that makes sense. So on Sundays, we'll lay in bed and we're both reading a book.

I think there's a way to spend quality time with your significant other that's not in an annoying, I need your attention kind of way. I think like one theme that, and this is even before the pandemic, has been common for us as we talk a lot about recovery and realizing like, okay, is this something you, like you want to die on your sword here about this fight about something stupid? Like I didn't take my shoes off or something in the house. And also, like, we can get frustrated, but we try to get to a place where we're never like unkind attacking each other's character or trying to tear each other. Like, Lauren and I really love each other. I think that's the big thing. Like, do you actually love this person? And if you don't and you're in this situation, like, I actually really don't like this person. Maybe it's time to split. But if you do love the person, and get to a place where you're not unkind to each other, and then also be like, okay, we don't have to fight. What's the big deal thing and what's the stuff that we could just say? Sex is important. Date nights are important, making time.

I think sometimes, too, you have to lay down the law. Like, he was just doing little Chinese torture things that were driving me nuts over the period of three weeks. And we went out to dinner. And I just decided, you know what? This is my stage tonight. And I just went off on the way. Not like went off on him, but just went off on how,

I'm feeling what like I feel like we can do to be productive. Sometimes I feel like they need a little wake up, a little water on the face. You know what I mean? I never want people to think like, you know the couples that are always out there and they're posting those pictures of them like dancing in a meadow or something. Like that's not us. Like Lauren and I, like, we get into it. Like we, there's been blow up fights. Taylor, the producer back there, you know, we're in the studio. He, like, one day I'm going to have him just released like all of the wild fights we've had. It's going to, the one where I threw the mic at you. People are going to be like, what the hell are these people? I don't want people to look at our relationship. Be like, wow, this is just a

a picture perfect thing. There is a lot, a ton, a ton, a ton of struggle. We just work at it, right? And we're committed to work on it together and get to a place where we can keep moving forward. And I think a lot of couples, you know, they give up too early, right? Or they say like, oh, well, like this person said this, I'm never going to forgive them. I'm like, we have our blowouts. But we just... And I would say this in front of you. That is hard sometimes when it's dating someone your age because the maturity is not going to be as crazy as someone who is 20 years older than you. So you're saying I You'll be surprised, though. Yeah, I know that they're all immature, but his parents are 20 years apart.

And I do feel like your dad is very stoic in his approach with your mom. He says yes, dear. It's so easy. I have yet, though, to meet a couple where everything's perfect. And the ones that tell me it is, I'm like, oh, okay, well, see what happens. I would just be bored if everything was perfect. I need, like, a little drama. Well, it sounds like you guys communicate.

So, you know, you hash it out, but you're communicating. I think where so many people. get in trouble is when they like dance around each other and walk on eggshells and don't talk about anything. And then there's a huge blowout. And then it's like totally. And it probably does help that we're on the mic talking a lot. Right. You like process. Yeah. We work together, but we don't. If that makes sense. Like we do the podcast together, but that's it. My advice of couples thinking about working together is to not do it, to do it. I really like, I tell people all that. I think if you get to a place where you absolutely have to work on something

together, then okay, you can figure out, but then you got to really define the roles. Lorne and I, People, like, my day to day is I run Dear Media. That's the company I head up. Lauren runs a skinny confidential. We come together and do the podcast every week or every other week or have her twice a week. But like she's running her team. I'm running my team. We have separate lives and separate things.

I think the couples that go all in, like that's a very difficult thing to do. And you have to be very aligned and you have to really define the roles. Boundaries are really, really important in all relationships. And boundaries with yourself are important. So if you tell yourself, I'm not going to check social media for two hours. and a half an hour into your day, you're checking it. That's something that I would examine with relationships, like, I'll give you one of my boundaries.

I don't want to talk about work when I'm in bed. I don't think that's that weird, but some people think it is weird. Some people like to talk about work. My boundary is I only talk about work in bed. I also, we just moved to a new place, and I told him, I don't want a TV in a room. I just don't. I want the room to be very feng shui, and I really don't even want our phones in the room. I want it to be sleep in sex.

So just setting little boundaries like that. If you audited the time, though, in our bedroom that housewives is on on that TV compared to, like, me... The reason housewives is on. Disproportionate. I'll explain this. And David Meltzer said it perfect is when you are running all these different things during the day and there's so much chaos, it's nice to put on something mindless. It's like I don't have to think about anything other than what's in front of me. What I'm saying is the TV in the room for me is no big deal.

But you, I don't know how you're going to live without housewives in the room. I will live without it. Okay, we'll see. Sorry, we're hijacking your show with couples therapy. No, I love it. So many people had questions about that anyway, so they're going to love it. What excites you the most about moving to Austin? I feel like I've always been called to a place like that.

I've never, I've talked about this. I've never felt like a California boy. I never give a shit about the beach. I don't surf. I don't, you know, I'm not really in the California culture. I like the idea of being more central. I like the Texas mentality a lot of this like, you know, hard grit. get up and try for big things, keep going, keep pushing.

