Well with Arielle Lorre - 103: Q+A with My Husband Chuck Lorre!

Episode Date: March 31, 2021

In this episode I’m talking to my husband, writer/producer Chuck Lorre (Two and a Half Men, Big Bang Theory, The Kominsky Method & more), about everything from life in quarantine to his prolific career to his first impression of me—and whether it was accurate. Chuck answers listener questions about our life, his career, and the greatest lessons and wisdom he has acquired along the way.   www.Beekeepersnaturals.com/BLONDEFILES to get your FREE two-week supply of B-Immune Propolis Throat Spray, you just pay $5 shipping. www.HelloNed.com/BLONDEFILES to get New Sleep Blend sample at no cost for the first 200 listeners. Or use code BLONDE at checkout for 15% off your first one-time purchase or 20% off your first subscription. www.Curology.com/BLONDE for a free 30-day trial, you just pay shipping and handling. www.AthleticGreens.com/BLONDEFILES for your FREE year supply of Vitamin D and 5 Free travel packs today.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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don't worry, you can still get 15% off your first one-time purchase or 20% off your first subscription purchase using my normal code, blonde. That's B-L-O-N-D-E. Hey, welcome to the Blonde Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lorry, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there is so much information out there, so I'm here to help you navigate it all and live your best life. Thanks for listening. Let's get into it. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. Today's guest needs really no introduction because it's my husband, writer and producer extraordinaire Chuck Laurie. So I'm going to be totally honest.

First of all, he said he would not be returning to the podcast ever, after. last time, not because of anything bad, but because he really tries to put himself out there as little as possible. And he has to do press for his job. And I think in his personal life, he just doesn't want to do that so much. But he came through when another guest canceled. And for whatever reason, we were just not vibing initially. We started recording for like 20, 30 minutes and then took a break and restarted. And I just thought it was so funny because I've heard other. big podcasters say this happened to them with their spouses or their significant others. Like they think they're going to be cute and charming and banter and then they just end up bickering and

getting in an argument and it's like not a happy situation. So we weren't quite bickering, but we were like, this is just not, this is not good. So we pulled it together and I just, I think he's so wise and has so much experience and so much wisdom to share. And that's really evident in this interview and in the last one we did too. So if you haven't listened to that one, make sure to go check it out. And I didn't interview him as I would a typical guest. I just asked him select questions from the ones that you guys sent in and there's a lot of value here. So please enjoy Chuck Lori. Welcome, Chuck. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thanks for the invite. Thank you for stepping in last minute. I'm, I'm, I'm, um, I'm, um,

substituting for someone important, I hope? Mm-hmm. Oh, boy. Yes, but I'm still very excited to have that guest on, and he's amazing. But as I've told you, continually, since you've made a guest appearance last time, you are the most requested guest that I've had here on the podcast. Very flattering. So no pressure, but you do have to deliver today.

How do we determine delivering? You have to be wise, you have to be funny. You have to be charming. We need to stop now. You set the bar too high. Okay. So this isn't like a typical interview. I am just going to be asking you questions at random that people sent in.

And I showed you we had probably like a thousand questions sent in. And I just picked ones that I think will be interesting to the audience. And I'm going to be asking you at no particular order. I'm not going to ease into it like other interviews. that you might have done. So we're just going to jump right in. Okay, now I'm scared. Okay.

I probably should have put these together in a way that's kind of like cohesive and flows. Yeah, we can stop now and come back later. No, it's okay. Let's just, it'll keep people on the toes and keep them engaged. All right. So there'll be no cohesion. No cohesion. All right.

All right. And if people haven't listened to the first episode, go back and listen to that one first because we're not going to be repeating any of the questions that we answered there. We may not even answer the ones we're getting now. Yeah, so let's see. We're going to do some warm-up questions before we get back to the tough step. Warm-up questions. What's your favorite quality about me?

Is that actually a question? Yes. Really? Yeah. There were so many like this. I showed you all of them. I like your relentless ambition. What's your favorite food that I make?

A grilled cheese sandwich. I would have thought it would have been the bacon, or sometimes I use bacon. Sometimes I do ham, egg and cheese, croissant. Oh, oh God, how could I forget that? That might be number one. I think people probably want you to choose from like my husband. healthy recipes that I post online, but I don't think any of those. I'm the wrong guy to ask about healthy anything.

You like my cookies. Yeah. Yeah. Chocolate chip cookies I gave you the other night. Those are delicious. What have you been doing during quarantine? Working. Work hasn't stopped.

It stopped during the summer. It would have stopped anyway during last summer. And we started up again in September on all the shows. and a lot of the work has to be done by remote. The less I'm physically on stage, the safer for everybody. So I've been working from home watching table reads, rehearsals, and the actual shooting of the shows on a monitor at home. And you have how many shows on right now?

Well, now that Kaminsky is done and wrapped, there's five. When Kaminsky was in production, it was six. What was your first impression of me and how accurate did it end up being? I thought you were dazzling and a source of joy. And, yeah, no, it wasn't accurate at all. You know, you struck me as a warm and joyful person, and that was very attractive. that and you wore something off the shoulder and your shoulders killed me. So it was a one-two punch of joyfulness, sweetness, sweetness, warmth, and the shoulders.

