Well with Arielle Lorre - 113: What It's REALLY Like to be a Model + How to Find Peace with our Bodies

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

In this episode I’m talking to Emily Didonato - model, influencer and co-founder of skincare line Covey - about body image, the extreme measures taken in the modeling industry to look a certain way, her own personal breaking point and how she came to find peace with herself. She shares about her disordered relationship with her body and with diet and exercise; her breaking point and how she accepted weight gain and found neutrality with her body; steps she takes when she’s having a bad body image day; her best pre-shoot beauty hacks and what she eats in a day to stay satiated and energized. She also shares about the drastic things she has seen throughout her career; what it’s really like to try out for Victoria’s Secret; how she deals with scrutiny and rejection and her best and worst experiences as a model. Emily also takes listener questions at the end!   www.athleticgreens.com/BLONDEFILES for your FREE year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs today www.talkspace.com with code BLONDE for $100 off your first month www.lesserevil.com with code BLONDE for 25% off your first one-time order www.publicgoods.com/BLONDEFILES for $15 off your first order   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hey, welcome to the Blond Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lori, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there is so much information out there, so I'm here to help you navigate it all and live your best life. Thanks for listening.

Let's get into it. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. I hope everybody had a good long holiday weekend. I am definitely feeling refreshed. We went away last week then came back for the weekend. We came back on Thursday, which is really the way to do it. I'm like rethinking all of my travel plans because I always come back on a Sunday or Monday and then have to jump right into the week. And I've realized I'm doing it wrong. Come back on Thursday or Friday so you can relax. Am I the only one that doesn't do this? I don't know. Anyway, today's

episode is such a good one. I'm talking to Emily D. Donato, who is a model influencer, YouTuber, and now she's a beauty brand co-founder. She has the skincare line Covey. She has been the face of Maybelline. She has modeled for Sports Illustrated. She's done campaigns for Armani, guests, Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, and so many more. She's walked for Chanel, Louis Vuitton, low, Balman, and so much more. So this is all to say she's very accomplished and she has done a lot in her career. So while many of us admire models and we think they're gorgeous and perfect and have amazing lives, Emily reveals the other side of modeling that we don't see, which is a lot of rejection, a lot of body image, obsession, and going to great lengths to look a certain way.

And as she says, everyone is riding the struggle bus trying to look like they do, which I thought was a funny way of putting it. So she talks about her career. She talks her disordered relationship with her body and diet and exercise, her breaking point, how she came to a place of body neutrality and finding peace with herself. She shares steps that she takes when she's having a bad body image day, how to accept weight gain. She shares her best pre-shoot beauty hacks and what she eats in a day to stay energized and healthy. And she also talks about the most extreme measures taken in the modeling industry to look a certain way, what it's really like trying out for Victoria's Secret. I'll just give you a teaser. It sounds absolutely terrifying. And the drastic things she has

seen throughout her career. And then at the end, she takes listener questions and they're super interesting. So make sure you stay till that and enjoy. Okay, welcome, Emily. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited to be IRL. I know, in person. Like, this feels great. It feels like, like before the pandemic a little bit. I know. So crazy. I have so much that I want to talk to you about. And I was telling you before kind of off mic that we have so many listener questions. So let's just kind of jump into it. I want to start like at the beginning and just hear about what your childhood was like and if modeling was something that you wanted to do, if it was like on the horizon and how it happened. Yeah. So I am from upstate New York originally about an hour and a half north of here. And, you know, I grew had a very normal childhood. You know, my parents, my mom was a stay at home mom. My dad was a firefighter in the city. I have a brother and a sister. In terms of modeling, being on the horizon, you know, people had always told me like, oh, you should be a model when I was like growing up. But I feel like I grew up in a small town. Like that's not something that you're like, you know what? Yeah. Like, I'm just going to go and do that. But it's funny, I got scouted at the Danbury Mall in Connecticut around my junior year of high school. And then I met my agent, like, shortly after that. And I was literally working and shooting a campaign for Ralph Lauren, like, within the week.

So it happened really, really quickly and I was still in school. I'm glad it happened that way, but it definitely forced me to, like, make, like, those big life decisions early on. Because I was, like, going to college, not going to college, all of those things. So, yeah. That's crazy. I feel like that doesn't happen anymore. Like getting scouted at the mall. Now it's like I feel like everything is on Instagram, social media, people get found that way.

No, that's totally true. Whenever people are like, wait, I always thought like those things were a scam. I'm like, yeah, they still might be. I'm not telling you to go running away with someone who comes up to you in a shopping mall because I'm not sure. Right. So how did that change your life? I mean, what did it, how did you go from like being a high school student to being a model? What was that like?

