Well with Arielle Lorre - 164: Feeling Like Ourselves Again with Chelsey and Jaci of the What We Said Podcast

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

In this episode, I'm talking to the women of the What We Said (@whatwesaidpodcast) podcast. This entire show focuses on embracing yourself; from connecting with your inner child to not judging yourself to removing the 'shoulds' from your life. We also talk about the connection between internal judgment and social media; including what happened when one of the guests broke up with IG.   www.Athleticgreens.com/blondefiles for your free 1 year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase. www.Helloned.com/BLONDE for 21% off during March only. www.Zocdoc.com/BLONDE to download the app free and book a top-rated doctor today. www.Jennikayne.com with code BLONDE for 15% off your first order.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Sonderger Go to your Reisadviseur Orsonicars. The following podcast is A Dear Media Production Hey, welcome to the Blond Files podcast. I'm your host, Arial Lori, and I'm here to talk all things wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything

in between, no topic is off limits. I know there is so much information out there, so I'm here to help you navigate it all and live your best life. Thanks for listening. Let's get into it. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. Sorry, I'm recording this very early, so I feel like I'm half awake. I can't even think straight and I have sleepy voice, but I'm very excited about this episode. I had such a good time recording it. I'm talking to the women of the What We Said podcast, mega hit podcast, also on the Dear Media Network. So I'm talking to Chelsea Jade and J.C. Marie. They are content creators. And like I said, two seconds ago, the hosts of what we said, this is going great so far. But we had such a good conversation.

station, such a good time sitting down. I actually went on their show that came out last Friday, so definitely go check that out. We did like beauty and wellness advice. And then they came on my show. And there were so many different angles that I could have approached the interview, so many different things that I could have talked to them about. They're very multifaceted. But we ended up just kind of talking about embracing yourself from like connecting with your inner child, not in like a cheesy way, but you'll hear what I'm talking about. to not judging yourself to kind of removing a lot of the shoulds from your life. We also talk about the connection between internal judgment and social media. We talk about what happened when

J.C. broke up with Instagram, which I'm envious of and found really interesting. And it just went pretty deep. And I think you guys are really going to enjoy this. They have a lot of wisdom and perspective, even though they are much younger than me, I think. And, And yeah, I think everybody can benefit from this, whether you're a content creator or not, that really isn't like the focus. The focus is really on, like I said, embracing yourself, connecting to yourself, what to do when you're feeling disconnected with yourself, which I think a lot of us are, and so much more. So I hope you guys enjoy the episode. All right, welcome. Thank you. Thank you so much for having us. Of course. So happy to have you guys. I just went on

your podcast. So I feel like there's going to be a little bit of overlap just with the questions that people sent in. And there were so many different angles that I wanted to approach this episode from because you both are so interesting in your own ways. And then, and I was telling you this off mic, I was listening to your episode last week about not feeling yourself. And I was looking at the questions that people sent in and just like the vibe that I've been getting with people and myself. And I was like, yeah, that really resonates. And I feel like that's something that I would love to talk to you, both about because I feel like everybody is just kind of like going through either something super challenging or like you said Chelsea like an identity crisis. I think we're all coming out

of this like two years of like what the hell just happened. And yeah, it's been kind of weird. Yeah. I didn't even think about that though. It's like we're kind of coming out of like, I mean, I know we're technically like still in it, but life is like slowly getting back to quote unquote, like normal. And everyone's like traveling again and like just going out. And I feel like we literally need to give ourselves like a little bit of grace because we just went through like trauma altogether, like something that was like so crazy and traumatic for all of us. And now I've been thinking the same exact thing because I was like, why do I feel weirdly anxious to like go to events and be, you know, doing podcasts and stuff like that? And I realize it's because we,

collectively as a society haven't been doing things like that for two years. Like that's a long time and it's kind of just it's a lot. It's a lot to just throw yourself back into normal life

and it's kind of like we were saying on that episode that you're referring to like you're kind of trying to figure out if you're trying to go back to like who you were before but you've changed and so it's like a completely new life

honestly for and I feel like a lot of people can relate to that because of what we've all gone through in the world. Yeah, it's weird I feel like so many people probably reevaluated so many aspects of their lives during COVID. I mean, there were so many breakups and divorces and, like, changes in employment and people moving. And I personally kind of feel like I almost have a little bit of whiplash because it's like we went like screeched the brakes on during COVID.

And it was like a complete shift. And now it's like, okay, we're just picking it back up. That's so true. Yeah. Yeah. So what does it look like for each of you guys? Like how, well, how are you feeling now, I guess? Still in the identity crisis.

Yeah. Well, it is interesting because literally I'm realizing it as you're saying it, like probably a lot of people relate because also there has been like a baby boom and that's where I'm at. It's like the postpartum stage and I have had so many people message me who are in the same stage and I'm like, am I just noticing because I like had a baby or is there literally like a baby boom going on that like everybody's just had a kid in this postpartum stage of like what's happening?

and it's such like a life-changing thing. And you're getting to know this like new version of yourself. But you're also, yeah, like we talked about in our episode, like morning the old you, but simultaneously like being excited for the new you and realizing it's still you, I guess. So I don't know. It's an interesting journey to go on. I think it's important to just kind of accept the fact that it is a journey, I guess, if that makes sense and not judge yourself for not being at the destination you want to be at.