And shoulders. And shoulders. I know the shoulders were very much by design, but. I had a really good tan going back then. Yeah. Whatever. It was a lethal combination. You heard it here first, ladies.

Show a little shoulders. Like not ankle. Show the shoulders. Yeah. See the shoulders. Do I do anything that gets on your nerves? Next question. That's one thing you worried about when you were younger

that you now realize doesn't matter at all. I guess I don't think that way. The things I worried about when I was younger were the fears and concerns I had about surviving in this world. They were real fears because there was, you know, having been a college dropout and at best a journeyman, a musician, there was a real chance that I had made some tragic life choices that were going to end very badly and really limit my ability to have a decent life because I, I, I, I, I did not choose correctly.

Those fears were warranted. I don't look back at them as being unnecessary. I don't know how I could have thought otherwise. There was a time in my 30s when I, it looked like I had made every bad choice a human being could make in this culture. By the time I was 33, 34 years old, it was looking pretty grim. But I don't look back on them as being misplaced worries and concerns. I don't know how I could have felt otherwise, given who I was at the time. Somebody asked, what is something we learned about each other in quarantine?

Okay. Well, you go first. I'll go first. Well, I was going to say your ability to go down to your little office in the morning in pajamas and not come out until nighttime. Yeah. So I'll reframe that discipline. you're very disciplined well yeah you do

what you have to do that's in front of you that you do the next thing the next indicated action I believe is the phrase the next thing that needs to be done you do that and then when you're done with it you then move on to the next thing that needs to be done

and sometimes you look up and the day is over I don't know how to answer it regarding you because I'm still mystified by the enormity and the breath and depth and strangeness of your career. I really, you know, I just, you know, I mean, I have made it my life's mission to not be part of any social media. And so I can only look on and wonder at the things you do. And your work never stops, which to me is troubling.

How so? It seems unhealthy. But it's relentless. It never stops. It's all the time every day. There's days off in television in the old media, the Jurassic media. Yeah. Yeah, but I've noticed with you at least that, I mean, there was this saying in the beginning of quarantine that we no longer work from home.

We live at work. And I've seen that with you to a certain degree because you used to go to work and come home and that was it. But now you have, you know, you can go in there and you can write and you can watch what's going on and you can do editing and you can do more than you were doing before quarantine. Actually get more done because there's no travel time. I mean, literally can go from one project to the next project in the time it takes to click on a button on a monitor and go to the other stage. All the stages where my shows are getting made are all available to me, which would not be the case if we were doing this in person.

I can't simply go from one to the other like that. But virtually you can't. So in a way you get more done, but there's a price to pay. There's a burnout. Do you have any new habits or hobbies that you picked up in quarantine? I can answer this, but I would love to hear what you think. I've gone down the rabbit hole with PlayStation 4. Your loving wife bought you a PlayStation.

PlayStation. Bob me a PlayStation under the guidance of my daughter, who is still a gamer after all these years. And I spent, I don't know how many hours playing The Last of Us Part 1 and the Last of Us Part 2, I actually finished both games, which I have a tremendous sense of accomplishment that is absolutely worthless. And now I'm chewing up precious hours of my, the last chapter of my life playing uncharted, which is such a goofy game. Panic calling your daughter.

Calling my daughter when I get in trouble. Actually scouring, Googling for help when I can't figure out how to get through a level. It's, you know what, but I'm getting a kick out of it, so screw it. Yes, it's time wasted. I'm convincing myself. I've earned the right to waste time. I think the most frustrating thing when it comes to skincare is trying to navigate what works for me specifically. There is so much out there and trust me, I've tried pretty much all of it and most of the time I feel let down and I know I'm not alone in this. So I want to tell you guys

about curology, which was such a game changer for me when it came to my skincare. So whether you're dealing with acne, hyperpigmentation, texture issues, use fine lines or wrinkles, dryness, redness, oiliness, you name it. Curology will customize a prescription formula with three active ingredients to target your specific skincare needs. The whole process could not be easier. You just go to Curology's website and answer some questions about your skin, upload a few selfies, and then Curology matches you with a licensed dermatology provider who gets to know your skin and makes recommendations for you. The whole thing took me like 15 minutes when I first did it, and now I have a custom product

with 0.07% trinetanoin, niacinide, and azaleic acid, which I shared about on my Instagram last week. It has really done wonders for my skin. And trinotinone is one of the most effective ingredients at targeting things like fine lines. Niacinamide is an antioxidant that reduces wrinkles, brightens the skin and helps with elasticity, and azaleic acid improves texture and lightens dark spots and I showed you guys like a no filter video. My skin has been really glowy, really consistently and it tolerates this product better than the Tretano and that I had been trying before, which I just could not get used to. So take control of acne, dark spots, breakouts, or whatever your unique concerns may be with a powerful skincare treatment made for you today.

