Well with Arielle Lorre - 140: Overcoming Anxiety, Depression and Toxic Relationships with Sydel Curry Lee

Episode Date: November 17, 2021

In this episode I’m talking to influencer and mental health advocate Sydel Curry Lee about how she navigated mental health issues and found her purpose. We discuss her experience with anxiety and depression; toxic relationships and how to break the cycle in future relationships; finding her purpose; her fertility journey and how that affected her mental health and so much more.   www.Talkspace.com with code BLONDE for $100 off your first month. www.Headspace.com/BLONDE for one month free of their entire meditation library. www.Ritual.com/BLONDE for 10% off your first three months. www.OshenSalmon.com with code BLONDE for 15% off your first purchase.   And listen to Sydel's podcast Because Life anywhere you listen to podcasts.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hey, welcome to the Blond Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lori, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits. I know there is so much information out there, so I'm here to help you navigate it all and live your best life. Thanks for listening.

Let's get into it. Hi, everybody, welcome to the show. today I'm talking to Sidel Curry Lee. She is a mental health advocate and influencer, a former athlete, and soon to be mom. She actually might be giving birth as this airs because when we recorded a couple weeks ago, she was like ready to give birth. And I think she's due around right now. So she did have a really challenging time with fertility, which we get into in the episode. But today we are talking mainly all about mental health and how to find your purpose. And we talk about talking. And we talk about talking. toxic relationships, and she just has a really interesting experience with all of this. She comes from a famous family of athletes. Her dad was in the NBA, and both her brothers, Seth and Steph Curry, are currently in the NBA as well. Oh, and her husband, too. So she talks about finding her own way, especially after she had to stop playing sports due to head injuries. She talks about how she got out of a really bad relationship and how she moved on without

replaying that situation and other relationships as we often do. And then we also talk about purpose. And I found her answer to how do you find your purpose really interesting and maybe not what you would expect. So anyway, I will stop rambling and just let you listen. I hope you enjoy the episode. All right. Welcome, Sidel. I'm so excited to talk to you today. I'm so happy to have you here. Welcome. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. How are you doing today? I'm doing good. I'm It's a gloomy day in the bay, but I'm enjoying it. Like, I've got my whole teddy bear jumpsuit, cozy vibes going on. So I'm feeling good.

I'm actually in my official, quote unquote, first week of maternity leave. But I literally can't let go of my past, like, the life that I'm about to give up in the next few weeks. So my friend Isaac, or my producer, one of my producers, Isaac was like, can you do the bond files on November first. I know it's two-day-returning leave and I'm like, sure, yeah, let's go. I can't stop working. So I'm feeling good. Your due date is coming up, right? It's in a few weeks. Yes. I saw on your Instagram stories over the weekend. You were like on the bouncy ball. You were like any time now. And I actually said to my husband, I was like, I think this baby is coming. I hope so. I was like, I don't think the podcast is happening. I think this baby is coming. But I was wrong.

No, no. He held out. He knew today was going to be a fun day. So he was like, I'll let you. have this one mom. I love it. Well, thank you, babies for that for doing it. It's a solid. I definitely want to get into all of that and your fertility journey in this episode because it's not something that I've really explored with my guests. But first, to start out, can you just tell everybody a little bit about yourself? And you're so many things, but I really want to talk about mental health and that aspect of what you do. And you're such an incredible mental health advocate. So how did you get to where you are today? Yeah. So it's a long story, but I'll try to make it sure. short. I've always, long stories too. I've always been interested in psychology from like

freshman year of high school. I knew I wanted to be a psychology major because I always said, I'm a very nosy person. Like I want to know everything about everybody's life. And so I thought, well, I should probably take that kind of characteristic and use it for some good. So therefore, if I was a psychologist, then I could listen to people's problems and like their dirt and all their, all their good stuff. That's so interesting and help them. But it's, It wasn't until junior year of high school through my sophomore year of college where I started experiencing my own mental health journey. I was in a very abusive relationship.

And then by the time I graduated college, I had five concussions. So with like the PTSD from the relationship and then from getting hit in the head five different times created its own kind of side effects, not kind of. It created its own side effects for me that resulted in mental health problems. And so because I played volleyball in college. And so when I got my fifth concussion, we had decided that I probably should stop playing volleyball. I had an extra year left over to play of eligibility. But I was like, you know, I don't really want to be a vegetable.

I don't want to like not be able to live a full life. So let me just stop playing, which then brought on a whole journey of mental health problems. Because I got thrown into the world very, very quickly before I even knew like what I was going to I didn't take any of the tests to be able to get my master's in psychology or anything like that. So I impromply moved to the Bay Area. I'm from North Carolina. Like a week after I graduated college, I moved out to the Bay, which I had my brother here. So I wasn't like thrown into like a whole environment that I didn't know.