And I get very impatient with myself. Like I always put on these like crazy expectations that I should be doing something like I put these time restraints on myself all the time. And it's there's literally no point to that. Like why do I do that? Personally, I've been kind of rediscovering my individuality, which is something I've been talking a lot about recently because for the past few years, I was going through like, infertility stuff and still am like obviously still not pregnant and going through this like weird

phase of my life where I feel like I kind of abandoned like everything that honestly like makes me happy and makes me me to like focus on getting pregnant and this fertility journey that I was trying to go on and like also I think there's a sense of I was trying to control something because I couldn't control a lot of things going on in my life in the world you know so I was like I just you know Lief and I were wanting to start a family. And so we're like, let's do that. And then couldn't get pregnant for years and whatever. So I was in that stage of life for a long time. And again, even though I'm still in it kind of, I feel like I'm rediscovering like who I am and kind of putting it on pause because I'm just like, honestly, I think I just can't be in that mind space anymore

because it's just too, it's just been too much and like too painful. So I'm like, okay, moving on, like, even though I'm still not pregnant, I think in a weird way, it's been such a blessing, which again, you always say once you like come out of something and I'm still not even fully out, but I'm like so grateful that I'm in the phase of life I'm in and I'm really feeling like not rushing it or anything, which has been a great lesson for me to learn. But I've just been kind of rediscovering like who I am, what I like to do. I've just been trying to focus on, like we mentioned in our episode with you, like not really necessarily listening to like what everyone has to say and just focusing inward and being like, what do I like? What do I like to do? How do I like to

spend my time? And I think even just within this pandemic, there's been a lot of like telling people what to do, you know? And so I feel like I've just been like so stifled for so long. And now I'm kind of just now being like, okay, I'm finding myself. Yeah. By now I don't have to tell you how much I love my athletic greens, but I'm going to do it anyway because I am currently recording this. Let's see, it's 825. in the morning. I woke up. I had my athletic greens first thing and then my macha. And let me just tell you, I am feeling clear and alert and energized and so good. So basically one scoop of athletic greens has 75 high quality vitamins, minerals, whole food sourced, superfoods, probiotics, and adaptogens to help you start your day right. And this special blend of ingredients supports your gut

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Let's laugh. Let's cry. Let's overshare and let's get inspired to live our best lives. Check out new episodes every Wednesday. It's all for you, baby. Thanks for listening. Love you, mean it. So interesting.

I didn't think about that, that everybody was kind of like collectively being told what to do for a long time. Some people were like over a sooner. than others. But I'm curious, like, what are some things that you are doing to find out who you are again and kind of come out of that and move through this time? I think just not, like, judging myself for the way that I am. And I actually talked about this in a recent YouTube video. Like, I feel like for a long time, I've been trying to change and quote unquote fix my personality because I felt like I am just too much. Like I have always been very driven, very career oriented,

and I've been feeling for the past two years, like, I was speaking to someone about this and I was like, I just feel like I'm too much. And like the people around me are like, take a chill pill. And she was like, oh, do people say that to you? And I was like, no. I just feel like I'm getting that vibe where it's like, okay, we get it. You like to work and like whatever. You have all these goals. But like, I feel like a lot of people in my life, like don't operate the same way I do. And so I've felt like I'm just trying to change myself. For the past few years, I've been like, I really need to relax. Like I need to calm down. I need to, like I was saying in the episode, like, do like a mindful morning. Like I need to change. And I think in the past couple months, I've been like, no, like, I'm going to own who I am. It's not that I'm overworking myself to like escape something. Like I feel that I'm a very self-reflective person. But I've realized like I thrive when I'm working towards my goals. And when I'm like not making excuses and when I'm doing, that's just my personality. So I'm just been really trying to own that. And like I said, in the morning, like blasting music and being like, oh, other people, you know, on social media have told me, this is going to raise your cortisol.

Don't do that. But like, to me, I like it. So I'm going to do it. Like, I'm going to make my chai latte in a champagne glass in the morning because I want to do that. And like just doing things and not, like, judging myself at all for it. And if other people are like, oh, why are you doing that? It's just like, oh, I just like to do it. There's no other explanation other than I just want to do what I want to do. So those are like little ways that I've been trying to overcome kind of this sense of wanting to fix myself, I guess. Like trying to embrace yourself more. Yeah. It's so funny you say that about the music because I feel like especially in kind of the space that I operate in, which is like the quote unquote wellness space. Everyone's like, yeah, slow mornings like meditate and da-da-da. And I do all those things. But I also have been doing that lately. Like I get up and I'm on one like the second that I wake up and I don't know what it is. I think it's stress. and anxiety, honestly, that I just have to, like, get out of my body. But I am, like, out of bed music on making my macha in, like, the, my magic bullet blender, like, loud as fuck.