go to cureology.com slash blonde. That's c-u-r-o-o-o-o-g-y-com slash B-L-L-O-N-D-E. For a free 30-day trial, all you have to do is pay for shipping and handling. Again, that's cureology.com slash blonde to unlock your free 30-day trial. See cureology.com for all the details. In this episode, one of our listeners asked how to navigate a relationship where one person is more of a health nut than the other. And I feel very qualified to speak to this because this is essentially Chuck and I. And I talk about this a lot, but instead of forcing him to change his lifestyle over the years, I found that adding really beneficial things to his day,

whether it's taking a walk together or doing a workout or adding a green juice is the best way to sort of get on the same page. One habit that I personally don't miss in my own life is my daily green juice using athletic greens and I've gotten Chuck on board too and it's such a micro habit with maximum return. So one scoop of athletic greens contains 75 vitamins, minerals and whole food sourced ingredients including a multivitaminol, multidermineral, probiotic, green superfood blend, and more that all work together to fill the nutritional gaps in your diet, help increase energy and focus, aid with digestion, and support a healthy, system, all without the need to take multiple products or pills. Athletic Greens continues to obsessively

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vitamin D and five free travel packs today. Hi, I'm Claire Mazur and I'm Erica Serulo. We're the co-host of a podcast called A Thing or Two. Comes out every Monday and the basic premise is this. We share all the stuff we think more people should know about. So that's apps, recipes, books, the nationwide Hagen-Daz vanilla bean shortage that nobody else was talking about. No one. No one.

Our preferred vacuum brands of which we have multiples and critical explorations of our unique approaches to paper towel usage. Listen, we think you're going to like it. A lot of people do. And who's to say you'll be any different? Listen and subscribe. wherever it is, you listen and subscribe to podcasts. Given the circumstances of this year, but also in general, how do you stay motivated and disciplined? Discipline is doing the work that needs to be done.

Whether I'm in the mood or not. Whether I'm tired. Whether I'm not feeling well, whatever might the obstacle be. You do the work anyway. That's discipline. And there's a reward that comes from discipline, which is gratification and a sense of accomplishment when you push through the resistance, the personal resistance, and get the job done anyway. And writing is an endless series of resistance working anyway, doing the work.

anyway and getting it done, and then more resistance, and then continuing in getting it done. And that's really the job. I think, you know, that's ultimately doing the work no matter what. That's discipline. And there's a personal reward, not necessarily a financial one, but a personal reward for getting it done. And I think that the motivation part of the question is, For me, I like to try and find things that I care about to write about. Characters that I care about, relationships that I care about, fictional ones,

but ones that I feel I can invest myself in. That's what motivates me to do this. You know, I've been really fortunate, so I'm not working to pay the rent anymore. You know, I've been blessed to have had enough success in television to where now the work has to be about. about the work and the pleasure of doing the work. And that has to be enough. Because I'm no longer worried about, you know, covering the utilities bill.

So what is something you still dream of achieving in your career? I'm hopeful that I can continue to find things that I'm excited about that are meaningful to me. I understand that I live in a bubble. And my bubble is of my own making, you know. Having had some success in television, I've created a comfortable life for myself, which limits the input. So I'm either drawing from my past, which was not comfortable, which was a very, very difficult several decades. I read constantly because the input that's in my actual day-to-day life is very limited right now, especially in quarantine. It's Harvey and I.

It's you and Harvey, and, you know, days go by, I don't leave the house because I'm working at home. So the interaction with other people is almost zero in real time. You know, I guess real time is not the right phrase, but in person. Let's put it that way. So without that input, without the chaos and calamity of the first, 50 years of my life, finding things that are meaningful to me to work on is what I'm looking for. And not doing something just for the sake of doing it, but doing because I'm very well aware that, you know, there's less in front of me than there is behind me. So pick and choose wisely what I put my time into.

Is that it? I hope so. It sounds morbid, didn't it? It's less in front than there is behind. I'm at that point in life where every day I still read the newspapers. And yes, I know that's how old I am, but I keep scouring the papers hoping for medical breakthroughs that will apply to me.

Oh, well, yeah, I'm just hoping that in the next decade or two, they're going to figure out how to regenerate skin. I've talked about that on my podcast to my audience, no. But my radar is out for that. Yeah, see, I'm not thinking skin. I'm thinking internal organs. I'm thinking pancreas, liver, kidneys, lungs, heart, those things. Skin, you know, I, you know, we can, I'll go with cellophane, whatever you got,

but it's the stuff on the inside, the viscera that worries me. What's an experience you've learned the most from? Failure. I think you learn far more from failure than from success. Because in success, you're too busy patting yourself on the back to take the lesson. But when you fail, and you fail all the time when you write television because you're constantly writing and you're constantly shooting what's being written and some of it works. and some of it doesn't.

I would say that there's a good, I think a reasonable estimate would be a 30% failure rate on writing a TV comedy sitcom and what you think will happen and what actually happens are two different things. And it's very apparent when you shoot in front of a live studio audience

because the live studio audience has its own, it has its own response, and sometimes it's not the response you want. So every time you take your show in front of an audience, 20 to 30% of it will fail. It's inevitable, despite how sure I am that it's bulletproof and it's wonderful and it's funny and every word works. I'm constantly, constantly being reminded that, that I'm wrong.