Yeah, I mean, at first it was like super exciting. and I was, you know, traveling all over the world. You know, I didn't even have a passport before I started modeling. So my mom and I were traveling all over the world. I was missing a decent amount of school. But I was also like I was making pretty good money and I wanted to pursue it. And because it was happening very quickly and it was going well, I was kind of like, okay, like, I do want to pursue this.

So, yeah, it changed my life in the sense that I was like, okay, so all of my friends are applying to go to college right now. I am going to make a different decision. and I decided to start modeling full time. I didn't go to school. I moved to Manhattan. I didn't know anybody here, like moved into alone, into a studio and started that. And, you know, that came with its own, I think for everyone.

They're like, oh, my God, that's so cool and so glamorous. But like, I moved to Manhattan. I didn't know anyone here. I was in an industry, you know, as a model, you're a freelancer. I never saw the same person twice for a very long time. It was very difficult to make friends. And I think I craved, like, or wished I had, like, more of that traditional experience that my friends were having.

this is going to make me sound super old. But it was when Facebook was getting really big when I, like, when I graduated from high school. And everyone was posting, like, their albums and at frat parties and, like, living their lives. And I was like, I'm just, like, alone, like, in Manhattan feeling like so sad. So it changed my life really quickly. Looking back now as an adult, of course, I can reflect on that and say, like, that all happened for a reason. And I'm glad it led me to where I am today. But at the time, I remember feeling very conflicted and upset. Especially being in New York. Like, New York can be very isolating and lonely, I think more so because there are so many people around. And if you don't have a connection with anybody, it can be very, like, yeah, isolating. I don't know another word for it. Yeah, I thought I was being smart when I first moved to Manhattan. I was like, I moved right where NYU's campus was.

And I was like, I'll be around kids my age. This will be perfect. It's like, well, actually, like, I was just in the middle of a college campus but had nothing to say to these students because there was no crossover, no relationship. So, yeah, but I think any New Yorker can relate to, like, it takes time to make friends. So what was the industry like at that time when you got into it? And I do want to talk to you a lot about body image because you're very vocal about that and kind of your journey with all of that. So where were you with kind of your self image? And where was the industry at that time?

Yeah. So when I started modeling in like 2008 and 2009, it was so different. All models like looked exactly the same. It's so strange to even reflect on it. It was like six foot, blonde hair, blue eyes, Eastern European. That was it. And they were all a double zero. And, you know, that was what the atypical model was. And, you know, I came into the industry. I was like a normal, healthy, athletic, 18-year-old, definitely thin.

I thought at the time. But, yeah, it got tough very quickly because I think people were like, you could be thinner, you could be better. If you want to be successful, you need to do like X, Y, and Z. And I think at 18, A, I wanted to be successful. So I was like, oh, I just have to do like this, this and this. If I work out and like don't eat McDonald's, like I can look better. And it started as simple as that and escalated very quickly into, you know, being more drastic about trying to control the way that I looked.

But luckily the industry is slowly starting to change, which we can definitely like talk about. But then it was very much like you had to look like this if you wanted to be successful and I would get so much negative feedback. And when you're young and impressionable, it just, it crushed me. After the emotionally draining year, we all endured in 2020. There are positive things happening in 2021. And it's time to take what we learned in 2020 and start heading in a new direction. That's why instead of just celebrating a month of mental health awareness, it should be our priority all year long. So take the first step with online therapy.

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if I can just get like to this way, then I could be doing like X, Y, and Z jobs and making X, Y, and Z money. And like, I just had my eye on the prize. I think, you know, being driven in that way can be a positive thing. But in this case, unfortunately, it was kind of negative because I was really just like deteriorating myself and my mind-body spirit. But yeah, I think like it felt like that carrot was like dangling in front of me and I just was like, if I could just get this right, everything will be perfect. Unfortunately, that was not the case. And I always say this with being a model and being in this industry, you can do everything right. You can be the most beautiful, thin, perfect person in the room and people will still not like you and not book you, which is something that I

realized years later. And I was like, okay, like this isn't really paying off. Right. It must be such like a mind fuck though, part in my language because totally. I'm sure that you were getting, I don't know, validation for the over-exercising and how your body was changing and all of that. And I just remember for myself, like on a way different scale when I first started my Instagram account, it started as a fitness account. And I was posting before and afters all the time. And I got like very thin because I was counting macros. And I was like, oh, I can go lower and lower and lower and lower. And I was doing more and more and more exercise and I got positive feedback only, you know, and the pictures would go viral. And I was like,

oh my God, but like inside I felt like shit. So it was kind of this conflicting like push, pull. Yeah, I completely relate with that. Yeah, I was exactly getting like really positive feedback. What really threw me for a loop, though, was then when I got to like my absolute thinness and thought, like, I have arrived and finally here. I remember I got on the scale and it was just so low, the lowest I'd ever been like literally 40 pounds lighter than I am now. not even an exaggeration. But then I started getting the feedback from the exact clients that I'd wanted to work with. People were like, oh, she looked better before.