And it's so funny. I'm like, wow, like, who am I? Like, but it's just a different phase of life. It's just whatever you want to do. I think that's the key is, like, I feel like I've been just feeling in general more connected to myself. So it's what I truly want. I feel like it's not, Do you know what I'm saying? It's not like, oh, I feel like eating like crap. So I'm going to do that. It's like feeling truly connected to myself and wanting the best for myself. So those little things like blasting music or like, I don't know. Just I honestly feel like I'm kind of getting back to even like a childlike state in a way. I'm almost like recreating just like the fun things that I wish I was more carefree when I was younger to just embrace who I am. And the older I get, I'm just like willing to embrace that because I'm like, this is what. makes me me. Like, I'm not going to shy away from being a hard worker talking about my goals. Like, I've been made to feel in a way that some of those things are like too much. It's like, calm down. Like, and I'm just done, I think. Like, it's not that I think I operate in the best possible way and everyone needs to like step aside. It's respecting myself and also respecting

others. Like, and I think it's a mutual respect. Like, I was saying my husband and I are not the same in that way, like, at all. But we actually just had a conversation. And I was like, I think the more that we just respect each other's, like, personalities and who we are, it's going to make our relationship even better because sometimes he'll be like, you know, getting on me about working or something and then I'll be getting on him, like, you're sitting around. And so I'm like, if we just can kind of accept our personalities, I think we'll become so much, like, stronger and happier. So, yeah, that's the journey I'm on right now. I'm like in the thick of it, but. I love it. It's like you're reborn. Like, I feel, I kind of feel that too, like the childlike thing.

Mm-hmm. Healing your inner child. Yes. Yeah, we're so corny. I feel like I know. I feel like anytime I catch myself saying should for myself or for other people, I know that it's not a good thing. Like, if I'm telling myself I should be doing something or that someone else should be doing something, then I know that that's like an expectation and expectations ruin my life. So and everybody's lives. And we all have like so many expectations for ourselves and others, which just leads to like, constant disappointment, constant shame, constant, whatever. Because it's funny that you say that, because I always feel the opposite way where I always feel like, we don't like these things about ourselves, like, because we try and mold to fit into

everybody else where it's like, well, I'm trying to read the room. Like, what is everybody else doing? And I feel like I've always like, oh, I should want to be doing more. Like, I should want to be doing like career-oriented things. And like, maybe I don't like the fact that I'm more like slow and that I like to be more like peaceful and that I like, you know, I just want to have. fun. Like, that's like, maybe is that so bad? I feel shame about that. That's like my life goals. So like just have more fun and be whatever. And I always tell like my husband that I'm like,

I feel shame that I'm not more like he is. And like you are where it's like like J.C. The listeners. Yeah. Where it's like career oriented. And they're always like having ideas. And when Nick is telling me my husband, all these business ideas, I'm like, like you're draining me. Like I feel drained and I feel guilty that I feel drained because I want to be like that. Like I want to be like, you know, you. Like I want to do that. I don't feel like I'm accepting myself either. And I feel like it's interesting.

That's so ironic. That's exactly what I was going to say because I feel that way around what lay fin, you are actually more similar to. And I always feel like I wish I was more chill. I'm like, oh, like I just, that's what I've been saying so often is I just want to take a chill pill. I just like really want to like not be as like, I guess career oriented. Like I should be, I should chill. I always use word chill.

And yeah, it's just like accepting yourself fully for who you are and accepting others for who they are. And that is what makes like the best dynamic and the best relationships and friendships anyways for there to be like different types of people. And I was going to say the more like when I do, because I'll have different like flows in my life where they'll be like times where I fully accept who I am. It's like the childlike thing. I don't know if you've ever taken. I love personality.

I was going to ask you what your personality. Yeah. I'm a four. Like an Instagram four. I'm a INF. Jay, like I know all of them. And I also, have you done the color code one where it's like, there's four different colors. Now I'm going to do that right after. Yeah. I think it's called the colorcode.com or something. But it tells you what you're motivated by. So there's like,

I think it's power, fun, like peace and something else. And mine is fun. And when I got it, I was like, that's the worst one. That is literally the worst one. Like I'm just like the most irresponsible, like immature or whatever. It's like goes back to how you were when you were a kid. and stuff. But I think that's important. Like you were saying, it's like how you are when you're a kid is when you embrace that part of it. It's literally healing like your inner child and you stop judging telling yourself. It's okay how you are. You don't need to fix anything necessarily. And the more you accept yourself, the more you're willing to like accept other people. Like when I fully embrace how I am and like the strengths that I have, I'm less likely to be telling Nick like you're stressing me out.

like stop. It's like I'm more embracing who he is as well. And I think also like accepting yourself doesn't mean like I'm perfect and like I don't need to work on anything. And yeah, I have it all figured out. And I actually know what's best for everyone. It's like kind of the opposite where I feel like when you truly feel like true acceptance, you kind of have motivation to like do the things you want to do. It's the opposite of like, you know, settling or being like, okay, I accept myself. Like, now I don't have to, I don't have to work on anything. It's like, I feel like when you accept things, it doesn't mean that you have to accept circumstances necessarily. You're just kind of accepting like the moment exactly as it is. And then you're kind

of relinquishing control and you can get more into that like flow. And I don't know, be like more intuitive with things. That's kind of what I find. That's what good things happen too. And like your best ideas and like everything good is going to come from. Yeah. And you observe without judgment. Like I think that's when I can remind myself to, observe my thoughts to observe everything without judgment, like without having to label it as good or bad, it just is what it is. That's when I feel the best. Like even I was telling my husband the other day, like when it comes to pregnancy, postpartum body, like, I always thought I was like very, I got to a place. I had like, I went through disordered eating for a while, like in my early

