Well with Arielle Lorre - 195: Lady Secrets with The Lady Gang

Episode Date: September 7, 2022

In this episode, I sit down with the women of The Lady Gang for an unfiltered girl chat. We talk about some of the juiciest & also most candid secrets women shared in their new book, Lady Secrets. We also answer a bunch of listener questions, sharing our advice on relationships, jealousy, your guy's Instagram behavior, insecurities, and a couple TMI subjects that will have you LOLing.   Link to pre-order ‘Lady Secrets’ releasing Sept 20: https://theladygang.com/books   Visit athleticgreens.com/blondefiles for a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D and 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.   Use code BLONDE at checkout for $20 off your first service or online order. Visit facefoundrie.com or @facefoundrie on IG for more information.   Get 15% off your entire order at flybyjing.com/BLONDE or use code BLONDE at checkout.   Visit Houseofmacadamias.com and use code BLONDE40 to receive 40% off your first purchase of their nuts or bars.   Go to arrae.com and use code ‘BLONDEFILES’ at checkout for 15% off of one time purchases or 25% off first month on subscription.   Produced by Dear Media.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hey, welcome to the Blonde Files podcast. I'm your host, Ariel Lorry, and I'm here to talk all things, wellness. From how to achieve optimal health and well-being to the best beauty tips and everything in between, no topic is off limits, and I'm bringing it to you real and unfiltered. I know there is so much information out there, so I'm here to help you navigate it all. Thanks for listening. Let's get into it. Hi, everybody. Welcome to the show. Today's episode is featuring Becca, Jack, and Kelty, the ladies behind Lady Gang. And this was kind of full circle for me because I went on their podcast in the winter of 2020. It was literally right before everything shut down for COVID. And I remember this because I remember that my parents were flying in the day that I recorded with Lady Gang because they were coming to stay with Chuck.

and I, and then they were going to go skiing in Utah. And they ended up canceling their Utah trip because we were hearing about this COVID thing and how things might be shutting down. So this was like the last in-person thing that I did. And I remember being so nervous to go on because their podcast is huge. I think they have hundreds of millions of downloads. And I was only at that time, maybe nine months into podcasting. And you guys know that it was something that really intimidated me to begin with. And now after just exposure, like doing it over and over again and approaching 200 episodes, it's something that not only am I really comfortable with, but I absolutely love. So that's kind of a topic for a different day. But it was just so cool

to have them reach out to come on the podcast to promote their new book Lady Secrets. So we're talking about that today. And we're just talking about like a lot of the topics that you would talk to your closest girlfriends about in a really unfiltered chat. And that's basically the concept behind their book, too, Lady's Secrets. So they had their audience and listeners send in submissions and they wrote submissions themselves as well about these kind of like embarrassing or maybe shameful. They're not actually shameful, but things that you might have shame around. And just issues that women deal with so that people can read other people's experiences and relate and not feel alone in those experiences.

So we're delving into that today. We're talking about some of the juiciest and most candid secrets that women shared in their book. We also answer a bunch of listener questions, sharing our advice on relationships, jealousy, your significant others' Instagram behavior, insecurities, and some TMI subjects that will definitely have you laughing. So this is a really fun light episode. If you guys are familiar with Lady Gang, as I'm sure you are, then you know their style.

But we did also talk about, you know, these kind of issues that affect us all. So with that, enjoy the episode. Okay, welcome Lady Gang in the house. Hello. We were just talking before we started recording that the last time we saw each other, I went on their show right before the pandemic happened. And it's like so much has happened. There have been engagements.

there's been a baby. There's a new book out that we're going to be talking about today. So to start off, I'm just kind of hijacking the format of your podcast. So I thought we could start with like a good week, bad week, because it's always very entertaining. So do you guys have anything to share on that? This is funny. Do you want me to kick you off? Get off. Because I was just thinking as I was walking down here, I was like, oh, this thing I need to remember like write it down to share on the podcast, but I'm going to share it here. Well, first of all, my bad week is that I now live in Austin, Texas, and I have a six-month-old son. And the first six months of his life, I was traveling, like, quite a bit. I mean, a couple days of time here and there, and I would leave.

And it would be like, oh, that's sad. But like, bye, blah. Bye, blob. And now that he's six months old, I was leaving the house yesterday, and my husband was holding him, and I was bringing my bags out. And my baby, like, now reaches for you when he wants to be held. And he reached for me. And I was like, God damn it.

And I grab him and I start sobbing. And I realize that I am not immune to all of these like weird things that women tell you. You are a complete, like I'm a useless human now. Like all I want is to be with my baby. I almost canceled the trip. Like I just, I don't think I can function anymore. And I'm a cliche and it's embarrassing. So that is my bad week.

And we're about to go on tour. And we're about to go on, yes, a tour where we're on a tour bus where I'm not bringing my baby because I would never subject to non-mothers to a baby on free. Even though we asked, we asked for him to come. I'm happy to. Really? No, no, thank you. I don't even want him there. I mean, I do and I don't. And then my good week is that it's the same thing. I also, the good part of my week is coming here because there's an incredible balance that I've been able to strike. It's not perfect. But I'm happy that once I get to my destination, I am, still, of course, missing him, but I have, I'm happy to be here. Like, I genuinely am so grateful to

have a job that I can go off and, like, go, you know, earn money and feel good about myself that's outside of being somebody's mom covered in barf. That was good. Thank you. Oh, I have a perfect. Good segue. Barf to poop. I'm opening it up right away. That was done. Mine's also due to poop. Okay. I know, I know on brand you're all about the wellness. And so I want to bring you this. I got a great colonic a week ago. I hadn't been for a while and it was very soothing and it was so wonderful that I almost felt like really high after I left. And it's like, it's not as soothing. It's a little traumatized. It's a little traumatic anyway. So I felt really good because I felt, I felt fresh. What happens? Can I ask you like what happens when you go

after you haven't gone in a while? Like, is it different? It's harder to get it going. It's harder to get it moving. Like, there's a lot more like stomach massage. Do you do colonics? I have, I did one once and it was traumatizing. And I was like, same. Once and never again. I was like, this is also in like a weird office. I feel like they shouldn't be sticking things in your holes. Yeah. I go to the same woman and I go, I try to go like every four or five weeks. Like, I'm really into it. Yeah. I don't know. if it's good for me. But anyway, so I was doing that and I felt really great. And I was like, I'm back, like, Clonic, way to go. And then she only has one parking spot. And it's like one of those ones in L.A. where it's like two cars can park on the spot and like, tandem. Tandum. Thank you.