But I started working in a corporate, a restaurant company, like a corporate restaurant company. I was a corporate manager. So basically I would go around and like fix systems in all. these different restaurants. I hated it. Like, I hated my life. Like, fuck my life every day. Like, I just was crying every single day. And so then I decided, you know what, like, I'm going to quit my job. A friend of mine, I had a following on Instagram. And at that point, so 2017, influencing, quote unquote, was starting to become a really big thing. And he was like, Sidel, you have a following on Instagram. Like, you're not happy with your job. You should, like,

use it, start trying to make some money. And I was like, I really never was really into like the whole influencer thing. But if I was going to do it, because I was so unhappy in my current job, and this was an opportunity, I wanted to do it and bring something with purpose, like that I was passionate about. Like I love hair, makeup, like lifestyle stuff. That brings me joy every day. But I knew that there was another purpose to my life.

So I told him, I was like, fine, I'll do it. You have to help me because I have no idea. what I'm doing, but I want to bring the mental health aspect to it. And during that time, because I was so depressed, I was just so, like, lost in my life. I didn't see anyone that was doing or sharing their mental health stories in social media. I'm a millennial. I go to Instagram for everything. Like, how do I cook this? Not Google. I go to Instagram, you know? So I couldn't find anyone that I could relate to in the mental health world. So I was like, I want to be that for someone. people might not always can relate to like the struggles that I'm going through,

but at least they can know that like they're not alone and whatever they're feeling, anxious, depressed, whatever. So I started sharing my own personal mental health stories along with hair, makeup, lifestyle, things that I liked. And that's kind of what started my mental health advocacy. It's just me talking about my own personal problems. And like I had a goal that people would feel comfortable in my little corner of the internet to talk about their own personal struggles,

mental health journeys, challenges, stuff like that. And that's happened. Like, I've been so grateful that people are, like, feel safe with me to, because it started just in, like, the DMs. And when it's, and people still DM me, but, like, seeing the community under, like, if I post something about mental health, the community of people that are commenting under that video. And then you have other people commenting other underneath a comment being like,

oh, my God, me too. This is what I, like, it's just such a natural. natural normal thing. And that's what I want mental health to be, like a common cold. We all get colds and we talk about it. Like, oh, I took, I don't know, I took an Advil or a day quill or whatever to figure out my cold. Well, I'm anxious. This is what I do to get me through anxious times. I'm going through a really hard time. I have no idea why I'm depressed. Nothing really is quote unquote wrong in my life. But this is what I'm going through and someone being like, oh my gosh, yeah, same. Like, let's talk about it. Let's just normalize it. That's where this whole mental health advocate started. I think it's so important to have somebody that you feel like you can relate to. Like, I'm very open about the fact that I'm in recovery. And there's so much power in one alcoholic talking to another. But you don't have to be an alcoholic.

You can be, like you said, struggling with anxiety, struggling with depression, struggling with infertility. Like there's something about talking to somebody else who's experienced that versus talking to, say, a therapist, which is also so helpful. I know you're a big proponent of therapy. I am too. But just having somebody that you can look to and be like, oh, this person is like me and they went through that too. And so maybe I can as well. And I like how, you know, you see that kind of ripple effect where like you post something and somebody comments something and then someone else comments to that. And it's like this whole community. That's really cool. So I want to rewind a little bit. Sure. You come from a very athletic family.

Yes. Maybe you could tell everybody if they don't know, but a very high achieving family, we'll say. Yeah. So I was born into like a basketball world. My dad played in the NBA for 16 years. And then my brother Stefan plays for the Golden State Warriors, Stefan Curry. And then my brother Seth Curry plays for the Philadelphia 76ers. And then my husband Damien also plays for the Golden State Warriors. So my mom was like a standout college athlete. at Genentech. So athletics runs through my veins. So did you feel like there was a lot of pressure to be athletic or just be kind of on the same level as them as far as achievements went? And if so, how did that show up in your life? And how did that affect you when you had to stop with your professional sports? Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I mean, I didn't really feel pressure for my family to be in sports. I never like disliked sports. So there was never a time I never wanted to play.

I did play basketball. I know I went to college for volleyball, but I did play basketball in high school. And I quit because I just, I hate running. Like that's like the only reason why I quit is like I hate to run. And that was like a really kind of hard conversation to have with my dad and my mom because my brothers were already in college

playing basketball. And I think my Stefan was in the NBA. at that point. So basketball was like a huge thing and like I was almost guaranteed to have a scholarship in college for basketball. But I chose volleyball and that was like still kind of all right, I'm kind of going out on my own little route, not picking the family sport, but still kind of playing in sports. And then when I, every one of my family that's had my mom ended up going to play a sport on a professional level. And I was always following my brother's footsteps. Even though I was playing a different sport, played that sport through high school, played that sport through college.