And then people started saying like, oh, it doesn't look natural on her. And I remember like just wanting to bang my head against the wall because I was like, first of all, none of these models look natural. All of us are on the struggle bus trying to look like this. And I finally got here and people are like, no, no, no, that's not right either. And that actually kind of was the turning point for me because I was like, okay, This isn't, like, working out for me. Yeah, you're like, damned if you do, damned if you don't.

What was the most drastic thing you ever did or saw your peers doing to get that perfect body? I mean, in terms of other people, I saw it all, you know, for myself personally, it was exercise. Like, and if you had an exercise or a fitness Instagram account, I'm sure you can relate. Like, that was just something I grew up as an athlete. and I played sports my whole life. And for me, it always felt good. Like, exercising does feel good. So I really took that to an extreme.

I was at the gym sometimes for three, four hours a day, just, like, thinking that I was doing my job, which I was, kind of, right? So it was hard for me in that sense because I wanted to do the right thing and, like, check that off my list and, like, feel like I was going towards my goals. But it was like, I was also just, like, shriveling up inside. But yeah, you definitely see, you know, many models go many different ways to, and I think this goes for models and people in general, like controlling the way that they eat and exercise and behave around other people. We all try to cover it up and act in certain ways or eat certain ways. And you're like, oh, I've been like that when girls are like, oh, I only eat like this, this, this, this and this. And you're like, I've been there. I know that.

You know, everyone like deals with it in different ways. But luckily, like, as the industry has changed, I feel like I've seen. a lot of my peers and people that I was close to and am close to, like, slowly that started to, like, soften. I would be on the Adderall and cocaine. That would be my. I've been sober for seven years. So, like, that was my thing.

Yeah, I have seen that. Picture it. That's also a route, yes. Yeah, yeah. Don't do that, people. So you mentioned a turning point. Can you talk about what that was like and, like, just the shift that happened with that? Yeah, I mean, I think, you know, like I mentioned, I had gotten to this, like, really low weight and I thought I was going to achieve all of my goals. And then I was at work. I remember one day and a makeup artist and another model came up to me that I had worked with many times. And I consider them friends. I still do. And they were like, hey, you don't look well. Like something, you, this doesn't look right. And I remember getting like super defensive and being like, why is everyone like on my case? Aren't I doing like what everyone else is doing? A and B, like, I'm just.

trying to like do my job. And then I think I got feedback from a very big client that was basically like she doesn't look good. Like we don't want to continue working with her if this is the path that she's going down. And I just was getting this feedback from people. And I was like, oh, this is driving me nuts. Like it's not moving the needle in the direction I want to go. I'm totally miserable. I'm irritable all the time. I'm like isolating myself from others because I'm sure, you know, other people can relate to this. Like when you are that strict about exercise and food, like you're not being social. You're not being normal. Everything was. was very rigid, and I was just like, this is so exhausting, and I just knew that it was not sustainable.

I got so burnt out. I remember had like a really big kind of mental breakdown moment, crying hysterically in the middle of streets of New York. I'm sure every New Yorker can relate to that, too, because we all have done that at some point. And I actually went home. I went home to my parents' place for about six months because I was so burnt out and just so frustrated. And then I gained a ton of weight back, and that was a whole spiral in itself, because then I was trying to adjust to the new me or the old me, but the new me. So that was a whole other journey that I had to kind of figure out. And it was tough.

A lot of people asked me when I had them send in questions for you, like, how did you finally find peace with your body after you did gain weight? Yeah, that was really tough. Like, I always say, that's why I say body positivity is such a journey because it's something that I still struggle with and still trying to figure out. But for myself, like, it was more so striving for like that body neutrality. Like in the beginning of my modeling career, if a pair of jeans didn't fit or, you know, a pair of pants didn't fit me on a job, my day was ruined. My heart was crushed, soul crushed. My day was just absolutely

ruined. Whereas now I try to just say like, okay, you know, that's a slice of the day that isn't perfect or maybe you wake up and the scale isn't where you wanted to be or your pants aren't fitting, right? But like trying not to let that have so much power over your life and your day. But also I think finding body like neutrality or getting to this point of like body positivity was filling my life with things outside of the way that I looked. And I was just so obsessed with that for so long because like I said, I thought I was doing my job and I was doing the right thing. So it totally took over my entire life. But once I started trying new things, incorporating new hobbies, interests, like taking myself out of my comfort zone, the way I looked, you know, when I woke up in the morning

became a lot less important and the driver of my entire mood and my entire day. I always say, like, I can look the same one day to the next and one day I can look in the mirror and hate it. And the next day I can be like really happy with it depending on how much I'm thinking about myself. I think that comes down to it. So if my energy is going outwards to the world around me, then I'm like, yeah, like, things are good. Yeah. And if I'm just like obsessing, which we all do, especially now, like, you know, posting pictures and like social media, I think just really has taken it to another level. and we can just nitpick so much and compare.