So I'm like, she's like, okay, see you. And I was like, thanks. And so I did the thing. I did self-personal care. I took an hour off. I went and got my Clonic. I didn't look at my emails. So again, the car, of course, the first thing I do is open my emails. My email's blowing up because that's so important. And then she texts me and she's like, hey, my next client's here. She needs the parking spot. And I was like, oh, God, I've been sitting here for 10 minutes and, you know, whatever.

I didn't look behind me and I just put it in reverse and right into the car. And then it was so awkward because it was like, I got out of the car and I was like, I'm so sorry. I just finished my Kalonic. I have that like after Klonic high. And I was like, enjoy your Kalonik. Like, it was just such a weird thing. Like after Kalaniqai.

After Kalaniqai. Something that only you. And I was like, I'm sorry. all, it's like, all my poop taken up. She was like, she's like, I know, she's great, right? And I was like, I'm sorry about your car. Like, I just felt like an idiot. Anyway.

Wow, okay. So mine also has to do with poop. Today we're obviously doing our press day. We have like a lot of things lined up. And we started really early because we did a morning show for Washington, D.C. So we started at like 7.30. Now, I am very regimented about my pooping schedule and like what it takes for that to happen.

Like, it doesn't just happen whenever it's going to happen. Like, there's a whole thing. And that meant I had to wake up. at 5 a.m. this morning to make sure I had enough time for the coffee to work and the whole thing, but I psyched myself out that it didn't happen. And it just ruins my entire day when I can't go in the morning. But that's my bad week and still waiting for it to happen. A good week is once we're together at Kelty's house, she turns into like ultimate mom mode and it takes care of us. Like, and then I revert to like a child. So I just let Kelsey like bring me snacks and bring me coffee and just

make sure that I'm okay and I'm like, I don't know if I am. Like, you need a hug. Those are the best kinds of friends. I know. Yeah, we have like, I got these fancy, you would love this. I got these fancy glass jars and I got a bubble ice machine which brings me so much joy. And I made homemade iced tea. Amazing.

I feel like I have those jars. Do you get that on Amazon? I got them on Amazon. Yes, I have those two. Love them. They're very cheap. Very aesthetic. The little wood lid.

Yes. I'm like, I'm such a grown up drinking my beverage. Yeah. It's very- Essentially a sippy cup for an adult. It is. It's very that girl, you know, is that whole thing. Like you, yeah, it's that whole aesthetic. It's like themed girl aesthetic. Totally. Yeah. Well, thank you guys for sharing that. I love that you guys are so open about all of this stuff. And that was kind of the idea behind lady secrets, right? Like bringing these things that we all deal with to light. And I would love for you guys to just tell everybody like where the idea for the book came from and how it became what it is. So our first book was called Act Like the Lady, and it was basically a collection of our, like, anecdotes, the stories from our lives, including some life advice that we had for all of our girls that were reading it. Turns out nobody cares about the advice that we're giving them. And they just want to hear more stories about the misadventures of our lives. So that's what we kind of focused on for Lady's secrets.

We dug deep. We went to like the deepest darkest, like in our soul, secrets that we've forgotten about or like are tucking down and like want to forget about. And we're kind of releasing that into the world and freeing the way that like really weighs us down as women because we carry so much shame when it comes to keeping secrets. And then we all, we've always known that our community is the biggest part of Lady Gang. Like we're three women, but it goes so far beyond us. So we thought it was only appropriate to kind of, you know, have them come in and be part of this book and share their deepest darkest as well. So we can all release this big pot of shame that's been weighing us down. Well, I'm curious if you guys can share, like, were there some common themes or commonalities, like, that ran through a lot of the submissions that you got? Because I had people send in questions for you guys to answer today and to talk about. And I felt like even just from the submissions that I got, everyone is dealing with like the same kind of things and these same secrets and things that they have shame around and all of that. So what did you guys notice from the submissions that you got?

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of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athletic greens.com slash blonde files. Again, that's athletic greens.com slash blonde files to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance. Hey guys, I'm Lindsay Carter, the founder of Set Active, and this is my new podcast, Ready Set, Spill. Finding the balance between being a mom, running a business, and still maintaining somewhat of a social life is a constant work in progress. We live in a time where social media glamorizes everything that we do. But life isn't always a perfectly curated Instagram post.

And that's coming from someone who built their business. on a perfectly curated Instagram feed. Nothing here is off limits, so get ready, get set, because it's time to spill. There's definitely a few, like, big pointed things. You know, there's a lot of people stealing money and being, like, fraudulent at work. Like, the nanny, the tips. So, like, that are feeling really bad about it. We had a woman who, like, got really sweaty in New York City,

and she was like, I just need to change my shirt. And she just, like, went into the Macy's. and then took the shirt, and I think she did it on purpose, and then she went to Macy's jail. Like, you know, so it's like there's a lot. There's a lot of, like, little frauds. Like, little frauds is big. A lot of women are cheating.