And then once I graduated from college, I just didn't have anyone really, as far as like siblings go, to look up to or to follow in suit and to figure out how to do life after college. And that was really, really difficult because I was kind of having to do it like on my own. And like I could ask my mom, but she graduated college, 20. plus years ago, you know? So it's like not the same. But like I didn't feel any pressure to go professionally. I couldn't play professionally even if I wanted to because of the concussions. I mean, I did kind of want to. I wanted to play overseas at least two years, but there goes that aspiration. But I think the biggest difficulty was trying to find my identity again after stopping playing volleyball. Because playing the sport for over 13 years, so much of your identity

is wrapped up into that one thing. And then when it's abruptly, like, taken from you, that was really, really difficult. And that's, that's what started my spiraling of my depression and anxiety. So that was probably the difficult part. But I felt no pressure for my family. Since we are talking all about mental health in this episode, it is no secret that another tool for mental health, mental well-being that I am a proponent of that is so powerful is meditation.

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just two weeks headspace can reduce your stress by 14%, which is amazing. I love their quick meditations that I use throughout the day, kind of spot check meditations. So we're going to play one for you here so that you can see how calming it is if you're driving. Maybe fast forward through this and listen to it, later. So sitting comfortably, just taking a big deep breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth. As you breathe in, noticing how the body expands, as you breathe out, just watching the body soften, you gently close the eyes. And rather than the mind leading the breath, allow the breath to lead the mind. Notice the sensation of the breath. notice it where you feel it in the body.

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So definitely make use of it. Go to headspace.com slash blonde today. Again, that's headspace.com slash blonde. One of the most frequent questions that I get on Instagram is, where do I get my salmon? Well, where do I get my salmon and how do I cook my salmon? And for a long time, I was going to the farmer's market, but during COVID, those first of all shut down and then they got a little bit crazy. So I have been using ocean salmon and I absolutely love it. I'm so happy that they are a sponsor. So Ocean Salmon was created for those who

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this would also make an excellent gift since we are coming up on the holidays. So you can use the code blonde, B-L-O-N-D-E, at www.OceanSammon.com for 15% off your purchase. That's www.os-H-E-N-Sammon.com for 15% off your first purchase with the code blonde. And you said that you also had this relationship that was kind of contributing to the depression and anxiety. And I've heard you talk about it on another podcast, but I could relate to you so much. I had a, I had many toxic relationships. As I said, like I was also an active alcoholic and drug addict. So that was not making my decisions when I came to partners, the best ones.

But I did have a really kind of devastating relationship when I was younger that lasted for a long time. And it was very toxic in a lot of the ways that I've heard you describe yours was as well. And it was also an addiction. It was my first addiction. And so when that was kind of ripped away from me, I had to fill that void with something else. And that's when like the alcohol and drugs really became a thing for me. But if you're open to it, can you talk about that a little bit and just how you got through that? Yeah.

So I had a crush on this boy since I was in like eighth grade. Like, we went to the same church. So I always saw him, like, across the pew or whatever and just thought he was, like, the cutest thing in the world. My junior year of high school, he transferred to my school. So that was like my opportunity. I was like, yes. Like, I've been questioning this guy for like four years now.

Like, he's finally within my arms reach. Like, it's go time. And it didn't start off, like, the most positive way. Like, he had a girlfriend, but didn't tell me that he had a girlfriend. And so like we like hooked up and then I found out they had a girlfriend. And I was just so infatuated with him that I was like, okay, so what are you going to do? And he ended up breaking up with his girlfriend. And then we started dating.

But I think my infatuation with him just kind of overshadowed my judgment on who he was. And it just turned really, really toxic. He was very controlling. I graduated during our. relationship I graduated from high school and went to college, which I only went to college an hour and a half away from like, because he was a year younger than me too. So I only went to school an hour and a half away from where we grew up, where he was. And so he was always like just accusing me of doing things that I wasn't doing. He was calling me a ho, a bitch. If I wore something like I,

I was never really like that type of girl to wear like super tight body con dresses or anything like that. But I remember, like, there's this one instance where if you saw me, like, you can see me like with, I have a little bit of cleavage showing right now. I was an instant ho because of that. But I remember going out one night and I wore a jumpsuit, like a short, I wasn't short. It maybe came like half my thigh. And there was a button that kept popping open. But it just showed my cleavage. I had a undershirt and everything under. But it kept popping open. Not my fault. It just kept popping open. And he saw like videos on Snapchat of me with my girlfriend. friends, but my thing was popped open and like he went berserk calling me all kinds of names.