20s and I got to a really good place. And I kind of in my mind was like, I'm fixed like forever good. Like I don't, whatever, I never struggle again. But then God tested me. And like through pregnancy and postpartum, like, your body can't change more than that. So it was like so shocking to me. And I was like, I just have to keep reminding myself what makes me truly feel better. I know it sounds simple is just telling myself like it is what it is. And I don't have to be like stretch marks are good. Like I can just be like they just are stretch marks. Like they don't have to be bad. They don't have to be good. You know, weight gain doesn't have to be bad or good. It just, it is what it is. And I don't have to judge it. And then

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How much of like this kind of internal judgment do you feel like is maybe subconsciously coming through social media? I mean, you guys are both obviously on social media. I know, J-C. you're like off Instagram, so I'd love to hear about that. I know you talk about it a lot. Yeah. But I'm curious, like, how much you think of that is kind of internalized from, like, what we're seeing and what people are saying to you, like we talked about on the episode we just recorded a little bit. And then the second part to that question was, how have you shown up on social media when you're going through these things and how has it affected you, whether it's, like, the infertility or, like, kind of feeling like you're this, like, I don't know. What did you

call it again? What I don't remember baby newborn phase? What did you say? Yeah, inner child. Child-like phase. Yeah. Like how, like, so I guess it's a two-pronged question. Yeah, I'll go first. I feel like my, I'll be brief. When I noticed a direct correlation with my screen time report that I get on Sundays and like how my week was in terms of like comparison and things like that. So it's like 100% related. Like I'll notice, I'll get my report on Sunday and it'll be like, your screen time was down like something, something, something. And I'm like, oh, I had like such a good week mentally. Like, that's probably has to do with that. And then versus where it's like, your scream time was up. Like any time it says up or I see like the up era, I'm just like, oh, great. Like. And then I realize, oh, this week I have been like feeling more doubt on myself, feeling more, you know, self doubt, whatever it is. So to answer your question.

Very correlated. Very correlated. And then what was the second part of the question? How like how have you shown up on social media when you're going to? going through difficult times. I know you had like kind of a difficult pregnancy. Yeah. And then J.C., you've had like the issues with infertility. Because just for me, like I'm going through it now, like I said on your episode, not to keep referring to it, but like I'm going through something probably the biggest thing I've gone through in my life, but I'm not sharing about it. But I still have to show up because it's my job. And it's like a real mind fuck. Yeah. It's hard because I think we don't owe anyone anything. But then we

talk about this all the time. It's like, I want to be DGAF. Like, I want to be like, I don't care what you guys say, like, you know, I don't care how you feel when I post this. But it's also not good for me to make people feel bad. Like, the deepest part of who I am, I don't want to make people feel sad. I don't want to make people feel like, you know, comparing themselves to me or anything like that. But at the same time, it's like, that doesn't mean that I have to, like, bear all to everyone. So I feel like some of the people, I try and emulate, like, what I see other people doing that makes me feel good and that feels authentic as well because some people will kind of go overboard with certain things where I feel like, again, it's almost the opposite

of acceptance. It's like trying to force that it's good. But it's okay. Like it's so it's good like to even like sometimes with body positivity or things like that where it's like it's good, it's good. It's like, well, why can't again it just be what it is? And some of the accounts that I follow that are like, quote unquote body positive to me never talk about their body they just post themselves as they are yeah and it makes me feel more normal like and they don't have to be like draw attention to it's like okay because then that makes me think if i take a photo like that oh you don't think you look good but even though you're saying it's okay but you're still noticing so you know what i mean it's just kind of like this weird yeah i'm curious not to go off on a tangent but i feel like some of the like body positive

accounts that like focus on their imperfections, that that's still like very obsessive over your body. And it's like, well, it's still like it's such a judgment thing. I agree 100%. Yeah. I agree 100%. It's like you shouldn't have the focus. Also, I always say like, why do we have to find something attractive to love it? Like we don't have to be like, no, you can talk about and we love them. Yeah. It's like I, you know, I'm still beautiful this way. It's like, okay, well, what if you're not beautiful, can you still love yourself? Yes. Like, everything does not have to be beautiful in order for you to love it. You can just love it how it is. Yeah. Definitely. So I agree with that 100%. To go back to your question about like me getting off Instagram, I feel like it's so interesting when

you're saying that. I literally just connected. I'm like, oh, the reason I'm literally having all these, like, like, like, well, moments is probably because I'm not on Instagram, which has been a massive point of stress for me the past few years, which is brought on by myself. But I've always just just been, again, like very career-oriented, like over the top. And I saw success at a very young age. Like my Instagram started growing when I was like 17, 18. And I've done it. That's all I've ever done. I've never had a different job than this. So I know no different than like having my life online, being a quote-unquote influencer or, you know, doing photography and posting it and everything. It became something where I was just like comparing myself constantly. My account kind of stopped