A lot of women are cheating on their husbands. A lot of them are having sex with the school teacher, the sports instructor, the neighbor. A lot of people are getting stuff stuck up their bodies. A lot of body. Like, what kind of things? I mean, someone got a sex toy stuck up. She submitted a secret that ended up in the book.

She, something got stuck up her and she had to go the emergency room to get it removed. And then she was on her dad's health insurance. And so the bill went to her dad. And when he got the bill, it explained what exactly had happened. Like extraction of dildo from anus or whatever. And then he like gave her the bill and he was like, don't worry. I won't tell your mom. Oh, my God.

Yeah. So there's a lot of that. And then there's just a lot of like, on the other side of it, there's a lot of serious stuff. that like the pooping job is so funny and everything, but like there's a lot of women who are like, I hate being a mom. I had kids because society said I had to and I'm like not enjoying it. I hate my job. We have women talking about, you know, a lot of really, really, I won't bring you down on this podcast while you're on your walk or your drive today. But like a lot of really heavy stuff that like I've never heard a woman with children be like, I don't really like my kids.

Like it was, I think it was very freeing for people. Yeah. Some of the like, the more funny ones. It reminds me of, I can't remember what magazine it was, maybe like 17 or YM. Do you guys remember that when we were younger? And they would have, yeah, and people would send in their most embarrassing things. And that was always my favorite part. And I think it was because like, especially at that age, you feel like you're so alone and, like, experiencing those things. And it was just kind of, I mean, I think everybody just wants to relate right now, especially, right? Like, people are done with the whole, like, perfectionist facade and people just want to relate to other people. Let me tell you this. I felt bad about my snail trail until I got this podcast with

Becca Tobin seven years ago. And I'm an old lady. On one of the first episodes of Lady Gang, Becca had dropped her laundry, dropped stuff from her car. She was just dating her new boyfriend. And it landed like sunny side up. It was like during what it was it when the egg comes out. You get ovulation. Tell people who don't listen to your podcast what the snail trail is. It's vagina discharge. When you're ovulating and it gets a little creamy. I love the name. That you literally grow up and nobody, you don't learn about it. Nobody tells you that it's normal.

So literally, every single woman is growing up thinking that like something's wrong with her because she has goof coming out of her vagina. Yeah. And it's gross. It means that you're just a part of woman. Yes. So Becca talked about this on like episode three of Lady Gang and I had an aha moment. And I was like, oh my God, because I would never tell anyone, no, my doctor, no, my

anyone that this, I was like, because I'm gross and I just have a juicy vagina. Well, guess what? Everyone does. I feel less alone. So. And I welcome that. juice now. Jesus.

I want the juice. Now we don't have much juice. Stay in. But I remember being like sleepovers as a little girl and feeling so embarrassed because you would like change your clothes and you would like shove your underwear into the smallest ball you could possibly find and like get it, sneak it into like weird crevices of your sleepover bag because you thought you were an alien who was the only person with vaginal discharge.

Yeah. And now I'm like, listen, we don't need to like put it on display or start taking pictures of it on social media. But like let's normalize the fact that we have a discharge. Coming out of our vagina. You know what, though? I feel like maybe it's the accounts that I follow because I do follow some like women's health doctors and like more alternative practitioners. And now they're posting like this is what your discharge means.

Like this is what the color means. This is what the consistency is. And I think that at least like in the medical realm, maybe it's becoming a little bit more talked about or we just have access to it because of social media. But when I first heard that, I was dying. I was like, that's the best name for that. And that's like the shit that we should have been taught so we could know if we had a yeast infection or BV or like what's going on. There's a lot of information that you could get from something that people try to pretend didn't exist. Yeah.

How many times have you gone? I mean, not how many times because that's not. That sounds crazy. But like, as a woman, you go into a public restroom and there's an odor. And it's like, well, that poor woman has bacterial vaginosis. She's too embarrassed to tell her friends. She's too embarrassed to tell her partner. it's like, why are we keeping this stuff so secretive?

Like, it's just hurting us. And I promise you, after writing this book, we realize that there isn't a single unique secret out there. Yeah. Like, if you've done it, someone else has done it. If you felt it, someone else has felt it. And I just think it's really, it's important for us as women to stay as transparent as possible with this kind of stuff.

And we are happy to be the forefront of this and embarrass ourselves. Like, that's fine with me. Yeah. So can you guys share maybe like the. the submission of your own that was the most embarrassing or the hardest to write? Oh, I have an embarrassing one that I submit that I wrote about a story of when my fiance almost killed me with his penis while we're having sex. That I'm really afraid for my parents to read.

Like I think in the beginning of the chapter, I was like, mom and dad, please skip this chapter because it gets kind of graphic because I had to explain exactly what was happening so everybody could know how I almost died. So that was something. And I could never tell it on the podcast because it was a very complicated story that I couldn't just be like, hey, guys, so this thing happened. And I think I might have died and gone to an alternate universe. And now I'm living in the metaverse somewhere else. But and I can't explain it right now. Yeah. I was like you got to give us a clue here. We could have put it on our podcast. It was called death by penis. And all the name of the actual disorder or not disorder, but like, it was called depersonalization because I had an out of body experience. Basically, I smoked a shit ton of weed and was really drunk. And then we did a sex position that cut off like oxygen circulation to my brain and I passed out. And then I had a panic attack.

And then during the panic attack, I was still high. So then I floated to the top of the room and was looking over myself. This is insane. You know what? Amazing. Amazing. You know, it's not all. But yes, it's equally entertaining.

For me, the secret, I have a lot of secrets that I'm actually like that I wrote that are in the book. that I now wish I hadn't written. So I think that's like a good, the sign of a good book. Is the Julia Roberts one one of them? I got to know. Did you read it? Did you get a book? No, but I was listening to your podcast and I was like, I got to hear this one.