He like hacked into my eye cloud to like see if he could see my text messages. And all the while he was like cheating on me at home. It was just kind of. Of course. Yep. It's always, right? Yeah. Okay.

There was one time it got physical. And so it got to a point where my mom started noticing that I wasn't. something was wrong with me. Like, I just wasn't happy. And it was on my 20th birthday. And she asked me, she was like, Sidel, what's going on? Because he had broke, and he broke up with me every two days. Same.

When I heard you say that, I was like, wow, the same person. Yeah. Well, maybe we'll trade names, see if it's actually. No, mine was a long time ago. Long time ago. And so my mom asked me, like, what's going on? and I like just started like bursting in tears. I just, I was, I was so tired of it.

And then also like my friends had contacted my parents to tell them about it, which was crazy. Like I'm in college. Why are my friends reaching out to my parents? But like that's how bad it was. It was just such an up and down emotional trauma. My parents basically had to like threaten to cut me off if I didn't like leave him alone because still I'm being treated so badly.

But at that point, like I didn't. know that there was anything different than how he was treating me. I thought that's just kind of how relationships were. And again, I was so quote unquote in love with him. But I think it was just, I don't think people recognize that like you can still have so much like infatuation with someone, even from an early age. Like I might have been in eighth grade, 14 years old, 13 years old. But like I was going to marry this man no matter what. Like I don't care what you say. But then getting threatened to be separated from my family. like that my family is everything to me so I couldn't I mean I ended up still dating him on the

download after that so it took a while but yeah and then so afterwards like finally getting like being done with him I just had residual side effects like I was anxious I was so scared that I would say the wrong thing all the time not even in like my really like my romantic relationships but my friendships, my relationships with my parents, my siblings, everyone around me. I was just so scared that, you know, I had to say the right thing or I would get yelled at or cussed out. I was nervous about what I wore. And then that anxiety turned into a rebellious stage. I was just kind of like, you know what? F it. Like, I don't care. I'm not with him anymore. And I was just doing reckless stuff in college and just kind of like feeling that freedom, but a little bit too much. And then I had to

come around it and find my self-worth because I had lost myself worth with him. And I didn't feel like I was worthy of anything in life. And that like I was always just going to be so caught up with him. Because even during like being done with him, I was still grieving whatever this relationship was, which was another just whole thing. But it took a while for me to be really confident in who I was in myself worth and find myself again. It did take me meeting a guy and dating a guy who treated me like a queen. Like he was who I needed to be with to then appreciate my husband because at that point, like I was done with men.

Like I didn't want to date men at all. Like all men are trash. And then I met this one guy. And I really like, really liked him. You could even say I loved him. I wasn't in love with him. But I loved how he treated me. I love that he kind of restored my faith.

and restored like this desire that I wanted to find someone who really like adored me and treated me how I was supposed to be treated. Unfortunately, it didn't end the way he wanted it to. I feel bad for that. But yeah, it was definitely a long process. And through all of that, I've just learned how to be able to communicate with partners about how I am. hey, like I have anxiety. I had a really bad relationship. And sometimes I may come across as being a certain way, like I'm putting a wall up or whatever. But it's really, I'm just still, I'm past it now, I think.

But early on in my relationship with my husband before he was my husband, there was walls going up. I would self-sabotage even to try to keep myself from being hurt or abused the same way. So it's hard. I feel like especially starting in high school or eighth grade or whatever, like those are such formative years. And I feel like for me at least, like it really did kind of create these like pathways in my brain. And it's like a trauma pathway and anxiety like you said, like especially when you never know what's going to happen on any given day. And if you say something or wear something or whatever, like there's this terrible insecurity all the time. It's like hard to breathe. Yeah, totally. And it. And it. takes so long and it does show up in relationships. So I'm curious, like, how you said that the next guy that you dated kind of helped you feel or recognize yourself worth. And then, of course, now you're married. And how did you make sure that those patterns don't come up again? Well, first of all, I think what I said, like finding myself worth and being confident in myself is what is the number one thing that needed to happen before I could even fully trust myself with

someone else. Yeah. How did you find yourself worth? Honestly, it was a lot of, it's going to sound really cliche, but it was a lot of self-affirmation. It was a lot of, I do not own the feelings of someone else. And how, and the things that this guy would tell me, the toxic guy would tell me, lived in my brain rent free. Like, I would just replay it over and over again.