growing just because of, you know, who knows what. Not going to blame it on the Instagram. algorithm. I will take maybe accountability that maybe my post got boring. Who knows? But, um, no, it's the algorithm. Yeah. I'm like, thank you. Thank you, Queen. Um, so once that started happening, I was like, okay, I've always done like A and B and received C. And like now, like my formula is no longer working. And this is like really starting to annoy me, whatever. And so it was like that for multiple years. We started the podcast. It was going so well. I started TikTok. It was actually going well. Like YouTube going pretty well. But I was like, could not stop focusing on Instagram. I'm like, why is it not growing? Why? And then I would like beat myself up and be like, why do I care so much

about the numbers? Like I have a great audience who cares about me. Like this is like stupid that I'm caring. But then like this shame cycle of being, it was just like too much. So at the beginning of 2022, I was like, I'm just going to take a quick Instagram break for like a week or two. And after the first week, I was like, no, I feel so good without it. Like I can't, I can't get back on. Like I feel like that would be like inauthentic to like get back on and just like keep trying to push content out. So. I deleted the app from my phone and I was just like, this is so freeing. Like, I just want to focus on my dream. I know. I just want to focus on TikTok, on YouTube and on the podcast. And it's seriously

been like life changing for me. And I know it sounds probably stupid. It's how much weight I put into Instagram that's the shocking part to me is because once I removed that, like, the mental clarity that I have received is like I've never, I haven't experienced anything like it in years. And so I think it's just because I'm a very hyper-focused person. So once I just removed that completely from the equation, I was able to give more attention to these things that I'm passionate about. And I started feeling that same passion that I felt at the beginning when I was doing Instagram and photography and things like that. And it's just like so exciting. Again, like I feel like I've been almost reborn. And it's ironic because I didn't even realize. Like it could just be because I don't have Instagram. Like I feel like I still spend a lot of time on social media, but I really enjoy being on TikTok. Like I don't feel as much of that comparison on TikTok or. YouTube. So that could be a big part of the equation, honestly. So interesting because it's social media, but it's like a relationship. Like if it's, if you're having some problems, you can work it out and you can stay together. But if it gets so toxic, it's like I literally need to separate myself from you. Like we need to literally break up and be completely like just separated. Yeah. And that's what I'm

proud of you, girl. Thank you. Getting out of a toxic relationship. We'll see if I get it back one day, maybe. I mean, don't get back together with your ex. It sounds amazing. I'm like, wow. Yeah. I think people don't realize, like, when it's your job, too, like how consuming it is. Like, I know for me, it's the first thing I think about when I wake up. And then the last thing I think about in all day in between. And obviously, like, it has changed so much.

It used to be like, take a picture, edit the picture, post the picture, write the caption. And then it was like stories. And then it's like, okay, I have to be on more. And now it's reels. And when you add it all together, it's just too much. Yeah. And then add in other platforms. podcasting, TikTok, YouTube. Exactly. And to do it all and to do it all well is just like no human can

really do it and show up authentically and like, and we're not meant to. It's like what kind of world are we living? And I also think, I also think like another massive part of that equation also could be, again, which at the time was like devastating to me and then became a blessing was like getting dropped by my management because I feel like even though they were great, they didn't do anything bad or wrong to me at all. But I felt like they were always pushing me to like, post more, like affiliate links, post this. Like, oh yeah, maybe do start a series on IGTV. Like all these things where I was already feeling so overwhelmed doing what I do, which again might sound stupid to some people. But when you're balancing like five different platforms and this is your full-time

job and it's like you that has to be the face of it and everything, again, I'm a hyper-focused person who was like, I am spreading myself in too many directions. Like, this is all I do. Like, I don't, I don't have any hobbies. I don't have fun. I don't have fun. I don't, you know, I like to work, but at a certain point, like, I'm not even enjoying this and therefore goodbye. Like, again, I also am someone who can cut ties. Like, I will cut ties and literally, like, separate and forget about it in my mind. So, yeah, that's what I did. I was going to ask if you guys have tips for, like, boundaries for people. It sounds like that's your boundary. With social media. Social media, anything that's not serving you, really. I mean, again, I am.

That type that will delete and block. Delete. I seriously sometimes just have to, like, delete it from my mind. I tried to do the whole, like, set, whatever, like the limits. And I just feel like it wasn't. Like, I would still just ignore it every five seconds and go on Instagram anyway. My limit goes off at like 10.30 in the morning. And I'm like, well, I suck at life.

Exactly. Ignore. Exactly. So for me, like deleting was just, you know, here's the thing that I want people to know is like, Instagram was my main income. So I took a massive hit and also took a massive, like, I don't want to sound cheesy, but like leap of faith. I was like, I'm going to lose a lot of money that I would be getting, but my mental health is not worth it. And I want to put my effort into other things and see where it goes.