I have a story. I'm a little cringy about it because, anyway, I had a run in with Julia Roberts at work. And we had a giant misunderstanding where she thought I was responsible for her saying, to the world that she didn't want to do rom-coms anymore. And that, in fact, did not happen. And I had the receipts. And so I went back and I wanted to write this open letter essentially to Julia Roberts. I have no way of getting in touch with you to let you know that, like, I'm sorry that this happened. Like, I feel really bad. Obviously, Julia loves rom-coms. Nobody wants her to stop doing rock-coms. The headlines, it got a little clickbaity. And, you know, and I want us to be good. Did I think

homecoming was a good show. Still no. Still thought it was terrible. Happy she left after season one. But like, Julia, we're cool. And I heard she's actually coming out with a rom-com. Yeah. And she had words for you. She had words. Like she called me out on live television. Oh, great. And it wasn't pretty. And I look like an idiot. And I'm like, non-confrontational. So when she was like, you put words in my mouth. I was like, oh, your hair is so pretty. Like, I don't know what to say. And I just like, I just, it was. It was. a disaster and I felt bad about it forever and so I just want to clear the air with Julia because if you're if you're someone like me born in the 80s child in the 90s like Julia Roberts Robert's your best friend yeah like Julia Robert Robert's pretty woman Roberts Roberts Roberts

Julia Robert is my best friend and also Julia Robert well maybe she's listening to the blonde files podcast I'm sure she's more like she'd be listening to and then pick up the book I have a feeling that this this you might hear what about you Becca you know I had a few of like a shameless night out in Hollywood where I ended getting a questionable backdrop from a be less celebrity. That was hard for me to admit because I've always prided myself on not getting sucked into like that weird archetype of a guy like actor, post like nothing's wrong with them. But like I just, it does not, it doesn't get my juices flowing, you know, but I got drunk enough one night where I like, you know, ended up in. I was like,

I'm the cliche. I'm such a cliche. I did talk about that. I talked about a lot of fertility stuff just because I went through the ringer with some fertility in the last five-ish years. I had a really, really bad bout of depression during one of my pregnancies, and I had no idea that was a thing. I thought that every woman was like glowing and floating and it's the greatest day of your life when you find out you're pregnant. And I had to see a psychiatrist and it was just like stuff. I wrote about it because I, first of all, I know that there's still going to be criticism coming in because there are people who don't believe in like airing that kind of stuff out there. Because somehow it like taints being a mother, but I think that's bullshit. And I felt like if I didn't

know this was a thing, then a lot of other people don't know this is a thing. So if there's people out there who are currently pregnant and pretty much miserable, I just, I wanted to normalize that. And this was an opportunity to do it. I'm sure that when you guys were writing this book and putting it together, you expected on some level to like see a lot of the, like we were talking about like a lot of the same kind of themes and commonalities, but was there anything that really surprised you? No, I'll say this and it's kind of dark, but like we have a whole chapter, a whole section of the book is heartbreaking secrets that are difficult to share. And so that would be to infertility. But I, we got stories about women being raped. We got stories about sex trafficking.

Like, we got stories about some really heady things that in some privileged way I live my life, I was like, that would never happen in the lady in community. It's poop jokes and snail trails, right? And like maybe, you know, a bad divorce or something. And it's like, it was just so real when those got sent into us. Because I'm like, in order to find out about this book, you would have need to be a member of this community. And so like, oh my God, my heart was breaking for these girls that they've had to go

through these really horrible, horrible, unthinkable things. And there were so many of them. We couldn't include them all in the book, obviously. But that was really hard on us, I think. I think it also just proved like the resilience of a woman in general, the amount of women walking around with this with this trauma and the heaviness and it's, and they're still going about their lives and they're still functioning in society and they're so like, it's just so sometimes resiliency to me is like the worst word ever because it doesn't really allow you to

be vulnerable and to be weak, God forbid. But because of the society we live in and like we have to go on with our lives, sometimes resiliency is really impressive. And I think that that with the community is something that will never forget. And it makes you look at other women all day, every day, and think, I don't know her story. I can assume that I know her story because I follow her on Instagram and I see her, like, wonderful life. But that is nothing. It doesn't even scratch the surface of like what so many of us are battling with and dealing with on a daily basis. I don't really have too many daily essentials. You guys are familiar with the things that are

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your first service or online order. And you can also go to their Instagram at face foundry for more information. It's so cliche, but it's like that saying like you never, I don't know exactly with the same. But like you never know what like somebody is going through. You never know what like battle somebody is facing because everybody has something. And I think that's probably part of like why your podcast and your whole brand and your books and everything has been so successful because you guys talk about everything in such a real authentic way, but you do it and you provide so much levity. And I think that people like you didn't realize that all the people in your community were going through these things. And you guys have like a safe space where you,

can come and listen and relate to you guys and laugh and feel like, you know, they're not alone. So I just think it's so incredible. It's really cool. Like we're about, we're heading out on tour next month, like this big bus tour. And it's been really cool because so many of the women that are coming to see us have bought a single ticket. They're just coming by themselves because they may live in a new city or, you know, female friendships are hard. And so maybe you don't have anyone to go to you don't want to bring your boyfriend or you don't want it like,

whatever. And so we made these like solo yolo pins. So when you've come to the show alone, you'll like have this pin and you can find other solo girls and you can get like you know wrapped up in in another friend group or whatever and and I think that's like what you were saying is like we all have something going on there's there's stuff for everyone and you just want to be kind of seen and held by other people and being friends and being community with each other is like so important and so I thought that was really cool like I don't I mean I go to Matt nathanson concerts by myself

but like I don't know like people don't go to things alone and so when this week started becoming a thing. I was like, wait, this is so cool. It's pretty cool. I mean, all of our reviews on iTunes is that were Batman bitches. Yeah. Those are the moments where, and sometimes I'm like, you're absolutely right. Absolutely. And then those moments of like women meeting each other and like marrying each other, marrying each other. And there are so many of these like women that have been friends through the Facebook groups. We have so many off shoot Facebook groups as well that like are for different, if it's Lady Gang loves their dogs or Lady Gang DC or Lady Gang trying to conceive or Lady Gang moms, like, that are all creating their own little microcosms of what the Lady

Gang was and for them to be able to meet each other for their first time and maybe one of these shows and put a face to, like, a name that they've been talking to on Facebook. Like, all we're trying to do is connect women and have women feel like a little bit less alone. Like, if we can make them feel that a little bit, then we've done our job. I love that. And I want to come solo Yolo out. If you guys are doing L.A., that sounds like so much fun. Okay, so I had people send in some lady questions.