And I would have to combat those negative words that I hear. And tell myself, like, I have. I'm a good person. I make mistakes. By the way, I was never like perfect in that relationship. Like, how can you be perfect when you're just under so much pressure every day? But like I was young. I was acknowledging that I was infatuated and acknowledging that everything that I felt was real and everything that I went through was real in learning from that. And so a lot of self-affirmation, a lot of therapy, a lot of communication as well with other people around me. because if I'm not able to communicate how I'm feeling with other people around me, then I can't truly live that in myself, if that makes sense. So, yeah, and I think it's just living to be a good person,

be as good of a person as you possibly can be in knowing that you did your best, or I did my best every day to better myself, but not like be so hard on myself if I made a mistake or if I did something wrong because it's all a journey. So yeah, I think that's kind of how my problem. process was. A lot to go through, like, coming off of that relationship and then, like you said, graduating college and kind of having no direction, being a little bit aimless maybe in working at this job that you hate and dealing with like PTSD, it sounds like, and trauma and anxiety

and depression and all these things. So how did you start to navigate that and begin to heal yourself. Going through all of the stuff that I went through when I graduated from high school or from college and trying to become an adult and start my career and do all of that. I had to take it one day at a time. Some days were harder than others. Like I'd say this all the time, which people are going to be like, Sidel. You come from like a pretty like well-off family. I got like an addiction to notice on my door in 2018 because I had quit my job and I was trying to be like an influencer, but everyone knows that takes such a long time to finally start making some money. And I was like I'm very, like, I'm not prideful in like a positive way, I guess. Like I'm very independent. I don't like

asking people for things at all. And so it was just a lot of staying true to who I am and knowing my purpose. Getting through life can be so much easier if you know your purpose and you stick with it. That's one thing my mom always told me and my brothers is like know your purpose and live by your purpose. Don't stray from your purpose because your purpose will always bring you back to home base and it will help guide you through life. And so if I knew my purpose was to share my experiences to help people as much as I possibly can. And so with every mistake that I made, or with every win that I had, sharing all of it. It's not just the highlights.

It's the downsides, too, are a way of healing for me because I don't miss things. I'm able to celebrate the good times because I recognize the bad times as well. And I had to recognize that I had to work through the bad times to get to the celebratory times. So I think, yeah, like staying true to my purpose, giving myself some grace, knowing, especially in this age of like social media and success. I have to remind myself that like I'm only 27 years old. So I'm still young. Like in seeing all of these other people who are even younger than me have the age of

TikTok and stuff who have so much success and you're doing so much, so much amazing things reminding myself like what's for them is not for me. Like they may look great. But if I were to get get what someone else has that I'm like, oh, I want what they have. If I were to get that, I could be miserable because that's not for me. So I have to trust that, like, what is for me is already designed for me. And I just have to do the work to get what, you know, is for me.

I can relate to that so much. And I think that it is kind of a, it's kind of a challenge that is unique to, I mean, particularly unique to, like, content creators. Although now everybody can see success that everybody is having. So you could be working any job and then, see somebody on TikTok blow up and get, you know, however many millions of followers. But I love that you said that that might make you miserable. Like in my own life, the things that I think are going to make me happy are not the things that make me happy. And sometimes we have to like,

we have to learn that. Like it's okay to desire something that's not for us. Because then like, it's a learning process. It's a learning, it's a learning, something to learn from. Right. And especially like, just in the world of being like an influencer or content creator, sometimes I have that moment where I'll see somebody and I'll go, oh, man, they're like blowing up. And then I think, but you have to be able to sustain that. And with so many things going on, I would not be able to sustain that and have the pressure of like creating that every day and like too much. I'm like, okay, got it. Not for me. 100%. Like people ask me all the time, what's it like being Seth Curry sister?

the set and the other. And I'm like, it's great because he gets all like that bright, bright light. And I handle what I can handle because the way my anxiety is set up, I could not do what he is doing. Or I could not do what Charlie DeMilio or the DeMilios are doing. Like, I can't. There's no way I'm handling that. I think I was, I saw something about J-Lo over the summer. And she was like in the Venice, she was on a yacht in Italy. And then she was back in New York for some event where she was like to the nines and performing. And then she was back in Italy for something else. And I'm like, I have to recover for like one month after I go overseas. Like I could never even playing basketball.

I can't go like jump around like a three hour time zone. Not going to happen. Not at all. And all the pressures. Yeah. And that's so funny. Since we're talking mental health in today's episode, I want to talk about therapy for a second. Obviously, Sadell and I have both benefited from it massively.