And like, it's just been crazy seeing how, like, I have been able to still make great money doing other things. But a part of that equation is that I've also spent years building these other platforms. So it's not like I just like, you know, quit Instagram, had nothing else going for me and was like, I'm just going to go off and do this. But I also want influencers to know that like you kind of can delete a platform. You can like, you said like, oh, I wish I could do that or I'd love to do that. That's how I'm not joking. Every single influencer friend I talk to, that's their reaction. I say like, I deleted Instagram.

They're like, they breathe aside. They're like, I wish I could do that. I wish I could do that. And I'm like, you can. Like, your mental health is not worth like something that is seriously making you unhappy. That being said, I understand it's not like realistic. If it's like, that's 100% your income and you have no other platforms, like that's a different story. For me, I'm lucky that like I have built these other platforms.

So I felt kind of comfortable. It's not like I'm out of a job completely. But at the end of the day, it's like you want to be happy and thriving. And that's when you're going to create good ideas. And, you know, it's just not worth it. Like, who cares about the money if you're not. if you're so unhappy, it doesn't matter. I have been going through a pretty stressful time lately.

And you guys know that I meditate, I do therapy, I exercise, I go to bed early, I take care of myself. I do all the things. But sometimes that isn't enough for me. My body really holds on to stress. And it manifests in a lot of physical and emotional ways when I'm going through it. And in particular, sleep is like usually the first thing to kind of go. And that's the foundation that my life is built upon.

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So definitely check them out. They are a beloved and trusted company that I have loved for a couple years. So it also happens to be their birthday. So if you want to try the new and improved sleep blend, you guys can get 21% off the code blonde for the month of March only. So this is their best offer of the year. So visit hello ned.com slash blonde to get access. That's h-E-L-L-O-N-E-D dot com slash blonde to get 21% off. I think I'm kind of going in a different direction in terms of people, like cutting ties with, you know, making boundaries with people. I am not a very confrontation, you know.

Comfortational person. Yeah. She's like, you're saying, I'm like, yeah. She's like, you leave. No, I just feel like we're like the same kind of personality like very, yeah. Chill. Chill, interesting. I need to take chill, Bill.

Okay. But I feel like I have to be more like you. Yeah, no same. I'm like, oh, I need that like that drive. Yeah. No, we all want what we can't have. It's the thing. Or what we don't have.

Oh, thank you. Exactly. Thank you to my doctor. Shout out. No, it's so funny because I always, again, shamed myself so much for that for being like more sensitive. Like I don't want to confront you and have this big blow up like that hurts my soul to have like such a big, whatever. And I've learned over the years to kind of like find the balance where it's like find the strength in that for like everything that I think is a weakness. There's a strength to it.

Same thing with like every strength there's a weakness. But with not wanting to have confrontation, it's allowed me to actually like be more introspective, I guess, if that's the word. when there's a problem, when I feel like, and in social situations, I often feel like, oh, you know, I overthink something that that person said. And I'm like, oh, they must have not liked that or like they must have, you know, something. Like, I will like tell my husband afterwards. Like, we'll have a game night with friends. And I'm like, I just feel like such an idiot. Like I did this week, whatever. And then when this person said that, like, I knew that they just thought I was an idiot. And he's like, literally, what are you talking about? Like, that makes no sense.

They definitely did not think that. Like, no offense, but like, not everyone's thinking about you and, like, judging you. And I'm like, okay, very true. But it's kind of allowed me to be introspective in the way of, like, okay, if I feel, like, offended by something. If I feel wronged, what is it, like, sparking in me? Like, what is it about, like, you know, what's within me? Yeah, that's, that's like a, what is it, like, pouring salt on an oak. open wound. It's like, what's that open wound that it's hurting? Because people can say certain things to me and

like, it just rolls right off my back. Like, I do not care. So whenever it is something that actually like gets to me, I'm like, okay, let's look at myself first. Before like I, have you read the four agreements? It's pretty much like how I like to live my life because basically like don't take anything personally. Like always do your best. Like do good with your word. And then I always forget the last one. Do your boss. Never take things personally. Oh, and have no expectations. Like, get rid of expectations. And so, like, not taking anything personally when I read, like, when him talking about that, I'm like, oh, like, I can just look at myself and everyone's just doing things based off their upbringing based on their opinions, preferences, and it has

literally nothing to do with me. Even if this person is saying something mean directly to me and it seems personal, it actually has nothing to do with me because they do not know me to my core. Like, nobody does. The only person who knows me to my core is myself. And even sometimes that gets a little foggy. But that has helped me so much in those situations where I'm like, okay, if they're saying something, like, for example, one of the things when we first started a podcast that would kind of get to me is people would be like, you're, you guys are like uneducated and dumb. And I'd be like, I would always say, like, they could call me like ugly, whatever. And I'd be like, I don't care. Like, I don't believe you. But for some reason, that was just bothering me. And it was

like, instead of being, you know, confrontational and being. like, well, you know, that's rude, blah, blah, blah. It's like, why do I get so offended by that? Is it because maybe I am insecure that maybe I'm not smart? Probably. And like look into that and heal that part of my inner child. Yeah. And kind of look at why I think that.