Okay, great. So let's see here. I love this. I love your top, by the way. This? My Eritzia thing that I just cropped. You did? Everything.

Yes. Yes, I bought like every color and then I just ripped them in half. Okay. My boyfriend follows sexy girls on Instagram and likes their pictures. Is this okay? The question is, is it okay for you? Yeah. Because there's really no black and white here.

I have plenty of friends. Actually, Kelty's husband, he's in the music and part of his life and his like, thinking about me. You know? It's me. I wrote this. It's Kelsey. No, like, that's some, obviously that's for his job. It's like really specific.

But I think it depends. If you're writing this in, it means you're not necessarily okay with it. Or if your friends are telling me that you shouldn't be and you deep down are okay with it, then who cares? This is like, this is your relationship. It doesn't matter what other people think. I probably, I assume she has an. issue with it and that's about communicating this in a way that is not overly. I don't want to say emotional because that's like really ridiculous and so anti like feminine or women. But communication.

I think that if this person loves you and cares about you, he's certainly going to say, okay, if this is making you uncomfortable and I love you and I care about you and I don't want you to be uncomfortable, then I can certainly stop scrolling and seeing Emily Regitowski or whatever fucking name is. I can unfollow her for you. But if he, stands there and does not and denies your feelings and doesn't and makes you think that you're crazy for feeling this way, then you have to take a harder look into why does this person want to cause me emotional distress over something that would be so simple for him to let go up. And it's kind of like what's the intention? Like why is he doing that? Yeah. Like you said,

it's like, is he doing it to make you jealous? Is he doing it because he can't help himself? Is he doing it because he's actually trying to get these hot girls attention, which is like a pipe dream for all these losers. Or is reading it like looking like, you know, hot girls on Instagram is that their version of us weekly? Like, and the housewives. Do they just need to escape their lives for a minute and look at some movies? Like, I don't know. Then you could just watch for it. You can also say, you can absolutely go looking at this. It's like when I go look at Harry Stiles content on Instagram, he makes me tingle down there. But I'm not following Harry Styles. I'm not liking his stuff. And I'm not commenting, I love you Harry on his pictures. You're not trying to like DM a minute.

I want to feel something. I go and I look at him on tour with his bell bottoms and his rings and his nail polish. And I'm like, wow, Harry, I got my fix. And that's respectful to my husband. And we all, that's a happy compromise. So he can go look at those songs. Boots. But just don't follow them.

Don't like them. They don't need your engagement. Just look at them enough so they pop into your explorators. Like you said, so you don't have to be like falling. That's like the loophole, right? Because that is just, it's in your feed-ish, but not in your feet. Harness that algorithm. Yeah.

It's the liking for me, though, that I don't understand. Like, it's the intention thing. And I feel like it is, you know, I just, I think of myself, if I like somebody's picture, I mean, I don't follow any, like, hot guys and, like, their pictures. I feel like it is trying to get their attention or something. Like, what is liking Em Rada's picture doing for you? Exactly. It's like so thirsty.

They're like, maybe she'll notice me. So thirsty. Like, no, she's on a date with Brad Pitt. I know. Jonathan, go to sleep. Exactly. I tend to make a lot of the same dishes and meals over and over again. And even though I love them, I do tend to get kind of bored with the flavors.

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And then I put this on top. and the sauce has like this crunchy chili crisp on it, so it helps to not only add flavor, but this really incredible texture too. I put it on pizza the other day, but I've seen people also put it on sweet things like ice cream, and that is definitely the thing I'm going to try next because I love like a sweet and salty and savory combo, and this would be the perfect way to do that. And Fly By Jang is on a mission to bring premium Chinese flavors to every table. They make the highest quality Sishuan sauces and pantry essentials that taste good

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going into fall. I feel like so many people make bowls with like vegetables and rice. And this is such a good addition to those. So you guys can get 15% off your entire order at flybyjing.com slash blonde or use the code blonde at checkout. That's F-L-Y-B-Y-J-I-N-G.com slash blonde for 15% off your first order. You can also find Fly-B-Jing in over 2,500 locations across the country, including Costco, Whole Foods, Target, and Wegmans. If you listened to my episode with Glucose Goddess, then you definitely heard us talking about how glucose spikes, especially in the morning,

can have detrimental effects on our health. And you guys know, I love my morning matcha. You also would have heard us talk about different ways to sweeten it. I will never part with my maple syrup and my macha. I just can't do any of the artificial sweeteners. But I do this little hack, and she actually validated this. So I keep macadamia nuts by my bedside. And before or during my matcha, I snack on macadamias, and this can actually help to avoid spikes in your glucose levels. So if you're a coffee or a matcha drinker and you like to have it a little bit sweet, or if you just want to set yourself up for, you know, steady glucose throughout the day, then definitely reach for a handful of macadamia nuts. They helped reduce the spike in your blood, sugar, and glucose because of the fat and fiber in them.