Yes, I absolutely relate to that. And I think, like you said, like making that energy kind of go outward and not so much like focusing on yourself. I think also once you start incorporating other things, you realize that there's like so much more to life. When your inner dialogue is only like, how do I look today? How do my jeans fit? Like, how do I look in that photo? And it's hard. It is like part of our job.

There's no denying that. But if it's the only conversation you're having with yourself, like, Like, rightfully so, it's so exhausting. But maybe it's time to like start diversifying, like, those inner dialogues and what's going on. I love that. So say that you wake up and you're having one of those off days and you're feeling like, like, I'm feeling just not good about myself. What are some steps that you take that people listening might be able to take to help get out of it? Yeah.

I mean, for myself, working out always helps and meaning like I love lifting weights, which was something that I never, never, never did when I first started modeling. because everyone told you not to do that because having muscle was bad and that was a whole thing. But like doing something that makes me feel strong, meditating, doing yoga, you know, something that like I'm connecting with my body and kind of feeling grateful for what it's capable of in a way. But also it's like going for a walk, seeing a friend, calling my mom, like getting myself out of that head space because if I get stuck in that box, which does happen sometimes where I'm like, oh, no, like I don't feel good. I feel like I don't look good or like it's slipping away.

I don't know. You know, I get into like, that still happens to me. Like, I have to like remove myself from the situation. However, that's like possible, whether that's like going for a walk, seeing my mom or whatever it is. But yeah, I would say those few things. So you've changed. How has the industry changed over the years and where where is it now? I mean, I think I watched one of your videos and you said that there still have been times where like you've gone to a job that you've been booked at and they're like, oh, actually this is not going to work out. Like, how do you deal with that. Oh, my God. But first of all, the industry has changed in the sense that, like, models are now, like, all different shapes, sizes, backgrounds, and that's wonderful. I feel like

because of social media, you know, people now have a voice and they've kind of made it clear that they don't want to see just like one type of woman, one type of model, one type of beauty standard. So I do feel like with social, now we're seeing so many different women's of shapes, sizes, backgrounds being celebrated, which is wonderful. But yes, I mean, I think some of those rules, restrictions standards still exist in the industry, and I will show up for jobs, and the pants won't fit or an outfit won't fit. And now I'm at a point in my life and maturity where I'm like, oh, all these people are freaking out because this outfit doesn't fit or these pants don't fit. Ten years ago, I would have been like, oh, my God, like, I'm failing and I'm horrible.

And like, this is all my fault. Now I'm like, I just made all these people's jobs a little more annoying and complicated. So they're annoyed. But I kind of get it because now they're all trying to figure out, like, what they need to do. That's like my most rational. sane voice. But yeah, I've been sent home from jobs, like flown all the way to Europe and something doesn't fit or I show up and it looks differently than what they expected. And it hurts. Like, I cried. I ate everything in the mini bar that night. Called my mom, cried hysterically. I was so angry and so upset. That happens. But it's like just because one person isn't a fan or you show up. And I'm also like, who did not do their due diligence? Like, I don't, like, I showed up right now.

If you were that surprised after I just flew like eight and a half hours to get here, like someone didn't do their job, and it's not me. Yeah, like you had one job. Like, I don't know. So, you know, trying to like not act like it's all my fault. And I just tried to move on also. Like I remember I cried hysterically, ate everything in the minibar, and I went on the flight, and I watched like a million episodes of Real Housewives of New York.

And then I was just like, I'm done. I was upset. I did what I needed to do is very cathartic. I was going to say, in the housewives. I'm moving on. I love it. So you mentioned diversifying earlier, and you've definitely diversified. I mean, as far as your brand goes, you have your YouTube and social media, and you have your skincare line.