And it's allowed me to, I think, work on myself. And at this point in my life, I feel very confident in who I am. And it's allowed me to kind of get through things and have tough skin because I'm more sensitive if that makes any sense. Yeah, there's so many things I'm thinking right now. But yeah, I mean, it's like when we're triggered, it's because it's something that we like subconsciously or consciously believe about ourselves. Like if somebody said like, oh my God, you're, I don't know, so like short.

It's so weird. You'd be like, no. Yeah. But if it's something that like you kind of maybe believe, like that's like really affecting. It just I'm sober. I'm in recovery. and you're kind of talking like people in recovery. Yeah.

Which is funny to me. I'm like, wow, like you're lucky that you didn't turn to drugs or alcohol or something because I have that same thinking where I'm like, I'm not in the moment. I'm thinking about what they're thinking about what I'm thinking. And it's like that constant internal thing. So when I was younger, I was like, well, I'm going to drink. Like that's my solution. And then so it's admirable that you found.

I used plenty of other things. So thank you, though. But no, it's funny. And like that piece about acceptance. Like, that's kind of the core of it. So that is kind of a good segue into, and this is a listener question, is there a life hack or a lesson that you wish you knew sooner? So many. Too many.

You can go for a Stacy. Oh, gosh. I think just the concept of no one's thinking about you as much as you are and, like, it's really not that deep. Like I kind of live by it's not that deep. Not that I always, you know, am living that way. But I feel like we can just get so in our heads. And it's just not that deep at the end of the day. Like you were saying, Chelsea, something for me, I feel like a trigger for me is feeling misunderstood.

Like that is the worst feeling to me is if I say something and it doesn't land or people are like, oh, that's weird that she did that. I'm like, wait, wait, wait, no. Like I would never do something to try and offend someone. want or to like make you think that way like oh my gosh and then it just like they try and over explain and then it like gets more yeah and then people are like you're just saying too much I'm like oh my gosh I'm like so stressed so I feel like I've been trying to kind of internalize like first of all they're not thinking about me that even if like I get a comment that's like that's they're misunderstanding me they're making the comment and then going about their day or they're a troll and

they're spending all day which is just embarrassing for them anyway so it's like this is just not that deep. Like if someone leaves a comment about me, like sometimes they do hurt my feelings. Like, again, if it's something that I'm already insecure about. But at the end of the day, it's just, they made the comment, they moved on. I need to just read the comment and move on. Like, this is, you know, this whole life thing. We're all just doing our best and we're literally all in it together. And so I just think it's so freeing to just not think of things so deeply and not put yourself into every equation either. I think that's been a common thing just with the world is like people getting very offended by what other people say because they put themselves into the equation and they're

like, well, that doesn't resonate with me. And I've just been trying to be like, if I see something that doesn't resonate with me. I'm like, okay, moving on. Like, I'm not, what I'm not going to do is be like, well, I don't like that. It's like, okay, well, that doesn't apply 100% to me. Yeah, like, they didn't mean it too, you know? So just, it's not that deep. Like, let's all just live life and have fun and be who you are. And like, what I've also learned is that just by being yourself, you're going to inspire people to also be more themselves. Like, I've noticed that the people who I look up to who are so unapologetic and confident, it's like I want to be more like them. And I also just want to be more like myself because it's just so inspiring that they just own who they are and they don't

have to like make disclaimers and be like, sorry, oh, well. And I'm like, I'm just, that's the era I'm trying to enter into, I guess. I love that era for you. So, yeah. Yeah. That's what I've been working on. Definitely. I think life is not to be figured out. And as an overthinker and, you know, I'm constantly trying to figure out life and like find solutions and just like think of, I don't know, just it makes my thoughts get all muddled together and stresses me out and it causes a lot of overwhelm. But whenever I'm the happiest is when I just accept the fact that life is just to be experienced and we are all just experiencing life. and there's ups and downs to life and accepting that that's okay, that there's going to be times when we're really happy, and that's okay, and there's going to be times when we're really sad, and that's okay. And I, this is kind of dramatic, but to kind of ease some of my overthinking or some of my, like, anxious thoughts or whatever, I will always say, like, okay, what's the worst case scenario? You know, I die. And I'm religious, so I'm like, then I can go be with God.

Like that's actually maybe like best case scenario like that I'm, you know, that's not a bad thing. Like it's all just going to be okay. And if I just remind myself like it is what it is, it's okay. It's so simple, but it makes me feel so much better about little things that I think are like the end of the world or like so complicated or so horrible. And I'm just like, you know what? It's going to be okay. Like there's no point in me worrying about it and putting myself through it twice. A life is to be experienced and just lived out.

I think it's funny. I feel like we all kind of have this expectation to go back to what we were talking about before that. Like, we need to figure out the formula and life has to be like a static thing. Like we have to get to being happy and like everything in order and then it can't change at all. And it's like not. It's dynamic. It's always changing. And I think something else that you just said reminds me of like we don't know what's good for us at the end of the day. Like we really don't. I'm sure that you could look back on struggles, both of you, that you've gone through. through. And at the time, they felt like the worst thing that could ever happen. And then you look back and you're like, oh, that was actually like maybe if it was not great, maybe it was like steering you in a different direction to get you where you are now. So I think that's a really good reminder. Definitely. Yeah. Okay. So rapid fire like to ask my guests, one thing to stop doing, whatever, however you want to say it. And I'm like, oh, should. Yeah, no shitting. And one thing to start doing today. Like for ourselves or like telling other people to do? Like telling other people or like collectively.