So my absolute favorites are house of macadamias. They work. work directly with South African farmers, which is the macadamia capital of the world. They package their snacks right by the source for the absolute best quality and freshness. I don't know if you guys have ever bought macadamias. And sometimes they have this plasticy taste when they're not fresh. These don't have that. Unlike other nuts, macadamias are rich in omega-7s. This is a fatty acid that boosts fat loss and increases your body's natural collagen production,

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of macadamias.com to order some of their bars or nuts. I love their bars too. So again, visit house of macadamacadamias.com and then use the code blonde 40 for 40% off your first purchase. House ofacadamacadamias.com and the code is blonde 40 for 40% off your first purchase. Calte, how did you deal with it with your husband? Well, my husband's in the music business. And so there's a lot of like bump, I was going to say bump and grind. It's like not cool at all. We're 60. I'm 85 years old.

There's a lot of like hot girls dancing in catsuits and like music video involved in like things that he has to follow. And then to be honest, a lot of his clients are married or dating supermodels. So then he like meets them and then he follows them. And then I'm like, I'm in bed and he's like it's like supermodel. Making girl ass shape. Supermodel. Fake out. Supermodel.

And I'm like, I feel so inferior. And to be honest, in my. 20s and 30s, early 30s, I cared less because I thought I was a hot piece of meat. Now, later, I'm like, prepped in a rinsicure. Yeah. Now in like late 30s, 40s, I'm like, oh, God, like, I'm going through perimenopause. Of course you love a supermodel. Like, I'll never be hot like that.

I'll never look like that in a bikini or whatever. But I don't know. My husband is really good and he does really love me. So he always, he makes me feel great. But it's not, it's such an uncomfortable feeling to like look over and say, see the person that you love looking at Emily Radatowski's. How is that real? Like, it's just so hard.

And why are you always going for walks? Why can't you just get someone in New York City to walk your dog? Like, why are you walking in a cross-ro? It's a pop stroll, right? Yeah. A hot girl walk. She can do it too. She's the hot girl.

She is having a hog girl walk. But it's like, do I need to see your hot girl walk? Just have the walk. Yeah. Well, I feel like, I don't know. I feel like that's. also kind of intentional, right? Like contrived, like she's trying to get out there.

Now that she's single. When you're that hot, you're calling a paparazzi and yourself. For sure. And I'm saying, she's getting a hot girl walk and getting paparots. Yeah. I would every day. Breasts in midsection looked like that. Good luck keeping me indoors.

Yeah. Oh, no. Truly. I mean, I would have a dog walk up there. Business. You would see me all over the West Village all day, every day. She just posted a TikTok of cutting her own hair. And I was like, how.

does someone look like that? So yeah, feeling inferior. Okay, well, so I got a question, how to deal with insecurities? Do you guys have any tips? We've got a lot of insecurity. I'll say something for myself that I have recently, I've made a realization very late in life that I have these bouts of feeling bad about myself as far as my body goes. and I have these moments of feeling totally fine and totally confident and then moments of feeling like garbage and like a troll. And I realized through therapy that the reason for this is that every time I'm not being physical in my life, like getting out and taking the walk, getting up and going for a run, going and moving my body.

My body's not serving as a purpose other than just holding on to my clothing. I feel very insecure about it. But once I start putting myself out there, like making myself run again, it's not to get skinny. It's to just feel good in my body and appreciate my body for having an ability to do something other than take a picture on Instagram.

So finding more purposes like that, for me that has worked and that has been like the magic thing. For something as a woman in Hollywood and an actress, I really applaud myself in finding that out because it can be so dark. It can be so scary to look around you and see that everybody is, like, competing to be the smallest person in the room. It's still happening.

It's Hollywood. I don't know if it'll ever end. But, like, that has been a game changer for me. Well, and I actually wrote a chapter in Lady's Secrets about this kind of idea, like, in practicing body neutrality rather than practicing self-love because everybody throws around, like, the term self-love, like, it should be so easy. and you see all these women embracing their bodies and loving your body. And you're like, why the fuck can't I do that?

Like why it seems so hard for me where it's so easy for everybody else. And like you said, it's just kind of valuing your body and respecting it and thinking it for doing the thing that it's supposed to do, which is keep you alive. And that should be enough. Like we, and it's hard because we're women and we live through a very traumatic growing up as a millennial where you're force fed the billboards and the size zero people that are being called fat on America's next top model and all these ways to work our bodies. But at the end of the day, it's like our bodies are there to protect our organs and keep us alive.

And I think kind of grounding yourself and trying to remind yourself that it's a process. But it's, it helps a little bit. And I'm a petty-ass bitch. So mine is these were very inspiring. Thank you, girls. I complain to my friends. I'm going through this right now. I'm working on a project and it was sent out to some people.

and I got the feedback and everyone hated me. They hated my outfit. They hated my face. They hated my hair. They didn't know why is my voice annoying? All of the things that they possibly could. And like I really got down about it. And then I started complaining my friends on text.

And then what I did was like printed out their texts. So like they don't like my outfit. So I wrote my stylist and I was like nobody liked my outfit. By the way, it's not even out in the world, Alex Perry with a matching vinyl boot like insane lock. So good. I love Alex Perry. And the Jack Rob, not this Jack. the Jack, the stylist wrote back and he goes, oh, no, how tragic. It's a shame. Some people are so

common. And I was like, yes. And so I, like, printed it out. It's literally sitting there on top of my desk. And so when I start feeling bad about myself, I remember that there's people that love me, that someone else's opinion. The only opinion that really matters is my own. And so when I'm low on myself, I do what Becca said and what Jack said. And then I try not to like think about it too much. I love that. I got a lot of questions about like how to maintain the attraction when the spark dies and like what to do when sex feels like a chore in a long-term relationship. And you guys are all in long-term relationship. So do you have any tips for that? Palti will say nipple tassels. Okay. I have two thoughts. And this is one thing we talk about on Lady Again a lot. Number one tip is that