I really, I like the public school system out there for our daughter. Nothing wrong with private schools, but for us, like Lauren and I were both public school kids, and I want her to kind of go through that system. I love the nature. I think I've gotten beaten down here over the years in the city. I'm just kind of sick of it. To me, cities are places where you go to hustle and work and have fun and do all these things. And I love New York, I was telling you, it's my favorite city in the world.

I love it. I think, you know, it's struggling right now. And there was a time I loved L.A. but for living and getting away, you know, we're also hyper-connected. I like that it feels a little bit slower pace and it's different while also like a growth city. I love the people. Like there's nothing bad I can say about Austin. And I just think it's really good for people to not get stuck in a set routine and to change it up once in a while.

I wanted a sanctuary and where we were living, where we are living right now is not the sanctuary that I wanted. And what I mean by that is I wanted to be surrounded by nature. I wanted to be able to walk outside with my daughter. And to be honest, and people are making fun of me for saying this. But it's true, I wanted to, like, lower my cortisol levels. I feel like our life is so go, go, go, and we're so connected through social media that I needed a yen and yang. And so when I went there, there's this really very calm energy there. And also, I feel like it gave me a lot of peace of mind.

And every morning I wake up, I feel like that. Another amazing thing is we're two hours ahead from California. So when you wake up at seven, you can do all these different things before everyone wakes up. That's nice. It's all your wellness, your workout, if you want to go infrared, like, pryotherapy, all your things. And then you can get on email at 10 o'clock. And by the time it's 11 o'clock, you know, then everyone else is just getting to work. So that's one thing I really like about it.

I feel like I'm ahead of it instead of. of behind, I tend to not have the best time management. So to have that chunk is very helpful. And I just feel like ultimately for my daughter, it's the right choice. Do you think your aesthetic is going to change? Like aesthetic in my house or my aesthetic on my Instagram. Like everywhere, Instagram. Let's stick with Instagram. I don't think my aesthetic will change. I think it's going to evolve. I don't think it's going to drastically change. I always think that I'm going to keep the brand in mine, which is very pink and white, but I'm not having any pink in my house. None. Wow. So there will be no pink. I need a break from pink. It's my job. You heard it here first.

You heard it. You did hear it first. I want the house to be very, very earthy. There's a lot of people that, you know, like, you will see some of the business and tax incentives in Texas. And like, people go, of course that's why they're, and like, that is a benefit. But like, that wasn't the deciding factor. Oh, I forgot that. That's a benefit too. Of course. That's a It's a benefit, but it's not a deciding factor, right? Like it's, for us, it was really more about family. And like, we both grew up in California. Like, we have roots here. Our families here. Like, obviously, this is here. Like, there's stuff here. But it just felt like for us, like the next change for our family, like switching it up, doing something different, going to a place that, you know, shares the values that we share. And also going to a place where we feel like our daughter will be raised in a solid environment. Like, you know, LA, West Hollywood particular, and honestly, all of L.A. or Southern California. Like, it's chaotic. And I don't, you can, you can turn a blind eye to and act like California and especially the cities have their shit together. But like, it's a fucking mess here. And I don't, you know, anybody that wants a debate that I'm happy to. And I don't want to

subjectate my daughter to it. I want her to go to a place that's a, that feels a little bit more safe and a little bit more free for her and, you know, where she can have a child's life. And by the way, I am a very spontaneous person that likes to change and evolve. So I'm not like committing myself to one area. I think that we've been, our parents grew up in this place where you get the house, you stay in the house, you own the house, you stay there. If he told me in five years, I want to move to Monaco, I want to move to New York. I want, like, I'm very fluid in that. I don't think I'm going to be the same person that I am today in five years. And I think that COVID, like, what we've all gone through in the past year has made people realize, too, that like,

we don't, we think that we have to be in one place, whether it's for a career or family or whatever. a lot of people have reevaluated that. And you can kind of so many professions you can do from anywhere you can do remotely. And so I think a lot of people are considering this. That's why I thought it would be. The media has been remote since March of last year. Like every every, every, yeah, we tripled the team and quadrupled the shows. And I'm not not saying that to, I'm saying that to point out that during a pandemic,

when people like this whole idea that we needed all be in one place, there's people in team members and shows all over the place. There's people in Boston, New York, there's people in Canada. There's people in Texas. There's people in San Francisco. Including team members, right, not just hosts. And so to us, we're just like, okay, if we're not location dependent and we can go and have a different type of life, like, why not? Yep. All right. Well, I'm going to come visit. Please come visit. Thank you guys so much for coming on. Thank you for the 100th episode. And everybody knows where to find you, but in case they don't, where can they get all the goods? Well, go listen to your podcast because we kind of went all over the place.

that's on ours. And then I think at the skinny confidential for me on Instagram. And Michael's at Michael Bostick. You're not going to find much on my on my Instagram, but I'd say like the podcast and then more importantly, just go to Dear Media and check out all the shows, including yours. That's, you know, that's the best thing to. Yeah, we're so happy you're on the network. Thank you. Your show is so amazing. I was listening to it the other day. I told you that. And I just feel like you're growing and growing and growing. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks for having us. I hope you enjoyed that episode.

If you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way, and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. I'm always posting about each episode there or over on my personal page at Ariel Lorry.