Whatever. Yeah. However you want to answer it. Everyone does it differently. Stop doing so many things. Well, I'll go with the theme of the episode and say stop shitting on ourselves. And it's fun because it really catches people by surprise when you say it because they think you're saying shitting. And it's like I said should.

The episode title right there. Yeah. I think again, I'm just going along with. stuff I've said, but like stop looking outward to find like your routines or your thoughts, like look inward. And I think when you are truly like still and just with yourself, I just believe that like you have it all inside of you. Like not that you know it all, but you know how you operate the best. And if you're really in connection with yourself, like everything's just going to flow together. And it's when you look outward and you're trying to just control and control, you know,

that's when things get really hard. So stop looking outward and just look inward and just chill. Not chill. Not chill. Just hang out. Just hang out. And things we should start doing. I think we should start being kind to everyone.

And like there's so many shirts. There's so many like sweatshirts that say be kind. Like it's everywhere. Like be kind that it's kind of lost like its actual meaning. But I feel like whenever I am certain. people, whenever I'm complimenting people, whenever I'm doing something for somebody else's when I actually really am the happiness because I'm when I'm the happiest because I'm not thinking and overthinking about myself so much. Like it gets me out of my head. So my husband is the nicest,

like, kindest man on this planet. It like blows my mind. Like my whole family will literally be like, I have to think to myself. Like, what would Nick do? Would he like open, he'll open the door for people. He'll, you know, offer to help someone take their groceries and like things that I don't normally think of. But when I start doing things like that where I'm just like, just be kind. Like just really think about other people and try and make their life a little bit easier, try and make their day a little brighter. Those are the happiest people that like go forward and like help and be kind to other people. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's definitely not the trolls like getting their comments. No. No. They're always. Or whatever. To go along with that, I think I'll get more

niche. Like, start being more present at, like, the grocery store cash register or, like, when you're getting your coffee or something. That's been something I've been trying to do, because especially without Instagram, actually, I started, like, being more present. I noticed because you can't really scroll on TikTok while you're, like, you know, standing in a line. It's like, we're not going to annoy other people with the sound of your phone or whatever. So, or like, watch video. So I noticed, like, a lot of moments, I would scroll through Instagram, mindlessly or when I was in the car. Or like DMing.

Yeah. When I was in the car, like Leif would be driving and I'd be scrolling through Instagram. Now that I don't have it, I've noticed myself being like a lot more present because I just feel like TikTok is like something you kind of have to like sit down and be doing. So anyway, I've found myself just being more, you know, making eye contact and like saying thank you and being like, oh, I love your shirt and just complimenting strangers and like being more present. And I don't know.

It's like kind of just made my life a little bit happier. It like enriches your life. Yeah. I feel like Nikki makes friends everywhere. And it's like enriches your life because it like causes so many opportunities to connect with other people, which is literally like the purpose of life is to connect with each other and, you know, yeah. And like you said, it's just like getting out of yourself. That's like another thing in recovery. They're like the only way to get out of that like thinking craziness where like the at least disease of alcoholism. But a lot of other mental health

issues, all of that is our own thinking. So like the only kind of, what's the word I'm looking for? Antidote. Hello, I can think today. The antidote to that is like thinking about other people. Like constantly. And it doesn't have to be on a big scale. Yeah. I've noticed after I had my baby, like I have been facetiming calling so many people like because they'll call me to see the baby. Obviously, they pretend it's for me. But they're like, anyways, it's case there. But I have. because I've been doing that and like calling people, I'll think about people and I'll like, it's made me call more people and text more people. And I've noticed like this feeling of fullness to my life where I'm like, I used to just kind of not talk to people and like ignore people's

calls or texts or, you know, FaceTime. They would be like so, just like, oh, someone FaceTime me. And now I love it. Like now I love talking to my friends. I love talking to my family. And it just like, it really just makes your life feel so full. I feel like this is the. I feel like this is the, year of realizing things. Yeah. I swear I said that every year, though. I'm like, now I've realized more. I'm getting my personality back.

Seriously. I feel like half my audience is going to be like, huh? Yeah, I get that reference. We're just realizing things. Just realizing so much in this episode. Thank you guys so much. Where can everybody find you? Yeah, you guys can listen to our podcast.

It's called What We Said Podcast, and that's our Instagram handle, just at What We Said Podcast. You can follow me on TikTok or YouTube, J.C. Marie, J.C. Marie Smith. Mine is Chelsea Jade Curtis. Same thing. YouTube, Instagram, TikTok. And yeah, thank you. Thank you. I hope you enjoyed that episode. If you liked it, and if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way, and it's actually the best

way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. I'm always posting about each episode there or over on my personal page at Ariel Laurie.