Can you talk about that and how you kind of transitioned into all of that? Yeah. So, you know, over the last, like, I'd say five to seven years, I started focusing on social media a lot more. Instagram, YouTube, now TikTok, all of these things, and had a lot of fun with it. You know, that was like my first step in kind of like diversifying in a way because I spent so many years being a model waiting for the next job to come in and I would literally like wait at home for like my agent to call me to like send me away again. And I just remember feeling a little bored, a little two dimensional. It was like when influencers were really starting to like be on the rise. And I remember

it was still a time where people were like poo-pooing on influencers. I don't know how else to say that in a better way. They still do. They still do. And I'm like, I always looked at it like, I was like, oh, they're like sharing all this stuff. Like I could do that. Like, I want to do that. I want to share those things. I felt so two-dimensional. I felt so boring. It was actually quite cool for models to like be mysterious. And I was like, that's so not me, though. I have so much to say. I loved social media. I loved sharing my life. So I kind of leaned into it, really focused on YouTube. And I always loved sharing my beauty routines. That was something that I loved doing. You know, my skin was super important for my job. And I think I came from the mentality that like more was more when it came to

skincare. I was layering all the things, doing all the actives. I thought I was doing everything right. I think like many people, like we all have fun with skincare and it's fun to experiment. But I think I reached this tipping point where I was doing everything. My skin was like falling off of my face. I remember at one point I shared my skincare routine with Harper's Bazaar, one of their famous like get unready with me videos. People tore me apart in the comments. They were like, this routine is insane. All her steps are wrong. Like, you're not just to combine those products, but it was this tipping point for me where I was like, okay, I love beauty. I'm passionate about it. Like, I thought I knew what I was doing and I realized people had the exact same questions I was having, which was like, what products

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You'll basically never have to buy vitamin D again. So whether you're looking for peak performance or better health, covering your bases with athletic greens makes investing in your energy, immunity, and gut health each day simple, tasty, and efficient. Simply visit athletic greens.com slash blonde files and join health experts, athletes, and health. conscious go-getters around the world who make a daily commitment to their health every day. Again, that's athletic greens.com slash blonde files, B-L-O-N-D-E-F-I-L-E-F-I-S, and get your free your supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs today. How do you deal with the negative backlash online? Because I feel like, I don't know if you feel this way, but it's just, it's getting worse,

like progressively, especially this past year. and I'm like, okay, people are like stuck at home and feeling anxious and bored and they're like taking out their anger on the wrong people. But I would imagine, especially like since you are so vocal about things like body positivity and just your experiences, I feel like the more vulnerable you are, the more like ammunition other people have to kind of use it against you. So how do you deal with that? Yeah, I mean, it is tricky. Like I agree that the last year has been a lot harder. I think it's so easy now to just write a comment. I actually find them to be the most savage on like tick.

Talk, people just say crazy. Whenever they want. But whenever someone says something, like, I do look at mean comments. I click into your profiles. I'm like, if you're listening, I click. And I'm like, who is this person? Yeah. And sometimes, oftentimes it's like a 12, 13 year old, like, in Oklahoma or something like that.

And I'm like, what has possessed you to leave this comment on my profile today? But it's also like I try to think about it. Like, I have never left a mean comment or felt possessed to leave a mean comment on someone. I would have to be in the worst place. ever and so triggered by something to do that, which it's like, so it's not really on me. I think it's on someone else. For some reason, they're triggered by this and feel the need to say something negative. But sometimes I read them.

Sometimes I get upset. It happened just the other day, and I showed my husband. He was like, Emily, who cares? It's like a man, like in the middle of nowhere. And it makes me so mad. But then I'm just like, I kind of just have to laugh about it and like let it go. But I know that's easier said than done. And I know some people have it a lot worse, meaning like sometimes people just hate for

sport these days. And I'm like, that is just a whole other beast and like something that I'm like, this is an unfortunate, like, trend in society right now. Especially on TikTok, I feel like it is trendy, like whoever can make the snarkiest comment. I posted like, I post stuff on TikTok that I would not post on Instagram, like, videos of like past plastic surgery procedures and stuff that I've had done. And I know, like, that's going to bring the trolls out. And usually I can just like put it away and just deal with it. But, one time I did get like very deep into the comments. And I was like going back and my friend was like, you realize that these people have like no followers, no posts. And like their profile picture is like a

picture of Amrata. Like this is not even a real person. I'm like writing a paragraph like wasting my time. I know. I have totally been there too. It is unfortunate. Yeah. And TikTok though, they are savage. Savage. Those kids. Those kids. They're so mean. Okay. So I want to get into listener questions because we had so many. We kind of covered this one, but if there's anything you want to add, but how do you accept weight gain without beating yourself up? That's such a great question. It's so hard. Some days are easier than others. Like I definitely gained weight during the pandemic, like many other people. Like, I literally gained 10 pounds. Like, it felt like overnight. I'm sure it was over the course of a year. And I did beat myself up over it for a little bit,

but it's also like trying to be gentle with yourself and kind of logical with yourself in a sense. I remember being really angry and frustrated to me like, oh, I want to lose it. I'm going to get back into my routines. But then my like logical part of my brain kicked in was kind of like, your life is so different. You never leave the house. You used to go to a personal trainer like twice a week and like meet your friends and do like yoga and Pilates and like constantly walking everywhere in the city like your life is so different. So like isn't it a little unrealistic to like hold yourself to the same standards? Also, I think what's helped me a little bit is to be like your body is going to change over the years and to expect your body to look exactly the same for your whole life or