don't buy in to the world that everyone's having sex every day or four times a week or three times a week. Like no one wants to admit that they're having long-term relationship amounts of sex, which is like once a week, once every two weeks on a bad stress to a month, once a month. Like just first, let's all normalize this. Like, yes, there are people that I know that have sex every day and like live your life and that's great for you. But like in general, stop with the shame of like everyone else has time and energy in this amazing sex life. Like I think that when you're in a long-term relationship, I'm sick of looking at your face, let alone do I want to put my tongue in your mom? Like, a hundred thousand percent. But then I think it's effort. On a woman's part, at least in my relationship, like, I have to make the

effort. I am, I have been with my husband now for 12 years. And it's like, when we go on a vacation, I got to plan something. I got to put the music on. I got to put it. I was just recently in Italy. And I stayed at a sexy hotel and I put like a hot nipple tassel on and did a dance on the wall. Like I really go for it. But I have to like do the. the effort and really, you know, he notices the effort. And then we have this amazing moment and then like the spark is rekindled. But like if you're just in your sweatpants all the time, trying to like finish Netflixing and then go to bed and have a great sex life, like it's probably not going to happen. Unfortunately, men, and I would say this just in like man and woman relationships,

like men are very visual people. So they need like an outfit. They need a moment. They need to go to see your body. You can't have what the lights off like, you know, because you don't feel good. Well, and all, you know, back to like the effort part of it. During the pandemic, obviously, it was very mundane for like a lot of people. And my fiance and I have been together for the least amount between all three of us. But obviously during COVID, like shit was just bleak. And everybody was just did not feel great. And one thing that we started to do just to kind of like get the connection going and making something feel exciting is just to have like a date night and really look forward to it. Go to like a really awesome. restaurant, sit across from each other, put our phones away and, like, really use it to connect. Because for me, I don't want to have sex with my partner if I don't feel emotionally connected. Like, that's the first step for me to want to be, like, attractive to somebody and want to, like, jump their bones. So having that connection and then, like, a few cocktails, like, it really puts you, like,

in a good headspace to want to physically connect with your partner, at least for me. Yeah. And for me, I'm, like, always lecturing the women in my life who are. are bitching about their husbands. Listen, I bitch about my husband also. But the thing that I've figured out works best for us is as a woman, I think it's pretty common to want to have sex with your husband when you feel that he is acting in a way that is supportive of you or, you know, I, I love feeling like I don't have to think about logistics when I get home. So when my husband has handled, like, we're booking a flight for the holidays. We're, you know, like the guy's

coming to fix the TVs and like taking care of life is such a turn on for me. And I don't come home after a busy day and think, why has he not done any of this stuff? Like, why isn't he helping me? Why is he carrying his weight? He probably thinks that way about me. But luckily, he wants to have sex with me even when I'm lazy. But for me, I'm like, that's what I need from you. So he luckily just naturally does those things to make me feel supported. But some men really need to be told. I said to my sister the other day, she's going to kill me. I'm going to be like, you need to write down the list of things you need your husband to do for you. And at the bottom, you can say, and this will make me want to fuck you. As long as you do that at the end of time,

that is great incentive. It's like, do you want me to fuck you more? Here, here's a list. I have made it so bad for you. Unloaded the dishwasher. Take the kids outside when they're in front of their screens for too long and like, tell me I'm pretty and look me in the eye. Then I will fuck you. And I promise you, 90% of those men will do all three of those things. Granted, you may have to ask them every other day, but they are so literal. Most of it's, it's just, that's what really, I think women think that their minds can be read a lot of the time. And they just, they just can't. We're too, we're far superior. That is a hot tip. That's, that's really good, actually, very smart. Because there's so many times at night or, you know, even when you

wake up in the morning. I'm a morning sex person, but like the to-do list is already going as a lady. Like the to do list of the day is like, okay, I got to get up. I need my workout. I have my matcha. I need blah. And so like if you take some of those things off my never-ending list, then suddenly, poof, there's space for sex. We're just like having her shit together. There's an episode of curfew enthusiasm where Cheryl only wants to date Larry David when he's working on Seinfeld because she thinks he's a slob when he is not doing it. And that's fair. And that's fair. As long as you're like doing, you're not being lazy and you're getting yourself productive, that's what women look because that usually aren't. Amazing. Okay, let's do one more. And I'm sure that

you guys got a ton of submissions about this. You said that everybody's cheating. And when do you think, because I got a lot of questions as well from women who are either cheating or they're emotionally cheating or they are attracted to other people outside of their relationship. When do you think it's just normal? And when does it cross? the line until like it's time to leave that relationship in your opinion. Well, it's always normal to find other people attractive when you're in a relationship. I do not care if you have met your dream man. I don't care if Brad Pitt is your husband. We're still going to look at Chris Pine and Pine for him. So you're never exempt and it doesn't

mean that you don't love your partner. I think when you no longer have the desire to try, the will to make it work and also like just the respect like at the end of the day my husband can do not he can fuck a million things up but if I still look at him at the end of the night and I'm like I think the person you are is so wonderful I think that you're imperfect I think that you are you know like I respect you so much and admire you so much as a human then all the other stuff kind of ebbs and flows. Yeah, there's going to be times when it doesn't matter how impressive he is. I just don't feel like getting naked and having sex with him. When you emotionally cheat, you have to look inward at what are you not getting from your partner? And are you even giving your

partner the opportunity to be that for you? Because I think a lot of women, they disconnect people in general. You kind of disconnect. You go your separate ways. Someone's giving you attention over here. you don't give your relationship the opportunity. So go to your husband and say, I don't feel beautiful when I'm around you. I don't feel desired. I don't feel like you listen to me when I talk to you. I don't feel this.