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com slash blonde. How does your anxiety show up? Because that's something that I struggle with too. And I know so many people that listen to this do as well. So my anxiety shows up in the worst way. possible. And I wonder how I do the job that I do because of my anxiety. It's like I lack motivation. I lack inspiration. I like being able to freely be me. And I know I said before like, you know, I have to trust who I am and always stick to be true to who I am and unapologetically me. But that's something that I work at every single day. I question every single thing that I do. I, I, don't share as much as I used to because my anxiety is like a thousand times up because I'm so

nervous about what people are going to say or people are going to think about me. And that's where my anxiety shows up. It's a lot of just negative thinking. It's sometimes hard to get out of bed. It's procrastination. That's like the biggest form of my anxiety on a daily basis is procrastinating things. It's just not thinking that I'm enough. That's where a lot of my anxiety is to rest in is thinking that I am not enough. I'm not good enough. Yeah. What are some tools that you have now to help deal with that?

Now I'm trying to, when I talk about it, I try to be as helpful to those that are listening. I think if your anxiety is triggered by work and like the procrastination motivation set area, like I'm a very tangible person. Like I'm, I have to do. exercises and like to fix certain things. So if I have a lot to do one day and I'm just overwhelmed, I get overwhelmed very, very quickly where then I start, I can't think of this word ever, but it's always I defer or like ignore things, especially when I get overwhelmed. But I have to,

if I have to do that certain thing. So like if it's like editing a video, I will set times on my phone. Like, all right, I'm going to do something. I'm going to work for 30 minutes. And then once the 30 minutes up, I'll take a five minute break. And then it's at a time of five minutes. The timer goes off, go back another 30 minutes. That's just like tangible things that I do. I'm a big, like deep breather kind of person, kind of sit in like a dark room and just like breathe and refocus my mind. But I'm a huge advocate for rest, like listening to our bodies to rest. But on the flip side, it's, well, there's a guilt. The guilt comes in for resting. And when 100% feel that, and that's something that you have to, I have to work on, if you, if you're struggling with that, you have to work on is resting your mind without feeling guilty and resting your body without feeling guilty. But that's kind of where the timers come in. Like, I use my phone for everything. I'm not going to feel guilty for doing five minutes of resting if I've just done 30 minutes of work that I know. Like, I'm cognizant of that. So yeah, I think those are kind of like things that I'm doing right now to offset my anxiety.

I'm a huge fan of like supplements. What supplements do you love? Any favorites? Ashriganda is one of my favorites. I don't know. I don't even know if it's like a mental thing, but like whatever works, works. But I'm a huge fan of Aschraganda, which I'm pretty limited right now because I'm pregnant. So which has been really hard.

But yeah, ashrigandin, like, sleep is really hard for me to get as well. So like melatonin is one of my favorite things to take. Again, could be all mental, but it works for me. Yeah. Placebo effect is a real thing. Very real. Yeah. Okay.

So, yeah, I want to talk about, like, how you dealt with your mental health when you were dealing with your infertility. And then I would imagine, like, also being pregnant with, like, all the hormones and everything. I know my hormones and I am not pregnant and have never been pregnant, but I have PCOS and all these hormonal issues. And they make me fucking psycho and like so anxious, like crawling out of my skin crazy. So I would imagine pregnancy is like 10fold. So how has that been for you? Well, I was going to say good news for you.

Like it's not the best thing, but good news for you because it happened to me. I don't feel that much different going through like an episode, like an anxiety episode or a depressive episode that pregnant. Like I say anyone who has really bad anxiety or deals with depression, pregnancy is going to be okay. Mind you, like, I was injecting myself with hormones for like six, seven months. So maybe I'm just like used to feeling very hormonal in that sense because of all the extra hormones that I was injecting, but I don't feel much different being pregnant. I asked my husband,

I was like, do I act differently? And he was like, kind of not really, like, you're the same. So yeah, that's good news for you. If you're like me, it's not much different. It doesn't get much worse. How I've dealt with mental health during infertility was not well. I can admit to that 100%. I was a basket case. I was not myself at all during the last three years or two and a half years. And I'll tell you, like, people ask me like how, what got me through the infertility phase and the struggle to get pregnant. And it was being able to celebrate things without being pregnant, Like looking forward to like going to vacations and going to weddings and not being pregnant. Like that was literally it.

Nothing else made me feel better about our infertility journey besides not being pregnant during like exciting moments. Those came every once every six months, you know? So every other time it was just terrible. And it was all it was hard because no one around me really understood. but I was going through because no one around me had dealt with like infertility like I had for a while until I started surrounding myself with people who understood, which I think is super important if you're going through fertility struggles, at least find a friend, like put yourself out there because if you're wanting someone

to understand what you're going through, there is someone out there who's willing the same thing that you want. So you will find each other. But it was really difficult for me in the beginning because everyone was just like, just relax. It'll happen when you don't think about it or enjoy your marriage or you're young. Like that shit drove me up. You want to punch them in the face.