your adult life or whatever is such an unrealistic expectation. Like your body is going to change as you change as your life changes. It's just, it's a little pointless to be like, I'm going to try to be like this always no matter like what's going on. It's also exhausting. Yes. You know. Yeah, definitely. How do you not fall back into old habits like exercise addiction? That's a good question. I think I just took it to such an extreme for a period of my life. And I exhausted myself in a way and had such a breaking point. It took me so long to even want to exercise again after that because I burnt it out that I think it just took me time to find a balancing point for me to want to exercise again. So I never really struggled with wanting to go back and go haywire because I was just like

been there, done that. And again, it's really exhausting. Yeah. No, I can totally relate to that because I had the exact same experience where, like, I exercised myself into the ground and, like, could not function. And for like a year, I kind of stopped. Like, I did, I would go for walks. I would, like, maybe do Pilates once in a while, but I was just like, I had no interest. And after that, I realized, like, after I slowed down, it's not like my body. Like, I lost control, you know? So then I was like, oh, I can take a different approach to this. And I think, like, I'm just such a rock bottom person. Like, I have to hit rock bottom to be willing to change.

Yeah. And it makes it easier, I think, personally. I completely agree. Yeah. And I think when you realize that, like, I was exercising so much and every single day, then when you take a break and you exercise a little less and you're more gentle on yourself and you realize it doesn't really make that big of a difference, like, I would always be like, can't take a day off, like, must go for like an hour and a half, two hours.

And then you, like, reel it back and you're like, wait, it's actually fine. Like, nothing happens. They actually look kind of the same. And I was like, oh, forget it. I know. And the more that you're in that cycle of like, do it every day, never miss a day, have to eat that, have to, you feel like if you miss anything, something your body is going to catch up to you or like you're getting chased. And then when you can ease up a little bit, you do kind of notice like, oh, it's not like making that thing of a difference. Exactly.

Okay. Are there any shoots that you look back on and cringe? Oh. Yeah, there definitely are. Yes. Oh, my God. Like one not that long ago that happened that I was like, I did this editorial. I actually like never even really saw the pictures come out, but I do think that they did. And it was with this art photographer. And he was asking me to do the weirdest stuff, like sit on the toilet with like no pants on, but like act sexy and like all of these things. And I just remember seeing the images and I remember being like, I wish I hadn't done that. I knew in the moment that this was not going to move the needle for my career. Like I see stuff. And stuff come, even when I was younger. Like, I was definitely much more loose about what I was willing to do and not to do. As now, I'm like 30 years old. I think I would act a little differently if someone asked me to do something. So, yeah, I sometimes look at those pictures and go, like, oh, man, wish I hadn't done that. But I was also, like, 18 and just like, whatever, I'm just doing what I'm told.

Did you get unwanted attention as a child because of your looks? I got unwanted attention, no. I mean, the only thing I definitely got was like, oh, you're so pretty. people would tell me that I was pretty, but I didn't feel like overly sexualized in any way. Even like as a model, I was kind of like very gave off like I felt like asexual energy because I was like, I don't want to be like out here getting attention in that way. So no, I actually don't think I did. What would you tell young girls to instill body confidence at a young age? I think I would say something similar to what I mentioned earlier, which was like just make sure that you had.

other things in your life that fulfill you. Try different things. Like have other interests. Diversify your friend groups as well. You know, I remember like only having like a few friends I only hung out with and we all thought the same and talked the same and ate the same. And it's like, you know, really tried to like not let your whole life existence be the way that you look. And I know it feels like the most important thing in the world. But once you realize how much you're capable of and how much more you can bring to the table outside of that, that's really when I started to flourish and like bloom. Yeah, I love that.

What was your worst body shaming experience and how did it affect you? Worst body shaming experience. I mean, there's just so many things. Like, I, like, I've been on shoots and I remember a photographer was like right in front of me said, like, I can't shoot her when she's fat like this. Because I always fluctuated a lot. I still do. I'm just one of those people. And I just remember being gutted.

Also, I remember it was like 10 a.m. I saw the whole day to do this job. So I've had moments like that, but also it was like body shaming or really uncomfortable moments, like going to really big castings, like the Victoria Secret Fashion Show, like, stripping down to your underwear and like doing the whole thing. And then you get the feedback after when they're like, oh, they think you're too big or like too curvy or like you need to work on like X, Y, and Z. And I'd be like, oh, like I just spent like three months working out till this moment.