And television writing, especially in comedy, I think is the greatest breeding ground for humility. Because I don't know how you could be full of yourself, especially when you're working in front of an audience. If you're not working in front of an audience, you never know. You shoot, you edit, you put your show out there, and you're not sitting in anyone's living room with them while they watch it.

So you really never know how it's being received. But with a live studio audience, you're constantly getting that feedback loop of success or failure. And the failure, it hurts. But I think over time, I've come to understand that I don't have to panic. It does not mean I'm a bad person when it fails. And for a long time, when it failed, I failed. And it was just devastating. It hurt.

and then over time you realize you're not the work, the work is the work. So your job is when it fails is to fix it, make it better, make it good, overcome the failure. And that's best done if you're not in a panic attack. If you're not deeply upset by your lack of talent, you just do the plotting steps necessary to make the work better. have you dealt with that stress and panic and anxiety over the years? Well, Jack Daniels was a constant companion. Not now, but I didn't know how to deal with the stress for many, many years.

It was a volatile life. It was a life filled with very high highs and very low lows, and not a lot of, you know, not a lot of the middle. And I don't recommend it. That was the best I could do early on in my career. And over time, I've come to understand that my best response to things not going the way I want them to go is to stay calm and keep working. I can't do that when I hit a bad golf shot. I'm miserable for a long time afterwards,

but in the situated comedy production, I've learned how to shake off the failure and proceed with the work that needs to be done. How has meditation affected your work? Meditation, for me, is a reminder that I have very little, if any, control over my own mind. it's a daily reminder that I have more control over my heart than my brain.

I can speed up my heart by running around. I can slow it down by lying down. I have control to some extent over my heart rate. I have very little control over what passes for thinking in my head. And meditation is a wonderful reminder that even the phrase, my mind is a misnomer. It's not mine. I don't know whose it is, but it's certainly not mine.

It does what it wants to do. It thinks things that are abhorrent and horrible and ridiculous. And it loves to think of frightening things. It loves to be resentful. It's a constant treeful of angry monkeys. I've heard it described as in, in, in, in meditation. And that's a pretty good description of the mind,

a tree full of angry, hysterical monkeys. And the blessing of meditation is you get a briefest distance from all that noise. And you recognize that noise is not you. It's not me. When things are going poorly, and they often do, that little space between reacting and not reacting

can often come about, I think, as a result of meditation. Where do you find happiness? I think I genuinely, there's great deal of satisfaction and joy. I don't know if the word, I don't know if I'd use the word happiness.

I think it's satisfaction, contentment comes from having helped someone else, having been of service. It's counterintuitive because for the most of my life, I was in a mad dash to service my own needs and to go about my own goals and my wants

and run from the things I didn't want in my life. But in fact, service to others, well, it's still, it's not my default place go, there's a great deal of satisfaction and pleasure that comes from it. And having done good work, done everything I can to do the best work that I can, I get a lot of pleasure out of that. Seeing my children doing well is an endless source of contentment. You know, it's not, I don't know, big smiley face, happy thing. It's contentment. It's, it's, it's, there's peace in it. The word serenity comes to mind.

Ah, they're doing good. How has achieving success changed your perception or your definition of success? Well, let's stop and talk about that word success. My goal, early on, over 30 years ago, when I started in television, the goal was to make people laugh. It wasn't really, it wasn't too arcane.

It was really simple. If the audience laughed, genuinely laughed, then that was success. And if you could do it consistently, and in television, that means 100 or more half hours of television is what it was deemed successful. then you created a body of work that could live on, that had life after it was initially aired on whatever CBS, NBC, ABC, the different networks. I get a lot of gratification from knowing that several of my shows have a lifespan beyond their initial run, and they keep going. And I think that comes from, that's what I wanted.

when I was chasing music as a career, I wanted to make something that lasted. I've often said this, but I believe it to be true. I always wanted to make a handkerchief, not a Kleenex. A handkerchief is a nice handkerchief. They're not around too much anymore. But you wash them, you know, and you use them again and again and again and again. You don't use them once and throw them away. That's what I think of with music, great films, and television shows that rise above once and out.

I really like the idea that something can get made that gives people pleasure that does not have an expiration date on it, or if it does have an expiration date on it, I can't see what that date is. quite yet. With the world slowly opening back up and life beginning to get back to a sort of new normal, it's definitely an exciting, hopeful time, but also we are probably going to be exposed to more people, more situations, more germs than we have been in the past year. So I want to tell you about this product from beekeepers naturals. You may have seen them on the gram. They have a very loyal following, but I know you guys are into natural remedies and science as am I. So I want to tell you what I learned straight from the founder. So the product from beekeepers naturals that I am

talking about is bee immune propolis throat spray. So it's obviously a spray with a very special potent natural ingredient called propolis. And you'll hear Chuck and I talking about it on this episode if you haven't already. I talked to Carly, the founder of Beekeeping. Deeper's naturals, who honestly is just such a delight, and she's so passionate about all of this. And she taught me that bee propolis acts as the medicine of the beehive. It fights germs and protects the bees with over 300 beneficial vitamins and minerals. And it's just as beneficial to human beings as it is to our favorite pollinators. Her story of how she found this ingredient and how it changed her life is so fascinating. I'm definitely going to have her on the podcast.