Every time. I even like I don't condone yelling at your mothers like, yell at your moms, but I literally yelled at my mom one time because she was just like, you need to relax. And I was like, no, I can't like, no. I'm not relax. I can't relax.

I'm trying to relax. So I would say if you're struggling, find someone that can relate to you because there's nothing like being able to bitch and moan to someone who understands or someone who understands the jargon or just little things who know someone who understands how you're feeling.

Like they don't have to say anything. They don't have to fix anything. They just, I 100% understand we're coming from. There's nothing that, like that was my one true grace that got me through it. Other than that, it's hard. It's okay.

for it to be hard. Like, it is okay for you to not be okay during this process. And I think that there are very few women who are okay during fertility struggles. I've yet to meet one woman who was like, oh my God, I'm totally fine. I'm struggling to get pregnant, but everything is fine. I have yet to meet one person. So you are not alone if you feel like your whole world's crashing around you. It is okay to feel like that. And now that you are pregnant and you're almost due, you're, you mentioned at the beginning of this podcast that you're like kind of at this place where you're like, well, this is it. Like life as I've known it for my entire life, like this is it for the next couple weeks or however much time you have before you give birth. So what is that

like for you? Like this thing that you've been working towards and wanted so badly is almost here. And is it like hitting you? Like, wow, this is about to change. Like everything is about to change. Yeah, it's definitely a mental, I'm going through a lot of stuff mentally right now, not to take away from our excitement or just our anticipation to meet this baby. But I was telling my husband, like, we spent all this time through almost three years trying to get pregnant. And then we only had nine months to adjust to the fact that our whole world's about to change. And that's not a long time at all compared to how much time we took to get here. and I would say I'm coming out of the morning phase of our like past life.

I am concerned. When I say I'm concerned, I think we're going to be okay. But I'm just concerned about what changes in our marriage. Like we've, it's only been us to for the last five years. So what's going to happen to our marriage? I'm concerned about like my career. How am I going to juggle my career? Which is what I was telling you like, I'm supposed to be on maternity leave right now. And I'm getting all of these like, hey, can you do this? Do you want to do this? Do you want to do this? I'm like, yes, yes, yes, because I'm, I'm trying to hold, I physically, mentally think I'm trying to hold on to my past life. Like, I have not packed my hospital back. I could go into labor right now. And I have that packed my hospital bag because it's just, it's, I'm mourning what's happening. Again, not to take away,

not to take away from the fact that I'm super excited. And if you were to come right now, I'd throw some shit in a bag and we'd be out of here in no, in no time. but I think that's such a normal thing to do is it's all I've known. All I've known is this life that I, with no responsibility besides my dogs. And it's scary. It's like in being responsible for another human being is terrifying. Like having to keep them alive and having to raise them to be a good person and to, you know, be ambitious and to accomplish all their goals and to let them know that they

can be whatever they want to be. and that's a lot of pressure. I have good role models, thankfully. I'm around a lot of people who are great, great parents. But you never know how it's going to go until it's actually you. Well, I think, you know, you've been through so much and kind of come out on the other side and you're, you know, such a good advocate and you just have that experience. So I think you're going to be the role model too and you're just going to model that.

And I think you'll be a great mom for what it's worth. I think, but it sounds like what you're going through is totally normal. Like I have a lot of friends and my sister-in-law. I have two, I have a niece and a nephew who are fairly young. And I feel like everybody just goes through that, like especially right before. One of my good friends just had a baby like six months ago. And she was like a wreck in the weeks coming because I think there is like that morning, and mourning your past life

and then the guilt over mourning the life and just so many things. Yeah, it's one thing on top of the other. But I hear as soon as, you know, you see that your baby like everything, everything changes. Yeah. So I'll be okay.

So one more thing that I wanted to ask you and back to what you were talking about before is about purpose. So I totally agree with you. I think having a purpose and being clear in that is it's just, I don't know, so helpful in life. Because whenever you kind of get off into the weeds, like you can come back to that. And it can be your guiding principle, your guiding force or whatever.