And like, come on. But there's just endless moments like that. What was that like the Victoria's Secret thing? I wonder if they redid the show today. I don't even think they would be able to get away with how that casting used to play out. Like, we would all show up. You'd have like your best pair of like stripper heels with you, like highest and best. They would put you in a brawn underwear.

There'd be like a ton of other girls there. Terrifying. It would be this massive room. And then all the casting directors in 10. head people would be at the end of the table. And even to say hello, you would have to, like, awkwardly, like, walk across this entire room, like, say hello to them in your underwear and your heels. And then they'd be like, okay, like, go. And you would just, like, do your walk, come back. And they would just be like, thank you. They'd be, like, filming every moment of it.

But it was such a big deal, especially, like, you know, five or six years ago. I wanted it so bad every year. And I never got so burnt out. And I was like, I'm never going to this casting again. Like, I hate all of you. That sounds like my worst nightmare, first of all. How many women were there trying to get the job? There were, I mean, like hundreds? No, not hundreds. Like there were probably like 10, 15, 20 girls there at a time. But like it's an all-day, multi-day thing, of course. Yeah. But yeah, it was always so disappointing. I always felt like such a failure not getting that one because that was a big one.

Right. But now I'm like, oh, it's for the best. It's fine. Yeah. What was like, what's your best experience been? We're talking about all the negative, but what's a really good experience that you've had in the industry? That's a good question. You know, I think, like, my best experience has been with my, like, longer partners, meaning, like, I've been with Mabelene for over 12 years. And I signed with them when I was a junior in high school. I was so young. And they've seen me go through every phase of my life from, like, going to my prom, to my first breakup, to my wedding.

Like, many of them were there, like, people that I've worked with over the years. but they've really allowed me to grow, flourish, like stay with a brand. They've always embraced, like, my interests and, like, what I'm doing and what's going on with me, like my YouTube channel, like whatever it may be. So for me, like having one of those long-term partners and people who feel like friends who feel, you know, they support you and all the different avenues and things you're interested in, that's been really special. And I think also rare in our industry because it's usually like you're around for a few seasons, some girls and like never seen again.

Right. So I've been lucky in that sense. That's nice. what is a day in the life of food for you? So what's like, what do you eat in a day? I know you've done videos on this too. So everyone go look at her YouTube and her Instagram and TikTok and everything. Yeah, it's definitely changed actually over the years.

I used to like fast until lunch and then like only eat then. Now in the mornings I have kind of like I feel like I have very much move much more into like intuitive eating. So if I wake up in the morning like I have oatmeal with like walnuts and raspberries or whatever that may be for lunch. I have sweet green every day. In between, I'm always having like hard-boiled eggs or, you know, some sort of snack, almonds, trail mix, chocolate, whatever it may be. And then for dinner with my husband, we make, like, vegetables and some sort of protein every night.

I used to be for many, many years, like very low carb. I thought that was the only way to live. I have slowly started to change my tune on that, though. It's like the same exact thing with the exercise. I started eating more carbs. And I was like, I look the same. Right. I was missing out of so much.

So funny. Okay. Do agencies pressure models to get plastic surgery? I swear this wasn't my question. Oh, that's a good question. I have never been pressured to get plastic surgery. Never has come up in a conversation. But I do think that models voluntarily do it and sometimes go to the agency to figure out how is best to go about that. I have heard that. Like so-and-so wants to get X, Y, and Z done. Who do people go to? But I don't know about pressure for that. But I'm sure it comes up. Seems like that would be a little bit of a legal issue. Yeah. I'm sure in today's age, people are a little more careful. Ten years ago, I don't know.

Okay. Those are good questions. Actually, is really good ones. Yeah, we got some good ones. I have a couple more that I'm going to check because we have time. But what are your best beauty hacks before a shoot? Before a shoot, I think I, of course, always focus on diet, eating well. because my skin really reacts when I'm not eating well, when I'm not hydrated, when I'm drinking alcohol, cut that.

And then in terms of skincare, just keeping it really, really simple. Like I mentioned earlier, I used to do so many steps and so many layers. Now I just do like my cubby routine and like that's it. And my skin always looks its best. And just a level of consistency. And I think for me, my best, best beauty hack is I sleep the exact same amount every single night and I go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time. That might sound weird. but I found when I sleep over seven and a half hours, I look tired.

My skin looks dull and dry and, like, not good. I have dark circles. And under seven and a half hours, that's also the case. So for me, I'm like super strict and diligent about that for my energy levels and my skin and everything. It's kind of weird. I'm the same way. Yeah.

If I get less, like, last night I got six and a half and I'm like, I'm not a human being when that happens. Like everything. I can see it in my face. I can feel it like it's crazy. Tell us about your covey routine and about the line itself. I can share that. Yeah, so the Covey routine is a three-step system.