She was working in finance and she was sick all the time and she was overseas, I believe, and was given Propolis, which is very commonly used in other cultures for different issues. And she was essentially cured. It's a lot more nuanced than that. So again, I'll have her on and interview her. But it totally changed the trajectory of her life. And so I personally, after hearing her story, went from being a skeptic to a believer. I'm sorry I had to. Don't get it. B. So I take this if I'm feeling a little rundown. In fact, when I was in New York, I swore I was getting sick, but I took this for a few days and I never did. And I take it sometimes before I record because there's nothing worse than the sound of a scratchy throat and a loud mic in my opinion. And I gave it to Chuck before we recorded this episode. And I think he sounded wonderful. So take B Immune Propolis throat spray as a daily ritual to support your immune system or spray it to soothe a scratchy. uncomfortable throat. They also have some other amazing products. I use the bee chill honey and my matcha. It's so good. So definitely go check them all out. For a limited time, beekeepers naturals is offering my listeners an exclusive deal. They will ship you a free two-week supply of B-immune Propolis throat spray. All you have to do is pay $5 for shipping. So to claim this deal, just visit beekeepers naturals.com slash blonde files. That's B-L-O-N-D-E. F-I-L-E-S.

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in over 2,000 stores, including Target, Whole Foods, and Sprouts. So with so much content out there, and you are a consumer of all that content, you watch so much TV. I don't mean that in a bad way. I just mean... Sounded bad.

No, I mean like somehow, given how busy you are, you still have time to watch everything, which is impressive to me. How do you avoid the comparison trap? How do you not compare what you're doing or what you're achieving or not achieving to what other people are doing?

The comparison trap. Well, first of all, I mostly watch dramas. I get a great deal of satisfaction out of watching a well-done drama, the crown or the wire, breaking bad. I love to watch that. it's so far from what I do. And I like, you know, there's a term, I don't, it's not used much anymore called a busman's holiday.

A busman's holiday would be the guy who drives the bus. On his vacation, he gets on a bus. So when I'm not working, doing what I'm doing, I don't want to watch what I'm doing or variations on what I'm doing. I want to watch something else. I don't want a bus mentality. So I love to watch terrific dramas, both film and series. And the same thing with books. I really enjoy dramatic fiction.

And so the comparison issue isn't much of a problem because I'm not watching what I do. And on occasion when I do watch something that's in the comedic world, it should be inspiring and not threatening, especially when it's good. If it's really good, it should set the bar. It's a way to recognize how high the bar can be set for my own work. I've been watching Ted Lassau recently. And it's just wonderful.

I'm just, you know, the casting, the writing, performances, the production values. It's all wonderful. And I'm enjoying watching it, but I'm also enjoying seeing, well, look how they've really set the bar very high here. And consistently jumped over that bar. And I think that's a big word in television. Consistency. It's not one show.

It's, you know, a television series is many episodes. and that's really the level of difficulty is can you sustain quality over many hours or half hours. And they seem to be doing it there, so I've been watching that. But at the same time, I'd love to watch stuff that's ridiculously violent. It's just, especially with special effects and CGI stuff like that, because I don't know how to do that stuff, and I watch it. in amazement. Oh my God, how do you do that? How many days did it take to shoot that car chase? You did some with Michael Douglas. Yeah, but, you know, I mean, our special effects in that were

minimal compared to a movie with enormous special effects, the Star Wars and Star Trek and the Marvel stuff. It's, I may not be immersed in character. or in relationships, but I can watch it and revel in the extraordinary production values. And I'm watching it just delighted because I don't know how it's done, and I love watching it because it's magic. I'm watching magic. I have no idea how you shoot this scene,

but you did and you executed it, and I'm the better for seeing it. Has there been a time I can kind of, of anticipate your answer to this, but has there been a time at work that destroyed your self-esteem? Yeah, I think it's a fairly well-documented period of time in my career where my self-esteem was at a low ebb, and I'd taken a beating on a personal, very public way. I'm not going to go into the weeds on that, but I can tell you that, well, I loathed every second of it, and it went on for way too long,

and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Having been through it, I think I'm the better for it. I think, you know, you want to learn humility? Get your head shoved in a big pile of shit for a couple of years. And you either become incredibly bitter, angry, and resentful, or you have some humility and you recognize that this world is not under my control. Things happen.