But I think so many people don't know their purpose or don't feel like they have a purpose. So if somebody is listening to this and they're like, yeah, that sounds great, but like I don't have a purpose. Do you have any words of wisdom for them, any advice? on maybe how to find that and like tune into that? Yeah, I would say one thing is your purpose might be something that you're totally afraid of and you're running from it. And to look at those things that terrify you and that challenge you the most because

that's probably what your purpose is supposed to be. You feel it like you're feeling attracted to it, but it's like scary and it's terrifying, that's probably where you should be looking and going towards because your purpose is supposed to challenge you. It's not supposed to be easy at all. I know it's probably not been easy for you to have these conversations and deal with your sobriety. And like, I'm sure that that has been very difficult for you. It's been very difficult for me to come on an app and be open to judgment every day about things that I go through. But it's challenging, but it keeps me going. So if you're still looking for your purpose and you feel like you haven't found it yet,

be patient, try new things. Don't box yourself in, but more than likely it is that one or two things, wherever that you have in a box, that you put behind you because it's terrifying, it's scary. It's probably one of those things. And you have to embrace it because you'll find true, like, triumph and true purpose in something that's scary. I love that.

I've never heard anybody describe it that way. And I think you're so right. I think sometimes people hear purpose and they think like the thing that is so natural to them or the thing that they like the most. And yeah, I mean, even like thinking about this podcast when I started this a couple years ago, it was like terrifying. Like I sweat through the entire first year. And I like hated it.

And, you know, I really like of all the platforms, because there are so many now, it's definitely my favorite, to be able to have conversations like this and meet people and just talk about like the good shit. Yeah. So I love that.

Yeah. One thing I like to know is like for people like you and I who talk openly about things that we go through, it's easy for us to seem like we have it all. I mean, I'm sure you say this to your listeners as well, but I just like to reiterate it every time. It may seem like we have it all figured out. and we're just the experts on this, quote unquote.

But it is a daily thing. It is a daily practice. I don't, at least for me, I don't have it all figured out. I have more rough days than I do good days. So I don't want it to seem like, you know, there's, for me, at least, I have it all figured out. I have no issues ever. I'm here to just spit facts. And you know what?

You know what's really sparked me, like wanting to say this more often, too? So I was watching you. And have you seen the third season? And Sherry, that her name, the influencer on that. So she bugs the shit out of me because she brings on this aspect that she has it all figured out that she just has all these hacks that she lives by that makes her her life so just together every single day. And she's just here to tell you what to do with your life and how you can do things better.

And like, sure, like, I share things that help me, but whatever helps me is not, it may not help you. It's not the hack for your life. You can try it. I think mental health in general is a trial and error thing. What works for me might not work for you. But, you know, we're all, I think that's kind of what makes us so relatable to because we are also like, bullshit. I had a terrible day today. I got absolutely nothing done.

I've crawled up in a hole and didn't want to come out. like just know that we're going through the same things and we just have a platform to share that to hopefully help others as they go. Yeah, I always say like I think fallibility is one of the most, I don't know, not attractive, but like, yeah, attractive qualities in somebody, somebody who can share their mistakes and their triumphs. But I think that makes me trust that person even more and want to try the things, like want to try the hacks or the tips or whatever. Because, yeah, somebody is just coming on here and saying, like, I have it figured out, this is what you have to do.

That's a little suspect. Like, really? That's it. You're done. You're dead. Okay. You're done. Evolving, growing.

Perfect. Yeah. It sounds kind of boring, too. Yeah. Very boring. I love that so much. Well, where can everybody find you? I know you do all the things.

Yeah. So I'm on Instagram at Sidel Curry Lee. I have a podcast. It's called Because Life with Sidel. There's also that Instagram as well at Because Life with Sidel. And I have a YouTube. If you want like baby stuff, there's more stuff over there. It's a Curry girl on YouTube.

I think that's about it. There might be something else. TikTok? No. No, I can't do it. I can't do it. That's the next frontier. I know. I need to get on it. I don't, I don't know. I don't know. Some people say like Instagram is over. You need to do TikTok. But I feel like, and this is going off on a tangent, but there's room for it all now. Yeah. You know? And I feel like, I don't know. Some people say like the influencer bubble is going to burst. I don't think it is. It's not a bubble. I think moving forward, just anybody can have a platform. That's what I love about. That's why I'm not on TikTok. And that's why I love, I like, I love TikTok. I go on it every day. I don't post a lot of content on there because I love being able to, like, not exist. As a content creator and being on so many other platforms, I love not being able, not existing on a certain platform for some reason. Like, just like being an observer is just so therapeutic to me. Yeah. It's a vortex, like a black hole. I go on there, like on the treadmill. And then I'm like, holy shit, an hour and a half just passed. And I've been fed videos that I didn't even know I was interested in.

At least you're on the treadmill. I'm in bed. Oh, that's like once in a while. All right. Well, thank you so much again. Thank you. It was fun. I hope you enjoyed that episode.

If you liked it and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to The Blond Files podcast on Instagram. I'm always posting about each episode there or over on my personal page at Ariel Laurie.