It's simple, effective, and compatible. Like I mentioned earlier, I realized through a lot of research that many people were confused about what products they needed in their routine if they work together in the order you should be using them in. So we have our first of all cleanser, our next-up vitamin C serum, and our last but not least, moisturizer. So all of the products work together in harmony with your skin and with each other. So you really get this great hydrated glow.

Everything is clean and non-toxic, and it's just been really fun. We've gotten great feedback. People are loving it. I'm so happy. It took three years for us to get to formulate. So we're really happy that people are loving it. Yeah. How did you go about that?

How did you figure out how to formulate it and tested and all of that? So it was a combination of a lot of social listening. We went through over 500,000 reviews of top selling products and top retailers, myself and my business partner. She created like this very fancy algorithm to go through all these comments and realize what people were complaining about and what the ingredients were that they were complaining about. And if they were linked, if someone was like complaining about irritation, was there fragrance in there or paraben, sulfates, whatever it may be. We also partnered with

the dermatologist, Dr. Julie Rusak. She also helped us make sure that the ingredients were high quality and backed by the latest research in science. And we also tested the products on over 150 people while we were formulating. So it took a very long time. We got a lot of feedback from different people of Asia's skin types, concerns. So the combination of all of that helped us formulate. your skin is flawless so and everybody will see it on video so I definitely have to try that out yes it looks amazing I have to get it to you okay ohmg may I ask Emily when I was younger I had a visible flaw that I was made fun of and it decimated me to the point where I did everything to not stand out but to fit in Emily how did you amass the confidence to become a model with your flaw your eye how did it not

bother you were people just nicer in general to you than the kids I grew up with or was it that you're so gorgeous, no one even noticed? Or did you just always embrace your unique individuality? She was like the happiest person. Oh, my God. I love that that this has come up. Yes. So for anyone listening, I have a lazy eye. It's actually called Dwayne syndrome. So my left eye doesn't go left at all. And, you know, it comes up a lot, especially at work. Like, my eyes are always like going in two different directions or I'm in conversation with someone or I get tired. And they are literally like crossing. I didn't notice. Yeah, it happens. But yeah, it's funny.

Like, I feel like, and I think this is also partially because my parents were kind of great about it. They kind of always made fun of me for it when I was a kid. They would call it my crazy eye and they would ask me to do it at like every barbecue and family function. Everyone thought it was hilarious. So I think I became desensitized to thinking that this was like something to be embarrassed about. I didn't feel like less pretty because of it. But I think it's because like people were making fun of me for it all the time. My family got such a kick out of it.

When I started becoming a model, it came up a lot. more. It always comes up, people are like, your eyes are going in two different directions. Like, they show me the photo and they're like, what's going on here? And I always have to explain it. And sometimes I'm like, it's not ideal. Like, I look totally crazy in that photo. But I'm just like, this is just like one such a very small slice of who I am. So I guess I was lucky that kids didn't make fun of me a ton for it. It definitely came up. But I was just kind of like, what the heck am I supposed to do about it? Like, this is just my face. So I didn't really let it, like, bring me down too much. It's just a quirk.

My husband points it out all the time. When I get tired, he's like, oh, you're starting one eye is going one way and the other's come the other. I'm like, that means it's time for me to retire. I'm going to bed. So I wanted to ask you, like how your husband is not in the industry, how has that relationship, like, helped you through all of this if it has? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My husband is an investor and a very, very different industry. At first, I didn't know if I was going to be able to be with someone who didn't fully understand my industry because I had dated like only male models. So I thought like love was someone fully understanding like every in and out of like what you do and not having to explain it.

But actually with my husband, Kyle, like he's helped me in so many ways just to like push me to try new things, like diversify my interests, like push me to, you know, even like I went to college. I started going to Columbia a couple of years ago here in New York. And I never thought I could do that. And he was like, you're going to be great. Like you're so capable. You're so smart. He always encouraged me to try, try, try. And I would always be like, I can't. Like, what have I have to work? Or like, I can't.

Like, what I've do this? He'd be like, who cares? Like, just do it anyway. You can figure everything out. But I actually now I'm super grateful he's not in the industry because I learned so much from him and what he's working on in his industries. And it kind of makes me feel less important is not the right word. But like, it's just like we both bring such different things to the table.

And I really like that. I love that. Well, where can everybody find you? Yeah. So you can find me Emily Diedonado on Instagram, on YouTube, TikTok, I believe I'm Diedonado, Emily. I think that's it. All the places. Yeah. Thank you so much for coming. Yeah. Thank you for having me. I hope you enjoyed that episode. If you liked it and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. I'm always posting about each episode there or over on my personal page at Ariel Laurie.