People do what they're going to do. And I'm not calling the shots. And there's freedom in that. There's absolute freedom in knowing I'm not in charge. The other word for that freedom is humility. You get humbled, I guess, by things going really, really badly. And there comes a moment when you, you look up and go, oh, this is over. I'm okay. This is in my rearview mirror. And I'm not carrying

it with me anymore. How do you balance work and home life? Poorly. I mean, prior to quarantine, I thought I had a pretty good routine going where when I came home, I was not working. Yeah, you've always been very good about that. Yeah, because you have to, In order to do this kind of work day in and day out, television show and production goes on for like nine months. In order to run that hard, that fast for that long, you have to have some time to decompress. You have to have some time to inflow stuff, life, relationships, love, friends, loved ones,

reading movies, whatever, taking a walk with the dog, playing. playing a game you enjoy. You have to have something else going on because I can't. I should always make that clear. I can't just keep pushing. The toothpaste tube metaphor comes to mind. You can't keep squeezing.

You have to put something, has to go back in. And I think I learned that when I was a failed musician. To write music, you have to listen to music. Not to steal it, but to be inspired. But to fill yourself up with what's possible, to fill yourself up with the great inspired achievements of others helps you when it's your turn to try and do something, create something.

And I think it translates from music to even writing a situation comedy. What's the old computer thing? Garbage in, garbage out. if you program a computer poorly, it behaves poorly. Bad inputs produce bad outputs. Right. And so the division between work and play is critical. So that you have, and play is a really kind of a poor choice of words.

But you can't simply just be grinding all the time. For me anyway, it's just everything shuts down at a sort of. certain point if you don't have any balance. That's something that I need to learn. Well, when you crash and burn a few times, that's the lesson. It's just hard with the kind of work that I'm in because I don't go somewhere and go do it and then leave. It's with me all the time. We've discussed this. You are part of the product.

Yeah. I am not the product. This is one of the reasons I don't necessarily leap to do these things, because I'm not the product. The television shows that I participate in making, that's the product. Not me. You know, nobody tunes in to see me. They don't put up with TV commercials or whatever to see me.

You, on the other hand, part of your result is you. I'm not the result of the television shows I'm involved in. Well, my audience is very interested in you. Well, that's, but that's not, that was not what I set out to do. No, no, I know. I, there's, I've always, this is my segue though, okay, to these different questions. But I just want to say so very briefly, my goal is not to be interesting.

My goal is to be interested is a big difference. It's a big, it's the difference between, frankly, life and death. I don't want to, maybe, it's not overstating it. When you become interesting, you become an object. you became a thing that others look at because you're interesting. That's the death of creativity. Being interested, being curious, I had a dear friend for many, many years. You knew Al, who always used to say to me, stay curious.

And I always translated that as be interested. And that engages you in the world as opposed to removes you from it. so that you can be observed. I don't need to be. Observing me is killing me would be, in a sense. If I succumb to being observable, the thing that gets looked at, that's not a good place to be. Well, it's interesting.

You wouldn't know this because you're not on social media, but you do start to see people kind of losing autonomy over themselves because they're doing things for trends. I've always believed, and I've made this part of my work, is the audience can tell when a communication is genuine or insincere. They know. They know intuitively that this is bullshit

or this is the real deal. I think it's part of the wonder of an artist like Billy Eilish. We, you know, setting them, you know, there's a sincerity to that. There's a genuineness to that. there's a genuineness to that that is astonishing and stands out for the sake of it. Just because of its specific, genuine, here's what I got. This is my communication.

This is it. Sounds like you watched the documentary. Did you watch the documentary about me? No, I did not. I really actually want to. But just listening to her music and seeing a few performances here and there. Oh, this is what genuine. And this was something of my generation that had happened quite a bit.

There were just remarkably from the heart performances that were happening back in the dinosaur days of rock and roll that were just, there was a, you know, Janice Joplin and Joe Cocker, it was not contrived. That's who they were. And it was remarkable to be witness to it. artists of that nature. This is a serious question that somebody sent in. Oh, no. What adjustments did you have to make being with someone so driven and successful? Oh, I had to take, I had to, I don't think I had to make any adjustments, actually.

I don't, what adjustments did I have to make other than to derive pleasure out of watching that success happen? One of my more happy memories of the last couple of years was that woman who walked up to us at an outdoor restaurant in New York. Taylor, she's probably listening right now. Oh, hi, Taylor. I'm so excited to see you and recognize you and to take a selfie with you. And that was terrific. And she kind of threw me a bone. you know, she was so excited to see you and she saw me and she went,

you're good too, Mr. Lorry. You know, like she didn't want to, you know, just blow me off entirely. But, you know, she wasn't, I was irrelevant. It was you she wanted to see. And I love that. Adjustments, I actually enjoyed watching this growth and this career happened right in front of my eyes. That's great. not like Prince Charles to my Diana.

Your success gives me nothing but joy. I have no concerns about, I'm not competing with you. What advice do you have for women who are health nuts, but their partners are the complete opposite? I have some advice. Don't try to make them adopt your habits. Let me, let me, let me. Let me answer it in a rather, sort of a obtuse way. When I was in high school, I guess this was high school, we're talking a long time ago.