So I am going to start, I need that to fill my tank somehow. So I think that's like a lot of people justify emotional relationships because they're not quote getting it from their partners, but are you asking for it? Like we can't, again, it's asking. I don't think that was like a really like answers. the question, but no, I thought it was really good. It's not a fairy tale. I think that like for me,

I look at it, and this is probably wrong and I'll probably get judged, but it's like, I think the breaking point is like when you begin to hurt the other person. Do you know what I mean? So it's like you can think about your work husband or dream about Brad Pitt or whatever it is. Wish your ex-boyfriend from high school, happy birthday on Facebook and like just see what's up with him his new life. Like all of that is like whatever because at the end of the day, like that's not breaking unless it is. But like that's not hurting anyone else. It's like when you break whatever vow or whatever promise you made in your relationship because every relationship is different and that standard and that level of what is considered, when you break the thing that the person that

you love, when you hurt them, then you've gone too far. It's my opinion. Yeah. And everybody is so different and people have open relationships or they have understandings or people are very codependent with each other and even like flirting with a guy out of a bar could be considered cheating. Right. So it's definitely understanding your partner and then what your intention is when you're doing said thing and how that is going to affect the person. Everybody's like that advice just can't. Everybody is so vastly different in their relationship.

I definitely live in like that sliding doors mentality of like sometimes I like to follow that other other life. And I'm like just to experience. like what would have happened if I would have chosen option, this option, or done this. And usually I get so far in it before obviously anything happens. But like I get so far and I'm like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then you're like, you're personally rein yourself back in because you're like, oh, God, no. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, well, it's not black and white. It's so nuanced. And I think it's so different for everybody. I read a statistic, though, recently where they said like over 50% of people are cheating. And I was like, whoa. I wonder if that like increased,

during COVID or after. But I think there's a mentality right now where it's, you know, kind of a little bit of we don't know what's coming down the pipeline. I got a little life. Yeah. Solo. Solo. Yolo.

Solo. I think there is a lot of that. And there are people who before the pandemic were kind of just like content, but not thrilled. But just sort of like life kept going and the train had already left the station. Yeah. And now we're having this like renaissance. Yeah. And realizing that everything is so impermanent and life is so short and we're all

trying to like grasp for joy and like something that makes us feel alive. And a lot of the time that's great sex. So I. And sex is always great with a stranger. Sex is much better with a stranger. New, no. Yes. Well, thank you guys so much for coming on.

I like to ask my guests one thing we should stop doing and one thing we should start doing. I don't know if you guys have anything. That's a good question. I would say we should start remembering, and you'll love this, because I see you always are giving tips, which I love, by the way. Start, please, applying your sunscreen and skin care not only on your face, but your neck and your chest in your hands. As someone who has an old ass hand right now, because she forgot that step. So that's going to be my start.

My is stop wearing bike shorts on airplanes. Oh, God. I can't think of anything more uncomfortable than a bike short on an airplane, sweaty, stemstring on a leather seat southwest. My stop will be stop, and this is to me, because I have this problem, but stop over-analyzing pictures of yourself. It's so hard. So hard.

I find it very easy to just ignore my image entirely. So I think I brainwashed myself. I don't know how. I'll let you know. I'll write a book about it. I truly have completely stopped analyzing anything about myself. And that's very freeing. So I like this advice, Jack.

Maybe it's Ford. Maybe it's having a baby. I feel like all that attention. It goes probably to the baby. The thing that really sucks is like I don't want to sit here and like wag my finger. Nothing is more annoying than a woman with a baby. He's like, oh, just wait until you don't have time for that. But yes, there are moments where I'm like.

Jack, I'm curious to know how you're shitting when you have a baby. Because I can't wake up at 5 a.m. and go through eight routines and things, whatever. She's going to have to get colonics. Yeah. But yeah, having a baby, it does put into perspective because it's like you realize that we're all going to die and life goes on. And nobody loves you more. Like, you know, like nobody loves you more because you look skinny that day. Yeah.

So. So live your life. Okay. Anything we should start doing? start heading over to your favorite bookseller and pre-over your copy of Lady Secrets The Buck. There you go. Really fabulous.

And also, I do want to say, start. We want you to come to L.A. The L.A. Show. Mm-hmm. Okay. We really want people to come out on tour. Like, we need to do things again. And when you get, you buy a ticket for tour, you also get a free copy of the book.

And it's signed. So it's like two for one. So start buying your, start buying the book. But also, I will say, start wearing matching match. athletic sets. I'm telling you, there's nothing more inspiring. I was often someone who wore lagging and then whatever favorite sportswear I had. Now I'll be like, it's green day. It's, and you'll love, this is very on brand for you. Like, it's, I'm cream top and bottom. I'm like purple top and bottom. Like, when you have a matching set with whatever you're tying around

your waist, matching the sock and the sneaker, like matching my sneakers to my legging, it has brought me a new level of joy. Wow. Okay. You guys heard it here first. I love it. Well, and the book comes out September 20th, right? Yeah. Okay. Yep. All right. Tell everybody where they can find you.

Just go to the ladygang.com. That's where you can find everything on tour, buy the book. And The Lady Gang on Instagram and ignore us. Don't follow us because clearly we don't know anything. But follow the Lady Gang. There's a lot of really great women in the community. Thank you guys. Thanks for having us.

I'm so excited. So good seeing you. I hope you enjoyed that episode. If you liked it. And if you like the show in general, please take a second to rate, review, and subscribe. It goes a long way, and it's actually the best way to support the show. Also, if you want to see more about each episode, you can head over to The Blonde Files podcast on Instagram. I'm always posting about each episode there or over on my personal page at Ariel Laurie.

Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. Auto-hue with Sunny Cars feels as if the children will not be with. Diesel strangle. Zandvo. Actisvercar. Verdwine. Vacantia can chaotic be.

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