One of the books that was required reading was Lost Horizons. Did you have to read that? No. You never heard of it. No. Okay. Lost Horizons, and I, man, okay, I have not read the book in 50 years. Yes, folks, that's how old I am. But more than that, probably 55 years. But I remember

it was about a journey by this group of Westerners who were going up into the Himalayas to find the lost city of Zanidu or something like that. And there was somebody in that faraway place that knew the secret to life. I mean, okay, so I'm... I'm 14, 13 years old, I'm reading this book. They're going to get there, and the guy's going to have the secret to life, the secret to happiness, whatever. And again, I might completely be misremembering the book. But I remember, and it struck me as great wisdom at the time, and it still strikes me as great wisdom. And trust me, this has to do with eating and healthy foods.

they find the guru, the wise man living in Zanadu or where it was. And he tells them the secret to life, the secret to happiness, is moderation. And I, you know, as a kid, I just thought, well, there you go. And that includes how to eat, what to eat. I think that's a reasonable way to live. So that means if you're living with a person who's obsessed with every molecule that goes in their body, once in a while, a good hamburger is a great thing to have. Not every day, not all the time, but once in a while.

And I think your body can accommodate it. I think we don't give our bodies credit for how able they are to accommodate the occasional hamburger. I agree with that. I stopped food policing you a long time ago. I know, I know. I just get the roll of the eyes, the look upward that tells me I'm wrong, but you don't say anything.

No, I think I've really loosened up on my restrictions and my outlook on what health is supposed to look like. I agree with you. I agree with moderation. I'm teaching you. about health. Yes, actually. Okay. So I should be, I should have a health podcast. You can be my co-host. Let's talk donuts. You want to be my co-host? No. No, I don't. I mean, I know your future is a little uncertain. So if you want a steady thing, I have a steady thing. I'm here. Thanks for the offer.

You're welcome. Yeah. I'll leave my resume with the receptionist. Okay. He's lying on your lap right now. Okay. What's the most surprising thing, or what's something people wouldn't know about me? That might be surprising. People wouldn't know about you. That's surprising. That you make yourself available to help other women on a regular basis in whatever way you can help them. You make time to be of service.

Thank you. What's something you've learned from me? What's something I've learned from you? What have I learned from you? I can say something that I've learned from you. Okay. You're looking at me, dumbfounded. What have I learned from it?

Well, I don't know that I've learned this from you, but you certainly embody it, and it's inspired me. And it's something that you were talking about earlier, and that's humility in a lot of different ways, but particularly like seeing somebody who's reached your level of success and everything that comes with that. And you're very humble. And I think that's a very attractive quality. And especially now with social media and everybody is flaunting their successes and their lifestyle. And, you know, I really don't think it does any good except to make other people feel bad. and you are not like that at all. You're very comfortable, and I think that shows a real confidence in who you are, and you're more concerned about what you're doing for other people, too. I think that's something that is inspiring.

Why, thank you. And that a lot of other people could learn from. Stay curious. That was the advice given me by a man I respected and loved. And you can't get too full of yourself if you're interested and curious about the life around you. Because you're not looking inward. Curiosity drives you outward. And that's another thing that you taught me.

And we may have covered this in the last one, but when I get really, stuck in what I should be doing, what my next move is. If I feel frustrated or stagnant, you always remind me to look outward and look at who I'm helping and make that be my guide. And that always gets me out of the weeds. It's just what I've been taught. I didn't come up with this. I didn't.

It is so far from my normal instincts growing up. But it's what I've been taught. And I think it's a principle to live by. Certainly something doesn't come naturally to me. But there's a wonderful, counterintuitive joy in directing, and not being self-obsessed, you know, and not being self-centered. But it's a daily grind to do that because my natural, my default position is to worry, how am I coming off?

What do people think of me? Do they like me? Do they not like me? Do you know, am I funny? Am I not funny? You know, how do I look? It's exhausting. It's just exhausting way to live.

And I am not absolved or removed from it. All I can say is I'm dimly aware of it as a miserable way to live. So I'm trying to, I try to find another way. Which is more attractive in women, looks or confidence? Is that a question someone asked you to ask me? Well, they actually said, which is more attractive in a woman, looks or confidence and self-love? Those are very specific. So I think it's just looks or...

You edited the question. You edited the question. I edited it down a little bit. Right. Because confidence and self-love and looks at their very... different, so I'm trying to make it more this or that. Well, what someone looks like has an expiration date. Not necessarily.

You know, I mean, yeah, you can do all kinds of medicinal, what do you call it? Cosmetic enhancements. But it does have an expiration date. And confidence, self, what was it, self-love? Was it the question? Those things are outside of time and probably are more attractive in the long run. The three-day weekend looks is fine. But you go beyond that three-day weekend, you're in trouble.

Wait, explain that. Explain that. I mean, how someone looks could be very attractive and very, provocative and seductive even, but it has no lifespan. Oh. It has no longevity. I think it would be the word I'd prefer. Do you think men, this is definitely a generalization, but do you think men are intimidated

by intelligent women? Not intelligent men. Good answer. Tusha. Oh, thank you. Okay. What's something else? on your bucket list?

I don't have a bucket list. The things to do before I die, that's what a bucket list is, before you kick the bucket. I don't think I've ever put together a bucket list. What's something you haven't done that you want to do? I'd like to go back to playing music as what I do, performing and playing, and playing, recording. I think I've got the most joy in my life, writing music and recording it and playing, just playing. Playing in a bar, you know, a dinky bar with sawdust on the floor, it doesn't matter. Playing with good musicians is a source of great joy, and I don't get to, certainly during quarantine, it all stopped.

but even before the quarantine, it was not something I got to do very often, and I really love it. What would you tell your younger self? Don't panic. Do you want to elaborate it or just that? Last episode, it was don't quit, stupid. This one is don't panic. I think maybe the extended version of that answer is, is, living in fear, being fearful of what the future holds is not necessary to have a good life.

Fear was, I think, is the word endemic. It was certainly woven into my life for many, many, many years. And telling my younger self to let go of that fear would be a thing to say, But it would be pointless because I couldn't have. It would be a foolish thing to say if I had the time machine to say it because it wouldn't work. I've only been able to let go of fear as a result of having lived through fear. Nothing that I could say to my younger self would be heard by my younger self. My younger self thought it had all the answers. And so someone coming along and giving you that kind of advice,

even if it's you from the future. It doesn't matter. It won't be hurt and won't be acted on. People gave me great advice when I was younger, but I couldn't hear it until I could hear it. So you can't tell people how to live. You can't even tell yourself how to live. I heard somebody say there's a difference between hearing something and hearing something.

And there's a difference between getting something and getting something. How clever. There was more to it, but I don't want to share it on a public level. Okay. But yeah. You know, we both have heard that, you know, what's the common phrase is the teacher arrives when the student is ready. And if the student isn't ready, it really doesn't matter who the teacher is or what the teacher has to offer. It won't be heard.

It won't be incorporated into the student's life. So giving yourself advice, giving the younger you advice, it's a pointless exercise. The younger you, if it was capable of taking advice, acting on advice, it would. But I certainly didn't. I mostly had to do it the hard way. So for everybody who's younger and sending questions asking for advice, who are either going through transitions or don't know what to do with their life, do you have any wise words?

You know, the old direction of do what you love, that actually isn't true for me. So I don't know that I can honestly advise anybody to do what you love. What I loved growing up through my teenage years in my 20s and 30s was what I loved was writing and playing music. That's not what I do now. And I love what I do now. I'm beyond grateful for the career I stumbled into. So to say to someone, do what you love, well, that's not my story.

I'm not, you know, the 18-year-old me wasn't looking to be in television. I didn't like television. All the great things were happening in music. They were not happening on television. So, yeah, what I loved was not television. But television has been something that's been a great gift to me. So pursuing what you love, you know, I think rather than making, that's a, that's a That's bad advice.

I think being open, be open to the possibility that you might change, that your goals might change, that your perception might change, that your source of joy might change. Be open is probably better because life comes at you in ways you can't anticipate, and sometimes it's better than you could have ever dreamed of. Don't close the door on stuff, you know. Say yes to things that seem a little bit, maybe not necessarily where you're going, but see what happens.

Be curious. Be curious. A great friend of mine who, many years ago, about 22 years ago, told me just, you know, the new age cliche, but it worked miraculously. He said, you know, say yes. So whatever comes in, don't criticize, judge, quantify, or refuse what comes in, say yes,

whatever comes your way and see what happens. And I did what he said, and it changed my life. It changed my life for the better. And I guess because of you saying yes to things, to opportunities, by the very nature of saying, yes, you're overcoming fear. and perhaps opening up to possibilities and potential that you just simply couldn't have conceived of. That's been my story. I never dreamt that I could have this life.

Never. It's beyond my wildest dreams, but it was not what I was chasing. So what's that tell you? Well, thank you for coming back on the show. Good luck, Brian, editing this piece of shit. Leave that in. We'll leave it in. All right.

Usually I ask my guests, where can everybody find you? Nobody can find you anywhere. You are not on Twitter. You're not on Instagram. You're not on Facebook. That's really a question. Where can everybody find you? Yeah, like so that people can promote, you know.

Oh, oh, I can answer that question. Where can everybody find you? On Monday nights, Bob Hart's Abby Shole is on CBS at 830. 7.30 central time. On Thursday nights on CBS, Young Sheldon's on at 8, followed by a new show starting next Thursday, April 1st called the United States of Al. Great show. Check it out. Mom is on at 9.

Wonderful show, Alice and Janney, and an incredible cast. And at 930, be positive. Oh, another wonderful show with a great cast. And on May 28th, see, there's places

you can find me. You know, on May 28th on Netflix, the third season of the Kerminski Method debuts, third and final season of the Kminski Method.

And if you want to find me, I won't be there. physically, but I'll be lurking in the background. You're welcome, CBS and Netflix for this influx of viewers you're about to get. I think that would be terrific. If people followed through on that, that would be great. Goodbye. Goodbye.

I hope you enjoyed that episode. If you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way, and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. I'm always posting about each episode there, or over on my personal page at Ariel Lorry.